The Raging Paradoxidation

Too Little Time

2009-05-21T11:17:00.003-06:00

Hello to all of my [3] readers that I have left hanging for months now without any posts. Life has been very busy handing me out items that usually consume more time than what I have.

I am not one to make excuses so I'll just cut right to the quick of what's been going on-

-Back on March 18th my wife and I welcomed the birth of our 3rd child, Murray James. He's now 2 months old and getting bigger by the day. So that ups the Whitehead clan to 5 with more to come in the future.

-Custom Computer Works is still alive and serving. Still no sign of it ever becoming anything more than just a hobby job for me but it helps us maintain a little cash flow on the side when needed.

-The wife and I are giving very serious action [whenever we get around to it] to selling our house in hopes of moving closer to the Des Moines area. For 8 years now I have been driving 2 hours each day back and forth to work and there is absolutely no logical sense for it. I had hoped to have a sign in the yard by June 1 but I don't think that the house will be ready for it....but I think I'll still put the sign up anyways and we can work on things as we have time. I'm open for later negotiations.

-I have decided that it is long overdue for me to take control of my life back from my stomach and butt. For the last 8 weeks I have been working more aggressively at getting back in to the shape that I am supposed to be in. I am taking the following actions:

I am only eating 1/2 as much as I used to
The food that I do eat is different from what I used to eat; no white bread or noodles made from white flour, more veggies, less sweets
I bought some running shoes....and I'm actually using them for running
I have gotten the mountain bike back out for some off-road trail riding
I hung the punching back back up
I dusted off the Total Gym and put it out in the garage where it could aways be ready for use
I try to play outside with the kids more often

What I would love to find time to do:

Finish writing some of my "dangling" songs that I've left alone for years
Record those songs once they are finished
Finish writing my book The Unauthorized and Incomplete High School Rememboirs of Rage Perry
Take a trip to Scotland.....which will one day happen!

That is all for now. I need to go refinance my auto loan on my van. The banking institution that I work for has horrible rates so I need to go do this with another fine establishment.

What Size Does That Come In?

2009-03-16T19:43:00.002-06:00

This is just a little ranty peeve of mine-

Tonight I called Godfather's to order a pizza. I forgot that they only had two sizes, personal pan and large. That is not so much of a problem for me because the alternate to the personal pan, being the large, is pretty large in comparison. So in this case it would seem to make sense to have a small and a large. Enough said.

But there is another place that I know of that is a burger joint that does not offer small, medium, and large. They only offer medium and large. My question is this- if you don't offer a small size then why offer a size called medium? It isn't a middle size to anything. Medium is a class that designates a middle point between two other sizes. If you don't have a small then it would only make sense to just possibly call the medium a regular at best.

Maybe I am just too fickle.

Enjoy this clip

March Mad-ness a.k.a. Have you seen me lately?

2009-03-01T21:11:00.004-06:00

It has now been about a month and a half since I've made an etching in this, my tablet of Internet presence. Now, lest you take pity on me I do realize that I am but a speck. Only a fly turd in the vast dirt that makes up the rest of the soil of the soul of life outside my head.

Life has just been all over the place for me lately.

Work has been very busy for me lately, as in my main job- but by now you should know my mantra about blogging about that; I DON"T DO IT....So I just leave it at that.
My children are getting bigger before my eyes. My son will be 4 this summer and my daughter will be 6.
My wife is getting bigger by the day and we are growing anxious for the timer to ding, letting us know that our current little belly bun is ready.
I continue to learn more about life from many different dimensions.

Now for some random thoughts that you may or may not care to know-

Sometimes I am concerned with the amount that I eat...sometimes too much, sometimes not enough
I've been getting headaches more often lately that requires trips to my chiropractor
I sometimes feel like a conservative with liberal tendencies...but I'm still very conservative
I went to my first marriage conference this weekend with my wife that I actually kind of enjoyed.
The more I think, experience and ponder I find spirituality in general to have so many dimensions that it is confusing and tiring.
I like watching Celebrity Apprentice solely to watch people who think that they are big slowly get squashed.
I hope to actually get some enjoyment out of this coming spring and summer.
Even though the rest of the country is in a recession, I do not feel that my family is too greatly affected by it right now.
I need to go to bed earlier in the evenings.
I need to get up earlier in the mornings.
I wish I were any Oscan Meier weiner.
I have very high stress.
I have a very short attention span.
I can't believe that I've gotten into Facebook the way I have.

I think that is it for now. I really need to be a little more active on this blog but it's hard when I don't think about it too much.

And now for something completely different-

Droppin' Some Verbal Knowledge

2009-01-16T20:24:00.002-06:00

Here are a few of my favourite phrases that I've picked up over the years. First the word/phrase, then the definition and then an example.

A Grip:
Definition- a long passage of time, usually at least since last Spring Break
Example- Dang...how've you been? It's been a grip since I last saw you!

Fixin'ta:
Definition- making preparations
Example- Q. What are y'all doin'? A. We're finxin'ta go to the mall.
[note: "fixing to" or "fixin' to" are not aceptable]

Geekin'
Definition- to act awkward or nerdy
Example- I really wanted to make a good impression on that chick, but then I just started geekin'. I probably blew it.

Howdja-
Definition- to inquire into a course of action
Example- I've been trying to get that lid off all day; howdja manage to get it off?

Flip-flopper
Definition- someone who is prone to change their mind alot
Example- Down at the slam dunk contest they had some real flip-floppers

Rule of thumb
Definition- a general measure of advice or operation
Example- I can get mean, but as a general rule of thumb they shouldn't bleed for longer than 15 minutes

A List.....

2009-01-15T18:39:00.001-06:00

....Of people who deserve to be punched.

People Who Deserve It

Pee-cicles

2009-01-15T18:09:00.008-06:00

It has been colder than....well, cold this past week. Temperatures have seldom made it above 0 these past few days. This is Iowa so we should kind of be used to it. It's just that we haven't dipped this low for the last ten years.

What is hard to fathom for me are the folks who live in Alaska that are used to it. When their cars or buses don't run they just hop on the snow mobiles. Kids put on their tennis racket-like shoes and head off to school.

Things I like to do when it is this cold-

Spit waaaaay up in the air. I know that it is juvenile but it is still fascinating.
Start my car and let it run for a long time before I get in. I like it toasty warm, but it kills my gas mileage.
Take a pan of hot water outside just to watch it get extra steamy.
Pee outside when I'm not close to a public bathroom. Yeah, probably illegal in many places but when you gotta go, you gotta go; and if it is cold enough you can see it steam and freeze before it hits the ground.

With that said, spring still can't come soon enough. I don't like wearing coats.

Next week it is supposed to soar into the upper mid 30's. I'll be at the beach....not really, but these goofballs decided to go-

I'm going to go find my electric blanket.

You Say You Want A Resolution

2009-01-09T22:30:00.002-06:00

2008 is now gone and I don't know where all it went. Another year of working has passed. Another year of my children't lives have passed. Another year of my marriage has completed. In so many ways there were milestones and in others it was, sadly, just like all the rest.

Typically the way I close out each year is to put on my headphones and listen contemplatively to A Long December by Counting Crows. Here it is, if you haven't heard it-

Well, I didn't do that this year. This year we brought in the new year watching the movie Traitor. I didn't know what else to do.

I also didn't want to put togther some immediately sappy post about all the memories that I was adding to the book of my life. I wanted to take a little more time than I normally do. Well, I've taken that time now and I think that I've come up with a few things.

I really have not been one to make new year's resolutions. I've always thought that they were cheap and lazy and unachievable. I also don't think that the new year should begin in winter. I'm all for irony but that is too much. It would be more fitting if the new year began in spring when everything is coming back to life; but apparently we all know how I don't run the show....

Anyways, here are some of my "resolutions" for the year-

Find a new line of work- I can't keep up and I'm getting burned out
Try to have better dividing lines between my work life and my home life
Move to another house that is more practical for the fitting in of the rest of our lives
Have more play time; with my kids and doing the things that I like
Try to put fewer miles on my car unless it is for worthwhile adventures
Read more
Broaden my musical tastes
Go to a local play or musical
Go to an IMAX film
Revisit the game of frisbee golf
Get haircuts more frequently
Finish writing my book

I haven't decided on a new song for the year. I will need some time to think about that for a while. Rest assured that when I find it you all will know.

It came upon a midnight cold

2008-12-21T20:13:00.003-06:00

I had a realization last night. I decided that it was time to take my kids outside in the 8 degree weather for some well needed play time. It reminded me of playing outside as a child. I would get all bundled up and go outside for hours at a time. We never seemed to get enough time out in the white coldness.

We had shovels, gloves, sticks and boots. We would build forts out of snow or take the 4 block hike up to the Elementary school where we spent the bulk of the rest of our time during the week. That was back when parents could trust society to let their kids tread into the unknown.

It was so much fun, but how is it that the memories would so quickly escape my mind? Probably because I'm usually just too busy. Kids can play outside when it is hot and when it is cold. I need to be more mindful of my kids' needs in this area.

The major bummer in the area that I live in is the lack of hills for sledding. I want to give my kids the same opportunity for white flight that I had. I want them to have the same sensation of flying down a hill questioning the ability to survive. I want them to feel the fear of not knowing if they will land back down on the sled or be left cold in a drift.

Kids should have that experience. Parents should provide it for them.

I do remember a few times that my parents took us to some pretty outrageous places to sled. No matter how cold it was we always had a good time.

We looked forward the most to the day when my dad would fulfill his promise of bringing home a whole dump truck load of snow and pile it in our front yard. Sadly, that day never came. I looked forward to making a castle out of it, but apparently it just wasn't meant for this wanna' be prince to reside in such a temporary ice palace.

I did dig a tunnel for my daughter yesterday. She liked it and so did I. There was also a certain sense of joy in my son clinging on to me for dear life in hopes of keeping warm.

No Perks @ Perkins

2008-11-30T15:59:00.003-06:00

Today my family went and had lunch at Perkins. These are the classes of people that I observed-

The Church Crowd: They just came from church in their suits and hats
The Family Frolic: These are families that came in for lunch and it seems quite apparent by their combined weight that they are not strangers to the establishment
The Greasy Gabbers: Like the family that sat at the table next to us. They looked like they hadn't bathed in a few days. I had more teeth in my mouth alone than all four of them had put together. And they smelled like they lived in an ashtray. [I have nothing against smokers...but come on, were you steaming in your car with the windows rolled up right before you came in?]

It seems like the list of acceptable restaurants in Marshalltown is getting smaller. Here is a short list of places we no longer patronize and why, and in no particular order-

Burger King: They usually get our orders wrong [even when we are the only people in the joint] and none of the workers speak English
Wendy's: My wife insists that her burgers are always cold when she gets them
Arby's: The inside of the place always seems a bit dirty and the drive thru takes longer than waiting inside
Subway: Because my wife is pregnant there is some reason, that I can't remember, as to why she can't eat cold meat sandwiches right now
KFC: Because we always get more fried batter with our food than actual chicken
Long John Silvers: Heart attack in a greased box
Perkins: For the reasons listed above that spawned this post
The Olive Garden: "Because when you're here you're like family" and apparently it's OK for your family to serve you food that is only "not bad" but "not great"

Places we do still go-
Applebee's: Feelin' good in the neighborhood
McDonalds: Not sure why but they are still OK
Pizza Ranch: Nice buffet and a fairly clean place
Hardee's: Fairly clean and fairly good
Zeno's Pizza: Kind of an old place but it still has a little bit of class
Maid Rite: It is a classic restaurant. Literally on the map as one of the best in the area
Hickory Park: Very classy and great food
Old Chicago: Because the food is awesome and we can have fun
Taco John's: 6 pack & a pound. Cheap Sunday lunches and the place is clean

Bon Appetite

Thoughts On Christmas Music

2008-11-30T15:47:00.003-06:00

Lately I have been listening to Christmas music while at home or on the road with my family. My wife really likes it. I don't. This is not a rant about doing things that you dont' like out of your undying love for another person....this is a rant about how much I am coming to dislike Christmas music.

This post also isn't directed toward anyone else who likes the genre, but I am no longer a fan of any kind.

I have noticed two major things about Christmas music that really get under my skin. The first one is the number of people who take the time to sing about a fictitious character named Santa Claus. A big fat guy who never existed and yet still has such a hold on this commercial holiday. I've heard all kind of people sing about him- Celine Dion [who I can't stand no matter what she sings], Neil Diamond, The Beach Boys, Alvin & The Chipmunks, Karen Carpenter...the list goes on and on.

The second thing that I've noticed is that you can't just hear a song once or twice, but in a given hour you might hear it 3 or 4 times all by different artists. It just goes to show that in order to sell Christmas albums you don't have to have any creativity. You can just do the same stuff as everyone else, but just do it with your own voice or with a saxophone or something like that. I see it like recycled rice cakes; different flavours, but ultimately there is no substance as you feel "better" about filling your tummy.

I am typically not a big fan of Christmas anyways but I'll just say that I'm glad that my car has a CD player so that I can listen to whatever is on my playlist instead.

Age Discrimination At Playland

2008-11-16T22:53:00.002-06:00

I realized today that McDonalds is guilty of ageism.

I have read the same sign a thousand times but it didn't really sink in for me until today. The sign says that kids up to 12 can play....and parents too. But what about those from ages 13-not yet parent?

I am surprised that they have not had any law suits leveled against them for this.

What if, say, a fifteen year old was already a parent and they were able to play in there with their child...but another fifteen year old who went with them was not yet a parent? Would they be excluded from being able to play? And by what right?

I ultimately don't care. I am personally afraid to send my kids to play in that diseased ridden excuse for a good time. They might have fun, but I'm afraid of what they are going to bring home.

I Sold My Self At This Election

2008-11-15T21:18:00.002-06:00

The election is now over.

I was not in favour of any of the candidates that were running, but I still recognized my civic duty to vote. People who do not vote should have no say in the current state of politics or policy.

I was saddened by so many people that I knew of that decided that they were not going to vote in this election. So many of them had been duped into believing that they were somehow making a point. To me the point, though unintended, was simple- we have finally been worn down enough that we will give you what you ultimately want; for us to stop voting.

I encouraged these people to at least write someone in on the ballot.

My cousin called me one night very concerned that I was telling people to do this. He was under the impression that if I wrote someone else in, who had a lesser chance than McCain, that I was cancelling his vote. Partially right in logistics, but morally wrong.

I am not going to get into all of the details about who I wanted or why, but I will say that I ultimately conceeded and voted for McCain, an electoral mistake that I will not make again.

I don't buy into the crap that says that you should vote for the lesser of two evils or that you should cast your vote for the guy on "your side" that is most likely to win. Voting is a matter of conscience and choice based on representation. If you, like I did, give up your one shot to make your voice be heard [regardless of how the Electoral College will negate you anyways] then you have become a political whore. You weren't bought by money, but by ideology that loses every time.

The next time around I will not be so reluctant to give up my vote to someone who has a better chance. Come hell or high water, even if my candidate has the worst shot than anyone else they will still get my vote. It's all about principle. If you have no principle, regardless of who you're voting for, then you should not be allowed to vote.

Blig Blag Blog

2008-11-15T18:51:00.001-06:00

Many moons ago I entered my last post here. I really didn't mean for it to take so long before putting this one up but it just hasn't been as high of a priority for me lately. I even struggled putting this one up.

It's not like I don't have ideas to blog about, because I've got enough of them to choke a camel [though I don't condone the choking of any animals]. I think that it is the matter of not having an Internet connection wet-wired to my brain that is the biggest inconvenience. I really need thought recognition software of some kind that automatically opens a blog session when I have one of those "HAZAH" moments.

I'm not going to go down the roll of everything that I've been up to lately because I am just too bored to get into all that so I am going to break into dream again. I need someone out there to try and give me a meaningful interpretation of what I am dreaming about. Here goes:

Last night I had another dream. In the dream I had a few things creep back up that seem to be recurring patterns.

I am back at the college that I attended 10 years ago but it seems to always be in a different city
I never know what my class schedule is prior to the first day or school and classes having already started 20 minutes ago
On top of getting ready for classes there is also a very high priority for me to get my name out about the business that I run, primarily because I don't want to have a part time job working for someone else. I want to work for myself and make better money at it
Last night's different change up was that I had gotten a haircut. Right now it is about 2 inches past my chin in front and about 4-6 inches below my shoulders in back. In the dream I had just gotten it cut down short enough to do one of those metrosexual spike deals

Why am I always going back to school? What does that mean? And what is significant about it being a specific school?

I think I understand the job deal. I think that makes sense. It might be an affirmation that I long to be self-sufficient.

I'm not totally sure about the haircut part other than the fact that I've been tossing around the idea even while I'm conscious throughout the day. I'll probably keep it though.

So what does all this mean?

A Friday Fenominon

2008-10-10T15:11:00.001-06:00

Am I A Hippie?

2008-10-05T15:02:00.003-06:00

I wouldn't normally just randomly ask a question like this but latly I've had a few people either infer or downright accuse me of being a hippie. Let's do a little examination:

Hippie definition (noun) from Wikipedia-

1. (in the 1950s) A teenager who imitated the Beatniks
2. (in the 1960s; still widely used in reference to that era) One who chooses not to conform to prevailing social norms: especially one who ascribes to values or actions such as acceptance or self-practice of recreational drug use, liberal or radical sexual mores, advocacy of communal living, strong pacifism or anti-war sentiment, etc.
3. Someone with long hair: specifically, of a hair length that is considered unconventionally long in relation to one’s gender, age, ethnicity, or land of origin.
4. Someone who dresses in a hippie style.
5. One who is hip.

Now let's examine whether or not I fall into each class.

1. I am not from the 50's and I've never imitated the Beatniks.

2. I am not one who would typically conform to prevailing social norms [although I do now have a Blogger, MySpace and Facebook account]. I do not ascribe to values or actions that affirm the use of recreational drugs; but I don't deny them either. It is just a personal choice of mine not to get mixed up in chemicals that I don't know what they could do to me. I also don't personally seek to advance any liberal or radical sexual mores. Sex is fun, but for me just my wife is enough. Whether or not others want to pursue options outside of the "traditional" bounds of "normal" sexuality is up to them and I don't necessarily need to know about it. While I am also not a direct advocate of communal living...I cannot deny some of the benefits that it can have for a certain number of like-minded individuals who can make it work. Individualism is the key. They are all special individuals....just like everyone else. When it comes to pacifism, I do lean toward that side; though I am also not completely anti-war. In my personal life I try to be as passive as possible, but if push comes to shove for me personally....Well, let's just say that I haven't used my fists since Jr. High, but I've made sure to at least keep them polished. Politically, I don't think that we need to be the world peace force. We spend way too much money on war...and when we do go to war we often do not demonstrate the power that we should; i.e. why is there even still an Iraq on the globe? Get in, do it, do it right....make the other guy whose willing to die for his cause do exactly that.

3. While my hair is getting longer than it has ever been in my life, I would not say that it is unconventionally long yet. But then again, in today's culture anything goes with less friction then it did when I was a kid....so this is possibly a moot point now.

4. Someone who dresses in a hippie style- while I have always seemed to lack a certain sense of "style" I don't really wear bell bottoms or dashiki's I don't think that they are all that bad. I do actually own a dashiki but it is too big for me so I don't wear it. I also got rid of my bell bottoms after college.

5. One who is hip- we'll leave that up to my kids to decide in a couple of years but my guess is that they would deny the suggestion because that's what kids do.

So I think that it is safe to conclude that I am mostly not a hippie. Sometimes people make accusations without really thinking about what they are saying.

So in another future post we'll have to explore the other accusation that I used to receive from an old co-worker of mine who insisted that I looked and acted like I was from Boulder, Colorado.

Until then, enjoy this clip-

I feel the burn....in my eyes

2008-10-02T10:39:00.002-06:00

Unfortunately these days I have become accustomed to the burning sensation that I usually feel in my eyes. Part of it comes from staring at a computer screen all day. The other part of it comes from wearing contacts for long periods of time and being up later every night than I should.

Today's economy is sucking me dry.

It is unfortunate that my main job doesn't seem to cover all of the expenses that are in my life...and I like to think that we live pretty modestly. The only debts that we have are a mortgage and a van payment. In order to make up what is lacking I have not yet resorted to selling internal organs, but I do feel like in some ways I have sold my soul.

I'm tired. I work 40 hours a week with my main job. The nights that I am able to come home at a reasonable time I try to be a good dad and husband. Other nights I can be gone late either working on computers or painting. Or I could bring the computers to my house, like last night, and be up till 2AM working on them. And the weekends can also be filled with work if it is there...and sometimes even when it is, the money can still be tight.

I was just thinking the other day about all the people in the world out there that know what it is like to come home from work, kick their shoes off and just relax or do what they enjoy doing. I don't know how much debt they might have, but they aren't busting their humps working more than one job.

If I didn't have the economic pressures that I have currently here's how I would spend my free time:

Weeknights- I would come home from work and have dinner with the family. After dinner I would either help my kids with their school work or play with them, read to them or whatever they wanted to do. After they went to bed I would help my wife with whatever chores around the house needed done so that we'd be finished with everything in time to maybe occasionally watch a movie, TV show, or read a book. Then I'd aim to be in bed by 11PM every night.

Weekends- I would get up and have breakfast, watch the news, and solidify plans for the day. When the dew had evaporated I would mow the lawn. I'd then take care of whatever household chores/projects needed to be done and then have the rest of the day to do whatever with whoever.

I would really like the idea of going to bed earlier so that I could get up earlier. For me there is a great sense of "completeness" that goes with being able to have a long and fulfilling day of achievement of goals. It might help with my ongoing depression.

I remember one of my favourite "cycles" of my life. It was a pretty short one but it was the best: We were on a vacation in Washington. It was in July and the sun would set around 9:45PM. Once it got dark where we were [on top of a mountain] it was dark. No street lights, only the moon and stars. I was usually in bed and asleep by 10:30. The sun would then rise, and I would rise with it, around 6AM. It was such a refreshing cycle.

My problem with all of that though is that by nature I tend to be a night owl. If the conditions are right, sometimes I could easily find myself up and busy until 4:30AM after getting up the previous morning as early as 7:30. I've had to adapt though. I just can't do that very often anymore. Although, occasionally when I'm under a deadline for something I may go for several days on only 3 or 4 hours of sleep each night, and sometimes throw in an all nighter.

Things might appear to be easier for us if my wife worked....but that also would then add another set of complications that we don't currently have. That would mean we'd also have to find childcare. Our daughter is Kindergarten age but we have chosen to homeschool our kids to keep them out of the ever shallowing mires of the public education system. Sure, we'd have my wife working, but then probably 3/4 of her paycheck would go toward paying someone else to raise our kids most of the time. Why?

I would really like to see a return to a local economy system. All too often small town economies are overthrown by the big cities that attract more people to work there. The higher wages from the big cities then drive up the cost of everything else that comes in contact with it. Real estate goes up because incomes are higher and people can better "afford" the new cost structure. Increases in wages lends to an increase in money circulation which then also further inflates the cost of living. There's really no way for the middle class to ever get ahead of the cycle.

We're working on it though. From here on out we're committed to pouring almost every extra cent into paying off the debts and simplifying our lives so that one day I can come home from work and just sit down and watch TV if that's what I desire to do.

In the meantime.....I just wish I had time to take a nap once in a while.

Sunday Night In The Crib

2008-09-21T20:24:00.001-06:00

I have had a lot of different things off and on my mind lately but I don't know if I am in the right frame of mind to pound anything out here right now. So instead enjoy this video clip-

30

2008-09-12T13:05:00.002-06:00

I turned 30 yesterday. Yes, 9/11 is my birthday and has been since I was born. I chose not to watch any news yesterday because it's not that I didn't want to remember what happened at the twin towers but I just didn't want to remember it the way the media wanted me to remember.

I am also taking this whole week off of work so that I can work on a project with my wife- a makeover on the kids' bedroom. I'll post pictures of before and after when it is done but let's just say that for now it has been a lot more work than I realized it will be. We will still be "done" on schedule but I probably won't have any time to finish their bunk bed this week. Maybe that will have to wait until another weekend. Not only am I going to build a bunk bed but it is going to also be a loft style. The kids need more room in their room.

So I've been busy this week. Not a bad way to spend the week.

I have also had a little time to cut loose with the kids. On Wednesday night I took the kids up to the Elementary School while the Mrs. went to a Bible study down the street. The kids and I ran non-stop for about two hours all over the equipment. It got pretty tiring but it was AWESOME!!!

As I approached my 30th birthday [or beginning the 31st year of my life] I wanted to do it in better shape than I did my 29th. My current job has me sitting all day. I have to depend on my own discipline to work out on my own and cut down the eating if I was to feel any better about myself. So far things aren't going too bad. In about 2 months I think I've dropped about 10 pounds. I know that it could be more but hey, this isn't a race to me, it's a lifestyle change. Playing with the kids will be another outlet for me to accomplish the exercise. Since we homeschool out kids I have decided to act as their principal, foreign language and gym teacher. I just wish that the weather was going to be better for today and tomorrow so that we could get out there and do it all over again.

I'm tired now and am going to go take a nap. In the meantime enjoy this clip-

MMW- Love The Lover

2008-08-28T23:04:00.001-06:00

If I got high I would trip to this...but since I don't I still listen anyways to simulate such a thing.

MUTO

2008-08-28T21:49:00.000-06:00

Some Olympic Commentary

2008-08-28T21:31:00.002-06:00

Now that the 2008 Olympics are over I would like to offer some commentary/critique/criticism. I think I would have enjoyed the Olympics this time around if I would have actually gotten to see more than swimming and gymnastics. I seem to have missed the more interesting events.

In this post I offer a proposal for events that should be dropped from future competitions. While the events in and of themselves may be entertaining, they are either driven by the commercial or recreational forces and not that of survival; which is originally what made the Olympics what they were. They have no show of strength, skill, courage or stamina.

Badminton
Baseball
Basketball
Field Hockey
Soccer
Handball
Softball
Synchronized Swimming
Table Tennis
Regular Tennis
Volleyball
Water Polo
and for the love of God.......
Speed Walking

It is not that I have anything intuitively against any of these as sports [except for Speed Walking] but they, in my humble opinion, do not belong in the Olympics.

IOC- put that in your pipe and smoke it.

A Dream

2008-08-25T13:36:00.002-06:00

I had a dream the other night that was pretty strange. I am trying to find out what it means.

The dream came at one of those times where the alarm has already gone off, you get up to turn the alarm off, and then lay back down and fall asleep again for a few minutes.

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I was in a very large building, seemingly looking for someone...looking for some kind of answer to something. Suddenly my cell phone rang. It was the professor; but not just any professor, it was the top dog. The leading expert in the field.

We talked on the phone for a while as I took in the sheer wonderment of why he would take the time to discuss this issue with me. As we talked I was walking all around the building, which I believed was a very large college campus building. Depending on where I went the signal strength of my phone varied. Several times we cut in and out but he did not ever hint at hanging up.

He guided me as I spoke to the location that I could find him. The directions were confusing but I eventually made my way out a door and found him standing in a common area. We hung up our phones and began to walk and continue our conversation where we eventually met up with some of his family members. He invited me to tag along so that we could keep talking.

We all piled into a 20's-30's model car and drove down the street. This car somehow had 3 rows of seats. I was in the very back on the passenger side and he was in the middle row middle seat. We were all pretty pressed for space.

As we rode I began to see that there were bees flying all over around the inside of the car. No one else seemed to be bothered by them but I started to panic a little inside. I attempted to try and shoe some of them out my window and then tried rolling it up all the way but the handle was broken inside the door. I reached down to the door handle to try and jiggle everything to get the window crank to latch back up to work. As I was shaking the door handle more bees began to surface from a nest inside the handle. I did not get stung but feared that it would happen. I also began to see that this was a problem that had probably been in the car for quite some time. Why weren't they bothered by this?

About this time I then looked down at my leg to see a miniature scorpion crawling across it. Afraid of potentially being stung by it I reached down and grabbed its tail just below where the stinger was. When I attempted to pull it off of my leg it dug some claws into my pant leg in attempts of holding on and would not let go. I then sat there in fear that not only could I not get it off, but also that if I let go of it then it would sting me. So I just sat there wondering what I should do.

That is when I woke up with a racing heart.

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Any thoughts as to what this means?

Meeting Minutes

2008-08-19T09:46:00.003-06:00

It has been a month since I've rapped at y'all. Sorry about that. My life has just been a crazy mess of all sorts of stuff.

Let's recap June-

All I remember was my daughter's birthday. She turned the big 5 this year. Wow, time really flies. If you have kids then you understand this well. It hits home even more when you sit back and look at photos of them growing up right before your eyes. A few of them that I looked at seemed like they happened just last week; only to remember that it was actually over 2 years ago. Hold on to them tightly and treat them well because the time is short.

Another June moment was the confirmation that we are now expecting our 3rd child. So far the pregnancy is going well and my wife is still looking pretty hot. Well, she's always a hot preggo but I am sure that we won't have much time to really worry about that stuff. Now that we've already got 2 kids to keep us busy, and with how quickly the this last year has gone by, I'm sure that the pregnancy will breeze right by. I am pretty thankful for that because I remember how hard our first pregnancy was. The first few months blew right by. The next 4 months went by at a "life as usual" pace. The last month was killer. The anticipation kept me up each night thinking that my wife's every move meant that she was going into labor. Baby, when you're ready, we'll be waiting for you.

Pivot point 3 for June was my decision that I really needed to start working out again, seriously. My daughter told me one day after I got out of the shower that I looked like I was going to have a baby. That hurt...but she was right.

I will be 30 next month and although I am still about 5 years away from entering those "mid-life" years I don't want to be one of those fat and unhappy middle-agers. My diet needs adjusting, which I'm working on, and I need to offset all of my hours sitting at a desk during the day with physical activities. Admittedly, getting into the swing of things is really hard, but I can say that I already feel a difference. I've lost 10 pounds and I feel a little more confident about myself. I don't need to be Mr. Universe but I also don't want to maintain my staus quo.

On the job front-

I'm still at my regular day job. Not really going anywhere with that one.

The computer gigs keep coming in. I am usually making 2-3 calls a week on my customers and I am continually getting new ones.

I have also started to take off with painting. So far I have done the interior of 2 rental houses and a display wall in a photo gallery. Coming up sometime in the future I will have another home interior, a photo studio backdrop wall, 2 apartments and possibly 2 condos. If you or anyone that you know of is in the need for a painter just let me know or send them my way.

My book is still very slow in development. I have some upcoming time that I need to take off of work though so hopefully I can find myself in some secluded places for a few days and finally get it finished. I imagine that it would be a lot easier to crank out more books in less time if that was the only thing that a person did.

My parents' divorce isn't getting any easier. My dad has been out of my mom's house for about 2 months now. We seem to see him every few weeks when he comes up to visit. It is nice to see him but it is hard because he seems to always be on a limited schedule and he's really unhappy.

My mom is doing much better than expected though. She has begun to find ways to pick up the pieces of her life and move on. She is a strong woman. She is keeping herself busy with people and things to do and I'm very proud of her.

Back to work.

Thanks for reading.

The Bad Song I Never Finished

2008-07-16T16:42:00.007-06:00

I started to write this in college. I just stumbled upon it on Monday night when looking through some boxes of my things at my mom's house. Tonight I picked up my guitar in hopes that I might somehow redeem it but I think I'll leave it alone. Actually, once I post the lyrics here I am going to throw away the envelope that I wrote it on.

Lyrics first and then the story.

Chorus:
As long as I'm being honest
It might be safe to say
The days seemed like years
While both of us were away
Every time I turned around
To see what's goin' down
It was your face I was seeing
And your voice was the sound in my head

Verse I:
It's been a long December, but I can still remember
Smoking with you while we sang Elizabeth to sleep
Those little moments still linger in my brain
While I pray you the Good Lord would keep
'Cause I know it's a long ways from Billings to Des Moines
An annoyance for which I don't much care
But there's not much I can do, even though I miss you
And I know nobody said that life is fair

Verse 2:
At times when I was walking
I was whistling a tune
At times when I was talking
I was thinking about you
Early in the morning, sometimes 2 or 3
I'd either be up, or I'd wake up
Hoping you would crash into me
Wishing I could watch you there
Through the window as I stare at you
And how you crush me
With all the little things you do

Meaning-

When I was in college I met this unlikely girl from Billings, MT who apparently thought I was pretty cool.....at least for a short stint of a couple of weeks before XMas break. I thought that she was pretty cool too.

She had what seemed like a very warm and inviting personality, cool long curly hair, was pretty and had a nice body as well. We both had aspirations of being teachers some day. We both liked rock music. We both liked to break the rules a little bit.

We probably started hanging out about the middle to end of November. When I first "met" her it was more just an acquaintance than anything. My buddy across the hall had grown up with her and I had casually said "hello" from time to time when I saw her. The first time that we really ever talked at any length about anything was when she was over visiting our dorm for "open dorm" night. That was when the guys could go check out the girl's rooms and vice-versa for a few hours one night....you know, just so we could see what each other's rooms smelled like.

So she timidly peeks into my room without really knowing me yet and comments on this lamp that I had. [you can still pretty much ask anyone who has ever seen the lamp and they will testify to its most awesome sweet-tasticness....except for my wife] So I invited her in to look at it more closely. [remember, it was an awesome lamp] When she was farther in to my room she saw my Bob Marley poster, my other pieces of collected art, my CD collection, my guitar.....all the stuff that makes a dude what he is. Well, it turned out that she like a lot of the same stuff that I did and before I knew it I was sitting on my bed playing the guitar for her. I JUST DIDN'T DO STUFF LIKE THAT!!! My guitar was sacred and there was no way that I would just bust it out and start playing for some chick, but I did it. Why? Because I was a sucker of a guy for a honey.

The rest of this story, like the relationship, is short.

Just when we were starting to dig each other it was time for XMas break. She went back to Billings and I came back to Des Moines. While I was home I started to write this song. Then after I called her on XMas Eve to wish her a merry XMas I started to wonder if I should finish it or not.

She seemed distant on the phone. She also seemed surprised that I would call. I didn't know what to say when I started to sense the tension and suspicion. I made small talk for a few minutes and then we hung up the phone.

When we got back to school, I decided not to call her right away. I decided to wait until I saw her in Chapel. When I did, I went up to her and gave her a hug and she awkwardly invited me to sit with her and her friends but something still seemed off.

Later I would come to find out that the reason we dissolved was not because she didn't like my change in hairstyle, but because she had reunited with someone from back home over the break. "God just totally did this and I wasn't expecting it." You weren't expecting it? Well neither was I.

That was the first time in my Bible College career that I verbally used the term "Fuck it."

I was hopeless and in love with the idea of being in love. It's like I wanted the relationship without really wanting to be "in" it. I was still pretty pissed that I had let my guard down like that though. That kind of vulnerability needs to be earned over time, but like the romantic jester that I was I just cut my own heart open and let it bleed all over anyone who would get close....but that was the last time.

So now, I'm left with the following-

A lesson about moving too fast in my mind
A lesson that it takes a lot of time to really be able to trust someone
A memory of being able to apologize to her for the way I handled it
A crappy unfinished song
The satisfaction being able to see myself honestly for what I was

Tons Of Boredom & A Little Time

2008-07-11T14:47:00.004-06:00

Today I was really bored and had a little bit of time so I decided to take some surveys over at BeliefNet. Here are some of the results...if you care-

My Spirituality Type-
Spiritual Straddler: One foot in traditional religion, one foot in free-form spirituality

My Faith-
Unitarian Universalist (100%)
New Age (97%)
Mahayana Buddhism (97%)
Neo-Pagan (97%) [I don't like that term]
Liberal Quaker (94%)
Theravada Buddhism (88%)
I'll just leave those as the top 6...

It should also be understood that I have taken that particular survey several times and have gotten varying results each time.

What Element Am I?
Water: You're sensitive and fluid, responding to feelings more than anything else. Dreams, visions, love, and the mysterious attract you. You may be prone to depression, so try to balance your emotions with rationality.

Am I A Hermit?
Though I can be extroverted, I'm also drawn to solitude and stillness at times.

Those were really the only surveys that looked interesting to me. Admittedly I am sure that some of them were baited or really had no way of coming to ultimate conclusions.

Just thought I'd put that 0ut there for today; now discuss amongst yourselves.