american idol rant

Well... babies are not always so cute...

2009-04-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

Alright ya'll here we go. We're in the thick of things and it's getting down to the point where there are no more truly bad singers to send home. (Now that Lawnmower voice is gone) Everyone left can sing and therefore voting will be key.

STOP

Did you hear me people???? Voting will be the key to getting the right people to the finals. We've seen it in years past... don't get lazy and assume everyone else voted for your favorite - you have to vote people! VOTE and vote for the right person. All the greats have been in the bottom at least once over the years because everyone assumed they didn't need the vote... ruben, j-hud, ... blah, blah, blah... what was I saying? I know you've heard it all before. But this is where we lose faith in the system every single season. This is where it starts to break down. But this year we have the judges SAVE and maybe that will even things out.

Maybe...

Ok so right off I'm gonna tell ya if you only have a few minutes to watch or are short on patience (whichever) here is your TiVo take: Beginning for Soul Train, 30 mins in for Anoop Dawg, then 45 mins in for the two showstoppers Allison and Rock Star. The rest you can afford to miss.

The theme - kind of a When They Were Babies weird idea of a theme. Who the heck sat at the meeting and admitted to having that idea? Anyway, even though the baby photos may have been the highlight for many of these kids, some actually had a really good night. Loved it for the most part.

My boy Danny Soul Train Gokey started it off with one of my favorites - Stand By Me. Well... at least the original was. This version kind of leaves you wondering what you're listening to. I was like "I know this song... I think... well the words are the same.. but where is the music I'm used to... oh maybe this middle part... no... shoot, well the end was still good... sigh. But vocally it was good as usual. Love's me some Soul Train. Just a tip tho - Baby that skinny tie thing was over a long time ago. Let it go. Don't want anyone bringing it back.

Kris - I grow weary of this one. And you are NOT a rock star boy. (not to be confused with Adam who IS a rock star) I know he can sing... but they all can now so it's just time to start weeding out the boys from the men.

Lil - What's love got to do with it - well everything Lil cause I did not love that. she's in danger. She REALLY needs to just pick up the pace and sing her butt off if she survives this week!! She is worth keeping. She's not better than Allison, Soul Train or Rock Star but she's got a heck of a voice.

Anoop Dawg - FINALLY, that performance that we haven' t heard since the auditions. Cindi Laupers True Colors . Super smooth vocal. I loved this! Go Anoop fight for your spot... cause you probably don't have too many more weeks left.

Piano Man or this week should we call him Barry Manilow - need I say more? Ugh... bye, bye now.

Allison - what can I say ya'll? Sigh... when I heard she was singing a Bonnie Rait tune I was all kinds of shocked and scared for her. But I should know better by now. Whatever comes out of her mouth just sounds incredible. Amazing for a 16 year old. Here's what I figured out about her - the reason most people (and by most people I mean Simon) didn't like 16 year old Diana Degarmo was because she oozed 16 year oldness... creepy 16 year old pageant girl oozed from her pores when she was on stage. Her voice was great... but not this great. Allison would blow her away. Allison is still young feeling without seeming childish and like a High School Musical star. (Love HSM - have them all... btw)

JT - Well he sang a song I despised when it came out 20 years ago and I still despise today: Part Time Lover. And unfortunately I couldn't separate that from his performance. The judges thought it was amazing...uhhmmm... I did not. It was o.k. He was all kinds of JT tonight that's for sure (without the dancing) so I guess he may hold on another week. I'm not sure what it is about him that isn't getting the votes from the girls but he keeps ending up in the bottom 3 so he probably will again this week too.

Rock Star - Now those of you that taped this on your DVR... you probably got screwed over by the network because the show ran 8 minutes over. That means you only saw the version of the show that had 7 performers on it huh? Sucks to be you. Look, superstar, rock star Adam pulled the vocal performance of the night out again. I loved this! Amazing sound to this kid's voice. I've said before that he is the most talented with his age and stage career and therefore the most aware of his capabilities and of what he can do with the music. LOVE HIM.

Alright everyone. Gear up for the vote off. My gut is telling me something shocking will happen tonight... but I hope I'm wrong!!

Peace out!

ain't no sunshine

2009-04-01T21:58:00.000-07:00

just returned from the happiest place on earth... and no, i do not mean a taping of american idol - i mean disney. a little spring break fun in the sun. the kids are happy and i am a hero mom. walt - you are a genius. go me. On to idol for this week.

i was too busy watching mickey's greatest firework show to watch idol last night so I rushed home to my tivo remote tonight to see what i had missed. and much to my dismay i found that last night the kids sang some whacky song choices again. this won't take long...

anoop dawg - usher?!?!?! ok son, you got some cool, ghetto funk to your voice i'll give you that. but you are no usher. i thought this could be a cool performance for anoop and that he might finally show us some more personality. well...no, i was wrong. it was ok. but just ok. and just ok won't cut it now.

megan - you know what? if i thought she'd be around long enough i'd give her a name - lawnmower. Her voice reminds me of an irritating motor whining on and on. PLEASE, make it all stop. i don't even know what the heck she was singing because i was so busy trying to tune that voice out that i couldn't hear the words! no joke. but i will say this - spanx are your friend megan when you have that little pooch in the front and muffin top on the sides... we all have it... i love my spanx and you should find some you love too if you plan on spending more time on tv.

soul train - at first i was like RASCAL FLATS??? You're killing me. but then he put a little soul train spin on the middle like i hoped he could and brought me around. don't write me - i LOVE some rascal flats ya'll... i just thought it would be tough for him to turn that into a danny song. i was wrong.

allison - really?!?! honey, you do not need that crazy get up for us to know you are a wild rocking teen! We hear it in your voice. It's all good, great voice like I've always said, but this week she does not get the best of the night shout out from me at all. and the judges were right, the crazy getup was all very distracting for me. unnecessary.

piano man - speaking of piano man...anything billy joel should be good right? i loved billy joel back in the day...sigh..... what can i say - I'm just an old school kind of girl. ok look, scott was admittedly better than the performances we've seen lately. he wasn't all that to warrant all the gushing by the judges though. and another thing, that new look is just horrible. if he could see i can't imagine that he would have looked in the mirror and said "dang, i look gooood". it's like a cross between patrick swayze in dirty dancing and michael jackson in beat it. both good looking around 1987. neither good in 2009. thank you very much.

JT - funny, but i liked what my boy JT did tonight. apparently I was the only one who did cause all the judges slaughtered him. yes, the boy can sing some Awra & B (that the way some of us like to say R&B for those that don't know) but shouldn't we be applauding the versatility? every artist today is dying to find the crossover niche for themselves. I disagree with the judges completely.

lil rounds - she looked really, really good this week I will say that. and even beyonce's booty has never looked like that in a dress! what?!?! bootyliscious is an understatement. having a stylist has been good for her and she should consider keeping him or her when this is all over. ok the song... sigh... i want her to do well... i love her voice..... but i honestly did not like this performance. the judges were right - she is having trouble picking songs each week. but how adorable were those lil' girls?!?!

rock star - i don't know this week. play that funky music white boy... play that funky music... this is a solid hit by wild cherry back in the day and this did not work for me at all. i still got mad love for ya (as randy would say) but that was a hot mess to me. a hot mess.

kris - said he was trying to make one of those moments... hhmmm... great voice... but nothing special to "make one of those moments" for me. sorry. with a great song like ain't no sunshine when she's gone - i gotta disagree with the judges a little here. he could have made that an incredible bluesy r&b moment yes, but he didn't. too "pop sounding" for my taste for that song. what he did was ok - but i certainly do not think it was all that. not a great moment in AI history and not one of the best of the night not any of those things.

you know, i'm too tired to even give you a tivo moment. maybe the best moment would be the end. thank you very much. sorry. not sure i'm still writing coherently as my head is now very foggy and sleep deprived. must disappear for some sleep. did not watch the results show yet so DO NOT go telling me all day tomorrow who got voted off!

whatever. peace out everybody.

Really?

2009-03-27T09:33:00.000-07:00

OK. So Rigger Boy goes home. No shocker there. But really people?? Next week Megan has got to go.

I mean Megan most definitely should have been in the bottom - and then it's a toss up from there and I'm fine with it all. But year after year, somebody hangs on that shouldn't cause their myspace or facebook pals are just text voting away. (Is anyone still on myspace?? Facebook has sort of taken over the world hasn't it?)

Pull it together people. This is a singing competition, not the Miss America contest, the which one do you think is the cutest, has the best hair, walk and most sincere world peace answer.

Are ya feeling me?

the motown sound

2009-03-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

Who isn't excited about Motown week?!? WHAT?!?! Motown - hello! But 2 hours?

Sigh...I must be old but these long shows are so tiring I'm gonna start a new feature tonight. Each show I'll give you working, non-voting, power watchers who don't have the time to sort thru all the irrelevant performances a TiVo tip...

TiVo power watchers: Second half brought on the power. If you're short on time watch the very first performance and then skip to about an hour and 30 in. Just a tip ya'll.

So here's the thing though. Once again here these kids go singing all this great music, some true classics probably and are they gonna be able to live up to the expectations of what we've loved about the song all these years. PLUS... if these arrangements suck as bad as the Michael Jackson ones did... i will be forced to kill someone on the production staff immediately.

ok not really, that's a little harsh. Maybe I'm kidding.

a little.

Let's just get this little housekeeping bit out of the way right away - what the heck kind of ballerina crap dress is paula zipped up in tonight?? PAULA fire your stylist immediately. I've been holding back a little on Paula's outfits... but I can't anymore. Her face is creepy and plastic looking at times and her hair is equally bad and wig looking most nights... sigh.... honey please listen to me... please I'm begging. Ok I got that out. Done.

JT - So my boy Matt starts off the show with his Timberlake style oozing from his pores as he crooned the great Marvin classic Let's Get it On. And it was good. You know I like him.

Kris - I like this kid. Interesting cause although I think he can really perform and sing, I also think people are voting for him because he's cute and that will soon wear thin... maybe. That's the unfortunate part of AI... you never know how crazy the voters will be at times. No, but the kid does have a good voice. wow... that shot of Kris's family... do they still make argyle sweaters in those colors? ok I got a little distracted...

Piano Man - You Can't Hurry Love... hhmm...and unfortunately Scott we can't get past the fact that you sound like James Taylor playing in a hotel lounge each week now. I'm really excited to see him doing this well in the competition but I'm kinda over it. Don't go writing about how I'm a James Taylor hater... or blind people hater... really people. It's a competition and each week you gotta bring your A game to stay in when the voices are all this good.

STOP IT... crazy Paula just pulled out a box of crayons and some coloring books and gave them to Simon!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! These two are just nuts. No other way to describe it. Freaky, creepy, crazy nuts. Perfect. Those crayons will come back to haunt Paula at the end of the show. Simon will have the last laugh.

I hate Megan's voice and am growing impatient with the voters!! There I said it. And note to Megan: just because Smokey Robinson said you were one of the most original singers does not really mean that he loved you... it means just that... original. And this was a terrible vocal tonight... even if I liked her voice - it would have been bad. BYE BYE child. Randy said it perfectly - train wreck. And when Paula says things like "your stunning beauty takes my breath away and the camera loves you" you know she's struggling to find something good to say about the performance.

Anoop Dawg in the house! With a slow down, good vocal like Oohh Baby Baby... boy you were on tonight. But he has got to get a little more personality up there with his straight cut boring look! He could have walked down and sang that right up in a girl's face, while holding her hand and that would have been it ya'll. Panties on the stage ... but instead... it's little quiet thesis writing Anoop. Come on dawg you gotta pull it out now to stay in this!!

Rigger Boy - ok so in his video piece he says "I'm gonna kind of take it to church"... and I'm thinking hhmm... ok... let's see what you got cuz Aint too Proud to Beg is one of my favorites boy. I mean Ruben sang the heck out of that song in Idol 2. And you know what? Just as I thought, rigger boy did a version that just wasn't that good... but the one thing he had instead of good vocals was exactly what I just said Anoop lacked. He walked right out and grabbed some girl's hands and sang and that's probably all he needed to survive another week.

Wouldn't it be funny if Paula just punched Kara in the face? Do you think she's as tired of listening to her as I am??? Cause I'm really tired at this point...

Lil - ok I love Lil's voice and she is looking so much cuter last week and this week. She rocked a vintage look in tribute to the Motown ladies - redemption from the pastel nightmare... BUT... this wasn't the best show. I won't dis her too bad, but it wasn't that good. Not horrible at all, but nothing fabulous when I definitely thought she could have totally burned down the house on Motown week. MOTOWN week and she could have blown us away like Simon said. I think she'll be forgiven because she's so likable (and Megan was so much worse). Plus she gave the Obama shout out so she'll still get the votes she needs to hang in there another week I think.

Rock Star - I like that better for Adam than Theatre Boy I think. First of all, WOW, WOW, WOW what a crazy transformation he makes with his hair slicked back in that period look he was going for. I could totally see how theatrically he can play such a variety of roles, instead of just the punk kind of look he gives us all the time. That aside, this was an incredible performance. He has the best interpretation of songs and musically is absolutely the most talented one in this competition. Not vocally better than Allison, but his knowledge of his voice and use of music is way above everyone else. That talent may sadly be wasted on the tweens who are voting each week who don't get that but that won't matter at all for his career that's for sure. Standing ovation from Smokey Robinson. Crazy good vocal and interpretation of this old classic that I LOVE by the way and was worried about him messing with. No worries. Go on with your bad self. That was a rewind, Fantasia singing Summertime, J-Hud singing Weekend in New England, AI go down in history moment right there. It was just one of those moments on the show. And I don't even care that I haven't heard Danny who is next. Watching Rock Star again.

Danny Soul Train Gokey - was without the glasses tonight in the video piece... could he go on stage without them? Nope. Danny was rocking another pair of glasses. Did he take Smokey's advice and sing the rest of the phrase with the backup singers. Nope. Hhhmmm. The thing about mr. soul train is that he can sing anything and sound good so he has to be careful. It's exactly like Ruben. Exactly. No matter what he sang he sounded good, that wasn't the problem at all. You started to wonder just how much he was going to put in to it each week since singing was effortless in itself. I love this kid's voice. LOVE IT. But he has got to step it up and start thinking about the fact that he's in a competition where people vote to keep you. You have to bring something every week that makes people want to keep you Danny. Please I'm begging you to think harder about your song choices!

Allison - Now, girl, I was really wondering what we'd hear from you when I heard it was Motown. I thought about it for one minute and then said come on baby bring it with that voice! Light it up!! And my girl lit that stage on fire. HOLY SMOKES this girl sang the heck out of this song! WHAT?! WHAT?!? Sing that song girl! Kara is right about one thing tonight - you can't teach that. Pure talent at 16... that girl is money in the bank the way she feels music. You know what? I'm gonna go there and say that this is the best vocal by far that I've heard on Idol in all 8 seasons. Yep, I said it. I know what you're thinking. Better than my Rickey Smith singing Endless Love all by himself? Yep. (I went deep for that one didn't I??) Better than Trenyce channeling Bodyguard Whitney? Yep. Better than any of the 3 divas in their top rounds you ask? Yep. In fact, I'm almost thinking that vocal was better than anything J-Hud did while on the show... wait I gotta seriously think about that for a minute... Yep it was. I said it. Take it to the bank. I stand by it.

Tonight anyway.

ok. whatever. the show was sooo much better than last week's and the week before. And they did Motown proud actually. My girl Allison was sooo good I don't think anyone will remember to vote for some of those on the edge like Lil, Megan, Anoop and Rigger boy. How cute was Barry Gordy after all these years! And Smokey is still looking good ya'll! I mean really now, he has to be 80 or 90 now right?... oh ... wait... not that old?... ok. well... he looks good and I would still buy a ticket to a concert. I would. Whatever, you don't know.

O.k. ya'll I'm heading to bed so I'm out.

The velvet teddy bear RUUUUUUUBEN Studdard is the results show night returning idol this week. Can't wait!

idol on the wednesday/thursday plan

2009-03-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

So our beloved Idol is on the Wednesday/Thursday plan again this week... probably due to the presidential speech is my guess... well who really knows. Anyhow... no panic attacks like last time right?

Well... maybe a small one.

Checked the listings and my tivo approximately 22 times admittedly... but whatever...who's checking anyway.

...so until tomorrow...peace out.

held hostage by my new crackberry

2009-03-21T00:33:00.000-07:00

So you wanna know why I didn't write about this week's shows? where have i been? I know you're thinking:

family vacation to the amazon where there is no tv or internet?
or maybe -
business trip to one of our company's sweatshop factories in a third world country?

or... Barack was in town and I was summoned to go keep him company...

Ok, ok, ok I just came up with that last one right off the top of my head.

Here's the deal. It was time for a cell phone upgrade. You know, my 2 year contract was about up and my blackberry pearl had seen better days. So I upgraded.

Tuesday when I got home from work... there it was. My new Blackberry Bold had arrived and I very quickly became completely absorbed and obsessed. For days now all I've done is play with this freakin' blackberry. (Which is INCREDIBLE by the way!!!) Sigh... I played right thru Tuesday nights performances (Oh I heard it. All that country crap was droning on in the background - again, I heard it). Went to bed. Went to work. Came home from work. Sat playing with the CLEARLY appropriately named crackberry for a second night... and a third... and a fourth.

But I am good now. I've kicked the habit. On the wagon and taking a ride in the right direction.

Speaking of wagons, Boy oh boy Paula seems to have fallen head first off her wagon right??!!?? Yikes, is she totally ready for the jacket or what? Don't you find yourself listening to her and thinking "what the hell???" Nothin' but a hot mess.

Long story very short: kara is officially whack with her silver lame outfit (who does that?!?), danny is a singing wonder, you go anoop with your comeback and the vote off was accurate.

there. done.

does the SWAT team sing backup now?

2009-03-11T21:21:00.000-07:00

ok apparently we're back to listening to the worst people (they're in the bottom because no one voted for them right?) sing. then ryan asks the judges right in front of the contestant are you saving this person or throwing them off the show?

ok he didn't say it like that. but might as well have said it...

interesting. although i love that the judges get to save someone from elimination if they want, is there a better moment... a better way they could say it...??? ok maybe i'm getting soft.

this is a competition for petes sake! if you're not ready for the smack down then you shouldn't be in the ring. you're either out or you're in. jasmine is out. i can't say i'm surprised. i'm not. good voice, but she has showed us no personality so far. nobody got attached to her enough to vote for her.

and then i look up and there's kanye west walking out on stage with his oj gloves on and all. backup singers dressed in bullet proof swat gear... nope, not joking. huh? the cute ensemble of idol wannabes just paraded around that very stage lip syncing michael jackson's ABC. what's happening people?!?! I mean, there used to be a time when performing on these shows was soooo not cool. And a few years ago there was prince performing and people figured out that they could pimp their new tracks to this huge, crazy, will pay money to vote for their favorite contestant 55 times group of viewers. we do this stuff to ourselves you know.

back to reality.

how many pair of glasses does danny have and do you think he really needs them to see or... like i said last night... ghetto fabulous fashion perhaps?

wow, have we ever noticed how tall anoop dawg is? he looked crazy tall standing there next to jorge and ryan.

oh boy every week they're going to bring back a former idol. first we're graced with kelly. yeah. and will ruben come out of hiding to appear as well? that might be worth watching... kelly wasn't. although i must admit i was just waiting to see what weight she was after the pics released of her at the grammys. she looks fine. and she's always had that pooch - you can find all the conversations we used to have about that back in the archives for sure.

ok, ok, get on with it. blah, blah, blah...yada, yada, yada... and anoop dawg is safe and jorge is out.

jasmine and jorge are packing and flying in the morning. game over. and even though i really liked jorge's voice... he's that contestant again that can't pick a song to save his life. that one who will never be able to showcase his voice as well as he did during the audition footage as far as we're concerned. that's the problem. great audition footage leaves high expectations. sad, but true. if you're william hung in your audition and then turn up in the top 13 sounding like j-hud... then people are shocked and amazed and will vote like crazy to keep ya. shock and awe baby. shock and awe.

peace out. (because I am again channeling the one they call randy tonight)

New Rules... change is good...

2009-03-11T20:54:00.000-07:00

So we have learned of the new "twist" this year in the vote off system:

Between now and the top 5, the judges have a one time only opportunity to SAVE a contestant getting voted off. If they feel that a contestant really shouldn't be going they can unanimously agree to keep them! No one goes home that week. The following week 2 will go home instead!

What do you think?

I know what I think... It's about time you morons!!! I have always said that the voters have no sense sometimes and there needs to be some failsafe that allows the judges to have the final say. Thank goodness we're getting closer to that! Don't get all excited though. If you haven't noticed, this show moves ahead a little slowly. Maybe by season 14 it will be more like Dancing with the Stars where the judges have an equal input on the performance as well each week.

Neverland is Still for Sale

2009-03-10T21:49:00.000-07:00

Alright. Can I just start off with the comment of the night:

Simon - : "I hate what you're wearing. Give me 5 minutes with Lil and I'll sort you out. "

You go Simon. My sentiments exactly. Sigh...

So Lil Rounds starts off the show... no wait back up a minute... back it on up to the beginning

What was up with that entrance tonight??? Whose brilliant idea was it to have extra creepy announcer dude announce each of the judges as if they were game show contestants? And if that wasn't bad enough, he announced Ryan who then came gliding down this huge staircase as if he were Jesus himself coming straight down from the heavens!?!??! WHAT THE...?!?!? no really, WHAT THE??!??! Just plain weird.

ok, ok, Lil Rounds - sorry, but the pink, one shoulder, ruffled top and her j-lo booty in those white pants was so distracting that I don't think that even in a court of law while under oath with wonder woman's golden truth lasso wrapped around me could I tell you what the heck she even sang now. I could describe every single detail of her outfit and bad pastel makeup. Now that I could tell you wasn't so good and in my opinion neither was the song. So here's the thing, if you have a great performance and no one remembers it - something is not right. If you dress like Beyonce, you better be able to sing like Beyonce. I call that the Voice Outshines Booty Rule.

Scott - piano man is back. Love him at that piano. Perfect crooner voice but what the hell song was that? Was that really a Michael Jackson song?? I don't believe those sacrificial B side songs should count.

Danny - ok my boy Danny can sing whatever the hell he wants. Go on with your bad self boy. But really now Paula, he doesn't move you to tears and all that. Song: PYT. Michael Jackson's version no. Still a good version, yes. And boy has a little more style than you'd expect for a church boy with as white of a white family as that was in that video package tonight. Tell the truth mama - that boy got a little black in him somewhere... you can tell me I won't tell anybody....

Rigger Boy - Although his vocals were good, it was yet another jacko song we have never heard sounding quite like that. That might do him in. These arrangements just stunk up the place I tell you what. If you're a Psycho Miko fan like many of us are it's hard tonight... really hard... to hear these weird arrangements and young kids interpretations of the great gloved one. We lived it. They've only heard about it. You all better recognize.

Jasmine's mom needs a new wig. - Oh shoot, I'm supposed to be talking about Jasmine. Dang. Focus. Ok now FINALLY the best old school Michael song EVER made. I'll be there is legendary for both Michael (and then again for Mariah actually as an incredible remake). And while she was o.k. it's kind of like singing a Mariah tune for me. It's hard to think people are really good when they're singing someone else's very famous hit. You can't touch it.

Kris - hhmm... i am really starting to love this kid's voice. He's all smooth and cool. But it kind of got away from him tonight I think. The guitar was a little weird with this song for me though. Weird combo. But it was ok. Do you remember? Do you remember the time... when we wore a glove? ... Do you remember...

Allison - alright it's scary that this show has been on so freakin long that someone could say "When I was 9 I knew I wanted to audition for American Idol" Nine?!?... sigh... really makes me feel old. But back to her, not me... Another odd song choice. But I just figured it out. These kids are so young that they wouldn't know the best Michael Jackson song to sing. They're just picking from a hat as far as they're concerned. Anywho - i love her. She's got like a girls version of Journey's Steve Perry going on. Love her voice. Cute hair tonight.

Anoop Dawg - this should have been right up his alley. But guess what? He hasn't picked the right song since his audition. Period. He's one of those people that has an amazing voice but somehow manages to screw themselves right out of the competition with stupid song choices! Makes me crazy! But I can't save you now Dawg. I hated this arrangement. Terrible version of a really popular song. And Paula said what I was talking about before with I'll be There - you can't sing a hot song like that and have it be likable. Unless you're really, really good. And he wasn't . He should have chosen Jorge's selection. Would have been much better suited. Cause it sure wasn't right for Jorge... On the flip side, the AI image crew has been working on him and he's more current looking. Won't matter when he's voted off this week.

Jorge - let me down a little bit. He has a great voice and is one of my favorites. But this was not the right song for him. Take it down a notch, too high, weird choice for him and once again the worst arrangement of a song ever. Can I just say again how much I hate these whack arrangements??? He did not sound good singing this at all.

Meagan - Hhhmmm... she picked the perfect song for her if she is ever forced to sing Michael Jackson against her will. I hated her singing it. I just don't happen to think she can sing. And WHAT was she wearing??? Holy cow that was quite possibly the ugliest high school dance looking dress to ever make it off the rack of the old school 5-7-9 shop. Remember those stores? Don't act like I'm the only one! Some of you remember. Anyway, red satin, white lace???, some kinda flower thing at the waist... I don't know anymore... yikes. I think she's getting the boot this week.

Theatre Adam - Really good song choice for that voice. Crazy performer. My favorite nonsensical Randy quote: If you got it, you got it and baby you got it. Favorite nonsensical Paula quote: I'm just mind boggled... HUH??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I love these two. Ok back to Adam - it was good, but now I'm gonna use one of Simon's favorite lines - It's loud in there and I guarantee when you watch this back it won't be as good as you judges think it was. A lot of screaming actually. But it was a hot performance nonetheless as hot rock star performances go. And He is a rock star. But he won't win this competition.

JT - well another good singer who's just intent on dooming himself with sad song choices so I was worried for him tonight cause I know this about him. And thank goodness the smart JT showed up tonight and performed. Good song and he sounded good. Let's face it. This boy has a future whether he wins this or not. (And he won't. Mark my words.) But he'll go far enough to give him the exposure that he needs to break into the biz.

Alexis - well her dad (along with everyone else's tonight apparently - anyone else notice that??)has been a musician for 35 years. So maybe that gives her the sense and edge to pick perfect songs each week? Cause this was the absolute best song in the Michael library for her. However, can we talk about the outfit? Can we just a talk a minute? weird strapless, halter hotpants jumpsuit kind of thing??? What's that about? Who wears that?

Ok. all in all it was actually tough to get thru this marathon 2 hours if you want to know the truth. Maybe it was because I stayed up until 3am last night online trying to decide which new blackberry to upgrade to. (maybe I'll write about that too...) Or... maybe it was because the show was just long and painful after the first hour. Either way, glad that's over. The Michael karaoke night was just about as painful as the Gloria Estefan night years ago, remember that?!? Fantasia, Diana DeGarmo, LaToya London, George Huff, "Red" and let's not forget Jasmine Trias all screaching out the worst versions of Gloria Estefan songs we've ever heard in our lives. To this day that haunts me. yikes. My picks for the golden glove boot off: bad homecoming red dress and either anoop dawg or rigger boy.

I leave you with one final thought. Irritating Judge Kara (IJK) said she hoped Michael Jackson was watching this. Oh yeah, Michael Jackson was watching. He was somewhere looking at a little 15 in screen tv, holding his nose on while getting his massage therapy thinking "When the hell are all the royalty checks gonna start rolling in since all these dumbasses get to sing my 'best of' library??"

Michael, It is what it is. This show will not save the ranch.

Invoking the Whitney rule

2009-03-06T08:07:00.000-08:00

So we don't need to talk about anything that happened last night on the wild card show because it all went down exactly as I thought it would. The good would redeem themselves and because the judges are the only ones voting they would be put through. (and my boy JT (Matt) was BACK and in all his soulful, Justin Timberlake glory!) I figured that the marginal singers would reveal their weaknesses and be let go. And they did and were. There you go. The whole show in a nutshell....

except...

Tatiana

Sigh... Can we talk? I just don't even know what to say. Everything about that girl is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I know none of you were shocked by the big hair, crazy stage makeup, too short overly showy beaded dress, 5 inch high hoochie mama shoes and last but certainly not least all that shrieking and whining and bowing and groveling and on and on and on.... But you know what? That's not what did her in.

The judges were torn because they sincerely thought she had a big voice worth hearing in the competition. That's why they brought her back. As we could see when she took the stage they were legitimately as irritated by her as we were. If you listen carefully as she finishes singing you can even hear that Kara's mic is up and she is saying "oh god, stop that, stop doing that, please just stop that..." referring to all that bowing and whining and crap. And then Simon busts her out in front of us all. Not only have you sung that song before, tonight you sang it for the 3rd time, it was NOT good and now we're invoking the Whitney rule.

Just in case all you wanna be Idols have somehow been living in a bomb shelter for the last 8 seasons of the show let me say for the LAST time: You cannot sing a Whitney Houston song unless you actually are the new clean and sober, albeit now old, but still a little fabulous in her alleged recent "comeback" Miss Houston. That's all. Only 3 or 4 contestants have gotten away with it in 8 seasons. Stop thinking you will be the next one. The judges invoked the Whitney Rule and now the scary Tatiana issue has finally been laid to rest.

Ok how great is the wild card system?!?! LOVE IT! And the fact that they just said, 12? No, we want one more guy... come on Anoop Dawg join the fun... Let's have 13. How great was that?

Ok, so the selections were obvious and it's exactly who should have been voted in.

Can't wait for the fun to start next week!

Out!

Sorry, but these pesky kids keep a mom busy sometimes!

2009-03-04T22:19:00.001-08:00

Whew! A whirlwind last few days getting my kids here and there and going to school interviews and all kinds of mayhem and foolish that comes with the children thing... I mean really now!

That means I didn't even get to watch my Idol from Tuesday until about 1am last night. Believe me, as much as I wanted to leap from my bed and grab my laptop so i could write about what a stellar show it was......well..... ok no i didn't. didn't at all. not stellar. I promptly turned the tv off and went to sleep.

tonight i was off to even more parent stuff and came home late to my tivo and just now got thru the results/wild card revelation show.

Ok... the right people made it thru from this group, except I may have even chosen what's her name - second chance girl - uhmmm... oh shoot what is her name... (see that's how much I care what her name is) over Scott. Loves me some Scott. The boy can sing. No doubt. But reinstatement girl has a hell of a voice ya'll. That girl can sang and she deserves to be in the top 12 also.

Alright is there really any need to go back to last night's show and talk about it or can I just pass this week? well I can summarize:

I mean the two blonde girls - country girl kendall and idol barbie kristen sucked. word of advice kendall: don't admit to people that your mom picked out your outfit. which, by the way, was the most hideous yellow strapless thing i've seen in a while.
Then there are all the rest of those miscellaneous dark haired girls and boys that were all interchangeably bad. Bye.
Von and Ju'Not were excellent, no question... but good enough to survive the cut when there are only potentially 2 male slots to be had??? I wasn't so sure.
Headbands are out Nathaniel. And so are you.
Scott was o.k. he's brilliant when he's behind the piano though.
Jorge -without a doubt, great voice. Loved him the minute I saw his audition in Puerto Rico.
And last but not least, can we talk about Lil Rounds?... really? really?!? can we not be biggie small, p diddy or ice cube, hot flash or lil rounds for just once?!?! - If your name is really just Martha Greene fess up. I mean even The Rock is now just plain ol' Dwayne Johnson and he's doing just fine. And if that is her real name her mama needs her butt whooped for that. Forget the name, this girl isn't even in the same category as these fools. She absolutely sounds like she's 1 signature away from clive davis' "best of" collection of artists. seriously. everyone is actually hoping she doesn't win so they can snatch her up and collect on those dollar signs they see watching her.

Whatever. I'm a busy person this week. Let's get on to the wild card. Tonight we finally learn the much awaited secret format. 8 people brought back to sing tomorrow. Wow, it's that simple?

alright. bring back some good people ya'll. wow me. I'm biting my nails in anticipation.

Ok nope. No I'm not. Lying. For the most part these turn out to be pretty obvious picks. von, ricky, jasmine, megan and then we see Simon with his eyes closed trying to hold back the vomit after randy says tatiana. i know the feeling simon. we were all there with ya holding it back. I wanted to snatch her stupid whining butt off that stage... please just make it stop.

TA TI A NA??!?!?!?!! Admittedly, i'm not surpised. There are ratings at at risk here. But worse than all of that freakin' whining and whimpering crap was that dress she had on. What the... ?!?!? Stop the madness.

alright i gotta let it go. matt, jessie and my boy anoop dawg are selected to round out the wild card group. I got who I wanted. Jorge starts to sing us out. My tivo cuts off and that's it.

You know what? there's obviously a lesson to be learned here people:

It ain't over til the fat lady sings.

and to my Second Chance girl who I guarantee you is right now sitting somewhere thinking "now I KNOW that stupid be-atch did not just make it back onto the show in my spot!!!!".... the moral for you:

don't count your chickens before they hatch.

pretty basic. it is what it is. good night, this mom is tired!

They could do an Idol - Where Are They Now instead of results and make me very happy

2009-02-26T20:09:00.000-08:00

So the one thing I can say is that this would be a really good group on tour... good like the 3 divas year tour. The group number was HOT... (I'm channeling Randy right now). The group number tonight is probably the best part of tonight's show. All I have to say is if they had taken their butts out there and sang that well last night they wouldn't be getting voted off right now.

That's pretty profound huh? OK I think I'm done. That's all I need to say tonight.

ok ... ok, just hoping it's a better show than last week.

First let me just get this off my chest - why are ya'll hating on my boy Danny? I'm reading a lot of haters out there. Everyone has a freakin' sob story if you watch their pieces... he's no different. His wife died just week's before the auditions people! Really, I'm like Meryl Streep in Doubt when it comes to compassion but really now, give the man some love. The wife thing aside... he can outsing most anyone there! Except maybe this little Allison girl. She's singing again and the more I hear her...WOW does that girl have a voice. I am loving her right now. The first girl voted thru.

Which reminds me. My sister and I were talking... and we are SO glad that the winners are the ones that sing now during the vote off. NOT the sad and pitiful losers getting voted off that obviously sucked the night before. I mean show us the reason why America voted you off is what they might as well have said to them.

STOP... Wait just a minute. Let's just stop for another minute cause I'm watching this new judge Kara talk ... and wow, I can't stand her brazen, cockiness about her new job. I think Paula is about to slap her down tonight. Get in one for me Paula. Her little smart alec remarks tonight just ruined it for me. Play it back people - 29 minutes in if you Tivo. Wow, I sure hope she and Paula don't meet in a dark back room somewhere tonight cause we all know Paula can bring the crazy. I won't tell anyone Paula.

Back to the results. So just like I thought Kris made it in on the cute vote. But I'm not mad at ya America. He can sing.

And how awesome was that Idol retrospective!?! See, those early years... that's what I'm talking about. Rubin, Clay, Fantasia, Kelly, THAT'S how you do a competition people. No stupid song choices. Although Fantasia had some really bad fashion choices that never seemed to resolve themselves did they? Remember that? those were the days...hhmm... ok back to the show...

A whole bunch of people who picked bad songs just got dumped off the show and once again we're left with the best singer and the crazy singer for the last vote off. It's all predictable drama. And let me tell you, I was gonna jump off this couch if Norman drag performer Nice beat out Theatre Adam. My sister said Norman was gonna make it... she had a feeling. I was holding my breath. (not really) Look, all ya'll out there who voted for Nick even just once need your heads examined. And you know who you are. Don't do this ridiculous stuff just to be funny. That's how the sanjya's, goat girls and reds end up in the top 10.

Well it's over. All is well. People you did as I thought. Adam, Allison and Kris. Go on with your bad self Theatre Adam. Just go on.

Alright ya'll I'm out. Peace! (still channeling Randy)

Don't go naming your babies Barack and other good advice

2009-02-25T22:37:00.000-08:00

Sooo... the anticipation... expectations were high....

How many of you had a tiny secret panic attack last night when you discovered that Idol wasn't on? I mean, you checked the listings like 7 times, looked at your DVR season pass listings to see where you went wrong... and then you realized that our man Obama was taking the stage last night instead. O.k. totally the only person who gets a pass for preempting Idol. Go on with your bad self Barack.

O.k. so the show tonight: well, not so worth the wait right? May have even been happier with another hour of Obama. I mean better than last week's group of 12, but still what is up with these totally whack song choices people?!? 8 freakin' seasons in and apparently no one has seen the show???? Alright, no point in making this longer belaboring that point. I could go on and on. I could also capitalize properly in this post, but tonight I'm tired, and at times - won't. Just so you know, all you language buffs out there... i know. don't go writing in about how I can't even write properly. Anyway, a lot of people singing so let's get thru this mess from tonight.

Jasmine - She can actually sing. Loved her in hollywood rounds. Super cute girl, super wrong song choice. Remember honey, potentially only 1 girl is in... and it won't be you.

Matt (or JT I like to call him) - look, this guy showed INCREDIBLE talent in the hollywood rounds. Seriously reminds you of an early, unpolished Justin Timberlake with soul, a voice and a boy band look doesn't he? Don't act like I'm the only one! I was waiting for him to bring the JT vibe tonight and was disappointed. Terrible song choice. Simon completely nailed the comment tonight... "you turned from a cool guy at the piano singing Ray Charles into a sort of wanna be pop star". Maybe he'll still make it thru on the JT factor.

Jeanine - Maroon 5????? What the heck is going on here people? Hot pants and all those vocal runs did not help you at all. Sorry. Cute and all... but even Paula could think of nothing to say but great legs. Then Simon said, horrible song, great legs. Then Randy said, the legs are hot, but I was dying over here, what's going on tonight. Then Kara said, pretty girl, nice legs, everything about it was wrong. Then Ryan says what did you do to prepare your legs for tonight?

Wait, is this a vocal competition? I'm so confused? There's no rose ceremony at the end is there? Oh yeah, I'm on the right channel.

well...maybe... cause up next is the freaky Norman Gentle. Or as I like to call him awesome drag performer who forgot his wig at home and had to go on anyway. I mean seriously I have seen some incredible drag performances in my time people. And you sir would be really, really good at it. No joke. I will hook you up with some gowns dude cause I can sew like there is no tomorrow. Used to work in a costume shop. The sad part about this guy is that he actually does have a voice and if he could sing a song without turning into Patti Lupone as Mama in Gypsy he would have had a few more weeks in this competition. Dude, call me. I will hook you up.

Is this a vocal competition? I'm still confused... After one of my favorite talking babies from E-trade commercials I'm back and still confused... until this next girl starts singing.

Allison - the one girl who should make it in this round. Ok those of you who are a little young and don't understand the great powerballad she sang by Heart... (hello!!! that's what they called them back in 1987!) well this girl powered that song out. She is so the dark horse as the judges say in her video piece. Don't even mind the flaming hair, wild get up and all. She's 16 and it's still cute on her. Now put that on a 50 year old (ala cyndi lauper) and not so cute anymore. she's maybe a little out there and wacky when she's not singing and I hope that doesn't hurt her votes. Stick with the talent people!

Kris - well, well, well... when he said he was singing Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror I actually threw up in my mouth a little. I was all WHO DOES THAT 8 YEARS INTO THE SHOW!!!??? No Michael!! But then he got to the middle and finished strong. It was a little unfunky (translation: no soul) for me but he held his own vocally. Kinda like a wedding singer version of michael jackson actually. I had high hopes for him, but he's out. Unless the girls go for the cute.

Megan - Nope. Look, the judges are all about hip, cool, different. Just not for me. Super cute girl making some sad fashion choices (put your shoes on - you're on tv!). Irritating voice.

Ok. Welder Matt - really does have an amazing voice. American Idol? No. Don't quit your day job just yet honey. Another bad song choice - sounded fine, but nothing special to it. Not sure what the voters will make of him... can't get a good reading on him.

Jesse - Bette Davis Eyes????? Why people? Why? Look, these people can all sing, but somehow here they are with their big break on t.v. and they all manage to choose these whack songs??? I'm so confused. You're finally on tv girl!! TV has finally found you!!! Here are your 5 minutes of fame... sigh... it's not working... they can't hear me.

Kai - great hair. If I let me son's hair grow out it would probably be just like that. Uhhmm, hence the reason for those clippers I invested in years ago. Ok sorry, got distracted - like me, you can stop at the hair cause there's not much else to love about this guy tonight. Shave, look like you bathed and washed your clothes before going on t.v.... like I said above... Here are your 5 mins of fame and you choose that song and look???

... they still can't hear me can they? I give up. Seriously...

Misha - now here's the thing: this girl has a REALLY good voice. WHACK, whack song choice for her and I should make this quite clear to everyone trying out for season 9 - you will NOT go far if you have already given this show a go and gotten dissed by the judges or the voters. Statistically improbable that you will end up the Idol on your second try. Anyway... she may make it through this round but not too much further.

Adam - NOW... some of you will undoubtedly think I'm all kinds of kookie in the brain, but this guy is just about the best male I've heard sing anywhere lately in a pop/rock arena. Paula is right when she says he's like watching a concert you paid to see, not an amateur competition. His voice and range incredible, he looks good, trendy, looks great on stage, I could go on and on but he's a record company's dream!! Hard to say what the voters will do with him. Mainly because many people won't understand just how incredible his voice has to be to sing that way.

All said and done, Adam and Allison. 3rd to sneak in could be Matt, Misha and Norman Gentle. Just kidding... Kris may get the cute votes and survive this cut.

I'm out and we'll see what happens tomorrow.

it is what it is.

zzzzzzzzzz.... oops I'm awake...

2009-02-18T21:47:00.000-08:00

I don't know ya'll. I'm starting to watch this results show and I think the people are starting off with some whack voting already. Sigh... I need a moment.

sigh.....
sigh.....

I actually hate posting on results night cause I feel like I'm spoiling it for those who are on the work a day job, TIVO favorites shows but don't get to watch them for hours or days plan in life.

OK no really...too bad for those people. I have stuff to say. Mainly - Oil rigger dude over Anoop Dawg? Nothing against oil rigger dude cause he actually has a voice ... but it ain't better than Anoop's voice people! What was I saying last night about that wild card slot? Anoop picked a song that sucked and Ricky was too far under the radar. Both of them need the wildcard round.

I guess Alexis was the best of the crappy girls if people had to choose. It's all a number's game huh...

oops just fell asleep for a little while during the show... a few more unimportant people got voted off and some old nobodys from the AI graveyard just sang. I have to rewind a bit cause I seriously slept thru this whole segment.

Back to the part of the show that matters. So of course, Danny and Tatiana are the final two left standing with one spot left. And thank the tv gods that Tatiana didn't make it cause my head would have exploded. Done. That would have been it for me. Tatiana over Danny?!?!? I just threw up a little in my mouth saying that.

O.k. that's all. Boring show - but Danny made it and America I'm proud of you for gettting rid of the Crazy. That's all that matters. I feel better than I did at the beginning of the show about the voting. All is right with the world. I can sleep in peace. Oh wait, can I just say that I love how Paula is going a little more hard core this season and keeping it real! Have her meds finally been tweaked to the point where she appears to be normal? Hhmm. She certainly looks better this year.

Oh well, once again... it is what it is. nothing else to say.

My Bad

2009-02-18T21:24:00.000-08:00

OK soooo apparently I totally missed the whole I used to be Annie but got fired, tried to cut some record deals that fell thru, MTV reality show chick getting ousted from AI8. Dissed and disqualified.

Joanna Pacitti made it into the top 36. But AI has since issued a statement saying that she was removed from the competition because she was ineligible to continue. We've seen this all before people... her spot wasn't cold... she was replaced with another girl. No big deal and no shame for AI. Every season it happens with at least one. I mean really now... you'd think that 8 seasons in, this ratings monster of a show staff would have some half way decent method of checking these people out. But apparently that isn't in the budget.

Ok, well all I can say is watch out AI. I hope she doesn't pull out those PR people and lawyers from when she was 12. Apparently they were pretty good.

Ohhhh.... it's too good to be wasted

2009-02-17T23:07:00.000-08:00

So after 3 long years of silence on the great virtues of how to win and how to keep from getting voted off, what not to wear and who not to bring to the show representing you.... I'm back.

Why? Well somehow this season has got me sucked in already. How? Well if you don't like this year's contestants... well, somethings wrong with ya'. SOMETHING WRONG WITH 'YA.

I mean who could resist the all too fabulous church boy Danny? And who the hell let that crazy ass Tatiana stay on the show? OK. here's what happened: the producers sat in a 3 hour meeting discussing how all they had this year was talent. No drama, just talent. No 3 divas who would eventually grow to rock star diva levels and one by one be picked off until the end. No cool rocker dudes who just might up-end this very cool pop star, pop singing competition. No baby mama drama, late night arrests, I am the better singing brother of the dude from last year drama (they already got rid of him.) Nothing. What could they possibly do this year to keep the drama alive and well? Tatiana. Really now. When a judge (Simon) has to start a conversation with "try not to be so annoying for a minute" you need to step back and look at your crazy behind.

Crazy indeed. Crazy like a fox. Did you see that girl tonight?!?! For those of you who missed it somehow... you can recreate it by playing Tatiana back from last week only let her take 7 muscle relaxants first. Seriously. She was like Tracy Morgan at the dinner table with Obama she was so calm and mild mannered. (Can you picture it? Can't stop laughing...)

Anywho. Enough useless banter. I'm back and here's what I think in a nutshell about the way they're going to whittle the top 36 down to the the top 12:

Wrong. It's just wrong, wrong, wrong people. How do you get a group of talent like that together and then say "Psych! Only 3 of you are gonna be here after tomorrow night when America gets rid of the rest of your butts." What happened to the days where this phase of the competition took oh... 3 or 4 months to get through??? Now in only 3 weeks we'll be to the Wild Card Round already! But wait, who is as excited as I am about the wild card coming back?!?! I LOVE this move. LOVE it.

Tonight's show was a long boring 2 hours. So boring that I can recap the whole thing by saying this:

Those of you who picked those crazy hideous songs to sing - and you know who you are (casey, michael, ann marie ((to whom i have to give a shout out to because she's a friend of a friend - hey girl keep your dream alive!)), stephen, jackie, stevie) you all got your wishes... to see your family and friends again. Uh huh, tomorrow. Cause you're all going home.

Now to the middle of the road (but still gonna find their butts on a plane) - alexis and one other person that I can't even remember - that's how mediocre...

And the only ones who showed us their talent - Danny, Ricky and Anoop Dawg. Look, can i just stop for a minute to say that I'm so disgusted that potentially only ONE guy is gonna go on because there weren't any girls that deserve that spot. And that's the hard truth. Ricky - he was a sleeper...never saw him coming... but I'm staying loyal to my boy Danny. My WWJD Danny. LOVES me some Danny... wish his friend would have made it with him cause that would have been a good story. And how fabulous is this R&B boy with a name like Anoop?! WHA?! Go on with your bad self. Sadly... Anoop did not pick a great song to showcase the goods but with a voice like that does not deserve to be in my first category. My guess is he will be a wildcard pick.

You'll notice... Tatiana is not in any of the categories. That's because she deserves her own. The "Oh Lord, Jesus, Save me now, cause I'm about to snatch her off the stage" category. People... do not let crazy fool ya. Crazy is as crazy does Forrest Gump says. (maybe that's not exactly what he says but close enough). Oh, she worked really hard to reel in the crazy tonight... I'll give her that. But folks... two words: SHE CRAZY.

Crazy and she'll get voted thru. Why? Cause the voters are crazy too. Maybe since Obama won we will see a shift to the more conscientious voters... maybe. Just remember people - yes we can.... vote off the crazy!

Peace out ya'll and remember...

It is what it is.

Wild Card

2006-02-25T22:21:00.000-08:00

I wholeheartedly agree with those of you out there thinking that getting rid of the wild card feature was one of AI's biggest mistakes.

I do like the way the judges massacre the heck out of the Hollywood bound by putting them on the chopping block so quickly (and often) once they arrive in Hollywood. It's a good way to come up with this semi-final group. But then once we vote this group down, I think the judges should bring a wild-card choice in to stir things up. Perhaps it could be anyone from the Hollywood group and later. AND they could actually replace someone who shouldn't have made it that far with their wild card choice. I think they should be able to dismiss someone and replace them with their wild card choice. Yes! That's it. That would do it for me. What a moment that would be. Everyone is back on the chopping block in that one moment.

O.k. doing it that way would make up for stupid voting - people voted off too early (Patrick) or people getting through who have overstayed their welcome - think back to goat girl, red-haired crooner & marine boy. It could also give the judges a chance for a "do over" if they were on the bubble about someone who maybe should have gotten a shot in the first place.

The argument of course with the wild card performer is that this person is dropped back into the competition all fresh and ready to go without having suffered through all the stress and strain that the others have just endured for weeks. Whatever. There's nothing equal and fair about the whole thing if I'm keeping it real for you folks. People can vote for anyone for any reason in any quantity they desire on any given week. There's no guarantee that anyone is getting through based on their actual talent anyway so why worry about it? Give us a wild card pick. Come on FOX .... do it... I triple dog dare you.

Hey, but that's just me. And what do I know.

Anyway.... I'm sure you've guessed that this all to say that I don't think Patrick should have been voted off yet. There were clearly worse performances. But you know, what did I say about him after the performance show? That he was forgettable. That I didn't even remember his performance either by the time we were dialing 1-866-vote a friend - and I loved this guy's voice. What did I remember on the other hand? His super freaky friends in the audience! That's what we were talking about instead of his voice...

Lesson learned I hope. Never take friends to the show that may upstage you. I'd have mistakenly voted for them if they had a number flashed under their faces... that's how much more memorable they were.

I'm out.

Oh the pain of it all...

2006-02-23T16:52:00.000-08:00

What the heck?!?!

WHAT THE.......

(((sigh))) I'm here. And you know, I started watching this season and was sooooo uninspired. I was thinking maybe this is it. You know, like when Survivor got to like island #56 or something... just not all that interesting anymore.

But then they flew their butts to Hollywood and started singing to me. Calling me back. And when Taylor Hicks strolled his Ray Charles behind down the middle of that judging room blowing some heat on that harmonica.... ya'll I knew I'd lost my mind. It was over. I was back.

So Shonda talked about the girls. And I'm with ya'... Now the boys last night... that's all a TiVo fast forward moment except for 3 people. I mean is there no advice for these boys on their song choices? That was just painful in some cases. Truly painful.

Sway... I LOVES ME SO SWAY... but honey absolutely a brutal song choice. Now get this. I liked it after I played it back a few times. But I didn't love it. And it made my ears bleed the first time I watched it. I knew Simon was gonna massacre him cause he HATES that whole falsetto thing like he hates wearing white shirts. But I think he has the lady appeal which is what drew me in after playing it back a few times. You CAN hear pretty Shonda. I think you can. (or I did anyway last night!)

Patrick - once again I love this guy's voice but the song choice was horrible. Sad really. Hopefully he won't be forgotten. I had forgotten him by the end of the show myself sadly. Not until I saw the playbacks did I go "Oh... I should remember to vote for him."

Taylor - another bad song choice for an amazing voice. Please stick to your old bluesy, r&b, old southern stuff and leave that song alone.

Ace - oh he's good. Yummyliscous and a good singer. This boy can sing his butt off and unlike the others, he selected a perfect song. PERFECT for his voice and vibe and all that was yummyliscious about George Michael was oozing out of this kid too. BUT I was feeling a little like vomiting when he channeled Constantine at the end. I HATED that Constantine thing. If you're listening honey I have some advice: For the love of God Ace drop that crap now!

HHhhmmm... my rocker dude Chris. I loved that number. First of all I love that song. Yep, I love a little rock just like the next girl out there. And I love this boy for some reason. Rough and rocker, but not all Joe Cocker kinds of weird like Bo was. (Oh don't all act like it's just me who felt that way about Bo. Ya'll know you thought that too.) Clean cut, rocker. Doesn't get any better - in a rocker sort of world.

And the best of the show in my opinion: Elliott. The best male voice no question. Crazy soulful white boy with a last name like Yamin? HUH?!?! Go on with your bad self! But let me say this... he does not have what Ace and Sway have... the looker thing. Spend some of your first recording contract dollars on some dental work baby. It's o.k..... I'm still voting for you all the way.

Best 2 moment of the show: For all you TiVoers... go back and watch Patrick's performance. Just the end and through the judging when they show "Patrick's Friends" caption under 2 of THE scariest, freakiest people who look every bit of 55 years old cheering him on in the audience I've ever seen in my life. I played that back over and over again. My remote is worn out. It's a better audience moment than Fantasia's pimp looking, gold lame shirt, fedora wearing daddy ever was. SCARY. I'm not so sure the woman isn't a drag queen... and that's o.k. if she is... but I'm sorry, don't go to support your friend getting his big break on AI in bad drag. That's just a tip. (And don't go writing me about how I'm a drag queen hater... cause I sooooo am not. But I do give sound advice about social situations and t.v. camera moments - drag queen or not. Get your hair and makeup done professionally or something is all I'm saying!) O.k. I couldn't help it. I just ran back to my t.v. and watched it again. Oh stop! Just stop the madness. I can't stop laughing.

O.k. the 2nd great moment was when Simon told that freaky Gedeon character that his smile was scary, creepy or whatever it was it was just flat out howling F-U-N-N-Y.

Alright. That's my take on things right now for the guys. Results are coming on.

I'm out.

Okay, okay, OKAY already...

2006-02-21T23:29:00.000-08:00

So I had no intention of blogging.

Not this season.

I mean, I had the intention but things got busy and life got busy and besides, those damn audition shows GET ON MY NERVES what with all the sad crazy folk out there who think they can sing and then get on TV and get made fools of. It makes me sad, those people with their delusions. Because, hey, I like to sing as much as the next person -- in the shower. But even I can hear how bad I sound. And if I couldn't hear it, at least my family loves me enough to not let me go on believing I'm Whitney when I am clearly not. But these people...clearly, they have no one who loves them. Because there they are on the TV screen, howling like cats and acting all shocked when Simon yells at them.

Which is a long way of saying, I had decided that my love affair with AI was over.

AI and I were getting a divorce.

But I couldn't stop sneaking a peek at the Tivo every once in a while to see what was going down. And so it happened.

What always freaking happens.

THIS STUPID SHOW HOOKED ME AGAIN!!!

Tonight was...well, the word for the night is "adorable." Yep, adorable. Why? Three names -- Lisa, Paris and Katherine. Could there be three girls on the planet more made for this competition?

I. Don't. Think. So.

Two of them are barely out of diapers at 16 and one is barely legal at 21. And they sing so good. They sing so good that they make up for last season. Remember the Diva Season? With the three divas who could SANG? Remember Fantasia? Remember the good old days?

These girls were better than the good old days. Mainly because they were so adorable that I wanted to wrap them up like presents and take them home. Plus, they had talent.

Thank the Gods for talent.

Now, y'all know there were some bad performances tonight too. What was up with the chick who thought she was a rocker? Why was she there? Was she there because Randy and Simon thought she was hot? Because pretty don't reach the ears, people. Becky needs to go be on America's Next Top Model and leave us alone. That's my career advice for the night.

I am more excited for the men tomorrow. Y'all, I'm in love with the gray haired boy. IN LOVE. Taylor Hicks is my new pretend husband. He's so Ray Charles meets crazy country boy. I adore him. ADORE. LOVE. ADORE.

Okay, let me calm myself.

I also have a crazy country boy thang for Bucky Covington. How can you not love that boy? He's all "y'all" and "ev'body" and "yessir". Then he opens his mouth and becomes better than every country star I've ever seen. He rocks. He rolls. He makes me forget I hate country music.

Okay. I'm hooked again. The divorce is off.

AI + Shonda 4ever TLA.

What did y'all think?

We ain't in hiding...

2006-01-30T21:53:00.000-08:00

....no, we are here.

And boy have we missed y'all. Dancing with the Stars, Skating with Celebs, Survivor, The Biggest Loser...all of it was a prelude to the real thing coming on back. AI 2006!

Now, I must admit that my pet peeve is blogging about the auditions. I hate them as they don't show us enough good singing. They don't bring the talent. They bring the humiliations.

But I have already picked my winner. A little girl named Paris. Did you see her? She's so freaking cute and SOOOO freaking talented!

I can not WAIT until they all get to LA and we can see who has the goods and who does not. That's when the blogging will begin with a frenzy....

To Quote Fantasia: "Finally, I Believe..."

2005-05-25T22:40:00.000-07:00

After a season so boring that i couldn't even be bothered to post most nights...

After a Tuesday night finale so dull that I hit pause and went to bed because I didn't care if I missed it live...

After a year of heart ache and anger and rants and raves about WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY FAVORITE SHOW...

...the finale was spectacular.

Yes, y'all. I'm a believer once again. Never thought it would happen. But I'm in. I'm back. I could not stay away after that.

Look. Carrie was good. Bo was good. Whoever won, it was all good. But I felt no passion. Had no favorites. Frankly, did not give a crap who won. Whatever. But tonight...

...tonight...

...tonight, after about an hour and thirty-two minutes of some of the lamest time-filling skits and montages and bad Ryan Seacrest banter I've ever seen (and I've seen a'plenty)...

...tonight...

...they gave us a series of musical numbers so good that I rewound to watch not one, not two, not three, but FOUR times in a row.

Babyface?

Vonzell on a piano?

GEORGE BENSON?

Lynnrd Freakin' Skynnrd?

Did you SEE that?

It was good. It was GREAT. It was FLAWLESS in its TV-perfection. It was pure Idol.

(I'd like to take a moment to give a shout out to Jessica's belly bulge hanging over her pants -- the one dark spot in the evening. Y'all know I have nothing against a girl with meat on her bones. As long as that meat ain't served up in my face.)

But back to the beauty. That musical medley ALMOST made up for an entire top 12 season of some of the worst and dullest performances I've ever witnessed. It ALMOST made up for the fact that there were no makeovers this year. It ALMOST covered up my pain at the lack of "Real World"-style footage of our contestants living in a giant but blandly decorated mansion in the hills.

ALMOST.

Not quite.

ALMOST.

You know what FULLY made up for all of AI's crimes in 2005?

Carrie.

Yep. I said it.

Carrie.

JonBenet Barbie herself.

In about five seconds -- the time it took Ryan to rip open that envelope and announce the winner --- she went from freaky boring singing automaton back to that cute milkmaid from Oklahoma who sang to her cows. She went from icky to sweet. I hate Carrie. Y'all know I do. But in the end, Carrie did the thing.

She did what every Idol winner in the history of AI does.

She got the magic.

They called her name. Her face lit up. She cried. And she turned into the American Dream.

It's corny. It's so downright cheese-y that it makes me want to hurl. It's lame. It's naive. It's stupid. It's a corny, cheese-y, lame, naive, stupid modern day Miss America pageant complete with confetti and a closing song.

And I love every minute of it. Every year. Every time.

Damn that Idol show for making me cry.

That's the genuis of Idol. It's why the show works. No matter how cynical you are feeling going into the final night, by the end, you are wiping away tears, swaying to the freakin' music and thinking to yourself, "God, I love this show."

I hope that next year, I am more glass half full about the show. I hope they bring back the makeovers. I hope they have contestants I can get behind with a crazed passion. I hope Idol 2006 is the season of my dreams.

But even if it isn't, I will get suckered into watching. Because I love that last five minutes. Because I am a fool in love for the confetti and the tears and the song. Because Idol is always Idol no matter how much they try to mess it up.

And until next season...

...is it just me or can you NOT WAIT to watch the dueling Dance Competition shows on Fox and ABC?

Dancing. To votes. It's like...Dirty Dancing with Baby out of the corner. It's Footloose without the barns. It's EVERY SINGLE MADONNA VIDEO EVER MADE.

Joy.

Oh, happy joy.

This is Shonda, reporting alive once again from my sofa.

The Bo Bice World Tour

2005-05-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

I was actually excited. I got up a little excitement for the big final 3 showdown. I like all 3 of these contestants and this year.... they can all sing their butts off. So maybe that's what makes it all so .... so.... so.....

I don't know.

But something is different this year about it because it doesn't seem so important to choose one over the other. Hhhmmm...

Moving on. I want to give a big shout out to my boy George Huff in the house last night. And I was so glad they gave Clive a seat at the table to be a real judge... til he opened his mouth and sounded like he was 150 years old yearning for the younger years. Oh sorry. That just slipped out. On with the show.

Bo = winner. I'm not voting for him. But he is a hot, very talented performer who is a ROCK STAR. ROCK..... and ROLL.... you go boy! Right before Randy said it, I said to myself "Is this American Idol or Bo's world tour pay per view?!?" He was performing like it was his private concert and Stepford Wife and Baby V (that V stands for VENEERS - the whitest teeth I've ever seen) were his opening and intermission acts. But those girls held their own I'll tell you that. Everybody came to play. A quick run down:

Bo - Clive's choice: Don't Let the Sun... I thought to myself as they said the title ELTON JOHN?!?! WHA!?! But then he sang that song ya'll. SANG in his shades giving himself some funk and world tour hotness and all. Bo's choice: I dont' know what that was. BUT I am not in agreement with half the world who believes this was the single greatest performance they've seen on Idol. It takes alot to impress me... and that wasn't it. Acappella stunts do not impress. But it had all the WOW factor it needed to get him the votes. And that was his point ya'll. Judges choice: I can't get no satisfaction. O.k. Bo and the Stones?!! DUH! Bo & the Stones is like checking Paula's purse for pain killers - you know the outcome. But guess what? Once again it wasn't all super star for me. I mean it was good. But I was sooo with Simon on this one. Not THAT good boy. Still I felt he had a great night. Sounded good, looked all kinds of hot rock star and that's probably where the votes are coming from. But I just have one thing to say, it's American Idol Bo... you ain't on pay per view yet boy.

Vonzell - Clive's choice: Never Love This Way Again. And may you never sing that pitchy again. Oh V I was sad for you. It was good... but those of us who really know.... knew it was pitchy here and there. You looked good though. A little beauty pageanty and all, but still very pretty dress. Next choice: Chain of Fools was HOT, HOT, HOT. That girl sang the heck out of that song. This performance got the replay award in my house last night. I must have Tivo'd that back at least 10 times before watching the rest of the show. And she looked good in those jeans and sweater (Vonzell, email me and tell me where you got the sweater girl). Final song: On the Radio. FINALLY!! How the heck did we get all the way to season 4 without hearing my beloved queen of disco Donna Summer?!?! Every time they did Disco night I wrote about not hearing any Donna Summer. Go Vonzell. But.... V.... honey..... take that pink sequin tube top and those horrible black cropped pants I hate back to the store. If we can get past the tube top Vonzell actually had a very hot night. But she seems to be going unnoticed next to Bo and Carrie.

Carrie - Clive's Choice: Cryin'. HUH?!?! Clive what? Did anyone else wonder what that was about? But she sang it with all kinds of greatness. Her voice is incredible. Hard to believe this girl is hanging out milking cows with her dad with an undiscovered voice like that. Carrie's choice: AIR SUPPLY. AAHHHHH kill me know I thought. I chocked on my drink when Ryan said it. I swear. But guess what? Once again... she powered it out and pulled it off. And thank goodness she got the memo and stayed away from the 80's hair or those Stepford dresses last night. Whew. Judges choice: Man I feel like a woman. Once again.... DUH!! And just like when I thought Bo's was a DUH moment.... it wasn't. I wasn't all that impressed. Bad arrangement. Poor performance. But she did alright vocally. Just alright. I'm just a little surprised that she couldn't pull off a better pure country pop performance with a perfect Shania song.

O.k. so to sum it up. All 3 had some HOT and some just O.k. moments. Noone blew it and sucked the big one. And all 3 are very talented. This is a tough one. My gut tells me Bo is a shoo-in. And Vonzell's gone unnoticed and will be flying home next to her daddy in a bad pimp suit.

well the results are on and I'm out!

A guest judge... maybe?!?!

2005-05-14T22:59:00.000-07:00

Note to AI Producers: Please let Clive sit at the big kids table Tuesday night.

Would you just give us a little excitement? HUH?!?

Tuesday night, Clive Davis is scheduled to appear on the Idol to add his knowledgable 2 cents about the final 3. Clive is like the Pope of pop for those of you that don't know who I'm talking about. A press release states he's scheduled to appear, but there's no word on what the format will be or if he'll just be speaking on that crazy big screen instead of speaking live from say A CHAIR AT THE TABLE (hint, hint..... producers!). And dont write me Catholics... I'm down with the Pope and all, I'm just saying... he's big and all... you know....

Anyway, we may get a little boost.

See, everyone talked about how they hated the guest judges and all in previous seasons... well look what all your whining brought you this year people. No press and curls from the 80's disco star has beens. No great celebrity opinions while the contestants slave away at their side at the piano somewhere. No double Paula like don't want to hurt anyone's feelings comments from the artists that didn't want to burn their slim to none chance at a comeback. No nothing.

.....aaaahhhhh... those were the days. Can we get a little Clive in the house Tuesday night?

Can we just get a little bit of guest judge?

I'm out.

Thank goodness that's over...

2005-05-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

I'm talking about the pain that was Anthony Federov.

Thank goodness that's over.

WOW.

I was getting worried. I was beginning to think the whole world was on crack (except for me, Shonda and the guy who delivers my Fed Ex at work... dreamy looking and anyone that on time and reliable cannot be on crack... ANYWAY)....

But now you have voted him off and all is well. So the final 3 will duel it out next week.

Vonzell will belt something else out while wearing an o.k. dress and heels that are obviously WAY too high for her to walk well in let alone shake her very bootyliscous booty. And her dad and brothers will be there in all their pimp looking glory.

Bo will wear another cool I'm too sexy for this show hip shirt, contrasted with the starkly center parted I'm sooooooo stuck on the 80's and all that crack I smoked hair and sing another great rendition of something we all know. And Randy will say he worked it out.

Carrie will be shown milking another cow before putting on another great Martina McBride performance in a Stepford Wives dress that Paula will randomly claim she looks beautiful in.

And we'll all say....

SO FREAKIN' WHAT.

I'm sorry. It just slipped out. I'm trying to pretend I'm excited this year... but there's something wrong with this show this time. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? I mean, where's the glitz and surprise of the stylist transformations and makeover mistakes we all looked forward to when the top 10 were crowned? Where are the shots of them by the pool in their finalist mansion? What happened to the sponsorship from Old Navy or Gap or whoever the heck it was that had them all matchy poo-poo in those group numbers every week that we made so much fun of? This year they're in what looks like some cheap apartments somewhere and have been left to their own curling irons, shopping trips to Wal-Mart to pick out outfits and Bonne Bell makeup. WHAT HAPPENED? We got nothing ya'll.

This year we got Ghetto Idol ya'll. No budget, no glitz, no glamour. No nothing. Just a bunch of kids singing and whining when they get kicked out the door.

sigh...... deep breath...

O.k. I got it all out.

So what were we talking about?

Oh yeah... the final 3.

I would like to see Vonzell the quiet, unassuming US Postal Worker with the whitest teeth I've ever seen win. It makes a nice story. But all 3 are good and it would be interesting to see what the heck they'd do with a country star on their oh so pop label.... so go on Carrie with your bad self. But alas... in the end it will probably be Bo standing in all the confetti singing some creepy song written for him by someone they dig up from the grave to surpise us. Bo with a choir behind him?!?! I think not. But stranger things have happened on Idol....

I'm out.

Seriously?

2005-05-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

SERIOUSLY?

Did you WATCH that spectacle last night?

Trach Boy survives -- which is a freaking crime against humanity -- but whatever. I don't care. No one does. Because over on the other network there was SHOCK and AWE happening. There were required gasps of amazement.

Here's the thing. Trach Boy lives, Down's Boy goes. WHO CARES? This season, Idol is so dull it makes my head hurt. And the Primetime Live special only highlighted that.

Because it made me remember how good the show used to be.

Even with all the scandal. And y'all, there was scandal. They had voice mails from Paula, phone records, witnesses, a bottle of pills prescribed to Paula given to Corey, Hadas aka Sandra Bullock look-a-like expressing her outrage...it was UG-LY.

Two words.

UG. LEE.

But here is how you know I'm a hard core fan. Because the whole time I'm watching this thing, loving me some scandal, loving me some Corey, loving me some Corey's upcoming album (which he took every opportunity to promote as did Primetime)....the WHOLE TIME, I'm thinking about poor Paula.

Poor Paula sitting at home watching this. Horrified. Mortified. And kicking herself. Poor Paula who pulled herself up from Laker Girl to Jackson choreographer to pop star then went down to has-been then PULLED HERSELF UP AGAIN to AI's Cheeriest Judge...Poor Paula was chasing after a contestant like some kind of fool? That's sad, y'all. It is. She's not a crazy lady working at a strip club. She's PAULA. PAU-LA. All I can think is that she must be sad. Really sad. Poor Paula has to be a very lonely, unhappy woman to take up with a baby boy contestant in the first place. Poor Paula whose life is now a train wreck.

She's the Bill Clinton of the AI Nation. Corey's all Monica and Paula's all "did not have sexual relations with that woman" and we're all all "WHA....? Oh NO she didn't!" and the media is having a field day.

It's Clinton all over again. Only, you know...trashy and stupid and not at all relevant to the future of us as a people. But still...I kept waiting for Corey to whip out a stained blue dress and start crying.

All I can do is shake my head.

What did you guys think?