Phil in the Void.

Indiana Jones and the Legion of Stuck-up Fans. What Gives? Review!

2008-05-28T20:48:00.025-04:00

The problem with "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" is ... *takes a breath* *cough* *cough* *wheeze* *ahem* .. is that while the previous three films in the Indy series were heavily inspired by the adventure serials of the early 20th century, this film is mostly inspired by the previous three films. You may interpret that as Crystal Skull being a watered down (or inbred) experience by comparison. That is, stripped to its bare essentials (somewhat gimped as a result). So while it's got everything you need to register, "hey, new Indy flick!" some fans are certain to whine that it doesn't have X (a soul or meaningful subtext) or does Y (CG part-ay!) in place of Z (logically placed, practical effects).

In actuality, it takes the core of everything we expect from an Indiana Jones film; the charming tit(ular) character himself, complete with fedora, whip and heroic antics, a grounded supporting character to mimic the audience and to foil Indy, a bunch of loony villains often based on historical big meanies, and a wild and crazy adventure containing magical artifacts, deadly environment puzzles and real creepy crawlies. And then it hyper realizes all of those things while it tries to introduce new elements. Imagine you take that watered down Indy film and add "Kool-Aid" (choose your own flavor) to the mix, Crystal Skull goes beyond anything we had a taste for in the previous films which turns out is why many are condemning the film. I just happen to very much enjoy the new take on Indiana's world, the CG flourishes, adventure story logic and the existence of Cate Blanchett. I'm even going to go ahead and recommend the film to everyone.

My dear reader be prepared, it's pretty obvious from the start that this will be a very different Indiana Jones experience; CG prairie dogs (in yo' face!), it's set in the sci-fi crazed 1950's, CG insects, zany, illogical physics, CG monkeys, new baddies (same baddies with different hilarious foreign accent, color palette, hair styles, etc.), CG Aliens, Cate Blanchett as a baddie, and a ridiculously cool CG Flying Saucer that comes out of the ground to show off its junk and then fly off into outer space (like it doesn't need you to know it's so cool).

I hear the complaints others have and I wonder what the experience of the film would have been like had it been more logical with the physical altercations of its characters. For example, Indy survives the blast of an atomic bomb inside a lead lined refrigerator. Sounds exciting! Rolls off the tongue quite refreshingly. Now who wouldn't want to see that after reading about it?

What's the logical alternative? How about Indy dies due to some extreme form of cancer and severe burns at 15-minutes into the movie, and surprise! LaBeouf is the lead for this adventure whilst tagging Indiana's skull as his sidekick:

INT. SECRET TOMB

Dark. Dusty. Webby. Human skeleton parts abound!

LABEOUF: I'm so glad you tagged along Indy, you're my bestest dad evar! [spoiler alertz!]
INDY SKULL: *dead silence*

LaBeouf triggers a spike wall that will momentarily close in on him.

LABEOUF: What's that you don't have a clue as to how to get out of this predicament? *desperate laugh*
INDY SKULL: *dead silence*
LABEOUF: Oh, I can't stay mad at you! Hehe

LABEOUF MEETS DEMISE!

END.

I mean, how much more ridiculous does that sound? Okay, you could argue let's avoid the whole Indy in an active atom bomb testing site all together, but where's the fun in that? Indy at heart has always been about poking fun at or sharing in the fictional delight of its sources of inspiration.

Or what about Mr. LeBeouf catching up to motor vehicles via swinging on jungle vines and commanding a legion of wild CG monkeys who can interpret communist farts to determine that they're the enemy and not the random guy they met first? What's the logical alternative to that? LaBeouf in the middle of the jungle waiting for someone to pick him up, eating a nutty chocolate bar while monkeys throw shit at their pale-skin invader. Of course, he eventually discovers that he's been eating their shit all along. Ha, ha. That's right. Nothing to wet your pants about. And we're not going to argue about an insane motorized jungle chase in an Indy film. That's just flat-out rad!

Wrapping things up; I manage to enjoy Crystal Skull for what it is, like the trilogy of films before it, a mind-numbingly grand ol' time at the movies. The film generates a world of its own, sets it own rules and in my opinion sticks to them (and who cares if it doesn't). What more can you expect from a sci-fi, fantasy, adventure film? It's not the best Indy film, but that's absolutely no problem at all.

Watch it with a group of friends when you all happen to be bored out your minds, and can't figure out anything else to do with your precious together time.

At the end of this film you may now say that Indiana Jones is truly whipped! [spoiler alertz!] C'mon! Let the man be happy, he likes that kind of thing. Heh.

Web sights of influence

2008-04-23T12:23:00.008-04:00

I'm back with another list of sorts, this time I'd like to point out the works of others (or the competition), that relate in someway or another to our 'THEOFFLINE.COM' project. You (and probably only you!) may have been to these websites but perhaps haven't taken the time to analyze what makes them so great and/or so in need of improvement.

Over the next whenever-I-get-the-chance, I will update this post with my own comments on each of these websites, particularly outlining where we stand under or over them.

The 'sites;

collegehumor.com*
pitchfork.tv*
gametrailers.com*
mtv.ca
spacecast.com
spike.com
joeyanddavid.com
bitetv.ca

*I visit these regularly and they're the top of the crop

Please comment, and let me know if you think there are other websites out there that would be our source of "idea borrowing" and mode for betterment!

Danke.

Tit(le)s! Me loves 'em ...

2008-02-27T21:33:00.015-05:00

I love tit(le)s, as you've just read (twice), so much I decided to share a few of them that I came up with and attached to a bunch of short comedies I'm sllllooooooooooooowlllyy preparing for THEOFFLINE.COM

Without further delay, here ar' dem big tit(le)s!

LLOYD THE VOID
A TELEKINETIC'S MORNING ROUTINE
YOU FROM THE FUTURE
AN INTRODUCTION TO INTRODUCTIONS

Feel free to ask me about them. Perhaps our conversation about tit(le)s will help me finish writing those shorts quicker

Best Music and Movies of 2007

2008-01-12T22:45:00.010-05:00

No order, ...

... the Best Music that managed to make my queue;
Arcade Fire: Neon Bible
The White Stripes: Icky Thump
Nine Inch Nails: Year Zero
Dan Deacon: Spiderman of the Rings
Justice: Cross
Simian Mobile Disco: Attack Sustain Delay
Kanye West: Graduation
Radiohead: In Rainbows
Burial: Untrue
Peter Bjorn and John: Writer's Block
Spoon: Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
The National: Boxer

... the Best Movies on my list of movies watched;
Grindhouse: Planet Terror + Death Proof
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Ghost in the Shell: Solid State Society
Sunshine
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood
Ratatouille
The King of Kong: Fistful of Quarters
Once
The Kite Runner
3:10 to Yuma
Michael Clayton

... the (probably) Best Movies I haven't seen yet (shame, shame);
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
Away From Her
Gone Baby Gone
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Rescue Dawn
Eastern Promises
Beowulf
Charlie Wilson's War
...

Btw, I have seen Juno, and I think it's cute, but talk about pretentious dialog. Not one of the best for me. Thank you.

For what it's worth ...

2007-10-10T23:31:00.000-04:00

... I paid absolutely nothing for Radiohead's latest album, "In Rainbows" and I don't feel bad about it at all. And I don't think I'm stealing. That's the controversial beauty behind Radiohead's revolutionary distribution method.

Sure in the face of two blank fields (payment input ranging from 0.00 to 99.99) and a message stating that "it's up to you" any fan would do what they can to show their support by giving back, to pay some amount of money. One fact is I could have waited a couple of days to overcome my lack of a credit card and ask my parents to help me pay something. But I continued to think about it and came to the ultimate conclusion that the "download" was merely Radiohead leaking the album themselves, clearly as a response to what happened to their last three albums before their release dates.

They were all leaked by a mole and then a series of strangers who then proceeded to spread varying (mostly poor) quality copies. And in a way, it's a comment on the faulty distribution methods of the modern music industry. As of late, the music industry still doesn't get digital distribution (look at the useless DRM debacle), it still doesn't get the nature of music sharing that p2p programs blessed us all with beginning in the late 90's ...

At least with Radiohead's method everyone gets a decent quality copy of the "leaked" songs to enjoy and spread around starting at roughly the same time 'round the world.

Imagine all the people who immediately threw those mp3s on their PMP's yesterday morning and began listening to it for the first time. Most of the people I know who love Radiohead, all did the same thing in the morning of release. The album is no slouch; listening to "In Rainbows" sure is a grand experience.

It's all about letting the music speak for itself.

Concerning Halo 3 fanatics and their scratched discs

2007-09-25T16:08:00.003-04:00

Among all the crazy over-excitement for the game I’ve read some reports today stating that there are a lot of loose discs out there for Halo 3. As a result, a number of unfortunate Halo fans discovered scratches on their discs when pulled out for play.

Sure, I feel their pain, having a scratched disc is a real sore. Yet I’m doubly sure that another number of people are simply sickened by the thought of these guys with their discs out and about. It makes me wonder why these people would do such a thing. Probably a macho thing. Hey, no one cares about the size of your disc or where you can insert it! It’s almost unbelievable how people’s excitement for a game can go to such a perverted low. And I say almost because these days everyone and their symbiotic intestinal micro-organisms will do close to anything just for the attention.

Honestly, I am one sickened by the images conjured by the reports of this incident, and I think that a scratched disc is exactly what is deserved for having the nerve to flail your exposed disc around. Don't they know that wanton exposure of a disc to the outside world can be very dangerous for it? And on top of that, you never know who’s looking on thinking of inflicting even further harm. So please for your sake and ours, don't leave your disc out, no matter how fun or refreshing it may be to keep it out in the free air.

Thank you.

I'm back! Did you miss me?

2007-09-19T23:19:00.001-04:00

Alrighty, here comes the obligatory I'm-so-sorry-I-haven't-written-lately opening paragraph ...

Hey all, I apologize for being rather tardy with my blog postings as of late. I realize that this doesn't bode well for my track record and so I'm not going to bore you with an excuse as to why I haven't been posting more frequently. But I will try harder to post more often from now on. Without further delay, here are some freshly typed words of whiz-dumb for all to consume and for some to relish.

I am surrounded by brilliance! (I know, how cheesy of me to say) What makes me think I can match the comedic stylings of my peers? When I decide to release an idea for a sketch for the site, will these greats accept it?

What's with the lack of confidence, you say? Now, I do have confidence in my ideas, don't get me wrong, but will they fit in? It's incredibly frustrating to be left with what you think is a great great idea after having it rejected for one reason or another based on what the majority anticipates to fit the mold of the umbrella project. Do I understand the fundamentals of writing a piece that will match the personality set for the realm of "The Offline"? Has this been discussed?

This will probably be easier for everyone to figure out once I actually share something.

What I'm getting at is, will more than one style be welcome? More importantly, if accepted, will each style be properly supported and understood by the whole group. We are an extremely diverse group of writers; each of us conveys a sense of humor a tangent away from the other. This is quite obvious from our blog postings alone. It could benefit the longevity of our project but it may also end up ruining the balance if we're not careful.

Do we have any filters (for content)?

I certainly haven't felt many, and I truly hope it stays that way. But still, what are our individual expectations for "The Offline"?

Are we in it to support each other or to exploit each others talents? It's certainly the former for me. Likely, it is the same for you.

The one major problem I see is, the lack of physical meetings of the entire group. I know we've been trying, and our internet communication is decent but it could be better.

Honestly, at some point are we all going to say with confidence, "The Offline", this is what we want to do, and we're in it 100% for each other; for the freedoms it offers us in our mutual art.

I hope I don't disappoint.

This isn't me, this is a bunch of text that you just read in your head.

2007-08-15T10:08:00.002-04:00

And so the web log begins.

As far as I can see at this point, we're off to a pretty decent start with a great great title for the show, "The Offline" (such a loaded term), a lovely bunch of coconuts (or writers/producers, what have you) and at least one segment production underway.

I hope I don't bore anyone by becoming a little "philosophical" in these next few bits ...

What is our aim? I realize that we are beginning with a few sketch comedy pieces (in the likes of KITH and MP). And to establish "The Offline" as an upcoming comedy team would be a great thing to achieve, albeit extremely difficult and competitive. Perhaps this was discussed before I joined?

Having "The Offline" could simply be a diversion and means for us to have an outlet for our own original material. It allows us to test the waters with a familiar and unified team, and best of all, keeps us practicing our art. If all we end up doing with the platform is be proud of the work we're outputting, and adding a little something to our portfolios, then outside popularity and success need not factor.

But of course we all hope for success, so when our aspirations go beyond ...

What sets us apart from all the other "subversive" comedy shows/troupes out there (now and in the past)? The Lonely Island, and The Whitest Kids U Know come to mind

Coming back to our title, "The Offline", the reason it is absolutely perfect is because it can have more than one meaning. Our comedy may be offline; subjects away from the mainstream or controversially not in line with societal norms. We're offline; refering to the independent nature of our productions. And it's funny that we call ourselves offline while we are mostly online/internet based.

Of course, we got Paul and Dan, two of the most brilliant comedy writers/directors I've had the pleasure of working with and be influenced by. And we've got a great dramatic/social comedy writer in Ryan, me thinks. Aaron, almost rivaled ME in the pun binge we had the other day! And I'd like to think that I'm quite versatile in the writing department too. So there really isn't much of a worry here regarding the quality of our talent. This is the most comforting factor, so long that our stylings and egos continue to gel.

I'm probably complicating things, but it doesn't hurt to think about it that way. This is not to say that we slow down and talk about our style or brainstorm ways to make ourselves unique from the "competition", we totally should just go right into it. We have lots of time to find our way, and that's the beauty of starting now.