Mirth, Musings, & More

2008-07-26T08:57:00.000-04:00

More Inflation Fears

2008-07-25T18:08:00.002-04:00

The cleanup is only beginning after Hurricane Dolly's visit to southern Texas. The storm dumped in excess of a dozen inches of rain along the Rio Grande basin, causing severe flooding for hundreds of miles along the border with Mexico.

With many of the supply lines cut by the hurricane, and uncertainty on when the flow north of fresh ones can resume, the price of illegal aliens already in the United States is expected to skyrocket.

Doing His Part

2008-07-25T14:22:00.000-04:00

Careful What You Wish for

2008-07-25T07:47:00.004-04:00

Some people are complaining that the news media is pro-Obama, especially after the Democratic candidate's overseas trip this week.

Well, what exactly was the media supposed to do? Ignore his visits to Afghanistan, Iraq, and Europe? One of the chief criticisms of Obama has been his lack of foreign policy credentials. If you believe it to have been true, it certainly seems like he has confronted those shortcomings head-on. Besides, for a presidential candidate to make such an overseas trip--especially before he's even been officially nominated--is unprecedented. So was the news media supposed to somehow ignore this trip?

Was the media also supposed to gloss over the fact that an estimated 200,000 people gathered to hear Obama's speech in Berlin yesterday? Hell, when's the last time 200,000 Europeans gathered for an American political leader and did anything except throw rocks and bottles? Even more amazing, people in the crowd were waving American flags instead of burning them!!!!

The chief whiners about all the attention being paid to Obama are the Republicans. Quite frankly, they need to just shut the f*ck up. It was their own idiot of a candidate--McCain himself--who criticized Obama for never having visited Iraq in the first place. And now that Obama that has taken McCain up on the suggestion, his supporters are bitchng about it?!?!

Sometimes you just have to be careful about what you wish for.

So in the interest of equal time, here's what McCain was supposed to do this week: Make a trip to an oil platform in the Gulf of Mexico to highlight the candidate's support of offshore drilling. The trip was canceled because of Hurricane Dolly. Then, in a bit of REALLY bad timing, there was a tanker accident at the mouth of the Mississippi River which resulted in a 12 mile oil slick.

Apparently some campaign officials decided that promoting offshore drilling while crews in the background are frantically trying to contain a nearby oil spill would have looked bad on the news.

Tour T-Shirt

2008-07-24T06:22:00.000-04:00

Guess I'm Screwed

2008-07-23T17:30:00.005-04:00

Well, this is certainly depressing news.

18%

Meteorology Explained

2008-07-23T15:30:00.001-04:00

No, Your OTHER Left

2008-07-23T12:15:00.000-04:00

Can you tell your right from your left? Apparently a lot of people can't, and the problem is now being recognized as a actual disability along the lines of Attention Deficit Disorder, or the inability to remember which country attacked us on 9/11.

The condition apparently extends into the political arena as well. That would certainly explain why so many right wing Republicans warn that it's the supposedly left wing Democrats who will run up the deficit and bloat the size of government.

Then again, that may just be a proctological problem: Blindness caused by having your head up your ass for too long.

Is Bush a Surrender Monkey or Just a Flip-Flopper?

2008-07-23T11:11:00.001-04:00

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is set to meet with a top North Korean diplomat. This news comes just a week after U.S. officials met with Iranian officials.

Well, I'm certainly confused. Wasn't it President Bush who recently said that talking to your enemies is appeasement?

Self-Defense

2008-07-23T10:50:00.000-04:00

Trash Talkin'

2008-07-23T06:53:00.003-04:00

Many people complain that America imports too many things, and doesn't really manufacture anything anymore. That goes a long way towards explaining the weak dollar and other economic ills. If you agree with this assessment, then there's some good news for you: Hawaii is stepping up its exports!! Granted, the product is garbage, and it's being shipped to the mainland of the U.S., but an export is an export.

The problem is that our 50th state is running out of landfill space. The island of Oahu in particular produces an average of 10 pounds of garbage per day compared with 4.5 pounds per resident in the rest of the country. And with no place to put all that trash, the island is considering a measure to ship some of it across the Pacific, up the Columbia River, and to a landfill in Washington state.

This seems like a terrible waste. Can't Hawaiians just dump their trash on the side of the road like the rest of us? Or how about into a nearby lava flow? Those things are a dime a dozen in Hawaii.

2008-07-22T18:58:00.000-04:00

What's the World Coming to?

2008-07-22T17:07:00.005-04:00

While reports remain sketchy at the moment, The Dark Knight's Christian Bale has reportedly been arrested in London for assaulting his 61 year old mother and 40 year old sister.

That's the kind of thing you'd expect from The Joker, but certainly not Batman!

Ya Gotta Love Those Old Movies!

2008-07-22T12:15:00.000-04:00

Hold on to Your Nuts

2008-07-22T09:46:00.000-04:00

Thieves have long been stealing manhole covers to sell as scrap metal, but now the problem is spreading. The latest targets of people out to make a quick buck are the big brass nuts on top of fire hydrants. Those can fetch as much as ten bucks from a scrap metal dealer.

The thefts are becoming a major safety concern for local jurisdictions. In one disturbing case, a house in California burned to the ground because even though the fire department arrived quickly, firefighters were unable to access the nearby hydrants.

But there is a long-term concern as well. If thieves continue to steal the nuts from hydrants, then they'll become sterile and unable to reproduce. In a few years, the only fire hydrants will be the ones in zoos. That may be great for the animals that already live there, but what about the rest of us?

Sell Your Furnace on eBay While You Still Can

2008-07-22T06:29:00.003-04:00

There is little doubt that global warming is leading to massive species extinctions, changing rainfall patterns, more extreme weather events, and perhaps even the eventual extinction of mankind. However, that doesn't mean we shouldn't have some laughs along the way.

2008-07-21T17:43:00.000-04:00

Huh? The Dark Knight Is ... Dark?!?

2008-07-21T08:31:00.000-04:00

Last Friday I gave The Dark Knight a lukewarm review. My chief complaints: At 2 1/2 hours it's longer than the average human bladder's capacity for holding pee, not nearly enough screen time for the Joker, and things dragged whenever he wasn't on screen.

It would seem, though, that I'm in the minority. The film set a number of box office records, including biggest three day opening, biggest single day draw, and biggest midnight midnight screening. And the reaction among most moviegoers has been nothing but positive.

However, there is one small group complaining: Parents of small kids. They're saying that for a so-called "comic book" movie, The Dark Knight is much too violent.

Well.... DUH!!!

The movie is PG-13, folks! It was given that rating for a reason. One mother complained that Hancock was PG-13 also, but it wasn't nearly as violent as Batman. All I can say is that maybe she saw a different version of Hancock than I did. There were some sequences in the second half of that movie that were pretty damn strong.

Parents are always telling kids to do their homework. Well, maybe it's time for parents to start doing their own homework as well.

2008-07-20T20:55:00.000-04:00

2008-07-19T19:26:00.000-04:00

The Darkest Knight

2008-07-18T18:04:00.010-04:00

I went to see The Dark Knight earlier today for a variety of reasons: I like Batman, I'm a Christian Bale fan,I was curious to see Heath Ledger's last performance, the movie's been getting fantastic reviews, and most importantly, it beats working. And at the risk of being run out of town by angry torch-bearing pitchfork-wielding mobs, let me say that I thought it was, well, just okay. Sorry, but I just couldn't cream myself over it the way so many reviewers have been doing.

Maybe it was just me, but at almost 2 1/2 hours, the movie is just too long. The average American butt, given the weight of the average American torso, can only sit for just so long in the average movie theater seat before it begins to ache. And if you made the foolish mistake of preceding the 9:00 A.M. showing of a 150 minute movie with a cup of coffee, your bladder's gonna have serious issues, too. Yes, I know I'm whining, especially since my chief complaint about Hancock was that it was too short.

What can I say? I'm tough to satisfy. Maybe I should have been born a woman.

And it's just damn depressing. There were times I wanted to slash my wrists but the popcorn bucket just wasn't sharp enough. Good characters get killed off and evil is never truly defeated. And at the risk of giving away a spoiler, let's just say Maggie Gyllanhaal's character won't be in the next Batman movie.

Anyway, The Dark Knight does have plenty of action. At one point Batman goes all the way to Hong Kong, or North Korea, or Singapore, or one of those other oriental type places, and kidnaps a crime lord so he can face justice in Gotham. The bad guy's extraction from one of the top floors of a skyscraper was pretty damn impressive.

Then there's a chase scene involving police cars, garbage trucks, a SWAT team, a tractor trailer, the Joker, and the Batmobile. Oh, and there's a bazooka thrown in as well. Batman shouldn't be surprised if Geico raises his insurance rates after that one. In fact, remember how the people of Los Angeles were always getting pissed off by Hancock's indiscriminate collateral damage? Let's just say that the good citizens of Gotham City are going to be in a homicidal rage.

The problem is that between the action sequences, Dark Knight gets bogged down in mundane details. There's some kind of sub-plot involving the mob, banks, and the Joker which seemed overly confusing. Then again, I may just have been distracted by my bladder, which was full through most of the movie.

My other complaint: Heath Ledger. His performance was absolutely stunning. Nothing like Jack Nicholson's version of the character. Ledger's Joker was much more subdued and sinister. He's a psychotic sociopath who positively oozes evil out of every pore.... Kind of like Dick Cheney. And he kept doing this really perverted thing with his tongue(I'm referring to the Joker now, not Cheney) that reminded me of Hannibal Lechter. Yet despite all his inherent evil, he also has a romantic streak, like when he tells Batman, "You complete me." And he's something of a magician, as when he makes a pencil disappear in a rather, er, "unique" fashion.

Plus, Ledger looks pretty damn cute in a nurse's uniform (see the movie & you'll understand).

So then why am I bitching? Well, quite frankly, he just didn't get enough screen time. Screw Batman; they should have just done a movie about the Joker and made Batman a secondary character. In fact, it seems that anytime Ledger was NOT on the screen, the plot began to bog down.

______________________________________________________

Among the various trailers preceding Dark Knight was one for Christian Bale's NEXT film: Terminator IV: Rise of the Endless Mind Numbing Sequels.... Okay, so I may be just a bit fuzzy on the exact title, but here's the trailer:

Except Now Mexico Has a Problem withIllegals from North of the Border

2008-07-18T16:03:00.004-04:00

Crime? What Crime? No Crime Here. Now Get Lost.

2008-07-18T09:41:00.000-04:00

Remember the Valerie Plame case? She used to be a CIA agent. Her husband is Joe Wilson, the man was sent to Africa to investigate claims that Niger had been selling yellow cake uranium to Iraq. When Wilson couldn't find any such evidence, he began openly questioning the Bush administration's reasons for invading Iraq. Suddenly his wife's cover was "mysteriously" blown.

Since then there have been allegations that someone in the Bush administration deliberately outed her in retribution for her husband's opposition to the war.

The case is still very much alive, and a House of Representatives committee has been trying to get to the bottom of just what happened. If it turns out the revelation was deliberate done to get back at Wilson, then that would be a crime. If, on the other hand, it turns out to have been accidental, then it was just be another case of incompetence by the Bush administration.

The FBI investigated the matter, but it remains unclear what they found. This week the House committee looking into the matter tried to get its hands on the FBI's files, and guess what happened? President Bush invoked something called executive privilege, thereby blocking access to the files.

Now if the term exective privilege sounds familiar, it's because President Nixon repeatedly used it during Watergate as he frantically tried to block one investigation after another.

This of course raises an important question: If no one in the White House did anything wrong, then why not release the files and clear the air once and for all?

Bush's actions merely confirm that his administration is the biggest hive of scum and villiany since the days of Mos Eisley spaceport. Granted, that was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, but the comparison is still apt.

Which brings me to my prediction: After the elections in November, Bush will begin issuing a whole shitload of pardons to former and current members of his administration, including Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, and Dick Cheney. And pardoning them will mean that no one will ever be able to get to the truth of this administration's various crimes.

A Loser Every Time

2008-07-18T06:53:00.000-04:00

But Who Will Mow Their Lawns?

2008-07-17T15:43:00.000-04:00