tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46124583424596968882009-11-20T06:21:37.050ZNews you can rely on! Bringing you global news and opinion from our award winning team of journalists. (Honest!)Aningeniousnamehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12732337482967884933mclauchlan.mark@gmail.comBlogger126125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4612458342459696888.post-46280462942739024592009-05-19T13:29:00.007Z2009-05-19T23:55:42.740Z

The more perceptive of our readers will have noticed that there has been something of hiatus recently upon the esteemed pages of the world's favourite blog.This, of course, wasn't due to laziness or a "I can't really be arsed with it, the people who read it are all a set of inbred misfits with the IQ of retarded kittens." attitude.No! On the contrary! We have been silenced by a vast media

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We here in the News direct offices have spent many, many, many, many, many countless weeks racking our collective brains to try to come up with a star interview that would be appropriate to this season of peace and good will and after considering and then rejecting, Vice president Cheney, the Yorkshire ripper's brother and Duncan from Blue, we decided to go with Mel Gibson.News direct-Melvin,

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"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know."Donald Rumsfeld, chief chicken hawk and war criminal

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After the humiliating debacle of the Reese "Chinny" Witherspoon interview I am pleased to be able to announce that News direct is finally back on track interviewing the people that matter, the movers and shakers of our 21st century world.Today's honoured guest is none other than Sir James Dyson, inventor of the.....coloured plastic vacuum cleaner and other coloured plastic ...errrrr....stuff.Not

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Sometimes mother nature can be a cruel and sadistic jester. We have all seen the photos of two headed piglets, hair covered babies, bearded ladies and perhaps most disgustingly of all, the nine legged Octopus.Although most people are familiar with these types of accidental oddities, they do still have the power to shock and repulse us for somewhere deep within our primitive being we

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Today's proud recipient of News direct's probing historical attention is none other then that slightly balding fascistic member of the homicidal Julia clan, Gaius Julius Caesar.Gaius Julius Caesar was born in the small market town of Rome just outside the cosmopolitan city state of Hull in the year 100BC. Julius's father, Dave Caesar, was at the time of Julius's birth known to have been running

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As regular readers will know we here at News direct are continually striving to give our valued readership the very best in not just global news and opinion but also top notch interviews with the world's movers and shakers in the fields of politics, art, science, show business and sport.So it is a little embarrassing to have to announce that todays interview is with Hollywood "super star" Reese "

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Man is a simple creature, he works, he eats, he drinks, he sleeps and he has done this with a monotonous clockwork rhythm ever since the mist shrouded beginnings of recorded time.Is it an inbuilt metronome that swings him into these daily actions? Some innate instinct passed surreptitiously down through his genes?No.The reason for man's seemingly natural actions is of course woman and more

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"Ow much did tha' say it were? I'm not paying tha" Unknown Yorkshire man.As most intelligent right thinking normal people will no doubt know, The first of august is one of the most important dates chiseled into the metaphorical face of the Gregorian calendar.It is of course Yorkshire day, a semi religious bank holiday for all of the folks lucky enough to have appeared from between

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Todays special interviewee is none other than Australian feminist, writer and literary critic, Ms Germaine Greer.Although we at News direct do not agree with Ms Greer's outrageous views on the supposed equality of women, we feel it's in our readers best interests for us to expose them to even the wackiest ideas.News direct- Ms Greer, why do you hate men so much? Are you a secret Australian lezza

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In May 1945 after six long years of total war the Allies eventually struggled into the jagged ruins of Berlin thereby bringing to an end one of the most shameful periods in the whole history of humanity.Countless centuries of European culture lay destroyed, Forty million people were to never breath again, death camps, disease and degradation abounded on a scale almost unimaginable to us today.For

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Today News direct's historical attention has turned towards Gloriana, Queen Elizabeth the first, last of England's Tudor monarchs and of course England’s most famous slut.Elizabeth's story must of course begin in 1533 (that's the year, not thirty three minutes past three) when she was born of humble parents in the small fishing village of Hull in East Yorkshire.Her father, a codpiece salesman

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Regular readers of News direct will not be surprised by the awesome quality of today's special interviewee.We have really pushed the boat out this easter and flown his holiness the Dalai lama over ten thousand miles from his luxuriousHimalayan retreat all the way to the News direct offices just so we can question him on your behalf.News direct (sung)-Well hello Dalai! It's nice be back home where

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Hull- Standing quietly on the muddy banks of the vast Humber estuary, The city of Kingston upon Hull has a reputation forged through centuries of under achievement and downright weirdness as a strange wind torn, almost forgotten corner of England. It's the kind of place you wouldn't really want to go to unless you had to, kind of like the urban equivalent of the clinic for sexually transmitted

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Idaho-Yesterday it was a school for the deaf in Florida, today it's an audience of farmers in rural Idaho, tomorrow Senator John McCain hopes it will be the presidency of the United states of America. After an exhausting round of Republican primaries the seventy one year old former POW looks to be on the verge of winning his party's nomination.The campaigning process is an exhaustive non stop

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In his long and distinguished career in the adult business, Ron Jeremy has been called everything from "The most unlikely porn star ever" to, bizarrely, the Hedgehog.Today it's News direct's immense pleasure to meet the man, the myth, the legend, the incomparable Ron Jeremy.News direct-They do Ron Ron, they do Ron Ron.Ron Jeremy-They do?Nd-That's what the song says.RJ-Well if it's in a song, I

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For most men the female body is an enigma. A gloriously curved Rubik as mysterious as pre-Rosetta hieroglyphics and twice as hard to read.From the exotically named wobbly bits to the esoteric squidgy bits, we wander around these silken lands like humbled tourists, just glad to be allowed temporary access to such a beautiful and awe inspiring place.So in the spirit of Neil Armstrong, Captain James

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In our continuing series exploring the great figures in history, our spotlight of truth has now fallen upon the heroic figure of Alexander of Macedon.The charismatic conqueror of the known world and supreme figurehead of the Christian church for the last six thousand years.There are many stories concerning the birth of Alexander, some say he was born in a stable and attended by three of the four

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London-After the disastrous reign of ginger supremo Steve 'Watch my hair' Mclaren the FA have moved quickly and appointed a much hunkier successor. The news coming from Soho square this morning is that Brian Barwick, the head of the FA, has offered Fabio a four million pound a year contract that will run until England's first round exit at the 2010 world cup.Little is known about England's new

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South shields- Ever since early man tired of walking on his knuckles and dragged himself upright, he has been fascinated by the intricate workings of the mind. The very thing that gave Homo erectus the impetus to leave the vast African Savannah and then spread himself around the globe, seemed to be the thing that fascinated him most.Man's earliest attempts at deciphering the complexities of the

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Bhudda was some kind of fat religious type bloke. I think.Next week: Jesus! Hairy saviour or hippy fraud?

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Not content with bringing our readers superb news and opinion sprinkled with revealing interviews from A list celebrities, News direct today brings you an interview with the world's smartest man, Professor Stephen hawking.News direct- Professor, It's really an honour to meet you, but I'm sure you feel the same way so lets not get bogged down in who admires who the most, it could get

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Scarborough-The human mind is a fragile thing, a complex web of interwoven neural pathways designed to unconsciously regulate our bodies and store the critical information any animal needs to ensure its own survival.But surely there is more to the brain, than it being a just a glorified gelatin based supercomputer?The ancient Egyptians believed that all thought came from the heart and that the

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North Ferriby- Far from the feverish madding crowds, the hundred grand salaries, comically sad yellow Lamborghinis and the obligatory pneumatic model blondes, the real beautiful game continues quietly on, unadorned and shod of its glitzy trappings deep within its Northern pie stained heartland.News direct wanted to find out just what is it, that will make a working man crawl hungover from his

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As part our our continuing mission to educate and inform, News direct today begins its brilliant new feature.Great figures in history will shine a spotlight onto some of history's most famous names and hopefully right some historical inaccuracies. Our debut historical figure is to be England's greatest hero, Vice admiral Horatio Nelson.Who was this great man? Why is he now a target for pigeons?

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