The Care and Feeding of Teenagers

Prom Night in Mississippi

2008-07-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

How in the world did I miss this ground breaking news? It's phenomenal, but so hard to believe that I thought it might be an urban legend. If it hadn't been an NPR story, I would never have believed it is true.

Charleston, Mississippi held its first racially mixed Prom since its schools were integrated in 1970. Even though they attend school together, the school's African American and white students have not attended a Prom together. Evidently the town's inhabitants haven't thought anything about the separate Proms for the last 38 years, that is not until actor Morgan Freeman, a native of Charleston, offered to pay for the students to have an integrated Prom. Freeman made his first offer back in 1997, but the town didn't take accept. But in April of this year black and white students alike washed their cars, rented tuxes, had their hair done and walked through the same doors to the same Prom.

The teen years have always posed a problem for black and white parents alike. What to do if your child wants to date a person of another race? This was evidently one of the concerns of the Charleston residents that prevented them from having an interracial Prom for so long. Likewise, I have heard residents in our community, both black and white, acknowledge the same concern throughout the 33 years I have been a teacher here. What advice could I possibly give to anxious parents? Each family has to decide based on their own world-view and moral convictions while their children are teens.

Fear is a motivating factor for both black and white parents. As with any person your child dates, knowing his/her family and what "kind of people they come from" can alleviate those fears. That is the number one rule of dating, so applying it to whomever your child goes out with, regardless of race, is essential if you care about your teen's welfare. You should expect courtesy, integrity, shared interests and values, honesty, and intelligence as minimum characteristics for anyone in whom your teen is interested.

I suspect we did not hear much about the Charleston Prom until June because a movie was filmed that night. Prom Night in Mississippi will tell the story of the night that made history by being 38 years late. That's fine - better late than never for bringing understanding to the world. The school has agreed to sponsor the Prom next year.

Saving For A Rainy Day

2008-07-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

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Watching the news, you can't help but be concerned about America's economic stability. Banks closing, the stock market falling, gas prices, and the mortgage mess. A good friend found out Thursday that his publicly traded company had failed to meet a margin call when he got a phone call from a concerned golfing buddy. Is the sky really falling?

Seems to me that one of the most important things we can do for America's future is to raise financially savvy children. These teens will someday go out into the world. If they have learned to balance a checkbook, work for their money, spend only what they make, and save for a rainy day, we as parents have done our job well.

The example many of us are setting is just the opposite. One way is by living above our means. I can't tell you how many of my students talked about not answering the phone after 5:00 because "the man" was calling regarding overdue bills. They have watched their parents buy what they could not afford and live with the consequences. Instant gratification is the watch word for many American families. The long term results are crippling.

Those families blessed with abundant resources are not doing their children a favor by giving them everything. A strong work ethic is an important component of success in later life. Over-indulging our children short changes them and creates selfish, self- centered kids who do not appreciate their bounty and want even more. The satisfaction of wanting something and figuring how to get it is a good thing. Goals are set, plans are made, skills are learned and experiencing personal pride are all by products of working for something. Letting a teen go without is sometimes a good thing. Grades, conduct, attitude, involvement; all these expectations should factor in to what is given and what is not. It's not a bribe, it is an incentive.

Lastly, kids who grow up with families who are totally dependent on outside aid are not learning that hard work can prove satisfying and rewarding. Hard work and initiative are a way up and out. Kids live frugally and hand to mouth, but since children learn what they live, they expect no better for themselves. The "government cheese" attitude is creating a generation without dreams and without the life skills needed, even if they have them.

Greedy men and women have allowed some bad things to happen in our country. Just when you think checks and balances have been put in place because of the " last time", another disturbing announcement comes across the TV screen. The mortgage mess is a prime example. America's parents and America's children need to remember there is no free lunch. It's imperative that all of us realize we cannot count on our government to save us. It is up to each of us to tighten our belts, pay off our debts and live within our means. It isn't as much fun, but as Lily Tomlin's Edith Ann would say, " but that's the truth..."

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Post Post Post Post Adolescence

2008-07-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

Ready or Not, Here Life Comes by Mel Levine, M.D. is a look at how our society makes it hard for kids to grow into productive adults and offers advice for helping young people make the transition. Dr. Levine is not the only person making this observation. Diana West has written about the American culture of prolonging adolescence into late adulthood in her new book, The Death of the Grown-Up: How America's Arrested Development is Bringing Down Western Civilization.

While the prediction of the end of Western civilization is a little drastic, there is a phenomenon, probably developing out of the youth culture of the 60's, which has redefined what adulthood means in the U.S. It has signaled not the end of aging toward adulthood, an inescapable process, but the end of the acceptance of responsibility for the greater good in favor of individual will/desire (me, me, me) and an end to an acceptance of the realities of life in favor of denial, role confusion (the parent now often needs parenting), and family chaos, as well as chaos for the young individual.

The pain this phenomenon is causing is not evident until one listens to the stories of young people now struggling to understand what happened to them through their teen years. Too frequently we hear about people who were excellent students throughout high school - award winners, honor roll students, superior athletes, students who barely studied and made good grades - but who are barely making it after high school. Others are just derailed by the system or passed along for other reasons. But one common theme is that throughout their lives they have never been interested in the lives of adults. Young people today identify with other young people almost exclusively without preparation for moving into adulthood.

Staying young at heart is one thing, but remaining juvenile is completely different, having deliterious effects on the individual and his family. What can a parent do? Dr. Levine suggests achieving the right mixes, but that is a tricky process guaged only by the wisdom of the parent. Some practical advice to achieve the balance and divert catastrophe before your child is out of high school is as follows:

1. Praise and criticism: Every six criticisms should be balanced by four praises.

2. Discipline and freedom: Autonomous things that do not pose a threat to the teen's safety (clean bedroom, etc.) shoud be free from parental control. Things affecting safety and others (shared bedrooms or bathrooms, curfew) should be regulated by the parents.

3. Parental Intervention: Parents should do more listening than advising. Kids rarely listen to us, anyway, and by not advising and solving problems, we help our teens learn to solve problems themselves. Unless you want your 55-year-old child still running to you to solve everything, you'd better listen to that one!

4. Interaction with adults: Dr. Levine recommends that parents should see to it that their children have conversations with adults regularly who are not teachers or relatives. They should have a chance to interact with and observe adults to get a feel for what adulthood is like.

5. Leisure and Work: Dr. Levine advocates for 75% work, 25% leisure.

If you have a post high school or particularly post-college child who is having difficulty be aware of that bad, even lethal tactics to take are preaching, lecturing, criticizing, accusing, and showing drastic disappointment. Instead try tolerance, listening and simple advice, getting help for your child, and most of all showing respect for your child as a person. He/she is, after all, an adult.

Make It Count

2008-07-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

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Can you believe it? Summer's halfway over. The kids have been home for 6 weeks. Though the time off is grand, certain things may be getting on your nerves. Dirty dishes in the sink, milk left on the counter, arguments about activities and curfews, chores left undone, any of this sound familiar? Do you feel like your teens are not listening, much less cooperating? Close your eyes. Stand back a minute. Think about why you are frustrated and impatient. Then think about how to switch gears and redirect the energy in your home.

Don't major in the minors
Five small words that speak volumes: Don't sweat the small stuff! If you look back over the summer you will remember lots of arguments and tiffs that really amounted to very little. A rule of thumb? "If it won't have a lasting effect beyond a few days, let it go." Sound too simplistic? Perhaps in some cases, but most of the time it's a sanity saver. A kid has not been permanently damaged by not brushing their teeth for a few nights, or by playing music too loud, or by the bed actually being made only on sheet-changing days. Or, if your son is too tired to complete the lawn mowing once in a while, you may let him get up early the next morning and finish the job.

What is important, though, is that the focus is upon the important things. Your "important" may be different from your neighbor's list of priorities. In your house having dinner together may be important as it helps keep communication open and children eating something nutritious. Dr. Oz calls American kids "white kids". Nothing to do with race, merely the color of the foods that make up the bulk of our children's diets. Focus on green and orange and red and yellow for a while. Changing your family's eating habits could be considered "the big stuff."

Your family code of values (what's major, not minor) may involve promises made, being where you say you will be, curfews, driving, abstinence from substance use, etc. It is different for everyone, but try to focus upon issues that involve education, safety, avoidance of illegal activities and positive peer and role models for your kids. If your daughter wants to try purple streaks in her hair, perhaps that's a possibility this summer when it won't be so embarrassing. Simply put, go along with some of the requests, compromise when possible and stick to your guns on the big stuff. As a student of mine once aptly explained, " I just tune out my Mom because it's always blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, my Dad is usually quiet so when he says something, I know it's important and I had better listen."

Make your words count when it comes to instruction and discipline. Fill in the open spaces with words of praise, love and encouragement. As my Yoga teacher explained, "fill the air with positive energy." Take a deep breath. Ummmmm.

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Creating a Moment With Teens

2008-07-10T19:55:00.000-07:00

Have you seen interior designer Bill Stubb's television show, A Moment of Luxury? I love Bill's philosophy that luxury comes in snippets of joy, rather than being derived from opulent wealth, riches, or money of any kind. Rather, he claims that simple things, like going to the show with a friend, enjoying a great work of art, or sitting in a tranquil garden are wonderful moments of luxury that everyone can enjoy.

In our often too hectic and materialistic lifestyle beautiful moments of luxury evade us. Bill's philosophy is that you can fill a house with luxurious items, but without other elements, all you've done is fill a house with beautiful items. Likewise, we can buy our teens everything they want, but without other elements, they are meaningless items and all we have achieved is that we have bought material goods.

Rather, according to Bill's philosophy of a moment of luxury, people are key to building those moments through generosity and sharing. We can easily build those moments of luxury with our teens. In most instances, moments are all we have and the best we can hope for in the busy lives we lead. It makes perfect sense, then, to keep our eyes open for those opportune moments.

Based on Bill's tips, here are some moments you can grab with your teens, regardless of your budget:

*Visit an art museum - you don't even have to go in, if you don't want to. The grounds of Philbrook Museum in Tulsa would make a great place to take some pictures of your beautiful children. There are also pieces of sculpture to enjoy on the grounds, as well as the Italian Renaissance grotto and garden. Or, visit the Five Civilized Tribes Museum, the Thomas-Foreman Home or Bacone College's Ataloa Lodge right here in Muskogee. I am always amazed at how many young people have not visited those important Muskogee attractions.

*Grab an appetizer and a drink at a restaurant you've always wanted to try. Or just split a dessert with your child. You don't have to spring for a full meal to absorb the fun atmosphere.

*Go to a college student union or bookstore. Buy a notebook with the university's logo on it for your teen to use in class. It will be a silent reminder that college is an expectation.

*Can't afford to live in a mansion, but you can afford to drive around a luxurious neighborhood and admire the architecture.

*Cook up a special meal with your child and serve it to the family on the good dishes.

*Stay at home - have breakfast on a weekend morning. That's the lap of luxury and it fits in with this year's stay-cation package.

*The summer night is full of stars. Nothing is more luxurious than lying on a blanket and gazing up at the stars, trying to identify constellations. Maybe you should reserve this moment of luxury for you and your significant other while the teens are out with their friends. Make sure you use mosquito repellant.

In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't take much at all to live a life of luxury. The spirit of generosity, of spending the most costly and precious thing in the world with your children - your time. That's real luxury.

You can catch A Moment of Luxury on the Rogers State College channel (21 on Suddenlink cable) on Thursday evenings at 9:00 p.m. Visit the website at the highlighted link above for a moment of luxury of your own.

Splish Splash

2008-07-07T18:55:00.000-07:00

Another 4th of July, come and gone. I washed and dried 33 towels today, (yes, I counted) and probably an equal number of t-shirts and athletic shorts. Our cabin was like Grand Central Station as my children came and went, fitting us in with their other holiday activities. Some now come with married friends in tow and our usually casual sleeping arrangements seem a little primitive for either pregnant or recently delivered female guests. Throwing a musty sleeping bag on a Naugahyde couch just doesn't do it. Of course, no sibling coordinates arrivals and departures, beds or canoe use with another one, so it's pretty much every man for himself. Throw in two grand babies and it gets pretty tight. Next year I need to get a flashing No Vacancy sign with a maximum occupancy posting beneath it.

One thing that has helped is our outdoor shower. First, a little background. I had a picture from Pottery Barn that I showed my handy husband. Would he build it for me? It was a simple and environmentally pleasing apparatus. A minimal shower, it's delicate pipes camouflaged by ivy that beautifully wrapped around the tree and the plumbing. Laughing little children were standing under the shower head on a small circle of pea gravel under a canopy of tree branches. Matching towels in coordinating colors hung in an aesthetically pleasing row, (100 % cotton of course) and large sea grass baskets hung from the trees with wonderful potions, expensive soaps and exotic lotions.

I knew my vision was in jeopardy when I saw my husband and two sons unloading 16 sheets of corrugated metal. Next, an old septic tank lid was resurrected from behind the shed and placed on the ground. Huge walls of metal were built around the concrete lid and industrial strength fittings and faucets were installed. One son went down to the gravel bar on the four wheeler. He returned with stinky river rocks the size of softballs and artfully arranged the gravel around the septic tank lid. Oldest son almost lost a toe when a razor sharp sheet of the metal was dropped on his foot. Benches and shelving were constructed out of cedar beams from a barn that had burned to the ground. "I knew we could use those beams somewhere. That smoky smell will fade after a while." Someone got the plumbing mixed up so my husband wrote Hot and Cold in ball point pen. Voila. My outdoor shower.

We love it. Next door neighbors know a Wagner or Wagner guest is showering by the steam coming out the top and the bare feet coming out of the bottom. Raggedy beach towel hang in a row and Suave Shampoos, Dial Soap and disposable razors stand ready for everyone. One city guest was a little rattled by a friendly garden snake who joined her at the septic lid. A favorite game is throwing ice water over the top on an unsuspecting bather. Gets em' every time. There is always someone singing at the top of their lungs. Curious dogs happen by for a scratch and a drink. There is always a steady stream of towel wrapped family, coming in from the back door and heading to their respective rooms. We don't dwell much on formality at the river. I knew my son-in-law was one of us the first time I saw him wandering through the cabin, wrapped in a pink and white beach towel.

For me, the best time for the outdoor shower is at night. The moon is overhead, the crickets are chirping and the water is steaming. All is quiet. It is solitary. It is one of the most peaceful places I have ever been. Those times on that septic lid are ones I will remember when I am old and counting special moments. There are just some times you know God is in his heaven and all is right with the world. Showering under the stars is one of them.

Pottery Barn, eat your heart out!

IM Relief for Teen Depression

2008-07-06T05:49:00.001-07:00

We have had several posts on teens and technology, but just a quick note about instant messaging today. According to an article in Notre Dame Magazine published by the university, one study shows that symptoms of depression are diminished when students increase their instant messaging and email interaction. The same must be true of text messaging.

According to a student study conducted by Notre Dame linguistic anthropology professor Susan Blum, students prefer instant messaging over email or letter correspondence, but surprisingly prefer it even over phone conversations. IM and texting allow a young person to have numerous conversations over a short period of time and while doing other things. According to Blum, students are reveling in a world filled with quick exchanges which make them happy.

It is clear that texting and other computer interactions alleviate the ennui that contributes to feelings of meaningless, disassociation, and depression. This is a positive side to all those little fingers flying across the keyboards of cell phones and laptops. I am left wondering , though, what is happening to the teens without a computer or cell phone, or the ones hopelessly checking to see if even one new message has come through?

For more information on Dr. Blum's report, see www.nd.edu/~sblum/InstantMessaging.pdf

Born in the USA!

2008-07-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

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The 4Th of July. One of America's favorite holidays. The birth of our country. Life, liberty and the freedom to pursue happiness. We the people......"Let Freedom Ring." On Friday we will celebrate our country's birthday with family and friends. Watermelons, hamburgers, sunburns and fireworks signify Independence Day for most Americans. It's a holiday that does not involve shopping, complicated baking or extensive decorating. It's just being together with people we love and doing all those wonderful summery things.

Another popular tradition is to display the Stars and Stripes. The American flag is probably the most recognizable metaphor for the United States of America and all she stands for. The flag is a symbol of the sacrifice and service of a few for the freedom and privileges of many. She should wave properly and with reverence. Our children should learn flag etiquette early and be reminded often of it's significance.

Here are some tips to make sure your tribute is a respectful one:
Display the flag only between sunrise and sunset on buildings and stationary flagstaffs. The flag may be displayed for twenty-four hours if illuminated in darkness.
Do not display the flag in inclement weather.
Whether displaying the flag vertically or horizontally, make sure the canton of stars is visible on the upper left-hand side.
Do not let the flag touch the ground.
An unusable flag that is damaged and worn should be destroyed in a dignified way by burning.
When not on display, the flag should be respectfully folded into a triangle, symbolizing the tricorn hats worn by colonial soldiers in the Revolutionary War.

Flag Facts
*Betsy Ross sewed the first American flag. It is not clear who actually designed it, but the experts at the Betsy Ross House suggest it was Francis Hopkinson, a New Jersey delegate to the Continental Congress and a signer of the Declaration of Independence.
*The flag has 13 stripes representing the original 13 colonies (7 red and 6 white).
* In the upper left corner is a navy blue field with 50 white stars that represents the states.
*It is interesting that there is no official designation or meaning for the colors of the flag. There is no record stating why red, white, and blue where chosen for the flag. However, when the Great Seal of the United States was chosen the colors were designated as white for purity and innocence, red for valor and hardiness and blue for vigilance, perseverance, and justice.
(Folktales says that George Washington interpreted the flag in this way: the stars were taken from the sky, the red from the British colors,and the white stripes signified the secession from the home country.)
*If the flag is flown upside down it signals distress. It means "I need help, I'm in trouble" .
*Worn out flags are destroyed, usually by burning.
*When flown at half-staff, the flag is raised to the top of the flag pole then lowered to half-staff. *When taken down, the flag is again raised to the top and then brought down.
*The flag should never touch the ground, the floor, or water.

Have a wonderful holiday from Mel and me! Happy 4th of July!

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Facebook Hope for Civilization

2008-06-30T07:42:00.000-07:00

Did you read the article in the Muskogee Phoenix today entitled Facebook fixes grammar (Monday, June 30, 2007)? The story came over the AP wire (click on highlighted link to read AP story) and has made a small ripple in the world that could have major literacy impact for future generations of text messagers and Facebook savvy young people everywhere.

For a couple of years now educators have been a voice crying in the desert about the spelling and grammar ability of today's teens, undercut by the informal writing used in text messaging and other digital communication. Shortcut slang spelling and grammar have debilitated many teens' ability or willingness to use grammatically correct English, a very bad habit that quickly takes over like kudzu. It has even been theorized that writing a term paper in text messaging could be the only way to reach some teens.

But, now Facebook itself is coming to the rescue of teen communication woes by instituting, of all things, grammar rules! The major obstacle in Facebook's opinion is the use of "their" for the singular he/she, a rule many of us abuse in our colloquial speaking. Evidently, as Facebook expands out to other languages, the plural forms must agree with the gender of the speaker, making "their" a non-option.

Well, let's face it, other languages are more specific than English, but this is a major coup for civilization at large. It may mean that literacy can be saved, that one's Turabian guide to grammar is not defunct, and that the MLA or APA rules for research paper documentation will survive the digital age after all. It means that order will prevail over chaos.

This Facebook realization that pronouns and nouns must agree in gender signals hope for American literacy. It lends veracity to high school English teachers everywhere who can now say to those teens wondering how or why they would ever have to know subject/verb agreement, "Because you even have to use it on Facebook, that's why." Now that's the ultimate connection between learning and relevancy. Way to go, Facebook.

Talking to Teens About Death

2008-06-24T19:11:00.000-07:00

Death is a topic that makes most people uneasy, probably because it reminds us that it will happen to us one day. The ancient Romans called those little reminders of death memento mori, mosaics of skulls always reminding us to seize the day.

A young person's first acquaintance with death is usually a grandparent's passing, often in the teen years. Death invokes a multitude of feelings in teenagers, often triggering the flight response, denial, or other more serious emotional reactions.

Talking to teens and young adults about death is never easy. Their solution is often to hurry up and get to the next party, so they won't have to think about it. But, talking teens through these difficult times will help them become adept at dealing with death, a skill that is so necessary given the fact that everyone we know will die one day.

Many people wonder if they should make their teen visit a dying relative. That is a personal decision, but I would generally say that if the teen is very young, you might want to avoid that, especially depending on the condition of the loved one, e.g. the person is in dire pain. For older teens, I always think there are no do-overs on death. Regret at not saying goodbye because of cowardice or fear is often a source of other emotions later, such as guilt. No regrets is the best exit strategy any of us can hope for, but don't force your child into a traumatic situation.

The NEMOURS Foundation I mentioned in my last post has a section on discussing all kinds of death with teens. (click on highlighted link to view it) Teens are excitable and it is difficult to predict how they will react to the death of a grandparent, parent, friend, or classmate. Sometimes even the death of a mere acquaintance is difficult for them to deal with and the circumstances can aggravate their ability to handle the situation. Schools have developed very good counseling programs for helping students deal with the death of a classmate (or any death with which a student may be struggling) and make their services available to students.

The University of Tennessee has a very good guide for parents and caretakers of young people. Among the topics is a comparison of questions children ask about death as opposed to those teens ask. A child will ask if the death is his/her fault or if he/she is going to die too. A teen may ask why he/she can't feel anything or if it is still okay to have fun without feeling guilty. (click on the above highlighted link to be taken directly there) An important thing to watch for are signs of depression and grieving that goes on too long.

Our children will be looking to us to understand how to deal with death. The best we can do is understand our own feelings about it and act out of love and wisdom. Celebrating life whenever possible can help put balance and perspective into death. Maybe the ancient Romans had something there - carpe diem.

A Good Thing To Know

2008-06-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

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I had the opportunity last week to take a CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation) refresher course. I was horrified that the last time I had taken CPR was at least 26 years ago. Luckily, no situation has required I remember the emergency procedures. Procedures, I might add, that were learned at a building that no longer exists and a method that no longer is recommended by the Red Cross. The last time I took CPR, we all took turns giving mouth to mouth on our dummies with no thought to the infamous "body fluids". My how times have changed.

The practice dolls are the same but one now uses a plastic shield that is between the dummy's mouth and the student's. It is advised to carry one on your key chain should a CPR emergency arise. Those around me all agreed locating the protective shield would probably not be first on our To-Do list if someone was not breathing and turning blue. Our instructor did reiterate that communicable diseases are rarely transmitted through saliva but the shield was recommended if time permitted.

The smallest doll was sobering. Not that I wasn't concerned when my own children were small, but somehow imagining my grandchildren in an emergency situation was terrifying. All of a sudden swimming pools, dinnertime and electrical appliances became objects of concern. Learning the methods for both Infant CPR and Infant Choking was a good thing. Reviewing all the Red Cross Emergency procedures is an even better thing.

What follows is a very brief overview of emergency procedures. It is not a substitute for training by a certified Red Cross CPR instructor. Body positions, methods and location and applications are best learned visually. A CPR class at your local Red Cross would be a great use of vacation time for you and your teen. Just like smoke alarms, CPR is something you hope you will never use but always be glad you have.

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1. CHECK
CHECK THE SCENE FOR SAFETY , then
CHECK THE PERSON FOR CONSCIOUSNESS
Get permission to give care
Tap shoulder and shout, "Are you okay?"

2. CALL
IF NO RESPONSE, CALL 911 or have someone else call
IF YOU ARE ALONE AND CARING FOR AN INFANT OR CHILD-
And you witnessed the child suddenly collapse CALL 911
If you did not see the child or infant suddenly collapse, give 2 minutes of CARE and then
call 911.

3. CARE
OPEN THE AIRWAY (tilt the head back and lift the chin)
CHECK FOR SIGNS OF LIFE (movement and breathing) for no
more than 10 seconds
IF NO BREATHING, give 2 rescue breaths and begin CPR
IF BREATHING NORMALLY, roll onto one side while waiting for help to arrive.

IF NO SIGNS OF LIFE, GIVE CPR

INFANT CPR
Give cycles of 30 chest compressions and 2 rescue breaths -

ADULT AND CHILD CPR
Give cycles of 30 chest compressions and 2 rescue breaths

CONTINUE CPR UNTIL
Scene becomes unsafe
You find an obvious sign of life
AED is ready to use
You are too exhausted to continue
Trained responder arrives and takes over

CHOKING
IF coughing, encourage person to continue coughing
Send someone to call 911
Get permission to give care

INFANT
If infant cannot cough, cry or breathe
Putting infant face down toward your knee, supporting with arm, give 5 back blows
If the object is not thrust out, turn infant, supporting head with hand and back with arm-
give 5 chest thrusts, using two fingers.

ADULT AND CHILD CHOKING
IF adult or child cannot talk, cough or breathe-
Bend victim over at waist, give 5 back blows
If the object is not forced out, give 5 quick, upward abdominal thrusts
Continue sets of back blows and chest or abdominal thrusts until-
*object is forced out
*Person can breathe or cough forcefully
*Person becomes unconscious. Perform CPR. Between giving 30 compressions and 2 breaths, look for an object and and remove if one is seen.

Note: The universal sign for choking is both hands around the throat, palms open.

American Red Cross first aid, CPR and AED training can give you the skills and confidence to act in an emergency. Call your local chapter or go to www.redcross.org for more information.

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How Do I Look?

2008-06-16T13:37:00.000-07:00

I loved Mel's observation about how we dress as Mothers and how our children react to our choices. Just last weekend I proudly sported my new yoga outfit made out of up-to-date and politically correct bamboo fabric. I entered the room with a spring in my step. Whoops. I was instantly aware of some kind of error. How? By the exchange of glances between both my daughters.

"What's wrong?" I asked. " Isn't this OK?"

"It's really cute Mom."

"But......?"

Another quick non-verbal exchange between my two fashionistas.

"For heaven's sake Mom...." begins one,

"Do not wear the shirt tucked in!" finishes the other.

Whoa. Wouldn't that have been a fashion disaster?

Purses. There's another mistake waiting to happen. I pick one up. It looks like all the ones I see in the magazines. Feels nice. Price is right. I expectantly turn to daughter #1 with said bag in my hand. Her look of abject horror freezes me in mid-gesture. I turn and gingerly replace the shunned handbag back with it's outcast companions.

Then there is the dreaded, "it looks like a Mom outfit." What in the world does that mean? Are we talking Vicki Lawrence's character in Mama's Family? Her polyestered and orthopedic shod character is not exactly my fashion goal in these middle years. Could it be the spandexed and big-haired Peg portrayed in Married with Children? Or are my off-spring referring to a June Cleaver Mom, perfect shirt waist and pearls with the always present plate of fresh baked cookies?

I think we all want to look our age but fashionable and pulled together. When my children were small, I was just glad to have my hair brushed and something without spit- up or dog hair on it. Now that there is more time to shop, I don't know what to buy. Is it too short? Too tight? Too young? Too old? How to dress well and dress age appropriately?

Instinct my dear, instinct. I stay away from anything with an elastic waist band or that says 100% polyester. If I wore something similar 20 years ago, (say prairie skirt and cowboy boots), I'll leave that fashion statement as a happy memory and make another choice. Shoulder pads and leg warmers would be another no-no. If I'm not sure I want to walk out of the dressing room, I'll leave the culprit on the hanger. Indecision for those of us of a certain age is a good warning sign. Run!!!

Of course I have excellent stylists on my staff. Daughters Annie and Catherine have proven they are usually right in the "What Not To Wear" department. I trust their judgement because they love me and want me to look my best. Their Father would say I looked great if I came out in a trash bag and army boots. (His only observation is usually, "what did it cost?")

As Moms, we will try to not embarrass you too much. We won't wear our black leather bell bottoms from 1982 or at the other end of the spectrum, that denim jumper that goes down to our ankles. You know the one. It has embroidered apples with each of our children's names painted on the front. We will read In Style magazine, especially the pages that cover the fashion tips for our age group. We'll watch the Fashion Make-Over shows and identify our own possible "style" weaknesses. We will really, really try. But sometimes, just sometimes, we may have to pull a ringer. A T-shirt from a long ago Eagles Concert, a vintage monogrammed sweater tied around our shoulders, red Keds sneakers, overalls with a peace sign sewn on.................it's OK. You don't have to act like you know us! We understand. We all had Mothers too.

Nemours Website for Teens

2008-06-13T09:28:00.000-07:00

Today's blog will be short. It is about a great site I found for teens sponsored by the NEMOURS Foundation, which was founded by the Alfred DuPont in 1936 as a medical resource for children. (Click on the highlighted links to be taken straight to the web page and check it out now.)

This is one of the best teen sites I have seen. The articles are written primarily by doctors and include topics such as sex (very straight forward, in a textbook variety way), common diseases affecting teens, mental health issues, just about any teen concern. Current articles that are up are skin care, coping with period problems, guy's body image problems, and salmonellosis, in addition to suggestions for Father's Day gifts and fun things to check out, like quizzes. Topics pertain to both younger and older teens.

While the site is for teens, it can be used by parents. It is a great insight for help concerning your child's problems, and for reminding yourself what it was like to be a teenager. The topics are germane to everyone concerned with teen health.

There is a super section of recipes, including recipes for kids with cystic fibrosis, diabetes, lactose intolerance, celiac disease, and teen vegetarians. You and your teen will love this website.

Happy Father's Day to all the great dads out there!

Through a Father's Eyes

2008-06-09T16:44:00.001-07:00

Father's Day. All over America Dads are eagerly anticipating yet another tie, plaster hand print or a power tool they will never use. That's OK. It's the thought that counts and it's the giver that makes any offering special. Just smile and accept your World's Greatest Dad T-shirt eagerly and gracefully. Oh, and do try to wear it at least once before it goes to that shelf in the back of your closet. You know the place. It houses the singing bass plaque and the umpteenth traveling coffee mug that doesn't tip over.

Do something different this year. How about using this holiday to do a job performance review? An honest appraisal of your "Fathering". No, I am not talking about how much money you made or how far you advanced in your job. I mean taking a long, hard look at time spent and attention paid to your most precious asset.....your family.

Make a pro and a con side and review your year as a Dad. Communication. Activities. Meals together. Conscious choices to make memories. Being a moral example. Loving and respecting their Mother. Expectations met. Promises kept. Teaching money management and budgeting. Consistent discipline. Loving unconditionally. Being a good listener. Putting your family first.

Developing and nurturing passion and commitment. Follow through. Stick-To-It-Ness. Hard work. Play. Compassion and sacrifice. Respecting others. Empathy. "Giving back." Being a team player. Laughing at yourself. Joy. Not judging. Speaking well of everyone. Faith. Philanthropy.

OK Enough abstract ideas. Look at your list. Did you, say, take your child fishing? While fishing did you exchange ideas and share stories? Did you attend your son or daughter's sporting event and voice a hearty "well done", no matter said event's outcome? In front of your children, have you kissed their Mother and told her how pretty she looked? Have you turned off the television and helped with homework recently? (Without a harump, eye rolling and big sigh). Did you volunteer with a group to build a house, ring a bell or deliver a meal for someone else this year? Are you exercising, getting regular check ups and eating right? Are you telling your children how proud you are and how much you love them? Most importantly, are you remembering to savor this once around journey of Fathering?

Being a parent is the most important thing you will ever do. Being a good Father will positively effect your children for the rest of their life. Sons become the men they learned from and daughters look for a man like their Father. Family dynamics beget family dynamics. This Father's Day, make sure you are helping your family grow strong, and sure, and confidant, and loved.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Mom, What Are You Wearing?!!

2008-06-06T07:22:00.000-07:00

Is anyone besides me old enough to remember the Betty Davis movie Mrs. Skiffington? It's about the mother of a teenaged daughter who vies for the attention of her daughter's would-be beaus, failing to realize in her narcissism that she is getting older and it's not about her anymore. What a shock when she finds out she's unwanted and uncool!

That movie was from another era altogether, when most moms wore their stockings turned down around their ankles with sensible walking shoes and a tissue tucked in their belt. Moms have never been renowned for their haute couture. They do wear some pretty peculiar, embarrassing things - a big old t-shirt from 1988, a strange vest from 1993 that keeps reappearing, out-of-date-and-style clothing from their own youth, like that Ozzie concert t-shirt or those Beverly Hills Polo Club sweats.

Dads may just wear anything and everyone still loves them for it - it's expected, in a way. But, mom is different. Often she is pressured to be perfect and derided when she is uncool. Sometimes it doesn't matter how cool mom is in reality, just by virtue of being a teenager's mother she is instantaneously in the dork category.

Whenever students complain about how mom looks, I remind them that their mom is not cool so they can be. I don't think it ever crosses their minds that the new shirt they are wearing comes at an expense, and mom is willing to make that sacrifice on her coolness factor. Mom doesn't get many new clothes because her turn is over for the most part and she is well aware of that; mom's reputation for coolness is not on the line like the teenager's is, so mom naturally takes the hit. Yeah, mom!

Granted, moms these days are prettier and more with-it than ever. But there are some things moms who care about their reputation - or more importantly, their kids' reputations - can do to avoid shaming and humiliating their children in front of their friends. Some may ask, why does mom have to change - it's her life, after all, and she should be able to live it as she pleases. The most obvious answer is simple - because she loves her kids and her family.

1. If you are the mother of a teenager and you are still in your 30's, or even 40's, avoid being Mrs. Skiffington at all costs. Do not flirt with your daughter's boyfriend or your son's college room mate. Be wise enough to know the difference between flirting and being friendly. And, by all means, do not have sex with one of your children's friends! Real life is not a Jerry Springer or Oprah show!! In real life those things cause long term, damaging effects that do not end with the flick of a tv on-off switch.

2. Take pride in your appearance as a person and it will be enough as a mom, too. We don't have to be perfect as moms or as people, but rolling out of the house like we just rolled out of bed is just plain embarrassing for everyone!

3. Most people stick with the hairstyle they had in high school, and trust me, I should know about this one! As ironic as it seems, an updated cut can take years off your age and bring you out of the disco realm and into this millennium. Say goodbye to Farrah Fawcett. Get a good cut and it will last several months before restyling, saving money for princess's new Juicy Couture whatever...

4. Now a list of don'ts:

Don't wear your clothes too small - that will actually make you look larger than you want to look, because it appears that you don't fit into your clothes.
Don't try to wear clothes that are too young for you. Obvious reasons, some involving the words "laughing stock." Maybe experiment while on vacation around strangers...
Don't wear styles you love, but that look horrible on you. The style may be wonderful and you may want it to look fantastic on you, but sometimes things just do not look good on our bodies and should not be attempted.
Don't buy overly into the fads. You want to get the most longevity out of your clothes, but if you have to buy new ones every year because your old ones look really dated after six months, you are wasting money in the long run. Buy one faddish piece just for style, but find a cheaper knock-off of the expensive one.
Also, don't buy something just because you're desperate. It rarely ever works out and doesn't advance your cause. Save your money, styles change quickly and something will come along.
Don't wear a uniform, but do have pieces in basic colors you can mix and match. Black, white and khaki are timeless. Which brings me to jeans...
Don't wear a bad pair of jeans. Bad is anything that looks like you bought it at the Gap in 1992 when you weighed only 105 lbs. Bad makes your gut and butt look larger than life. A great pair of jeans does not have to cost $150, it just has to fit you.
And finally, don't show too much cleavage, especially around middle school boys. That goes along with not talking about breast feeding your son in front of his friends. Everyone knows moms have boobs, even attractive ones, but they don't necessarily want to think about it. Unless you're J-Lo, save your cleavage for the Saturday night date with your significant other and spare your kids the anxiety.

Socrates said it best, know thyself. If you know your style and what feels good on you, wear it, because you will feel good and look beautiful. Just keep in mind another ancient adage - the times change and we must change with them. Updating your look just a little shows your family you care what they think of you. Your goal is for your kids to not dread the sight of you walking up in front of their friends. Ultimately, the love and care you put into yourself will be reflected back into your family. You still may be a dork at times, but secretly your kids will understand and appreciate how really, really cool you are, no matter what you're wearing!

It Saves Dollars and Makes Sense

2008-06-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

Summer is here and the "Care and Feeding" of teenagers changes it's focus. Breakfast before school and dinner at 6:00 is replaced with breakfast before noon and dinner before dark. Additionally, teens have a tendency to want to eat out and eat out often. It has become more the norm in our society than the exception. Dining is hardly even a social activity anymore. How can there be conversation around a meal when someone is eating a taco with one hand and driving with the other? More importantly, how healthy are teens fast food choices?

Early on in the break might be a good time to re-access your family's summer meals. If the goal is to keep them home a little more, make the prospect more inviting. Have snacks and nibbles that your growing adolescent likes to eat. Keep prepared fresh fruit, veggies and favorite dipping sauces in the fridge. A variety of cheeses and multi-grain crackers and breads seems to be universally popular. Good quality sandwich ingredients and everything that goes with them may keep them eating at home. Invest in a panini press. A pizza pan. A Smoothie blender.

Charcoal a variety of meats and keep the oven turned off. Chicken Caesar salad, Fajitas, hamburgers, salmon steaks- cook it all one night and have dinner for the week.

Sit down with your teen and discuss summer finances. Let him/her put pen to paper and see how much of their baby-sitting/lawn mowing/life-guarding/ salary goes to eating out. Seeing the numbers in black and white may do more for your summer meals at home than anything else. Then, make your own commitment to having a well stocked pantry and fridge that keeps your teen satisfied and eating healthy. Mine learned early to eat their "real" meal at home and order a drink or split an appetizer if they were joining friends.

Has there been any better convenience food than the roasted chickens at the grocery? They are not only grand just sliced and served as they are, but so handy in any recipe that calls for chicken.

Here's a yummy Pasta Salad Recipe that my kids love. It makes a huge amount and just gets better the next day. Perfect for Summer. Enjoy.

Cook 2 boxes of spiral pasta according to pkg directions Drain and set aside
Shred meat from 1 Rotisserie chicken - skin removed
coarsely chop 7 ripe Roma tomatoes or any fresh summer tomatoes
Drain and slice 1 container fresh buffalo mozzarella (small Mozzarella balls found in deli or specialty cheese section)
1 Sm jar Calamari olives drained and sliced (about 1/3 to 1/2 cup )
1 lg pkg or jar of sun dried tomatoes - chopped
1 cup chopped, fresh Basil

Dressing
4 tbs red wine vinegar
1/2 cup olive oil
1 minced clove garlic (or more)
2 tsps Capers
salt and pepper
1 or 2 of the sun dried tomatoes (add rest of chopped tomatoes into pasta salad)
Combine in Blender until well mixed

Combine all ingredients along with 1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese and refrigerate until service. All this needs is a crusty loaf of good bread and you've got dinner!

What To Read in the Post Harry Potter World

2008-05-28T20:15:00.000-07:00

Summertime means a little more time. Time to kick back and do what we want. Time to read. Yes... read.

Reading is basic to being a functioning adult in society. Reading is everywhere, even on the Internet! So, hit the lake, the water park, pool, or ball field during the day. You can still find 10 miutes before falling asleep, and in that 10 minutes, is your time to read at least one book per month. Here is an updated reading list to get the whole family reading:
(click on the title or author and you will be directed, hopefully, to that author's page)

Middle School and Junior High:

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - I gave this to two fourteen-year-old boys I know and they each read, or should I say devoured, all three volumes in only two weeks. If 14-year-olds like it, it must be good. Volume four is out now in hardback, The Labyrinth of Fire, available at Wal Mart, WaldenBooks and Hastings Books and Videos. Good for boys and girls.

Airhead or any of the Meg Cabot novels. Really popular stuff.

Rumors by Anna Godbersen. I want to read this, too.

The Diary of Anne Frank is probably summertime school reading for middle school teens. Why not pair it with The Book Thief by Mark Zusak or How I Live Now by Meg Rosoff. The Book Thief follows a young German teen who loves books Hitler wants to burn and whose family hides a Jewish neighbor at great risk. How I Live Now is about a girl in London and how she lives during a war set slightly in the future.

Senior High:
The Twilight Saga - Stephenie Meyers, a sweet-looking mother and graduate of Brigham Young University, knows how to engage girls with her Austen-eque vampire series. Ostensibly about vampires, the underlying themes of abstinence, family loyalty, doing the right thing, tolerance of others, and by all means young love, make her novels less about vampires and more about the real world and how to get along with the real people in it. I love this series - I would read it again! Waiting for the 4th book to come out.I have to admit, the pickings are slim for guys this age, except in the classic genre.

I haven't seen too many guys over 16 reading a book they weren't forced to read in the last four years since The Da Vinci Code was hot. I did have an intelligent young man who liked Chuck Palahniuk (his writings are violent), another one, now an English major, who tried House of Leaves (an odd thriller for the intelligentsia written by the son of former singer Poe), and, of course, several who enjoy graphic novels, like The 300, Batman, or Sin City. But I can't recommend any of those firsthand. Make sure they do their summer reading - I know so many young men who don't do it and have to take a lesser English class.

Dad:
Dads are probably going to want to read the new James Bond novel The Devil May Care by Sebastian Faulks, released under tight security this week.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. Dad would defintitely make it all the way through this one. Just won the Pulitzer. It might make a good Father's Day present for a youngish, snazzy dad who likes to read.
Mom:

Kabul Beauty School: An American Woman Goes Behind the Veil by Deborah Rodriguez. Rodriguez's experience opening a beauty school in Afghanistan. Highly recommended by many who have read it.

Momzillas: It's a Jungle Out There, Baby! This was one of the most hilarious novels I have read since The Devil Wears Prada. Someone should write a sequel for mothers of teens....

Chez Moi by Agnes Desarthe. Short chapters make for easy concentration and starting/stopping points. French woman undoes bad past through cooking. If you like Chocolat or Like Water for Chocolate, this is for you.

It also wouldn't hurt to read or re-read the kids' summer reading novels. I have to admit one of the best finds was re-reading Ethan Frome, a novel I hated when I was in tenth grade. This summer I plan on re-reading my 9th grade nemesis, Great Expectations. Dickens and I went round and round with that one back then, but now I can give him some mad props...or something like that.
Have fun reading and don't worry about how much or what. Just do it.

Sunrise Sunset -Please!!!

2008-05-27T07:17:00.001-07:00

I found a great blog site by a young woman named Vanessa VanPatten. Her insight can be helpful to parents and teens alike. She works with both groups to bring them closer. Vanessa writes from a not too far removed teen perspective (She's only 22) and a trained and educated parenting perspective. Her site is http://www.vanessavanpatten.com/

She writes- For parents: "Hang in there. Don't give up" . She wants parents of teens to know that their kids will "come back." Vanessa, too, went through a tumultuous time with her parents, and she remembers the pain of it. When she sees other families in the midst of a painful or dysfunctional period she knows that parents wonder if they will ever get through it...the negativity, the challenges, the bad behavior. Vanessa's not only seen it all, she's experienced it. Now, a young adult, she offers hope to parents and reinforces their efforts to listen and connect.

Another suggestions for parents is to facilitate and support your teen's relationships with other adults. "A good mentor can make a big difference to a teenager and provide adult guidance when a parent is not able to get through." She attributes some of her success to the positive mentors she had in a dance instructor and an older cousin. Think coaches, teachers, or counselors. She also suggests staying connected and communicating with other parents. There is definitely strength in numbers and less "nobody else has such an early curfew!" if all parents are on the same page.

For teenagers: "Strive for balance." If you are overly-stressed because of too many commitments or in response to high expectations, find time to take care of yourself, even if it means giving a little less effort to responsibilities. In reverse, if you are slacking and short changing yourself and your potential, get a grip and get focused. If school has you worried, identify why and find a solution. Tutors, study groups, meeting with teachers, time management...solve the problem, don't stress over it. If you are a big partier, party a little less, and be a little more responsible. If your physical or mental health is an issue, make yourself a priority. Diet, exercise, nutrition, counseling..take control and take charge of your own body. If relationships have got you bugged, change patterns and change your life. Big swings seem to be prevalent in teens lives, and learning to balance is the way to even things out.

My own observation has been that even when kids go through a rocky time, those that have good roots and a strong home life do seem to rebound back and straighten out. Functioning and contributing young adults are very successfully navigating this part of their lives - though their earlier years were rocky and unpredictable. Parents who were tearing their hair out and wringing their hands five years ago are now reaping the benefits of hanging in there and (come heck or high water) loving their headstrong teen unconditionally. Teens do grow up and many do grow out of those stages that seemed so daunting and confusing to their family. Eureka- a loving and contributing human type person miraculously reappears! That flesh of your flesh and blood of your blood returns to the fold. That familiar person you knew and loved stands before you. Behold. Your son or your daughter.

One Last Word...

2008-05-24T08:12:00.001-07:00

School has just ended and area seniors have graduated. Two-and-a-half months of hot fun in the summertime (to quote Sly and the Family Stone) are just beginning. I value that freedom from books and schedules and rules.

But always in the back of my mind is a plan that takes discipline and schedules and rules. A plan for how to stay afloat in the wake of a billowing wave of higher food and gas prices. Higher college tuition. Higher everything. So, even though seniors graduated last night, today they still need a plan and so do you (and so do I!).

Anu, a blogger mother, left a comment for us. Her sons are 8 and 6, and she wanted to know how to save more than they currently save for their sons' college expenses. Their current disciplined savings plan is $100 per child every month. That is a fantastic start, especially since there is still ten years until her oldest child graduates. At that rate, they will have, at current savings interest rates, somewhere over $12,000 for their oldest son - or, the cost of one year of college at today's prices.

Additionally, the family earns more than $100,000 per year. There are other saving instruments available that earn a higher return than a savings account, but I am not a financial analyst and can't give that advice with a guarantee (can anyone?). This is the surest advice to Anu and others making between $70,000 to $110,000 wanting to up the odds on paying for college:

Bad news - at your current income level - and surely that will rise significantly over the next 10 years before your oldest is in college - the tuition deduction on income taxes is almost nil and so are need-based scholarships. Unless you are willing to not buy any new clothes, turn your heat and air way down, take fewer showers or put a brick in the toilet tank, and use leftover meatloaf as the base for spaghetti sauce, I can't tell you any way to get more money out of your salary. Live on less. I can't say it enough.
There is a savings instrument called a 509 Savings Plan into which any family member can contribute and the good news is it's tax deductible without having to file the long form, but you will have to check with your state to see if it participates in the plan and if it's tax deductible.

My best advice in light of your stated income is:
*
Make your boys study every night - have a place or time specifically for studying and monitor that they are doing it and continue to do it through their teen years (that's when people relax and stop studying/monitoring), so that it is a habit.
*
Practice for the ACT and SAT (but not right now at 8!). Take it several times. It has been my students' experiences that colleges start looking at 27 - 29, but 32-33 is preferred for scholarships at prestigious schools.
*
Mold your boys into active participants in school, from course work to extracurricular activities and enrichment opportunities such as fieldtrips, summer programs, music lessons, sports teams, etc.
*
Now, when they are little, make them save half of all the money they get from birthday presents, yard work/chores/allowance. It doesn't have to be half, but there is a great story about Rockefeller (I think) who taught his children the secrets of financial independence that way. Pay yourself first, in other words, and live on less than you have. I have had so many students who have tried hard, earned good grades, been magna cum laude, only to find there is no scholarship money for the middle class, unless one has a knock-out ACT or SAT score. So, save, strive for excellence, and make sure your children understand the goal.
*
Know your own goal and continue saving.

So, school's out for the summer. Put that hectic schedule on the back burner, but keep the pot simmering on ways to advance the little ones' opportunities. As much as there is ever a guarantee, this will ensure many great summers for the rest of your lives!

The Power Of One

2008-05-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

School's out! Summer's around the corner. Freedom. Lazy days. Loose schedules. Sleeping late. No homework. Time on your hands. Footloose and Fancy Free. Three months of your life.

Lake time. Concerts. Going to the mall. Road Trips. Getting a tan. Swimming. Playing ball. Hanging with friends. Talking on yur cellphone. June, July and August-the best months of the year.

Let's throw another idea out here. Could you consider making this summer a little more productive? Could you give some precious free time to perhaps make your world a better place? Is it possible to share your skills, your youth and enthusiasm in a worthwhile endeavor? Can you make a difference? Of course you can.

If you read the last two blogs, you will see a pattern. To claim your future, you must plan today. Doing something constructive and philanthropic is not only a good thing to do, it is a good thing for you. You learn leadership, you take responsibility, you acquire discipline. Helping out helps you think outside your box, expands your world view and exposes you to new ideas and new perspectives. A by-product is that choosing to make this summer count also adds more to your future college application than "I have a a good personality and am a people person."

Do you need some ideas? Organize a bake sale. "Share Our Strength" is tackling world hungry, one cupcake at a time. Go to http://www.strength.org/ for all the scoop. Want to help, get a tan and a workout at the same time? Contact Habitat for Humanity and help a family have a home of their own. Interested in politics? In case you haven't noticed, there is an election going on. Walk in your candidate's campaign headquarters and offer your help. Keep your ears open and learn the process. Do you love animals? Contact your local animal shelter and share the love. Thinking Green? Implement a recycling campaign, a park or river clean up or a community awareness effort that educates everyone. There is lots of info on the web and tools to get started.

Don't think it has to be you alone. Be the leader and get your team, your club or your friends involved. How about a one day Lemonade Sale at key locations that benefits a local and worthwhile charity. The charity gains the financial support and you gain all the skills needed to pull the event together. Public Relations, donations, advertising, sponsors, accountability, organization and volunteer recruitment- look what you can do!

Think about what you enjoy and incorporate it into your project. Biking, music, jogging, cooking, medicine, the outdoors, the environment, farming, fashion, children, older people, reading, writing....the list is endless. I read about a fourteen year old who regularly visited his Grandfather in a nursing home. He noticed all the residents wanted to talk to him and to share their stories. He motivated his middle school band to make regular visits to the nursing home. They brought treats and encouraged their older "friends" to talk and even recorded their stories. Later the group printed the stories and returned them as journals to the residents at the nursing home.

Have a wonderful summer "off". That's important. But "off" could just mean different. Watch a little less TV. Spend a little less time on the computer. Put the X Box down for a minute. Get off your duff and get on with your life. Identify and implement something bigger than you are. Now that's a way to spend the summer!

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Muskogee's Teen Mayor Talks to Seniors

2008-05-17T06:19:00.000-07:00

John Tyler Hammons, Muskogee's most prominent teenager as mayor-elect of the 37,000-person town, spoke briefly to the Class of 2008 at Muskogee High School's Senior Awards Day.

His message was short, but effective. Follow your dreams and don't wait to do it.

Everyone knows by now that just last year, with the Class of 2007, Muskogee's new mayor was sitting right where those seniors were sitting. If anyone was in a position to illustrate the importance of taking the action necessary to achieve one's goals, it's Tyler. He is truly an inspiration in his drive, intellect, and perseverance. Everyone from this year's seniors to senior citizens can learn a thing or two from this outstanding young man. Don't wait - do it.

Unfortunately, the "it" is not quite so clear for all those who were sitting there in their caps and gowns at Senior Awards Day. What that last four years had been about was revealed to many seniors only as they sat there listening to the same few names being called over and over again for the awards.

Some of the outstanding seniors had gotten to their place of achievement solely on their own, and that is so commendable, but it is nearly an anomaly. The majority, including our new mayor, had very supportive parents who were there every step of the way. One thing I observed about these kids is that they actually talk to their parents and vice versa. There is talk around the dinner table, sometimes mundane, sometimes about politics, history, music, or art. Sometimes just talk about KISS, or Earth, Wind, and Fire, Men Without Hats, or The Clash. Chrissie and I have said it many times before - it is proven by study after study - talking to one's children is the most effective way to keep them moving toward success.

We know what makes for good parenting. Tyler's point is just as releveant for effective parenting as it is for those in the Class of 2008 or for anyone wanting to provide leadership in their city, church, school, or family. Why are you waiting - just do it!

Congratulations to Muskogee High School seniors who garnered over $4 million in scholarship money!

Monday, May 19 - Senior Banquet
Wednesday and Thursday, May 21-22 - Graduation Practice
Friday, May 23 - Commencement

Good luck and congratulations to all graduating seniors in our area. Go out and have a great life!

Graduation Day

2008-05-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

May is here and summer vacation is not far behind. High School Seniors will be graduating at the end of the month. It is an exciting time. Getting your cap and gown. Sending announcements. Senior activities, awards ceremonies, "Senior Check Out", and graduation practice. Signing yearbooks. Exchanging pictures. Finally knowing where you are going to be the next year.

My career as a Senior English teacher enabled me to share in the experience year after year. I sometimes felt like a sociologist, watching the evolution of a species. Early in the fall, the "Senior" title was intoxicating. The new status and power was long anticipated and now relished. Senior Parking lot, the "good lunch", leaving campus for concurrent enrollment or DECA and ruling the Pep Assemblies. Most Seniors were now confidently within their "groups". Those groups were the circles of friends that had been developing and repositioning in the lower grades. There was less "angst" Senior Year.

After Christmas, the atmosphere changed. College applications were due. FAFSA forms indicated eligibility for aid. GPA's became very concrete reminders of effort and opportunities. ACT scores were in for the last time. Those prepared and ready were looking forward. Those that never got it, began looking back. Effort and drive in the final semester? Those that did, were and those that didn't, really weren't. This time of year, it was a difficult job to keep either group engaged in Macbeth or Expository writing or the evaluation of logical arguments.

Spring. Senior Week finally arrived. There was the ginger- haired kid who was absolutely elated because he "passed" high school. There was the Valedictorian, headed East in the fall, who brought a small gift with a personal note that made me cry. A tattooed and pierced tough guy spontaneously picked me up and twirled me around his last day of class. A very young and unmarried Mother asked me to sign her yearbook and to pose for a picture with her, baby and all. A newly enlisted and shorn eighteen year old boy shared dreams of opportunities offered by the military. He would head off to Basic, six days after graduation.

You try as a teacher to instill a love of learning. "It's important" - you repeat again and again. You try as a teacher to expand horizons and widen the often limited vision of teens. How to get them to step out of the now and how to look toward the future. How to give them the tools to set life goals and then, zero in on how to attain them. To realize all things are possible but no things are given. You try as teacher to lead each student to a bright and promising future. The next step? You stand back and cross your fingers.

This time of year I always get nostalgic. I miss the excitement and anticipation I vicariously absorbed through my graduating students. I miss the hub-bub and energy of the last week. I miss the shared plans and destinations. I miss their youthful confidence in the future. I miss their smiles as they bounce, or run, or bop, or glide across the stage. Each gown clad graduate receives their diploma, shakes an outstretched hand and heads down the stairs- to their future-and to the rest of their life.

****Best Wishes Class of 2008****
**May All Your Dreams Come True**