Pantherfanz Rantz

THE CHAMPIONSHIP HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES

2009-01-17T16:57:00.002-05:00

Hello, Fanz-

For those of you still into the season after the abomination we saw exactly one week ago, I muster what's left of the clarivoyance gland and take on the championship games. Armed with a well-earned case of Labatt's, I go into the games relishing some good football. This will be short, and a quick read.

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ ARID-ZONA
The first game will be the hardest to watch. This SHOULD have been played here! But I ranted myself out of it, and I'm moving on. It is what it is, to quothe the Fox. The Iggles are really playing a fantastic game right now, on both sides of the ball. As much praise has been heaped upon the Cardy-noles for the game last week, I'm of the mindset that the Panthers LOST that game far more than the Cards WON it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, opportunistic defense this, Kurt Warner, Larry Fitz, that, the fact is that the Fleegul defense will be hitting like their momma's been violated. I particularly like the play of Brian Dawkins in the secondary, who is a playmaker in the mold of Ed Reed. And Donovan McSnabb is playing like he had Steve Smith disease. I think the Iggles hit 'em hard and often. They are favoured, last time I looked by -3, and I'm confident they cover and return to their third Super Bowl.

BALTY-MOORE @ PISSBURGH
I'm thinking this could be a body-bag game for the ages. I don't like the matchup of the Squeeler offensive line versus that punishing Raven defense, that has a score to settle. Somehow, I'm envisioning WorthlessBerger giving way to Byron Leftwich, and I'm envisioning Ed Reed returning a pick for six, which might be the only touchdown of the game. The weather conditions will be miserable, and will favour a team able to run. Neither will be doing that particularly well for this game. The highest scoring defense will make the difference, and I like the Quothers to quothe themselves into their second Super Bowl. At least to cover the -6 points their getting on the road...

There you go, Fanz who are left from the debris of the season... I hope to salvage something from the wretched weekend I had last week-

Ugh! I went 1-4 for a total playoff record of 3-5.

I'll be back in a little bit with a rant that's percolating Panther Blue for me and you....

uggh that was lame...

INVALIDATED

2009-01-11T14:21:00.006-05:00

January 11th, 2009

It’s a word that perfectly describes the aftermath of the VERY WORST home loss in franchise history.

A loss that invalidates a sparkling 12-4 record.

That invalidates a breakout season for not only DeAngelo Williams, but Jeff Otah, Jonathan Stewart, and Charles Godfrey.

That invalidates a record-setting rushing attack.

That invalidates arguably the most successful recovery from Tommy John Surgery.

That invalidates a stellar season from Steve Smith, and a triumphant return by Mushin Muhammad.

That invalidates a glowing post-season record for the team under John Fox and Jake Delhomme

That invalidates a season’s worth of great expectations and joyous Sundays, with one INCREDIBLE Monday.

And in a deeply disappointing and cruel twist-

It VALIDATES the increasing criticism that’s heaped toward Jake Delhomme and John Fox.

This is a rant I never believed I'd write, and now I'm disgusted in writing it.

Let’s be honest here. I’d heap a steaming pile of the blame towards Foxy and his coaching staff for a shoddy and poorly – thought out game plan. Why, but why, was the uber-powerful rushing attack so potent in the opening drive so quickly abandoned in favour of a passing game that OBVIOUSLY wasn’t working? Standing in my section, I could not believe what I was watching in the first half. Even down by 13 points in the second quarter did not constitute an emergency, especially when SteWilliams is capable of scoring from any area on the field! It’s as if the entire team, from executive to coach to player to ball boy drank DEEPLY of the Kool-Aid the media had mixed up in praising the Carolina Panthers, and all that was necessary was to show up. It’s so very deflating and discouraging to see a coaching staff as respected and regarded as this one fail so miserably at the very worst time.

I

Just

Don’t

Get

It.

Just as inexplicable is the BEYOND WRETCHED performance of Delhomme. It’s possible we could have survived two turnovers. Even three might have been overcome with even an average offensive performance. BUT SIX!!?? This performance, ironically enough, on his birthday, was the single worst game of his career, without a shred of doubt. Practically all Jake’s throws were off, or forced into coverage when secondary receivers were wide open. The line gave him plenty of time, and was not influencing the poor throws. No matter what happens in the next season or so, this game will be an enduring ugly stain on Delhomme’s legacy, and one that will surely make the quarterback position one to be re-evaluated in the months to come, despite the convicted verbage coming from Fox following this abortion of a game. But ahh, you know this is an upcoming rant in the agonizing months preceeding the NFL Draft.

Of course, we know the defense also shares a nice load of blame. I had felt this last year, and even this year’s much improved performance from one Julius Peppers didn’t completely bury this notion I had.

Trade Peppers.

Now.

He hasn’t made NEAR enough of the game-changing plays that defined his play seasons ago. He’s living off legacy and reputation now, in my opinion, and in the NFL, legacy and reputation are short-lived if performance does not continuously back it up. Peppers just hasn’t lived up to those hallmarks. The remainder of the defense, short of the linebackers and safeties, have also fallen far short of what a “John Fox” defense is supposed to be. The line and cornerbacks have largely underperformed in the second half of the season, and when it was VITAL to stop the Cardy-nole attack, they just got out-physicalled by the Arid-Zona offense. Unacceptable. This unit not only needs an infusion of personnel, but a new coordinator. Trading Peppers, if possible with the advent of his free agency, would get us a first-round draft choice, at the very least, to begin this infusion. And that, of course, will be added to the offseason rant I’m soon to write!

Adding to the belligerent swirl of malevolent karma that suddenly appeared last night was the unprecedented boot Rhys Lloyd made out of bounds early. Somehow, when I saw that, I sadly realized that we were not winning this game. I guess when those bad winds blow, they distress all phases of the team.

BUT!

One thing that even the most wretched performances could NEVER invalidate is the supreme, superlative party that was thrown yesterday in the lot. This was the single greatest tailgate party PantherFanZ ever had, and I knew Marc was grinnin’ ear to ear in his heavenly home knowing that we’d carry the party he adored to this level. I want to thank Dano and James and every single person that’s contributed to spirt of fellowship, food and fun that’s been the highlight of the year to me. It’s been a welcome respite from the maelstrom of ordinary life, and I can’t assign enough value to that. The food, the band, even the well-behaved Cardy-Nole fans were stellar. And oh, how good it was to see our Canadian contingent represented by Peter and Doug, who by the way, got to witness some pretty interesting behaviour in Hartigan’s following the game. In seven more months, we get to plan this all over again, and we get a hint of what it might be when the schedules come out this spring. As I’ve always said, other than the noise we make in supporting the team, we don’t control what the Panthers do. What we DO control, is the party, and it has never, ever, disappointed, regardless if it was a few boxes of chicken and tunes coming from the Party Prowler, to whole pigs and pork shoulders and The Contagious Blues Band AND Red Bull with an OPEN BAR! Even ten interceptions couldn’t ruin our fun. It’s the one thing that’s safe from the teams’ sudden vomiting of ineptitude.

And to close this season’s final rant as it concerns the Panthers, I follow the metaphor that I’d subconsciously dedicated to Marc. One of the saddest things I’d ever seen on screen was in the third Star Trek movie. Faced with the prospect of death for his crew, Captain Kirk made the only choice he could make- He blew up the beloved, iconic Starship Enterprise to save them. As the ship shuddered from explosions, as a fan of the series, I was incredulous with disbelief as I saw the flaming hulk of the ship stream across the atmoshphere of the planet the crew was now marooned on. In a similar sense, I watched last night’s regurgitation of everything that could be vile upon the field with an equal amount of sadness and disbelief. Only Star Trek is a fictitious serial. They rebuilt the Enterprise in the following episode, anyway. What happened at the stadium, of course, was real. It happened. Only Foxy blew up Starship Panther ’08 two games short of the final destination because of ineptitude, and not out of necessity. The good news is that THIS ship can also be rebuilt, but the sting of this defeat, with the best offense ever fielded by the Panthers, and one of the best chances since ’03 to get to the Super Bowl, will be indelibly etched in that part of the hearts of the fans where sadness is stored for a very, very, long time.

I’m not soon to forget it.

And so I say “farewell” to the ’08 season. Invalidated by this loss. And still every bit,

A PantherFan.

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PRESCRIPTION FOR PLAYOFF VICTORY

2009-01-09T18:47:00.001-05:00

January 9th, 2009

I was aghast when I saw Monday morning’s early line on tomorrow’s divisional contest. TEN POINTS? A TEN POINT SPREAD? IN FAVOUR OF THE PANTHERS? What, I wonder, made The Panthers and Cardy-Noles that drastically different than the two teams that met in Week 8? Have the Vegas oddsmakers guzzled the Stewilliams Kool-Aid? And got terminally buzzed from it? There’s no doubt in my mind that we’re the better team, I’m just not sure, at this stage of the playoffs, that we’re TEN POINTS better than a team we had to rally to beat by four- And so with that, I sit at my keyboard, and pound out a prescription that will get us to that plateau. And I really wanted to do this earlier in the week, but situational difficulties made that prohibitive. Read on FanZ-

This is the playoffs. Defense and ground game are imperative to execute optimally to insure success, particularly at the divisional and championship rounds. The Panthers at least have ONE of those. But, a vastly underrated factor is the play of the special teams- one which I think favours the Panthers. The Cardy-Noles are near the bottom of the league in return yardage – The Panthers are in the upper regions. Rhys Lloyd has consistently rooted kickoffs in the endzone, eliminating damaging returns. The coverage teams are a bunch of hard hitters for us, and we shouldn’t be giving up too much field position here. This is where the advantages that ensure a Panther victory begin.

On offense, Carolina just can’t forget what got them to this place. Those five guys I ranted over a few weeks ago have got to once again grade the Cardy-Noles like they have done to the rest of the league in the last quarter of the season. If we are gaining 5 yards per carry, there’s no reason to get cute offensively. I’m sure Foxy realizes that and he’s patient enough to give that part of the game a chance. And Arid-Zona respects our run enough that the play-action pass will certainly be an option in the attack, and with the commitment to stopping the run, the very real possibility of Moose and Smith running in single coverage could be devastating and chew up mega-yards. There are some playmakers defensively for the Cardy-noles that will have to be accounted for, and there’s every indication that the selfless skill players for Carolina will be there to block. All this adds up to the controlled game that Foxy loves to play, and if the defense is successful in blunting the Cardy-Nole passing attack, this second elixir of pure, unadulterated Foxball will bring us closer to covering that huge spread.

On defense, the Panthers will have to seriously bash Arid-Zona’s receivers RIGHT AT THE LINE when the ball’s snapped, and pick their poison offensively, which undoubtedly will be Larry Fitzgerald. Chris Gamble should no doubt get that assignment, and Turkey-Vac should shade a safety over to help. And that front seven will have to get in Warner’s face, and make him feel even more uncomfortable in that expected chilly rain to fall in Charlotte. When we turned up the heat in Week 8, he made more errant throws and a pick to Jon BEASTon. That heat needs to be multiplied EXPONENTIALLY by Mr. Turkey-Vac. Warner is a crafty veteran who has one of the quickest read-and-releases in the game right now, and quick line penetration by the pass rushers will be key. As always, the play of Julius Peppers will be the wild card. If the Cardy-Noles fail to account for where he is in his ever-changing position in the defense, he could be game-changing disruptive. In the secondary, the focus needs to be ON TACKLING! PERIOD! If the receivers are continuously hit hard and jarred, they will begin to hear feet when they get in space, and their effectiveness becomes limited. As a matter of fact, tackling needs to be a priority for every man on the defensive squad. I cannot emphasize that enough. There’s no question this talented offense will get their yards, it’s just important to limit scoring to field goals, and not touchdowns, if at all. This is the third part of the prescription.

These three parts are all up to the Panthers to execute. Perhaps the most important part of all is supplied by US- The Carolina Panther Fans. Remember the incredible amount of noise we generated for Tampa Bay? We need to TRIPLE IT! This will be a major part of making the Cardy-noles feel even MORE uncomfortable in the cold rain – They need to hear nothing but noise when Warner lines up behind center. We need to cheer as if our cheers would put Pete Rose in Cooperstown. (Admit it, you think he deserves it...) This team has never been more worthy of our cheers as they are now. I’m so incredibly thrilled with the performance of this season when it’s compared with the abortion that was last season, and I for one am going to give the ‘Cats all that I can muster, and I’ll be encouraging MY section to do the same, and I’d implore all of you to do the same in YOUR section! This fourth element, when combined with the other three elements, AND the voluminous benevolent karma massing on the side of the home team should guarantee one more splendid, euphoric playoff evening in Carolina. AND-

Make those oddsmakers look like geniuses.

I believe it, Fanz, I BELIEVE IT!

LET’S ROCK THE LOT AS WE

CLAW OUR WAY TO TAMPA BAY! TWO MORE GAMES TO GO!

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PLAYOFFS??? DON'T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!!??? THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER PLAYOFF CLARIVOYANCES - ROUND 2

2009-01-09T14:09:00.002-05:00

January 9, 2009

Well, Fanz, after a fairly entertaining WildCard weekend, where I was a mediocre 50%, but dead on in picking the Ravens and Cardy-noles, and dead on in identifying Darren Sproles as a difference-maker in the Chargers-Colts game. I stumbled on the Vikings, but now I think I’ve got the ‘ol clairvoyance gland in prime playoff shape as I now handicap the BIG BOYS-

Here I go-

BALTY-MOORE @ TENNESSEE
The weekend divisional matchups start with a real body-bag kind of game between two of the league’s most ferocious defenses. Right now, the Ravens are blazing hot, and I really don’t feel the Titans have an offensive answer for that smothering Raven D. I truly believe that neither offense will be able to put up major yardage, and that field position will be critical, as field goals will constitute most of the scoring. As I thought in the past three games, Ed Reed makes a difference for the Quothers, and will add one more nightmare for Kerry Collins’ Bad Ravens Experiences. And once again, Joey Flacco’s job is not to win the game on offense, just to manage it and not lose it on stupid turnovers. The line is –3 for the Titans, and I’m prepared to make this game a stone-cold mortal LOCK! Ravens straight up to proceed to the Championship game next Sunday!

ARID-ZONA @ CAROLINA
I know most of us have heard every media talking head and pundit break down this game in every imaginable way possible. Basically the contest pits a powerful AND prolific running team with an explosive element to the passing game, against a team that has relied almost exclusively on an air attack. What’s somewhat annoying is the so-called “experts” proclaiming Arid-Zona’s running game back after a “big” 73 yards from a washed-up Edgerrin James. That’s a total load of horses**t! 73 yards on the ground against THIS Panther team won’t amount to SQUAT! The weather conditions in this night game will greatly favour the running game, in which the Panthers lead the league in so many statistical categories, while the Cardy-noles are near the bottom in the same. It will be tough for Warner to fling the biscuit in the rain, which will be their only real chance for victory. The Panthers don’t have that handicap. They will control the line of scrimmage with the powerful road grading offensive line and with Stewilliams, and the game. And – they are rested and healthy. I’m cautiously optimistic that this game does NOT follow the formula of Week 8’s game- So is Vegas- They’ve given the home ‘Cats a humongous –10 point advantage here! Part of me seems to think it ridiculous, but we are NOT the Duckies, and the Cardy-Noles won’t SNIFF OUR snap count, and we’re at home. All of the matchups and statistics point to a blowout by the fourth quarter. Take the Cats and the big spread!

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ NY GEEEMEN
In Sunday’s first tilt, a much-anticipated rematch of bitter divisional opponents highlights the weekend’s games. Much of the sports media have jumped on the Fleegul bandwagon even though they STILL have a suspect rushing attack. Without the serious threat to run, the rested and healthy G’ints will blitz McSnabb relentlessly. Bryan Westbrook is NOT the punishing back that Brandon Jacobs is, although he’s dangerous in short passing situations because of what he can do after the catch. Don’t think the GeeMen have forgotten what Philthydelphia did to them in Week 14 – A healthy Jacobs makes a difference, no matter what Donavan McSnabb throws at them. Eli Manning won’t have to do much more than hand off the ball to his trio of excellent backs, and the Iggles wear down by the second half. Of course, I’d LOVE to see the Iggles win, because THAT guarantees that the NFC Championship game gets played at the BOFA! But I just don’t think the Giants get beat this Sunday, not in this game, not with so much at stake. The line is –4 for the GeeMen, and I’d implore you to take Big Blue.

SAN DIEGO @ PISSBURGH
The last ticket to the leagues’ Final Four gets punched at Heinz Field as the remarkable Chargers try to continue their torrid five-game winning streak, but this isn’t the Colt’s defense. But the fact that this isn’t the Colts’ yardage-eating offense does help the West Coast visitors. WorthlessBerger is sure to be blitzed and blitzed often, and if Willie Parkers’ running can be slowed, I’d expect this game to be a repeat of the Week 11 schlobberknocker. But at this stage of the season, like the Giants, I’m not feeling an upset here. I think Pissburgh’s defense makes a difference here, but I think the Chargers have enough fight in them to make this a close game, especially if they keep Big Ben on the run, and on the ropes. The Squeelers are favoured by –6, but I like the Chargers to cover.

There you go, FanZ, that’s a scrumptious quartet of picks for yer!

See y’all in the lot for a party worthy of The Tailgating Hall of Fame!

Gotta Comment?
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CaptnTee@aol.com

PLAYOFFS!!?? DON'T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!! THE WEEKLY HANIDCAP AND PLAYOFF CLARIVOYANCES - ROUND 1

2009-01-03T11:47:00.005-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FanZ!!!

And best of all, HAPPY PLAYOFFS!!!

I’m a day later than I wanted to be due to an angry confluence of a New Year’s hangover, company, a stout chest cold, and a long-dreaded move of my office.

But I’m back and ready to handicap the league’s first round games, and one could make a case for any of these teams meeting up with the Panthers during this Super Bowl Sweepstakes.

Once the debris of the regular season began to settle, I found it odd that ALL home teams were underdogs this weekend! Hmm. Not sure I agree. I now give my clairvoyance gland a kick and boot up and handicap this weekend’s games.

ATLANTA @ ARID-ZONA
This afternoon finds the red-hot Duckies invading the home turf of the Cardy-noles. While Atlanta has built an impressive 11-5 record, they’ve done it with a strong running game led by you-know-who, and an electrifying passing attack led by you-know-who. I’m sick of just hearing about them. But what the Duckie’s DON’T have is a playoff defense, and THIS Cardy-nole team, with the seasoned veteran Warner at the controls, have the potential to fling the biscuit all over the Duckie’s 24th ranked defense. While the Cardy-noles don’t have a particularly good D, they DO rank in the middle of the NFL’s run defense standings. They may be able to blunt Turner’s rush enough to force passing situations. Plus, on offense, Warner has LOADS of playoff experience. The Duckies, in particular Mike Smith and Matty-Ryan? None. All this adds up to a highly entertaining shootout, that I think favours Arid-zona. The line opened at 2 ½, but has since dropped to a single point for the (&$)#&_@#_ Duckies. The Force stirs in me- A lead pipe lock-

Cardy-Noles straight up, and they will wait to find out their playoff flight path with the results of the Viking-Iggle tilt tomorrow.

INDIANAPOLIS @ SAN DIEGO
Tonight’s contest sets up a potentially exciting reunion between traditional conference rivals, who have met FOUR TIMES, including playoffs, the past two seasons, even though they are from different divisions. Given up for dead four weeks ago, The Bolts found their missing gear in a thrilling comeback victory over the wretched Chefs, and then won their next three. But the victory against the Broncoids last week came at a price- Key RB Tomlinson dinged his groin, and TE Gates messed up his ankle. Without these stalwarts on the Charger “O” at 100%, Rivers is going to have to find other targets for his bullets. One thing that may be a wild card for the Chargers will be diminutive RB Darren Sproles ( 5’6”) who might present a matchup problem. He’s been coming on quite strong as both a back and returner of late and may present a matchup problem for a defense that’s expecting LT. On the defense, the Colts have Freeney AND Sanders there, the Bolts DO NOT have Shawn Merriman. Both teams haven’t run particularly well, nor have they stopped it particularly well, but both teams absolutely FLING it! This, much like the Duckies-Cards game earlier, should be a massively entertaining shootout. It’s hard for me to pick against a healthy Peyton Manning and his relatively healthy teammates in the playoffs, no less. The Colts are favored by one in this game, and I’d be inclined to take it, and Manning finds out if a trip to SqueelTown or the Grand Ole Opry is their fate after tomorrow afternoon.

BALTY-MOORE @ MIAMI
This game is the first of two on the day that features three of the league’s hardest hitting defenses. It also features a miraculous comeback story, not only for the formely 1-15 Dolphins, but the formerly 6-10 Ravens. If not for the performance of Matt Ryan in Atlanta, Joey Flacco would be the recipient of the Rookie of the year award, and Coach Harbaugh, as far as I know, is still in the running for coach or the year, as is Miami coach Sporano. Both teams have performed well in all phases of the game this season, but the Ravens EXCELL defensively, and they make a difference in this game. They played earlier this year in Week 7 and Balty-Moore CRUSHED them and squeezed the Miami offense to one of their lowest offensive outputs all season. The overrated “Wildcat” formation won’t be a factor in the Dolphin gameplan, because the Ravens won’t be buying it. Flacco won’t have to do much, because Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and co. will do the heavy lifting here. Despite the success for Miami this season, they will have to build a defense AND offense that is more playoff caliber next season. The line is the heftiest of the weekend, at 3 ½. I firmly believe The Ravens duplicate their Week 7 success and go to Nashville, while punching the Colts’ SqueelTown ticket for them.

PHILTYDELPHIA @ MINI-SODA
The final Round One game features two of the top defenses in the NFL. Both have been particularly good at the run, but Philthy has been better at the blitz. When the old fossil Augustus was under center that may have been a liability, but the frequently mobile Tavaris Jackson’s legs might be able to escape it. The Iggles either can’t or WON’T run the ball under Andy Reid’s offense, but the run is the backbone of the Vikings’. If Jackson can utilize the presence of the run for more play-action, they might be able to beat that Iggle blitz, while focusing on Donavan McSnabb with their own decent pass rush, led by Jared Allen and Pat Williams, who ESCAPED the diuretic scandal (so far) this season. The keys for both teams will be patience on offense, and maniacal disruption on defense. Unlike the previous three games, this becomes a low-scoring defensive struggle, which to me favours the Vikings. Both teams have playmakers offensively, but in the playoffs, the ground attack tends to get you farther. Also, in a defensive game, the Vikings have the aptly-named Ryan LONGwell, who is a much better kicker than the Boids’ shaky Akers. The Vikes have a better run game, a vociferous home field advantage, and a date next Saturday night against the Panthers despite being a -3 point underdog at home.

So, according to my prognostication, which was running at 55 percent this year, next week’s matchups should be:

BALTY-MOORE @ TENNESSE Saturday
MINI-SODA @ CAROLINA Saturday
ARID-ZONA @ NY GEEMEN Sunday
INDIANAPOLIS @ PISSBURGH Sunday

There we go, Fanz! Enjoy the playoff weekend, and prepare to convene in the lot for perhaps the WILDEST tailgate of the existence of PantherFanz!

Gotta Comment?
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PARTY IN THE LOT- BY A FIELD GOAL!

2008-12-28T22:02:00.001-05:00

December 28, 2008

It almost felt like a pre-arranged agreement between the two NFC South opponents. One, with a DOMININANT running game, and a complimentary passing game with an all-world wide receiver, and the other with a passing game that could whoop the Klingon Empire All-Stars, but with a defense that couldn’t stop a bucket of Tribbles. And the star QB needed enough yards to beat the record of a Hall-of Famer. At first, it appeared that arrangement was put on hold, but once Foxy felt that 20 points was enough, he’d have Turkey-Vac pull in the leash of that “deadly” pass rush “koff-koff” and give o’l Brees enough yards to down Danny-Boy’s single season passing record. BUT-

Someone forgot to tell Foxy that they MIGHT try to win the damn thing!

Ok, I know most of you don’t believe that horse-hockey. I don’t either. But from a certain vantage point, it sure SEEMED that way! But THIS edition of the Carolina Panthers has been impervious to the opponent’s rally. In almost every game, all year. Mini-Soda had the lead early in the second half. Tampa had us from kickoff. The Duckies as well. And but for karma’s capricious breath at the end of the Giants game, we could add them to the rally-buster tally. When Brees found his boy Lance Moore in the end zone for the tying score with mere minutes left, I felt a little anxious, but the strength of the ’08 Panthers was about to take the field.

That’s right. THE OFFENSE.

And right on cue, y’all saw what happened. And as befitting the sole remaining Original Panther, John Kasay made his FIRST game winning kick of the year. That’s right. His FIRST of the year! Look it up if you don’t believe me. He hasn’t had to do that ONCE this season. That’s very telling about this year’s team. There’s no question in my mind that this collection of athletes wearing the Panther silver, blue and black with enough time at the end of the game, can always put themselves in position to win. ESPECIALLY if that cagey Cajun wearing #17 is moving these fellas down the field. And that “little” dude wearing #89 is there to catch those Tommy-John enhanced missiles. Don’t forget, there’s that mercurial #87 there, too, who was CLUTCH today.

But there’s a glaring weakness on this team, and it prevents full Fox-Ball from being played, and now, there’s no fixing it. You know what I’m gettin’ ready to say, so I’m not going to belabor the point. Our defense is NOT Super Bowl caliber. Our offense IS. So, Wildman has his mint condition ’68 Chevelle washed, waxed, gassed up and ready to take Sweetie to the holiday ball – BUT – The heater’s on the blink, and Sweetie will have to bundle up on the way to the big dance. Not to mention Wildman. But he wouldn’t think of havin’ to set Sweetie in that beat-up pickup of his, so he’s got to run wut he brung. As it goes with Fox and this team. Even with the two weeks rest, this defense at BEST is good enough only to blunt a strong offensive attack. It is what it is, friends. Only draft and free agency next year is helping this unit. So whaddya do, Foxy? Huh? Huh? Huh?

You may have thought of this, Foxy, but USE YOUR OFFENSE AS YOUR DEFENSE! We’ve got the massive line, the blocking receivers and tight ends, the ballsy QB and the powerful SteWilliams. If we’re gashing the Duckies/Fleeguls/Cardy-Noles/Vikings for time-gobbling drives of 6,7,8 minutes, we’re giving the defense time to rest, and keeping the offense from finding a rhythm. And there is NO QB on the playoff rolls in the conference that is equal to Drew Brees, and that INCLUDES Kurt Warner. NO ONE, and that includes the mighty GEEEEEMen, has been able to stop Stewilliams OR Moose and Squirr- uh, Smitty. As long as Jake doesn’t turn the ball over, this is a very distinct game plan with a great chance of success. And history has shown that THIS is Jake’s time. He’ll deliver, for sure. And, here’s the big part-

We’re at HOME.

Where we’re 8-0, and the budding 12th man is learning how to cheer for this team. Whos’ teams fans are coming en-masse to our house come January 10th? See that list from the last paragraph to get an ideer. That’s right. The stadium should be FULL of noisy Panther fans for yet another terrific night game.

And the lucky few there will have lubricated themselves in the Cedar Street Lot where Bus Master James has parked the mighty Panther Party Prowler, and Head Coach Dano has fired up the legendary “JoKer Smoker”, and the rest of you lovable PantherFanz have joined us for a cherished playoff tailgate party.

We got two weeks to salivate, anticipate, and dream!

Captain Foxy’s left the scattered debris of the NFC South dreadnoughts to float in the space of the regular season, now consigned to the history books. Defensive Engineer Turkey-Vac tinkers with the shields, but he’s got some time, as the XO Davidson has the phaser banks at full strength, and the maxium compliment of photon torpedos ready to fire!

The Super Bowl awaits, Fanz! Engage the Panther Drive!

Stay tuned, I’ll be back later in the week with the first playoff handicap-

Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer (who went 8 correct out of 12 for the playoff teams, and 12-4 for the final week of handicapping!)

CaptnTee@aol.com

THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 17

2008-12-26T11:18:00.002-05:00

December 26th, 2008

Well, I hope every one had a nice holiday- We’ve got a few more days until the drudgery of January comes in earnest- BUT! For 12 NFL teams, ONE of them being the Carolina Panthers, January will be quite an exciting month! For the six teams that already have their playoff ticket punched, there’s palpitations and anticipation galore! And I’m not counting YOU, Arid-Zona Cardy-Noles. We now come to the end of the regular season, and as befits this most entertaining season in years, there are 10, count ‘em, 10 contests CRITICAL to playoff seeding or to simply making it! Last week I tailed off a bit, going 7-8, but I’m confident in finishing the season with a flourish! Before I dig into the handicap, let me review the playoff standings-

AFC DIVISION LEADERS
TENNESSEE – AFC SOUTH CHAMPION #1 SEED 13-2
PISSBURGH - AFC NORRIS CHAMPION #2 SEED 12-3
MIAMI/NEW ENGLANDLAND 10-5
DENVER- 8-6

AFC WILD CARD
INDIANAPOLIS - #5 SEED 11-4
BALTY-MOORE 10-5

AFC STILL ALIVE
NY BRETS 9-6
SAD DIEGO 7-8

AFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
TENNESSE, PISSBURGH & INDIANAPOLIS all locked in respective seeds
BALTY-MOORE- Clinches #6 seed with a win OR a New EnglandLand loss.
MIAMI – Clinches the AFC East with a win, clinches #6 seed with a TIE AND a Balty-moore loss and New EnglandLand win. Will be eliminated with a loss.
NY BRETS – Clinches the AFC East with a win AND a NewEnglandLand loss.
NEW ENGLANDLAND – Clinches the AFC East with a win AND a Miami loss.
DENVER – Clinches the AFC Worst with a win OR a tie. Will be eliminated with a loss.
SAD DIEGO – Clinches the AFC Worst with a win. Will be eliminated with a loss.

NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEEMEN – NFC EAST CHAMPION & #1 SEED 12-3
CAROLINA PANTHERS - 11-4
MINI-SODA - 9-6
ARID-ZONA– NFC WORST CHAMPION & #4 SEED 8-7

NFC WILD CARD
ATLANTA - 10-5
TAMPA BAY - 9-6

NFC STILL ALIVE
DALLAS - 9-6
CHICAGO - 9-6
PHILTHYDELPHIA - 8-6-1

NFC CLINCHING OPTIONS-
NY & ARID-ZONA are locked into their respective seeds. CAROLINA and ATLANTA have clinched playoff berths.
CAROLINA – Clinches the NFC South and #2 seed with win OR tie.
ATLANTA - Clinches the NFC South and #2 seed with win. Clinches #5 seed with Dallas loss. At worst #6 seed.
TAMPA – Clinches #6 seed with win and Dallas loss. Will be eliminated with a loss.
MINI-SODA – Clinches NFC Norris division with a win OR a Chicago loss.
CHICAGO – Clinches NFC Norris division with a win AND a Mini-Soda loss. Clinches the #6 seed with a win, and Tampa AND Dallas loss. Will be eliminated with a loss.
DALLAS- Clinches #6 seed with win. Eliminated with a loss.
PHILTHYDELPHIA- Clinches #6 seed with a win AND a Tampa, Mini-Soda AND Chicago loss. Will be eliminated with a loss.

And with that- Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go!

CrOAKLAND @ TAMPA BAY
Four weeks ago, it was inconceivable that the Bucs would be on the threshold of missing the playoffs, but three consecutive losses later, here they are, in the first of the “Critical 10-pack”. To tell the truth, the once – heralded defense collapsed against the run. The good news is that the upcoming opponent SUCKS at the run. The bad news is that their defense is actually pretty decent, particularly against the pass. I’m anticipating a low-scoring game, and that line of -13 for the Bucs is ridiculous. There’s no doubt in my mind that Tampa wins, but believe it or not, I like the Schraiders to cover against those banged-up Buckies, who await the 4:15 games to find out their playoff status. Figure that.

DETROIT @ GREEN BAY
There’s no question in my mind that every NFL fan, and even the dispassionate observer will be interested in this game that will be infamous in the very worst of ways. The Lye-uns are on the cusp of going 0-16. The Packers have been one of the leagues’ greatest disappointments, despite the great play of Favre’s successor, Aaron Rogers. For this game, there is plenty motivation to play well on both sides, but as things have gone for the entire year for Detroit, I don’t expect the result to be any different. I don’t think there’s been a single time this season when I’ve picked the Leos to even COVER, that they’ve done so. I won’t even muster any holiday sprit to give them that again. The line is -9 for the Packers, and I’m leaning that way, despite the long injury report for the Pack. Detroit becomes one of the massive train-wreck stories of the new century.

DALLAS @ PHILTYDELPHIA
In the second of the “Critical 10-pack”, these two storied rivals renew the tussle at The Linc. The Iggles let a gift game fly from their grasp last week against the punchless DeadSkins, and this is the last stand for both teams. The Cowpuppies have been maddeningly inconsistent in all phases of the game this season. Philthy has also been struggling, and this should be a similar slugfest to the game last week. If Brian Westbrook gets enough touches to slow down the pass rush, Donavan McSnabb should be able to move the chains enough to keep Romo the Homo and his whiny prima donna receivers off the field. The Eagle “D” is still very active and hard hitting, and I have a feeling they will be at their best this week. The team historically HATES the Cowbabies, almost as bad as their Neanderthal fans do. The Linc will be loud, and even though the playoff die will be cast by kickoff, the Iggles will be fired up. Philthy is favoured by -1 ½, and I’d encourage you to take them, and watch the CowGirls perform a December collapse one more time.

NY GEEMEN @ MINI-SODA
In #3 of the 10-pack, The Vikings host the #1 seed in a game that one would think would be a Christmas present from Tom Coughlin to the Vikes. Not so fast. I firmly belive that the G’ints would want to play their starters for a fair portion of the game, to keep them in game shape. But let’s be real. It would be foolish for the team to risk injury at this juncture of the season, and I would expect the second string to come in by the second half. The Vikings HAVE to have this game, and I think they’ll give a better effort this week. But these backups for the GeeMen have a lot to play for as well, as the scouting departments for many teams will be looking at these players in the offseason, and this is their audition. There’s no doubt that the fight in the Vikings will be bigger than the G’ints on this day, but the GeeMen will still be playing ball, and I like NY to cover the +6 ½ points.

CHICAGO @ HOUSTON
Game #4 features a Texans team that’s starting to get its act together, despite losing at wretched CrOakland last week. They are seriously motivated to end the season on a winning note and once again go into the offseason as the league’s biggest tease. Da Bears, on the other hand, are in desperate need of a win. The bad news is that the offense, their team strength in this season, is rapidly slacking off in production. The defense is aging and nothing like the Midway Monsters they were back in ’05. I think the Texans will be more than ready for anything Da Bears throw at them. They’ll be at home, and the Texans will end the playoff story for Chicago this day. Take the Texans and the 2 ½ points.

CAROLINA @ NEW ORLEANS
In Game #5, an angry Panthers team looks to correct some procedure flaws against the disappointing Saints, who, despite being an offensive juggernaut, surrendered points and yardage in huge amounts this season. The storyline is clear- Drew Brees needs 400 yards to eclipse Dan Marino’s single season record for passing yardage. And as I said in my last rant, the team will be obliging that goal. That makes the defensive game plan easy for the Panthers – Rush Brees as much as possible and disrupt those passing lanes, as the Saints WILL NOT beat these ‘Cats on the ground, despite Pierre Thomas’ emergence as a quality back. Offensively, the Panthers look to have a great deal of success running the ball. If they were able to gash the Mighty GEEMen for 156 yards last week, I can imagine what they’ll do against the feeble Saints. They will keep the ball from Brees enough to keep this contest from morphing into a shootout. The Panthers are banged up a bit on the defensive line, but they’ll be strong enough to contain New Orleans, especially if Julius Peppers can turn himself loose, as I’m expecting to happen. Take the Panthers and the -3 points, and we crowd the lot in two weeks.

ST LOOEY @ ATLANTA
The most improbable of seasons for the Duckies reaches the end of its first chapter this week with the closest thing to a “gimme” against the Lambs, AT The Pond. Mike Smith has taken a group of centerpiece players, and created a team that is not only competitive, but winning. Sorry, Panther, Buc and Saints fans, we will be dealing with these *$^%@#&*%+% for years now. The Lambs get to deal with them this Sunday. With a playoff berth wrapped up, do you imagine the Duckies would be overconfident and complacent? Not on your life. With a chance to usurp rival Carolina for the #2 seed, I’d expect them to beat St. Looey WORSE than a rented mule. It’s the biggest line of the week, at -15 for the Duckies, and I don’t see any scenario where they don’t cover. Sucks, but I’d take Atlanta.

KANSAS CITY @ CINCINATTAH
Great. The Bungles start playing better ball at the end of the season, with the equally wretched Chefs coming to town. With nothing to play for except jobs in the anticipated post-season house cleaning on the horizion, I’d expect the best game out of both teams. Unfortunately, the best game is below the NFL average for these guys. KC’s “D” is among the league’s worst, and I’d expect the Bungles to move on them. Likewise, the Chef’s new-found Thigpen-led attack should be able to gash Cincinattah as well. I’m anticipating a highly entertaining shoot-out for the holiday visitors sitting in the Paul Brown Stadium stands. I don’t have a strong feeling one way or the other in this game, but I’d lean to the home Bungles by -3.

JACKSONVILLE @ BALTY-MOORE
Game #7 in the delectable smorgasbord of Week 17 “BIG GAMES” finds the major disappointing Jaggy-whyers coming to the Capital of Chesapeake for an expected fanny-whoopin. The Ravens are uber-confident after trashing the Cowbabies’ final game at the Stadium With The Hole In The Roof, and there’s no reason to think they wouldn’t be fired up with the final playoff spot firmly in their grasp. They are superior in every phase of the game right now, and they will have a laser-beam focus this Sunday. This is the mortal stone-cold-lead-pipe LOCK OF THE WEEK – Quothers by -12 ½!

TENNESSEE @ INDIANAPOLIS
With their seedings set, this game pretty much amounts to a pre-season game in its personnel. While I’d expect the starters to play a series or two, both coaches want to go into the playoffs healthy, and this could be the yawner of the day, and the toughest to handicap. The Titans are favoured, but I like Indy at home by the +3 points. Just ‘cause.

CLEVELANDLAND @ PISSBURGH
Although they’ve clinched the #2 seed, the Squeelers rushing attack remains a concern for the team. A weak Brownies team would be a good place to start patching that up, but the postseason remains problematic for that phase of their game. While Awfulsberger and Co. can expect to start the game, I’d think much of the reserves will be playing the second half. For a season full of high expectations, ClevelandLand would like nothing better than this season to end as quickly as possible. For a game that has all indications of going ugly right away, I’m hesitiant to pull the trigger on a 10 ½ point line, but this is the proud and nasty and ANGRY Squeeler team, at HOME, and these are the beat-up disjointed Brownies. With a dead Crennell walking. Take the Squeelers and the -10 ½.

MIAMI @ NY BRETS
Ahhhh, but for the Denver/Sad Diego game in primetime, this would be the 18 oz. Porterhouse on the NFL menu this Sunday! Actually, it still could be, if we could imagine that Hoculi-less tilt in So. Cal to be a snifter of 100- year old brandy and a brace of Cuban hand-rolled cigars! Oh, dude, I’m just salivating now! Back to the contest- This game #8 in the critical 10-pack has it all – stars, jilted stars, overrated stars in the twilight of their career, reclamation stars, a long-time historic rivalry, fate, irony, and stark, in-your-face KARMA. All of which has the potential of trumping mere X’s and O’s. All of a sudden, the BRETS’ stout defense has gotten feeble, and Favre seems to no longer be able to throw those incredible deep balls he once did. The team as a whole has looked below average since their road upset of the previously undefeated Titans in Week 12. But for a fortuitous fumble return against Beefalo two weeks ago; this is a team with playoff hopes extinguished. In the meantime, Miami has a strong defense and rushing attack, and Chad Pennington has been a great game manager this season. I’d suspect he’d go after the BRETS’ suspect defensive backfield, and Henning will be sure to unleash his “Wildcat” on Jenkins and Co. If I’m Mangini, I’d lean on Thomas Jones to attack that gap in the linebackers due to chief run-stopper Chan Crowder’s absence, and limit Favre’s role in the offensive game plan. To me, that’s their best chance of avoiding the embarrassment of a final home game upset at the hands of the arch-rival Dolphins. Vegas has given the home BRETS -3 points- The Cedar Street Seer says wrong team favoured- Take the NFC EAST CHAMPION MIAMI DOLPHINS straight up!

NEW ENGLANDLAND @ BUFFALO
But for the interest of a few pockets of Northwest NY, Massachusetts, Vermont, Connect-ti-cut, Rhode Island and New Hampshire, this #9 game is WAY overshadowed by the Miami/BRETS monster tilt. The Pastry-Rots are playing great ball to end the season, and a great reflection of Dr. Cheatin’-Chick’s coaching prowess. The Bills showed a lot of fight against a weenie-pop defense in Mile High Stadium last week, but these New EnglandLanders are playing to stave off elimination, and they are NOT Denver’s wilting defense. Buffalo will want to play hard for Dickie Jauron, but it won’t be enough. I think they are overmatched by an inspired Patsie club, who will overcome them late. And the cruel, cruel reality for New EnglandLand is that even a victory may not be enough, and for only the second time in recent NFL history, an 11-5 team misses the playoffs. The line is -6 ½ for the visitors, who I’d lean to.

SEATTLE @ ARID-ZONA
Euuuuucccchhhhhh. This is a game I’m hatin’ to call. I knew the wretched, wounded SeaDoggies would fight hard for exiting Mike Holmgren, and I knew the Cardy-noles would be a smear on the Gillette Stadium field. So here we are in the confluence of final game blahs, the once mighty- Sea Dawgs ending a most forgettable season, against a Cardy-noles team that took until Week 14 to claim a awful, pestilent division, feasting on the other miserably weak divisional opponents, while getting clobbered by the rest of the league. All the good flowery things I said about the team after the game against the Panthers? I take it back. They will be the playoff’s first casualty. Going into the contest, it’s clear to me, on paper, that Arid-Zona has the better talent. That hasn’t equaled wins at this juncture of the season, and without a serviceable run game, makes handicapping a Cardy-Noles game a bit easier. I like the size of the fight in the Sea Dawgs right now, and I like for them to cover the +6 points, and after next week, no one will be talking about the Arid-Zona Cardy-Noles until the ’09 NFL draft.

WARSHINGTOON @ SAN FRANCISCO
An important part of Forty-Niner history took place this week, and it may have gone unnoticed by many of us- Niner ownership has announced it will consider lifting the “interim” tag from Samurai Singletary, and make him the new head coach. Bravo. BRAVO, I say! In my opinion, I believe this is a move, if coupled with some other good personnel and player moves, will reap great benefit for the team. This group of players has already shown they’ll fight hard for him – imagine what he’d do with some SERIOUS talent! On this Sunday, Mike gets to make his final case for sealing the deal. The DeadSkins are just like that indicting nickname. They end the season as they began it. Adequate on defense, listless on offense. The Niners are favoured by -3 at home, and that’s good for me. Niners finish on an up note, and serve notice to the Cardy-Noles for next season.

DENVER @ SAN DIEGO
As I pointed out earlier in the post, after getting fat and gorged on prime NFL contests all day, the regular season ends with an indescribable brandy and pungent delectable stogies! This is DEFINING NFL karma of the BEST KIND!
After the cruel game-rape applied by Ed Hoculi in Week 2, it seemed improbable that the flow of the season would lead here after the enigmatic Broncoids had a perceptibly insurmountable 3 game division lead! But, to our great fortune, San Diego got out of the doldrums, played inspired, if not great, ball, and meanwhile, the league figured out the wretched Broncoid defense while dismantling their one- prong offensive attack. The math is simple in this game. The winner claims the division and #4 seed. The loser is out. For me, this call is easy. A seemingly listless Buffalo team gashed the Broncoids at home, exposing every Denver flaw. The Chargers shocked the Bucs right under the shadows of that cool pirate ship. At this point of the season, the Bolts are better than the Broncoids in every phase. Can you see where I’m going with this? Vegas does. A whopping -9 points go to the Chargers. And they will be convincing in handing the Broncoids a crushing, demoralizing defeat. And Shanahan will have to explain to Pat Bowlen how he let the playoffs escape the certain jaws of victory and persuade one more season out of the disgusted Denver ownership.

There it is fanz, the final prognostication of a fantastic regular season! While I haven’t been quite as spectacular as the games, I’m still guaranteed a winning record in my inaugural! I’d like to thank all of you who’ve read the rantz and prognostications and commented, good or bad. It’s been fun and I look forward to doing this for the playoffs right up to February! I hope to see many of you at someone’s willing abode for Sunday’s Mega-Tilt!

Last week - 7-8
Season - 110-94

Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

"D"FLATED

2008-12-22T22:00:00.002-05:00

December 22, 2008

I’ve finally “D” compressed from the huge Panther watching party at Phil’s expansive digs. A big thank you to Phil and John and Laurie for all of their work and “D”edication in making that a fantastic afternoon and evening, and the fun and fellowship was definitely comparable to the fun and fellowship in the Cedar Street lot. And the mustard-base pork was “D”lectible! Of course, we were all there for the BIG GAME. Those of you who saw it know what you saw. This, in the light of sports entertainment was no “D”issappointment- But if you’re a Panther fan, odds are you are a little “D”isconcerted. I know I am. By now, I “D” duct, you get a little ideer of where I’m going with this “D”iscourse.

It’s all about the “D”.

“D” as in Deficit. Defensive Deficit.

“D” as in Derrick Ward.

And “D” is the grade I’d give the “D”-fence of the Panthers in the fourth quarter. All I’ve heard today is how bad we were missing that humongoid slab of beef we call Maake Keomoauteu, and yes, I buy that. But SOMEONE, SOMEONE has to make more plays “D” fensively, whether it be a linebacker, someone from the “D” fensive backfield and MOST “D”efinitely from the “D” line. At this point, I “D” duct that this “D” line is the “D” etriment of the team. Oh, yeah, we sacked Eli three times. Great. Did we stop “D”errick Ward or the completions for first down? Uh, that would be “NO”. BUT! Even while I “D”ish out some “D”grading comments about the really painful loss about last night’s game, I have to “D”igress from that “D”iatribe.

“D” also goes with “D”angelo Williams. ‘Nuff said.

“D” also goes with “D”elhomme. No turnovers, and a great game manager in games like this. Again, when the Carolina Panthers score 28 points, and all on the ground, that would usually indicate a win. But OH, for the fickle musings of a capricious karma that suddenly pushed a line drive Kasay kick left, we would be rejoicing. As Han Solo blew the adversaries out of Luke Skywalker’s flight path on the way to “D”stroying the “D”eath Star, so did the loving touch of a benevolent karma give wind to the wings of the Balty-Moore Ravens, and power to the bolts of the San “D”iego Chargers, and the door lay wide open for Foxy and Co. to approach the target, release the metaphysical proton torpedo, and down the Giants’ exhaust port it goes.

But she became contrite, as she always does. She fumbled Adrian Peterson’s carries, and miscued Tavaris Jackson’s snaps as the $&*#%^#@_$%+&# Duckies managed to beat the Vikings at home. Bad, Bad, karma!
(And, oh yes, “D” is for the “D”amn “D”uckies, too!) But for us, it seemed she removed the gauntlets, and stroked us yet again with the loving touch of benevolence for 59.56 minutes of last night’s game.

Not to be, not this evening, friends.

With the fleeting virtue of objectivity, what we should have seen was two EXCELLENT football teams playing to their advantages for most of the game, showcasing their strengths. It was a wonderful game to watch, especially when you compare it to the garbage that the rest of the league had to endure on this much anticipated weekend of NFL football. For three hours last night, the nation was treated to a contest that was played about as well as one could have hoped. There WERE some defensive plays from both teams, but the plays of note came from the offenses. I would be amiss if I didn’t heap MOUNDS of credit on the Panther’s offensive game plan. Foxy could have taken a few more chances in the second half, but in retrospect, I would have found it foolish to stray from a scheme that WAS working! 28 points, y’all. How often do the Panthers lose when we score 28 points? How unusual is this, that the Panther offense is the strongest part of their game right now? But it is disconcerting, that the defense isn’t playing at the same level. Turkey-Vac has exactly FIVE days to get things right enough to beat the Saints on Sunday, and then, two weeks to get this “D” up to playoff caliber, or all of this good feeling comes crashing down perhaps as early as the first round! Lingering on this loss however, is counterproductive. Last year at this time, the MIGHTY New EnglandLand Pastry-Rots played an inspired Giants team at the end of the season, and beat them, but the Giants were competitive enough to stay within victory’s grasp for much of the game. Sound familiar? We were even better than that Giants team in this game. Of course, we know where the GEEMen wound up. “D”on Banks of Sports Illustrated has an enlightening online article I’d encourage you to read about the over-valued #1 seed-

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/don_banks/12/19/one-seeds/index.html

Still feel badly about the overtime loss in an intensely played game with TONS of heart and effort from both teams?

Wanna look again at the Week 16 carnage from the “contenders” in the 2008 NFL Playoff sweepstakes?
The media was SOOOOOO eager to reclaim the Cowpuppies to the ranks of the elite after they dispatched the G’ints last week. Someone forgot to tell the Ravens they were supposed to be good, and they ran all over them. Dallas resembled NOTHING like a playoff team Saturday night. Arid-Zona would like to get on a hot streak going into the playoffs, right? They were BUZZARD-BREATH AWFUL against the Pastry-Rots yesterday. New EnglandLand could have played their second string and still whooped the Cardy-Noles for this game. The mighty Squeelers got smelted by the Titans in a huge statement game, and made Ben Awfulsberger look quite average. Tampa Bay was so far away from playoff shape in their bumbling loss to the Sad Diego Chargers, who are now suddenly in charge of their destiny against the miserable Broncoids, who, oh yeah, got THUMPED AT HOME against a Bills team that was DONE and without their starting running back after the first quarter! Mini-Soda fumbled away the golden opportunity to seize the Norris Division, also AT HOME, to the Duckies! A WRETCHED DeadSkin team pretty much sunk the playoff hopes of the Philthydelphia Fleeguls, when a mere McSnabb touchdown would have won it and put them solidly into wild card position. Perhaps the sweetest vindication of all for Packer executives, and anyone else in the Favre Summer Preseason Sweepstakes, was the absolute aging of Brett in the humiliation of the soon to again be J*E*T*S at Seattle, in a snowstorm that was once his natural element. This confluence of underachieving clubs makes the bumbling quartet of geeks in the Altel commercials look like Army Rangers. So, you wanna put our loss to the Giants in league with this sorry octet? Don’t tell ME about it. While I’m rather disappointed about the defensive lapse in the fourth quarter, I can almost rationalize that our defense was facing an offensive line that was as capable as ours. It was just a matter of who wore out first, and again, remember-

If the wind doesn’t put on that gust with .04 left on the clock-

This is quite a different rant.

So what’s down the road? Again, we can’t focus on this loss with a very game and motivated Saints in their dome this Sunday. “D”rew Brees is a scan 400 yards away from breaking “D”an Marino’s single season passing record, and I’m certain his teammates will be obliging. That in of itself is noble, but The Panthers have a “D”ivision to win, and THIS game friends, goes volumes as to what words THIS most important entity writes about our Panthers-

“D”ESTINY-

Lest the cruelest “D” of all snatch it from us-

“D”UCKIES-

In no way shape or form am I going to bitch about being 11-4 and on the cusp of the "D"ivision.

Unless we lose to the Saints.

Let’s keep up the passion, the faith, the energy, and yes, the “D”edication as Engineer "D"avidson gets the phaser banks recharged on the Starship Panther as we

CLAW OUR WAY TO TAMPA BAY!!!

And friends and Fanz-

Have a truly happy holiday. I’ll be back Friday with the final regular season picks.

Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

....WHAT IF???

2008-12-19T11:26:00.002-05:00

December 19th, 2008-

A thought just occoured to me as the game of the century (so far) approaches-

Injuries are a huge part of the game, which is basically a choreographed collision sport- And I hope and pray no one ON EITHER SIDE comes to any harm.

But in the event should Eli Manning not be able to finish the game-

Guess who his backup is?

heheheheheheheheheheheheheheh....

I'll bet you didn't know this, and I didn't realize it until this morning...

DINKY CARR...

Let your mind wander at this point...

Two days and nine hours to kickoff at this point...

Gotta Comment?

Email me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

PERSCRIPTION FOR VICTORY - PART II

2008-12-18T13:36:00.000-05:00

December 18, 2008

In three days, a scant two weeks after the “latest biggest game in franchise history”, to quote John Fox, our Carolina Panthers take the field at the Meadowlands for the single most significant regular season game the team has ever played. It will be a primetime game, seen by everyone who cares not only about the teams that will be playing, but those who simply love the game. I don’t have to tell you what’s at stake. This is a TITANONORMOUSMEGAHUGE, use all of the adjectives that fit, GAME! Three weeks ago, the Giants were the measuring stick of the league. After the Plaxidnent, the team became mortal. Now that injuries have started to pile up on the GeeMen, all of a sudden, the door’s been opened for a new challenger-

US.

But it won’t be easy. First, the stadium will be under a full winter assault. This will obviously favour the running game. The winds will influence passing and kicking, as it always does this time of year. Second, the stadium will be filled with hostile New York fans making incredible decibels of noise, greatly affecting the visiting offenses’ calls at the line. Third, the home G’ints are a championship football team. Pride and heart are tremendous motivating factors, and they will sorely want to prove not only to the nation, but to themselves, that they are not falling apart despite looking bad in losing two straight games, one of them at home. But here’s the good news- John Fox and his staff, as you might already know, are quite familiar with the whole New York vibe. The Panthers have played here, in December, and played very well. They will be prepared, and they should have a sound game plan.

So what do they do?

I have a breakdown that I think is the blueprint for victory this Sunday night. On offense, it’s of the utmost importance that the running game be given a chance. The Giant’s defensive line has a gap- Nose Tackle Fred Robbins, their main runstopper, has been struggling with a shoulder injury, and hasn’t practiced. Obviously, the run will need to go through his replacement. If we can average AT LEAST 3.9 yards per carry, it will be tough for the Giants to keep us off the field. Both Stewart and Willams posses the kind of breakaway speed that demoralizes and beats up defenders. It’s also vital that the Panthers are able to neutralize the crown noise assault with an effective silent snap count. Drives stymied by false starts are not going to be acceptable in this game. It’s very likely that the Giants will commit a bulk of their defensive resources to stopping the run, and this is where Moose and Squirr- uh, Smitty come in. Should that happen, that would leave single coverage in the defensive backfield, and this is a matchup that favours the Panthers. Steve Smith has the explosive potential to make the Giants pay for the commitment to stopping the run. Should the Panthers find themselves in passing situations, the backs will have to commit to pass blocking, because Justin Tuck is every bit as formidable, if not moreso, that Julius Peppers. Failure to pick up the Giants’ pass rush in the event the run game is stuffed will doom chances for victory. John Fox knows quite well how to win here. I guarantee you he’ll be patient, and conservative to start. It wouldn’t surprise me to see him play the field position game at first, giving the running game a chance. We might punt a few times while we beat up the defense. And MOST importantly, WE MUST NOT TURN THE BALL OVER!!! That goes without saying.

On defense, our number one task, similar to the Giants’ game plan, will be to stop Brandon Jacobs and who ever else totes the rock for these guys. I guarantee you Jacobs will play, but he’ll be less than 100 percent. He’ll be attacking the spot Kemoaeuteu anchors, but Maake may also be less than 100 percent. This is where the strength of our defense should make a difference. Because the Giants will commit the run as well as we are, our edge in linebacking strength should contain the yardage potential. Having Davis, BEASTon and Diggs plugging up gaps in run defense should force Manning to pass- and that’s where our safeties had better be able to cover the tight end. I have this feeling that Kevin Boss will be the primary target for Manning in the absence of Burress. Without Plaxico, the Giants’ receiving corps is simply ordinary. On the defensive line, SOMEONE, whether it be Brayton, Johnson or Lewis will have to make a play should Peppers continue to face double teams. Peppers himself needs to find that next gear he has to bust through these counter-measures. As I said before, Pep is the wild card. Should the Panthers slow the running attack, then a ferocious pass rush will be needed, and the secondary will need to keep their coverage tight. Chris Gamble should be able to blanket the remaining best receiver, Amani Toomer, and Lucas had BETTER be able to cover the OTHER Steve Smith, the #12 for the GeeMen. I have a feeling that in the beginning, Coughlin will be every bit as patient and cautious as Foxy, and will be playing field position. Meaning, special teams could be huge in this game. Coverage on punts and kickoffs will be VITAL – the better team in this phase of the game gives them the best chance to win, given the conditions and fairly even matchup factors. And guess what? The Panthers are better statistically here. And THIS, this could wind up being the ultimate key to victory in this game.

There you go FanZ- That’s my prescription for victory. Should the Panthers do these things well, be prepared for three weeks of exhilaration not seen since our Super Bowl season! I absolutely cannot wait. I hope to see many of you this weekend-

If not-

In the lot in January!

Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 16

2008-12-18T07:34:00.000-05:00

December 18th, 2008

Two more games to go in this glorious season, y’all! Thanks for hangin’ on with me as I went through a pre-’08 Pantherlike swoon. I’ve gotten some serious correction, with a decent 9-6 mark last week, CORRECTLY handicapping that Indy-Leos game, and the Chefs-Boltz game, not to mention the BLOWOUT for the Panthers! This will be a week of separation for most, if not all of the playoff contenders. This week we’ve lost the Saints, Packers, and the DeadSkins for all intents and purposes. We’ve got a ton of clinching scenarios and I’ll run through them in a few more screen spaces… First, we examine the playoff status before I get into that, and the week’s handicapping-

AFC DIVISION LEADERS
TENNESSEE - AFC SOUTH CHAMPION 12-2
PISSBURGH - AFC NORTH CHAMPION 11-3
NY BRETS/MIAMI/NEWENGLANDLAND 9-5
DENVER 8-6

AFC WILDCARD
INDIANAPOLIS 10-4
BALTY-MOORE 9-5

AFC BARELY HANGING ON
SAD DIEGO 6-8

AFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
TENNESSEE- Clinches #1 seed with a win.
INDIANAPOLIS- Clinches playoff spot with a win and loss by any AFC East team.
DENVER- Clinches AFC Worst Division with a win or Sad Diego loss.

NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEEMEN- NFC EAST CHAMPION 11-3
CAROLINA 11-3
MINI-SODA 9-5
ARID-ZONA – NFC WORST CHAMPION 8-6

NFC WILD CARD
DALLAS 9-5
TAMPA BAY 9-5

NFC STILL FIGHTIN’
ATLANTA 9-5
PHILTHYDELPHIA 8-5-1
CHICAGO 8-6

NFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
NY GEEMEN – Clinches the #1 seed with a win
CAROLINA – Clinches the #1 seed and NFC South with a win. Clinches the NFC South division with a Tampa loss. Clinches a playoff spot with a loss by Tampa, Atlanta or Dallas.
MINI-SODA- Clinches the NFC Norris division with a win or Chicago loss.
TAMPA – Clinches a playoff spot with a win or Atlanta, Dallas, or Philthydelphia loss.
ATLANTA – Clinches a playoff spot with a win AND Tampa, Dallas, Philthydelphia loss or tie.

Allright- Biggest week of the season!!! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go-

INDIANAPOLIS @ JACKSONVILLE
The elitist bastard NFL Network offers one more one-sided contest for our consumption for Thursday night. Last week, I couldn’t touch a –17 point spread for the Colts. This week, they are favoured by 6 over the Jaggy-whyers, who surprised the hell out of me by beating Green Bay last week. I guess the Packers D is really that bad. The Colts defense, on the other hand, will handle these guys. Coach Dungy, who is the black Tom Landry, has done a magnificent job with the team this year, and it will carry at least to the divisional rounds. Indy won’t overlook their divisional rivals this week, I guarantee it. This will be done by halftime, and the Colts can look forward to closing the season with the Titans.

BALTY-MOORE @ DALLAS
For a second helping from the elitist bastard NFL Network we get a TREMONSTEROUS Saturday night tussle between two teams with a legitimate shot at the playoffs. Both defenses are playing terrific ball right now, but the offenses are a little suspect. Dallas’ offensive team is a ticking time bomb, and not only is Marion Barber hurting, so is Romo the Homo. The Ravens offense is young and inexperienced in big games, as is rookie coach Johnny Harbaugh. For a second consecutive week, I’m waiting for Romo to make a game-killing mistake. This is going to be somewhat of a repeat performance of the Dallas/Pissburgh or Ravens/Pissburgh game. Field position will be critical here, and the better special teams will go a long way to deciding this one. Don’t discount the presence of ball-hawking Ed Reed. Something tells me he is going to make a difference in another body-bag kind of game. The Cowbabies are favoured by –4, but I’m leanin’ to the Ravens.

NEW ORLEANS @ DETROIT
Uh-oh. Saints, out of the playoffs. Leos, 0-14. Seven times in NFL history a winless team, INCLUDING our Carolina Panthers, have notched their first win over the Saints. That has GOT to be on the mind of all involved with this appetizer of a game that registers on the interest meter like some nice stuffed mushrooms before the main course. The Saints DON’T want to lose to these guys, and Detroit DOESN’T want to go winless! Something is going to give in this contest. Detroit, with the exception of the Thanksgiving Day fiasco, has played competitive ball late in the season, and I think they’ll do the same here, sensing a chance to snag a victory, and not join the WRETCHED ’01 Carolina Panthers in the Hall of Shame. The Saints are favoured by –7, and they do tend to play well in a dome, but I like the Leos to at least cover. I just gotta hunch.

PISSBURGH @ TENNESSEE
Before the loss of defensive MVP’s Hanesworth and VandenBosh, I thought this would be BodyBag Bowl 2, but since the team was exposed at Houston last week, I’m thinking this is a game the hungry Squeelers execute better, ESPECIALLY defensively. No one in the league is playing better D than Pissburgh right now, and all they’ll need to do is play field position and kick field goals. Roethlisberger gets a break this Sunday, and they get to close out the season and the #1 seed at home to Clevelandland next week. The Squeelers are favored by -2 points, and I say they win straight up.

SAN FRANCISCO @ ST. LOOEY
The presence of Samurai’s Niners makes this game against the Sacrificial Lambs bearable. I knew they’d be a tough out for the Dolphins last week, and they will not lose to what I think is indeed the worst team in the league. The Lambs had their two-game shot this season, and they’re looking forward to their warm-weather offseason destinations. I’ve said it several times in this feature, and I’ll say it again- the SF players are responding to Singletary’s coaching like a coquette in front of a jewelry shop. Ok, I never said it like that, but he’s got these players fighting, and if he isn’t offered the position permanently, SOME NFL team, immediately following the end of this season, WILL. This game is part of his portfolio and interview process. He won’t screw it up. They are favoured by –5 ½ , and they will win BIG.

CINCINATTAH @ CLEVELANDLAND
Uggghh. Remember what I said about last week’s Seattle/St. Looey game? Applies here. Won’t handicap it, won’t pick it.

MIAMI @ KANSAS CITY
This is a game that Miami MUST win to get to their penultimate game against the Brets next week. The Chefs are STILL fighting and playing hard, and Herm Edwards has GOT to be credited for keeping everything competitive. They will fight hard against the Fhish, but they’re lacking defensively in Broncoid proportions, and the Dolphin defense is playing particularly well. Tony Sorpano seems to me to be too good a coach to allow this team to look past these guys in getting to Noo Yawk. If they blow this game, he’ll be the one I’ll fault. But they won’t. Stone cold lock this week, Dolphins by –4 over the Chefs. At least.

ARID-ZONA @ NEWENGLANDLAND
A game full of trends to note: The Cardy-noles have struggled mightily when traveling east. The Patsies tend to perform much better in winter weather, which is forecast for this game. The Cardy-noles are pretty much locked in the #4 seed spot, and NewEnglandland is fighting for their playoff lives, and may not make it even IF they win their last two games. Cassle INDEED had the game of his life last week after his pop’s sudden death, and he might deflate here. The Patstry-Rot defense remains short –handed, but I’m favoring the cold-weather team. The Cardy-noles will get the Seadogs at home to close the season, and avoid going into the playoffs with an 8-8 record. For this game, the old axiom (which I DO like to occasionally trot out) about the size of the fight in the dog applies here, and the Patsies have the bigger fight. The line is –7 ½ for the Patsies, and I like ‘em in this one.

SAD DIEGO @ TAMPA BAY
Two weeks ago, this looked like the next to last mark on the way to the NFC South checkered flag for the Buckies. Now it looks like the Buccaneers car is way too loose, and there’s no caution flag thrown to stall the race and pit. Carolina exposed the age of the defense, and now, with Garcia hurting among other Bucs, all of a sudden, with Denver losing last week, this game becomes vital to the Chargers, who sense a chance to make one last push to respectability, if not the playoffs. For two straight weeks, a punishing rushing attack has taken advantage of the Buc’s run defense, and here comes another of note. While LT hasn’t been himself this season, you can bet he’ll give his best this week. He can get back to a 1000 yd rushing season with a decent effort. They’ll be no scoreboard watching for the Boltz, as the Denver/Beefalo game is a 4 o’ clock game. A loss won’t be fatal to the Bucs, but they do need this game to have a chance at the division, and to guarantee a playoff spot. The size of the fight will be strong for both teams, and I’m anticipating a scorefest. I’ve got a straaaaaaaaaaange feelin’ about this game. The most benevolent karma continues to grace Panther Nation. The line is at a paltry -3 ½ for the Bucs, but I’m leanin’ to the Chargers!

HOUSTON @ CrOAKLAND
I can imagine there’s some Texans fans upset that NOW is when the team has decided to play some good football, when the playoffs won’t happen. It IS entirely possible that Houston is building momentum for ’09. Problem is, that there’s a whole offseason to get through before you can resume that big “MO”. As it is, Matt Schaub is leading a very efficient offense that’s going to be tough for a listless Schraider team to stop. The Texan defense is also beginning to see dividends from their top selection of Mario Williams. Not too dumb now, are they? A winning season, their first, is certainly motivation enough for these guys, and I don’t see any scenario where Houston doesn’t clock CrOakland by at least the -7 points they’re favoured by. Take the Texans big.

NY BRETS @ SEATTLE
I’ve got a squeamy, gishy, uncomfortable feeling in this game. Mike Holmgren will be coaching against his old QB’s team, who by the way, is struggling as of late, which you absolutely DON’T want to be doing at this point of the season if the playoffs and beyond is your goal! If the defense doesn’t score on the stupid fumble of JP Losman last week, we might be talking about desperation time for the Brets. I got news for y’all. It IS desperation time for the Brets! I see Vegas is a little nervous, too, favouring the Brets by a mere -4 ½ points over a wretched Seattle team. I’ve been doggin’ the SeaDogs all year, and I have this weird feeling they are going to rise to the occasion. The Brets have done poorly on the Worst Coast all season, and I won’t buck the trend. I can’t believe I’m telling you to do this, but take the SeaDoggies and the points.

BUFFALO @ DENVER
By the time the teams take the field at Invesco, the Broncoids will know their playoff fate. Should the Chargers beat the Bucs for the 1 ‘o clock game, they know it’s a MUST WIN game or else they must face the very same Chargers, IN Sad Diego for a do-or-die game. The Bills will be playing loose and motivated to despoil the Broncoid season. And Denver will be playing tight. While the Buffalo D isn’t the Panther D, the Broncoid offense, playing at home, should generate enough points to win, if the wretched defense can keep the Bills from scoring more. Why do I think this will wind up being a shoot-out? The line is a whopping -7 for the Coloradians, and I’m leaning to the Broncoids, but BOY would I love to see the Chargers win, and the Broncoids lose, and set up that pathetic matchup for a pair of underachieving football teams.

ATLANTA @ MINI-SODA
Right now, the Vikings are playing their best ball of the season, and Atlanta is beginning to regress. Perhaps their prize rookie is hitting that proverbial wall. This is the wrong time to be doing that. The Duckies will be playing a tough defensive team, and one that has their own power back. Even though the Duckies will be playing in the comfort of a dome, it’s a dome full of excited Mini-Sodans who will also be making a difference in this game. If the Duckies can get them quiet early, they might have a chance. Pat Williams, the Vike’s defensive stalwart, will be out for the remainder of the season, and that gives them a little hope of gashing that potent D. However, I think the Vikings’
defense and Adrian Peterson make the difference. Get your ten wins next week, you *($^##@ Duckies, and prepare to fight in the leagues’ toughest division next year. But on this day, victory will belong to the Vikings, who are favoured by -3 ½ .

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ WARSHINGTOON
Another tale of teams going in opposite directions. Somehow, the Fleeguls have found another gear, and another source of energy and confidence. With three straight wins, and ONE of them over the once-mighty GEEEMen, they are a breath away from serious playoff contention. The turnaround has come about with defense, a rejuvenated Bryan Westbrook, and a resurrected Donavan McSnabb. The DeadSkins, on the other hand, are in full meltdown mode. Coach Zorn’s arrogant stance with Clinton Portis and then astonishing self-defamation doesn’t help his standing with his players. I think the difference in attitudes will be palpable in this game. The line favours the Fleeguls by -5, and I think the Iggles win this one big, setting up a death match with the hated Cowpuppies in one of the most hostile environments to play in at Lincoln Financial Field-

The only stadium in the league with a jail.

CAROLINA @ NY GEEEEMEN
Speaking of hostile environments, the Panthers come to Giants Stadium in the traditionally cold, wintery North Joisey December. You’d think that would be a problem, but they’ve done this before, and in the playoffs, no less. And shut them out. Don’t think the G’ints have forgotten that. But this is a different Giants team – their big playmaker, Plaxico Burress, is done. Their big bruising running back, Brandon Jacobs, has an injured knee, and his effectiveness will be limited. Down a couple of starting offensive linemen makes this an easier task for the visiting Panthers, who, by the way, are a different Panthers team than the one that blew them out in the ’06 playoffs. They’re BETTER. They are built for game situations like this. If the Panther’s FIVE GUYS can get the kind of push they’ve been getting for the past three games, they can quiet this hostile Noo Yawk crowd (save for Dano and James- be careful, guys!) and get control of this game. Peppers is the wild card in this game, as I’ve indicated in my last rant. A dominant performance by Pep seals the deal for the ‘Cats, and the vibe just feels so positive. G’ints are favoured by -3 as they should be, but I like the Panthers to win, STRAIGHT UP, and the NFC path to the Super Bowl must get through Cedar Street first!

GREEN BAY @ CHICAGO
It’s possible that before the Giants/Panther game kicks off, Da Bears will already know their playoff fate before this Monday Night tilt. Should the Vikings win, they will be finished. Should the Duckies sink the Vikings, then the game becomes a must win over their oldest and fiercest rivals. They SHOULD be able to puncture that wretched Packer defense, but they will have to do a better job against that potent passing attack led by Aaron Rogers. And speaking of Rogers, he’s NOT the reason that the first post-Favre season was a losing one, but the mess created by the un-retirement issue will be the lasting legacy of Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy if a playoff berth isn’t forthcoming next season. This could wind up being TWO disappointed teams as opposed to one downtrodden team and one fighting for playoff life. If things go to my vision, this will be a disappointed and feisty crowd. And I think the Packers will add to the disappointment. Da Bears are favoured by 4, but I really like the Packers to grind their hated rivals nose in the dirt.

There you go, PantherFanz! The Cedar Street Seer sees the end of the season, and a nice winning margin for my first year’s clairvoyance efforts!
Again, Godspeed to Dano and James and anyone else from Panther Nation heading to JZ this weekend. Some of you I’ll see Sunday. The rest of you tune in for what I hope is a rant of joyousness not seen since we went to the Super Bowl-

Last week- 9-6
Season- 103-86

Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

Another day at the office

2008-12-17T10:34:00.004-05:00

NEW YORK STATE OF MIND

2008-12-16T08:12:00.000-05:00

December 15, 2008

In the past, a tremendous effort like the one put forth by our Panthers against the Bucs last Monday night would often be followed by a thud, a clunker of a game the following week, as it goes with many teams. Many folks in the media and in Panther Nation expected much of the same thing yesterday, with the huge game against the GEEEMen looming NEXT Sunday night.

I did not.

The fact that New York was constantly mentioned, and referenced by the same media and fans, brought forth the same rebuttals from Foxy and Co. – “Our focus is on Denver”, as it should have been. The buzz has been on the New York Giants ever since the end of the Buccaneers game, and has steadily increased in vociferousness daily. But for those of us who had not lost sight on the following opponent, the trends in both the Panthers and Broncoids were apparent, and I didn’t think the game was going to be close. But we STILL had to keep a laser beam focus on the Coloradians, and get them out of the way.

Right again, Cedar Street Seer.

What was great to see was the balance of rushing and passing, continuously keeping that Denver defense guessing, and pure, unadulterated Foxball was the prescription for victory. Greater still to see was the defense SHUTTING DOWN one of the leagues’ more potent offenses. Not once, not after the Broncoids’ first TD, not after they took a 10-7 lead in the first quarter, did I EVER think the outcome was in doubt. I never questioned the coming beatdown, because I believed, and strongly, the mismatches that favoured a resounding Panther victory! I won’t break the game down in this rant as it’s been done ad nauseum over and over by all of the media outlets you pore over after a game like this, and I won’t be telling you anything new. So now, as this version of the Carolina Panthers closes out the season, I again revisit the progress of this team. What’s decidedly different about this edition, over that of the past teams, including ’03 and ’05?

1-The running attack is the best it’s ever been, and that’s also because of the best O line we’ve ever assembled.
2-The offense is producing points at a level that’s also record-setting.
3-The defense, while not as dominating as say the ’03 version, has the center of it’s strength in the linebackers and safeties, and not the D line, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
4-We’ve regained the home field advantage, and in a big way.
5-We’ve come from behind, late in games, to rally, and win.
6-So far, we have managed to handle prosperity, and the white hot spotlight.
7-This collection of athletes exemplify “TEAM”, and there is no shortage of good, veteran leadership. The value of that can’t be overemphasized enough.

Even in our championship seasons, there’s always been a late season swoon where inexplicably, the Panthers would lose two or three in a row, and have to rally to make the playoffs. That scenario just doesn’t exist this season. It’s a rarified event, for the Panthers to be 11-3 with just two games to go. And looking damned good doing it. So, with Denver firmly sealed in the record book for the season, at last, we can start thinking about the Giants.

And it’s put me in a New York state of mind. A week late, to be sure, but now I’ve joined the rest of Panther Nation that was fixated on the BEEEG APPLE right after the Bucs were beaten.

While some would argue with me, I think Gotham is clearly the center of the football universe. Come on, TWO NFL teams call Giants Stadium home! It’s a traditionally difficult place to play, ESPECIALLY in December, where the cold winds swirl about the bowl, and the hostile but passionate fans create a true home field advantage. Ownership has deep pockets and is not adverse to writing big checks for desired players. The market is huge, and is ALWAYS featured in primetime viewing. The media’s glare is continuous and unfaltering on New York teams, and oh, by the way, most of your major networks (not FOX) are based there. Playing a New York team IN New York is always a big deal, and is usually motivation enough for teams going there. And here, here in Gotham City, is where our Panthers are headed in six days for the biggest regular season game of the existence of the franchise. I’m not sure I need to tell you what the stakes of this game are- and how simple our destiny is. With this team we have, the road-grading defensive line, the explosive running backs supported by that line, the leadership of Jake Delhomme, one of the winningest big game quarterbacks in the league, and our hard-hitting safeties and linebackers, we are poised to make one big statement about this team in a season that’s with every passing week appears to be one that has been lovingly touched by a very benevolent karma.

All we have to do is win this game. That’s all. If we win, the NFC path to Super Sunday MUST go through OUR stadium! How incredible, after the wretched stink of last season, would that be! And it’s within our grasp! I no longer think the Giants are the unbeatable juggernaut as the wounded and flawed teams from Philthydelphia and Dallas have beaten them, and soundly. Something has happened to the cohesiveness and effectiveness of the G’ints personnel- and now I’m thinking there’s matchups that are going to favour the Panthers this Sunday Night. This isn’t a team we’re going to get into a shootout with. This is a game that is going to be very, very physical, and one that I believe this team is capable of playing. And it starts with those FIVE GUYS I ranted about last week. IF they can continue the blocking and pass protecting they’ve been providing for the past three games, there’s little doubt about the outcome. There’s one more factor. Our defense will HAVE to make plays, and I think they understand fully what they must do. They’ve done it against four of the NFL’s most prolific offenses, and been victorious. I think they do it again. Of course, the play of Julius Peppers remains the wild card. If he has one of those dominant performances again, it will be tough for the G’ints to overcome us. For the past three weeks, the team has been up to the tasks of increasingly vital games to the playoff push. A dramatic win in Green Bay. A resounding victory at home to the Bucs. A balanced beatdown of the Broncoids yesterday. And now, New York looms. How vital are the next two games to the season? Incredibly enough, should we stumble this weekend, and then collapse to the Saints the following Sunday, there’s a real chance, that at 11-5, we miss the playoffs, depending on what the Buckies, Duckies and Cowpuppies do. I can’t fathom that happening. This team is getting hot at precisely the right time, playing a team that is stumbling at the worst time. Similar to the swirling karmatic flows and eddies of the season, I firmly believe the game favours the Panthers, and that’s not just x’s and o’s. That’s part of the Cedar Street Seer world, of which you live in.

The end is in sight, Fanz! It’s like Dorothy Gale and her Ozian friends exiting the dark forest where the Cowardly Lion lived and seeing the Emerald City for the first time! Except that we won’t be asking any wizard for anything when we get there-

WE’LL BE TAKING IT.

And it will bear itself out Sunday Evening. Godspeed to Dano and James and any other PantherFanz heading to the game this weekend, may you get back safely as we plan the first of TWO playoff parties in the lot while the team-

CLAWS THE WAY TO TAMPA BAY!

I’ll be back with the handicap Thursday morning, and possibly some other musings that are burbling.

Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES- WEEK 15

2008-12-11T10:36:00.001-05:00

December 11th, 2008

Ok, now I’m gonna act like I’ve been here before. I got positively giddy with my 12-4 performance last week, and now, like canning another nice jump shot like I did in church league, I’ll just shoot down the court and get ready to play defense instead of hi-fiving all of my teammates. But I am pretty pumped to log MY BEST PICKING WEEKEND OF THE SEASON at 13-3! That’s a steamrolling akin to Stewilliams’ mighty three bucks put on the Buckies on Monday. I’m ready to do it again. This week features some HUGE games with both elimination and clinching scenarios, and one of them involves OUR Carolina Panthers. Here’s a quick look at the playoff pixtchure-

AFC DIVISION LEADERS
TENNESSEE- AFC SOUTH CHAMPION 11-2
PISSBURGH 10-3
NY BRETS/MIAMI/NEW ENGLANDLAND 8-5
DENVER 8-5

AFC WILD CARD
INDIANAPOLIS 9-4
BALTY-MOORE 9-4

AFC HANGING ON BARELY
SAD DIEGO 5-8

AFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
TENNESSEE- Can clinch the #1 seed with a win or Pissburgh loss.
PISSBURGH- Can clinch the AFC Norris Division with a win.
BALTY-MOORE- Can clinch a playoff spot with a win, and loss by any NFC East team.
DENVER- Can clinch the AFC Worst division with a win.

NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEEMEN – NFC EAST CHAMPION 11-2
CAROLINA 10-3
MINI-SODA 8-5
ARID-ZONA- NFC WORST CHAMPION 8-5

NFC WILD CARD
TAMPA BAY 9-4
DALLAS 8-5

NFC STILL ALIVE
ATLANTA 8-5
PHILTHYDELPHIA 7-5-1
CHICAGO 7-6
WARSHINGTOON 7-6
NEW ORLEANS 7-6

NFC ALIVE BUT NOT WORTH MENTIONING
GREEN BAY 5-8

NFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
NY GEEMEN- Can clinch first round bye with a win.
CAROLINA- Can clinch playoff spot with win and Duckie or Dallas loss.
TAMPA BAY- Can clinch playoff spot with win and Dallas loss.
MINI-SODA- Can clinch the NFC Norris division with a win and Chicago loss.

With that, lemme tear into this week’s games like an early Christmas Present!

NEW ORLEANS @ CHICAGO
For those of us fortunate enough to get the NFL Network, those elitist bastards have a playoff-type game tonight. This is pretty much an elimination game for both, but the stakes are so much higher for The Saints. They found their long-lost running game last week with Pierre Thomas, and a healthy Reggie Bush made a great contribution. Meanwhile, Da Bears got a great game out of their back, Mr. Forte, and Orton ‘eard many an ‘oo for good passing yardage. The bad news for the Saints is that this game is at chilly Soldier Field, and they’ve not done well on the road this year. The good news is that Da Bears’ defense is but a shell of it’s former self. I’m thinking this is going to be a shootout, believe it or not. Last one with the ball might be the winner. A loss for Da Bears will leave them hoping the league suspends the Viking’s Willamses. A loss for the Saints will finish them. The line’s at 3, and I lean to Da Bears. Sorry Saints, see ya next year.

GREEN BAY @ JACKSONVILLE
I would expect the Packers to come down to the comfortable confines of AlTel
Stadium as professionals, knowing that their playoff chances rest with the capricious whims of an unfeeling karma. Which, officially, is 98% certain elimination. The play of the defense has pretty much doomed them this season, but Aaron Rogers, in my opinion, has been every bit worthy to succeed Bret Favre. I think his stellar play will continue here. Jacksonville has mailed the season in, and what was one unthinkable has certainly been on the mind of owner Weaver. Jack Del Rio’s job may be in jeopardy. The players won’t care. The Packers are favoured by 2 ½, and I think they wear the Jaggy-whyers out.

DETROIT @ INDIANAPOLIS
The Lions are on the cusp of infamy. And all for the wrong reasons. And Indianapolis has put itself on the cusp of a remarkable comeback. And both are hallmarks reflective of their respective organizations. Just on opposite ends of the spectrum. I could see the motivating factor for both sides, but I just think the notion of going through a 16-game season winless would motivate ME to play my ass off. I’m certain that the Lie-uns won’t roll over and die for the Colts, but they seem overmatched in this game. I really don’t want to touch that –17 point spread for the Colts at home. At SOME point, Detroit HAS to win SOMETIME! The Saints come to Ford Field next week. Possibly without Duante Culpepper, I just don’t see a win this week. And I hate taking that –17 point spread. I don’t see the Colts getting up enough for a winless team this late in the season. I’m sure they’ll all be saying the right things, oh, Detroit’s a dangerous team, a bunch of professionals, blah, blah, blah, the company line, blah, blah, blah, but the facts remain. I might be a fool, but I got a feeling Detroit covers that +17 points. And no doubts about an Indy win.

WARSHINGTOON @ CINCINATTAH
This is a game that could go stinky in a hurry. The DeadSkins have collapsed in the last stretch of the season, and a loss to the dreadful Bungles would finish the season for them. The FredSkins are banged up everywhere, and all of a sudden, Jason Campbell can’t find the wide side of a Burger Barn. This game feels like a 12-3 game to me. Even banged up, I can’t see the Bungles beating Warshingtoon. The line is 6 ½, and I’m leanin’ to the Foreskins, who survive one more week.

TAMPA BAY @ ATLANTA
Ahhhh, here’s a MONSTEROUS TITANIC HUMONGOUS game that Panther Nation needs to pay VERY CLOSE attention to! After the lickin’ the Bucs took against us Monday night, the Duckies have got to be salavatin’ about Mikey Turner and company doing their own road grading against the suddenly susceptible Buckie defense! However, the Saints exposed the Duckie’s own defensive shortcomings last week. Like the N.O/Chicago game, I fully expect this to be a shootout. Tampa’s not as bad as they looked this Monday, and I think they will be ready to rectify their defensive lapses. It will be tough against Atlanta on their home turf. A loss for the Bucs may seal their fate as a wild card team, but a loss for the Duckies makes their playoff chances more remote. There’s SEVEN NFC teams pulling like hell for the Bucs this week, and oddly enough, one of them is US, although I’m not sure I understand why. I just think it would be better for us for both teams to go into Week 16 at 9-5. The line is a meager –3 for the Duckies, but I think they’ll keep their home dominance going. Here’s a serious trend- NFC SOUTH teams are a mind-boggling 24-2 at home. Take the Duckies.

SAN FRANCISCO @ MIAMI
Only the resurrection of the Atlanta franchise could come close to the amazing rebound story of the Miami Dolphins this year. THEY were the laughable Detroit Lie-uns last year, and GM Tuna and coach Sorpano have taken a handful of draft choices, free agents, and the existing team and made them winners. And possibly poised to take the division. Bad news- the Phoney Niners are actually playing good ball now, despite having been eliminated from the playoffs last week with Arid-zona’s win. They are building a foundation for next year, and ‘Frisco ownership would be foolish not to see the response of the players to Samurai’s coaching. They definitely need to retain Singletary. They are going to be a tough out for the Fhish, who have struggled a bit of late, this Sunday. I like the Niners to cover the + 6 ½ points.

SEATTLE @ ST. LOOEY
Ugghh. I’m wondering which broadcast team FOX is sending to this barnburner. I’m not even sure people in Wash State or Missouri are interested in this- wretched offering. There isn’t any matchup of note here, and I’m thinking this is coaching staff and players just riding out the string. Some are playing for jobs, some, like Mike Holmgren, are just waiting for the end of the line. The line is off, and I simply don’t have any feeling for this game whatsoever. This game will not count in my picks this week, cause I’m not taking either team.

BUFFALO @ NY BRETS
The season’s over for the Bills, mercifully. They have looked abysmal in their last two games when the season was on the line, and gettable in their home stadium. The BRETS have the rest of the league scratching their heads as well after their last two clunkers. They come home with a chance to get the season back on track. They have the talent, the motivation, AND, however overrated he is, Brett Favre. I look for them to keep pace with the Fhish and Patsies, and certainly cover the –7 points they’re favoured by.

TENNESSEE @ HOUSTON
A team that’s looked damn good for the past two weeks gets the NFL’s best team in its house this week. What a better way to see where you are as a young developing team, than to play against the best! The Titans have the #1 seed to play for, and with Pissburgh and Indy waiting down the road, this may be their best opportunity to get it. That rushing attack, which is as good as any in the league, will be tough for the Texans to stop. I think the Texans will hang tough in this game, hence the teeny line. I like the visiting Titans and the slender –3 they’re getting, and to eventually wear Houston down. And Texans? Keep up the good work, and we’ll see you in the hunt next year.

PISSBURGH @ BALTY-MOORE
Here’s another HUMONSTOUROUS TITANIC MEGAHUGE game of epic proportions! The leagues top defenses will be hitting as if the future of the planet was at stake! It wouldn’t surprise me to see a cart or two wheeled out in this one, although I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen. The last time these two met, it took a miracle for WorthlessBerger to squeeze out a lucky victory over an otherwise dominant Ravens team. This will not be a game for offense. This feels like a nine-sack game for both teams. Field position will be a huge factor, and the team that can run the ball better and NOT turn the ball over will win. The Ravens have more, and healthier backs. Vegas has the Ravens favoured by 1 ½ points and I agree. Take the Quothers, and the AFC Norris division race to get really interesting these last two weeks.

DENVER @ CAROLINA
At first, this game gave me a really weird feeling. At present, the Broncoids have the NFL’s top passing offense. That’s great, we’ve already beaten New Orleans, Arid-zona, Green Bay, and Tampa, teams with outstanding passing games. Denver has one of the leagues’ WORST run defenses. Carolina has one of the BEST run OFFENSES. Hmmm. Shouldn’t be hard to figure out. All Denver has to do is win ONE game in the next three, and their playoff ticket is punched. Carolina is in a far more urgent situation. And they’re at home. And totally healthy. And I guarantee they’ll be focused, and the defense will want to prove themselves against Cutler and Co. The line is Panthers by –7 ½, and there’s no question in my mind that we cover that, short week and all. Say hello to the playoffs, Panthers!

SAD DIEGO @ KANSAS CITY
All of whatever progress the Chargers have made or will make is far too little, and too late to overcome the Broncoids. Kansas City has continued to fight and play hard, and that bodes well for Carl Peterson and Herm Edwards. I think the Chefs desperately want to win one more for the coach that believes in them and the fans that support them. Wouldn’t surprise me to see them win Sunday and put the Bolts out of their misery. Then again, it wouldn’t surprise me to see LT to bust loose, either. This games just a little difficult to call. Thinking about the trends of the past few weeks, I like the Chefs to cover the +5 points at home.

MINI-SODA @ ARID-ZONA
The Cardy-Noles already have their ticket punched, and it’s a guaranteed #4 seed. They’ve been pretty stout at home, and the Vikings could possibly be without Augustus in this game. And hanging over the Vikings like an approaching gulley-washer are the potential suspensions of Pat and Kevin Williams. Arid-zona’s shown that they are susceptible to a strong rushing attack, and AP and CT will certainly supply that. Vegas is having a tough time with this game, as am I, because as of this morning there is no line on this contest. One could make a strong case for either team to win. The motivation factor to me is stronger on the Viking’s side, and I’m leaning on them to win.

NEW ENGLANDLAND @ CrOAKLAND
For the Pastry-Rots, this Worst Coast trip can’t end soon enough for them. With a return trip to the playoffs hanging in the balance, they found enough to overcome a game SeaDog team and keep pace with the Brets and Fhish. This should in no way be any kind of contest, unless Matt Cassel can’t play because of circumstances surrounding his father’s death. In which case, this would turn out to be a painfully excruciating defensive tussle. I for one, think Cassel would follow the example set by Brett Favre a few years ago, when he decided to play the day of his fathers death against ironically enough, CrOakland! And he torched them for a career high in touchdowns. And I think he does the same here. The line is NewEnglandland by –7, and I like them to win big.

NY GEEEMEN @ DALLAS
Because of the Panther’s sudden luminescence, the G’ints now have to play TWO consecutive prime-time contests before closing out the regular season, and this will be the first. This is a MUCH bigger game for the Cowpuppies than NY. If you remember, they were embarrassed in every way possible in their game in Gotham. Don’t think they’ve forgotten it. They are playing much better right now, and I guarantee they’ll give the suddenly vulnerable GeeeMen a fight. Marion Barber is dinged up for Dallas, and NY is likely to be without workhorse Brandon Jacobs. NY will be anxious to give a better performance than the clunker they had at home to the Fleeguls. I still think that Romo The Homo does something stupid to cost them the game, as he’s always done in big games. Wrong team favoured by 3- I like the GEEEMen to win this game and set up that HUGMONGOID GAME against the Panthers next Sunday Night.

CLEVELANDLAND @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
Week 15 gets a garbage game to end the week on Monday night that will be interesting only for folks in Eastern Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Delaware, which sucks for the rest of the country after the peach we all enjoyed last week. The Brownies are done. DONE. The rejuvenated Iggles can sense a possible playoff push by dispatching the hapless Browns Monday night, and they will do it in every phase of the game. This could be the biggest blowout of the week. Boids, BIG, by possibly MORE than the –14 points.

Two more to go, Fanz- and then,

PLAYOFFS, baby!

Last week- best week so far- 13-3
Season- 94-80

Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

Check Barbers face for fingerprints!

2008-12-10T16:11:00.007-05:00

Smitty gets his:

FIVE GUYS

2008-12-10T11:18:00.011-05:00

December 10, 2008

Because of five guys, I suffered the worst hangover I’ve had in YEARS yesterday, and my mushed up mind couldn’t drag itself to the keyboard until this morning.

Because of five guys, Pantherfanz had one of its grandest affairs in many seasons.

Because of five guys, an “undersized” back and his rookie teammate gashed the supposedly INPENETRABLE Tampa Bay run defense for over 300 yards.

Because of five guys, The Carolina Panthers now firmly control their density, much like George McFly wanted to control Lorraine’s density in “Back to the Future”. And they also control their DESTINY, as well. Firmly, at that.

Because of five guys, the entire NFL nation now knows what we’ve known for a while-

The Carolina Panthers are a really good team.

And as a result, because of these five guys, The Panthers now get their second prime-time contest against the GEEEEEEEMen in Noo Yawk eleven days from now, with a very real chance of snagging the number one seed in the playoffs.

Many of you know of which five guys I’m talking about. Those of you who know football and aren’t focused on the quarterback or wide receivers or what the gabbing media jaws are saying know who they are. For those of you who are tired of me blathering on and on without making a point, they are, by the position of which they play, are –

LEFT TACKLE- Jordan Gross
LEFT GUARD- Travelle Wharton
CENTER- Ryan Kalil
RIGHT GUARD- Keydrick Vincent
RIGHT TACKLE- Jeff Otah

These five guys, playing together for the first time since the start of the season, are now beginning to realize the promise of success we’ve hoped for from the get-go. Those of you who were at the game I’m sure saw what I saw. I saw a serious PUSH from these guys. Jake was never really pressured, yielding a wimpy sack early in the game, but as the contest progressed, I felt that we were never in danger, never going to surrender momentum, and never going to be stopped in the rushing attack. I’m sure it was better yet for the folks who saw it on TV and got to hear Jaws’ excited commentary. (I can’t wait to get my copy of the DVD Brain made for me!) I was so entranced by the excitement on the field, that I never took a moment to glance at the scoreboard for the quarterly statistics. It wasn’t until I got out of the stadium, drunk and happy, that I realized that these five guys busted Stewilliams loose for

THREE HUNDRED BIG YARDS!

Against the Buccaneers! One of our fiercest rivals! On NATIONAL TV! The implications of this performance continue to pour on me like a football bacchanal. How far away last season feels now! Remember our “big game” against Romo the Homo’s Cowpuppies last year? How we went “kersplat” on the national stage? In stark, vivid comparison, how good does Monday night feel? To have the white-hot spotlight energize the fans and the team and not melt as many an NFL pretender has done. Pretender. That’s a word that’s been attached to many teams in seasons past. Cleveland. Green Bay. Buffalo. Tampa Bay. New Orleans. Yes, and this team coming up, Denver. And us. And Denver is all of a sudden a scenario that becomes serious. But I’m digressing momentarily. I want to get off the five guys for a second, and go to ONE GUY-

And it’s not Jake Delhomme.

It’s Ken Lucas. Just like the offensive line, one underperforming or weak player has potential to collapse the whole unit. For the past three games, our pass coverage has been below average. And I think we can focus the blame on KL. Oh, yeah, his teammates are not gonna throw him under the bus, they will behave like the pure team players they are and assign blame collectively. But it’s clear that Lucas is the weak link in a unit that MUST play better if our postseason dreams are to be realized. I think I’m gonna start callin’ him TOASTY Lucas if he continues to get scorched the way he’s been getting scorched! I’m sure you remember the long play to Bryant in Monday’s game where not only did he blow the coverage, not only did he commit a penalty in blowing it, but he allowed him to score! The offensive coordinators of Denver, New York and New Orleans are certainly going to game plan to attack him now! Turkey-Vac has got to get his side some help in practice, and create some schemes to facilitate that. For me, this is the one huge concern I have about this team going forward this season.

Back to the five guys. I would be amiss if I didn’t recognize the efforts of Hoov and Moose and the tight ends in the run blocking schemes. What a pleasure it is to have players that lean towards the skill set positions to knuckle down and do the hard work it takes to make the run game so potent! And I’m talkin’ about the one player closest to diva status we have as well. I saw Smitty put on a few nice blocks, too. Yes, I’m singling out the five guys on the O line, but it does take eleven dudes playing together to execute the game in a way that brings you closer to victory. And when all 47 dudes are of the same mindset, then you can start thinking about championships. But along with all of the good gooey goodness of the awesome win of Monday, comes the next test for The Panthers.

How to handle prosperity.

We’ve shown that we can win from behind, and on the road. We’ve played so much better at home. We’ve resuscitated the run game. So many things are starting to turn in our favour in this season, even more so that in our magical ’96 and ’03 seasons. One thing we’ve not been able to do is succeed when we are suddenly in the spotlight, and heavily favoured. All that good feeling and high expectation collapses with a loss at home to Denver. Remember two weeks ago, the BRETS were the toast of the league after beating the Titans? Remember who they lost to, at HOME the following week? Yep. The Broncoids. Who lost to CROAKLAND, for God’s sake the week before! Who is the one team to beat the Duckies at home this season? Yep. The Broncoids. This game, in my opinion, will be as critical as any we will play this season. While we firmly control our destiny, the margin is still uncomfortably thin. The good news is, that Foxy and company realize this. I heard the words “focused on Denver” several times from Foxy and players mere hours after the intoxicating victory of Monday. For the sake of the season, Foxy, you’d better be right. Denver has a potent passing attack, and an opportunistic secondary, and we might be in trouble should we have to get into a passing shootout with them, especially after a short week. But there’s more good news. Denver’s defense has been consistently bad this year, especially against the run. DINGDINGDING! Hey, Foxy, think this is a weakness worth exploiting? All the defense has to do is blunt Cutler enough, and let the FIVE GUYS pave the road for Stewilliams and Co. This to me, would be a simple formula for a critical victory in a critical race not just for the division, which by the way, becomes so much tighter should the Buckies overcome the Duckies this weekend, but for the top seed in our conference! I implore the team, AND the fans-

Focus on Denver. One hundred percent. I cannot stress enough how important to the seasons’ success that is. Dispatch the Broncoids, not by a field goal, not by a touchdown, but DECICIVELY! Ovecome them on the ground. Make them choke, and early, on their own fatal weakness, and then, as the fourth quarter melts into the cool December evening, THEN, and only THEN- do those five guys and the rest of the team think about the New York Giants.

But despite the possible negatives, I cannot escape the fact that for the first time in our franchise history, we are 10-3, and we are going into the last three games on a head of steam generated by one of the most defining forces in the game-

The rushing attack.

The forward pass is so much prettier to those who don’t appreciate the game fully. But the running game is that force that wins championships. It’s the weapon that wears down even the best of defenses.

And it’s all because of five guys.

Whet your appetites for some good smoked “HOSS MEAT” Sunday! It’s gonna be a great day in the lot, no matter what, as we

CLAW OUR WAY TO TAMPA BAY!!!

See you with the handicap tomorrow.

Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer CaptnTee@aol.com

PRESCRIPTION FOR VICTORY

2008-12-06T09:43:00.002-05:00

In two more afternoons, we as PantherFanz, a legion of fans of the Carolina Panthers who are within the broader scope of fans known as Panther Nation, will begin a party of whose magnitude hasn’t been seen since, well, since last year.

But the game is so, so much bigger than that.

I don’t have to tell you what’s at stake. You already know the ramifications of a loss or win. A loss will make a division win tough, and lead to perhaps a guaranteed #5 or #6 seed, and the playoffs on the road. This in of itself isn’t necessarily bad. How many home playoff games did the GEEEEEEEEMen win last year? I hope that’s point taken. But how good would that be to WIN a huge, monster, titanic, (fill in your favorite superfluous adjective), game here in our own stadium? To leave the game in the frosty December air joyous and rapacious after a decisive victory over one of our fiercest rivals? I don’t have to tell you about that, either.

So, for the benefit of those of you who don’t scour the sports websites and listen to the endless blather of the so-called experts who analyze and over-analyze and go over every stat, trend, and matchup to produce a forecast, and blow even more effervescent fragrance towards and into Chucky Gruden’s anal orfice, I’m going to give you MY personal keys to the game.

Ready?

Here it comes.

This is really, really important.

In order for us to defeat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, we will have to have more points on our side of the scoreboard than they do.

Simple as that.

So, how do we get there? You’ve probably heard ad-nauseum how potent the Tampa D is. Yah, Yah, Yah. So potent they had to scramble at the end of the game with the powerful Kansas City Chefs to eke out a victory. So potent they opened the game against the WINLESS Detroit Lie-uns by allowing the Leos 17 unanswered points. So potent they allowed the rudderless Cowbabies to run roughshod all over them. They CAN be penetrated, but Davidson is going to have to be smart about it. On offense, we will have to give the run game a chance. For the first time this season, our O line is completely healthy, and most importantly, are playing the best ball of the season. If we can maintain at least a 3.5 yards per carry, there’s no reason to get cute. Wouldn’t be bad to throw some to the running backs as well. I would still have Jake chuck a few downfield to keep the defense honest, because I do think Tampa’s D will emphasize stopping the run initially. Should the running attack have some success, then getting the ball to Smitty and Moose will be of the utmost importance. Smith has shown time and time again that he will make the most difficult of catches, and he’ll show it again. There is NO ONE in the Tampa secondary that can cover him. It would also be worth it to involve Smith in end-arounds and other creative plays. It’s also of the utmost importance that the line protect Jake long enough that he can find the open receiver. If he’s constantly pressured, it will be a long and miserable night for us in the stands. But I’m confident our game plan will yield enough points against this particular team, in the now comfortable confines of our home stadium.

Now, this is a really important part. On defense, we have GOT to make Garcia feel VERY uncomfortable. They will try to run, but I have a feeling that we’ll do a better job on the freshly-re-minted Cadillac Williams and Warrick Been-Dunn Before. Garcia will be rolling out on us a great deal, and throwing on the move. He’s made a CAREER doing that. So did Michael Vick, to a large degree, until we opened up a can of Thomas Davis on him. I would have Turkey-Vac get TD to spy him on virtually every play. If he can be kept in third-and-long situations, our secondary should be able to keep the plays in front of them. There’s no one in Tampa’s receiving corps that scares me or anyone else’s defense. As our defensive strength lies in our linebackers, I would have them involved in aggressive blitz packages, until the front four could generate enough pressure on their own, which I kinda doubt they’ll be able to do, given the past performances. Perhaps an interesting formation with either one or two linebackers in coverage, with Davis the designated rusher would frustrate Garcia enough to force him to make mistakes with the ball! Let me make this clear. We MUST stop Garcia from doing what he wants to do. That’s it. No other offensive player can hurt our defense like he can. We stop Garcia, and the game is ours. All of Turkey Vac’s defensive game plans should be geared to this end. The wild card for us defensively will be Julius Peppers, and maddeningly enough for all of us who live and die with the Panthers, it ALWAYS is, from week to week. If he DOMINATES like he is capable of doing, and not shrinking as he’s done in the past, the linebackers have less to do up front, and can concentrate on the longer plays. If Peppers makes the kind of plays he does when he’s on, we win. I’m not a big football whiz as it comes to “X’s and O’s”, but I do love the game and pay attention to it’s nuances on every level. Make no mistake, if we are to win this game it will be won by the play of our defense. To a man, they are disgusted with their play of late and know that it’s go time NOW. The vibe in the locker room today has been off the chain. They’re ready to go.

BUT!

There’s one more vital, and I do mean VITAL ingredient to this win, should it come to pass.

And this is going to come from us, and only us, the Panther fans, not JUST Panther FANZ.

How many Bucs fans will be in the stands on Monday night? Do you think it will be anything like the fans the Cowpatties, Packers and Squeelers bring? If there will be 2000 Bucs jerseys in the BOFA, I would be shocked. The job of US, the fans of Panther Nation, will be to MAKE NOISE LIKE OUR LIVES WERE IN DANGER!!! I cannot stress this enough! Every time that Tampa gets the ball we should be screaming like Chucky was fixin’ to perform a cruel surgery on you without anesthesia. The offensive game plan they want to execute REQUIRES key elements be able to listen to calls Garcia makes on the line of scrimmage. And we, Panther Nation, have the capability of disrupting that with a punishing attack of decibels not seen since the 1997 playoff against the Cowbabies. Last year’s edition would have never seen that kind of vocal support from me, because the overall effort was not deserving of that. Seeing Travelle Wharton gun down the field on Stewarts’ big run was the kind of effort I thrive on as a fan. Individual players, yes, even Pep, have turned in that kind of performance this year, and I’m planning on rewarding them with the passionate vocalization they are needing for that extra “ummph” as one might call it, to stretch just that little bit more to knock the ball’s trajectory off as to create an incompletion, or even better, an interception or blocked field goal, extra point, or fumble. To piledrive an opponent back just a bit more to clear a path to a debilitating sack of Garcia. Yes, they are getting that vociferous vocal support from me, from Kathie, from everyone in my section. I admonish the rest of you to do the same. Even if we should find ourselves behind, we should continue to blast the Tampa offense with everything we have. The game does depend on it, in THIS particular setting.

And on offense? Be quiet and let them work. Cheer a competion, a nice pancake block by Hoov or Otah or Moose or any fired up Panther. Scream for a nice run or touchdown, but otherwise KEEP YOUR PIE HOLE PLUGGED when we have the ball and for GOD’S SAKE DON’T DO THE WAVE WHEN WE’RE ON OFFENSE!!!

So there you go Panther fans and FANZ alike. This is my prescription for a Panther victory this Monday night. We do this, and it won’t matter what the Duckies or Saints or FredSkins or Bears or what anyone does. Our playoff destiny will be firmly in the paws of the Panthers, as we would have it be.
There’s no questioning our party capabilities, because all of that will be manifest with all of the perfunctory aplomb by Head Coach Dano, James, Chuck, Patrick, Chris, PeaDad, BLu, etc. and all of you core PantherFanz that make this thing go. Let’s see this translated to the game and keep the intensity going for the Broncoid’s visit next week in another CRITICAL game, 'cause you know,

Lord-

I was BORN a Panthers Fan......

KEEP CLAWING OUR WAY THROUGH TAMPA BAY TO TAMPA BAY!!!

Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, the Cedar Street Seer

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THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 14

2008-12-04T14:19:00.001-05:00

December 4th, 2008

12-4.

12-4!!!

NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!!!

That’s the way you want to go into the stretch run of the season! And that, my friends, is the record I predicted for the Panthers in the preseason. Three more to go- and the playoff participants are beginning to come into focus. The seeding has yet to be determined, but barring anything disastrous, you can pretty much count on the Titans, Squeelers, Ravens, Broncoids, GEEEEEMen, Panthers, Buckies, Duckies and Cardy-noles playing a game or two, or JUST MAYBE three in January. And a lucky pair will be playing a game in February.
With that in mind, I begin my drive to get on a two-week winnin’ streak… I’ve already broken down the playoff standings one rant ago, and you can scroll down and see it when you’re finished calling your bookie after reading this-

CrOAKLAND @ SAD DIEGO
Whhhooo Boy, another beauty for the elitist bastard NFL Network. A thoroughly engrossing battle for AFC supremacy…. Ehhhhhhhhccch. This is it for the Chargers. Really. Strange to think, I kinda saw this in the AFC Championship last year when LaDamian Thomlinson was sulking on the sideline when the Bolts still were in the game against the Pastry-Rots. That overall malaise has crept into the rest of the team. The talent level is pretty much the same as it was then; it’s not executing, or responding to Norv Turner. Strangely enough, there’s still a chance, however remote, that EITHER team could make the postseason, dependant on a total collapse by the Broncoids, which actually COULD happen. There’s a lack of inspired play in all phases of all games from both participants in this whining dog of a game, and I am so hesitant to touch this stinker. Ecccchh. I just don’t wanna. Vegas is giving the Schraiders a whopping ten points. Wouldn’t surprise me to see them win. Reluctantly, I lean to the Schraiders to cover, and for Sad Diego to hang on to life for one more week.

CINCINATTAH @ INDIANAPOLIS
The Sunday slate begins with a potential blowout at the LukeDome. The Colts are getting it together at the right time, despite an ugly victory at Clevelandland last week. Even without Bobby Sanders in the defensive backfield, I don’t see any reason why they don’t tattoo the Bungles. The line’s ENOURMOUS at 13 ½, and I’m takin’ it.

JACKSONVILLE @ CHICAGO
If Da Bears are going to go for the division championship, it starts here. Jacksonville is one of the biggest underachievers this year; never mind that the injury bug has hit them particularly hard. You still have to play the game and fight. They’ll be in the frosty December confines of Soldier Field, and Da Bears will be playing for their postseason lives. I have the feeling Del Rio’s lost his Jaggy-Whyers this year, and it will “bear” itself out in this game, and the remainder of the season. Da Bears are favoured by 6 ½ and I’ll take that.

HOUSTON @ GREEN BAY
This is another do-or-die game for The Packers. Their only chance for a shot at the playoffs is to win the division outright, and it starts with this game. Rogers is leading a prolific passing game, and if they can keep the Texans’ resurgent rush at bay, they’ve got a chance to win this one game. Matt Schaub comes back for this game, and he leads an underrated passing attack. This could be a lot like last week’s game against the Panthers. This late in the season, teams like Houston tend to play well. I think they play well here. I think the Packers will win, but it won’t be by the –6 they’re favoured by. Take Houston to cover.

CLEVELANDLAND @ TENNESSEE
The meltdown began in earnest for the Brownies when Quinn broke his finger. And now, eliminated from the playoffs, they go to league-leading Tennessee with Ken Dorsey at quarterback. This for all the world looks like a blowout, and I don’t even see pride as a motivating factor for those brown-and orange-and white unis. Another big line, and I think the Titans toy with these teenies. Take the Titans and the –13 ½.

MINI-SODA @ DETROIT
The suspensions of Pat and Kevin Williams really hurt the Vikings. Badly. They were part of a trio of monsters on the defensive line that excelled at stopping the run, and now, only Jared Allen remains to face relentless double-teams for the remainder of the year. Even though they are one game ahead of Da Bears, and two ahead of the Packers, they could collapse in these last four games. Not wanting to finish with the infamy of being the first NFL team to go 0-16 is plenty enough motivation for ANY professional sports franchise. The line is off for this game at this time, and I’m picking the Vikings by the slimmest of margins, much like their last meeting.

WARSHINGTOON @ BALTY-MOORE
This is pretty much the end of the line for the DeadSkins. They are faltering at precisely the wrong time, and coming to play a team that’s now brimming with confidence in the Ravens. They will likely be without MVP Clinton Portis, and that will make scoring on that stout defense even tougher. A win doesn’t guarantee anything for the FredSkins, but it does keep them alive for one more week. A win pushes the Ravens closer to clinching. The line favours Balty-Moore by –5 and I like the Ravens to quouthe muchly.

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ NY GEEEEEEEMEN
Pride would be the only motivating factor I could imagine for the Iggles on this day. The G’ints have simply been playing a different kind of football from virtually everyone else in the league save Tennessee and Pissburgh. Donavan McSnabb and co. came back to life in last week’s game against the Cardy-noles, but I don’t think it matters here, nor does Plaxico Burress’ legal troubles. The GeeMen are favoured by a touchdown, and that’s good for me.

ATLANTA @ NEW ORLEANS
Now, looky looky, here! Look who’s favoured over those smokin’ hot Duckies! The Saints really do play a different game in the SuperDome, and I wouldn’t expect that to change for this game. The Saints DO have some life, albeit faint, but a win over the team they MUST beat to have a chance gives Drew Brees and those Frisbee-catchin’ dawgs the impetus to launch a vertical attack on these guys. Save for a dumb interception late in last week’s game, we might be talking about the resurgent Saints. I expect a shootout of Big 12 magnitude. Experience to the veteran, and prolific passing scores more points than running. In this game it could help New Orleans. I lean to the Saints and the –3 points, and to survive one more week, while Dallas, Philthydelphia and Warshingtoon breath sighs of relief…

NY BRETS @ SAN FRANSISCO
Here’s a game that could trap, even doom the BRETS this week. Samurai’s boys played heroically at Buffalo, and even hung on in Dallas. I’d expect they’d be up for this game, no matter what happens in Arid-Zona. The Niners AND Singletary are playing for next year, and they won’t disappoint the faithful. There’s a reason NY threw a clunker at home to Denver, at CrOakland, and at Sad Diego. I think Samurai takes advantage of that. Playoff chokers those BRETS are, and this is my upset of the week. Even though the BRETS are favoured by –4 on the road I like the Niners straight up!

MIAMI @ BUFFALO in CANADA
The NorthMen get a rare NFL game played in the Ontario Province this Sunday, and there’s a rumbling that the team could relocate to Toronto. Not that I or anyone that’s not from The Empire State could care. The Bills for all intents and purposes are done. The game they played at home against a team they were supposedly better than, a game they HAD to win, was so poor I give them no chance at finishing the season better than 8-8. And it won’t start here. The game will be played in a dome, and the weather won’t be a factor. Advantage- Dolphins. Trent Edwards will probably not be healthy enough to play. Advantage- Dolphins. Motivation? Advantage- Dolphins. Favorite? Buffalo by a point. Advantage?

Dolphins.

KANSAS CITY @ DENVER
What to make of Denver? Are they the team who LOST to these very same Chefs, AND the SchRaiders? Or are they the juggernauts that slew the mighty Duckies, Buckies and BRETS? I’m actually terrified of picking this game. Other than three games, the Chefs have actually been fighting hard. I don’t expect that to stop, and I think the Broncoids have a tussle on their hands. They’ll likely win this game, but I think the Chefs cover those +9 points as that Broncoid sphincter shrivels up in the Rocky Mountain air…

ST. LOUIS @ ARID-ZONA
This is THE game that the Cardy-Noles simply need to take, and take convincingly. Even with Stephen Jackson returning for the Lambs, who’ve experienced their win total for the season, they are outmatched by Arid-Zona.
I’d expect the Cards to unleash all of the last two weeks frustrations on the hapless Lambs. They’ve been strong at home, and I’m certain that continues here. A win here clinches the playoffs, and they get it. By AT LEAST the –13 ½ points they’re favoured by.

DALLAS @ PISSBURGH
The nation’s afternoon eyes will be focused on this game on Sunday. The Cowbuppy fans will be hoping for a victory, the ignorant ones are expecting it, the rest of them who hate them and the notion that these overpaid, overhyped hand-picked athletes are “America’s Team”, will be pulling for the equally hated Pissburgh Squeelers to knock nine knots in their ass! For me it’s like pulling for Joe Stalin over Hitler. I don’t think Dallas will be able to penetrate that Squeeler D at their house, hell, not anywhere. And seeing that the offense is the strength of the Cowbaby team, I don’t give them much of a chance against a team that LEADS the LEAGUE in demoralizing, demonic, dominating, defining defense that also NEEDS to keep the Ravens at bay. Vegas loves the Cowpuppies too much. Pissburgh favoured by a mere –3 points, and I say they whoop ‘em by many times that number. Hell, that might be what the Cowbabies SCORE…

NEW ENGLANDLAND @ SEATTLE
The Pastry-Rots’ push for the postseason begins with a two–game road trip this Sunday Night to the immensely disappointing SeaDogs. Uncharacteristic turnovers doomed the Patsies last week against a punishing Squeeler team, I’d think a Dr. EvilCheck team doesn’t repeat that mistake two weeks in a row, particularly in the comfortable confines of Qwest Field. I think the team rebounds against a far lesser foe that’s playing out the string, uncertain of the coaching future of the franchise, and New EnglandLand, favoured by –5 points, wins decisively.

TAMPA BAY @ CAROLINA
At last, a Monday night game worthy of hype and hyperbole- Two 9-3 teams at the top of the conference, near the top of the league, with a mere handful of marketable stars, but a lot of heart and team fire. The NFC South has been the crucible of the league this year, especially at home. Don’t think the Panthers don’t remember the ass-kickin’ they got from Tampa in Week 6. That will NOT be repeated here. A warm-weather South Florida team will be facing a frosty night against a team that will be pumped. The division is on the line more so for the Panthers than the Bucs, and it will bear itself out in the way the game will be called by the coaching staff, and the manner in which it will be played. The outcome will not be close. Vegas likes the Panthers by –3, and they will win by far more than that. The division may not be won outright by a Panther win, but it will put them in great shape for it with strange and bumbling Denver coming in the following week.

There you go, Fanz. Get them bets in and enjoy the games-
Trust me, I’m a clairvoyant. Don’t believe me?

Last week- YEAH, BABY!- 12-4
Season on a comeback- 81-77

Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

THE QUARTERLY REPORT - 3RD QUARTER

2008-12-03T13:53:00.002-05:00

December 3rd, 2008

PantherFanz, it gives me a great deal of pleasure to analyze each NFL team at the final leg of the season’s journey. Pleasurable because the Panthers are relevant, and in position to be a playoff force. Only the Titans and Giants hold better records than we do, and only the Bucs and Squealers have a record equal to us. And we get to take care of the Buccaneers on Monday night! As I always do, I start with the AFC, which for the first time in years, is the weaker conference-

AFC DIVISION LEADERS
TENNESSEE 11-1
PISSBURGH 9-3
NY BRETS 8-4
DENVER 7-5

It was apparent four weeks ago, and it’s still apparent now. The Titans will be the AFC’s top seed, barring an unprecedented collapse in all phases of their game. That WILL NOT happen to a Jeff Fisher coached team with the talent this team possesses. The next two games are Cleveland at home, and @Houston. Those really SHOULD be wins, which would clinch the division. The final two games could be tough, with Pissburgh at home, and @ Indy. The Pissburgh game could wind up being a 12-9 schlobberknocker of epic proportions. The Titans should finish no worse than 13-3, and possibly 14-2.
Pissburgh, on the other hand, gets a minor challenge from Dallas, and a HUGE game at Baltimore before the game at Tennessee. There’s a chance that the Ravens catch the Squealers with that win, making that game at Tennessee a vital, critical, MONSTER contest, before finishing with Clevelandland. They should finish no worse than 11-5, and possibly 12-4, and earning the #2 seed, and considering the absolute beating Rothlisberger has taken this year, is nothing short of a minor miracle. I was certain they were dead, but the stellar defense has more than made up for their offensive shortcomings. The NY BRETS, with their monster win over the Titans two weeks ago, couldn’t live with prosperity and were soundly THUMPED at home to a vastly inferior Denver team. With a slim lead over the Dolphins and Pastry-Rots, they can’t take ANY of their final four opponents lightly- They start with a suddenly competitive San Francisco team on the Left Coast, and then get the plummeting Bills, and then finish with ANOTHER exhaustive west coast trip to the Seadogs. A final contest against the Dolphins at home could be a monster game. On paper, the BRETS ought to finish 12-4, but that Denver game has me doubting the BRETS ability to close out an inferior opponent. I think at least one of those four teams play spoiler, and it’s possible the Dolphins push them to 10-6, eliminating the B*R*E*T*S BRETS BRETS BRETS. I simply can’t figure out Denver. A collapse against a TERRIBLE CrOakland team at home, followed by a TRASHING of the “vaunted” BRETS makes be believe they could lose the remaining four games, or win all of them. There’s no gimme on their schedule, given one of their losses comes against their next opponent at home, the Kansas City Chefs. They follow that with a late game against the Panthers in Charlotte, at home to Buffalo, and then close out with a Charger team in San Diego that may already be eliminated. One more win by the Broncoids clinches the wretched division for them, and I think they finish no better than 9-7, getting the #4 seed, and a matchup at home with a far better wild card team.

AFC WILD CARD BATTLE
1-INDIANAPOLIS 8-4
2-BALTY-MORE 8-4
3-MIAMI 7-5
4-NEWENGLAND 7-5
5-BUFFALO 6-6

I’ve got this feeling that the last two spots in the conference will go to those 8-4 teams. If you look at the schedule for Indy, their next three games come against bottom dwellers Cinncinattah & Detroit at home, and at Jacksonville. That gets them to the finale with the Titans at home, who may already have the #1 seed locked up. A 12-4 finish is not out of the question for the Colts, and interestingly enough, the division OR the #1 seed is not out of the realm of possibility, however unlikely that is. But I feel certain the #5 seed is a given for these resurgent Colts. The Balty-Moore Ravens have a tougher stretch, but the next two games are at home against the collapsing DeadSkins, and the Squealers. Then they go to Dallas, who may have already seen their playoff chances squashed. They then finish at home against the garbage Jack-off-whyers. The Ravens should finish no worse than 10-6, and an 11-5 finish is plausible. Seeds wrapped up. The next three candidates all hail from the highly combative East division. Highest ranked is Miami, who MUST win at Buffalo in the Great White North this weekend. Should they win that game, they finish with San Francisco at home, and get KC and the BRETS on the road. That BRETS game could likely decide the division. A finish of 11-5 is possible, and if THAT happens, the Dolphins would win the #3 seed, and the BRETS just might be beat out of the wild card slot by the Ravens. The Pastry-Rots spend three of their next four games on the road, not an enviable spot. They spend the first two weeks at Seattle, and at CrOakland, then get Arid-Zona at home before a finale with Buffalo. A loss in ONE of those games may doom them. Losses to the BRETS and Dolphins don’t favour the Patsies in tie-breakers, and a finish of anything less than 11-5 sees them missing the playoffs, and another correct pre-season call for the Cedar Street Seer. At 6-6, Buffalo is on the verge of elimination. The game this weekend in Canada against Miami is of the utmost importance. If they lose that game, the next three against a challenging trio of the BRETS, Broncoids, and Pastry-Rots may not matter. That bad loss at home to the Phoney-Niners pretty much convinced me that the Bills play spoiler at best. I haven’t included two teams still mathematically alive, that being Sad Diego and Houston, but at 4-8, and needing intervention by benevolent karma, as well as winning their final four, the postseason isn’t likely. One more loss for either will eliminate them from playoff consideration. A glance at the schedule for both reveals games against contenders that must win, and that’s a tall order.

CURRENT AFC DRAFT ORDER FOR THE TIM TEBOW SWEEPSTAKES

2- CINCINATTAH
4- KANSAS CITY
6- CrOAKLAND
8- CLEVELANDLAND
10- JACKSONVILLE
12- HOUSTON

NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEE MEN 11-1
CAROLINA/TAMPA TIED @ 9-3
ARID-ZONA 7-5
MINI-SODA 7-5

Just like the Titans in the AFC, it’s a safe bet that the G’ints lock up the #1 seed with their next two wins, which are virtually a certainty, unless the drama surrounding Plaxico and his gun woes wind up hurting the team, again, not very likely. They entertain the Fleeguls, and then go to Dallas, two teams that absolutely could not stop them this season so far. They then get two supposedly tough games with the Panthers at home, and @ the Vikings. I guess they COULD lose ONE of these games, and then again, given the level of play they’ve exhibited, they could win them all. I say they go to 14-2, and the NFC championship runs through that swamp in New Joisey. Carolina gets their next two at home, where they are undefeated, against the Bucs and Broncoids, and then go to the G’ints, and close out on the road against the Saints, who will likely be out of playoff contention. A 12-4 finish and the #2 seed for the ‘Cats is certainly a possibility. The Bucs get their next two on the road, against them Panthers, who owe them something for the butt-kickin’ they got in Week 6, and at the Duckies, who are getting hot at the right time, and will be very, very, hard to beat at home. The good news for Tampa is they finish with the Chargers and CrOakland at their place, and like the Panthers, could finish 12-4, or 11-5. Should they finish tied with the Panthers, THEY will win the division and the #2 seed, and the Panthers go to the #5 seed. The Cardy-noles are in terrific shape as long as they win ONE more game – shouldn’t be a problem with home games against the Lambs and Seadogs. They get the Vikings at home and go east for the Pastry-Rots, and be a surprisingly weak #3 seed at 9-7. I think the Vikings have a really tough stretch of games after this weekend’s tilt at Detroit, and that may not necessarily be a gimme, given the ONE POINT win at the Metrodome earlier this year. After the Leos, they must go to Arid-zona, and then get a dangerous pair of games to finish with the Duckies and the G’ints at home. They will HAVE to win ONE of those two to have any chance at the playoffs, because the wild card for any of the NFC North teams isn’t happening. The good news is they have the tie breakers over DaBears and Packers, and 9-7 does it for them as a #4 seed. The bad news is, they will have to do it without their defensive stalwarts, Kevin and Pat Williams (not related) in the Bumentenide flap. This will be a tough 4 games for the Vikes.

NFC WILD CARD/DIVISIONAL BATTLE
1- ATLANTA 8-4
2- DALLAS 8-4
3- WARSHINGTOON 7-5
4- PHILTHYDELPHIA 6-5-1
5- CHICAGO 6-6
6- NEW ORLEANS 6-6
7- GREEN BAY 5-7

The ridiculously tight NFC North race is keeping this list high, and the Packers in it, especially with the illegal substance suspensions hurting the Vikings. Only Atlanta has a reasonable good chance of making the final #6 slot, with all four of their last games quite winnable. Actually, the toughest game will be at New Orleans, where they have been really good at home. They get the Bucs next at home, and go to Mini-Soda then finish at home against the Lambs, who can’t wait to hit the island resort golf courses. They should finish AT LEAST 10-6, and even possibly 11-5. An outside shot at 12-4 is still possible, with a division win not out of the question, which would propel these overachieving Duckies to the #2 seed, and the Panthers and Bucs to the #5 and #6 seeds. If there’s a benevolence in the karmatic universe, I pray to God that doesn’t happen! Dallas is next in line with a brutal game at Pissburgh, at home to the G’ints and Ravens, and finishing at the uber-hostile confines of Philthydelphia’s Linc. 9-7 at best for the Cowbabies, and even 10-6 won’t do it, as the Duckies have a better conference record. Dallas would HAVE to win their last 4 games to have a shot at the division title, and the Gee-Men to lose all four. That ain’t happenin’, fanz. They will have to hope the Duckies go to 10-6 or worse, which also isn’t likely. Next up in the race rankings are the FredSkins, who are suddenly in dire straits with a jaunt up the BWP to the Ravens this weekend. A loss there may finish any chance for the wild card, and the final three games at Cincy, home to the Iggles, and at Samurai’s boys may not matter. Things are even worse for the Iggles, who aren’t even assured a spot with a sweep of their final four. And the first is a game AT the G’ints. They are realistically playing spoiler for the rest of the season, as well as for jobs in the next. The Bears are in a little better shape. They get the next three games at home, all winnable games against Jacksonville, New Orleans, and the Packers. They finish at Houston, and could possibly get to 10-6, but they will have to play their best football, and their defense is really old and tired. The Saints are in the same near-impossible boat the Iggles are sailing on these turbulent waters. They would have to win the last four, and hope for a myriad of losses on five other teams. Spoiler Saints, at best. And, because of the Viking’s mess, the Packers still actually have a shot at winning the division, IF they finish Houston at home, win at Jacksonville and Chicago, and deal the possible winless Leos at home for the final game, and IF they wind up tied with Da Bears. This scenario is far more likely than the ones for Dallas, Warshingtoon, Philthydelphia, or The Saints. How malevolently karmatic it is that the fate of these three NFC East teams and the Saints are directly tied to the performance of the Duckies. Those #%$(#^@#@!~(%)&* bastards hold their meager playoff chances in their wretched talons, so to speak. I just can't stand it. I wasn’t going to include Green Bay in this list until the news about the Bumentenide stuff came out. I’m not including San Francisco, who is mathematically alive, but let’s get real, one win by the Cardy-noles will knock them out, and that’s a given. Get ‘em next year, Samauri…

CURRENT NFC DRAFT ORDER IN THE TIM TEBOW SWEEPSTAKES-
1-DETROIT
3-SAINT LOUIS
5-SEATTLE
7-SAN FRANCISCO
11-GREEN BAY

Ok, so based on this report, let’s see what my bruised but functioning clairvoyance gland foresees for the postseason-

In the AFC’s first round, Denver gets WHOOPED and BADLY by the Colts. Miami, yes, MIAMI makes it’s first playoff appearance in years and promptly collects a loss to the Ravens. And the Ravens play the Titans tough, but lose. The Colts get beat by the Squealers, and in possibly the lowest scoring championship game ever, the Titans finish the Squealers.

In the NFC, Arid-zona, at home, manages to lick the Bucs. The Duckies upset DaBears, and are subsequently plucked by the GEEEEEMen. The Cardy-noles meet the same fate at the claws of the Panthers, and sorry Fanz….

I’m just not feelin’ a January 18th victory at Giants Stadium. Of course, we have a chance, a puncher’s chance even-

But.

Giants over Titans in the Stupid Bowl.

There you go faithful readers, my first third quarter report EVER as the official PantherFanz ranter.

I’ll be back tomorrow with the handicap for Week 14.

Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street SeerCaptnTee@aol.com

MELTDOWN

2008-11-30T18:25:00.001-05:00

November 30, 2008

After downing my second celebratory beer, I’m calmed down enough to begin an unusual rant. First, a much-needed and impressive win by our Panthers today, on the road, on The Tundra, against a very good and desperate Packer offense. Go look at the rant I made after the schedule was put out in April.

I had predicted a 9-3 Panther record by this time.

Right on schedule. Despite my sucky record as a handicapper this year, at least my Panther prognostication is holding. The Cedar Street Seer continues to see the Panthers’ future in a clear manner. But, I do digress. To the contest.

As the Panther offense established itself in the first half, I began to think of the outcome, and what I would title my rant- I’m usually thinking about that by the time the third quarter’s over. I was thinking about it as the ‘Cats bulldozed to an impressive 21-10 lead. I thought of melting. Melting Wisconsin cheese, drizzly gooey Cheddars and Colbys surrounding delectable elbow macaroni. Slabs of tangy slices on perfectly grilled bread, oozing to perfection. Frozen Tundra thawing under the intense heat of the Panther attack, revealing the remains of Packer past futilities, much as melting permafrost reveals the remains of Pleistocenic Ice Age behemoths. It was turning into a much anticipated hour of joy at the keyboard.

But oh, those Cardiac Cats never make ANYTHING easy, do they?

What melted down, actually, for the SECOND STRAIGHT WEEK, was the “vaunted” Panther defense. Do you know what the Packers DIDN’T do in the second half? Wanna guess?

PUNT. They did not attempt at punt in the second half. They scored 18 unanswered points to take a 28-21 lead as you all had seen. You cannot play FoxBall without forcing MANY punts. But then, something else melted down, and it wasn’t the Panthers-

It was the Packer return team. Now I’m not taking anything away from Mike Jones, because his runbacks were terrific today. But if they make just a play or two, Carolina starts deep in their own territory. But Jonesy got us to midfield, where Jake was stupendous finding Smitty- ON THE ONE YARD LINE! TWICE in the half!!! Jonesy MIGHT just be the MVP today. I would be amiss to ignore the outstanding play of the offense in general today. The line, particularly Travelle Wharton, and to a lesser degree, Jeff Otah, played a magnificent game. There were at least THREE critical plays made by Wharton to contribute to touchdown scoring drives, and Otah opened up gaping holes for DeAngelo to scoot on through. Yeah, Jake got touched a couple of times, but he threw no picks, and the offense was PENALTY FREE for the entire game, save a delay penalty in the third quarter. Think about that for a moment. In a hostile stadium, with 60,000 drunken, hollering Wisconsin rednecks, not a SINGLE FALSE START. That’s incredible. And it’s an indicator of great coaching. Let me give Davidson some props for a second. Starting this game with a risky flea-flicker was a terrific call. Never mind Moose fumbles it on the Packer 16, because that’s kinda like a punt, and the Pack doesn’t score on the turnover anyway. I think the OC called a great game today. You tell me if you thought Carolina could score 21 points without Smitty getting ONE catch, huh? And let me say this-

There’s not a damn thing wrong with Jake. For the umpteenth time in his storied career with the Panthers, once again, he leads a quick, game winning strike in the last two minutes of the game. And the ball going to Steve Smith, his target, as usual. I guarantee you; the haters will come out this week and crucify him metaphorically because he couldn’t find Smith in the first half. Had we lost this game, much like last week, it would have not been the fault of Jake or the offense. When the Panthers score 28 points, they SHOULD win. But not today-

My knives are out for the defense. For the entire second half, there was no stopping Aaron Rogers and his passing attack. Save for a couple of sacks, there was no blunting reception after reception by determined Packer receivers. Did the secondary eat a double bowl of STUPID for the team breakfast? The coverage was decent in the first half, it vanished in the second. Simply melted down. Inexcusable. If the Panthers don’t make a HUGE goal line stand with 2.00 left in the game, the outcome might be different. I will give Jon BEASTon a pass with 8 tackles, at least, and a timely, CLUTCH INT on the Pack’s last gasp. But if Turkey-Vac doesn’t improve the play of the defense, we aren’t going far, much less make the playoffs. Tackling wasn’t the problem this week. Coverage was. And it must improve, and now. The 9-3 Buccaneers are coming for Monday night, in what’s the BIGGEST home game in recent memory. Garcia will slice us to bits if we don’t tighten the coverage. While this isn’t the totally uninspiring play of last year’s edition, it’s maddeningly lacking in execution. It made for absolutely agonizing viewing this afternoon. I could spend more time venting about this, but it’s time for some good verbage.

This was a game that was absolutely VITAL to the playoff hopes for the Packers, and they may have been irreparably dashed. Destroyed by the opportunistic play of OUR Carolina Panthers. How good is it for that to be US delivering the disappointment for a change!? How the Packer writers are going to gnash their teeth and rend their clothing in good ol’ fashioned Old Testament angst! With the Packers leading us considerably in time of possession, yards gained, third down efficiency, HOW DO THEY LOSE? Much like we did last week, in return coverage. I cannot overemphasize how critical to our victory Jones’ runbacks were. Just as Jerkoff’s returns for the Duckies sealed the loss for us, so did Jonesy’s returns. Simple as that. Reverse Karma strikes again, this time, with OUR running back getting four touchdowns! So, now we are 9-3, going into the final quarter of the season, with a great chance at not only a playoff appearance, but a chance to be a top seed. If I’m not mistaken, that’s the best start we’ve ever had. Ever. And we remain in control of our own destiny. It’s not a matter of hoping this team and that team beats this team and that team. And I can’t tell you how wonderful that is to have this late in the season. All we have to do is take care of business now at home, and we’re 11-3, and probably winning the division.

As Captain Foxy wipes the cheese goo from his grinning visage, the XO informs him the warp engines are ready to engage. He puts down his sumptuous grilled Wisconsin cheese sandwich, perfectly melted down, and says, “it is what it is, a win gets us there” A perky communications officer informs Captain Foxy a message is coming in on the subspace channel- It’s from Panther Nation-

KEEP CLAWING OUR WAY TO TAMPA BAY!!!

And the Starship Panther blazes at warp speed back to Starbase Charlotte for the most critical regular season game in our history. I’m ready. Apprehensive, but ready. The phaser banks are fully charged, but the shields blow. And I need another beer and a nicely melted down grilled cheese sammich.

Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 13

2008-11-26T15:29:00.000-05:00

November 26, 2008

Whoopee. I was one game better than the stinker I had two weeks ago. At least I’m not in double digit bad. As Jake is throwing better, so my picks are improving. But this is a crazy season. There’s no way I would have given the Schraiders a chance in Denver. NO WAY! And incredibly enough, the Croakland win gives them a chance to actually WIN THE DIVISION! And this is crazier- because the Chefs beat the Broncoids this season, there’s actually a mathematical chance that the Chefs win the division if the rest of the wretched division looses out! But the chances of that happening are the same chances Michael Vick has in joining the Panthers. But there you go. And if you had told me the Duckies would have dropped 45 on the Panthers I would have called the emotional health emergency room on you. And I have that affliction most fans have, in feeling love for the underdog. I took so many dogs last week, I feel like the damned animal shelter. Not this week, baby. While I still like some low-point doggies (with an exception being a low-point kitty cat, you’ll see later in the post) there’s just no way I’m takin’ the double-digit dawg this week. There’s plenty of drama and playoff struggles this week, and with that, here’s the playoff picture in the league before I start-

AFC DIVISIONAL LEADERS
TENNESSEE
NY BRETS
PISSBURGH
DENVER

AFC WILD CARD
INDIANAPOLIS
BALTY-MOORE

AFC STILL ALIVE
NEW ENGLANDLAND
MIAMI
BUFFALO

AFC ON LIFE SUPPORT
JACKSONVILLE
CLEVELANDLAND
HOUSTON
CROAKLAND

NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEEMEN
TAMPA BAY
ARID-ZONA
MINI-SODA

NFC WILD CARD
CAROLINA
WARSHINGRTOON

NFC STILL ALIVE
ATLANTA
DALLAS
CHICAGO
NEW ORLEANS

NFC ON LIFE SUPPORT
PHILTHYDELPHA
GREEN BAY
SAD FRANCISCO (believe it or not!!!)

TENNESSEE @ DETROIT
The holiday game slate opens up with what was once an oddly anticipated matchup between the unbeaten and the winless until the Titans had to go ahead and screw it up by losing to the BRETS. Now this looks like an excuse to actually talk to Uncle Mel and Aunt Edna. Detroit does not have the defensive power to stop the Titans rushing OR passing attack. They will be smarting from that home loss, and other than some magical karmatic intervention from some unknown malevolence, there’s little chance for the Lie-uns in this one. The Titans will be the first playoff clincher this week. I like the Titans and the –11 points.

SEATTLE @ DALLAS
By this time, you may actually have a good enough buzz that talking to Uncle Mel is actually ok, and you won’t care if Romo the Homo throws another touchdown pass to Owens. Or Witten. Or Barber. Or whoever. Seattle is in the tank and has zero motivation for even playing this game. There’s no angle, no possibility that the Cowpuppies don’t cover this game. They get strong into the wild card chase with that –12 ½ point win.

ARID-ZONA @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
Those lucky enough to have access to the elitist bastard NFL Network will now tune out Uncle Mel and watch the intriguing contest between the train wreck Fleagles, and the emergent Cardy-noles. The rest of us will spread out on the couch with our hands in our pants and doze off while the kids watch some goofy flick. Meanwhile, that prolific offense of the Cards punctures the downtrodden Iggles. While the Boids are still mathematically alive, pride is the only realistic motivating factor. They may keep it close in the first quarter, but I feel the Cards are playing with a purpose. They clinch the division with a win, and eliminate the wretched Phoney Niners from their microscopic chances. The wrong team is favored here. Take the Cardy-noles and the +3 points, straight up.

DENVER @ NY BRETS
I’m going to go ahead and say it. The BRETS are for real, and are going to be a playoff force. If you can go to the Titan’s house and PUNK them, you’ve got PLAYERS, and you’re relevant. And I’m going to say this- The Broncoids are a complete fraud. You do NOT lose to the wretched Croakland Schraiders AT HOME. The under-talented, undermanned Broncoids are NOT going to challenge the now super-hot BRETS at G’ints Stadium this Sunday. Ain’t happening. I like the BRETS and the 7 ½ points BIG.

SAD FRANCISCO @ BUFFALO
I’ll give the Phoney-Niners credit- they hung tough and fought against Dallas last week, even though they were over matched. This week it might be tougher yet- Rich Stadium promises to be cold and snowy, perfect Buffalo conditions. You know Samurai won’t take weather as an excuse, but the Bills have found new life, and this is a game they can win. The Niners won’t have any thing to play for short of pride having been eliminated from playoff contention on Thanksgiving evening. I’ll take the Bills by –7.

N’AWLINS @ TAMPA BAY
A huge, HUGE NFC South battle. Most of us had given up the Saints for dead until they BUSTED the Packers last Monday. The Bucs are quite ordinary, but they are winning, AND they are in first place. The Saints are bursting with confidence right now, and despite their defensive deficiencies, it’s possible Bree’s vertical passing game could be used as a defensive measure by Coach Peyton. I’m expecting a shoot-out. I think the Saints have one more big game in ‘em. I’m leaning to the Saints and the +3 ½.

CAROLINA @ GREEN BAY
For the Packers, this is a game of playoff survival. If they lose this one, the playoffs become a remote event. The Panthers are not as desperate, but they need this one if a home field bye is their goal. This game absolutely requires that Foxball be played for any chance at victory. And I think this scenario plays right into it. The Packers suck against the run, and the Panthers will give them all they can stand. The defense is guaranteed not to suck again, and Panther Nation will see the Duckie game as an absolute abberation. Book it, Dano.
Panthers and the +3.

NY GEEEEMEN @ WARSHINGTOON
The mighty GeeeMen are unquestionably the class of the league right now. The game they are playing is head and shoulders above everyone else, and I don’t see any reason the DeadSkins present any matchup problems for them. The Skins didn’t play them well at the start of the season, they won’t play them well now unless Noo Yawk just plain sleepwalks through the game. The G’ints can be the third playoff clincher with a win, and that will be motivation enough. Gimme the G’ints BIG.

MIAMI @ ST. LOOEY
Last week’s game against the Pastry-Rots was a lot closer than the score indicated, and the loss wasn’t fatal. Losing this one won’t be either, but if the playoffs are the goal of Tuna’s boys, then THIS IS THE GAME YOU HAVE TO WIN. The Lambs have shot their two-win load, and now, QB Bulger is struggling with a concussion, who was their best chance at even being competitive. Miami’s playing good football this season. The line is off for this game, but there’s no question. Take the DullFins. Big.

BALTY-MOORE @ CINCINATTAH
Just like the Phins in the last game, THIS IS THE GAME YOU WIN if your goal is the playoffs. The Bungles are a team in disarray, and I just don’t see how they overcome the superior play of the Ravens. The division is still within reach, and Coach Harbaugh will be sure to keep that fact front and center for the Chesapeake Warriors. They’ll be plenty juiced for this one, and it won’t be close. Ravens and the –7.

INDIANAPOLIS @ CLEVELANDLAND
Brownie Nation just got the bad news yesterday- The Brady Boys Bandwagon officially got grounded for the season as Quinn’s index finger puts him on IR. Too bad. With the Colts starting to hit their stride, they have a chance to further solidify their wild card chances. Cold and snowy won’t matter, either. I’d expect Dungee to coach an “A” game. Take Indy and the –4 ½ points.

ATLANTA @ SAD DIEGO
As bad as the Charger’s record is, the fact that the Broncoids suck so bad actually gives them hope to win the division. The players aren’t so McSnabbed that they don’t see it- A win here and a Broncoid loss puts them within a game with four to go. Motivation? You bet. The Duckies are great at home, and so-so on the road. This will be a test for this powerful offense. This game will be tightly played. This kills me, KILLS me to have to do this again, and this is one game I’d like to be wrong about, but the Duckies cover them +5 points.

PISSBURGH @ NEWENGLANDLAND
Pissburgh is the Tampa Bay of the AFC. They are at 8-3, and doing it with defense and an ordinary offense. The Pastry-Rots have renewed life with the victory at Miami, and the inspiring play of Matt Cassel. Here’s a news flash, Matt- The going will be MUCH tougher against THIS defense, which is arguably the best in the NFL. If NewEnglandland’s defense can get just A LITTLE heat on that weak O line of Pissburgh’s, they can give themselves a chance. On offense, they will have to keep that ferocious Squealer pass rush contained. Tall order for the Pastry-Rots. I’m finding it hard to pick against the Squealers, a one point underdog. And I won’t. I lean to the Squealers in this one, and no matter the outcome, both teams live to fight for playoff positioning next week.

KANSAS CITY @ CrOAKLAND
If you had told me that in Week 13 of this season that the Schraiders still had playoff hopes, I would have considered you for interment. If the Broncoids and Bolts both lose this weekend, all of a sudden CrOakland is alive for the divisional championship with a win. Oh God, and Al Davis would be insufferable. Both teams are deeply flawed, but are still playing hard. As goofy as the Schraider’s coaching staff is, certainly they know what’s at stake. Originally I didn’t want to get close to this game, but it actually has a little juice. I’m throwin’ the Schraiders a bone, and leanin’ to ‘em and the –3 points.

CHICAGO @ MINI-SODA
This is no doubt the game of the week. Tied for the lead at 6-5, the division is in the balance. I don’t think the Bear defense is up for stopping Adrian Peterson, who will dominate this game. The Bear defense hasn’t been up the whole year, and will need new blood in the offseason. The key for the Vikings is also stopping the strong running attack of Matt Forte. If he gets loose, then Kyle Orton will definitely ‘eer some ‘oos down the field wearing Bears white, navy and orange. The Vikings know what’s at stake, and I’m leaning to them and the –3 points.

JACKSONVILLE @ HOUSTON
Whooo Boy, what a great game to end the holiday weekend! A stout pair of 4-7 teams with fast-flickering, virtually non-existant playoff hopes. Jacksonville is by far the most disappointing team this season, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see Del Rio the latest hot seat contestant. Houston was expected to be better this year, but losing Matt Schaub was a blow. If Rosenfels can find Andre Johnson enough times, they just might make the home Houstoners a happy horde for their Monday night. It’s hard to get a juicy feeling for this game, but I’ll lean to the Texans and the –3 points.

Happy Thanksgiving, Fanz-
Be thankful for what you got. If you’re reading this on your computer at your home or office, you’re already blessed. Some of you I’ll see Sunday, and if not- I’ll be back with another verbage-filled rant really soon.

Last week- minor improvement 7-9
Season- 69-73

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Email me, the Cedar Street Seer
And be sure to title your message
“CLAWIN’ OUR WAY TO TAMPA BAY!!!”
CaptnTee@aol.com

Meeee-OW!!!

2008-11-25T21:00:00.001-05:00

November 25th, 2008

It was difficult to make my way to the keyboard after Sunday’s performance. A couple of hours with Jack Bauer (and NOT JACK DANIELS- I don’t think that would have done any good-) helped take my mind off of what I’d just seen. Yesterday I celebrated my 24th wedding anniversary, so it’s still been tough getting to the keyboard, but after digesting this debacle, I’m ready to rant-

And boy, will I rant!

I had wondered what to title this special rant - words like “Debacle” and “Disaster” kept coming up, but the passive mewing of a beat-up kitty cat seemed more appropriate. Even moreso,re-wording the onomatopoeia to suggest that this performance hurt. Boy, did it! Perhaps Mee-OUCH!!! would be better, but oh, I’m digressing…

Most of you spent Sunday afternoon writhing and gnashing and agonizing, as did I, and I almost DON’T want to know how James reacted, fixed knees and all. And I know SOME of you spent a miserable four hours driving back home thinking the worst of thoughts about our beloved football team. As opposed to ripping into it as I usually do, or going into some geeky metaphor, I will begin this much as an investigator analyzes a murder or as a coroner slices open a body, looking for clues. I subtitle this rant-

ANATOMY OF A LOSS-

The game began with the Duckies clearly in aggressive mode. There was not a huge concern for us defensively at the start, as a mere field goal put our hated rivals ahead. But a trifecta of three-and-outs by the offense began to temper the optimism. It was clear the Duckies were getting more push on BOTH lines of scrimmage, keeping the pass rush off of Matt Ryan, and keeping the Panthers from getting into an offensive rhythm. At the end of the quarter, the Duckies were ahead, 17-0, and the Panthers were without even ONE first down. If this was any other team, the game would be over already. But the Panthers are a strong team in all phases of the game; on this day, those phases would be severely tested. A turnover created by Chris Gamble turned the momentum to the Cats, and a field goal put us on the board. Jake began to find a rhythm, and the running game began to find its footing. The half ended with the score 17-3, and the momentum beginning to shift to the Panthers. Sure enough, when the second half began, the resurgent Panther offense took the opening possession and rammed it down the Duckie’s gullets. The defense sprang to life and shut down the previously unstoppable Duckie attack. Another field goal got the score to 17-13, and now the Panthers were right where they needed to be going into the fourth quarter-

Only they didn’t tell the defense. All of a sudden, sound tackling became a lost art as the Duckie offense gashed us yard after yard. Another rushing touchdown by Turner pushed the score to 24-13, but the Panthers would strike again, with Jake scooting into the end zone and something UNSEEN in Panther lore – A MADE TWO-POINT CONVERSION! Now back to a 4-point game, the Panthers HAD to stop the Duckie offense, and get a now hot Jake Delhomme and the offense back on the field for the winning points. TickTickTickTickTickTick- A third and long with the Duckies deep in their own end of the field was the opportunity-

LOST.

A bomb to Douglas, and WRETCHED TACKLING brought them to the Panther 6, and only a desperate pursuit by Chris Harris prevented the touchdown. Still, the Panther D managed to force a fourth-and goal-to go. Coach Smith decided to go for it. Turner was stopped briefly in the backfield, but INEXPLICABLY, the Panthers failed to wrap him up. He scored. Now, a ten point lead with seven minutes left began to move outside the Panther’s operating parameters. And now, the Panther offense suddenly bogged down on their own 1, a terrible place to be in catchup mode. Jason Baker managed to knock an INCREDIBLE punt down the field- So incredible, that he OUTKICKED the coverage- and Harry Douglas scooted into the end zone, against our usually reliable punt cover team. Score now 38-21, and this game felt like it was going to be over. Not so fast- Jake once again quickly moved the team down the field, and hit Moose with a TD strike, but there were only two minutes left in the game-The onside kick failed, and Turner again knocked in yet another touchdown as the defense totally wilted.

As I pull out the scalpel to slice open this Panther carcass, I’m surrounded by thousands of Panther fans in the observation area of the dissection arena. I withdraw a slightly bruised, but intact and perfectly healthy Jake Delhomme. Other than the slow start by the offense AS A WHOLE in the first quarter, there was NOTHING wrong with Jake’s performance on Sunday! He had damn near close to 300 yards, and would have had more if Smitty hadn’t dropped TWO KEY passes, and ONE was for a TOUCH! Moose also had a couple of miserable drops. Yes, the Jake was operating correctly, despite the vicious and STUPID rants of the ignorant and uneducated side of PantherNation that sees (and wrongly so) otherwise. With 134 yards of rushing, mostly by DeAngelo, we also find THAT organ in the Panther attack quite healthy. Ahh, here’s a decrepit and barely functioning system in the Panther carcass - The return game! Mike Jones could never penetrate the Duckie coverage, so the offense was CONTINOUSLY starting at the 20, or less. If I recall, our VERY BEST starting position, besides the SOLE TURNOVER of the game, was at the 32. A symbiotic organ, the return coverage, was also necrotic and malfunctioning. Together, these units contributed strongly to the loss, but here, in the guts of the Panther, there appears to be a VITAL organ that is missing-

The defense is out of the body. Ahah! Here’s how the victim met their fate – The Defensive organ must have dropped out of the body when hit by the aggressive play of the Duckies. There was no chance to survive the day, despite the best play of Jake and the offense.

So, with that analogy done, I’ve taken hundreds of words to say what I could have said in a simple sentence. The defense was abysmal on this day. Uncharacteristically dismal. And I’m at a loss to explain. I go back to my conversation with Eric Dalby years ago, about the individual battles on the line of scrimmage, but that seems to be excusive to me. There seemed to be no urgency on the defense. And worse- The tackling was as poor as I’ve ever seen on a Panther team, even more inexcusable. And I wonder, is this a continuation of poor Turkey-Vac product? If there is another performance like this, THIS YEAR, Foxy simply has to question keeping this coordinator around. And the play of the return coverage units? Almost as bad. This day was a glaring reminder that special teams indeed, can win or lose the game for you. I drag out another worn-out old axiom- “Stats are for losers”. But they can help tell a story- Look at the stats for the game- The Panthers out gained, out passed, out rushed, even led the time of possession, but still lost. WE DID NOT EVEN TURN THE BALL OVER! So HOW DO WE LOSE? Defense and special teams - These two phases of the Panthers game were shockingly poor against the Duckies, and the team is at the part of the season where these two are vital to MAKING the post season, let alone having success during it. A loss is a loss is a loss, true. It wouldn’t matter in the grand scheme of the campaign if the Panthers had been nipped by a single point, or by the preponderance of points dumped on us, as much as had violated us in years. The end result is that our lead is now gone, and for the time being, Tampa Bay is ahead of us in the division race. But the WAY we lost gives me much concern. There’s nothing wrong with Jake. He proved his health and efficiency to me on this game. His passer rating actually exceeded that of Ryan’s. Which brings me to another rant.

I am simply SICK AND TIRED of Jake Delhomme getting the brunt of the blame when the Panthers don’t perform up to expectations. I’m convinced our so-called fans are of terminal sub-intelligence if they don’t see he’s the best thing we’ve had at QB! Don’t they remember even LAST MISERABLE SEASON when we were without him? Call after call after call on the sports talk shows slam our Jake unmercifully. It infuriates me, when this man, of the highest character, and the most intense of competitive spirit, is singled out for the lack of success, when it occurs, on the team. Find a brain, you dumbasses! Even Brett Favre has a few stinker games! But you never heard Packer fans or now, J*E*T*S fans wanting to get rid of him! Go down the list of great quarterbacks, and you’ll find every single one, from Elway to Montana, struggling once in a while. And sometime, at the worst of times. I remember Montana getting knocked silly in the NFC Championship game by Giants. And in the Super Bowl? How many times was John Elway embarrassed? In my opinion, he could have been the very best that’s played the position. Think they wanted to run Johnny outta town in Denver? Not likely. And all of a sudden, I’m hearing Panther fans wanting to deal with the Pastry-Rots for Matt Cassel! ARE YOU SERIOUS? Come on, get real! This quarterback is succeeding in EvilCheck’s system! Take him out, and he likely flounders like Scott Mitchell. Jake Delhomme is our best chance to win, period. It really pisses me off when I hear our fan base talk stupid like that. I was concerned for him the past couple of weeks, but he proved his reliability on Sunday. That’s all I’m gonna say about this right now.

Back to this putrid performance of a defense – If this malaise isn’t fixed, and THIS WEEK, we are looking at a very difficult stretch of games, which at worst, takes us to 8-8, and OUT of the playoffs. We could possibly afford another loss, maybe even two, because 11-5 CERTAINLY gets you in. But how do YOU want to go to the ball? Do you want to go in your beat-up pickup truck? (allright Wildman, maybe YOU would- :-P ) Or do you want to pull up in your brand new Lexus? It would be nice to get a home bye. What I don’t want to see, period, is another abortion like PantherNation had to endure Sunday. What I DO want to see is a ravenous, dominating, bullrushing, rapacious, crushing effort from the defense in EVERY GAME for the rest of the season! These guys are proud professionals. When you hear Harris, BEASTON, Lucas, all of these guys talk, they BADLY want to perform, and win. Ok. I believe you. SHOW ME this Sunday. Win or lose, give your best effort against the Packers on their home tundra, and I’ll write glowingly about you and chalk up your wretched performance in Atlanta to a bad case of karmatitis. The Packers are ready to be had, too. If you didn’t see the game yesterday, they were positively PUNKED by the Saints. SMASHED. Their defense was just about as bad as ours, maybe worse. Brees moved the ball at will on them. Remember what WE did to the Saints? I’m expecting a desperate performance on both sides of the ball from both teams, but I keep coming back to one simple fact. Even with the stinker we laid at the Duckie Pond, we are the better team, no question. And I think that bears itself out next Sunday.

I’m reminded of our championship years. In 2003, our Super Bowl year, and in 2005, our drive to the NFC Championship game, we had a stretch of three bad games late in the season. Remember that? Also, remember that the damned Duckies were part of that stench. We just got them first this year. And true to Cardiac Cat fashion, we got into the playoffs, and away we went. My confidence has taken a little hit, but I’m still faithful that what we’ve seen this past week was an aberration. I think the offense gets in gear against that shell-shocked Packer D, and that OUR D is determined to play the stink of last week our of their heads. I’m so confident, that I’m ready to GUARANTEE a win this Sunday!

The Klingons have blasted at our shields, but we are still managing warp speed. Repairs to the Starship Panther are proceeding as we head to our next mission as we-

CLAW OUR WAY TO TAMPA BAY!!!

Gotta Comment?

Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
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THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 12

2008-11-21T09:30:00.003-05:00

November 20th, 2003

(oops, I’m LATE!)

I’m almost convinced that the fortunes of Jake Delhomme and I are linked in this obscene karmatic twist. When he sucks, my picks suck. When he’s on, I’m on. So I’m prepared to be mediocre this week. We are now well into the month of separation in the league, when the pretenders meet their doom; the contenders make their statements, and the bottom feeders play for jobs and draft picks. There are 6 PIVOTAL games this week, and I soldier on, despite falling into sub-500 territory now. Before I pick, I’ll now introduce the playoff status for all teams NOT eliminated.

AFC DIVISONAL LEADERS
TENNESSEE
NY BRETS
PISSBURGH
DENVER

AFC WILD CARD
INDIANAPOLIS
MIAMI

AFC STILL ALIVE
BALTY-MOORE
NEW ENGLANDLAND
BUFFALO

AFC ON THE BRINK
SAN DIEGO
CLEVELANDLAND
JACKSONVILLE

NFC DIVISIONAL LEADERS
NY GIANTS
CAROLINA
ARID-ZONA
MINI-SODA

NFC WILD CARD
TAMPA BAY
WARSHINGTOON

NFC STILL ALIVE
ATLANTA
DALLAS
CHICAGO
GREEN BAY

NFC ON THE BRINK
PHILTYDELPHIA
NEW ORLEANS

CINCINATTAH @ PISSBURGH
The elitist bastards at the NFL Network offer us up a matchup that appeals only to fans, unlike last week’s tremendous BRETS/PATSY tilt. And I’m guessing it’s appealing to Squealer fans only. Somehow, Pissburgh is keeping Big Ben upright and in the game, but I’m convinced their poor pass protection will be their undoing at some point this season, despite the ferocious D. It’s good to see that the Bungles continue to fight on despite their record, but they’re not good enough to dent the Squealers on this night. There really isn’t any jeopardy for the Squealer’s playoff machine with a loss, but Tomilin will have his boys motivated for this one. The line’s rather large at 10, but Pissburgh’s got something to say about scoring a measly 11 points on the Chargers. I’m taking the Squealers and the –10 points.

HOUSTON @ CLEVELANDLAND
This game will be played for pride only, as there is pretty much no realistic shot for either team to make the postseason. Brownie Nation is now officially ready to divorce Derek Anderson and walk down the aisle with Brady Quinn. Truth be told, he’s actually looked like a first-round draft pick in the past two games, and the teams’ rallied around him. They played a terrific road game against the Bills this week, and I got a feeling they’ll continue to improve through the remainder of the season, albeit much, much, too late. While the Texans showed some moxie in playing Indy tough last week, I think the Brownies continue to evolve into Brady’s Bunch. I’m leaning to the Brownies and the –3 points.

BEEFALO @ KANSAS CITY
The Brownie’s defeated and demoralized opponent goes into what may be their last gasp in their playoff derby. The Bills played good enough to win, DESPITE the horrific turnovers by Edwards, but were punished ONCE AGAIN by a kick gone WIDE RIGHT. That was a game they HAD to have, and like the Eagles last week, they will go into this game deflated against an inferior opponent. Here’s another angle- Larry Johnson will probably be back for this game, and to Herm Edwards’ credit, the Chefs continue to fight and play football. I’m sure LJ’s return pumps the team up, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see the Chefs win, and make the AFC East race a little simpler. Beefalo’s favoured by -3, but I’m leaning to the Chefs in this one.

NOO YAWK BRETS @ TENNESSEE
This is the first of the BIG SIX for the week. The BRETS are coming in jacked up having dispatched the Pastry-Rots last week, and are playing some outstanding football. Jenkins continues to be a one-man wrecking crew on defense, and will provide the stiffest test for the Titans so far this year. If there ever was a game this season where Fisher’s fellers could fail, this would be it. Tennessee will play this game for keeps, I guarantee it, but so will The BRETS. I doubt the running game for either team will be particularly productive, and the better passer will be victorious. Uh, that would be Brett. A loss does virtually nothing to the Titans in the playoff sweepstakes, and that influences my pick, because getting these guys motivated will be getting harder and harder until the playoffs begin, as the home field is practically guaranteed. A loss by the BRETS gives some juice to the Pastry-Rots and Dolphins. Gimme the B*R*E*T*S and the +5.

NEW ENGLANDLAND @ MIAMI
This is the second of the BIG SIX games. At this time of year, a game in Dolphins stadium is a delightfully warm break from the brutal chill of the Northeast. Matt Cassel is playing his way to a big payday from a QB-starved NFL team, if not the Patsies. While their defense is not playing particularly well, the offense is now clicking. The Dolphins, on the other hand, have seriously underachieved against the bottom-feeding Seadawgs and Schraiders. Perhaps they’ve been looking past these two to this game. Great news, Team of Tuna-
You finally get to play the Pastry-Rots this Sunday! Don’t think they’ve forgotten the pasting they took at home to your “Wildcat” play. They might not be able to defend it STILL, but they’ll be a little more prepared. I’m expecting fireworks in this game, and might be the most entertaining contest of the day. A loss for NewEnglandland is crippling, because their remaining schedule is tougher than Miami’s. This will be a day for the Pastry-Rots, who are a +2 point underdog.

SAN FRANCISCO @ DALLAS
Samurai’s Niners take their one-game winning streak to the resurgent (barely) Cowpuppies who got a little better by beating the Deadskins in DC. Since Singletary and his old-school bluster took over the team, they have responded to him, and I think they bring their best game to Texas this weekend. I’m not convinced the Cowbabies are back to power team status, and this game will bear it out. The Phoney-Niners have nothing to lose, and will probably make their season by beating Dallas. A loss for the Cowbabies will hurt, but won’t be fatal this week. SanFran’ll come close. Gimme the Niners and the +11 points to put a little scare into Dallas.

TAMPA BAY @ DETROIT
At some point, The Lie-uns are gonna beat someone this season. This is about as good a chance as they are going to get- The Bucs have lost Earnest Graham for the season, and while they get Cadillac Williams back for this game, he’s NOT in football shape. Give the Motor City Misfits credit- they are still “swinging their sword” and showed it last week against Carolina. I’m wondering if Daunte Culpepper doesn’t present a matchup problem? How I’d absolutely LOVE to see the Lions get their first win here! Not likely, but Tampa Bay came perilously close to losing to the Chefs on the road. Just a hunch, but I’m thinking the Lie-uns cover this week. My pick might be tinged with a bit of homerisim, as there’s really no doubt Tampa will win, but I’ll take the Leos and those +8 ½ points.

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ BALTY-MOORE
I knew for all of the carnage I’d endured last week that I’d be right about one thing- The Iggles would lay a big dodo egg at Cincinattah, and they didn’t disappoint. What WAS astounding, and in a bad way, was the fact that Donavan McSnabb had NO CLUE an NFL game could end in a tie. This lack of attention to detail has been plaguing the Boids for years, and now it threatens to undo them. The Ravens were soundly whooped by the G’ints last week, and may have been exposed defensively. Fortunately for them, the running game that crushed them doesn’t exist in Philthy, so they can blitz McSnabb to their hearts content. The tie for Philthy was every bit as bad as a loss, and one more loss might be it for the Fleagle’s playoff chances. I’m leanin’ to the Ravens and the –1 ½ points.

CHICAGO @ ST. LOOEY
Let’s make it official. The Lambs have given up on Jimmy Haslett. Their play over the last few weeks has certified the interim coaches’ exit from the team. And let’s make another thing official. DaBears’ defense is AVERAGE. Possibly BELOW average. Wont’ matter in this game. DaBears have GOTTA have this one. Expect Orton to ‘eer SEVERAL ‘Oo’s in this game. No problem for DaBears giving up the –8 ½ points this Sunday.

MINI-SODA @ JACKSONVILLE
This could be the last chance for the Vikings to keep up in the divisional chase, and their second consecutive trip to Florida. While the warm weather is obviously welcome for a cold-weather team, the Jags still have a little bit of pride left, and would love to take the Vikes down with them. I’d expect a HUGE dose of AP to beat up the Jag’s D, but if the league decides to suspend the 3 core defensive linemen of the Vikings, the game tilts in favour of the Jag-you-whyers. Roger Goodell has shown himself to be a hard-ass in his ruling on league violations, so I’m guessing the suspensions go down. And so will Mini-Soda. And so will their playoff chances. I’m leaning to the Jags and the –2 ½ points.

CAROLINA @ ATLANTA
This is the THIRD of the BIG SIX games this week. This at first seemed to me to be a tough game to call, but seeing how they were flat out-coached by the Broncoids leads me to think that the ‘Cats should enjoy even more success against the team that has given them nightmares in the past. The Panther’s D is starting to peak at the right time, as is the running game. Two names are coming to me that make a huge difference in this game- Julius Peppers and DeAngelo Williams. I’m anticipating game-dominating performances from these two. Another angle- Top defensive tackle for the Duckies, Grady Jackson, is in the same boat (Pun INTENDED) with the Vikings players in the substance abuse issue. I would expect a VERY heavy dose of Stewilliams in this game, and so will the Duckies, who are in the bottom part of the league standings against the run. Without Jackson to help against the run, there might be another BIG ground game for the ‘Cats. Problem is, which Jake shows up? I’m not sure it matters for this game, so I’m relegating that to MINOR problem. I’ve got a really good feeling about this game since Denver managed to expose them. The Panthers are on a mission, and the Duckies are a mere speed bump. Duckies, the league was pullin’ for you, but we’ll see you next year. Wrong team favoured here. Take the Panthers and the +1.

CrOAKLAND @ DENVER
Here’s a pair of teams with a very contentious history. There’s no need to motivate either to play this game, because they TRULY hate each other. This might be one of the leagues’ bitterest rivalries. Shanahan is starting to figure out what he has for the rest of the season and is making the most of it, much to my surprise, because I never gave them the credit. The Schraiders are playin’ out the string, but they’ll want to at least be competetive. Too bad they won’t be able to. I don’t think this game is even close. Denver will want to put some distance between them and the Chargers, and this will be a splendid opportunity to do it. As I’ve said again and again, if you are playing for a championship, THIS IS A GAME YOU MUST WIN! Gimme the Broncoids and the –9 ½ points.

WARSHINGTOON @ SEATTLE
The Fredskins took a hit from Dallas last week, but here’s a chance for them to get back into the front of the playoff chase. The SeaDawgs will be playing in a stadium full of dispassionate fans, used to seeing this team compete for playoff positioning, and not draft positioning. The ForeSkins actually played well until the second half, when stopping Marion Barber became a problem. The SeaDawgs have no such athlete, or no such offensive line. Even without Clinton Portis, the DeadSkins should have little trouble moving the ball on these guys, and should have little trouble stopping their meager offensive attack. I like the FredSkins and the –3 ½ points.

NOO YAWK GEEEEEEEEEEEEEMEN @ ARID-ZONA
Here’s BIG GAME #4. This is a HUGE statement game more than it is for playoff positioning. Both teams are guaranteed at LEAST one home playoff game- Of course, they are playing for more than that- And oddly enough, a loss doesn’t jeopardize that for the G’ints. But the Cardy-Noles would love to show the nation that they belong with the elite of the conference. They came close against the Panthers, but came up short. Here’s an opportunity for them to make themselves legitimate. This just in- Battering ram Brandon Jacobs has a sprained knee and will be OUT for this game- The G’ints DO have two other great backs, but if Arid-Zona manages to blunt the run game even slightly, they give themselves a chance. It’s also IMPERATIVE that they keep the G’ints’ formidable pass rush off Warner long enough to find that AWESOME trio of receivers. If they do, they have a serious chance to upset the NFC’s frontrunner. I think they do it. Gimme the Cards and the +3.

INDIANAPOLIS @ SAD DIEGO
This is BIG GAME #5 in the BIG SIX sextet of games for the week. The Colts, given up for DEAD three weeks ago, have managed to play themselves into decent playoff positioning. The Chargers, on the other hand, have played themselves into the brink of elimination. A loss to Indy will pretty much do it, as catching Denver will be their only chance to get to the postseason. They know it, the fans know it, and this game will be hard-hitting and desperate for both teams. What they will have to do is try to create mis-matches on the line on offense as so to help LT create big gains on the ground, and keeping the ball out of Peyton’s hands, who is at last finding his footing this season. It’s the Bolts’ last best chance – after this, three of their last six remaining games are against contenders, and they CANNOT afford a loss. I just think Indy has more to play for, and they’re getting good at the right time. They put Sad Diego out of their misery this Sunday Night. COLTS and the +3.

GREEN BAY @ N’AWLINS
Monday night brings us the final BIG GAME in the SERIOUS SEXTET for the week. This is desperation time for the Saints. A loss here, and they are done. And Green Bay knows a wild card spot is out of the question, and they have two tough games against Carolina and Chicago coming up. I have a feeling this will be one HELL of a shoot out between Rogers and Brees. Forget T.O., get your popcorn ready for THIS one. The Saints might be without some stalwarts, particularly Duce McCallister because of the illegal substance stink, if Goodell rules against the dozen or so players being investigated. Won’t be good for the Saints. I’m leanin’ to the Packers and the +2 ½.

We’re getting into the best part of the regular season, when we start getting into elimination games. And it’s awesome when OUR team is actually one of the most relevant ones.

I just wish I didn’t suck at handicapping games this year…

Last week- yeeeeeechhhhh!!! 6-10

Season- 62-64

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ALL GROUND UP-

2008-11-17T17:01:00.003-05:00

November 17, 2008

Or “Pounding the Ground”. All of the “grinding metaphor” comes flooding over me today- “Lions Grounded”, “Back to the Grind” “Ground Control to Jake Delhomme”, “Freshly Ground”, “Coarsely Ground” "Hittin' th' Ground"…

You get the ideal. Feel free to add your description.

An odd feeling once again came to me yesterday, sittin’ with Dear O’l Dad in the Section of The Seer. While disappointed that the Lie-uns managed to put ten points on us right off the bat, there was never any panic in my mind, never a doubt that we would win this game. Never. And sure enough, just like that, the flimsy dam Detroit built to contain the running attack burst, and we witnessed the very best rushing performance the Panthers ever had. In the Crazy Joe world of football, I would run the ball on almost every down if I were having success. ESPECIALLY if you are AVERAGING 8.5 YARDS PER CARRY like yesterday! I really like the quote that Jordan Gross made in the Disturber this morning- “Offensive linemen love run blocking so much more than pass blocking. You get to be the hammer as opposed to the nail”. Great quote, Jordan. Let’s hope you and your line mates can keep this going. I also heard DeAngelo call the run game “Foxy Ball”, which confirms on the professional level what I’ve been saying for years. It was a thing of beauty, yes, but let’s get real-

This was the WINLESS, 0-10 LIONS!!!

This is a team you are supposed to beat, and soundly. I’d imagine that a successful rushing attack in the NFL, as opposed to a Big 12 or Big 10 running game, predicates a lower score. And I wonder if I’m telling you that just to make us all feel better, but for those of you who are confirmed Panther loyalists that embrace the Foxy thought process, you would be quick to fault where I’m going with this rant. For those who analyze and are forward looking,
You’re following the Cedar Street Seer’s trepidation. Yes, according to Foxy, there’s no such thing as an “ugly win”, and there’s no good loss. You read the quotes, and he’s got a point. You can listen to the spin of the players complimenting the play of the Lie-Uns. But lost in the euphoria of yesterday’s win, is a glaring concern I’ve got.

The Detroit Lions are near the bottom of the league in run defense. The result was expected. So passing the ball wasn’t necessary, but for the second week in a row-

Jake Delhomme didn’t look so hot. Ok, he was better than last week, but the level of play we’ve seen from him the past two weeks is beating NO ONE left on our schedule. So what happens, oh, NEXT WEEK, when we face a team we DIDN’T RUN ON the last time we played them? And what is Davidson pulling out of his playbook if the Duckies are successful at stopping Stewilliams? And then, the Packers get their turn, and so on. All of a sudden, I’m wondering if Jake’s repaired elbow is wearing out? The man for whom the surgical procedure is named for has stated in the most successful patients, the arm feels better than ever- At first- And then begins to wear out. It’s possible we’re seeing this happen with Jake, and I hope to Almighty God that I’m wrong. But folks, the easy part of the season is NOW OVER.

The Duckies are smarting right now. I’m sure some Duckie Blogger who would be my counterpart in Atlanta is now writing about the doubts he now fosters about his team getting embarrassed at home by a beat-up Broncoids team that has had SERIOUS defensive problems and a one-dimensional offense. But they have a chance to get their season back on track with a victory-

OVER US.

If we rush for the same yards we did back in September, we will lose. Especially if Jake hasn’t shaken off what’s kinking his game. If we don’t pressure Ryan, we will lose. The time for cautious, conservative game planning is over. The Panthers now have to go on the ATTACK both offensively, and defensively. I don’t think we’re having a problem with the defense. We seem to be making big play after game-deciding big play. But if you have to count on the defense for over half the game, you wind up wearing them out! Remember the Vikings game? The offense, Jake in particular, is what worries me. Even if your running game is superior, eventually you have to throw the ball effectively, without turning it over. And yeah, you may be right when you crack on me for being overly negative in the light of yesterday’s performance. Of course I’m glad we won, of course I’m thrilled to death with the offensive performance. But I think I’ve got legitimate concerns, and I’m keeping a subjective perspective. Our success for the remainder of the season ABSOLUTELY DEPENDS on the effectiveness of one Jake Delhomme. QB ratings of 80 and below may doom us. Of course, if we wind up whackin’ the Duckies, which I’m CAUTIOUSLY OPTOMISTIC we’ll do, I’ll reserve my bitchin’. If we lose-

I’m turnin’ it loose.

I’ve said it before, and it bears repeating. The next six games are the crucible of the season. Let’s see Davidson throw some creative wrinkles in the attack that the league hasn’t seen yet. What about involving Smitty in some more end-around plays? What about running the “single wing” again? It started our rally against the Cardy-Noles, right? We absolutely HAMMERED the Duckies at their pond with it two seasons ago! And THAT was DeAngelo’s first year, remember? I’m sure there’s more in Jeffy’s bag ‘o tricks he could throw out there. And on defense? Blitz, Turkey-Vac, BLITZ!!!

BRING-

THE –

HEAT!!!

ON PRACTICALLY EVERY DOWN!!! LIVE IN THE BACKFIELD AND DISRUPT!!! I sincerely believe we now have the players to do it. If we are playing up to our potential, we can run the table to January. While it’s likely we lose a close one at some point, I still don’t think we take this 8-2 start and finish 8-8. But let’s look at the last six games real quick and see how tough this is going to be-

This weekend- at The Duckies – The Duckies you all know about now, ad nauseaum. Turner, Norwood, Ryan, blah, blah, blah. They have the offensive firepower to beat us. Granted, we’ve beaten The Saints and Cardy-Noles who have even BETTER games, but we beat them at home, and we seem to struggle in domes, particularly THIS one. This is a game where we had better strap it on, and get after them, cause guess where Tampa Bay is this weekend? Yep. The Lie-Uns. I don’t think they’re going to be the first team to lose to them this season. One good stat-
Right now the Duckies are 22nd in the league at stopping the run, so Jake may get away with low numbers this week.

November 30th - at Green Bay- The Packers are fighting for their playoff lives, and played like it in thumping, and I mean THUMPING DaBears yesterday. They have a really tough game against the Saints next week who are also fighting for playoff survival. Should they lose in N’awlins, this game will be MONSTEROUS for the Packers. By this time, the weather will begin to be a factor, but hell, we’ve seen Seifert take Beurlein and his Frisbee-catchin’-dawgs up there to the Tundra and win. Here's another great stat- As of this week, Green Bay is near the very bottom of the league at stopping the run. Jake gets one more week to get well. Another game to strap it on and GIT IT!

December 8th – MONDAY NIGHT GAME WITH TAMPA BAY- This game, should we manage to win or split the past two, will be an ENOURMOUS GAME with PLAYOFF IMPLICATIONS of a most serious level! The Bucs have Detroit over there, and the Saints at home before this one. We very well may be tied when this game is played, and this WILL BE for the division. Success will be predicated on how well we will be able to run on them, and if we can GROUND (hey there’s that metaphor again!) Garcia into the BOFA turf!

December 14th – Denver Broncoids at home- This will be our final home game before the playoffs. Denver has surprisingly taken a two game lead on the Chargers at this posting, and by the time they get here, they may have this WEAK division and a home playoff game already locked up, and may not have much to play for as Tennessee and Pissburgh will likely take the first week bye. I think this is the easiest game of the six. The team with no defense will certainly not stop Stewilliams and pressure on Cutler will ensure a Panther victory, and possibly a clinching of a playoff spot.

December 21st – At NOO YAWK GEEEEEMEN-If things hold to form, this for all the world is looking like the fight for home field supremacy. I think both teams absolutely leave every bit of it on the field. Depending on the manner of how this game is won or lost will determine the playoff fate of both. Remember the season ending game against the Pastry-Rots for the G’ints last year? These two likely play AGAIN January 18th, and both would MUCH prefer to be home.

December 28th – At N’awlins Saints – We close the season with a game that could be meaningless in playoff positioning, or absolutely CRITICAL to one or both teams. Hard to predict at this point, but I’m thinking the Saints’ starters will be fighting tooth and nail against Josh McClown, Nick Comings and Goings and company.

Gee, that was fun! The league is so much more fun when the team you pull for is 8-2 and relevant! Of course, you’d better hope like hell that-

1- Delhomme’s arm AND head is ready to go and be at, or near the top of his game.
2- Josh McClown has his best game if Jake does not.
3- Turkey-Vac has the defensive game plan to see us to February.
4- And this is MOST important- No one gets hurt.

So, in true Foxy Fashion, I’m not getting too high over this win over the winless but still-proud Lie-uns. Glad to win, but now this is when you EARN the championship. And I like our chances, but I'm startin' to get all shnerkly in my gut with anxiety. To all the Fanz headin’ to Duckie Town, cheer hard, stay safe, and come home ready to ride this starship to January!

LET’S KEEP CLAWIN’ OUR WAY TO TAMPA BAY!!!

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NINE YEARS OF FUTILITY-AND COUNTING-

2008-11-13T12:42:00.002-05:00

November 13th, 2008

In 2001, one of the oldest franchises in the NFL made a fateful decision that hamstrung them in so many convoluted ways. The Ford family, owners of the Detroit Lions, hired a man who had ZERO football operations experience. They hired a man who was a good linebacker, with ONE ProBowl selection, with his share of Super Bowl rings, and a serviceable broadcasting career.

They hired Matt Millen to be the general manager of an NFL franchise.

Before I dive into the mess that Millen hath wrought, I look back at the franchise that pulled the switch to give this man the power to make utterly miserable the entire fan base of Michigan.

The Portsmouth Spartans organized a semi-professional team in city of the same name in Ohio in 1929. In 1930, they joined the fledgling NFL along with the Decatur Staleys, the Phoen, uh, Ariz- uh, St. Loui- uh, CHICAGO Cardinals, and Green Bay Packers. In 1934, a Detroit radio mogul bought the team, moved them to Motown, and renamed them LIONS, intending them to be the “monarchs of the NFL”. In 1935 they won their first championship. The Thanksgiving Day game tradition was also established at this time. They remained strong for the remainder of the decade, and became average in the 40’s. In the 50’s, they dominated the NFL with the play of Hall of Famer Bobby Lane at quarterback. After he suffered a career-threatening injury in 1958, the Lions traded him to Pittsburgh. Deeply insulted, Bobby declared “The Lions will not win for 50 years!” For the next twenty years, it had appeared the “Curse of the BOB-INO” would take hold of the franchise much like Ruth’s curse afflicted the BoSox. During this period, W.C. Ford, Sr. bought the team, and made plans to stick his team in the now-demolished Silverdome. A brief tease for the fans came with Billy Sims in the early eighties, but a knee injury ended his career in ’84, and suckage followed. And then, in 1991, they drafted Barry Sanders, who lit up the league with his dazzling running. At last, the team was relevant, posting winning season after winning season, even beating the hated Cowboys in the the playoffs (which was their ONLY playoff win since 1957!). A 5-11 season got coach Wayne Fontes canned in ’96, and Bobby Ross got them right back into the winning column, and the playoffs once again. Abruptly, Barry Sanders retired in 1998, and in 2000, so did Ross.

Enter Matt Millen.

A string of bad coaching hires, bad draft choices (How about Joey-bag-0-donuts Harrington?) have left the Detroit Lions with the worst winning percentage in the decade. Things had been so bad for the team, that Millen has been recorded to have admitted to an interviewer that his performance as a GM was “beyond awful, and worthy of having one’s balls shot off!” In the NFL executive circles, Millen was considered to have made more draft mistakes than anyone else COMBINED in the past century. So how, in the name of anything that’s sensible, did someone SO INCOMPETENT hang around in Detroit? How do individuals that run one of the oldest and most successful (until now) car manufacturers allow this kind of mismanagement in a once-proud NFL franchise? WC Ford was quoted to have said that Millen was the “best executive the franchise has ever had”.

IS HE NUTS!!!???

No wonder Ford’s been struggling. It’s widely known in corporate musings that WC is pathologically loyal, in ways that make Foxy look like Donald Trump.

With poor draft choices, mediocre coaching staffs, poor ticket sales, weak TV revenue, and no real hope for a winning team anytime soon, it stands as the legacy of Millen, and the rebirth of Layne’s curse. Of course, it can’t be all Millen. Like Al Davis with the Schraiders, WC Ford has GOT to be held accountable for the mismanagement of the Lions. Not until son and heir, Billy Ford, started griping about the failure of Millen, did WC actually do something that actually energized the fan base. What’s sad is that the Michigan fan base actually WANTS the indignity of an 0-16 season! Can you believe that!!?? One could firmly assign the blame on Millen, but as I’m writing this, I’m beginning to believe in Ford’s culpability in the unbelievable mess. Perhaps he, like Davis, needs to take a long, hard, look in the mirror, and accept responsibility for it, and hire a real football man, and get out of the way. I’m inclined to believe it would happen for Detroit MUCH sooner than for Oakland. And as I posted last week, one with intimate knowledge of the situation could elaborate on this festering doo-doo pile much more eloquently and thoroughly than me.

I had titled this rant “Nine Years of Futility and Counting-“ and I realize this may be uber-conservative. This was based on their last APPEARANCE in the playoffs. If you factor in the lack of a playoff WIN, we are talking 17 YEARS of futility! If you are factoring in a league CHAMPIONSHIP, we are talking FIFTY-TWO YEARS OF GUT-WRENCHING FAILURE that approaches RedSoxian or Cubbian proportions.

And as this team with no recent tradition of winning comes into the BOFA this weekend, take a moment to reflect on their history, think about the beleaguered fan base and how long they’ve suffered, and hope that the Panthers -

BEAT THEIR BRAINS OUT!!! They ain’t gittin’ NO sympathy from me! The Lie-uns, although they don’t deserve it, ARE GONNA PAY FOR THAT STINKER JAKE TOSSED in crOakland last week, I guarantee it. The Duckies and Buckies are breathin’ down our necks, and this is an absolute GOTTA NEEDA MUSTA GETTA HAVA WIN. If we don’t put the game away IN THE FIRST HALF, the season all of a sudden is made so much tougher, and so unnecessarily so.

Honestly, I don’t think we’ve got anything to worry about.

This week.

The Duckies are next week. And that’s going to be a whole different game, and the crucible of the season begins.

Let’s party hard with the vets and Clay’s great pit, and have a great time, a great win, and I’ll see y’all in the lot!

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