The View From The Back Of My Horse

Fish, Friends and Finishing What I Started

2009-07-18T03:56:00.004-06:00

Some days, the world seems to be moving way too fast for me to keep up with it. When this happens, I just shut out the world and go spend time with my ole pal, Hootie. I've been sneaking more and more time with this horse and his mother, Cher and their friend the paint, Nova. At our farm, that is the most quiet, least demanding area and aside from a flake of hay and a full water bucket, they don't really ask anything of me. Beau, our stallion is cool too but when I walk out the back door, which I do quite often throughout the day, he calls to me to come and spray him with fly spray. He is obsessed with the ritual and I can be in the house ten minutes and walk back out the door andf he lines up at the fence and whimpers for me to pick up that fly spray. I spray him and he actually turns around for me to hit the other side. Then he is happy until I walk out the back door again.

As a writer, I have an editor. She (or he) edits everything I say so that it looks more intellegant on the written page. This way, I seem more insightful and more educated and well... just more. I am really grateful for editors. I have decided that I need one to edit my life. The decisions I make, the people I allow close to me, how I spend my time. I need a life editor to keep me focused on getting things done such as articles and this blog, the childrens books that I write for every child born to someone close to me. I need an editor who tells me when I have been on twitter too long and to tell me to RUN when I meet someone who is later going to cause me grief. To stop me when I am about to say something stupid and most of all to cover my butt when I need to go spend time with the horses. She could take my cell phone and my email and the kennel phone and just edit my life while I play. Anyone want to sign up for this position, the pay sucks, the hours are brutal but I promise you will never get bored as there is always something that needs to be done.

So moving on... FISH. We built a garden with a little pond just outside my office window so I would have a quiet place to go when I wasn't busy. First of all there is not one place or one moment anymore that is not busy or quiet now that the dog kennel is in full swing and the phone is always ringing and people are coming and going but it's pretty and I can hear the water bubbling as I write and that is really relaxing. Soooo we bought fish for the pond. How fun! Bear put a big bucket with holes in it so they could get out of the sun and plants and ledges for the tadpoles to climb out when they grow legs and turn into bullfrogs. One morning I go out there to find they are missing. Not floating, not sucked into the filter, just gone. After a long discussion as to where they might have gone, we go and buy more fish but this time, we are going to watch more closely to see if we can figure it out. The pond is a long way from the barn and it is nestled in a garden with a fence around it. I've seen birds land and drink from it or eat the seed I leave for them nearby but no raccoons or predators have ever been seen nearby. Then one day I walk out to find the orange barn cat, Redford sitting on the shale rock on the bucket, the little island of the pond with his arm all the way up to his shoulder submersed in the water fishing. REDFORD! I yell and I startled him, he lost his balance and fell into the water. Mystery solved. The damn cat has been fishing in my pond. Expensive meal for a barn cat.

FRIENDS... friends can sometimes be like that damn cat. You feed them with kindness, you open your door to them and what do they do? They eat your fish! Someone should invent a friend filter that warns you of which friends are going to be good ones and which ones are well, just psychotic. My life editor certainly would have warned me about this one. A year ago I met a woman who wanted a horse. Now don't get me wrong, I have some really good friends both old and new that I thoroughly enjoy but then there are ones such as... we shall call her ...ummmm Worm. For no particular reason aside from the fact that she wormed her way into my life and then ate my fish. Worm wanted a horse. I had two we werent using so they moved in to her barn. We made her wait a month before we gave her the horses so we would be sure she wouldnt change her mind because that is a big decision. The month passed, the horses moved, she also had two donkeys. Then three weeks to the day I recieve a call that she wants to get rid of everyone and everything and I needed to come get them because she was depressed and just wanted them gone. She wasnt a horse person and she had gone off her meds and was falling apart. So I did what any friend would do and helped her find a place for all four animals. The donkeys went to Ernies and the horses went to another lady around the corner. I couldn't bring them back here because I had taken the opportunity to strip the fencing in that pasture and rebuild it. Hootie and his crew were in the other pasture. She appologized up one end and down the other and I let it go, encouraged her to go back on her meds and she vowed she would NEVER change her mind. She showed up at my house and gave me a pretty little saddle and bridle and various tack to thank me for helping her. Nice!

Then the other day, almost a year to the date and completely out of the blue, she called to say "remember that saddle and bridle I LOANED you?" "Well I bought more horses and need it back." I said WHATTT??? My first thought was this woman was not a horse person by any definition, she gave me the saddle for helping her get through a really tough time, I had four saddles so I would not have borrowed one from her and oh my gosh, she is off her meds again. I recounted the events that had transpired the year before and toldher that the saddle had been passed on to someone who neeeded one and I wasnt sure if I even had the bridle anymore but would look when I had some time. The following morning she called to say she was going to come over and help look for the bridle. I had 14 dogs all together and was packing to go to Oklahoma and was really busy. She would not actually get the new victims, I mean horses for a month so there was no rush, right? No. I went out and dug through twelve boxes of tack and could not find THE bridle. I called and told her that I would just pay for the saddle and bridle but couldn't find it and didn't have any more time to look. She declined and this was followed by about six more phone messages about how she wanted to continue to be my friend, not to be mad at her, she doesn't really remember what she said because she was not right at the time. All of which I simply ignored and went about my busy day. At some point in the conversations, she told me that she had also been calling Ernie to get her donkeys back a year later. I bet he is feeling about as angry as I am at the moment but am afraid to call him. Sooo heres to a friend filter that filters out indian givers, people who dial my digits way too often and people who can't decide what they want in life. Saddle gone, bridle gone, horses gone, donkeys gone and a year gone by. Move on.

Long winded I know but now finishing what I started... I am headed to Oklahoma this week to write an article for a fairly new magazine who hired me to write two articles. One, I already sent in. The second article is about a wonderful man who recently passed away, a cattle man and the father of a friend. My reservations and research were set about three weeks ago. and I am due to leave in a few days. I have made an attempt to touch base with the editor at least five times since then and have recieved no response from her. I am a little concerned because she is supposed to reimburse me for my travel and I have a couple questions for her before I go. I think it is important to tell this mans story and to finish what I start andI have quite a bit of time into this particular article. So the plan is to go and get the story and write the article regardless. Then maybe my life editor can help me decide what to do from there. So Oklahoma, here I come. A few days with friends, some research and who knows, maybe itwill all work out and maybe it will end up in a different publication but either way, my job is to tell a story so thats what I intend to do.

So the view from the back of my horse is not the fish, the friends or finishing what I started, its the little corner of the farm where Hootie and his crew reside and after I finish this blog entry, spray Beau with his fly spray and find me a life editor, I will be taking the phone off the hook and headed to the back of the woods to spend time with my horse because thats what is important and that is where things become clear to me. My horses, they speak volumes without even saying a word.

Blessings
Tena

Biting the Hand That Feeds You

2009-06-13T04:06:00.008-06:00

Part of a song I wrote goes...
"Don't kiss a boy or you'll go blind, don't bite the hand that feeds you, Don't cut off your nose to spite your face because there's too many people who need you."
It's just a humorous little diddy about advice my mother gave me growing up that made absolutely no sense at the time and I thought she was crazy (well actually she was but that aside) some of it was good advice.

Two dogs checked into our boarding kennel the other day and one is just as nice as can be but the second one tried to take my arm off when I reached in his run to fill his bowl with food. I was trying to do something nice for him and he returned the favor by trying to bite me. I guess he never met my mother. I remember when I was writing Tips and Tidbits For The Horse Lover, I was writing a tip about never feeding your horse your fingers, being careful to approach them with an open palm because horses have peripheal vision and can not see what is directly in front of them. On that particular day, I didnt heed my own advice and for the first time in my life, one of the horses bit the tip of my finger. Ironic, isn't it?

Anyway, some people are just like that mean dog, you go out of your way to do something nice for them and they bite you. Not literally but figuratively. I have never understood this but it seems the more you do for them, the more they bite you. Now you would think we would learn and just stay away but when you care for those people, you just continue to ignore the biting and do more for them. Then one day, you are in enough pain that it registers and you learn your lesson and you stop doing for them. Ahhhh, but now they have come to expect it and they resent you for not feeding them with your kindness. Their anger and expectation grows and because they haven't learned to do for themselves and have come to depend on you to do for them, they lash out in an attempt to put their universe back on its axis where you give and they take.

Instead of realizing how much you have given them and learn to give back in appreciation, they blame you for everything that has gone wrong in their life and you become the enemy. The smart thing to do is to just walk away and allow them to grow as a person by learning to do for themselves. Then the third party biting begins. This is where you hear from a third person what a horrible human being you are because the biter says it is so, not to your face but to the third party which hurts even more than the original bite. If you confront the biter with the hurtful things they said, you are just putting yourself back within biting range which is stupid and since nothing is ever their fault, (just ask them) the fault falls on you through the third party. Are you with me so far or have I lost you yet?

I tuned the mean dog and his grateful, fun loving friend loose in the play yard. The food was already in the yard, prepared by me as always however both dogs were unaware that I was the one that gave them the food. The nicer of the two dogs came to me for attention wagging his tail and then went directly to his food. When he was finished, he was content and went to lie down and bask in the sunshine. The mean dog? He didn't notice the food, hair standing on end ready to attack, he came at me and I turned my back on him. He was expecting me to feed him and I ignored him completely. He growled in an attempt to get me to give him food. I continued to ignore him. The food was there, the only thing that changed was that he had to go out in the world and find the food himself. I was no longer willing to risk the bite by giving him the food. He eventually found the food while his friend lay at my feet content just to be in my presence. A loyal dog who understood that unless he met me with love and respect, he was on his own. Unless he showed gratitude at the fact that I was willing to feed him at all, he would have to figure it all out on his own.

It made me realize that when we do too much for the people we love and that effort is not met with loyalty and respect, we are doing them a terrible injustice. We are robbing them of the ability to do things for themselves, to go out in the play yard and find the food for themselves. When we do too much for them and it is not met with love loyalty and respect, we are teaching them that it is all right to bite the hand that feeds them because they have come to rely too much on the fact that you are always going to feed them with your love and generousity whether they bite you or not.

The view from the back of my horse today is that nasty, mean dog who taught me a very important lesson about human nature. Also his friend who taught me that when I put myself out there for the people I love, I should expect nothing less than love and loyalty and respect in return. So go ahead and kiss a boy because you probably wont go blind but don't feed the ones that bite you because if you truly love them, they need to learn that biting is absolutely unacceptable and when someone reaches their hand out to you when you need them, never bite them.

Blessings
Tena

Tribute To Skipper

2009-05-30T04:09:00.001-06:00

After a day like today, I feel like some appreciation needs to go out to one particular palomino gelding named Skipper. If none of you mind.

Skipper belonged to a rather well off family here in my area way back about 25 years ago. He walked in a class and came out with blue ribbons. He worked hard for them and always made it seem easy. He has babysat more of our youth in this area than any horse I know. He was kind, loving, probably more so than most people I've met. When Skipper retired, he was sold for a mere $300 to the girls next door from me. I would go out to feed my horses and Skipper would stand at the fence and watch. He has had his fair share of aches and pains over the years and of course he was the last one of the herd to shed out his winter coat. Once he did, he shined! He was a horse that anyone could ride and everyone wished they had 100 of.

Early this morning, I received a call from the girls asking me if I would bring over some syringes and needles as Skipper wasn't feeling well and they wanted to get the banamine out. It was too early to get hold of the vet. By the time I got over there, another friend had already given him a shot and he stood with his head low and was still in a lot of pain. We recounted his wonderful career and his 28 years on this earth. It was with a very heavy heart but in his best interest that they made the decision to call the vet a few hours later and have Skipper put down. He was old and tired and had a great life here on earth. I watched from my barn as Sherry walked him down the path between their pasture and mine and every single horse called to him and lined up at the fence as he took his final walk to the back of the woods. Not because they were upset, you see but because Skipper was a legend and they wanted to give him his due.

I recalled all the times I stood in awe as he beat our horses in class after class over the years and how angry my daughter would get because she couldn't beat that horse. He was the horse that every other horse aspired to be. When he retired, he had such a wonderful home with people who loved him.

I awoke yesterday after a hard rain to find one perfect flower in full bloom in my garden and I think God put it there for a reason because it seemed fitting that such a perfect horse should get this perfect, beautiful flower in tribute to all he has accomplished in his life. I wrapped it in white daisies and lay it on Skipper's grave this afternoon. So all of you horse people, please keep Skipper in your thoughts today and also Mary and Sherry for loving him enough to make the most difficult decision that we ever have to face.

The view from the back of my horse is Skipper...God has one more perfect gelding in his herd.
Blessings
Tena

Finding Comfort

2009-05-27T07:15:00.002-06:00

Life can be stressful but there are ways to find comfort and peace. Sometimes it comes in the form of a sunny beach and a cold drink and a cababana boy seeing to your every need but lets get real.

Comfort comes in many forms and sometimes the simplest things can renew your soul if you just learn to relax. Walking out to the barn and watching the horses run as you release them into the pasture. A hot cup of tea and a purring cat sitting in your lap. Waking up to sound of your loved one breathing deeply as they sleep next to you. The sun coming out after a storm. Sitting in the garden pulling weeds while you admire the new growth and the flowers blooming. A deep breath.

The best comforts are the ones you give to those around you. Since my daughter got sick, I found that when she gets to that point where she really can't keep anything down, I see it coming and I start baking. Banana bread is her comfort food so I make two loaves. One for now and one for the freezer. I also bake cookies and freeze them in large ziplock bags and when its time to go to the hospital, I grab them on the way out the door. In one year, I lost both my dad and my brother and when Joe, my brother was ill, I used to go visit him in his resident room and bring the ipod with me. I would put the ear buds in his ears as he slept and play his favorites for him. My dads favorite song was Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain and he loved Patsy Cline so that is what I played for him during those last few hours and it took him to a better place than the fear of dying.

I find comfort in giving comfort to others even if it just little things. I allow my daughter to go shopping in my closet when she is feeling down because she used to love to shop before money got so tight. I write to bring comfort to others and I measure my success by emails I recieve telling me that it made a difference in someones life. So the view from the back of my horse today is comfort and giving it to others and what a difference that it makes in changing the world. So today, I ask you to not only try to find comfort for yourself but offer it to someone else. Bake a bread, donate to your favorite charity, a hug, a compliment, a smile. It doesn't have to be a huge effort but rather a small gesture. Take a box of milk bones to the local animal shelter, brushing your horse offers comfort to him as well as to yourself. If someone calls you with a problem, you don't have to make it your problem but listen, take the time to give them a shoulder to cry on and then tell them you love them.

I think comfort is the key to putting our world back on its axis. It also makes the best gift I can possibly think of. Have a good day today and go in search of comfort for yourself and those around you.

Blessings
Tena

Four Letter Words

2009-05-26T14:14:00.002-06:00

Hmmm. I know a lot of four letter words and lately I have used most of them in very creative ways. I certainly have used them more often than usual lately but I always try to replace them with four letter words that aren't quite so abrasive.

Hope...This one is a favorite of mine although I find that I am losing this one. I try and open my mouth to say it and the strangest thing happens. I am finding that I can no longer form the word.

Cash...shoot! That one was gone a really long time ago. I dont even say that one out loud in my head anymore.

Cure... Still holding out for that one. That is where hope comes in most often.

Liar...The worst kind are the ones that look you straight in the eye before they dare to lie to you. I avoid that one all together.

Help...I used to have a lot of trouble asking for this one. I was always better at offering it. Circumstances have sure changed that. Now that one seems to have several exclamation marks after it.

Luck... Hahahahaha! Sat down this weekend to have a relaxing meal with my husband at the glass topped patio table and it shattered into a million pieces. We decided it was symbolic of our lives lately and have decided to call in an exorcist. Yes, it has come to that.

Mail... UhOh! Now this one frightens me a lot!

Love...still have this one so things can't be all bad, right?

I noticed that with horses, there are a lot of great four letter words from our four legged friends...walk, trot, whoa, lope, back, slow, easy, see? Now there have been times when I have used some of those less accepted four letter words when riding but not usually. I also noticed that horses never lie to us. If they are going to do something evil they just out and out do it, like bucking or rearing, etc. They never tell us one thing and then do another. They leave that up to the humans in our lives. Are you by chance seeing a pattern here today? Thats right, someone I thought I could trust actually looked me right in the eye and lied to me. Well all right it was on the phone but still.

She said, "tell me whats wrong, I want to help". I fell for it and as soon as she hung up the phone, she used what I told her to start trouble between myself and someone I dearly love. A horse would never do that. Horses don't gossip, don't share secrets, do not betray your confidence, they don't pretend to be your friend and then make your life more difficult. I can tell you that when the exorcist is called, she will be one of the evil things that is forever removed from our lives but first I have a few four letter words for her that I will just keep to myself until the time is right because people like that tend to hang themselves without any help from anyone else and me, I prefer to keep my heart as pure as possible and concentrate on the love. The view from the back of my horse today is the four letter word and all of its many uses. Keep the bad words only in your head and keep the big haired women with way too much jewelry in your rear view mirror. Be true to your friends but stick to the four legged kind.

Blessings
Tena

Happy Memorial Day

2009-05-25T10:17:00.000-06:00

I GIVE MY LIFE
By Tena Bastian
www.tenabastian.com

I give my life for your life
I give my strength for your day today
My family goes on without me
So that yours can stand up and say...
I am proud to be an American
There is no other country where I would ever be
The sons and daughters, the sisters and brothers
Our sacrifice comes down to me
The soldier who fought for freedom
and the mother who sits alone
Holding in her hand, the letter
That says I did not make it home

I give my life for your life
I do this without regret
I only ask one thing of you
That none of you will ever forget
How priceless is this freedom
To young and old, rich and poor
That all of you live your life to it's fullest
And remember what were fighting for
Not just today but every day
Pause for a moment and bow your head
For those who stepped up and offered their service
And for the wounded and the dead.

I give my life for your life
As does every soldier in every war
On American soil or in a distant land
If I can ask just one thing more...
May God bless the wounded soldier
May he bless and keep those close to him now
May he watch over the ones who stand at arms
And help them find their way home somehow
May you keep them in your thoughts and prayers
May the fighting someday cease
Because I give my life for your life
But I also pray for peace.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY. Please keep this going by forwarding it today to everyone in your life. In honor of those who fight for freedom and pray for peace, of their families who make the ultimate sacrifice, THANK YOU!

To See Her Ride Again

2009-05-17T03:19:00.000-06:00

To See Her Ride Again
By Tena Bastian

When she was ten years old, she decided to go compete at the State Fair and although we felt she was way out of her league; her father and I decided to support her in her effort. Jennifer was up before the sun and ready to work. Before my eyes were fully open, I could hear her running into my room dressed in her pajamas and cowboy boots begging me to get up and help her saddle her horse. She knew there were chores to do before riding but she didn’t care. She would run through the barn with flakes of hay and scoops of grain and she would brush her pony and stagger as she tried to maneuver the wheelbarrow down the long hallway of the barn so we could clean stalls. By the time most people were just getting out of bed, she had finished all of her chores and was in the arena riding her pony. It was summer and all I wanted to do was to sleep in.

It wasn’t always a good ride but she kept trying as she was determined to go to State and the only thing between her and her dream was to be good enough to qualify and she knew that would not be an easy task. There were days when she was frustrated because she couldn’t get Checkers to pick up the correct lead or give her a smooth transition but she kept trying. I remember one day in particular when she got angry, dismounted the pony and handed her to me. With arms crossed and a defiant look on her face she exclaimed, “I am not getting on that horse again and you can’t make me!”. Tears running down her cheeks, she stood there defiantly as I walked her horse to the gate. “WAIT!”, she said as she realized I had no intentions of making her ride. “Please wait!”, she begged. She would start again.

With a lot of work, Jennifer qualified for the State competition and we loaded her horse and headed to Columbus. She didn’t win, she didn’t even place in her class of 63 horses but she went. The following month at our county Fair, she took Grand Champion in her class and watching her ride to perfection made me cry with joy. Jennifer continued to ride for several years with every bit of enthusiasm until one day when she was about seventeen years old, things changed. I woke before she did, I had to fight to get her out of bed in the morning. Her little cowboy boots gathered dust in the corner as did her saddle and eventually she sold her horse that had replaced the pony that she rode to victory at Fair. Her personality began to change and she didn’t feel good most of the time. She struggled and we knew something was wrong.

After a lengthy hospital stay, the doctors confirmed our fears as they diagnosed her with Crohns disease, a debilitating disease of sometimes epic proportion that disrupts the immune system and for some unknown reason, begins by attacking the gastrointestinal system. It also leaves the body vulnerable to viruses, bacteria and even cancer. Jen slept a lot in the beginning and suffered from vomiting, diarrhea and weight loss. She barely had the strength to go to the barn much less ride anymore and missed so many college courses that she lost her scholarship and eventually had to stop attending all together. The initial hospital visit was followed by many others and the light in her eyes began to fade. The little girl who had lived to go to the barn, was now frail and sad and sick and slept all the time. The tears of joy that I had shed at the sight of her riding her pony had become tears of sadness and fear and they flowed more often than not. After a lot of research, we decided to drive her to Chicago to see a doctor who specialized in the disease and Jennifer would begin giving herself shots in her stomach that the doctor felt would get her back on track. The problem was that this medication along with the ones that accompanied it would not only suppress her immune system more but we were told that having children would not ever be likely. To Jennifer, this was not a priority at this point in her life however to me, the thought of it broke my heart. My daughters had brought me such joy in my life and the thought that she would never experience a ten year old in pajamas and cowboy boots jumping on her bed at the crack of dawn broke my heart beyond belief.

The medication worked and Jennifer experienced what they called a remission of sorts and we had such hope. She wasn’t strong enough to ride again but she smiled and she could stay awake for more than a couple hours a day. She met a guy and just as their relationship began to blossom, her father had a stroke, followed by another, then another. Then it was discovered that an infection was causing his strokes and apparently it had also infected his heart. Jennifer put the relationship on hold and instead, stayed by my side as her dad underwent two open heart surgeries to replace both valves and insert a pacemaker. For over a year, she stayed in remission and helped me care for her dad and one day, she reconnected with Mike, the young man she had met and they became very close during the time shortly after her fathers recovery. In October of the following year, two very important events occurred. Jennifer and Mike were married and Jennifer went out of remission. She was sick again and as I watched what should have been the best year of her life interrupted by constant hospital stays, my heart ached for both of them.

Her health worsened until one day after about twenty some hospital stays in one year, I decided to track down the doctor from Chicago who was now at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. I packed the car and drove Jen about ten hours to the Mayo clinic on donations from friends and credit cards. They admitted her. I only had enough money to stay for three days and get her settled in and then I had to drive home. It was the first time I ever had to walk away from her when she was sick and I cried through Minnesota, Wisconsin and Indiana before reaching the Ohio border. The further away I got from her, the more my heart broke. Her husband, who was dangerously close to losing his job because of all the time off he had taken during her illness, drove out to get her. That was three months ago and twice since, she has had to be admitted again.

We don’t know what the future holds at this point, none of us ever do but we are sure of one thing… wishes are horses. We have heard that said and we believe it to be true. For Jennifer and for her dad, their illnesses have not gotten the best of them and I believe that the horses in our life somehow keep things from going too far astray. Their love of horses keeps them strong and for me, they give me inner peace. If wishes are horses, my one wish now is to see her ride again. To somehow find an answer to this disease, a real cure. The doctors say that her dad can never ride again with the damage that has been done to his heart and on some level he has accepted that. I can’t tell you what I wouldn’t give to see Jennifer healthy and happy and beside me for just one more ride. To feel the way I did when I would hear those little cowboy boots come running into my bedroom to jump on my bed and beg me to get up so she could ride. I often think about those days in the first few minutes of the morning before I get out of bed and I listen for her but it is quiet. That pony is long gone as are most of the horses that graced our pasture back then. Jen is grown up and married and continues to fight this horrible disease but oh what I wouldn’t give to see her ride again.

Note: Read more about this family in an article by Holly Clanahan in the June issue of Americas Horse magazine.

But the Good News Is...

2009-05-14T11:45:00.002-06:00

Ok, so I didnt win the mega millions as I had planned but the good news is... it only cost me $1.00 to take a shot at it. After my last blog, I recieved an interesting phone call from a stranger from Nebraska who simply asked me "How do you do it?" I said "Do what?" "All of it!" she said. I laughed. She had been reading my blogs and had the skinny on the hectic mess our lives have become and she looked under contact on the web site and just picked up the phone and called me. It was a good conversation with a perfect stranger. Neither of us left with any more insight than we had when I answered the phone but it was just a good conversation between two horsewomen. Both mothers, both with a sense of humor and both needing a good laugh.

Here is the secret...no matter what happens in our lives, no matter how difficult or even totally bizzare in my case, things get, when you repeat it to anyone or even just go through it in your head, add "but the good news is..." to the end of each sentence. Then reach really deep inside yourself for something to follow. It doesnt have to be something as big as ...I won the mega millions jackpot or they found a miracle cure for cancer but it has to be something positive.

This is where hope comes in when everything else is falling apart around you. No matter what you lose or how bad things are going, you still have hope and if you remember to add that to your sentence and to your thought process, that hope is yours to keep and no one can take it away from you. So even the worst of situations hav e a light at the end of the tunnel that is not a train. Lets try it out, shall we?

I ran over a dog this morning but the good news is... it wasn't my dog!

See, that wasn't so difficult. Heres another.

I recieved a foreclosure notice in the mail today but the good news is... it was addressed to my neighbor.

Of course I am kidding but the point I am trying to make is that the only thing standing between myself and the nervous breakdown I so richly deserve is a sense of humor. That and any trace of a positive attitude I can manage to hold on to are mine to keep. Thanks for the call Anita, my new friend from Nebraska. Best of luck with your new foal.

The view from the back of my horse today is Anita and Holly Clanahan from Americas Horse magazine, this writers favorite writer. She has taken on the task of telling our story in the upcoming June issue of the magazine which will be in the mail in the next couple weeks. Life may be difficult right now but the good news is... I have people like Anita and Holly in my corner.

Blessings
Tena

How You Know When You're Having a Bad Day

2009-05-12T16:03:00.002-06:00

I bought a lottery ticket yesterday. Doesn't it just seem like there are some days that go so terribly wrong that you just feel as though the luck your having can only get better? That was yesterday. Jen admitted at the Cleveland clinic and doing yard work to keep my mind off it. It wasnt my turn to take her and in order for everyone to keep their sanity, you have to let others take turns.

So here I am with the weed wacker taking out some of my anger on those darn dandelions and I am covered in grass, still in my pajama pants and a yellow shirt. My hair being held back by my sunglasses. I am sweaty and dirty and I have to drive over and walk Jen's dog. "No one will see me" I think to myself as I drive the 15 or so miles to her house when my cell phone rings. It is my husband. "Honey, I can't feel my left arm, it's numb so I think I am going to the hospital", he says. Smart man. When you have his history of heart issues and two metal valves and a pacemaker keeping you alive, you dont ignore a numb left arm. So I tell him I will meet him there and head for the hospital. A different hospital, two hours from the one Jen is in. So I get there first and walk into a crowded waiting room full of people waiting to be seen and quietly walk up to the counter and say, "You have a possible heart attack walking through the door at any minute and he has two metal valves and a pacemaker and has had three strokes and two open heart surgeries". She takes notice and asks, "How old is he?" I say 50. She says "Pardon me?"

Bear arrives and he is calm but none too hapy about seeing the inside of another emergency room. They take him right back and the nurse comes in with a form. She says, "Any medical history?" Haha! All I can do is laugh because she has no idea so I begin. My daughter Dusty walks in and sits beside me. The list goes something like this...
Subacute Bacterial Endocardidis
Two back surgeries
Two cages and four metal screws
Three strokes
Open heart surgery
A second open heart surgery three months later
Two metal heart valves
A pacemaker
She says..."Is that all?"
I say..."Oh yeah, then he was struck by lightening"
Dusty chuckles and Bear is over getting an EKG. The nurse looks at us out of the corner of her eye and says "You're kidding right?" Like I havent heard this before.
"No, I am not kidding", I assure her. She continues the questions, the doctor comes in and says, "Are you kidding?" looking at the chart. "Nope".
We wait our several hours for tests and results and one room down, a young drug seeker is screaming obsenities at the top of her lungs. My cell phone has died so it is in the car charging. I am leaving a trail of grass everywhere I go and Bear still can't feel his arm. The results of the tests have come back and show nothing. Now keeping in mind that the tests showed nothing after each of the three strokes and he had a piece of infectious material sitting on his heart valve while pieces were breaking off, going through his bloodstream to his brain and causing the strokes. I am not reassured by the test results but they sent him home and said it was neurological. Possibly a pinched nerve but they dont know for sure. Uh oh, sleepless night coming. So covered in grass in my dirty clothes with my sunglasses holding my hair back, I walk into a carryout, dig out $1.00 in change which was about all I had and buy a chance at the mega millions jackpot. I have never bought one before in my life but after a day like this, my luck is bound to change.

Soooooo, the view from the back of my horse is the trail of grass I left behind and the look on the poor nurses face as Dusty and I recited the list to her. Here is to Bear who wonders if he willever feel his arm again. Here is to winning the mega millions and paying off some medical bills and getting caught up. Here is to someday being able to breathe and not having to worry. Heres to poor Jen who is back in the hospital for like the forty seventh time this year and here is to anyone who actually reads my ramblings here in this blog. It is excellent therapy. Last but not least, here is to the srug seeking screaming maniac girl at the hospital, may she find peace or at the very least some soap to wash out that foul mouth of hers.

Blessings
Tena

Same old song and dance

2009-05-08T11:42:00.001-06:00

Admitted Jen back in Cleveland Clinic. Prayers please?
Blessings
Tena

Open Letter To The Universe

2009-04-22T14:36:00.003-06:00

This is an open letter to the entire universe on this day, the day where I have been pushed beyond the limits of what I can take.

I am a mom, a wife and a horse woman which means basically that I am a force to be reckoned with and I am tired and my daughter is tired and in desperate need of one big collective prayer. You see, here we go again. Back to the hospital, back to being the vicitim of a horrible disease that has stolen the best years of her life. I am sure she can accept what it has done to her so far and move on and I am sure she can accept that she can't ever be a mom herself and maybe she can accept the fact that she worked so hard to help save her dad for all that time only to become the patient herself but enough is enough.

I can barely even look her in the eye anymore after five years of telling her that everything is going to be all right. I watch her throw up and not eat and get thinner and thinner and I just want to scream. She does NOT deserve this. She deserves to be healthy and happy and not have to spend these beautiful spring days in hospitals.

I swear that I would lay down my life to see her healthy and happy. I would give every penny I owned if I had any pennies left to continue to give them just to give her the life she deserves. I can say it is only money but when it is the thing that stands between her being healthy or being sick, the bill collectors dont see it that way. I am asking, no begging, pleading, praying that we see an end to this continuous nightmare of illness that this family has been through. If it is true that we put things out into the universe and they are heard, hear this... somehow, some way, we are not going to let this disease take her from us. Please everyone who reads this letter, help me put that thought out there so the universe will know that we are tired but not broken yet and we will not stop until she is healthy.

Just needed to vent, hope no one minds. The view from the back of my horse is the same as the one from the rear view mirror of the car, the Mayo clinic in Rochester Minnesota. We will see you again soon.

Blessings
Tena

Learning To Ask For Help

2009-04-21T11:24:00.004-06:00

Recently, my friend Laura and I had a conversation about the dilema my family has experienced. Its been a long road for us and most recently, my friend and web site devoloper Michelle, set up a family fund for us to help pay medical expenses.

Laura and Jeff are two of the most wonderful friends a person can have and they have been with us for many years through thick and thin. Laura answered Michelles call and donated money into the account that has been set up. It felt strange. Not because I didn't appreciate the help but rather because I have never asked for help before. As a horse person, I have always instructed people that if they need help with their horse, do not be afraid to ask for help and yet here I was, needing help and at the same time afraid to take it.

It has been a long hard road trying to stay on top of all that has happened to us by myself and there is such a relief in knowing that there are actually people who are willing to help.

I am struggling with the fact that it feels so much better to give than to recieveand yet here I am in a place deeper than I ever even thought possible and needing the help and questioning it and feeling uncomfortable about it. I owe Laura a huge appology and a great big thank you.

I love you for helping me and I love you for caring about all of us. You are a good friend more like a sister and I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has come to our aid and have cared enough to help.

I just got off the phone with my friend Holly from Americas Horse magazine who wrote a beautiful article about our experience and it will be in the June issue coming out in the middle of May. Thank you Holly, Michelle, Laura and every other friend who has my back right now. You are all the light at the end of the tunnel and on this cold windy Monday, you are the view from the back of my horse...I love you.

Blessings
Tena

Walking Away

2009-03-26T08:34:00.003-06:00

Mothers and daughters can sometimes be a difficult relationship. It has to be based on trust and love and respect and it has to be bonded together with a strength that can endure anything life throws at it.

I have two daughters and I would lay down my own life for either one of them. The decisions I have made in their lives may not have always been the best ones but each has been made with their best interest at heart. Today, my heart is heavy with worry about my youngest, Jennifer. Her Crohns disease has gotten the best of her so I made the decision to contact the best doctor I could find and drove her 10 or so hours to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota. After a lengthy consultation, Dr. Kane decied that Jen needed to be admitted in St. Mary's hospital there. Financially, I had traveled there on a wing and a prayer along with a few donations from people who know what this family has been through lately. Jen and I went back to the hotel, dumped our suitcases and made her one good one out of what was still clean and admitted her.

Then came one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do...leave her there. I left her with clean clothes, the last of the money aside from the gas money that I needed to get home, kissed her goodbye and drove back to Ohio by myself because we couldnt afford the hotel and expenses to stay. I cried all the way through Minnesota and Wisconsin and part of Illinois. She was so strong and understood why I had to come home but I was jello. We had been awake most of the night before because she was so sick. Vomiting and crying and I was helpless to do anything about it.

I sit here this morning with such a heavy heart because it is totally out of my nature to walk away from anyone I love when they are in trouble. After my husband was diagnosed with his illness and he had three strokes, two back surgeries and two open heart surgeries, he barely survived and came out of it with two metal valves and a pacemaker. He was so sick that they wanted to put him in a rest home and it was Jennifer that spent months helping me take care of him so he could be home instead. Now she is so sick and I had to walk away. They say money is the root of all evil and today I feel that firsthand because it is keeping me from being with my daughter.

I have sold so many things and have had to make so many sacrifices to keep up and have worked so hard. I am tired and have run out of options. I want to be there but have to be here. I want our family to be given a repreive from this chaos of medical problems and most of all, I want to sleep knowing she is all right and this heavy weight to be lifted off our shoulders. She is not only my daughter but my friend and she is so sick that I barely recognize her anymore. She deserves a happy life with her new husband and her dog, Capone in their little apartment and she deserves to be healthy again. Walking away was impossible to do and all I really want is to walk away with her and have this nightmare behind us.

So the view from the back of my horse today is the Mayo clinic in Minnesota who is caring for Jennifer and I can tell you that the view is a long one because right now it seems a world away from me. Please send your prayers to them and to her until she is home again.
Thanks
Blessings
Tena

The Generosity of Horse People

2009-03-20T02:38:00.005-06:00

My heart is full and I am humbled by the generousity of horse people. I feel truly blessed to be in the midst of such good hearted people. Three years ago as some of you know, my husband Bear had a stroke followed by another and then another. It was discovered that a tooth infection had gone systemic and went to his heart, brain and spine. Next came an open heart surgery and then a second. Followed by expensive medical treatment and continued care. At 50 years old, he has two metal valves and a pacemaker as a result.

During this time, our daughter Jennifer who was diagnosed with Crohns disease became very ill. At one point, I had each of them in two seperate hospitals and was so tired and overwhelmed with medical bills. We sold almost everything we owned to stay on top of it. We continually recieved prayers and cards and letters and emotional support from this industry of loving caring horsepeople.

Recently, Jennifer's disease has gotten the best of her and she has spent weeks in the hospital only to be released and admitted again. Now I am getting ready to drive her 9 1/2 hours to the Mayo clinic looking for an end to this and I put out a call for help to anyone between us here in NW Ohio and Rochester Minnesota for a place to stay on the way if we get in trouble. What I recieved in return is so much more than I ever expected.

Phone calls, prayers and emails started to come in and our paypal account began growing slightly with small donations to help with the trip. $20 here and $5 there and suddenly for the first time in years, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and did not feel alone in trying to get our lives back. I know how good I have felt helping other fellow horse people in their times of desperation and for the first time, I feel the love of those who want to help us and I can't tell you how good that feels.

We as horse people come from all walks of life, each of us with a story of our own and a struggle that we are faced with and yet when any one of us are in need, we come together as a family and love and support each other. I can not tell you the last time I wasn't frightened that I would lose it all and with it, my husband or my daughter. I can't tell you the last time I have been able to sleep through the night and wake up and not worry that it was my last day with them or that we would lose our house.

Through my books, I have shared our lives and have had the opportunity to meet a lot of you through emails that you sent or at book signings or seminars that I have given and a lot of you have become friends. I wrote a little collection of stories called The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn and have recieved emails from all over the world telling me how it has changed your lives and I am so grateful for each and every one.

Thank you for your friendship and thank you for your help and most of all thank you for allowing us to be part of this family of horse lovers that continue to welcome us and support us when we need it. I know that our struggle isn't even close to being over at this point but at least I don't feel alone in trying to make it all work out. Michelle, our friend and web site developer asked if she could put a donation button on the web site and my first thought was that the economy has really hit everyone so hard and my pride wouldn't allow it. Then I recieved an email from Lynne Wiser who said that people wanted to know where to go to help. I just want to ask for your continued prayers and emails and phone calls and letters that tell me that I have an entire equine world of support as we travel back and forth for treatment and continue to get our lives back on track.

To all of you that have cared enough to be there for me and my family, thank you from the bottom of my heart. May God bless you and your families for your caring spirit.

Love Tena
Note: A special fund has been set up for Tena and her family to help with medical bills. To learn more, go to http://www.tenabastian.com/contact2.htm

How The Mind Works

2009-03-01T05:01:00.003-07:00

Isn't it funny how the mind works. Don't get me wrong, I am happy mine works at all some days but during the most chaotic moments, my mind writes songs. Yep, I dont sing, or read or write music or even play an instrument but my mind writes entire songs with lyrics and everything. For Christmas, my hubby got me a keyboard and I found that if I sit at it, I can find the the right keys that create the melody. Interesting.

They are random. They have little or nothing to do with anything that is going on in my life. So this morning, I thought I would share with you the one that is currently in my head. It is really sad but has a haunting melody and is really pretty. It's called "Don't Leave Me Tonight". I hope you like it.

He was barely sixteen when she got the call
Coming home with some friends from a party
He lied to her and said that they would be at the mall
But he wasn't where he was supposed to be

She tried to be strong
while the other parents cried
Their babies were gone
But her son survived

Don't leave me tonight
Baby don't close your eyes
All the words left unspoken, the promises broken, nothing but lies

Tomorrow will come and go
and I'll be alone
My life will be shattered, nothing else matters
God, don't take him home.

She sits by his bed on a cold winter night
Snow falls outside the window
She knows in her heart that it won't be long
But she can't find the words to just let him go

She tries to be strong
To hold on to the past
But it won't be long
because he's fading so fast

Don't leave me tonight
Baby don't close your eyes
All the words left unspoken, the promises broken, nothing but lies

Tomorrow will come and go
and I'll be alone
My life will be shattered, nothing else matters
God don't take him home

They whisper and stare as she walks down the hall
They talk about the collision
But she doesn't care, for the rest of her life
She'll pay for someone elses bad decision

She tries to be strong
but he's barely alive
Still her words echo...
"Don't drink and drive"

Don't leave me tonight
Baby don't close your eyes
All the words left unspoken, the promises broken, nothing but lies

Tomorrow will come and go and I'll be alone
My life will be shattered, nothing else matters
God don't take him home

She sits by his bed on the fourth of July
Fireworks outside the window
She knows in her heart that it won't be long
But she can't find the words to just let him go

She tries to seperate
her anger from her fears
But he's not coming home...
It's been fifteen years

Don't leave me tonight
Baby don't close your eyes
All the words left unspoken, promises broken, nothing but lies

Tomorrow will come and go
and I'll be alone
My life will be shattered, nothing else matters
God don't take him home

Just a small sample of how the mind works. At least my mind. Somewhere in the back of my mind while I am busy with every day life, I compose songs, lots of them. My hubby loves one called The Famous song which is a funny tune about a girl that has big dreams but she is sitting in jail. Maybe that one is for another time. In the meantime, the message of this one I think is when you make a decision to drink and get behind the wheel, consider the impact of those you leave behind. Life and death isn't always black and white. There is a very grey area between life and death where the people you love suffer a lot. Sad but true. It's March...go saddle up your horse and go for a ride.

Blessings
Tena

Just A Cowboy Steven Bland

2009-02-23T02:40:00.004-07:00

In August of 2005, I sat in a hospital room where my husband Bear was gravely sick. A lot of you knew this but some of you did not. He had open heart surgery at 47 years old because his heart was infected from a tooth extraction. We were told at the time that it would be a miracle if he survived. After many agonizing months, we recieved our miracle. At the time, a name kept coming up inconversation with fellow horse people. Tootie Bland.

It would seem that she and her husband Steven did not recieve the same miracle and Steven passed away. My heart ached for her as it does still today and they were in my thoughts a lot. I didn't know them at the time, only heard her name cross the lips of so many people. Their situation mirrored ours in a lot of ways. Horse people, heart surgery, the men were the same age, and two women who loved their husbands dearly cherished every moment that we had with them.

There is a certain amount of guilt that comes with being a survivor when others were not as fortunate and I really felt compelled to reach out to this stranger but hesitated because my husband survived and hers did not. I could feel her pain although I had never met her because in that dark place between life and death, pain is too unbearable not to share.

Recently, I sent her an email because I couldn't get her out of my mind. I saw her name again in conjunction with an event called The Road To The Horse that was being planned for the middle of March. It wasn't so much the dates or even the event that caught my attention but rather the location. Franklin Tennessee.

The location in which the event was being held is actually minutes from the small cabin where I love to go to write. Marvin and Maryella's cabin. So as I said I finally reached out to Tootie in an email and she called me a week or so ago. We chatted for quite some time and shared our stories and the similarities in our lives and she couldn't have been nicer. Hearing her talk about Steven and their lives promted me to write a small tribute to their love for each other. She told me that he used to say that he was "Just A Cowboy". Her love for him tells me that he was so much more than that.

Steven will be inducted into the Texas Cowboy Hall of Fame next month and she has asked to use the tribute aspart of the celebration of his life and accomplishments. I am both honored and humbled by this. I dearly wish their ending would have been a happier one because she deserves many happy endings.

We have spoken a few times since via email and Bear and I will be with her at The Road To The Horse next month and give her the biggest hug ever! Her strength in the face of adversity deserves a place in the Hall of Fame aside her husbands name. Tootie, our love and respect to you and the memory of your Steven.

JUST A COWBOY
TRIBUTE TO STEVEN BLAND
By Tena Bastian

A man is judged by who he is
Not what he has done or where he has been
Not silver buckles, titles or trophies
But by those who love him and call him their friend.

A cowboy is judged by his character
By his ability to make a good decision
Not the height of his horse or the size of his spurs
That is not what makes him an American Tradition.

He said, “I’m just a cowboy”
Nothing more and nothing less
A man of his word who’s love and compassion
Measured his success.

Just A Cowboy lived his life
With love in his heart and a comforting smile
His accomplishments were many
He had grace and dignity and style.

Just A Cowboy loved a woman
With a heart so pure, she made him whole
She was the love of his life, his kindred spirit
One life, one love, one soul.

They rode the plains of Texas northwest of Abilene
Their mornings spent tending cattle and checking the fields of hay
A sky of blue and pastures green
Just A Cowboy led the way.

The road to the horse is a quiet one
With steady hands and a compassionate heart
Where a horse is never broken
But rather given a solid start.

They knew it wouldn’t be easy
Because nothing worth having ever was
But they believed in the strength of each other
In their faith, their abilities and their love.

They took the road less traveled
But they set their minds and stayed their course
El Camino Del Cabbalas
Welcome to The Road To The Horse.

He said “I’m just a cowboy”
And he lived his life with no regret
For the things they had accomplished
And the ones she ain’t done yet.

He will always be here in spirit
To comfort you, to catch you when you fall
To love you unconditionally
Because he is “Just A Cowboy” after all.

For Tootie with love

new snow, new book, new puppies and new baby

2009-01-14T12:38:00.003-07:00

Greetings fellow horse lovers.
My gosh, where has the time gone? Better question would be where is spring? I really can't take much more of these subzero temps and snow. I say that and yet it doesn't stop. It just keeps coming. Whats a girl gonna do besides hunker down and write a new book. Yep, started it today. More news to come soon.

The hubby is happy. We just found out that we are expecting our first litter of mini australian shepard pups in a week and a half. Vet says there are five or six. Can't wait. The male is a red and white tri and the female is a blue merle. Speaking of puppies, the neighbors had a baby boy! Now there is a really cute puppy. His name is Dominic and he is a doll. They all seem really happy so congrats to them.

So we had decided to go down to the Franklin, Tn. Bastian's house in March and spend some time in the cabin and then we hear that The Road To The Horse is that same weekend and it is in Franklin. Sounds like fun. Equine Affaire is just two weeks or so after so we are not sure we can swing both but will give it a shot. If anyone is going to either, give us a shout out between now and then. We would love to meet up with you.

Speaking of the Bastian cousins, our love and prayers go out to Marvin and Mary Ella as Marvin is having open heart surgery tomorrow morning. We know how hard that can be. So everyone keep them in your prayers. I gotta run and get chores done in the barn and kennel as Holly is calling from Americas Horse at 6 to do an interview for an article. More news on that to come as well.
Blessings and stay warm
Tena

The Holidays in Ohio

2008-12-29T10:49:00.002-07:00

Oh my goodness, has it really been three weeks since my last post? I didn't realize it until I started getting emails asking if everything was all right since I had not posted since the ninth. Sorry. Ohio had become one large ice skating rink until the other day when it turned 66 degrees and all of it melted.

Lets go back a few days to the ice skating rink. Our driveway is long and sits on a slight slope that starts with the highest point being the front door of the kennel. Traveling downward to the road, our driveway was a frozen waterslide. It was unavoidable with all the snow melting and freezing rain coming down in buckets. Add to these conditions an overzealous rather large dog who thinks he is a puppy, three adults and a teenager trying to get that puppy from the kennel to the awaiting truck in the driveway and what you have is an episode of the Three Stooges plus one. Thank goodness it melted and we can start over with the winter mess and possibly trade in the sleet and ice for some pretty fresh, clean snow. I know the horses were conspiring with each other about packing up and moving to greener pastures and I must say I would not have blamed them at all.

Well we shopped and wrapped and exchanged and unwrapped and ate and slept and watched old movies and went to Grandmas house like everyone does and we visited and came home and ate and slept some more. Sigh. Fun but tiring. I received two, no make that three very special gifts. One was a book that my older daughter had made for me and it is one of a kind. Photos of my dad and two poems I had written for him. The second was a 45 record, remember those? Rod Stewart which was the same record that my brother gave me for my birthday years ago. Jennifer even found a record player to play it on. Good memories attached to both and very thoughtful.

The third was an oar. Yep, I won a boat oar in the white elephant gift exchange. Funny! I am sure it will come in handy when I am up shit creek without a paddle. Now I have one. Any way, Merry Christmas to all of you and heres to a new, better year filled with hope, promise and more time out in the barn.

Blessings
Tena

The American Quarter Horse

2008-12-09T03:43:00.002-07:00

There is a saying in the industry that says "Friends don't let friends ride Arabs". Oh I am sure that each of us have our favorite breed and an Arabian is a perfectly good choice for some. My personal choice is an American Quarter Horse andhere are a few examples of why.

Riding in the Christmas parade one year with several friends, while stopped on Main street due to an approaching train, my gelding Teddy watches as the whistle blows and the ground seems to rumble beneath his feet. I look around at the other horses and realize that there is quite a menagerie of various breeds in attendance. As the train comes closer, three of the horses begin to prance. One actually backs up about twenty feet and nearly stops on top of the mini horse and cart just behind us. Another rears and the rider quickly dismounts. A third moves from side to side anxious and clearly not comfortable with the sound of the train. Two horses, mine and a sorrel mare lead the pack and stand quietly seemingly unaware of the chaos that is unfolding around us. Two Quarter Horses, Teddy and the sorrel mare hold their ground against the big iron horse that goes speeding down the tracks just a couple feet in front of us.

That is what I love about the Quarter Horse... they are rock solid when it comes to intense situations.

The other night, my husband was late coming home from work and I had been preparing a surprise steak dinner for him. I called him on his cell phone and told him I had a surprise for him and wanted to know if he would be home soon. He assured me he was at our corner and would be home in a matter of seconds. I put his New York strip on the plate, butter on the baked potato and a dab of sour cream and I watched out the window as his truck pulled up the driveway and he stopped about halfway to the house. The phone rang and it was him. He said. "Please tell me that my surprise is not the horses standing by the garage."
"WHAT?" I replied as I had just fed our crew and all were standing exactly where I had left them. I looked out the window and there in the driveway were two horses, a Paint horse and a pony with no halters. By the time we found the owners, a neighbor that lives a few houses down, it was quite dark and she was unable to come and retrieve them. My husband and our friend Sheri decided to walk the pair home with me following in the car so traffic could see them along the road. In the headlights, I watched as the two horses danced all over their handlers, struggling to get away and spooking over anything that moved.

I thought to myself, "I am a lucky woman to have horses that are better behaved and stay where I leave them, Quarter Horses that I can trust."

The truth is that a Quarter Horse is that one friend that we all have that has your back during the worst of times and makes the good times better because they are fun to be around. There is such a rich American history in their lineage and they have a work ethic that far outweighs that of any other breed. Now I may be bias considering they are my personal breed of choice but I can honestly tell you that the view from the back of my horse, my Quarter Horse, is a barn that is quiet and content enough that gaurantees me that the dogs will NEVER eat my steak dinner while I go fetch MY horses from a neighbors yard and walk them home.

We spent the evening eating rice while our dogs sighed a contented sigh with bellies full. "Friends don't let friends ride Arabs and smart people ride Quarter Horses.

Blessings
Tena

A Birthday Blessing

2008-11-20T10:10:00.003-07:00

Well, I made it over the hill to the other side of 50! Bear and I drove down to Nashville, Franklin and Leipers Fork Tennessee. We stayed with Marvin and Mary Ella Bastian or more specifically in their little cabin and we had a wonderful time. They treated us extremely well and we love them very much.

I had to share that I recieved a really special miracle while on our way home. As I said, I am missing my brother Joe terribly and this would be my first birthday without him. I always made him peanut butter cookies for his birthday so armed with the cookies, we stopped at every cool place we could find and we left a cookie. The highway patrol is probably wondering where all the cookies came from. I felt him with me a lot. Early in the morning when I woke, before I fell asleep and every moment in between. So we are in the gift shop in a Cracker Barrel restaurant waiting to be seated when a woman bumps into a rack of greeting cards next to me. She walked away and one card fell to the ground at my feet. I picked it up and the front said "Happy Birthday Sister"It was the perfect way to let me know he was with me. I love you Joe, thanks for the card.

The view from the back of my horse is the beautiful landscape of Tennessee and the pretty little cabin that sits on the hill in Franklin, what a perfect place!

Blessings
Tena

First Rides, Cousins and Cabins

2008-11-10T07:47:00.002-07:00

Good morning world!

It is 32 degrees here in Ohio and it is snowing light flakes. I am not a winter person, I am a summer person but this year, I will try and enjoy each day for what it is instead of counting down the days til summer rolls around again.

The other day, I told you about my frustrating work session with Hootie, the buckskin gelding. Well I called in reinforcements. I called in my friend Carolyn who also used to be one of my 4h kids years ago. See, she is younger and bounces instead of breaks and to be perfectly honest, I really hate the first ride. I love taking a horse that has had a rider on his back and perfecting everything from that point on. So after about an hour of the same nonsense he offered me, Carolyn sat down in the saddle and he dropped his head and said... "Ok, I get it now". That makes him my clean slate to apply our ten steps to a great horse. I hav e decided to document those ten steps for my next book.

Cousin Marvin and Mary Ella called from Nashville right as Bear and I were discussing what to do for my 50th. As I mentioned, these people had read my book, The Horses We Love The Lessons We Learn and called us one day. Their last name is the same as ours and even if we are not related, there is a definate connection. Well they took a revolutionary war era cabin that stands on their property and completely renovated it into a guest house. They invited us down to stay in it for the coming weekend, so we are leaving wednesday and coming home friday or saturday. We are excited. I will be waking on my 50th birthday in a cabin in the hills of Tennessee and I couldn't be more excited.

We spent the weekend clearing the trees from the pasture and burning leaves and branches and assessing the damage I did to the barn when the big cherry tree fell on it. We are thinking it is going to be about $750. Yikes! Again, let me say that it is amazing to me how little space trees taake up standing compared to falling and especially when they fall on your barn. Oh sigh, I can't wait to sit in the little cabin and reflect on what is important in that lesson. The view from the back of my horse will be much nicer than the mess out in the pasture.

Blessings
Tena

What is Important

2008-11-06T02:45:00.003-07:00

The view from the back of my horse today is what is important. In the worst of circumstances, the power to see the positive side of any situation.

My friend Shannon tied a horse to a gate, the horse spooked, dragging the gate and injuring himself and Shannon in the process. Shan has a broken back and pelvic bone, the horse had a few staples . Tying horses to moveable objects is never a great idea but what is important is that neither of them were killed.

As my 50th birthday approaches, I must admit that it bothers me because I really wanted to do something special to mark the occasion. Time and finances won't allow me to go on a cruise or have a big blowout party but I have a husband who tries to make me happy with smaller gestures and what is important is that I almost lost him once and the good Lord let me keep him on this earth a little bit longer and that is what is important. That he loves me enough to want to celebrate my birthday and he is here.

In training our gelding, Hootie, I have worked in the round pen for quite some time getting him over his fear of basically everything that frightens him. I was frustrated beyond belief because I have waited three years to be able to ride this horse that I have raised from the day he was born. Everytime I tried to put my foot in the stirrup, he would bolt. I grew tired and took a break but never left the round pen because I didn't want to end the session on a bad note. I sat on a barrel in the middle of the pen and something wonderful happened.

As I sat there, I looked around at a day that was perfect. It is Indian Summer here in Ohio and the temperatures are high and the sky was blue and leaves continue to fall creating a blanket of reds and yellows and oranges and it occurred to me that what was important here was that I have the ability to get this horse past this hump after years of working with horses. What is most important is that if I stop rushing the process and allow him to figure it out on his own time, I will have created a horse that I will enjoy for years to come.

As I sat there in my frustration admiring the beauty around me, he walked over to me as if to say "be patient, I am frightened and I need your guidance." I traced the lines around his eyes with my fingertips and stroked his beautiful black mane and just "visited"with him. Once I calmed down, he calmed down and the lesson continued. NO, today was not the day that I would take my first ride on his back but what was important was that it reminded me of why I love horses in the first place. I was reminded how fortunate I am to have them in my life and that the day will come when he is ready for this big step and I don't want to rush him. Something tells me that there may be six inches of snow on the ground before he comfortably accepts me as his rider and these frustrating days will have been forgotten but what is important now is patience.

In the darkest, most frustrating times, we have to remember what is important in life and cling to it. I sent Shannon a care package of halloween candy, magazines and other things and as the days of indian summer come to an end I will continue to patiently work with this horse as often as time allows and just enjoy it for what it is and remember what is important.

Blessings
Tena

Happy Holidays!

2008-11-02T03:33:00.003-07:00

I know, I too hate the holiday celebration coming so early but there is a reason for my madness. First of all let me tell you that I have stayed true to my suggesting in The Horses We Love that going trick or treating in full costume is good for the soul. I was an alien butterfly and collected 7.5 lbs of candy. I was attacked by a cat. My grandson and I laughed so hard that he is unlikely to ever forget that night. That is good for my soul! Don't forget how to play, people, it is what keeps us young.

Now to the reason that I mentioned the holidays. My buddy and awesome web designer is putting together a contest for all of you. Just go to our web page at either www.tenabastian.com or www.bearbackranch.com in about a week or so. Click on BOOKS and there is a free gift for you. Two audio chapters that I have recorded that you can click on for free. Then there is a link to enter to win a collection of the three books that are currently in book stores. Someone is going to win a signed copy of The Foal Is The Goal, The Horses We Love, TheLessons We Learn and Tips and Tidbits For The Horse Lover.

Bear and I wanted to give back to you for the holidays and for all the blessings that we recieve. On that note, I am going to be doing some Christian radio interviews over the holidays. I would love to do one in your area so please give me a call if you have a fav radio station that would like to participate.

One more note...Thanks to Holly Clanahan from America's Horse who will be doing a feature article on the books and the story behind the stories in reference to the nightmare that was occurring while writing the books. It is a story not to be missed with her expert writing skills. It will be months before it actually hits the pages of America's Horse but they have always supported us through the Sage Remarks page by quoting us 9 or 10 times over the past few years and we thank them for that.

So for the upcoming holidays, you are the view from the back of my horse. Get out and vote and enterfor your chance to win at our web site. As always, Blessings to you and yours this holiday season.
Tena

Friends, Favors and Falling Trees

2008-10-24T04:02:00.002-06:00

Wow! Almost November and I've realized that it has been over a month since I have posted on this blog. I appologize. Let's catch up!

I learned yesterday from Roxane Cerda, my editor that The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn is going into reprint and am very excited about it. My friend Biggun, Duane, has been really sick and in the hospital and our thoughts and prayers go out to him. Tommy in Columbus was out riding his horse with his wife and stopped talking suddenly, got down off the horse and dropped dead from an aneurism. Prayers to his family as he was only 46. Drove down to Congress and spent time with Jeff and Laura Stratton and the Murnan Road crew. Beautiful new babies, birthdays and beers. I love them and always have a great time down there. Speaking of birthdays, I turn the big 5 0 in three weeks! Yikes.

A funny thing happened yesterday that scared the hell out of me. Our good friend Rusty and his brother in law Kyle came overto take down some cherry trees in the pasture as a favor to us. ( So nice to have friends that you can call on now and again.) We just signed for a nice Ford F150, cherry red, for the hubby and have only had it a couple days. Rusty drives a smaller truck that got stuck trying to pull down one of the really big trees. Sooooo with hubby at work, I pulled his new truck into the pasture and the guys proceeded to tie ropes to it. I put it in gear and hit the gas. Just then, the two cute little boys in the truck with me started a conversation and I heard Rusty holler what sounded like "WHOA!" so I stopped. "Go, Go, Go!", he yelled. Oops!

Now to a horse person, go sounds a lot like whoa and I am sure you can see my confusion. The next sound I heard was a huge crash that seemed to echoe through the woods. All the horses in the next pasture scattered and I turned to see the huge tree on top of the run through shed. Again, oops! Apparently when I stopped, the tree shifted and fell in the wrong direction. The round pen lost a few rails and I can tell you that there is now a skylight in the roof of the shed.

Bear estimates that it is going to cost about $500 to fix it but if there is one thing I have learned is that things could always be worst. The truck is still in tact and no one was hurt. People are so much more important than things. Sheds are replaceable and people aren't. I guess I am just not good at things like falling trees and power tools (see earlier post about routing my finger to the bone and skin graft surgery) but I will keep trying. The view from the back of my horse shows me that trees take up way less space when they are standing upright instead of lying all over my pasture but I thank Rusty and Kyle for the favor and for being good friends and I hope that cherry wood keeps them warm all winter long.

P.S. I wonder if Caribou Barbie cuts down her own trees.

Blessings
Tena

If there is one thing I know, it is horses

2008-09-02T13:26:00.002-06:00

Sitting in my lawn chair at the corner of the arena watching a halter class, three people walk up and stand at the rail in front of me, blocking my view. Two men and a woman not aware that they are in my direct line of sight. I clear my throat. They don't move. The class is a large one and the judge is taking her time. I have already chosen a winnder in my mind and have placed the others according to what I like. For those of you that do not know, halter is based on the horse and more exactly on the confirmation of the horse. Anyhow, getting back to the people.

I decide to listen to them to kill time until the judge has made up her mind. The one man says "If there is one thing I know, it is horses". Interesting statement considering my experience has always been that the more we think we know them, the less we actually know because they will always surprise us. The woman asks, "What are they doing out there?" He answers, "This is a class where they see who is the prettiest horse". "Oh", she says. "Oh", I think. The second gentleman asks, "On what do they base their decision?" "Mostly on how well they are bathed and how nicely the owner is dressed." "Oh", he answers. "NO!", I think as I chuckle under my breath.

"The colorful ones always win", he adds. "Why aren't they riding the horses instead of leading them?" asks the woman. "Because it is early in the show and they haven't told the owners to saddle them up yet", he replies with confidence. The halter classes continue and finish leading into the showmanship classes. Now Showmanship is based on your ability to present your horse. There are specific rules of Showmanship such as squaring your horse up so that front legs are side by side as are the back ones. The handler doesn't actually touch the horse at anytime but rather holds the lead rope up and directs the horse using the pressure from the lead. They walk their horses up to the judge, trot past and stop. Pivot or turn, and line up in a row. At this point, the judge inspects each horse individually as the handler moves around the horse and positions themselves in an exact position that corresponds to where the judge is at any given time. If the judge is at the front of your horse, you stand on the opposite side, as they pass the shoulder of the horse to the back, you are on the same side as the judge. That said, the conversation goes something like this...

"Now why are the same people out there doing the same thing as the earlier classes?" He answers, "Because the judge gave them a second chance."
"Why are they moving around the horse this time?" He answers, "Because they forgot last time." Now I have never been this entertained by a class for as long as I can remember. There is just something ab out his clueless commentary that is adding spice to the classes. Still blocking everyones view and being totally oblivious to it, the woman asks, "So you know the names of all the colors and the breeds and classes and everything?" "Yep, it is really quite easy". "My trainer says I will be ready for Quarter Horse Congress by next year!" I am thinking, "maybe as a spectator".

The questions continued and the uninformed answers did as well until finally the epitomy of my entertainment came to a close when the woman asked the man "Hey, what is that color called?", pointing to a big grulla gelding in the arena. "That is called a cappucinno!" "it is a little darker than a sorrel". He says with all the confidence of a seasoned professional. Everyone within ear shot chuckled and I moved my chair elsewhere.

The view from the back of my horse is all the new people that believe if there is one thing they know, it is horses. If that is the one thing you know, you are in trouble because after all the years I have been involved with horses, if there is one thing I know, it is that none of ever know it all and when we don't, lets use our indoor voices to answer other peoples questions. Here's to you, cappacino boy, see ya at Congress.

Blessings
Tena