A New Day at the Evans'

There's a preteen in the house!

2009-11-15T19:10:00.003-05:00

How do I know this you ask? Well there have been a few hints:

Wild mood swings--within seconds.

Request for a cell phone,

an iPod touch (no not the OLD one the NEW one),

iTunes cards,

and a cell phone with a keyboard for texting (!!).

Drama over what can and cannot be worn on a cold day (yes you need stockings!).

Friend issues.

Loud music.

Bedroom door closed.

The green-eyed monster.

Boy talk, mostly about one in particular.

Lack of tolerance for little sisters.

Impatience with parents.

Wanting more freedom,

Missing the little girl things.

Asking LOTS of questions.

Wondering about relationships,

ALL kinds.

It's been FOUR years!

2009-11-12T20:14:00.020-05:00

Min Qiu Xia in the orphanage

The first layer on Gotcha Day.

The top layer

Four years ago (November 7th, 2005 to be exact) our lives were changed forever. In the lobby of a hotel in China, a tiny little girl, sick with fever, walked over to us and uttered the words, "momma, babba". From that moment we have been on a wonderful journey. One that is filled with laughter, singing, dancing and happiness. Our sweet Analiese Qiuxia has the magical capacity to become a friend within minutes of meeting, to charm a crowd with her antics and to be the brightest spot in the day. On the other hand she can drive us all crazy with her nonstop talking, send our blood pressure through the roof when she uses permanent marker to draw on the walls and have us all wondering WHY DOES SHE DO THAT???

But, when the dust settles and the day ends we are filled with enormous love for this gentle, sweet spirit. At one time we actually thought WE chose Analiese. I mean, we were the ones who saw her photo and declared that she was the one we wanted to bring home. However, now we know better. Analiese CHOSE us becåuse she knew we needed her laughter, her spunk and her goodness. For all that we have given to her we will never be able to come close to what she has given to us.

We love you Analiese and thank you for being our daughter. XX))

Abandonment

2009-10-23T22:34:00.003-04:00

I think of Grace, Analiese and Matthew's birth parents often. I wish I had SOME information to share with my children about the people who gave them life and why they decided to leave them when they did. The following is a post I read on abandonment written by Amy Eldridge, the founder of Love without Boundaries (one of my favorite charities). Because two of our children, Matthew and Analiese, were considered "special needs", this really hit home.

"I think it is a fair statement to say that most of us who have adopted internationally think that our child's birthparents made the decision to abandon their child. I have read many essays and poems where adoptive parents imagine the birthmother hiding in the bushes or watching until the tiny bundle is found. Perhaps that is how you imagine it to be as well. I know I certainly did, until I helped run a cleft mission where many of our patients were rural children with families.
On that trip, parents told me one story after another that quite simply turned everything I thought I knew about abandonment on its head.

I want to share one of those stories today, as I have been thinking so much about my son's birthparents lately.On this particular cleft mission, we had far more babies needing surgery than space available, so very sadly we were having to turn families away. We had set a weight requirement for the kids' safety, and we soon learned that parents were sewing rocks into their babies' clothing in the hopes that their kids would meet our 10 pound requirement. We also had begun turning away babies who were obviously younger than 5-6 months because we wanted to make sure the kids would do well under anesthesia.

I was sitting in the intake room one morning when an anxious young woman came running in holding a tiny bundle. I could immediately tell that the baby was a newborn, and I asked our Chinese director to break the bad news to the woman that the baby was far too young for surgery. As she was given the news, the young lady burst into tears and began pleading and begging to have her child be seen. My friend came over to me and told me that I needed to go and speak with the woman in private, and so I did.

She pulled back the blanket to reveal a tiny baby girl with severe cleft lip. The mother told me that her daughter was 28 days old, and that their period of confinement was over in just 2 more days. As she was crying and talking, the mom kept kissing her baby's forehead, and she kept telling me again and again, "I love her....I love her so much." But then she went on to tell me that her extended family would not accept her daughter since she had been born with a cleft lip. They felt this tiny baby would bring shame to them all. With tears streaming down her face, she told me that her mother-in-law was coming to take the baby away from her in two days' time. The mom was begging me to heal her daughter, to make her daughter beautiful, so that she could keep the baby that she had carried inside of her for 9 months….the daughter she loved completely.

When I explained that the baby could not safely be put under anesthesia at four weeks of age, she fell on her knees and was sobbing at my feet, pleading and crying and begging me to help her. Right now...even typing this story....it brings a pain to my chest that I cannot describe.Over and over on that trip, I heard stories from birthparents who adored their children with cleft, but who were told the children could not stay in the extended family.

I met a woman whose daughter with cleft had been taken from her by her in-laws while she slept. She never saw her daughter again. She had come to our mission after reading about it in the paper, to thank us for giving parents a chance to keep their children.....a chance she herself did not have.

That trip changed everything for me about how I view birthparents in China. Many people give pat explanations about infant abandonment that cover the issue in blanket terms: “Babies are abandoned because rural families want sons.” “Babies are abandoned because the medical needs were too great.” Simple, one line sentences, to explain a personal life event that is often very complex.

When it comes to human life, and heartbreaking decisions…..abandonment and loss.....I have learned that there are rarely simple explanations. Every single one of our children faced a great loss in their lives, but the reality is…..we have no idea about the deep, personal stories of the people involved. We have no idea who made the decision that a child couldn’t stay in the family. We have no idea of the anguish, or sacrifice, or resignation experienced. It is easy to think it was a birthparent who lovingly placed the child by the orphanage front gate, but it could have just as easily been an in-law or an uncle who was given instructions by the head of the family to remove the baby from the home.

Every child has their own unique story. It certainly hurts more, however, to think that any of our kids have birthparents like the woman I met on that very somber day. There is still such a stigma surrounding children born with special needs, especially in the rural areas of China. For those of us parenting these amazing kids, the unknowns of their beginnings are very sad to think about, aren't they? Have you thought much about this issue? Do you normally think of a birthparent making the decision to leave a child? Or were you already aware that especially for children with special needs, many become orphaned to not bring shame to the family at large?"

Amy

Catching up

2009-10-17T20:03:00.002-04:00

Here we are in the middle of October and I've not updated the blog in weeks! We've been busy--as usual. There has been lots going on so sit back and enjoy the post....

The girls received their report cards and all 3 are on the honor roll! We are so proud of what good students they are. Sarah, with the exception of Art (89), received all A's! She has proven to be a very responsible middle school student! She's had a few issues with time management but always gets her work and studying done. I've had to take a few steps back and allow her to figure out how to juggle school, homework and dance but she has come through with flying colors! The input I've received from her teachers has been very positive; Sarah is a delight, a good student, respectful to both adults and peers and she has transitioned very well!

Grace, even with her new schedule (more on that later), made all A honor roll! The teacher, no surprise, told me how sweet and wonderful Grace is. The only area we need to work on is reading comprehension. Grace loves school and is well loved in return.

Analiese also made all A honor roll! She is a wonderful student, she is actually ahead of her peers in many areas. This is amazing because Analiese is probably a year younger than what the Chinese told us. Behaviorally, we see the immaturity. Cognitively, she is very, very bright! According to Analiese's teacher, Analiese is compliant and is very eager to learn. This doesn't surprise us at all. Analiese loves to learn and puts all of her effort into everything she tries. We chose the best teacher who is doing a wonderful job of channeling Analiese's energy and challenging her to do her best. Thanks Aunt Kelly!

Sarah had another performance today. Her dance company volunteered at the Annual Walk for diabetes and then performed at the culmination of the walk. Unfortunately the weather was awful (no rain but cold and overcast) and they had to dance in the grass--not the desired venue for jazz!

Dave took Sarah, a couple of her friends, and Analiese downtown for the walk. I was out of town and could not be there. Sarah was sad because this was the first time I was not there to help her get dressed, do her hair and make-up. She cried and I really worked hard at assuring her that SHE was old enough to take care of those things her self. We practiced with her makeup and talked about how to dress warmly. Unfortunately, I did NOT talk to Dave about dressing Analiese warmly, I really thought he would just know what to do. WRONG! The poor, sweet little girl went to the walk in capris, crocks, no socks and a thin jacket! I sure don't understand how Dave didn't know to put warmer clothes on her (in his defense the weather forcast was for a much warmer day--the reality was so different).

Grace's gymnastics schedule has changed -- AGAIN! Surprised?? No neither were we! I had a conversation with the head coach and he indicated that Grace was ready to move to a more advanced TOPs team. That meant workouts in the mornings! All of the girls on the team she was to move to are home schooled. The school district would not work with them to allow for late arrivals or early check-outs. Dave and I had already discussed this issue and did not want to pull Grace out of school. So, I went to the principal (whom I love dearly) and discussed the situation. She had to discuss it with the "higher ups" but came back with great news! The school system is willing to work with us. They won't excuse the tardies but will not press the issue with social services. So, for the last two weeks Grace has been going to the gym in the mornings and after school!

Grace's new schedule is tough. She goes to the gym: Mondays 7-10/3-6, Tuesday 3-6, Wed Off, Thursday 8-10/3-6, Friday 7-10. The first week was difficult. Grace was tired and her body hurt. Last week was the first time I ever heard Grace express happiness at having time off from the gym. Last Thursday, when I put Grace to bed, she cried. She lay in bed and had tears streaming down her cheeks. We had a talk about what a great gymnast she was and how important it was for her to continually increase the amount of training she needed to do if she wanted to reach her goal of being in the Olympics. It was so hard for me. I just wanted to tell her that we could quit and she could just continue with her current program. But, that really wasn't the truth.

We were told, by Grace's coach, to expect tears, pain and more tears from Grace. She said that she works the girls hard but she does it so the girls can reach their potential. She works them hard so they can qualify to go to the Karoyli's camp (3 of the girls are going in December), compete Nationally and eventually be part of the National Team! She thinks Grace has the skills and potential to be one of those girls! Dave and I are committed to doing everything we can to allow Grace the opportunity to find out if she can reach that level!

Today Grace had a meet and, once again, won first place on all four events and first place all around! She got her best all around score--37.875! She only has one more meet before the state meet! Grace is nervous but we have assured her that all she has to do is what she has been doing and she'll do great! No matter what happens! I think Grace is finally realizing how much she wants to win and the competitive bug has gotten her! Go, Gracie, go!!!

Grace and I, with one of Gracie's friends, drove up to the meet on Friday. Grace had to be there by 8 AM and the drive was long enough that I just wanted to be closer and avoid the early wake-up, long drive and stress of making sure we got there on time. She had a great time. There was an indoor pool and along with her friend that came with us, another teammate came up early! The girls just swam, giggled and yelled the night away. I guess this was just a small preview of how the state meet is going to be. There are a bunch of us staying at one hotel with an indoor pool. Boy do I feel sorry for the non-gymnastic traveler at that hotel!

The rain continues here. We are so tired of all of the wetness! Of course there are the benefits but we so are ready for some dry weather!

At the end of the month Dave's boss retires. Dave will then assume the position of Assistant Vice-president of the library! Congratulations Dave, you deserve the position!

Even though we are so busy, we feel blessed that we are able to do all that we do! Life is good, god is good, we are sso blessed!

Grace 10 04 09

2009-10-05T19:44:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday to Me!

2009-09-29T22:52:00.004-04:00

I had a truly wonderful birthday today! It is so much fun how the girls acknowledge my special day. They mimic what we do for them so I got lots of hugs, kisses, and special treatment today.

Analiese told me that it was my day so I should just relax and do whatever I wanted. She gave me some choices: sleep, watch TV or play on the computer! When I started to cook dinner she told me to "STOP"! She just had no idea what would really happen if Mom actually "STOPPED!"

When Grace asked me how old I was, I told her the year I was born and challenged her to figure out my age. Well, she did a great job of writing up the subtraction problem. When she came up with my age (no, I will NOT tell you how old I am) I took her word for it--even though I thought I was a year younger. However, as the day wore on today, I kept wondering where that "lost year" went to...I was a little freaked out thinking that I had some how lost a year. Turns out that Grace used 2010 instead of 2009 when she did her subtraction!

Did Grace listen to me? Nope...it wasn't until my Dad, Granddad Matt, called and told Grace how old I was that she finally believed me!

It wasn't the year older that bothered me so much, it was the belief that I seriously could NOT remember being the "lost" age.

Getting older is really not much fun--but enjoying my kids growing up is just priceless!

Happy Birthday to Me!

2009-09-29T22:52:00.001-04:00

An insider's view

2009-09-26T23:20:00.003-04:00

Clarkdale Elementary School

The flooding last week has touched us in so many ways. I experienced not only the fear of possibly not being able to get to Sarah but the necessity of staying calm in a terrifying situation. Dave and I were out of work, the girls out of school and we lived with having to boil our water for a week. But we were lucky, luckier than so many others who lost a lot more.

Some lost so much more; their homes and others their lives. But, what has really made an impact on me has been the elementary school that was demolished in the storm. For whatever reasons, Cobb county did NOT close their schools on Monday.

As Monday wore on, the rain continued to fall and the water had no where to go. Many of the Cobb schools became unreachable, but none as bad as Clarkdale elementary school. As you can see in the above photo the school was just consumed by water. The children were able to be evacuated but they had to wade through high water to get to safety.

Being an educator is like being a part of a large family. One of our teachers received the following email from Ellen Auchenpaugh a teacher at Clarkdale Elementary School. I received permission to post it here and hope that all of you feel the power of her words.

I've been wanting to write some of this down while it is fresh on my mind. After so many years of teaching young children, my writing has become very straightforward and somewhat simplistic, but at least I will have a written record for myself and maybe others of what has happened this week.

I went to work Monday morning, Sept. 21, 2009, knowing that the trailers would be in some kind of jeopardy that day. Several years ago, they completely flooded during the summer of Hurricane Dennis, so we already knew that the water would be rising out there. Students never went out there that day - each trailer class has a "buddy class" in the building for days such as this. Non-homeroom people started right away to move items in the trailers up off the floors, just in case. There was little or no accumulating water at that point, other than the usual puddles. By the time we got to the last trailer, water was on the steps of the first ones we had done, the ones closest to the creek. So we then began to move as much inside the building as we could, including the new LCD projectors that we had only received less than a week earlier. When we ran out of space, we began to put things in people's cars, just to get it out of trailers. That turned out to be one of the smartest things we did that day. But it then began to rain, so we had to stop (and we were exhausted by then as well). The water during that time began to encroach upon the side parking lot, and was beginning to cover the back field as well. So then the trailers on the other side of the building were also in jeopardy, so we began to do the same thing over there. The whole time, the weather and the state of things were being monitored.

I don't remember it raining all that incredibly much that morning. That and the fact that water had been on the fields and parking lot before but never in the building must have made us feel somewhat safe inside the building, though the encroaching water was beginning to be a little disconcerting. By around noon, I think, you could step outside about every 5 minutes and tell a difference. Announcements began to be made for certain people to move their cars. Then an announcement was made to quickly get things up off the floor as much as possible. While I was doing that, I looked out the front window and realized that I needed to move my car, too. I waded through ankle-deep water to get to my car, and moved it up the road a little. By the time I was walking back to the front door, maybe 5 minutes later at most, buses had arrived and children were exiting out the front. I didn't even know where we were going, but it was all orderly and calm. I knew I had to quickly go back in after my purse, and when I got back to my office, the carpet was wet about halfway into the room (I'm on the end right by the side door - creekside). (Later I found out that what began as calling students out a grade level at a time ended with just line up and move out.) I grabbed my purse, grabbed a plastic trash can, retrieved my family photos, a few papers from my desk, and my album with 30 years worth of class photos and other school pictures, put my computer and the Tier 2 files on the top shelf of the highest bookcase (almost at ceiling level) and evacuated. Water was almost knee-depth by that time (in the front lot), and students were safely on the buses. I got in my car and we all headed to Garrett Middle School.

The students were amazing. Some were in the theater for hours before going home on the bus or being picked up. A teacher from Garrett is a storyteller, and she stepped up to the plate and entertained the kids. Some people with cars took the teachers who had ridden the buses back to the school to retrieve their cars, in the nick of time. We watched The Bee Movie and the students were absolutely fabulous. So were our hosts.

Most of what happened after that has been recorded on the news and in newspapers. Even at the worst of the time while we were there, no one ever suspected that it would ultimately be this bad. We were shocked at the photos on the news.

I can't even describe the feelings. I think I've experienced almost every emotion there is this week. I've had spontaneous tears numerous times, both from sadness and despair as well as gratitude and overwhelming appreciation. I've felt guilty about receiving so much stuff. I've felt guilty when things get a little frustrating, when I know that so many people have it so much worse. I feel guilty that students in other schools have also lost their homes, yet are not getting the same attention just because their school is intact. I feel bad for the host schools. They had no choice in this, either.

I want to mend things one at a time - let's get all of the living situations and basic needs met, and then let's go on with school. But it can't happen that way. We must do it all simultaneously. It's hard to be the receiver rather than the giver. One has to learn to do that with grace - it's very humbling. It's hard to accept so many wonderful gifts, but you must because you really do need it. I feel bad that we can't possibly keep up with where all of this stuff and help and support is coming from, and that there may not be a formal thank you note written. So many feelings. Just overwhelming.

At the parent meeting Wednesday night to explain the new plan, the crowd was tremendous. The support for the school by the parents was so touching. The main thing that the parents wanted to make sure of was that their children would have the same teacher. Some burst into tears when they found out that the teacher would be the constant. Maybe that should drive the budget processes. It's not the stuff or even the building, but the teacher and staff who make the difference. It's not WHAT is delivered but WHO delivers it and HOW. Hmmm..... there are some lessons here for all of us.

There have been so many stories this week that would break your heart and warm your heart. The loss for so many families is devastating. One child couldn't stay at school Thursday because she had lost her home and the picture of her daddy who had been killed a few years earlier. She went back home with her mother, who is also a Clarkdale staff member. An aunt has a small photo of her dad, and one of the other Clarkdale staff members is buying a locket so that this little girl can keep her photo with her all the time. One child came to school today with dress shoes on, and was embarrassed. Though his dad wouldn't admit that his tennis shoes had been lost in the flood and all he had left were dress shoes, we suspected differently. When we asked the child later if he had tennis shoes, he didn't. When we asked if he had food to eat, he said that the people he now lived with were sharing their food. We traced his foot on a piece of paper and the county computer guy who was installing the secretary's new computer volunteered to go shoe shopping. We gave him a Walmart gift card we had received. He came back with, in the words of the child, "way cool shoes" and returned the gift card to us. Teachers who were already exhausted from working long hours still found time and energy to go shopping after work for clothes for some of their students. Those are just a few of the stories that I can remember in my exhausted state of mind.

A not-so-small miracle: we taught on Monday at Clarkdale. By Tuesday, the building was destroyed. On Wednesday afternoon, we began to set up classrooms from absolute scratch, had another "first day of school" at two locations on Thursday, and by Friday there were reading and writing and math lessons occurring, almost as if nothing had happened. The students have textbooks and some supplies, and are all getting new bookbags with more supplies on Monday.

Of course, none of this could have happened without the help of so many people. The staffs at both Compton and Austell Intermediate have been amazing. We know that it must be like relatives moving in with you for an extended period of time that you didn't invite. We know that many people were displaced from classrooms and offices into smaller spaces because of us. We know that precious commodities like copy paper have had to be shared, and there must be numerous headaches with all of this. We know that we are an interruption in a school routine that has just finally gotten established. Yet all we feel is welcomed. People have donated things, bought things, made things, moved boxes and tables and chairs, given lesson plans, fed us, hugged us, smiled at us, given the kids a pep rally to stress that we are all a family, complete with gifts at one school and a drumline, cheerleaders and giant cardinal mascot at another (one child exclaimed, "Look at that big ROOSTER!") (The cardinal, by the way, is our mascot).

I have to commend Cobb County Schools as well. Who would have thought that we could go back to school with everyone else on Thursday? That certainly wasn't the easiest thing for us, but it happened. So much work has gone into all of this, and the planning and support and just "being there" has been great.

The outpouring of prayers, notes, love, support and stuff has been totally and completely overwhelming. We are stunned, and don't even know how to begin to thank everyone. Heroes and angels abound, my friends. I guess part of the reason that there is tragedy on this imperfect earth is so that God can reveal all of those people. My life is forever touched and changed because of them.

Because of all of the love and support, we will get through this disaster. School will go on. Lives will be rebuilt. I am praying about the future. We are so small. It was too easy in some ways to find another place for us. Economic times are tight, to say the least. Even though it would hurt greatly to demolish the old building and build a new one, it would absolutely break my heart to see Clarkdale nonexistent. We can be in a new building, even in another location. But we cannot let Clarkdale Elementary School go by the wayside because of a flood or any other reason.

I wish I could describe what it is about Clarkdale that makes it so special. People who enter the building comment on it, but no one can put their finger on exactly what it is. Even though I've seen many people come and go over my 30 years there, the spirit remains the same. There are good teachers everywhere, and good schools - I'm not at all implying that there are not. I've been around many this week. Maybe I'm a little prejudiced, I guess. Maybe it has something to do with our size - less than 450 students. I don't really know what it is. But it is something. It is definitely something. And it cannot be lost.

Please pray for our students and their families, families from other schools who have been affected, our staff, the people in our new "homes," and those who make decisions about our future.

Praise God from Whom ALL blessings flow! He will be with us into the future, whatever it holds. And that is sufficient.

More to come next week, I'm sure. There will be more stories of tragedy and hope, but I know that things will get better overall, little by little. With all the help and support and prayers, it's inevitable!

What it's all about!

2009-09-26T23:04:00.002-04:00

David found a wonderful program for all of us to watch as a family. It was a National Geographic show about odd animal relationships (you know the orangutan and the dog???). I was on the couch with the 3 girls but had Analiese in my arms. She looked up at me with those big black eyes and said, "I'm so glad I have a Mom."

My heart just melted. That child is darn amazing! She can frustrate the heck out of me but then turn around and in one short sentence make me realize what being a Mom is all about!

Day 3 and counting....

2009-09-23T11:51:00.005-04:00

The fort

sleeping peacefully

Today is day THREE of no school because of the rain, floods and resulting damages.

The rain had been coming down for days but on Saturday and Sunday it just seemed as if it was never going to end. So, on Monday morning, when the 5 AM call came in that our schools were closed it came as no surprise. What was a shock was that Sarah, who is now at the private school, had to go to school--as did Dave to work!

As the rains fell Monday morning, I began to get very nervous. And then the phone call came from the university, at noon, with a recorded message indicating that due to the roads being very hazardous, everyone was being asked to NOT come to the school. WHAT???? My husband is at work and my daughter is at school!

I quickly ran to the phone to call Sarah's school. No sooner had I dialed then an email came in, from the school, indicating that we could come and get the kids early. Well, off I went with Analiese and Gracie in the car.

What normally takes 18 minutes, took us over an hour to get to the school. As the rain fell in buckets we were met by closed road after closed road. I honestly have to say I felt the stirrings of panic as I contemplated the possibility that I would NOT be able to get to Sarah.

I called Dave, in hopes that he could leave school and get her. Unfortunately he was in the middle of the campus closing and could not close. So, we pushed on. We finally got to some open roads but passed playgrounds, homes and businesses under water. We knew it was just a matter of time that the road was going to be closed.

When I pulled up to the school it was not only full of parents but the school itself was flooding! I walked through deep puddles just to get to the front door. After waiting about 20 minutes Sarah finally arrived. We then left for our trek home!

The amazing thing was by the time I got back onto the road, the rain had stopped. We then were able to see more of the dangerous waters. We even saw rescuers bringing boats to evacuate people out of their homes--this was about 2 miles from our house!!

Fortunately, the rain continued to slow on Monday and we've not had another drop. We actually had sunny skies yesterday and today. However, the damage is so great that many cannot get out of their subdivisions or the roads to some of our schools are unsafe.

It has been a challenge keeping the girls occupied. Yesterday they built a fort. I let Grace and Analiese sleep in it because we, again, had no school today. Sarah is back to school, as is Dave to work.

I sure hope we return tomorrow. The teachers have to make up all of these missed days.....

A Wonderful Saturday!

2009-09-19T20:24:00.023-04:00

Our traditional after meet photo!

A shout out to Sarah from Matthew!

Forever connected!

Oh, Analiese missed Matthew!

We love you, Matthew!

Even though we woke up to yet ANOTHER day of rain (number 5, I think!)we had expectations for a great day! We started out very early as Grace had to be at her meet by 7:45. The good thing was that it was at our gym and we didn't have too far to drive.

Grace was excited about the competition, and had been since last week's meet. She told me the other night, as I tucked her into bed, that she wished she could compete EVERY DAY! I asked why she liked to compete so much, if it was because she always did so well, or if she just liked the feeling of being out there performing. Grace said that she just liked doing gymnastics and the feel of the competition.

I took the time to then talk to her about not becoming over confident, that she, so far, has done very well but it may not always be that way and to always remember to have fun! Grace said that it was OK if she didn't win but she would always do her best. Well, I wasn't so sure that Grace would have such enthusiasm if she wasn't winning each event but I hugged her and told her that we were so glad she had found something she loved.

Well, today was a test for Grace. Even though she did her best, and scored very well, she did not place in vault! This was the first time Grace did not get called up to the podium to accept a medal. She scored a 9.00 on her vault but it was not good enough to get in the top 7! How did Grace respond? She said she was surprised but she did her best and now she knows she has to work harder! That was it....

As for the other events? 1st on bars, beam, floor and all around! Grace had an awesome beam routine. She held her handstand so long that many people in the audience were gasping and later came up to her to tell say how awesome her routine was!

I think the best part, for Grace, was that her "big sister", (a level 10 gymnast) was at the meet and was the one to give her the trophy for #1 all around! She hugged Gracie so tightly and Gracie just beamed! It was so sweet. I watched her big sister go up to the young lady who had the trophy for Grace and ask her if she could please be the one to give it to Grace. I have to say, Gracie's big sister has been so supportive of her.

After the meet, we went home to rest and get ready for next exciting event. We were meeting Matthew and his Mom and Dad for dinner! We were so looking forward to seeing him. Unfortunately, Sarah had other plans and was not able to be with us. Matthew, of course, commented on missing Sarah. I assured him that the next time we got together, Sarah would be there. He was happy about that!

I just cannot put into words the emotion I felt seeing Matthew for the first time in 3 months. It was so bittersweet. He is doing so well and I know it is because of the environment he is now in. While living with us, circumstances were such that he just was not afforded the opportunity to reach this level.

Matthew seemed to be a bit uncomfortable in how he was supposed to act around us. I can only imagine how confusing it must have been for him. I mean, we were his parents for 18 months. Now, he has new parents but, here we were and he just wasn't sure what to do. I took Matthew aside and told him how happy I was that he was doing well. I told him that we missed and loved him but, again, we were so happy he that he was happy and loved his parents! I also told him that we would continue to see and talk to him. I told him that we would call him and we wanted him to call us whenever he wanted to. He seemed to relax and understand that everything was good.

Analiese just loved seeing Matthew, whereas Grace seemed alittle more reserved. Later Grace and I discussed that even though we missed Matthew, we knew that he was doing so well because he was not with us. It is hard for Grace to understand but she is so trusting that we only want what is best for our kids that she accepts Matthew no longer lives with us.

For me, this visit was so emotional. Not a teary kind of emotional but something much deeper. I watched Matthew with his new parents, and realized that he fit, really fit. And after talking with Matthew's Dad, and learning of the challenges they have faced and seemingly conquered, being an only child has been the salvation for Matthew.

My faith in God was strengthened today. But so was my understanding that when we are called to do something it doesn't always turn out the way we envision it should. When Dave and I realized that WE were meant to bring Matthew home, we never thought, not for one second, that he was anything but our son. But, almost 2 years later, we realize that we were were never meant to be Matthew's forever family.

The journey with Matthew has been long and hard. There have been tears, stress and anger. But today, in the midst of all of the rain, a HUGE ray of sunshine burst in my heart. It was so clear that Matthew is where he is meant to be and we made the right choice for him.

We celebrated SO many successes today....

Happy Gotcha Day Gracie!

2009-09-14T20:25:00.005-04:00

Gracie's referral picture...don't you just want to hug her?

Grace Today...still so beautiful

Almost eight years ago, I brought up adoption to Dave. I can't say that his response was very positive. I mean, he already had 4 children. Why ever would he want to ADOPT a child? I didn't give up though. I continued to bring up the conversation, explaining why I wanted to adopt. I wanted Sarah to have a full time sibling and I wanted her to have a sister. It took awhile but Dave also came around to seeing that adoption was something he wanted also. I knew where I wanted to adopt from; China. Before I had Sarah, when I envisioned myself with a child, it was always a little Asian girl.

We ventured into the China adoption world at a time when quota's had been put into place limiting the number of families who could adopt. There were not many agencies who were accepting applications. But I had done my research and wanted to use Children's House International. To my surprise, right when Dave agreed to the adoption, CHI began accepting applications! We immediately began the process. Between collecting the paperwork, getting our homestudy completed, waiting for the INS (as they were known back then) and eventually the shut down of adoptions because of SARS it took us almost exactly one year to see our sweet Gracie's face on the computer. The rest, as they say, is history.....

SIx years ago a sweet angel walked into our lives and stole our hearts! We are forever grateful to Stefani and GInger of Children's House International who helped us bring our sweet Grace into our family. We also marvel at the wisdom of the Chinese when they matched us with little Wen Fei Zhen, even though we had requested a much, much younger child.

We cannot imagine another child in our lives. For the past six years we have marveled at how absolutely perfect we all fit together. When God placed adoption in my heart he knew that Gracie was soon to be found at the base of that mountain and she would need us to be ready for her. When we received our referral information, never, not once did we mourn not getting the baby we had requested. We knew that Grace was our daughter, no matter that she was 28 months old instead of 18 months.

Six years have flown by. Grace has blossomed from a frightened, quiet toddler into a wonderful, confident (but still quiet) young girl. We don't know what the next years will bring, but we sure are glad that we are on this journey together. We love you Gracie Feizhen!

Disappointment and Excitement

2009-09-13T21:00:00.005-04:00

This weekend has been an extreme of emotions.

Today Sarah auditioned for a spot in the Atlanta Ballet's the Nutcracker. We felt pretty confident that she would secure a spot because she performed with them last year. Well, unfortunately, the economy has affected the ballet. The Atlanta Ballet has had to cut the Nutcracker casts from 6 to 4 as they will have less performances this year due to loss of income. So, that meant the spots that would have been open to the public (as opposed to the spots taken by the kids who dance at the Ballet's school) were cut.

We did not know any of this before we decided to audition. All of this information was given to us right before they took the kids into audition. So, when Sarah emerged from the audition, she looked at me with sad eyes and shook her head "no". Needless to say Sarah was disappointed (and my heart broke for her) but after we spoke and she realized that not being chosen had NOTHING to do with her dancing ability but it was all about the economy she felt better. But, she is angry with President Obama because he hasn't done what he promised. She wants the economy to do better so she can perform with the Nutcracker. Hmm...maybe she should write to him so he can view the world through the eyes of an innocent 11 year old. I mean, she is being affected now by the economy and certainly will have to pay for his fiscal decisions in her future.

On the other hand, Grace had her second meet on Saturday and once again, just amazed us all! She took 3rd place in the vault, 1st in beam, bars, floors and all around! She increased her all around score from the last meet--from 36.75 to 37.17! So, once again Grace came home with 5 medals!!!

It was a little scary for us, because during warm-up Grace landed on her head during her bar dismount and immediately burst into tears! We thought she had hurt herself but after the meet she told me she cried because she was so frustrated that she ruined her dismount!! I thought for sure the meet was going to be a wreck for her. But, Grace bounced back and once again, enjoyed herself and it showed!

Because Grace has scored above a 32 on these past two meets she has qualified for the State meet in December. We sure hope she continues to do well and places well at State.

We are so proud of both girls. Proud of Grace for doing her best and proud of Sarah for not only being brave enough to audition for the Nutcracker but to take the disappointment in such a mature way.

The silver lining? We will be able to watch the Nutcracker as a family this year. And next year? Hopefully the economy will be better and the Ballet will be able to add back the performances. Sarah will certainly be there to audition--she's not ready to hang up her ballet slippers yet!

Birthday Celebration

2009-09-12T21:32:00.012-04:00

Let's start with the cards.

Oh, this one is purple and has a star!

Kai Lan!!

Oh, a password journal that I can keep from my sisters!

An Ice cream cake with cookies and cherries!

I'm not going to waste any breathe!

Hope my wish comes true!

What a great day! We got to celebrate Analiese's birthday today. She received several checks from relatives so off we went to Walmart. Analiese tried to tell me about this iCarly item that she wanted. I had never heard of it, nor had I seen the commercials that had sold Analiese on this so we had a slight communication problem!

We walked the aisles at Walmart in hopes that this iCarly item would just "be" there. Well, it wasn't! So we walked some more...and then we walked some more! Oh, there were a few items that Analiese picked up but they weren't things that would have held her interest for very long. So, back on the shelf they went.

There are some things that Analiese loves; drawing, writing, singing and anything electronic! I tried to talk her into combining her money to buy a Nintendo (she has a Leapster but is always borrowing her sisters' Nintendos). Analiese said, "No, Santa is going to bring me that."

We eventually found our way over to the toy clearance aisle and found absolutely NOTHING that fit Analiese. Tomorrow we will hit Target! It's fun to allow Analiese the freedom to choose but boy-oh-boy how overwhelming it is for her to have so many choices! I'll narrow the field down for her and we'll walk away with some awesome things!

Analiese did get a Ni Hoa Kai Lan doll. She is purple (Analiese's favorite color) and has the character for "giggles" on her shirt. How perfect for my little Chinese princess! She loves Kai Lan and it is so great to be able to give her a doll that looks like her!

We did get Analiese a "Password Journal." This is a great gift in so many ways; she can keep it a secret from her sisters and she has blank paper, lots and lots of it, to write or draw on! Some day, I hope, Analiese will be a great author or illustrator!

The last gift is that we are redoing Analiese's bedroom. It will be purple (of course!) with some green and pink stripes. We will go back to the Tinkerbell theme; I bought some pictures of Tinkerbell that I will frame and hang up. Granddad Matt and Grandmom Eileen bought some wooden letters that spell out Analiese's name and we will put them up for her. I'm sure the room will look just adorable.

Happy Birthday Analiese, our family is so much better for having you as a part of it--what DID we do without you????

Happy 7th Birthday Analiese!

2009-09-11T20:15:00.004-04:00

Today Analiese turns 7 years old! It is so hard to believe she is that old! We are going to celebrate as a family tomorrow but Analiese did get to celebrate at school with cupcakes and the PE coaches playing the Beatles birthday song for her during gym class!

I woke Analiese up by singing happy birthday to her and of course the rest of the family made a big deal out of it being her day. The best part was when I was driving the kids to school and Analiese said, "Mom, it makes my heart sing when everyone tells me happy birthday!"

Oh Analiese, Happy Birthday Baby and let your heart sing, sing, sing. We love you!

My kids are growing up!

2009-09-09T21:50:00.005-04:00

My girls are changing, right before my eyes! Analiese came home today and told me that she and her teacher talked about "self-control". Oh my! That means my sweet Analiese is talking ALL of the time and her teacher is tired of competing with her! I hate to give Analiese a consequence for "talking" at school but I know I must, to not only support her teacher, but also to help her learn compliance.

So today, Analiese lost her TV watching privilege. With most children that would make a HUGE impact. With Analiese? She just moved on to the next thing--drawing and coloring. This is one of the best things about Analiese...she loves life! There is always something wonderful to do; watching TV, riding her bike, reading a book, doing homework, talking to anyone, dancing, talking, singing...We ALL need to take lessons from this sweet one---enjoy EVERY minute!

Grace? What can I say? She continues to amaze me in her ability to juggle her gymnastics with school! She learned a new skill today--she was able to do a forward tuck! She was so excited--but then, turn around and her level of enthusiasm was the same when she learned how to do a word search on the computer for her spelling homework! She is the most "even" person I know. I need to take a few lessons from her!

Now Sarah, of course, is changing the most! Her level of understanding of human nature amazes me. On Friday, she received a note in her locker from a boy in one of her classes. He wrote to tell her how much he liked her. Sarah was so touched, even though she doesn't share his feelings. She asked me what I thought she should do and I gave her the "mom" opinion. Sarah decided to write back to the young man. She thanked him for the note and told him how sweet it was that he liked her. She didn't ignore him nor did she "lead him on" to believe that she felt the same about him.

Having Sarah in middle school is showing us how we have done as parents! She is sensitive to others, a great time manager and an eager learner. Sarah is an awesome kid and we are so blessed to call her our daughter!

Sarah, Grace and Analiese are as different as different can be. However, there is a common thread they share...they are confident, independent and loving children! These girls are amazing and continually challenge me to be the best mom I can be. I sure I can live up to the challenge!

Final weekend of summer

2009-09-07T21:30:00.007-04:00

Falling is not going to hurt this one!

Go Analiese, GO!

Even though the calendar says summer does not end until September 21st, this weekend has been the traditional end of the season. The weather was beautiful today, which allowed us to spend some time at the pool. It was so crowded so we didn't stay very long.

We really just enjoyed the long weekend as a family; playing Wii, watching movies and relaxing. The girls were happy they didn't have dance or gymnastics! Sarah did have to work a bit on some homework but not so much that she wasn't able to relax.

Dave did start working with Analiese to teach her how to ride a two-wheeler. He took her training wheels off and right away Analiese got the hang of keeping her balance! She was determined NOT to get hurt and covered every possible part of her body with pads or a helmet! What a kid!

Since we've been back to school for several weeks now, not so much will change for us. The girls have been into their fall schedules and we seem to have a good rhythm going. Some days Sarah is pretty stressed because of her homework load but we are working through that.

I just cannot believe that summer is over. It seems that we just got out of school and were planning our trip to Disney! I know that before I'm ready, Halloween and Thanksgiving will be here!

Next weekend the pool closes, so in between a gymnastics meet, dance rehearsal and auditions for the nutcracker, we'll try and swim one more time!

Where is the time going?

2009-09-02T21:07:00.005-04:00

Gosh, I feel like just yesterday it was the weekend and we were enjoying being at a pool party and now, well, it's Wednesday already!

We had a very busy Saturday but were able to relax at a friend's house to celebrate her daughter's 7th birthday. The kids had a great time with their homemade "wipeout" in the pool.

On Sunday it rained so Dave dug in the basement and found the EASY BAKE OVEN! What fun making tiny chocolate chip cookies and melting marshmallows. The girls couldn't believe that a lightbulb actually could cook something!

And of course Sarah couldn't resist putting the giraffe hat on Clarence. It was quite comical when he spotted his reflection in the oven door. He kept looking at the "other cat" and even tried to locate him under and around the corner!

On another note, we knew that on Monday Matthew and his new family were due in court to finalize his adoption into their family. I expected to have mixed emotions and indeed I did (and do). However, when Dave called Matthew's new dad he was so jubilant that we couldn't help but be happy for all of them!

So, today it was with tremendous pleasure I visited Matthew's family blog. In an email thanking us Matthew's Dad invited us to follow them on their blog. Reading the posts, I felt such a peace knowing that Matthew is right where he is supposed to be. He is doing so well and is loved so much. What a testament to how awesome God's plan has turned out to be!

We will always love Matthew and always consider him to be a part of our family. The girls still consider him to be their brother and from what his Dad says Matthew speaks of us and the traditions he shared with us. We have made an impact on each other's lives and nothing will ever change that.

In the words of Matthew's new dad, "Is Matthew the perfect child? Oooh, no. But we don't know how we have done without him. We feel like he is the perfect fit." And that just says it all.

My Baby is growing up

2009-08-27T19:49:00.003-04:00

Sarah went off to her 6th grade retreat yesterday. She'll be gone until tomorrow afternoon. She is at a camp with other 11 year-olds for two nights with NO contact with her parents. ACK!!!!

I wasn't prepared for how this retreat would make me feel. As I helped Sarah pack for this trip I struggled with keeping my emotions in check. It was just a multitude of things that brought home how grown up my daughter is now.

It was the deodorant and the bras. It was the removal of the "butterfly" from the sleeping bag cover and the careful choosing of pajamas (only sleep pants and t-shirts). It was the bible that she has become so comfortable with and the excitement of being away for 3 days.

This is the first time that Sarah and I will not have told each other, "I love you" before we go to bed. This is first time that I've not held and kissed my daughter in a full day and the first time I've not not been able to talk with her.

I'm amazed at how much I'm bothered by all of this. I keep checking the school website looking for an update (they said they would post SOMETHING!). I'm glad that I haven't heard from her because that means all is well. Then on the other hand, I so wish she would call.

I did write a "mom note" and stick in her notebook. I hope that she'll get a good feeling when she reads it and realizes how much I really miss her. I can't wait to see her tomorrow and hear all about her experience.

On Wednesday I said goodbye and I love you to a totally different child. Tomorrow I'll greet a young lady who had her first taste of independence---and loved every minute of it. I'm not sure I like letting go.

Professional photos

2009-08-24T21:01:00.004-04:00

At Gracie's meet on Saturday there was a professional photographer snapping pictures. I went to the site today to view them. There are some really great ones of Gracie!

I think the photos show what everyone sees in Grace; her form is almost perfect. Go take a look here:
www.shelleyphotographyinc.com

Once you get to site, choose:

CLICK HERE TO FIND YOUR PICTURES (right hand side)
RECENT PHOTOS (left hand side)
JUDGES BLAST OFF 2009

Then in the drop down menu choose:
C2 sess 2 level 4-C Floor, B Beam (Grace was on group B)
Page 1, photos 53-70

you can see more at:
C2 sess 2 level 4 B Floor
Page 10, photos 243-261.

Enjoy the pics. When our "other" computer comes home from the doctor I'll post the video!

A Champion!

2009-08-23T17:43:00.005-04:00

First on bars!

First on beam!

First on floor!

First on vault!

Best all around!

Awards

Grace participated in her first gymnastics meet yesterday. She was so excited and had fun competing. And it showed! Grace took first place in all four events; 9.65 on vault, 9.3 on bars, 8.85 on beam and a 8.95 on floor. She also was named best all around with a total score of 36.75 (best is 40).

To qualify for the state meet in December Grace must score at least a 32 all around in two of her meets. She now only needs one more meet to qualify!

This meet was hosted by the judges. We were warned that the judges would look very closely at the girls and mark them down quickly. It is the judges opportunity to tell the girls what they need to work on for the rest of the competitive season.

It certainly held to be true. The scoring was very low, especially in the beam and floor events. As you can see from Grace's scores they were not particulary high, even though her performance had very few flaws.

Part of the excitement for us, other than just watching Grace perform, was watching Grace each time she was called for first place! She really had no idea that she had done so well. She walked away with 4 medals; one for each event and a trophy for the best all around!

Needless to say, Grace walked on clouds for the rest of the afternoon. She cannot wait for the next competition. We've cautioned her not to expect to win each and every time. She doesn't seem to mind--she just loved getting out there and showing off her talent.

It will be interesting to see how the remainder of the season goes. Grace's team looked well prepared but could use some more work on the beam. That was the lowest event for all of them. Some girls fell multiple times off of the beam. Grace wobbled a few times and it is reflected in her score.

We are so proud of Grace. Not just for her performance but also for her support of her team and her graciousness in not bragging about her win. She is a true team player!

Some more firsts

2009-08-18T21:29:00.008-04:00

6th, 3rd and 1st grader

Our 3rd and 1st grader!

Our Sunday morning breakfast

On Monday Grace and Analiese started back to school. I just cannot believe that Grace is now a 3rd grader and my baby is in first grade. Both girls were very excited and had a great day! They both have GREAT teachers and I fully anticipate a great year!

Analiese has the same teacher that Matthew had last year. He flourished in her classroom and she was so patient with him. She'll have some challenges with Analiese but doesn't seemed concerned at all.

Analiese calls her teacher "Aunt Kelly" because last year Analiese was in class with Kelly's nephew. He, of course, called her Aunt Kelly and so did the rest of the kindergarten class. "Aunt Kelly" doesn't mind and actually thinks it might be a good thing because she is getting married in February so her last name is going to change anyway!

Grace is having a little difficulty transitioning in with her new classmates. The teacher I requested for her actually "looped" with her entire class. That means the entire class, with teacher, moved up a grade. Grace is one of 5 new kids that were placed in the class. Unfortunately for Grace that means that the kids already have had a year to establish relationships.

Grace is shy to begin with so it is difficult for her "break" into an already formed group of kids. I realized this was an issue this evening while I was reviewing her work for the day. She had completed a sheet, "getting to know you". Grace had to complete some statements. One was, "I wish I could...." and Grace wrote, "make friends."

When I questioned her, it was heart breaking. She said that "no one wants to play with me." I put her on my lap and probed some more (and all the while holding back my own tears). She said that during recess she justs, "walks around looking for her friends from last year."

I offered some suggestions and even asked if she wanted me to talk with her teacher. Grace responded that she didn't want me to say anything. Well, fate intervened when her teacher called (you know the obligatory beginning of the year call). I brought up what Grace said and wrote and asked for her input and help. The teacher had noticed and has offered to be more proactive in having the girls be more inclusive. I sure hope Grace finds her niche!

Sarah continues to enjoy middle school. During the past couple of days I've observed Sarah putting on make-up; mascara and lip gloss. I questioned her today and her answer was that "all the girls at school wear it". She immediately got defensive and said, "You don't want me to be DIFFERENT, do you???"

I told her that I just wanted to find out why she wanted to wear makeup and then I would decide if it was something she could continue to do. With a great big SIGH, she said, "it's not like I'm going to die if I wear it!"

Oh boy.....So, the wise mom that I am told her that "I" didn't really start wearing make-up until I was in the ninth grade.

My daughter, my first baby, exasperated says, "Yeah, that was before they had make-up in bottles. What did you have to do, squeeze cranberries to put on your lips?"

Yes, I am not kidding and no I did NOT make that up! I just cannot believe that my daughter actually thinks of me as OLD!!!

At that moment I realized that we had moved into a totally different arena and our relationship had shifted. We must officially be into the "tween years" and I'm not so sure I'm really ready.

I'm preparing myself for some battles. I sure hope they aren't close to what I put my Dad through.

Sweet Analiese~

2009-08-11T22:38:00.003-04:00

When I checked in on Analiese before I went to bed last night, this is what I found! The things that child gets in to! I laughed so hard and of course had to call Dave upstairs.

This is just one reason why we love her so very much! What DID we do before she came into our family????

First Day of Middle School

2009-08-10T21:55:00.004-04:00

It's just nerves

Doesn't she look so grown up?

The traditional first day photo

Today was Sarah's first day of Middle School. Beginning last week she started to get nervous about going to a new school not knowing anyone. Her nerves really got worse at meet and greet. Sarah really was afraid she would get lost even though we walked to each of her classes and studied the map.

Yesterday was hard and last night was even worst. Sarah went to bed fairly early but had a difficult time falling asleep (Thank goodness for Benedryl). She did get a decent night's sleep and woke up fairly easily. Now, I can't say the same for me. I, also, had a hard time falling asleep and when I did I woke up several times. I had very strange dreams, most were about getting Sarah to school!

Sarah wanted me to take her to school as she didn't think Dave would be a help in getting her locker organized. I knew better; my 11 year old still wants her Mom to be there and "hold her hand". I'm glad that she wanted me, cause I wanted to be ther with her.

This morning Sarah and I both compared it to her first day of preschool. On that day she happily arrived at the school but when it was time for me to leave she grabbed a hold of me, started to cry and would not let me go! We laughingly said that she couldn't physically do that but she could do it in her head!

Well, when we got to school I could see how nervous Sarah really was. A teacher stopped to introduce himself and Sarah almost couldn't respond. When we finished with organizing her locker I walked with Sarah up to the front of the school so she could meet with ther "buddy". She did NOT want me to leave. She asked, "Please Mommy don't leave".

Let me tell you how quickly that phrase had me seeing the sweet 3 year-old that I took to Montessori all of those years ago! I would have liked nothing more than to stay with her but I knew that I had to walk away. It was so hard!!!!

I thought about Sarah all day long. When I finally spoke with her, after she got out of school, she was so excited! Sarah had a GREAT day!!!! Oh, how the weight was lifted off of my heart!!!

Sarah knows that tomorrow will be even less stressful than today was and that by the end of the week she will feel right at home! I am so grateful that she had a positive experience on her first day. Can you only imagine how hard it would be to get her to go back tomorrow if today was horrible????

I am so proud of Sarah and how she is able to go into new situations and come out with such a positive outlook. I know that this experience is so good for her and will serve her well in the future. However, it doesn't stop me from wanting to make things "all better" for her. Gosh, who knew that being a parent would be so hard???

Grace's level 4 beam routine/mock meet

2009-08-09T22:27:00.001-04:00