Callin' it like I see it

Nature Valley Grand Prix Video

2009-07-10T00:20:00.002-04:00

I didn't know this existed until my teammate Josh pointed it out. Jump to 32 minutes into the video:

http://www.universalsports.com/mediaPlayer/media.dbml?db_oem_id=23000&sid=13044&catid=-1&id=426754

2009-07-02T22:27:00.009-04:00

My laptop has this funky new habit where it shuts down randomly while I'm working on it. Its about 4 years old, and I think its about to die soon. I only get a weak internet signal I happen to be stealing form one of the neighbors standing in the right place in the house I'm at. So bare with me, because I can't be on the ball with email and blogging.

One more thought on MJ

2009-06-26T19:16:00.003-04:00

Michael,

I know that you rejoined your nose up in heaven. I just know it.

Rest in peace brother.

A new blog post is on the way..

2009-06-26T18:59:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling like I'm going to have to blog out all of my pent up memories from the past few weeks. I can't hold my whole life to myself without blogging it to the world. That would just be selfish. I tweet sometimes, but Twitter is like the mini-me of blogging, the diet coke of blogging. So my friends, followers, secret admirers, haters, and random interned browsers who just so happen to come across my blog for some reason unbeknownst.. I owe you an update.

That update will be in the next few days. So mark your calendar (for some time in the next few days. Oh Hell, mark all of the days. I'm gonna bust out a huge mofo blog post soon.)

P.S. Michael Jackson, I know you're reading my blog from up in heaven somewhere. WHEEEEW oWW OWW! I was tempted to wear one cycling glove today on my ride in memory of all your yelping and years of faint voiced music. I didn't, do it but I was thinking about it. One of my teammates was wearing one cycling glove yesterday, so I know you have at least two fans still.

What is Jim Camut doing right this moment?

2009-06-11T12:33:00.005-04:00

I know some of you are dying to hear about what happens to me at every second of the day, but when I don't have the time or motivation to blog, I usually just update my twitter. They're just short updates located on right side of the page.

And in case you really want to know what I'm doing right now, I'm wondering if my fingernails need to be clipped. Next, on the agenda is scratching my ass, followed by a manacure. Perhaps I will brush my teeth and write an antedote about celery. Time will tell.

Until then.. Truly yours!

-Jimmy

Feeling like a kid

2009-06-03T12:52:00.003-04:00

This summer has been a blast so far. I can say that the racing and training has been hard, but its also been a lot of fun. When you are racing and training hard, you also have to recover hard too. The same approach applies psychologically. After you live, breathe, eat, sleep, and do everything in order to go fast on a bike, you need to hang up the bike one day out of the week and take a breather so you can go full tilt the next week.

Behold the rest day: The day you forget about your bike and do non-bike things. The most serious cyclists take this day the most seriously.

So with the weather being utterly beautiful, we went to Molten Falls to jump off cliffs into a river and enjoy the sunshine. Of course Roman took things a step further and jumped off the 70 foot bridge (3 times!!). It was high enough to leave bruises on the back of his legs.

We only jumped into the river a few times. Even though the temperature was in the mid-eighties, the river water is straight from the mountains. So non of us felt compelled to spend a lot of time in the 40 degree water.

Of course no cliff jumping trip is complete without catching snakes and tadpoles. We spent about an hour catching snakes with sticks before we left. We were able to get two gardener snakes, which are sitting in a plastic container on the front porch of the team house. Bobby and Josh also got a jar full of tadpoles that may or may not be lunch for our two gracious reptiles.

Saturday's Race

2009-05-31T12:40:00.002-04:00

Because I'm a little pressed for time..

HERE'S A LINK

Weekend Plans

2009-05-29T13:22:00.002-04:00

This weekend we will be doing an 80 mile road race on Saturday at the same place we raced last weekend. Then Sunday we have a 45km team time trial. It will be the Kiwi's vs. the Yankees on Sunday. There is a lot of trash talking going on right now because the Kiwi's know they don't stand a chance.

I love U. S. and A!

*Cultural note: New Zealanders are called Kiwi's because of the bird, not the fruit. Kiwi fruit are more properly referred to as Chinese Gooseberries in New Zealand. And in New Zealand, they love to put shrimp on the Barby!

Back by popular demand

2009-05-28T12:04:00.007-04:00

A few people requested have wanted me to keep my wonderful web-journal going. So this is for you.

I better start off with a brief update. I have 3 new piercings, 2 new tattoos, and an adorable poodle named Zoey-doodles. Just kidding, but don't underestimate me.

I'm actually living in Vancouver, Washington in a host house with teammate Bobby Sweeting and our host Paul with his two German shepherds.

(The Germans guarding the front door)

Vancouver is just across the river from Portland, Oregon. I've found out that Portland is all sorts of trouble. For one, there is a place called VooDoo doughnuts. This is a famous doughnut shop thats been featured on lots of TV shows. They are known for their Maple Bacon Bars, their odd phallic-shaped doughnuts, and their voodoo doll doughnut of course. I avoid this place as much as possible.

(A picture says a thousand calories)

Portland also has a steak place called Saylers Old Country Kitchen. They have a 72oz steak challenge. If you eat a few vegetables, french fries or baked potato, a salad, and the 72oz steak (steak is 4.5 pounds) in an hour - then you get the whole meal free. Well Bobby, Paul, and teamate Roman all attempted the challenge. Bobby and Paul put it down in 56 and 55 minutes respectively. Roman unfortunately is human and couldn't put down the ridiculous hunk of meat. It was a lot of fun to watch. Right now Bobby is giving birth to a Baby cow in the bathroom. I hope he's okay in there.

(The picture doesn't do justice, but look at the fork in relation to the steak)

(Bobby chewing his way to a free t-shirt. He said eating orange sherbet with the steak helped chase away the sickening blood flavor in his mouth towards the end. It was humors at first, but hard to watch the pain in their faces towards the end.)

(Tums - Just incase)

(Roman with a mouth full of cow)

But food isn't the focus here. We've all been putting a lot of good miles on the bike. We are getting ready race 156 miles at the Philadelphia International Cycling Classic on June 7th. Then two days later we will be doing the Nature Valley Grand Prix stage race in Minnesota.

I'll try to keep the blog updated a couple times a week, so keep checking back. Otherwise, I'm in the process of writing a book right now. I've been working on it a little bit every day. I want to try to finish it by the end of the summer. Thats all I'm going to say about the book. I'll tell you more once it gets closer to being done.

Now its time for me to dial in the tt bike and get my workout in today.. After I watch the Giro of course.

Later Alligators!

2009-04-09T22:43:00.001-04:00

Here's a tribute to my one blog reader from Macedonia. I don't know where that is, but thanks!

Laugh Damnit!

2009-03-21T11:04:00.004-04:00

Things are going alright here in sunny southern California. If you want to get the nitty gritty details, you should twitter me. And if you don't want to get that intimate with my daily doings, I forgive you, you must have a life.

Anyways, here is a joke. Why? Because laughing is good for your health. I like to keep my few blog readers happy and healthy.

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

''But how will I let you know the baby is born?'' she asked. He replied, ''Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.''

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, ''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means.''

The doctor said, ''Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'''

from: (http://www.jokes.com/funny/health/an-order-of-spaghetti)

Race report

2009-03-16T09:03:00.003-04:00

Before the race: I said before the race, "I'm either going to win or get 11th."

I got 11th.

I was right.

Next stop..

Racin' Season

2009-03-08T21:23:00.004-04:00

I can't believe its right around the corner. I'm going to try to catch a local race on the 14th. Then I'm flying to california on the 18th for a couple stage races. I feel like the snow just melted and I just got off the trainer.

Special visitor

2009-03-02T09:57:00.004-05:00

This is the last week of classes before spring break and I have a special guest staying with me. He was born with 4 legs and a furry face. He enjoys fetch, gourmet food, and long walks in the morning in which he takes the opportunity to defecate. He responds to the name WIlly, and by golly he loves to mark his territory. Ladies (canine ladies) he's available.

This is Willy's 3rd day at my apartment. I'm pretty sure we aren't allowed to have pets in our complex, so I trying to hide him from the management. So shhhhh don't tell anyone. He will be staying with me because my mom just got massive surgery on her foot and can't take care of him for a while. So if you see my mom, wish her a speedy recovery.

Economy anyone?

2009-02-18T09:56:00.005-05:00

The economy is not fairing very well, The unemployment rate is 7.6 percent I believe, and Congress just threw another multi-hundred billion dollar stimulus package at big banks and businesses that probably won't do anything (sorry to be pessimistic). Not to mention, Jim Cramer (in above video)seems to have lost his stress ball.

Among other things, there have been several big bike races that have been cancelled because the promoters can't hedge the funds to run them. If bike racing is in the most recent stimulus package, then it is probably the last item.

The early 1990s had a similar recession going on. What turned the economy around you might ask? Well, just thank home-boy Al Gore for inventing the World Wide Web. He also is saving the Earf from getting too warm.

Below he is pictured shooting his documentary "An Inconvenniant Truth," a documentary that won him a Nobel Prize.

The invention of the internet shot the economy out of its downward spiral and everybody lived happily ever after until now.
So who is going to save the economy in these troubling times? We need something as monumental and innovative as the Web. We need an even bigger Web.

I hereby nominate this guy to save the economy, and in turn, bike racing:

If Al Gore can save the Earf from Global warming and the economy, I bet Spiderman can do wonders!

2009-02-07T10:56:00.000-05:00

Did you catch the Superbowl?

2009-02-04T09:26:00.004-05:00

But more interestingly, did you catch this?

(CNN) -- Super Bowl fans in Tucson, Arizona, caught a different kind of show during Sunday's big game.

Just as Cardinals' superstar Larry Fitzgerald watched himself sprint into the end zone on the stadium's Jumbotron during Sunday's Super Bowl, 10 seconds of eye-popping pornographic imagery "flashed" across the screens of those watching at home.

First Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction, then this! Whats going to be next? I thought Bruce Springsteen's crotch slide at the camera during halftime was too explicit.

Twitter

2009-02-01T08:02:00.002-05:00

I'm on twitter now. That means you get to know what I'm doing all the time now. Just what you wanted! For example, if I scratch my ass, all I have to to is send a text message from my phone that says, "I just scratched my ass," and everybody will know. How awesome is that?

http://twitter.com/jimcamut

The Group Ride

2009-01-27T20:00:00.000-05:00

I have been on many group rides around many parts of the country. No matter where you go, you will always find these people on your ride... (No need to hate any of them, you have a little bit of each of them in yourself.)

The Tech Expert:
He always has the latest news on the newest components. He can tell you how much the timing is affected on the triple action dual-pull electro-magnetic lever in every temperature to the half degree. He usually knows about the latest gear 12 years before it comes out. He doesn't want to talk about about anything else, and he never shuts up about bike parts. If you ask him a simple personable question like, "How was your holiday?" he will somehow manage to start telling you about Sram Red.

The Newby:
We were all in this guy's shoes at one point. He is usually nervous to be in a big group ride. He's probably a little sketchy too. He will be the one who isn't wearing any leg warmers on a 30 degree day, just because he doesn't know any better and doesn't have and cold weather gear. If there is a crash in the group ride, he will be the one to cause it and not go down. Or you will look back and notice he has been missing because he crashed himself 10 minutes ago, got a flat, and doesn't have a spare tube to fix it.

The Chic:

No, she is not on the back of some fat guy's motorcycle, she's riding her own two wheels. Even though group rides aren't for racing particularly, she is a constant threat to every male on the ride because nobody wants to be beaten by a girl. Be careful, she might be fast!

The Half-Wheeler:
No matter what pace the ride is at, this guy always has his wheel half a length ahead. He is always the one trying to make a race out of every ride and get a "good workout." Recovery day is not in his vocabulary. If he isn't pushing the pace of the ride, then he is getting a drink from his waterbottle and winding up for an attack for the town sign that nobody even knows about.

The Hippie
This is the guy who will show up on the single speed and is probably high. He won't ride more than 2 hours because he has to smoke again. When a politically charged event is in the national spotlight, he will be the loudest voice talking about how much this country sucks.

The Meteorologist
This guy watches the weather channel constantly. He knows the hourly forecast and can tell you what the chances are for precipitation at every moment of the day. On a good day, he knows the dewpoint, the ceiling, and last year's total accumulation in February. On a bad day, he is just making intelligent guesses based on recent weather patterns and jet-streams. When it starts raining, he always has his rain jacket ready in his back pocket.

The Car Hater:
This guy has internal anger problems and may have some repressed anger against his father. When a car passes too close, like within 10 feet, his middle finger automatically points like a beacon straight to the heavens and words you have never heard before resonate from his vocal chords. In rare occurrences when the driver gets out of his vehicle to convers with the car hater, this guy will be swinging fisticuffs and foaming at the mouth.

The Engineer:
This guy loves numbers. He has a some kind of power-meter so he can analyze his wattage at every second of the ride. It is also hard to have a conversation with this guy because he speaks some kind of strange mathematical language. If he has a blog, then he goes in depth to every interval and wattage he does for training.

The Mountainbiker:
He can't muster enough tight-ass-ness to ride a road bike. Instead of wearing bibs, he will wear those shorts that have a a shammy in them. The furtherst he will get to riding a road-bike is a cyclo-cross bike. Be careful if he leads the way, because the group ride might find themselves on single-track in the woods. If you are ever hiking in the woods and you see a pile of cyclists with broken bones and mangled road bikes at the bottom of a ravine, It is because this guy was leading a group ride. And he loves Fat Tire Amber Ale.

The Old Guy:
He is usually the one in bright neon lycra from 1982. No one knows how old he is, but they wish they were still riding when they are his age.

The World Champion Master:
He is always on a $10,000 bike and wears CSC's latest kit. Otherwise he proudly sports world championship stripes and a beer gut. He watches every second of every Tour de France and would quit his job and dis-own his family if he could spend a week with Lance Armstrong. He only gets out for rides on weekends. He resembles a kid playing "dress-up" in the persona of that years hottest cycling star.

The Rotten Tomato:

He has memorized every line of every movie you have ever heard of and all the movies you haven't heard of. You can ask this person a question and they will respond with a movie line. If there are several of these people on the ride, be aware. They will theatrically rehearse an entire movie with the wrong accents. You might hear something like, "Hey, and remember that part where he was like.... HAHAHAHA yeah!! That was awesome. That moment of the movie was just so rad man. It was just so totally fabulous that we should repeat it 90 times." Movie quotes typically beaten to a bitter pulp include Borat, Napoleon Dynamite, and Superbad amongst many more.

The Ghost

There is not much to say about this person because you hardly see him (or her). He typically sits at the very last wheel and doesn't say anything to anyone. If you want a really awkward one-sided conversation, drift to the back and say hi.

My memory is fuzzy, I can't remember everyone on the group ride. If you recognize anyone else, put them in the comments section. I know there is more...

He's a keeper... for four years at least

2009-01-20T17:19:00.001-05:00

Today was the inauguration of Obama into his presidency incase you were hiding in a cave or something (like Osama).

[I just noticed that the above picture has little KKK guys. I do not in any way, shape, or form support the KKK. However, if you are into that sort of thing, you can buy their official uniform on the Home Shopping Network. Its called THE SNUGGIE and it comes in all your favorite colors. Conical hat not included.]

My professor let us out of class early so that we could watch it on TV. I thought that was a very classy move from my prof. I went to the central "Hub" of the campus where hundreds of students were gathered around a four-screed TV. There was a lot of energy around the event. There were lots of pictures being taken of the crowd and of the TV. Here is one I took.

Obama's speech was very good. Not a surprise from someone has been giving good speeches for a while. At the same time there was a sense that "this was actually happening." After eight years of God knows what was in office, there does seem to be a lot of hope surrounding Obama's presidency.

There was lots of applause during Obama's speech. I just hope that he can deliver what he promised to the level he made it appear was going to happen. I'll be clapping when these promises get delivered. Its not that I don't believe Obama, I think the world is just a more complex place than people realize. But least there is hope.

I think everyone wants to believe that the world is going to be a better place. I do too. But it doesn't change over night, and there is one hell of a mess to clean up. It think it will take multiple presidents to make things better.

Anyways, thats about all I have to say about politics. If I was president, I would move Pennsylvania to Florida and make green eggs and ham the national breakfast. But thats just me.

Special Thanks

2009-01-18T11:10:00.000-05:00

Here is a special thanks to one of my few and loyal readers. He acknowledged my trainer agony and sent me a trainer care package to make that device a little more tolerable.

Some helpful tips for riding the trainer he included were:

1. Taking a 5-10 minute break at least every hour. (one that gets your mind off the fact you are riding a trainer)
2. Listening to music that mixes up your cadence and has a rhythm that works with cycling.
3. Making sure you are in a comfortable environment in the first place.

And a tip I discovered that works works just as well for your trainer...

The Trainer

2009-01-10T09:47:00.000-05:00

Foreward
If you don't know what a "trainer" is in cycling terms, consider yourself lucky, stop reading this, and google "puppy" to warm your heart with fuzzy images. If you do know what a trainer is, I would also recommend you to google "puppy." This blog post is intended for mature audiences only and I don't want to tarnish innocent beings with such a harsh discussion of trainer reality.

The nature of a trainer
I'm assuming if you have read this far, then you already know what a trainer is. I must say that I have already surpassed my tolerance for riding such a stationary device indoors. Bikes are meant to be outside and in motion, not shackled to the floor with an ugly noisy hunk of metal. A trainer is like a jail for you and your bike. No good person deserves to find themselves on a trainer, NO ONE DAMNIT!

"Time" on the trainer
Something weird happens when you ride a trainer. While you are sitting on your seat looking at your watch or bike computer, you don't have much to do but stare at the time. The funny thing is.. time seems to stand still. No matter how long you ride the trainer, the clock does not tick over.

However, on a whole other quantum level, time is accelerated. Time on a trainer is like doggy-time. They say dogs age about 7 years for every human year. This is alse true with a trainer. Although time seems to stand still, you feel like you have ridden on the trainer 7 hours for every one hour on the trainer. This is one aspect that makes riding on a trainer so intolerable. Even top scientists can't explain this doggy-year phenomena on the trainer. But there is definately proof that it is a real occurence. Take your rear tire for example. Why do you think it wears out so fast when you ride the trainer?

The inventor
Truth be told, I despise whoever invented the trainer. If I invented the trainer, I would not be very proud for making so many cyclists miserable. The trainer is also a threat to your sanity. I heard one guy got off his trainer one day and threw it at a baby. I'm sure the man who invented the trainer has received many death threats. Rumor has it that he has to walk around with 30 body-guards to assure his own safety.

Jim Frank
Riding the trainer reminds me of Ann Frank during WWII. While I'm riding the trainer I begin think thoughts such as:
"I dream of a day when I will be able to go outside again." (and ride my bike like a normal person)
"I must ration my food." (riding food)
"The white army(snowflakes) won't go away. They are a constant threat and they have invaded the streets."
"I feel compelled to write in my diary (my blog) to keep my sanity while I am trapped here."

"Oh what lengths!"
The reason a cyclist such as myself needs to ride the trainer is because conditions outside make riding not possible. Likewise, the cyclist needs to maintain fitness and ride. BUT AT WHAT PRICE??? Riding the trainer is always the last thing you want to do. So you find yourself constantly pushing the envelope to avoid the trainer. I'll be honest, if it rained cat's and dog's feces from the sky, I might go ride in it to avoid the trainer.

The watter bottle shuffle - (Term coined by Vince Roberge)
Yesterday I went for a long ride outside when I really shouldn't have. It was ridiculously cold outside. It was so cold that your waterbottles freeze before you have the time to think about them. I found myself doing the waterbottle shuffle: keeping a waterbottle in your back pocket, underneath your jersey, against your skin - to thaw out frozen bottles. You swap a bottle when it gets frozen and drink the one that provides water from its precious plastic teat.

Crack-head?
I only realized after my ride that I probably looked like a crack head people who saw me. I had a ring of white powder on my face from all of the salty muck that spit up from the road. I was also wearing outrageous tights that look like an american flag in sub-arctic conditions. I was probably shaking because it was so cold, and to top it off- I was riding a bike outside. People were starring at me as If I was a flying elephant wearing a red thong and doing the moon-walk to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."

Toaster Intervals
There are only two things that allowed me to complete my ride yesterday. The first one is toaster intervals. These are repeat intervals you do when you get cold. They are simple. When you get cold, you ride really hard for x-amount of time until you get warm. The other thing that allowed me to complete my ride was knowing that I wasn't on the trainer.

Taking Action
To sum this all up: I hate the trainer. I have only owned one trainer in my entire cycling career. When that thing breaks, I don't think I am going to buy another one. As a matter of fact, I am writing my politician to pass legislation in order to make trainers illegal in all 50 states. You have to stick up for what you believe in!

Ipod Touch popped a cap in the back side of the radio star

2009-01-05T11:57:00.000-05:00

So I was on a ride yesterday listening to my mp3 player. I enjoy a good tune just as much as the next guy. However, I gave my mp3 player an internal make-over the day before. I deleted every song and put in new music I never listened to. I was sick of all my music.

All of the sudden, Johnny Cash came on with the song "A Boy named Sue." This is a song about how a father names his kid Sue and the son sets out to find his father because he hates his name. Holy guacamole, it made my day.

I then wondered why I got so much enjoyment out or this song and I realized a few things:

1. Today's music lacks quality.

2. Teeny boppers secretly are allied to control "today's hit" music stations.

3. Country music wears out the same old boring themes (as outlined by Larry Seyer and David W.):
a. The man is a beer-drinking redneck who revels in the simple, often self-destructive pleasures of a country boy;
b. The woman is his more-intelligent sidekick who puts up with his childish BS but likes to complain about it;
c. The man ultimately defers to her, acknowledges she is a lot smarter and more mature, but resents his sense of lost masculinity in the process;
d. He supplies her endless new dramas along the way, including alcoholism and infidelity, perpetuating their cycle of unhappiness.

4. I also realized that rap songs are creative for about 1.2 seconds, then they wear out the same repeated loop about 30,0000,00,0,000 times in the course of three minutes. (this is truly a miracle in its own right).

5. Even worse, rap music themes aren't that much better: "I'm gonna shoot your bi**-a$$ in the face.. silly," or "That B**** has some big knockers and a scantily-clad rotisserie buttocks to compliment it. Having said so, I would very much like to make love to such a woman and then refuse to call her on my cellular device.. yeah take that ho," and, "My hyper-accentuated jewelry is terribly shiny to the point that It surely must mesmerize you." Thats about it.

So essentially there is not a lot of quality music being produced.

So here is the BIG question:

WHY IS INTOLERABLE SENSELESS MUSIC BEING PRODUCED???

Well someone once said that, "Video killed the radio star." Therefore I would assume the cause of death for Johnny Cash was indeed Video.

Furthermore, the iPod touch and the modern iPod finish the job. You don't just listen to music on your iPod anymore, you watch the music video. I guess thats why intolerable music becomes enjoyable. I'm not gonna lie, Jessica Simpson is visually appealing, but thats about it. So if you are watching a Jessica Simpson video, you probably don't care too much what noise is in the back ground.

Lest do a test... look at the picture.

Did you pay attention to what you were hearing? Probably not. Thats your genetic hardwiring. Females, replace that image with some meat-head muscle dude holding a teddy-bear and you have the same effect.

Conclusion: Pretty people kill music.

Hi Blog

2009-01-05T11:49:00.000-05:00

Hi Blog,

It's me again. Your father. I just want to say that I am sorry for neglecting you for the past year. I just want to let you know that I want to be part of your life again. I hope you forgive me.

Much love,

Dad

P.S. maybe you and I can go fishing together like I promised.

I was kidnapped

2008-07-25T15:40:00.000-04:00

As you can see, I haven't posted on my blog for a month. As it turns out, I was kidnapped and held in captivity against my will for a month. There is a direct correlation between myself not posting for a month, and myself being a kidnap victim for a month. How could this correlation exist?.. you might ask.. Well, it turns out that I didn't have a computer to make a post with. I begged my captor to please let me write a post on my blog and he wouldn't let me. What an asshole.

Anyways, I'm free now and this is my latest post:

Dear blog readers,

I was kidnapped. I fell for the "do you want some candy" - trick, by a complete and total stranger. Its unfortunate that I am a sucker gummy bears because I ended up getting kidnapped. If it was Tootsie Rolls, then it might have been a different story because Tootsie Rolls suck. Screw Tootsie Rolls, they taste like chocolate flavored wax. Anyways, I was captured and thrown into a white van and nobody saw me for a month. It sucked hard core, but at least I got some gummy bears out of it. You always have to look on the bright side. Anyways, I am delighted to be reunited with day light. And I am especially excited to be reunited with Gummie bears sans consequences. From this whole ordeal, I have learned that if someone coaxes you into a big white van via Gummie bear persuasion, you will get the Gummie bears but forfeit your basic human rights for a month of even longer. I just have to learn how to get the Gummie bears next time and not be kidnapped. Well, thats all folks. Until next time, be careful with strangers offering candy.

(*note: This post is entirely fictional. The author of this blog owed his readers a post and suddenly found himself on a random tangent. The author doesn't like gummy bears either. However, this could have possibly been a real scenario if it involved Reese's pieces. Tootsie Rolls still suck.)