The Zen Of Motherhood

Review: Benny And Shrimp

2009-11-26T07:54:00.000-06:00

Boy meets girl in a cemetery. To the surprise of both boy and girl, boy gets girl. Boy and girl find a passion that they never suspected existed. Then, boy and girl realize that they are wildly incompatible. What next?

Katarina Mazetti's Benny and Shrimp (Penguin, 2009) is a stunningly original love story. Written from the alternating points of view of both characters, Benny and Shrimp painstakingly explores the reality of building a relationship with a partner whose building materials simply don't match up. The characters are mature and unique, and the writing is so lovely that it is almost ethereal. Can love really conquer all? Let's just say that you'll never see the ending of this one coming.

I truly loved Benny and Shrimp. It's quirky, funny, and heartbreaking. Definitely get this one.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Would You Give Me A Reference?

2009-11-25T07:01:00.000-06:00

In spite of my repeated calls, I have received no response from The View (well, except for that restraining order). Therefore, after much consideration, I have decided to announce my availability for the following position:

Oprah Winfrey Leaves a Huge Void in Daytime Television with Her Retirement

I feel that my extensive experience with daytime television (one episode of Dr. Phil + one episode of Divorce Court = one load of whites) qualifies me for this position.

Thank you for your consideration.

How Rogue Would You Go?

2009-11-24T06:07:00.000-06:00

A few days ago, I mentioned that Sarah Palin would be doing a book signing right in my own backyard (well, not literally. But, I can almost see the bookstore from my house). She will be here in about a week (I initially had the date wrong). That should be enough time for me to practice my Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin impersonation, so I'll be ready, except for one small detail: the book.

According to my local news, you must buy a copy of the book at the store in order to get in to meet Palin. Can you believe that? Not only do you have to buy the book, but you have to do it in front of people!

So, what should I do? Should I:

a) undermine my lifelong support of liberalism and literacy by buying the book so I can get in?
b) mug a small, weak conservative and steal his book so I can get in?
c) not waste any more time worrying about it because, even if I get in, security will throw me out as soon as they see my "Pro-Choice, Anti-Gun, Maid Of Honor At My Gay Friend's Wedding Karate Mom Saving The Wolves And Promoting Sex Education Like A Pit Bull In Lipstick" tee shirt?

What do you think?

Review: Hickory Farms

2009-11-23T06:13:00.000-06:00

With the holidays rapidly (oh, so rapidly!) approaching, it's time to start thinking about presents and shopping and what in the world to get for Aunt Lula. If you've got a hard to buy for person or three on your gift list, check out Hickory Farms!

Since 1951, Hickory Farms has been a holiday tradition. With a luscious selection of sausage, cheese, nuts, fruits, and sweets, Hickory Farms offers something for everyone. For example, the Party Planner Gift Box that I received for review contains a selection of cheese spreads, a cheese ball, mustards, and the very best summer sausages in the world (seriously, I love their summer sausage). For every $40 dollar Party Planner Gift Box sold this holiday season, Hickory Farms is donating five dollars (up to $100, 000) to Share Our Strength, a nonprofit organization working to make sure that no child in America goes hungry. If that's a larger gift box than you need, Hickory Farms is also offering 30 similar gift items for under $30. A great deal, either way you go.

Much as I love that summer sausage, there is a far more important reason that I wanted to participate in this blog tour. I wanted to help get the word out that Hickory Farms ships free to APO / FPO addresses. For all of you fellow civilians out there, that means that you can ship to military addresses free of charge. What a great way to give our soldiers a taste of home. They definitely deserve it.

Happy shopping!

"I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of Hickory Farms and received a Hickory Farms gift basket to facilitate my review."

Outed!

2009-11-22T07:36:00.000-06:00

Yes, yes, yesterday was my birthday . . .

Thank you all for the birthday wishes!

Hope you're having a kick ass weekend!

Woof!

2009-11-21T08:08:00.000-06:00

You Are a Bullmastiff

You are confident, reasonable, and very calm. Nothing shakes you up.

It's likely that you were a bit wild when you were younger, but you've gotten that out of your system.

The only time you get aggressive is when someone tries to threaten or harm you in some way.

There's a little bit of wolf underneath all that sheep's clothing!

What Breed of Dog Are You?

Have a great Saturday!

Italics

2009-11-20T06:19:00.001-06:00

"I love you," she said.

"I love you, too," he replied.

She closed her eyes and breathed deep. Then, she took his hands in hers.

"I love you," she said, again.

"I love you, too," he said, puzzled.

With a sigh, she dropped his hands and walked away.

It was useless.

He didn't speak italics.

A 55 Fiction for my G-Man!

Oops! I keep forgetting to mention that I did Daphne again!

Add Ten Percent?

2009-11-19T06:26:00.001-06:00

The percentage of people with a background similar to mine who will be divorced within the next five years (according to the Marriage Calculator): 4%.

The percentage of women with a background similar to mine whose husbands volunteered them to bake pies for the office Thanksgiving party who will be divorced within the next five years: ?

Scientist At Work

2009-11-18T08:03:00.001-06:00

Wordless Wednesday!

Review: My Baby First Steps

2009-11-17T06:10:00.000-06:00

According to the Santa Claus hanging around the mall, it's time to start thinking about Christmas shopping. If you've got a gamer girl on your gift list, I might have found the perfect stuffing for her stocking.

The just released My Baby First Steps is the follow up to the wildly popular My Baby Boy and My Baby Girl Nintendo DS games. A game of virtual parenting, My Baby First Steps allows you to raise your baby from his or her (your choice!) 1st birthday until the age of two and a half. You can customize your baby's appearance and outfits, decorate his room, and shop for toys. But, motherhood, as we all know, is not all shopping! There's teaching to walk and talk, potty training, bedtime stories, keeping a little one out of trouble . . . tons of activities to keep your little virtual mother busy long past Christmas morning.

Now, let me make a small confession; all of the impressions of the game are my own. I haven't let Baby Puppy play it yet. Why? She's already put it on her Christmas list. If you have a gamer girl, I bet it will be on hers, too.

My Baby First Steps is available for the Nintendo DS and the Wii (I reviewed the Wii version), and is rated E for everyone.

I received copy of My Baby First Steps from Sandbox Strategies to facilitate my review.

Awesome!

2009-11-16T05:36:00.000-06:00

Just when I am in danger of doubting my awesomeness, one of my blog buddies comes through with an award:

Thank you, Sylvia! Sylvia is quite the awesome blogger herself. If you haven't dropped by her place, you really should pay her a visit.

But, now, I must come up with ten bits of randomness about myself. That should quickly dissipate my aura of awesomeness . . .

Baby Puppy wants a bow and arrow for Christmas. All together now: "You'll shot your eye out, kid!"
In the Sunday paper, I read a story about The Great Pumpkin Shortage of 2009. Have you heard about this? Apparently, canned pumpkin is going to be as scarce as hen's teeth this holiday season due to crop rot (that was CROP rot, for those of you who are just skimming). Naturally, I ran right out to the grocery store and stocked up. So, if you can't find any canned pumpkin, blame me and the crop rot.
In honor of my upcoming birthday, I'm thinking about trying to break a bad habit. But, which one? There are so many to choose from. Procrastination? Maybe next year. Indecision? I just can't decide . . .
I really wish that I could draw. I write children's stories, and I would love to be able to illustrate them myself. Alas, not one of my talents.
I don't believe in coincidence.
Hearing my daughter reading aloud almost brings me to tears.
This week, Sarah Palin is having a book signing in my town. So much potential blog worthiness! If you don't hear from me for a few days, discuss amongst yourselves and arrange bail.

Have a great week!

Suffer The Little Children . . .

2009-11-15T08:23:00.000-06:00

Believe it or not, I am a woman who prays. It's a big part of my life. My daughter knows this. She knows the whys, the hows, and to whom. Baby Puppy and I have talked about prayer many times, but I've never pushed her to do it. I've always thought that my actions would say more than my words ever could.

A few days ago, I walked up on Baby Puppy as she was playing a video game. As I moved closer, I could hear her whispering under her breath, "Please, God, let me get to the next level, please, God . . ."

Honestly, my first thought was to be a little horrified. It seemed so . . . trivial? Petty? A little crass? All of the above? But, then I had a second thought.

We often equate having the "faith of a child" with having blind, unquestioning belief. Perhaps, that's not it at all. Perhaps, childlike faith is the sure knowledge that nothing is too trivial for God. Every care, every worry, is worthy of God's attention. We, in all of our mundane glory, are worthy of God's attention.

Even if we just want to level up.

Review: JumpStart Escape From Adventure Island

2009-11-14T06:32:00.000-06:00

Talk about getting lucky! On the very same day that Baby Puppy was scheduled to get her flu shot, I received my pre-release copy of JumpStart's new game for the Wii, Escape from Adventure Island. Can you say "bribery?" I know I can!

Escape from Adventure Island is a fun adventure style game for ages five to nine. In story mode, players, collect sand dollars to earn helium tanks in order to inflate a blimp to escape the island. As they navigate 3D worlds on land and beneath the sea, players are also practicing 150 different math, reading and critical thinking skills. Escape from Adventure Island packs quite an educational wallop!

As a newbie first grader, Baby Puppy is still excited about every new word she can read and every new math problem she can solve. Escape from Adventure Island is a great game to complement and foster that love of learning. Plus, it's fun, colorful, and let's you create your own character. One must have a stylish avatar, you know!

Want to win a little adventure of your own? Just leave a comment on The JumpStart Blog about your family's favorite imaginary escapades. The prizes . . .

50 winners will be randomly chosen to receive a copy of JumpStart Escape from Adventure Island, a brand new Wii™ learning adventure for ages 5-9. Plus, 3 lucky winners will be chosen to receive the Ultimate Escape Prize Pack including:

1 copy of JumpStart Escape from Adventure Island (rated E by the ESRB)
1 Nintendo Wii console – to escape boredom
$250 in SpaFinder® gift certificates – to escape stress
1 Flip™ Mino HD video camera – to record your adventures
3 lifetime JumpStart memberships – 1 for you, 2 to share with friends
500 JumpStart.com virtual coins – to keep your kids’ online adventure exciting
JumpStart gear – to dress for adventure

Enter by November 16th. Good luck!

JumpStart provided me with a complimentary copy of the game for review.

The Snake's Side Of The Story

2009-11-13T06:00:00.000-06:00

Here's the deal.
There was one man, one woman, and nothing for dinner.
Adam hadn't hunted;
he spent all day watching Animal Planet.
Eve hadn't gathered;
she had a new issue of Better Gardens and Gardens.
So, Adam says,
"Let's just grab something from AppleTree's."
For real, man. For real.
Would I lie to you?

A little 55 Fiction for my G-Man!

Review: Apple Jacks and Froot Loops With Fiber

2009-11-12T06:00:00.004-06:00

In my family, I am famous for my longstanding love of Froot Loops. Until the day I graduated from high school, my mother kept the pantry stocked so that I never had to face a day of school without my morning fix. Oh, how I loved that colorful, fruity goodness! But, alas, I am an adult; I must now put away childish things (i.e. things that taste good), be mature, and eat my fiber. Joy.

Well, Toucan Sam to the rescue! I am ridiculously happy to announce that Kellogg's is introducing Froot Loops and Apple Jacks with fiber. This is excellent news for kids (9 out of 10 don't get enough fiber in their diet) and adults (like me, who prefer not to eat hay for breakfast) alike. But, do fiber enriched Froot Loops and Apple Jacks taste like the classics?

It was my pleasure to conduct a highly scientific side-by-side taste test of the new Froot Loops with fiber vs. regular Froot Loops. According to my discriminating palate, the new Froot Loops taste identical to the beloved original. The texture might be just a tiny bit finer, but that's the only difference that I could detect (and I was looking!).

Ah, Froot Loops with fiber . . . (served by Hugh Jackman as a healthy part of a nutritious breakfast in bed) . . . it's my grown-up dream come true! Sigh . . .

"I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of Kellogg’s and received boxes of Froot Loops and Apple Jacks and a gift certificate to thank me for taking the time to participate."

The Perils Of Porno Doll Pumpkin

2009-11-11T06:04:00.000-06:00

I guess it was back in August that Baby Puppy started decorating and planning for Halloween. It was then that I learned that watching a jack-o'-lantern decay was very high on her six year old bucket list. I, of course, assured her that we would watch one rot. Then, I promptly forget all about it.

Baby Puppy did not forget.

So, meet Porno Doll Pumpkin:

That's what I call him. Just look at those angry eyes, that dissolute mouth. Already, time and his dubious lifestyle choices are having their way with him. Such a tragedy.

If I manage to grow H1N1 vaccine before I can sneak him to the trash, I'll let you know.

Wordful Wednesday!

Review: Sugar Time

2009-11-10T06:23:00.000-06:00

Charlotte "Sugar" Kane is a smart, sexy woman "of a certain age" who hasn't had a hit television series in twenty years. Sugar is determined to make a comeback, even if it kills her. According to her doctor, it just might. What price is too high to pay for success? And, does love change everything?

Oh, this is a fun read! Jane Adams' Sugar Time (BookSurge Publishing, 2009) features quick, witty writing, an irresistible, strong female lead, and a story that goes right to the heart of what's really important in life. I can't tell you how many times I laughed out loud or nodded my head in recognition and agreement. Sugar Time is hilarious and touching, bawdy and real. If you're looking for a story that makes you cry a little and giggle a lot, I can't recommend this one enough.

Redneck Parenting

2009-11-09T06:42:00.000-06:00

Honestly, I wish that I had had someone around to do this for me. My prom date, for example, could have used a pistol whipping!

Homework At My House

2009-11-08T07:04:00.000-06:00

I'm almost kidding . . .

****

Also, my blog would like to send a little thank you note to Ekanthapadhikan. Ekan sent my blog a present:

I guess my blog truly has taken on a life of its own!

Have a great Sunday!

Me, My Hairdresser, And You

2009-11-07T07:08:00.000-06:00

My dear friend, Larry G, the most romantic guy on the internet, sweetly sent me the Honest Scrap award. Thank you, Larry!

Before I pass this on, I'm supposed to reveal ten honest things about myself. Well, between me, my hairdresser, and you . . .

I used to be a dangerous sleeper. By that, I mean that I would start swinging if I were disturbed. Having a co-sleeping, nurse-on-demand infant broke me of that habit immediately. Now, I could be mauled by wolverines (a rather similar experience, actually) without waking. But, let someone within a half mile radius whimper "mom," and I'm fully alert.
I haven't colored my three gray hairs, yet, but I'm considering it.
My dream job is to be a cohost on The View.
Despite hearing all of the blather about taking care of yourself first, I can't do it.
If my house was on fire, the only material possession that I would grab on my way out is my planner. That's OCD for you, baby! Oh, and I would also be pretty miffed about the unscheduled fire.
I can laugh about almost anything.
When I pray, I picture Jesus listening and gently stroking my hair.
I haven't sent out a thank you to all of you blood donors in a while. Did you know one of you might have saved my life?
At this time, there are five generation of women alive in my family. Women in my family typically live to be 100.
I'm a talk radio junkie.

Your turn, Petra Michelle!

Aphrodisiac

2009-11-06T06:20:00.000-06:00

"What was it," he asked. "What kept things so hot between us when we were dating? Was it the expensive dinners? The dancing? Back in the day, you could barely keep your hands off of me. So, what was it? What did I do then that I don't do now?"

"You went home," she replied.

A Friday 55 (fiction in exactly 55 words) for my G-Man!

Dona Nobis Pacem

2009-11-05T05:27:00.000-06:00

The Very Picture Of Suffering

2009-11-04T06:31:00.000-06:00

Baby Puppy insisted that the poor dog be outfitted properly for Halloween. According to her, he enjoys it.

However, judging by the great steaming pile of revenge he left on my carpet, I think that he was less than thrilled!

When I Don't Get My Coffee . . .

2009-11-03T06:20:00.000-06:00

(Daddy Zen and Mama Zombie)

It ain't pretty!

Bobbin' And Weavin'

2009-11-02T05:36:00.000-06:00

She bobs! She weaves! And, that poor kid couldn't lay a glove on her.

Also, please note the elusive species Mother reflected in the mirror. A rare capture!