PETERCOFFIN.COM

Pass a Kidney Stone (Soulja Boy parody)

2009-07-01T23:00:00.001-04:00

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Kiss Me Through The Phone? Not if I have too much sodium in my diet.

Perez Hilton's Statement

2009-06-25T23:24:00.001-04:00

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He got punched in the face by Will.I.Am. of the Black Eyed Peas' manager and put this on his website.

Norweigan Black Metal Father's Day

2009-06-16T10:16:00.001-04:00

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Who is the least likely person to appreciate their dad? LYRICS: http://tinyurl.com/ldb95n TWITTER: http://twitter.com/petercoffin

The Seth Rogen Sponge

2009-04-02T09:12:00.001-04:00

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Afflicted by Seth Rogen oversaturation? Try our product that we don't explain but rely on hype to sell! Twitter: http://twitter.com/petercoffin

Public-Private Investment Program EXPLAINED!

2009-03-26T22:52:00.001-04:00

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Are you confused about the new Public-Private Investment Program? I thought so. That's why I made this video for you. http://twitter.com/petercoffin

SHOW? - Jimmy Fallon Interview

2009-03-25T15:48:00.001-04:00

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Jimmy Fallon was kind enough to call up Peter to talk for a few minutes. Many thanks are in order to him.

SHOW? - 3/19/2009

2009-03-21T01:45:00.001-04:00

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Time to lay the smack down on kids watching.

Leprechaun!

2009-03-16T10:37:00.001-04:00

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Happy St. Patrick's Day!

SHOW? - 3/10/2009

2009-03-11T17:40:00.001-04:00

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Time to start getting angry at idiots.

SHOW? - 3/03/2009

2009-03-06T03:08:00.001-05:00

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Ben Farac!

SHOW? - 2/26/2009

2009-02-28T01:23:00.001-05:00

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Peter alone for a while...

Concept art of Patrick

2009-02-27T12:52:00.004-05:00

For a music video you'll see in a couple months...

SHOW? - 2/19/2009

2009-02-27T02:27:00.003-05:00

Bryan Foster in with us to talk about nonsense!

LINK: http://blip.tv/file/get/Petercoffin-SHOW2192009863.mp4

Kenny Glenn LYRICS

2009-02-25T22:36:00.001-05:00

At 14 he didn't know what pussy was like
took it out on a pussy in a camera's sight
pussy abuse footage'll have him locked up tight
And now his ass'll be a pussy for a guy named mike

his pussy got all wet from what he does to cope
Cause to see that pussy's dick you need a telescope
He'll pussy out and run away when he drops the soap
And let's hope he pussies out and puts his neck in a rope

Hell!

If such a place exists, that pussy's going there
Where he'll have to eat tons of burnt pussy hair
I'm talking about cats and pussies if you care
Cause if you shave either one they don't serve it up rare

In hell! Like I said, pussy hair's done well
You can hear his cat dusty laugh as the pussy yells
That's what pussy'll think as he rots in a cell
With wide eyed convicts that lift barbells

They say don't judge lest ye me judged
They tell you that you shouldn't hold a grudge
But I'll tell you this fuck doesn't deserve much
Except bubba treating him like chocolate fudge

Yelling, "you'll wish you had a pussy but I'll use your mouth
And after I'm done there I'm headed south
I'll think about what you done did in the past"
Then that pussy gonna get fucked in the ass

I know rape ain't something to wish on folks
But it's gonna happen now on with the pussy jokes
It takes a pussy to do these horrible things
To prey on the weak whatever that means

this violence comes from a pussyless existance
Rating ones worth on pussy lips sex defence
Beating a pussy, or on a rape hunt
Or killing a pussy, makes you a cunt

This particular pussy with his cheap drum set
And his rebel flag - he's a confederate!
Daddy Glenn owns an oil company
Pussy'll try to *get off* with his dads money

Make no qualms lock this pussy up for good
These people are fucked not misunderstood
You have to stop this now, put it to an end
Unless you like serial killers or school shootings

Or at very least like to see woman beat
Cause if this kid grows up on the street
That's the bare minimum that your gonna see
This pussy'll be a menace that's a guarantee

If you want violent crimes to disappear
Shit like this can't go in and out one ear
Mom and dad raised a kid that's gonna be trouble
Take care of this queef while he's still blowing bubbles

Stuff is rolling!

2009-02-23T13:10:00.001-05:00

First off, I wanted to say I am sorry there was nothing new from me over the last week. I've been working on something about this Kenny Glenn shit and it's a bit more complex than the average video. There has been multiple locations, lip sync, etc. I'm trying not to use green screen. The green screen is nice, but I've overused it worse than an autotuner recently.

Tyler and I are going to put together a video about Leprechauns for St. Patrick's. Tyler made a sweet beat and we're going to do an R&B song, I think. Plus it's going to get very bizarre.

Bryan is in the midst of trying to come up with a plan for his channel. Obviously, a lot of his old stuff is up. He doesn't have a real setup yet, though. He is sans camera, so I'll probably be helping him by lending mine for a while.

I should have a new video up on Wednesday. The people bitching about me making hip hop aren't going to like this one, either. It's a full-on rap muthafuckin' SONG. This one will give you a clue as to what my album is going to sound like, too. I think this is going to end up on it, too.

MySpace does not care about U2

2009-02-23T08:24:00.006-05:00

They have some pretty great copy written for all the big releases. "In one of the most anticipated releases of the year, Whatever We Got Paid The Most To Promote, listen exclusively HERE!"

Bryan Foster is BACK!

2009-02-21T10:45:00.002-05:00

Hey guys, I'm gradually getting old friends back together and getting them (along with new friends) onto YouTube. If you were watching back in The Stupid Show days, you'll remember this gent:

http://youtube.com/drumbryan

Subscribe to him, he's going to be making new material. Not the same as what I am doing (he's much more of an absurdist), but if you like me at least give him a chance.

I'll be checking in with a lot more new channels as I get people turned on to the Tube.

-Peter

Well!

2009-02-19T12:29:00.001-05:00

Man, I've been so busy lately. I fill up my schedule to the brim. I have a full time job, and I pretty much do YouTube full-time too. Then there's the show, which I think is starting to blossom a bit. The last one was fun as hell and tonight we have Bryan Foster on.

Bryan is an awesome guy, I haven't talked to in years until this week. He is random humor personified and a damn good musician. We put a bunch of his old material on YouTube yesterday, too. Subscribe to him on YouTube if you like bizarre stuff. I'm going to try and help him get going and you'll probably see him cropping up in my videos and I in his.

He's on twitter, too (@drumbryan)! He is going to be on tonight's episode of SHOW? as well. So don't forget to watch.

I've made a rap song making fun of Kenny Glenn. I have disdain for this kind of person to quite a degree. Animal abusers, that is. Actually, just violent people in general. Yes, I make violent/dark jokes rather often. I think they are hilarious. But if you actually do any of that stuff, I think you deserve double in return. 2 eyes for an eye.

I have been doing current event humor too much. I'm sick of it, to be honest. Not the material itself, because I think it's funny. I mean if I come up with a good joke then cool. But I've directed too much attention towards that stuff. I think it's time to get back to poking fun at reality in general, not just sensation. Like "The Lost Land of IKEA," which messes with the idea of history in general.

Or public humor. I've been saying I want to get back to that for a long time. This spring, I am. I've got a lot of ideas that I've been kicking around for a while and I think it's time to start putting them into production. This summer I may even have to take a week or so and go cross-country and do some stuff. Buy a couple of big hard drives and get to filming.

Current events are good, but I think that SNL should hire me for that. That kind of stuff is always very elaborate and difficult, and it does take a lot of time. It's also not very much of a stretch to do. I know you'll probably still see it from me, but I want to make it less of a focus. Get some new song parodies going, some new field pieces. Some sketches. Things that mess the fabric of society instead of looking at it.

We'll talk more later, on SHOW? Be there!

SHOW? - 2/17/2009

2009-02-18T01:11:00.002-05:00

"I Kicked a Girl" Lyrics

2009-02-16T16:19:00.001-05:00

This was never the way I planned
not my intention

I get so crazy drink in hand
and demand attention

It's not what, I told you
to get me, you stupid idiot moron

It's like I, married a
retard braindead woman

----chorus:-----------------
I kicked a girl and I liked it
she was being somewhat insolent

I kicked a girl who lacked discipline
I hope that she learned her lesson

she was so wrong it felt so right
cry herself to sleep tonight

I kicked a girl and I liked it
I liked it

----------------------------

No you don't even speak my name
get, back in your, corner

I'm gonna put you in a cage
till you listen better

it's not what, good girls do
not, how they should behave

your head gets, so abused
my boot smacking it again!

----chorus------------------

you girls you are so typical
got to have all things tangible
want this want that no self control
you're lucky
I stay here
so you can wash my underwear

----chorus------------------

"Something in Your Mouth" Lyrics

2009-02-16T16:06:00.000-05:00

Special on the marquee where workers got no degrees
they say that you should budget but youd pay them for McNuggets - come on

need to hit the costco and grab a some bulk hoho's
if it weren't good for you they would not be selling it right? - come on

Snickers Skittle Chunky Butterfinger Ding Dongs
got a sugar over load going all night long
Quarter-Pounder Big-N-Tasty Tender Whopper and a coffee
spill the coffee and the coffee make you richer than trump

---------chorus---------------
(those fatty things)
your ripping off the wrapper from candy
(your fatty buns)
your weight surpassed a car that weighs two tons
(you don't like moving)
you love the fries from france but not palates
(like to eat things)
ham and cheese enthrals heart attack you'll succumb

you start the droolin' oven opens pull food out
'cause you feel so much better with something in your mouth
------------------------------

crafty nutrition facts
pursue more bags of chips
weight ascending as your spending
theres no ending it so baby come on

eat up then you digest
eating deep fried skin feels better
and the tent you're wearing is from too much dessert come on

snickers skittle chunky butterfinger ding dongs
got a sugar over load going all night long.
quarter pounder big n tasty tender whopper and a coffee
spill the coffee and the coffee made you richer than trump

---------chorus---------------

you love to bite mean cuisine
but why is it you shun
taking only fatty fat food
never eating only one
just the quick sight of light
food labels make you run
well not literally more like walk into another room

you start the droolin'
oven opens pull food out
feel way better
with something in your mouth

---------chorus---------------

SHOW? 2/12/2009

2009-02-15T03:52:00.003-05:00

"Joaquin is Acting" Lyrics

2009-02-14T23:33:00.001-05:00

Host: You saw him completely messed up on Letterman. I'm pleased to present to you, for his CRAZY, drug-addicted network hip hop debut, Joaquin Phoenix!

Yo, I'm Joaquin Phoenix and I'm fucking with you
this is an act; none of this is true

How many yall remember the film borat?
well, I'll clue you in, this is a lot like that

my brother-in-law and I came up with this prank
to make you believe that my mind was blank

to look a lot like I could smell quite rank
to act a lot like i just swam in a tank

full of booze but I fooled you's
you all think that this is substance abuse

But it's not, mofo, this is nothin but a joke
I'm way to consistent to be on coke

an addict would draw the attention away
instead I'm fooling you with what I portray

I'm not on drugs but I'm a great MC
my brother-in-laws making a documentary

-------------------------------
Host: Wow, he's so fucked up! How on earth can he even stand?

Joaquin: Did you not hear me, this is a joke. An act. Do people not even think anymore?

Host: People don't make jokes, Joaquin! And nobody can imitate body language, either. No one is observant enough to pay attention to addicts hands. Duh. Now go to rehab, psycho!
-------------------------------

Joaquin is acting, just try to understand
Joaquin is acting, just imitating hands
Joaquin is acting, that's why he wear sunglasses
Joaquin is acting, and he tricked your asses

SHOW? - 2/10/09

2009-02-14T04:04:00.002-05:00

Morality Tales & other nonsense

2009-02-13T10:33:00.000-05:00

I have a free moment right now. I think I will elaborate on my album. As you know (if you've followed me for any period of time), I've been talking about an album I've been working on for a great deal of time. I started it in 2004, and every year I have said, "it's going to be out this year." Because it always seems like I'm going to put it out.

But then something happens, advances in technology, new ideas, underconfidence, overconfidence, etc. all come together to create new reasons to not put it out. Plus, I've never been sure if I want it to be a comedy album or a straight music album.

So the concept of "Morality Tales for People who Love Curse Words" grew from that. I hesitate to say it's a comedy record, but it's certainly not serious. It's like an Eminem record but with more types of music.

Due to the amount of time spent, I also have too many songs for one album. So I'm going to make it into several volumes. If they make money, I'll keep making them. I'm hoping to have it out in June or July. I'd prefer June, because I'd like to get a band together to do shows with the material. I think these would be fun live songs and I know enough talented people to try it.

So I'll let you guys know more as I get closer to finishing it.