adventure MAN-ifesto

The Gates of Hell Shall Not Prevail

2008-06-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

I shared this briefly on Sunday morning but wanted to elaborate just a litte.

In Matthew 16 Jesus told the apostle Peter, "I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it." A quick couple of points to ponder as men who belong to Christ's church.

1. First of all Christ will build the church. It is not something he might do, or is thinking about doing. He will his church. So the question for us is this: Is Christ building his church with me or without me?

2. Next notice that Jesus said my church. That means the church belongs to him and not to us. That takes a ton of pressure off of us because we aren't the owners of church. The pressure comes back though in a different form...while we are not the owners of the church we are it's managers. Christ has put every man in charge of a his family, and some of us to be leaders of small groups, and some of us to be shepherds of flocks. Knowing that the church belongs to him helps me trust that he's in charge, but reminds me of the seriousness of our charge as leaders. What are you doing with your little corner of Christ's church?

3. Hell has gates. My mentor Bob Wood pointed out that the church doesn't have gates that are withstanding the attacks of Satan's forces. That would make us on the defense and Satan on the offense. But things are the other way around. Satan's territory is gated because it's being attacked by God's Kingdom. Let's never become "Fort Adventure" where the Christians hide out from the world in fear of the enemies attacks. We're the attackers. We're the ones who are supposed to be attacking. That's sword (Bible) in hand, attention focused, locked in combat, life and death on the line, souls in the balance, battering the gates of hell and rescuing people who've been held captive! (like the P.O.D. song "snuff the punk") Are you playing offense or defense?

4. The gates of hell will not prevail. Meaning? We win. Do you think, act, and speak victoriously regarding Christ's church?

5. Recap: The church of Christ is being built. It isn't ours it's his. The church is crashing the gates of hell with the truth of God's Word. They lose, we win.

Cool verse right? It's the theme of our men's ADVANCE this year...watch for info coming out the next couple of weeks. August 8-10. Be there.

New Things From Old Scriptures

2008-06-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

by John Eldredge

I love it how the Scriptures continue to speak, opening up new things to us all the time even after (in my case) thirty years of reading the Bible.
I’ve spent a lot of time in the Gospel of John (its my favorite) and a lot of time in chapter ten. For years I’ve used it to try and help people understand that God’s offer to us is far more than forgiveness (most Christians still think Christianity is pretty much forgiveness). God’s offer is life. Jesus says, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10b). Anyhow, I was reading again in John last week, and God showed me something new.
Jesus begins the chapter talking about false shepherds and false Gospels. He then goes on to say
The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice…whoever enters through me will be saved [or “kept safe” according to the editor’s footnote]. He will come in and go out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
What clicked for me was the connection between hearing his voice and finding life. Forgive me, but somehow I’ve never quite seen the union of the two ideas. I believe we can hear the voice of God. I also believe that God wants life for us. But somehow I’ve held these two convictions for years in separate shoe boxes in my mind. Both are true. But I never really saw how connected they are to each other. In fact, Jesus makes it more than a connection – he makes it a condition. “You want the life your good shepherd has for you? You’ve got to follow my voice.”
This is a big deal. Because – in spite of the fact the Scriptures urge us to listen for God’s voice – most Christians do not make it a daily practice to ask God what he thinks about what they are planning to do. Then they feel disappointed when things don’t turn out, or abandoned when things go badly. They lose confidence in God’s goodness, or at least, in God’s goodness towards them. It doesn’t occur to them that maybe they missed some essential part of life with God. Like, following closely.
Now, I am NOT saying (as some very successful authors are) that life can be completely fantastic if we just “believe,” or “lay hold of it,” or listen for God’s voice. I am NOT preaching a Gospel without suffering. Life can be hard, really hard, especially for the friends of God. Jesus said that the world would treat us as they treated him. They didn’t treat him very kindly. We simply have to be prepared for that.
What I AM saying is that even so, even in a broken world, there is a LOT of life that God still has for us. He says so. “They will come in and go out and find pasture.” Jesus was an essentially happy, joyful person. We can be, too. When we find our life in God.
By the way, I think every parent, every friend, every lover knows something of the condition Jesus is talking about. As a father, I want good things for my sons. I want to bless them. Not spoil, not overindulge, not pamper. But I do want lots and lots of good things for them. But not when they blow me off. Not when they ignore my counsel. Not when they don’t really care about our relationship. Much of what I have to offer depends on my boys staying close to me, listening to me.
Anyhow, it’s the same with God. You want life? You want to find good pasture? You’ve got to go “in and out” through Jesus, run all things through him. Listen for his voice. And follow.

Winning in Defeat

2008-04-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

by Erik Neilson

When life is going good...things are good. When life is going bad...things are going bad. A couple of months ago I was feeling good. I was working out with this new aggressive routine and feeling good. I was eating healthy and really staying on track with the diet and exercise. Then I got sick. I lost a week of exercise. Then I went on vacation for a week and ate junk food for a week with no exercise. Then I came back and was still sick and hurt my lower back while trying to exercise. Then I couldn't sleep, or exercise, or cough without hurting. In the midst of all this I lost all incentive to eat healthy...so I went ahead and gained 5 pounds. Like the old commercial said, "If you're going to go, go big."

Some of us do this in our spiritual lives. Obviously winning and losing football games is somewhat subject to how the other team performs. But your spiritual performance is largely, okay "entirely", based on you. And when you're doing good in your problem areas...things are good, right? And when you're struggling in your problem areas, go big! Feel defeated! Let your hair down, and blow it big time! If you've already sinned against God why not do something really bad? If you've already hurt your marriage why not really blow it? If you haven't been in the word, why not skip prayer and church too? If you're feeling ashamed over something, why not give people something to really talk about?

Now of course I wouldn't recommend this kind of thinking, it's ridiculous! But we do that all the time. Satan lures us into some trap and like a bumbling sheep we head right in. We lost our temper, blew our top, drank too much, said too much, or didn't say enough. And then what do we do? Give up. Withdraw. Sit in a kidddy-pool of self-loathing pity. Deny it. Pretend like it didn't happen. Snap at our wife when she brings it up. What does all this sound like? DEFEAT.

Do you hate losing that bad? Is one mistake, or a whole series of mistakes enough to derail your faith? Is that thing you did so severe that it merits months self-inflicted spiritual punishment? None of us would say "yes" to that question if posed to us but many of us say "yes" with our actions. We need to learn to win in our defeats. To not let one defeat turn into an attitude of defeat, or the downward spiral that comes with a defeated attitude. So how to do we do that?

1. Remember that we sometimes lose the battle but we've already won the war. (See Rom 8:37)

2. Realize that Satan doesn't just lure us into traps, he beats us over the head with our failures. Remember he's the accuser, he's that voice saying "loser, wimp, coward, pathetic, give up, feel ashamed). Don't listen to that voice. Shut it out at every cost. It is not the Holy Spirit of God that says those things to you, it is the unholy spirit of our unholy enemy.

3. Remember that we're in a marathon not a sprint. We have our whole lives to try and follow Christ. And along the way we're going to make some mistakes...probably numerous mistakes. More important than making mistakes is recovering from them. Learning not to throw in the towel prematurely. Learning to fall off the horse and get back on again.

4. Every time we fail we have an opportunity to get stronger or slump into apathy. Don't be so afraid of failure that you stop trying. Don't be so overwhelmed with one mistake that you make a whole series of them. Don't miss your opportunity to learn from your mistakes and know different next time. This is how we learn. Ask "what did I learn? What could I do differently next time? Who do I know that could help me with this problem? God has already forgiven me for this, but have I forgiven myself? If I sinned against someone else, have I made it right?"

5. Lastly, be confident. The Lord is on your side! Be optimistic, with God all things are possible. Be humble. Pride comes before the fall. Be strong. The enemy preys on the weak. Be confident. The Spirit of the living God walks with you. Be honest. You'll never change if you're lying to yourself. Be a warrior. Don't quit fighting until the fight is over!

Sex God's Way

2008-04-21T07:14:00.000-07:00

by Erik Neilson

This is the full article I wrote for my pre-marital counseling packet. Some of the material is the same as yesterday's sermon.

Christians get a bad rap when it comes to sex. Most people in the world would sum up the Christian view of sex with the phrase “don’t do it”. That’s sad but probably deserved. For the first several centuries the church was very accomplished at giving lengthy prohibitions about sex. At one point in the early Catholic church there were only 44 days in a year when a couple was allowed to be intimate. Saint Augustine, the early church father, actually believed that original sin was transmitted through intimacy. Most of the early bible scholars allegorized the Song of Songs (they said it was figurative) because they were too embarrassed to take it for what is really is…it’s a whole book in the Bible dealing with the intimacy between husband and wife. And it’s graphic and detailed…and there is not a HINT of shame in it…because God made sex, he made it for us to enjoy, and He is not ashamed to talk about it.

Part of Christianity’s problem with sex, and many other topics, is that we’re lopsided. And personally I think that we TEND to be lopsided towards the negative. Here’s what I mean: we’re great at standing against things, but we’re not so great at standing for things. We can tell people all of the things they shouldn’t do, but we’re often unwilling to tell them the alternative…what the better plan is.

Let me be honest with you for a moment. It would be easier to tell you all the things not to do. That would be more comfortable to talk about. Writing this makes me feel like a health teacher or something! You may not be comfortable reading this but here’s the thing: Christians have treated sex like it’s a dirty word for too long. God designed sex. He made it to be enjoyed in the proper context. And because our holy and beautiful God created it; sex is also holy and beautiful.

Maybe you’ve never heard it described that way. Our culture has different views about what sex is. Some people who are naturalists view sex as merely an animalistic instinct. Hugh Hefner once said, “sex is a normal function of the body, it is a desire that man shares with the animals, just like sleeping or eating, therefore it is not wrong to satisfy these normal desires”. That view is short-sighted and is, unfortunately, all too common.

Many view sex very casually. It’s no big deal, it can be shared with anyone…friends, strangers, any willing person will do. And there are elements in our society, and in every society, that view sex as industry to profit from. Did you know the pornography industry in America brings in $8 billion dollars a year? No wonder people have such a skewed view of sex. Some see it as a tool for manipulation, or a bargaining chip, or a power to be used for manipulation.

Here’s my question…what alternative is the church offering to the world’s view of sex? What is our response to the degradation of this beautiful part of matrimony? And for the past several hundred years I think the answer has been “nothing”. We just say don’t do this, and don’t do that, etc, etc. Is it any surprise that many Christians have just adopted the world’s view of sex?

If the church doesn’t stand up and talk about some of these things, then our kids will get their sex education from school where they learn to put condoms on bananas and explore their “sexual identity”. And they’ll learn from Brittney Spears, and Eminem, and Kobe Bryant and all of the other high profile “role models” that we see in culture.

Author Gary Thomas points out that, “Most of us are introduced to sex in shameful ways.” He’s right! Do you want your son’s only knowledge of sex, to be from a magazine in a locker room? Do you want your daughter’s knowledge of sex to be from a romance novel or a teen magazine? Sex isn’t shameful, but what people do with it can be. Unless the church puts away that phony sense of piety and talks about real issues with real people we’re destined, and our kids are destined, to follow the crowd.
You only need to think for a second to know where that will lead; sin, sexual promiscuity, sexual disease, unwanted pregnancy, an unbiblical view of sexuality, broken homes, damaged marriages and I believe…ultimately…sexual dissatisfaction. Because every time you abuse something that is God-given, it goes bad.

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” This is a little verse with big meaning. The first thing you need to understand about sex is that God has designed it for marriage. He says marriage should be…

Honored by all: That word “honored” is timios and it means precious, esteemed, and of great price. Marriage itself should be held as a precious institution with all people Paul says. It’s not a small thing. It’s a big deal when people are married. We are to esteem that marriage relationship. We’re to lift it up! Marriage is not an afterthought of living together. It’s not an option for families to choose…its God’s standard and he says everyone should honor it. And according to this verse how does everyone honor marriage?

Keeping the marriage bed pure: The term “marriage bed” is just a euphemism for sexual intercourse. He isn’t saying that we honor marriage by getting a good night’s sleep. He’s saying that we honor marriage by keeping sexually pure. Sex is only for the marriage bed. Put differently, the marriage bed is the designated place for sexual activity. If that’s not clear enough; sex is meant for marriage exclusively. God has called us to have a pure, undefiled, unadulterated sex life. Notice the end of this passage that God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Adulterer: Someone who is married and has sexual relations with someone other than their spouse. That’s the seventh commandment and it’s very clear. God will judge adulterers. But he will also judge the..

Sexually immoral: Sexual immorality is more general. It’s any sexual behavior that occurs outside of marriage.

God’s judgment is reserved for married people that cheat and for unmarried people that are fooling around. Catch the contrast: On one hand we have the pure marriage bed. On the other hand we have adultery and sexual immorality. One receives God’s blessing. The other receives God’s judgment.
I often hear people say…“the Bible doesn’t say that you can’t have sex before you’re married. My personal favorite is “we’re in love and God is a god of love so I think it’s okay.” That’s very creative! Or “God wants me to be happy!” It’s true that God wants us to be happy and he wants us to love…but he will judge us if we’re being sexually immoral. Sex outside of marriage isn’t youthful indiscretion. It isn’t an accident. It doesn’t suddenly become alright because of feelings. Planning on being married soon or “someday” doesn’t make it okay. Sex is a holy act that God has limited to marriage. And if that isn’t convincing enough for you…consider this:

Every time sex is mentioned outside of marriage it’s gets a special name:
-adultery -sexual immorality -lust
-homosexuality -rape
-fornication -prostitution

We are supposed to keep our marriage bed pure. I want you to picture the sheets on your bed. Now think about the marriage bed in terms of sheets. What kind of sheets do you like to sleep in? Do you like the white, clean, fresh smelling, right out of the wash, crisp, spotless, nice pure sheets? God want our marriage beds to be. Maybe you’d prefer the old threadbare, limp, soiled, wrinkled-up, stained and dirty sheets? No one would choose that. But when you sin sexually, that’s what you’re doing to your marriage bed. So, what kind of bed do you want to sleep in?

Now you may be reading this, having already made mistakes. The point of this article is not to heap guilt on people, but to remind all us of God’s standards. If you’ve made mistakes, confess it to God, ask his forgiveness, and then resolve yourself not to make those mistakes again. God loves us enough to forgive us, but he also loves too much to let us stay in our sin.

Now let’s look at 1 Corinthians 7:1. For context, the advice Paul gives about sex in this passage is given specifically to the church in Corinth. Now you might be tempted to think that modern day Americans don’t have anything in common with ancient Corinthians. Let me briefly describe Corinth for a comparison.

Corinth was right next to Athens in what is now Greece. To put it gently, the Corinthians and their neighbors in Athens weren’t very “sexually conservative”. They worshipped the goddess of sexual pleasure and all of the gods they worshipped were known for their sexual escapades. Over the top of EVERY door in Corinth was a statue of…let’s just the say “male reproductive organ.” These people had festivals and parades where they flaunted their sexual behavior. Adultery, orgies, homosexuality and even pedophilia were normal.

But we’re not like that...right? Sexuality isn’t on open display in our nation. Well…except at the grocery store, and 7-11, and the billboards, and on TV, and in most every magazine, most of our movies…yeah we don’t have anything in common with the Corinthians. (Maybe a little more than we’d like to admit!) The Corinthians were in the midst of sexual immorality of epidemic proportions.

You’ve hopefully never been to a church like the church in Corinth. And this is the church we’re talking about. They had been splitting into factions, they were filled with jealousy, they were taking each other to court, they were treating communion like a free buffet, they were quarreling, and to top it all off, they were plagued with sexual sin. In fact there was a man in their church who had taken up with his Father’s wife (probably his stepmother). Paul says that the Corinthian church was even boasting about it. They had all kinds of issues. And as the apostle Paul addresses these young immature Christians he includes some of the most insightful words ever penned on the topic of sex.

vs 1: Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.
Well that seems pretty clear, and that would solve all the issues with sex! As some of you know Paul wasn’t married. And his mentality was this: when it comes to serving the Lord, it will be easier for you, and more effective for ministry, if you aren’t married. So if you can go without being married, do it. Its okay, it can be good to live a celibate life. There are certain advantages to not being married.

Some of the early church really grabbed hold of this. Most of the early church fathers didn’t marry (not that they were always known for their sexual piety) and any of the early Christian writings started an unfortunate emphasis singleness and celibacy. They held it up as a higher path, or a more “spiritual” choice. That’s not what Paul is saying. If you want to, as a choice, you don’t have to get married. But knowing that this probably wasn’t the choice for most people he says in…

vs 2: But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

The idea here is that sexual temptation, and sexual sin, was so great that celibacy wasn’t always realistic. It would be good for you to be celibate…but if the choice is marriage or sexual immorality…choose marriage. If you want to be celibate but sexual sin is too great a temptation then get married. Not being married is okay. But being sexually immoral is not okay. So those are the two choices: no sex at all, or sex inside of marriage.

Down in verse 9 he says about single people, “if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust.” Now obviously having sex isn’t the only motivation for being married. If that’s why you’re getting married you’re probably in for a rude awakening. But here’s the point… if your sexual desires are leading you to temptation and frustration, get married. Find that special someone and get into a situation where sex is permissible and honoring to God. That seems pretty straightforward. Here’s where he gets very specific.

vs 3: The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
There are several things to learn from this:

Sex isn’t one-sided: It is to be equally given and received by both men and women. Everything in marriage is about give and take. And when you give….your spouse is more likely to give. When you only take they are less likely to give. When both people give, both people receive. That’s true of time, attention, affection, communication, and even sex. And people that want to accuse the Bible of being chauvinistic will have a hard time explaining this passage. Sex belongs to, and is for the enjoyment of, both husband and wife. God prescribes equal consideration for both partners in marriage. He describes sex as a…

A duty: Husband and wives should fulfill their “marital duty”. You might hear people joking around about this but it’s serious.

The NLT Bible says it this way, “The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband.”

Husbands, your wives have the right to expect sex in your marriage, and it is your duty to try and satisfy them sexually. And the opposite is true. Wives, your husbands have the right to expect sex in your marriage, and it is your duty is to try and satisfy him sexually.

Now the word “duty” makes it sound like an obligation, or a requirement, or even a chore. Hopefully it’s more than that. Hopefully sex is something that is equally desired by both husband and wife. That’s God’s plan. And thinking of sex as an obligation is probably the lowest motivation for sex that a couple could have. I wouldn’t recommend that you guys pull that on your wife. Reminding her of her “obligation” is pretty much a guaranteed, “no”. But you know, sometimes we may need to keep that in mind. At times when you’re feeling less than romantic remember, “It is the right of both husband and wife to have sexual fulfillment in marriage.”

Now fulfilling your “marital duty” doesn’t mean that your spouse is required to do whatever you want, whenever you want, regardless of circumstances. It simply means that you have a sex life that is generally satisfying to both husband and wife. And verse 3 points out one more important thing:

Sex is part of God’s plan for marriage: It’s not what marriage is all about, but it’s part of it. He wouldn’t call it our duty if it was optional. He wouldn’t call it an obligation if it was a matter of choice. Part of having a happy marriage is having a healthy sex life. Sex isn’t just a physical act. Sex is where our souls touch, and our hearts mend, and our bodies unite. It’s where we take part in God’s creation process. And to take that out of marriage is a recipe for disaster.
Taking sex out of marriage fosters insecurity, anxiety, and distrust. It creates resentment, and self-pity. It creates the perfect environment for sexual temptation, bitterness, and depression. Marriage without sex isn’t complete. It’s part of God’s plan for husband wife.

Now this next verse is probably the most important verse about sex in the Bible.

vs 4: The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
When you hear that word “belong” it makes your spouse sound like your property. And there is a good reason why. They are. Your wife’s body belongs to you. She gave it to you on your wedding day. And wives, your husband’s body belongs to you. He gave it to you on your wedding day. This is so important to understand! Realize what Paul is saying here. Speaking in the context of sexuality, Paul says your body belongs to your spouse. When you are married you don’t belong to yourself anymore. You have more than just you to think about. You belong to someone else. And your sex belongs to your spouse, and to no one else.

For most of us, it’s fairly obvious, that you don’t sleep with someone who is not your wife or husband. Realize the full implications though! Adultery in this sense is taking something that doesn’t belong to you and giving it to someone else. It’s stealing.

When you allow yourself to fantasize sexually about someone that is not your spouse you’re giving something away that doesn’t belong to you. God gave you a spouse! They are the ones that your sexual desire belongs to. That’s why pornography is such a problem. You’re taking your sexual desires to a piece of paper, or a TV screen, or a computer monitor instead of your spouse. And when you do that, you’re taking sex from your mate.

When people masturbate, they are taking sex away from their spouse. They’re taking something that doesn’t belong to them. They’re stealing from their wife or husband. Often times when men will complain about their sex life in marriage, and you probe them on it, it turns out that they’ve made sex a private thing just for themselves, and they can’t figure out why they have no sexual desire for their wife.

Some people dismiss this by calling it a bad habit or overactive hormones but it’s more than that. It’s often a compulsive and addictive behavior. It makes the marriage bed impure. It’s sin.

Anything you do sexually that doesn’t involve your spouse is sin. I like what the Message Bible paraphrase says, “the marriage bed must be a place of mutuality.” In other words sex isn’t selfish! It’s not about individual wants and desires it’s about each other. And if you love your spouse you would never selfishly insist that they do something that makes them uncomfortable. Sex is mutual. Wives, your body belongs to your husband, offer it to him. And husbands, your body belongs to your wife, offer it to her. And again, when both people give, both people receive.

vs 5: Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Don’t deprive: If you truly love your spouse you would never deprive them of sex. Paul says you don’t abstain unless you’re dedicating yourself to prayer for a time. Now we’ve all heard the “I have a headache” joke…but have you ever heard “I need to devote myself to prayer?” This is all of the confirmation I need to know that Paul wasn’t married! His point is this: unless you have a mutual agreement for a good reason you don’t deprive each other. Now this is something that happens…for a million reasons. There are a few common reasons why people deprive their spouse of sex.

Manipulation/punishment: This just boils down to impure motivation. “Until you give me what I want you’re not getting any sex from me.” Or, “I’ll sleep with you if you…”. Or, “I’m mad so forget it.” Or, “I’m going to get you back for something you did by depriving you.” Sex isn’t a game. It’s not something you toy with like that.
No desire: this can be because of depression, or neglect. It can be because of past sexual abuse, or even just the product of years inside a difficult marriage.
Sexual dysfunction: unfortunately there is a whole industry that is exploiting this now. But there are medical and physical conditions that sometimes limit sexual activity. If ever there was a chance of overcoming that with medical treatment it’s now.

These problems can certainly complicate things in your marriage bed. You may find that these problems may make your sex life a little less conventional, but it doesn’t change what God says: don’t deprive each other! Figure something out! Read some Christian books on the subject, go to counseling, ask someone who knows…but don’t deprive each other! Here’s why:

Sexual deprivation can lead to temptation: If sex is to be totally confined within marriage then deprivation is serious. God says only engage in sexual activity with your spouse. But if your spouse is depriving you, then they are putting you in a bad situation. Paul just says it. The longer you abstain the more likely it becomes that Satan will tempt you.
That’s pretty simple math. God designed people to have strong sexual desires and he has given us those desires. But he’s also given us the outlet for those desires: marriage. If your spouse won’t fulfill that part of their marriage Satan is standing by ready to offer alternatives. Pornography, affairs, self-stimulation, etc. You may CHOOSE celibacy, but God didn’t design people to go without sex. We’re hard-wired with those desires. It’s part of his plan. And to break it, by depriving one another, is setting your spouse up for struggles, and temptations.

When you said, “I do” you committed yourself to take care of the relational needs of your spouse, the emotional needs, the physical needs, and even the sexual needs.

vs 6: I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Now when you take the rest of Paul’s statements about celibacy, it’s easy to understand why he says this. In terms of the Lord’s work it is easier when you don’t have a family. Single people with no children can be more focused…if they want to be. They are on their own, and if you’re a wandering church planter like Paul it would certainly be easier if you were a solo act. But notice he says, “it isn’t a command.” You don’t have to. And then he says something interesting:

Marriage is a gift: The word he used for gift here is charisma which is the same word used for the spiritual gifts listed elsewhere in Scripture. In a sense being single and being married are gifts. Sometimes single people feel unfulfilled not being married. Sometimes they feel like they are missing out. Let me encourage you to view your singleness as a gift from God. There are obviously advantages and disadvantages to being single…but there are advantages and disadvantages to being married as well. Accept your gift!

When I set out to write this article I was a little bit uncomfortable. I was reluctant to speak to this because sex can be an awkward topic…but I know so many people that needed to hear what God says about this. Even if you knew all this stuff, it never hurts to be reminded.

God reminded me as I studied this: we don’t ever need to be ashamed to speak about things that God speaks about. It won’t always be comfortable…it won’t always be easy, and there are certainly times and places for these topics…but sex is good, and enjoyable, and even holy when you do it God’s way.

Application 1: Communicate
For many couples sex is a sensitive subject. It can be a topic that brings up pain, or conflict. It might be a topic that causes anxiety, or unpleasant memories. Some people just flatly refuse to talk about sex with their spouse. Problems never go away on their own. Things never get better accidentally. They get better when you deal with them.
-If there is baggage in your life you may need to go to counseling.
-If there is dysfunction you may need to see a physician.
-If there are hurt feelings there may need to be apologies.
-If there is displeasure, anxiety, or dissatisfaction it will only be fixed when you decide to communicate. It’s won’t go away on it’s own.

We’ll tell a stranger waiting tables that our steak is lousy. We’ll tell some to ssshhhh…if they’re talking in the movies. We’ll honk our horn if someone cuts us off, and we’ll speak up if we get overcharged at the supermarket. But…talk to my spouse about sex? Yes! Communicate! And communicate doesn’t mean nag, or hinder, or criticize. It means have a two-sided conversation.

And don’t ever talk about sex problems while you’re in bed. Wait for an appropriate time to bring it up and talk about it. You may need to set up a time with your spouse. You may want to say to your spouse, “I’d like to talk to you about our sex life this week, would you set aside a time for us to do that?” Don’t force a conversation, enter into dialogue. It’s also really important not to be defensive, and don’t be dishonest...just talk openly. Communicate!

Application 2: Enjoy this God-given gift
God wants your marriage bed to be pure and holy, and unsoiled, and unblemished. People often accuse God of wanting to prevent us from having fun. The truth is God wants sex to be fun, but he knows that it only happens when we confine it to the marriage bed.
Philip Yancey says that he sees God’s standards on sex, “…not as capricious rules to spoil our sexual adventures but rather as guidelines protecting something of great value that can only be realized in an exclusive, covenant relationship.” When it comes to sex, the Creator of sex knows best.

Listen to some of the words that are used to describe sex in the song of Solomon. My favorite line from that book is when Solomon says to his wife: “Your teeth are as white as sheep, newly shorn and washed. They are perfectly matched; not one is missing.” That guy was a real sweet-talker! Sex is described in Song of Solomon as:

Delightful (SS 1:2), sweet (SS 2:3), pleasing (SS 4:10) refreshing (SS 4:15), exciting (SS 7:9), and as bringing contentment (SS 8:10)…

Does it sound like God is ashamed of sexuality in marriage? There is an emotional connection in sex. There is a strengthening of relationship, a bonding, and even healing that can take place in our intimacy. In Gen 24:67 it says that Isaac was comforted by Rebekah through intimacy. I think sex has a deeper meaning than we know.

Yancey also says, “Marriage provides the security we need to experience sex without restraint, apart from guilt, danger, or deceit. Teenagers worry that they will miss out on something if they heed the Bible's warnings against premarital sex. Actually, the warnings are there to keep them from missing out on something. Fidelity sets a boundary in which sex can run free.” God’s word concerning sex in marriage is “enjoy”. Delight in something that he created especially for you and the one you married.

The last thing I’ll mention is something that has come up in every aspect of these messages on marriage.

Application 3: Godly sex starts with you
-If you want your spouse to love you, it starts with you loving them.
-If you want your spouse to assume their role in marriage, you assume yours first.
-If you want to enjoy a great sex life with your spouse, it starts with you.

The root source in just about every single marriage problem is selfishness.
“This is what I want! This is what I deserve!” People get so obsessed with their desires, or they start assigning blame, or they’re overly critical, or unappreciative. It’s all selfishness. Wives can’t be submissive while they’re being selfish. Husbands can’t lay down their lives for their wives while they’re being selfish. You can’t love each other while you’re being selfish. You can’t communicate while you’re being selfish. And you can’t have the kind of sex life that God wants you to have while you’re being selfish.

You don’t start any changes in marriage by making demands. The changes start with you.
-If you want your spouse to desire you sexually, start by making yourself desirable…and I’m not just talking about your appearance.
-If you want your spouse to be passionate for you, be passionate for them.
-If you want your spouse to be complimentary about your appearance, be complementary towards their appearance.
-If you want them to listen to you about sex, or anything else, listen to them. It starts with you.

God has created this wonderful institution called marriage. And within the confines of marriage he gives us permission to enjoy sex with our spouses. And God’s promise in all matters is that when we do things His way, it always goes better. So, let me challenge you to view sex…God’s way!

On the Anvil

2008-04-18T08:54:00.000-07:00

by Max Lucado

With a strong forearm, the apron-clad blacksmith puts his tongs into the fire, grasps the heated metal, and places it on the anvil. His keen eye examines the glowing piece. He sees what the tool is now and envisions what he wants it to be--sharper, flatter, wider, longer. With a clear picture in his mind, he begins to pound. His left hand still clutching the hot mass with the tongs, his right hand slams the two-pound sledge upon the moldable metal.

On the solid anvil, the smoldering iron is remolded.

The smith knows the type of instrument he wants. He knows the size. He knows the shape. He knows the strength.

Whang! Whang! The hammer slams. The shop rings with the noise, the air fills with smoke, and the softened metal responds.

But the response doesn't come easily. It doesn't come without discomfort. To melt down the old and recast it as new is a disrupting process. Yet the metal remains on the anvil, allowing the toolmaker to remove the scars, repair the cracks, refill the voids, and purge the impurities.

And with time, a change occurs: What was dull becomes sharpened, what was crooked becomes straight, what was weak becomes strong, and what was useless becomes valuable.

Then the blacksmith stops. He ceases his pounding and sets down his hammer. With a strong left arm, he lifts the tongs until the freshly molded metal is at eye level. In the still silence, he examines the smoking tool. The incandescent implement is rotated and examined for any mars or cracks.

There are none.

Now the smith enters the final stage of his task. He plunges the smoldering instrument into a nearby bucket of water. With a hiss and a rush of steam, the metal immediately begins to harden. The heat surrenders to the onslaught of cool water, and the pliable, soft mineral becomes an unbending useful tool.

"For a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
(I Peter 1:6-7)

From On the Anvil:
Stories On Being Shaped Into God's Image

Overwhelmed

2008-03-12T07:58:00.000-07:00

by Susan Arico

Imagine you’re Jesus on the ministry circuit, age 32. Where will you sleep tonight? What will you eat? Where along the way can you replace your threadbare tunic? What town should you and your crew hit next week, once you’re ready to move on from your current locale? And beyond that, since you know your time is coming soon… What is the end going to look like? Will you make it to the cross? How will you make your point clear to your followers and be sure they get it?

We tend to assume that Jesus, as God, was immune from this line of thinking. But I don’t think so. Since Jesus is fully human, he “has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” (Heb.
4:15) This means that Jesus must have felt overwhelmed sometimes by his life circumstances. He must have wrestled with the temptation to worry.
He must have faced moments when he wondered if he could accomplish the work he had to do—in the big ways, and maybe also the small ones.

Feeling overwhelmed isn’t a sin, but it is a case of distorted perspective. When we feel overwhelmed, we look into the future and believe that it contains more than we can handle. More demands, more decisions, more stress. As we look past today and live out tomorrow’s challenges in our minds, we become fearful.

A favorite pastor of mine preaching recently on persevering grace touched on this phenomenon, admitting his own struggle to believe that God will be as present and faithful in tomorrow’s challenges as those of today. He spoke of the Israelites’
effort in Exodus 16 to store up manna beyond their allotted one-day’s portion as a back-up plan, just in case God didn’t come through with tomorrow’s provision. But the stored-up manna went bad, and Moses rebuked these Israelites for their lack of faith. God gives us what we need for today; the provision goes that far and no further.

I sympathize with the disobedient Israelites. Today, even on a hard day, I can believe that I can get through if I stick close to God.
Present-tense grace makes sense to me. But when I see what lies ahead of me next week, next month, next season—I’m not so sure. Will God really provide the grace I need when I get to those challenges too?

When Jesus said to his disciples, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself; each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matt. 6:34)—he was telling his followers not to allow themselves to get overwhelmed with the unknowns of the future. Jesus wasn’t saying not to think about tomorrow—not to look ahead, for example, or not to plan. Rather he was saying: today lies before you. Live it well. Watch as God takes care of your needs and empowers you to address the challenges you face. Then let him do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.

This must have been how Jesus handled the human emotion of feeling overwhelmed. Because while feeling overwhelmed isn’t a sin, anxiety is a sin—so Jesus, the sinless one, successfully resisted the temptation to worry. He must have trained himself to constantly circle back to the circumstances of today and live those out well, while continually giving over thoughts and question about the intricacies of the future to God the Father.

This may be one of the toughest disciplines we face in the modern age. Our lives are full to the point of overflow, and it can feel like a constant juggling act to keep up. Daily we must resist two temptations: first, to take on more than God intends for us, and second, to take the reigns and the weight of tomorrow into our own hands.

Feeling overwhelmed is a beacon that signals the nearness of anxiety. As we begin to see this, we can consciously decide to run to God and unburden ourselves to him rather than sin by taking it on ourselves in the form of worry. And as we live in today and acknowledge his sovereignty in tomorrow, we can begin to feel God’s freedom and peace replacing the sense of being overwhelmed.

The Ultimate Risk Anyone Ever Takes Is to Love

2008-02-22T15:06:00.000-08:00

God’s relationship with us and with our world is just that: a relationship. As with every relationship, there’s a certain amount of unpredictability, and the ever-present likelihood that you’ll get hurt. The ultimate risk anyone ever takes is to love, for as C. S. Lewis says, “Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.” But God does give it, again and again and again, until he is literally bleeding from it all. God’s willingness to risk is just astounding—far beyond what any of us would do were we in his position.

(Wild at Heart , 32)

Questions
1. Are you reluctant to give/recieve love because of past hurts? What would happen if God operated that way with us?
2. Are you withholding love from your spouse or children because of an underlying fear fo being rejected or disappointed?
3. What happens to people who won't take the risk involved with loving other people?

Frederick Buechner

2008-02-11T10:39:00.000-08:00

If the world is sane, then Jesus is mad as a hatter and the Last Supper is the Mad Tea Party. The world says, Mind your own business, and Jesus says, There is no such thing as your own business. The world says, Follow the wisest course and be a success, and Jesus says, Follow me and be crucified. The world says, Drive carefully-the life you save may be your own-and Jesus says-Whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. The world says, Law and order, and Jesus says, Love. The world says, Get, and Jesus says, Give. In terms of the world's sanity, Jesus is a crazy coot, and anybody who thinks he can follow him without being a little crazy too is labouring less under the cross than under a delusion. "We are fools for Christ's sake," Paul says, faith says-the faith that ultimately the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of men, the lunacy of Jesus saner than the grim sanity of the world.

(Taken from the book "Rumors of Another World" by Philip Yancey

Leave a Legacy of Faith:

2007-12-05T13:43:00.000-08:00

My children are still serving God today. I'll tell you why.

The No. 1 concern of Christian parents is, "Will my children stay true to the Christian faith?" Statistically speaking, the odds are against us: Eighty percent of children growing up in evangelical homes will stop attending church by the end of their senior year in high school.
By God's grace, I have two grown children who are still walking with the Lord. Let me tell you why.

Of course, the spiritual and ultimate answer is the sovereign grace and mercy of a good and holy God who answers prayer. Practically speaking, my wife, Patsy, and I added a few things that, looking back, seem to have helped.

As a dad, I decided early on that no amount of success at work would ever compensate for failure at home. So I made some hard decisions:

1) I decided not to work past 6 p.m., on weekends or to take work home. This was tough because I love to work.

2) I gave myself to my children from the time I got home until they went to bed. Well, almost from the time I got home. First, I would take 15 minutes to change clothes, wash the grease off my face, look at the mail and see what kind of day Patsy was having.

When my kids were young, we played board games--endless repetitions of Chutes and Ladders and mind-numbing rounds of Candy Land--both of which require the IQ of a goldfish. When they were older, I attended all of their sports and activities.

3) When they didn't really want to have dad as their "friend" anymore, I started dating them. Each week I took one child to dinner, the next week the other one. They genuinely looked forward to the special time with dad.

4) Patsy and I both made a point of telling each child, "I love you, and I'm proud of you" every day. Sometimes, when you're mad enough to unscrew their heads, I'll admit it can be hard to find anything worth praising.

5) We had regular family devotions. During the school year, but not summer, we took 15 minutes before school three or four mornings a week.

Usually I would tell a relevant story or quote, read a Bible verse, then relate them together. I set an alarm so they could relax that I wouldn't make them late for school.

6) We paid our children to do daily devotions. We told them, "If you will do a daily devotion for at least 25 days each month, we'll buy you a CD." They said, "That's nice, dad."

"That's not all," we added. "In addition, if you do your devotions at least 25 days each month for 10 out of 12 months we'll pay you $250. You can miss any two months and still get paid." Their eyes popped open.

"But that's not all. If you will do your devotions all 12 months in a row we'll double the amount and pay you $500. And you still only have to do 25 days a month."

You may be thinking to yourself, That sounds like a bribe. Here's what I can tell you: My kids did regular devotions all through high school, few of their friends did, and one year they said, "Mom and dad, you don't have to pay us. We're going to be doing this anyway." And, they still do devotions now. In fact, they both teach Bible studies.

7) We made our children go to church. Many parents ask, "Should we force our children to go to church if they don't want to go?" This can best be answered by another question, "Should we force our children to go to school if they don't want to go?"

8) We ate dinner together as a family. And there were compromises. Sometimes we had to eat early. Sometimes we had to eat late. Sometimes we had to eat at Burger King.

9) We prayed for our children every day. Patsy and I realized that we were probably the only people in the whole wide world who would be willing to pray for our children on a daily basis.

10) We did everything we could to lead our children to faith in Jesus Christ. We shared how to receive Christ at the appropriate time--which means we had to learn how to effectively share our faith.

I concluded that if I didn't have enough time for my kids, I could be 100 percent certain that I was not following God's will for my life. Men, let's give time to whom time is due.

2007-11-19T17:11:00.000-08:00

Who Am I?
By Erik Neilson
Disclaimer: there is no quick fix, pat answer, trite solution, or universal fix offered in this article.

Who am I? I’ll give you a few clues. I don’t like talking about my feelings. I love a good firm handshake and can mostly do without hugs. I don’t naturally take to “sharing” or having people pry into my business. I like to talk when I feel like it and don’t like feeling obligated to talk if I don’t want to. I like the quiet and the stillness of the early weekday mornings when kids are still in beds and the slackers are sleeping in. I feel satisfied doing hard work and feeling my muscles ache the next day. I hate sitting in my office checking emails and answering the telephone. I don’t mind being rebuked if I have it coming, but get angry when I’m falsely accused. I love competing with other men, matching wits and skill and occasionally athletic skills (or the lack thereof). I happen to hate losing but not enough to quit trying. I like hearty food and enjoy the satisfying feeling of a full stomach. I like being alone but not always alone with my thoughts. I like doing noble deeds and sacrificing my time and resources for a cause. I love wrestling on the carpet with my son and hearing my daughter call me “daddy”. I like holding my wife in my arms and feeling the spark that we still have 13 years into this thing called marriage. I like Sunday afternoon naps. I don’t like whiners, and people that make lame excuses all the time. I like completing tasks and get frustrated when I’m stuck or at a standstill with something. I hate arguing with people, and don’t like when people are trying to tell me what to do or think. I struggle with doubts and often think back about mistakes I’ve made and regrets I have. Sometimes I’d like punch people when they…well sometimes I’d just like to punch people (I’ll leave it at that). I think that words like “proper” were invented by women who want men to act like sissies. I like being able to count on other people, and feeling like I can be counted on. Loyalty is the characteristic that I most respect and desire in friendships and disloyalty is a character flaw that’s hard for me to overlook or forgive. I respect people that have conviction even if I don’t share their convictions, and have trouble respecting people without conviction. I struggle with being selfish and have bouts with stupid pride. I almost always believe in people and cheer them on but am often disappointed when they quit or fail. I find little satisfaction when things are going right, get discouraged when they’re going wrong, and feel motivated when challenges are thrown my way. I wonder sometimes if God is proud of me, and some days wouldn’t blame him if he wasn’t. On those days I wonder if he made me the way I am or if it was some exposure to gamma rays or a radioactive spider bite that made me this way. I tend to beat myself up over sin and struggle to accept the grace I teach other people about.

So who am I? I am the me that nobody is allowed to see. I am the me that exists in my mind, the one no one else has access to. I am the private thoughts, opinions, observations and collected data that is contained between my two ears. Don’t get the wrong idea…I’m not living a secret life, and I’m no double agent switching identities when circumstances call for it. But we all have a bit of a split personality. We have the real person that we are inside and the one that we let everyone see. If I always acted how I felt, or said what was on my mind, I’d probably be in trouble a lot. I’d offend people more often than I already do, and probably wouldn’t be very pleasant to be around. For all of us it’s a wrestling match to be who we really are; to be true both in our private and our public lives.

If we wanted to we could really fool people. It happens all the time. You say something you don’t mean, or don’t say something that you really wanted to. You think things that you would never verbalize, and act in ways that are not really a reflection of what you are thinking. But who are you really fooling? They say you can fool some of the people most of the time, and most of the people some of the time, but if you’re trying to fool people you might just be a fool. I think I messed that up a little but here’s the point: You never fool God.

The real me is only known to me and one other but he knows every dirty detail. My Father knows the me inside my head. He sees what my mind sees, hears my secret thoughts, and knows the true desires of my heart. Psalm 139 says, “O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know I’m going to say even before I say it, Lord. You place your hand of blessing on my head, such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!”

I can’t say that I like God knowing all my thoughts. But if someone’s going to know them I’m glad it’s him because he isn’t loosed lipped. But what if the me that God sees and the one that others see could be the same? I’ll probably never have 100% consistency between the private and public me, but what if it was close, or closer than it is now? It’s not as preposterous as is sounds, it’s actually God’s plan. You see our inward person affects our outward person. Much of what’s going on inside is reflected on the outside. If you struggle with anger, jealously and insecurities inside, you’ll reflect those things outwardly. If you feel strong, and confident and assured you’ll reflect those things outwardly. When you’re struggling inside you’ll be more likely to be phony outside…because you don’t want people to know what’s going on. When you’re doing good inside you’ll act accordingly on the outside. And that’s what God wants.

God wants the you that you let people see be the real you. “If people saw who I really am they won’t like me” you might be thinking. Well fortunately God is willing to help with that problem. You see God’s primary focus is changing who you are on the inside. Scripture says he wants to give us a new heart, and new minds, and a new spirit. He wants to change us from the inside out. But some of us are trying to pull our phony self routine with God. That’s just not going to work. Looking God square in the eye and owning everything you are and are not has got to be the first step. If you do that I suspect he’ll take over from there.

Alone?

2007-11-12T06:35:00.000-08:00

I was driving down 3rd St. this morning at 6am searching for coffee. It turns out no one else wants coffee at 6am so I had to wait an hour...I guess I'll live. The winds had moved in from the ocean, sweeping over the coastal hills and making McMinnville a rather blustery place. A few weak trees were knocked down over night, and leaves were spiraling around making the wind seem slightly visible. It was dark of course, and no one was around downtown. All the businesses were closed, there was no traffic to speak of, and frankly I felt alone.

Being alone is an interesting thing. Sometimes we say "you need to get alone with God", but others times we say "no one should be alone". Sometimes we shout "leave me alone!" and other times we say "I feel alone." As men, loneliness affords us peace and quiet which is something we seem to value. It offers us solitary freedom and we can do whatever we want to do. Being alone is something that we need from time to time and there is certainly nothing wrong that. But what about being alone in your walk with Christ?

It has occurred to me that many Christians go through life alone. I know, you're thinking single people, or people not in life2life groups. But those aren't the people I have in mind. I'm thinking of people that immerse themselves in the life of the church, that may even be surrounded by a family, or a great group of friends, but they're alone...spiritually.

What are the symptoms of this dangerous ailment? Let me ask a few questions to paint the scene. Is there anyone in your life whose opinion you respect more than your own? Is there anyone that you would listen to if they confronted you? If someone saw a deficit in your walk with God would you let them show it to you? If someone saw that an area of your life was out of whack would hear them out? Is what you want to do and what you care about the only thing that matters? Do you ever give up your wants/resources/time when it inconveniences you? Do you live life on your terms, free as a bird, or are their people with whom you share it?

You see, we men like our freedom. We like calling the shots, making our way, being our own man. And to be really honest it's fun that way...at least for a while.

Once or twice a year my wife and kids leave for a weekend to go and visit my inlaws. I rent movies, eat meat and ice cream every night, stay up too late, get up too early, work too many hours, and dress like a slob. It's truly a glorious thing! But after about 3 days of that I realize that I'm slowly fading into oblivion (or cardiac arrest) and I quit it. The truth is I know my wife is coming home and I've get the house cleaned, the dishes done, and take a shower so she doesn't catch me in my slovenly stupor. And that's exactly the point.

Knowing that their are other people, whom you've given the relational right to hold you accountable, keeps you on track. You can come to church every time the door is open, but if you don't listen to them you're all alone. You cannot afford to do life that way friend. It's unnatural, it's unspiritual, it's detrimental to your walk with God, and it's a setup for a bigtime fall.

Don't fall into the trap that so many men are already in. It's called pride. It's called selfishness. It's called egotism. It's called boneheadness (I'm trying to speak to all my readers here!) It's called sin. Don't do life alone under a streetlight on a dark blustery avenue with dead leaves. That's a good scene for a horror movie but it's no way to live. Invite people that you know to give you feedback about yourself from time to time. Identify people whose opinion you respect and listen when they talk. Take the time to dialogue with people about your frustrations, fears, and victories. It's 6:57 I've got to grab some coffee...with a friend who shoots me straight. And I'll try to listen!

FAITH: Escape from Iraq

2007-11-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

By Dave Urbanski

Truck driver Thomas Hamill took a job overseas to save the family farm. But his life took a nightmarish turn when he was kidnapped by insurgents. Here is his courageous story.

During his first several months in Iraq, Thomas Hamill regularly led his convoy of trucks through treacherous stretches of Iraqi highway with nicknames such as "Widow Maker" and "Sniper Alley"--dangerous asphalt corridors that were prime real estate for ambush-happy insurgents armed with caches of mortars, rocket-propelled grenades and machine guns.

A 44-year-old dairy farmer and trucker from Macon, Miss., struggling to make ends meet for his family, Hamill was halfway through a tax-free, $75,000 annual salary as a civilian truck driver aiding military efforts in Iraq--and for once in his adversity-filled life, he was sitting pretty.

"I was faced with bankruptcy and losing the farm," Hamill tells New Man. "It's tough for small farms now. But I didn't want to quit--I'm a third-generation dairy farmer. So ... I actually went to Iraq to relieve a little stress; I was under so much stress here that I figured Iraq couldn't be any worse."

But on April 9, 2004--Good Friday, as it happens--Iraq suddenly got worse for Hamill. A lot worse.

His convoy of fuel trucks was in the final stages of a 60-mile journey that was supposed to end at the Baghdad International Airport. Instead, Iraqi insurgents tore through Hamill's convoy, destroying equipment, killing five fellow workers and wounding and capturing Hamill.

"I knew when the cars started leaving the highway that something was fixin' to happen," Hamill recalls in his thick, Southern accent. "I'd heard roadside bombs go off before, but it's different when you're being shot at and wondering, 'Is that bullet headed for me?' ... I've seen war movies like Saving Private Ryan, and the day we were attacked was like storming Omaha Beach, just never-ending and loud. I didn't know from one second to the next what was going to happen."

More than likely, you saw the news footage on infinite repeat last spring of masked gunmen displaying Hamill's mustachioed face for video cameras from the backseat of a car on the first day of his captivity.

Thus began Hamill's imprisonment by Iraqi rebels--detailed in his New York Times best-selling book, Escape in Iraq: The Thomas Hamill Story--which happily ended a month after his capture, when Hamill made a daring, half-mile dash from his guarded farmhouse toward an Army National Guard convoy he heard passing nearby.

"I prayed a lot," Hamill recalls. "And I sure felt the prayers of this country and my town. I was at peace and had a calm demeanor. But you know, I'm human. I'm 8,000 miles away from my family. My wife can't help me. My mom and dad can't help me. Nobody can help me. A situation like that can overwhelm you, drive you crazy. But Jesus has been working in my life for a long time. Growing through Jesus Christ--that's what it's all about."

Hamill's faith in God has been a major focus of his story in both TV interviews and his book. He makes no bones about who had rescued him from the jaws of death. Surprisingly, this wasn't the first time God had saved his life.

"I should have been killed years before in a truck wreck. I've had other struggles, too, and I often wondered why God was keeping me alive," he says.

Now that Hamill's back home and has encouraged thousands of people at book signings, he continually sees his ordeal through fresh eyes.

"Like me, a lot of men have felt at times like they were at the bottom. Even though God says He doesn't put more on us than we can bear, I used to think I was taking more than I could bear already--until I was captured. I didn't realize how 'at the top' I'd been until then."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dave Urbanski is senior developmental editor for Youth Specialties and author of The Man Comes Around: The Spiritual Journey of Johnny Cash, available at relevantbooks.com.

SEASONS IN LIFE

2007-11-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

I’ve been in a weird season lately. It seems that there are always seasons in life that take us into unknown territories. These seasons can offer us a respite, or can force us to change. Sometimes they force us to grow, other times they seem to slow us down and impede our progress. These new seasons usually offer us some type of new opportunity, but not usually without sacrifice. As new things come, old thing must go. In order for us to grow, we must change. If we want navigate the currents of change we must first pull up our anchor. It sounds really easy as I write this. It sounds poetic, or (dare I presume to say) profound to talk about these “seasons”. But the reality is they’re not always so fun and are often times difficult.

I’ve had a chance these past few years to meet with a group of church planters that work with the O.C.E.F. In that circle I is the man with the most church planting experience, which is not the usual for me at this stage in my life. In that group is a man who is 2½ years into his church plant, another who is 2 years in, another who just started, and one who will start this next Spring. It’s been very interesting to see the different stages they are in.

Mike is training and fund-raising. Ben is trying to put together a team of people to help build the church. Kirk is just got the church up past 100 and planning for the future. John’s church is becoming independent of the parent organization and is really feeling a financial burden. Its fun for me to say, “been there, done that” to each of those stages. While I can’t say that each of those stages were fun, I can say I learned something through each one. And I get to play the consultant for those guys and teach them what I’ve learned. One hour each month that I get to be the expert but the rest of the time I’m dealing with the new season that I find myself in.

Right now I’m pastoring a with around 240 people on the rosters and I’ve never done it before. Some things about it are easy, some are difficult. Some things are old hat, and some are completely new. As a church we’ve had some success thus far, but I don’t want it to stop. I want to keep building, keep growing, keep seeing how much God will bless us and allow us to accomplish. I’m sometimes scared to hit that invisible wall, to stop growing, to see our progress cease. And it’s not so much a fear of failure as it is a fear of complacency.

You see when we fail to navigate our current season we either regress or stagnate. I don’t want to be who I am now for the rest of my life. I don’t want our church to freeze in time and always be what we are now. I don’t want my personal growth to hit a ceiling, nor do I want that for our church. So what’s stopping me? What might prevent me from becoming what God’s wants me to be? Nothing too alarming. Just the usual culprits of laziness, fear, pride, selfishness, distractions, and temptations. But those are always waiting for a chance to rear their ugly heads.

The thing that seems to hinder us, and prevent us from going on, and growing up, and moving into the next season is attitude. I know that sounds simplistic. But as the saying goes, “attitude determines outcome.” At everyone of the church planting stages I had temptations to quit, to run, to find something easier, or to settle for second rate. Those temptations are still there. But God desires the warrior’s heart from me, and from the rest of you men. He wants men who will sacrifice for growth, stand for truth, and work tirelessly toward the goal. He wants men who take a shot on the chin and get back up. He wants men who can learn from defeats, grow through pain, and triumph through tragedies. He wasn’t men who don’t give up.

Now we’re at the heart of it. Some of you are in difficult seasons in your marriage. You’re not gearing up for a divorce, but you’ve given up. You’re just biding your time, doing what you must, and getting by. You’ve quit on your spouse and your marriage will never flourish while you reside in that place of bitterness. Some of you feel trapped in your jobs. You don’t like what you do anymore. You show up, do what’s required, go home and do it again the next day. You’ve quit on your job but you’re still getting paid. Some of you have quit on your walk with God. You think you already know it all, or you’re content with what you have. You’ve become very devout in your “churchianity” but you’ve become complacent in your friendship with Jesus Christ.

I’m sitting in Starbucks looking out the window at the wonderful colors on the trees. I really like the fall, it’s my favorite time of year but I don’t want it to stay fall forever. I’m ready for winter, and spring and summer. I like this season, but it can’t stay fall…it’s not natural and each season accomplishes something important before the next one can begin. So it goes with you and I. You might like the season you’re in or hate it. Or you may have just settled for one that’s tolerable. But that’s not where God wants you.

God allows us to go through these seasons to grow us up. He’s refining us, honing us, carving off the rough edges. Each season that passes find us stronger, leaner, more dependent on our Maker. Each season that awaits us hold challenges, opportunities and blessings. Wherever you find yourself today is where you start. Learn what this season has to teach you. Do what needs to be done to get to the next one. And if you’re having trouble working through this season in life, find someone to talk to. Someone who has been where you are and has come through it successfully; and one day you’ll become that person that others seek out for advice.

Why are we so good ...

2007-10-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

...at leading people to faith and so
bad at prodding them to maturity?

by Gordon MacDonald, Leadership editor at large

I have been musing on the words of Martin Thornton: "A
walloping great congregation," he wrote, "is fine and
fun, but what most communities really need is a couple
of saints. The tragedy is that they may well be there
in embryo, waiting to be discovered, waiting for sound
training, waiting to be emancipated from the cult of
the mediocre."

"Saints," he says. Mature Christians: people who are
"grown-up" in their faith, to whom one assigns
descriptors such as holy, Christ-like, Godly, or men
or women of God.

Now mature, in my book does not mean the "churchly,"
those who have mastered the vocabulary and the litany
of church life, who come alive only when the church
doors open. Rather, I have in mind those who walk
through all the corridors of the larger life-the
market-place, the home and community, the playing
fields-and do it in such a way that, sooner or later,
it is concluded that Jesus' fingerprints are all over
them.

I have concluded that our branch of the Christian
movement (sometimes called Evangelical) is pretty good
at wooing people across the line into faith in Jesus.
And we're also not bad at helping new-believers become
acquainted with the rudiments of a life of faith:
devotional exercise, church involvement, and basic
Bible information-something you could call Christian
infancy.

But what our tradition lacks of late-my opinion
anyway-is knowing how to prod and poke people past the
"infancy" and into Christian maturity.

A definition of a mature Christian is lacking. Best to
say that you know a mature Christian when you see one.
They're in the New Testament. Barnabas is one. Aquila
and Priscilla are others. Onesiphorous impresses me.
And so is the mother of Rufus of whom Paul said, "she
has been a mother to me." That's a short list.

The marks of maturity? Self-sustaining in spiritual
devotions. Wise in human relationships. Humble and
serving. Comfortable and functional in the everyday
world where people of faith can be in short supply.
Substantial in conversation; prudent in acquisition;
respectful in conflict; faithful in commitments.

Take a few minutes and ask how many people you know
who would fit such a description. How many?
Apparently, Paul, pondered the question when he
thought about Corinthian Christians and said, "I could
not address you as spiritual but as worldly-mere
infants in Christ."

As usual, I'm long on questions and short on answers.
Right now I'm wondering-assuming that Martin Thornton
is right-if we church people have forgotten how to
raise saints. And if the question is worthy, then
what's been going wrong? Bad preaching? Shallow books?
Too much emphasis on a problem-solving, self-help kind
of faith?

Maybe the answer is deeper or more profound that that.
Perhaps it has to do with the penchant in churches
(the last forty years or so) to package everything
into programs. You need programs to make large
churches go: kind of like the automakers need an
assembly line that stamps out fenders as fast as
possible.

I suspect you can do evangelism programmatically. And
you can do infant-level discipleship in programs. Just
put the information in little booklets and get groups
going. It can be done.

But mature Christians do not grow through programs or
through the mesmerizing delivery of a talented speaker
(woe is me) or worship band. Would-be saints are
mentored: one-on-one or, better yet, one-on-small
group (three to twelve was Jesus' best guess). The
mentoring takes place in the streets and living-places
of life, not church classrooms or food courts. And
it's not necessarily done in Bible studies or the
like. Mature Christians are made one by one through
the influence of other Christians already mature.

Additionally, mature Christians become mature by
suffering, facing challenges that can arouse fear and
a sense of inadequacy. Mature Christians learn to
wrestle with questions that defy simple answers. They
learn to say strategic and tactical "no's" when others
are indulging themselves by saying "yes." Oh, and
mature Christians wrestle against the devil, you could
say, and sometimes even lose. But they learn to get up
again. Could I add, while I'm on a roll, that mature
Christians are experts at repenting and humility.

Again, they learn this stuff under the tutelage of one
who has gone before them and is willing to open
his/her life so that it becomes a textbook on Christ's
work in us.

But we have a rising (I daresay, a life-threatening)
problem in the modern church. Older people-above 50,
let's say-don't want to be tutors or mentors. Too
busy, too distracted, too secretive, too afraid. So a
younger generation of spiritual infants is really
struggling because an older generation doesn't want to
tell its stories, doesn't want to get involved. They
prefer Christian cruises, Christian golf tournaments,
and more Bible studies where information can be piled
upon information.

Forgive my generalizations, my edgy sarcasm. But I'm
prompted to let some my thoughts hang out because I'm
meeting too many infant Christians who tell me that
they're looking for fathers and mothers in the faith
to help them grow up. And they're not finding them.
And many churches aren't cultivating them.

Result: we could lose a large part of a new generation
of Christians who couldn't get past spiritual infancy
and went somewhere else.

Pastor and author Gordon MacDonald is chair of World
Relief and editor-at-large of Leadership.

2007-08-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

By Azriel Winnett
Jul 31, 2007
I want to tell you a little story. Not about anything dramatic. On the contrary, it's very ordinary.

So ordinary, in fact, that the many onlookers who must have been standing around didn't bat an eyelid when they overheard this brief conversation in a busy butcher shop. Hardly surprising that it made no impression on them because, seemingly, there was nothing to be impressed by.

Except for one highly perceptive soul whose finely tuned spiritual antennae were able to pick up subtle nuances far above the heads of the rest of us. He is a man who often speaks in public, and he was excited by what he had overheard in the butcher shop that day that he just couldn't wait for the first opportunity to share the story with a public audience.

And thanks to his fortuitous presence in the shop just at that moment, I'm able to share it with you as well.

A young woman came into the shop and asked for freshly ground beef. The butcher told her that he had just ground some beef and held up a bag for her inspection.

She examined the bag, but rejected it. It was too white, she claimed. The butcher assured her that the reddest meat turns white in the grinding process, but his young customer wouldn't bite. She remained unconvinced.

The butcher didn't flinch. He held up some red meat for her examination and asked her if it met with her requirements. She confirmed that it was in order, and the butcher put it through the grinder. He politely handed the woman the resulting product without saying a word. It was just as white as the already ground beef he had originally offered her.

As I said, a most unremarkable incident. At this point, if the audience reacted at all, it was only to express their great amazement that the lecturer had seen fit to mention such a trivial incident at all. What was he trying to prove?

But it only took a couple of seconds for the speaker's palpable sense of excitement to infect everybody in the room.

"Look," he said, "what would you have done had you been in this butcher's place. "What would you have said as you handed over the meat and took the customer's money?"

That answer, of course is obvious. What would any "normal" person have said, if not for something like: "Isn't this just what I told you? When you grind the meat, it turns white."

"And could you have restrained yourself?" asked the lecturer rhetorically. "I could never have restrained myself."

But the butcher did restrain himself.

Now, for most of us, there comes a time in our life when we have to make a choice: do we want to be right or do we want to be loved? When people interact with each other, conflict is inevitable. That's a fact of life we can't run away from. But when handled properly, conflict need not drive the parties further apart. On the contrary, it could bring them closer together.

The truth is that conflict is hardly ever the problem. What tears the heart right out of potentially good relationships is the stubborn streak in the best of us that insists that we are always right on all occasions and in every circumstance. By implication, that means that the other side is never right.

Now when, through sheer determination, we manage, once and for all, to pull ourselves out of the blame mode that's somehow almost our second nature, that's great. We're well on the way. But we should know that we have not necessarily reached the highest level yet.

Let's take another look at our story. What did our butcher gain by not gently pointing out, as he handed over the goods and took the money, that he was right all along? If he had said it politely and tactfully, the good lady would surely have not taken offense.

But the butcher was concerned with the woman's ego, not his. If, by keeping his mouth shut - even if that ran contrary to plain human nature - he could spare his customer the small embarrassment of knowing that she had been in error, and even if it would have been an embarrassment lasting only a few seconds - why not?

Reason and Emotion

2007-07-02T13:40:00.000-07:00

by John Eldridge

The mind takes in and processes information. But it remains, for the most part, indifferent. It is your mind that tells you it is now 2:00 A.M. and your daughter has not returned, for the car is not in the driveway. Your heart wrestles with whether or not this is cause for worry. The heart lives in the far more bloody and magnificent realities of living and dying and loving and hating. That’s why those who live from their minds are detached from life. Things don’t seem to touch them very much; they puzzle at the way others are so affected by life, and they conclude others are emotional and unstable. Meanwhile, those who live from the heart find those who live from the mind . . . unavailable. Yes, they are physically present. So is your computer. This is the sorrow of many marriages, and the number one disappointment of children who feel entirely missed or misunderstood by their parents.

Yes, the heart is the source of our emotions. But we have equated the heart with,/i> emotion, and put it away for a messy and even dangerous guide. No doubt, many people have made a wreck of their lives by following an emotion without stopping to consider whether it was a good idea to do so. Neither adultery nor murder is a rational act. But equating the heart with emotion is the same nonsense as saying that love is a feeling. Surely, we know that love is more than feeling loving; for if Christ had followed his emotions, he would not have gone to the cross for us. Like any man would have been, he was afraid; in fact, he knew that the sins of the world would be laid upon him, and so he had even greater cause for hesitation (Mark 14:32–35). But in the hour of his greatest trial, his love overcame his fear of what loving would cost him.

Emotions are the voice of the heart, to borrow Chip Dodd’s phrase. Not the heart, but its voice.

(Waking the Dead , 41-42)

The Phony You

2007-06-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

By Erik Neilson

Romans 6:6-11 "Could it be any clearer? Our old way of life was nailed to the cross with Christ, a decisive end to that sin-miserable life—no longer at sin's every beck and call! What we believe is this: If we get included in Christ's sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead it was a signal of the end of death-as-the-end. Never again will death have the last word. When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive he brings God down to us. From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God." (The Message)

The old "me" is gone. Notice the words "death" and "dead"? The old Erik, that version of me that God never intended, has been killed, embalmed, stuffed in a coffin, and buried. He is a distant memory, a bad dream, a painful reminder of stupid immaturity. But thankfully he not longer exists. He’s dead right? He doesn't come around anymore...except. Except…when I choose to bring him back. How I hate it when he shows up. (For those of you thinking I've developed Multiple Personality Disorder, it's okay. I'm speaking metaphorically...Jesus did it all the time so it's allowed.)

The old me lived at odds with Jesus Christ. He was a rebel, a spiritual rogue. Godly living, the Holy Spirit’s power, the authority of Scripture, the fellowship of believers meant nothing to him. He lived for carnal pleasures, made decisions that only prospered him, didn’t care for others, served himself, and was a spiritual wasteland. The old me really sucked.

The old me, is the same as the old you. It’s who we all are, or would be, without Christ as Lord of our lives. So why do we let him back in? Why do we open the coffin and let him walk around? Why do we listen to that “dead language”? We’ve been set free from the chains that keeps that guy enslaved…why assume his identity once more? Why be him for even a moment more?

The simple answer is that our spirits have been washed clean by the blood of Christ, but we still live in corruptible fleshly bodies that will battle carnality until we inherit the new body waiting for us in heaven. But rather than dealing with the philosophical, let’s be practical.

When a brother (or sister) in Christ confronts you and you make some lame excuse, you’re letting the phony you back in. When you can’t pray because you’re too proud to confess a sin to God, you’re letting the impostor reign. When you avoid dealing with an issue in your marriage because it will expose an area of weakness in your life, you’re letting that fraud hurt your wife. When you want to come forward on Sunday to ask for prayer the phony fills you with pride and you naively think, “I’ll just handle it myself.” When you want to boldly challenge someone’s outright sin and you shrink back…you guessed it…you’re letting that old stinker win the day.

So what do we do? Stand close to Christ. Respond to this situation as if Christ were standing next to you. Would you lie in front of Lord Jesus? Would you neglect your wife beside the sinless Messiah? Would you mutter some explanation to the brother that’s trying to help you if Jesus were in the room? Of course you wouldn’t. (And if you were dumb enough to try it Jesus would nail you!)

The phony appears when you’re weak. He goads you into sin, and shames you once you’re there. He whispers hollow words, and empty promises, and guarantees what he can’t deliver. He seeks to drown out the voice of the Spirit, and squelch the desires of your newly created heart. He’s Satan’s servant sent to derail Christians, or steal their joy. He’s death’s agent sent to seek your soul. His mission is despair, humiliation, and the destruction of your new self. If you give him an inch he’ll take you a mile in the wrong direction. It’s time to put him away!

Christ is in the room. He’s standing next to us all the time. Draw near to him. Lean on his strength when you’re feeling weak. Depend on him to deliver you from your old phony self. He took care of that fellow for you…he was “nailed to the cross with Christ”. Let’s leave him there and journey forward, triumphantly, and “never again let death have the last word.”

Do Whatever Brings You Back to Your Heart and the Heart of God

2007-05-29T07:45:00.000-07:00

By John Eldridge

Against the flesh, the traitor within, a warrior uses discipline. We have a two-dimensional version of this now, which we call a “quiet time.” But most men have a hard time sustaining any sort of devotional life because it has no vital connection to recovering and protecting their strength; it feels about as important as flossing. But if you saw your life as a great battle and you knew you needed time with God for your very survival, you would do it. Maybe not perfectly—nobody ever does and that’s not the point anyway—but you would have a reason to seek him. We give a halfhearted attempt at the spiritual disciplines when the only reason we have is that we “ought” to. But we’ll find a way to make it work when we are convinced we’re history if we don’t.

Time with God each day is not about academic study or getting through a certain amount of Scripture or any of that. It’s about connecting with God. We’ve got to keep those lines of communication open, so use whatever helps. Sometimes I’ll listen to music; other times I’ll read Scripture or a passage from a book; often I will journal; maybe I’ll go for a run; then there are days when all I need is silence and solitude and the rising sun. The point is simply to do whatever brings me back to my heart and the heart of God.

The discipline, by the way, is never the point. The whole point of a “devotional life” is connecting with God. This is our primary antidote to the counterfeits the world holds out to us.

(Wild at Heart , 171–72)

The Return of Spring

2007-05-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

Taken from "Journey of Desire" by John Eldridge

Winter tarries long at six thousand feet. Here in the Rocky Mountains, spring comes late and fitfully. We had snow again last week—the second week in May. I’ve come to accept that spring here is really a wrestling match between winter and summer. It makes for a long time of waiting. You see, the flowers are pretty much gone in September. The first of October, the aspens start turning gold and drop their leaves in a week or two. Come November, all is gray. Initially, I don’t mind. The coming of winter has its joys, and there are Thanksgiving and Christmastime to look forward to.

But after the new year, things begin to drag on. Through February and then March, the earth remains lifeless. The whole world lies shadowed in brown and gray tones, like an old photograph. Winter’s novelty is long past, and by April we are longing for some sign of life—some color, some hope. It’s too long.

And then, just this afternoon, I rounded the corner into our neighborhood, and suddenly, the world was green again. What had been rock and twig and dead mulch was a rich oriental carpet of green. I was shocked, stunned. How did it happen? As if in disbelief, I got out of my car and began to walk through the woods, touching every leaf. The birds are back as well, waking us in the morning with their glad songs. It happened suddenly. In the twinkling of an eye.

My surprise is telling. It seems natural to long for spring; it is another thing to be completely stunned by its return. I am truly and genuinely surprised, as if my reaction were, Really? What are you doing here? And then I realized, I thought I’d never see you again. I think in some deep place inside, I had accepted the fact that winter is what is really true . . . And so I am shocked by the return of spring. And I wonder, Can the same thing happen for my soul?

(The Journey of Desire , 108–9)

Wicked Heart?

2007-04-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

Taken from Ransomed Heart's June 2005, Newsletter
written by John Eldrige

“Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee,” as the old hymn goes, “opening to the sun above.” A resurrected heart. It’s possible, my friends, and wonderful, wonderful to experience. And central to true Christianity.

Many of us for so long have heard that the heart is so desperately wicked. And indeed, that is what Scripture says in Jeremiah 17:9. We need no further proof than to watch the evening news. Or go shopping during the holiday rush. God knows the human heart has gone desperately wicked, and he planned for us a stunning remedy:
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ez 36:26)

Thus in the Old Testament God promises to give us new hearts. He knows that no amount of external pressure will be enough to change human nature. The Law merely exposes our sin; it does not enable us to live a holy life. So God proposes a remedy: a new heart. Listen to Jesus on this very subject:
"People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briars. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart." (Luke 6:44-45)

Later, explaining the parable of the sower and the seed, Jesus says,
"But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop." (Luke 8:15)

Did you catch that? A noble and good heart. Jesus clearly teaches that the human heart can be good and even noble. What about the heart being desperately wicked? That is true of every person before they become a Christian. But after they come to faith in Christ, something profound happens. Here is Paul on the transformation of the heart:
"No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code." (Romans 2:28-29)

God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them [the Gentile believers] by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us. He made no distinction between us and them, for he purified their hearts by faith. (Acts 15:8-9)

A noble and good heart. A heart circumcised unto God. A heart purified by God. I know, I know– it still sounds like heresy. But it’s right there, in black and white. Ask yourself, “What do I believe about my heart?” To help drive this home, just substitute “desperately wicked heart” in these verses:
“Love the Lord your God with all your desperately wicked heart” (Matt 22:37).
“All the believers were one in their desperately wicked hearts” (Acts 4:32).
“Love one another deeply, from your desperately wicked hearts” (1 Pet 1:22).
“Sing and make music in your desperately wicked heart to the Lord” (Eph 5:19).
“It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my desperately wicked heart” (Phil 1:7).

I hope it’s becoming clear. We must get this treasure of the Gospel back. Now – am I saying that we no longer battle sin? Nope. Am I saying that every desire and inclination that passes through our soul is good and holy? Nope. Am I saying that we do not need anymore to “watch over our hearts” with diligence (Prov 4:23)? Nope. I am saying God kept his promise. That through the work of Christ our hearts have been redeemed. Resurrected. Purified. Circumcised. Made new. Your deepest, truest heart is good.

Now, there is much healing that yet needs to take place in our broken hearts. Not evil hearts, just broken. There is much wisdom and training that needs to take place in our newly transformed hearts. But the remedy has taken place. You have a good heart.

On Saturday

2007-04-04T06:22:00.000-07:00

by Max Lucado

John didn't know on that Friday what you and I now
know. He didn't know that Friday's tragedy would be
Sunday's triumph. John would later confess that he
"did not yet understand from the Scriptures that Jesus
must rise from the dead" (John 20:9).

That's why what he did on Saturday is so important.

We don't know anything about this day; we have no
passage to read, no knowledge to share. All we know is
this: When Sunday came, John was still present. When
Mary Magdalene came looking for him, she found him.

Jesus was dead. The Master's body was lifeless. John's
friend and future were buried. But John had not left.
Why? Was he waiting for the resurrection? No. As far
as he knew, the lips were forever silent and the hands
forever still. He wasn't expecting a Sunday surprise.
Then why was he here?

You'd think he would have left. Who was to say that
the men who crucified Christ wouldn't come after him?
The crowds were pleased with one crucifixion; the
religious leaders might have called for more. Why
didn't John get out of town?

Perhaps the answer was pragmatic; perhaps he was
taking care of Jesus' mother. Or perhaps he didn't
have anywhere else to go. Could be he didn't have any
money or energy or direction . or all of the above.

Or maybe he lingered because he loved Jesus.

To others, Jesus was a miracle worker. To others,
Jesus was a master teacher. To others, Jesus was the
hope of Israel. But to John, he was all of these and
more. To John, Jesus was a friend.

You don't abandon a friend???not even when that friend
is dead. John stayed close to Jesus.

He had a habit of doing this. He was close to Jesus in
the upper room. He was close to Jesus in the Garden of
Gethsemane. He was at the foot of the cross at the
crucifixion, and he was a quick walk from the tomb at
the burial.

Did he understand Jesus? No.

Was he glad Jesus did what he did? No.

But did he leave Jesus? No.

What about you? When you're in John's position, what
do you do? When it's Saturday in your life, how do you
react? When you are somewhere between yesterday's
tragedy and tomorrow's triumph, what do you do? Do you
leave God???or do you linger near him?

John chose to linger. And because he lingered on
Saturday, he was around on Sunday to see the miracle.

From He Chose the Nails
Copyright (W Publishing Group, 2001) Max Lucado

Stop Looking For Greener Grass

2007-03-26T16:19:00.001-07:00

"It's high time your grandmother learned to be proud of the grandson she's got, rather than the one she thinks she ought to have," Professor McGonagall tells Neville Longbottom in J. K. Rowling's "Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince."

Is the grass always greener on the other side? As one person put it, it may be, but it still needs cutting. Often times we find ourselves in life wishing we had something somebody else has, and in the process not appreciate the things we have. Marriages can be that way. Kids can be that way.

I don't know how many times I hear about what we don't have, or how happy so and so seem to be. I hear this in retrospect to the following: we have a good home; we live in a nice neighborhood; we don't have debt; I have a job, no major vices. I don't gamble, cheat, drink or smoke. Neither does my wife. To many men, and some women, this would be heaven. But as I said before, the grass can seem greener somewhere else, even though some people may not even have grass.

What causes this phenomenon? I don't know. But it's high time husbands and wives learn to appreciate and be proud of the person they married, rather than the one they think got away.

Same things with kids! Granted they don't always listen, especially if they are teenagers. But ask yourself, did you listen? Do you even listen now when your spouse tried to tell you they are missing something in the relationship? Be happy your kids show respect when they are with others, and are polite when others come over. Be happy your kids tell you they love you, when some kids don't even know what that word mean. In short, be happy.

Marriages last because of commitment. The vows tell you there will be bad times. But many people don't want that. They listen to gurus. They listen to people prone to serial marriages [if you don't satisfy my needs, I'll keep looking]. Men and women get caught up in the idea that everything has to be perfect, or like they see on TV, in books, or the movies, but it's not that way. And why? Because it just isn't. Marriages last because of work.

I love my wife. Sometimes I can't stand to be around her, and believe me; I know the feeling is mutual, because we have discussed it. Sometimes we voice the sincere hope that things could be different, but realize we have made our beds, and it's up to us to lie in them separately or together. It's not so much, we question why we're still married, but rather, it's why we got married. But since we can't go back in time, we try to make it work as best we can, as we see others give up.

When times are bad, we reach out to others, and over time, we have learned we are the best at solving our problems ourselves. When we can't connect, we find a way to meld our truths together as we reflect over what we have, versus what we don't have. Many times, I have to remind my wife we don't know the truths of other apparently happier couples. Making it work is work, and sometimes painful.

What makes your wife feel important? You need to find that out. Try to keep it written down somewhere so you can revisit it, when you need to, and believe me you will. What makes her feel special? Again, it's an exercise to minimize the boredom. Many times that's what pushes marriages to the brink of divorce because of irreconcilable differences. We can thank Hollywood for that. You have to learn to sometimes just sit, be there, and have no expectations other than be willing to keep your vows.

The same is with your kids. They are not toys or trophies. They are real people too, and don't use them against each other. You don't use them to help you ‘tell your side.' In short, don't use them and more importantly, don't let them use you to get back at mom or dad. Kids understand the dynamics more than we give them credit, so don't let them.

Pray. I cannot and will not underemphasize this. I ask people to pray for us, collectively as a couple and a family. I also ask for them to pray for me, and other men. You can do that now, when you read this. There is power there, and I firmly believe that is the only reason my wife and I have made it this far. She doesn't believe in prayer, doesn't go to church anymore, and professes to not even believe anymore. My bad. I thought she did when we got married, and God humbles me through her as I accept the hope and believe I'm where He wants me to be.

It's hard not wanting her to be someone else, but God reminds me as Professor McGonagall reminded her student, I need to be happy with the grass in my yard. I need to be happy with all the things my wife is, and in loving her, pray that God will bless me as I help her see the value of His commitment to all of us. It's a way to reconcile differences.

So this week, if you can take nothing else from Men 2 Fathers, take the power God has given you. Nurture and love your families, and pray for His love and guidance as you ask others to do likewise for you. And brothers, pray for me too, as I try to understand this path God has me on becoming a better husband and father, the real route of being a man.

2007-03-05T14:39:00.000-08:00

Tyranny of the Urgent

Written by Charles E. Hummel, submitted by Jae Alexander

Have you ever wished for a thirty-hour day? Surely this extra time would relieve the tremendous pressure under which we live. Our lives leave a trail of unfinished tasks. Unanswered letters, unvisited friends, unwritten articles, and unread books haunt quiet moments when we stop to evaluate. We desperately need relief.

But would a thirty-hour day really solve the problem? Wouldn’t we soon be just as frustrated as we are now with our twenty-four allotment? A mother’s work is never finished, and neither is that of any student, teacher, minister, or anyone else we know. Nor will the passage of time help us catch up. Children grow in number and age to require more of our time. Greater experience in profession and church brings more exacting assignments. So we find ourselves working more and enjoying it less.

JUMBLED PRIORITIES …?

When we stop to evaluate, we realize that our dilemma goes deeper than shortage of time; it is basically the problem of priorities. Hard work does not hurt us. We all know what it is to go full speed for long hours, totally involved in an important task. The resulting weariness is matched by a sense of achievement and joy. Not hard work, but doubt and misgiving produce anxiety as we review a month or year and become oppressed by the pile of unfinished tasks. We sense uneasily that we may have failed to do the important. The winds of other people’s demands have driven us onto a reef of frustration. We confess, quite apart from our sun, “We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.”

Several years ago an experienced cottonmill manager said to me, “Your greatest danger is letting the urgent things crowd out the important. He didn’t realize how hard his maxim hit. It often

returns to haunt and rebuke me by raising the critical problem of priorities.

We live in constant tension between the urgent and the important. The problem is that the important task rarely must be done today or even this week. Extra hours of prayer and Bible study, a visit with that non-Christian friend, careful study of an important book: these projects can wait. But the urgent tasks call for instant action—endless demands pressure every hour and day.

A man’s home is no longer his castle; it is no longer a place away from urgent tasks because the telephone breaches the walls with imperious demands. The momentary appeal of these tasks seems irresistible and important, and they devour our energy. But in the light of time’s perspective their deceptive prominence fades; with a sense of loss we recall the important task pushed aside. We realize we’ve become slaves to the tyranny of the urgent.

CAN YOU ESCAPE…?

Is there any escape from this pattern of living? The answer lies in the life of our Lord. On the night before He died, Jesus made an astonishing claim. In the great prayer of John 17 He said, “I have finished the work which Thou gavest Me to do” (verse 4).

How could Jesus use the word “finished”? His three-year ministry seemed all too short. A prostitute at Simon’s banquet had found forgiveness and a new life, but many others still walked the street without forgiveness and a new life. For every ten withered muscles that had flexed into health, a hundred remained impotent. Yet on that last night, with many useful tasks undone and urgent human needs unmet, the Lord had peace; He knew He had finished God’s work.

The Gospel records show that Jesus worked hard. After describing a busy day Mark writes, “That evening, at sundown, they brought to Him all who were sick or possessed with demons. And the whole city was gathered about the door. And He healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons” (1:32-34).

On another occasion the demand of the ill and maimed caused Him to miss supper and to work so late that His disciples thought He was beside Himself (Mark 3:2 1). One day after a strenuous teaching session, Jesus and His disciples went out in a boat. Even a storm didn’t awaken Him (Matthew 4:37-38). What a picture of exhaustion.

Yet His life was never feverish; He had time for people. He could spend hours talking to one person, such as the Samaritan woman at the well. His life showed a wonderful balance, a sense of timing. When His brothers wanted Him to go to Judea, He replied, “My time has not yet come” (John 7:6). Jesus did not ruin His gifts by haste. In The Discipline and Culture of the Spiritual Life. A. E. Whiteham observes: “Here in this Man is adequate purpose... inward rest, that gives an air of leisure to His crowded life: above all there is in this Man a secret and a power of dealing with the waste-products of life, the waste of pain, disappointment, enmity, death—turning to divine uses the abuses of man, transforming arid places of pain to fruitfulness, triumphing at last in death, and making a short life of thirty years or so, abruptly cut off, to be a “finished” life. We cannot admire the poise and beauty of this human life, and then ignore the things that made it.”

WAIT FOR INSTRUCTIONS …

What was the secret of Jesus’ work? We find a clue following Mark’s account of Jesus’ busy day. Mark observes that”... in the morning, a great while before day, He rose and went out to a lonely place, and there He prayed” (Mark 1:35). Here is the secret of Jesus’ life and work for God: He prayerfully waited for His Father’s Instructions and for the strength to follow them. Jesus had no divinely-drawn blueprint; He discerned the Father’s will day by day in a life of prayer. By this means He warded off the urgent and accomplished the important.

Lazarus’ death illustrates this principle. What could have been more important than the urgent message from Mary and Martha, “Lord, he whom You love is ill” (John 11:3)? John records the Lord’s response in these paradoxical words: “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that he was ill, He stayed two days longer in the place where He was” (verses 5-6).

What was the urgent need? Obviously to prevent the death of this beloved brother. But the important thing from God’s point of view was to raise Lazarus from the dead. So Lazarus was allowed to die. Later Jesus revived him as a sign of His magnificent claim, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me though he die, yet shall he live” (verse 25).

We may wonder why our Lord’s ministry was so short, why it could not have lasted another five or ten years, why so many wretched sufferers were left in their misery. Scripture gives no answer to these questions, and we leave them in the mystery of God’s purposes. But we do know that Jesus’ prayerful waiting for God’s instructions freed Him from the tyranny of the urgent. It gave Him a sense of direction, set a steady pace, and enabled Him to do every task God assigned. And on the last night He could say, “I have finished the work which Thou gayest Me to do.”

DEPENDENCE MAKES YOU FREE...

Freedom from the tyranny of the urgent is found in the example and promise of our Lord. At the end of a vigorous debate with the Pharisees in Jerusalem, Jesus said to those who believed in Him: “If you continue in My Word, you are truly My disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.. . . Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin.... So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:31-36).

Many of us have experienced Christ’s deliverance from the penalty of sin. Are we letting (Him free us from the tyranny of the urgent? He points the way: “If you continue in My Word.” This is the way to freedom. Through prayerful meditation on God’s Word we gain His perspective. P. T. Forsyth once said, “The worst sin is prayerlessness.” We usually think of murder, adultery, or theft as among the worst. But the root of all sin is self-sufficiency—independence from God. When we fail to wait prayerfully for God’s guidance and strength we are saying, with our actions if not our lips, that we do not need Him. How much of our service is characterized by “going it alone?”

The opposite of such independence is prayer in which we acknowledge our need of God’s instruction and supply. Concerning a dependent relationship with God, Donald Baillie says: “Jesus lived His life in complete dependence upon God, as we an ought to live our lives But such dependence does not destroy human personality. Man is never so truly and fully personal as when he is living in complete dependence upon God. This is how personality comes into its own. This is humanity at its most personal.”

Prayerful waiting on God is indispensable to effective service. Like the time-out in a football game, it enables us to catch our breath and fix new strategy. As we wait for directions, the Lord frees us from the tyranny of the urgent. He shows us the truth about Himself, ourselves, and our tasks. He impresses on our minds the assignments He wants us to undertake. The need itself is not the call; the call must come from the God who knows our limitations. “The Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13-14). It is not God who loads us until we bend or crack with an ulcer, nervous breakdown, heart attack, or stroke. These come from our inner compulsions coupled with the pressure of circumstances.

EVALUATE

The modern businessman recognizes this principle of taking time out for evaluation. When Greenwalt was president of DuPont, he said, “One minute spent in planning saves three or four minutes in execution.” Many salesmen have revolutionized their business and multiplied their profits by setting aside Friday afternoon to plan carefully the major activities for the coming week. If an executive is too busy to stop and plan, he may find himself replaced by another man who takes time to plan. If the Christian is too busy to stop, take spiritual inventory, and receive his assignments from God, he becomes a slave to the tyranny of the urgent. He seems significant to himself and others, but he will not finish the work God has for him to do.

A quiet time of meditation and prayer at the start of the day refocuses our relationship with God. Recommit yourself to His will as you think of the hours that follow. In these unhurried moments list in order of priority the tasks to be done, taking into account commitments already made. A competent general always draws up his battle plan before he engages the enemy; he does not postpone basic decisions until the firing starts. But he is also prepared to change his plans if an emergency demands it. So try to implement the plans you have made before the day’s battle against the clock begins. But be open to any emergency interruption or unexpected person who may call.

You may also find it necessary to resist the temptation to accept an engagement when the invitation first comes over the telephone. No matter how clear the calendar may look at the moment, ask for a day or two to pray for guidance before committing yourself. Surprisingly the engagement often appears less imperative after the pleading voice has become silent. If you can withstand the urgency of the initial moment, you will be in a better position to weigh the cost and discern whether the task is God’s will for you.

In addition to your daily quiet time, set aside one hour a week for spiritual inventory. Write an evaluation of the past, record anything God may be teaching you, and plan objectives for the future. Also try to reserve most of one day each month for a similar inventory of longer range. Often you will fail. Ironically, the busier you get the more you need this time of inventory, but the less you seem to be able to take it. You become like the fanatic, who, when unsure of his direction, doubles his speed. And frenetic service for God can become an escape from God. But when you prayerfully take inventory and plan your days, it provides fresh perspective on your work.

CONTINUE THE EFFORT...

Over the years the greatest continuing struggle in the Christian life is the effort to make adequate time for daily waiting on God, weekly inventory and monthly planning. Since this time for receiving marching orders is so important, Satan will do everything he can to squeeze it out. Yet we know from experience that only by this means can we escape the tyranny of the urgent. This is how Jesus succeeded. He did not finish all the urgent tasks in Palestine or all the things He would have liked to do, but He did finish the work which God gave Him to do. The only alternative to frustration is to be sure that we are doing what God wants. Nothing substitutes for knowing that this day, this hour, in this place we are doing the will of the Father. Then and only then can we think of all the other unfinished tasks with equanimity and leave them with God.

Sometime ago Simba bullets killed a young man, Dr. Paul Carlson. In the providence of God his life’s work was finished. Most of us will live longer and die more quietly, but when the end comes, what could give us greater joy than being sure that we have finished the work God gave us to do? The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ makes this fulfillment possible. He has promised deliverance from sin and the power to serve God in the tasks of His choice. The way is clear. If we continue in the Word of our Lord, we are truly His disciples. And He will free us from the tyranny of the urgent, free us to do the important, which is the will of God.

2007-02-27T06:57:00.000-08:00

Battling the Unbelief of Impatience
By Pastor John Piper
Isaiah 30:1-5

Impatience is a form of unbelief. It's what we begin to feel when we start to doubt the wisdom of God's timing or the goodness of his guidance. It springs up in our hearts when the road to success gets muddy or strewn with boulders or blocked by some fallen tree. The battle with impatience can be a little skirmish over a long wait in a check out lane. Or it can be a major combat over a handicap or disease or circumstance that knocks out half your dreams.

The opposite of impatience is not a glib, superficial denial of frustration. The opposite of impatience is a deepening, ripening, peaceful willingness either to wait for God where you are in the place of obedience, or to persevere at the pace he allows on the road of obedience -- to wait in his place, or to go at his pace.

When the way you planned to run your day, or the way you planned to live your life is cut off or slowed down, the unbelief of impatience tempts you in two directions, depending partly on your personality partly on circumstances:

On the one side, it tempts you to give up, bail out. If there's going to be frustration and opposition and difficulty, then I'll just forget it. I won't keep this job, or take this challenge, rear this child, or stay in this marriage, or live this life. That's one way the unbelief of impatience tempts you. Give up.

On the other side, impatience tempts you to make rash counter moves against the obstacles in your way. It tempts you to be impetuous or hasty or impulsive or reckless. If you don't turn your car around and go home, you rush into some ill-advised detour to try to beat the system.

Which ever way you have to battle impatience the main point today is that it's a battle against unbelief and therefore it's not merely a personality issue. It's the issue of whether you live by faith and whether you inherit the promises of eternal life. Listen to these verses to sense how vital this battle is:

Luke 21:19 "By your endurance (patience) you will gain your lives."

Romans 2:7 "To those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, God will give eternal life."

Hebrews 6:12 "Do not be sluggish but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."

Patience in doing the will of God is not an optional virtue in the Christian life. And the reason it's not is because faith is not an optional virtue. Patience in well-doing is the fruit of faith. And impatience is the fruit of unbelief. And so the battle against impatience is a battle against unbelief. And so the chief weapon is the word of God, especially his promises.

Before we look at Isaiah 30 I want you to see this relationship between the promises of God and the patience of the believer in Psalm 130:5. How does the Psalmist battle against impatience in his heart?

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in his word do I hope.

"Waiting for the Lord" is an Old Testament way of describing the opposite of impatience. Waiting for the Lord is the opposite of running ahead of the Lord and it's the opposite of bailing out on the Lord. Is staying at your appointed place while he says stay, or it's going at his appointed pace while he says go. It's not impetuous and its not despairing.

Now how does the Psalmist sustain his patience as he waits for the Lord to show him the next move? Verse 5 says, "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and IN HIS WORD I HOPE." The strength that sustains you in patience is hope, and the source of hope is the Word of God. "In his word do I hope!" And hope is just faith in the future tense. Hebrews says, "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for."

So what we have in Psalm 130:5 is a clear illustration that the way to battle impatience is to buttress your hope (or faith) in God, and the way to buttress your hope in God is to listen to his word, especially his promises.

If you are tempted not to wait peacefully for God, to let him give you your next move -- if you are tempted to give up on him or go ahead without him -- please realize that this is a moment for great spiritual warfare. Take the sword of the Spirit, the word of God (Eph. 6:17) and wield some wonderful promise against the enemy of impatience.

Now let's look at an illustration of Israel when she did not do this.

During Isaiah's day Israel was threatened by enemies like Assyria. During those times God sent the prophet with his word to tell Israel how he wanted them to respond to the threat. But one time Israel became impatient with God's timing. The danger was too close. The odds for success were too small. Isaiah 30:1-2 describes what Israel did in her impatience.

Woe to the rebellious children, says the Lord, who carry out a plan, but not mine; and who make a league, but not of my spirit, that they may add sin to sin; who set out to go down to Egypt, without asking for my counsel, to take refuge in the protection of Pharaoh, and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!

This is the opposite of waiting on the Lord. Israel became impatient. God had not delivered them from their enemy in the time or in the way that they had hoped, and patience ran out. They sent to Egypt for help. They made a plan and treaty, but they weren't God's. The key words are in verse 2: "They set out to go down to Egypt, WITHOUT ASKING FOR MY COUNSEL."

This is a perfect illustration of the impetuous side of impatience. This is where many of us sin almost daily: charging ahead in our own plans without stopping to consult the Lord.

So the Lord gives a warning in verse 3: "Therefore shall the protection of Pharaoh (the king of Egypt!) turn to your shame, and the shelter in the shadow of Egypt to your humiliation." In other words, your impatience is going to backfire on you. Egypt will not deliver you, it will be your shame. Your impatience will turn out to be your humiliation.

This is meant as a warning for all of us. When our way is blocked and the Lord says wait, we better trust him and wait, because if we run ahead without consulting him, our plans will probably not be his plans and they will bring shame on us rather than glory. (See Isaiah 50:10-11 and the case of Abraham and Hagar for the same point.)

What should Israel have done? What should we do when we feel boxed in by obstacles and frustrations? The answer is given in verse 15 and verse 18.

For this said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength."

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you; therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

Here are two great promises this morning that should give you strong incentive to overcome the unbelief of impatience.

Verse 15: "In quietness and trust shall be your strength." In other words, if you rest in God, if you look to him instead of dashing down to Egypt, if you trust him, then he will give you all the strength you need to be patient and to handle the stresses where you are.

Then verse 18: "Blessed are all those who wait for him." God promises that if you wait patiently for his guidance and help, instead of plunging ahead "without asking for his counsel," he will give you a great blessing.

This is the way you battle the unbelief of impatience. You preach to your soul with warnings and promises. You say, Look what happened to Israel when they acted impatiently and went to Egypt or help instead of waiting for God. They were shamed and humiliated. And then you say to your soul: but look what God promises to us if we will rest in him and be quiet and trusting. He will make us strong and save us. He says he will bless us if we wait patiently for him.

Then you might use the promise in Isaiah 49:23,

Those who wait for me shall not be put to shame.

And then Isaiah 64:4,

No eye has seen a God besides thee, who works for those who wait for him.

And finally 40:31,

Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

So you battle the unbelief of impatience by using the promises of God to persuade your heart that God's timing and God's guidance and God's sovereignty are going to take this frustrated, boxed in, unproductive situation and make something eternally valuable out of it. There will come a blessing, a strength, a vindication, a mounting up with wings like eagles.

Let me close with an illustration of a man who lived and died in successful warfare against the unbelief of impatience. His name was Charles Simeon. He was a pastor in the Church of England from 1782 to 1836 at Trinity Church in Cambridge. He was appointed to his church by a bishop against the will of the people. They opposed him not because he was a bad preacher but because he was an evangelical -- he believed the Bible and called for conversion and holiness and world missions.

For 12 years the people refused to let him give the afternoon Sunday sermon. And during that time they boycotted the Sunday morning service and locked their pews so that no one could sit in them. He preached to people in the aisles for 12 years! How did he last?

In this state of things I saw no remedy but faith and patience (Note the linking of faith and patience!). The passage of Scripture which subdued and controlled my mind was this, "The servant of the Lord must not strive." (Note: The weapon in the fight for faith and patience was the Word!) It was painful indeed to see the church, with the exception of the aisles, almost forsaken; but I thought that if God would only give a double blessing to the congregation that did attend, there would on the whole be as much good done as if the congregation were doubled and the blessing limited to only half the amount. This comforted me many, many times, when without such a reflection, I should have sunk under my burthen. (Charles Simeon, by H.C.G. Moule, p. 39)

Where did he get the assurance that if he followed the way of patience there would be a blessing on his work that would make up for frustrations of having all the pews locked? He got it, no doubt, from texts like Isaiah 30:18, "Blessed are all those wait for the Lord." The word conquered unbelief and belief conquered impatience.

Fifty four years later he was dying. It was October, 1836. The weeks drug on, as they have for many of our dying saints at Bethlehem. I've learned that the battle with impatience can be very intense on the death bed. On October 21 those by his bed heard him say these words slowly and with long pauses:

Infinite wisdom has arranged the whole with infinite love; and infinite power enables me--to rest upon that love. I am in a dear Father's hands--all is secure. When I look to Him, I see nothing but faithfulness--and immutability--and truth; and I have the sweetest peace--I cannot have more peace. (Charles Simeon, p. 172)

The reason Simeon could die like that is because he had trained himself for 54 years to go to Scripture and to take hold of the infinite wisdom and love and power of God and use them to conquer the unbelief of impatience.

And so I urge you in the words of Hebrews 6:12, "Be imitators of Charles Simeon and of all "those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."

For additional study see the connection of faith/hope with patience in Romans 8:25; 12:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:3; Hebrews 6:12,15; James 1:3; Revelation 13:10. For other texts on patience see Psalm 37:9; Lamentations 3:25-27; Luke 8:15; Romans 5:3; 1 Corinthians 13:4; Galatians 5:5, 22; Ephesians 4:1-2; Colossians 1:11; 1 Thessalonians 5:14; James 5:7-11; Job 1:21; Luke 2:25,38; 2 Timothy 3:10. For God's patience see 2 Peter 3:9; Romans 2:4; 9:22; 1 Timothy 1:16; 1 Peter 3:20.

John Piper, pastor

Bethlehem Baptist Church

2007-02-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

How to Fight Fair in Marriage

by Bob and Sheri Stritof

Don't let little things that bother you build up until one of you explodes the issue into a large fight. That's not fighting fair in your marriage.
If you are angry about something and don't try to talk about it with your spouse within 48 hours, let it go. Otherwise, you are not fighting fair.
If your spouse doesn't want to discuss the matter, set an appointment within the next 24 hours to have your fair fight.
Fighting fair means you know what the issue is. Then, both of you stick to the subject.
Keep your fight between the two of you. Don't bring in third parties like your mother-in-law, his best friend, or your children.
Fighting fair means you don't hit below the belt.
Fighting fair means you don't bring up past history.
Fighting fair means no name calling. Even endearing terms and pet names can be hurtful when you are using a sarcastic tone.
Be careful how you use humor. Laughter is good, but teasing can be misinterpreted and can be hurtful.
Listen to one another fully while you fight. This includes watching body language. Look at one another while you speak.
Don't interrupt during your fight.
Fighting fair means you don't blame one another or make accusations.
Try to use 'I' sentences instead of 'you' sentences.
If the two of you are not extremely angry, try to hold hands while talking during your fight.
Be open to asking for forgiveness and being willing to forgive.

Tips:

Even though it may be hard to forgive your spouse, not forgiving can cause more harm both emotionally and physically to yourself and to your marriage. Holding a grudge is letting someone else live in your head rent free.
Remember to not fight to win, but to fight for your relationship.
Conflict is not the problem. All married couples have disagreements. It's not knowing how to effectively argue that creates difficulty in a marriage.
Don't use the words "never" and "always" in your statements to one another.
Do not yell. Do not scream. Do not talk in a threatening tone.