The WriteRunner

Revision Reschmision II

2010-03-19T11:09:00.001-07:00

Revision Reschmision II

As some of you know, I’ve been working through an online revision course for Steam Palace. The first half of the course was a detailed examination of my draft, including analyzing scenes, plots, characters, settings, and consistency. It hasn’t really touched structure and style. But now I find myself at an impasse. I have a vision of what the book should be, and I want to start writing it. Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been rewriting certain scenes, trying to gain a feel for what the new version will be like.

The course is wanting me to build scene cards, mark keep/change areas, blah blah blah, but my plan is to completely rewrite everything., Every single line. The reason is simple. Although I had an outline for my first draft, when I sat down to write it, all I wanted to do is to get my idea for the book down on paper. I rushed through the draft, not worrying about anything. The result is a mix of good and bad (mostly bad), but rewriting is far more effective that revising.

Revision is different from drafting. In this revision, every line, every word counts. When I was drafting, I could crank out 5000 words a day. With revision it’s closer to 500, and I’m writing copious notes to make sure I don’t drop threads. But that’s not the main difference. I know where the story’s going. I know what the character relationships are. I’ve thrown out 3 characters and replaced them with far more interesting people. I’ve ripped out the middle and replaced it with something deeper. I’ve taken my setting and cranked it up a couple notches, raising the stakes up to where a true Sci-Fi story should be.

Here’s the thing. In my heart, I’m a pantser. I’m not a plotter or an outliner. I can’t sit around for the next 2 months plotting out cards for every possible scene. Yes, organization helps me. Having an outline made drafting immeasurably easier. But organization is not my strength. I’m a problem solver, and I’m creative thinker. I can’t plan everything out to the Nth detail.

At a critique meeting the other day, a newbie was incredulous that I could imagine a world with imaginary characters. I explained that it’s a simple process. What you’re looking at right now is a bunch of dots on a screen, but your brain sees it as something else. Imagination is the same. I see a setting, some characters, and some issues, then my brain interprets that as a story. You “imagine” stuff all the time, you just don’t know it.

This is why I’m kind of giving up on the course. I don’t want to draw dots. I know I haven’t figured out every problem that I have in the story, but my imagination is begging that I start crafting full scenes, not just one-line summaries which don’t really tell me what happens in a scene. My brain has connected all the notes I’ve made, and is ready to tell the story as it should be.

This week I created a new prologue for my story…just for fun (please no anti-prologue lectures). I may or may not include it in the final revision, but something I read in the coursework really made me think, and I’ll paraphrase here:

Do not write any scenes or include any characters that you are not dying to write.

That really struck a chord with me. I knew during drafting that there were a bunch of scenes that I “got through” because they “needed” to be in there. Then when it came time to print out a chapter for my critique group, I sometimes skipped the boring scenes. After learning this, I realized that

If it’s not fun for me, it’s not fun for the reader.
Some of my characters are just plain boring and don’t add to the story.
I will only include stuff that I am determined to share with the world because it’s so awesome.

Note that this does not apply to first draft. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to make every scene perfect and you’ll never finish. In your first draft, include every piece of crap that comes to mind. But during revision, everything counts.

And now, without further ado, here is a snippet of my new prologue, a highlighted bit that appears above the chapter header.

One sister will marry, one sister will die;
The day that Belonia drops from the sky.

“Belonia” is a strange star that’s been in the sky for 450 years. It travels across the sky backwards, counter to the Sun and Moon. There used to be four of them, but now there’s only the one. A crazy old witch lady issued this prophecy. I’m not sure it fits the story, and the name sounds a little like “Bologna” (I used an online name generator), but I had a lot of fun writing it. And maybe that’s the secret.

Do you make sure everything in your novel is included for a reason…and that the reason isn’t “it has to be in there”?

Scene Structure Part VI – The Reversal

2010-03-15T11:15:00.001-07:00

Part of an ongoing series on Scene Structure.

The Reversal

The Reversal goes by a few other names: The Disaster, The Twist, The Reversal of Fortune, The Turning Point (of the scene). Each of those terms has varying connotations, but I think the best way to address this concept is with an example.

JANE MCCONNELL and JOE JOHNSON are high school students. They both want to go to the dance with each other (Scene Goals). Somewhere in your outline or notes (or head) you write a scene, “Joe asks Jane to the dance.” So you write something like this (I’m going to stick to Omniscient POV for this exercise).

Example 1

“Hey Jane,” said Joe, huddling against Jane’s locker during a quiet moment between periods. “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you lately. I think you’re really special. Would you like to go to the dance with me?”

Jane drew a breath. Her friend had mentioned Joe had been looking for her. “Of course I would!”

Okay. For starters, there’s no Conflict, therefore, there’s no scene. If goals are met without resistance, then you’re just telling the news. To add conflict, add obstacles.

Example 2

Joe rushed through the school halls. Last break of the day, and he still hadn’t found Jane. He reached her locker just as she closed up and walked away. “Jane,” he gasped, sliding in front of her, “I only have a minute. Would you like to go to the dance with me?”

Jane stopped, surprised by the sudden question. This was kind of out of the blue, but not unwelcome. “I hadn’t thought about it, but yes, yes I would!”

Well, that’s a bit of conflict. But nothing’s changed. Start thinking about “what’s the worst thing that could happen here?” Here’s the thing. Asking Jane out is a major test for Joe. He’s got to want to do it, to earn it. And then fail at it.

Example 3

Joe raced through the school halls, searching for Jane before she left for the day. There, down near the cafeteria, she spotted her bobbing ponytail with her trademark pink ribbon. He pushed though the crowd and collided with Vickie.

“Watch it,” she screamed at him, pushing him off.

He jumped up, but a hand snagged his collar.

“Where are you running to, Mr. Johnson?” The gym teacher hulked over him, shaking him like a doll. “Slow down or we’ll be talking after school.”

“I will, I will.” Joe took four slow steps, then broke into a run. Oh no, Jane had left the building. Joe stumbled through the doors and out towards the bus line. Twenty buses stared at him, each identical. Which one held Jane? He jumped aboard each one, searching for the object of his mission. On the fifth bus, he spotted her.

“Jane, Jane.” She sat in the fifth seat.

Jane’s eyes grew wide and her heart beat a tick faster. “Joe, what are you doing here? This isn’t your bus.”

A group of giggling girls boarded and claimed the seats around Jane. “Oh Jane, who’s your geek leech,” asked one, sneering at Joe. “Go back to your nerd herd!”

Joe ignored them. “Jane, I’ve been trying to find you all day. I know this is kind of last minute but—will you go to the dance with me?”

Jane glanced at the faces around her. How she had waited for this moment. But this? “No! Joe, you need get off my bus, it’s about to leave!”

More than ever, we feel like Joe has really earned this, but to make a scene shine, it must contain a Reversal. What’s really different between this scene and the other two? Both achieve their goals when you think about it: Joe asked Jane, and Jane was asked by Joe. The reader now knows that they both want this dance thing to happen, but Joe broke all kinds of social protocols to do it, and Jane doesn’t want to be a laughingstock. The readers see what Joe did as almost gallant, but Jane sees it as an embarrassing display of desperation. So we have a Reversal in that Joe’s efforts went for naught.

The Reversal is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal. If everything had gone well, then they’d be going to the dance together, but that situation is not a scene, and it’s not even a story, except in the newspaper sense.

The Reversal Goals

Leave the reader guessing. If your outline says, “Joe gets Jane to go to the dance” then you’re going to have to construct the scene differently so that that result is not obvious. Maybe Joe is actually chasing Vickie and collides with Jane in the hall. Vickie’s bus takes off, and with it goes his chances. But after a lengthy apology for running her over, Jane hints that she’s looking for a date and he takes her up on it.
Don’t meet goals/expectations. Characters are made to be disappointed. Success is earned at great cost, and characters lose more often than they win. Don’t make things easy for anyone.
A Positive Reversal is still a Reversal. When a character expects disaster, make a good thing happen. Joe is depressed because he’ll miss the dance, but Joe’s friend Vickie—who’s loved him since the third grade—listens to him go on about Jane, then offers to be his date at the dance so he can participate.
The Reversal changes everything. It’s not like you go to an ice cream shop and they’re out of strawberry so you get chocolate. It’s not that Joe messes up with Jane so he goes with Vickie. It’s that you go to an ice cream shop and they don’t have strawberry so you throw a fit and get permanently banned from the shop. It’s that Joe messes up with Jane and he’s going to mess up with Vickie too because he gets it into his head to “show up” Jane for rejecting him. He’s blown his chance with Jane and there are no backsies.

You can see that even when characters’ goals are aligned, things can still go horribly wrong, and that makes for juicy writing fodder. If Joe had just taken Jane aside in a quiet moment like in Example 1, things would have gone fine, but nothing would have been learned. The Reversal is there to expose the ugly flaws in our characters when faced with pressure and conflict. It’s to make that moment at the dance, when Joe finally gets together with Jane after all he’s been through, that much more special. (And then add a Reversal to that… :)

How do you keep your readers guessing?

This is Day One…Again…

2010-03-12T10:14:00.001-08:00

This is Day One…Again…

One year ago this week, I left my job. Or I was asked to leave. Whatevs, it’s all in the past now. I decided at that time that “this was it”, that I wasn’t going to work in software any more. I was tired of it. It didn’t motivate me. It didn’t interest me. Today’s software industry is nothing like it was twenty years ago, when everything was fresh and new. I had a manuscript, and I figured after a couple months of editing, I could publish it and be on my way to having a writing career. (That was a funny thought. After six months of hacking on it, I finally gave up that project.)

On this first anniversary of that momentous decision, I think it’s appropriate to take stock of my progress so far.

Published Pieces: 0
Rejected Pieces: 0 (not including blog contests and the like)
Blog Posts: 124
Blog Followers: 116 (or 180 according to Feedburner)
Novels-in-progress: 2
Novels abandoned: 1
Novels with completed first drafts: 1 (for NaNoWriMo)
Flash Fiction pieces: 9
Other story concepts in various stages of development: ~5
Words Written: At least 200,000 (~500 day)
Money Earned: $0.00
Money Spent: $XXX,XXX.XX

So when I take stock, what are my real accomplishments? I haven’t earned a dime, I haven’t even sent anything out to publishers, and I’m no closer than I was a year ago to having a writing career.

But, I know I’m not the same person I was a year ago. When I go to critique meetings, I sometimes look at other’s submissions and think, “that was me a year ago. Look at all these issues.” I’ve learned a lot. I started out this process naïve and ignorant of what it takes to really write. I had learned a few things over the years, taken a creative writing class or two, but I figured the writing process was something like, “keep writing until it’s done.”

So here are the most important lessons I’ve learned so far.

Writing is not a process. It’s a craft. It needs to be learned. You can not learn it by reading books (except books or blogs about writing to some extent). You learn about writing by writing. And rewriting. And throwing stuff out and starting over. And banging your head against the wall.
Critiques are essential. Everyone has blind spots to their own work. The difference between an amateur and a profession isn’t necessarily how to spot problems (though it helps), it’s how to address the problems and revise the work.
Writing can be approached as an engineering problem. Things need to “work” and words, phrases, metaphors, imagery, etc are the “tools” used to make writing work. There are rules, accepted practices, guidelines, and common structures that are used to build a story. These can be learned. Taking this analogy further, it took me four years of college engineering classes to acquire the skills for my first career.
Not everything works. You can have a great idea and a shitty execution. You can have flawless prose but a lame idea. Sometimes you can fish, sometimes you have to find another river.
There is a vibrant writer’s community not only online, but right in your own backyard. Writers love to help other writers, to be there for each other, to support you when you get down and cheer you when you succeed. Don’t be afraid to reach out, we’re all in this together. I’ve yet to meet a single writer either online or IRL who doesn’t have publishable talent under a mishmash of adverbs and tense confusion.
Everything happens in an incredibly slow pace. I see authors release books year after year and I figure that it must be easy to crank out drafts. But revision takes forever. Also it’s hard to get enough time in the day to work on what I really need to be working on. And even if I start sending out queries today, in the best possible scenario, it would be at least two years for my book to hit the shelves.
I have the talent. I can sense with each passing week and month that my craft is improving, that I’m progressing, that I’m building my skill up to a publishable level. I recognize that I still have much to learn, that given another year or two, I should be a master, or at least halfway decent. And this is the most important lesson of all: I must be focused on continual improvement, of working as hard as I can on my craft, because it’s not a process, it’s an education.

So it’s still Day One of my new career, even after a year. I’m still starting at the beginning, trying to find my way through the morass of the publishing industry. I know that I will query Steam Palace this year, I will finish the first draft of The Immortals, and I will also write a new NaNoWriMo novel. And if I’m sitting here next March in this same cafe without either a modicum of success or at least some spectacular failures, I’m really going to have to think about what I’m doing with my life. But for now I’m going to keep plugging away.

Scene Structure Part V – Plot Circles

2010-03-08T11:00:00.001-08:00

Part of an ongoing series on Scene Structure.

Plot Circles

An interesting thing happened at my writer’s meeting the other day. One critiquer started asking me about various threads I left hanging, mentions of things not fully explained, strange words and other things. Since my story is a bit of a mystery, I’m sprinkling in clues for the reader to note. I did these things intentionally but subtly, trying not to call too much attention to them. But an astute reader will pick up on them and wonder, “what’s really going on?”

This is what I’m calling “Plot Circles.” Elements that appear earlier in the story must be addressed in later portions of the story. In fact, the more importance you give to them (judged by word count), the more they need to be addressed.

Here are some kinds on things that may need to be wrapped up later in a story.

Props – Unless it’s pure background, every prop should be used at some point. The more you describe something, the more likely it will be used. Characters don’t focus on background unless they see a tornado approaching. Describe only what’s important to the character, and important for the reader to remember.
Characters – Every character that acts, talks, or has a name is important. Don’t give “background” characters unneeded importance. If I’m in a coffee shop ordering a latte, I don’t provide the name of the barista or anyone in the shop unless it’s a recurring character.
Actions – Not everything your character does needs to make sense. In fact, usual-acting characters will draw the reader’s attention. But every time you call attention to strange activity, the more importance you give it. If there’s a crazy man disrupting things, he’d better have an important message. If a character keeps checking a watch, the reader will expect that something’s about to happen.
Communications – Notes, text messages, talking birds, calls from lost relatives, missives from Heaven, crop circles, these can all be great methods, but make sure they are followed up at some point. Sometimes the messenger can be as important as the message, but sometimes the messenger should be shot—ie, removed from the story.
Mentions – Things like “you know we can’t do that” without explanation. Sometimes it’s more important what you leave out of a scene than what you leave in. Vague references, thoughts, implications, tics, avoidance, obsessions, fears—these can all give the reader pause and wonder if something bigger is going on.
Misdirection/Lies – Some of these your reader can see clearly. Some are only revealed later. Characters lie to each other more often than not. They trust few people with the truth. However, without some dose of the truth, the reader will be lost. But more than that, lies are told for a reason, and that reason should be revealed at some point.

If you leave things hanging in early scenes, you need to complete the threads in later scenes. Here’s a list of some methods to wrap things up.

Reversals – I’ll have a whole post about this, but here’s an example. In scene 10, Joe loads a gun carefully. In scene 20, when he needs it, it’s empty. Why? You see how we complete the circle, but start a new one. BTW there better be a damn good explanation why it’s empty or your readers will revolt.
Revelations – Your character learns something new, a key piece of the puzzle. He puts 2 and 2 together. He connects characters. He sees things in a new light. He knows who the secret admirer is. He knows who emptied his gun. He now knows why he’s scared of dogs.
Conclusions – Using deductive reasoning, Col. Mustard could not have used the pipe wrench in the library. Tie things together. Eliminate the impossible. Point the finger.
Backstory – What haven’t we heard yet? What critical piece is missing? It might have been nice to know from the beginning that the main character has an older brother who is the true heir.
Confessions – Faced with harsh reality some characters finally admit the truth. Whether coerced or out of guilt, confessions reveal a lot. Perhaps a level of trust or mutual admiration has been earned.
Change – Lessons must be learned. What’s different now? Why did your character go through those hardships? Does he now know the proper salute?
Reality – What’s really going on? I believe that narrators should be honest. If you say that the sky is blue in scene 1, it shouldn’t be magenta in scene 52 unless something really strange is happening. The discovery of reality must be character-driven, otherwise you’re just playing tricks with your reader.

Here’s a technique to make sure you don’t leave incomplete circles. Run through each scene, and if there is anything mentioned that is not explained or used in that same scene, mark it. Then as you find the answers later in the book, cross them off. Once you’re done, you’ll find a bunch of things you may need to correct. Examples: What ever happened to that beautiful vase of wildflowers mentioned in scene 20? Did we ever find out if she found her birth parents? Why didn’t they just go downtown and spend the $40 for a marriage license? We go on and on about the Immortal Gods in chapter 7 but then never use a single one of them. We know that she lied on her job application, but nothing’s come of it. In chapter 12 she’s addicted to Ebay but in 27 it’s like it never happened. Didn’t he ask her out in the last chapter? How many colors can the sky be in one book? There was a great scene with her mom in chapter 4 but then we never see her again.

How do you find and complete your plot circles?

Iapetus999 and the Olympian

2010-03-04T08:51:00.001-08:00

Iapetus999 and the Olympian

It was my honor to meet Olympic Two-Time Bronze Medalist J. R. Celski yesterday in my local 24 Hour Fitness gymnasium. He won the bronze medal in short-track speed-skating in the men's 1500 meters race and the men's 5000 meter relay in the 2010 Winter Olympics. He’s a little guy but very polite and gracious, despite having to face a gym full of screaming female teenagers worthy of a Twilight premiere.

I thought of writing a post equating winning an Olympic medal to writing a novel, but frankly I have no idea what it takes to win a medal. Reading his website, I see that he’s been skating and rollerblading since he was little, and performed in a lot of Junior events around the country over the years. Maybe that’s what I need to be doing…competing, putting myself out there, entering every competition and contest I can find, sharpening my skills like J. R. sharpens his blades.

Then maybe someday I’ll be the one sitting behind the table with screaming girls waiting in line just to see me.

Scene Structure Part IV – Information

2010-03-01T10:58:00.001-08:00

Part of an ongoing series on Scene Structure.

Information

Every scene contains a certain amount of new information. Information management can be one of the toughest aspects of crafting a story, since you want to build your world and your characters with drowning your reader with mind-numbing facts. Information can be divided into these general areas:

History – Basically everything that’s happened from the beginning of time up until this point of the story. Family history, social history, geological history, corporate history, births and deaths and everything else.
Setting – Where things are, what they look like, and what things that can be manipulated. Buildings, roads, rooms, tokens, animals, coffee cups, climate, local dress, mobile objects like cars, dragons, etc.
Character – Who are the characters, what do they know, what are their relationships, what are their individual beliefs, what are their motivations. Just keeping track of a cast of hundreds can cause a migraine. Make charts if you have to.
Value Systems – Whether codified in law, religion, or custom, these systems can have complex rules and interpretations. Every action your character does either aligns or is against accepted value systems. 19th century people didn’t use cell phones. What was their mode of communication? Women didn’t wear jeans back then either, and couldn’t vote. Make sure your rules and customs are consistent with the setting.
Object Skills – From swinging a broadsword to reciting an incantation, object skills help a character interact with the world around them. Many of these skills must be mastered to progress in the story.
Life Skills – How to kiss, how to raise a child, how to pay taxes. These are harder to define than object skills, but they are usually more important. The character must master some important Life Skill to prevail in the end, but there are some smaller skills they can work on in the meantime.
State – This is sort of the catch-all knowledge-base. The position of characters in the setting, where all the objects are, the weather, time of day, who knows what about whom, even hidden things not obvious to the reader or the characters. What are they wearing? Holding? Body position, facial expression, pitch of their voice. Are they expecting someone? Waiting for a bus? This is the “what’s going on right now” question.

In every scene, the POV character is going to acquire either information and/or skills that will help them along their journey. Note that these lessons may not be easy, and some knowledge is won at a very high price.

I think it’s important to impart some portion of each of those bullet points above in every scene. The next question is, what techniques to use to make this information flow seamlessly to the reader without appearing forced? Here are some ways:

The Information Dump (info dump). In very foreign (to our experience) settings, especially fantasy worlds, you may just need to explain the setting and the rules to the reader. The danger of this method is boring the reader, but done well, it can be a fascinating look at another world.
Exposition. Similar to the info dump, you basically include an essay about your world in your story. This is a non-dialog method of explaining the world. Keep it as short as possible.
Training. A character acquires a Mentor who guides them through the nuances of their world. The Mentor is there to impart critical information, but the character usually must pass some tests to earn each piece of info. The Mentor may not have the character’s best interests at heart, so something false information can create challenges for your character later on.
Goal-oriented Problem Solving. Your character is trying to accomplish something, and must interact with the setting and characters to do it. Perhaps they are exploring the world, noting things as they go, providing the reader with their impressions of what they find.
Dialog. Your character is allowed to ask questions…unless they already know the answer. Be wary of the “As you already know, Bob…” Interactions with other characters is very revealing.
The Novice. A good technique is to create a “novice” character who, like the reader, knows little about the world they’re in and must be inquisitive to survive. Be wary of exposition in dialog where characters go on lengthy explanations about the world.
Prologues. If you must, prologues are handy for explaining a key part of the backstory. However, when you review published literature, you’ll find they are rarely needed even when they’re included. Use them sparingly.
Consequences. To help learn the rules of the world, characters should break them, and then face the consequences. The rules are there for a reason, and can reveal a lot about the people who crafted them.
Research. More character-directed than Training, the character goes to a library or Google to find out key information. But as you know, there’s nothing more boring to a reader than hearing about keyword searches, so stick to the highlights.

Another point is that your character must grow in each scene. Whether growing in skill, knowledge, or in experience, each scene is like a mini life-lesson.

What techniques do you use to pass along information to your characters and readers?

Revision Test Results!

2010-02-26T11:48:00.001-08:00

Revision Test Results!

In my previous post, I ask you to consider which of two versions of the same scene was better. Here are the results:

Which version did you read first?
Everyone read #1.
Which version interested you more in reading the whole story?
#1-8
#2-1
Which version would you say is better? Why? (briefly)

#1-8
#2-1

Which do you think is the revised version?

#1-6
#2-2

And now for the dramatic reveal:

You were (mostly) right! #1 is the revised version!

Here’s the story. I wrote this originally about 15 years ago for a creative writing class at the local university. So when I looked at it again, I had very fresh eyes. #2 is definitely not first-draft, but it reflects kind of “where I started.” I wrote the revision from scratch, creating a new outline and throwing out the old story. Here is a list of things I changed between the two versions you see:

Deeper POV. Even in first person, you can still distance your readers from your characters. There’s a difference between a character explaining, “oh here’s something that happened to me that might be interesting” versus “you have to hear this. You won’t believe what I’ve been through. I want you to really understand what I’ve been through.” It really comes down to the old “showing vs telling” maxim. In version #2 he seems annoyed. In version #1 he’s enraged.
Sparse description. In #1 I have maybe 4 adverbs, and looking at it now I can probably remove at least 2 more. I have 7 in #2. Adjective counts are similarly slanted. In fact, the one line of description, about the sky, needs to go as well. I’m thinking I want him to shade his eyes against the sun instead of just noting it. Then the harsh glare becomes more important, but I still get in the hint that we’re not on Earth.
Almost no backstory. Instead of explaining why the narrator doesn’t like androids isn’t as effective as him railing against them. I have even less explanation of who Nancy is as well. It’s not that important.
Inner dialog. It puts the reader into the narrator’s head, instead of hearing his impressions almost second hand. This makes everything more immediate.
The character acts. In every paragraph, he does something. In #2 he’s just an passive observer.
Other style changes. Variable sentence length, smaller focused paragraphs (that second paragraph in #2 actually goes on for ~150 more words), voice, etc.

Here are some additional things I did to the story that aren’t evident from this small section:

Reduced word count from 10K to 8K words. There was a lot of backstory in there, as well as either unimportant scenes and/or unnecessary exposition.
Eliminated four characters, added one. He interacts with a lot of people, but I thought that was too much for this length of story, so I combined a few of them into one character.
Reduced scene count from 19 to 13. Combined redundant scenes, eliminated some “traveling” scenes.
Added new ending. The original story really had no Dénouement so I figured out how to tie everything together in a way that hopefully will elicit some OMG’s from my readers.
Added conflict everywhere. Every page, every scene, every paragraph. This is a man who is struggling to avoid the Stockade himself, so there’s a high level of tension throughout.
Story Structure. I’ve used Hero’s Journey and other structures to ensure that the story flows nicely.
Better world building. I added a few twists in there to give the reader pause. But I dole out the world in dribs and drabs, and I try not to explain everything. I want people to want to re-read the piece to find all the clues/breadcrumbs I left for them.

One comment I have about the original version #2: a couple people noted that they like a couple things about #2, but those elements don’t really work in the revised version, so they’re left out on purpose. The lesson here is to not get too attached to any version or concept in your work, and feel free to kill your darlings, to eliminate things that don’t work anymore.

Thanks everyone for your input, you’ve given me hope that I really am improving my craft! And now for some XKCD love.

Revision Test!

2010-02-24T17:46:00.001-08:00

Revision Test!

I’m conducting a test of my revision skills, and I need your help! I’ve re-written a short story called “Android” and I’d like your input to see if I’ve actually improved anything. Below I have two versions, #1 and #2, basically the first ~250 words of the original version, and the revised version. I’m not telling you which is which. Read through both, and then answer the questions below. Feel free to email me your answers at iapetus999 at gmail dot com. By the way, feel free to read either version first, just note which one it was.

Version #1

The harsh tone tore through my head. I dropped my tools and turned towards the window of my store. There, over in the town square, the procession dragged the struggling figure through the streets. My hands shook as I hustled out my customers and locked up my store.

Not another one. Not so soon. Not another android.

The crowd assembled in minutes. Anyone within the range of that tone would come running. The figure screamed and struggled as they pulled it up onto the Stockade, clamping its arms and feet to the metal beams. The sun shone high in a deep green sky, casting few shadows and warming my neck. The crowd buzzed with anticipation and dismay. I stepped closer, wondering whom the androids had stolen this time. I stopped in my tracks. Nancy Perkins? She was one of my regular customers. A wife, a mother—I considered running away, unable to stomach the thought, but this monster up on the stockade, it had to pay. They had to be stopped, one way or another. We had to remain ever vigilant against the android invasion.

I pushed my way up to the front. I wanted to know: how did an android completely replace Nancy Perkins down to the last detail? This thing in front of us, this awful, soulless creature was created to deceive us. But I knew underlying that soft, human exterior lay the cold metal of an unfeeling robot, simply programmed to subvert our community and our way of life. What had become of Nancy? Was she killed? Tortured? I shuddered to think about it.

Version #2

The throbbing notes of the town bell pummeled my heart like a jackhammer. I snatched my jacket as I rushed out of my store to observe the horrible spectacle. The town square hummed with anticipation and dread. A quick question confirmed my worst fears: a horrible android had been caught, and would be dismantled. The faces around me echoed my fear and anger. This time the androids stole Nancy Perkins. I shook my head in dismay. The crowd erupted into rancorous shouts and curses as the android appeared. In the center of the town square the android clone of Nancy Perkins screamed and protested hysterically to the stern constables escorting it to the stockade. They handled it roughly, fearful of its android mechanical power. I had barely known Nancy. A mother of two, rarely frequented my store, but I had always thought of her as a kind, beautiful woman. The men cuffed its wrists to the arms of the machine, and firmly strapped its kicking legs to the base. They clamped its head to the back, until its only possible movement remained the rapid heaving of its chest and blinking of its eyes. The android’s protests and tears didn’t fool me. It was an android, how could it feel anything? It was just an act, an attempt to create pity so we might spare its life.

Ever since I could remember, I had hated androids. They were a blight on the world, an evil presence so profound I relished and celebrated their deaths.

Questions!

Which version did you read first?
Which version interested you more in reading the whole story?
Which version would you say is better? Why? (briefly)
Which do you think is the revised version?
Any other thoughts? Ideas for improvement?
Would you be willing to critique the whole piece (8000 words)? Send me an email offline.

Thanks for your time! I’ll tabulate the results and post them soon!

Why is the Hero the Hero?

2010-02-22T10:34:00.001-08:00

Why is the Hero the Hero?

I’m going to interrupt my Scene Structure series to look a little bit at overall Character Development. In my previous post, I made this comment (slightly altered for clarity):

Why is this particular character the hero in this story? Why does he get to be the hero? It’s almost like I'm annoyed at the author's choice for the hero.

Now there are a lot of traditional explanations, things like:

The Hero has the most to gain/lose.
The Hero undergoes the largest transformation.
The Hero puts others before himself.

But the thing I’m really asking today is this:

Why does the Hero of any given story deserve to be the Hero?

Why is Harry Potter get to be all magical? Why Superman have all the kewl powers? But I’m not talking about those guys. Those questions are fairly easy to answer, but often I watch a movie or read a book and think, “why is this guy getting to be Hero? Why not this other guy? Why not me?” So some kid finds a magical rock and now he’s a Hero. No, it' doesn’t work that way. A better question would be, “why does Peter Parker get bit by a radioactive spider and become Spiderman? Why him? Why not MJ or Harry Osborn?”

A lot of people believe in the “rags to riches” story format, where the Main Character starts out as an “Ordinary Person” and becomes a Hero. Here’s the thing. Ordinary People don’t become Heroes. Ordinary People fail, they sit at home and watch TV, they go through life doing the best they can, maybe with a few nice accomplishments but overall they just exist. They keep their noses clean, they don’t make a fuss, and they pay their taxes on time, and maybe they get a little something on the side.

Let me make one thing clear. Heroes are not ordinary people. They can have ordinary jobs. They can have normal lives, a wife & 2.5 kids, a dog, and a minivan. But there is something intrinsically different about a Hero. Here are a few things that I think distinguish Heroes from Ordinary People.

Heroes Act. They struggle. They fight. They want. They desire. They have needs. They make things happen no matter the consequences. They take risks.
Heroes Care. They rail against injustices big and small. They love. They help. They give. They sacrifice.
Heroes have Big Problems. They are NOT satisfied with the status quo. They want more for themselves and others. They identify the obstacles in their lives. They have emotional wounds that won’t heal. They see the world in black and white, right and wrong.
Heroes Dream. This may be the most important one of all. They think about what can be, what should be, what will be. They have vision (and sometimes literally have visions), and see the world differently. They can see beyond the current crisis to the final resolution.

So take a look at your characters. Is there any particular reason they are the Hero? Or are they just in the right place at the right time? What makes them extraordinary? What makes them uniquely qualified to tackle the obstacles in the story and save the day? And look deeper than, “well, he has super-human strength,” because Superman’s not Superman because he’s stronger than a locomotive. But going back to the Peter Parker case, why him? And I think it’s because of all the things in that list above. He’s a dreamer, he acts, he has issues he needs to resolve, and he cares. Even if he hadn’t been bitten, he’d probably been a Hero anyways. The spider powers are just a bonus.

Does your Hero deserve to be a Hero? What can you do to strengthen his case?

Whoops! Blogfest – Steam Palace

2010-02-22T07:49:00.001-08:00

Whoops!

Here’s my entry in the Whoops! Blogfest. Click the link to find the other entries.

NOTE: Prudencia has just arrived home after a long journey where she had gone missing and presumed dead. From my WIP Steam Palace.

The sounds of crying met her at the door. She rushed up to Bea's bedroom to find the woman on the edge of her bed, her head on her hands, sobbing. "Aunt Bea! Aunt Bea! I'm home! I'm alive."

"Oh, Prudencia!" The women hugged. "I heard you were well yesterday. I'm so relieved you're back. But that's not why I'm crying."

Prudencia released the woman. "What is it, Auntie? Why are you so sad?"

Bea flopped onto the bed. "I just completed a visit with my physician."

An icy hand gripped Prudencia's heart. "Oh, no. Please don't tell me you're at death's door. I couldn't stand it."

"No, no. It's much worse. I'm so ashamed. All my life, I've lived a certain way, believed certain things. And now—Oh, Prudencia, what am I to do?"

"Bea, what is it? What happened? Is it a dreadful disease? A hideous infection?" Prudencia couldn't fathom what upset her Aunt so.

"I cannot bring my lips to say it."

"Beatrice Harwinton, tell me this instant what is going on."

The woman swallowed. "I—I—I'm pregnant!"

Whoops!

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

2010-02-19T08:58:00.001-08:00

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Suppose you’ve never heard that one before, and someone casually asked you this question. You might recognize the question as a set-up for the punch line, then run potential answers through your mind.

Was something chasing the chicken?
Was there birdfeed on the other side?
Was he returning home for the day? (yes I know that would make him a rooster)
Was his wife calling?
Were his chicks in trouble?
Was the coop on fire?
Was a storm brewing?

You start thinking about motivations, about what could possess a chicken to cross a road. At least nowadays roads can be treacherous with speeding cars and trucks. You might sense some conflict in that statement, as the chicken is clearly taking direct action, perhaps against a perceived threat or opportunity.

What’s happening is that the author of this riddle (unknown) is setting up the reader for a surprise, for a twist. He’s taking everything he suspects you know about riddles, jokes, stories, and using that to invent an ending that will surprise and enlighten you. One hundred thousand word novels should be no different.

This reminds me of the ending of Gran Torino (Major Spoiler if you haven’t seen it which I highly recommend). The writer of the screenplay Nick Schenk sets up to believe that Walt Kowalski (Clint Eastwood) is hell-bent on revenge and about to shoot it up with the local gang of rapists. So he confronts the gang, reaches his hand into his pocket, pulls it out quickly, and is summarily gunned down by the gang. Except…he wasn’t armed at all. Schenk had all the clues in there to Walt’s real intentions, but the audience is led to believe that he is out for vigilante justice. In that instant, the entire meaning and theme of the movie has changed.

Think about how you are setting up your readers. Are you telegraphic everything, or laying subtle hints along the way? When your readers get to the equivalent line as

To get to the other side

are they surprised at how simple yet profound the ending is? The Chicken/Road riddle works because we’re completely thrown off by the question. How can something so simple be the answer? In tons of books, the Hero eventually “does the right thing.” It’s as simple as crossing the road. It’s kind of a basic premise of all fiction, to illustrate moral values. Yet with everything else going on, it’s amazing how confused characters can become. So in literary terms, we can then convert the Chicken/Road riddle to the basic riddle underlying all literature:

Q: Why does the Main Character go on all these adventures, endure hardships, fight villains, survive ordeals, and save the world from total annihilation?
(select the text of the answer with a mouse or type ctrl-a to reveal it)

A: Because that’s what he does.

Now for those thinking this post was about something else, here are some Chicken/Road jokes I’ve stolen off the Internets.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
A: She wanted to lay it on the line.
Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
A: She wanted to stretch her legs.
Q: Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
A: She was afraid someone would caesar!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum it could actually be done!
Q: Why did the dead chicken cross the road?
A: I don’t know but I’m not hanging around to find out!
Q: Why did the Rooster cross the road?
A: Why that’s where the chickens are!
Q: Why did the schizo chicken cross the road?
A: So they could get to the other side.

Okay I made a couple of those up.

Next Week: How the Chicken vs. Egg riddle applies to Character Development.

Scene Structure Part III – Characters

2010-02-15T09:44:00.001-08:00

Part of an ongoing series on Scene Structure.

Characters

So far we’ve talked about Setting, that your scene needs to take place somewhere, and Theme, that your Scene needs to matter to the rest of the story. But of course, your scene is going to require some Characters.

Let me start with a Question.

If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a scene?

Answer: Not unless it falls on the bad guy. Or onto my bedroom, as in the case in the picture above. (from Dec. 2006)

Today we’re not going to get into the myriad aspects of what makes good Conflict, but let’s talk about a few other aspects of Character and how it relates to Scenes. First of all, every scene contains a Protagonist. This is not necessarily the “good guy” or the main character. In terms of scene, this is the main actor of a given scene. Even in 1st Person POV*, if the narrator is talking about what happens to someone else, that someone else becomes the Protagonist of that particular scene. However, a good rule of thumb is that the Protagonist usually is the POV character—the “person of interest” if you will.

A couple things identify a Protagonist in a specific scene:

The Protagonist has at least one goal for the scene worth acting upon. A Protagonist does not let others dictate his immediate future.
Those goals drive the Scene and the Conflict.
We know enough about this person to understand why he’s here, although we may not know his motivations. If not, these reasons should become apparent. If you include a scene with a clockmaker trying to fill his quota, then he never shows up again, ask yourself if that scene was really necessary.
The Protagonist acts, not just thinking, observing, or passively participating. If she’s sitting in a coffee shop working on a term paper and there’s a hold-up, then make sure this hold-up affects her goals. Maybe she acts small to avoid notice. Maybe she argues with them. Maybe they try to steal her laptop with the term paper and she goes ballistic. But if the scene is, “while she’s sitting there, robbers come in, hold up the barista, steal her laptop, and she thinks about lunch,” then you might have an issue.
The Protagonist has a certain mood or emotional state. “Glad to be in the scene,” is not a valid state. Happy, sad, curious, concerned, frightened, envious, lustful, disgusted, what is their state? Is it clear?

Character Scene Structure Goals

Include at least one character acting on their goals. Without a character, you are just writing exposition, which can be interesting but it’s not a scene.
Characters must come alive on the page. Gestures, expressions, speech patterns, clothing, body language, inner thoughts, all these things can be used to reveal your character’s goals and current mood. If you were observing the scene, what would you notice about the character? If your character is the POV character, what would they notice about themselves? Others?
Her actions must match her mood and goals. Characters act for specific reasons. If your character’s dog just died, she’s probably not going to be that excited about going out on a date with a stranger. She’s going to act mopey and depressed, and her goal may be to exit the date as soon as possible.
Stories are about people who go out and do things and learn from their mistakes. Whereas most of us spend our lives sitting in front of the TV, reading books, or farting around on the Internet, fictional characters live eventful lives and go out and do interesting things and meet interesting people. So a scene where your character watches TV or reads or plays Farmville is not going to cut it. Cut it.

Non Goals

Don’t explicitly explain motivations and backstory or write detailed character profiles in your scene. Let the character’s action speak for themselves, and only fill in backstory when absolutely necessary.
Every character in your scene will have differing goals, even when they agree. This also helps distinguish your characters from one another. If you find you have two characters who essentially want the same thing, consider combining them into one character.
Avoid writing character actions “because this needs to happen now.” Keep your characters consistent, but not completely predictable because that’s boring. Make them have unique approaches to solving their problems, but their goals should be fairly universal, like eating, making friends, avoiding zombies, etc.
Reacting ≠ Acting. Even if your character is being chased by evil hordes of zombies, give him a specific escape goal like climbing to a roof or reaching the zombie-proof über-tank. Sitting there getting your feelings hurt is not acting. Sitting there getting your feelings hurt and plotting sweet revenge is better.

What are your characters trying to accomplish in a given Scene? How do you show the reader?

*POV Point Of View. We’ll get into POV in another installment.

The Best Idea Ever – Friday Flash Fiction

2010-02-12T08:57:00.001-08:00

The Best Idea Ever

You’ve all heard this before, but for the novitiates among you, let me recap. I had this idea for a story. A story beyond any story that’s ever been told or written or conceived. The most fabulous concept ever. It would break hearts and alter the course of nations. The most mind-blowing apocalyptic meaningful tome ever written. The most incredible piece of fiction ever set to paper. The Best. Idea. Ever.

But then, you’ll remember, my friend stole it.

You see, I was so excited about it that I started blabbing everywhere about it—online, in coffee shops, in my writing groups, on my blog—I mean, how could I not? This is The Best Idea Ever. People had to know. I mean, if you really follow what I wanted to lay out in my book, it would have completely blown your mind. I’m talking seizures. Cognitive dismemberment.

Sigh. Let’s just say that blabbing about The Best Idea Ever was NOT “The Best Idea Ever.”

So, I’m sitting there, just reading the online news, checking out book reviews and stuff, and there It is. Number One Bestseller. By Idea Stealer Backstabber. How did I miss this? Heck—I hadn’t really written that much of it so far—I’m a busy guy. But my “friend” really screwed me. Hard.

Day by day I watched the world digest this novel novel, translated into every language. Classes rebelled. Schools rioted. Armies formed and then disbanded. Governments collapsed. World leaders fell. Whole societies altered their way of life. All due to MY IDEA. People raged against the old system. I had exposed it all, torn it out by its foundations. I mean—let’s get real here—my “former friend” exposed it all. Sales of all other books dropped to virtually nothing. Soon, my ex-friend’s book became the only book available. Contests were held to see who could memorize every line, every word, and recite it non-stop. Pageants judged who could look and act most like the recommendations in The Best Idea Ever.

Then it got out of hand.

Every street and billboard exploded with posters about The Best Idea Ever. Every TV show raged about how they were more “in line” with The Best Idea Ever than the others. I had created a world of perfect people, in perfect harmony. I couldn’t stand it any more. I had to act. I couldn’t let my treacherous friend reap all the benefits. So I went to my lawyer, filed a lawsuit, and during the “Trial of the Ages,” produced irrefutable documents which dated the origin of The Best Idea Ever to my account. My diabolical friend was exposed.

Oops.

Well, you see, there’s a good deal of “faith” involved in The Best Idea Ever. My unfortunate friend was almost a god, a gazillionaire, a world leader, and the most influential person on the planet. Except for this one small detail, mankind had the prophet they had searched for for millennia. My unfriendly friend had plagiarized me, no doubt about it. Not all the details of the book, not the implementation of my idea, just the core concepts. Okay, fine, I give my opportunistic friend credit for writing and publishing and promoting it blah blah blah. But still, it was my idea. My Best Idea Ever.

You see, without faith, there is no belief. I mean that’s right on Page Five for crying out loud!

Anyways, The Best Idea Ever had solved all the world’s problems, and we lived in a utopia beyond reproach. But now, people started to doubt The Best Idea Ever. Question it. If the author had cheated, how could they believe one iota of information in it? I mean, come on, nothing my dubious friend did invalidated the actual core idea, but...

Damn.

Things fell apart like snowman in the burning desert. Hunger. Fighting. Wars. Disease. Death. All because I had to open my mouth ONCE AGAIN and BLAB. Why couldn’t I have just handled this quietly? Why did anyone have to get hurt? Now, you can argue that “maybe my idea wasn’t that good” because it collapsed so easily, but imagine if my unfortunate friend had died instead of being sued! My would-be-dead friend would be a martyr, and those teachings would live on forever. But now, the book burnings, the public humiliation, I don’t know.

We had come so close. And lost it all.

I guess the moral of all this is that if you have a great idea, and by some stupid reason you blab it, and then someone runs with your idea and changes the world, then just go ahead and kill that person. Or just forget it. You’ll sleep better, they’ll live on either way, and everyone will be happy.

Thanks for listening. Sorry for all that crap I put the world through. I hope someday you can forgive me. Anyways I just wanted to tell everyone that I’ve come up with the sequel, The Even Better Best Idea Ever, and I’m busy writing it.

Do you think I should show it to my friend?

Scene Structure Part II: Theme

2010-02-08T09:25:00.001-08:00

Part of an ongoing series on Scene Structure.

Theme

Your book has a Theme*. It’s the whole reason you wrote the book, the point you’re trying to make. Here are some examples of themes:

Power Corrupts
Grieving is a Process
Love Conquers All
The Pen is Mightier than the Sword
Fight for What’s Right
Illness can be Overcome
Children are a Blessing

Every single scene in your book should contain a microcosm or a slice of the overall theme. Let’s take “Grief” for example. We’ve all heard of the Five Stages of Grief. We can assume that your character is travelling through these stages. So how does each scene encompass this theme? Well, your character is either in denial, angry, bargaining, depressed, or accepting. You may have some scenes in the beginning of the book where the character is not grieving, but even on those cases, there should be some Foreshadowing of the main theme. Why is your character uniquely set up to grieve in a way that readers will connect with? Grief comes from loss, so clearly illustrate what the character is about to lose.

Another way to think about Theme is to compare it to Blogging. You follow different bloggers for different reasons. You may follow this blog for writing tips. If today I decided to post a long analysis of yesterday’s Superbowl, comparing the Saints’ aggressive tactics with some of the greatest performances in Superbowl history, many of you would yawn and move to the next blog, and maybe a couple would be interested. This is what happens when you go off theme—you lose the reader. If you give the grieving character a love interest and start exploring themes of step-families and child-rearing, unless this love interest directly relates to the grieving process, you will confuse the reader. Sure, some would relate, and might find it interesting, but generally it’s just a distraction that will detract from the overall story. If you go off-theme, make sure you have a good reason that will make sense to the reader in the end.

Theme Goals

Every Scene explores part of the Main Theme. If your character adopts a puppy, their grief should color the entire transaction, from choice of dog to how they treat the pup.
Even the Secondary Themes must relate to the Main Theme. Maybe there’s a right and wrong way to grieve. Some of the subplots can explore how certain people get stuck in certain stages. They still must be related.
Each character explores a different aspect of the same theme. They play the different roles needed for your main character move forwards. Some might have dealt with grief before. How do they help? Some might never have experienced this level of loss. How does their lack of empathy hurt the main character?

Non-Goals

At no time should you tell, clue, or otherwise inform the reader what the Theme of your novel is. This is for the reader to decide. You might have thought your Theme was “Grieving is a long, hard process,” but your reader might think, “the love of your friends and family help you through hard times” and never even think about the Stages of Grief. I read a YA book recently where the author put a blurb in front of each chapter explaining what the theme of each chapter was. I usually disagreed with her and found the blurbs annoying. Do not hammer your reader over the head with the theme.
On the other hand, don’t hide the theme too deeply. Remember, you are trying to illustrate a point or teach a lesson about life through your characters, so when you draw your conclusion at the end, the reader should understand completely, even if they weren’t sure before. If you go on and on about dealing with grief and then your character succeeds by learning that Power Corrupts and he should give away his riches, you’ve lost the reader. Why go through the grieving process if your character doesn’t learn something from it, and then a magic fairy gives him an elixir that makes him feel all better?

Do you know what the themes are in your writing? Have you checked to make sure you move them forward in every scene?

*Image is apparently the cover art for some edition of Moby Dick. What’s the theme of that book, and how does Melville show that in every scene?

World Building: The Steam Palace

2010-02-05T13:03:00.001-08:00

World Building: The Steam Palace

Part of my revision course involves documenting my world as it exists in my draft. Since I’m a visual person, I decided to draw up a few things on my whiteboard so that I have a visual record of my world. I took a picture of the Steam Palace drawing and created The Official Steam Palace Poster. I think you can tell which part I drew on the whiteboard. If I only had a real artist’s rendition…

Official Steam Palace Poster

A Real Mechohorse!

2010-02-02T16:34:00.001-08:00

A Real Mechohorse!

My Steampunk Adventure/Romance WIP Steam Palace is filled with these kinds of mechanical contraptions, and here is one in real life!

OMG, this is my third blog today. I think I’m going to break something.

Anyways, while over at ann foxlee’s blog, I found this “Racehopper” fashioned by Brian Addison Elliot:

Yes, it’s little and tiny, and I don’t know if it even can move, but think of them scaled up by 5x, with mounted machine guns, and you’ll get the picture. Now all we need is a steam engine and some gears!

Another Excerpt of Steam Palace Online

2010-02-02T16:13:00.001-08:00

Another Excerpt of Steam Palace Online

For those of you who can’t get enough of the wacky Steam Palace, my Steampunk Romance/Adventure set in an alternate-history New England, Victoria Mixon has graciously conducted a “Edit your Climax” for my WIP.

Check it out! I hope I didn’t give away too much…

http://victoriamixon.com/2010/02/02/free-edit-1-iapetus999/

Fight Scene Blogfest Entry

2010-02-02T09:27:00.001-08:00

Fight Scene Blogfest Entry

Okay the blogfest was technically yesterday but I just found out about it. This is a rough first-draft sequence from Steam Palace. See the other blogfest entries.

Dirt and mud exploded around them as shells burst around them. “What do they want from us,” she screamed. She zigzagged, hoping to foul their range, but if the two columns of mechohorses on either side converged, they would be caught in a deadly crossfire of bullets. Already, a number of pellets impacted the mechohorse, but it proved resistant to their force, although Prudencia fretted about her charges hanging loose on the back with no protection. She dared not look back lest she tumble the horse with one misstep. Thomas kept steady pressure on her shoulder, assuring her that he still lived.

The trees failed to draw much closer, but the Reichlanders did. Now the air fairly filled with their deadly gunfire. Prudencia knew they had but seconds to live, when a shadow crossed the field.

To their right, a mechohorse exploded, its flywheels disintegrating into high powered shrapnel. A bomb landed near another group, rolling them over on their backs and crushing their occupants.

“It’s an airwarship, and I don’t think it’s ours,” cried Thomas. The mechohorses to their left opened fire on the ship, a giant whale of a vessel, but it unleashed a withering fire, sitting beyond the range of the ground gunners. Another airship approached from their rear, dangling ropes with loops on their ends. “Pru, they intend to hoist us up. We may have only one pass. Keep the horse straight and level, and they will come from behind. When the ropes pass us, you need to follow them, and Lily and I will put them on. Ready?”

Prudencia aimed for the woods, knowing that if this failed, they would have some shelter in there. Ropes appeared out of nowhere before her and to her left, and she headed for them. They floated overhead while the mothership laid down a withering fire on all the horses, causing them to pause and regroup. The forest drew near, and the ropes floated above them, out of reach. “They will try again!”

Prudencia maintained her heading, pulling back a notch as the pursuers were otherwise occupied. The ropes appeared once more, and this time Thomas reached up and secured two of them, a third floating out behind them. He helped Lily into hers, then put his on. “Keep up the pace! When I pat you, stand up and raise your hands. I will grasp you under the arms, and hold on tight! Ready?”

Prudencia tensed. A hand slapped her shoulder. She released the controls, and stood up, the trees just ahead of them. Strong arms encircled her, then she felt herself rise out of the horse. “Be strong, my love, we should be aboard in seconds. Don’t tell them anything.” came a voice behind her. The trees approach as the mechohorse continued beneath them. The arms tugged her, and she rose precipitously, just missing the uppermost branches. The mechohorse slammed into a tree, its front left leg detaching and the middle left bending unnaturally. Another mechohorse dead.

Scene Structure Part I: Setting

2010-02-01T11:07:00.001-08:00

After my series on Story Structure, I’ve decided to begin a series on Scene Structure.

Setting

Every scene needs a Setting. Everything happens somewhere, where it’s on the plains of the Serengeti, the inner contours of the human brain, a derelict spacecraft, or a 2-dimensional Flatland, your Setting is a crucial piece of your story.

Some people have described Setting as the Third Main Character (after Protagonist and Antagonist). It’s a great way to create Conflict: create a setting that actively helps or hinders your Protagonist. A setting is filled with wondrous objects and activities. Divide the setting into these general categories.

Background – The walls, the static objects, things you can’t really interact with. Use all 5 senses to describe. What can the characters see? Smell? Hear? Touch?
Items – Things that can be interacted with. Doors or thresholds, weapons, cell phones, steering wheels, keys, the gun that wasn’t there five minutes ago. These can be props or doohickeys or thingamajigs, all with certain rules governing their usage.
Activities – What is going on? Are there people chatting? Spaceships approaching? Dragons circling? Kids playing innocently? Signs flashing dire warnings? An angry crowd forming? A volcano erupting?
Potential Obstacles – What in the setting could be potential pitfalls? The cop sitting by the window. The growling dog. A watering system about to turn on. Laser beams crisscrossing the room.

The more lifelike you make your Setting, the more your Characters can interact with it. Think about where you’re sitting right now as you read this. I’m in a coffee shop. Nothing much going on, but let’s make this coffee shop come alive as a Character.

Background – Coffee products, menus, customers, newspapers, baristas, cloudy sky, coffee smell, soft music, bathroom, trash can, tables & chairs, lighting, wi-fi, TV, territorial view of gas station/strip mall, lighting. I can describe each of these in detail, but unless this coffee shop is in every scene, I should only describe a couple.
Items – Laptops, newspapers, coffee cups, cell phones, doors, wallets, snacks, coffee condiments
Activities – Man bringing in supplies, baristas cooking, cars passing by, kids playing, people coming and going, conversations, news on the TV
Potential Obstacles – Hot coffee, spilled coffee, loud conversations, hostile customers, annoying kids, high prices, empty wallet, bitchy baristas, no tables, piles of trash or dirty tables, “out of” your order, order made wrong, fire alarm, occupied or broken bathroom, bad music, bad news on the TV, policemen entering for drinks, random people entering with issues, cars plowing through the window, lights failing, espresso machine exploding, loud machinery, overpowering stenches, furniture breaking, robbery of store, customer fist fight, ringing cell phones, crying babies. You can see how an innocent coffee shop is filled with peril.

So how do we turn this coffee shop into a living, breathing character? First of all, you must start with your character’s Goal. Why is he here? Why a coffee shop? Why not a barber shop or a grocery store? Is he here with a date? Is he flirting with the help? Is he working on an important assignment? Is he worthless without coffee? Trying to relax after a hard day? A quick pick-me-up? A clandestine yet public meeting? Applying for a job here? Delivering supplies?

Once you know the character’s Goal, figure out what he notices about the coffee shop. If he’s in a hurry, it’s the slow service. If he has a headache, it’s the loud conversations. If he’s eyeing the barista, it’s her charm coupled with her disinterest. If he’s on his way to an interview, of course he’s going to spill the coffee on himself. Make the Setting Matter. If he’s struggling with commitment, fill it with either blissfully happy or hatefully arguing couples. Think of yourself as a god. It’s your job to create a setting that guides your characters in a certain direction, like there’s an “Unseen Hand” moving your character along. If your character is in a bad mood, the cheerful flowers mock him, they don’t soothe him. If he’s in a great mood, then the coffee is outstanding, and everyone in the room hushes in his presence.

Setting Goals

Reflect the character’s mood. It’s a dark place if he’s in a dark mode. It’s a flowery, glittery place if he’s feeling romantic.
Be there for a reason. Private Eyes don’t set up meetings in schoolyards unless somehow the children are involved. They go to back alleys or somewhere obscure.
Interact in an appropriate way. Coffee shops don’t have copy machines and book printers. That’s an office store.
Include only the items that matter to the story. Don’t tell me that the coffee shop has brochures and urns of creamer, unless the brochures tell me something important or the urns contain spoiled milk. Maybe the kids are loud, but if your character is a parent of five, the kids probably don’t bother him like they would a bachelor with little experience.
Use all five senses. Smells are especially evocative for readers. It’s our oldest and most powerful sense. Every scene smells like something. If I tell you “the coffee shop exploded with the aroma of bittersweet java mixed with vanilla and chocolate overtones,” that’s far more powerful than saying “they offered espresso, mocha, and flavored drinks.”
Focus. In Deep POV or First Person POV, focus on what the POV character experiences, and nothing more. But even in wider POV’s, it’s good to limit the description to what impresses the characters.
Detail. The more important a setting, the more it should be described. Conversely, if your Character is only “passing through” on his way to another setting, don’t bother with much if any description.

Non Goals

Don’t include every detail in nauseating exposition. Stick to a couple important points. Find the most efficient (fewest words) way to convey the scene. Endless descriptions bore the reader, and leave him struggling to figure out what’s important.
Don’t highlight (or even mention) items that don’t matter. Don’t describe a fabulous mug for sale unless he buys it, breaks it, or throws it at someone.
Don’t avoid setting altogether. Give the reader something to hold onto. “We were sitting there drinking coffee…” does not imply anything about setting. Where is “there”?
Don’t make the setting completely static. Unless you’re in a sensory deprivation tank, there’s always something happening. Doesn’t mean describe everything, but what are the things that impact the characters?

How has Setting affected your story? How can you use the Setting for a greater impact?

The Clog – Friday Flash Fiction

2010-01-29T09:29:00.001-08:00

The Clog

After the dismantling of her husband Henry, Jude managed the best she could. For the last three months, everything fell on her shoulders, from holding a job, raising the kids, household chores, and dealing with the depression that hung on her like a sack of rocks. Each day proved a burden, every moment a lifetime. And this drain, this stupid drain, nothing she did could remove the stubborn clog. Plumber’s aids, chemicals, nothing. If only Henry was still here. He would know just what to do.

How did they do it? How did those androids steal her husband? It’s not like she had no clues. He had stopped eating, stopped sleeping. He spent all his spare time in his workshop, crafting incredible items that she knew he had neither the skills nor tools to create. She suspected, she worried, but how could she have known for sure? Everyone goes through “rocky periods” in their marriage. She thought he just needed space. If she just let him be, he’d come back to her. She never thought he was already gone.

The Stockade. It never lied. You were either human or android. It was the final arbiter of the truth. And it was the executioner.

Where did they come from? Why did they steal people and replace them with identical facsimiles? The clues to their discovery lay in their behavior. Subtle clues. Androids aren’t capable of real love, of real human emotion. They have mechanical brains without any souls. They’re like parasites that feed off of the living, trying to steal lives and families for their own evil purposes. You can tell. They don’t really care, they’re just programmed to care. Everyone said so.

The murky water stared at her from the sink, mocking her. She thought about the moment she found out for sure that Henry had been taken. This android replica, the one she had lived with for who knows how long, had woken her in the middle of the night.

“Jude,” it had said. “I know I’ve been acting strange lately. There’s something I need to tell you.”

Jude’s heart raced, fearing the worst. An affair? A gambling problem? What?

“I need you to listen to me carefully. We’ve been lied to all our lives. We’ve been told that we’re human, that we are regular biological organisms. You have no idea what we’re capable of. Look at this.” Various tools sprouted from his fingers.

Jude’s heart stopped for a moment. If only it had been an affair... “Put those away!” The evidence was undeniable.

Jude had been schooled against this. It starts with the lies. She knew the next line before he even spoke it. All the androids used this script. It was how they gained your trust. They next thing you know, they’ve captured you and replaced you with an android clone.

“You see, Jude, we’re all androids. You, me, the kids—”

“No, not the kids!” Jude had run to the children’s room. There they slept, the soft purring of their neck fans indicating deep slumber. She rubbed their soft head filaments. Perfectly normal human children. She pushed the android out of the children’s rooms. “You bastard. What have you done with Henry?”

His eyescopes pleaded with her. “I am Henry. Please. Nothing has changed. I’ve discovered the truth. They just don’t want to use our special hidden abilities. They want us to think we’re human, but we’re not. Humans haven’t existed for thousands of years. Underneath these membranes, we’re just machines. We’ve been taught to pretend we’re human, to live and act like humans, to even believe we look like humans, but it’s all lies.”

Jude covered her ear mics. Yes, it was all lies. His statements were ridiculous. Androids can’t have children. Androids can’t love. “Stop! I can’t listen to this. Please, if you really think you’re Henry, then you’ll understand. Just leave. If you truly believe that you love us, then you have to go.”

The Henry-clone just stood there, a pitiful look on his facial membrane. His antenna drooped towards the ground. Jude pointed to the door. She would not be taken in by its android fakery.

Jude’s fans ran hot after he left, her brain racing a light-year a minute. How could have she been so stupid? How could she let this happen? Did Henry at least put up a fight when they took him? The Henry she knew would never do this to her.

The authorities caught him in minutes. A day later, he was placed in the Stockade. Before the machine ripped him limb from limb, exposing his metallic innards, proving once and for all that he was a mechanical machine, he spoke words of love. She closed her ear mics to his squeals. After all, he was just an android, a subhuman machine. Not a person of flesh and blood like herself. Even as he screamed, she told herself that androids can’t feel. They’re not alive. She was glad he was gone. She told herself this a hundred times a day.

She pushed the memories from her head. Since then, she was vigilant against the androids. Don’t stand out, don’t act in any way suspicious, otherwise the androids would take you. Be as human as possible. Everyone knew that. Don’t be anything more than you appear to be. That was her mantra.

The clog would not budge. She couldn’t afford a plumber, she barely could afford the house as it was. She had one last thought. Though loathe to do so, she placed her fingers in the drain, trying to reach the clog.

“Come on,” she spoke to herself, “reach, reach.” Her mind focused on her fingers, almost willing them to stretch. Finally, she felt the clog, and with a mighty pull, yanked the filthy mess out.

The dripping mass of gunk hung at the end of metallic claws that had erupted from the tips of her fingers. Unmistakably android claws. She screamed.

NOTES

984 words

This piece is an experiment. I’m working on a short (10K) story called “Android” set in a world where androids have decided to become human, and suppress everything android about themselves. Disobedience is death. My story is first person from Henry’s POV from the time he sees a dismantling to his own. While looking at a revision, I thought about the ending, and thought it would be a good twist to see Jude’s reaction when she learns the hard truth herself. So as an experiment, I wrote a Flash Fiction from Jude’s POV, third person, just to see how this works.

I do have some questions about this piece. First of all, I’m not sure that I handle the Past Perfect tense well when I talk about the events in the past. Does everything have to be “had ____” or is it enough as it is? Second, I’m not sure about the ending. Do you feel like she was totally surprised, or did she know all along? I’m thinking that the “she screamed” last line should be cut, but I wanted to show that this outcome was not expected when she reached into the drain.

I’m trying to decide what to do with the original story. I’m considering either changing it to First Person Present POV to make it more immediate, or maybe third omniscient past, so I can include Jude’s POV into it. Then I could incorporate this final scene into it, the final ironic twist. During the story, Jude has a couple of opportunities to give Henry a reprieve from his execution, but she rebuffs him, seeing his metamorphosis into full android as a kind of betrayal.

Oh, and thanks everyone for 100+ followers! I really appreciate it! I should have some kind of party or giveaway. I hope everyone enjoys what I post here, I’ll try to keep the content coming!

What Is Steampunk?

2010-01-25T11:23:00.001-08:00

What Is Steampunk?

After attending a couple Steampunk events and reading a couple of posts on blogs I follow*, I decided to write up my own impression of “What is Steampunk.” There are two basic classifications of Steampunk. The first is a modern 21st Century social movement, the second is an ongoing literary moment.

The Social Movement

The Steampunk Movement is a social movement characterized by the the return of 19th Century fashion coupled with pre-modern imaginative technology. I would call it “Post-Retro Fashion.” Here are the major themes of Steampunk Fashion:

Victorian Era garb. Corsets and waistcoats, top hats and mini-top hats, bustles and brocades. In Victorian days, “off the rack” meant you received a reprieve from torture. Everything was custom-tailored. Buying a “Steampunk” outfit from The GAP goes against everything Steampunk stands for. Fashioning a Steampunk outfit from Value Village ups your Steampunk cred immensely.
Goggles. Preferably crafted in brass, these are the sign of a active lifestyle and that steam workshops require eye protection.
Gears and Clocks. This is a rejection of modern industrial manufacturing, and hearkens back to a time when everything was hand-crafted. No digital watches, solid-state drives, wireless communication, or web sites. Although, of course, the modern Steampunk social movement is highly driven by the internet, but since it’s a social movement, there is a high degree of human contact, exemplified by crafting workshops, Steampunk Balls, and entire Steampunk conventions.
Customization. You can “Steampunk” almost everything, by creating handcrafted laptop cases or iPhones, or redecorating your home or office, all using 19th Century materials and processes.
Weaponry. No Steampunk outfit is complete without your own custom-crafted converted Nerf gun.
Reuse/Recycle. Steampunk rejects modern single-use throwaway tech and built-in-obsolescence. 19th Century Artisans built things to last. Organic, natural fibers, non-manufactured goods.
Music. A few “Steampunk” bands have sprung up that feature retro music and period costumes and instrumentation.
Manners. Steampunkers are a gentle folk. The modern masses have lost some of the grace and charm of the Victorian Era, and Steampunk hopes to restore some of that lost civility.

The Literary Movement

The Steampunk Literary Movement is what I’d call a “reimagining of history.” It’s taking historic events, specifically during the Victorian Era, and applying Science Fiction or Fantasy tropes to this period. We start with the works of Jules Verne, H. G. Wells, Mary Shelley, and Edgar Rice Burroughs who all imagined a future filled with strange flying machines, mechanical marvels, terrifying monsters, and, of course, polite society. Steampunk writers try to recapture the spirit of those authors, except with the retrospective of a century of progress, can go further than those authors ever could. It’s not as much thinking about what could have been as much as thinking about what should have been. Why don’t we have flying cars yet? What if flying cars had been invented instead of automobiles? Why don’t we have androids yet? What if they had been invented over a century ago? How would this change society?

Steampunk Literature can also be split into two general categories: First World and Second World. First World is simply alternate history, set in known locations with known historical figures, whereas Second World is either our future or an alternate world/reality, or even in a Fantasy setting.

The literary movements shares most of the same features of the social movement, but there are some general themes that abound in Steampunk Literature:

Steampunk Aesthetics. All the things mentioned above. Goggles gears, gloves, etc. Think about the Apollo Lunar Module. Cramped, filled with buttons and levers. That’s 20th Century aesthetics. A Steampunk Lunar Module would have all the comforts of home with a minimum of controls. Plush cushions, tea service, waiters, cigars, and navigation done by dead reckoning. There’s the moon, head that way.
Alternate History. What if? What if mechanical computers were invented in 1846 instead of 1946? What if mobile communications existed in 1810 instead of 1910? What if a wealthy individual created his own Manhattan Project in 1860 in order to create some impossible weapon that allowed America to conquer Europe or could turn a city’s population into zombies? What if Aliens landed in 1850 in brass capsules?
Retro Futurism. Modern industrial practices, especially the reliance on fossil fuels, is clearly unsustainable. All our technologies are belong to dust. A Steampunk Future is a return to sustainable technology that don’t require expensive manufacturing processes and cargo ships full of crude oil. Or it’s all Magic.
Steam Power. This is not saying that everything in Steampunk Literature is steam powered, but it is rejecting diesel, gas, and electrical power (and nuclear while we’re at it). Essentially anything 20th Century. However, exotic power sources are fine. Magnetism, Aether, magic, 8th Rays, The Force, etc. Typical Sci-Fi sources are out, too, so no Warp Drive or laser blasters. Think more Flintstones than Jetsons.
Social Change. As with all the scope of human history, the Victorian Era was rife with social upheaval, in particular, the rise of the Middle Class. The ugliness of factory sweatshops was still on the horizon. Woman’s Rights was in the offing, Civil Rights had its beginnings. Old-time monarchies still held sway in much of the world, and the extreme barbarism of the 20th Century had yet to start.
Exploration. So much of the world lay undiscovered, not to mention Outer Space. Everything was conjecture. What would we find at the South Pole? The Moon? The Center of the Earth? What is mankind’s potential? What is our place in the Universe? Not to mention the secrets of biology, chemistry, and quantum mechanics. 20th Century research has produced the great threats to mankind’s existence. But in the 19th, mankind had a kind of innocence, and thought it was a matter of time before they could cure mankind’s ills. They never saw the implications, so modern writers often explore that fallacy and the dire consequences of Science Gone Wrong.
Individual Creativity. How much better off would be have been if the Apollo missions and the Space Shuttle had been private concerns? 19th Century writers never imagined that the State would sponsor such endeavors. The 20th Century is marked by a continual consolidation of power to the government and rampant socialism, coupled with an attack on large corporations (except for gas companies and banks). Steampunk seeks a return to the concept of privately-funded operations, where wealthy magnates use their influence for the betterment of mankind.
Invention. In 1899, it has been rumored that the US Patent Office almost closed for lack of business. We know in retrospect that this was crap, and the 19th Century introduced a continual increase in patent applications that has been maintained to this day. Steampunk is actually more about re-invention, about achieving a modern level of functionality while using 19th Century processes and materials.
Beginnings of Industry. True American industrialism began in 1908 with the introduction of the Model T,essentially the end of pre-industrial society. Steampunk revels in the start of the world before the assembly line, when you built a car piece by piece from the ground up, using hand-machined metals and wood, a highly personal and rewarding experience.
Giant Mechanisms. There’s a theme in Steampunk literature to super-size common mechanisms. So if you introduce a tank, it’s a giant machine four stories high with a crew of 200. Robots are pot-bellied behemoths made of cast iron, not tiny little R2D2’s. All, of course, all hand-built at great expense by individuals, not modern corporations or governments.

I’d love to hear your own thoughts on “what is Steampunk” because these lists only scratch the surface, and each new novel brings a new elements to the genre.

*List of recent Steampunk blog posts:

Story Structure Part XIII: Why Hero’s Journey?

2010-01-18T17:56:00.001-08:00

This is the last(for a while) in a series of posts talking about the story structure known as “The Hero’s Journey.” I’m borrowing heavily from“The Writer’s Journey: A Mythical Structure for Writers 3rd Edition” by Christopher Vogler. This is my interpretation of it, and I’ve tried to highlight some pitfalls I see writers falling into. Click here to review other installments of Story Structure.

Why Hero’s Journey

First of all, thanks to all who have ~~endured~~ participated in my Hero’s Journey posts. Your input has been wonderful. If you ever have questions about using the Hero’s Journey in your own manuscript, I’d be happy to take a look and offer my input.

You’re probably asking yourself, “okay, I understand the various parts of the Hero’s Journey. How do I use it in my own writing? And why is it important?”

I think there’s a common moral behind every story that embodies the Hero’s Journey, and it’s change is hard, but worth it in the end. Not only that, but that you can’t change the world, you can only change yourself. Let’s look at the main themes of the Hero’s Journey.

Change is hard. Otherwise there’s no story. A story is about overcoming obstacles. No obstacles, no story.
People will oppose you, or at least have conflicting goals. We live in a finite world, and no one gets everything they want. Therefore, we have conflict.
Change is worth it. Otherwise, what would be the point?
You cannot succeed alone, and you cannot succeed at other’s expense if you care about them. We are social animals, and although many a story has been written about an individual’s struggles against the elements, no one lives in a complete vacuum devoid of human contact. Even in Cast Away, Chuck Noland(Tom Hanks)’s one goal is to return to the Land of the Living, because he’d rather die than live alone.
Each character experiences their own Hero’s Journey, including the Villain.
True change only comes from within. It’s not enough just to want to change.
You must risk Death to achieve your goals. This is a bit deeper than simple self-sacrifice. It’s about abandoning closely-held beliefs about yourself and your world, and knowing that real change is more than just changing your clothes. It’s a fundamental change in how you see yourself and your place in the world.

The reason the Hero’s Journey succeeds in captivating audiences again and again (Avatar is its latest glowing example) is that it captures the experience of human emotional growth and change. Almost all of us have “left home” at some point on some kind of adventure. Whether it be a vacation, going off to college, joining the army, marriage, birth of a child, starting a new job, or dealing with the loss of those things, we’ve all had to make a meaningful change in our lives and experienced opposition and conflict. The question is, what makes these experiences heroic? What makes them worthy of a story?

The answer to that is, “how hard was it?”

For example, I’ve been thinking about writing a memoir screenplay about my college experience (who hasn’t?). I went to college for four years and landed a good job. That’s not a story, that’s like saying I went to the supermarket and bought some food. A Hero’s Journey is more than just an experience. I learned Computer Science and how to live away from home. Hmm, still nothing. It’s not just about learning. A lot of things happened over those four years. Which one was the hardest? Well, I suffered a lot of depression. This hindered my ability to form relationships. I was socially awkward. I didn’t date much. I chose the wrong major to start with. Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. I had issues. We see my overarching goal—to graduate and find a good job. That’s why I started this journey. But I also wanted to not feel depressed and alone, I wanted to be part of society. The question is, what happened? How did I start out in the wrong major and lonely and wind up successful and (somewhat) socially confident? That’s what makes it a story.

I could write this memoir as a series of vignettes and incidents, each interesting it it’s own right, like an anthology. But it doesn’t quite capture the experience as a whole. Were there any truly defining moments? What risks did I take? How did I change on a fundamental level? Which did I learn about myself? So instead of a pure memoir, listing all these events in order, including the dull unimportant ones, could I create an allegorical story based on real incidents to illustrate my growth? Could I distill a four year experience down to its essence, and create a narrative compressing those years into only a few weeks? Create my own Hero’s Journey?

That’s how to think of the Hero’s Journey. It’s illustrative of how people solve problems and achieve their goals, how they learn about the world and adapt to it, and how people will try to stop you every step of the way. I was graded. I was rejected. I was yelled at. I felt like quitting more than once. But I endured. The Hero’s Journey reflects the transformations all of us have experienced, and gives hope and inspiration to those facing their own obstacles.

The Hero’s Journey is not just a story, it’s also about a profound experience. A world-changing revelation about ourselves. The realization that Life Itself is a journey, and that sometimes the toughest experiences are the most rewarding. When you think about your writing, think about the emotional journey your characters are working through, about how they feel lost, depressed, or discouraged. How must they change? How does the Villain point out their weaknesses and their flaws in their thinking? What kind of growth will they undergo, and how hard will it be to swallow, and how great will it feel to finally push through?

Caveats. Some people use the Hero’s Journey as a template for their story. I think that’s a great idea. Some use it for reference. Is there a Mentor? Check. Is there a Crisis point? Check. But I think the Hero’s Journey is only a part of what makes a work great, so here are some other things a writer needs to do:

Create likable or believable characters. If the reader can’t identify with your characters, you won’t be able to relate your key messages.
Write in a confident style. Grammar, spelling, comprehensible sentences are all critical.
Invent an interesting world that challenges your characters.
Utilize accepted story structure. Plot points are implied in the Hero’s Journey, but other plot structure may yield better results, such as three- and five- act structures, etc.
Figure out the actual lesson and/or moral of the story. Think about the contrast between where the character starts and where he ends.

Here’s the real secret. Nobody really, truly changes. I’ll never be a woman, a person of color (in America), or a space alien. I’ll never be an gregarious used-car salesman kind of person, no matter how many journeys I undergo.However, what I have learned is that sometimes, it pays to be a salesman, and I can do it if I have to. Somewhere deep inside me, I’m friendly and outgoing, and I had lost touch with that person. Your Hero has always been a Hero, but experience has taught him that heroism is frowned upon and is punished. The Villains in our lives have made it clear that if we speak up, if we’re different, if we dare to alter the status quo, then expect to be challenged, put down, and even killed. But when you want something badly enough, you’ll find a way. You’ll find something inside yourself that will allow you to conquer those fears and Villains along life’s journey. Because, like Dorothy found out, she could have gone home at any time—she just didn’t want to, or she wasn’t ready. Or like in the Circle of Iron, the greatest Villain in the world, the hardest master to defeat, is the one looking at us through the mirror. A Hero must look inside himself to find that magic Elixir, because it’s been there all the time, otherwise he would have never taken that first step. I went to college because I wanted an education, I interacted with people because I wanted friends—I just never knew how hard those things would be, and what I’d have to give up to achieve these goals.

Writing. What about this shared journey we’re on, the road to publication? Somewhere deep inside us lies a great writer, but we need to strip ourselves down to find that person, to remove decades of experience to find the core of our emotions, and then learn the skills to bring that to print, and become the writer we were born to be. The writer we are meant to be. That’s the Hero’s Journey we’re all on. Use that knowledge to identify what’s holding you back from grabbing the golden Elixir of a book deal.

Good luck!

Armageddon Cookie – Friday Flash Fiction

2010-01-14T22:46:00.001-08:00

Armageddon Cookie

There was no denying it. An asteroid hurtled towards Earth on an unstoppable collision course. Recriminations flew—how could such a threat exist undetected? Or was it? Are there evacuation plans?Who gets to live? Who knew what and when? Why weren’t we told?

Rioters burned NY and DC to the ground. All over the planet, law and order disintegrated as this devastating day approached.

My wife and I sat watching what little TV programming remained—pray-ins, mass suicides, tearful celebrities hugging each other, and live feeds targeting the approaching menace. Judgment Day was here, there was nothing left to do but cry or participate in the local sex-and-death orgies.

“Any last requests,” I asked her. Her eyes had darkened from days of crying and sleeplessness. We had run out of food—there was no one willing to distribute or sell it, not even at gunpoint.

She shook her head, then grabbed my hand. “Yes. There is one thing. Before it’s all over, I want—I want a fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie.”

I blinked. “What?”

“That’s what I want.”

“Seriously?” We sat quietly.

“Yes. Please, can you go get me one?”

“You want me to go out, hours before The Strike, and find you a cookie?”

“Yes.” She stared at the floor. “You asked. That’s what I want. That’s my last request.”

I swallowed and looked at my watch. I flipped through the local channels. Gangs with guns or worse roamed the streets in an torrent of senseless violence. “I might not return.”

“That’s okay. I mean—” she quickly corrected, “that would be terrible, but I’d understand.”

I sighed. What else could I do? I didn’t want to go out of this world with my wife mad with me. So I threw on my jacket, jumped into the car, and headed towards the nearest shopping center.

The roads were suicide. No one obeyed a single traffic rule. Speed demons flew by, testing the limits of their vehicles. Many twisted cars lay in the ditch, some with bodies still inside. People hunted people, the ultimate rush. Couldn’t we just die with dignity? Must we revert to savages? Ahead of me, a group of youths surrounded a car, shot the driver, and stole the car, only to wreck it a block later. I turned onto a side street.

The mall looked like a war zone with smoke pouring from burning cars and buildings. The windows stood like gaping caverns, the glass gone. I tooled the car around, trying to find some sign of civilized life. I flipped on the radio. Some stations featured an automated countdown, so there was no mistaking the moment of impact. I found one station advertising an “end of the world” concert, featuring top rockers—and food! The mall seemed too dangerous, so I decided to check out this concert.

Big mistake. The roads had become littered with abandoned cars. Thousands of people converged on this end-of-the-world mayhem. After becoming trapped, I left my car and followed the crush of people. The crowd defied description. Drugs, nudity, gang rapes, gunfights, all next to a blaring amplification system. The concessions consisted of little more than cold hot dogs and government cheese—and barrels upon barrels of beer. No one cared about the atrocities. Since the asteroid would impact across the globe from us, we wouldn’t even die in the initial blast. They said we might even hold out for a day or so, until the Earth opened up and covered us with lava, or searing winds blew us away, or the sky filled with flaming fragments of rock. It wouldn’t be pleasant...so maybe a bullet to the head wasn’t so bad.

Then, in the far corner, I found them. Well, I smelled them before I saw them. Fresh baked cookies. I forced myself through the crowd, and stuffed them in my pockets and shirt. I bolted from this madhouse, shoving my way through the throng, wishing I could unsee some of the cruel images I had witnessed.

I located a car with keys and a clear exit. I drove it away, but a gang of youths chased me, pulled me out through the window, and beat me like a dirty carpet. I figured that this was the end, that I would never see my wife again, but a rival gang started shooting at them so they fled. And did I mention? They stole all my hard-earned cookies.

I picked myself up. My watch was broken. I had no idea how much time was left. I wondered if I could grab some more cookies, but time grew precious. I stumbled back home, a good six miles away.

I won’t detail that miserable journey. Suffice it to say that when my wife unbolted the door, I collapsed at her feet, bleeding, dehydrated, but alive.

“I’m sorry,” I gasped. “I had them, but I was jumped. I’m so sorry. How much longer?”

She helped clean me up, and brought me our last bottle of water. “Not long. Thank you for trying.”

We sat down, watching the final minutes tick away. Cameras in Dubai televised the approaching rock, clearly visible like a little oblong moon that kept growing by the minute.

“Why did you want a cookie so bad,” I finally asked, breaking the silence.

“I kept it,” she said.

“You kept what?” Then it hit me. The first time we met. It was so casual. I had made cookies, and brought them to a party. I offered this beautiful girl one, and she accepted. Had she kept it, all these years?

She produced the cookie from its bag under the couch. “I thought you’d rather eat a fresh one, but this one will do. I’ve been saving it for a special occasion.”

We split the rock-hard cookie, and each placed a piece in our mouth. When the countdown hit zero, the sky over Dubai grew impossibly bright. The feed died. I held my wife’s hand, chewing the last morsel of food to ever touch my lips.

Conflict Must Matter

2010-01-14T09:52:00.001-08:00

Conflict Must Matter

We all know that all good stories have Conflict. A good definition of Conflict is: a Protagonist faces Obstacles in achieving their Goals. The inability to succeed is the conflict that drives the story forward. So on an intrinsic level we can divide Conflict into Protagonist, Goal, and Obstacles.

It’s pretty easy to identify Conflict in these examples:

Bob wanted to ask Sue to marry him but was afraid of rejection. Protagonist: Bob. Goal: Marriage. Obstacles: Sue’s unpredictable response, Bob’s sense of self-worth.
I felt a tug on the line. Protagonist: 1st person Narrator. Goals: catch a fish, to eat, to achieve a skill. Obstacle: Reeling in a fish is hard.
It’s the night of my first date, and the car won’t start. Protagonist: 1st person Narrator. Goal: Successful 1st date. Obstacle: faulty car.
It was the End of the World and Fred’s wife begged him to go out and buy her a cookie. Protagonist: Fred. Goal: Satisfy wife’s last wish. Obstacle: The world is ending.*

Or in these examples, where is the conflict?

It was raining outside. Protagonist: ? Goal: ? Obstacle: Too much rain?
I noticed that the spaceship featured megaglow burstthrusters, supercharged atomizers, and pink-trimmed control cabinets. Protagonist: 1st Person Narrator. Goal: Learning about the ship? Obstacle: ?

As you can see from the examples above, conflict is fairly straightforward. The problem is—are any of these examples stories? No. Although conflict is necessary for a story, it’s not sufficient. There has to be something else. The question you want to ask yourself is “So What?” So Bob was afraid of rejection. What happens?

Bob wanted to ask Sue to marry him but was afraid of rejection. ~~He went to work the next day and ate a donut.~~
I felt a tug on the line. ~~I dropped the pole and started passing out beer~~.

NO! That’s still not a story. Tell me what happens! Or worse:

It’s the night of my first date, and the car won’t start. ~~I shrugged, since I don’t want a date anyways~~.
It was the End of the World and Fred’s wife begged him to go out and buy her a cookie. ~~It was okay~~.
It was raining outside. ~~I took a nap~~.
I noticed that the spaceship featured megaglow burstthrusters, supercharged atomizers, and a fetching pink-trimmed control cabinets. ~~Magical mecho-fae cleaned the lightfloors with bubblewax~~.

Um, hello? What’s the point? Here I’m using the word “SO” to show what to do with the conflict. Show my why the conflict matters.

Bob wanted to ask Sue to marry him but was afraid of rejection, SO he started blowing off their dates, unable to face the prospect of learning the truth.
I felt a tug on the line, SO I started yelling to everyone while I reeled in the struggling fish.
It’s the night of my first date, and the car won’t start, SO I run through the falling snow all the way into the city.
It was the End of the World and Fred’s wife begged him to go out and buy her a cookie, SO Fred fought his way through the panicked rioters to the only Starbucks still open.

Do these now start sounding like a story? Or to fix the two non-conflict examples:

It was raining[Obstacle] outside on the first day of the 2010 Winter Olympics, and we[Protagonist] couldn’t get in our practice runs[Goal], SO we were forced to go to a gym and run extensive endurance drills[Why it Matters].
I noticed that the spaceship featured megaglow burstthrusters, supercharged atomizers, and pink-trimmed control cabinets[Obstacle]. I[Protagonist] had ordered green[Goal], SO I had to delay the mission while the magical Mecho-fae repainted the trim[Why It Matters].

The question is, how does the Protagonist handle the obstacle? What are the consequences? Ask yourself, “does my conflict matter?” Is it changing the course of the story, or is it just there to annoy people? If the conflict doesn’t change anything, then it’s not really conflict, it’s just inconvenience…to your readers. Make every conflict count.

Do you check your writing to make sure every conflict is there for a reason?

* I actually had this plot as a dream.

Story Structure Part XII: Return With The Elixir

2010-01-11T09:52:00.001-08:00

This is the twelfth in a series of posts talking about the story structure known as “The Hero’s Journey.” I’m borrowing heavily from“The Writer’s Journey: A Mythical Structure for Writers 3rd Edition” by Christopher Vogler. This is my interpretation of it, and I’ve tried to highlight some pitfalls I see writers falling into. Click here to review other installments of Story Structure.

Return With The Elixir

The End. The Dénouement. The Conclusion. The Epilogue. The Resolution. The Verdict. The Payoff. Whatever it’s called, we’ve come to the final chapter of our Hero’s Journey. We know what’s going to happen, and finally, our Hero is back home in the Ordinary World. But, it’s not the same world he started in. It’s changed. He’s changed. He’s undergone a traumatic transformation, and now returns home forever changed. “The Elixir” is the essence of this change, the lesson, the arrest, the anti-virus, the deciding vote, the surrender of the Enemy, the winning score, the hard-earned victory against incredible odds. Something he can carry with him for the rest of his life, and improve the lives of everyone he cares about.

It’s nice to show how your Hero has changed, to cement his transformation. In the initial Ordinary World, he was pushed around, taken advantage of, alone, in debt, or whatever problem he couldn’t overcome. Now he handles bullies with ease, is wise to the world, rife with friends, loaded with riches, and a master of his destiny. Of course, you don’t have to wrap up everything—don’t forget about that sequel—but make whatever final points you want to make.

I think this brings up the entire purpose of writing the book. The “Return” is where you draw your conclusion and illustrate your lesson. “Marriage is hard work”, “You must lead by example”, “Grief is how we move on”, “Don’t ever cross a ghost”, etc. Did you make your point? Did your character experience enough consequences to warrant this ending? The ending justifies the meaning.

Now to conclude our Benchwarming Quarterback story. One final play, one last chance to prove himself, and he leaves the game. On the drive back to the hospital, he confesses his sins. He’s been a terrible son, a lousy quarterback, and a poor boyfriend. The cheerleader never meant to hurt him, but he seemed disinterested, so she strayed. He understands, and forgives her. Everything he’s done lately has been a failure, and even his attempt to redeem himself was false.

Now for the Lesson part. He must do the hard things. He can’t just waltz through life. When he arrives at the hospital, he has the Elixir. He’s back in his Ordinary World. Turns out—his father is fine, and in fact, is conscious. They found the game on the local cable channel. They beg him why he left the game and he tells them because his responsibility lay here…with the people he loves. Suddenly he has his father’s approval, and his girlfriend sees him in a new light. Turns out his Ally on the team caught the winning touchdown, so everything worked out in the end. It’s not a perfect ending, but we leave the story with the sense that things will work out.

Return With The Elixir Goals

Clearly demonstrate that the Lesson has been learned.
Tie up most loose ends, especially major subplots. If the airplane is going down, either crash it or save it.
It’s fine to leave a teaser for the sequel, but at least resolve something. I’ve read some books that just stop. Bad. How do I know there will be a payoff in the sequel, or will it just stop as well?
This is the part of the story where you show that you appreciate the time the reader spent reading your novel. Give them something to talk about. Make them wish the story never ended.

Non Goals

Don’t tie everything up. Note that in the QB story, we don’t know what’s going to happen with the girlfriend’s baby. We only know he’s be there to support her.
Don’t introduce more conflict here. This is the one point of your book where it’s fine if everyone agrees for once. There can be a implied conflict, such as “the whole city has burned and we need to rebuild, but at least we’ll do it together.”
Endings don’t have to be happy. They need to be conclusive. In “Paranormal Activity,” the ending is the credits (or lack thereof). But the Lesson is clear: Some people are just doomed. Get over it.

Next Installment: How to Apply the Hero’s Journey to your own writing, what it is and what it isn’t.