Pool Stories

My Main Man Does it Again

2008-07-04T18:11:00.001-07:00

Yeah, baby. Ryan Lochte can kiss his ass in Beijing (if he's lucky!)!

My Main Man in the Olympics

2008-07-01T02:23:00.000-07:00

Click on the post title for his website. Don't get me wrong--I'm a huge Phelps fan, too, but I've been smitten with Aaron since the last Olympics. You have to check out these interviews of him for the swim trials. He hasn't completely shaved down yet. He says he is going to "build into it." Here he is the morning of the 100 back prelims yesterday and here he is after it. Is he laid back or what? Plus, if you ask me, he looks good with or without hair. I think all the other guys have totally shaved down, but not Aaron. Tonight's the final, so maybe he'll be all shaved? Who knows? I also like the fact that while he could break his own WR, he doesn't feel like he needs to. Yet. Save it for the Olympics!

The finals should be great! Swimming World Magazine has all the scoop!

Olympic Swimming Trials

2008-06-30T02:12:00.000-07:00

I couldn't find a shot of Ryan and Michael after their 400 IM performance yesterday in those new, awesome suits that made me about drop my jaw. Thanks for the close-ups, NBC!!!

So I settled for this pic of Ryan Lochte. Can you say smokin' hot?

Anyway, I'm really excited about the trials. When they interviewed Lochte and Phelps afterwards, it was cool the way they talked about seeing one another underwater and pushing each other, and even though they swam really, really hard, they were having fun!

And I really like this article that calls Lochte "World's Fastest Wet Human Not Named Michael Phelps." I think they should change the title to "World's Hottest Wet Human." But then again, I haven't seen Aaron Peirsol swim yet...tonight...

Gimp Swimming

2008-06-27T07:01:00.001-07:00

3 days ago, I was doing a shoulder stretch (see my blog post about it) and jacked up my right anterior deltoid a bit. I could only manage 800 yards straight on Wednesday, but I worked on it, and yesterday I lifted but skipped any delt work and it felt pretty good this morning.

Yesterday I ran in Waterfall Glen, and with all the rain we've had, the mosquitoes and assorted other bugs were out in force, especially early in the morning before the sun was up over some of the trees. As I got near water, I got bit up real good (mosquitoes love me), but no worries, until right before I finished about 10.25 miles when something nailed me on my right hand. It didn't feel like a bee sting--just another mosquito. But while driving home, my hand swelled up real good, and the first 2 pictures are from yesterday. No knuckles, bones or veins visible in that hand!

This morning I had a 5,000 yard swim workout scheduled. I had no idea whether my shoulder would be good for the distance, and I also had some concerns about my hand--nice considering both are on the same side! Also, I've stubbed/bruised the 3 smallest toes on my right foot, so I'm just a pile of mess!

As I began swimming, the shoulder felt pretty much OK, but my hand felt weird. It didn't really hurt--just like it wasn't working properly. When I would catch, the skin would be stretched really tight over the top of my hand since it's so swollen (I did rub some Benadryl on it last night). Nothing that should stop me, though, and I managed to get the entire workout in, and I might say that as gimpy as I was, I swam pretty well! I was about 3,000 yards into the 4,200 yard straight portion when some yumyutz girl just shows up magically in the center of the lane. Idiot. So of course, I sped up a bit and even managed to kick (even though I knew it would make my calves cramp) just to show her who was boss!

After I finished, my hand appeared a bit more swollen, so I asked for an ice pack before I left the Y and put that on for awhile. The third picture shows both my hands so you can see the difference. I thought the swelling would have gone down more today, but I guess not. I'm not doing much more of anything with my hands today, so it will get a rest and hopefully the swelling will go down by tomorrow when I ride the Ironman Wisconsin course.

Oh well--what's a little gimpiness amongst friends?

My swim team experience

2008-06-20T06:36:00.000-07:00

Hi! I am the newest contributer to this blog, Swimming Rose.

I swim on a year-round swim team, which means I don't spend much time swimming at health clubs with creepy old people that only do breaststoke. The people I share my lane with are all incredibly fast people that have been swimming their whole lives.

I havn't been swimming my whole life, however. I started swimming a couple years ago for a summer league swim team, swam for my highschool for two seasons (so far) and am now almost through with my first season of year-round swimming.

That does not mean I am fast! (I am probably more similar in speed to the old breaststoke guy than my lane mates).

My lane mates lap me about onece for every two to three laps I swim. They costantly pull on my toe (the method they use to tell me that they are behind me and are about to pass me) and literally swim circles around me. I am afraid my big toe is literally going to come off and land in one of their hands!

I swim in the slowest lane, I forgot to mention...

I always love swimming in the lane when it is a lot less crowded. There have been as many as 8 other swimmers sharing a lane with me before, and as few as none. The normal amount of people I have swimming in my lane is 4.

I have a system for rating the Danger Factor of the lane:
0-2 other swimmere- No danger
3-4 other swimmers- Some danger
5 other swimmers- The borderline between some danger and lots of dager
6 other swimmers- Very dangerously crowded
7+ other swimmers- BEWARE!!!

Are you wondering what exactly a Danger Factor is?

A Danger Factor is the amount of bumping, pushing, and pulling caused by people pretty much running me over every lap. One time I was even accidently whacked in the face!

Don't think I an completly horrible in the pool though. What I lack in speed, I make up for in endurance. My favorite event to swim in swim meets is the mile (the longest event that is offered). I was also the only one on my swim team to do a swim-a-thon (a fundraiser for the team that involves swimming 100 laps- or a 5000) both days it was offered.

I love swimming though- the longer the better (despite my slow speed)!

So there is the introduction of Swimming Rose- the newest contributer on this great blog.

Wonderful Day, Even with Assholes

2008-06-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to an absolutely gorgeous day. It was in the mid-50's, and the sky was clear. I was looking forward to riding to the outdoor pool for a nice swim, but I had to take out the garbage and recycleables first.

I've been sleeping a bit late (4:30AM!) this week, as I finally think 7 weeks of around 20 hours of training per week is taking its toll. There's a good reason you only "really" train for an Ironman for about 12 weeks--I think it's about all most bodies can handle, even me, a Crackhead!

I still had plenty of time, though, to take my leisurely 3 or 4 shits, straighten up the kitchen a little bit, and then head out to ride. When I was about 2.5 miles from home, I noticed the streets were all wet. At first I thought it was from lawn sprinklers, but then I wondered why anyone would be sprinkling with all the rain we've had. When I noticed big puddles and the street being completely wet, I figured it had rained. It didn't rain at my house last night, though.

When I got to the pool, there were a lot of cars in the parking lot. Swim teams are there now, and so it can appear pretty crowded. But the lanes are so nice and wide that they can accommodate quite a few swimmers.

I got in the gutter lane and knocked out about 1400 meters, and then the next lane opened up so I moved over. I was circle swimming, because you just have to with so many people coming and going, and then who shows up but Crabby Snorkel Guy? I remember him from last year--at that time he accused me of being a crappy swimmer because the first time I showed up it was to do a 3800m time trial for Ironman and I wore my wetsuit. Asshole. Well, we do need to share lanes, and he puts on paddles (the guy is at least in his 70's) and starts swimming with them and long fins. That wasn't so bad in itself, but then he starts "swimming" fly and he is taking up most of the lane. I told him once gently to "narrow it down," but he didn't, and we got to the far wall at about the same time when I was swimming 50's with 15" rest. I'm looking at my watch and he's just standing there, and then he goes ahead and takes off, and I'm right behind, only now I have to pass the asshole who is taking up the entire lane. He hit me a couple of times, I stopped and said, "You can't do that when we are circle swimming," and kept on. When he got to the wall, as expected, he starts yelling at me. Only this time, he's telling me I'm too fast to be swimming there and that I should go and swim with the really fast people. I just shut up at this point because I was about to go postal on him and didn't want to. So I just moved over to the next lane.

Asshole. Another swimmer that I see there often knows about CSG, too, and how difficult it is to reason with the guy. I think next time I'll bring my HUGE paddles and whack the jerk. I've tried being nice, but it's not working. If anyone has suggestions on how to deal with the guy, lay 'em on me!

As soon as I got out the door of the locker room, I saw a dollar bill on the ground, and so I picked it up. I guess that was my payment for dealing with CSG!

During the ride home, it was still nice and cool outside, and I was enjoying all the nice smells. I got to thinking why can't we perfect technology so we can embed smells into our blog posts??? After all, pixels are made of atoms and so are smells...it should somehow be possible...

I noticed that the catalpa trees are blooming, and I love their flowers. They look sort of like giant snapdragons. The pic is of them and my found dollar bill. I had to stop under one tree and pick a few blooms. They don't last long at all in water, but it was nice to smell them for the last 2.5 miles home.

A mile from home, there's a bunch of linden trees. Actually, I live in what is called "Linden Heights," but I would never say that to anyone. I laugh at people who quote the name of their subdivision. That is totally gay. Like I know what the fuck you are talking about. I don't think GPS knows you live in fucking Deer Creek. I always wanted to rename my subdivision "Stinky Creek View." Although the creek doesn't really stink...

Anyway, the linden trees are blooming right now and they smell just heavenly! Plus they attract all sorts of bees and insects, including hummingbird moths. I once had a linden tree in my back yard, but its roots made the flagstone patio buckle, so I had it removed. But if I were to plant another large tree, it would be a linden. The flowers smell wonderful, and the seeds don't take root everywhere like maples.

Oh--I guess I should say what my workout was:
Warmup: 200s, 200p, 200k, 200dr
Main Set: 6x100 fast :15 RI
300 k w/board
1' bonus rest
3x(5x50) :15 RI
50 easy (to get back home!)
2' rest between rounds, all 50's are fast
cd:200

Not a huge workout--since I'll be swimming about 4500 meters on Friday, including a 3800 meter time trial.

So even though I had to deal with CSG, it's a great day, and I'm looking forward to my run later on!

Welcome to our New Contributor!

2008-06-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

Swimming Rose contacted me and said she'd like to contribute here--this girl swims a lot and is good at it!

Welcome, Rose, and give us some good pool stories!

Today's Swimming

2008-06-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

Ugh...it has become hot and very humid here in Chicagoland--like it usually gets in August, and it's only June!

I rode my trusty commuter steed Clipless Fuck (CF--head to my blog for pics) to the outdoor pool. I had my suit on (this one) under shorts and a tank top, and I was sweating in the short trip. When I got there, the parking lot had a lot of cars, and I figured there would be a lot of circling in the lanes. I didn't realize that school was out, meaning the high school swim team would be there.

When I got on deck, I saw several Ironman bags and/or bottles and knew I'd be in good company. I was secretly hoping they'd turned off the heaters since it's become so hot already and that the water would be cool. It wasn't. The air temperature was in the mid-70's already, and the water was warmer than that. But it still wasn't too bad. I got in the slower of the 2 public lanes and we circled and circled. People came and went, and except for one guy (a hottie, no less, once I saw him exit), I was the fastest in the lane, but no worries since the lanes are nice and wide and it's easy to pass people.

There's water coming into the pool in the gutter lane that I swam in, and the force of it is strong enough that it sort of pushes me around a little, so that makes for some strength work, and also needing to speed up to pass others.

Another guy from the Y, Chuck, showed up, or at least I thought it was him on deck talking to one of the high school coaches. I focused on his weird (weirder than mine) tan lines--a combination of farmer tan arms and a band of tan below his navel. OK, so I was looking!

Once he was in the pool, I knew it was him and we chatted and caught up a bit. Another guy got in my lane and saw my hot pink Ironman bottle and asked which one I had done. Well, you know me, I LOVE that question, and I rattled them all off. He asked which one would be good for a first one and Florida came up. I will never do that flatness (or so I've said), even though the hillier courses are really challenging.

More swimming--I did 2700 meters, which was good enough for today. I pack up my backpack and head to the showers. Some woman who had been in my lane is sort of talking to herself (I've been known to do it myself), and then she saw me and started talking to me, only I wasn't really in the mood because, well, I'm fucking tired from all the training and I need to get my ass home and start work early so I can stop early. I was showered and dried off and putting on my clothes and she's lollygagging but still talking to me, and all I can think is SHUT THE FUCK UP. I know that's a bit mean, but I don't know this woman and she just kept going. She commented on my suit, my towel, my bike, how quickly I changed, blah, blah, blah, do I look like I need a fucking commentator??? But I smiled at her anyway since I'll probably see her regularly, which is cool.

The ride home was HOT, STICKY and WINDY. I could hope the water is colder next week, but it's supposed to be 80's and 90's this weekend, so it's gonna suck, but not as much as swimming in the god forsaken YMCA pool. Unless there's a thunderstorm, I am all about OUTDOOR METERS until September. And tanning :)

Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy!!!

2008-06-02T07:09:00.001-07:00

Did my first swim at the Hinsdale Community Swimming Pool (pictured above earlier in the year before it was filled), all glorious outdoor 50 meters of it! Thankfully, Russ was already there reserving half of a Hottie Lane for me. The water felt about 81, with air temperature about 60, so it was gorgeous. I had to switch numbering systems to count laps, though (Canadian meters, eh?), and almost messed up on my main set, but no worries. Saw some familiar faces from last summer, caught up with them, and generally enjoyed the hell out of myself.

Since I had to switch swim bags and numbering systems and all today, I didn't go "all the way" and ride a bike there. But beginning Wednesday, I'm going to start biking there and back, which will add 11 miles of riding per trip. Adding more bike miles can't be a bad thing, except maybe I'll need to eat a little bit more those days. I should be able to park my bike on the pool deck, since I don't yet have the locking skewers or general lock for my MTB, and besides, all the locking nonsense would just add time, so better to just roll onto deck, strip down and jump in!

Let the professional tanning begin!

Was It A Mirage?

2008-05-31T01:20:00.000-07:00

Maybe I was just dehydrated from the couple of beers I had last night.

Maybe it was a hallucinogenic affect brought on by swimming 6000 yards through the "blue hair" perfume cloud at 0545 hrs. My nostrils still bleed.

I could have sworn that today I actually saw a woman who looked fit, tone, and who actually swam.

It must have been a mirage but I really hope it wasn't.

What my kids are doing tomorrow.

2008-05-30T17:15:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly, Detroit is holding a Red Bull air race this weekend. I purchased tickets for them to see it..how exciting that will be for them.

Swimming in Ice Water

2008-05-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

If you read my blog, you know that the "lake" we swam in for Triple T was pretty cold. The coldest water I had swum in before that was at the Galena Triathlon in 2005. They claimed it was 58. I have no idea what it actually was at Triple T, but it was colder than I remember Galena being. On Friday afternoon, they claimed it was 56 in Turkey Creek, but I have never been so cold in my life as it was for that first swim.

Most people say it never reached anywhere near 60 for the weekend. But you know what? I'm happy about it! I learned that I can swim in fairly cold water (and swim well, for me, I might add). I saw some athletes lubing up with vaseline, but I didn't want to get any of that on me--it's not like we were swimming the English Channel!

I was happy that I didn't hyperventilate. I'm sure many of you really good swimmers already know this, but the secret to that seemed to be to exhale rather forcefully whenever possible. Turkey Creek had differing temperatures depending on where you were in the lake and how deep it was, and sometimes I'd hit an extra cold spot, and my face did not want to be in it, so I would just blow out really hard and keep going. I guess all that time I spent blowing up the palm tree for our cabin was well spent!

Although I would have appreciated a giant blow dryer once I got out of that water or this guy:

Raising Hell In Middle America

2008-05-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

Twice a week I travel to small town America because of work. I don't need to name the the town, because they are all the same.

In "these" small towns everybody knows what everybody else is doing. The gossip: John boy is doing Misty May in the hay loft. Uncle Elmer... he likes sheep, but only the male sheep. Billy Bob's dog took a crap on aunt Jenny's lawn, which just feeds the dandelions and crabgrass that she already has there.

Ohhhhh... the rumor mill!

I for one, want to give them something to talk about. So yesterday at 6:00 a.m. I stroll into the Rec center pool, sign in, rinse off and emerge at pools edge donning a pair of these...

Ohhhh! The ghastly horror! Blasphemy if you will, me wearing those, surrounded by a bunch of God fearing blue hair ladies wading back and forth in the shallows, trying not to get their doo-hives wet.

Funny thing is, I saw them checking me out as I got in/out of the pool. Seeing if I was the devil.

The Devil.

The Antichrist.

They must have thought this as they watched me swim 4000 yards, almost naked. I mean it has to be the devil, what else could posses a person to get their hair wet, and then also swim so.

I'm sure I was, and will continue to be, the talk of "small town America."

And you know what... That's OK with me, because I would like to think that it adds a little bit more excitement to their lives than the seed catalog that they go home to.

I just hope they confess their sins when they go to church on Sunday.

Feed the mill.

Free Swimming Advice

2008-05-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

It was pretty boring this morning at my pool, so I decided to give you all some free advice. Here's some swimmer talk that can come in handy in many non-swimming situations:

Today I got a bunch of good stroke tips.
I'm working on my stroke count and stroke length.
The more yards I put in, the better I perform.
Wow! Your fly form is really undulating!
How many times do I need to tell you to keep your face down low if you want to get to the other side quickly?
Paddles make me go faster.
I like that thing between my legs--when I use it, I don't have to work so hard.
Flutter...flutter...flutter...I'm there!
I like doing drill work. I need the discipline.
Yeah. Sometimes it does feel better to go bilateral.
I like going off on the minute.
For some reason today I wanted to wear my drag suit (I don't want to know you).
I always feel ready to go once I put the rubber on.
My coach told me I needed to glide more--and you know what? It does feel better.
I used to do it a lot more often, but now I'm down to only 3 times a week.

You're welcome.

A rare pool post

2008-05-18T07:02:00.000-07:00

About the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me in the pool probably occured 20+ years ago during my competitive swim years. It was during a swim meet and I was cheering fellow competitor. Since I was in between events, I was wearing trackpants, a t-shirt, a robe, towel around the neck and flipflops. Anyway, here I am in full on swim meet regalia, hanging off the pole that holds that backstroke flags across the pool, waving a towel, cheering my mate and generally making lots of noise. Naturally since I'm in the process of making an ass out of myself, my hand slips and I fall into the water, while the race is going on. Luckily, I missed the poor guy in the outside lane, but I'm quite sure he wasn't particularly happy with me either.

So, compared to others, my current pool related stories are decidedly dull. Competitive swim days are long over and now I just swim to get the swim workout out of the way. About the only cool thing that occurs is that I get a rare Lisa Bentley sighting, but nowadays she's usually water jogging to nurse an injury she's had for 18 months. The other 99% of the time, it's just me, a swim lane and a 65 year old out of shape lifeguard. It's no wonder I go to the pool just to 'git er done'.

When schedule dictates, I can, on occasion, go to the pool 'in town'. It's mildy more interesting and is generally frequented by the retired crowd. The people range from blue hairs hanging off the side of the pool and chatting, to floaters who bob up and down the pool for a couple lengths and think they 'worked out'. Of course there are some serious folk who genuinely go to the pool to.....
swim.
Craziness. I know. This one guy drives me nuts. He wears flippers, large hand paddles, a facemask and a breathing tube. Serious. Back and forth he goes down the middle of the lane. Due to his getup and girth he takes up a whole frikin lane. Nice.

There you have it, a rare post by Darren, who leads a relatively boring pool life.
Cheers!

Boring Day at the Pool

2008-05-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

I did the same workout as on Wednesday--4,000 yards of endurance crap.

I had to be swimming by 6AM today because I had a meeting at 8AM, and well, you know, there's all the time spent not swimming.

Russ and his buddy Chuck were already there banging out some hard sets. After awhile when we were all at the wall together, Russ starts tilting his head at me smiling. I look around and see Man Who Wears Women's Swimsuits bobbing around in the aqua aerobics lane. The 3 of us chuckle, and the next time we are all at the wall together, Chuck whispers to me that he saw a string hanging out of the ladies' swimsuit--like a tampon string. What the hell??? Like I always say, I could not make this stuff up if I tried. So MWWWS (too much typing; need to abbreviate--it's pronounced em triple double you ess), come on, he's a guy, where is that tampon inserted??? Maybe I need to rename him MWWWS Butt Plug Afficionado (MWWWSBPA).

And then the usual parade began--Floatation Device, Crabby Fat Guy (he knew better than to try and get in my lane) and Rasta Guard. Pretty uneventful.

Then I saw Sexy Italian Looking Guy. Now I haven't introduced myself to him, but somehow I believe him to be Italian. Good swimmer. He had to have swam 2,000 yards straight (and fast, too), because he didn't stop while I was doing my 2,400 of main set. He was 2 lanes away from me, and yet I was checking him out underwater. I think I'll have to have something Italian for dinner tonight...

100 x 100 on the 100

2008-05-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

With gracious permission from the author, I have cross-linked to a really cool post on Elizabeth Fedofsky's blog. Click on the title to get to her post.

Her blog was recommended to me by Brett, and turns out Liz and I have probably met, and I know her coach, and she lives near me, so small world...maybe I'll get to train with her sometime if I'm lucky!

Anyway, the post is about a killer swim workout. Enjoy, and thanks, Liz!

Nick Brunelli – On the Record about Arizona State Cuts

2008-05-15T02:56:00.001-07:00

OK so really I just wanted an excuse to put up a picture of Nick. Pecs, baby!

Oh yeah, there is an article if you click on the post title. It's kind of sad, actually. Stuff like this makes me glad that I just do sports on my own, even if it requires attending a YMCA!

Another Day...Another Long Workout

2008-05-14T07:34:00.001-07:00

Today was another eventful day at the pool. First, I was sporting my brand new sushi suit:

I kid you not, the piece of tuna is right on the money! The suit is cut way high up my legs--good thing I'm all shaved.

I decided to make some Voodoo Mix (1/2 Mountain Dew Code Red, 1/2 blue Gatorade) to take with me today since I'm training so much now and I need the caffeine.

I arrived on deck about 6:25, and a guy I know, Russ, was already there. Russ is super buff and a super good swimmer. He definitely qualifies as scenery and if I could sneak a photo of him, he'd be in my Hottie Brigade. Russ was swimming with Chuck, and of course the first thing I need to know is how is the water? Russ said it was nice, and that I should thank him. OK, that's a bit smug, but I'm good with it. He said he'd been complaining to the Aquatic Director, and asked if I wanted in on the action. Of course I do! So I told him my email address, and he said something like he didn't know if he'd remember it. I commented that I have my credit card and driver's license numbers memorized. Anyway, Russ and Chuck take off, and I walked over to Rasta Guard and asked if I could use his pen. I pulled out one of my old workout pages from the Ziploc and wrote my full name and email address on it for Russ. I dropped it off on the block, and told Russ it included free workouts! While we were chatting, who should waltz in but Floatation Device, and I whispered to Russ, "There's your girlfriend!"

I got a lane all to my lonesome, and saw Crabby Fat Guy walk in. He always heads to the shallow end of the pool (where I do not expect people to be getting in--they should get in in the deep end where the blocks are, right?) and begins stalking lanes. MY fucking lane. The lanes on either side of me each only had one swimmer. I actually stopped because he was practically hanging his big, fat gut in the lane.

He asked if he could split with me. I said, "No. You can swim in that lane," while I was pointing to the one adjacent to me. He says, "That's against the rules." I said, "I am doing a really long workout today, and besides, what's wrong with that lane?" Skinny Scruffy Beard Guy was in the other lane and overheard our "discussion," and said, "You're welcome over here."

Yeah, I was being a bitch, but why do these people always want to pick my lane? Yeah, yeah, he must have been eyeballing the tuna...

I keep swimming, and I see Chad on deck. Thank GOD!!! He gets in my lane and I scooch over, because, well, he's such a hottie. When we were both at the wall, I told him what had happened, and Chad says, "You should have told him he's not hot enough to swim in this lane." I smiled, and so we invented a new rule: the Hottie Rule. Next time Crabby Fat Guy tries to get in with me, I'll tell him it would be a violation of the Hottie Rule.

So I finish this workout:

WU: 200 swim, 200 kick, 200 pull, 200 drill
MS: 2 x [3 x 200 (10"), 1 x 600 (30") at same pace as 200's]
100 easy swim.
8 x 75 (15") as 50 Hard, 25 Easy
CD: 100 easy swim
(that's 4,000 big ones for those of you playing at home)

and I get out, and who should walk up to me but

Rasta Guard

He makes all nice with me how was my workout blah, blah, blah, and I just know he's going to say something that Crabby Fat Guy was bitching. Oh yeah. Fucking Rasta Guard--I told him that if I leveled legitimate complaints about all the wrong behavior I've seen, he'd never hear the end of it. Which is true. One time, I finish swimming, and Rasta Guard asks me if I'd go get him some coffee! Fuck you and your smelly dreadlocks and baggy pants, dude! And then there are the times when he makes us all stop swimming because he has to leave the deck to go take a piss! He can call someone to sub, what the fuck???

Ho hum...another adventurous day...and guess what? I'm hungry.

Trifecta!

2008-05-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

Did a short swim this morning--only 3,000 yards (Weds. and Fri. swims this week are 3,800 yards each). Pool was a decent temperature for once--I was almost cold until I started my main set.

Who should already be in the pool when I arrived? Man Who Wears Women's Swimsuits! At first I was confused, because he wasn't wearing his usual red number. He got a new suit! It's a bright orange/red/yellow ombre thing with little black palms on it. Stunning! And another unusual thing was that he was actually swimming today in an actual lane. Usually he is just flopping about in the deep end of the area roped off for whatever the hell it is, but it's 2 lanes wide. Well, you just know I had to check him out underwater to scope out the floppage of his junk, and I did. At least in the new suit, his junk wasn't doing its own completely separate workout. It was truly difficult for me not to crack up. Now mind you, I'd much rather have scenery or some sort of talent to look at, but this was still a great way to kick off the week.

After my warmup, who should appear but Retro Mark Spitz Man? Only today he was wearing (and I found this truly comforting) the Speedo over his bootylicious ass. I guess last week I got to see him on a day when I don't normally swim (Tuesday and/or Thursday), so this tells me he switches off between the Speedo and the jammers. Thank God for the stache or I might not recognize him and become confused.

Now, at this point, I'm having a great day, even though I can't swim very fast because I am so shelled from last week's training (over 19 hours total; almost 21 the week before), but who should walk in but Floatation Device! She's easy to recognize on deck because her tits, well, they don't move one iota, and her lips are always blaze red. But today, for some reason, she didn't wear a swim cap, and I saw her doing "breaststroke" at one point with her long hair all over her face. How can people swim like that? They look like Chewbacca.

Ho hum...just another day at the pool...thank God for the entertainment!

Pelican Slams Into Face Of Woman Swimming In Gulf of Mexico

2008-05-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

Click on title to get to the article.

Snippet below:

"Shoemaker returned home from Florida on Friday. Officials have stated this is the first time they have ever heard of a pelican hitting someone in the face like this.

The pelican died due to the intense impact."

Poor pelican. I wonder what the article means when it says she was "swimming." An article in BBC News says she was "bathing." Which is it, people?

OK so there was nothing to do with a pool in this post, but it is about alleged swimming. SO THERE!

Ken likes Swimmer Chics

2008-05-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

Shaving Down

2008-05-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

All rightee, then. This boy has some serious groin cleavage going on. What's the rise on those trunks? 4"? Does anybody look at his face in these pictures?

You just know there is some serious below-the-navel shaving going on, or perhaps Mr. Phelps is so studly and brave that he waxes it all off.

Either way, I'd be happy to go hunting for any sign of hair. And not using my hands.

Schedule Confusion

2008-05-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

I've felt like the cat in this video all week:

...except that I have been moving around :) Since I've been swimming every day, I keep having moments of needing to verify what day of the week it really is. I usually swim M/W/F, and also run those days. But I swam M/T/W/Th this week.

So today I was shocked to see Retro Mark Spitz Man. And he wasn't wearing the ugly Speedo, but now he has new Jammers. OMG!!! I think he was watching me underwater. And in his customary fashion, he spent a lot of time at the wrong end of the pool. What the hell is up with that?

Oh, and let me introduce a new character: Angry Asian Woman. This lady hates me, and knows better than to try and swim in a lane with me. Not that she actually swims most of the time. She wears these glove things, and does "breaststroke," i.e., NO FUCKING FACE IN THE WATER! Oh and a golden swim cap. She must be a real contender.

Sadly, I have also been experiencing Hottie withdrawal at the pool. No Scenery, no nothing. Just adds to my overall sense of confusion. Will someone please send me some hotness? It makes me swim better...

I am pissed at my POOL!!!!

2008-05-08T04:25:00.000-07:00

This morning was ohhh so fun!! This is how it went: wake up at 4:45 a.m. to go to masters class. Drive on a highway almost 25 min's to the college. Get undressed and get everything ready for the pool to open up at 5:30. Press ear against door listening to hear if anyone is actually in the pool area..nope! Listen again and again. Now it's 5:40..FUCK!!!!! No coach, no lifeguard, no swimming ...what the fuck!!! This just happened LAST friggen Saturday. I am not a happy camper now. Pack up my friggen gear once again, get dressed and storm out of college. Luckily my gym is only 5 min's away from here.
Sooooo...get undressed, get pool stuff, run out to pool. Put legs in while I'm putting on my swim cap and goggles. The pool has to be the colour of skim milk and it's about 300 fucking degrees!!!!! Not to mention it's also about 17 meters long. You get dizzy doing flip turns, but I figure this is better than nothing. So happily along i'm swimming and getting into the groove. I could feel the heat emanating from my cap...I feel like i'm swimming in my hot-tub at home. FRIG!!!!! Now it's 6:09...they're taking out the lane ropes..HUH?????????? There's an instructor walking on deck, I ask "what's going on"?? She says there's aqua aerobics from 6:15 to 7...OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I get out, get ready to come to work..here I am mother fuckers!!!!!!!!!!