Parenting as a Christian Single Dad

Value of Time

2009-07-08T14:46:00.000-07:00

I had to attend a supervisor meeting today and the main thing that we were asked to consider is the value of time. What is important to me, at work and at home? What types of things can complicate life and interfere with those things? It was quite interesting because as a supervisor you have to be very careful what you do. Developing friendships with non supervisors can lead to trouble down the road or asking the wrong questions can have the same affect.

The point is we have choices but our choices, even though they seem harmless, can bite us right in the butt. As a supervisor I need to understand how my choices can affect what I value and ultimately how it will affect my time and how I feel during that time.

Check out this video...

Coming to Terms with Child Custody

2009-07-04T22:41:00.000-07:00

I did something yesterday that I never thought I would do... I called my ex to come get our little girl early, I even gave up the rest of my weekend. It was the hardest thing for me to do. I feel like a complete scum bag. I have always thought I was the stable one, the one that would always be there for Madalyn but for some reason yesterday I just couldn't handle it. All Madalyn wanted was to be with her mom. She knew her mom was coming to get her for the holiday, so she would sit at the window and watch or constantly check the clock. This is after she just spent 4 days with her mom. I struggle with this all the time. I feel that the time I spend with Madalyn is good and I know she loves me so why do I get upset when she just wants to be with her mom? I know! Because I am selfish and immature.

Here is how it was explained to me: 98% of little girls are more attached to their mothers! Period!

I have been able to handle the divorce and all that went on but for some reason I can't find solid ground when it comes to Madalyn. I can't come to terms with only having 50% custody and I most certainly can't come to terms that she prefers to be with her mother!

Update: You would think I would learn by now but I guess I have a thick head. Madalyn's behaviour always changes when her mom is in the process of moving or getting a new boyfriend. Well I just found out that she is moving back in with her boyfriend. Normally I can see the signs in Madalyn and know something is up but I completely missed it this time. I guess I was too concerned with myself to see it.

This battle is brutal! When will it end? I pray and pray, God moves and things are better for a short time then it just goes back to the way it was.

Living Single – Feeling Left Out

2009-06-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

Last night I attended a church meeting hoping to make some connections. Since my divorce a couple years ago I have struggled with making new contacts and friends. I have noticed that my patience for people has even diminished causing me to isolate myself more than normal. I guess I have lost confidence in others because of the divorce. To be honest I really didn’t pay much thought to it but recently I have begun to examine myself to see if I can figure out what is going on. The meeting was good but unfortunately the group was not what I was looking for. I was surrounded by people in their 20’s and/or families in their 30’s.

As a single parent I really feel left out, even more so as a single dad. There seems to be a class or a group for single women but rarely for single dads. I would love a class like that! As a man living single is very hard. I really want to do what is right but I struggle with desires and female companionship. I often pray to God to help me be happy with where I am at in life and to live for Him. I don’t understand why I am drawn to be married as much as I am. It is like a curse and some days I just want to go crazy. I am a major introvert and I can be happy with very few people in my life and maybe that is part of my problem. I feel that all I need is a spouse and a family to be completely happy and fulfilled. I don’t care if I have a lot of friends and to be honest I don’t know how I would have the time for them all. I actually enjoy the challenges of marriage and working to be the best husband and father possible.

Biblically there are reasons to stay single and Paul considered himself blessed because of his singleness (1Cor 7:7-8). Many people are called to serve God as a single person and they do it great with no regret. If that is the life God has for me then I pray that He would remove this desire! I have never felt so blocked in my life…

Biblically there are many reasons to get married:

1. Dangers of temptation
2. Loneliness
3. Self-centeredness

I struggle with all the above and as self-critical as I am I can often feel like a bad Christian. I know God’s grace is there for me and He loves me. I know I should be focusing on serving Him rather than myself but I often fall short. I know there is a lesson to be learned here and God is working on me but the answers aren’t there. What do I need to do?

Online Auctions

2009-06-13T11:22:00.001-07:00

This past couple years the more I read about eBay I am finding out that they seem to be upsetting a lot of their sellers. With fees and automatically returning customers money that complain about any little thing. I completely think that internet shoppers need to be protected but when you buy from online auctions you have to expect a ding or a chip, especially if it is USED! Nevertheless, I have been known to shop online quite a bit and I came across a new online auction site called SWOOPO. It is kind of cool. It has a nice clean look and is easy to navigate so if you are maybe looking for a new place to shop check it out. Register at Swoopo.com now for great discounts!

Unconditional Love

2009-06-10T13:05:00.000-07:00

I spent some time contemplating what it would be like to be loved unconditionally. Sometimes I struggle with the desire to be loved and hence my pursuit for a mate when I realized that I already have that love in my life. I know God loves me unconditionally but I struggle with receiving that love. I know through miracles and circumstances in my life that He is looking out for me and all the blessings He has given me but what about human companionship? So it hit me… As I am watching Madalyn run through the play ground, I have the proud father smile going, Madalyn is that reflection of unconditional love. No matter how badly I have screwed things up she comes back to her daddy with love. Sure there are times she doesn’t like me and she makes that perfectly clear but I know she loves me as I love her. I have been looking for something that has been right in my face for so long. Its so weird how that happens. The biggest blessing that God has given me was a child that loves her dad. Now I know this may change in the teenage years but I have a bit of time to worry about that. For now I am going to enjoy that love and not worry so much about everything else.

Conspiracy Theory

2009-06-05T18:08:00.000-07:00

I am not one of those people who like to stir up trouble or do I like to go against our government but over the years I have become aware of so many things that just aren't right. I have lost faith in our government and I guess that is alright because we all know that the Lord has to return soon and He isn't coming to a world filled with joy and peace but a world in crisis, sin, and hate.

I thought long and hard about adding the following videos to my blog in fear of offending people but I really think there is a lot of truth to them. They are disturbing to watch and stir up emotion, at least in me they did but it is important to know what could really be going on. I can't believe that the world crisis we are seeing is an accident. We aren't that ignorant or stupid to allow this thing to happen again and again. It was planned! Revelations is happening right before our eyes and it may be closer than we think. Please don't post comments to this post if they are mean and I am not looking for a political debate.

We know that God will judge the world and if you make it through the videos you may find that you are compelled to pray. The end result is inevitable but we can pray that God's will be done. We can't change what is to come but we can prepare ourselves and family for Jesus' return!

Yoga Class

2009-06-05T18:02:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember I have struggled with getting a good night sleep. I have tried everything but recently I decided to give yoga a try. I have had hangups about yoga because of the so called spiritual aspect of it but I have found that there are programs out there that focus on the physical, no chanting or meditating. I have gone a couple times and I am impressed on the impact it has had on my body. I feel so much more relaxed, as for sleep I have noticed an improvement yet there is still room to improve.

Madalyn and Dora

2009-05-29T19:38:00.000-07:00

It has been some time now that Madalyn has been a big fan of Dora the Explorer DVDs. She really does love those cartoons and I think they are good for her. Not having cable tv I don't have many options for quality programming for Madalyn and myself to watch. She just doesn't get the CREATE channel like I do. I decided to do some research and was amazed that there are over 2 dozen Dora DVDs. Holy Cow! If you are interested in checking out Dora for your kids I recommend saving a bit of money and shopping for Dora at Amazon.com

Nose Jewelry

2009-05-26T18:30:00.000-07:00

Here is a kicker... Madalyn just finished dinner and she is sitting on me and as I am looking up at her I notice something shiny in her nose. It was a jewelry bead! What the heck. How long had it been there? How was I going to get it out? I was fairly certain I knew how it got there but I asked just the same.

Of course she put it there at daycare and "yes" it was a bead. After several attempts with the tweezers and a crying little girl I was finally able to get it out. I never thought being a father meant digging jewelry out of their nose. :-)

I think she understands the importance of not sticking things up her nose. I just hope there isn't any other beads up there.

Kids... you gotta love them.

Is Jesus Getting Through

2009-05-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder just how much Madalyn is getting about Jesus. Sure every now and then she prays over dinner and does a really good job but besides that I am uncertain just how much she understands.

Today I got a ray of hope. Went hiking in the hills above some great Boise real estate and I hear her talking, I thought to me. She was asking whom I thought was me to not let her fall. So I told her to get up to where I was and I would hold on to her. She quickly corrected me and told me she was talking to Jesus. As simple as that was it sure did put a smile on my face.

Aspartame is Bad

2009-05-20T14:41:00.000-07:00

Maybe I am a bit paranoid but I can get that way from time to time. I am often skeptical of artificial sweeteners and such because I think sugar is great, in moderation of course. But since Madalyn has grown accustom to loving sugar, it must be a genetic thing, I have decided to feed her some sugar free food items. I thought about doing a little research on aspartame and even asked a chemist that I work with exactly what it was and I did not like the answer. In a language that I can understand it came down to this: ASPARTAME IS BAD! Of course there are millions out there that would agree and even disagree. Heck the FDA says it is okay even though they have received thousands of aspartame side effects complaints. There are hundreds of websites, not that I believe everything that is on the Internet, that are opposed to aspartame. The ones that I looked at seemed to have valid concerns and even stories that make you question if it is worth it. From what I can tell there really is not benefit to going sugar free.

I have made the decision to no longer buy this product or foods containing this aspartame. I found that I was feeding Madalyn this at least twice a day. Our gum, light yogurt, and popsicles contained aspartame, they are now in the trash. Reading the “possible” side effects I felt like I was watching a drug commercial, with the never-ending list of potential side effects. There are 92 known side effects to aspartame and they all look bad. For me it is not worth it and I will learn to eat in moderation, healthy, natural foods rather than look for short cuts to make up for our lack of self-control.

Misplaced Guilt

2009-05-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

I have been doing some serious praying that Madalyn would be with me more while God works on my ex’s heart about her living conditions. (She is on her 3rd live in boyfriend in the past 12 months)

On Mother’s Day she did not come to pick up Madalyn and I come to find out that her car broke down. Because of this I have been able to have several more days with Madalyn and loving it. Things are just so much better, I feel like a better father, I feel less rushed, and more consistent. Overall I feel great but I continue to have this nagging feeling of guilt. Guilt that Madalyn is not able to be with her mom. I wish I could help her and fix her car but that is not my responsibility. My prayer is being answered and I feel guilty and selfish. WHY? Maybe I am selfish, actually I know I am but deep down I really want what is best for Madalyn and I know that is being with both her mom and dad. Eventually, unless God has other plans, she will get her car fixed and things will return to normal and I will be praying for the same things. What is the deal? Am I crazy?

Healthy Snack

2009-05-03T12:52:00.000-07:00

With the big push towards sugar free everything I am a bit nervous of what is to come. Personally I don't believe that these sugar substitutes are the answer and we are setting ourselves up for a big problem. I love sugar yet I know to much of it is a bad thing and when it comes to Madalyn I am trying to find healthy alternatives that she will enjoy. The most recent of which is buying those yogurts in a tube and freezing them. I know this is probably an old idea but I really never had to deal with such issues, heck until recently I never bought yogurt. I guess I am a late bloomer. Anyhow it works great and Madalyn loves the choice of eating the yogurt from the freezer or the fridge.

Losing Patience

2009-04-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

What a grumpy day... I find out my ex is living with several people one of which is her boyfriend and according to Madalyn they all sleep in the same bed. My ex just doesnt' get it and there isn't anything I can do about it, except get pissed. For some reason Madalyn tells me she is being washed in their sink and not the tub, granted she is only 4 but why would she make this stuff up and she has been dirtier than usual. I not getting the clothes back either and I am running out of clothes and patience.

Then I get a notice in the mail that I over drafted a savings account. What the heck... they were charging me $5 a day for an account I never put money into. I feel terrible because I let loose on the customer service rep like it was all his fault. To top it off I headed to the store and went to park and people pulled through the slots from the other side where I was going to park, not once but twice. I totally felt like going postal!

God grant me serenity for I am losing it.

Growing Fresh Tomatoes

2009-04-24T18:15:00.001-07:00

I love making homemade salsa and eating fresh vegetables but lately my gardening skills aren't that great. I just not getting the results I want. My garden typically includes tomato, jalepeno, and onion. None of which are growing well anymore. I have seen ads for those Upside-Down Tomato Planters and am nervous to give them a try. Has anyone used them before and do they really work?

The Power of Laughter

2009-04-22T10:39:00.000-07:00

Laughter really does work! Imagine a beautiful spring day but for some reason you can’t seem to kick a gloomy depressed feeling. I find it interesting that when I don’t have Madalyn I wind up in that place a lot. My routine is out of whack and I seem to be unproductive and sometimes depressed.

Anyhow, as the day passes America’s Funniest Videos comes on and typically I tend to find the videos more on the painful side of things, yet tonight was different. They were funny! I laughed and laughed, by the end of the show I was grinning ear to ear and felt great. Laughter really can make you feel better when you are down. So I have decided to compile a set of videos from You Tube that do nothing but make me laugh to combat depressed times. Give it a try.

Girl Crazy

2009-04-18T13:49:00.001-07:00

I guess it is that time of the year again, spring is here and the flowers are blooming and I am in need of a woman. So again I am faced with the question of, "Why is it so hard to meet attractive, intelligent, godly women?" I am coming to the conclusion that they either don't exist (no offense to all you woment out there) or they are all married. Well I got one thing going for me. Winter is only 8 months away and I will go back to my cave and hibernate.

A few weeks ago I was talking with my step brother and we seem to be in the same boat. There used to be a time in our lives where finding a date was not to hard but since our divorces we seem to have this invisible sign that stays "damaged" keep out!

I know God has a plan for me and I have healed from my divorce 2 years ago but sometimes it is hard for me to know my ex is on her millionth boyfriend and my heart and soul is screaming out to God for the one He has for me.

Everyone tells me to stop looking for it and it will come. Not sure how to do that, also not sure how I am looking either. It isn't as if I am going to the bar or grocery store to find a wife. Plus how do you not look for something that you want? I don't know, now I am just rambling. Maybe I am meant to be alone and I just have to accept that...

Children at Play

2009-04-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

I was praying a couple nights ago and my thoughts turned to a wonderful spring day that we had a few days prior. I had the front door open and Madalyn was kind of doing her thing and I was doing mine when I heard the voices of several children at my front door. This struck me as being very odd because we don’t have children in the neighborhood. I walk out into the other room and Madalyn is standing at the door with 2 other kids, right around her age, talking. As I proceed to see what is going on they all head off to her room to play, so now I am freaking a bit thinking there are strange kids in my house and what am I supposed to do. So I dart outside looking for a parent and there is their mom sitting across the street visiting with my neighbor. She gives me a wave and a smile and I reciprocate. However, things are still a bit awkward so I go in and drive the kids out.

Like I said it was a beautiful spring day and they should be playing outside anyhow. Once outside I visit for a second with their mom and head off to my corner to watch the kids play. I was so impressed and amazed that how easily that was for them. It was like; “hey look there is another child lets go play with her.” They were playing, laughing, and having a good time together. It really touched my heart, I wish it was that easy for me to make new friends. I see the same thing when we go to the park, kids like to play together, it just seems so natural for them.

So what happens? Why is it by the time kids get out of grade school are they so different, so hurtful, and judgmental? Is it TV, society, parenting mistakes, the fallen nature of man, WHAT? As we get older we play a different game we learn to play games that hurt other people, games that revolve around rejection and deception and for many we never stop acting out these types of behaviors. Watching Madalyn interact with other children really touches my heart but at the same time I fear what the future holds because of the pain she will have to face and endure.

Biggest Blessing

2009-04-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those weekends where the rain is pounding against the window, the wind sounds like it is going to snap the tree in the front yard, and you feel a bit gloomy? I just had one of those weekends stuck inside and Madalyn at her moms it made it kind of lonely.

In the midst of fighting the loneliness and boredom the phone rings and it is this 4 year old on the other end, "Hi daddy." I tell you what that perked me up! We talked for a few minutes and then it was over. I could not stop smiling. I had new energy and a positive attitude.

I can't think of when I felt so blessed from a simple phone call!

De-Clutter

2009-04-10T15:46:00.000-07:00

I think one of the main reasons I want a bigger house is to have more space but last night I had the epiphany that if I were to throw crap out I would gain that space without the need for a larger home. Madalyn even got caught up in the idea. So as we both made our own piles of stuff for the Salvation Army we had a lot of fun and things are looking much better. I guess you can consider it spring cleaning but if that ends up being the case we have a lot more to do.

Beautiful Spring Day

2009-04-06T17:18:00.000-07:00

The energy that comes with the first spring day! As in the first day in spring that it actually feels like spring. Today was one of those days and it is gorgeous out. Of course it is Monday and I am alone and a bit lonely but the energy today was awesome. I love spring! How could anyone not? Sure tomorrow is scheduled for rain but I still have today and that is good enough for now.

Clean up Time

2009-04-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing experience with the kid lately when it came to cleaning. I mentioned to her that I needed to clean and that kid went bazurk. I mean she was picking up her toys, folding blankets, putting dishes away, etc. She actually helped me clean and not the type of cleaning that I had to redo. I was so amazed! She continues to ask me if we can clean again but she doesn't know what I know, cleaning kind of sucks.

It was a great bonding experience for us and I am so proud of her.

Letting God

2009-03-29T14:55:00.000-07:00

Rush, rush, rush... That is what I feel like much of the time. It seems like I am constantly trying to achieve something in my own power. Constantly knocking against a wall that pushes me back. Could that wall be God? Maybe it is time to stop pushing so hard and take some time to let God lead me. It is time to rid myself of false expectations and beliefs. It is time to let God shower His blessings on me and to receive His love.

Okay, I started a new church this weekend and I am feeling connected. It is hard when I put myself first and lose focus. I want to be the best dad I can be and the only way I can do that is to be a child to God and let Him be my dad so I can see how that relationship is supposed to work.

Parenting Book

2009-03-22T18:43:00.000-07:00

I recently purchased Supernanny and so far I think it is a pretty good book on parenting. I guess I can read all I want but until I put into practice what I learn it won't matter. Anyone else had any success with the techniques in the book?

Kids and Food Allergies

2009-03-18T14:44:00.000-07:00

Working in the food industry I see alot of reports and news here and there that are surprising and sometimes not so much. Yet I thought I would start sharing some of these insights.

Study: Kids Often Misdiagnosed With Food Allergies
by Allison Aubrey

children with allergies and eczema are often misdiagnosed as having food allergies, according to a study presented at the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology conference in Washington, D.C.

Researchers at National Jewish Health in Denver conducted "food challenge" tests on 125 children with allergies and eczema and found that more than 50 percent of the kids could tolerate foods they had been told to avoid.

Read full story http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=101944263