Recovery Blog from CA Rehab

Sweating in Sobriety by Jay Rau

2009-07-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

Sober Living By The Sea Staff Attend Sweat Lodge

Lisa M, a staff massage therapist turned me on to my first Sweat Lodge ceremony over a year ago and I’ve been “sweating” ever since. At first, she had to practically drag me there but now if I don’t get a monthly sweat in, I am the one who is dragging her.

The Sweat Lodge ceremony is a very spiritual experience. Not only do you sweat out the impurities and toxins out of your body, but you do so while offering prayers for yourself and others. You can offer these prayers to any God of your choice: Jesus, Buddha or the Native American Great Spirit. The important thing is that you are comfortable with the Higher Power you choose.

The Sweat Lodge ceremony usually lasts about from 90 minuts to two and a half hours depending on how many attend and how long they share. The ceremony typically consists of four twenty minute "rounds."

In the first round the leader calls in all the positive teachers of the universe and then we say prayers for ourselves. In the next round we pray for others and conditions in the world. The third round is the "give away" round: first you release all your anger and pain and then "give away" something positive or special about yourself out unto the universe. The final round is a closing ceremony thanking the universe. After the ceremony we share our experiences and then share in a small feast of dishes we bring ourselves.

I truly love a night out at the Sweat Lodge. With everyone in the same mindset the air is charged with positive energy. The night is filled with positive, happy people who all want and pray for the same thing: for everyone in the world to be healthy and at peace.

Staff Members Reflect on the Sweat Lodge Experience

Fellow staff member Lisa loves the Sweat Lodge because it cleanses her physical, emotional and spiritual bodies. Fellow staff member Erin loves it because she can leave all her troubles behind -as well as a little special part of herself.

Recently, case manager/counselor Suzie O attended the Sweat Lodge and she was like a Zen master during the sweat. She said a mantra repeated in her mind that went like this:

As we felt power flowing in; as we enjoyed peace of mind. We
discovered that we could face life successfully.

If you have never experienced a Sweat Lodge ceremony I highly suggest you do.

For more information about the specific Sweat Lodge that our staff attends, you can see their website: http://www.thewildrose.net/sweat.html.

Jay Rau, CAS
Jay Rau is a Certified Addictions Specialist (CAS) who loves working with the clients at our addiction treatment facility in Newport Beach. Jay facilitates lectures and specialize in criminal thinking errors and positive thinking techniques.

One Addict Helping Another Through Massage Therapy

2009-07-07T12:19:00.000-07:00

Lisa M. is a massage therapist at The Rose for Women as well as being a supportive community staff member at Sober Living by the Sea. Lisa truly believes that sobriety + spirituality = serenity.

Hello my name is Lisa and I am a staff member at Sober Living by the Sea. I was hired by Sober Living by the Sea while attending massage school.

This was going to be the temporary job I held until I finished school and started working in the massage field. Just as I finished school and went on my first interview something very upsetting happened: during that week my wrists “locked up” and I couldn’t even open a jar of pickles.

How can something like that happen? Two years of massage school and dreams of a new career were crushed when I was diagnosed with a severe case of Fibromyalgia. I had to rely on all the tools that recovery has taught me:

Reach out to others
Have faith
Understand that everything happens for a reason

Practicing principles like these is not always an easy thing to do, but I did it. Fortunately, Sober Living by the Sea has a very strong network staff and my co-workers helped me through my struggles to find serenity in my new circumstances.

A New Beginning

Six months later I hadn’t laid my hands on anyone. I had not done one massage since my first and last interview. I got a phone call from an SLBTS co-worker who excitedly told me that our facility called The Rose was short one massage therapist that day.

I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to complete the massage, but that inner voice that I have learned to trust said, “You can do it”.

With that encouraging intuition I let the Program Director of the Rose Sandy Taylor know that I would love to help out. I was still terrified inside but I knew I just had to walk through the fear and listen to my faith which told me: “Everything is going to be okay”.

The massage was a success! I was able to complete the massage and the most wonderful thing was that I felt really good afterwards. I had been struggling with energy levels due to the Fibromyalgia, but I felt great. One massage led to another and to this day I still do a few massages a week over at The Rose.

Living Life on Life's Terms

This wasn’t a scenario I had planned for my life but the universe had a different plan. Long ago I thought that by now I would be working at an exclusive spa in Newport Beach doing about twenty massages a week; not two. With my health issues and energy levels not being high enough, I’m not able to engage in that much physical activity.

The few massages that I am able to do at The Rose are very rewarding. I am also in recovery so I know what the women I am working on are going through. I can relate on a level with them that others can not. While I am primarily working with them on a physical level dealing with muscles, joints and tendons there is a lot of other work going on at an emotional and spiritual level. Massage is a very intimate and vulnerable setting and a lot of healing can happen in an atmosphere such as this.

This is merely a story of one addict helping another through the healing touch of “massage therapy”.

Lisa Modiri, CMT

4th of July FUN - Sober Fishing Trip!

2009-07-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

Sober Living by the Sea's clients had a couple of different options on 4th of July. Some went to the Sunrise Ranch facility in Riverside to have a barbeque and pool party. Others went out on the open ocean for some deep sea fishing:

Sober Living by the Sea believes in showing men and women how to have fun in recovery. Activities like these that allow men and women to have a great time while sober are very beneficial as they reinforce their program of recovery and allow them to build fellowship with others who are learning how to live a fulfilling life without drugs or alcohol.

Step by Step by Vince Jones

2009-06-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

Anything that requires assembly comes with instructions. I purchased a teapot recently and inside were instructions. Now the instruction sheet for that Christmas morning bicycle was considerably longer, and I still maintain wrong, both the bike and teapot instruction sheets had numbered steps. The teapot two, the bicycle four hundred and fifty seven (in Latin).

Spiritually there are steps as well. We progress step by step, levels of awareness progressing as we demonstrate through service and Living on the Spiritual Basis, experience building upon experience. Habits of thinking and living do not change by simply assenting to them as needing to be changed, it requires action and perseverance on our part.

To quote Wayne Dyer: “Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.” Probably those suffering from addiction are the most obvious example of this. Many who initially get sober, seemingly having cast the “habit” out the window, then relapse and are baffled as to why. They became alcoholics and addicts a step at a time. Any individual who drinks a quart of scotch, takes 20 or more oxycontin daily or shoots up $200 worth of heroin a day didn’t start out that way. Their addiction built up step by step.

Let’s look at a different way. Most of my peers, including me, are a little rounder than they would like. The weight didn’t appear over night. I didn’t go to bed with a twenty year olds twenty eight inch waist and wake up with a fifty something’s thirty six. Yet when it comes to losing weight, typically if it can’t be dropped in a week or two we lose interest. Why do hard things like sticking to a diet (staying sober) when there are easy things like cheeseburgers (drinking/getting loaded)?

Our spiritual development is a mental diet, requiring vigilance, and though eating healthy is important, is of infinitely more consequence than waist size. Years of fuzzy thinking, false belief and fear driven action do not disappear in a twinkling, the process, once begun in earnest, continues for a lifetime, step by step, one day at a time.

Vince Jones is a popular lecturer who is passionate about teaching our clients how to live on a Spiritual Basis to strengthen their recovery. Vince is known to be a true expert on the program of AA and its history. Clients in all of our programs have access to Vince's lectures to hear messages like this. This includes The Rose, our women's primary treatment program, The Landing, our primary treatment program for men, and The Victorian which is our treatment program for eating disorders. Sunrise Ranch is our Riverside rehab facility but it too has lecturers who instruct clients about the spiritual component of recovery.

Tough Love and the Truth - It Hurts by Chris S.

2009-06-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

Someone had to stop babying me and teach me a hard lesson. That lesson happened to be tough love.

As long as there was a shed of light, someone for me to take advantage of, someone for me to manipulate, someone to put a roof over my head and food in my stomach, I was going to keep on going down that wrong path of self-destruction.

I tried many ways to get clean and sober. I was trying my own ideas. I was a perfect example of self-will run riot though I didn’t really think so. When I finally became unable to bear any more of the pain that I had presented myself with, I turned to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I found out that just reading The Book did not keep me sober. It was a recovery home that got me into the action suggested by the Big Book. I have read it before and didn’t understand it. I didn’t think I was like the ones that the Big Book portrayed.

All My Bridges are Finally Burned

That day did come when the door closed on me. No one wanted me around anymore. They were tired of seeing me slowly killing myself in front of them. I had caused my own problems.
I thought I was special. Sometimes people had treated me special because I had a problem. The Big Book says, “Perhaps they created the impression that he be wrapped in cotton wool and placed on a pedestal. A successful readjustment means the opposite.”

People were trying to "love me till I could love myself." But they were enabling me. They were co-dependent with me. They would let me do whatever I wanted thinking I would come around someday for the better. That day would never come until I heard some truth about myself.

The truth hurts and I did not want to hear it. Through pain came willingness.

Things do pop out of the Big Book the more times you read it. I started to see myself all over the pages. And it was telling me the truth, about me.

Dr. Silkworth, a medical doctor, of the Big Book writes:

“Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and
hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases,
their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to
re-create their lives.”

I heard the truth about myself. And when I got honest with myself in the fourth step, I saw the truth that these people had been telling me. What an awakening it had become. With that inventory of myself and the help of my sponsor I had some work cut out for me in changing myself from the inside out.

I have heard that if you want to change your world, change your attitude. It was hard to find out I was not the General Manager of the Universe. It was hard to find out that everything did not revolve around me. Dr. Jung, a psychiatrist quoted in the Big Book writes:

“Ideas, emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives
of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of
conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.”

The Fellowship of Recovery Helps the Newcomer

There was no way I would have been able to do this by myself. I found a fellowship in the meetings. I found new friends, ones that actually cared about me. People that would call me on my b.s. My "old friends" had just put up with me. These "new friends" were there to help me. Though I didn’t really like what they told me at times: the Truth.

I don’t tell newcomers that it is going to be all right. It’s not. Life can be hard at times. But, because of the tools that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous have given me, I can go through the challenges of everyday living with a smile on my face.

If I can do it, so can you.

Chris S. is staff member who walks the talk of recovery and is very involved in the lives of our male clients. He is a guiding influence who is not afraid to confront our clients on behaviors that he recognizes as detrimental to their sobriety. As you have read in this entry, Chris believes that the truth can be painful but must be faced in order to achieve long term sobriety.

Sponsorship by Vince Jones

2009-06-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

Sponsor: n
spon·sor [spónssər] (plural spon·sors)
1. somebody responsible for another: somebody who undertakes responsibility for another, especially during a period of education, apprenticeship, or probation

The early members of Alcoholics Anonymous typically found the group by introduction from someone who had put themselves forward as willing to take responsibility for their welfare. Ebby (Bill Wilson’s “sponsor”) was taken under the wing of Rowland H. and Cebra G., they becoming his sponsor when he appeared before Cebra G’s father who was the judge charged with determining whether or not Ebby should be committed for alcoholic insanity. Rowland and Cebra sponsored Ebby in the cause of sobriety employing the tenants of Moral Rearmament (Oxford group), presenting Ebby with first century Christian principles as a way to stay sober. This was the message that Ebby then brought to Bill at his kitchen table a few months later. Many if not most of the early sponsors were not alcoholics themselves. From the first page of the early pamphlet A MANUAL for ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS published by the King School Group (1st AA group):

To the Sponsor: If you have never before brought anyone into A.A. the booklet
attempts to tell you what your duties are by your ‘Baby,’ how you should conduct
yourself while visiting patients, and other odd bits of information, some of
which may be new to you.”

Sponsorship has always been an integral part of the A.A. way of life. Today sponsors are typically members who have worked the steps and have been invested in the process long enough to help those asking for their help over the inevitable rough spots in sobriety and their experience strength and hope as it relates to recovery from the disease of addiction.

The early members accepted sponsorship as a given. Because of this when the book Alcoholics Anonymous was penned, much to their later chagrin, the concept was not specifically touched on in the text (pages 1-164) of the “Big Book”. To their credit the decision was made not to rewrite the text to reflect this, instead relying on members accounts, both in the stories section of the book as well as one on one to make the point. Anyone who questions the concept of sponsorship need only take a few minutes and read the members accounts and any doubt as to the necessity of sponsorship for successful long term recovery will be dispelled.

Vince Jones is a popular lecturer who is passionate about recovery and helps our clients achieve a spiritual change to strengthen their new life of sobriety. Clients in all of our programs are eligible to attend Vince's lectures and hear messages like this, including our treatment program for women, treatment program for men, and our eating disorder treatment program. Clients at our Riverside treatment facility will also have access to this type of message but from different lecturers.

Gina F.'s Recovery Success Story Part II

2009-06-24T05:00:00.000-07:00

Gina F. is a staff member who is also an alumnus of Sober Living by the Sea. Many of our staff members are alumni of this treatment program. Read about part I of her story in yesterday's blog.

A Miracle of Redemption - Gina F.'s Story Part II

When I arrived at Sober Living by the Sea I was full of arrogance(which was really fear). I thought to myself "I have four degrees and I have graduated with honors from a university - what can Sober Living by the Sea teach me?" (I also had four 5150’s and four trips to detox - isn't it funny how the mind just sees what it wants?)

I came here thinking that drug treatment wasn’t going to work for me. "After all I know all this stuff already - I've studied it in school." in theory. I later heard that 'self-knowledge availed us nothing - we had to live it.' I had read that in the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous many times before but it was always on an academic level not on a spiritual level and it certainly didn’t apply to me!

I found myself annoyed with the young people here "who were just here for mommy and daddy." In looking back I can see that it wasn’t annoyance but rather heartbreak over my ownbroken relationship with my son.

Soon I started talking with the young people and trying to understand what was going on in their lives trying to get a picture of what was going on with my son. I soon found that all the tools I needed to start in my journey of recovery where right here at Sober Living by the Sea. I needed to put my pride and ego aside and roll up my sleeves and get to work at an honest attempt at working the 12 Steps of recovery.

I got a sponsor and I began working the 12 Steps of recovery. I worked with my case manager, and went to as many groups as I could. I participaed in the Celebrate Recovery program, I went to activities and my 90 days of treatment flew by. Soon it was time to leave but I didn’t want to.
I was scared so I decided to stay and go into their work release program for another 90 days. I got a job at a local business and began working again as administrative assistance doing clerical work.

As I continued to work with my sponsor and work on my program of recovery big things soon started happening in my life - things that I could have never dreamed of!

Because of my education I was soon given the opportunity to join the staff here at Sober Living By the Sea and be a part of the community. Today I manage the very house that I first walked into when I was full of fear and arrogance. It’s a good feeling to be able to say to the new girl that has just walked through the door that "I remember what it was like when I walked through that door myself." I hope that in some small way it brings them comfort to know that this process worked for me and can also work for them.

My recovery is strengthened through my work with the women who come to Sober Living by the Sea. AA literature talks about how recovery begins with one alcohol talking to another sharing experience, strength and hope. I am blessed to be in a position where I can do that.

On a personal level my life has never been better. Today I can actually tell you today the color of your eyes rather that the color of your shoes!

Reconnecting and Making Amends

During my journey of recovery I once walked into a support group meeting and ran into a boyfriend from my past who had also become sober. This was a miracle in itself but as we rekindled our friendship I was filled with fear and apprehension about fully living life and engaging in relationships without the familiar comfort of using drugs and alcohol.

The staff here at Sober Living by the Sea was instrumental at walking me through that situation in my life. Three weeks later, we made our amends to each other and he has added a whole other dimension to my program of recovery. God works in mysteries ways.

My boyfriend and I have been together now for three years and plan on getting married when the time is right

The Gifts of the Program

I have recently been certified as a nalcohol and drug counselor as well as a Certified Criminal Justice Professional through the California Association of Alcohol and Drug Counselors. My hope is to one day be able to be a case manager here at Sober Living By the Sea and give back what was so freely given to me.

There is one last miracle that I want to tell you about: my son. 18 months ago he called and asked for help. I was able to take what had been shown to me here at Sober Living by the Sea, from my sponsor and my boyfriend and reach across that abyss that is alcoholism and show him what it takes to stay sober.

I am happy and proud to say that my son passes along the message of recovery to the new men in the program of AA.. My son is 22 years old and is 18 months sober. Recently, he made me a grandmother.

My life has truly been a miracle of Redemption.

Gina F. is a community staff member at Sober Living by the Sea. Gina graduated in 2000 from Cal Poly Pomona with a Bachelors is Sociology and a minor in Criminology and emphasis in social work. In 1998 Gina graduated from Chaffey College with an associate degree in liberal arts. Gina has been a CADA I since January of 2009 and has been on staff for three years. Gina is also a Certified Criminal Justice Professional. Gina is soon to celebrate four years of sobriety. Gina is a proud mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, girlfriend, employee and sponsors two girls in the program of A.A.

Gina F.'s Recovery Success Story Part I

2009-06-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

Gina F. is a staff member who is also an alumnus of Sober Living by the Sea. Many of our staff members are alumni of this treatment program.

A Miracle of Redemption - Gina F.'s Story Part I

I came into Sober Living by the Sea a broken woman. My dreams and hopes smashed, my life in scattered pieces. My name is Gina F. I was 42 years old on Sept. 21 2005 when I came through the doors of the house on 45th street.

I knew very young that I was an alcoholic but being the last child in an Italian-Catholic home I just figured drinking was part of living. I soon found out that the way I drank was not normal. I was raised in a loving home by two parents and I have two older sisters. I had everything I could have asked for, normal by anyone looking in.

Alcoholic Logic

I was married at 21 but nine months after our son was born my husband walked out on me and the baby. I went to work in a hospital as a unit clerk and went back to school. This was my bright idea: I would go back to school and become a alcohol and drug counselor and get recovery that way. I could save my family and myself the embarrassment of admitting I was an alcoholic and get a career at the same time while providing for my son. This sounded completely logical to me.

So that’s what I did: I went to school and continued to work while being a full time single mother. At night when my son was asleep, after the dishes were done and the lunches were packed and the laundry was going, I would sit down to study with a drink in my hand. That went on for two years. I graduated from that program and went to work in a hospital based treatment center.

Much to my surprise that didn’t keep me sober - in fact my drinking became much worse. My son was getting older and the demands of every day life were becoming overwhelming - but I had to keep up this façade that I had it all under control. About this time I injured my neck and was put on disability and the doctors were freely prescribing pain killer. I became hooked on the pills along with the alcohol.

Pitiful and Incomprehensible Demoralization

Around the time that my son was about 14 and a freshman in high school, I felt he no longer needed me or wanted me around. I was no longer working and I felt useless and without purpose. I decided that killing myself would be better then living, this was the first attempt out of four, time after time I ended up in the emergency room of the hospital that I worked at.

So again I decided that I needed to go back to school. I applied to the university and started working on my bachelors in Sociology and a minor in criminology. As more years passed by, my drinking and pill popping became so bad that I needed my son to drive me to school, I went so far as to take him out of school the last semester of his senior year so that he could drive me around, telling everyone it was because of my neck injury and in reality it was because I was blasted out of my mind on drugs and alcohol. That’s an amends I will never be able to make right - he missed all his senior activities because of my selfishness.

My son and I graduated the same year one night apart. I had my bachelors, he had his high school diploma. Now what??? I began to see that something wasn’t right with him soon after graduation, I suspected it was drug related and I was right. Soon he started getting arrested and there was nothing I could do to stop this runaway train that was speeding through both of our lives.

I was helpless, hopeless and scared at the time of my last 5150 and detox. After about a year of being institutionalized and going in and out of detox my family had been through enough. The morning of my last detox I was informed that I was not going home but someone from a program called Sober Living By the Sea in Newport Beach was coming to pick me up and I was going to a 90 day treatment center. This was the day before my son’s 19th birthday.

"Great," I thought, "at least if I am miserable I can drown myself in the ocean."

In the next blog entry, you can read about Gina's experience at Sober Living by the Sea and life in sobriety.

One Year of Treatment by Kelly K.

2009-06-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

In this entry, staff member Kelly K. reflects on his recovery.

For many years I would get my family to help me get out of trouble which often included providing the means to receive treatment. As the years passed I burnt more and more bridges and slowly the reality of my situation became clear...

I would hit a new bottom and become willing to go into treatment again and again. As my physical health and legal problems (if any) became alleviated and the damaged relationships were repaired, the suggested "one year of treatment" would be cast aside as I would have delustional thoughts like "all I need is to-

- get back to work"
- get a apartment"
- get into a relationship"
- take care of legal problems"
- get a nice car"
- lose some weight"
- get some sun"
- exercise and get a dog"
- take vitamins"
- go to meetings and get a sponsor (only when I find the right person)"

Year after year I would find myself in progressively worse situations.

It was not until I finally became willing to take direction from men and women who had done it before me that I was able to really change my life.

See, I thought the professionals wanted something different for me. All I heard is "one year of treatment." I didn't realize that they wanted for me to complete a long period of treatment to build a stronger foundation and network of new friends. The result of this would be that I get all the things in my life that I want.

An example of how to spend one year of treatment:

3 months to Detox and find a sponsor and work steps 1, 2, 3 work on physical sobriety.

3 months to develop a daily routine, work steps 4, 5, 6 find a home group, get a commitment.

3 months to trust the new daily routine, work steps 7, 8, 9- find a job or go back to school.

3 months to enjoy this new confidence, work steps 10, 11, 12 – find an apartment or roommate.

It took me a long time to find out that I was not as well as I thought I was. Having people enable you with money that you did not earn was a part of the problem. I always wanted what I wanted and wanted it NOW!

I am grateful for my life now. My sobriety date is 10/5/03 I have a sponsor and have worked the steps to the best of my ability. I have a daily routine. I am married and we have a apartment. I have 4 dogs and a cat. I have been at the same job for 5 years. I have real friends,
My prayers of being able to sit in my own skin have been answered.

I have finally have given myself a chance to heal and change – One Day at a Time

Kelly K. is a staff member who belives that the newcomer to sobriety should have as much fun as possible. Kelly believes in doing "whatever it takes" to keep the new person around long enough to experiencing the miracle of recovery.

Medical Marijuana by Jay Rau

2009-06-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

Jay Rau is a Certified Addictions Specialist (CAS) who loves working with the clients at our rehab facility in Newport Beach. Jay facilitates lectures and specialize in criminal thinking errors and positive thinking techniques.

In February 2009 I spent a week with my brother-in-law who was being treated in a terminal cancer ward. He was dying of a fast acting cancer that had invaded his brain, stomach and lymph nodes. He was receiving radiation and chemotherapy in order to extend his life as long as possible, which ended up being only about six months.

While I was there he did not have an appetite and was losing weight at an alarming rate because the chemotherapy was upsetting his stomach. I asked a nurse if marijuana could be an option to settle his stomach and make him hungry. The nurse looked at me like I was from another planet (and in a way I am- I live in California and we were in Kentucky). She told me, “No sir, that stuff is illegal!" Maybe if he could have smoked some he may have eaten and may have lived a little longer. Who knows?

Not all cancer ends in death. Many people live. Every day people are cured of cancer and many other diseases. Marijuana helps settle the stomach in order to ingest life-giving nourishment. Marijuana is known to give relief to other conditions such as glaucoma, insomnia, anxiety and chronic pain to name a few. I’m all for every human to live in peace and harmony and free of pain and any type of misery.

But if the medication leads to addiction - seek treatment!

There are a few warning signs, but you must take an honest look at yourself:

After the cancer is gone and the chemotherapy is over, are you still using Marijuana?
Are you using Marijuana to settle your stomach so you can eat at meal time or are you using it all of the time?
If you have Glaucoma, are you using Marijuana to lower intraocular pressure in your eyes or to stay high all day long?
If you have Insomnia, do you use Marijuana just before bedtime or morning, noon and night?
If you have Anxiety, are you using Marijuana to calm yourself or to keep yourself comatose?

If you are using medical marijuana as prescribed by a real doctor for a legitimate reason that should be okay. However, if you have any of the above warning signs or find yourself becoming powerless over marijuana and your life becomes unmanageable: SEEK TREATMENT!

Our treatment center is happy to answer any questions you may have about marijuana.

Jay Rau, CAS

Now is Your Time by Vince Jones

2009-06-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

“Live, one day at a time.”

This simple saying popularized by Alcoholics Anonymous has become part of the daily consciousness, but what does it really mean?

If you are Living on the Spiritual Basis the meaning is simple and profound: The only time we can be present for God, the only time we can stand in the presence of God, the only time God can be present in our lives is in the present moment.

So be present for God, for God is always present for us. Yesterday a memory, tomorrow a promise, today, this moment the only reality. Living on this basis, the Spiritual Basis, all the presents God has for us appear in our lives.

Vince Jones is our popular Monday night lecturer who is passionate about recovery and helps our clients achieve a spiritual change to strengthen their new life of sobriety that they begin at our treatment facility in Newport Beach, CA. If you enjoy this message of spirituality then you may be interested in the Celebrate Recovery Program.

Having Fun Sobriety by Kelly Kettle

2009-06-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

Jerry Bigelow (pictured) takes our clients an a wide variety of fun and esteem building activities from museum trips to Disneyland to softball and bowling.

Kelly Kettle has this to say about having fun in Sobriety:

The program of Alcoholics Anonymous gives us the great news that there is a solution for alcoholism though it is honest enough to also remind us that almost none of us liked the amount of inner work that the process requires to achieve successful completion.

That is one of the reasons why I love Sober Living by the Sea so much. "SLBTS" is a 12-step based program that teaches balance in a person's life who is new to recovery. People who are new in sobriety are often unable or unwilling to use a recovering person's greatest tool which is to help another suffering alcoholic or drug addict. Most of us who have been in the program of recovery for a long period have learned that helping others is an essential tool to help a recovering person "get out of one's self."

Our activities Director Jerry Bigelow (pictured) has made it his mission goal to make sure that each and everyone of our clients,are having fun in sobriety ,going on activities 5 to 6 days a week , Ball Games, Disney Land, Knotts Berry Farm, L.A.Studios , Museums, Sea World, ect , ect. These activities allow the clients who are moving along successfully in their recovery to interact with the ones who are new or struggling with the process.

The program of recovery is a program of attraction rather than promotion. The wonderful thing about it is that spending our time being active and building fellowship with other recovering people is the vital ingredient for balance and happiness. These stimulating and physically strengthening experiences help us build momentum toward sobriety and keep us on a sober path - which is not necessarily all "peaches and cream."

EMDR Therapy - A Conversation with Dr. Christine McIlwain

2009-06-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

I recently had the privilege of sitting down with our staff EMDR therapist Dr. Christine McIlwain and hearing about her experience treating our facility's clients using Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing or EMDR.

Dr. Christine McIlwain is an expert in the use of EMDR, having done her doctorate on this intervention. She facilitates our client's recovery by providing EMDR treatment which effectively re-processes trauma events so that the destructive effects of trauma are reduced or totally diminished. EMDR is the #1 treatment intervention for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and now the most researched therapeutic intervention.

Right Brain, Left Brain
Christine explains that individuals who continually relive and suffer the memories of traumatic events are being "retriggered" by these memories that are stored in the right side of the brain where the emotions are stored. The right side of the brain is the area of the brain where emotions, creativity, music, movement, and art come forth from.

After the EMDR therapy, the memories of the traumatic experience are reprocessed by the brain and re-stored on the left side of the brain. The left side of the brain is the logical, functional side of the brain, the executive functioning side, from which we make our decisions from. The trauma and anxiety associated with the traumatic events are “processed out" by the brain (a neurobiological event) and the individual then perceives the event with little or no emotion as something that merely just "happened to them."

Per Dr.Amen’s “brain spec scans” there is actually a reduction of the storage of “anxiety” in the brain as one can see when viewing the scans of someone with PTSD.

The EMDR Process

Christine went on to explain that she prepares for the EMDR treatment (which has 8 steps in its protocol) by asking questions and taking an in depth history to determine if the person is a candidate for EMDR and to identify the traumatic events that a person has experienced.

Christine uses the Subjective Units of Disturbance Scale (SUD’s) (part of the 8 phase protocol) to determine how much the memory of the event is stressing the individual. She asks questions to discover the deeper meaning of what the episode really means to the person. This initial process helps Christine (and the client) better understand the level of stress or disturbance that is associated with the memory. Sometimes, the pain that an individual feels in remembering an experience in their past is because the event is similar to or connected to many other painful memories and experiences.

During the EMDR session, Christine uses tapping (bilateral stimulation) on the knees or hands which is part of the 8 phase protocol. Christine continues to interact with the client by asking questions about the traumatic experiences. The EMDR session can be an emotional and “transforming” experience for the person receiving the therapy. This is constructive because the brain is "re-processing" the memory and reducing the negative emotions that once had the power to negatively influence and impact the individual.

At the end of the EMDR session, Christine asks the individual to re-rate how disturbing the event feels to them (re-administering the SUD’s) on the scale from “0” being no disturbance to “10” being the highest disturbance they can imagine. After a successful EMDR session the individual will report that the event seems insignificant and it was simply just "something that happened” to them. The brain has re-processed the trauma event and the memory is then stored on the left side of the brain with the client reporting the memory as now just a “picture” or “story” without the negative emotional arousal. The client then experiences emotional freedom from the traumatic event thus enabling them to move on with their lives.

Who is a candidate for EMDR?

Many clients in our treatment programs take advantage of the EMDR therapy that Dr. Christine McIlwain offers. Clients in our women's treatment program, The Rose, all work with Christine, as well as, the women in our eating disorder treatment program, The Victorian, and the men from the trauma groups at Sober Living by the Sea. Both men and women who suffer from the memory of traumatic events are candidates for EMDR therapy. EMDR has also been proven to be effective for individuals who suffer from:

panic attacks

complicated grief

dissociative disorders

phobias

pain disorders

eating disorders

performance anxiety

anxiety disorders

personality disorders

depression

More about Dr.Christine McIlwain, Ed.D, MFT
Dr. Christine McIlwain. Ed.D, MFT is a highly regarded therapist who practices in Newport Beach, CA and serves the greater Orange County area and beyond. She can be reached by calling (949) 290-3358 or by emailing her at: cmcilwain8(AT)yahoo.com

Can Music be Therapeutic? Part II - Clients Comments

2009-06-15T05:00:00.001-07:00

I am always finding ways to incorporate music into recovery. Here are some comments on the "creative sharing" music meeting that I spoke of in my last blog entry.

Deano J:
"The creative sharing meeting was such a breath of fresh air. it was so chill and relaxing and gave me a different outlook on how crativity and music can be a part of my recovery. I'm a painter, musician, and live artist. So for me, I enjoyed and took in all the creative aspects of the meeting.

I usually can't sit still during regular meetings. But in this case after an hour and forty five minutes I still didn't want to leave. It was a serene and very positive experience."

Aaron W:
"The 5:00 PM creative share meeting at H.O.W. Hall shows me solution.

It means we can still be creative in sobriety: a feiar I had taht is now closer to being relieved.

It shows another way in which alcoholics can come togbether in sobriety; they can come together in song.

AND: I was able to share songs taht mean the world to me. I got positive reinforcement from a group of like-minded souls.

I hope to have the opportunity to return and I will do so when I complete my treatment for sure."

Evan:

"The creative share meeting had a very relaxed feel to it. Even though it was 2 hours I had never been more willing to sit through a meeting. I came to the meeting with a throbbing headache and it made me forget about it completely because I was singing and dancing with the music and just having fun."

Sam Y:

"The Sunday night musicians meeting was the best meeting I have been to in my treatment experience so far. It was a fun way to talk about recovery by using creative mans.

It was a good change from the normal routine of things. I highly recommend this meeting to anyone in recovery."

Spirituality by Osmosis by Vince Jones

2009-06-12T05:30:00.000-07:00

Vince Jones is a spiritual advisor who lecturese to our clients weekly at our rehab facilities. If you enjoy this message of spirituality then you may be interested in our Christian Program Celebrate Recovery.

Students who find the path of Living on the Spiritual Basis through the 12- Step process have an advantage, the advantage of clear cut directions. The directions found in the “Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous are straight forward and concise. Even so, I have had students relate all kinds of curious interpretations of the process laid out in the Big Book, based on what they heard someone say in an AA meeting.

So, instead of actually reading and studying the book, they choose to base their recovery on people and meetings rather than on their own work and efforts. I understand, why do hard things; like studying the book and really working the steps, when there are easy things like going to meetings and sober activities, relying on others interpretations as gospel.

Eventually spirituality by osmosis (lots of activity, little real work) wears thin and they find themselves faced with a crises they can no longer evade or postpone, that no amount of “sharing” in meetings will help; they wonder why God has abandoned them. They truly believe they have been “working” the steps, because their perception is based on what other osmosis alky’s share about, not the path laid out in the Big Book.

In truth they have been working some of the steps, but not all. It is akin to making a cake and leaving a few ingredients out, then blaming the recipe because it is inedible. There may and usually are other areas, but the daily visit with God in prayer and meditation is typically their most glaring omission.

Your Daily Visit with God

Four times, pages 83, 87, 134 & 164 we are directed to morning meditation, yet it never ceases to amaze me when this is pointed out how few realize it. On pg 83 we are directed to begin each day by “asking in morning meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.”

Additionally, we are directed to use the prayer “Thy will be done” when (when, not if) we become angry, frustrated or even excited. This is a wonderful barometer for how we are doing spiritually. If you can’t remember the last time you said this prayer, you may want to take a few minutes in quiet contemplation and study the 10th and 11th steps again.

Nothing is more important than the time we spend in prayer and meditation. Nothing. No excuses. The good news is you can begin now and start reaping the benefits immediately. It is like going on a diet and losing five pounds just by deciding to do the work. Pretty cool, right?

Oh, and you non-alky’s who stuck around, the Steps aren’t about not drinking, they are about Living on the Spiritual Basis, and if you have the willingness, they will solve your life problems too.

Cheers,
Vince

Can Music be Therapeutic? Part I - Kelly Kettle

2009-06-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

I fell in love with Newport Beach around 15 years ago. I was lying on the beach getting some sun when I looked to the East to see snow capped mountains. Through the years Newport has revealed more and more of why for many it is considered a Mecca to recover in.

If it were just to watch the sun set in the Pacific each evening that should be plenty. A lot of us have found that this area offers so much more. It is a wonderful feeling to see so many people you know who are in recovery while shopping or dining or exercising all with common goals: men and women growing spiritually as well as morally.

Creative Sharing (Music) Meeting
My co-worker and friend Steven East – master musician/case manager/driver recently agreed to take some clients to a "creative sharing" meeting. A creative sharing meeting is one during which musicians are encouraged to play music and sing. I asked a few of the clients what they thought about the meeting and their reactions were very positive.

I am interested to find out what others think:

Should people in treatment centers be able to go to "Creative Sharing" Meetings also visit a recording studio while they are in treatment?

Thank you for your time. Kelly K.

Click the below link to hear a Sample of Kelly Kettle's Music:

Full Flight

Euphoria

Medication and Recovery by Steven East

2009-06-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

Steven East is a Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor (CADAC II). He specializes in Client Centered Therapy. His approach utilizes an eclectic array of positive reinforcement motivational techniques. His methods help guild our patients towards self-actualization. this article represents his opinion about the use of medication during the recovery process.

Medication and Recovery

An extremely controversial issue in the recovery community is whether prescribed medication is appropriate. Most individuals will agree that medication that does not produce mind altering effects is beneficial to recovering individuals. On the other hand, individuals that take medication that does produce mind altering effects have been subject to criticism and continue to be stigmatized.

If I am in treatment, is it okay to take medications prescribed by my doctor?

I have on several occasions been asked by new members in recovery whether the consumption of certain medications, such as Xanax, Vicodin, Klonopin, Adderall, Temazapam, etc. constitute a relapse or lack of sobriety. My guidance on this issue begins by pointing out the obvious: If these medications have been prescribed their doctor then an educated decision was made to do so. There are many opionated people in the 12-Step community and a wide variety of opinions about whether or not these types of medications are appropriate for a person who struggles with addiction. The fact is that the majority of individuals with these opinions have little or no formal education.

Recovering Addicts and Alcoholics vs. Physicians:

So who knows best? the guy with 10 years of sober time or the doctor who graduated from UCLA medical school? Let’s not forget that a medical degree requires 12-14 years of full time school. So why is their such a mistrust of doctors who treat addicts and alcoholics? The answer is obvious: Before recovery many individuals lied and manipulated doctors into becoming their own personal dealers.

All or Nothing:

Individuals in recovery should be careful before they decide to dismiss valuable tools that can be crucial to their recovery. If you were able to manipulate a job you once held would you forego employment in the future? If your addiction caused you to take advantage of your family should you avoid them? Of course not. Medical professionals should not be avoided and if they advise taking medication it warrants careful consideration.

Who We Are Is Why We Serve by Steven East

2009-06-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

Who We Are Is Why We Serve

Who we are revolves around what helping others actually means to us, those being helped, and to the universe as a whole. Willingness of those who serve to constantly evolve beyond their initial expectations of what this process should entail is crucial. This willingness for those who help to become more effective in this endeavor will determine their self-awareness. Curiosity and open mindedness allow us to remain confident that we are all capable of so much more, especially when in the process of helping others.

Helping others is the vehicle that takes us though our journey of discovering who we are, what our purpose in life is, what brings us contentment, what makes us stronger, and how every thing in the universe is interconnected. This self-awareness of our true unpolluted motives allows us to become something more than we could ever hope to be. Helping others allows us to recognize the importance of unity. True service requires proliferation of unity amongst those who serve and those they serve. This, in turn, allows all to be a part of something bigger, more powerful, and of which completes our existence.

As we progress in the field of recovery, we should be able take inventory on a daily basis and know that we are much better at helping others and dealing with our own issues on any given day than the day prior. This requires that we remain teachable, not only in respect to the instruction of our peers and mentors, but most importantly those whom we serve. They will ultimately be the catalyst to providing us with the ability to break the glass ceiling of our expectations of how effective we can be in service. We are all students of those in need of our assistance. In the same token we commit an injustice when our reluctance to ask for help sidelines a willing fellow participant.

The more we make ourselves a part of the process of helping, the more we realize that it provides us with something greater than just accommodation of passion. I believe every one is truly at their best when helping others, but instinctively this concept goes against our very sense of self-awareness. We fight all of our lives to establish our own individual contributions to the world only to find out that all we have ever done that is significant happened in the presence of unity with others. This is what it truly means to be spiritual. One must be the best at helping that one can be in order to truly understand what it means to be human. Showing up to help and truly helping are two different things.

An Alcoholic Who Recovered - Chris's Story Part 2

2009-06-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

Chris Swanberg is a beloved staff member of Sober Living by the Sea who leads by example. He gives the men and women who are in treatment at guidance about living a rewarding life in recovery as a result of practicing the steps of recovery that they are taught in our numerous rehab facilities. If you want to read part 1 of Chris's story, click here.

Part 2

My twisted thinking was not to be replaced overnight. In fact I still have some not so good thoughts, but they are getting better. As my Grand Sponsor says,”I can’t think my way into good acting. I have to act my way into good thinking.”

By working the steps to the best of my ability and being honest doing them I have turned moments into days. Days into weeks. Weeks into months. Months into years.

I now have a blast in sobriety. I go to concerts, ballgames, casinos and comedy clubs. Though people around me drink and use I remember that I am the one that abused my right to use. Not them. The best thing that I get is the peace and serenity that the Promises talk about. Sometimes 2 to 3 minutes. Sometimes 2 to 3 hours. And they are getting closer each day.

Carrying the Message

One of the highlights of my sobriety came at a casino in Reno. The dealer at the 21 table knew I was in recovery and started to ask me things about her dad and son whom she thought might be alcoholic. I was sharing my experience, strength and hope and the other people at the table started joining in on this conversation. About 5 to 6 other people lined up behind us and joined in. I had an impromptu AA meeting in the middle of a casino playing Blackjack. It doesn’t get any better than that!

I have gone back to school and am currently on my last semester for an online degree in Business Management. The Program gave me the discipline to do this accomplishment. I also no longer take meds for my depression and anxiety.

I can go on and on about all the good things that have happened in my life since my last drink, but you might think it a bore or b.s. I am willing to talk AA to anyone, anywhere at any time. I haven’t even started on how I found that Higher Power the program talks about, so I will save that for another time.

My name is Chris and I am an alcoholic. Thank you for letting me share.

An Alcoholic Who Recovered - Chris's Story Part 1

2009-06-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

Recovery Success Story Part I

“That’s right. All I need is my weed, speed and vodka. I don’t need you or anybody. I can do this on my own.” That’s the way I used to think. I didn’t care about anyone and I didn’t care if anyone cared about me.

I am a loner.

Something is not right when you are walking along a sidewalk, inside a park or around a neighborhood thinking, “That looks like a nice bush to sleep under tonight.” Of course it was not always that way. I had a nice house, a good job, a loving girlfriend and a couple of dollars in the bank. I didn’t know how to treat relationships, pay bills or keep a roof over my head.

I’ve been dual diagnosed with major depression and major anxiety. I couldn’t stop drinking once I got started. It got so bad that I was able to drink a fifth of vodka inside the supermarkets in about 6 to 7 minutes. I did not want to get busted for shoplifting. And I drank the good stuff, Popov. I always ended up in a hospital afterwards. I have had BAC levels of .459, .460 and a .516. I have been dead twice. Once a coroner came out to the bus stop I was found at and taped my body off. To this day I still don’t know how they revived me.

I have been so lonely I invited Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses into my home just to have someone to talk too. I have been so miserable I have taken my 30 day prescription of meds, drank straight vodka and slit my neck with a razor blade. I used to find the trap doors in the bottoms that had made other people quit drinking and using.

No willpower or knowledge could help me. Psychiatrists, psychologist, therapist, sponsors, recovery homes, friends and family could not keep me sober. Then the worse came. I was in a motel room and the person looking back at me in the mirror was not the person I grew up with.

That is when I surrendered or had a moment of clarity or whatever you want to call it, I told myself I will follow any direction given to me to stay clean and sober. I made my way to a recovery home. They gave me a 3”x5” card and was told to write the Third Step Prayer on it and put it in my wallet. Almost 9 ½ years later it is still in my wallet.

No one told me to take it out yet. I had to get honest with myself. I had to help others and work the 12 steps in order because I was out of order. By following direction, no matter how ridiculous some of the direction may had seemed, something was happening. I was staying sober one day at a time. I would call my sponsor just to get through moments that I had never been able to go through before. Getting honest and looking at myself was not a pretty picture, but I had to see the bad I had done to replace it with good.

Next Entry: Chris's Story Part 2

NOW IS YOUR TIME by Vince Jones

2009-06-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

“Live, one day at a time.”

This simple saying popularized by Alcoholics Anonymous has become part of the daily consciousness, but what does it really mean?

Living on the Spiritual Basis the meaning is simple and profound: The only time we can be present for God, the only time we can stand in the presence of God, the only time God can be present in our lives is in the present moment. So be present for God, for God is always present for us. Yesterday a memory, tomorrow a promise, today, this moment the only reality. Living on this basis, the Spiritual Basis, all the presents God has for us appear in our lives.

The REAL Gateway Drug? Marijuana Vs. Cigarettes

2009-06-04T15:38:00.000-07:00

Jay Rau is a Staff Member at Sober Living by the Sea. He provides oversight and support to the men and women who come to our treatment center in Newport Beach.

Marijuana Vs. Cigarettes

For many years now I have heard from people over and over again about how Marijuana was the gateway drug; the start of all their problems and the beginning of their addiction. Many people have told me this usually with a cigarette dangling from their lips. I took an honest look back at my life and I saw things a little different. So for the last few years I have taken little surveys here and there and I may shed a light upon these two evil weeds.

My first drug experience was a drug called nicotine. At the young and tender age of ten I used to think that my parents looked cool and mature smoking their cigarettes. I started sneaking a few smokes from their many packs and would go out behind our house and light up. I used to look at my reflection in the garage window to see how cool and mature I looked puffing on a smoke. I even used to get a little light headed and enjoyed the feeling. The addict was born. I needed more cigarettes!

Within the next few years I found other kids my age that were smoking also. This connected me up with the wrong crowd and future trouble makers. It didn’t take long for us “cool guys” that were smoking to start drinking alcohol also. Now we were not only stealing our parent’s cigarettes but their beer, wine and liquor too. Being in the wrong crowd, it wasn’t long before Marijuana was introduced and then the next thing I know I’m smoking, drinking, getting high on pot and tripping on LSD. Oh what a tangled web we weave!

So Which is the "Real" Gateway Drug?

My quest to find out which drug—THC or Nicotine— that my fellow addicts experienced first started about three years ago. I really don’t know how many addicts and alcoholics I’ve asked, but it has been a lot. About seven out of ten admitted that, yes, nicotine was their first drug they experimented with. They smoked a cigarette before they smoked pot. This ultimately led them to their drug of choice that brought them to their knees (and brought many to Sober Living By The Sea).

If you are a parent, teacher, or anyone responsible for or looking after children, look for this early warning sign. If you see a ten year old child smoking a cigarette you may very well be looking at a future addict. Help this child somehow or let their parents know. Maybe we can nip addiction in the “butt” by knowing where that cigarette may lead to.

Jay Rau, CAS

The Benefit of Outdoor Activities During the Treatment Process

2009-06-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

Our treatment center has long been aware of the benefit of staying active in recovery. We keep our recovering clients busy with daily outdoor activities that are:

- physically challenging
- spiritually enlightening
- socially stimulating
- culturally enriching

There is a weekly fishing excursion that men and women who are in recovery participate in. Recently, staff member Eric V. took some photos and video with his phone that we wanted to share.

When I spoke with the client "MP" who is featured reeling in a 50 lb White Sea Bass he told me that it was one of the best moments of his life. MP went on to describe what the sensation is like when he goes fishing:

"When I go fishing, all of my problems just go away. I am not thinking about drinking or using. I am not thinking about being in treatment. I am just thinking about reeling that fish in.

When I go fishing or any of the other activities like golfing, it gets me out of my head. I'm really living in the moment when I am doing those things. I feel the same way when I am exercising. It is not necessarily an escape from reality but an escape from the worries and troubles in your head."

"RP" was also on the trip and is pictured. RP also caught a 32 lb White Sea Bass that day. RP says that he loves to go fishing because "it is a peaceful way to get out of the structured treatment environment on a Sunday afternoon." RP also says that he likes being out on the water "because you never know what is down under the ocean below the surface."

Bring the Body and the Mind Will Follow

Staff member Eric V loves to fish and takes our clients out for a fishing expedition every Sunday (you can read our in depth entry that discusses our weekly treatment center fishing expeditions). Eric recently discussed reasons why he thinks the outdoor activities are such an important part of the recovery process.

"I think the outdoor activities help the clients break out of their isolationism. Young people today are stuck in a computer and television type of mindset. Young people isolate so much that it makes it easier for them to get involved in drugs and alcohol. Drug and alcohol use is an isolating activity and the experience of using breeds loneliness and depression.

We get these kids outdoors and it changes their way of thinking. Sometimes we have to drag them at first, but 'if you bring the body, then the mind will follow.' Once we convince them to get out there and have some fun, they will realize what a great time they are having - then they realize that they are having fun sober.

Also, many of the clients have been using drugs and alcohol for so long that they suffer from anhedonia, which is an inability to experience pleasure from normal activities that are pleasurable to other people. This condition comes about as a result of the brain becoming conditioned to the spike of dopamine that is associated with drug abuse. Anhedonia is also known as 'pleasure deafness.'

When we continually keep the clients sober and involved in stimulating activities that are fun and social, their brain adjusts to the new source of enjoyment and they begin to experience pleasure again. The sensation of reeling in a 50 pound fish on the open ocean is so rewarding that it is the kind of experience even the most anhedonic person will be monumentally affected by."

For more information about the types of activities that Sober Living by the Sea's clients participate in visit our rehab activities page, or you may be interested in our sober surfing classes or the sober soccer team.

Cotton Candy Sobriety by Vince Jones

2009-05-20T03:00:00.000-07:00

Vince Jones is a great lecturer at Sober Living by the Sea and in this blog entry he brings his trademark sense of humor and wisdom about the 12-step program of AA to warn recovering people not to accept everything they hear at an AA meeting. Vince's message of spiritual recovery can be accessed from all of Sober Living by the Sea's programs inlcuding programs that provide addiction treatment for men exclusively as well as those that provide addiction treatment for women.

Cotton Candy Sobriety

Who doesn’t like cotton candy? It is one of those foods typically eaten at fairs, amusement parks, ball games etc. Cotton candy is a treat, part of the fun. It starts out as a weightless ball bigger than your head and unlike some candies there is no attempt to dress it up as anything other than what it is, pure spun sugar. It looks substantial on the stick but as soon as we rip off a piece and pop it in our mouth it melts to almost nothing, just air flavored with sugar and food coloring with no illusions to being anything other than fun food. Soon the reasons why we vowed never to buy it again come flooding back, especially if you are responsible for the clean up of the 8 and under crowd. We will be lured by it again in the future, blotting out the previous experiences until too late. Such is cotton candy.

Spiritual Cotton Candy

No one in their right mind would consider making a meal of cotton candy. The cotton candy we eat makes no illusions to or represents itself as anything other than what it is. Spiritual cotton candy however is often presented as something substantive and can be deadly. You have heard the vacuous platitudes and clichés often spouted with an air of deep significance.

In recovery meetings cotton candy cliches runs the gambit from: "let us love you until you can love yourself," "the newcomer is the most important person in the room," "this is a we program," "there is no wrong way to work the steps," "God can be anything you want it to be: a doorknob, a tree, a chair, the group-anything at all."

Spiritual cotton candy comes in a variety of colors, but it’s all still just sugar air. No harm is meant by those vending this candy.

Is the 12-step program of AA a "we program?" No one can decide for you if you are willing to turn your will and life over to the care of God. "W"e don’t write your fourth step inventory. "We" don’t pay your bills or raise your kids. "We" are directed to meditate every morning but how many of the “we” people show up for coffee?

"The Newcomer most important person in the room?" To whom? God? One day you are important and then cross an i nvisible line and aren’t? Nonsense. All are equal in His eyes.

"Let us love you until you can love yourself." This comment belongs on a Hallmark card. When we are Living on the Spiritual Basis we know that the only love that will set us free is the love of God.

Is there "no wrong way to do the 12-step work?" Then why do folks resign and resume (and relapse)?

God can be “anything?" As a wise man said “when God can be anything; then God is nothing.” Not convinced? Repeat after me out loud: "I, (your name here) turn my will and my life over to the care and direction of: (pick your favorite: chair, doorknob, tree, ocean, whatever). "

Spiritual cotton candy. Looks good, sounds good, feels good but in the end is just sugar.

- Vince Jones, Sober Living by the Sea Lecturer

See Vince Jones' Blog Thought For the Day to read more of his thoughts about AA and recovery.

BIO: Fifteen years ago I developed a teaching curriculum that emphasizes a return to the roots of the process, to recapture the early success rates. I have worked with over a thousand individuals in the ensuing years and though I was sure at the beginning, I am convinced today that those early success rates can be recaptured for I have seen it happen. Additionally the principles will work for any who are suffering if they are willing, honest and remain open minded. As well as teaching these principles at Sober Living By The Sea I teach them to at risk High School students.

An Advanced Class by Vince Jones

2009-05-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

Vince Jones is our popular Monday night lecturer who is passionate about recovery and helps our clients achieve a spiritual change to strengthen their new life of sobriety that they begin at our rehab facilities. If you enjoy this message of spirituality then you may be interested in our Celebrate Recovery Christian Treatment Program. All programs have access to Vince's message, and there is a very strong spiritual and religious component to the treatment men receive at Sunrise Ranch Treatment For Addiction in Riverside as well.

An Advanced Class

Ever hear someone say they were “getting back to fundamentals”?

In sports or cooking this may be applicable but spiritually this is nonsense. You are either on the path or not. Additionally, to believe that since one has been on the path for a time that conditions or requirements for continued spiritual growth have changed can lead to spiritual pride, a sense of entitlement and destructive righteousness in demonstration. This can lead to suffering for anyone who falls into this trap.

In God’s eyes all are equal, regardless of their earthly crimes or demonstrations. God does not play favorites or mete out punishment. The demonstration is ours. We reap as we sow. The man or woman who chooses to live a life bereft of spiritual principles is loved by God in equal measure as those who have dedicated their lives to the path. The difference is the individuals connection to the source, not the sources connection to the individual.

The person who has embraced Living on the Spiritual Basis has done the footwork, put the time in “working out”, exercising their spiritual muscles so when (not if) trouble or a difficulty arises they are prepared. There are no atheists in a foxhole. When faced with death , theirs or a loved ones, or any of the life changing moments that are part of living those who have eschewed the path are faced with the question they can no longer evade: God is either everything or else He is nothing. When an individual reaches this turning point they will either start up the mountain of enlightenment or bury their head in the sand (drugs, alcohol, blame, etc) trying to blot out the truth.

We become mountain climbers as soon as we place our feet on the mountain, this doesn’t mean we are experienced or prepared to attempt greater heights. It requires time and consistent dedication to become an experienced mountain climber .Just as in mountain climbing, if you get away from fundamentals in spiritual pursuits, then great can be the fall.

Our existence is a moment in parentheses. ETERNITY(birth-life-death)ETERNITY.

Having embraced Living on the Spiritual Basis we know the truth: we are not this body. The blink of time spent in this flesh should be placed in its proper perspective. The only advanced class is our willingness to share and to teach the fundamentals we practice daily with those starting up the mountain in earnest.

- Vince Jones, Sober Living by the Sea Lecturer

See Vince Jones' Blog Thought For the Day to read more of his thoughts about AA and recovery.

BIO: Fifteen years ago I developed a teaching curriculum that emphasizes a return to the roots of the process, to recapture the early success rates. I have worked with over a thousand individuals in the ensuing years and though I was sure at the beginning, I am convinced today that those early success rates can be recaptured for I have seen it happen. Additionally the principles will work for any who are suffering if they are willing, honest and remain open minded. As well as teaching these principles at Sober Living By The Sea I teach them to at risk High School students.