Decorno

Schmutz.

2009-07-02T14:25:00.000-07:00

The Times style section was rich today:

Benjamin Noriega-Ortiz, a prominent interior designer, and his partner, Steven Wine, a lighting designer, undress each time they enter their apartment on West 23rd Street, where almost everything is white. Then they put on “inside clothes” — usually shorts and T-shirts.

“You have no idea how much dirt you carry on your street clothes in New York,” said Mr. Noriega-Ortiz. When laying out the duplex apartment, he put the washer-dryer right by the front door.

He added, in an e-mail message: “Since we are not about to impose the remove-your-clothes-and-change rule on our guests, we tend to not entertain strangers that often. Our interior world stays much cleaner that way.”

Read about it HERE.

Second home.

2009-07-02T09:06:00.001-07:00

Timely article since we were just talking about summer homes a few posts ago...

"Every weekend, starting in October, the couple drove two hours from their home in Brooklyn to the house, undertaking all of the necessary reconstruction themselves, except the re-roofing, which was done by a contractor. Both urbanites, neither had ever tackled a renovation before, but the project was thrilling to them.

HERE.

I know, I know...

2009-07-01T07:52:00.001-07:00

I mocked ikat for a long, long time... but HERE this ikat-y Lee Jofa Pardah print with its pinky color kinda makes me dizzy with love. Good thing it's discontinued. That should help me save me from myself.

Insert foot in mouth.

2009-06-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

During an emotional interview at his Statehouse office with The Associated Press on Tuesday, Sanford said Chapur is his soul mate but he's trying to fall back in love with his wife.

Seriously? Who says that? To a newspaper, no less! Oy. Your wife is going to cut you, man. Like, seriously cut you while you sleep.

HERE.

I don't understand WHY he is still talking about it. Or why HIS WIFE IS. Why are they playing this out in front of us? The sooner they shut up, the sooner it's over. (I am a genius. I need my own PR agency.)

Kind of incredible advice, really:

2009-06-29T22:04:00.000-07:00

Some of you guys tease on Pen for her abuse of ellipses, but did you see what she wrote in comments a few posts ago? I mean, seriously. I love her.

"Just stop being indecisive....it will make you miserable for your entire life......so just stop it. it is easy. Make your first bold decision.....do it......."

What's the best advice anyone has ever given you?

Reader dilemma: The summer house.

2009-06-29T21:28:00.001-07:00

From the mail bag:

Decorno,

My husband and I are looking for a weekend home in Millbrook, NY and thought we'd found the perfect country house. A tastefully updated 19th century colonial with the classic staircase in the front hall (a strange on-going wish of mine to have that), a long driveway to the house, gorgeous panoramic views of a horse farm across the country road, and gasp, all this at a nice price! Of course, the catch came when we found out they plan on developing the farm across the way into 140 single-family homes, with a 3 year construction plan! THE HORROR.

So we are now focusing on a certain butt-ugly 1950's cape/ranch style house with very motivated sellers and seemingly no leads. Seems like a great investment as it's on a fab piece of land with large, flat parcels surrounding it, much larger houses all around, and nice reaching views. However, the house is just ALL WRONG! Wall-to-wall carpeting, awful wood-paneling on walls, weird tiles in the bathroom, strange layout with all but 1 of the 4 bedrooms on the main floor, no entryway - you walk straigh into the living room where the fireplace stares right at you (at least it's a working FP), a METAL ROOF with sad vinyl siding, unused space on the 2nd floor (just 1 bedroom being used as an office now and 2 doorways into the "attic" which looks like it could be finished into usable rooms).

Here's a picture of the house as it is now. We plan on doing some work on it, but we are New Yorkers by-way-of the suburbs... i.e. no experience in home renos. We need a little help in understanding what's possible in our vision. Seems very daunting: contractors, lawyers, expeditors, architects, etc. The most extreme is to change the front of the house, push the roof up to make a proper 2nd story in the Colonial home style. The lesser would be just to live with the way the house is built with the asymmetric front, fix up the porch, replace the awful roof, replace the vinyl siding (but with what?), and then deal with the interior - re-configure the set up, move the staircase (is that even considered easy?)

The roof will be #1 priority, so we figured that as long as the house is getting a new roof, it would be the time to make any exterior changes when we do so. But how much is too much?

We are not in a hurry to buy, so we can just keep looking if this one proves to be too much. On the one hand, because of the great land and neighborhood, we feel this could be a great project and investment for us. On the other hand, it may never be what we want and we look back in 3-5 years and think, what the hell were we thinking?? But as you say, we should be brave.... right?

Thanks for any inspiration and feedback you can lend!

Decorno says:
The second home is a happy fantasy, and yay for you to pursue it. Seriously. I remember reading in Domino (one of the early issues) about New Yorkers who were so priced out of buying that they rented in the city and bought in the country. It was kind of a revelation. Love that idea.

Not really knowing your financial situation it's hard for me to boss you around (and that is saying something). Needless to say, I am glad you are not in a rush. Don't overextend yourself.

Secondly, you mention that you live in the city and the thought of hiring contractors, etc. is new to you. This is a very big thing to consider. It's daunting. It's actually not hard to do, but you may want to think about making sure you can arrange to be around to check in on big projects.

As for the houses, here's the thing. A second home is a total fantasy. If you have very specific ideas about what will fulfill that fantasy (like the first two photos), you may want to wait and save for that. You may get more pleasure from a house that is a little more move-in ready for weekend pleasure, and one that looks like the house of your dreams. I think you can't make yourself love a style that doesn't really call to you. When you say the house is "ALL WRONG" you should listen to that. You really need to think if the parts that are all wrong are even fixable. If you work hard to change the whole style of it, well, you will be writing a lot of checks. I wouldn't encourage going that route. But could you love it otherwise? Could you let go of the colonial fantasy and embrace the other adorable house? You could even (gasp) lose one of those rooms on the main floor by busting through a wall and creating bigger spaces. You could quickly add landscaping and shrubs and yummy green stuff to charm-up the front of that house. Wall-to-wall carpeting and wood-paneled walls are actually some very easy things to fix in a house, so don't let that deter you.

But do take some time to sit back and think... how much of my desire to have a house in the country is because I want that kind of colonial house... if it's more than 50%, keep looking. Otherwise, take some time to make a list of thing things you think you MUST do to be happy and proud of the other house and total up the cost of that. If you're under $30k, then you're onto something, I think.

Readers... what say you?

Herb & Dorothy.

2009-06-29T08:40:00.001-07:00

"One thing we cannot do is articulate why we like something," Vogel says. "That was frustrating to the filmmaker, but I never studied art history, so I never learned the vocabulary of talking about art. It's just a gut feeling."

I need to see THIS.

What home project are you putting off?

2009-06-28T11:32:00.001-07:00

What's the thing you know you really need to do or fix, and you've been putting it off? Why?

My list is a mile long, but deciding on lights for the kitchen is my current #1 irritation because I have been in indecision-land about that one for months. We still have bare bulbs in there. Glamorous.

What's your thing? And what's the hold up?

If your project is stuck because you're not sure what to do or you need design advice, email a photo and a few sentences about your dilemma and I will post as many of the questions/photos so that readers can offer up advice to help you kick start your project.

I could talk to you about dead Michael Jackson,

2009-06-25T15:11:00.001-07:00

but THIS was the most interesting thing I read in the paper today.

The slideshow is awesome.

Go big red?

2009-06-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

Would you?

HERE.

Look in the corner.

2009-06-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

Hidden mini kitchen. Adorable.

My biggest decorating mistake ever was __________.

2009-06-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

A house can't have too many ________.

2009-06-23T22:51:00.001-07:00

Fill in zee blank.

Upsidedown light. Yes or no?

2009-06-23T17:08:00.001-07:00

Bookish.

2009-06-21T09:32:00.001-07:00

2009-06-20T17:49:00.001-07:00

I enjoy a good open letter...

2009-06-16T18:36:00.001-07:00

And when it comes to writing anything, even a short comment, DAVID never fails:

"I guess that decency is what this entire letter is about. I damaged your car, and I tried to do what was decent and right. You, conversely, decided to be the biggest bitch you could possibly be. I can't think of anything you could have done to be more successful in that endeavor. Well done Madam.

I phoned my insurance company the moment I got back to my office, and they've assured me that you'll be made whole. To be honest, I told them that you were spectacularly mean and that I'd appreciate anything they could do to make the process more painful for you..."

We're all a bunch of fucking fatties.

2009-06-16T17:06:00.001-07:00

From "Mother’s Fight Against Junk Food Puts a School on Edge" in The New York Times HERE.

And then you have to read THIS, which was published in the UK last month about her.

Full NY Times article:

MeMe Roth, a publicist and an Upper West Side mother of two, is getting really, really mad — “and I do not mean angry,” she clarified. “I mean mad, like crazy.” Ms. Roth is being driven mad by Public School 9, where her children are in second and fourth grades, and it seems that P.S. 9, in turn, is being driven mad by Ms. Roth.

Ms. Roth, who runs a group called National Action Against Obesity, has no problem with the school lunches provided at the highly regarded elementary school on Columbus Avenue and 84th Street. What sets her off is the junk food served on special occasions: the cupcakes that come out for every birthday, the doughnuts her children were once given in gym, the sugary “Fun-Dip” packets that some parent provided the whole class on Valentine’s Day.

“I thought I was sending my kid to P.S. 9, not Chuck E. Cheese,” Ms. Roth, a trim, impassioned 40-year-old from Atlanta, said in an interview. “Is there or is there not an obesity and diabetes epidemic in this country?”

When offered any food at school other than the school lunch, Ms. Roth’s children — who shall go nameless since it seems they have enough on, or off, their plates — are instructed to deposit the item into a piece of Tupperware their mother calls a “junk food collector.”

This solution seemed to be working pretty well until Ms. Roth’s daughter dutifully tried to stick a juice pop — a special class treat from her teacher on a hot day — into her plastic container. The teacher told Ms. Roth’s daughter to eat it or lose it, and according to the child pointed out that she had seen the young girl eating the corn chips served with school lunch — did that not count as junk food?

This prompted one of Ms. Roth’s infamous heated e-mail messages to the school. Which, in turn, prompted administrators to pull her daughter out of class to discuss the juice pop incident, which only further infuriated Ms. Roth, who said her daughter felt as if she’d been ambushed.

What followed was the kind of meeting in which bureaucracy masquerades as farce, or maybe it’s the other way around. Ms. Roth and her husband, Ben, say they were told by Helene Moffatt, a school safety official, that if they considered the regular dissemination of junk food a threat to their children’s health and safety — and indeed, they do — they should request a health and safety transfer, something that generally follows threats of violence. That transfer request, they were told, would also require filing a complaint with the police.

“What would that conversation even sound like?” asked Mr. Roth, who works in marketing. “ ‘We know you guys are dealing with stabbings and shootings, but stop everything: We have a cupcake situation’ ?”

Both parents left feeling they were being pushed out of P.S. 9, which they perceive as exhausted by Ms. Roth’s intense lobbying for, among other things, permission slips for any food not on the official lunch menu. It would not be the first time: The Roths previously lived in Millburn, N.J., where, after Ms. Roth waged war on the bagels and Pringles meal served to kids at lunch, received e-mail from one member of the P.T.A. that said, “Please, consider moving.” That was in 2006, and P.S. 9 has been hearing about its transgressions against healthy eating pretty much ever since.

“The community is very concerned,” the principal, Diane Brady, wrote in an e-mail message. At the meeting with Ms. Moffatt, Ms. Brady said that Ms. Roth “was hostile” and “threw candy onto the table and cursed.” It was not the first time, she added, that Ms. Roth had “displayed this hostile behavior.”

Ms. Roth’s message is hardly outlandish: There is an obesity epidemic, and there are probably better ways to celebrate a child’s birth than sending a passel of kids into sugar shock in the middle of math class.

Her extreme methods have earned her attention before: The police were called to a Y.M.C.A. in 2007 when she absconded with the sprinkles and syrups on a table where members were being served ice cream. That was Ms. Roth who called Santa Claus fat on television that Christmas, and she has a continuing campaign against the humble Girl Scout cookies, on the premise that no community activity should promote unhealthy eating.

“She has some valid points, but the way she delivers them is abrasive,” said Jim Stanek, a fellow P.S. 9 parent, who responded angrily to an e-mail message Ms. Roth sent to around 75 parents saying that the physical education teacher who served her children doughnuts probably “couldn’t pass a standardized phys ed. test.”

It is too bad that Ms. Roth’s suggestions come in e-mail messages strung with too many capital letters and undiplomatic, if accurate, scare tactics (on the threat of diabetes—“we’re talking amputations, blindness, endless finger pricking, endless disabilities”). It would probably benefit New York’s students, and no doubt Ms. Roth’s family, if she tried to catch a few flies with honey. Make that agave nectar.

***

I am a little irritated that the Times didn't really give enough backstory on the whole thing. It seems like Elle tells the better story HERE,

From Elle: "...She has since relocated to New York City, where, she says, nutrition standards in public school are among the best in the country and she no longer has to deal with those 'undersexed PTO-fraus.'" (That made me laugh.)

2009-06-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

"I wouldn't regret [my "Brian" tattoo] if we weren't together. I can always have a kid and name him Brian. There are options." - FHM, June 2007

"Well let me tell you what [High School Musical] is really about. High School Musical is about this group of boys who are all being molested by the basketball coach, who is Zac Efron's dad. It's about them struggling to cope with this molestation. And they have these little girlfriends, who are their beards. Oh, and somehow there's music involved. You have to get stoned to watch it." - Esquire, June 2009

She's hilarious.

HERE.

Gardening conversation with the fiance:

2009-06-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

Me: My cauliflower is all diseased... bugs are eating the leaves.

Him: Fuck that. Grow nachos.

Can you even imaging how great that would be??? Yes. GROW NACHOS. I need to get on that shit.

In other news, every time Groove Armada comes on Itunes, Rickey (my dog) leaves the room. I think that means he has better taste than me. But that doesn't stop me from loving Superstylin'. (Yes, click there. Gets good at 0:17.)

Just 44 days away.

2009-06-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

HERE.

Praiano. My town during week 2 of the trip.

A little eye candy for your morning.

2009-06-01T07:43:00.001-07:00

HERE.

New Joysey.

2009-05-28T07:24:00.001-07:00

You gotta listen to THIS.

"We had the best of the best....in the 90s..."

Putting the porn back into Decorno.

2009-05-27T19:34:00.000-07:00

Hey, swingers!

OMG, can you believe I got this email today? I love it. Put your bossy Advice Caps on, kids.

Hi Decorno!

I've been a fan of your blog for over a year now... Although I Iove your decorating/design posts, I look forward to the candidness of your relationship/sex posts. Now I find myself in a situation where I'd love to get both you and your readers advice about my relationship. I'll try to keep it to the point.

My husband and I have been married ten years. Trouble is, he's not a very good lover. He's tries very hard -- has bought books, etc, but just gets very nervous and will loose his erection. He's been to therapy and hypnosis, tried drugs and potions and although it's helped a little bit, things are always fragile in this area. Over the years I've been very supportive and have basically given up on having sex with him. I just take what I can get...:(

A few months ago, I don't really know when it happened but my libido has just gone crazy. I think about sex constantly and it seems that no amount of sex with him (it's not much) or with myself seems to satisfy the desire. I tried to just deal with it but I feel like I'm too young to just dry up (I'm 36). Then one night we were talking about things and came to the conclusion that maybe we both should explore the idea of having sex with other people. I told him that maybe if he's with another women he may not feel so much pressure to perform (I can be a bit aggressive). And while I've never ever been the type of person who would have ever thought I'd be open to the idea of an open marriage, I'm desperate. I haven't had a mind blowing orgasm in years! I love my husband tremendously and I know I want to grow old with him but I'm not really sure what else to do. He said he's okay with me being with other men too as long as I come back to him.

Is he the world's most amazing husband or am I the world's worst wife?

Help! Should I have a fling and get it out of my system?? Will I regret it forever?

thank you!
-k

Dear K -

He's giving you permission to sleep around. Go for it. People aren't really meant for monogamy and it's what leads to bed death . Seriously, give it a few weeks, have another talk, and if he's cool with it, go for it. You won't regret it forever if you know he's really, truly, consistently over many weeks, giving you persmission to get your rocks off AS LONG as he's not agreeing to it in some weird, sad desperation move to keep you. He should get to hump other legs, too, otherwise you're going to have this weird my-husband-is-practically-a-eunuch power imbalance in your relationship and it will make him as unsexy as a stay-at-home dad. (JJ and Edie, YOU bitches get to defend that one, not me.)

But the question I am not clear on is, what's the real problem here? Sleeping with other dudes will be super fun, but you will likely find the inconvenience of meeting new, safe, non-gross fuckable people will grow as tiresome as it did when you were still single and you will be stuck with Mr. Bad Lay. Mr. Bad Lay needs to get GOOD at this shit. Maybe he's gay. I mean, what do I know. It's possible. I just find it incredibly, totally, utterly weird that a straight dude has so many sexual problems. If you have ruled out all medical, past emotional/abusive kind of issues, and if you have ruled out with totally certainty that he's actually gay, then, gosh, I don't know. Ask him what he would prefer: do you want to get better at sex, or are you tired of trying to fix that and you truly want me to get my loving elsewhere? And when he answers, you need to decide if either of those is what you really, truly want.

Readers? Fuck the economy, let's talk about lovin'.

Airsex.

2009-05-27T19:01:00.000-07:00

Like air guitar, but different.

I am totally going to this.

HERE.