Flipyouforit

Great Biscuit Films Part Deux

2008-07-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

Lord of the Party Ring

A wizard gives a little bloke a tasty biscuit and tells him to dunk it in a volcano, little fella and mates set of but Lord Voldomort(hang on isn’t that Harry Potter) or someone tries to stop them by having a big eye.

Famous Lines

“One biscuit, to rule them all”

An elve or something to a little fella with pointy ears

“There’s a party in my ring, and your invited!”

Frodo to Bilbo

The Singing Digestive

The story of The Singing Digestive unfolds in three time periods: a 1980's hospital ward; The Forest of Dean (and later London) in the 1930's; and a film-noir fantasy London of the 1940's. The link between these 'worlds' and the protagonist of the story is Philip Biscuit, the writer recovering from crumbisis in the hospital.

Famous Lines

Short bread shouldn't sit places where their feet don't touch the ground.

Phillip E. Biscuit

Jaffa Cakes On A Plane

Quite self explanatory this one, There’s a plane full of Jaffa Cakes.

Samuel L. Jackson plays Neville Flynn an FBI biscuit agent escorting a witness in a high profile counterfeit hob-nob case. He is soon struggling with the deadly jaffa cakes as well as the age old question, “Is it a cake? Is it a biscuit?” No answers here but a fun all action thriller as Jackson battles the Jaffa cakes on a plane.

Famous Lines

"I've had it with these motherfucking jaffa cakes, on this motherfucking plane”

Neville Flynn, to nobody in particular

Great Biscuit Films

2008-07-10T00:53:00.001-07:00

Raiders of the Lost Biscuit Barrel

Raiders of the Lost Biscuit Barrel (also known as Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Biscuit Barrel) is a 1981 adventure film directed by Steven Spielberg, produced by George Lucas and starring Harrison Ford. It is the first film in the Indiana Jones franchise, and pits Indiana Jones (played by Ford) against the Nazis, who search for the Biscuit Barrel of the Covenant, God's very own resting place for his favoured biscuits (Chocolate Digestives BTW) which will make their army invincible.

Indiana and the Nazis search for a teapot, owned by Indy's old flame Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen), which will pinpoint the Well of cookies in Egypt, the biscuit barrels resting place.

Famous Lines

Upon opening the Well of the Cookies and peering down into it]
Sallah: Indy, why does the floor crunch?
Indiana: Give me your torch.
[Sallah does, and Indy drops it in]
Indiana: Ginger Nuts. Why'd it have to be Ginger Nuts?
Sallah: Crawfords. Very dangerous. You go first.

The Biscuit List

Edward (Nicholson) and Carter (Freeman) meet in hospital where they have been given less than a year to live because of cancer. They bond, create the "Biscuit List" a list of biscuits they must locate and dunk before dying. Both men laugh and cry and change in subtle ways that make this not a maudlin exercise in death denial but rather a celebration of love through biscuit, regardless of the grim future. The climx of the film see’s the two men in a desperate search for a box of Mcvities oat and chocolate bicuits, which they finally locate in a branch of Morrison’s just on the Kilburn road.

Famous Lines

“Don’t eat all the penguins, you old C*nt”

Edward to Carter after his just made a fresh brew

Taxi Biscuit

New York City in the mid-1970s is a far from bucolic burgh. As whoring and dunking have reached epidemic proportions, so the once proud avenues have become clagged with the crumbs of biscuit life. Through this foul landscape cruises Travis Bickie(De HobNob), an insomnia-wracked ‘Once dipped tea vet’ completely estranged from snacking society. Although his attraction to biscuit activist Betsy (Shepherd) hints at a normal life, Bickie’s disdain for the city and its spawn overwhelms him. Come the final reel, normalcy feels like a long forgotten land as Travis becomes obsessed with rich tea assassination and rescuing child coffee drinker Iris (Foster) from her coffee pimp Sport (Keitel).

Famous Lines

“Are you looking at me? Well I don’t see any other chocolate coated, caramel infused wafer biscuits standing here!”

Travis Bickie to himself

Dr. Strangedunk: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Tea (1964)

Director Stanley (Clockwork Chocolate Orange Shortbread, 2001) Richtea began Dr. Strangedunk as a serious movie about the End of the biscuit dunking World As We Know It (as in a coffee take over). Halfway through, he realised the absurdity behind Starbucks and the entire 1990’s Coffee house revolution, and decided to make a black comedy instead. The end result is what is often regarded as a minor masterpiece of black comedy by many critics.

0-Fridge in 3.0 months

2008-07-07T04:51:00.000-07:00

After a bit of a mammoth tilt session the wife said to me, “You twat, we could have bought a fridge with that money!” not coincidentally our fridge is on the fritz at the moment. I re-iterated the fact I had paid our mortgage from poker three times this year and she reluctantly backs off.

I did feel a bit guilty about stacking off so much money when the red tilt mist descended so I said to the wife, ”Ok then love, pick a fridge from the http://www.debenhams.com/ (bit of advertising, and I get 20% staff discount) and I’ll pay for it out of free poker money”. She proceeded to pick the most expensive fucking fridge imaginable (see above); it’s fucking huge, bigger than our kitchen in our current place so good job where moving on the 25th. Found a nice big house on the other side of Taunton.

I started playing end of June with 0, I decided to use some player points to attempt to win a $24 ticket, manged after a couple of go's so then decided to play a MTT and finished 40’ish out 400 or so and earned $44 or there abouts. After a week or so playing mainly $6 and $11 S+G’s (and not allowing myself to play turbo’s either) I’m, now sitting on some $268.

I think I might take this money out and try the http://www.badbeat.com/ signup and get sponsored deal. I think being sponsored might help me focus a little better on my play and keep the tilt monster at bay, there running a summer special at grand slam poker so might give it a try.

I played a pub game on Friday night at the Old Inn Bishop’s Hull, I dragged a couple of fella’s from work with me, one called Nigel who had never played live poker before. It was funny when Nigel cracked some guy’s aces with Q5 Spades, he called a hefty raise with ‘The Nige’ (that’s what Q5 suited is now called in Taunton) and flop came 10S 7S and 5H. All the money went in on the flop and he turned another 5 to finish leave the Aces drawing to two outs. The look on the guys face when no ace materialised on the river was priceless. Next hand he was on the BB and announced all-in in the dark, I called from the SB and he proudly flipped AQ, he nearly threw up when I flipped aces which held up!

In the end I went out pushing AK and getting called by ‘The Nige’(not Nigel actually this time) for his whole stack. Was a little mystified when he called but the QQ5 board was a little terminal! No worries was only a £10 and the 5k starting stacks gave me a good couple of hours play for my stake.

Good Luck To,

Barry C in Vegas
Snoopy in whatever he decides to do next (Don’t give up the blog!)
Paul S in his new job
JamesW and his new venture
Dik9 with his new site, http://www.ukpokerino.co.uk/
Squirmy in getting some fucking work done!
And the new manager of the biscuit first XI, I’m stepping down to spend more time with my family(Circle).

Biscuit First X1

2008-07-02T09:56:00.001-07:00

As posted on UKPL, the inclusion of pink wafer as play maker proving quite controversial. References to him being as brittle as Darren Anderton have been noted.

Sorry Poker Player and Inside Edge!

2008-06-24T14:58:00.001-07:00

Made a bit of a balls up, I post the passwords for the always excellent Free rolls these two mags hold most months on my blog because I have a tendency to leave the mags at work or wherever and then don't get to play them.

Course I post them but don't publish them, This month I accidentally must have hit the publish button when adding a new free roll and because it gets posted at the beggining of the month it was quite few posts down and I didn't notice it.

My apologies to both mags, I'm mortified and as a subscriber I as much as anyone else don't want free loaders getting to play them for nowt. Also the mags free rolls helped me build my roll, some 2K alone from the poker room win.

Sorry all, im an idiot.

Zee Call Policia!

2008-06-21T13:53:00.000-07:00

The thing I love about poker is the depth of strategy that some games involve; you can get to second and third level thinking when your oppositions are playing good poker. Last night I played the 18K Guaranteed on FTP and deep into the money the following hand played out (Totally my conception of then hand).

Now I’m sitting on 45K when average is about 30, I have raised 6 or 7 hands in a row, I have folded one or twice to shoves, most of my raises have been called by one or both of the players to my right, both monster stacks and we have played a few flops together. I have 77 in the hijack, I raise to 7K (blinds 1,2k I think), monster stack one calls and monster stack two shoves in.

Well I knew one would call and when the other player shoved I put him on the squeeze with the other monster having some kind of passing hand like J10 suited or KQ. And I called because I was getting some pretty good value in the flip and a double up here puts me on the final table.

My opponent has KK, oh well that happens I was happy enough with my thinking on this hand. Except this time I spike a miracle set on the river, I have no idea how may horrible beats I have taken over the years and frankly I don’t care, but I have handed out a lot less than I have received.

Anyway my opposition starts a tirade about how bad the call was, MEH. I’m glad I don’t have chat anymore stops me getting involved and defending myself when frankly I know why I made then call and if he can’t figure it out then fuck him. Two hands latter he shoves when I raise his blind committing myself to the call and he shoves K9, I call with K 10 9(4 K to win 35) and the flops come K99, a few hands latter he takes me out his JJ vs AQ and the abuse continues.

I know I’m supposed to be giving up/taking time out, but I love this game too much. I do spend a lot of time with the family so I just need to figure out some balance, not feeling quite so bad about myself as I did last week.

So finished about 4am which was a bit daft of me really, I had started the comp whilst chatting with Squirmy over MSN about some writing we are collaborating on, must do this more often as I think Gaz is freaking genius and we work well together. Anyhow I had agreed to get up early and help put up the marquis for the village kale (don’t know how to spell his).

Weird really , Russ one of my top guys from work had asked me early on Thursday morning to help out, well to be honest if you ask me early enough I’ll agree to pretty much anything. So I’m helping out and having fun although its bloody hard work, then Sue the vicar came out and made us all tea and I thought to myself, “how the bloody hell did I end up here? From Brum to Dibley in three months!”

The kale was amazing, great bands, beer's and burger and hotdog’s and diddly dee music. Bloody brilliant, I've also joined the veterans rugby team, im just over 16 stone down from 19 + so I'm happy with life.

Music I’m listening too this week,

New cold play album Vida la Vida, MEH.
ELO, James Welch always banging on about them so I gave them a try. I likey.
Scouting for Girls, she so loveleeeey.
The Cure, In-between days.
The Eeels, Novocaine for the soul

OH and a big congrats to the Sandells, nice work.

I've Been Naughty....

2008-06-12T17:17:00.000-07:00

I came home from work really down today, had a very tough day and I am finding the diet very hard to stick with lately. Karen could see I was unhappy and suggested I play a freeroll or two, I used to be the king of free roll's (see Poker Player Magazine article attached) and I also wrote a few articles about them myself, there on the blog somewhere.

I have a good sense of the best way to modify the gamble in my game to the conditions required to get chips in free rolls. First up I played a Walker poker free roll, 500 runners and came 10th when I got all the money in preflop with aces against the only player at the final table who had me coverd who had 10's. Guess what flopped! I earned a grand total of $1 I shit you not, some reward for three hours play!

I had cashed out all my money from Full Tilt so decided to play a FT player point Sit and Go, 9 players winner get's a $24 + $2 token. I won this then enterd the 9.5K G, and came second. Should have won but made a bad fold heads up followed by a bad shove.

I think we have sort of tacitely agreed I can play one evening a month, I found cold turkey just too hard. It's an interesting dilema though because this money will come in very handy but does the end justify the means?

A Non-Poker Post

2008-06-08T11:18:00.001-07:00

(2nd Pic from top)Good to see Gordon Brown has something to fall back on, as my Dad once told me, "son, always get a trade for when your finished fucking up the country".

Non-Poker Post

Well sort of, thanks to all my friends for understanding my current situation. I'm sure I will be be back but not for a least six months and only when I understand better what caused my mini melt down. I've always run well in life and that show's in the people who have chosen to stay friends with me, I'm lucky to have you all.

LOL you can all switch off now...

Lovely weather at the moment the pictures above are from a little beach about an hour away that we visited today, not many Grockles (Thats what they call tourists down here!) know where it is so its not so busy and we had a lovely picnic. Yesterday we walked the coastal path from Kilve to Quantoxhead, stunning coast line. Nice day's out with the family, I'm already starting to feel like a better person.

Oh and picture of the Garden (was taken in winter so no flowers) I love it.

Reflection, Confusion, Addiction and Withdrawal

2008-06-03T06:33:00.001-07:00

I have always maintained that I don’t have a gambling problem, I play poker because;

1.) I very much enjoy the mental stimulation
2.) I’m good at the game and have always made money.

I have always got quite angry when people have insinuated that I’m addicted to gambling and found there perceptions of poker wildly skewed by media misrepresentation. But although both of the above are true, they don’t really answer the question, do I have a gambling problem?

Reflection

A few months ago my wife disclosed her general displeasure at the amount of time I spent playing online. This was a bit of an eye opener because as my wife also enjoyed playing online poker, I had thought this kind of excused me to spend as much time as I liked sat hunched in front of the computer and on reflection I have been guilty of abusing my wife’s patience and generosity.

So I resolved to play a lot less frequently but play at higher stakes than my usual levels, the plan being to go on a bit of a spin up. Now at the time I would have said I was doing this to prove to myself I can play at higher stakes and could continue to play with the same return but with less time spent, this might even have been what I genuinely believed at the time, but upon reflection I think my true motivation is clear.

I was clearly trying to silence my own conscience and my wife, I guess somewhere deep down in my psyche I had hatched the plan, run up a few K, cash it out and continue playing, in essence saying ‘look shut up and take the money’ to my own conscience and to my wife. And things pretty much went to plan, I hit some wins made some withdrawals and continued to play.

Confusion

I could have carried on isolating myself playing online poker with my wife becoming increasingly frustrated but something deep down wouldn’t let me. For the first time I felt genuinely uncomfortable about the amount of time I had been devoting to the game and the price it was exacting from my family. In essence I just didn’t fell right anymore sitting down and playing all evening, the excuses I had always used where that living in Birmingham isolated me from my friends in Essex and as a result I never had much chance to go out like other blokes for a bit of me time in the pub or on the golf course.

Well in Taunton I live close to one of my best friends and we still don’t go out much together, that’s just what happens when you have family isn’t it? I know both men and women like a bit of me time but sitting in the same room with your family and not engaging with them because your engrossed in poker, well that’s a bit sick to be honest.

I carried on for a while playing at higher stakes but I noticed I started doing something I never done before, I abandoned all bankroll management and started taking shots. I was playing above my bankroll and I think I said it at the time I didn’t care about going broke, looking back I think it was clear I actually wanted to go broke. I wanted out, I felt sick of what the game was taking from me and I felt sick of the frustration and the way the game made me feel, I had stopped enjoying the game and I just wanted out.

So I went broke, playing high stakes sit and go’s and I genuinely felt relieved, I told my wife I was broke and that I was giving up. She was overjoyed but then full tilt put some money back. I started playing again and didn’t tell my wife, I quickly spun up back to where I was before (I told you I was good!) and then decided to tell my wife.

Addiction

I told Karen about the money and we agreed it would be our little secret, We discussed the situation and agreed I would continue to play but only when wife and daughter where out of the way. This seemed to be working for a while but then something strange started to happen. I started to resent my wife and daughter; I wanted them out of the way so I could play poker.

This came as a bit of a shock to me and I felt quite ashamed and found that when I was playing poker it started to feel like self harm. A stereo typical view of an addicted poker player would be someone terribly indebt borrowing money to play and destroying his life. I don’t fit this role, I’m the new addict, I’m good at the game winning money but destroying his life by his inability to focus on what truly matters , many times staying up all night playing when my wife and daughter where asleep.

Withdrawal

I’m a true addict in every sense of the word and eventually the world will catch up with this but for now I don’t fit the current definitions, pretty sure there’s going to be a lot of us soon.

I hate these posts, the melodramatic, “I’m giving up the game forever!” look at me time things you see on forums everywhere and I have always thought I’ll never do that if I decide to give up. They always seemed to do the exact opposite of there intention, as friends try to convince them stay on as a non poker poster, that’s just never going to work now is it.

So the reason for this post is because I want my mates to know why I disappeared from the scene and didn’t come back. I know they will understand and not hassle me because there smart sensible people and know where I’m at and where I need to be. If I can just find something to fill the mental void poker will leave I’m sure I’m going to be fine.

Getting Paid in HUP Games

2008-05-29T02:16:00.001-07:00

Not been playing much at all lately, then find myself offsite with work and with little to do towards the end of the week and being locked away in my own office with unlimited internet access, with my reputation! Full tilt poker is quickly installed but because I have to get up every hour or so to check the test teams are not in need of assistance I decide to play only points games.

Of course I go on an immediate tournament tear and win two 54 man 50 point tournaments and one 180 man 20 point tournament! I unregister and keep the points, and have decided to make a run at the full tilt poker table in the online store, I have 12,000 points so only need another 240,000!

Eventually though I do decide to play some HUP, first game is a $110 HUP match, I get dealt pocket jacks first hand and flop trip jacks and extract 700 chips eliciting a rather nice check raise from my opponent on the flop with air by making a lovely strong is weak lead bet on the flop. Next hand I’m dealt AK and raise and oppo is dealt AQ, no help and it’s an easy win against a cold decked opponent.

I then play another $110 game against a really tough opponent, Shakey hands or something and it’s a very long game and neither of us ever seem to take a decisive lead. I eventually make a good call with top pair shite kicker on a draw heavy board and my oppo tables middle pair which fails to improve, at this moment my Director walks in to the office for a chat and I close the screen down, pheww.

My Director leaves after a couple of minutes and I reopen full tilt to find the game ongoing, My oppo had been left with 10 chips, had won two mandatory all-in’s and then stolen himself up to 700 chips whilst I was way, he raises again to steal and I shove in. He insta calls and show AdKs, shite I have 72 off! Flops comes Jd 9d 4d and im bang in trouble, turn is a blank and the river a non diamond two! Lucky boy!

I’m working hard on my headsup game, following the example of livb112 (Olivier Busquet) whose sharkscope graph at the top of the page is just mind boggling and shows what rewards concentrating on one facet of the game can bring. The biggest challenge im finding is in the methods required to get paid on big hands in HUP games. I’m not talking about meta game considerations but the actual nuts and bolts of getting an opponent to pay off my monster hands.

A good example of this would be the last game I played, I raised on the button with 4c5c and get called, flop comes A, 2, 3 rainbow. Now in full ring or six max 70% of the time I’m going to lead into this, Im pretty sure my opponent will have to try and raise the flop after calling and if they have the A in going to get paid handsomely. HUP though this would be really poor play, my oppo’s range is much wider and I need to let them catch a piece, any piece so the check’s the option. Thing is I though keep forgetting the differences and I’m prone to some truly horrible HUP plays.

To improve my over all play I’m trying to adapt a much more ‘rhythmic’ style of HUP poker, this involves trying to find my opponents groove and work counter too it. It’s rare to find a passive HUP player so it’s a matter of finding how often they will raise and the optimum number of out of position attacks I need to make and then figuring how much pressure to apply to ease them out the hand when I’m behind and how much I can extract when ahead. Overall though you just have to be prepared risk and accept outdraws in HUP poker and adept to your opponents patterns to ensure you get paid as often as possible when your strong.

I’m thinking about only really playing HUP NLHE as other formats boar me so much, I will concentrate on HORSE cash and tournaments.

Not had much time to do any writing lately, I’m thinking about opening a sister blog for the Poker Bibley I started writing earlier in the year, If I do it will be here;

http://pokerbibley.blogspot.com/

Still really enjoying life, Jobs good and life in the South West is everything I hoped it would be, last week for the frist time in longer than I care to admit my weight dipped under 17 Stone. Mind you this nearly got me into trouble last week at IBM Greenford, I was carrying a heavy old style laser printer about waste height when the paper tray started to slip towards me, not wishing to lose momentum I tried to push the tray in with my groin. My knackers literally got trapped in the tray and then because of the weight loss my trouser's started to slide down. I was lucky nobody saw me as I don't think I could have recoverd from 'IT manager caught having sex with laserjet Gate'.

$220, HUP MORANS!!!!!

2008-05-14T04:14:00.000-07:00

Oh you fucking doughnut, $220 H-UP Sit and Go, down 800-2200 I raise to 90 preflop, Flop comes A 10 8, Action goes Check, Bet, Raise, Call. Turn is an 8, and my final 400 chips or so go in. Oppo has A 10, I have 10,8! River is a blank and I have outdrawn someone! Next hand I re-raise all in with KJ and Oppo calls with AJ flop come KK3! Bingo! Who needs to be any good when you can just cram it in with shite and hit flops!

Running like a God at the moment after going broke last week, I had some bad news on Thursday when our landlord decided to terminate our contract and give us notice. It’s my own fault he had rung asking about the probable length of our tenancy and I had been honest with him and told him that the moment we had sold our property in Essex we would be looking to buy in the area, stupid move really, Note to self, tell more lies.

Anyway I have really loved this house and I find the garden totally beguiling, I will take a picture or two and post and hopefully you will see why I love it so much. Also the last thing I need is the expense and hassle of another move but that’s the situation and will have to deal with it. It was with this on my mind I decided to play some $320 Sit and Go’s (rolls eyes). Lost first buy-in 99 v’s JJ on a ten high flop, probable should have got away from it but it was Nordberg whose a real lag. Second buy in was KK v’s AA, in the small blind and I had limped with the kings to get some action from the Big blind, ohh I got action alright!

Last buy-in was $330 HUP QQ v’s KK, slow played on a 7 high flop, what can you do? I was honestly OK with busting as I have withdrawn some nice chunks this year and planned to take the next six months of from poker to finish of some books I have been writing. Then something weird happened, Full tilt started putting buy-ins back in, I realise the email account set up for this site is my blue yonder account which I lost access to when I moved so I don’t know why it was refunded, have had disconnection problems a few times and suspicions about bot opponents, so could be anything.

Well they put back about $240, I immediately lose $120 + 10 in a 9 man Sit and Go when I button raise with 97 spades and hit a flop of 6S 7H 4S and can’t convince K7 to give up the pot when his check raised for all the money. I play a little heads-up cash and get ahead about $50 or so, then win a $120 9 man for $495 and play a little $8-$16 HORSE, I break about even but split a huge pot in Stud H/L when my oppo keeps ramming and jamming, and if I had won would have been worth about $350. I’m showing 2,4,5,7 four spades and have A 6 in the hole, he has 7,8,K,J showing so I know I have the low locked up.

Anyway I miss everything but bet anyway in case he just has the bad low and king high, he calls and shows a pair of queens, He types into chat “I knew I had you beat”. If I had chat I would have typed in “Yes, nice hand”. What more can you ask for, locked up low and, 3 X A + 4 X 3 + 3 X 8 (he had one) 8 X Spades (discounting 3 and 8). 18 outs to the scoop, that’s why I love this game, and the great things is he thinks his playing well. .10-.25 8/16 same idiots at all levels and don’t let anyone tell you any different.

Anyway the wife thinks we are busted and I have stopped playing which was the plan, I will tell her tonight and probable only play now when both her and Becky are out of the house. Still quite fancy playing at the highest limits but bored with the grinding.

Spent a lovely weekend out doing things, that’s the great advantage of our new location amazing things to do. Went to the Golden Horseshoe at Exford, it’s a horse riding event up on Exmoor, had bacon Sandwiches and Teas for breakfast at the top of the moor and watched some demonstrations till lunch time. We went with friends and this was mainly for my friends wife benefit although we all really enjoyed it.

Then we drove to Porlock Weir and had a lovely pub lunch by the Quays. Then we drove to Watchet harbour and went rock pooling (tons of Crabs for the girls to chase at Watchet) and walked along to the pre-historic coast and found lots of fossils, you can just crack any rock open and seem to find something.

Bloody great day out and home in time for New Gladiators! Lost nearly a stone in three weeks now, makes a big difference getting out and about every weekend.

Breaking Even, But Hey, Just Look at Those Player points!

2008-05-07T02:54:00.000-07:00

Taking shot’s again, I have the feeling I’m going broke this week but don’t really mind, I want to hit big or die trying.

Played the $200's last night. Got it all in pre-flop in the push-shove stage with AK v's QQ, Spiked an Ace but they turned a Queen. Then Got it all with A 10 V's 99, Spiked a ten, they turned a nine.

Finished second in a 6 handed $210 game, won a massive pot when In the SB, I re-raise a serial position raiser all-in with pocket 77’s and big blind wakes up with kings the raiser calls with AK. I hit a 7 on the flop and KK calls me a Moran, I know how he feels to be honest but I think my move is understandable in the circumstances.

When head’s up I have a 6,400 to 2,600 chip lead, I called an all-in from my oppo when I had J10 suited to his A5, ace high holds and he takes the lead and wins at a canter. Not sure about my call here, blinds are 200-400 and its lottery time but its still a not much of a call as I think im behind here at least 70% of the time. I Then play a $200 heads-up game and win easily, never behind raising every button. For a second I realise just how damn good I am at head-up poker, the best complement I think I can pay myself is I would just hate to play against my own style.

Play a quick $55 heads-up and I’m back to where I started the evening. Think I ran very badly again but was good enough/lucky enough to even it out over all. I settle into a HA (Hold’em/Omaha PL) round of each $20 tournaments, I am big chip leader when the doom switch is again flipped against me. Guy min raises and the whole table calls as do I in the big blind with J8 diamond, flop comes J 8 8 and it goes in, min raiser has aces and turns an ace, I keep catching 88 monster flops and getting hurt. Good job I have no chat, then I lose when some idiot calls my raise with 9 5 hearts and moves in on a two heart flop and rivers then flush against my flopped two pair.

I’m still above average and somewhat tiltedly raise with 7 5 hearts, flops comes 6 4 3, lovely. I bet and chip leader re-raises me all in, he shows 6 2, turns a 2 and I don’t even have to look to know he hits another 2 on the river. I sort of chuckle as it sums up my recent run and it’s hard to care too much when you have been playing the $200’s.

Weathers amazing at the moment, I walked home because my knee had been playing up and it needs the workout. I get home about 4:30pm and sit in my lovely garden drinking beer on my bench for an hour or so last night as Becky played and all was right with the world.

He Shoots! He Misses! He losses his head!

2008-05-06T04:55:00.000-07:00

Continuing to run well in the satellites on full tilt I have been cashing in the $T and on Saturday I crested the 2K bankroll mark and decided to take a shot. I choose three game’s of $330 + $30, two 9 handed and one six handed. If I fail I will go back to 2 tabling the $22 till I get to 2k again and then I’ll take another shot. Well that was the plan anyway.

First game blind down to 1100 not finding a thing, blinds hit 60-120 I raise to 380 from mid position with 44. Max Pescatori with about 1200 in the BB flats calls, and then checks when the Board comes 997, I move all in and he insta-calls my shove for 700 or so with A 10. I know the turn before its dealt and the seven gives him the lead with we drawing to 4 outs for the split and 2 for a win, and ace on the river at least legitimises his win but I hate every single aspect of his play, weak, loose it’s the new solid.

Second game six handed, sitting on 1300 having to fold to a few raises, blinds hit 50-100 and im on the BB with A8. Player with 1850 raises from the cut-off to 350, a bet that just scream’s, “I have shit and will fold to a re-raise because I have raised this amount so I have exactly 1500 behind ie average if you come over the top”. So I re-raise all-in and its 1050 back to him, he nearly times out before calling with K 10. he spikes a K on the flop. WOW.

Third game, third hand or so and my Finnish female friend from the $110 heads-up is sitting on my left. I raise 80 with 8-9 of clubs from the cut-off and she flat calls in the small blind and the big blind folds. The Flop comes J 8 8 two spades, and I’m praying she has smooth called with KK or AA mistaking knowledge of my hyper aggressive heads-up play for how I play S+G. I lead out 110 at a 190 pot, trying to look weak without looking like I’m trying too look weak.

I get insta re-raised to 220 and I move all-in trying to look like I’m on the flush draw, I get insta called by two black nines 99! “Marvellous I think, She’s drawing to one out as I hold the other nine, unless of course she catches runners for the flush or a straight” The second this thought crystallised in my mind another spade appears on the board, followed quickly by a fourth. I almost throw up.

So well I took my shoot and it did’nt work out time to pack up for the night, ummm maybe not. Titling I sit down with $200 at a heads-up table and quickly get owned, I reload another $200 and lose that and another two buy-ins. I’m down to my last $200 and oppo is sitting with $1,000 and im at a massive disadvantage. I roar back though and I take a buy-in off him with a rather well played flopped straight. Then I’m quickly up to $800 when his flopped king is no match for my slow played aces. I end the session at $1,006. Up $6 dollars, what a fucking idiot I am.

Well back to grinding the $22 and hopefully in a month I can take another shot.

Online Abuse, Giving it and Taking it

2008-04-29T07:01:00.000-07:00

I emailed full tilt and asked them to take my chat away after an incident in a $55 PLHE heads-up game left me quite disgusted with my own crassness. I was playing a Finnish woman, her name escapes me but we have tangled a bit and she sucks nuts,

I looked down and found pocket tens on the button,
I raise the pot and she calls, pot about 300
flops comes a beautiful 10,4,2 rainbow,
She checks, I bet 300, she calls, pot 900
Turn comes Q spades, She Checks, I bet 900 effectively putting us both all in, she calls leaving me about 200 and her about 100 as I had a slight lead.
River come’s J spades. And I last 200 in and she calls and wins the pot having runner runnerd a spade flush with 9 5 of spades.

This set me off, because its hit so many of my buttons. I hate the call pre-flop with crap, raise yes, call no. I hate the flop call with no hand and no draw with no intention of stealing the pot, the flat call committing you both without pushing the rest over the line I really hate as she can’t fol he last 100 can she?

I was left with 100 but instead of playing I let it time out whilst I googled Finnish swear words, I came up with “Runkkari- Paska- Pillu” which is “wanker-shit-cunt”. I felt really ashamed afterwards and felt I might have reached my lowest ebb so have requested the ban myself and it will remain in place until I believe I am once again mature enough to be allowed to communicate with adults.

Online chat abuse is a curious animal; I sat at a table yesterday when one player started abusing another’s play when he had not even been involved in the hand. A quick Sharkscope of both players revealed one had a tremendous ROI and one was a proven loser, can you guess which one? I bet you can.

The play might have looked bad (shoving AK on a Q,10,X board) but it was a stop go with a three across against an opponent who had shown a lot of weakness. AK moves in final ½ his stack after the post flop action hits his J for the Broadway, his oppo had hit the X for a set but matey boy doesn’t know this and thinks he has three live cards as outs with half his stack in the pot, over used phrase but this is all pretty much standard and shows that the abuser really hadn’t understood the situation at all which explains why his doing his brains online.

Sometimes the abuse you receive is just plain curious and points to you abusers complete lack of understanding of the game. I was playing a $110 heads-up on full tilt and about three hands in I raise to 60 with J7 diamonds when on the button. Most people will agree this is a pretty standard play in heads-up poker.

My opponent flat calls and the flop come 10,9,7 rainbow, I bet 90 into 120 chip pot and my opponent calls making the pot about 300 with both of us having 1,200 or so behind. Turn comes 8 of hearts and it’s a very co-ordinated board with no flush draws possible. Having made the jack high straight with no flush draw fears I’m feeling pretty confident I have an unassailable lead in the hand so want to get some money in the pot but also don’t want to lose my customer.

I bet 150 into a 300 chip pot, this is to make the pot 600 on the river so I can bet a nice 300 and be sure of getting called and also to act as a weak lead so as to encourage my opponent into trying to push me off if his holding something like Q 10, top pair with the draw or two pair maybe.

Anyway my oppo re-raises all in and I have to contemplate he has the nuts with QJ, seems really unlikely though has with no draws on board its likely his going to try to play this for max value, saying that I’ve been undone by this kind of logic before and its dangerous to discount the pure greed and incompetence of an opponent.

Well I’m sure I must be ahead and call and sure enough I have the lead, but I was stunned at by oppo’s hand though. Pocket 66’s, he had flat called heads up a standard position raise, and then called a bet with three over cards to hit a gut shot to the idiot end of a straight and find himself drawing to three outs for a split. River bricks and oppo is left with 20 chips.

Oppo explodes in chat abuse, “What kind of idiot raises with J7? You’re an idiot; you’re a joke, an fcking moron, wanker, tard”. It’s quite funny as he goes on a tear wins the next four hand’s and still has a 27-1 deficit to make up! I kill him of with jacks but his reaction stays with me and I decide to look at the hand from his view point incase I have played the hand really badly. #

Oppo’s Point of View

Ok so I have pocket 66’s in heads-up match and my oppo makes a raise on the button.
Well I know I personally would have made a hefty re-raise as my oppo’s range is wider than Jodie Marshes legs, But my oppo flat calls, maybe trying to trap and win a big pot ? or maybe because his not sure of his hand value in this spot? both point to some naïve heads-up experience.

So the flop comes closely co-ordinated with three over cards, my oppo bets 90 into a 120 chip pot. Personally I would have re-raised this as it’s a very standard continuation bet and it’s the cheapest time to find out where I’m at. But oppo decides to flat call, now I don’t know if his calling to hit the 6 which makes his set but make’s a scary board of10,9,7,6 or the 8 which gives him the ignorant end of the straight. Either way neither’s a very good draw and at no point have I made an effort to test by opponents strength.

Well an 8 comes on the turn and this must have been the card my oppo is looking for as his reaction to a weak lead is to move all-in, a bet that’s actually only likely to get called by a J or QJ, which surprise, surprise is exactly what I call with.

I think analysis show’s its probable not possible to play this hand any worse, he optimised his incompetence and the played the hand Uber fishy and his lack of understanding of the game shines through. Maybe I’m the same, I just don’t see the logic yet of calling to playing crap hand passively calling to hit runner ,runner flushes regardless of pot odd’s etc and its me that’s the fool.

Running Well and Making the Maximum When You Need it the Most

2008-04-28T05:56:00.000-07:00

Playing quite a bit lately, the two big withdrawals from Full Tilt and Party have given me the confidence to play at a higher level and the wife is happy that poker has seen us over a bump in the financial road. Money banked (And Spent!) and FT is back up to a playable level now in matter of 3 weeks which is good going, I’m seriously considering my next step in poker, my tournament NLHE game is really good right now and my HORSE is also very strong so not sure but I’m thinking about seriously investing in some big sat’s, the WSOP $5K HORSE being my favourite but Sat’s are scarce. I have tickets for the Stud H/L and Omaha FTOPS event coming up so maybe I will just use the $T from them.

I have been playing head’s up 3/6 HORSE on FT and some of the play is just clueless, it’s genuinely softer than .25/.50. Mind you I also flopped two straight flushes in a week which probable means I’m running well don’t you think J. One was in a $110 head up NLHE game, 3rd or 4th hand I raise to 60 with 10 8 diamonds, oppo min re-raises to 120 and I insta call the extra 60. Flop comes 9, 7, 6, of diamonds and my oppo moves all in, 1,400 in to a 200 chip pot. He has two black aces, nice to get a bit of luck in a big buy-in (for me) game like this.

Interesting hand in a satellite for the $150+$15 40K guarantee on full tilt last night.

Situation: 7 players left with 5 getting a seat
Blinds: 1,000 – 500, 100 running ante
Stack sizes: One monster on 30K, two shorties about 4K, average is about 15,000
You: 14,000 in the BB with pocket jacks. Solid player UTG raises 10 4.5K of his 10K stack.

What would you do? Personally I think it’s an easy fold but my oppo re-raised all in and I called with KK and left them crippled. I thought my call was quite easy as I was in the big blind left and would have had 3.5K if I had to fold both hands and would have been a shorty. Anyway I was sure I was a long way ahead.

I won the ticket but cashed it in as the 40K started in 50 minutes and I was knackered. The main reason I picked up the seat was when sitting on about half the average I played a pair of queens with the risk throttle fully open and trebled up against a flopped flush draw and a flopped straight draw. Lots of cards to fade but it was worth the risk in this situation.

In Hold’em you so often sit patiently waiting for your on average 1 in 74 pair of AA,KK or QQ, slowly blinding down you pick up a big hand, raise from under the gun and everyone passes, or you re-raise a position raiser’s minimum raise and all you pick up is a min raise and the blinds. And as frustrating as this small reward for patient play is for the most part you will have executed correct strategy in consideration of the risk reward ratio.

But there will be times when you just simply have to maximise the return on your hand and let risk be damned. Its probable quantifiable by some ratio of big blinds + consideration of the average stack but its most likely just best left to your own judgement, you will often just know you need to double or triple through.

I know most of this is pretty obvious but anyway here are some ways you might be able to convince an otherwise skilful and cautious opponent to get you back in the game.

Worth Trying With Late Position Big Pairs

Flat calling a raise/or not raising in blind on blind confrontations with a big pair and stacking your opponents flopped with top pair.

Flat calling a raise with AA or KK in the blinds and stacking your opponents flopped top pair or bluff.

Worth Trying With Early Position Big Pairs

Flat call from EP with a big pair and re-raise all-in, effectively playing aces or kings like most people play AK-AQ. It seems obvious but people still have trouble reading it as strong.

Worth Trying With Mid Position Big Pairs

I like to min raise with AA and KK in this spot, theory being that all the big ace combo’s and smaller pairs will see this as thievery and put in the re-raise. Anyone calls then the pot will probable be big enough to shove at on the flop.

Flat calling if a similar stacked opponent is in BB or SB as they may be shoving AX to a flat call here and even then you might get a flat caller to put it all in with top pair on the flop.

Small Pair’s and Big Aces

With a nice big stack I sometimes like to flat call a late position raiser with AK and stack his AQ-A10 on a ace high flop when he just can’t believe you have flat called with AK from there, but when short stacked get the money in pre-flop with small pairs and big aces as you just can’t afford to fcuk around.

Probable Not A Good Idea With Big Pairs

Min raising from early or just the blinds, most people will see this move for what it is as the min raise always alerts other players that something odd is going on.

Min raising from EP, might get you action if someone’s sitting behind with a top hand but otherwise will just alert people that something funny is going on and the big hand will give you action whether you flat call or make a real raise either way.

Swimming Upstream.

2008-04-15T04:43:00.000-07:00

If your key demographic is males aged 18-40 then surely my new site’s marketing campaign can’t fail!

At last years EPT I meet the poker room manager of Littlewoods poker (LWMAN), can’t remember his name as I was three sheets to the wind but I Do remember he was also the manager of former Republic of Ireland striker and now Littlewoods Poker representative Tony Cascarino and he cared passionately about the prospects of both.

We argued at great length about poker room marketing and I think he probable put me in my place. I argued that the way for a small room to attract attention was to provide there players with tools and training (Sharkscope and PT type tools as signup) and try to position the room as the place that players came to refine there game.

I argued that in shared player pools like the Crypto logic network, that if they are seen as helping there players to perfect there poker game and thus win from the other skins ‘fishes’ then players would flock across to them. I also stated that tapping into the UK forum scene by running free forum comps and offering achievable buy-in value added events for punters rather than just trying to get banners on sites like Blonde was the way to go.

LWMAN laughed at me, told me I was talking shit and that getting TC on a final table would be more cost affective and bring more new players to the site than any of my ideas. The truth is his probable right, but look at the obstacles to overcome to get your one sponsored pro to the TV table (and to be fair he would probable have to win). Last years London EPT was full of famous Poker Stars sponsored Live Pro’s and Poker Stars linked online talent, the fields are massive as it is in then you are also effectively taking on the Stars team on EPT turf which is like there home ground, In short its juts very unlikely.

I actually remember TC as much for his superb book The Secret Life of Tony Cascarino which was an honest portrait of a footballers life and I believe was shortlisted for book of the year. In the end Tony Cascarino finished in the EPT money, he played a good grinding game then got all his money in with the best of it and was outdrawn, he received a solid round of applause from the crowd gathered at the Vic as people realised what a solid grinding game he had played when the cards juts where not co-operating.

Its funny but seeing Barry Carter recently signed by VC makes me hope they ask him to write a candid diary of his ‘Sponsored Pro’ adventures. That I most definitely would read.

I think the Virgin poker approach (and it’s a shame because the Boss Situation is most likely going to hurt them) has been very successful and shows how talented and knowledgeable Joe and his team are. They have really tapped into the heart of the UK poker scene and I hope they navigate the rocky path that might lie ahead.

Back to Black, Country (The Coachman game, which was in Northwich and I know that’s not in the black country but I had to go to Brum to get there,OK!

2008-04-10T07:08:00.000-07:00

If somebody you know decides to travel 2 hours by train and then a further two hours by car to play a £10 pub freeze out, that even if they do manage to win would still not come anywhere close to covering there accommodation and travel costs then it’s a fair bet there not doing it for the money.

And there in lies the problem with making a commitment like this, if even the slightest annoyance begins to detract from the fun then you feel a little robbed. When it’s a huge un-ignorable annoyance then it’s difficult to feel anything then aggrieved and of course it’s everybody’s problem but there’s little you can do that won’t make things worse. At the end of the day something’s/people are best ignored and you have to try to get on with having a good time anyway, which I’m glad to say I still managed to do, although there is always a lingering feeling of “just imagine how good this could have been”.

So I had a 10:40 am train to New Street to catch and feeling a little lazy and also a little delayed due to $55 turbo I was playing on FT (such a degenerate) I had to call for a taxi to the train station a total distance of about 1 ½ miles or so from my house. The fecking cab driver decides to make it an epic journey via a very imaginative route and I wind up paying £8. When I first moved to Birmingham cab drivers routinely robbed me for the first 6 months or so by taking a Jazz style approach to route planning, i.e. going which ever fecking way there mood took them. This regular gouging of my pocket only stopped when I discovered that some disclosure of the correct route knowledge along the lines of “Don’t take park road mate” would inform them that the southern accent was not a green light to ‘Free style the journey’.

This crooked cabbie annoyed me because, and you can call me naïve if you wish but I just didn’t expect it here in Taunton where the cab drivers so far have been so fair that on one particular occasion when I was travelling into town with the wife I gave a cabbie a five pound note when he told me the fare was four pounds, the extra quid being my no verbalised tip. We got out and started walking down a side alley, the driver atually got out and followed me and tried to give back the extra money! And anyway I was charged 4 pounds! I didn’t even think that was possible to be charged this little for a taxi journey this day and age!

So the gouging had robbed me of all but 2 quid and I decided to wander down the road to find a cash point so I had enough money for tea and a sandwich on the train, I kept wandering and was nearly back to town before I gave up. I did manage to find the ‘Private Shop’ which in there quest for anonymity had used techniques which only really served to highlight how different it was to the string of shops along the road, Very private. The people of Taunton must be very sexual beings because there are three sex shops in a town with a population little over 50,000, that’s quite impressive really and probable a little telling that after only 2 months living here I already know where all the sex shops are!

When the train arrives it’s very busy, there’s only one unoccupied seat and it’s taken up by some blokes lap top bag. It really pisses me off when he gave me the roll of his eyes when I asked him to move it so I could sit down. I hate these wankers, I had the same thing on the return journey with some bloke using his bag, I had to ask him “Did your bag pay for a fcking seat? Because I did and I want to fcking use it.” Anyway laptop man starts elbowing me at every opportunity in a rather childish display but quickly gives up when I open a can of coke and hold it perilously close to his precious lap top, which forces him to ungraciously concede defeat in our elbow pushy/shove game long before he disembarks at Bristol Chavway.

Coming into a City you know intimately on a train route for the first time is always a slightly weird experience, the train tracks are placed in areas that are usually quite inaccessible so suddenly you get new perspectives on buildings and areas that you know really well and it’s a little disjointing. Arriving at New street station quickly snaps me back to reality though, it really is an abomination and a disgrace to Britain’s second city, it’s dirty, poorly laid out and once you are past the ticket barriers the information provided is sporadic and dispersed. You have to pay 20p to use the station toilets and this always disgusts me, it’s just so cheap and must leave a horrible impression on visitors to the city.

Rich and Kaz are waiting to meet me and I’m extremely grateful for the lift onwards, we set off but are quickly mired in the M6 traffic and after a few brief yet amusing calls from Tom and Squirmy on the speaker phone Kaz drifts of to sleep and Rich and I get to talking. I hope Rich doesn’t mind me saying this but he seems extremely listless and a little jaded, he talks of his boredom of the poker world and for the first time I believe he really might be serious about moving away from it all.

Whatever you decide Rich I know that if you commit yourself you WILL make a success of it. I’ve found that most skills are transferable and if you’re good at arranging, scheduling and managing people in one field it will transfer across to many others, and anyone who knows what you have achieved in poker rooms across the country will testify to your talents. Needless to say anything I can help with just let me know and if you fancy sometime down in Taunton the spare rooms always ready and there’s Bacardi in the cupboard and coke in the fridge (there’s not, but I’d get some in).

So we arrange to pick up Squirmy from his offices in the centre of Northwich and I am surprised at what a great working environment it is, I suppose I had a mental picture of what a chartered accountants office should look like, my perception being that it would be hidden away in some non descript office block full of giant ledgers, still using ancient type writers and Bakelite phones! So I’m some what surprised when it’s a bright and airy looking building with shop frontage and is splendidly located, Sandwiched between two pubs!

We set off for the Coachman where tonight’s game is to be held and the drive through Northwich reveals quite a pleasant town with some interesting buildings and lots of green areas. When we arrive at the Coachman we find a smashing pub and the accommodation is of good quality, we dump the bags and are soon tucking into the beer.

Shortly afterwards Ting-Tong arrives with Squirmy junior and she’s a beautiful little girl with bright blue eyes. Still not enough to make me want another one though! I found the first few years of parenthood very difficult and am really enjoying the age Rebecca is at now, five is a fun time and we get to play silly games and make bogey and fart jokes all day!

So to the poker, we play a quick £5 Omaha sit and Go and which I manage to river a house on The Brasso for all the money! Sorry mate, but it was nice to cover the buy-in before we got started!

Then on to the main event I got seated next to Danno on my first table which is a pleasure as his such good company, mind you I’m pretty pissed of that he managed to knick my roomie for a spooning session, what did you think I was really coming all the way from Taunton for! Its amazing how quick we slip into the forum banter and the table is a lot of fun, Also sat on the table is Rich who donates all his chips to me early AK v’s J10, I’m pretty sure he was planning to get knocked out of the main event ASAP and into the dealers choice game from the off, he hates NLHE that much these days!

Also seated on my table are happy meal, Laura and 3 pairs, who are all also very good company. I also finally get to meet Bionic Bill for the first time and what a great bloke he is, shame we didn’t really get any table time as we have played a bit online together and I respect his game and wanted to see it live, also he was the inspiration for my favourite MS paint when a bull twatted his motor. (see Link)

http://www.ukpokerlife.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?p=31124&highlight=#31124

I knock out a few players and am getting the right cards at the right time pretty much all night long, then I’m moved tables and am moved next to Mr Mac, who I finally get some proper table time with and was good to have a chat with a man who loves his poker and is developing a very good game. Dave’s a true poker gent and I can’t wait to get up the to the Garage for a game, I’m afraid its going to have to wait a while though as the missus won’t let me out roaming for a while!

Also on my table is The Rage, a man whose company I always enjoy, His really dedicated to improving his game and this makes him very receptive to advice on the play of hands. I knocked him out at the end when he made a small stack shove into my big blind and was unlucky to find me holding JJ that held up against his Q6 suited. The Rage and I talked about this hand later and he felt he had made a mistake in shoving in this spot which I vehemently argued that this is categorically the best play.

I think it’s a good sign for The Rages development as player that his very critical of himself and when he gets the courage of his more aggressive convictions his going to have a very strong game. He just needs to get past the embarrassment of getting caught with junk, that’s the game Sir, 90% of your hands are crap so you got to make the moves. I also saw Rage make a couple of very astute lay downs of mid-pairs in tricky spots, that’s always a good indication of someone developing good card sense.

So to the final table and I had a big stack which I lost when it all went in with my AK cracked by AQ and A4 outrun by K7, no complaints it was a tortuous experience and I was relieved when I went out on the bubble in 5th. And who won it all? Tom of course, he managed, to win the comp, have a bloody good time, keep Ky in check and still make time for a beer and laugh with everyone, hiigghhh fiveee.

So to the dealers choice cash game table, Where The Brasso, Boydy, Rich, Bam (nice to meet you sir),Squirmy and I took up residence. What a great table, what great players and table companions. I’d give my right arm to play with blokes like this every week in a low stakes DC cash game just for fun and the pleasure of outwitting each other, I really would. Anyhow I make a nice few quid trebling up pushing a flush draw that get’s there on the turn in Crazy pineapple and then in six card O making the nut straight, with the royal flush draw against top two pair and a weaker flush draw. I think I run £5 into £40 before I went to bed!

A word of thanks to all the staff at the Coachman, who had to endure some difficult behaviour and did so with the utmost of professionalism and also made a cracking cooked breakfast which myself Tom and Boydy demolished. Also to Squirmy, master of ceremonies who handled some awkward situations with a calming brevity which really was the only approach under the circumstances.

Good luck to the Newkie Virgins this weekend, Kev B, Sleazychris, Tom, Jools and Boydy, Show them why you don’t leave UKPL out of a forum event!

Stupid Races and Full Tilt HORSE win

2008-04-02T01:41:00.000-07:00

Not many runners but was a nice little comp, If this had been a $5 tournament I would probably have thrown the towel in when in Stud hi-lo I have a made an Ace high flush on fifth with a steel wheel draw that failed to make a lo and was out drawn on the river by a player who jumped the fence on 5th street with a pair of nines when the other guy in the pot was clearly betting kings and he caught a jack on 6th to pair his door card and a 9 on the river to fill up, my lo missed and he scooped a pot he had absolutely no right being in.

I guess the slightly bigger buy-ins are focusing the mind as I knuckled down and ground my way back after the Stud-8ob outdraw had left me with 500 chips at 100-200 and it was affirming to take the win.

I wouldn’t mind so much but the player who committed this atrocious outdraw proceeded to redistribute the chips to all the other players at the table in a series of RAZZ stupid races. This is the phrase I use for one of those pissing competitions you get in RAZZ, an example of a stupid race is attached for the non RAZZ players. You occasionally get the same sort of thing in NLHE, for example when two players move in with low straight draws and both end up playing the board, then you get to announce “Dead heat in the stupid race”.

The chat at the time made me chuckle, I guess at least the player in question knew he was being stupid.

MrGurgeh: ty

kvnstv: ohhh a stupid race

kvnstv: I love these

brr75: me too

kvnstv: Wp high quality stupid race

brr75: how bout that one!

kvnstv: well I can't believe anyone would challenge u in a stupid competition

kvnstv: u clearly have a huge edge

brr75: win one lose one

brr75: i try to be stupider

brr75: most stupidest that time

nastyneal13: no you weren't

The Stud-8ob outdraw left me with 500 chips at 100-200 so its quite a feat to claw my way back to win the tournament. I made a few interesting calls in limit Hold’em which drew some comment’s and after I called a busted flush draw all the way down with pockets 3’s I had the opportunity to pay homage to Alan Partridge in the chat box;

UGOTTABLEV: Bad call

brr75: obviously

kvnstv: I read you like a book

kvnstv: and not a very good book

UGOTTABLEV: thats is a bad flop lol

kvnstv: And certainly not bravo 2 zero by Andy Mcnab

UGOTTABLEV: open ended do head

kvnstv: which actually gets better with every read

Returning to Brum next week and I’m really looking forward to catching up with some UKPL forum mates and I’m indebted yet again to the legend that is DiK9 who is giving me a lift to Northwich (near Crewe, but not Crewe) for the Squirmy pub game. I suppose it would seem mad to some to travel from Somerset to Northwich for a pub game but I know this is going to be a very special evening, I must remember to take my camera some pics would spice up the Blog a bit.

The trip has been paid for my the gamble up on Full Tilt and Party Poker, It feels like a shame to take all the money out when I had managed to earn a sustainable bank roll playing $50+ tournaments. But the point was to earn some real world money and that’s what it needs to be used for, I didn’t get paid last month and it really stretched us after we had paid money for a deposit and rent up front and for removals, well poker to the rescue once again!

It’s also nice to prove to myself that the multi tabling low limit tournaments was not a waste of time, I have an edge at the higher games im now playing that was earned mutli tabling 4 tournaments a time for 20+ hours a week. My NLHE tournament game is very unorthodox and very aggressive and is highly affective in the short handed turbo games on FT and Party.

The Online Gambler

2008-03-27T06:23:00.000-07:00

Another win, this time on full tilt. Running very well, went in behind a couple of times and played two hands horribly but always had healthy chip stackage to cushion any errors.

Anyone know any Kenny Rodgers Impersonators? I want to get my new version of the gambler recorded for you tubing.

The Online Gambler

On a cold winters Day
On a plane bound for Baden
I met up with an online Pro
We were both to tired to sleep
So we took turns-astarin’
At the hostesses arses
The boredom overtook us,
he began to speak

He Said, “Son, I’ve made a life
out of winning many races,
Knowin what the cards were by
the way they bet each range
So if you don’t mind my sayin’
I can see your out of aces
For a taste of your airline meal
I’ll give you some advice”

So I handed him my desert

And he wolfed down my last swallow

Then he requested a napkin

Which I gave him alright

And the night got deathly quiet

And his faced lost all expression

He said, "If you're gonna play online, boy

You gotta learn, not to play, too tight

You've got to know Playing hold 'em

Scandies never fold 'em

Know when to bump it up

Know when to check

If you never count your money

When you're sittin' at the table

Then you’ll never know,
That your M just hit one

Every gambler knows

That the secret to survivin

'Is knowin' where there’s overlay

And going really deep

'Cause every hand's a winner

And every hand's a loser

And the best that you can hope for

Is a big pair every here ‘n’ there"

And when he finished speakin'

He turned back toward the window

Put down his Bluff Magazine

And faded off to sleep

And somewhere in the darkness

The gambler he broke wind

And the other passengers

Thought it, uncouth of him

You've got to know Playing hold 'em

Scandies never fold 'em

Know when to bump it up

Know when to check

If you never count your money

When you're sittin' at the table

Then you’ll never know,
That your M just hit one

You've got to know Playing hold 'em
(Playin Hold’em)

Scandies never fold 'em
(Scandies No fold’em)

Know when to bump it up

Know when to check

If you never count your money

When you're sittin' at the table

Then you’ll never know,
That your M just hit one

You've got to know Playing hold 'em

Scandies never fold 'em

Know when to bump it up

Know when to check

If you never count your money

When you're sittin' at the table

Then you’ll never know,

That your M just hit one

Cheating at life (In the South West it’s just too easy)

2008-03-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

This feels like a shitty post to make, its sort of gloating and self satisfied and a little smug, I wrote it then reread it and thought I won’t post it because its best to be humble but then I thought, what the fck last year was so depressing I deserve to enjoy the good times.

Before the bank holiday weekend I posted on UKPL forum that I was on a shit or bust mission and it pretty much came to a head last week. Those who know me will attest I’m prone to quite a bit of naval gazing and just recently I had become frustrated with the position I had assumed in the poker world, a bottom feeder. I had a couple of thousand spread across 7 or 8 sites and was playing low stakes tournaments on all of these. On top of the money I had online I have made at least five £1,000 + withdrawals as well over the past three years so I guess I would have made about $3,000 a year playing online just picking on the weakest players for a small profit with no real risk.

Now whilst all of this might sound impressive, well it’s just not really. I would say I play at least 20 hours a week, so I worked out that I’m making about $2.60 an hour or £1.30! I Thought to myself “Fck me what a waste of time, really that’s just pointless”. Well in fact its not, over the past three years I’ve played an awful lot of NLHE tournament hands and have greatly improved my card sense. The only reason I have not moved up is because I have been very risk adverse, not risk adverse in the traditional sense that is scared to lose money. No frankly I was too scared to risk being out of action, which is a bit silly when all I really need is a 10x buy in bankroll and I have proved I can grow it back up time and time again.

So I decided I was going to try to run each of the accounts to a reasonable figure to withdrawal ($2,000) or bust trying. First up was poker room with $500 in there. I have made three withdrawals from this account, $500 after I won the Poker Player Magazine team challenge, $1,000 after I completed a Jesus challenge starting from just Player points and $2,200 when Poker Player Magazine credited my account to play in a Gala poker tour event after I won the Sit and Go against the Poker Room pro’s and our team all got the same amount deposited. To be honest the only other player who deserved the money from our team was LADYSKYE (Dave Beecham) a fellow UKPL’er who was unlucky to come 4th and between us we played a great team game to get the points needed for the win, whilst our fellow team mates for the most part played like fecking idiots. Only 4 of the pro team turned up so we had a huge advantage but they set about taking each other on whenever possible, really dumb when you think there was effectively $14,000 on the table and we where two men up to start with, In the end I had to take on two pro’s as the short stack to win and get us enough points.

Anyhow, I played 1/2 NLHE and lost a £500 pot when I Flopped top pair and a flush draw against middle set, I then lost a $500 pot in NLHE when I ran my kings into ace, I really knew what he had as well. So that was poker room gone. I then blasted through my Virgin account, I had initially made a £25 deposit last year to qualify for the first V-festival at the Broadway which I did, I had some left over but lost that, I then deposited another £25 but realised how hard it was going to be to travel from Somerset to Newcastle so I ran this up playing .25/.50 PLO 8/OB which I found on this site I had a huge edge in.

I lost all $400 in a few big buy-in MTT’s, I did little right and played quite poorly and it all went pretty quickly the same for a few other account really, poker heaven and Blue Sq and few other places I rarely played all busted quite quickly.

Then to Full Tilt where I have made the occasional withdrawal, I immediately went on a tear playing the 55 and 110 sit and go’s. Holding when I was in front and hitting out’s when I was behind, Two particular hand’s of note stick out in this run that sum up how things can turn on knife edges when your running well. Against the same player in a series of $55 headsup matches (Collcrusha or something) I had been owning him pretty hard and he challenged me to $110 game. In our first 110 game I had him down to 900 chips when I raise, 300 from the button with AJ, the flop came 10 high and he moved all in, there was no obvious draws so I know I its an insta fold I just thought I had him, I really wanted to fold but something in me made me call and he had KQ and my ace high held for the win. He exploded in chat calling it a donkey call, maybe, but I just knew. He hits the re-challenge button and I know it’s a good time to play him, after a couple of hand’s I’m 200 chips up and get dealt AJ clubs and make it 120 or something, he calls and the flop come KQx clubs, I know he will push it all in and I know im behind and also that I’m not folding, he shoves with K 10 and I hit an ace on the turn which holds on the river. I have never seen so many expletives and I know I have run extra hot with spicy meatballs. Before long I’m issuing a cash out.

So to Party Poker, which I have cashed out of on many occasions and it’s always a pain in the arse, they send you cheques and the banks charge you for cashing them because they are in USD. I Hit up a few party steps in my early days (2K variety not the 30k ones!) and have always done well on party. Karen does most of the playing though and runs/plays very well in the $33 and $55 and we are quickly up around the $1,000 mark then I played a MTT whilst I worked on the New Poker Bibley at (I was going to give out the web address but changed my mind, you’ll just have to wait now! Or just ask me). It was only a $6 because I wanted to concentrate on work and jump in and out when required, in fact after an hour I had played very few hands and was down nearly half my starting stack. Then I won a three way all in with AJ vs KK and 88’s, and then a 50-50 hitting quad fives V’s AJ. Before long I was cruising and I had nearly 170,000 to an average of 130,000 when I handed over to Karen as I had promised to take Becky over the park (I’m not dad of the year but cancelling a promise to your daughter because your running well in $6 tournie is just a little the wrong side of degenerate for me!). When I came back they where down to five and soon Karen battled down to heads-up and the win and a cash out order was dully issued, well done honey I have attached the screen shot FTW.

So I’m not playing poker for the moment just writing and concentrating on my new job, which is going very well. Nice guys to manage and a relaxed environment, I have been grandfathered a deputy called Nigel who cracks me up. His a giant of a man and in his mid 30’s and lives with his mother and there’s a touch of the Timothy Lumsdens about him but his a very nice fella.

He is a bit of and internet whore though and often has dates with middle aged women who he has first met online, he was telling us the other night that he just dumped his latest bird because she smelt of vegetable soup which had us all cracking up. He had had his car converted to run on Gas (hybrid) and he was telling us about it the other day when he said “I treat my woman like my tyres, I checks em regular to see if they need replacing”. I piped up “don’t you mean you treat your women like tyres because they are also made of plastic and need to be inflated”, which had him laughing till Easter Sunday I think.

Anyway he keep’s trying to drag me off too this Chinese buffet round the corner called *****s, its £5 eat as much as you want and it’s truly horrific, the thing about these Uber Cheap buffets places is im pretty sure the food gets recycled, all those giants pots, I’m sure they don’t empty them out and clean them every day, I’d be positive there was some food floating around in there older than my daughter. Also I saw a table of locals and when they finished they all licked there plates, never seen anything like that before I was amazed and disgusted in equal measure. Anyway if I die of salmonella or Lysteria or fck it seeing that place even Ebola the you know what happened.

So back to the gloating, what a great weekend. We took Becky up to the Quantock’s on Saturday morning and she loved the ponies, then we drove along the sea road which has some spectacular views to get to Ilfracombe for lunch stopping of at Hele bay along the way so Becky and I could go exploring the vast rock pools there. My greatest pleasure in life is playing with Becky on the beach, I might not be the perfect Dad but I love this time together and we both love catching crabs and looking at the shells and sea life. Then Sunday we drove to Budleigh Salterton and spent the morning throwing rocks into the sea and then had the most delicious hot chocolate at a little cafe just off the beach. Then we ruined all the good vibe by having a family dinner at a Brewers Fayre, Jesus the food was bad and there where wild eyed kids tearing around the place seemingly unsupervised, it was like lord of the flies with soggy onion rings and flat Beer.

I’m a parent myself so its not like im one of those people who gives parents a filthy look when they bring there kids into a restaurant and I appreciate this particular chain are little more than a McDonalds for Parents who want a pint with there happy meal but there should be some semblance of order held by the adults. What I mean is there was soft play area in a separate room from the main dining area, I saw kids as young as 18 months dumped of by there parents here and there was no supervision. I would never let my daughter out of my sight in a place like this, there are fire exits that a kid could easily be abducted from.

Anyway, Somerset is just amazing, really I have lived and worked in Essex, London and Birmingham and nothing touches the quality of life we have. Even my in-laws said to me they have noticed how happy and contented I seem, and that was during one of there visits so the rest of the time I must be so laid back I’m asleep!

Hoping to get up to the game of the century at Squirmys pub and will be a great chance to catch up with the UKPL’ers who are going.

Oh and I told Sky to fuck off and BT are taking over my account.

This Sky is The Fecking Limit

2008-03-03T06:02:00.000-08:00

Nearly a month living in Taunton now and I must say im amazed at how quickly we have all settled. Taunton is a lovely place and its great having friends nearby, I went out a couple of Fridays ago with one of my oldest friends Jay and we got hammered. Been a long time since I was that drunk and if anything Jay was in a worse state than me, he was so bad he forgot his own address and had to ring his wife at 2am to find out where he lived, an impressive feat. Becky loves her new school and Karen really love’s our new house and the town, mind you the incredibly mild weather and regular trips to the Devon coast have helped in that regard.

As for poker, well my broadband connection provided by the lovely Mr Murdoch’s SKY is an absolute disgrace. Its down way more than its up and this has lead me to stick to low stakes cash games mostly on Poker Heaven and Virgin, I did venture into a $5 sat on Pokerroom for a $50 seat in another WSOP sat, I won this and then entered the $50 sat for a seat in a $550 seat in the WSOP qualifier. I was cruising with nearly half the chips in play and only a ten players left vying for three seats when my connection went down for the 5th time in 8 days and did not come up for 21 hours!

But the low stakes cash is going very well, I’m trying to only two table NLHE cash as although I‘m confident at Stud and Omaha hi-lo my cash game NLHE tends to mirror my NLHE tournament play which is too looses and aggressive for cash. So far I’m up about €160 on BOSS (Virgin/PHeaven), about $60 on Poker Room, $20 on Party Poker (seems very unpredictable style on PP) about $200 on Full tilt which is mostly due an incredible session I had on Sunday afternoon, I sat down with ten dollars on full tilt on .10/.25 an run that up to $169 in an hour!

On the live poker front I have not tried to qualify for the Virgin Poker Festival in Newcastle because the logistics for the trip are too complicated! Locally I plan to get involved in the river rat poker league but its on a brief hiatus and I’m not sure what some of the pubs are like to be honest and don’t want a slaughtered lamb scenario (see American Werewolf in London). I also have my eye on the £40 Treble chance at the Bristol Circus when I have some cash. Also we won’t be going on holiday this year so if any editors are looking for live poker coverage in exciting far flung location I’m your man (if you don’t mind piss poor punctuation, over use of the word I’m, and spelling mistakes that is).