Apprentice Writer

Apprentice Writer, A.K.A. ....

2008-07-24T14:16:00.000-07:00

SPAGHETTI NECK STELLA WHEELIE-GIG

This is Apprentice Writer's official Geriatric Biker Name, according to debut author Angie Fox's 'THE ACCIDENTAL DEMON SLAYER' name bestowing gadget. AW does not know, at this moment, what geriatric Harley riders have to do with slaying demons, but with cool names like this, how can the book go wrong?

Laughter Reviews #20

2008-07-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

TWIN REVIEWS: ABANDONED WOMEN

UNPREDICTABLE
by Eileen Cook (Women's Fiction)

&

THE BRONTE PROJECT
by Jennifer Vandever (Women's Fiction)

Title
Excellent. Apprentice Writer adores one-word titles, elegantly capturing content with economy.
*
Intriguing. There is currently a powerful Austen wave rolling through print- and celluoid entertainment. Due to contrary nature, this naturally meant AW was fascinated by the Bronte label. The title (and cover) were sufficient on their own to make her purchase.

Cover
Beautiful cover in gorgeous scarlets and creams. Would have drawn Apprentice Writer's eye even without buzz.
*
Interesting mirror image of a modern young woman and a historical young woman each writing at what looks like the same desk. Plus, the font is very cool.

Author

Debut author, who will soon release her next title and maintains a lively internet presence via her personal website and one she shares with a number of other debut authors.

Debut author, who appears to have no follow-up book in the pipeline and who maintains no internet presence that AW could detect. It seems she has returned to her film roots.

Premise
Abandoned woman's efforts to convince her fiance to return lead to the launch of psychic career.
*
Abandoned woman's efforts to convince her fiance to return lead to change in academic career.

Epigraphs

Chapters open with astrological forecasts that foreshadow upcoming scenes.

Chapters open with apt quotes from Charlotte Bronte's correspondence, one phrase of which is also chosen to act as chapter title.

What Works

The heroine, Sophie, expresses her self in first person and has several Bridget Jonesesque moments (i.e. she is a fun and endearing heroine). The story opens with a very funny and characteristic scene, and proceeds recklessly from muddle to mess to awkward in linear fashion:

“I’m crouching under the utility sink in the laundry room, clutching Doug’s socks. Not all his socks, just one from each pair, to slowly drive him insane or better yet, drive him back home. I consider trying to stuff myself into the one empty dryer, I consider standing next to the wall (to) blend in with the surroundings, (then I) dive to the floor, pull the stacked laundry bags out (of their shelf), tuck myself in, and pull them back over me. The door opens and Doug walks in.”

The heroine, Sara, is expressed in third person and undergoes character testing both via fiance departure as well as interactions with a great, quirky cast of secondary characters. AW's favorites among them were a French poet who refuses to write any of his work down so as to avoid opinions of others and also due to a wish to include 'everything' in his living poem that he experiences, and the fascinating, aggravating character of a rival academic who heads the 'Princess Diana studies' department.

The writing also appealed, with something funny, thoughtful, or both appearing on almost every page:

"...Sara favored colors that, as her mother liked to point out, occurred naturally in bruises - blacks, blues and grays - while (on) Claire even black looked red."

"...Sara sat on a panel Claire conducted in stony silence. After an hour of tepid debate among the other panelists about quilting and women murderers, Claire turned to Sara and asked if she was giving a demonstration of 'Victorian feminine silence.' Sara mumbled something incoherent about corsets..."

"...'There's a promising young filmaker next to that column,' (the publicist's young female assistant) said. 'Doric or Ionic?' Paul asked. The young woman stared at him, uncomprehending, then ran a hand down the front of her suit. 'Donna Karen. Where have you published?' 'Mostly in Hungary and the back of men's magazines.' She frowned slightly. 'Right now I'm editing "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing a Complete Idiot's Guide," Paul said. 'What about you?' she wheeled around to Sara. 'Working on my thesis.' 'On?' 'The Bronte sisters.' She thought, cross-referencing with speed-dial celerity. 'I love that old Motown stuff!'..."

What Doesn't

Sophie is not a particularly deep thinker or given to planning. She makes things up on the spot as she goes along, meaning she often has to bear the consequences of her lack of foresight by wiggling out of yet another awkward mess. This is part of her charm, but may also wear thin quickly for some readers, even those who like her but wish her penny would drop with a little more acceleration.

This reader also never quite understood what it was that drew the fiance back at a certain point, and there was an 'Are you kidding me?' moment when no-one but the villain objects to her plan to get in a car and drive herself down an unfamiliar mountain road in the dark within seconds after coming to following a fainting episode. Of all people, her mother - her mother!- is the one to hand her the keys and encourage her to go. Apprentice Writer considers herself generous in suspending disbelief for the sake of a story that is unfolding well, but this put too large a nail in the coffin (tire?) for her.

*

For Sara, the only aspect AW objects to is in how the story ends. Not because it should have ended differently - it ended exactly right in terms of this particular character and how she had developed. But because this reader would have loved to have had an epilogue or glimpse or SOMETHING to hint at what became of the heroine and the quriky cast of secondary characters following 'The End' (the Gentle Reader will not be surprised to learn that the epilogue in 'A Fish Called Wanda', where the hero and heroine are said to have 13 children and found a leper colony while the villain becomes a government minister in South Africa and fixes the state lottery, is a favorite). All she can do is hope that the author will write another book that satisfies her rampant curiosity.

Overall

Enjoyed Sophie's story as a quick, breezy read.

Absolutely loved Sara's story as a satisfying story,peppered with well-thought-out observations on the nature of love and loss, and poking well-aimed fun at popular culture, literature, and the people who populate highter academic instituions. One of AW's best impulse book buys ever.

But does it make you laugh?

YES & YES - on different levels.

If you like your heroine as a hapless everywoman with a dash of slapstick, take a look at Sophie. At first, she simply gets swept along with the tide, making impulsive, opportunistic use of what fortune sends her way, but by the end she has learned that she can actually steer the course of her life. There are some laugh-out-loud moments and physical humor.

If you like your heroine more intellectual, with a gift for seeing parallels between literature and real life, take a look at Sara. At first, she stands somewhat apart from contemporary events around her, focussing more on the bygone lives of the Bronte siblings, but by the end she has gained the passion to live more directly and became a participant/actor rather than primarily on onlooker/acted upon. The humor is more cerebral than laugh-out-loud, but no less effective in this reader's view.

Summer Reading Galore: CONTEST

2008-07-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

The published authors of Toronto Romance Writers are not just talented, but generous.

They are giving away a monster collection of signed books to one lucky summer reader, all the way from
dark gothic (Eve Silver),
to blockbuster & debut urban fantasy (Kelley Armstrong, J.K. Coi),
to award-winning series (Molly O'Keefe),
to funny paranormal (Michelle Rowan, Teresa Roblin),
to multi-flavor historical (Margaret Moore, Kate Bridges, Michelle Ann Young, Amy Ruttan),
to multi-flavor contemporary (Kayla Perrin,Kimber Chin)
to steamy (Christine d'Abo, Wylie Kinson)
and more.

Learn more here: http://www.torontoromancewriters.com/giveaway.html

Quote of the Day

2008-07-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

From founding member Sarah at http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com/:

"I don’t personally examine my own writing process closely because I don’t want to scare it or make it feel shy."

Wise words!

Anatomy of DNF

2008-07-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

There are many reasons why a reader might pick up one book and not another.

How about the reasons why a reader might disengage from a book part way through?

AFTER THE RICE, Wendy French (Women's Fiction)
Originally picked up because: Enjoyed the author's debut novel, "sMothering", and was fascinated with the premise - a young, healthy, happily-in-love married couple choose to remain childless but find themselves accidentally pregnant. There are many people who remain childless due to fertility problems, financial imperative, not finding the right partner, focus on career, etc., but a couple in the protagonists' situation has not been explored in any books Apprentice Writer has ever read. Sounded promising.
Why put down: Did not want to spend more time with the characters. Following a first chapter in which it seems that the heroine continually observes things about her new husband which irritate her, there is a scene about how the husband wishes there were some way to avoid the obligation of dinner with the wife's family. Initially, this reader thought this was supposed to be a sign of potential ill fit between the spouses. After encountering the family at said dinner, Apprentice Writer cannot blame him. The members 'snap' at each other rather than speaking, they disapprove of the way one sister is 'spoiling' her daughter whom they've dubbed (apparently without affection) 'Pink Tyrant', the mother has to use undisguised coercion for everyone to respond to the invitation of an elderly relative, and the father employs an apparently oft-needed tactic of starting a tableside game to deflect bickering among siblings who are one and all adults. No thanks.
Ultimate test: Based on the strength of the first novel read, AW would look to another novel by this author despite DNF status of this one.

THE SECRET DIARIES OF MISS MIRANDA CHEEVER, Julia Quinn (Historical Romance)
Originally picked up because: It's Julia Quinn!
Why put down: Could not tolerate the hero. He had been harddone by in the backstory, yes, but that just didn't stretch far enough to excuse his being at strategic moments dismissive towards his mother, bullying towards his sister, and petulant, immature, and selfishly evasive towards the heroine. This reader kept hoping someone better would pop up for the heroine, and when it became clear that wouldn't happen it was game over.
Ultimate test: It's Julia Quinn. Or course AW will read this author again!

ME AND MR. DARCY, Alexandra Potter (Paranormal Chicklit)
Originally picked up because: Intrigued by premise of a contemporary heroine going on an Austen-oriented coach tour and somehow being transported back to several encounters with the 'Pride & Prejudice' hero.
Why put down: Could not stand the thought that the relentlessly bland heroine might end up with the perfection that is Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy!
Ultimate test: Though the premise was good and might be so again for another novel, the writing style did nothing to draw AW in, so another book would need to arrive with mega buzz and have a spectactular first page to make this reader try again.

MUMS @ HOME, Sophie King (Women's Fiction)
Originally picked up because: Enjoyed a previous novel by the author, "The School Run", and was attracted to the premise - an ensemble piece about the people who join a parenting website and how it changes their lives.
Why put down: The group of people described in the opening chapters are so utterly angst-ridden and inducing that this reader developed a tension headache before the story got properly going. Not what she generally aims for when reading.
Ultimate test: If she came upon another book by this author, AW would give the first ten pages a whirl.

Gentle Reader - what say you? Did you finish any of these stories and think Apprentice Writer should have kept going? What makes you put a book down incomplete?

Non Book Reviews

2008-07-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

WALL E

Pixar 2008

Go see this movie.

Whether you are a preschooler, teenager, childless singleton, grandmother - it matters not. Do yourself a favor and lose yourself in wonderment at the superb animation, engaging characters, stark message told in a gentle and hopeful manner, and the miracle of a full-length movie that arrests your interest for entire duration despite the almost total absence of dialogue (reminiscient in this respect of the phenomenal 'Quest for Fire'.)

Then please come back and tell Apprentice Writer what you thought!

Laughter Reviews #19 - Keeper

2008-06-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

Time for another book review with the focus: funny or not?

YOUR SCANDOLOUS WAYS

LORETTA CHASE
HISTORICAL ROMANCE

Premise
Secret agent seeks to obtain sensitive material from British divorcee expatriate turned notorious Venetian courtesan.

What Works
First off, the setting. Apprentice Writer adores Italy, so unfolding the story in the superlatively romantic city of Venice guarantees boatloads (hee!) of reader goodwill without a single word having been read. Gondolas, opera, art, famous landmarks, steadily recurring snippets of Italian - all these atmospheric ingredients were splendidly applied to the story (though oddly and to AW's dismay, the Italian obsession with cuisine wasn't. Not one gelato to be seen.)

Second, the trademark Chase verbal & emotional sparring between hero and heroine was in full force, to convincing and amusing effect. This was especially fun on occasions when genre stereotypes were reversed:

" '...I'm a jewel thief! Have you any idea what it does to me to see you give away a fortune in gems?' 'I have a good idea now,' she said. 'It's as good as an opera.' The look he flashed her must have been the kind his Italian ancestors had bestowed on inconvenient spouses, moments before issuing the orders for poisoning or strangling. 'You're beautiful when you're angry,' she said."

"She'd fainted because she was not used to running. 'Have you ever run in stays?' Francesca said to James. 'Oh, why do I ask you? You're a man. Of course you have.' (note: this is especially funny because of a preceding scene where James has impersonated Francesca to smoke out a villain and is very proud of not having ruined her gown by bleeding on it or falling in the canal)"

"...She stormed out of the room. To her displeasure, Cordier didn't follow her...Magny looked at the door through which she'd dramatically exited. 'Are you not going to chase her, fall on your knees, vow undying devotion?...' 'No' (said James.) 'Well then, would you like a drink?' 'Yes.' "

What Doesn't
Should authors remain figures shrouded in mystery? Or reach out to fans by means other than manuscripts to communicate on a more 'regular person' level?

AW doesn't know the answer, but in this case, an insight to creative process shared by the novelist may have had unitended effects. In her tour of blogland to promote this title, Ms. Chase mentioned that the seed was planted while watching James Bond make a building collapse into a canal in Venice. Which is certainly interesting (AW for example watched that same scene and has no completed manuscript to show for it), but she closed the book feeling vaguely let down by the hero. This was not really his fault, poor thing, since he does engage in swift and decisive action where required and has a talent for seduction, thievery, and being in costume - all without question Bondish.

And yet. Somehow, it didn't feel enough. If AW had been expecting a simple jewel thief, she may have been utterly content with the story, but the 007 association raised the bar (though it is true that car chases, insane gadgety inventions, and footchases through a volcano or down a ski-slope would be a tad difficult to pull off in 19th century Venice.)

Also, the inclusion of a single scene taking place in England in the POV of the primary villain was puzzling. Why just this one (since what happens to this character later in the story is told entirely at a distance, on the level of a newspaper report)? Why point out the presence in that scene of an accomplice when the only other mention that character receives is to note her absence from the villain's side later on? Odd, but then AW is not a multi-published literary icon. She will have to trust that there are sound reasons for these manuscriptal decisions, which may, perhaps, be revealed with the next Chase installment.

Overall
Highly enjoyable, but even the charms of English/Italian James 'For My Country' Cordier could not shake the status of AW's favorite Chase hero. Rupert 'Mr. Impossible' Carsington's place in her heart remains secure (see previous Keeper review.)

But does it make you laugh? YES
YSW is not a romantic comedy per se, and contains many a dramatic and/or highly emotional moment. But the moments that are lighter are so entertaining that AW can unreservedly recommend this book for readers who need a lift to their spirits.

Bookbuilding: New Chapter Lures

2008-06-23T19:44:00.000-07:00

Getting a reader to make it all the way through a book involves a whole series of challenges.

First, the cover has to be attractive enough (or come with enough word-of-mouth/blog buzz) to make a potential reader pick it up.

Next, it has to pass the Glance at Back Cover Blurb test.

Then, once actually cracked open, it must pass the First Paragraphs test (and for some PRs, the Final Sentence test.)

If the book has suvived this rigorous series of auditions, there is a good chance the PR will take it home.

But! It doesn't stop there. The book has to be strong enough to make the PR keep picking the book up after every time she/he stops reading to go do other things. Sometimes, even for lifelong, devoted readers, a whole great big book with never-ending words can become daunting, and turn the situation into a DNF from sheer exhaustion.

Some authors counteract this by giving each new chapter a catchy title. More power to them; Apprentice Writer has a hard enough time coming up with catchy book titles, let alone a few dozen more for chapters.

An alternative, handy little device called the EPIGRAPH.
Those little snippets of something or other that can head a new chapter. Apprentice Writer loves them, because they give a little taste of the topic in the upcoming chapter, because they often let the author show a different point of view or style than in the regular content which adds interesting contrast with the bulk of the wriring, and because they help ease the reader into the new subdivision.

There are as many potential ways to do this as there are writers.

One of the most common methods is to include a QUOTE This is Apprentice Writer's preferred method, along with definitions for new word creations:
"Greenager (n) : an ecologically conscious adolescent."

Jennifer Vandever used authentic quotes from the correspondence of Charlotte Bronte in 'The Bronte Project', going a step further by making each chapter title a phrase from that quote:
"It is painful to be dependent on the small stimulus letters give." C. Bronte to E. Nussey, 1850

Another popular method is to offer tips in the manner of an ADVICE COLUMNIST:
Eileen Rendahl , 'Unbridaled'
"Chloe's Guide for Runaway Brides: Don't pamper yourself in the days after your unwedding. Keep busy. Try a home improvement project. It's not like you have to keep that manicure nice for anything."

Cara Lockwood, 'I Did (But I Wouldn't Now)'
"Reason #2 to Divorce a Rock Star: He looks better in leather pants than you do."

Jennifer Crusie, 'Agnes and the Hitman', did this also with cooking advice and table manners.

In 'The Raven Prince', Elizabeth Hoyt unfolds a FAIRY TALE with parallels to the main story.

In 'Unpredictable', Eileen Cook began each chapter with a HOROCOPE.

In 'Confessions of a Serial Dater', Michelle Cunnah lists protagonist CONFESSIONS:
"Sometimes I wish I were a turtle. Amongst many other fine qualities, turtles can breathe through their asses, which would be a pretty handy fail-safe ability to possess..."

And the most successful epigraph gambit of them all may possibly be in Julia Quinn's 'The Duke and I', where each chapter opened with a tidbit of upper class GOSSIP taken from the scandalsheets written under the pen name of Lady Whistledown. Originally created as a means for Ms. Quinn to provide background information for the reader without having the novel characters engage in tedious long conversations about past history, Lady Whistledown took on a life or her own as readers tried to guess which of the novel characters the mysterious Lady really was. This reached the point that two followup volumes bear the Whistledown name in the anthology titles.

Gentle Reader, what other types of epigraphs have you encountered? And if you write: do you use them or not?

Hero Potential

2008-06-22T12:46:00.000-07:00

A high percentage of Apprentice Writer's family members are glued to the TV today, by turn is agony and ecstasy on the whim of a soccer ball.

The Eurocup 2008 quarterfinals continue, with ludicrously fit, passionate men filling up the screen in a dozen camera angles including straight-from-the-top, UFO view) being ludicrously fit and passionate. The crowds in the stands are somewhat less fit but no less passionate. Or colorful, for that matter, since having a costume/wig/chest coloration lively enough to warrant notice by the cameras can liven up a long, long game.

Makes AW wonder: any fiction out there with soccer as a backdrop? She herself knows of none, whereas American style football makes an appearance in many a contemporary novel.

Gentle Readers,what say you? Do you know of such a book, or any other that features a different type of sport? (Apprentice Writer herself considers pondering on this subject sufficent exercise for the day).

Laughter Reviews #18 - Keeper

2008-06-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

Time for another review with the focus: funny or not?

MR. IMPOSSIBLE
Loretta Chase
HISTORICAL ROMANTIC SUSPENSE

Premise
Brilliant linguist teams up with disgraced aristocrat to rescue abducted brother among pyramids.

What Works
Just about everything. Daphne starts out with a triple handicap including her status as highly sheltered young woman, scholar who must use her brother as a front and feign constant ignorance due to lack of acceptance of female academic expertise, and with low self-esteem due to being systematically undermined by her late, much older husband. Her re-education starts with a bang almost from page 1, when her brother is kidnapped and she must not only figure out how to negotiate the foreign world of Egypt and the stifling world of British societal structures on her own but set out in her brother's pursuit while staying a step ahead of antiquities thieves, unwelcome admirers, poisonous snakes...

Such a unique and appealling heroine needs an equally unique hero. Sent to Egypt as a last resort by a father who effortlessly directs decisionmaking of the British nation but is at wit's end about what to do with his hellion son, we first meet Rupert as he observes Egyptian soldiers tormenting a defenceless local citizen. Rupert's assessment of the unsportsmanlike odds is enough to merrily fling himself into the melee, leading to a spell in chains in a dungeon. It is here that the two encounter one another, in what is arguably one of the funniest and unique first meetings between characters destined to be a couple.

"...’That man is an idiot.’
'Yes, madam, but he’s all we’ve got’ said Beechey.
‘I may be stupid,’ Rupert said, ‘but I’m irresistibly attractive.’
‘Good grief, conceited too’ she muttered.
‘And being a great, dumb ox’ he went on, ‘I’m wonderfully easy to manage.’
‘He’s cheerful, madam’ Beechey said, ‘Is it not remarkable how he’s kept up his spirits in this vile place?’
Obligingly, Rupert began to whistle.
‘Obviously he doesn’t know any better,’ she said."

The gradual flowering of Daphne and Rupert's relationship in the quiet moments between desert jaunts, target practice, donkey communication, Daphne teaching Rupert Arabic, assasination attempts, pyramid secret tunnels etc. etc. is a joy to behold. Rupert treats Daphne as a person of intelligence as well as a desirable woman, ultmately leading to her acceptance that she is not unnatural. Daphne expects Rupert to be sensitive to and respectful of the people and culture around him, leading Rupert (who due to size and propensity to 'break heads', has always been labelled the dumb ox he describes himself) to exercise his insight, consideration, and leadership qualities. From the moment they meet, there is never any question they'll end up together; how they get to their happily-ever-after through a maze of whizzing bullets, hieroglyphs and rope ladders is a huge amount of fun.

What Doesn't
The lurid cover.

Overall
Apprentice Writer would never have thought that Egypt could be as appealling as in Elizabeth Peters' wonderful "Peabody" series. But Daphne and Rupert are neck and neck with Amelia and Emerson in charm, smarts, chemistry, and derring-do.

She will admit to being a little worried about how the British/Egyptian interaction would be handled, partly (as regular Gentle Readers know) because Apprentice Writer is somewhat sensitive about this issue in general, partly because of wording in a previous work by this author. Lord of Scoundrels is rightfully considered by many a masterpiece of this genre. Apprentice Writer enjoyed the humorous interactions between hero and heroine very much (the way the shooting incident plays out is peerless), but due to emotional neglect/abuse during his childhood, the hero experiences frequent doubts about his worthiness, including a feeling he shouldn't lay his "...blackamoor hands" on his wife's fair skin (he is of English/Italian descent). The components making up the hero's distorted self-image and how these are brought into healing reallignment are complex and should in fairness not be reduced to this one phrase; but even so, having the hero link his feeling of unworthiness with darker skintone tore this reader unhappily out of the story.

To Apprentice Writer's relief, there were no such jarring word choices in 'Mr. Impossible'. There was a moment when it seemed matters might be skating close to the edge of paternalistic views, in a scene where Rupert declares to a bemused Daphne that he needs to take certain actions in regard to two servants because he is '...the father'. But the Egyptians in question are in fact minors, and for Rupert to take action on their behalf in the absence of parents of their own is a positive thing. Other characters the hero and heroine encounter all seem to be judged by their own merits and flaws rather than sweeping generalizations.

BUT DOES IT MAKE YOU LAUGH? YES!
"Mr. Impossible" actually contains more dramatic than comedic moments, but the quality of the funny bits is so good that they stuck in this reader's mind long after the book was closed. This story has a place of honor on Apprentic Writer's Keeper Shelf.

It also raises high hopes for the author's most recent release,
Your Scandolous Ways,
on shelves now. Apprentice Writer is one chapter in, and so far, the buzz of '1800's James Bond in Venice' is justified and delicious.

Score One for the Goldfish!

2008-06-12T06:57:00.000-07:00

Last night, for the first time in her life, Apprentice Writer received a call from Alaska.

Not recognizing the telephone area code, she almost didn't pick up for fear of yet another sneaky telemarketer. Happily, though, she did, and had the pleasure of speaking with a lovely woman named Carolyn Ellis.

Carolyn had called to say that Apprentice Writer won the Alaskan Break Up Writing Contest.

Apprentice Writer made her repeat it three times.

She was understandably (she thinks) confused due to background noise of teething toddler, toothbrushing schoolaged sons getting ready for bed, dull crowd roar from the televised Eurocup soccer match between Switzerland and Turkey (who, BTW, also won), and, most important, her understanding that writers are supposed to enter contests for 3-5 years before starting to final and win. Or something like that.

But no, Carolyn insisted that Apprentice Writers ten-page scene of how the heroine from CUPID AND A TOOLBELT discovers her fiance in flagrante delicto and proceeds to break up with him in a very unusual manner, in which said goldfish has a starring role, was chosen from all entries to be sent to agent Laurie McLean of the Larsen Pomoda Literary Agency for a reading.

Apprentice Writer is in shock. And awe.

Whatever may become of the agent reading, this moment is pretty darn sweet. Do all writers crave external validation? From people not obliged by closeness with the writer to provide it?

Gentle Reader, if you have a sweet validation story - please share.

Julia Quinn / Eloisa James Benefit Auction

2008-06-09T13:37:00.000-07:00

Julia Quinn and Eloisa James are authors who hardly need introduction. They are enduring stars in the historical romance sky, who maintain a joint bulletin board with lively reader discussions, and have now decided to direct their popularity towards a deserving cause.

For the month of June, they are hosting an AUCTION to benefit the recently bereaved family of a board member. Many goodies are available, from Advanced Reading Copies of upcoming releases, to autographed copies of bestselling books, to entire series, to items of special interest to writers.

For more information, go here:http://eloisajames.net/board/viewforum.php?f=76

TWIN REVIEWS

2008-06-03T06:26:00.000-07:00

Two mega-buzz accompanied releases of recent months were Ann Aguirre's GRIMSPACE and Meredith Duran's DUKE OF SHADOWS.

Mega buzz generates storms of reviews; there are many, many traditional reviews in print and cyberspace for gentle readers who care to peruse them. Apprentice Writer proposes something different: twin reviews. Why? First, she came upon one by recommendation from the other. When authors heap high praise on other authors, it's often worth paying attention. Second, she read them at the same time. Third, there are some remarkable parallels, despite one being a sci-fi suspense type story, and one a historical romance. Fourth - who's going to stop her? That's the beauty of having your own blog!

PREMISE
Sole survivor of a spectacular and politically far-reaching spaceship crash joins renegades intent on toppling the monopoly of a big-brother type galaxy conglomerate.

Sole survivor of a spectacular shipwreck arrives in India on the eve of politically far-reaching native uprisings intent on toppling British occupation and joins those caught in the crossfire, trying to suvive.

COVER ART
Typical 'butt-kicking heroine' type cover in blue tones with female figure sporting long hair, pants, midriff-baring top, and tatoos. There are countless such covers, but still, would probably have attracted Apprentice Writer's attention enough during a bookstore meander to pick it up.

Yet another in a sea of headless, bare-chested male torsos. One would think there is an unbelievably huge swell of people who hope to become thoracic surgeons, judging by the gross tonnage of freshly waxed, anonymous manchests in the aisles. Apprentice Writer would never have picked it up without word-of-mouth. The gold tones and minaret in the background are nice, though.

HERO
March is a mercenary with psychic abilities which brought him to the brink of insanity before he learned to control them. Unsurprisingly in such a person, he is physically and emotionally hardened. Due to loss and innate character, he is not in the habit of getting close to anyone - yet, perhaps to atone for earlier actions, routinely puts himself at risk so as to protect those more vulnerable. He mirrors the heroine in being emotionally guarded and not backing down from a fight. A satisying hero; AW's favorite moment with him was during his interaction with a newborn of a non-humanoid alien species.

Julian is of mixed English and Indian descent and as such, forever caught between two worlds, neither fully ignored nor fully accepted by either group. He receives a lot of attention from women attracted to his great looks, a lot of derision from men threatened by his influence and unwilling to accept the warnings he offers in regard to Indian anger prior to the uprising, and rebuffs from both sides of his family. Outright hate and racial bigotry from the cousin who would have inherited the ducal title and holdings did Julian not exist (no one who reads romance will be surprised to learn that this person is the heroine's fiance), and requests to keep his distance from the Indian relatives with whom he spent part of his childhood but who now find it difficult to have a British member amid rocketing anti-British sentiment in their community. He mirrors the heroine in being more or less socially adrift. A satisfying hero; AW's favorite moment with him was any in which he interacted with the heroine.

HEROINE
Sirantha (known as Jax) is struggling to keep things together, with no clear memory of the catastrophic events that claimed the lives of so many, fearful that she may indeed somehow be partially to blame, and certain of an unpleasant fate in some form or another with her employer determined to make her the scapegoat. When a stranger appears to break her out of the facility and off the planet for his own reaons, she takes the opportunity and runs with it. Which pretty much characterizes the action for the remainder of the story, in a whirlwind of action-adventure with a side of romance and frequent stirrings of self-examination thrown in.

Emmaline was supposed to have arrived in India as a sheltered heiress, accompanied by loving parents, feted by the British community as the fiancee of aristocrat and Indian Army officer Marcus. Instead, she arrives traumatized by physical hardship and emotional loss, and is subjected to the moralistic suspicions of a community refusing to believe that the sailors who rescued her left her untouched. An artist, she is curious about her new surroundings and immediately drawn to the local people and colorful marketplace, but soon learns that she is to remain solely with her compatriots in 'safe' places. Feeling increasingly stifled, she is also disillusioned about her fiance, and decides to return home. Then the country explodes with uprisings. How she reacts - immediately while her life is in peril, and later when her sanity is - forms the rest of a compelling story.

OFF NOTES (WARNING! SEMI SPOILERISH COMMENTS!)
Jax spends a whole lot of time reflecting on how people don't like her and she doesn't blame them. Yes, her thoughts are distorted by grief and fear that she may be culpable, and yes, the story is told first-person so a fair amount of rumination is part of the package, but the frequency of her bemoaning how unlikable she is and being surprised when someone is halfways decent towards her got old fast.

Emma spends a lot of time reflecting on how Julian disappointed her by not seeking her out again as promised following the uprisings. Yes, she has genuine (if falsely understood) reasons for thinking this and yes, his apparent abandonment so soon after the loss of her parents and break from her fiance is an almost fatal blow. But - hello? - he didn't leave her to go to the races or a poker game. He left to try and use his unique position to prevent massive bloodshed and save his family. By contrast, Emma spends no time at all reflecting on the fate of other individuals whose personal actions led to her survival. While literally in the midst of fighting for one's life, this is understandable. But four years later, she still has given no apparent thought to the Maharajah who opened his small Kingdom as a place of refuge to British women, to the crown princess who orchestrated her escape from murderous sepoys, to the detachment of Indian soldiers who remained loyal to the Raj and escorted her to safety across the hazardous countryside. All of them may have had a lethally steep price to pay for choice not to hand her over to the mob. If Apprentice Writer recalls correctly (remember: she flew through these books) Emma does not even bother to ask Julian the fate of his family when they meet again, so wrapped up is she in his link solely to her. To be fair, she does agonize over the fate of some others, and is truly saddened when she does learn of his family. Also, her behaviour is in keeping with a spoiled single child upbringing. But it aggravated AW so she chose to mention it (see: 'my blog, I can do what I want' above.)

RACE RELATIONS
One of the most appealling aspects of sci-fi (at least, those examples with which AW is familiar) is that the human characters no longer make distinctions among themselves. They're all from New Terra or Old Earth or wherever, and that's that. No continental/appearance/ligual distinctions. If there is conflict, it is usually with other life-forms, but even so, there is usually a marked degree of shipboard- and planetside integration of species. 'Grimspace' takes the concept a step further by reflecting on relationships with species that are not humanoid. The team lands on a planet whose dominant life-form is perhaps best described as amphibian. Events cause Jax to ponder whether she somehow values such life less than humanoid life, and criticizes herself for projecting humanoid thoughts where they may be inappropriate. It was a fascinating and thoughful jaunt into new territory, and one this reader hopes the author will continue to explore.

Whether she wishes it so or not, Emmaline's world by contrast is tragically defined by distinctions of 'us' and 'them'. Regular readers of this space know that AW has marked thoughts on the topic of novels set in India; she was delighted to find that the author avoided potential pitfalls by the simple but brilliant strategy of having characters with heroic and villainous traits distributed among Brits as well as Indians, and by having Emmaline be a true artist. This ties back to Apprentice Writer's philosophy that art, music, and food are the ultimate uniting forces of humanity, in the sense of her belief that a 'true' artist will find inspiration in the landscape, architecture and people of whatever place they find themselves, a 'true' gourmet will always be interested in new tastes and cooking techniques, and a 'true' musician will always be interested in new sounds and instruments.

AUTHOR
Ms. Aguirre maintains a lively internet presence, came up with an excellent marketing strategy for this, her debut novel (in the form of an entertaining quiz helping readers identify with key characters as well as a great prizes in a word-of-blog contest), and without intending to do so nevertheless slaps slow-producing Apprentice Writer in the face by working on and completing multiple manuscripts per year despite having small children.

Ms. Duran maintains no internet prescene that AW could detect, came up with an excellent marketing strategy for this, her debut novel (in the form of winning Gather.com's first chapter contest and thus securing a contract), and without intendind to do so nevertheless slaps slow-producing Apprentice Writer in the face by dashing off this novel for a little light relief in between completing her Ph.D. (shades of Diana Gabaldon.)

OVERALL
Jax, alone with her thoughts in a locked cell, grieving the death of her pilot and life partner, dreading the return of the sadistic conglomerate interogator determined to force a confession of guilt out of her. Emmaline, alone with her thoughts on the endless sea, grieving the loss of her beloved parents, dreading the ease with which she might choose to let herself slip under the waves but also the reception she might receive in straitlaced British India should she survive.

Both of these stories grabbed this reader by the throat from the opening paragraphs and never let go. Absolutely gripping. Apprentice Writer has no hesitation in recommending both for readers who want an intense, thought-provoking story with memorable main characters.
Being emotionally wrung out (in a good way!), she will now recuperate with something on the lighter side, and restore her balance with a hit of funny. Bring on the chicklit.

CRAFT: Finding the Funny II

2008-05-28T08:03:00.000-07:00

An article by Apprentice Writer which recently appeared in RomANTICS (the newsletter of her writer's group):

"Finding the Funny, Part I looked at breaking writing down into micro- (word) and mid-level (sentence and paragraph) writing to locate spots with potential for comic zing. Part II concentrates on the macro-level.

Macro Level: Scenes, Chapters, Characters, and Recurring Themes.
As scope of writing widens, humor insertion becomes more challenging. Writers can experiment with different techniques.

The well-known actor’s ‘rule’ of avoiding scenes with children or animals since they tend to steal the thunder can be put to good use:

“(For my blind date I decided to) borrow (St. Bernard) Mother Theresa. As soon as the leash hooked on to her collar, Mother Theresa grabbed the other end in her mouth and walked herself out the door. At the puppy playground, she lumbered off (until) a tiny yelping whirlwind of tricolored fur exploded from a tunnel. Mother Theresa froze. ‘Clementine, sit!’ the man who wasn’t Harrison Ford ordered. Mother Theresa sat. ”(Claire Cook, ‘Must Love Dogs’)

“Telephone: was Magda. ‘Bridget, hi! I was just ringing to say in the potty! In the potty! Do it in the potty!’ There was a loud crashing noise followed by the sound of running water in the background. ‘Magda!’ I yelled. ‘Sorry, hon’ she said, ‘I was just ringing to say tuck your willy inside the potty!’ ‘I’m in the middle of work’ I said pleadingly. ‘Fine, rub it in, you’re very glamorous and important and I’m stuck at home with two people who (don’t) speak English.’ “
(Helen Fielding, ‘Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason’)

Running gags can be effective, especially when turned on their heads after readers become accustomed to them:

“’You’re going to be okay, sir’ said Detective Mary Mary, yelling over her shoulder for a medic. ‘Call me Jack’ whispered Chief Inspector Jack Spratt (of the Nursery Crimes Division), ‘We’ve been through enough. I’ll be honest, Mary-‘ ‘-You should call me by my first name too, Jack.’ ‘Sorry. I’ll be honest, Mary-‘ ‘That’s better.’ “ (Jasper Fforde, “The Big Over Easy”)

Daring writers can try tweaking reader perception:

“The entire crime writing fraternity bade farewell to the last ‘locked room’ mystery at a large banquet held in its honor. (Then came) shocking news - the ‘locked room’ concept had been murdered – and in a locked room. The banquet was cancelled and police are investigating.”
(Jasper Fforde, “The Big Over Easy”)

Then there is the rich source of humor to be mined from the fact that a large percentage of all laughter is based on incongruity; something unexpected happens. Incongruity can take multiple shapes.

Physical humor – This is the earliest form of humor to develop, proven by babies as young as eight months laughing when someone falls down. For obvious reasons physical humor is easier to achieve in visual rather than literary media, but carefully done it can add a burst of flavor:

“I’m crouching under the utility sink in the laundry room, clutching Doug’s socks. Not all his socks, just one from each pair, to slowly drive him insane or better yet, drive him back home. I consider trying to stuff myself into the one empty dryer, I consider standing next to the wall (to) blend in with the surroundings, (then I) dive to the floor, pull the stacked laundry bags out (of their shelf), tuck myself in, and pull them back over me. The door opens and Doug walks in.” (Eileen Cook, “Unpredictable”)

“Somebody pushed her out of Heaven. She could have landed anywhere in the earthly realm; pavement, grass, the middle of the ocean…MarineLand in Niagara Falls. Or more precisely, the killer whale tank in MarineLand. PLOP.”
(Michelle Rowen, ‘Angel With Attitude’)

Dialogue/actions contrary to stereotypical gender/age/appearance expectations:

“I start crying again, and the grandmotherly old lady lays a gentle hand on my arm and brushes past, muttering ‘Move it, you feeble lush.’ Resolve in future to keep my airborne Marys virginal.” (Lee Nichols, “Tales of a Drama Queen”)

Under- or over-reaction:

“Bill and Enid were walking through Tadger's Wood one day, when suddenly they saw the collapse of Roman Imperialism. ’Gosh’ said Bill."
(Monty Python’s Flying Circus)

“Lord Berne gazed in the general direction of France.”
(Loretta Chase, “The Devil’s Delilah”

Juxtaposing a highly charged moment with something ordinary:

(Deciding whether to help release an aristocrat from chains and possible torture in an Egyptian dungeon:) ’That man is an idiot.’ ‘Yes, madam, but he’s all we’ve got’ said Beechey. ‘I may be stupid,’ Rupert said, ‘but I’m irresistibly attractive.’ ‘Good grief, conceited too’ she muttered. ‘And being a great, dumb ox’ he went on, ‘I’m wonderfully easy to manage.’ ‘He’s cheerful, madam’ Beechey said, ‘Is it not remarkable how he’s kept up his spirits in this vile place?’ Obligingly, Rupert began to whistle. ‘Obviously he doesn’t know any better,’ she said.
(Loretta Chase, ‘Mr. Impossible’)

Mix-ups are a useful device:

“This morning (I) got my antihistamine and spermicide sprays confused. I now have a vagina that can breathe more freely and nostrils I can safely have sex in for at least six hours.” (Kathy Lette, ‘A Stitch in Time’)

Unusual perspective:

“…this was right around the time endive was discovered, which was followed by arugula, which was followed by radicchio, which was followed by frisee, which was followed by the three M’s – mesclun, mache, and microgreens – and that, in a nutshell, is the history of the last forty years from the point of view of lettuce.” (Nora Ephron, “I Hate My Neck and Other Thoughts on Being a Woman”)

The Wrongest-Possible-Person can be tailored to fit many scenarios:

’Dear Sir, You sound too good to be true, but perhaps we could have a cup of coffee together anyhow.’
‘Dear Madam, Might I have the privilege of buying you coffee at Morning Glories at 10:00 a.m. this Saturday? I’ll be carrying a yellow rose.’
(at Morning Glories): ‘What are you doing here and where’d you get that rose, Dad?’ (Claire Cook, ‘Must Love Dogs’)

======================

Obviously, this is only a starter list for humor-seekers. More can be found in workshops, advice from favorite comedy writers, and, not least, by stopping to analyze “Why and at which writing level?” every time you read something that makes you laugh.

May the comedy muse smile on you in your quest to brighten your readers’ day.

(Some quotes modified to fit article format)"

Any favorite funny quotes from Gentle Readers?

CRAFT: Finding the Funny

2008-05-20T09:41:00.000-07:00

An article by Apprentice Writer recently published in "RomANTICS" (the newsletter of her writer's group) and containing some favorite quotes:

"FINDING THE FUNNY, PART I

Do humorous scenes, characters and dialogue simply flow from your keyboarding fingers whenever your manuscript needs them?

Me neither.

Those lightning bolts from the comedy muse are rare and unpredictable. In between, the funny often needs to be coaxed along. Sometimes, breaking the writing down can help locate hidden spots with potential for comic zing.

Micro Level: Words
The smallest writerly building blocks often offer an easy way to inject humor.

Names have unlimited possibilities:

Hallelujah Clegg (Janet Mullany, ‘The Rules of Gentility’)
Grimauld Place (J.K. Rowling, ‘Harry Potter’ series; refers to a grim old place)
Village of Toot (Laura Kinsale, ‘My Sweet Folly’)

Nouns can be systematically examined for switch from a regular-type one to a more amusing one. Rubber boots are funnier than shoes, camels are funnier than horses, a cactus is funnier than grass, and so on. The same logic applies to verbs, adjectives and adverbs:

“Freya’s voice, prematurely leathered from smoking, scratched its way through the line.” (Lani Diane Rich, ‘Crazy in Love’)

“The other man gave Vimes a smile of manic friendliness. (His) pullover had a queasy zigzag pattern in many strange, unhappy colors.”
(Terry Pratchett, ‘Thud!’)

Sometimes, it’s possible to poke gentle fun at specific time periods and the obscure vocabulary unique to each:

“Where is your friend?” “He is exploded.” “Was he the victim of a revolutionary outrage?” “No, I meant to say he was found out.”
(Oscar Wilde, ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’)

”The hero, a handsome, well-bred man, pursued the heroine, crushing his lips to hers in a hansom cab and rumpling her pelisse. The villain, equally well-bred, did just about the same thing, except that in addition he thrust his hand inside her fichu.” (Margaret Atwood, ‘Lady Oracle’)

At the most creative extreme, inventing a word can up the humor quotient:

“Gabe ran hell-bent-for-leather holding a panful of lasagna, intent upon a pastafarian act of self-sacrifice. Theo caught him, but eight pounds of steaming cheesy goodness sailed through the window, scorching the (attacking zombies) and pollocking the wall with red sauce. ‘That’s it, throw snacks at them!’ shouted Tuck. ‘Fire a salvo of garlic bread next!’ ”
(Christopher Moore, ‘The Stupidest Angel’)

Mid Level: Sentences and Paragraphs
Many frequently occurring sentence/paragraph types are good candidates for amusement.

Physical descriptions of people, places and things offer loads of opportunity:

“What he looked mostly like was the part of the rocket that gets jettisoned over the Indian Ocean, plus a black homburg.”
(Donald E. Westlake, ‘What’s So Funny?’)

“…after much panicked scanning of the Scottish mainland, (he) discovered the location of the wedding somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic. ‘I thought it was in Edinburgh!’ Seb roared. ‘It’s practically in Iceland,’ his stabbing finger a good quarter inch off the far northwest coast of Scotland. Anna stared at the island whose shape bore a startling resemblance to a hand making an uncomplimentary gesture with its middle finger.” (Wendy Holden, ‘Bad Heir Day’)

Units of measurement and timelines are great:

“(He’s) not a cop, Tiny. Not for seventeen months.” “I think the transition takes a little longer,” Tiny suggested. “Maybe three generations.”
(Donald E. Westlake, ‘What’s So Funny?’)

“7:15a.m. Hurrah! (Am) in functional relationship with adult male thereby proving not love pariah…Maybe Mark Darcy will wake up and talk to me about my opinions.
7:30a.m. Has not woken up. I know, will get up and make him fantastic breakfast with eggs Benedict or Florentine.
7:31a.m. Depending what eggs Benedict or Florentine actually are.”
(Helen Fielding, ‘Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason’)

Variations of well-known quotes can be effective:

“If you keep your head when all around you are losing theirs, it’s just possible you haven’t grasped the situation.” (Erma Bombeck; refers to Rudyard Kipling’s famous poem ending with “…then you’ll be a man, my son!”)

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman of fortune and passable good looks amuses herself in London with fashion, philanthropic works, and flirtation, until a suitable gentleman makes an offer.” (Janet Mullany, ‘The Rules of Gentility’; refers to Jane Austen’s ‘Pride &Prejudice’ opening lines)

Lists are wonderful because they can either start out reasonably and become increasingly silly, or can include one item that sticks out like a sore thumb:

“There were trolls in the Watch, plenty of dwarfs, one werewolf, three golems, an Igor and, not least, Corporal Nobbs (that was a bit of a slur on Nobby, [who] was human,[but] he was the only one who had to carry a certificate to prove it) so why not a vampire?”(Terry Pratchett, ‘Thud!’)

“No reprieve. In a world full of wars, famine and Bratz dolls, the angels or gods or whoever had bigger things than her to deal with.”
(Lani Diane Rich,‘Crazy in Love’)

Writers are often warned against inclusion of clichés. But clichés can work well in comedy, especially if given a twist:

“(The welcome party was) packed with people dressed in various interpretations of luau wear. Hawaiian shirts dominated, but there was also a healthy contingent of sarongs and one grass skirt. The guy in the grass skirt didn’t have the legs for it.” (Jennifer Crusie, ‘Manhunting’)

=======================

Part II will look at the macro-level of writing.
(Some quotes modified to fit article format)"

Any humor location techniques Gentle Readers may care to share?

Non Book Reviews

2008-05-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

THE PAINTED VEIL
2007, directed by John Curran

Tagline
"Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people."

Summary
On leave from his post as bacteriologist in 1920's Shanghai, Walter (Edward Norton) is drawn to the beautiful, spoiled Kitty (Naomi Watts), who accepts his almost immediate proposal so as to prevent her younger sister from marrying first. Having been bored in London, Kitty proceeds to be bored in Shanghai, and soon begins an affair with a local member of the diplomatic corps. Walter discovers her infidelity, and reacts to the blow by volunteering to travel inland to stem a chlorera outbreak and by offering Kitty a divorce on condition that her lover likewise divorces his wife and marries her. The lover refuses under the guise of not wishing to drag his innocent wife into the situation; Kitty has no choice but to accompany Walter into the eye of the storm.

Both are soon forced to consider much larger issues than their personal miseries. Familiar with disease only within a clinical research context via the safe and controllable barrier of a microscope, Walter is violently confronted with the unspeakably intense reality of human suffering that defines an epidemic. Initially thinking her biggest problems are living in the backwoods and learning that she is one of many fleeting female amusements for her lover, Kitty is confronted with the desperation of evergrowing numbers of orphans taken in at the convent when their parents fall victim to the outbreak.

Adding layers to the story are compelling secondary characters, including the Mother Superior (Diana Rigg) in charge of the convent and orphanage, the young doctor who must choose whether to side with British science (in the form of Walter's educated opinion of steps necessary to contain infection) or Chinese tradition (in the form of local customs regarding burial), a member of the diplomatic corps who has become a fixture in the area, and the highly educated General (Anthony Wong Chau Sang) who foresees the imminent death of the old ways yet bitterly resents a foreigner descending into his country to 'fix' its problems and presumably look down on its backwardness.

As the story moves its way through the dance Walter and Kitty go through discovering more about one another, it also highlights how few issues in life are truly black or white. Is a relationship between an older, influential British man and a young local woman necessarily exploitative? Is the good done by saving orphan children diminished by the expectation that they become Catholic in return? Is understandable feeling that a country should be in the power of its own citizens sufficient reason to reject outside expertise and allow local warlords and hazardous supersition to continue unchecked? And most of all: how can such a stunningly beautiful landscape contain such profound ugliness as epidemic disease?

Excerpt
"I think China should belong to Chinese. It seems most of the world disagrees with me."
"That doesn't concern me. I came here with a microscope, not a gun!"

Overall
Superbly acted, gorgeously filmed, with an excellent musical score, and telling an intensely dramatic story without melodrama, 'The Painted Veil' is a movie well worth the viewer's time.

Being a Mom Means....

2008-05-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

In honor of the second Sunday in May (i.e. the day that pays the mortgage of florists, chocolatiers, and restauranteurs), some philosophy from '1001 Things it Means to be a Mom: the Good, the Bad, and the Smelly' by Harry H. Harrison Jr.

"Being a mom means suspecting that your happiness is totally dependent on the washing machine working."

"Being a mom means developing a strange fascination with refrigerator magnets."

"Being a mom means being absolutely certain about your parenting principles. Until you have kids."

Laughter Reviews #17 - KEEPER

2008-05-04T19:13:00.000-07:00

Time for another review with the focus: funny or not?

THE SILVER PIGS
by Lindsey Davis
HISTORICAL SUSPENSE

Premise
Sleuth in ancient Rome is commissioned by the newest Caesar to investigate fraud and murder.

What Works
What a delight, stepping into the pages of this superbly entertaining novel. The story is meticulously researched and replete with descriptive (but never overdone) historical detail that makes the challenge of everyday survival in A.D. 70 seem to spring to three-dimensional life. The effect is only enhanced by having the highly irreverent hero tell the story in first person.

Marcus Didius Falco is a young man living in a seedy part of Rome during the rise of Emperor Vespasian. He completed his military service, but had the bad luck of being posted to Britain which was not only horribly cold and far away but underwent a native revolt, put down not by his legion but its successor. Consequently he must endure derision rather than basking in military glory as he tries to eke a living as a private eye. His art-dealer father abandoned the family years ago to live with a younger woman and his brother died a reckless hero's death in Palestine, making Falco the nominal head of the family. Falco grapples with resentment of these two male figures, while attempting to deal with the daily demands of his mother, sisters, brothers-in-law, landlady, pickpockets, gladiators, bureaucrats, clients, senators, slaves.....

Falco is a mass of contradictions. He gripes about family but lives in near desitution due to giving all his money to his mother and his late brother's girlfriend to support his brother's child. He praises the bachelor life but is always on hand to shepherd numerous nieces and nephews at family gatherings, public celebrations, and on trips. He contends with beggars and prostitutes but is multilingual and an amateur poet. He often plays the clown but is fast and tough in a fight, and smart enough to see beyond what individuals with much greater power, wealth, and position may want him to see. He makes fun of everyone, including himself, but somehow always ends up taking the part of the underdog, even to his own detriment. Someone this smart and unusual deserves a worthy love interest; when she comes along, that woman is Falco's equal and then some.

So: the settings are compelling, the main and secondary characters fascinating, the mystery intriguing, the scholarship superb. Can the writing keep pace? It can indeed, moving along at a fast and entertaining clip.

'....my mother did something rapid to a vegetable.'

'...I like my women in a few wisps of drapery: then I can hope for a chance to remove the wisps. It they start out with nothing I tend to get depressed because either they have just stripped off for someone else or else, in my line of work, they are usually dead.'

"...she hurtled up the steps of the Temple of Saturn straight towards me. 'Excuse me -' she gasped. 'Excuse ME!' She dodged, I dodged. She was a slight thing; I prefered them tall, but I was prepared to compromise. While we sashayed on the steps, she glanced back, panic-struck. I admired her shapely shoulder, then squinted over it myself. Two ugly lumps of jail-fodder, jellybrained and broad as they were high, were pushing through the crowds towards her. 'Get out of my way!' she pleaded. I wondered what to do. 'Manners!' I chided thoughtfully. 'Get out of my way SIR!' she roared. She was perfect!'

What Doesn't
Apprentice Writer can't think of anything.

Overall
Since its inception, the Falco series has grown into numerous volumes, giving the intrepid sleuth and his faithful life- and detection-companion many cases to solve all over the farflung Roman empire. They investigate with the occasional aid and more frequent obstruction of their families and friends. The many, many fans of this series look forward to catching up with developments in the lives of popular recurring secondary characters as much as puzzling out each new case. Some go so far as to recreate the dishes mentioned in the stories with painstaking attention to historical detail, and try to outdo one another in asking obscure questions of the author at her extensive website. To date, this immensly fun series shows no signs of growing stale.

But does it make you laugh? ABSOLUTELY
The humor is drawn in equal parts from Falco's skewed way of looking at life and his habit of verbal thrust and parry with almost everyone he meets, as well as from the way the author portrays ancient Roman customs (the goat that Falco drags across half the empire because he can't bear to ritually slaughter it, the headache he has caring for the Eternal City's sacred geese, the ticklish business of figuring out how to interact with Vestal Virgins, the indignities he suffers travelling as a seasick non-swimmer, the impetuous use to which he puts a Minotauran frieze....etc. etc.) The Roman Empire of these books is no dusty, dull place of boring senatorial discourse or theoretical military strategy. It is vibrantly, gloriously alive. This first volume kicking the whole thing off has no trouble clinching a spot on Apprentice Writer's Keeper shelf.

Page 1

2008-04-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

"We were fractious and overpaid. Our mornings lacked promise. At least those of use who smoked had something to look forward to at ten-fifteen."

Joshus Ferris, 'Then We Came to the End'

Non-Laughter Lightning Reviews

2008-04-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

Realized today that four historical romances have been 'consumed' in recent weeks. Good opportunity for a little lightning 'compare and contrast' -

1. No Regrets, by Michelle Ann Young (19th century England and France) -
Premise: BBW (for the uninitiated: big beautiful woman) cannot believe her childhood friend is genuinely attracted to her, and enters into a sham marriage for a limited time with him.

2. An Honorable Rogue, by Carol Townend (Medieval Brittany and South English coast) -
Premise: Young widow travels to England during unsettled times to marry a knight but is secretly attracted to travelling minstrel/spy escort.

3. And Then He Kissed Her, by Laura Lee Guhrke (19th century England)-
Premise: Female secretary to aristocratic newspaperman has authorly ambitions that challenge him on multiple levels.

4. Let Sleeping Rogues Lie, by Sabrina Jeffries (19th century England) -
Premise: Naturalist schoolteacher seeking to vindicate father makes a deal with a rake in order to use his connections.

Cover art: 'Best' goes to 'No Regrets' - lovely partial face detail taken from a classical painting. Stands out in a sea of masculine pectorals. 'Most reminiscent of a pantyhose commercial' goes to 'Sleeping Rogues' - nice purple background, but emphasis on apparently freshly shaven legs.

Heroine and Hero who grow on reader after initial dull impression: Emmaline and Harry from 'And Then...' Things don't look so good for them, reader-interest wise in the beginning, with many pages devoted to etiquette books and newsprint, but by the end reasons for their initial stiffness on multiple levels is clear and engages reader sympathy. Thankfully, they've also learned to be more flexible, and the banter between them is enjoyable. Very satisfying ending.

Biggest Pet Peeve: Two authors undermine their credibility by not applying foreign language snippets correctly. In one instance, the heroine answers in the affirmative when asked if she speaks French, but she does so IN ITALIAN. Or possibly Spanish; either way, it's not French. (Actually, to make things even more complicated, it IS French - only for 'if' instead of 'yes'.) In the second instance, the term 'comme il faut' ('as is necessary or required') is used to mean the opposite.

Most interesting historical detail: Easily 'Honorable Rogue'. Though the story had too much space devoted to hero and heroine endlessly reliving an early kiss and being dismayed that they were attracted to one another (first half) and Could Never Be Together (second half) and not enough about actual story developments for Apprentice Writer's taste, reading about the details of daily life (architecture, clothing, food, social classes, professions, customs, names) in such a fresh time/place combination was fascinating. Let Apprentic Writer be clear: the imbalance of hero/heroine introspection and plot points is not an indication of weakness of the book; it is an indication that AW is clearly not part of the target demographic for this particular imprint. Harlequin demands that its writers operate within tight wordcount and outline boundaries, for the simple reason that it provides a specific product for specific readership. That the story managed to capture AW's interest despite not being that reader is a testament to the skill of this author.

Most unusual stimulant: Countless historicals include an element of alcohol abuse, a few refer to opium, hashish or other narcotics. This was the first AW ever encountered involving nitrous oxide. Even better, it wasn't just a background detail at a party for jaded, fashionable aristocrats, but a major plotpoint, apparently based on real historical events. So although AW felt that there was a whole lot of buildup compared to how much space the actual party occupied, she still gives the author major credit for writing about something unusual. Plus: finding a way to insert a rhinoceros in the plot is always good.

Most puzzling self-image: Much of 'No Regrets' heroine's internal conflict revolves around comparison of her generously proportioned self with the slender sylphs she see around her, which has a negative effect on her self-esteem and leads to her refusal to accept that the hero could find her desirable. Modern mass media aggressively promotes thinness as a feminine ideal, so the thinking behind such internal conflict is not hard to follow. But: in the story, except for herself ,there weren't any characters that seemed to look down on the heroine due to her shape. To the contrary - younger sisters loved and respected her, female characters she met offered friendship or saw her as a equal, multiple male characters wished to pursue her, a long-lost relative expressed no disappointment. So, while AW very much enjoyed reading about a different type of heroine, and wouldn't wish sizeist rejection on her just for the hell of it, there was some feeling of disconnect.

Most tiresome device for expressing emotion: It is a constant challenge for authors to convey the emotion their characters feel without naming it explicitly. AW understands and empathizes with the difficulty. Even so, the heroine's habit in 'Honorable Rogue' of speaking in a mini-stutter whenever she felt nervous was so frequent AW started counting number of pages in between ocurences. There has to be a better way.

All in all - each story offered something unusual and worth reading about.

Bookbuilding - ANALYSIS

2008-04-11T08:11:00.000-07:00

Today, our final field trip into the world of novelbuilding pitfalls.

After visits to the twin pitfalls of setting staticus and momentum mortus, and the twin pitfalls of cultura non-equus and non-persona, a look at

PRIMUS IMPRESSIO FALSUS

wherein a book's first chapter gives a wrong impression of what to expect. Example:

The Raven Prince, a historical romance by Elizabeth Hoyt, is the first in the 'Prince' trilogy which shot the author to the top of repeated 'Favorite Book of the Year' lists. This genre frequently features ideal heros and heroines in terms of physical attributes and personal accomplishments, presumably to intensify the fairy-tale quality of such stories. This pretty much always includes such feats of masculine manliness as the hero being the tallest, most handsome, best swordsman, best marksman, wealthiest stock market investor... The list goes on, and includes, perforce, best horseman.

So when the protagonists of this story meet by having him fall off his galloping horse at her feet it is unexpected - and funny. The hero's wounded pride is well written, and memorable. Even more so when touched upon again in a very amusing pseudo-interview the author conducts with the hero at the end of the book (AW assumes this was used elsewhere for publicity purposes):

"...Edward's responses to the Romance Hero Rule Book:
1. HEROES ARE ALWAYS HANDSOME.
(snort) Well, that one is plain ludicrous. Who wants to read about pretty boys and macaronis, I ask you? A scar here and there lends a certain gravitas to a gentleman's countenance.
2. HEROES SHOULD NEVER FALL OFF THEIR HORSE.
Libel, sirrah! I have never, EVER, fallen off my horse and I will meet in the field of honor anyone who dares say so. It is true that, upon occasion, I have been UNSEATED, but that could happen to any gentleman and is an entirely different matter.
3. AND IF THEY DO FALL OFF, THEY DO NOT SWEAR.
I was not swearing. I merely called the beast a revolting lump of maggot-eaten hide, and - follow my reasoning closely here - the horse did not know what I was saying.
4. HEROES DO NOT START BRAWLS IN BROTHELS.
I did not actually start the brawl. Besides, what would you have me do when attacked by four men? Note: I did END the brawl.
5. HEROES DO NOT HAVE TROUBLE KEEPING THEIR SECRETARIES.
I am not sure what you are getting at...
6. HEROES ALWAYS KEEP THEIR TEMPER.
I do not have a temper and anyone who says so- (censored)
7. HEROES SHOULD NOT FANTASIZE ABOUT THE BREASTS OF THEIR FEMALE SECRETARIES.
What kind of namby-pamby novels are we talking about here? I should think-
8. HEROES SHOULD BE ROMANTIC.
Ha! HA! I have you there! I will have you know that Anna found absolutely no fault with my lovemaking. In fact-
9. HEROES DO NOT CONFUSE ROMANCE WITH LOVEMAKING.
(censored)
10. HEROES SHOULD BE TRANSPORTED BY TRUE LOVE.
With that I have no argument."

The opening scene, especially when taken together with the publicity teaser, raises powerful hope that the ongoing story will be marked by similar-type humor. As it turns out, the story settles into and remains within more dramatic parameters. The writing is excellent and the story well worth reading, but doesn't return to that lighthearted initial tone. So while Apprentice Writer enjoyed the novel and can recommend it, she was perplexed about the author's decision to point a certain way with the groundwork and then go in another direction.

Another example of primus impressio falsus is the contemporary romantic suspense novel The Damsel in This Dress, by Marianne Stillings.

It opens flawlessly:

"Hold on while I get out my thesaurus: this review is going to require more words than my paltry vocabulary contains. Ah, here we go: junk, dross, rubbish, detritus (oh, that's a good one), baloney, claptrap, drivel... To continue would require more space than this column allows, so let me simply conclude by saying that 'Strike Three for Death', J. Soldier McKennit's latest so-called crime drama is a waste of time and money. The plot is ludicrous, the characters stereotypical, the writing amateurish. What less could one ask for?"

The heroine is a book reviewer, the hero a police officer-turned-author who heartily resents her reviews. The first chapter builds up their mutual dislike excellently and humorously, creating great anticipation for their first meeting at a writer's convention. The meeting scene worked, but from that point on, for Apprentice Writer, the story steadily deflated in humor and interest as the body count steadily climbed for no particularly good reason and it seemed as though the heroine was of the sort that expects the hero to be more in charge of getting things done than she herself. By the time the finale rolled around, this reader was more interested in what was going on in the subplot between the hero's brother and the heroine's friend than the primary pair.

It's possible that this was a reflection of the fact that this was the author's first book. There have been several since, and though Apprentice Writer has not had a chance to take a second look, based on the strength of this very funny first chapter, she still plans to do so.

Inspiration: INDIA

2008-04-03T14:26:00.000-07:00

Full disclosure: Apprentice Writer is partly of Indian descent. As such, she enjoys 'collecting' novels with Indian settings or features - even while cringing every time she picks up a new one. Why this paradox?

There is something about the timelessness, exoticism, color and spice of the south Asian subcontinent that gives flight to the imagination of multitudes of novelists, within and without its borders. Therein lie two potential novelbuilding pitfalls:
Cultura Non-Equus + Non Persona.*

Some stories set in this region** involve overt or subtly negative portrayal of South Asian people and/or culture, contrasting with positive portrayal of the protagonists' culture. This can range from older texts supporting colonial mentality (i.e. "India is filled with backward heathens in desparate need of British enlightenment to save them from themselves"), to newer texts wherein South Asian characters range from non-existant, to window-dressing equivalent to furniture in a room, to stereotypically villainous or comical secondary characters at most. How many South Asian-set novels mention the landscape, weather, foliage and animals - but no indigenous people, with all the action taking place between, say, European or American characters? How many mention local characters solely to comment upon turbans or saris worn and curry eaten, without any description of their actual lives or families? How many only allow love interests to develop when Western characters encounter one another, with the unspoken rule that cross-cultural romance is out of the question?***

To be fair, balancing all these elements fairly against one another is a tricky business. Happily, there are many new and established novelists willing to wrestle with the issues in an intelligent, entertaining manner.

Specimens from Apprentice Writer's India collection:

A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry (dramatic fiction): A beautifully written, wrenching book about living under a dictatorship and how there can be no excuse whatsoever to maintain the caste system. Not a light or easy read, but should be on the required reading list of anyone who strives for an informed world view.

The Far Pavillions by M.M. Kaye (historical action adventure): An epic novel set in colonial times, describing a fairytale bygone era and lovers trying to reach across a cultural divide.

A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth (contemporary fiction): A doorstopper of a book telling an appealling tale of family relationships in modern India. The author skillfully makes all three suitors of the young heroine equally attractive; she chose well in the end but Apprentice Writer keenly felt the loss of the other two.

The Sandalwood Princess by Loretta Chase (historical romanctic suspense): An entertaining novella of romantic and cultural intrigue.

Brick Lane**** by Monica Ali (contemporary dramatic fiction): Mirrors the struggle of a traditional young wife to adjust to modern London and the expectations of her co-expatriates there, with the struggle of her sister at home to surmount misogynistic attitudes. An eye-opening tale.

Bollywood Confidential and Goddess for Hire by Sonia Singh (chicklit): Both novels have great cover art, Indo-American heroines, and a modern chick-lit feel. Though Apprentice Writer didn't fully engage with either heroine or either novel resolution, she did like the author's imagination and new territory coverned. It was a refreshing change, and raises interest for the new imprint Harlequin will shortly launch in India.

The next specimen to be added to the collection:

DUKE OF SHADOWS, by Meredith Duran
This new historical romance release received mega buzz. Hopefully the story will live up to its impressive publicity, and - just as important - avoid CULTURA NON-EQUUS and NON PERSONA.

* (Apprentice Writer's Latin is next to non-existant. Apologies to Latinphiles everywhere.)
** (Yes, Apprentice Writer is aware that this pitfall afflicts other geographies as well. African cultures and peoples are often especially hard done by in terms of non-cultura equus and non persona.)
*** (This does not mean to imply that stories set in India without prominent Indian characters, etc. automatically indicate a negative attitude. There could be all kinds of reasons to structure a story that way. But: the longer the story in such a setting without a significant Indian character(s), the greater the risk the author runs of giving such a perception.)
**** (Yes, Apprentice Writer is aware that the protagonists of this book are from Bangladesh rather than India. She thinks the same principles apply.)