So long, dear folk.

2008-10-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

We're nearly more dramatic than Axl these days. We always said if we could cull from the mighty Vat until Chinese Democracy finally released, we'd be happy. Sadly, though, our time has been cut short. Don't forget to wash behind your ears, loves.

Without getting to the faff of it, we've received gaggles of lawyerific attention. We'd love to tell you specifically which artists have caused the stir, but sadly even that is no longer within our realm of rights. Said lawyers have begun their slow dismantling of our service, from hosted albums, to even including the names of bands in our directed URLs. Tricky bitches, that lot. Soon there shall be nothing of our short lived love at all.

Ah well. It was fun. To all the girls we loved before,

Cheers!
Metatron.
Head Cheerleader for Team Vat.

THE F A T F A Q.

2007-05-05T10:50:00.000-07:00

What is this site?

It's a blog for music lovers (and haters) to critique music based on a carefully constructed, arbitrary, and inconsistent grading system.

And who, do tell, are you?

We're the guys at the bar that look up into the air every once in a while, as though doing so might help us hear the song going on in the background. Then, realizing it was the Vengaboys, we tip our heads back down in shame.

Do you only critique new music?

No. We have a back-catalog of albums spanning the history of the human race, and any one of those may rise to the surface of The Vat for our careful observation.

The Vat?

It is our loving nickname for the mass of records from which our insightful, tall, good-looking critiques are born.

Do those links at the end of the critiques lead to something?

Well, theoretically, all things lead to other things, don't they?

More practically: Yes. We offer up every album we critique so that the reader can listen to it and decide if it's worth the buy. Typically, we only critique albums that are worth it to someone.

What's the catch?

No catch. The files are DRM-free, as we firmly believe DRM files will be the death of music. Simply follow the link to our file host (usually Mediafire because they're so cute), and download your album of choice.

All we ask is that you delete the files within twenty-four hours, and if you like what you hear, buy the record.

Seriously?

When have we been anything but deathly serious? Even when the other kids were laughing at the spider-gremlin from Gremlins II, we took it as a very serious threat to poor Gizmo's well being.

As if that's not proof enough, we at The Fat Vat have absolute faith in human honour. We trust that you will do the right thing. Outside of that, we believe that good music is harder to find these days, and we believe that being informed will help you decide what's worth your money. If listening to these .mp3s or reading these critiques spurs you to support great bands and artists, we're happy.

So, have a listen, enjoy the music, and delete in a timely manner. It's as simple as that.

Can I get in trouble?

No. Maybe for other acts you commit, like videotaping yourself on a DDR machine, but not for this.

Is this legal?

Very. A little too legal, really. There is yet to be a country on Earth that disallows such a service. We're not going to police you. We know you'll do the right thing.

Do the bands know you're doing this?

Likely not. If any band wants to free themselves of critique, they can simply drop us a line. We respect that. But why shoo-away good PR?

Are the files safe?

Yes. We scan every file twice before uploading it. Mediafire then scans them again, just to be anal about the whole thing. Should you have worry, simply scan the files again when you download. But don't worry. We're pretty thorough.

What is the file format?

Typically, every file is a .zip file, with the odd one or two being a .rar. For more info on .rar compression, check out the good boys at Rarsoft. Inside those, the music is always .mp3. Most albums come pre-packed with album art in .jpg format, and a .txt love letter from The Fat Vat team.

Can I request an album?

Certainly. We're more than happy to fulfill any request. That's why we're so beloved on Karaoke night. Simply toss an e-mail or comment anywhere you please. We're all eyes.

Can I request an album be removed?

If you're desperately against our system here at The Fat Vat, we're more than happy to remove a link for sharing. However, we never remove critiques once posted. We might also point out that you're a tad rude for making demands.

Can I write a critique?

Feel free. The more the merrier, or so we've heard. Simply e-mail it to us, and we'll happily credit you.

How do I subscribe to The Vat?

It couldn't be easier! Under the CONTACT section to your immediate left, we think you might find a little orange button that will allow you to subscribe to The Fat Feed, our very own Newsfeed. As if that isn't enough (and really, when is enough enough?), you can now subscribe to our mailing list and get our latest updates right in your inbox. It's so convenient you'll never have to leave the house again.

Do you like Stephen Malkmus?

No. No we do not.

Help! My question hasn't been answered!

Sorry, that's a statement, not a question. Further, it's a statement hardly deserving of two exclamation points. If you have something to say, our e-mail box is always open, or feel free to leave an anonymous comment. We listen. We care.

The Fat Vat.

So long, dear folk.

THE F A T F A Q.