Fleeting Contemplations

I Get It Now

2008-03-30T02:17:00.006-07:00

I understand now. Why it is we love LOST so much. It is all so clear.

My mom gets offended when i do not read a book she recommends. Or when i do not listen to a recording she likes. I start to feel this way sometimes towards others when they do not take my recommendations. But i realize this is exactly what i do to my mother, and so let it go. Because sometimes you know when God wants you to read something. And also when he doesn't. Landon, you know what i am talking about.

This is how it has been with Velvet Elvis. I have known about the book for years. I have known that it is a good book for years. I even went so far as to purchase it last semester. Yet, i never felt called to read it. Until now. And i must say, this is the time God had for me to read it. They say God cares about the small things in our lives.

I am not very far in. Rob has been talking about trampolines, and springs, and how springs are not like bricks, and how it is not about being in, it is about jumping. And that is one of the things God is giving to me for this time. I have been looking to convert people to Christianity. To a set of rules and beliefs. Instead of inviting them to jump with me. Instead of showing them a backflip, and laughing, and taking them by the hand, and giving them a double bounce that will send them soaring.

The other thing, the thing that i did not understand until now, is about the vastness of God. The sheer limitlessness of His nature. How we can never fully understand Him. How we will never have all the answers. Because there in lies the beauty. It is the fact that God is beyond our understanding. That we can continue to question, and probe, but we will never fully understand.

I use to think that in death, upon my entrance in to heaven, that i would start to understand completely. But this isn't so. We will just be exposed to even more. And begin to question even more. And God will only bounce us a little higher and show us a new trick we haven't seen before. And we will all laugh with delight. But we won't completely get it. Not now. Not then. Not ever.

And that is the key. That is why we love LOST so much. It is the fact that the more you find out, the more you need to know. The more questions you begin to have. The deeper you get pulled in. And the more giddy pleasure you receive.

But for some strange reason LOST tends to frustrate the heck out of me when i think of not knowing all the answers. Of not coming to a solid conclusion in the end. Yet, with God, i am at peace with not having all the answers. I feel like sitting back an smiling. And worshipping Him for all he has done. And for the little i do understand.

It is like i have said before. Paul wrote in contradictions. And this is because we live in a paradox. Our faith is a paradox. And it "is more about celebrating the mystery than conquering it." Or so says Mr. Bell.

I concur. Let's jump.

Dandelions

2008-03-23T22:37:00.005-07:00

-Denny's till 1AM

-Spontaneous Diddy Reise

-Greyhound Journey

-Slumber

-Extra Extras

-Air Support for a Fellow Brother In Arms

-Death Treks

-Mega-Tots

-Crampons

-Seattle's Best....................COFFEE

-Christmas Eve Mountaineering

-Easter Goods

-Hana Hou!

-LAX

-Adrien Brody

-Ho Drizzle

-Spotting Elk

-Heat Rash

-All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes

-Sledding

-All the Small Things

-O Brother Quotes

-Secret Reproduction Desires

-I Hate Sarah Marshall

-Wild Pigs

-Muscle Beach

-Aaron Weiss

-Jessica Biel

-Tatsu

Dying

2008-02-14T01:16:00.006-07:00

A friend once told me: "Kevin. Wherever you are. Be all there." And i think it was the best piece of advice he ever gave me. He basically went on to explain that he meant, wherever i am, whatever i am doing, give it my best go. Don't just let opportunities pass me by. And i think this was the best piece of advice he ever gave me. Now. I think the way he meant it, and the way he personally applied it to his own life, is a little different than how i took it from him. But i believe it taught me a an important lesson.

It is a hard thing to live out though. Too give any and every moment your all. And i mean that in the since of doing things, all out, as yourself, in Christ. That no matter the situation, you present yourself as a follower of Jesus. Without holding back. Now. This doesn't mean i want to go around preaching and praying 24/7. It's just a matter of living in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.

Yet. I hold back in many situations. Primarily group situations. I suppose it is because about 50 percent of my thought process leads me back to God. Which i am glad for. But i am always afraid of speaking it to others. And i feel this keeps me from being all there. I shy away from sharing what is really on my mind. Instead i op for a poor joke. Or an appeasing smile.

Tonight i spoke about Standing by Your Convictions at a bible study. About not trying to please people, but instead please God. About letting Him be your confidence, your fulfillment. And i realized that this is something i struggle with.

I tend to focus on one or two primary struggles in my life. One or two sins i can't seem to get a hold on. But i think part of the problem is i am too hell bent on quitting them. This might be something the enemy has done to distract me. Perhaps i should walk in victory. And focus more on the things that will build my faith, rather than the things that can tear it down.

So here i am. Trying to please everyone around me. Afraid of turning someone off by speaking what i know to be the truth. While the angels are waging war against the demons. And God sits on His throne. In all His majesty. Ushering forth his Kingdom.

If i have the Holy Spirit in me. Why don't i walk in that? In the full power of the Lord God Almighty. I AM. Do i not fully accept this? Do i not fully believe that i have been redeemed? If i believe in the cross. Which i do. And if i believe in the resurrection. Which i do. Then why don't i fully believe, wholeheartedly, that i have a living, tangible being dwelling inside me? Is it a question of my faith? Or does it stem from not being part of the miraculous? Not experiencing the full power that the Holy Spirit has to offer? And i want to blame this on the church of America. I want to blame this on televangelists, and slick preachers who have turned off so many people to God. But. Really. It comes down to me. It boils down to God and i. It comes down to my relationship with Him and how far i am willing to die to myself.

It is strange. I feel like i die to myself a little more each day. That the more i strive after God, the more i put off my old self. But didn't i already die? Wasn't i reborn? New in Christ? So why am i still dying? Why am i still holding on to the things of this world? Hasn't the old gone? Hasn't the new come?

I suppose this is why Paul tends to speak in paradoxes. And i love the way he writes them. So i will end with this: 2 Corinthians 6:3-10. Read slowly.

We put no stumbling block in anyones path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, As servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, yet possessing everything.

Phone Phun

2008-02-06T17:30:00.000-07:00

Here is the view from the front door of the place i was staying at, starting with the day the winds shifted after all those fires last year...focus on the horizon and watch the gradual change...

Almost Normal Day...notice there are mountains!

A good day...and unobstructed view...haha...

After a rain...how it should look...

Relient K Show! Cheepartay!

DISCLAIMER: NOT ACTUALLY FROM KEVIN'S PHONE, ALTHOUGH HE DID RECORD IT ON HIS PHONE. THIS ONE IS MUCH BETTER FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAVd4ZddNiQ

Great show!

And hey! Guess what! More great text messages!

Landon:

Next time we talk remind me to tell you about STDs. Its for accountability.

Landon:

Screw carl sr. and jr. !!

Landon:

Daniels getting baptized! Woo! I feel like my son is getting baptized. Haha

Aley(Part 1):

I am about to read your letter!

Aley (Part 2):

Okay, first, i love the rubber band. Second, screw you. <3

Rachael:

Dude..i just heard gangster music and for some weird off-balanced-universe reason, you were the first person that came to mind. What the heck!

Landon:

THIS IS THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS OLD! YOU ARE DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATH OF LANDON. dude my body is freaking out because im cold here! Ah!

Suzie (via Landon):

Kevin youz a ho. Shleighshleigh gonna slap you around. I am something to be proud of.

My response:

Psh! That two timey little ho? She can't touch me...proud?

Landon (for Suzie):

She said "iz on. I beat cho a??down when i get thurr." idk. I just dont know

My response:

Biznatch Pulleaze! You'ze be playing a fool! Better stop playin round ya know whats good fo ya!

Landon:

Dude i totally drooled a huge puddle in my sleeping bag! Ahaha!

Alex:

Dude. Tug is in my bio lab class. If i was Landon i'm take a creep picture but i don't want to get punched in the face. He's even dressed like him.

To (K)LANZZZ:

I just saw a license plate that read LANZILA! Haha!

To Alex (out of context):

No. I think yours are smaller.

Suzie:

Wish you were here! I need a muscular boy to feed grapes to sirens.

Chris (on my encounter with Jessica Biel):

Motherfucker.

Landon:

Dude i just died. Psalm 78:34-42

Thats all folks!

(...for now...)

Revolutionary Love

2008-01-15T22:18:00.001-07:00

Desperation leads us here
Leads us here
Illumination meets us here
Meets us here
Revelation brings us here
Brings us here
Restoration frees us here
Frees us here

And I don't want to leave
I don't want to leave this place
No, I don't want to leave
I never want to leave this place

It's so amazing
Your unchanging love
Simply amazing
Never changing love
Love, love a revolutionary love

Reparation leads us here
Leads us here
Liberation meets us here
Meets us here
Jubilation brings us here
Brings us here
Higher elevation frees us here
Frees us here

And I don't want to leave
I don't want to leave this place
No, I don't want to leave
I never want to leave this place

Your revolutionary love
Your revolutionary love, love, love

You're a revolution I want to be
Revolutionary
You're a revolution I want to be
Revolutionary
You're a revolution I want to be
Love, love, love
Revolutionary love

-I feel this sums up how i felt last night...and it was the first song i put on.

-I didn't need to climb the boulder.

I Told You So

2008-01-09T23:44:00.000-07:00

I feel this is something God could repeat very often.

"Talented with reason, i cover all the angles. I can fail before i ever try."

It seems God gave us the gift of foresight. We can take memories of the past to conjur up possible outcomes for situations of the future. Theoretically we can make the best of any situation if we just think things through before acting. Yet we still fail.

I suppose this could be contributed to the fact that we come upon new situations that seem unfamiliar to us and make wrong dicisions. But God also gave us the ability to learn from others. People have gone before us and made the wrong decisions. They tell us in illaborate ways not to play with fire, to wash our hands before eating, to just say no. Yet we still fail.

So we make mistakes. It is okay. Very few are lethal. We live on to make the right decision the next time around. Encountering the same thing we did at some point in the past our minds return to the situation and let us know of how things will most likely turn out. We have the power to course correct. Yet we still fail.

And this i don't understand. Why do we continue to fail? Why do i continue to fall short? I suppose all i can do is continue to love God for the grace he lavishly pours out on us. And pray that next time, maybe, just maybe, the next time i won't fail again.

Kevin The (un)Faithful.

2007-12-26T00:11:00.002-07:00

"KEVIN. STOP SUCKING & WRITE SOMETHING."

-Ashley Hawkins-

I was going to start this post off by saying "Merry Christmas errrbody!" But then i realized it is 12:15 AM and Xmas ended 15 minutes ago. O how time flies...

It is a crazy thing. I feel like i was just talking to the guys about how it is going to be so much fun when they come out. How i could not wait. That was like four months ago. And now they will be here (with the exception of Landon who comes a little later) in about 2 and a half hours. I feel like the last 6 months of my life have kind of escaped me.

I think part of the problem is that i feel devoid of purpose. It is like my main goal in life right now is to go to school...and i think you all know how i feel about school. And i also have no one really close to me to share my days with. So i tend to just float by waiting for the future to come about. And i don't like that. Cause then when good things happen that i have been looking forward to (like this Grand Canyon adventure), they come and go, and i get bummed out again, waiting for the next thing to happen. And i don't know what God wants me to do...

And that is another thing. As i was waiting to come back to Arizona, i began to just let time pass with out a lot of consideration to what i was doing. And i let my relationship with God slip, and replaced Him with other things. And so it is like a vicious circle...i need guidance, but in the absence of guidance i go astray. Perhaps there in lies the point. God is teaching me patience and endurance...

So i am not sure where i am going from here. I do have plans for the next six months or so, and possible ideas for afterwards, but i am really not one-hundred percent positive. I really just want a clear vision from God. Perhaps having all the guys here will help. I know it is going to be so good...i just wish i wasn't so tired right now. Haha.

Well. I don't really feel like posting this...it isn't all that great. But o well, i am over-due! Sorry about my absence guys.

Communion

2007-11-03T01:18:00.000-07:00

"We are not two,
We are one."

I watched The Darjeeling Limited tonight with Jessica Biel...she is even more attractive in person.

I decided i wanted to watch Wes Anderson's new movie tonight. Of the two showings, the 7 and the 10, i settled on the 10. Figured i would give my self plenty of time so that i would not feel rushed getting there. Turned out to be a good decision.

I headed off to Albertsons down the road to get some "treats" for the movie. I ended up wondering through the prepared food section and came across their bread selection. I was reminded of Landon and late night runs to the super market. Also of the time Kenny got a left-over loaf from church that we munched on as we rode in the church truck down to City Hall to set up for the Day of Prayer. So i bought a loaf like the one Kenny had. I love starch.

As i walked over to the drink section i saw a college age looking girl doing her grocery shopping. I suddenly thought of shopping with my future wife and it made me smile. I am looking forward to having someone to shop with.

Once in the drink section i settled on some Arizona RxStress iced tea, both for value and quality, and proceeded to the check out isle. As i waited to pay i ended up grabbing a bag of peanut M&M's. I have been eating those a lot lately...perhaps because they are what my mom always gets.

Having payed for my items i jumped back on my bike...well...not really jumped; there is the whole process of getting my iPod going, putting the lights on my bike so i do not get hit by a car, undoing the bike lock, putting my gloves on to keep my hands from freezing due to wind chill, and finally putting my helmet on before actually "jumping on my bike..." and headed off for the promenade.

I got to the promenade with about 45 minutes to spare. So i grabbed a Latte from good ole' Starbucks and read some of Isaiah. As the time drew near for the movie, i made my way to the theater. Right next to the theater there is this little Antique shop, and as i was passing it this wooden figure in the window caught my eye. I am not sure what it was about the little figure of a man that made me stop, but i think it had something to do with the expression on his face. The store was closed, but i think i will return to see how much it costs tomorrow.

Arriving at the theater a little earlier than i planned, i milled about the lobby as i waited for the movie to begin. I went in about 5 minutes before the previews started and found a seat. Then, low and behold, who walks in a couple minutes before the movie starts? Jessica Biel. I thought perhaps my eyes, due to the the low lighting, were deceiving me. But there was no denying it, it was her. I was kind of surprised though, i always imagined her being taller...or something.

Well, the movie began and ended. And Jessica left as soon as the credits began to roll. I sat and watched the scenery pass on the screen as the credits ran. And an idea came to me. I am still not sure if it was from my own brain, or if God was speaking it in to my head. But it got me thinking. And so as i walked back to my bicycle i wondered a little. I even ended up finding where all the homeless people culminate in the promenade. I then began hoping of being able to go to each one of them sometime in the future to give them something...like a cot for the night (the benches are hard and steel), or maybe a new watch (not sure why), or perhaps just the love of Jesus Christ.

Arriving at my mode of transportation i headed for home and continued to ponder the new idea that had come to me after the movie. I decided i would need to do some praying when i got home when another idea hit me. I had unknowingly purchased items for communion (having eaten the M&M's in the theater) and so would be able to break bread and drink from "the cup" when i got home. I was excited.

God didn't really speak to me about the idea that came to me after the movie during my prayer time, but He did speak to me about some other stuff. And one of the things was that i am to get rid of the internet on my computer. Not give up internet altogether, but just to not have it on my laptop. So i finished praying, read about The Last Supper in all four gospels, and partook of the flesh and blood of Jesus Christ.

Now we are caught up to the present. I am on Blogspot typing a farewell message as i consume more starch and herbal tea. I will perhaps check online from time to time at school or what not, but i can not guarantee a new post for a while. I wish you all well! Adieu.

O, and one more thing: I thought it was funny how i saw Adrian Brody after paying for the most expensive latte of my life, and then saw Jessica Biel while watching the most expensive movie of my life, which just so happened to have Adrian Brody in it...haha. And did i ever mention i saw dolphins at the beach the first time i used my dolphin towel i had just purchased at Longs Drugs? It was the only one they had left...

200 Limit

2007-10-27T18:46:00.000-07:00

A list of some of the text messages i have saved on my phone...

Seth: Keep on the Kingdom. Mt 6:33

Courtney (Cheebs): kwazy, Woofus!

Jared Parker: No. You punk kids with your rap music and your drugs. Always with the fighting and the smoking drugs!

Landon: 5 artists that remind me of you: mxpx, afi, paul simon, johny cash! And beat boxing from your mouth. Haha what about me?

Landon: If you suddenly find yourself without a life sunday night, consider attending the brown side homework ball at zippys, grand hall. Slutty attire permitted.

Aley: Mhmz. It's gonna be da most shizzin hw party cause shley shley will be dere.

Chris: Motherfucker

Justin: I finally got my stinkn license!!! (4/13/07)

Landon: I'm feeling fat.....and sassy

Noelle: Kev, don't you wanna see the cobrasnake????

Landon: The damn girls are gonna kill me.....i need you!

Landon: Oh her....Little summer suicide is my....SLAVE..I USE HER HAIR AS A LAMP TO SAVE ENERGY. ITS NUCLEAR.

Suzie FLOATZ!: Booty dancing isnt as fun without you.

Suzie FLOATZ!: Me and landon are the official deming brother airport transporters. Yes!

Rachael: Haha youre despicable, ranger

Aley: Youz abitch.

Suzie FLOATZ!: Youz abitch.

Noelle: You'z a bitch.

Dad: Kevin, Happy Birthday - Dad

Suzie FLOATZ!: And i pray that you, being roted and established in love may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to the measure of the fullness of God. Ephesians 3 go read your bible.

Suzie FLOATZ!: Unless your korean, blind, or have a gay or dead parent, youre not getting any scholarships- mama sterch.

_______

That is about all of them. There are a few more, but without context they aren't that meaningful.

Oh Life...

2007-10-24T17:57:00.000-07:00

GAH!

I feel very strange right now. I believe it stems from a mixture of too much sleep and not being right with God. It is funny, my relationship with God has really come to a place where it is not so much that i feel convicted about the things i do, but that i feel the strain in our relationship when i do things i know He does not approve of. Like when i tease my brother in front of my mom...or i talk about not caring for school in front of my dad...or when i say "Actually..." to one of my friends...haha.
Good ole' Don Miller...

I am reading "Is That Really You, GOD?" by Loren Cunningham, the guy who God used to create YWAM. My mom sent it to me to read because i am waiting on the Lord to tell me what to do...and it talks about listening to the Lord, and how God spoke to him about YWAM back when he was 20. I have read two chapters of it and it is really great. I think it will be good for me. Especially because the Lord told me to stop being stubborn and listen to my good, Godly mother when i was praying a few weeks ago.

So life is going by...and i know a little of what my ministry is to be for the time being. One basic thing is sharing a life in Christ with those around me. Another i think is to take in the world...to feel how lost it is...and how powerless i am...but how powerful God is. And it is all very cliche' and simple. But it is all very new and real and frightening at the same time.

I rode in to Los Angeles this past weekend on a Greyhound bus. The sun was setting red over the city through the thick haze of wildfire smoke. The landscape around me was industrial and desolate and as i looked out the large windows i felt as if i were being driven in to a war zone. I got excited. I was sad due to leaving my family behind in Arizona, but i got excited again for things to come. Perhaps i watch too many movies like Lord of the Rings and get this feeling like i have to be part of a war to accomplish anything great in this life. But i am apart of a war, and the amazing thing is that LOTR is only a metaphor for the war that has been raging for all of history. So in a sense i really was being driven to the front lines of a war. Though not a physical war, but a spiritual one, and no matter where i go i will always be on the front-line.

Where the Truth Lies

2007-10-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

It is intense. I found truth with the crippled man begging for money on the promenade.

I have been approached countless times by these people with little index like cards on 3td St. Promenade. They ask if i am interested in any of the questions printed on the card, such questions as "Does God exist?", "Is there a spiritual world?, "Is there an afterlife?", and so on. Once i pick a question they then ask me what i think or believe about the chosen question. Despite my answer, they always invite me back to their "center" on 4th street to learn more.
I always try to start a conversation with these people, wanting to know what they are trying to get me into. It sounds like some sort of Christian group. Yet i always get the same response. They are reluctant to really share anything with me, but just kept insisting i go to watch the introduction video at the "center". Talking to more and more of them it started to sound like they are Christians, referring to the Bible and all, and so one day, when i did not have an excuse not to go, i went along with one of them to watch the introduction video.
Well. They are not Christian. They sure do talk a lot about the Bible, and the fall of man, and knowing God, but it is definitely not Christianity. It almost sounds like something the Anti-Christ has started, haha...but seriously.
They want me to make appointments to watch the video series that explains their beliefs, but i feel i have gotten enough from the intro video and from reading stuff on their website. It is interesting because this thing, which supposedly has expanded to other countries, was started right here in Santa Monica. Perhaps God wants me to bring an end to it...somehow.

Another interesting thing that goes on down on 3rd street is this group of Hindu like clad people singing and dancing and playing instruments of sorts. Interested in what exactly they were i stopped to talk to one of their group who was passing out pamphlets. He explained that they are worshiping God, which kind of struck me. Alex was with me and we explained that we were Christians, and i think he sort of tailored his speech to appeal to us. What he said sounded a lot like Christian beliefs, but after reading the little booklet he gave us, again, was shown the truth.

It is crazy, they say Satan works in cunning ways. I think these are prime examples of how people can be lead astray by things that sounds good, and are close to the truth, but are not the truth. So it surprised me where i found Jesus on the promenade.

I started reading in Acts again recently and i get so excited. It is the church's birth, and people coming to Christ because of the miracles being performed before their very eyes. And i began to wonder where that is in the church today. Why aren't there miraculous healings happening every day in the church for non-believers to see that the power of Christ is tangible and real? You hear of the occasional miracle, but not like the body of Christ in Acts. And then i thought of this man i see down on 3rd St. Promenade from time to time. He has crippled hands and a sign that explains that he needs money for surgery to fix the arthritis that as deformed him. I felt that God wanted me to pray for him...and i knew that God would heal him.
Alex and I went down to the promenade earlier this evening so he could check out some stuff at Barnes and Nobles and guess who we saw. The crippled man with his sign. As we walked in his direction i felt that familiar prodding of the Lord. God was telling me to pray for him. Of course i began to resist as usual. But as we walked past him i began to feel super convicted. It was as if God was saying "It appears you don't have faith in my healing power." So i turned to Alex and i asked him if he would like to pray for the man. Alex, surprisingly, was willing. So we turned around and approached the man and asked if we could pray for him.
It was the most amazing thing. It turned out the man, whose name is John, actually began to minister to us! He is a believer, and a very solid one at that. We had a nice long conversation about what it means to be a Christian, how Christians are now-a-days, and about miracles and having patience when it comes to the Lord. We did pray for him, i was shaking like usual when i know i am praying for what God wants me to, and i was really expecting his hands to straiten out right beneath my hands. That did not happen, but the encounter was definitely of God.

It is so crazy how you can go through life and find God in the least suspected place. It is also amazing how God can teach people about His character through a crippled man begging for money on the streets. It was a great experience for me, and i think it meant a lot to Alex too. I know i will be seeing John again in the future, and i look forward to having more conversations with him. I also know i will pray for him each time i see him. Perhaps God will heal him miraculously on 3rd St. and we can bring hundreds of people to Christ right there. But then again, perhaps God will listen to the prayers and send some money to John so he can get the surgery he needs. Either way, i know God is working, and it is all in his timing.

To All My Friends

2007-09-30T18:02:00.000-07:00

I delight in you. I am not sure i have ever said this before, but i really do delight in our friendship. I delight in spending time with you. This is why i spend so many waking ours on the computer, because i miss being able to spend time with you. It is why i use too many of Landon's cell phone minutes, because i get so caught up in talking with you that i forget i am doing it on his dime. One of my greatest joys in life is being able to hang out and have conversations with you, whether deep or shallow, because i delight in being with you.

Part of this i believe is because we can relate on a level that not everyone can. We know Jesus Christ, our Lord and savior, and because of this deeper knowledge of life we can relate in a way that is more real and authentic. There is nothing holding us back from true friendship. And because of this i know you will understand when i tell you that we won't be able spend as much time with each other from now on.

I feel i have neglected God. As much as i delight in you, i want to delight in Him all the more. I want to delight in Him upon my waking, and upon my sleeping. I want to delight in the fact that He is present through out my day, walking beside me and guiding me. As funny as this sounds, it is because i delight in Him more than i delight in you. And i love how i can tell you this and you will in no way feel upset or jealous, because you delight in Him more than you delight in me too. And i love how i don't have to explain why this is, because you understand, and i love how you understand. It is why this whole deeper relationship thing is so beautiful.

So i may not be on AIM as much from now on. I may not frequent my Facebook quite as often. I may not reply as quickly to E-mails and Blogspot comments. And forgive me if i do not initiate the phone calls all the time. Because i am going to be with God. I am going to be delighting in His presence more than i ever have before. And i want to give Him my undivided attention.

-Kevin

More than Deism

2007-09-26T22:31:00.000-07:00

We had our first bible study tonight.

One of the staff guys from Christian Challenge named Cliff called me up last week wanting to know if i was interested in a possible bible study. So Alex and I met up with him, another staff guy whose name escapes me, and Mark last Wednesday night at 7 to get some hamburgers and get to know one another. Mark is another freshman at SMC who i found out has been attending the same church as me. He plays volleyball ladies. It was cool hanging out and getting to know them, they all seem like good, Godly men.

So we decided that we were all free on Wednesday nights at 7 and that we would continue to meet and have a weekly bible study. We met at the school cafeteria tonight and it looks like we will be meeting there from now on. It is cool because we are able to be a witness to our fellow students, instead of just having it at Starbucks or something. Cliff led the discussion which was entitled "Concept of God" and dealt with good biblical truths about God. It was a good time and i got to know the other guys hearts a little better.

But, above all, the best thing of the night was that i got to talk to Alex afterwards about something that came up during the bible study. He really opened up about some stuff that had been going on in his life and effecting his relationship with the Lord and i was able to pray with him. It was a really big step forward in our friendship and it is cool how God used this new bible study to bring it about.

Shows

2007-09-22T00:51:00.000-07:00

Venue: 3rd St. Promenade
Performing: Seis Cuerdas

Venue: Henry Fonda Theater (aka: Music Box)
Performing: Goldenboy, Copeland, The Rentals

Free shows by great artists are the best. I really enjoy listening to those two guys playing a sort of rocked out version of flamenco on their acoustic guitars. If you search for them on google you will come up with their site that has music on it.
Copeland was a little disappointing because only the lead singer was there, the rest of the band couldn't make it on account of some sort of family emergency. But it was still a pretty cool acoustic set with a violin accompaniment. I was also a little bummed because they did not play California.
Please forgive the poor video quality. Natalie said that me with out a video camera is like a person with out an arm, or leg, or some part of their body. Well, i guess i lied, i do have a video camera...it just is really tiny and can only record crappy 15-17 second segments.
Goldenboy was cool. They have a cool sort of driving sound that gets my head bobbing. And The Rentals were a surprise to say the least. They are quite a mix-matched group of musicians, but with high energy that's fun to experience live. I think if Jared Parker was the lead in a band he would perform like the lead guy of The Rentals.
O, and the sound quality was great. I think i am going to enjoy attending more shows here in Cali. Especially Brand New...oooohhh, Brand New...

O...and ^she^ was in The Rentals...

God Bless You

2007-09-16T22:26:00.000-07:00

Today, as i was riding back from lunch, i heard the loud and all too familiar sound of a tire popping. I turned and saw that this white car had taken a right turn too wide and hit the curb way too hard, popping the front left tire. He then continued up this incline where he could get out of the way of traffic. I decided to check and see if he needed any help, even though i figured he wouldn't.

I get there and it is an older man with a younger girl, presumably his daughter or grand daughter. I offer to help and he actually accepts my offer. Well, it turns out that it is a rental car from pretty far away and the wrench in the trunk doesn't actually fit the lug nuts. It also appeared the man had not changed many tires in his lifetime. So i proved to be of some use after all.

I made two short trips home to try and find tools in the garage of the house where i am staying. The first time i found a wrench that was too big, and the second time i found one that did not have a long enough handle to provide enough leverage. So, the gentleman handed me twenty bucks and i rode down to the local Kragen (same as a Checker Auto Parts) to purchase a brand new lug nut wrench.

Upon my return we were able to remove the tire and put on the spare. The man was very grateful and shook my hand and said "God bless you." Which was funny, because that is exactly how i was hoping God would use me, to be a blessing to him. Then we parted ways.

I felt like i needed a card or something, like that guy who helped out Landon and Aley when Landon's car broke down. But i think the fact that i helped out was enough. It was cool, my legs have been really sore from riding around everywhere, but the whole time i was helping him out i did not feel it one bit. Serving actually gives me fulfillment, and i am glad that God has put that in me.

I Clicked Create

2007-09-16T00:03:00.000-07:00

I am going to be writing a lot of posts. I have been trying to keep track of who i have told what, and who i have not told what, and what i have not told to whom, and whom i did not tell of what, and i loose track of it all. So, short of keeping a log of what topics i cover in what conversations, i think that creating more blogs will help me to keep the bases covered.

I have been doing a lot of reading and watching of movies of late and i must say i thoroughly enjoy it. I just finished reading "90 Minutes in Heaven" and i have moved on to Praise Habit by David Crowder. I have read a grand total of about 12 pages, and from that little bit i have decided that i absolutely love the book. David Crowder's writing is humorous and fun, but also poetic and deeply moving...

Where were the God moments? Where was Living Praise? Did praise Happen? Could praise happen? What if it did? Were opportunities missed? Was praise just beneath the service? Could it be a flood? Maybe it's just damned? Maybe if the damn burst we would drown in it. Do we dare pick up a sledgehammer and start swinging? It could be difficult. It could wear at you. This could be hard labor. I don't know if i have the back for it. And i think i like my water in small doses. I like the sound of the drip. But there is cracking in my lips and they bleed when i smile. My hands are dry to the touch. So dry i can't feel you anymore. Pick it up? It is needed? It is what is necessary? I want to drown. I want a different air than what i've been breathing. I will swing. I will swing with all my might. I will swing until there is the sound of breaking. I will swing. Over and Over and Over and Over and Over and Over ad Over and Over and Over and Over...

-David Crowder-

I love how he compares the thirst for water, and the cracking of dried lips when smiling, to our need to give God praise. I know that feeling. The feeling of your skin cracking as you try to express enjoyment. The lines showing where there is not enough moisture. Lines that split when strained. It is annoying, perhaps not unbearable, but very unpleasant. And that is what life becomes when we go with out acknowledging God's glory.

Reading what i write, and paying attention to my thoughts, i have come to realize that i romanticize a lot. Although i feel it is usually in relation to God and what he is doing in my life and the lives of people around me. Perhaps i want my life to be like the stories in the movies and the books. I think that life with God is like that though. And so with this post i will continue to romanticize with God. I suppose he does not have a Create button.

A Month In

2007-09-15T00:05:00.001-07:00

I said i would let you know how i like Santa Monica in a month and a half, and it has only been a month, but i say that is long enough!

Jinky's, where to begin...

Santa Monica is a lovely place. It is sunny and cool every day. Perfect beach weather all the time. Yet, i have realized that i had grown to love the sporadic weather of Hawaii. Showering one second, sunny the next. It was like we had the best of both worlds, all the time. Although i have heard that the sun makes humans happy. Having to do with releasing some chemical in the body. Which would be a good thing for my first month here, because it has been harder than i thought it would be.

In fact, i did not think it would be hard at all. I thought it would be great and exciting. The experience has been good, but i never realized how important friends and family are to general happiness in life. I took for granted having so many friends in Hawaii and having my family in Arizona. Coming to Santa Monica meant i would have neither. Well, i have had Alex, but i never really talked to him for more than 5 minutes before coming to Cali. I have come to realize just how important meaningful relationships are in life. With out them i feel empty on the inside, and it has taken me this long just to really start to feel better. Although the feeling still creeps in from time to time.

That is not to say that my experience here thus far has not been exciting and grand. Santa Monica is a place unlike any of my previous living experiences. School is good, and easy, and i am enjoying my classes. The beach is a short distance West from our place and i can ride my bike there in a matter of minutes. There are also a plethora of shops and coffee houses and pubs and music venues to be found within short proximity. So exploring my new home has been fun.

Church has been another good experience that is making me feel more at home here, and i knew it would. I met more people than i can remember names for at church this past weekend. Then, at school yesterday, there was a table set up for the on campus christian club that i had been looking for with no luck. Not to mention my relationship with God is growing in to new places that it has not been been before. Now all i need to do is find a job and i will be set.

In conclusion...

I think i need to start making more posts about my life in general here in SoCal, because it seems to sum it all up in to one post is out of the question. Lesson learned. I am looking forward to seeing where God has to take me from here.

Photos Courtesy of Alex D.

You and Me

2007-09-07T02:04:00.000-07:00

"You and me, we've seen everything to see, from Bangkok to Calgary. And the souls of your shoes are all worn down. The time for sleep is now, but it's nothing to cry about, cause we'll hold each other soon."

-Gibbard-

I know i cut out part at the end...but it will be okay...

I think this would be a very lovely thing to say to my wife as i am about to die. To think that we have spent our years traveling, and now that we are at the end we are still so close. That we can look forward to seeing one another in heaven; comforted by the fact that we have spent our lives dedicated to God, and that he has assured us with the promise that it won't end at death. Now, i know that marriage will not carry over into the afterlife, but it is reassuring to know that the relationship will be just as meaningful there, if not more meaningful because it will not be hindered by sex.

I hope to find a wife that i can traverse the globe with, sharing our love of Jesus Christ with others, and never tire of the relationship i have with her.

Familiarities Lost

2007-08-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

Familiarities lost
And common happenings gone

Nothing cost
Only in the way a heart would long

Immediacy spent
As dreams pull us apart

Emotionally bent
Yet God will mend the heart