blueberry muffin

2009-11-16T22:45:00.001+07:00

JULIET
O think'st thou we shall ever meet again?

ROMEO
I doubt it not; and all these woes shall serve
For sweet discourses in our time to come

--Romeo and Juliet. act III.

2009-11-10T19:17:00.004+07:00

airless. cast away feelings filling the spaces inside
from the last summer and spring. turning into dusts of snowflakes
into fairies sparkling wings and puppets for kids
for such beautiful eyes we each own
never we talked properly over coffee and warm baked pies
with drops of raining staining my smile
wishes and pretty shoes dances on the path we carved
longing for someone to step on the same trail we left

but no..
things are not the same..
i'm lost
lost between this entangled leaves of forest
under the gazillions stars twinkling ahead
i choose other path..
with knee-high yellowish grasses touch me once a while
with suspicions between their eyes

it's in my reach of mind that you won't follow
well don't...
don't bother to call out my name..
cos i'm not coming either way..

I'll be fine..

Saturday Inspirations

2009-11-07T10:52:00.007+07:00

WANT to go here!

I wish i have this kind of room to laze around all day, sipping a cup of coffee and wandering off....

 “For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness, For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people, For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry, For Beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day, For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.” 

— Audrey Hepburn

MALDIVES!

Billboards inpiration:

                             “The distance between
us might only be inches
but it feels like miles.”                          — Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

moon bar

             “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”         

— David Brinkley

Stephen Wiltshire. drawing new york skyline after riding a helicopter for 20 minutes! see more HERE

have a nice relaxing weekend everyone!
x

tasting EUPHORIA

2009-11-01T09:09:00.006+07:00

OMG I JUST HAD THE BEST NIGHT YESTERDAY! hahahaha
thank God for making our dream comes true! we performed the dance yesterday and it was a HUGE success! omgomg Sudden i love u guys! hahaha.

finally.. all the hard work, the energy spent, the emotions wasted, the uncertainties, the endless practices, the trip to search for costume, the bruises, the painful warming up,,, it all paid off! i can't possibly ask for more.. we did our best last night and I'm so damn proud. hahahaha.

and yesterday EUPHORIA closing ceremony was a total blast! we had so much fun, jumping until we lost our breath in the middle of the crowd, clapping, screaming. last night was awesome!

i began my day with pounding heart with all the anticipation and the worries for the performance. we did the general rehearsal, we watched basketball game, then i joined metta to pick rena dede and olip up at the salon. oh not to mention due to the pressures and the exhaustion i even slept in the dance room unintentionally.. then it's football last match! Loren A vs Loren B. and chandra played! so we all sprinted to the field, mainly to watch chandra played in the game! hahaha.

then cath and I went back to dance room to curl up my hair then the guys came in and they went to konak's house to take a shower. girls were busy doing their hair and make ups. we changed into our costumes and we met the guys. there was a short briefing for all the performer. then we went back to the dance room. practicing, taking pics, eating our anxious dinner. then we played around.
30 minutes before the performance...
25 minutes...
time went so slow...
20 minutes before the performance......
jeep sprained her upper thigh! omg!
we were all panicked. she hardly could stand and she moaned in pain as we tried to make her stand. then we were supposed to go to the gym as we were the next performer..

then we waited a while for the band and then it's our turn!
everything moved so fast..
i could hear the gig from the opposite side of the curtain. they screamed our team's name. SUDDEN!
we gathered and did the team yell. then the curtain opened up...
spotlight shot to us.
so bright that all i could see of the audiences are blurry dark sea of human and some flashes of light and again.. the endless shriek..

then jeep screamed POSE! and we posed. but the music didn't play for some time. daryl was close to shout HOLD! to cancel the dance pose if anything went wrong. but no. the music blared shortly after the anxiety grew larger..

then i forget everything..

the next second i plunged back to the reality was when i laid there holding my position with my head staring at the ceiling and my legs were thrust up to the sky. then the cheer broke and i put my legs back to the ground.
we came close. held our hands. bow. pose.

and the next second we were running outside of the gymnasium, around the building to the main entrance, ran faster and faster and we were drown in the middle of the crowd......

then there were niji's band and claren's band. then short break. then it's abdul and the coffee theory!!

i just had one of the best nights of my life.

SUDDEN SUDDEN SUDDEN DANCE!!

:D

longing for freedom

2009-10-30T23:27:00.002+07:00

so here I am.
sitting in front of my computer, summoning myself with all my might to go to bed and sleep but fail...
i cannot sleep although my body begs me to. my brain's too full with all the things i have to do tomorrow. it's not that I have millions things to do, it's not. all i need to worry tomorrow is only dance performance for the closing ceremony of Euphoria.

but then other little things start to creep through my mind, nagging me on and on about things I shouldn't think about. bits of which I should have forgotten and put them at the back of my head. what am i worried about? life is too good to be worried about. life is too generous. it keeps changing from time to time in a matter of seconds to keep you away from boring bits, it keeps evolving and turning into other things you might want to recall in one fine day in a misty morning. but lately, all i want is just to live usually, which is the hardest thing i can get these days.

after a month of crazy dance practice, now it's going to come to an end. the performance. the only way we can prove to ourselves that those time money and energy spent aren't for nothing. then in a blink of an eye, Euphoria will come to its final day. and we're supposed to get back to our studies. but our studies have also caught up with us. with all the projects, presentations, papers, and among all of them, there stand proudly..INESPO. and ahead of that.. university applications.

when was the last time i went to malls? watch movies? or even just having simple chats and exciting plans with my besties? i even can't remember! and i have my schedule planned 3 weeks ahead of me. fml.

to add more stress, my mom have booked my plane ticket for next year!
wonderful.

I need my share of hot chocolate, pancakes, and road trip to freedom..

2009-10-30T22:20:00.002+07:00

I have never been the type for love. I’ve never had any serious relationship, which is quite okay I think, I’m 17 by now, so that might be my excuse. I never fell in love, because I could never actually care about somebody that much. Nobody could ever touch me this deeply to evoke feelings even close to love. I would shrug any sympathy displayed for me off and go on in this arrogant and narcissistic way, just like I always do, at all times. I am not this kind of person. I am not as full of myself as I seem to be, but this is the only way I can avoid hurting people’s feelings. I don’t want to hurt anyone really, but the only way to prevent this seems to be hurting them. Hah.

-Le Love

sakit perut, lemas, lutut biru, pusing, badan sakit2. tp senang :D

2009-10-25T13:41:00.003+07:00

hari ini nggak lebih baik dari kemarin..

tp bedanya kemarin akhirnya gw boleh ke sekolah sekitar jam 9-10 an. sampe sekolah ternyata hujan jadi cuman muter bazaar bentar abis itu ikut ngejaga stand bazaar bareng merlyn larry n anak smp n sma lainnya. abis itu ga berapa lama larry datang dengan 2 boks McD yang mestinya buat jatahnya merlyn n dy. dan ternyata nama gw ga ada d daftar anak bazaar. jadi intinya gw ga diakui sebagai panitia bazaar..

udah gitu jeep dateng dan bilang harus makan klo ngga bisa pingsan ntr siang mau dance..
akhirnya larry merelakan mcd nya buat gw dan gw makan dengan was was, tkut muntah lagi.. tp ternyata gw bisa makan dengan normal walaupun ga napsu hahaha. abis itu sekitar jam stgh 1 an, cath telepon dan semua kumpul di gedung biru buat brangkat ke studio. akhirnya gw pun meninggalkan sekolah dan pergi ke studio bareng2 sama yang laen..

sampe di sana kita nyampe setengah jem an lebih awal dari edo. dan kita bisa santai2, dan yang belom makan mcd masi sempet makan dulu, yang blom beli minum beli dulu d indomart sebelah studio.. ga lama setelah itu edo dateng dan pemanasan dimulai.. trus dance dan d kasi gaya buat pengganti lifting. sinting. pake ada d puter2 trus split2an.. tp karena d puter terlalu beresiko jadinya ngga jadi puter2 hahaha..

habis itu sekitar jam 3, kita d suru ganti pake kostum, make sure kostumnya ngga ada masalah dan make sure bagus dan nyaman.. abis itu latian semakin menggila. udah gitu perut gw belom sembuh banget jadi dikit2 sakit dan gw harus duduk kadang2. karena duduk, gw jadi sadar kalo gw haus dan jadi lah gw minum semua minuman yang masih ada airnya, ngga pake nanya punya siapa dolo karena yang laen juga minum udah barbar. punya siapa juga d minum hahaha. pertama gw minum ultra gara2 theo nawarin abis itu gw baru ingt orang sakit perut ga boleh minum susu. tp udah abis stengah kotak!

jadi lah gw semakin sakit perut. abis itu minum aqua dan nestle.. air putih udah abis, pocari sweat pun gw embat juga. dan jadi lah gw makin sering sakit perut. dan akhirnya pas udah selesai latian dan duduk melingkar gw udah terkapar ngga berdaya..

abis itu baru lah kita semua pulang..

gw desi cath rena ikut mobil daryl pulang.. trus dapet kabar kalo bembi menang dan bola cewe menang! waaa! selamattt!! hahahahaha. dan hari ini bola cowo bola cewe basket cewe dan bola smp tanding! ayo semangat semuanya! hahahaha

dan karena hari ini kondisi gw semakin memprihatinkan jadi lah gw d suruh stay di rumah ditemani arak gosok dan panadol. huah! nyokap gw pun melebai dan bilang kalo gw kae gini trus bisa2 gw ga bisa dance dan kena tipus. hahaha. tp ya emang ad bener nya sih, capenya ini cape banget. sampe lemessss bgt.

yaudah deh.. gw mendokan aja dari jauh walopun ngga bisa ntn. hahaha

menunggu jam 1

2009-10-24T09:10:00.002+07:00

happy newsssssss! hahahaa
IELTS g udah keluar dan dapet 7.5! yeaaayy!!! gila setelah nunggu 2 minggu dengan deg2annya akhirnya g dapet hasilnya dan ternyata lewat dr 6.5 which means syarat pertama g ke canada udah terpenuhi! yipee! hahahahaha

walopun gw bukan penggemar berat horoskop dan percaya sama semua ramalan2, tapi kmrn itu gw ambil kuis how good will tomorrow be di FB hahaha. crappy i know. tp trus gw dapet 97% hahaha. half true sih.. ielts g dapet 7.5 itu bener2 melegakan! tpi trs kmrn itu dance bener2 di genjot habiss! capeee bgttt rasanya.

di sekolah udah ngecat2 tembok, abs itu ekskul dance abs itu lanjut lagi ke citra afterskul dance sampe stgh 9! menggila. trs pulangnya makan dlo di mm sama camen daryl moses n devin. abs itu sampe rumah udah setengah 10. langsung mandi, trs tidurrrr!!
jam 2 pagi gw kebangun karena menggigil kedinginan.. g bingung juga biasanya gw ga perna mengigil. akhirnya gw matiin AC dan tidur lagi. jam 3 pagi gw bangun lagi karena kepanasan, trs tb2 gw ngerasa pusing banget dan muntah2.. hiaaah! gila gw udah takut bgt besok gw ga bisa ikut pembukaan loren cup n latian dance.

dan bener ajah...

begitu nyokap gw tau gw muntah2 langsung dilarang ke sekolah. jadi lah gw seperti sekarang ini, pengangguran di rumah nunggu jam 1 buat dijemput sama moses n latian dance. dan sekarang bener2 lemesss dan ga bisa ngapa2in.. AYO GW HARUS SEMBUH!! ARGH!

2009-10-20T16:13:00.002+07:00

lately i really can't concentrate on any of my assignments and projects. all i have in my head is just this one thing. this one particular thing which i regard as a very very very important issue.. here it goes. DANCE.
and really. i can't look up from my book without my mind drifting to dance practice, dance time, how to dance correctly, how to jump with the right timing, and the list goes on and on.

even though tomorrow i got this big math block re-test plus a history test, but still i can't seem to put myself into it! all i really need is just 2 hours to study, really2 study math and history. and then i can go back to edo and all his fuss.. but it seems like DANCE has become the main part, the dominant gen, the priority, the most important thing in my life right now.

even though I have danced for so many times, joined competitions and performances, but this time it's suppose to be the best dance ever. and i really2 look forward to it. i mean, we've been practicing so damn hard and i don't want it to become such a waste.

ok i know what my life will catch up with me after the dance performance. my life will goes back to normal and all i have in mind would be "university applications", "IELTS", "good scores", "project competition" and all things related to my studies all over again. but right now, at this moment, i really can't do it. i know.. i'm suppose to be all professional and discipline and have time management and priorities, i'm suppose to be able to do all things normally like how i usually react 2 weeks before any performance. but now.. *sigh*

not only the dance is really2 difficult but also the members grew larger and so we have to practice every detail and every step and power, emotion, stuck. argh!

i wish i can be someone else and study real hard, do the test, get good mark, and then goes back to dance, and BAM! the performance is a great success..
amen to that.

saturday :)

2009-10-17T19:46:00.003+07:00

heyyah! finally.. i'm in the mood to write things again hahaha.

so today is Saturday.
i had a crazy dance practice this afternoon and it was really crazy.. I was so scared and exhausted. never before I felt scared to do any movements, but today, I really was scared. my heart pounded really fast and I wasn't ready for any of those movements. mentally and physically.
so i basically just trust daryl with all the tossing and turning etc etc. and in some parts, i even closed my eyes!
ok i lied.
i didn't trust daryl like the whole time. but somehow i managed to trust him and i think we did pretty well.
and i couldn't really recall anything from today's practice. it's like I was a whole different person back then and now, I'm me again.

all i remember is that i was so scared and daryl was exhausted after soccer practice and I got even more scared cos his arm got sum kind of problem few days ago and now he had to do those hard movements and so i practiced lightly.

i really hope next practice at school would do me a great favor of injecting courage and power to me so that i can do those flippings and turnings.

and before the dance practice, I ate sushi at TA! hahaha. i miss sushi so much! and so alain and I went there, ate sushi, and went to the dance studio. the original plan was that jay also came with us with his sister but due to the traffic, he couldn't make it on time. so when we left, he arrived. ah too bad.

so about these past days..

all social students were really busy selling food and drinks to raise fund for loren cup and i could say we did pretty well. it's just that the profit decreased slightly since all 10 graders were gone for studytrip. but i'm sure that when monday came, good deal of money would flow :)

and all i can say is that, you have to have good and high-quality products to sell if you want to succeed. and selling things isn't as easy as i thought. but it's fun if you really like it! hahaha

i really hope that next week's Euphoria can go smoothly as it's our last year in high school :(

have a great weekend everyone!
x.

xoxo, gossip girl

2009-10-11T18:00:00.003+07:00

Blair: Last fall you said we couldn't be together, and I believed you. But every time I try to move on, you're right there, acting like-
Chuck: Acting like what?
Blair: Like...maybe you want me to be as unhappy as you are.
Chuck: I would never wish that on anyone. I want you to be happy.
Blair: Then look down deep, into the soul I know you have, and tell me if what you feel for me is real, or if it's just a game. If it's real, we'll figure it out...all of us. But if it's not, then please Chuck, just let me go.
Chuck: It's just a game. I hate to lose. You're free to go.
Blair: Thank you.

Serena: Chuck, why did you just do that?
Chuck: Because I love her and I can't make her happy..

---------

Chuck: Say those three words you wanted me to say.
Blair: Are you kidding?
Chuck: Not quite. Eight letters. Three syllables. Say them and I'm yours.
Chuck: All you have to do is say those three magic words.
Blair: I hate you!

ihateyouireallydo.

impressing my mom is so hard

2009-10-11T10:37:00.005+07:00

ah gw ngga tau mo mule cerita darimana hahaha

2 hari kemaren itu bener2 banyak yang terjadi gw sampe bingung mo mule darimana, dan entah kenapa mood g hri ini ga pengen nulis english2. malasss hahaha.. rasanya hari ini gw pengen santai2 ajah di rumah dan ngga ngapa2in seharian hahaha.

pokoknya kemaren jumat itu adalah hari terima rapot mid-semester, edufair, dan audisi dance.
pagi2 gw dateng, perwalian, bantuin jualan (ngerecokin doang sbnrnya) dan nunggu nyokap g terima rapot mid semester d luar kelas..

untung gw nomer urut 1 jadi cepet langsung keluar..
begitu liat rapot g, gw tercengang2, ternyata nggak seburuk yang gw kira walopun banyak menurun.. ada nile merah 1, yaitu AOP eko akun yang gw inget gw dapet D dan setyo ceramahin sekelas katanya kelas kita lebih males daripada kelas sebelah dan sampe dapet nilai D atau E.. dan dy ngmg "D itu nilainya sekitar 4 atau 5" sambil matanya ngeliat ke arah gw..

dan ternyata bener2 merah d rapot jadinya..

tapi sisanya baik2 aja sih.

sambil liat2 nilai2 gw, nyokap gw sama sekali ngga impressed dengan nilai2 gw yang udah setengah mati gw perjuangkan supaya ngga jelek.. dy ngomel liat nilai 7,9 karena itu berarti ngga 8. dan kalo gw mau ke canada nilai gw harus rata2 8. dan dy sama sekali ngga senyum atao seneng liat nilai inggris gw yang bisa dibilang lumayn bagus. dy blg "mami ga butuh nilai mid semester. kamu tuh buktiinnya besok pas tes IELTS"

terruuuussss
di bawahnya yang di bagian komen guru ada tulisan: secara umum nilai agita cukup baik. tetap fokus, hilangkan kebiasaan tidur di kelas!

nyokap gw langsung ngomel begitu liat kata2 "hilangkan kebiasaan tidur di kelas!" katanya apaan ini? kamu suka tidur di kelas? mulai sekarang km tidur jam 10 dan ga boleh tidur siang mo secapek apa juga! karena gw merasa ga pernah tidur di kelas jadi lah gw ngelawan, gw ngotot bilang gw ga pernahh tidur di kelass! dan gw yakin bgt gw ga perna tidur.. tp nyokap gw ttp bilang dy lbh percaya kata2nya setyo.

jadi lah gw marah dan bilang "emang aku nggak perna tidur di kelas! yawdah aku protes lah!" dan nyokap gw bilang "yaudah sana kalo kamu mau protes!"

akhirnya gw nunggu d luar kelas sampe semua orang tua selese terimain rapot anak2nya. dan itu sekitar setengah jam kemudian.. abs itu smwa orang yang liat rapot gw sampe blg hah? ada juga dy kali yang tidur di kelas!

nah akhirnya kelas dah sepi, nggak ada siapa2, gw duduk di depan meja guru dan bilang "pak, saya bingung pak. kenapa bapak bilang hilangkan kebiasaan tdur di kelas padahal saya nggak perna tidur di kelas?"
setyo: lha wong saya lihat kamu tidur di kelas gitu kok.
gw : hah? saya bener2 ngga perna tidur di kelas pak! bapak salah orang kali
*debat2*
set : ya nda mungkin. orang saya liat kepala kamu menyentuh meja. saya selalu centangin kok, saya ada daftarnya nama anak2 yang sering tidur di kelas.seperti sincan.
g : ya kalo sincan mungkin memang tidur di kelas. tapi saya ngga pernah tidur di kelas pakk! yaudah deh. kalo bgitu mana daftarnya pak?
set : ya saya nda bawa sekarang.. lha ini juga kan penilaian dari guru2 lain, bukan cuma saya saja! dan itu bukan pertama kalinya. saya lihat kamu tidur di kelas sudah 2 sampai 3 kali.
*detik ini gw mulai shock*
g : lah! orang saya emang ngga perna tidur di kelas! (tdnya mo nambahin "saya cm paling mgkn tdr di kelas bapak doang!" tp ga jadi.. )
set : lah wong saya liat kok! apalagi kamu duduk di depan!
g : ya justru karena saya duduk di depan saya taw kalo saya ngga tidur
set : ya mngkin km nggak sadar km tidur. tidur itu kan nggak harus pulas kan? kepala menyentuh meja pun saya itung tidur
g : TAPI SAYA BENER2 NGGAK PERNAH TIDUR DI KELAS! (detik ini gw uda mulai cape mengulang2 kata2 yang sama. dan dy berargumen ngga bisa liat mata gw langsung sambil bilang "saya yakin km tidur" tapi dy malahan muter2, cari2 alasan, dan bilang itu juga komen guru2 lain, dan bla3 muter2. cape.)
*diem 2 detik. cape*
g : lagian pak.. kalaupunn bener bapak liat kepala saya menyentuh meja 2 sampai 3 kali, masa di bilang kebiasaan! kesannya saya udah serriiinggg bangeeett tidur di kelas! mama saya sampe ngomel bilang saya hrus tidur jam 10.
set : ya saya kan bilang hilangkan kebiasaan agar km ngga tidur lagi
g : aduh paaakk! saya ngga tidur di kelasss!
set : yaudah kamu maunya gimana?
g : ya bapak ganti kata2nya! jangan "kebiasaan" gitu pak!
set : yasudah kamu maunya saya ganti jadi apa?
g : ya bilang "jangan sekali2 tidur di kelas lagi" atau apa gitu kek!
set : yasudah kamu coret
g : YA BAPAK LAH YANG CORET MASA SAYA YANG CORET
set : yasudah kamu tip ex nanti saya perbaiki.
*setelah gw tip ex, g kembali ke meja guru. dy tunggu sampe tpexnya kering sambil baca2 nilai gw yang semuanya hitam kecuali nilai AOP dy doang*
dan akhrnya dy perbaikin jadi "jangan sampai tidur di kelas lagi"

aaaahhh....
indah banget rasanya saat itu..
gw langsung bilang makasih dan cari nyokap gw demi buktiin gw emang nggak kebiasaan tidur di kelas.

ternyata nyokap gw udah masuk ke AV3 ikut seminar tommy syawira. jadi lah gw masuk menerobos av3, nyari2 nyokap g dan tunjukin rapotnya.. pulangnya gw crita perdebatan gw sama setyo demi memperjuangkan kebenaran hahaha. dan awalnya nyokap gw ttp blg "masa dy tulis km tdr klo km ga tdr! mgkn kamu emang pernah tidur kali!" dan gw jadi ngamuk lagi.

terus gw crita komplitnya perdebatan gw. dan lama2 nyokap gw senyum2 sambil dengerin gw crita.. dan dy bilang "tp kamu ngomongnya ga kurang ajar kan?"
well.. detik ini gw ga bs pastiin omongan gw sopan ke setyo.. tapi ya mo gimana orang udah marah dan kesel. tapi ya gw bilang aja "yaaa.. soopaaann kayaaknyaa" dengan nada ga yakin. hahaha
bodo deh. gw ga peduli setyo mikir apa tentang gw, mungkin dy pikir gw anak kurang ajar ato apa. tapi yang penting nyokap g bisa trust gw lagi dan itu udah lebih dari cukup.

......

setelah itu gw audisi dance! hahahha
smwanya udah siap2, ganti baju jadi item putih.. tapi ternyata audisi mulai jam 2. jadinya kita poto2 dolo..agak lawak sih, jurinya cuman aip dan dy ga usa ngmg apa2 juga kita tau kita udah lulus. dan dy malah ngajar2in kita, tambahin detil2 seperti layaknya latihan hahaha..

dan nenek juga dateng dan nonton kita audisi.. pas nene dateng rena langsung peluk nene.. gla gw terharu banget liatnya..gw baru bener2 sadar, nene nggak bisa dance bareng kita, ga bisa ikut audisi.. tp dy tetep dateng untuk ngedukung kita. aaaaaa

abis itu kita audisi dengan durasi 1.24 detik yang kita perjuangkan setengah mati selama seminggu ini. abis itu yg cowo2 lanjut ekskul dan yang cewe2 ngomongin kostum dan rencana ke mangga dua besoknya.. hahahaha

habis itu gw pulang, mandi makan tidur dan jam 7 gw les english.. baru lah gw bener2 sadar besok ituh gw test ielts!! jadilah gw belajar dengan giat sampe jam 11 malem.. sampe bolos katekumen demi ielts.. dan abs itu gw tidurr.. siap2 bwt besok pagii hahahaha....

this is how my life suppose to be

2009-10-07T23:16:00.002+07:00

the life of normality seems to sink in slowly, gradually, but surely..
i really like walking those paths alone under the gloomy sky
i don't need anyone to accompany me
that's why i never bumped into you anymore
we just never meant to meet
i really like dancing my heart out
after all the stresses of assignments
i really like eating out after school
i really like chatting in the class
i really like sipping coffee in the misty air of morning
i really like biting nutella and bread
i like feeling the soft breezes of freedom on my face
i like all things happening in my short-spanned life
who knows what gonna happen in the future
i don't wanna know.
i don't want to care.
i simply am happy to live in the present..
i simply am happy to have a normal life.
no expectation, obligation, boundaries..
this is how my life suppose to be...

2009-10-05T18:43:00.001+07:00

"Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn’t make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn’t wait to grow up".

2009-10-03T21:31:00.002+07:00

finally.. done with speech competition.. got 6th rank and one of the 10 best speakers.. huff..
really2 tireddddd and got this ugly black circles under my eyes as a result for late night sleeps and too much stressing out.
so yesterday, my turn to do my speech is number 7 and so around 1 o'clock i got to leave for dance practice with edo.. it was pretty much the biggest cause for all the pains i feel in the leg area plus the stomach area.

so the practice started all fine with the usual warming up. but as the warming up proceed, it gets harder and harder.. it's torturing! we were supposed to do splits, push up, sit ups, push ups again, sit ups again, raising legs, pulling our backs and fronts and do some really painful poses.
then the dance part started....

but i don't mind getting all bruised and pain because i really love the result of the hard dance practice. i simply can't wait for another practice <3

right after we finished with the practice, which was around 5 o'clock, i went back to the speech competition site. changed my clothes to uniform again and met abel and david. then we walked around for a while and soon it's the time for announcement. first they called the 10 best speakers, then they announced the rank. i got the 6th rank.. and a certificate indicating that i'm one of the best speakers. but they printed my school's name wrong so i asked them to fix it and they said they gonna send it to my school.

then i went back home. it was raining and it was really relaxing. it soothes my mind after the hectic day and i couldn't wish for more than riding in a car under the glimmering lights of jakarta and drops of rain stained the windows..

got home around 8, had my shower and late dinner.. onlined a while, watched tv, and around midnight i went to bed and get my proper zzz..

so.. today is Sunday!.. and later my whole family and I will celebrate my grandma's bday at her house. .

i don't want monday to come.. i really don't.

xx

2009-10-01T20:15:00.003+07:00

There are things we do because we convince ourselves it would be better for everyone involved. We tell ourselves it’s the right thing to do, the altruistic thing to do. It’s far easier than telling ourselves the truth.

Jodi Picoult “My Sister’s Keeper”

back to reality

2009-09-28T16:31:00.002+07:00

Monday.... oh monday..
here it comes.. and suddenly it's monday all over againn...
can't believe holiday went sooo faasstt! i want to redo it all again!

so.. the past 10 days i had spent in my cousin's house was quite wonderful. it's like, although my mom and dad were out to china, i could stay there, went to malls, woke up later than usual, yawning and tossing in bed until it's 11 a.m. and went downstairs to watch gossip girl together. hahaha.. feels like holiday..

then i would sip my daily intake of caffeine, bit my breakfast wholeheartedly in the not-so-silent atmosphere with my little cousins shouting, quarreling, etc etc upstairs.

i never slept before the clock turned at least midnight and i wouldn't wake up if the clock hadn't passed 10 in the afternoon (exception for thursday since i had a dance practice which required me to wake up at 7! and i severely couldn't sleep!)

and now..
suddenly...
BACK TO REALITY!

today i had a BI block test.. next two days is MATH block test! and on the same day have to attend a technical meeting in trisakti.. prepare prepare prepare... saturday gonna be the competition day... missing dance practice... and study study study... agama block test on the 8th.... practice practice practice... dance audition.....more studiesssss... IELTS!

i thought i'm the spontaneous kind of person with no agenda no schedule no exact plan..

but it turned out that i'm pretty suck in becoming that kind of person. it's true that i have no agenda, but my brain is like containing all the things i have to get done and it will turn on the alarm if i dare to forget even one of it.. and strangely the brain only reminds me of something i like or i used to be excited of,, never the things i hate or lazy to do..

humpph.. at least today i get to meet my friends again.. one and only thing i like about today..

..but i secretly hope that the past 10 days wasn't just a dream. there are some parts i prefer to stay real...

list of things i crave right now:
> bread with strawberry jam
> the DVD of The Proposal
> coffee latte
> rain

armed with those 4 things, i would be more than happy :)

Me?I’m scared of everything.
I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am,
and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room
and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.

—	Dirty Dancing

lebaran holiday!

2009-09-17T00:07:00.003+07:00

after all the burdens of assignments, tests, presentations, block test, an accident, lots of papers, work, portfolio, late night studies, worries, preparations, power points, and projects..

finallyyy.... it's lebaran holidayy! :D :D

it's as of a HUGE chunk of weight has been taken away from us... what a relief! hahahahahaha!

and today it's like the final day of constant torture, ended with a 9,1 score from david, and 10 questions of stressing math test, and dance afterschool.. hahahahah.. sooo happyyy :D

soo.. days to come..
I will positively be homeless.. why? because my mom and dad are going to china for a trip which i'm not interested to join since the people who join the tour are mostly older than i am. way older.

and I will be pretty busy with LIPI, essay competition and IELTS preparations around. and I will try my best not to wander around jakarta so much since i will stay in my cousin's house in mega kebon jeruk. but well... people say we have to maximize every single thing we have right now. so,, wouldn't it be a waste to stay in jakarta and not take the advantages of being near everywhere? hehehe :D

and tomorrow... let's see. not really have a schedule but I will go to the bank with my mom to open my own account since i'm 17 already. yeay! hahaha
and the next day my parents will leave and I will be transfered to my cousin's house.. haven't packed anything..

5 good things:
> HOLIDAY
> 9.1 in david's
> dance
> will have more freedom soon
> plans for holiday hahah

5 bad things:
> bad mark in BI test
> and math test (probably. but most likely)
> will leave my house soon
> still have to deal with some unfinished business
> wondering...and wondering...

fav quotes atm:

1. there are at least two kinds of cowards: One kind always lives with himself, afraid to face the world. The other kind lives with the world, afraid to face himself.

—	Roscoe Snowden

2. The question in life is not whether you get knocked down. You will. The question is, are you ready to get back up… and fight for what you believe in.

—	Dan Quayle

3. You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.

—	John Mason

4. I'm not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.

—

Shana Abe

5. You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.

—	Nicholas Sparks

6. Too many of us stay walled because we are afraid of being hurt. We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.

—	Eleanor Roosevelt

happy holiday everyone! :D
xoxo.

2009-09-14T20:01:00.002+07:00

i don't want to wish for anything. just to be here. here is where i belong. no, not really. i belong in other place. other brighter place full of dreams, achievements, hopes, and high expectations. i imagine myself as a creature, look like human, talk like human, walk like human, exactly like human but i have a pair of wings, a pair of real dark loving freedom kind of wings. those wings would take me away, far far away you can never find me again. those wings would separates you and me. those wings would leave marks on you with your wounded body. red, black, blue, brushing all over your pain. you can never see me or even hear or even picture me again. I would fly across the oceans, mountains, cities, countries, lands, night and day. i would fly around the universe of unpredictability, beyond your glimpse of warm eyes. I would never wish for more. I would soar higher and higher up through the so-called 7 layers of heaven and hell. I would live and walk and talk and feel and hear and touch and kiss in different ways. totally different ways. you would never recognize me. never. and I would be there, going on with my life of which you're not even in the picture. I might sip my daily coffee and do my daily crops, i might hear some other song after another, ride another plane after another, making uncountable calls to people i don't want to be connected to. i might not remember you. you might have forgotten about me.. so let's cheers to present time. to now. to the crawling time. to the second we both realize something we can never put down..

2009-09-12T10:01:00.003+07:00

dream room

2009-09-12T09:47:00.005+07:00

I want my room to be just like this one!

...or this one :)

i know both room look really different. like one is pretty bright with all the sun shines and crafts and papers and colors while the other one seem pretty plain, dim-lit, and tranquil. but i need both room! hahaha.. i wish

first train home

2009-09-09T23:06:00.002+07:00

First Train Home by Imogen Heap

(I´ve got to get on it) (3x)

Bodies disengaged our mouths are fleshing over.
It´s just an echo game irises retreating
to ovals of white.
The urge to feel your face
And blood rushing to paint my handprint
A Frisbee one by one
Your vinyl on lamanent
Desperate for some kind of contact.

First train home I´ve got to get on it (3x)
To Catch to catch catch catch catch.
First train home I´ve got to get on it (3x)
First Train home

Temporal deadzone where clocks are barely breathing
Yet no one cares to notice for all the yelling
All night clamor to hold it together.
I want to play don´t wait forms in the hideaway
I want to get on with getting on with things
I want to run in fields paint the kitchen
And love someone
And I can´t do any of that here can I?

First train home I´ve got to get on it (3x)
First Train home

So what? You´ve had one too many.
So what? I´m not that much fun to be with
So what? You´ve come silly hatter
So what? I didn´t want to come here anyway.

What matters you doesn´t matter matter to me.
What matters to me doesn´t matter matter to you.
What matters to you doesn´t matter matter to them.
What matters to them doesn´t change anything.

Got to get on it first train home.
Got to get on it first train home

First train home I´ve got to get on it
(I´ve got to get on it)
To catch to catch catch-catch catch.
(First train home)
First train home I´ve got to get on it
First train home.
(First train home)

To go to go to go
Get get get get
Out out out out
Now now now now ...

the song i currently hear over and over and over again..
i think it's about a girl who has just realized where she's supposed to be.. where she belongs.. what feels right to her..and most importantly about what she wants..

---
i wish holiday would come without so much tests presentations and projects burdening us :(

and today, my classmate, philip got into a car accident, wounded pretty badly, broke 1 leg. we were so damn scared and I couldn't concentrated properly on the first and second period. but well, we still shud did the agama test, so on the 3rd and 4th periods we did the test.

and tomorrow got geo block test, followed by small speech contest, and on tuesday got bi presentation about our last trip to the cosmetic factory, and the following day, MATH! argh! and just this afternoon, i merlyn and alain were encouraged to join LIPI competition. and so we have to brainstorm about it. and now as i flipped through geo text book, i can't concentrate at all! screw me.

the art of looking

2009-09-05T18:45:00.020+07:00

Unguarded words. Inevitable urge to escape. Jumble over the invisible distance we failed to disregard. A smile on rainy days. A hug in the place we last meet. Our steps would move away. Blown by the northern wind. But our traces flutter. Swirling and twirling like delicious scent of coffee in morning air.

The rise and falls of our breath together in the midst of crowd. We might not be able to look at each other. But what’s so different under the sun?

we suit ourselves. To speak our mind without shame. To tell each other what’s left until our heart has nothing left to pour out. All in one gaze. One meaningful but timid gaze. Or is it a stare?

One would never be sure. It’s a mistake in every untruthful eye we pierced with questioning mind.

The heart would race. In that millisecond we failed to lie to ourselves. The selfishness. The egoistic nature we both possessed.

How greedy we are to expect more than we deserve. We converse. We do. In the words of coincidence we prayed endlessly will happen. We speak to each other. In the art of looking.

Hurtful thought the mind conceives as the heart scream in denial. But the engine has started. And the suitcases have been settled. The coat left on the hanger the night before has been taken. The key has locked the door for the length of time.

Heart racing. Time walking.

And in that moment one short line will flutter... “please stay..”

what are we so scared of?

xx.

2009-09-02T18:12:00.006+07:00

Persahabatan

oleh: Kahlil Gibran

Dan jika berkata, berkatalah kepada aku tentang kebenaran persahabatan
Sahabat adalah kebutuhan jiwa, yang mesti terpenuhi.
Dialah ladang hati, yang kau taburi dengan kasih dan kau panen dengan penuh rasa terima kasih.

Dan dia pulalah naungan dan pendianganmu.
Karena kau menghampirinya saat hati lapar dan mencarinya saat jiwa butuh kedamaian.
Bila dia bicara, mengungkapkan pikirannya, kau tiada takut membisikkan kata di kalbumu sendiri,
pun tiada kau menyembunyikan kata.

Dan bilamana ia diam, hatimu tiada kan henti mencoba merangkum bahasa hatinya;
karena tanpa ungkapan kata, dalam rangkuman persahabatan, segala pikiran, hasrat, dan keinginan terlahirkan bersama dengan sukacita yang utuh, pun tiada terkirakan.

Di kala berpisah dengan sahabat, janganlah berduka cita; Karena yang paling kaukasihi dalam dirinya, mungkin lebih cemerlang dalam ketiadaannya, bagai sebuah gunung bagi seorang pendaki, nampak lebih agung daripada tanah ngarai dataran.

Dan tiada maksud lain dari persahabatan kecuali saling memperkaya ruh kejiwaan.
Karena kasih yang masih menyisakan pamrih, di luar jangkauan misterinya, bukanlah kasih, tetapi sebuah jala yang ditebarkan: hanya menangkap yang tiada diharapkan.

Dan persembahkanlah yang terindah bagi sahabatmu.
Jika dia harus tahu musim surutmu, biarlah dia mengenal pula musim pasangmu.
Gerangan apa sahabat itu hingga kau senantiasa mencarinya,
untuk sekadar bersama dalam membunuh waktu?

Carilah ia untuk bersama menghidupkan sang waktu!
Karena dialah yang bisa mengisi kekuranganmu, bukan mengisi kekosonganmu.
Dan dalam manisnya persahabatan, biarkanlah ada tawa ria berbagi kebahagiaan.
Karena dalam titik-titik kecil embun pagi, hati manusia menemukan fajar jati dan gairah segar kehidupan.

...puisi persahabatan favorit g.. hahahaha.

earthquake!!

2009-09-02T17:06:00.002+07:00

earthquake today at school! hahahaha! that was pretty scary with all those screams, all students scurried out of the classroom, and one of my friend even shouted something like "2012!!"
but as i recalled it, it's pretty laughable actually.

it's because when other students were running out in panic to get downstairs as soon as possible, my class stayed shut with david acted like there's nothing and all the class members were froze in fright..

some of my friends had already screamed "gempa!" but david still kept cool.. and i was like "can we go outside now?" above all the noises outside our classroom where people running screaming, pouring their frights to their friends they met at the corridor

....and david was like "what are you guys screaming for?" and we were like "earthquakeeee!!" and he casually asked "what earthquake?" and we were actually really scared seeing all those window swayed, all those books moved and the ground seemed to move. but david was pretty fine and said "really?! is there an earthquake? i didnt feel anything! maybe this is because i used to live in LA, there we got small earthquake pretty often... anyway, is it still moving right now??"

then after the corridor was already deserted, bu lena came to my class said that we were supposed to go downstairs as soon as possible because she's afraid there'll be another one. so we went downstairs to the field where all senior and junior high students have gathered and it was a chaos. the rest of the class was dismissed so we just got back to the class, packed our bag and went home..

hahaha! interesting experience..

strange day.. in the morning it was raining heavily and in the afternoon, earthquake. what happened to our earth?!

and tomorrow.. i'm going to a factory in Bogor as a studytrip to "understand more about how a factory runs from the management side" yeah right. still, we take it as a "trip".

and today i talked about a theory. a dumb one i think.. here it goes...
"90% of girls anywhere will back off when they know a guy likes her"...

i mean.. is that really true? i've heard confessions from my 2 best friends that it really is true. and they gave the examples from my own experience. funny. i hadn't realized anything like that and it turned out that it's a common knowledge for men. i mean, did guys really invent this theory with their head? hahahaha.. no offense,, but i think guys never think anything so sentimental like that..

loll.

and i think i really am going to go crazy with that particular name keep appearing everywhere. i mean EVERYWHERE!.. when i turned on the TV, a chinese drama the leading actor's name is THAT name.. and as i flipped to the back of my novel, there! that name again!! and as i browsed some photos randomly in the internet... TARAAA! found that name again. it's so stressing that i think my head gonna explode!

let me forget.