I am ROFL

Fruit Flasher

2009-04-30T20:25:00.004-05:00

Picture of a Banana flashing a Pear and Strawberry.

Office Karaoke

2009-03-26T14:13:00.000-05:00

Auto Tuning from Casey D on Vimeo.

Funny Delta Airlines Advertisement

2009-03-26T14:00:00.001-05:00

Fuck you penguin

2008-12-12T15:59:00.001-06:00

This is one sick guy. I'd love to meet him.
http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com

Netti Pot with Water, Coffee, Whiskey

2008-11-30T11:21:00.005-06:00

So a long time ago, I found this video of a Netti Pot and how to use them on YouTube. When I first heard of the Netti Pot I kinda thought it was a joke. But sure enough, I've seen it and was able to buy one at WalGreens. Gotta say that it didn't really work for me.

Today on Facebook, I posted that I had a big sinus infection and a bunch of people suggested using a Netti Pot. Made me remember this video.

Party Game with Plunger and Toilet Paper

2008-11-28T07:44:00.004-06:00

This looks like it would be funny to watch... I have a feeling alcohol would be used as a primary motivator.

The Urinal Game: Mens Room Edicate

2008-11-13T11:34:00.002-06:00

The Urinal Game

Powered by: MySpace Games

This morning I was trying to think of something that made me laugh. I remembered this game from the late 90s I think. I don't know if it was Flash then or not, but it is now so whatever. I remember my friend Sean claiming he got everything right the first time. I went through and still go stuff wrong just now.

Enjoy.

Debate over Dog Souls

2008-11-12T14:05:00.002-06:00

Click here to see the photographic evidence of religous debate in America.

It's an awesome debate through signs between a Catholic and Presbyterian churches....

All starts with a sign "All Dogs Go To Heaven". My favorite is "Free Dog Souls with Conversion"

Prolly generated through photoshop but still pretty funny.

Protest Message FAIL

2008-11-11T08:29:00.002-06:00

I'm super confused about what the message was supposed to be. Seems like an odd connection. If anyone has a clue as to what this sign means, please comment... I've been racking my brain for a minute now and can't figure it out.

Ninja FAIL

2008-11-11T08:25:00.002-06:00

All I can say is thank goodness there were two of them? WTF?

Spider Drawing as Payment

2008-11-07T14:33:00.003-06:00

Here's an awesome email thread. Guy sends a picture he drew of a spider that he values at the amount of money owed.

I don't know if it's real, but it's real awesome.

Click here to Read

update: 11/22/2008
Spider drawing was put up on auction on ebay
here is the ebay Auction for the spider drawing

Palin Search Engine

2008-11-07T11:35:00.003-06:00

Here's an awesome piece of politically driven technology.

Search for anything and you get her results for how she wants to answer you.

Awesome.

Monkey Steals The Peach

2008-11-07T08:39:00.007-06:00

So, yesterday we were goofing around at work and I suddenly remembered this move from a "How To Be A Ninja" book that my brother had when we were kids.

That move is called "Monkey Steals The Peach". You have to do the move while you say the words... more effective and shocking that way.

We proceeded to do that throughout the day, then, like most things we talk about, we decided to buy the domain. HOWEVER, someone else stole this idea before us... STOLE IT. just kidding..

Here is an excerpt from the book as pictured on MonkeyStealsThePeach.com:

Update
So, reading more about this, I found that the picture shown above is from a book called "Ninja Mind Control" by Ashida Kim.

Here's a video of how to defend against the Monkey Steals The Peach move. All guys should watch this.

Here's another Video called "Monkey Steals Peaches II" staring a character called "Afro Dave". Not really the best movie, but kinda funny.

Finally, it looks like there is a song on Guitar Hero that you can play.

OMG It Spins!!!

2008-11-04T08:26:00.004-06:00

Stupid Terrorists

2008-11-04T08:22:00.003-06:00

Halloween Chalk Code

2008-10-31T13:24:00.003-05:00

Do you know what this means? I didn't think you did.

That's right. It's code written in on the sidewalk in front of houses. It means that the house is out of candy and is now giving out Taco Bell Sauce packets.

Click hear to See More Codes.

911 Call with Joe, a Deer and a Dog

2008-10-30T14:30:00.003-05:00

This is a video/slide-show version of a wav file that I listened to way back while I think I was in college. For some reason started thinking about it and decided to look on YouTube for it today.

It's a 911 Phone Call of a guy named Joe who is having a bad day. Person who uploaded this did a good job with the video.

Casey

Crap Wedding Names

2008-09-04T13:15:00.001-05:00

Here are some awesome names of pending people to be married.

Click Here to View.

Wang - Holder

Frisky Dog

2008-07-28T22:36:00.000-05:00

Frisky Dog Let Loose In Park - Watch more free videos

More Bloodninja Cybersex Logs

2008-07-16T22:16:00.002-05:00

In my original post, I had what I thought was the complete collection of chat logs from Bloodninja. Little did I know that he was so prolific. Here are a couple more that I've found.

The first is awesome. You have to read the whole thing though. THis chick is a glutton for punishment. I once had a bartender tell me that he was into fat chicks cause they want it more. It's what worked for him. This chatlog reminds of his matra. That and he said HARRRRRR! a lot.

Enjoy:

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don't f*@cking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This s*!t is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a f*@cking break
bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are f*@cking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: f*@k you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A F*@KING COP YOU asshole!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go F*@K yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: F*@K YOU!!!
bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a F*@KING ASSHOLE!
sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth lips.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I pound harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: ...still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your ass.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A F*@KING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a f*@king candy apple...
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: F*@K YOU ASSHOLE!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: ...going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

Read On:
This next one is classic, if not for anything else than this line:
How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm oaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes. oes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: BYE!!11

BloodNinja: His Robe and Wizard Hat

2008-07-16T22:11:00.004-05:00

I've seen this come around a couple times over the past 2 or 3 years. Every time I pass it to as many people as I can find. Sometimes I seek it out because it seriously makes me laugh to the point of crying. Supposedly, these are the aim chat logs of a person named bloodninja having fun with unsuspecting innocents just trying to have a little cyber sex.

Please read and enjoy:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't fuck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh Shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh Shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
bloodninja:How did you know?
bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the fuck?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of shit
DirtyKate:Fuck

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

Powder for your Sack

2008-07-16T21:51:00.003-05:00

Pete sent this to me today. I have no clue what he was doing in order to find it.

You have to read the description:

Balla Powder for Men is the ideal anti-chafing and anti-wetness solution for clammy sacks. Guaranteed to prevent the dreaded "bat wing" syndrome, Balla Powder for Men is lightly scented with a masculine fragrance, for anyone else who plans to work in your close quarters. Can be sprinkled into your fudgies for all-day-long comfort and dryness. A fabulous post-workout treatment, Balla Powder for Men can also be used between your cheeks, as well as on fetid feet and aromatic armpits.

I don't know about you, but seems like this is just Talc for soggy balls. Figures that someone would put a sent on it and almost make it seem medicinal.

Buy Yours Today!

Will It Blend?!

2008-07-15T20:54:00.003-05:00

Awesome website asking the age-old question: Will It Blend?

Creepy Dolls

2008-07-15T14:46:00.006-05:00

Some freaky co-worker of mine sent this to me. Man, dolls freak me out. Read the descriptive text on this one. That and dolls are just creepy... like clowns are to some people. I think it was the scene in poltergeist where the clown doll comes to live.

...

Looking at this site later on, Here's a link to a lot more of the creepy dolls...

CREEEEEEEPY DOLLL PEOPLE.

Glow in the Dark Cats!

2008-07-15T10:25:00.000-05:00

Friend just told me about this. I couldn't believe it so I googled it and sho 'nuff: es verdad!

Scientists have engineered glow in the dark cats.

Red and Green glowing cats.