Drunk Jays Fans

All-Star Game Threat: AL vs. NL

2009-07-14T19:32:00.002-04:00

I've got to go drink... but here's hoping Roy sucks shit and makes the speculation shitstorm let up for a bit.

American League

I. Suzuki rf
D. Jeter ss
J. Mauer c
M. Teixeira 1b
J. Bay lf
J. Hamilton cf
M. Young 3b
A. Hill 2b
R. Halladay p

National League

H. Ramirez ss
C. Utley 2b
A. Pujols 1b
R. Braun rf
R. Ibanez lf
D. Wright 3b
S. Victorino cf
Y. Molina c
T. Lincecum p

A Quick Word About The Most Frustrating Thing Ever

2009-07-14T14:16:00.004-04:00

To add to what Parkes just wrote—though this exactly the kind of crying over a high school girlfriend-like bullshit he was trying to pre-emptively piss all over—if you’ll forgive me for attempting to speak for everybody here, and for being really obvious, what I keep coming back to as the most unbelievably frustrating thing for Jays fans about the prospect of a Roy Halladay trade is this:

We all know, at least in the back of our minds, though we don’t like to admit, that moving Doc now when his value is at his highest really is the most prudent thing for the franchise. What kills us—kills us—is that the most prudent thing last year would have been to move AJ Burnett. Instead, they hung onto him to save face—to continue give the appearance that they believed they could make a playoff run, and that they could re-sign him in the off-season—and because they assumed they’d get the signing team’s first round pick, plus a sandwich pick, and not the cocksucking third-rounder they ended up with when the Yankees signed him, thanks to baseball’s fucked up compensation system. What kills us is that the most prudent thing to do between ‘06 and ‘07 was to take the goddamn hit on season ticket sales, and get whatever assets possible in exchange for the year that was then left on Vernon Wells’ contract. Instead, as usual, to save face—in this case, what they termed the “face of the franchise”—they somehow got mother Rogers to cough up the money for one of the most disgusting, hamstringing, albatross contracts in the history of the sport.

And now this guy—this guy—is the one where they actually seem prepared to do the right thing for the franchise? Not those pieces of shit—this guy? Roy fucking Halladay? A legit, home-grown, Hall of fucking Fame calibre talent? Now you have to be forward-thinking and not piss away assets that are destined to leave anyway? Now you have to do what’s right and damn the consequences from fans?

Ugh. Fuck you.

Reality: Why The Jays Should Trade Halladay; Why The Jays Won't Trade Halladay

2009-07-14T12:32:00.004-04:00

Remember that morning when you were in grade 11, and God woke you up before anyone else in your house was stirring. He took you aside and explained shit to you.

You know: you're not really anything special, don't pick fights with bigger dudes, never cry in front of a woman, Al Pacino isn't really a very good actor, and you're not really a man until you've beaten someone up, been beaten up, broke someone's heart and had your heart broken.

Afterwards, you had some of your dreams shattered, but getting a glimpse into the reality of life was somehow comforting. You were never going to meet your goal of becoming the next Conan O'Brien, but the life you could lead wasn't all bloated Ethiopian bellies and a grim reaper stuck in traffic either.

The Toronto Blue Jays should trade Roy Halladay.

Fuck, they should also try to deal Scott Rolen, Lyle Overbay and even Marco Scutaro, if they can get something in return worth more than the two draft picks he'll likely earn the Jays when he signs elsewhere.

The team, as it is, will not compete for a playoff spot this year, nor, despite the promises of Paul Beeston before this season began, next year either.

You can point all you want to two bad road trips as the reason for being under .500 just past the mid-point, or the lack of production from players who should be producing better, but baseball, with 162 games, has a way of evening things out. While Vernon Wells won't regularly go more than 100 at bats without a home run, Marco Scutaro won't regularly get on base 30 games in a row either.

What I'm saying is that you can't point to shit streaks and say it'll only get better without also looking at gold streaks and saying that it's going to get worse.

Maybe I'm being naive, but according to most, a potential team's playoff chances is just as important to Halladay as any dollar figure they'd be offering. The Blue Jays had these two seasons to prove to Halladay that he could be the cornerstone of a playoff team. They're 0 for 1 right now, despite a tremendous start to the year that allowed all of us to once again get tricked into expecting more from this team than we actually should.

Unfortunately, the return of Shaun Marcum and the development of Travis Snider and Brett Cecil shouldn't be enough to make anyone think that the Jays chances next year are all that greatly improved.

No matter your opinion on the future of Halladay in a Jays uniform, I don't think anyone would disagree that the team would need to add more pieces to the puzzle to compete next season, and with $74 million (plus Vernon Wells $8.5 million bonus) tied up in eight players, of which one isn't even on the roster, it's not likely that Rogers will be looking to shell out more just spend even more than that when Halladay's contract is up.

To free up salary to afford Halladay, the Jays would have to rid themselves of that which is making them competitive (and I use the term loosely) this season, namely Scott Rolen, and forgo any purchases that would guarantee their competitiveness in the future. But as soon as they lose the competitiveness, the dollars don't matter.

And please don't pretend that the potential of a fan revolt is enough to keep Halladay in Toronto. Attendance dropping from 13,000 for mid-week games to 10,000 isn't threatening anyone.

What does matter is that Roy Halladay's value as a tradeable asset will never be higher than it is between now and July 31st. Any team receiving Halladay will get him for two potential World Series pushes under their control before he becomes a free agent.

Herein lies the crux. Because of this value, few teams in Major League Baseball can afford him. And that's ultimately why he won't be traded this year. The Jays can get another half season, at the very least, of the best pitcher in baseball, and still manage to trade him for the same value they would've received if they gave him up right now.

It's time to grow up and prepare ourselves to say goodbye to Halladay.

But like our first serious high school girlfriend, don't fucking cry in front of her when it's time to go off to college. Just as there were hotter chicks with less acne, bigger tits and smaller waists in university, there could eventually be a roster built around Ricky Romero, Brett Cecil, Shaun Marcum, Aaron Hill, Adam Lind, Travis Snider and even Alex Rios in combination with whatever the return for Halladay ends up being.

Throw the potential of J.P. Arencibia and David Cooper into the mix, and that's a structure that could actually compete in baseball's toughest division.

Anthopoulos on Halladay

2009-07-14T07:35:00.010-04:00

Alright, I'm pretty sure that's not what Blue Jays Vice President of Baseball Operations and Assistant General Manager Alex Anthopoulos looks like. But that's what you get first when you search for him in Google images. (OK, so maybe the first search result is this one, but which would you rather look at?)

Anyways, Anthopoulos was on CBC's Metro Morning earlier today to talk about the media shitstorm that is the situation with Roy Halladay.

I gotta say, I've found Anthopoulos' interviews to be a breath of less tainted by "it's not a lie if we know the truth" air. He just seems to be willing to address any topic and give a seemingly candid and honest response regarding matters. Of course, this is total bullshit. PR work by nature is about as honourable as ass raping a legless child so I don't really expect that we've been privy to any more information than we were given in the past. But at least Anthopoulos seems less transparent when he's yanking our chain and that's something I guess. (At least the kid has legs. ... I'm not sure I like this analogy.)

Still, I was hopeful that maybe some of the back-and-forth will-he-stay-or-will-he-go comments justifiably dominating the discussion might gain some more clarity from this interview. Even more so after Halladay's comments yesterday stating: "I think I'm ready to take a chance in trying to win and I honestly hope it's in Toronto but at this point who knows."

Afraid not, just more of the same. Brief paraphrased summary, he kinda went back to the same spiel for every question:

What's the future for Halladay?

We hope it's with us. But we're not doing our job if we don't listen to ... blah, blah, blah.

Have there been any offers yet?

No. A lot of clubs have called, kicked the tire so to speak. Made inquiries. But that's been for a number of our other players as well as this is common around this time of year ... blah, blah, blah.

Halladay's comments makes it seem like he's reigned to leave himself?

He loves the city, loves being here. But he realizes that if there's an offer that we're blown away by and improves the team ... blah, blah, blah ... Ideally for us and for Roy, he'll stay here.

What does it say to fans to lose the best pitcher?

Because of his value to this organization ... It would not be an easy trade to make and we'd be asking for a lot. ... If we would even entertain this we would have to be convinced this is the best thing for the fans and organization. ... In the AL East, you need to be a great team, you gotta win 95 games. Maybe there is a deal out there can propel this club to the next step ... blah, blah, blah.

With all the hopes for 2010, is this now a rebuilding Toronto Blue Jays?

No. Every year, the goal is always to make the playoffs and hopefully the World Series. ... We've made significant investments over the past two years. ... This season has been a bit of retooling one. ... blah, blah, blah.

Could things turn around in the second half?

Last year we went on a 10-game run in the end of last season (We did?). ... We can get hot at any time.

Clearly, I've seen your photo! Heyo!

So host Matt Galloway may not have ended the interview on that note but he did do a bang-up job trying to cut through the PR fat of all this. At one point he pretty much cut Anthouplos off when he went back to the whole "we hope it's with us but we're not doing our job if we don't listen to ..." story.

Not that I blame Alex one bit. What's he supposed to say?

For my own two cents in this matter, I think when you cut the hesitancies to admit they're looking for a deal, he's pretty much telling the truth. The Jays will trade Doc if they get something that blows both them and the fans (ha!) away. Of course, I don't think you're going to find a deal that will ever be enough to satisfy all the fans. But while the Jays organization may not care about you personally, they do care about your ass in one of their seats. To not have anything to show for in this deal would have potentially catastrophic results (exaggeration?) on attendence for next season and the remainder of this year. We'll already be injured but to add the worst insult about your mother to this might just turn people away from the club for good. I think Halladay is truly a franchise player in that you risk fucking losing this franchise if he goes without something to look forward to. Total exaggeration? I don't know.

Maybe all of this was already covered in Stoeten's epic post.

Longest. Post. Ever.

2009-07-14T02:01:00.015-04:00

OK, so I haven’t been particularly checked-in to the Jays over the last couple weeks. Full disclosure: this kind of thing happens to me every year—it’s just that in odd-numbered years there’s no epic Dutch footballing flame out to be distracted by, so this time it looks like I’m just being a lazy piece of shit. Which… well… OK, maybe.

Obviously there has been more than enough fodder for some posts over the last couple weeks, apart from the unspeakable series of clusterfucks that keep taking place on the field—though, if you’ll permit me to shift into full-on apologist mode for a moment (and if you let me throw down a pre-emptive fuck you to all the mouth breathers ready to jump into the comments with “meuh… you really ARE an apologist”), the Jays’ season has been bled to death by the the 2-8 road trip they just completed, and the 0-9 road trip in May, the former of which included three extra inning losses and not a single game lost by more than two runs, and the latter of which included three one-run losses and a two-run walk-off loss in extra innings. I know it’s way, way, way too hypothetical to say this (so again, pre-emptive fuck off, dicks), but minus those two fucking voyages of the Titanic, they’re 42-29. Which is just a long-winded way of saying, they’re really—honestly—not all that far away from where we'd all like them to be, even if it completely doesn't feel that way.

Still, the last few weeks have been especially dispiriting—and coming from a Jays fan, that should say a lot.

The feeling—a complete reversal from two months ago—seems to be that, even if the Jays keep Roy Halladay for next year, get Shaun Marcum back, get Casey Janssen back, get a year on a steep learning curve out of Brett Cecil’s way, and even get Dustin McGowan back, they’d still have… what?

A team that simply doesn’t have the offense to compete in the American League East.

But is that true? I have no fucking idea. It sure didn’t look like it the first forty games of the year—or the last third of last year—so it doesn’t necessarily have to be true, but here we are, smack in the middle of another year where the fuckawful hitting—especially with RISP—appears to vastly outweigh the good.

And it's from there that things kinda get complicated…

Going forward, money is an obvious issue—mostly because ownership are cheap fucks who don’t give two shits about the team, other than as content for their radio and TV networks, and as a way to get eyeballs on their giant sucking carnival of 10,000 watt ads.

The Jays, most assume, will have little-to-no wiggle room in the upcoming off-season—and it's not exactly like lately there have been any calming assurances from the unassailable Mr. Beeston, who could clear the fans’ apprehension with a simple, final declaration of where the team, and specifically the payroll, is going.

Marco Scutaro, who has done everything the team has asked of him this season, looking like the natural lead-off hitter that few thought he could ever be, will be a free agent in the winter, along with Rod Barajas. If Scutaro gets Type-A status, meaning he’ll likely net two first round draft picks when signing with another team, the Jays almost certainly won't re-sign him, leaving a giant hole at shortstop.

Even if he isn’t Type-A and they want to bring him back, they’ve already got over $82M committed to long-term deals for seven players—plus one corpse, the just-released BJ Ryan—for 2010, which is more than their full 2009 payroll.

Are the Cheap Fucks at Rogers willing to increase payroll just to maintain what’s been an underwhelming status quo?

Again I have no answer, but anything I’ve ever learned about Rogers says that no, they really probably aren’t.

So then where the fuck does the team go from here?

Well, there are a couple of easy solutions to freeing up some salary. Scott Rolen has been beyond fantastic so far this season—despite his lack of home run power—and could probably be traded to free salary—though his contract and history of health problems limit his value, and reports are now saying that the Jays intend to keep him until his contract ends (boner!... but also… er... what?).

Alex Rios could be moved, especially since his contract isn’t nearly as bad a lot of fans would like to believe, and his ability to play centre make him a much more attractive option than he'd be if he were an OK hitting right-fielder (helloooo NL).

But, um... how the fuck do the Jays trade those guys and still somehow make themselves better next year? After all, isn’t that the point of trying to free salary?

I mean, are they going to sign free agents who will fill the vacancies for less cash, and yet be better than Rios and Rolen would have been?

Can the Jays bring back players who will be better next year than the guys they’re giving up? Why the fuck would anybody else make such a deal?

So the Jays’ balls are a little bit in a salad shooter here, provided the Cheap Fucks want to keep them there.

They need cash—which, at least at some point, was theoretically promised, but nobody seems so confident of now—just to maintain the not-good-enough status quo. If they have to flail about moving players to to find enough budget just to keep the roster they already have, what exactly is the fucking point?

This, obviously, is why the shitstorm of insufferable Halladay rumours have carried weight with so many people, and why we have to take them seriously, even though the little midget’s report that started it all didn’t really say anything different than what we’ve ever heard from JP before.

Now, like I said off the top, the team really isn’t that far off—and forgive my naivite, but if the Cheap Fucks see the value—and, opposed to trading Halladay and starting over, I think there is value—in finding a way to make them better next year, I really do believe they could make a legitimate run at the playoffs.

However, if they won’t, and Ricciardi—or whoever holds the GM’s post—will be given no room to reshape the roster in any meaningful way—apart from crossing his fingers for Travis Snider (again), or, perhaps, making the potentially-dangerous move of trading some of the young pitching that’s been stockpiled, or shit, even if they agree to re-sign Scutaro—then how is there any sense in not just fucking getting on with it, starting the fire sale, and getting a shit-tonne for Doc?

Is Shaun Marcum and the promise of Travis Snider really what this team is missing? Without any money to fill the hole at short, or holes potentially created by selling Rios or Rolen, it's just a little bit fucking hard to say that they are.

As always in this division (pre-emptive fuck off to whoever is about to bring up the Rays—go look at the comments on the post below), the key is the money—and hopefully, internally, the team knows what that score is, because if the Cheap Fucks are just going to sit around with their thumbs in their asses, unwilling to let on either way how much money will be available next year, the Jays will, as always, end up seeing their best moves in hindsight.

So at this point… what’s a fan to say? It’s not really a great excuse for my laziness, because this shit is always beyond our control, but normally we at least like to think we understand all the parameters well-enough to play armchair GM. In this case… I don’t know what the fuck. It’s not like it’s an easy decision to go straight into rebuilding the team, especially if you’re Rogers, who has never appeared to want anything but to milk the Jays property for all its worth. It will be a long, hard road back to legitimacy for the team if they do, but if they move Doc, there’s no question that’s where its headed.

So really, all the fucking shit that’s been written about the team in the last couple of weeks, all the scenarios and rumours, all the fans so sure Halladay is gone, all the sober commentary so sure nobody can meet the price... nobody has it straight, because we just don't fucking have all the pieces to the puzzle. And what scares the shit out of me as someone who invests far too much psychic energy, not to mention actual fucking time and effort, into this fucking radio friendly unit shitter of a team, is that I have a sinking feeling the Jays don't even fucking have it straight either.

The men in charge don’t seem to know which fucking way to turn. Or if they do, the sure as fuck aren't letting on publicly. I guess we can all just cross our fingers that it's part of some grand strategy to set things Straight, but I don't know... I just don't fucking know...

Their track record doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

Layin’ Down The Law

Oh, I’m sorry… You thought this monster was done? Fat fucking chance. First, read Stephen Brunt’s nails take on the madness of the last couple weeks at the Globe and Mail, and then strap yourselves in for last Thursday’s KLaw Chat at ESPN (yeah, I’m late, what of it?), which was mostly a Halladay-trade-hysteria chat, with a healthy dose of Keith’s get-your-fucking-head-in-reality insight.

Keith Law: Please submit all the questions in the form "If my team offers these five crappy prospects for Roy Halladay, who says no?" It'll make it easier for me to delete you from the queue. Thanks.

Gerry (Scranton, PA): Klaw, if Doc is to go the Phils who would the Jays demand? Would Drabek, Donald, Marson be enough?
Keith Law: Here we go! No, that's not enough. Not close for me.

Shawn (Philly): It's been reported that the Phillies consider Kyle Drabek untouchable. If that's the case, is there any combination of prospects not including him that could entice the Jays to trade Halladay to the Phils?
Keith Law: Sticking with a theme - how stupid is that? Drabek isn't even good enough to be "untouchable" (great stuff, already blew out his elbow, fair delivery at best, makeup questions dating back to HS), but more to the point, you're talking about acquiring one of the top 5 starters in baseball - maybe the top starter in baseball - for a year and a half. You don't designate a AA pitcher as "untouchable" if you're serious about acquiring Doc.

Pete (Columbia, MO): Halladay for Gamel, Escobar, Braddock, and Parra...who says no?
Keith Law: The Jays.

Jason (St Louis): Wallace, Daryl Jones, Motte and two others for Halladay, is that decent or still not close? We'll even throw in Wellemeyer and pay his salary to get him off the roster.
Keith Law: Nope, not there either. Especially if the Jays want pitching.

Otis (Mt Airy, NC): I've watched the Jays all week. Seems to me their bigger issues lie in the contracts of Wells and Rios. Can they really expect to contend with two outfielders who have OBPs lower than a good Batting average?
Keith Law: Had breakfast with Joe Sheehan today and we had just this conversation. I argued that their best move is to trade Rios, who still has some value, clearing money to re-sign Halladay. Joe argued that trading Halladay can be a Teixeira moment, where they restock the system and build the 95-win team that's required in that division. It's a valid counterargument. Wells is just an albatross, though - he's going to have to move out of center and isn't worth close to his '11-13 salaries.

Chet (LA): Keith, I'm a big fan of your articles and opinions. In this chat, you're essentially saying that fans are ridiculous with trade rumors, and I agree with that. But, is there a reasonable trade you could suggest for a team wanting Doc? I was discussing with a friend a Buchholz, Bowden [question ends due to shitty new ESPN software]
Keith Law: I don't see why the Jays would trade Halladay unless they're getting at least one player who can step into the majors right now and who has 4-6 years of control left. Some readers have mentioned Kershaw; I highly doubt the Dodgers would discuss him, but that's the type of guy I think the Jays would require.

Dave (Toronto): When will JP get fired? He needs to go.
Keith Law: He's put together competitive clubs and recent trades have worked out pretty well. I think the biggest knock against him is all the money they've wasted in his tenure - Ryan, Koskie, arguably Burnett, even smaller deals like guaranteeing Koch's deal for a year. (They offered him $900K guaranteed or $1MM non-guaranteed. Tough call.) [Hey, speaking of Billy Krotch – Ed.]

Walt (Cincinnati): Cueto, Alonso, Stubbs 2 for Halladay. Let's get it done.
Keith Law: At least there, you're including a quality major-leaguer making the minimum, plus a guy in Stubbs who is major-league ready. It's the right idea.

Howie (oh): Keith, is the opinion around baseball that Halladay is that much better than Santana was when he was traded despite the fact that he's older than Santana was when he was dealt for a garbage package? If so, can we expect a similar type of deal??
Keith Law: The extra two and a half months of control are also a factor. You get Doc for this year's run, plus next year.

Jeremy (NJ): If a team is that close to winning the WS, I think they should "sell" the farm in order to get one of the best pitchers in baseball. How often do prospects pan out anyway? 5% of them? maybe that? With Halladay you know what you're getting, and you're getting him for 2010 also. Sell the farm if you want Roy!
Keith Law: I agree with this. He's a difference-maker, you get him for two pennant runs, he's very durable. There's no question you'd want that guy out there in games 1 and 5 (1, 4, and 7?) in a playoff series.

Jim (Acton, MA): Do you believe that a player is a different "performer" in the playoffs? If so, does Doc's lack of post-season experience create any concern at all?
Keith Law: Except in rare cases, no, I don't think it matters.

Jordan (Vancouver): Gotta love the Jays paying 15mil to make sure Ryan never craps the bed for them again. Does Marc Rzepczynski have a future in the rotation or is he just filler?
Keith Law: I think he's a reliever - low slot, bad arm action, significant platoon split in the minors.

ajd (chicago): Keith, noticed your recent tweet about Fear of a Black Hat. Great call -- I love that movie. Questions: 1) what happened to Vernon Wells? His decline surprised me. 2) Ever read Ellison's Invisible Man? I'm getting through it and like it much more than I anticipated.
Keith Law: And incredibly quotable. "When you take that bus, you get there." Wells really had just two great years before he got the big extension, and he'll chase stuff soft away forever. Liked Invisible Man, but it's not as good as Beloved or The Color Purple.

Russell (Knoxville): Rosenthal said Rios is on the block and you mentioned it would be the best starting place for Toronto. Would he be worth a top prospect like Rohrbough to the Braves, considering his cost?
Keith Law: They can't take that contract.

Mark (Enfield, CT): Keith...love the chats. Fernando Martinez, Wilmer Flores, and Jon Niese for Halladay? Also, given the Mets OF inneffectiveness, would it make sense to take on Wells or Rios' contract as well (and perhaps reduce the quality of the prospects required to sent to TOR)? Thanks!
Keith Law: No on the trade offer. I think Rios is actually a great fit for the Mets if they can take the contract.

James (milwaukee): When your talking about players like Cueto or Kershaw being involve in a deal plus top prospects is it really worth it for Halladay?
Keith Law: And this is what makes it so hard to find a viable trade proposal.

Briks (Philly): Sorry to keep doing the "who would blink first game", but does Dominic Brown, Carrasco, Donald, Drabek make any sense for Halladay?
Keith Law: That's their best bolt, but I think concerns about both arms holds down its value. (Do the Phils just not trust Carrasco? Didn't impress with his antics last July, at least.)

Silv (NY, NY): Great stuff this AM on Mike and Mike - I dig the real scouting perspective you bring to the show. What's more important to the Jays going forward - landing a brobdingnagian collection of talent for Doc or handcuffing Vernon to a prospective deal, in exchange for receiving less talent back?
Keith Law: Take the most talent you can get for Doc. I'd want two players in or close to the big leagues, then some fliers on guys lower down in the minors. A package of four players, none of whom could play in the majors this year (realistically), wouldn't be enough for me.

Nick (Chesterbrook, PA): Agreed on the podcast. You and Bill kept it rolling nicely. That was one of the best podcasts I've listened to in a while.Not to saddle you with starting a rumor, but which teams do you think could/should make a big push for Halladay? Since he can void any deal, Halladay will likely not accept anything that doesn't result in a meaty extension, right?
Keith Law: If he goes somewhere where he'll get big run support and can make a push at a Cy, it's in his interest to accept the trade without an extension. By the same token, accepting a deal to a hitters' park like Texas, Colorado, or the White Sox might not be in his interest.

nick (chicago): Keith, ive heard 1 million times the Phillies are in the best shape to get Doc, and The Red Sox and Yanks are potential suitors. CAn you give me some sleepers who could possibly make the move to get him?
Keith Law: I love the whole "the Phillies are the front-runners!" meme. This isn't a race. Texas certainly has young talent in spades. The Giants have always liked Halladay - they could have had him in early '03 - and they have the players, although I wouldn't call the rotation an area of need for them. (Again, Rios would be a fit - they want someone who can actually play center out there, and Rios was a good CF in the minors). Someone mentioned the Reds ... what if they decided to offer Bruce and Cueto as a starting point? Just to be clear, these are not rumors, this is my own speculation. I don't want MLBTraderumors running a "Keith Law's Halladay Rumors" post later today.

Chris (Texas): Would a Davis, Max Ramirez, Casey Kiker and MARTIN PEREZ, from Texas get it done for Doc? 2 big league ready players under their control for a while and 2 leftys with upside, especially perez. Plus it leaves the Rangers farm system in tacked?
Keith Law: I'm not sure I'd call Chris Davis "big league ready" after that first half he just threw up.

Jay (Irvine, CA): Why is it vital for the Jays to get major league ready players? They're not contending in the next couple years; wouldn't a package of stud prospects earlier in the system be a better fit?
Keith Law: For one thing, players who are closer to the majors are less risky, and you don't want to end up with a weak return like the Twins got for Santana. Also, I'm not as down on the talent on that roster. Hill, Lind, Snider, Romero, Cecil, a returning Marcum, Rios if he's not dealt ... pretty good start.

Boners Up: DJF 2009 Podcast #15 (Guest: Jordan Bastian)

2009-07-13T17:37:00.003-04:00

Indeed, it’s that time once again for the ol’ podcast, where this week we discuss all the things that we haven’t been posting about—like what the fuck is with the Roy Halladay trade situation, where the Jays go from here, how awesome it was for them to eat $15M of BJ Ryan’s money (though it’s not like it wasn’t being wasted the last three years anyway), and… you know… stuff.

And we’ll be talking about all that (and much, much more?) with best Twitterer in the Jays universe, MLB.com’s Jordan Bastian-- who may or may not play softball in his jeans, we're just not sure.

As always, the podcast is available at The Score, or through iTunes.

Musical accompaniment: Ozzy Osbourne Perry Mason, Soundgarden Jesus Christ Pose, Jane’s Addiction Pigs in Zen, I Am Kloot Over My Shoulder, Tears For Fears Pale Shelter, New Pornographers Laws Have Changed

Angry Hitler Has Lost Hope For the Jays

2009-07-13T15:10:00.002-04:00

I’m sorry, but I never get sick of these…

The watermark thing disappears after a minute.

Hat tip to the anonymous commenter in the previous post.

Reminder: DJF All-Star Game Extravaganza

2009-07-13T14:25:00.004-04:00

Hey there Monkey Army, remember me? Yeah, yeah, I’ll start posting again soon enough—like maybe once it stops hurting my heart so goddamn bad to even think about this clusterfuck of a team—but in the meantime, don’t forget that on Tuesday night you can join us at Opera Bob’s Public House to enjoy—in no particular order—some baseball, some frosty beverages, and free hot dogs.

Oh that’s right, you heard me: free. hot. dogs.

Hey, and there’s even a Facebook thing for it, if that’s what you’re into. But please don’t try to add us as your friends, it creeps us out.

Here’s the Google Map of where Opera Bob’s is located—Dundas just East of Ossington, FYI—and if you’re too far away, or too lazy, to walk or bike ride, there’s plenty of TTC access via the 63 Ossington bus, which you can pick up at Ossington Station if you’re coming by subway, and lots o’ streetcar action along Queen and College—both of which are short walks. (Or, obviously, Dundas itself.)

The game starts at 8.

Holy shit, we lost!: 11 reasons to keep watching/living

2009-07-12T11:00:00.004-04:00

Oh man. Well, it's not as if we didn't see that one coming last night. And I'm starting to think this is more than just "coming out on the right end of the stick." I mean ... Fuck!

June was bad enough but July has really been the shitty icing on the piece of shit cake. After the Yankees pretty much demolished our hopes of making things interesting going into the All-Star break, the Rays gave us an extra kick in the nuts that we're lucky to be in the running for a 3rd place finish come September. If not for a 4th place finish. ... Fuck!

I know that expectations were low going into the season and a near .500 record at this point may have seemed half decent in April. But then the Jays won our hearts over with some of the most inspiring ball we've seen in years (exaggeration?). So to see a drop like this has been suicidally disheartening to say the least. And with a gap bigger than the one between your mom's legs separating the Jays from the Wild Card leading contender, there's an apathy going around among Jays fans that makes tuning into "Friends" seem like a sane alternative to watching the rest of a ballgame at times.

OK, so it's never gotten that bad this year. But I've definitely been missing some games recently whereas I was following every matchup the first three months as if each were a World Series Game 7. Stoeten and I even walked out on the game Tuesday after the fucking Jays came back to tie it up. It was inspiring and all but I may've had a Fringe show to go to (insert comments about how much you hate the Fringe) and we really all knew exactly how that one was going to end up. And last night was kinda more of the same. We battled hard but that almost just made the defeat that much stronger a kick to the groin. It hurt.

And fans have reason to be pissed. How much longer can this abuse go on for? But to be Negative Nancy (or as I like to call her, Voice #37 in my head) for the rest of the year doesn't do you any favours, it's more likely to make you bitter and angry about everything in the world. And also, intangiblephiles speculate that this lack of fan appreciation might rub off on the players as well leading to even worse performances.

So let's look at some reasons why we should fully ~~embrace~~ tolerate the remaining games of the Jays 2009 season And no, I didn't recently get a marketing job with Rogers.

1. The guys pitching in

I've been incorrectly insisting that the Jays' performance this year is all about the batters not coming through. Obviously, not entirely true. I'm sure you can pick a number of games in which members of the starting rotation have totally muffed it big time. But considering the starting rotation was supposed to be the big shit in the cut for us this year, it really hasn't been bad enough to warrant the blame. And with injuries making that cut even shittier it's amazing we're even where we are. So whether a good outing or bad, half the time (shit, two thirds of the time!) they're not even supposed to fucking be there! Whether they shit the bed or turn in an amazing outing, it's always pretty admirable. OK, that's horseshit, when they shit the bed I tune out or scream at the TV.

Cecil, Ray, Rzepczynski? I'd say they're a year or two away from starting but here they are! Kind of. Sure, there's been some painful outings. But it's all part of a learning curve that'll only make them stronger and of all-star calibre when they're ready to start for good. Or horribly fuck them up on a psychological level and destroy their arms prematurely. But we're not being Negative Nancy here.

Richmond? He should be scraping barnacles in B.C. but instead he's battled hard (and been Canadian!) to earn himself a well-deserved spot in the starting order ... when he gets back from the DL ... fuck! Seriously though, Can-pride or not, he's an inspiring story and you gotta root for the guy.

Even Tallet? Sure, he's been terrible his last three starts. But dude took on the starting role admirably and I still hope for him to return to the form he's shown in the past. And I also like to smoke crack from time to time. ... Fuck off, Negative Nancy!

2. Scott fuckin' Rolen aka The Greatest Blue Jay of All Time

I love Scott Rolen. I probably love him as much as Phillies fans hate him. I love him so much I actually kinda relate to that dude who loses his mind when he gets to serve him a mammoth burger and fossil fries in that stupid commercial. Watching Rolen make up for his lack of hitting power with some serious fucking hitting power that doesn't need to clear the fence has been pretty fucking awesome. And while the streak is no longer alive, part of me thinks he's going to start another one that won't be looking to threaten Green's record so much as DiMaggio's.

And his defence? SWEEEEEEEEEET!!! OK, I have nothing in common with that dick in the commercial.

If all the Jays could follow Rolen's example, they'd be in a much better spot. Although admittedly forever sombre looking and listening to even shittier music than they already do.

*** Bonus reason to watch! Cito Gaston sitting Rolen when he's on a tear! ***

3. It's beautiful outside!

Hey fatboy, look at the weather outside! Get out to the Rogers Centre and enjoy a game in the sun! What's that? They're out of town? And even if they were in town, the roof would be closed cause there's a cloud in the sky and it doesn't matter anyway cause domes tend to block out nice weather and you end up sitting in the shade half the time? And the streets smell like garbage?Hmmm. Well OK. But you are going to sit in the dark and watch the game on TV, right? Fine, as you were.

4. Scott Downs

This week BJ Ryan was released and the only reason we care is cause the dude is going to be able to buy his own stadium, complete with flaming graphics and hire Slipknot to play live should he get bored. But as far as the closer spot, we've got it covered. Downs has just been awesome. Fuckin' awesome. And it feels as though with this player, we've all seen the progression. He's always been a guy to root for but it looks like he doesn't need our help anymore. Dude's all grown up. Money got us a bona fide closer. Experience got us a bona fide replacement. Not too sure what that means but I'm not trying to shit on Ryan here.

Plus, that whole initial of his kids into the mound ritual followed by him horking a loogie is pretty adorable.

5. The infield aka Johnny Mac without Johnny Mac

Last season, when it was apparent that all was lost, the only thing that kept me from tying a proper noose was Johnny Mac's dazzling defensive play. It was to the point that his defence saved runs and justified him batting. A brilliant move on JP's part, he clearly went to magic school in the off season to entertain crowds should exactly this kind of record deter fans from attending late in the season. But the magic show is no more and his justification for being on the roster now probably has more to do with the fact that he can run the 100-metre dash in less than 20 seconds. (Although he's kinda been nailing it at the plate lately. Um, yeah. Roids? Too soon!)

And while we all still love the guy, the D that is the infield of Rolen, Scutaro and Hill (and Bautista! ... and the guy who stands on the first base) has been fucking fantastic. Seeing those guys play together gives me a boner and that has nothing to do with males being in relatively close proximity to each other. Rolen's defence already mentioned, Scutaro has been more than adequate a replacement for the Mac and Hill continues to prove why shitting our shorts over losing the O-Dog had more to do with us being late bloomers both intellectually and bowelly. (Pretty sure that makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever.)

6. Hey now, we got all stars (Jesus I hate the fucking song I'm referencing)

No, we didn't sign Smash Mouth (although that could've been a potential deal for Ryan? True, perhaps even more useless but we could've boiled them alive for in-between innings entertainment or something. Heyo!). But having mentioned Hill's defensive talents, how about the fact he's a fucking all-star! 20 fucking dingers! On pace for 40! And then there's Lind with 19! And the dude had a fucking shirt made telling people to vote for him to make the All-Star game and the internet still said no. But seriously, when you look at it, on top of these all-star hitters we've got Scutaro leading off with a near .400 OBP, Rolen hitting .330, Overbay likes doubles (and admittedly double plays), two catchers who are totally adorable at the plate and two guys who might not be that good but at least they're not costing us much -- and you're telling me we're losing a bunch of one-run games with chances to bring in runners in scoring position with less than two outs? For shame.

Oh, and we also got some guy called Halladay. Speaking of which ...

7. Roy fucking Halladay!

We have arguably, nah fuck that, I'm sick of the arguably -- we have the best pitcher in baseball on our roster! (Well, at least since Josh Towers decided to try his hand at the Minors). And who knows, it might be your last chance to see him pitch as a Jay if this trade talk, also known as the worst thing ever, happens. As Stoeten brilliantly and drunkenly theorized, this could all just be a marketing ploy to get asses in the seats when the Doc takes the mound. But what if it isn't? (Again, I don't work for Rogers marketing.) And you know what? Even if he stays, resigns a huge contract and is here till the day his arm falls off, as if you need a reason to watch the Doc pitch or than the fact that the Doc is pitching. 'Atta Roy.

And should the sad day come when he does leaves us ...

8. Rookie Romero aka RR Cool Jay aka Ricky Romero

Troy who?

HEYO!

9. As if you have anything better to do

Seriously, stop kidding yourself. Even if you're 10 times the man I am, you're still pretty pathetic, stuck in a dead-end job that you hate and would be sitting around counting your pubic hairs if it wasn't for baseball. And while you could kid yourself and watch the Braves game on Peachtree TV or any of the other teams Sportsnet and TSN air, do you really care about them? Fuck no! You want the drama, the admittedly infrequent glory and admittedly frequent heartbreak that only the Jays can offer. We live and die with this team because we are Toronto and ashamed of the fact that we have a slogan like that at our ballpark. So whether you want to root for your team like a naive yuppie seating in the corporate box seats or you want to shit on every play they make, let's hear you Toronto!

Besides, as grim as things look, it's not over yet. There's still a potential chance of ....

10. PLAYOFFS!

It's totally still possible! While it could be writing this has worked me up into such a frenzy of retardation that I'm starting to believe again, if we win every game remaining in the season, there's probably a good chance we'll get that Wild Card spot. And it could happen! This is baseball! These are the Toronto Blue Jays! And you know exactly what that means: They'll go on some crazy run late in the season and the Red Sox and Yankees (and Rays? Fuck's sakes) will start losing a few here and there. You'll start to feel this strange tingle in your pants that's been absent for weeks and suddenly we'll have worked our way back to five games behind in the Wild Card race with a mathematical chance of one in five billion that we could actually attain it should all the other teams lose every game and we win every game and the Red Sox organization implodes. But there's still a chance. And that's why I'll be losing my mind around that time just like every year. Unless it's a repeat of 2004. That would fucking suck.

And finally ...

11. Today's Game Threat!

That's right, as that cow Scarlett O'Hara says at the end of that hack movie "After all, tomorrow is another day!" Well, today's that day! Marc Rzepczynski takes on some piece of shit in a matchup that's hotter than that non-existent deleted scene in which Rhett Butler nailed that piece of tail. It all starts here.

And if it doesn't, well, there's always tomorrow. Or a few days after as it's All-Star break.

Go Jays.

Apologies for no lineups. Had to post this early cause I got plans and can't watch the game.

Saturday Threat: Holy shit, we won!

2009-07-11T17:46:00.005-04:00

Everybody see that last night? Holy fuck, what a game! We only score two runs but it's all good cause Cecil doesn't give up any runs on only four hits in six innings work and then our bullpen is kinda nails with Downs looking just as he did before the trying to hit a dinger incident. We're .500, baby! Playoffs!

Really, it's amazing what a win will do for morale.

Working on a bit better of an excuse for a post for tomorrow so apologies for this piece of shit game threat. But really, yesterday we miss a game threat and they win so go figure. Maybe we should cut these out already.

While you wait for Ricky Romero to pitch his sixth straight win, you might want to read about what Arnsberg had to say about the release of B.J. Ryan. The Post's John Lott really nailed the emotional side of the story with his report. Get through that without shedding a tear and you're not human. Or just not too impressed that the guy is getting $15 million to not do anything. Cray me a river, indeed.

Happy Saturday night. Go Jays!

Toronto Blue Jays

Scutaro - ss
Hill - 2b
Lind - dh
Rolen - 3b
Wells - cf
Rios - rf
Millar - 1b
Barajas - c
Bautista - lf

Baltimore Orioles

Roberts - 2b
Jones - cf
Markakis - rf
Huff - dh
Wigginton - 1b
Scott - lf
Mora - 3b
Wieters - c
Andino - ss

Game Threat: Jays (43-43) @ Rays (46-39)

2009-07-09T12:08:00.002-04:00

Ugggggggghhhhhhh. I don’t want to talk about it.

(Except to say that, yes, the Jays have a 12:08 start today. And no, fucking Sportsnet couldn't be bothered to show it.)

Roy Halladay vs. David Price is your pitching matchup.

Toronto Blue Jays

J. Bautista 3b
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind lf
K. Millar dh
V. Wells cf
A. Rios rf
L. Overbay 1b
R. Barajas c
J. McDonald ss

Tampa Bay Rays

B.J. Upton cf
C. Crawford lf
E. Longoria 3b
C. Pena 1b
B. Zobrist 2b
P. Burrell dh
G. Gross rf
J. Bartlett ss
M. Hernandez c

Drunk Theory...

2009-07-09T01:33:00.003-04:00

PR Ricciardi has actually thrown Roy Halladay's name into trade speculation in a bid to increase attendance with each successive Halladay start during the month of July, on the assumption that Jays fans will flock to get one last glimpse of the best homegrown player the team has ever produced.

For Drunk Jays Fans' Drunk Theory, I'm Andrew Stoeten

Halladay Trade Saga – Day Two

2009-07-08T20:08:00.004-04:00

Well, it’s been a day since Kenny Ken Ken went fucking around with the power of the written word, and we’re deep within the mushroom cloud of speculation that’s followed it. It’s really been quite the gift to his fellow hacks—even the ones who grasp what a ridiculous foundation his contention that “Halladay is a goner” rests on, not to mention the ones who realize that he’d have fucking excoriated a blogger for leaping to there from a comment like “if something makes sense, we at least have to listen.”

Oh, is that unfair? C’mon!

I’m not even going to try to keep up with the massive number of columns and blog posts being written on the subject, because the vast, vast majority of them are a colossal waste of time.

The spin machine is on with full-on fucking force: nobody wants to piss all over the story that everybody in just about every major league city wants to talk about.

And it’s true, the Jays could trade Halladay.

Granted, we could have had this same kind of rampant speculation during the off-season, or last year—kind of did, to a much lesser extent, actually, thank you very much Dan Graziano—but it’s definitely a more ideal time to move him. The team acquiring Halladay would get him at a great price for this year’s stretch drive, plus another a full season before his contract expires, so his value couldn’t be higher. And if the Jays don’t think that 2010 is their year, they don’t have to muddle through next season before starting to reload.

Plus—in the most disturbing quote of the day for those of you (OK, us) who shudder at the possibility of losing Halladay—Ricciardi told Joel Sherman of the New York Post, as I mentioned earlier, “We have kept him from free agency twice and I don't think we have the resources to keep him from free agency a third time.”

But there is a whole lot of other, more sensible stuff being said, too. Starting with—seriously—Richard Griffin of the Toronto Star:

Here's how trade rumours can get started in this era of instant blogification. "Hey fans, did you hear about the Giants' Matt Cain and Noah Lowry, the Indians' Cliff Lee, the Reds' Aaron Harang, the D-backs' Jon Garland, the Rockies' Jeff Francis, or, how about the Jays' Roy Halladay? Any or all might be available at the trade deadline."

The similarity is they're all due to be free agents after 2010, they play for small to mid-market teams, the economy's not doing well and attendance around baseball is down. And Jimmy Hoffa's still missing. Of course, none of those GMs actually said his man was available, but, hey, they also didn't say they weren't. Cue panic.

OK, so maybe it’s not entirely sensible. Blogging is the issue here? Really? Blogging?

But yeah, otherwise, that’s pretty much exactly it.

Here’s what Keith Law had to say on ESPN’s Fantasy Baseball podcast:

It’s completely ridiculous. All that Ricciardi said—this is not his fault, I think he was pretty clear—if somebody calls, we’re going to listen. And if we get a great offer that knocks us over we’ll go to Doc, who has a blanket no-trade clause, and talk to him about it. That’s all he said. He never said ‘we’re going to trade him’, he never said ‘he’s available’, and I was getting calls from local radio affiliates of ours from around the country saying, ‘Hey, can you come on and talk about Halladay, because (local team) is going to get him.’ Settle down, kids. He’s not going anywhere right now.

Halladay loves pitching in Toronto. He loves the organization, really likes Ricciardi—they’ve got a great relationship—likes working with Arnsberg, the pitching coach, so… from his perspective he’s certainly got no desire to go pitch somewhere else at this point. He’s got a year and a half left on his contract, so they don’t have some great impetus to move him. What they’d like to do is move one of the two outfielders, Wells and Rios, who are very expensive and not all that productive, and maybe clear some money there to go out and acquire a different bat, and/or make some room in the payroll to extend Halladay.

Halladay’s contract is really favourable to the club, so his value—his value may be so high that they can’t actually get a fair offer in return.

To that point, Keith’s ESPN colleague, Rob Neyer noticed some awesomeness on the subject from Dave Cameron at FanGraphs:

If we settle on $35 million as a middle ground, which puts him around a +6.5 win pitcher, we then see Halladay's value through the end of his current contract is about $52 million -- a full year of 2010 plus a half year of 2009. But, you can't forget about the fact that he's very likely to be a Type A free agent at the end of 2010, and the acquiring team would be able to recoup two quality draft choices if they didn't re-sign him as a free agent. Thanks to some good work by Victor Wang, we can see that the value of Halladay's Type A status is around $8 million or so.

$52 million for Halladay's performance + $8 million for the draft picks = $60 million in total value. He will be paid $22 million over that time frame, so 60-22 = $38 million.

To acquire the Jays ace, teams should be expected to surrender something like $40 million in value.

What does $40 million in value look like? Something like three terrific prospects who are not that far from the majors. No one's giving up players from the Matt Wieters/David Price mold, but it's going to take several players from that second prospect tier, the top 25-50 type guys.

Phillies fans -- that's Dominic Brown, Kyle Drabek, and Carlos Carrasco. Mets fans? Fernando Martinez, Wilmer Flores, and Jenrry Mejia.

You get the idea. If the Blue Jays trade Roy Halladay, they're going to ask for the moon. And they should. He's worth it.

Sounds about goddamn right, doesn’t it? The Jays will do their due diligence and scout heavily the prospects of any team making a serious offer—JP said as much—but that’s a shitload. Maybe if you’re the Phillies it’s worth it, but let’s be clear: the Jays are in no rush to move Halladay, and they sure as fuck wouldn’t give him away.

Here’s what Ricciardi told Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe:

“It would take a lot for us to part with him. We've gotten a lot of calls from teams but none of them are telling us at this point what they're willing to give up. If you're coming at us with a 'B" list of young players, don't bother. This is one of the five best players in baseball. It's going to take a significant package of players for us to even listen. So as the teams call we'll go through the ones we feel are the serious ones and then we'll start scouting their farm systems to see if there's anything we can do.”

“My gut feeling is no we won't [make a deal] because there aren't too many teams out there who are willing to give us the significant package of prospects we would need to make this go. Teams protect their prospects.”

So… yeah. . .

Game Threat: Jays (43-42) @ Rays (45-39)

2009-07-08T19:02:00.001-04:00

Working on a Halladay thing—because who the fuck hasn’t had enough of that already?—and I sure as fuck don’t want to talk about last night’s game, so this is it. This is your game threat. Go Jays.

Great stuff from Rzepczynski last night, by the way. Which I mention only because I spelled that from memory. … How’d I do?

Tonight it’s Brian Tallet (5-6, 4.38) taking on fellow lefty Scott Kazmir (4-5, 6.79).

Toronto Blue Jays

M. Scutaro ss
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind dh
S. Rolen 3b
V. Wells cf
K. Millar 1b
A. Rios rf
J. Bautista lf
R. Chavez c

Tampa Bay Rays

B.J. Upton cf
C. Crawford lf
E. Longoria 3b
C. Pena 1b
B. Zobrist 2b
P. Burrell dh
J. Bartlett ss
G. Kapler rf
D. Navarro c

Breaking: Jays Release BJ Ryan

2009-07-08T15:48:00.002-04:00

It’s official, the Jays have released their ex-closer, flushing $15M down the toilet with him—though it’s not like they weren’t flushing it the last two and a half years.

The news is per @MLBastian, though it’s broken everywhere now. Scott Downs has been activated from the DL and is available tonight.

“We thought that he was not going to be the pitcher that he was able to be for us,” said JP Ricciardi when speaking to Jeff Blair on the Fan 590’s Prime Time Sports this evening. “We thought that the player was not going to be able to help us in a role that could help the team win. At this point we thought it was best to let the player get on with his life.”

“The player was not happy,” he added. “The player really wanted to pitch more. I think that’s the competitor in him. Realistically, we just didn’t think we had a role that he could pitch in for us right now.”

With regard to the decision to swallow the $15M still owed to the Beej, Ricciardi told Blair: “We talked to Paul Beeston, and Paul understood—Paul was actually the one who went to Rogers with it, and he got the clearance with it. We obviously didn’t go into this lightly.”

Blair asked about the perception that some may have that, with this, coupled with the recent rumblings about listening to offers on Roy Halladay, the Jays are gearing up for a fire sale.

“We’re trying to make our club the best club we can be,” Ricciardi said. “In releasing BJ, obviously we’re trying to put the best players out there. As far as Roy Halladay goes, we have not traded Roy Halladay. We’re going to do what every team in baseball does, and listen to offers. This is the month where everybody talks.”

He added: “The only way we move Roy Halladay is if we’re absolutely, totally blown away by an offer and say this makes sense.”

Earlier in the day Joel Sherman of the New York Post spoke with Ricciardi regarding the Halladay situation.

"We have kept him from free agency twice and I don't think we have the resources to keep him from free agency a third time, so I have to investigate what is out there," Ricciardi said—though he had earlier confirmed that the Jays are budgeted to afford all of the contracts under control until 2010. "But my gut feeling is no trade gets done because we value him as one of the five best players in the game, and I don't think people will meet the price tag for that kind of talent."

JP offered the following analogy: "Imagine you have a house worth $500,000 and weren't really interested in selling it, but someone offered $1.2 million. That would make you at least listen. So if someone is that motivated we will listen."

He also said that he would not allow any team a window to negotiate a contract extension with Halladay, if they were to actually consummate a deal, and that this was not initiated by Halladay.

Game Threat: Jays (43-41) @ Rays (44-39)

2009-07-07T18:29:00.002-04:00

Ahhhhh… feels good to put to use my Guide to Spelling Rzepczynski, as he’s scheduled to make his Major League debut tonight in Leningrad (see what I just did there?) against the Rays—and lets face it, until he gets a couple of decent starts under his belt, that name is totally a copy-and-paste job.

And look! Judging by the picture he’s already accustomed to pitching in front of big league crowds like the ones they get in Tampa and here in Toronto. Bonus!

He goes up against “Big Game” James Shields—with “Big Game”, I presume, being a reference to that mangy homage to bison he keeps on his chin—who is 6-6 with a nifty 3.50 ERA.

It’s not going to be easy trying to climb back into the wildcard race for the Jays, but thankfully they appear to have already shattered all our hopes and dreams. So fuck it, no pressure, boys, just, y'know... go out and fuckin’ do it. (And shit, Rzepczynski’s a fierce groundball pitcher, who’s only given up like 5 home runs in his last 200 minor league innings. Plus the Rays have lost four straight… so fuck… maybe there’s hope…)

Toronto Blue Jays

Scutaro, SS
Hill, A, 2B
Lind, DH
Rolen, 3B
Overbay, 1B
Wells, V, CF
Rios, RF
Dellucci, LF
Barajas, C

Tampa Bay Rays

Upton, B, CF
Crawford, LF
Longoria, 3B
Pena, C, 1B
Zobrist, 2B
Burrell, DH
Bartlett, SS
Kapler, RF
Navarro, C

Five Questions With John McDonald

2009-07-07T16:53:00.002-04:00

Strap yourselves in, folks, it’s the PMoD’s turn to answer Parkes’s questions about all things crab- and-tuna-related—though it’s doesn’t go quite the same as Parkes’s normal crab-and-tuna-related conversations. And as always, it’s all on behalf—or, in partnership with, or something—of The Score.

God: Loves Baseball, America's Heartland, Manicures And Hyperbole

2009-07-07T13:18:00.004-04:00

Since God won't be picking anyone up directly, the onus is on you to show up for the biggest All-Star party outside of St. Louis. Mark your calendars for Opera Bob's Public House one week from today.

The official timing of the first pitch pool is underway in the comments section.

Vote Lind! Vote Sandoval!

2009-07-07T13:08:00.002-04:00

Thanks to a tip from our friend Mike Wilner on his new, awesome and refreshingly hockey-free Baseball Today program for the fan, we’ve been told of a little vote-trading action that’s going on between Jays fans and Giants fans, somewhere over on Pro Sports Daily.

Giants fans will vote for Adam Lind on their Final Vote ballots in exchange for Jays fans voting for their own Pablo Sandoval—who, frankly, you should probably be voting for anyway, based on the season he’s had—and I say… let’s make this a thing!

More to come! Unless I get lazy and don’t bother!

Fuck Off, Rosenthal

2009-07-07T08:50:00.010-04:00

"We have to see what's out there," Blue Jays general manager J.P. Ricciardi says. "I'm not saying we're going to shop him. But if something makes sense, we at least have to listen. We're (leaning) more toward listening than we've ever been."

There’s the money quote from the latest effort from an American writer to explode a tiny kernel of possibility acknowledged by JP Ricciardi that the Jays might consider maybe considering listening to an offer on Roy Halladay if they get an offer that makes sense—this time from that fucking Oompa-Loompa, Kenny Ken Kenneth Ken Kenny Rosenthal—into full-blown Halladay-on-the-block hysteria.

Fuck. Off.

This is not news.

I know those maybe sound like the words of a Jays fan fiercely in denial, but they're really not. This is just fucking tiresome. How many times over the years has Ricciardi said—about not just Halladay, but any player—that “if something makes sense, we at least have to listen”?

Of fucking course he’ll listen! Is that seriously all you’ve got???

The article—which is titled “Jays’ Halladay all but gone in Toronto”, though I’ll give Kenny Ken Ken the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t title the piece—is just a cheap way for Rosenthal to exploit a tiny shift in Ricciardi’s language from statements month ago, get some face time and some page views, and to give sports talk radio shows an easy topic to run with. [Cue wanking motion].

That's right, Fan590 and your ridiculous fucking morning dedicated to making a mountain out of this horseshit, you’re not a whole lot better in my books right now. I mean, I know it's early, but could you maybe read a little more than just the title?

Oh, but here’s the fucking bulletproof conclusion that Rosenthal has come to:

Ricciardi says the Jays will not trade Halladay if they do not receive the right offer, knowing that the team's best chance of competing next season is with the pitcher at the top of the rotation.

C'mon.

Once this process starts, it's almost impossible to stop. Rest assured, the Jays are assembling prospect lists and preparing to assign their scouts to investigate rival farm systems. Halladay is a goner. It's just a matter of when and where.

Yeah! C’mon!

A real fucking compelling argument. Never heard of a team saying that they might consider listening to an offer on a player and then not eventually going through with it.

Rosenthal then goes through about ten teams who he figures could potentially be in the “sweepstakes”, and basically concludes that none of them appear to have the right combination of prospects to move, payroll to accommodate taking on the Doc’s salary, while still being a desirable-enough destination for him to waive his no-trade clause for.

He also said on the Fan's morning show that his immediate reaction was "whoa, this is a reversal," but that when he spoke to Ricciardi about it, JP said it's not, and that the Jays have "always been open minded."

So… ? Then... ? What… ?

Fucking ridiculous horseshit is what. Is Kenny really prepared to look JP in the eye with this nonsense? I mean, provided he was able to find a chair to stand on. Talk to me when there’s something new to discuss here. What a fucking waste.

UPDATE: Ricciardi showed up on Mike Hogan's show on the Fan 590 this morning to address this tiresome non-story:

"We're not putting up a sign that says we're trading Roy Halladay. I think that's the furthest thing from what's going on right now."

"We're not out there shopping him, but like any of our players, if someone comes knocking, we wouldn't be doing our job if we don't listen."

"That's what it's like this time of year, during the trading period."

"We've always said that a) we don't want to trade Roy Halladay, and b) if we do decide to trade Roy Halladay, it's going to be very painful for the other organization."

I've Got An Idea For B.J. Ryan

2009-07-07T01:59:00.002-04:00

It's frustrating when you sit and you wait to pitch, and you get in there and you don't do good. It's tough. You kind of find yourself in that same circle. You sit for four or five days and you get out there and you want to make pitches and you don't.

It's tough when you don't get consistent work to go out there and be sharp, but you can't use that as an excuse. You work in the bullpen and you try to get your work done and you try to get mechanically right, and it's about going out there and making pitches.

If you don't, then you probably won't pitch again for a while.

- B.J. Ryan

Hey BJ, I've got a great idea: why don't you accept a minor league assignment?

Jordan Bastian reports that Ryan, as evidenced from the quote above, is frustrated at his lack of playing time, and even went so far as to acknowledge that he's "reached a stage where he is starting to realize he might need to evolve as a pitcher."

How can Ryan possibly expect to have earned any confidence in himself whatsoever from Cito Gaston. Game situations in Major League Baseball have proven to be every bit as appropriate as a committed relationship for trying out new things.

Seriously though, what does Ryan have to lose, other than his pride, by agreeing to be demoted?

There's no worry about his contract being altered at all from a trip to Las Vegas or elsewhere, and if it's true that all Ryan needs is consistent work to uh . . . work . . . out his kinks, what the fuck is stopping him?

One Ump Blows Call, Another Blows Jeter

2009-07-06T22:27:00.003-04:00

You’ll have to forgive me if this was made clear on either the Jays’ TV or radio broadcasts, but I didn’t have my Sports Sync Radio today, which forced me to listen to Jamie Campbell and Rance Mulliniks—and it turns out, thank fuck, I’m pretty good at tuning them out. So I didn’t quite grasp what the big deal was when Derek Jeter was called out trying to steal third early in the game, and Joe Girardi was subsequently tossed for arguing.

“Jeter thought he was safe,” reports Matt Gelb in the Newark Star-Ledger. “The ball had beaten him there, but he moved his left hand around Scott Rolen's glove and replays showed he touched the bag before Rolen's tag.”

"He didn't tag me," Jeter told umpire Marty Foster.

"He didn't have to," Foster said, according to Jeter. "The ball beat you."

Juh? OK, that’s pretty fucked. I mean, I know that umpires sometimes call guys out because the ball beat them to the bag, but… uh… I’m pretty sure most players are going to know that that’s not the rule.

Especially, you know, someone with a solid gold cock like Derek Jeter.

"Jete's not going to argue unless he's safe," said Yankees manager Joe Girardi, who was ejected for breaking one of baseball’s cardinal rules, trying to suck Derek Jeter off while a member of the umpiring crew was simultaneously trying to do the same. "That's the type of player that Derek Jeter is."

"In my 27 years in the big leagues, he is probably the classiest person I've been around," said crew chief John Hirschbeck, who was reportedly surprised to see the golden boy arguing, adding, “It would make his actions seem appropriate if that's what he was told.”

Marty Foster, the umpire who made the call, was not made available for comment after the game, but on behalf of all Jays fans I’d like to tell him, uh… thanks.

Drunk Jays Fans Guide To Spelling Rzepczynski

2009-07-06T17:17:00.003-04:00

Marc Rzepczynski

After coming down with a case of left-arm shittiness (actually bruised ribs, but lets be serious), Brad Mills will not be taking the place of the injured Scott Richmond in the Jays rotation tomorrow. Instead, that job has been given to the unspellable one, Marc Rzepczynski.

For you bloggers out there, I’d simply copy the correct spelling of his name from this here post.

Rzepczynski, another left-hander and an extreme groundball pitcher, went 7-5 with a 2.83 ERA, 88 Ks and 36 walks in 76 2/3 innings for Double-A New Hampshire before he was called up to Las Vegas. After two sparkling starts for the 51s—0.79 ERA, 16 K and 4 BB in 11 1/3 innings—here he is.

Oh yeah, it's pronounced Zep-chin-skee. Or something thereabouts. Let’s all cross our fingers . . .

Boners Up: DJF 2009 Podcast #14 (Guest: Kieran Roy)

2009-07-06T16:49:00.003-04:00

Ahoy hoy everybody. Fancy seeing you here. Yes, I’m still alive. But don’t worry, I’m not going to actually write anything about baseball. I’d rather just quietly seethe as Jamie Campbell calls the Yankees’ near-comback against the Jays in New York with all the excitement in his voice of a lifelong fan… of the cocksucking Yanks.

(Note: Thank fuck you suck so incredibly hard, Shitske.)

(Double note: Holy shit, I almost broke my neck doing a double-take at how fucking quickly Sportsnet cut from the game to some bullshit this-was-mildly-entertaining-four-years-ago poker thing.)

Oh, and I’m also here to announce that we’ve got another podcast up for your listening pleasure—and I use the term loosely, considering how things have gone during the last week since we posted one. This week we welcome (I may also use that term loosely) Kieran Roy, a huge Jays fan, and the General Manager—or something like that—of Arts & Crafts records.

As always, the podcast is available at The Score, or through iTunes.

Musical accompaniment: Pussycat Dolls f. Snoop Dogg Bottle Pop, The Thermals Returning to the Fold, Slow Club Sunday, Blitzen Trapper God & Suicide, The Kooks Jackie Big Tits, Beatnuts Watch Out

We Are All Made Of Stars

2009-07-06T12:20:00.003-04:00

I know the All-Star game is sort of a useless promotion for Major League Baseball, but fuck it . . . if you remain cynical about everything, you should probably start being cynical of yourself for relying on such a bitter crutch.

Let's get stoked for the Mid-Summer Classic this year. While the Jays have cooled off after a blistering start, let's not forget the amazing seasons that Aaron Hill and Roy Halladay are putting together. Or Adam Lind for that matter. Or Marco Scutaro and Scott Rolen, and fuck, why not even lump Rookie Romero into that mix.

I'd love to convince myself and everyone that we actually have a shot at getting Adam Lind into this game, but let's be honest: even though Toronto is a huge market, the city would be more likely to throw its support behind more sick days for city employees than taking the time to visit the Jays website and continually enter verification codes over and over again. Prove me wrong, Monkey Army.

Anyway, it's just over a week until the All-Star Game, and with the help of Opera Bob's at 1112 Dundas St. West, we're going to toss out an All-Star jam for our readers (and reluctantly, even our commenters are invited too) in the Toronto area.

Join us at the coolest baseball bar in the city (read: the only one who agreed to host such a bound-to-be drunken affair) on Tuesday, July 14th to watch the game, talk baseball with new friends, enjoy an excellent selection of local wobbly pops and eat a fuck-ton of free hot dogs.

We're always complaining about how shitty and apathetic the fan support is in Toronto. Here's an opportunity to prove that there is a sense of community amongst Jays fans in the city, and right in the heart of hipster apathy, no less. We won't be satisfied until every keg at Opera Bob's has been drunk dry in the name of baseball and Drunk Jays Fans.

See you there.