The Happy Penguin

Fire on the mountain, run run run

2009-11-04T17:03:00.002+08:00

This month is the month of mentalness, of running from one place to another. A packed trip to the Land of the Rising Sun with the Viking and the Thug, a work trip to Bombay, a weekend road trip to a beach in Malaysia and in between all of this, a visit from PixieFace and GuitarBoy. Now the last one something I'm extremely ecstatic about, but also sad about, because the timing of it couldn't be more disastrous! They're here most of the week that I'm in Japan, and will leave when I'm in India. The two of them cannot change their dates because of all kinds of leave issues, and I simply can't get out of any of my trips unfortunately. But anyway, we're all frantically trying to co-ordinate schedules so that we can achieve 2 main things - PixieFace and me reuniting in my home, and the two loves of my life meeting each other. Fingers crossed, it'll all turn out fine, they'll have a blast here in Singapore, and we'll all be happy ever after :-)

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In a rare moment of self-discovery, I figured that there are several things I suck at. Here's a list of 3 (these are in no particular order, and might not even be the top 3) -
1. Separating the egg yolk from the egg whites for 6 eggs - This skill is extremely important if you want to make things like meringues. Which explains why I haven't made any. Meringues, that is.
2. Consoling people who are angry with their work/boss/colleague etc. - I seem to want to make things better for them, whereas what they really need is someone to bitch with them. I intend to work on this skill to make myself a better shoulder to cry on :-)
3. Mental maths - Did Indian teachers invent this as a method of torturing slow kids?

Things I'm awesome at, though are -
1. Keeping secrets. It'll kill me, but the secret will go with me to my grave.
2. Entertaining myself. Really, I could laugh at my jokes for days on end, and not get bored. Touchwood.
3. Rolling out round chapatis. I'm already beaming in pride at this one :-)

Please to give me your top 3 about yourself, if you're jobless enough and also reading this. It'll be fun to know!

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans

2009-11-03T16:15:00.002+08:00

Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE to plan. Really, things like wedding planning, planning a party, planning trips and itineraries are totally things I could spend hours and hours doing and not crib once!

But over the years, I've learnt that while planning is an admirable quality, planning one's own life is the stupidest thing to do, at least for me. Time and again, life plans have been abandoned midway simply because God threw something totally unexpected at me and said go, figure. I must say God has kept things pretty exciting so far, and I can't wait to see what else He has in store for me :-)

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On the subject of planning - I woke up in a state of panic yesterday morning because yet another weekend had passed by without me doing anything substantial/useful. So the first thing I did yesterday at work was to make a 25 point to-do list. Not that most of it is going to get done in the near future, but just the process itself was unbelievably therapeutic! Really, try it sometime!

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Our office manager told me last week that I need to take 4 days of leave before the end of the year, otherwise you will lose them, she said. Gasp, LOSE them!?! Well, I believe strongly (very strongly indeed!!) that a waste of perfectly good leave is tempting God to not give you leave in the future, and so I was thinking it might be a good idea to sit at home between Christmas and New Year and do everything I've been pretending not to have the time for - painting, sewing, baking etc. Just the thought of it is making me delirious with joy. (Kala Tika! Buri nazar waale tera muh kaala)

Does anyone want to take leave with me so we can sit and drink the whole day, say?

I live to eat, and eat to live

2009-10-23T16:49:00.001+08:00

I was thinking about food today, and how it's so closely connected to life in general. Here are some of my random thoughts -

Eating a burger is so not fun. You cannot get both sides of the bun in the same mouthful ever, which makes you feel you're partial to one side at any point of burger-eating time.
An open-faced sandwich, on the other hand, is welcoming and immediately endears itself to you.
It's so much nicer to be a warm molten chocolate cake than a slab of vanilla ice cream dipped in hot chocolate sauce.
A combination of unexpected spices sometimes is the best thing that can ever happen to a dish.
Patience and love are sometimes all that are needed to turn the crappiest dish into an awesome one.
Street food is so, so much better than fancy restaurant food. But every now and then, you come across a restaurant that blows your socks off!
Sometimes the only thing that can cheer you up is comfort food - simple things like dal chaawal or curd rice and pickle.

Do you have any gems to share?

Morning notes

2009-10-21T07:10:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, what you thought would be mind-numbingly difficult to do is made unbelievably easy simply because someone loves you enough to make it so.

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A day of chilling at home in the middle of the week is a brilliant way to recharge oneself. Even though I don't really know what I've been doing, it seems like I've been working really hard, and like the weekends are disappearing without any downtime before I know it. So this was a well-deserved break, even though I say so myself.

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Most things that start on faith, a whim and a fancy are the ones that last in life weirdly enough. No amount of rational thought has ever helped me make a decent decision in life. What on earth does that say?

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Loneliness is best cured by a walk to clear the mind. Not by reading another book :-)

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There's no faffing like early morning faffing!!!

Surrogate mom

2009-10-16T12:02:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I read an article in the Wall Street Journal (of all places) about surrogacy in India. Apparently, India offers a cheaper alternative to parents in the US, Europe and other countries to have their child through a surrogate, when compared to similar facilities in their own countries. A woman in India gets paid between Rs. 1 lakh and Rs. 4.5 lakhs to have a baby, and hand it over to a happy set of parents. The Indian Government realises that there is an opportunity for the women to get exploited in this kind of situation, so it's working on a new law that aims to regulate this process. It seeks to standardise things such as contract terms, compensation to surrogate mothers and other such things. And the best part about this law is the fact that the Government plans on introducing this in Parliament as early as December this year.

But despite the joy that this process brings into many lives, surrogacy, to me, seems to have an underlying tone of sadness. The article cites several woman becoming surrogate mothers so they can feed their families, pay off their loans, send their children to school. The reasons are aplenty. A lot of women apparently draw comfort from the fact that the eggs and sperm both belong to someone else. But it must still break their hearts a wee bit when they hand over something that's been a part of them for 9 months no? Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the nobility and courage that anyone needs to go through this surrogate process, but a part of me also wonders what goes on in the heads of these women....

Happy Diwali!

2009-10-14T10:30:00.000+08:00

The last weekend went by in a flash - a very late-night show of What's your Rashee?, a long-overdue lunch with a friend, a Hariharan concert, and a brunch at another friend's place before it was time to leave for Jakarta. By the time I came home last night from the tiring Indonesian trip, I was ready to hug my furniture, kiss my kitchen and never leave it ever again.

This weekend promises to be much less manic, giving me time to properly celebrate one of my favourite festivals - Diwali. It's weird how this is the only festival which makes me so homesick that I seriously wonder what I'm doing here away from my family in good old Bangalore. Vishu doesn't do that to me - that festival gives me a sense of growing up and taking responsibility for my own life, especially when I lay out the Vishukani the previous night. But lighting diyas at Diwali always reminds me of home and how Dad lights the lamps with me, and I hate being alone on that day. That's why this year, UmaThurman and I are planning an awesome Diwali get-together, orchestrated simply because she could get a chance to wear one of her zillion sarees (Yes, our reasons ARE usually this lame) and also so we would all be together. Hopefully, a lot of our friends will turn up, good food will be eaten and loads of stupid games will be played, resulting in much most laughter and happiness all around :-)

So, here's to an awesome Diwali! May the festival of lights brighten up your life this year!

So much to do, so little time

2009-09-29T10:59:00.002+08:00

Uncertainty lurks in all our lives, despite how much we want to rid ourselves of it. Perhaps the easiest thing to do is to learn to live with it.

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No matter how old you are, you're still always your parents' baby. And it's awesome how they arrive and completely take over your home and hearth. In addition, they indulge you by gaping at animals and birds in the Zoo with you, eating icecream like it's the best thing in the world, lovingly feeding you and your friends, and accompanying you in excitedly trawling the aisles of Mustafa Centre :-)

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My worklife has become busy lately, and I've gone from having the free time to read 5 newspapers a day to no free time at all some days (yes, today is an exception)! There are days when I have dreams of infrastructure assets at night, which I'm not very proud of. I was happier with my exciting movie dreams. Sigh.

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I've stopped going to the gym this last month, and my body has begun to protest. I know I need to get my ass moving, and run and swim etc., but there's little to no josh. How to fix this?

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Also, my computer at home is behaving badly - I can't seem to get any browser to work on it! Is the computer also missing my parents, you think?

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This past weekend had two things that I'm nuts about - surprises and gifts. The surprise dinner and play on Saturday was so much fun that I wish it would happen every week! (Hint hint! :-) )

Happy birthday

2009-08-25T10:24:00.003+08:00

It's only fitting that the 200th post on my blog is also a birthday post for me.

Between my last birthday and this one, a lot has changed, and significantly for the better. 2 days before my last birthday, I was scheming to ask my boss to leave early so I could take a flight back to Singapore from Hong Kong before a typhoon hit the city and closed the airport. The only thought through that entire day was that I didn't want to spend my birthday feeling lonely in Hong Kong. This year, I couldn't be farther away from lonely.

I have a lovely bunch of friends who care so much for me that they throw me yet another surprise party (after last year's 2-weeks-in-advance party, you would've thought that I would've smartened up to these things. Clearly I haven't!). People call from far-flung places (sorry, CE, I was really really sleepy this morning) and I'm touched when a friend gives me a beanie penguin for a gift. A colleague at work bakes my favourite cupcakes just for me. Friends who I haven't spoken to in ages call me, and we excitedly update each other on our lives.

Really, life is quite awesome right now (touchwood!) - I have a job that I like, a home that I'm passionate about, enough love to fill my heart until it almost bursts, friends that I'm mental about, hobbies that keep me occupied, and unworried sleep most nights. I don't think I could ask for more. It's indeed a very happy birthday :-)

PS - This blog started on a lark 2 Septembers ago. And it's surprising that it has lasted so long. I still haven't figured out why I write or who I write for, but I do know that the process is cathartic and a whole load of fun. I love you, blog.

The stomach and the heart...

2009-08-24T17:48:00.002+08:00

From an article in the NYTimes, which captures my philosophy about food and life perfectly -
"People are as strange about eating as they are about love. They want what they want."

This explains why feeding me a sandwich on a day when my heart craves for hot hakka noodles is a MAJOR disaster! :-)

The Book of Answers

2009-08-18T11:57:00.000+08:00

Over the weekend, UmaThurman, the Viking and I went back to one of my favouritest places in Singapore, the Book Cafe. It's been ages since I went there, and despite the fact that they've added more couches and rearranged the books, it's as homely as ever, and the milkshakes are still pretty good.

The Viking chanced upon a book there called "The Book of Answers" by Carol Bolt. You think of a question, feel the side of the book and when you think the page feels right, you open the book, and there you find an answer. It spooked us out in the beginning when the answers seemed extremely appropriate to the questions we asked of it. Later, it just became entertaining as we tried to prove to ourselves that the book wasn't right all the time.

The weird thing was that the book DID seem to provide the right answer quite consistently - at least the answers all made sense in the context of the questions. I came back home and googled the book, and found a website for it as well, which lo and behold, also has the ability to throw out answers. I was tempted to try it endlessly for the first 20 minutes, but quickly got bored. Because deep down, I know that, to find answers to my questions, instead of paying attention to what a script on a website throws out, what I need to do is trust the answers my gut instinct feeds me.

Girly stuff

2009-08-13T09:11:00.000+08:00

These days, when I start work early, I can afford to take a guilt-free half-hour break to randomly trawl the world of internet newspapers, and what exciting things I find! For instance, this kitchen which really is an entrance to the house. I love the way the writer has done up this narrow space into something that looks oh-so-awesome. What I love most about the article though, is this sentence - "Arriving home and being greeted by the kitchen sink is a pretty grim thought, but I have to tell you that it is not what I see. Instead, I walk straight into life: olive oil bottles and all the things that I will use to cook dinner; books; flowers that never die; and a table with a lamp and a picture above it, followed by a skinny view down to my drinks tray in the living room, which is so inviting."

Even though my kitchen is nowhere as pretty, I totally get what she means!

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A woman's T-shirt on the train today said "Every girl around the world wants to be in love and sure". Very aww-inducing early in the morning, but only if you're in a good mood :-)

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What happens when you wake up one morning, and realise you have no girlfriends in the city you can bitch to? What can be more terrifying than that?

Woman after my own heart

2009-08-06T17:14:00.002+08:00

In more newspaper reading in between Excel modelling (lest you think I'm completely jobless), the New York Times threw up this wonderful article where the writer talks about her experiences of sharing a kitchen. This is what she has to say -

"Sharing a kitchen should only be tried with companions whom you know to be conscientious and with deep reserves of good will. (In the absence of conscience, choose companions with funds enough to pay someone else to do daily chores.) Don’t share a house with people you can’t comfortably carve up a restaurant bill with."

She is SO a woman after my own heart. At last I can rest in peace knowing I'm not the only psycho around :-)

True love?

2009-08-06T10:30:00.002+08:00

There's this article in today's Guardian where men talk about sharing their lives with celebrity wives. One of these men is Andreas Kronthaler, whose wife is the famous Vivienne Westwood.

It's quite adorable what he has to say about her -
"Wherever I go with Vivienne, whoever we're with, I always fancy her the most out of everyone. Always. We were recently at a party in New York – all these New York women were there – and Vivienne just smiled and I thought, "Nobody is like her. No one is anywhere near." Maybe it's partly because she's English – they're a bit crazy, these English girls. And she's a northern girl – they seem to have a certain drive and energy to them. Vivienne's on another planet and I'm on another planet, and I'd rather be with her than all of them."

And to think they've been together 17 years now!

Growing up

2009-07-30T11:09:00.002+08:00

As we grow older, there are things you begin to think of that you didn't 5 years back -
Why do my parents have to grow old?
Is it all right not to be married when I'm 28? Why don't I feel bad about it, considering when I was 25, that's all I ever wanted?
Will I be able to have babies if I wanted to, at 33?
Is it all right to resent someone for something that they did 2 years back? Or a year back?
How do you hold back from loving someone just because I don't know what the future holds? How can you even begin to think that that would be possible?
Should I give up my job? If I did, then what job would I do?
Would I miss the money that the current job brings?
Is a job ever anything more than a job?
Should I move back to India, where there's the comfort of love, shelter and friendship?
Should I stay here in Singapore, where there are the privileges of freedom alongwith the reassurance of love?

The older you grow, the lesser you know the answers. After a while, it's about learning to give a fair hearing to the different voices in your head without being biased one way or the other. And that's what growing up is all about - learning to be comfortable with the fact that sometimes, there are no answers.

Pearl of wisdom

2009-07-24T08:56:00.001+08:00

In life, there are a zillion things that can and do go wrong. But instead of trying to fix every single one of them, it's perhaps wiser to pick one's battles and then go heart and soul after those few (hopefully there are only a few). After all, faith is a finite thing and one ought to spend it on things that really really matter. No?

Total eclipse of my heart

2009-07-22T09:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes a feeling takes over your entire being so completely that you can't remember clearly how life was before that happened.

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As I write this, most of India is witnessing a rare total solar eclipse. My parents, and zillions of parents like them, would have ensured that no food is lying open, and that edibles like curd and ghee have darbhai (some kind of holy sticks, for lack of a better explanation) in them to protect them from the evil eye (of who?). Somehow today it feels like such madnesses are reassuring.

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I realise the judgemental side of me takes over more often than I want it to. I am constantly applying "what I would do if I were in his/her place" standards to others, and am disappointed (?) when I find the people in question lacking. No, it's not that I'm a paragon of virtue (in fact, I couldn't be further away from that), but just a question of what I think is the right thing to be done.

It's taking me a while to fully understand that there are many right things that can be done, not just one. It's just a matter of what level of comfort you have with them.

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When I first moved away from India, I shared a home with G, a chirpy girl who made the transition from B-school to our first job together with me. We shopped for furniture and set up house together, she let me be with my mad cleaning obsessions and we had a wonderful time living together. Over the years, I seem to have lost that ability. I now am ridiculously possessive of my home, and only want to share it with the people I love. What happened to me, huh?

Beginnings

2009-07-14T08:55:00.000+08:00

The beginnings of new relationships (and I'm not talking romantic ones alone) are always interesting. In some, there is the euphoric excitement of having found someone you connect with, who brings a smile to your eyes and totally gets what you're saying without you having to spell it out. In some others, there is apprehension, a quick mental examination of the other and a hesitant first move only to discover the joys that the other person brings. In yet others, there is just misunderstanding from the word go, and from then on, nothing can really save the relationship. I hope I'm mistaken about the third kind, and that repairs are actually possible.

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When someone tells you a very awesome something that you've been dying to hear for just some 50 years, totally out of the blue, when you are far away from them across the seas and running around like a headless chicken, you don't know whether to cry or laugh or dance manically. Instead, you walk around with a song in your heart for the rest of the week, and possibly longer.

Mindless rhyme

2009-07-01T12:02:00.001+08:00

Struck by inspiration (or perhaps boredom?) in the middle of my work day,
I start to write, keeping all thoughts of revenue modelling at bay.

But as I stare vacantly at an empty Notepad window,
I realise all my ideas have deserted me, uh-oh!

I wanted to write about celebrations in the week past;
Of friend's birthdays and office anniversaries and how at long last

I've figured out how to work my springform pan
(Yes, I know it's stupidly simple but let me see YOU try it, my man!)

But then I figure the weather outside, after heavy rainfall,
Is just perfect for a warm, hearty lunch and a lazy stroll.

So that, dear reader, is what I shall do now - get some sun,
Some human company and a whole lot of fun!

Happy birthday, UmaThurman!

2009-06-29T17:04:00.000+08:00

Even if I say so myself, UmaThurman's no-longer-surprise birthday party was quite fun last night! After a near disaster with the birthday cake (and me threatening to fling myself on the floor and wail loudly), God decided to take my side and help me fix the flourless chocolate cake. Thank goodness for that. Otherwise, the birthday girl would have had to make do with no cake AND no dinner :-)

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In stark contrast to the near disaster described above, the cake that I helped the Thug bake turned out perfectly, without any drama. It was an eggless pineapple cake with some frosting on top, and it was positively yummy! That cake restored my faith in myself, seriously.

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The weather outside today is overcast and gloomy, and I'm tempted to run home right now, get myself a cup of chai and curl up on my chair with a book. I'm beginning to think more and more that a job with a 2-month break, similar to school teaching, is what I should be doing ideally. This 5-days a week, 52-weeks a year job is not what I'm cut out for.

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Finally, here's wishing a very Happy Birthday to UmaThurman. I'm hoping this year brings with it many, many happy beginnings, loads of smiles and a whole bunch of new and exciting experiences for her! Go on, go wish her :-)

Withdrawal pangs

2009-06-22T16:54:00.002+08:00

Ideally, the day after you come back from a vacation should be for taking a holiday from your holiday. But I think my boss wouldn't approve of it.

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At the risk of sounding like a psycho stalker, I'd like to point out that the Internet has an interesting way of throwing up things about people that you would've never guessed. No, there have been no discoveries of earth-shattering proportions yet. I'm just saying that there is the possibility.

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House hunting is so much fun when it's not for yourself. Though there is still heartbreak involved, when you fall in love with the perfect house, but you cannot move into it because your lease hasn't expired yet. There are always complications, aren't there?

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Listening to Shakti or Bach make gentle, soothing music is like having joy rush all over you.

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Even though it's light years away, I'm awesomely kicked about Stomp coming to Singapore. YAYYYY!!!!

Yawn

2009-06-22T14:57:00.001+08:00

It is easier on some days to have unpleasant conversations than some others. I'm glad I don't need to have one right now, because today would SO not be the day. Today, I would like to sleep for 12 hours at a stretch without anyone to disturb me, without any thoughts of work and modelling and figuring out how much to pay for that darned company, without the phone. But unfortunately for me, it is only a Monday. Clearly the weekend cannot be here soon enough.

It's surprising that I feel this way, because the last two days have pretty much been a black hole of nothingness. Yes, we did trek a wee bit, lie on the beach a fair bit and go on foolhardy crocodile-spotting adventures. But we mainly lolled and did nothing. Which is probably why I'm even more tired - when the body has known a little joy, it craves for much more. Sigh - can I repeat myself and tell you that I wish the weekend were here already?

End to whiney Penguin

2009-06-11T15:11:00.002+08:00

Over the last month or so, I have been cribbing to anyone who's been (unfortunately, for them) willing to lend an ear about the bad dreams that keep me up at night, about various changes in my life which are taking some getting used to, about the fact that now I have to actually work for a living (as opposed to faffing before), about how my swimming lessons are scary, about... well, about anything under the sun. While all this while, there are people who I know are going through utter crap in life, only to be smiling every single day through all of it. I think that, truly, is the cue for me to stop whining and get on with it.

So here are my tips to a more cheerful me -
1. Flowers in the house - I realise simple flowers like daisies and chrysanthemums add peace and colour to a room without dominating it. And don't cost a bomb to replace every 3 days.
2. Baking - A friend's birthday this weekend and a colleague's inspirational cupcakes are the nudge that I've needed all this while to get me to warm up my oven, literally. Now I can only hope that particular friend doesn't hold me to this! :-)
3. Cleaning - People who know me know that vacuuming the house is a favourite pastime and a stress-buster. Supplementing this with cleaning out my wardrobe and giving away old clothes will hopefully bring smiles to many faces that I have never seen.
4. Travel - A trip to Kuching is coming up! Yayyy!
5. Mujik like this one.

Any others that you'd like to add?

The Eloquent Sounds of Silence, by Pico Iyer

2009-06-11T11:30:00.002+08:00

"Silence, then, could be said to be the ultimate province of trust: it is the place where we trust ourselves to be alone; where we trust others to understand the things we do not say; where we trust a higher harmony to assert itself. We all know how treacherous are words, and how often we use them to paper over embarrassment, or emptiness, or fear of the larger spaces that silence brings. "Words, words, words" commit us to positions we do not really hold, the imperatives of chatter; words are what we use for lies, false promises and gossip. We babble with strangers; with intimates we can be silent. We "make conversation" when we are at a loss; we unmake it when we are alone, or with those so close to us that we can afford to be alone with them.

In love, we are speechless; in awe, we say, words fail us."

For the complete article, go here.

PS - I LOVE the last sentence. Don't you?

Relaxed Penguin

2009-06-03T16:12:00.001+08:00

Listening to right now - Last Kiss, and Can't Help Falling in Love by Pearl Jam.

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After four nights of terrifying dreams, it was a relief to be able to sleep a dreamless sleep last night. I woke up in the chirpiest of moods this morning to brilliant weather (it had rained in the night, and the world was cool and breezy and absolutely beautiful) and the knowledge that the weekend was a day closer. I think playing variations of the D Major scale last night at my violin lesson really helped.

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I've been drooling over the MacBook for just about 3 months now, and I still can't make up my mind whether or not I should fork out that much money to replace a fully functional, sturdy Dell that I have currently. But then, the new MacBook comes with a new and improved GarageBand, awesome iPhoto and the new trackpad. Sigh - I think I'll drool for 3 more months before I decide. Why can't these decisions be easy, say?

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My exciting plans for this weekend (yes, I know it's only Wednesday, but I like planning okay!) include rearranging all my books in a way that I can see all of them at the same time. Right now, my books are two rows deep and all over the place. I don't know how I'm ever going to arrange them, but the excitement of doing it is enough to keep me going. I'm stupid like that.

Friday faffing

2009-05-29T16:45:00.001+08:00

This weekend there's going to be a major (ok not really, minor) change in my living arrangements. A friend is moving in with me for a couple of months, and over the last couple of weeks, I've been driving myself nuts with rearranging the furniture and making space in cupboards and generally cleaning the house and fixing things. There's a part of me which is weirdly nervous about sharing a house with someone, but there's another part which is madly excited. I really like this girl, and I hope she'll have a good time staying with me! And with UmaThurman across the road, I expect to have at least 1 drunken pyjama party soon. Keep fingers crossed! :-)

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In other news, my parents are coming to see me in September! I know it's really early to start making plans for that, but what the hell! My mum's birthday is on the day that they land, so am planning to bake a cake for her and cook for her and generally fuss over her. After the madness that this year has been for her, I think she totally deserves a break and a huge hug!

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In true Friday evening spirit, I'm faffing around at work (as is very obvious from the blogging) instead of doing the tons of work which is sitting on my desk right now. Which means that I will spend the better half of the weekend trying to make sense of a zillion numbers so my boss can not fire me on Monday. But before I let that bog me down, I have a birthday to attend this weekend and a moving in to look forward to!

Hope you guys have an awesome weekend too!