The Good Girl's Guide to Cricket

SMILE?

2007-07-31T13:19:00.000+01:00

So England have been stuffed in the Second Test - this may seem a little harsh, but ultimately true, there are certainly no bitten nails to be found.

Inevitably there will be the usual forore in the media about why this has happened, was MV tinkering too much? What has happened to our batting? Is it the fault of our inexperienced bowling attack etc. They all probably play a part - but I think it is this trying to be 11 angry mean men that is actually the problem.

A snarl, a glare, a pout, malicious words (not to mention jelly beans) just really shouldn't be our style. Or shouldn't be. BFG Tremlett trying to cause shockwaves with his aggression just doesn't wash as far as I can see, nor little old Cook (surely too young and sweet to be callous). So lets forget that tactic, it reminds me too much of London (the city where I live and love) but that at times is full of people who snarl, scowl and pout at you for being in the way - particularly on the tube. I am sure I am one of them too, but that doesn't make it right.

What everyone (England cricket team / people on the tube / me) is forgetting is that you can get much further with a smile. It is my mother (yes, she exists and is too a cricket fan) who taught me that you can actually get a long way, and away with a great deal with a cheesy cat grin*.

So this is my top tip for the Oval to England - stop these angry idiotic shenanigans and get back into The Supernaturals (now they were a cool band) way of thinking and just plain SMILE...

*Am sure there must be some survey or other proving that people are more inclined to help other who smile

Maybe Bernard isn't so bad after all...

2007-07-23T22:17:00.000+01:00

Ever since I was 18 years old, I have had the nickname Bernard. This is due largely to that awful comedian Bernard Manning and then also a character that Matt Lucas used to do in stand-up, Sir Bernard Chumley (I was Sir Bernard Clumsy)...

I have to admit that over time I have liked, loved and loathed that nickname. Now I just kind of stuck with it. My question is, I wonder if Belly or Colly feel the same?

KP is a cool nickname, as is Freddie. Vaughnie is kind of understandable and Tresco even kind of dull... but come on, Belly? That must be painful, he must hate it surely? I imagine that Ian Bell at times wants to stand up, or maybe stand on a chair (as I believe he is quite short) and shout out, loud, clear and in frustration for his team mates to stop it. I know for sure that I would, it makes me realise that maybe Bernard isn't so bad after all....

2007-07-23T22:12:00.000+01:00

Rain, rain, will it go away?

Feeling awkward? Have nothing to say but in a social situation, what do you do? Cough slightly? pull up your socks? start looking at your phone? Or start talking about the weather?

Well today the weather is of course the major talking point and rightly so. What is going to happen? How much rain can there possibly be? A question that myself, not being Michael Fish (who was as you know a weatherman), doesn’t have an answer to. All I do know is that cricket has been affected. Now don’t get me wrong I know that the suffering of people is much more important, but a little irreverence should not be considered offensive (she says, toes crossed).

We’ve had to accept a draw in the cricket, poor old KP and his fabulous century and the success of our ‘inexperienced’ bowling attack. A bowling attack that rightfully has been lauded for their performance. Never being a Jimmy Anderson fan I was pleased to see him do well and of course the new ‘giant’ of English international bowling, Tremlett.

Fingers crossed we won’t still be talking about the weather at Trent Bridge, awkward social situation or not…

FROM WHERE?

2007-07-14T12:16:00.000+01:00

Where you come from is important to some and much less important to others. For international sports of course the country counts – who can forget Andy Murray the Scottish tennis players comment on England in the World Cup (football) last year. Then for many it is the town, city, and region in terms of the football club. I have been pulled up on this many a time – my team should be and is to a certain extent Brighton and Hove Albion. But the debacle that is there stadium furore and the fact that John Prescott (as it was) / Lewis Council and those goddamn awful residents of Falmer cannot agree has, well irritated me beyond belief.

Living in London means it is even harder to go to the athletics, sorry football stadium that is the Withdean (and home to the um, seagulls – all 6,000 of them). So there you go, I am a traitor and also now support Arsenal – blame bumping, as in literally walking into, Thierry Henry in Selfridges about 2 years ago and being so completely dumbfounded by his beauty, that I couldn’t even stutter an apology and so just stood, starred and kind of gurgled. A strange occurrence for a continual verbaliser such as myself (i.e. when watching cricket I actually think I am a commentator).

Anyway, enough on the football – of course for cricket lovers, the county should be everything. Easily forgettable for me is the fact that I was born in Brighton and brought up in Hastings (no comments please, no I wasn’t a teenager mother), I am instead a Sussex girl, pleased as punch to support the current County Champions and C&G Trophy Holders.

However on a recent trip to Devon and Dorset (to the fabulously titled Durdle Door), I started thinking about the number of first class cricketing counties vs. the number of actual counties. According to the ABC’s (the Association of British Counties – who knew they existed) 86 historic or traditional counties in Great Britain. 39 in England, 13 in Wales and 34 in Scotland. But only 18 first class cricketing counties in England and Wales. Again I can blow my Sussex horn (so the speak), Sussex was the first established county club way back when in the 19th Century with the creation of the County Cricket Championship in 1890, replacing ad hoc championships as had been the case.

Over time the other counties joined with Durham the latest to join in 1992. Both Buckinghamshire (1921) and Devon (1948) applied to join the first class cricket but were rejected*. This is all to do with facilities etc and nothing to do with strange accents or a love of Morris dancing I am sure.

Of those counties in the first class county championship, it has to be noted that some counties have better chants than others. My Dad is a man of Kent and so much rivalry has often arisen – but I ask you which is the better song / chant, the military band song of Good old Sussex by the Sea or as my Dad so loves to say, Super Kent from heaven sent….

*Of course, I know that first class cricket isn’t everything, that there are the minor counties and then all of the other cricket played around the country, come on Oliver’s Eleven!

DEBUT DATE DESTINY

2007-06-27T15:26:00.000+01:00

I’ve been thinking about Matt Prior and his debut test century. This may seem strange, but I was there and am a Sussex girl, so felt proud by association. On doing so Matt joined an illustrious group of debut test centurions, previous notables including Alistair Cook, Andrew Strauss and Charles Bannerman in the first ever Test match.

I wonder what it must be like to do such a thing. To completely blow your childhood dreams out of the water by not only representing your country but making a debut test century. Imagine the nerves and flittering butterflies, all tumble drying inside of you alongside excitement, pride and I imagine sheer terror.

When do those moments of real anxiety occur in real life? Job interviews and first days at a new job, a new baby? And almost certainly first dates.

I recently, after months of resisting pressure from my various friends, joined mysinglefriend.com. My mate Dawson, who isn’t really called Dawson, but really looks like the Creek boy, wrote my profile and there I was – online and looking for a man. The website is something like shopping for fruit – you just pick the ones you like the look of and add them to your favourites or send them a message (not that you would ever send fruit a message – that would be strange and what would you say?).

Anyway, my excursion on the website led to arranging my first date, which in itself led to an immense feeling of anxiety and nerves. What if he thought I looked nothing like my picture and was a mule? What if we didn’t have anything to say to each other? What if he had spinach stuck between his teeth? All of these thoughts and more were swimming round my head, in addition to dating seeming a million miles from anything that I had experienced in recent years and well, very American. Next I was going to talk about going steady or something.

Luckily as it turned out, it went well and there I was, um, dating. First go, debut date, I meet a nice chap and I was in my own little way feeling as debutant international centurions feel – relieved, happy and well a little flabbergasted that this could happen. And also, maybe a little bit cocky – this is easy, what was all the fuss about?

Of course my cockiness was ridiculous and within three dates we stopped seeing each other. The ‘this is just not worth it, internet dating sucks’ road beckoned but before I could step along the path, a friend pointed out (yes another cricket geek using cricketing analogies), that this was just second innings nerves. So, it didn’t go as well but would the greats of cricket, walk away? No, they would practice, practice, practice and this is what I have decided to do - and what does practice make…? Probably not perfect but it has to be worth trying….

RE: GINGER TOP

2007-06-25T14:37:00.001+01:00

So a ginger man* is now England limited overs Captain in a society which apparently bullies, certainly ridicules and has a definite aversion to the ginger mop, the carrot top.

Don’t get me wrong, Paul Collingwood is I think an excellent choice to be the joint England Captain. He has throughout our disastrous recent one day campaigns shown talent, dedication, and perhaps most importantly the ability to catch the ball and to score runs. Something sadly the likes of Michael Vaughn and Andrew Strauss have not been capable of doing.

My point is that there has recently been media coverage of the case of a ginger family being bullied out of their home, simply because well, they are ginger haired. So what's the history of ginger bashing? Where did it come from and how common is it? Is it unusual for a ginger person to do so well?

Historically, ridiculing people for having ginger hair can be traced back to the Middle Ages, when it represented the devil and a sign of moral degeneration, indeed Vikings are often associated with being ginger. In these seemingly more genteel modern times, this is perhaps taking it a little too far, although evil fictional characters are often created as ginger, think characters from Dracula or the Brothers Grimm stories. Not forgetting real life scary examples, think Mick Hucknall.

Of course paradoxically, there is much to say being ginger is really something special with only 1% of the population enjoying the phenomenon. Ginger people are also very often positively portrayed as having a ‘fiery’ temper with strong characters. Take Queen Elizabeth I for example or um screen sirens, Rita Hayworth, Nicole Kidman and Gillian Anderson. Or the adored ‘Weasley’ family in the Harry Potter stories.

One would guestimate that there are more successful ginger nuts per head of population than say brunettes or blondes (no blonde jokes necessary here, I am one). Although, according to my cricketing guru father, Paul Collingwood is the first ginger England Captain (well at least in his living memory and he is significantly older than some). Suggesting the aforementioned family are really quite unlucky, although perhaps this whole blog is testament to the fact that a culture of mickey taking of ginger mops exists. But then, as stated above, it does for blondes – so what’s the worry?

More importantly, which set of characteristics would it be best for Paul Collingwood, the latest carrot top to make it to the top of his food chain to embody? He is by all testimony a jolly decent chap, but I wouldn’t mind if he was maybe just a little evil. The ability to drop and change the team when not playing up to scratch and to change fielding positions when and where necessary with a colder heart is definitely something we need and have lacked in limited overs cricket. There is just not the time to stick to a tactic just because it may have worked on a previous occasion.

Of course wearing a ruby on your teeth or singing ‘Something’s got me started’ would just be too much.

*yes, I do realise that he could perhaps be called strawberry blonde.

RE:THE JOY OF HINDSIGHT

2007-06-25T13:30:00.000+01:00

So I was going to write a blog all about whether Michael Vaughn should have been reinstated as England Captain test captain, and I was going to say that I thought probably not. This was for a number of reasons; lack of form, give someone else a go, was the desire still there?

Hindsight being the thing that it is, I of course now know that he does have the form, the desire and the will to achieve this and become the most successful England Cricket Captain ever. Something that I think I need to take note of in my life.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not of course stating in a way, shape or form that I comparable to Mr Vaughn – god forbid, I do not foresee myself becoming the most successful cricket captain ever or indeed leading my country in anything - well apart from being clumsy and accident prone but surely that is a whole different kettle of fish, or is it?

You see this year I turned 30, and this year I have also suffered the two worst accidents of my life. I started of the year with a bang by falling down the stone steps in front of my house. It hurt and I ended up in casualty and now have a rather fetching scare on my chin.

Then after my birthday in April, I started my thirties with a bang by having a car crash – nothing too serious but there I was sitting on the plane going back, pondering on what it is that makes us all keep going. After the injuries and rehabilitation MV has had to go through, how has he managed to keep enthusiastic and determined to get back to the crease? Whilst ambition no doubt plays a part, a desire to prove to yourself and everyone else that you can do it and also I would imagine a complete love of what you do. He must wake up every day full of determination to get back out there and return again to his England Captaincy.

Therefore the question is, is that what makes one person a success and one not so much? Will I ever be that successful if I don’t really ever find what it is I love to do…? Or I don’t have the ambition and competitiveness to prove myself, and then am I just going to drift along going nowhere? That in itself is probably an indicator as why I am not as successful as some – because I look for excuses, sort of in that old Garfield adage, I’ll start my diet tomorrow.

We all work so hard and worry so much, but what for? Surely, to fulfil our dreams, but what about when you can’t think what your dreams are anymore? This is a state of affairs that simply cannot carry on, so this is it. I have decided to stop and think – to take a leaf out of the book of Mr Vaughn and get back to what it is that I love – now all I have to do is remember what it is that I want…..

2007-03-15T13:33:00.000Z

Top 10 facts for moderate cricket blagging:

1: There are 2 teams. Each with 11 players. The teams both bat and field. At anyone time there will be the whole of one team (who are bowling and fielding on the pitch) and 2 of the other (who are batting - therefore holding cricket bats).
2: They play on a pitch, and the middle is called the crease. Traditionally creases were frowned upon in cricket attire - they used to wear white, this has now changed significantly and the cricketers are now much scruffier.
3: The men in funny hats and jackets are called the umpires. There are 2 of them. Dickie Bird is probably the most famous (although he has now retired).
4: At the beginning of the match - a coin is tossed by one of the umpires and one of the captain calls heads or tails - to decide who goes into bat first. This is obviously very scientific.
5: There are many different types of matches - resulting in different lengths of a game. The World Cup is a one day tournament - so 50 overs for each side. FYI - Tests are 5 days in length (the Ashes is a test series).
6: The idea of the game is to bowl out the opposing side for as small amount of runs as possible. Runs are scored by the batsman running between the wickets. Yes, it really is that simple.
7: I inconspiculously introduced the word 'wicket'. The wickets are at either end of the crease and a batsman tried to protect his wicket. Batsmen can be out for a number of reasons - don't worry will list in different blog - I know you must be intrigued.
8: The wicket is made up of 3 stumps (like sticks in the ground) and 2 bails (that balance at the top of the stumps and look like sausages).
9: Earlier I mentioned the word 'over' - an over consists of 6 balls that the bowler bowls at the batsman. The cricket ball is red and it hurts if it hits you on the head.
10: Every over is bowled from one end or the other - this evolves after each over. Bowlers are not allowed to bowl consecutive overs.

My Dad, Ian Botham and how it all began...

2007-03-03T00:01:00.000Z

When you grow up with a Dad who you love and who loves you and cricket, then somehow I think you end up loving cricket. Well that's my experience, although it could also be something to do with having a life size cardboard cut-out of Ian Botham in our hallway... This is how it was in my childhood home, family photos and works of art squeezed in between prints, books and other cricket memorabilia.

Ian in the hallway was quite a remarkable sight and he in return saw much of my formative years. It was Ian that saw me stumble about as I tried to quietly come home late after one to many snakebite and blacks. It was he who saw as I hurriedly hid a half empty and ancient stolen bottle of Cointreau in my bag, he watched with that smug grin on his boundary hitting face as I sneaked in my first boyfriend and then saw the tears as said boyfriend and I finished time and time again. (oh how my heart was broken).

Good old Ian was also keeping watch as I left for University, seeking new adventure. He stayed there for a few years after, watching my coming and going come rain or shine, sober and drunk. It was only a couple of years ago that Beefy went into official retirement in our house, hitting that lofty four for the last time.

The strange thing of course being that good old Ian didn’t even know it. He was far too busy playing the game of the gods, the game of gentlemen, the game that remains much maligned by much of the population, the game of cricket. If you look up cricket in The Oxford English Dictionary;
“a game played on a grass pitch with two teams of 11 players taking turns to bowl at a wicket defended by a batting player of the other team”.

Sounds simple, and well I suppose it is really but simple in the same way that so much of life, love, dating and relationships are simple. Simple in the fact that they should be, but generally aren't. It should all get easier as you get older, and you understand more, but then you find yourself making rookie mistakes and being right back at square one. But stick with it, as with life, cricket is worth all of the effort in the end.

This guide could of course be seen as patronising, but it isn’t. It is designed to assist the single or not so single girl come to terms with cricket, the history, the rules and what leg before wicket really means. Cricket is supposed to be the gentleman's game and so here we are really just equating and combining the too. Gentlemen and the game. You have a man who's a cricket fan, this blog will help, you want a man, this blog may help, you don’t give two hoots about a man, this blog may make you laugh. Who knows and no promises.

It is important to point out from the start that I know a lot of women already love cricket and probably know more than me. Fine. Also, I know that many women play cricket and definitely no more than me.

Anyway, the time just seems right, for this Girls Guide to Cricket or perhaps more specifically, the Girls Guide to the Cricket World Cup. Where conclusions and comparisons will be made and drawn between normal life, and well, cricket.

Bobby Dazzler ...

2007-03-02T18:38:00.000Z

So is it really that unusual for a girl to like cricket? Apparently so if the reaction that I get when offering up an opinion in the pub is anything to go by… shock and horror, a blonde in her twenties with something to say on cricket…

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't claim to be Michael Atherton or Simon Hughes or anything but I do love cricket, have been watching it forever and find myself becoming more and more drawn to reading books about it. I just hope I don't turn into a wisdom worm, spitting out statistics on players from the nineteenth century. God forbid!

But I have rather scarily started a blog on cricket for girls or for boys. Doesn’t really matter. It may be funny, it may not be. It might be serious, it may be futile. It could talk about how fit some cricketers are. And how some are not.... Haven’t really thought that far ahead.

So, Michael Vaughn is back leading the troops to the Caribbean, how fabulous! I have to admit to being a massive fan, I think he is probably the most inspirational of England captains, but sadly his books are really rather dull... as with many sportsmen I think it may be a case of stick to what you're good at darling... and no, not getting injured.

Vaughnie of course is not as much as a scribe as dear Freddie, who has written no less than three books - what a chap! Not only is he a full time dad, husband and all round hero, but he also gets home after a long day on the pitch and starts to write down the thoughts on his life. Wowzers, what a guy!!

Of the other members of the current team, KP and Andrew Strauss have both written books, with very flash front covers might I say, and Monty has two that he is apparently writing at the moment. Must be quite hard to write two entirely different books about yourself at the same time…

My favourite cricket books though have to be ‘Dazzler’ and even better ‘Dazzler on the Dance Floor’ by, well you’ve guessed it the Dazzler himself. Perfect for any cricket or indeed tango two stepper...