The Zen Of Motherhood

Fluffy, Fluffy Bunnies

2009-07-06T09:13:00.000-05:00

I was a little concerned that the sight of the African Wild Dogs ripping the Easter Bunny to shreds might be a bit much.

I needn't have worried.

Baby Puppy was enthralled.

"Mom, it's science!"

Maybe we'll attend an autopsy or something next weekend.

Crazy Train

2009-07-05T09:58:00.000-05:00

"Man, I'm just tired and bored with myself."

---- Bruce Springsteen, Dancing in the Dark

That's exactly how I feel lately.

Having OCD usually isn't as dramatic as the average Lifetime movie would have you believe. At least, not for me. Rather, it's life with an elaborate set of rules and regulations that must be satisfied daily, "shoulds" and "musts" that permeate every thought, breath, and dream. It sounds tiresome, and it is. My trains run on time, but the destination never changes.

So, why not try to shake things up a bit? Because the risks are terrible. Anxiety that spirals out of control. A condition that morphs from an unwanted pet that requires daily care to a ravenous beast that eats me alive. A razor in my hand as I seek to replace pain that I can't control with pain that I can. And, worst of all, seeing everyone and everything that I love fade to shadows on the periphery of the battle in my head.

I'll take boredom for $200, Alex.

So, I count my lucky stars (not literally, thank God). I'm sane, I'm sober, I'm here. I'm quirky, but I'm Mom. I do what I have to do.

All aboard the Crazy Train!

Review: Painting The Invisible Man

2009-07-04T08:43:00.000-05:00

More than twenty years has passed since her father's gangland style murder, and Anna Matteo had moved on with her life. Or, so she thought. When she stumbles across old newspaper articles about the murder trial, however, she realizes that she has wounds that have never healed and questions that have never been answered. Had she ever really known her father? If not, could she ever really know herself?

Rita Schiano's Painting the Invisible Man is absolutely riveting. Described by the author as "somewhere between a contemporary historical novel and a roman a clef," Painting the Invisible Man is a fictional telling of Schiano's own experiences growing up in a family on the fringe of organized crime. Schiano writes with an earthy beauty that is almost poetic. And, she is utterly believable, raw, and genuine.

I really enjoyed Painting the Invisible Man. Schiano does a magnificent job of telling a complex and emotional story. She doesn't simplify, and she doesn't provide easy, tidy answers. Instead she offers a tale well-told and a marvelous read.

Highly recommended.

Fearless

2009-07-03T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Of all of the attractions at the water park, the wave pool was probably Baby Puppy's favorite. She's a thrill seeker, that one! As I watched her fling her spindly body against the waves again and again, I was breathless with awe at her beauty. Her fearlessness. Her utter abandon.

What would the world be like if we all lived that way?

Swimming Lessons

2009-07-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

Last night, I asked Baby Puppy if she would be interested in taking swimming lessons.

"No," she said. "I'd rather walk on water."

So, do they offer that at the YMCA?

Now, Where Is That Squirrel?

2009-07-01T07:43:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday!

Fair

2009-06-30T07:35:00.000-05:00

"Fair" is a festival in mid-September.
Or, spelled differently, the price you pay to ride.
"Fair" is a pretty lady with a gracious smile.
But, it isn't life, child. Not this life.

Creatively Titled Post

2009-06-29T07:28:00.000-05:00

If I were truly creative, truly worthy of receiving the Kreativ Blogger award from Talon (one of the most creative bloggers I know), I would probably be able to come up with some sort of creative acceptance post that would leave you trembling with awe at my creativity. Alas, the one creative bone in my body (the "more talent in my pinkie finger" bone) suffered a severe strain during a frantic fit of remote clicking as I sought some creative relief from the nonstop Michael Jackson coverage. So, I'll just say, "Thank you, Talon!"

But, I'm saying it with a flourish.

Before I pass this on, I'm supposed to reveal 7 details about myself. In honor of my sprained pinkie, I'm going with a Michael Jackson theme.

When I was a baby, I adored the Jackson 5. "ABC" is listed in my baby book as my favorite song.
And, I was a huge fan when Thriller came out.
My bedroom walls were covered (every inch) with pictures of Michael Jackson.
Yes, I had a red Thriller jacket.
The highlight of my tween years was attending one of the Victory Tour shows.
I was shocked and saddened by his death.
But, I'm pretty sure that the day of his death will long be remembered as the best day of Ahmadinejad's life.

Just saying . . .

Passing this on to Pheromone Girl because she's, um, really creative. Really, really creative.

Summer Staycation Safety

2009-06-28T08:02:00.000-05:00

With the economy in shambles and gas prices on the rise, families are spending more and more time just hanging out at home. Of course, more time at home means more messes to clean. According to a recent survey by Clorox, over 60% of Moms surveyed reported having to spend more time cleaning due to the increasing number of hours that family members are dedicating to staying underfoot and wrecking the home. Those are my words, obviously, but the survey is real, and not just a report based on anecdotes of me shrieking, "Don't track that in the house!"

Well, you can't just throw them out (I checked), so what is a Mom to do? Clorox, the MommyDocs (you can find some great information on children's health here), and Mom Central have teamed up to provide a few tips to make your summer at home a little safer and a little cleaner:

"Staying Safe at BBQs. According to a recent survey, 70 percent of Moms are cooking more at home and many are likely switching up their meal routine with an outdoor BBQ. Make sure your kids have a safe BBQ experience by keeping them away from the flames and any sharp knives. Also, don't forget to check that your child's hamburger is fully cooked. Always keep a thermometer on hand to be sure all food has reached the appropriate inside temperature.

Keep the Pool Cool and Clean. If your kids love to spend hot afternoons in kiddie pools, you know the importance of cleaning the pool area. Dump out water after each session, and keep the pool clean by disinfecting it with a solution of ¾ cup bleach* to one gallon of water. Don't forget to rinse well and dry thoroughly after each cleaning (never leave any water in the pool). Be sure to always supervise children when they are in or around any water.
(* Always remember to read and follow precautions and usage directions before using cleaning products)

Staying Healthy and Hydrated. Spending time in the heat means kids will be more prone to becoming dehydrated. Remind kids to take frequent rest/drink breaks in the shade when playing outside and try to avoid activity during peak sun hours. Encourage fluids before, during, and after outside activities.

Having Peace of Mind at Playgrounds. Sometimes just getting out of the house is the best way to keep it clean, but before letting kids loose at the playground, ensure the safety of the equipment. Swing seats and slides can really heat up in the sun – test them out before your kids hop on to avoid burns. Be sure the playground surface is composed of a soft material to help prevent injury. All playground equipment should be routinely checked for any broken or loose parts. As always, adult supervision is a must at all times!

Saving on Spills. Spending extra time around the house, especially with kids, often means more spills to clean up. Synthetic sponges and kitchen cloths can start to smell and carry bacteria, but you don't have to toss them out after a few uses. One option to reduce bacteria is to sanitize sponges and dishrags by soaking them in a bleach solution (¾ cup of bleach* to a gallon of water) for 5 minutes in the sink. Don't forget to rinse and dry when done. A wet sponge can also be microwaved to get rid of bacteria.
(* Always remember to read and follow precautions and usage directions before using cleaning products

So, stay safe this summer. And, if all else fails, you can always clean in August!

This post brought to you by the ever helpful moms at Mom Central!
For full disclosure, see the sidebar link.

Bicycle

2009-06-27T08:51:00.000-05:00

When I was six years old, my most prized possession was my pink Huffy. No training wheels, thank you very much. I taught myself to ride by launching myself into the street from the curb. Which reminds me, I didn't have a helmet, either.

I ruled and roamed the neighborhood on that pink Huffy, but my absolute favorite place to ride was the elementary school across the street (this is also where I learned the expression "sucks green donkey dicks" from perusing the graffiti spray painted on the wall). The school was built on a hill with a long, wide sidewalk running from the top of the hill to a flagpole standing at the bottom. The flagpole was surrounded by a giant concrete circle. The coolest thing in the world was to start at the top of the hill, pedal as fast as you could to achieve maximum speed, and hit the brakes just as you were trying to whip around the flagpole. The goal was a big, black streak on the pavement. And, scaring yourself shitless, of course.

Man, I loved that bike. Whenever I rode it, I felt like a true bad ass. A big girl in the world. I've never forgotten that feeling.

So, when I started shopping for Baby Puppy's 6th birthday, my thoughts immediately turned to a bicycle. To my complete surprise, however, she wasn't interested in a bike. Not interested at all.

But, then, why would she be? When I was her age (walked to school in the snow uphill both ways), I pretty much ran free, despite living in a large military town. She isn't allowed to set foot out of our manicured, suburban lawn without me. To me, a set of wheels meant independence and adventure. To her . . . well, nothing at all, I guess.

That's truly a damned shame. Now our kids just have to sit at home and pick up things like "suck green donkey dicks" from TV and the internet. It's just not the same.

My Guest

2009-06-26T08:23:00.000-05:00

Jesus dropped by unexpectedly. Before I even had a chance to apologize for the mess or offer him a cup of coffee, he pulled me to him and wrapped me in a bear hug. I rested my head on his chest like a child. It was a really nice visit. We should get together more often.

My Friday 55 for the G-Man!

****

Speaking of G-Man, I received an award that I would like to pass his way. The lovely Akelamalu (say that 3 times fast. I dare you), donated this beauty to my self esteem fund:

Thank you, Akelamalu!

Now, I'm passing it on to the most gracious host from coast to coast. Grab your award, G-Man, comment, then BOOK!

Review: Guitar Hero Modern Hits

2009-06-25T07:06:00.001-05:00

Living out your rock god fantasies just got a little easier.

Allow me to introduce Guitar Hero On Tour: Modern Hits, a brand spanking new Guitar Hero release for the Nintendo DS. Now, you can get your shred on to some of the best alternative rock of recent years with total portability. Work your way from dives to arenas in Career Mode, jam to your favorite song in Quickplay, or go multiplayer in a Face-Off, Duel, or Co-op play. You can even take Fan Requests or share songs from Guitar Hero On Tour and Guitar Hero On Tour: Decades! Honestly, this thing does pretty much everything, and it does it with little more than a DS and a Guitar Grip attachment.

Since Baby Puppy is only six and this game is rated E 10+ due to suggestive lyrics (God forbid), I decided to take Guitar Hero for a spin myself. Confession: I am not good. In fact, I am tremendously, horribly bad. For players like me the lowest difficulty level and the Quickplay mode are the way to go. In Quickplay, you can just pick the song you want to play (no "unlocking") and play it. Badly, if you're me, but play it, just the same. And, have an absolute blast.

I have to mention the awesome setlist. The Donnas and Evanescence (girl songs. Very important at my house). The Strokes and Weezer. Songs that I like. Songs that I don't mind listening to over and over as I secretly practice to get good enough to thrash my thirteen year old niece in a guitar duel. Well, maybe not.

Overall, Guitar Hero On Tour: Modern Hits is pretty cool. I love the portability, and the music is excellent. The Guitar Grip just amazes me (who would have thought?). I can definitely see myself getting into the Career Mode option once I sharpen my skills a little (a lot). I would definitely recommend this one for tweens, teens, or adults with an inner adolescent.

This review brought to you by the rocking moms at Mom Central.
For full disclosure, see sidebar link.

And, More Cake

2009-06-24T08:54:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday!

Cake

2009-06-23T09:41:00.000-05:00

Every morning
sure as sunrise
you offer yourself to me
like cake.
And,
like cake
you go straight
to my hips
and thighs.

Spit Or Swallow?

2009-06-22T07:52:00.001-05:00

She's tan, she's rested, and she's back!

Okay, actually, she's over chlorinated and frazzled, but she's back!

As you may or may not know, I've been on vacation for the past week. Where did I go? To a festival of family fun; a resort featuring 80,000 square feet of indoor / outdoor waterpark. Just what the doctor ordered . . . if the doctor happens to be Dick Cheney prescribing a little waterboarding!

Honestly, we all had a fabulous time, and there were surprisingly few Griswald moments. I only locked myself out of the resort once, and I found Baby Puppy pretty promptly those two times that I lost her. And, there was the water.

After spending our first afternoon at the park letting Baby Puppy dump thousands of gallons of water over my head, I spend the first evening throwing up my toenails. The mix of chlorine, salt, and God knows what else in the water didn't suit me at all. So, I spent the rest of my vacation just trying to get through the experience without swallowing.

I think I'll just let you guys run with that one . . .

Aren't you glad I'm back?

99 In The Shade

2009-06-21T08:48:00.000-05:00

Summer Stock Sunday!

Contentment

2009-06-19T08:39:00.000-05:00

Contentment is a
pile of quarters forgotten
by the wishing well.

Growing Up Super

2009-06-18T09:23:00.000-05:00

I had to learn to use my powers only for good.

It wasn't always easy . . .

Caught

2009-06-17T09:16:00.000-05:00

Red eyed and red handed . . .

dining on my green beans . . .

inside the new garden fence!

Review: Secret Recipes For The Modern Wife

2009-06-16T08:48:00.001-05:00

What do you get when you combine a wicked sense of humor, a dash of commentary on modern marriage, and a heaping helping of cool retro art? Secret Recipes for the Modern Wife: All the Dishes You'll Need to Make from the Day You Say "I Do" Until Death (or Divorce) Do You Part (Fireside, 2009)!

Nava Atlas's Secret Recipes traces the path of marriage and provides secret "recipes" that are appropriate for each stage. Is the honeymoon over? Serve "Shrimp Cocktail with a Rather Disappointing Sauce." Need to spice things up? How about "Sometimes I Feel Like a Tart?" Just be sure to read the ingredients carefully. They are hilarious!

Secret Recipes is a quick, fun read; I giggled my way through it in a bubble bath. I think the humor will hit home for every wife that has been overtired, overstressed, and over all the fairy tales of marriage. And, the art is just amazing!

Recommended.

Two Turntables And A Microphone . . .

2009-06-15T08:18:00.000-05:00

Well, not exactly. But, Baby Puppy did get Rock Band for her birthday!

Anybody out there geeky enough to recognize the song?

Protecting Our Kids

2009-06-14T08:23:00.000-05:00

Congress Passes Measure On Tobacco Regulation

Mr. Obama, who himself has struggled to quit smoking, said the measure would "protect our kids . . . "

--- The New York Times

Finally, more protection for our children!

No more creating a false impression of safety by labeling a cigarette "light" or "lower tar." No more advertising near our schools. And, no more of those flavorings that the kiddies favor because they mask the true taste of tobacco.

Wait. That last one is not entirely accurate. Menthol is still okay. Menthol cigarettes make up only about 30% of the US market, but are the smoke of choice of 75% of black smokers. The same black smokers that suffer a disproportionate rate of lung cancer, I assume.

Gee, it kind of sounds like we're protecting our white kids to me.

*****

On a far less cynical note, I received this gorgeous award from Secret Mom Thoughts:

Thank you!

Passing this on to Cookie. Her blog, The Cookie Jar, is hilarious. Check it out!

Review: Living A Charmed Life

2009-06-13T06:50:00.000-05:00

Do you know what I find charming? The word "charmed." It conjures images of simplicity and magic. It's deep and fresh like the color green. And, it has a happy sound to it that I can't quite explain, but that I enjoy, nonetheless.

Come to think of it, that description could apply to Victoria Moran's Living a Charmed Life: Your Guide to Finding Magic in Every Moment of Every Day (HarperOne, 2009). Far from being just another "how to get more done whether you want to or not" book, Living a Charmed Life focuses on those things, big (calling a truce with yourself) and small (a spot in a coffee shop that is "yours"), that simply make life, well, a little sweeter. And, couldn't we all use a little sweetness in our lives about now?

Living a Charmed Life is a really enjoyable read. Moran is entertaining, and the action steps ("lucky charms") that she gives at the end of each chapter are things that even a grouchy cynic like myself can try. My favorite?

The next time you're tempted
to act like someone you're not -
to tone your flamboyance down
or edge your demureness up - don't.

Excellent advice from an excellent book.

Highly recommended.

"You Do Know How To Whistle . . .

2009-06-12T07:39:00.000-05:00

don't you? Just put your lips together and blow."

What a crock. I've been trying to teach Baby Puppy how to whistle for a while now, and those instructions are getting us nowhere at a high rate of speed.

I have no memory of learning how to whistle. I certainly don't remember being taught. Do you? What's the secret?

A Great Cause And A Good Excuse

2009-06-10T07:55:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, I loved stopping at Wendy's for a Frosty. It was the perfect treat on a hot summer day. Still is. Now, with Father's Day weekend coming up soon, I have an extra good reason to treat myself to a little old fashioned indulgence. And, so do you.

For the past three years, Wendy's has donated 50 cents from the sale of each Frosty on Father's Day weekend to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. The money raised is used to fund full-time adoption recruiters to work in local agencies across the country matching potential adoptive parents with foster children in need of a permanent home. The Foundation's signature program, Wendy's Wonderful Kids, has matched over 3,000 children.

Even the little ones can get involved. Let the kids make an eCard for Dad on FrostyCard.com. It's cute, it's free, and 25 cents is donated to the Dave Thomas Foundation for every card that is sent.

I spent a lot of time with foster kids when I worked for child welfare. Bouncing from place to place with no sense of permanency or stability is no life for a child. Send a card and treat yourself to a Frosty. You'll never have a better reason.

Thanks, Mom Central, for supporting such a great cause!