tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49566773719456049902008-07-14T10:13:25.894-07:00selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-81813162454239869972008-07-14T09:37:00.000-07:002008-07-14T10:13:25.964-07:00

Some people argue whether faith is really enough. A lot of the time it is said that Faith can't pay the rent...but who says it can't. When circumstances work out in a way that allows rent to be paid in spite of funds lacking isn't it faith that has brought that into being? We are told that we need to pray for our measure of faith, and yet we need faith to believe in Christ...or do we? As humans

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-65370701570286318642008-06-04T12:22:00.000-07:002008-06-04T12:36:46.050-07:00

I have definately been avoiding any reference to recording how my well-being has been of late. I am finally able to say i'm happy again!! And I mean goodness to the heart happy! These past few months were rocky and there are still struggles with doubt for future plans, but i'm learning to accept things for where they are at and as much as I miss the relationship i was able to share for two years

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-53724627811942590302008-02-25T20:48:00.001-08:002008-02-25T20:59:49.351-08:00

My dearest love, you break my heart! So many times i see you crying on the inside while others see you smile. What is the shame in showing me?! I know every ounce of pain you are going through and still you won't talk to me. I sit beside you every night as you fall asleep, i ride in the car beside you as you sing along to your music, all the while waiting for you to say something. You talk to me,

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-193128023578926212008-02-22T13:45:00.000-08:002008-02-22T13:56:06.257-08:00

Oh my gosh!! I can't believe that time is going by so fast. I only have a week left before i'm moving into my own place!! EEEEK!!! this is so exciting and so scary. God is so amazing! He has been giving me so much peace over everything and i mean EVERYTHING! Most who know me understand that i work too much, well, i'm out-doing myself right now. After March 1st things should settle down somewhat,

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-49041646182310362222008-02-17T22:36:00.000-08:002008-02-17T22:38:46.310-08:00

well, i've hesitated writing much cuz things are still trying to work themselves out over here. I don't know if you have heard or can tell (maybe my new pics will tell ya) but Doug and I are back together. I know it's not the thing that impresses my parents and i have a lot of trouble feeling excited about it around them, but everyone else is supporting it whole-heartedly. In fact we just

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-80570324027233607682008-02-03T19:15:00.000-08:002008-02-03T19:21:33.752-08:00

I found a place and got the call that they're going to let me live there as of March 1st!! i'm so excited! It's the upper level of a house on Donlyn St. In fact it's right above friends of mine! It's such a blessing and answer to prayer. The landlord is great! They bought the place around 5 years ago and rennovated EVERYTHING. The upstairs and down have separate washer/dryer space and i have a

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-64049502763587205302008-01-28T22:40:00.000-08:002008-01-28T22:47:10.466-08:00

So...I'm moving out!! i've decided it's time. I still want to buy a place, but i need my space right now. I want my own everything and i want to have the freedom of full independence that i don't feel at home! i'm so excited cuz i think i found a place and the timing works out perfectly. I want to move around the end of February, and there's a place opening up at that exact same time that i'm

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-56349073675982277662008-01-23T22:17:00.000-08:002008-01-23T22:21:32.961-08:00

I wish as humans we had the choice to feel. Today i'm hurting more than i ever thought humanly possible. My heart literally feels as though it has been ripped from my chest! All I want to do is end my life and stop this pain. My best friend told me that often these times are attributed to God "doing" this to us, when in fact it could very well simply be Satan asking God "how far will you let me

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-33681614062129924272008-01-20T09:31:00.000-08:002008-01-20T09:37:40.157-08:00

My dad was able to set up a mtg between me and the family member i got into a fight with. I went there with the full intention of apologizing and leaving. We ended up staying longer than i thought and they even apologized for the words spoken. The fight was out of character and knowing how much pain we are both going through right now it's understandable to a point but we went way over the line.

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-9212421803094557002008-01-18T23:45:00.001-08:002008-01-19T00:03:41.213-08:00

My year has started with a bang and i already wish it was december 31st and a new year was beginning again. I REALLY hope this isn't a sign for what this year has to hold for me. Family...by definition is a group of people offering their undying support and love (stacy's dictionary) For most cases this is true. There are a few cases where families fall apart and the ever-present questions, "WHY"

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-6924527314939419082008-01-17T11:54:00.000-08:002008-01-17T12:27:46.841-08:00

That's an order! I do this crap to myself. How do you not be with someone you love, who has been a standing part of your life for the past 2 years? Being with him isn't what kills me, it's knowing what's going on and yet having to live LIFE outside of "us". Any pining i do is now my own fault. Things are becoming more clear...and yet i still wonder. To those of you who have commented,

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-22682138715069143352008-01-14T22:51:00.000-08:002008-01-14T22:58:53.418-08:00

So I guess absentmindedly i've decided to grow up in the year 2008! I am taking all the steps necessary to become an independant woman. I'm making decisions that are my own and have actually been getting very positive responses on them. Basically i have decided to buy my own place sometime this year. I met with a realtor today and he was very helpful. It's really refreshing meeting someone who's

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-61427763748550186572008-01-11T10:07:00.001-08:002008-01-11T10:26:16.104-08:00

I'm so tired of writing about the same thing... I told a friend of mine last night i wish that God would just show me my next 5-year plan with everything i'm going to experience. I know that could be a scary thing, but in reality i'd just rather know. On top of all that I'm LONGING for Christ's return to be soon so i don't have to keep figuring this stuff out. A person told me that there are two

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-3623873852733767812008-01-07T09:55:00.001-08:002008-01-07T10:11:43.376-08:00

"And a little child shall lead them" My life is crumbling and it takes a teenager to bring things back into perspective. In all of this i want to hate so badly, but i was convicted last night because what kind of a christian example would i be to my girls if that's what i chose to do. My love for my God and them is what is forcing me to set aside my anger and focus on learning to forgive. if

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-52234326114837345452008-01-04T12:38:00.000-08:002008-01-04T12:52:03.236-08:00

Well, seeing as i have more people reading this blog than i thought i did, i feel it's necessary to update it now. There are times in your life you wish would just disappear. Events, conversations, and decisions that take place that you wish you could just erase from your memory and so blogging about it doesn't seem like a very big need...at least in those moments. My life feels like its been a

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-43092057778665799882007-11-18T00:16:00.000-08:002007-12-01T21:23:46.080-08:00

If anyone hasn't seen the new movie "Beowolf" you MUST go see it! we went tonight and it's fantastic. I think we're going to go watch it again but at the IMAX in 3D. This movie was meant to be seen in 3D!

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-54147102781075914712007-11-16T10:52:00.000-08:002007-11-16T11:01:44.423-08:00

I think it's about time i blogged more positives! holy crap i re-read some stuff i've put on here, and i guess i only come here when i'm struggling...kinda like prayer. i need to start putting the good things in my life on "paper" so i have them documented and i'm not remembered for being a whine-o! LOL!! I had the most wonderful weekend! I went shopping with one of my girls from C21 and found

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-47334212096104350052007-11-15T23:25:00.001-08:002007-11-15T23:28:42.401-08:00

finally my brain has come out of this funk and i'm feeling normal again. any guess what it took for that to happen? doug my mind spins into crazy thoughts and i feel like i'm stuck in the eye of a tornado with nothing but destruction no matter what my choice. i go to see doug and we don't say much, just sit together on the couch and are together and my heart stops racing, my thoughts die down

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-20406332569198798392007-11-14T22:52:00.000-08:002007-11-14T23:00:22.807-08:00

my mind is still reeling...and i hate it when i get like this. so many lies portray themselves as truth its the never-ending chase; can't be hidden, can't be outrun i know i need to turn and face them but i'm left asking "what's valid"? why am i consumed by fear, doubt, and bitterness unable to cut free what i crave i fear the most the shadow of failure ever looming closer "what's the worst that

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-33918108635148357712007-11-14T11:05:00.000-08:002007-11-14T11:27:43.117-08:00

I'm FREAKING sick and TIRED of feeling like i'm not allowed to be happy. When i'm in my life, i'm at peace, knowing it's where God has called me to be, i'm with the people i'm supposed to be with and i'm making a difference in the world in all areas of work in my life. I don't get why i have to feel so FREAKING uneasy about it when i'm around my family. Can i really not expect them to be happy

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-62521398411318688102007-10-14T21:24:00.000-07:002007-10-14T21:37:41.734-07:00

I've blown it! I have realized in the past hour that i am THE most self-centered person i know! there is no excuse imaginable for the way i have behaved in the last...20ish so years of my life. I've always been the "Woah is me" girl and look how hard my life has been and have expected other people to "fix" me with their advice since people seem so inclined to do so! But that doesn't give me the

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-54552432432240043812007-08-30T23:06:00.000-07:002007-08-30T23:11:25.715-07:00

k, i'm downright CERTAIN that no one is reading this, so i guess it will become my own personal journal. I'm SICK and TIRED of feeling like my body is about to fall apart. i'm laughing one minute and bursting into tears the next...and always with the constant cloud of anxiety weighing over me. What is UP with that?! i figured things were going good with Doug and me now so i went over there to

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-40656115900534816532007-08-27T21:05:00.000-07:002007-08-27T21:10:30.885-07:00

So i went to my Doctor this afternoon for a BC Prescription to aide in my search for normalcy...figured it was a last resort. Before i went to teach i stopped by the health food store and talked to the herbalist there. She was really helpful and showed me some natural things i can take to help level out my hormones. i like her method a bit better. i'm a little wary of BC since my sister-in-law

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956677371945604990.post-14012771639495600952007-08-27T11:05:00.000-07:002007-08-27T11:21:57.307-07:00

I guess i need to formally welcome myself to the world of blogging. i haven't been here for a long time...probably 2 years or more. i used to be at livejournal.com, but i think i like this layout way better. So thank you leanned for introducing me! I keep too much built up inside and the more i want to talk to the people around me, the more i feel like i'm disappointing them. Has anyone ever had

selpurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03871890271377741428noreply@blogger.com