The Main Point - By Michael Main - MichaelMain.com

"Survey Says......."

2008-07-19T21:00:00.002-05:00

I know there's a reasonable explanation for this (because Amy reasonably explained it to me*) but I have to admit it stumped me when I first read it.

I guess the new trend for merchants is to hand you a receipt for whatever you've purchased and then add, "There's a code on there and a web address. If you go to that website and put in the code, you can win X number of dollars in our weekly/monthly/daily drawing simply for filling out a short survey."

I don't win any money, but lately I've been littered with these "survey receipts."

Yesterday I received three of them. One from Starbucks, another from Target, and yet another from a restaurant where Amy and I had a rare lunch "out" thanks in large part to the gift card my youngest daughter, Lisa, gave me for my birthday.

So this evening I thought I'd do myself a favor and empty the junk out of my wallet (it's full of receipts not cash) and since the computer was nearby the trash can, I filled out those various surveys.

I'm a little wary of such things, but with multiple email addresses and phone numbers I have few worries about getting more spam than I already receive, or calls from solicitors. Still, I do at least give a cursory glance to the privacy statements and the contest "rules."

I can't remember which survey it was, but one of them had this caveat buried in all the jargon - and this is a direct quote:

"If a potential winner is a Canadian resident, such person must correctly answer a mathematical skill-testing question prior to awarding the prize."

I must admit that I laughed when I read it. I mean there wasn't any additional explanation in the "rules." It's like the contest organizers were saying, "Well, before we give a Canadian money we better make sure they're not too drunk or stupid."

I don't mean to offend Canadians - if that were my intent I'd compare them to the French - but isn't that kind of an odd line to drop in the middle of the usual fine print of a contest?

If I were a Canadian, I'd be offended...of course I'd also be embarrassed, but that's another story....Oh lighten up, I'm just kidding...eh?

To any Canadians I might have ticked off by this little bit of levity I'd ask that you count to ten and calm down.

Okay, maybe five.

Alright you can just count to three, but that's my final offer.

* Oh you want the reasonable explanation? In Canada, at least according to Amy, you can't have contests that give away money. I'm sure the 'official' explanation contains more legalese, but in essence games of 'chance' are a "Non Non." Thus, to win the big bucks from the Starbucks/Target/Chili's survey you have to win a 'game of skill.' Math is a skill...filling out surveys on the Internet is not.

Hey, that's Amy's explanation and it works for me.

I wondered how Dudley Doright was staying busy these days...

Ordainary Me

2008-07-17T11:37:00.007-05:00

Okay, had a little idle time...so I decided to become an ordained Minister.

It took several mouse clicks and no cash.

Those were my basic criteria before I embarked on this mission. Plus I wanted to knock it out before noon.

Luckily I found a free ordination site in a couple of seconds. I followed the explicit instructions...um, I filled out my name and stuff. Then I hit the "Ordain me" button.

Poof!

Technically, I was ordained once before. In our previous church, I was ordained as a Deacon, but I thought it was time I moved up on the theological food chain...became the big Kahuna..."Minister."

Now our current church doesn't really need another Minister - at least not the likes of me - but luckily the Church of Spiritual Humanism seems to have plenty of openings.

Amazing how that works out...ain't it? Must be a God thing :)

Amy is fond of saying, "You can't swing a dead cat in our family without hitting an ordained Minister or someone named Michael." I figured this way I'd be killing two birds with...well, I guess with one dead cat.

Moments after I hit the "Ordain me" button I received an email confirming my ordination, my higher place in the pecking order of piety, my ticket to the pulpit.

How much more official could it get than an email like this one?

******************************************************
This notice hereby confirms that

Michael Main
ADDRESS OMITTED DUE TO COMMON SENSE
SAN ANTONIO
Texas
782XX
USA
is an ordained member of the clergy of
The Church of Spiritual Humanism
Date of Ordination: July 17, 2008
Ordained by R. A. Zorger, President
www.SpiritualHumanism.org

*******************************************

I can't find a Church of Spiritual Humanism in the phone book, but I'm leaning toward televangelism anyway and we all know that a church is not a building it's a community...in my case, at this moment, it's a community of one, if you don't count the dead cat. Amy hasn't been won over yet, she's busy doing earthly stuff.

Although I'm perfectly content with my email ordination notice, I realize one day I may need a few more accoutrements to bring non-believers into the fold who may cast aspersions upon my "official" email from R.A. Zorger.

Amazingly, the Church of Spiritual Humanism just so happens to be able to have such things available.

God provides.

Once my televangelist career takes off, I'm figuring I'll go for top o' the line, spare no expense. I'm going to get myself the "Deluxe Clergy Service Pack."

What more could I possibly need? As you can see it comes with everything from a "Clergy car placard" to a real CD-ROM - more than a $100 value! Heck I can even pick my title. I don't have to be shackled to the title of "Minister" or "Reverend"...the drop down menu offers choices ranging from "Apostle of Humanity" to "Swami."

I'll have to give that some thought. I mean I just got ordained and all...I don't want to rush into this...besides my noon deadline is nearing.

In the interim, I may buy the "Basic Clergy Service Pack"...it's being offered at a miraculously low price of 15 bucks, plus shipping and handling.

You'll note it still includes five "Get Ordained Free" cards.

Anyone wanna buy one?

Yeah, I know they're supposed to be free, but remember I'm going for that televangelist goal.

Gotta start somewhere...and it's almost noon.

Go with God my children...

Electoral Nonsense

2008-07-17T06:18:00.002-05:00

If only I could just vote for the Jib Jab guys...

This is for JibJab's® eCard Plug!

Keep Your Virgin Mary Toast

2008-07-16T07:04:00.002-05:00

Sure laugh all you want...but Jesus is calling.

At least in Corpus Christi.

Folks there are eying a telephone pole which appears to have a mysterious image on it resembling Jesus.

When I first looked at the photos I thought it was a stretch...then I realized I was looking in the wrong place.

That happens a lot when I'm trying to find Christ, but that's another story.

You be the judge. I highlighted it a bit so you wouldn't make the same mistake I did.

OH! So THAT'S where I've been!

2008-07-15T11:43:00.003-05:00

Okay...time to decode, decompress, deflate (okay, that may take some exercise) and delineate some of what's been going on.

I had to be ~~a little cryptic~~ very cryptic in recent weeks because Amy and I were out of town and because of the nightmarish situation we had with two of our former "Upper Room Ministry" guests, I didn't want to put our home, house sitter, dogs, and cars in any further jeopardy. Forgive me, but telling everyone who stops by here that we were in Ohio seemed imprudent at the time.

What few remaining long time readers still stop by here could probably deduce that we were off on our usual trek to Ohio, but this year was special in that we were celebrating the marriages of four people we love dearly. Our son Joey and his new bride Sarah, and our nephew Sam and his new bride, Leslie.

Sam and Leslie got married on June 29th in Lakeside, Ohio and it was a wondrous affair.

Less than a week later, Joey and Sarah tied the knot, also at Lakeside, Ohio and there are few things in this life that have made me happier...

They were pretty excited too.

Needless to say, it's been a wondrous time in our family and I felt a little guilty not sharing more with you as events were unfolding.

Yeah, I got over it :)

And like a cherry on top of a delicious ice cream sundae (I really do need to deflate) yesterday we learned one of our other nephews and his bride welcomed a new addition into the family. Matt and Jodi ushered their son Lucas into the world.

Sometimes I have trouble hearing God...sometimes God screams.

And life is very very good.

The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior!

That's Entertainment...

2008-07-14T03:31:00.000-05:00

Jose Can You See...er Be Jesus?

2008-07-07T11:40:00.003-05:00

I get a lot of press releases.

I don't get too many announcing the arrival of Jesus Christ.

I did get this one though...

==========

Subject: URGENT: GLOBAL MEDIA ADVISORY For Immediate Release: July 2, 2008 URGENT: MEDIA ADVISORY The man Christ Jesus arrives in Stafford, TX next week Everyone is talking about the arrival of the man Christ Jesus in Stafford, Texas on July 13th, 2008. Come and meet the man making news headlines in each country He visits, and listen to His message which confirms Him as the Second Coming of Christ. This LIVE broadcast will be transmitted to all nations through world renowned TELEGRACIA channel (telegracia.com), and webcast is tuned in by 103 countries through www.creciendoengracia.com <http://www.creciendoengracia.com/> . Find out more about Dr. Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda, the incarnation of God in a man, and see why global followers already acknowledge that it is not the year 2008, but rather Year 62 after JH (the Second Coming). WHEN: July 13th, 2008 WHERE: Stafford Civic Center - 1625 Staffordshire Rd. Stafford, TX TIME: 3:00pm (CDT) / 4:00pm (ET) WHAT: National Convention USA 2008 with the honorable presence of The man Christ Jesus, Dr. Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda Open to the public - Free Admission VIDEO: Watch promo video -

(Video inserted by me to save you a click...-MM)

CONFIRMED MEDIA: E! A True Hollywood Story (USA) * British Documentary (UK) * Vision TV (Canada)(( OH BOY! E!-mm)) MEDIA CONTACTS: Axel Poessy (248) 460-3844 pr@creciendoengracia.com # # # The Government of God on Earth Ministerio Internacional Creciendo en Gracia World Headquarters - 8000 NW 25 St. Miami, FL 33122 Tel: (305) 994-9194 Fax: (305) 994-9195 www.creciendoengracia.com <http://www.creciendoengracia.com/>

===========================

This guy has gotten a lot of press already, but since he's coming to Texas I felt sort of obligated to pass along the press release from Jesus.

Oh...also if you don't know where Stafford is located, um...like me...here's a map

Not sure why Jesus chose Stafford, but I guess next week we can ask...

Thank God...or um...Jose.

Attacks Of The Heart

2008-06-16T17:25:00.007-05:00

Obviously I'm not writing here much these days...

There are many reasons for that, but most recently it's been a matter of self-preservation.

We have borne witness to murder and the weapon was so deceitful and conniving that we were unaware of its very existence.

I'm sorry this is so cryptic. The folks who have emailed me out of concern know a bit more, but most details must be left unspoken, unwritten in any forum...for now.

That only makes it worse, but I am limited for our lives have been forever changed, our viewpoint has been corrupted, our hearts have been pierced and suddenly the world is grayer...darker...we have been robbed, vandalized, and something so dear to our faith and our future has been mortally wounded.

Suffice it to say Amy and I have suffered a crisis of faith.

Faith in people.

Our faith in God is unshaken, perhaps it has been made stronger...but the sacrifice required for that strengthened faith is an open wound. It will not heal. It may in time scar over, but the wound will remain and I fear at the time our faith should be strongest it will twitch...it will sting...it will cause us to doubt.

And we will remember, we will hesitate...and that's all it takes...doubt, fear, distrust...those are weapons now etched on our hearts. Hardened hearts...it's not listed as an official crime, but believe me causing such a thing would be ranked as a capital offense were I writing the laws.

The few folks who know us or who still read my occasional ramblings already know...what only days ago I staunchly defended, I now must renounce.

We are in mourning...for a ministry...a ministry murdered.

Over the past 4 or 5 years I can't count the number of people who have told/asked us:
a:) You're crazy
b:) Why would you 'take a risk' on people you don't know?
c:) Do you really believe God is calling you to this?
d:) You should focus on you and Amy, cloister yourselves...don't you realize the danger?

I could go on...and on.

My answers have always been the same.

We know the risks.
We have faith in God.
People who need us obviously have 'messy' lives, we don't expect life to be 'tidy' in trying to help them.
I understand 'the gift of suffering.'
I trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them, no matter their past we start fresh.
We don't care where they've been, we are only concerned with who they are, and how we might help them see who they can be.
We have felt a real calling, believe me it's not the first time I've doubted it, but God has reinforced that call to us over and over again... at our lowest points... that this is what He wants us to do.
No, we can't afford it.
We'll find a way.
God will provide.

All of those answers are still true....except now I've added another.

Someday God will explain this to us...for now we will pray and try not to become jaded by the evil we've witnessed and endured.

In recent weeks I honestly believe I have stared Satan in the face and not realized it. I'll be the first to admit that it turned our world upside down.

But our faith remains strong.

We have, we pray, banished evil from our home, forgiven what can't be forgotten, and imposed restrictions on our lives I never thought imaginable.

Our lives have been forever changed, and what's worse is that change now forbids us from opening our home to people in need...although we do have some folks staying with us now because of an emergency situation in their lives. Their stay has been outlined in ink and to a large degree they are here to protect us as well as get on their feet. Otherwise Amy says our ministry is on "furlough"...I fear it is dead.

There are guns in our home.

There are security systems...alarms and cameras and locks.

Worst of all, there is that seed of distrust in our hearts.

I have traveled the sewers of life of my own volition. I have sat across from killers separated only by thick wire mesh laden glass. I have heard screams of victims that would curdle your soul...but, right now...in our hearts... this is worse.

I can not bear to dwell in such dark places.

I do believe that God will shed light some day, but today...this day...I can not believe God expects me to put my family, my church, my company or our neighbors at risk.

Trust.

That was the weapon.

The story is sad...one day I'll be less cryptic. I won't write here very often for a while to come, but I felt it only fair to let those of you who I know pray for us often some details...obfuscated as they may be.

Please keep praying.

Then pray some more.

I'm hoping one day I'll be able to understand all this...be less fearful...remove so many of the new boundaries we've imposed on our lives.

Today is not that day.

Memorials, Memories, and More

2008-05-25T23:33:00.007-05:00

I had a rather odd - at least considering the source - email last weekend from my immediate boss and longtime co-worker which read,"Please, write something about your 'Memorial day memories'...it's for a radio station web project."

That was it.

It was a little unsettling.

I mean I write all the time...writing wasn't the issue. The topic didn't scare me...even though it sounded like an assignment you'd give some high school English class. I'll also confess my first thought was, "You mean Sean Elliot's 1999 Western Conference finals shot? The 'Memorial day Miracle?"

Honestly, I remember that Memorial day pretty vividly, but I assumed despite the cryptic nature of the email that 'the web project' was meant to pay homage to the men and women who have and continue to serve and defend our freedoms.

I'm asked to write or help other people write all sorts of things in other aspects of my life, but what I write at work - at least usually - is determined not by vagaries but by facts. I mean, the parameters at work are usually more definitive.

"Memories" are subject to any number of variables, not the least of which is my ability to recall them.

I wasn't intimidated by the idea, but it was as my friend Gordon once wrote like my "world's were colliding."

I got over it, knowing if someone wanted me to have more precise direction I would have received it to begin with so this 'project' was likely a rather last minute thing, and whatever I submitted was not going to be judged too harshly or judged by anything more than word count.

In any case, I found some old photos which provoked good memories, and when I had some time at work I treated the assignment like I do this blog...I wrote whatever came to mind.

A portion of it is included below and the basic theme is the same I suppose but I reworked it into a form I preferred.

I feel compelled to write something about Memorial day, but I also would be remiss if I didn't write about something else that's very important...and I don't think I can tie them together in any plausible segue, so I'm only going to mention that following the little essay is some other news....in radio we call that a "tease."

"The world should know of those who give so much for liberty.
The dearest thing in all the world to a father and mother---their children."- Congressional Record 1917

My father was a member of what we now refer to as "The Greatest Generation" - a veteran of World War II - and like many such men, he never spoke of it, at least not to his sons. He wasn't a war hero, war wasn't something to tell "stories" about and I suppose he believed there were more important things to discuss with his sons because every day was precious.

"Combat" and "Hogan's Heroes" were on TV - it wasn't until many years later that war became a reality to me. Before then, it was a "game," albeit as the youngest of three boys I was rarely the victor in our make believe skirmishes.

Memorial Day Memories from those days were of parading and pretending and the only thing I have in common with them now is the same haircut. The pretending came to a sudden end for me in 1972 when I buried my father, and weeks later, my mother at a military cemetery and gazed upon what seemed to be a never ending sea of reality and sorrow.

Those days were "Memorial Day Memories" to me.

Heroes beneath dirt. The chapters of their lives condensed perhaps in long forgotten newspaper clippings or perhaps kept alive only by a few faint, but frail and failing memories. Some were already lost forever. The neatly organized non-ornate tombstones seemed to me to be a sad and somewhat pathetic attempt to somehow force uniformity on what was obviously an uncontrollable, uncomfortable and unavoidable truth...death.

Don't misinterpret me, there was an air of honor, of respect..but also a healthy dose of fear for a boy my age whose entire world had become uncertain. Especially since the rest of the world which I hadn't paid much attention to up to this point suddenly didn't appear to present much solid footing for wherever the heck I was headed next.

Remember it was 1972... there were an increasing number of bright white undeviating markers honoring men of service, but no matter how neatly arranged, uniformity failed to ease the feelings of loss...and of fear.

A lot of time has passed since then. I no longer fear death because I have come to understand that I will not always understand God's plan, but I have faith in it nonetheless.

Over the years, I have been to many military cemeteries to bury brave men and women, or to observe their burials.

Every one of those days is a "Memorial Day Memory" to me.

Our most recent next door neighbors are a family with three sons. I see the boys playing together all the time...they laugh, and "shoot hoops" and skateboard...but they don't "play war." I suspect not many kids do these days.
I'm sure they still enjoy parades and cookouts and family on Memorial day, but I also suspect they understand more about Memorial Day than I did at their age.
That's a hard thing.

However I'm not positive it's a "bad" thing.

I think we need more "Memorial Day Memories"...I think we should have them every day.

=======================

The other news? Yes, I made you read all of that to get to this...you should be thanking me, reading is good for your brain...mental aerobics as my father-in-law is known to say...

Oh the news! Sorry, forgot my train of thought.

As the prior post implied our youngest daughter Lisa graduated from Baylor last week - one day I'll see the humor in how that day went for me and likely write about it, but suffice it to say I'm still walking with the use of a cane and apparently will be for the foreseeable future - I can't wait to see the DVD of the actual graduation ceremony.

No, that's not the news, that's me whining.

I also made passing mention in that post that Lisa is "in love."

She's in love with a good man, Joel, who is apparently also a decisive man.

Lisa graduated. She and Joel started the frenzied process of rearranging their lives, preparing for grad school for Joel...Lisa seeking a position worthy of her degree and talent...and somewhere in that process Joel managed to do one other thing...

He asked Lisa to allow him to love her and make memories with her for the rest of their lives.

She told me about it over the phone and when I wailed and moaned about how quickly she had become a young woman of 23, she was ready. Without missing a beat she said, "Michael, when Mom was 23 she already had three children! Number three was me!"

I think it was then that I let her go, she had other folks to call...and I had to find my cane.

I'm so very happy for her and Joel, and so delighted in their joy...but I must admit, there are some memories for which I will never be adequately prepared.

Dancing at Lisa's wedding however is one I think I'll start preparing for in advance.

Obviously some are bigger than others, but I think memorable moments come every day like so many of God's blessings...some we miss, too many we take for granted.

I think I need to remember that more often.

"Do you have any idea how powerful God is? Have you ever heard of a teacher like him? Has anyone ever had to tell him what to do, or correct him, saying, 'You did that all wrong!'? Remember, then, to praise his workmanship, which is so often celebrated in song. Everybody sees it; nobody is too far away to see it."- Job 36:22 (MSG)

Daze Of Joy And Madness

2008-05-16T13:27:00.005-05:00

It's been a long week...a long month or perhaps year, although this week the frenzy seems to have swallowed me. Of course the Spurs games starting so late (I had to cheer for the Lakers last night only because that means Monday's Spurs game will start at a decent hour) have wreaked havoc upon what little bit of a schedule I've tried to maintain. I'm not alone, most San Antonio residents are wobbling around somewhat like zombies who've taken too many rides on a roller coaster. I suppose I blend in.

There have been far more important things to deal with than the Spurs...yes, sometimes I have perspective.

Amy's Dad, Bernie, suffered what we now believe was very mild stroke. I swear Bernie will outlive me, he's far more energetic, his mind is sharper and were I to actually wager him on the prospects he'd likely stay "above room temperature" simply to prove a point. There's a slight (ahem) competitive streak which a number (read that all) of his descendants have inherited. Bernie's doing better, I'll see him in a month or so when he will bear witness to weddings of two of his grandsons...one of whom is my stepson.

Still the initial word sparked a great deal of worry and prayer...and some reflection.

This morning, Amy and I will drive up the road to Waco to see our youngest child, my step-daughter Lisa, graduate from Baylor. She's well on her way to becoming an Assistant Band Director, possibly for the high school from which she seemed to graduate only yesterday.

She's in love too.

Young, in love, a grown woman with a new world before her...and yet perhaps not often enough, I still see her as the little girl who giggled so much it made me giggle with delight.

Sadly, 90 or so miles north of Waco and only a few hours before Lisa walks the stage, my cousin, Michelle, will be laid to rest. I never really knew Michelle. She was a beauty and although I am only days older and we lived within miles of each other when I was a teen, her world was a different place than the one I inhabited. There's no judgment there, I didn't want to be part of the Dallas social scene, and it's a good bet Michelle didn't want to even be seen with the long-haired dreg I was at the time.

Still I remember a gorgeous young girl whose beauty obviously stayed with her.

She died at 50, missing out on something her sister tells me she was so looking forward to...seeing her 17 year old daughter graduate early from high school...a child I've never met.

So it was providential I suppose yesterday when Amy retrieved the mail and handed me the graduation announcement for my middle brother's daughter, Chelsea.

Yes, I'm struck by the resemblance too. I'm more struck by the realization that I don't know Chelsea as well as I should.

I plan to change that, and maybe get to know my cousin Michelle's daughter if I get the chance as well.

Life changes...sometimes too fast...but it's never too late to change with it.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever He does prospers. Psalm 1:3

It's Sad How Much I Enjoy This

2008-05-01T02:21:00.002-05:00

Pull Of Life

2008-04-27T14:00:00.010-05:00

I suppose I should post something here since that last post could leave folks a little depressed.

Life is good...we have some challenges, but we're confronting them and otherwise I'm really too busy for "leisure writing." Work...the Spurs...trying to start some new ventures...the Spurs...dealing with some car issues which I don't want to dwell upon except to pass along the advice that if you loan someone your car, and it blows up...I'd suggest you not let the same person choose "their mechanic friend" to "fix it."

One of our "Upper Room Ministry" guests, who has since disappeared, let his mechanic friends "work" on my car. After giving these friends several hundred dollars I finally found the remnants of the car and had it towed back home. Not sure if it's reparable but at least I have possession of it. Occasionally the chief "mechanic" on the team I refer to as "Drunk and Drunker" drops by and says he's working on it. I see an oil slick on my driveway. Amy swears she's actually seen him at least once working on the car.

One of our other upper room ministry guests is apparently here for the long haul. It's not like we could throw her out...not with a face like this.

That's Gabby...or Gypsy or Shiloh, depending on who is claiming ownership of her. It appears our steady and "stable" upper room guest "Scott" is going to keep her, which is probably the best thing for her. If not, I'm assuming she'll just become part of the household. She's only a few months old, and her heritage is subject to some debate.

I think her face looks like there's Irish Wolfhound in her, which may make me rethink my sanity (not something I need to do, believe me) but Scott think she's terrier, and maybe part lab. She doesn't seem to be growing too much, although the size of her feet do scare me a bit. This photo doesn't adequately show the paws size in relation to Gabby's body...but suffice it say, they are still a little large for her general stature.

As we wait to see how big she grows, she's providing a lot of entertainment for all of us, and in truth is probably the best behaved dog in the house. Winston and Avery have grown accustomed to her and she's learning how to deal with their possessive quirks...she outruns them.

She's also learning not to be intimidated, as demonstrated by the short quickly produced video below with which I'll leave you because...the Spurs are about to play.

Go Spurs!

Delivered

2008-04-06T13:17:00.007-05:00

I wasn't in the best place, the why, when and where questions although germane are not critical. Suffice it to say I was drained. Physically I was sick, hacking with a lingering respiratory invasion, and my body already rebelling from spending several hours walking in an unplanned emotion- and anger-driven march. A steady drizzle added to my already clammy state. It wasn't enough rain for people driving by to think I was crazy for walking in it, but it was enough to add to my misery. As my legs sagged, my cough worsened and my mind struggled to recall the old comic strip with the character who had a perpetual rain cloud about his head...

It wasn't only physical, I was emotionally, financially and most importantly spiritually spent.

I had left home in the same dreary drizzle the night previous, on foot in a stew of self-pity, sleep deprivation and solitude seasoned with healthy doses of anger, self-loathing and occasional sprinkles of near suicidal thoughts. The time away did little to cheer my mood or comfort my fatigued body. My soul had thrown in the towel. I was trudging back home because I had no other place to go, and believe me I tried to think of one, but it was senseless. Unless I wanted to chuck it all, everything in my life, family, job, money, career and my future, I had to eventually get home.

It wasn't easy and as I limped past a car rental place my mind scurried with the scoundrels of escape. "Rent a car, max out a credit card and wherever you land...you start new." The whispers were real as was the temptation, but I don't run away, I may shove people away but I don't run from them.

Besides if anything my night away had proven it was that I was no better for it - probably worse. My feet were swelling, I was still feverish, and I was "ripe" having not even brought a change of clothes with me. I was ill prepared to go to Sonic much less "off the grid."

I had walked a couple of miles when I realized I couldn't make it the rest of the way. My legs were giving out, my lungs ached, my feet were begging for relief and clearly announcing that no option that provided such would be rejected, quite possibly including self-amputation.

I was a mess.

I was alone.

I'd been doing it too long, carrying too much, trying too hard, sleeping too little, eating too sporadically, and trying so hard to hold it all together. I was falling apart.

Worse yet, I'd become so accustomed to never asking for help from anyone that when I needed help I didn't know anyone to call.

Sure, I could call this guy or that guy about the only two people on earth who I truly know would drop everything if I called them these days, but they didn't need my burdens and it would take them longer to come get me than it would for me to tough it out and hoof it home.

So I sat...in the gutter. Actually more of a drainage ditch... a culvert I suppose. I was sitting on the edge but I might as well have been prostrate in the sludge below, I was feeling like crap anyway.

I was talking to God...or maybe just to myself or the wind, who knows? I wasn't sure any more which depressed me further. I couldn't go on like this, I wasn't sure I could even stand up and I didn't want to die on the side of a drainage ditch...I didn't...sometimes I had to repeat that to myself or to the wind or to God...maybe.

I hadn't seen Darnell for I don't know how long. He had been the postal carrier in our neighborhood for years and he and I would regularly talk. He was a devout Christian but had not always been so and we shared war stories of God's battles for our hearts. He was a regular part of my life, not deeply involved, we weren't "friends" so to speak, but we were constants in each other's lives. My schedule coincided with his route and more often than not if we didn't talk almost every day, we exchanged waves or honks of the car horn.

Then he was gone. I knew he was unhappy with some things at the Postal Service and I wondered if he had finally said, "I've done my time, I'll take my pension please."

I wouldn't be surprised were that to be the case. Weeks passed, then months and soon we had a new postal carrier who wasn't "new" any more. He'd been on the job for a year or more. He knows our names, I don't know his. He's not as outwardly friendly as Darnell. He's younger whereas Darnell is around my age although having a job where he actually gets to walk around a bit, go outdoors and be in the sun, he's in better shape, not that that's saying much. In any case, time hasn't left as many outward signs upon him as it has etched upon me.

Darnell was quite possibly the farthest thing from my mind that day.

I took a quick evaluation of my situation. I was dirty, tired, sweating and limping but I had to get up and get moving because by my calculations the odds seemed to be rapidly increasing with each passing minute that my obit would be headlined, "Road kill turns out to be remnants of human."

I was hacking and wiping sweat from my eyes when there it was making an illegal U-turn in the middle of the street...a mail truck. Seconds later Darnell was pulling up along side me saying, "Michael? You don't look well. You okay?"

I thought, "Dear God, I'm freakin' hallucinating, my fever must be through the roof."

Here I was at a point I had never been, a depth of despair and doubt I never foresaw myself falling toward and now Darnell reappears out of nowhere at this exact moment?

"Michael?? Are you okay? You really look sick and you're a little off course from your usual walking path."

It had been years since I walked the neighborhood every day and Darnell was certainly familiar with not only the neighborhood but my walking patterns...when I used to adhere to them.

"It's been a rough 24 hours...I don't have the strength to explain, but where did you come from? I haven't seen you in forever!" I rasped trying not to sound near as horrible as I felt.

"Wrestling demons." That was all he said, and it took me a while to realize he wasn't responding to my question.

He was tersely summing up my situation.

"Let me give you a ride home."

I looked at his postal vehicle, there was only one seat and he was in it...the rest of the truck was stuffed to the rafters with mail. I said, "Doesn't look like you really have room."

He then slid open one of the side doors and said, "There's room if you stand on the running board and are strong enough to hang on. It's illegal, and I could get fired, but hop on."

Seeing Darnell made me feel more alive and I knew there weren't going to be any other offers of a ride. Plus if I turned down this offer it wasn't inconceivable to me that somehow my feet might find a way to strangle me.

I stepped onto the running board, leaned back and gripped the door handle tightly. Seconds later we were zipping down the street.

We didn't share any more words except the admonishment from Darnell, "If anyone says they saw me doing this I'll deny it."

Within minutes he had brought me right to my front door. He didn't need to be reminded where I lived, and he didn't need to know why I was in a different "place" on this particular day. He just knew what he had to do.

"Get some rest," he said as I stepped down from the running board and thanked him while trying not to grimace as my feet reminded me that even the few steps to reach the front door weren't going to be easy. I couldn't imagine how I would have made it home on foot or how long it would have taken me.

"One day, I'll explain this to you Darnell, but believe me seeing you today is a major blessing."

"I'm glad I saw you, although 'officially' I was never here."

He closed the door and then drove away somewhat stealthily, like a gang member knowing he was on the wrong turf.

I stumbled into the house, directly into bed.

I whispered a few words to God, definitely God, before I fell into a deep sleep.

"Oh Lord, forgive me. I should never have let it get this far. I should have reached out to You more, rolled these burdens into Your waiting hands. You can have them now. I'm going to get the rest I need. I will get perspective back. I promise."

"Oh, and thank you Father for Darnell. Your message couldn't have been more clear had it been etched on stone tablets. I'm so grateful for Your grace... I'm so undeserving of it too.

Especially a special delivery."

----------------------------------------
*This is a work of fiction lest anyone be confused, or the Postal Inspector go looking for Darnell.

I'm First in Line

2008-04-01T03:38:00.004-05:00

Could there be a better way to start your day>?

Get up and get going...with the new Spazztroids hyper caffeinated cereal!

180 milligrams of caffeine per bowl!

Hey! I'd go for it...from Captain Crunch to Captain Buzz.

It's from the folks at ThinkGeek.

They do this every year.

On this day.

April 1st.

Caught on yet?

Whew...lil' slow on the uptake...you might could really use some Spazztroids...I'm just sayin'...

At least you didn't buy their beta-max to HD-DVD converter.

No joke...NCAA Men's Final Four Hotel rooms are still available!

Inside Stuff

2008-03-31T21:00:00.002-05:00

I can't add anything to this...it's not allowed anymore.

But there was a time when "Radio News" was something you couldn't turn off.

(((Warning this is no longer politically correct))

P.S. Final Four Hotel Rooms Here!

Yeah, I have no shame....20/20 blogging :)

Final Four Madness

2008-03-28T03:10:00.005-05:00

The final four tourney is about to descend on San Antonio which means I'm getting flooded with NCAA® 2008 Men's Tournament information. The big worry in San Antonio is whether the giant new convention center Hyatt hotel will be actually finished in time. They say it's ready, but you get the impression that if a few guests reach for the shower faucet and it comes off in their hands, no one will be shocked...except maybe the guest paying a gazillion dollars for the room.

(((Warning blatant plug coming)))

Of course, folks looking for last minute hotels for the Final Four® should realize that if they book a room in Universal City, Selma, Schertz, New Braunfels or any other nearby town, they'll still be 15 to 30 miles or less from the Alamodome and their hotel rates will be far less. Heck, you could even stay south of town in Lytle and then head for the coast after the games. Spring Break is in full swing, if that's your cup o' tea (although tea is not usually what's being served). Yes, there are plenty of available rooms for the Final Four. Just wanted to make sure anyone looking for a "last minute final four hotel" didn't think they'd missed out.

(((Blatant commercial plug now ending)))

Anyway, one interesting fact: They put down the "floor" for the games at the Alamodome yesterday. Did you know they only use wood from trees grown north of the 38th parallel for the court? It's true. Maybe I'll tell you why later, when I have time to post more insightful ~~blatant plugs~~ information.

In the interim:

This time lapsed video of the floor installation in Atlanta is sort of cool.

Talking The Talk

2008-03-24T04:44:00.002-05:00

So, I was looking up some translations this morning and ran across this guy.

He speaks too.

Of course if you don't speak Spanish you don't know what he's saying...

This is the English reverse translation of what I originally typed...but I had to modify it after realizing that it lost a lot in the translation.

Speaking of not perfect. A preacher near Fort Worth is offering you a chance to win a new vehicle if you'll listen to his three minute testimony, and hopefully be convinced in those three minutes to give your life to Christ.

Personally, I've always said whatever gets you right with God works for me, but I sort of wonder if the promise of eternal life in God's kingdom isn't "bait" enough. Winning a car seems a little earthly doesn't it?

Then again, this Pastor's ministry has dabbled in the unusual before. I think he's the same guy who offered people at a rodeo who listened to his testimony free rides on a mechanical bull.

The drawing for the car is being overseen by the law firm of:

Whitaker, Chalk, Swindle and Sawyer.

Sometimes, you just have to write it and leave it up to interpretation.

Easter

2008-03-23T07:49:00.003-05:00

He is Risen!

Easter 2008.

The house is quiet and my goal is for us to make it to the 9 a.m. church service. My reality tells me that's unlikely.

We haven't been the best at rallying for church lately and so I figure if we make the 11 a.m. service I won't complain.

We have three people, and I think one dog, now living in our 'upper room ministry.' One of those folks, all unrelated except by circumstance and work projects (and in the case of the dog, by species), "might" join us today at church. I would think it's a long shot to believe any of the other "humans" will make it - the dog, Gypsy or Gabby depending on who is calling her name, I'm sure would be eager to come along, and possibly be the best behaved among the bunch...but getting this group organized and ready to do almost anything is a lot like herding cats.

How we went from an empty nest to a full house is a story I've yet to figure out completely. I'm really not certain I need to know the "how" anyway...as long as I'm still comfortable with the "why" and the "Who."

Sometimes you open your doors to a brilliant day, sunshine and Easter eggs.

Sometimes we open our doors to other surprises. In each case, I find it best to leave the details to God.

This is the way He works.

At least in my life.

As soon as I opened the door to Him, He was the first one to enter.

He's made Himself at home, despite our failings, our moments of frail faith...our time challenges, and our apparent tendency toward trust bordering on lunacy.

He is a merciful and patient God.

He is alive!

We're driving forward.

He is Risen!

I better start the coffee aroma wafting around the house if I expect anyone else to rise this morning though.

God bless you. Praise God for His mercies and His message.

You can be reborn, remade, resurrected!

Open the door.

Offend? Moi?

2008-03-18T09:08:00.005-05:00

"Do I offend?" - Pepe Le Pew

Please don't take offense.

These images are from a "college humor" website.

Seriously, if you can't be silly when you're a kid...when can you be?

Okay, I suppose my posting this makes the point that you can be silly in your 50's too.

Anyway I am old enough to have edited out some of the images which were guaranteed to offend. I may be young at heart, but I'm in a slightly wiser "wineskin."

Of course, there are folks who will become fixated...they won't budge in their opinions, nor lighten up. They're just sort of stuck in their beliefs about this sort of thing.

But I don't believe there's much sense in washing our hands of everyone who offends us.

Maybe it's because I remember doing a lot of silly, stupid and probably offensive things. As I aged, I saw things differently.

I think once in a while - not always - remembering the dark days of your past is an excellent way to shed light on the path you should take in the future.

P.S.

If I did offend you, my apologies. Please click here, I'm sure this website will not disturb you theologically, morally or mentally.

I Bet You'll 'Rish You Didn't See This

2008-03-13T17:27:00.016-05:00

I've been so busy lately, odds are I won't be posting anything before St. Patrick's Day, so I figured this was as good of a time as any...besides I found a website that let me make this goofy little display.

Actually, while working on some personal business websites and learning that I'm a lousy basic web designer, especially when I'm rushed, I've also been trying to learn more about using Shockwave flash with marginal success.

So I took some liberties with the code in the video below...removing a good chunk of it which is not really kosher..although I don't think the Irish are too concerned about being kosher in the culinary sense of the word.

In any case, I'm rationalizing my butchering in a number of ways, including that they have nothing on their website saying you shouldn't tinker with their product. Plus I've produced a radio feature about this little widget maker and their website for use on St. Patrick's day....and trust me, that will get more attention than my blog.

Okay, I still feel guilty. So before I go any further, this is the link to their site, where you can make your own goofy blatant plug for Irish Spring.

I will warn you that the most difficult part is not choosing what you're going to look like...

Although that is pretty scary...I found the hardest aspect was trying to work out a speech pattern, which you'll see or hear if I ever stop typing.

I think I'll do that now...

It's not like anything I write is going to make it any better.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!
====

(((Post Script)) - Sorry, but the little video keeps making noise and there's apparently no way to turn it off....

Well there is one way.

Which is why the little video is gone.

Happy Palm Sunday!

=======
P.S.S. - I ~~think~~ THOUGHT they caught on and turned off the non-stop gurgling which runs even if this video promotion isn't running. So I took a risk worthy of St. Patrick - not really sure what that constitutes in this day an age, drivin' out snakes, or drinking green beer from a dirty glass. In any case, here's another silly time waster, my apologies in advance..

PSSSS

Okay, sorry. Hope you saw it. Not sure anyone sees anything here anymore. But I couldn't get it to stop making a bubbling sounds....CONSTANTLY. So, it's gone.

If you want to punish yourself...you can still see it here. As you'll note I put a lot of effort into putting up the website.

Guess it's my Irish temper.

"May the Irish hills caress you. May her lakes and rivers bless you. May the luck of the Irish enfold you. May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you."

Swurfp's Up and Other Chemistractions

2008-03-03T10:34:00.009-06:00

After spending all of my time at the computer lately actually doing work type stuff, or learning how to do work type stuff, I know I need to stop for a bit. I need a distraction, which luckily I've found thanks to Wired.

It's a list of 10 Amazing Chemistry videos although a few of them I'm not exactly amazed by. Don't get me wrong, they are interesting, but they have that chemigeek aura which evokes memories of "homework" (not that I ever took chemistry) which in turn reminds me of the work I should be doing. You might not be able to follow my thinking - not to worry, you're hardly the first - but suffice it to say I'm guilty of skimming through a couple.

First off, before you see the origin of the image below, what's it look like to you?

No, it's not the Virgin Mary - well, at least no one is claiming it to be as far as I know, but then again I only now posted it - and don't put too much pressure on yourself, there is no "right" answer. It's subjective...and face it, it's not like anyone is going to hear your answer anyway.

I'll go first...to me it looks like a swan...or a Smurf...or one of those rubbery non-biodegradable Easter candies...um...[Pause for a 'Senior moment']...oh yeah, Peeps©. I'm opting for a blend of all the above and calling it a "swurfp."

As you'll see, it's neither edible or something you'll want your kids to handle much less eat. It also doesn't have the staying power of a "Peep©" although admittedly, beyond uranium by-products, I'm not certain if anything does...

Presenting:the Swurfp

So by now you've either gone back to work or you're curious as to the swurfp's origins. I'm not going to think too much about which camp you've chosen. Therefore, keeping with the theme of distraction - here's the video:

Cool huh? As I mentioned, Wired has 10 videos you can check out, I'm only pirating one more which I think fits my "theme." Well, it's at least at the same basic level as swurfpism in that it involves something sort of cute which we associate with kids, or perhaps your inner child - a little red Gummi bear.

Harmless, innocent... at least upon entry to our digestive systems, I'm not so sure how our bodies deal with our gobbling down dye infused quasi-edible rubber stuff, but I do know that in the following chemistry video one red Gummi bear is...transgummed. I don't want to spoil it, but he definitely loses steam in the cute and edible departments.

The video speaks for itself but for the chemigeeks amongst us, the ingredients at play are one red Gummi bear and a mixture of oxygen, chlorine and potassium. That sounds innocent - not Gummi bear innocent - but nothing to spark gummimania. You chemigeeks surely already realize this, but for my fellow chemistracation depribates allow me to explain that the trio of oxygen chlorine and potassium can be combined into what's known as potassium chlorate.

Yes, you do too know it, you just don't know you know it. You probably have used potassium chlorate lots of times in your life, it's in disinfecting agents, "safety" matches, and...um...fireworks.

Further elaboration seems unnecessary, so...as they say in Hollywood and no doubt in highly lit storage units rented by low budget pornographers,"Let's roll the video!"

Goodbye Gummi! I'm getting all misty...then again so did Gummi.

I don't know if the teacher responsible for the gumminnihilation was wearing goggles or a mask to prevent breathing in the gummigas - nor do I know if gummifumes are hazardous although since potassium chlorate is an ingredient in matches and fireworks, I imagine simply the gummivaporative odors merit some prophylactic filtration.

The video does clearly show the little red Gummi bear's fumifier is not wearing gloves, which doesn't seem like a good idea to me. Then again, I never studied chemistry.

I actually am fairly well versed in English and yet amid my frenzy of fictitious phraseology who am I to criticize the practices of a gummicutioner?

Obviously I'm a borderline bacchanalian entymologesiac, and borderline probably isn't the right word.

I should have stopped at Swurfp...but then I wouldn't have distracted you this long...

Where's the humoriversion in that?

Final Four Hotel Rooms - Still Available!

2008-03-02T21:43:00.006-06:00

Plenty of room at the inn...

Are there still rooms available for the NCAA Final Four?

Open hotel rooms for the NCAA Tourney?

Final Four hotels?

Anyone asking you those questions...probably not, I just put them in there to play with search engine algorithms.

You see, this is a blatant plug.
I'd apologize, but we live in a capitalist society.

Google will search my blog faster than any website I can put up.

Pardon the interruption but I wanted to get this in to answer those folks needing Final Four lodging.

The are plenty of available rooms for the 2008 Men's NCAA Final Four in San Antonio.

You need to remember that there are a dozen or more cities within 30 minutes of downtown San Antonio, where the NCAA Final Four rooms are less expensive and plentiful!

Hey, I've been working on this stuff during every free moment, and plan to for the foreseeable future. As a wise man once told me, "If you're not going to promote yourself, who is?"

So think of it as sort of like financially motivated blog Tourette's...once in a while I'll just spout something that seemingly makes no sense. Of course, the argument could be made that this is not a new phenomena...

Inexpensive rooms available for the Final Four!

Procrastination, Priorities, and Pickles

2008-02-27T13:11:00.004-06:00

Yes, I am still alive.
Yes, Amy is still alive.
No, we have not had any sudden tragedy resulting in me not posting here.

Thought I'd get that out of the way right off the top. I know I've been ignoring the blog and I could give all sorts of reasons, but it would sound like whining for the most part so why bother?

I have been busy trying to get some things accomplished in our "business life" and when I sit a the computer I really can't justify procrastinating on those matters by blogging, as much as I'd like to...and believe me I'm pretty good at rationalizing. The things I want to do need to get done, and I have to get over and around some learning curves along the way.

However the "Are you alive?" emails do start to pile up, so I figured I'd better let the 3 or 4 people who still visit here to find the answer to that question know that we're not below room temperature.

There's been no "sudden" major change in our basic life situation. No one's in jail, rehab, or the rubber Ramada - although we're keeping all of those options open. I'm still employed. We're still happily married. We do have someone in our "Upper Room Ministry" but I don't have time to go there today. Amy's health could still use your prayers. We are struggling in some areas, like everyone else, but we have food, shelter, God and each other...our blessings are too often taken for granted.

So onto other matters lest the whine reaper wrest control of the keyboard.

Oddity: I was at a stop light the other morning and noticed a "bandit sign" - one of those little professionally made signs that are illegally stuck in high traffic areas to advertise everything from phone services, to diet aids. This one was offering to "Fix Your Credit!"

First off, if your credit repair options have fallen to the point where the best counsel you can find is from an illegally placed sign at an intersection, I think you've ignored too many signs and traveled the wrong road for too long - I'm just sayin'...

However it was the next portion of the sign that intrigued me. It read: "80 Percent Guaranteed!"

What's that mean? Can this company fix 80 percent of your poor credit record? That seems unlikely. Does it mean they have a record of fixing the credit of 80 percent of the people who use their service? Maybe it means if they fail to fix your credit they'll give you back 80 percent of the money you gave them so you'll only have 20 percent less cash to pay off your bills.

I don't know. My credit is fine and even if it weren't I'd be hesitant to use some outfit that uses illegal signs on street corners they don't have to pay for to fix it. I sort of think the sign's true meaning is more along the lines of, "There's a 20 percent chance we could make your credit rating even worse!"

Who knows, the light changed and I moved onto the highway where I was calculating the odds of being hit by a drunk driver. I seem to have developed a habit I once abhorred of hitting the snooze alarm and as a result, since I don't factor in this habit when actually setting my alarm, I'm usually in a hurry to get out the door in the morning as I'm running a little late. "A little late" was a key factor in my mental mathematics that particular morning. I usually drive to work with the intent of being in the office by 2 a.m. at the latest. When I run late, which is not yet a ritual but I may have to get an alarm clock without the snooze option to prevent it from becoming one, I find myself still on the highway on 2 a.m.

There is a big difference in the traffic at 2 a.m. which changed my death by drunk algorithm significantly. 2 a.m. is closing time for bars in Texas and I've taken notice that there is a vast increase in the number of cars on the road. I don't really even know if I could define the word algorithm if I had to and I don't want to ever envision being in a position where I would, but I can do basic math. As much as I'd like to think there are an abundance of other people suffering with snooze alarm disorder who also have to be at work before roosters are even required to warm up their cockle-doodle-doos, the way I add it up is more like: 2 a.m. + more cars + bars throwing out everyone who ordered a double at "last call" = a bunch of drunks all around me on the freeway.

I'm going to have to get a new alarm clock.

In the not too distant future though I might not have to worry about such things at all. No, I'm not making a career move , at least to my knowledge, but I have taken note of the amazing work being done in developing cars that can drive themselves.

Really. It's astounding stuff and researchers world-wide are a lot closer than you might think to actually making it a reality. I'm fairly certain any of those researchers could not only spell and define algorithm, but they might actually enjoy doing it. Some of the advances are being produced by a team in San Antonio at the Southwest Research Institute. This week they unveiled a prototype...I'm not talking a little Mattel© matchbox-size prototype...They've done some self-propelled "pimping" to a full sized SUV...look for yourself.

I wonder if they'll make them with a snooze-bar option.

==========================

Completely off topic, some months ago I wrote about the "Pickle Sickle" and gloated about how I had to push for a news story to be run on the then small town phenomena.

Now it's a national phenomena with recent mentions in numerous publications including the Fort Worth paper, and today in Newsday...the newspaper where my father worked when I was a boy.

Yeah, I'm still gloating...

See? Everything's fine.

Pieces Of Light

2008-02-17T09:00:00.005-06:00

A friend recently gave me a light fixture for a room I've made into my office.

It's depression glass,unique, frosted...fragile. I was honored to receive it.

It's amazing it's stayed together this long. The stories it could tell.

It's beautiful and will soon light the room with a warmth and character all its own.

I suppose it takes a keen eye to spy its true beauty, to appreciate it.

It was in a house my friend is renovating although demolishing might be a better term, and he brought it to me with a grin knowing it would have a place of honor in our home.

There's not a chip on it but I'd treasure and respect it even if it had a few mars. Sometimes scars are beautiful too.

I haven't installed it yet...actually, some friends will install it as I'm not known as a handy guy, although I've installed light fixtures before.

There are other more important repairs I've been preoccupied with lately, but this morning I looked over at that fixture and thought of one thing.

I love you, Amy. I see your light. I know your story. I am blessed to have such vision.

Happy birthday my love...

Amy, I will love and honor you all my life.

"Honor your father and mother" is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, "so you will live well and have a long life."