JunkMail

My private island

2007-12-03T13:15:00.000+08:00

my dearest friend,

life is so good for me, it has been for all these years. really, if you ever hear me complain about what a b!tch life is, i give you permission to slap me silly. of course, whenever you're around i cant imagine having anything to gripe about :) well the occasional b!tching sessions about “demons” doesnt count.

anyway i am expecting great things for us in the years to come. i trully believe that life is on a roll and its definately going uphill.

i can already imagine us being on top of the mountain, with our fur coats (opps thats not politically correct). ok, wipe that freezing cold image and think private island instead. we're more comfy in a beachy setting anyway ;) so imagine us at the beach, me with my nargile & you with whatever book thats taken ur fancy then. of course no beach lounging trip by a Sabahan is complete without a BBQ heh.

maybe somedays i feel down (although i'm flying high now i cant imagine it) i wish and i hope that you bring me to this private island. i pray for you my friend, that you should never feel down but if you should, then i'd arrange for a nice peaceful excursion to our private island.

i dont dare to question my good fortune. i pray that this blessing continues.

Alhamdulillah.

Amin

Sugar High

2007-09-08T09:21:00.000+08:00

i used to be proud of having the ability to eat a massive amount of food but not gain a pound in weight. i know one day my eating habit will over come my body's metabolic rate. food is not really a weakness for me. i can resist the "bad" food and force myself to eat veggies and fruits all day long. my greatest problem is, yes, my sweet tooth.

i read somewhere that sugar addiction is harder to get rid of than tobacco addiction. thats a scary thing to think about.
i have to eat something sweet after every meal. its a MUST! if theres nothing sweet in the fridge i will resort to chugging chocolate syrup while watching tv. i know, i know. its disgusting right? one time i was so hungry for sweet, i slather a few spoonful of strawberry jam on a single bread just to get that sugar high.

i'm sick! help me.

Merdeka

2007-09-01T08:57:00.000+08:00

I am sad that Merdeka (Independence Day) this year is very flat. Don’t get me wrong, I am very proud to be a Malaysian and I love this country to bits. Unfortunately, I feel that lately the Merdeka celebration is turning into an occasion for the political parties to endorse themselves and their propaganda. I feel that in the light of the circumstance, this is the time to demonstrate to the people that after 50 years of independence we are able to celebrate this festive occasion together as a nation not as individual political parties. It’s really disgusting to watch on TV how the politician shouted “Merdeka” to their select party members only. What about the rest of the nation? Are we not Malaysian? Just because some of us are not a member of the ruling party does that mean we don’t deserve to celebrate?

Since I was not alive when our country gained its independence from colonization of the British, I can’t really appreciate the true meaning of independence like how my grandma is. So I think the challenge of my generation, is to make this nation the kind of nation our forefathers wanted it to be. And it seems to me that these private celebrations of Merdeka that exclude other races or parties are signs of our failure.

But I still have hope J this year we’re celebrating Merdeka differently. There is no community feeling by going to the crowded town to watch fireworks between drunks. I can’t feel my love for my country watching the ruling party on TV spewing their propaganda and shouting “Merdeka” and coughing in between. On a smaller scale, my village has decided to congregate together and make it our own event. We’re gonna hold a “sukaneka” there will be races for the kids, volley ball competition, softball games for the girls and for the moms, well they decided to perform a dance, for the village. The dads are carpenters, engineers and technicians that day. They’re responsible to make sure that everything goes smoothly. Amidst all this, my mom is the Queen Bee! Haha its gonna be fun. We’re gonna do this on the 9^th Sept. so if you happen to be near my village that day, do come and join us celebrate our Merdeka ;)

The Omen

2007-08-21T17:38:00.000+08:00

I've been busy again lately. I've wanted to write about my recent self-discovery. Its got something to do with my recent bout of sickness. My last post serves as a reminder to what I am supposed to write.

While I was lying sick in bed, there was one time I thought "What if today is the day that I die?" I thought about it for a while... after a few second of thinking I thought there's nothing wrong with dying today. If that is God's will then I am ok with it.

When I got better, I remember thinking about it again and my answer was different. I don’t think I have enough good deeds in my pocket yet. I didn’t want to die anymore. But at the same time I am not as afraid to meet God, as I was before this.

And the reason is because while I was lying sick in bed I read a really inspiring book. The Alchemist was written by Paulo Coelho.

I was reading it during my schlumping period. I like to think that it was Allah’s will to let me read this book at this time. The book bursts with optimism and it makes you feel that everything is possible if you only put your mind and effort into it. It inspires me and made me think about my life and my spiritual belief. In a way it forces me to stop and look at where I am now and reflect upon my past deeds.

The book is about following dreams, observing omens from God and adventure of life. It is about a boy, Santiago, who had a dream and had the courage to follow it. The book relates on his journey of self discovery, his exploration of his hidden treasure and omens from God. Which I now believe is everywhere if we only look and believe. It reminds me of how generous Allah can be to those who seek.

Before going on his voyage, his father’s advice was “Travel the world until you see that our castle is the greatest and our women the most beautiful” In his journey, Santiago sees the greatness of the world, and meets all kinds of exciting people like kings and alchemists. However, by the end of the novel, he discovers that "treasure lies where your heart belongs", and that the treasure was the journey itself, the discoveries he made, and the wisdom he acquired.

The king that Santiago met told him “when you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true”.

I used to think that maybe I shouldn’t ask Allah for too many things and for help every time I’m in a bind. But I realize that that kind of thinking is the thinking of someone who is too proud. And who am I to be proud in the presence of Allah? My mom’s advice to me is “Be humble, because to be humble is to be great.” She is so right. There will always be something we need to learn everyday. There will always someone better or worse than us.

Cold

2007-08-18T15:35:00.000+08:00

A couple of weeks ago I had a tummy ache. I was cranky at work and barked at all my innocents minions. Anyway when I went home I took a double dose of tummy ache pills. I totally forgot about my empty stomach and when I do realize it, I figured it would be ok. so an hour after i took the medicine, i started to feel a bit cold. i turned off the ceiling fan and continued watching my tv show. then after a few minutes i still felt cold. so i went into my room and wore a jacket then continued with my tv :) after a few more minutes i started to shiver. it didnt register at first that something was wrong. i just thought it was funny that i was shivering. and then the headache hits me like a headshot. thats when i realize that something is wrong with me. all my life i have never been that sick heh! it was a great experience.

The art of losing

2007-08-07T08:56:00.000+08:00

The art of losing isn't hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day.  Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel.  None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch.  And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones.  And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident

the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-E. Bishop-

I can relate to this poem. It is one of my favorite. Everyone at one point or another loses something. The poem starts with mastering the art of losing a thing that as small as a key and how it is not a disaster. Then it got bigger and bigger. Still it wasn’t a disaster to her. And finally on the last paragraph she talks about losing someone, a person, a friend, a lover, a family member…..

She seems indifferent and unconcerned about losing things and wants it to look like she has mastered the art of losing. It’s evident in the flippant tone of this poem. But I think that she was just trying to casually masquerade the pain. On the last paragraph she seems to be struggling with her lack of concern. She’s in denial and trying to convince herself (and everyone) that losing someone can be regarded as carelessly as losing a key. The truth is, she is struggling to cope with the pain by being glib and offhanded.

In the end, “(Write it!)” ß I think this means that she had to force herself to write the last words, had to finally admit to herself that losing someone really is a disaster. And it is, especially when you lose that person carelessly.

Unreliable

2007-08-06T12:49:00.000+08:00

Life seems to be uninspiring lately. Or maybe I’m the one who are unimaginative. I haven’t put any effort on my blogs recently and after reading friends entries, I am green-eyed over their endeavor to put their experiences into words. Sometimes when life seems to be on the high, I never have the time to write and when life hits bottom, I wallow in self pity and forget to write. So when do I write? Apparently on whims of my erratic mood swings.

I realize this imperfection in me and yet I do little to amend it. My resolution to write the ThreeThankfulThursday is precisely to remind me that there are lots to write about in life. Even that seems to be a failing effort.

I have resorted to posting jokes and funny stories other people wrote. How low is that? Once in a while it’s fun but not too often ya?

Heaven is

2007-07-14T10:50:00.000+08:00

On appreciation

2007-06-15T10:10:00.000+08:00

I just came back from the Philippines. I have to say I am glad to be home. Not because I didnt have fun in Philippines but because I just miss home, my room, my bed, the familiar food and most of all my granma. Nothing like going away to make the heart grow fonder.

i had a blast on this trip. my cousin was getting married and so the whole family went and we sort of had a big reunion. it was great to see my cousins grown up and meeting new nieces and nephews. they're so cute and adorable. everyday was a loud and hectic affair. everyone seems to be screaming for attention, on top of that we were all busy getting ready for the wedding.

during the wedding itself, i was surprise to see so many guards with guns outside the halls. its something we dont see here in my country. i guess with all the jeweleries the guests was wearing there was a bit of a risk of getting robbed :S

i had to make sure i smell good all the time because there were a lot of kissing and hugging going on :) my shoulder hurts cause my purse was bulgy and heavy all the time with my perfumes, lotions and baby powder. its the price i had to pay to keep looking & smelling fresh 24/7.

the hugging was fun! everywhere you go in the house there's always someone to hug. i like it that my younger cousins and nieces are very loving & manja. the older generations really did their job well. i'm proud to say we all grown to be respectable citizens ;)

*sighs* i cant wait to see them again. hopefully someone will get married in the next few month *L*

i am grateful to have a loving family. i cant thank God enuf for this blessings He sends me in abundance. i dont know why i am this fortunate. do i deserve this much happiness when i have done nothing great in my life. times like these i like to remind myself to keep giving back, even in small ways.

Busy little train

2007-05-04T09:19:00.000+08:00

i have been slacking here lately. its not that i have forgotten about my precious blog. i have been very busy lately. i have 3 projects going on now and have no time for other things :( i think about blogging all the time, when i have time to think la. on a lite note, i can now cook a meal in 15 minutes :)

truth about me

2007-04-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

i got a call from an old friend. someone i havent seen in 8 yrs. 8 yrs ago, we did not part on good terms i'm afraid.

we were both so very young and hot blooded? or is it hot headed? haha. he was my best friend. we go everywhere together. went to class together, ate together, watched movies together, studied together. although the i'm not sure how much knowledge we were able to put inside our heads when our study time was full of silly talks, card games and many other distractions.

with so much of our time spent together, it was not impossible to predict he fell in love with me i guess. he was the first guy to have fallen in love with me and i was his first love. my first reaction was shocked, mostly because at that time i only thought of love as something that happen in sappy movies. i did not return his feeling and with great ignorance thought that things between us will be back to normal. it never did. and i realize now, that he needed time apart from me as he was trying to deal with his feelings. looking back, i did not give him the time nor the patience he needed to sort it out. i was a lousy friend. instead of compassion, i showed him my anger. my anger at losing my best friend. my misplaced anger. i blamed him for falling in love with me. what an insensitive idiot i was. i refused to see him after that. his effort to make peace i ignored completely.

2 years after that and again a year after, he asked a mutual friend to send his apology to me. apology? he lost his best friend and at the same time got his heart trampled upon. IT SHOULD BE ME BEGGING FOR HIS FORGIVENESS. what an arogant bastard i was? and here in this very blog i keep whining about how other people have hurt my feelings. never once have i thought about my old best friend and his feelings.

out of the blue, he called me. with a cheerful hello and asked me how i was. I WAS FLOORED!! he sound as if we're BFF(!!!). i was happy to hear from him. we steered clear from talks about our "breakup" at first. then i thought we're adult enuf to talk about what happened. so why not? and we did. only after that did i realize what a cold unfeeling monster i was (maybe still am?).

i was happily going through life pretending to be a good person when in fact i'm not so nice. i was wailing about the callousness of my ex bf when what i did to my best friend was worse.

CP thank you for never giving up on me. thank you for showing me what kind of person i was. thank you for giving me another chance to be abetter friend.

feelings are fragile. treat it with care.

Unsettled

2007-04-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

for days now i have this unsettled, restless, unsteady feeling that something is not right in my life. i go through the motion my daily grind and deep inside i still feel empty. maybe its an accumulation of many small things that is slowly building up into a volcano eruption thingie.

what could be the root of my discomfort? is it buried deep in my subconscious? i should be able to access MY subconscious rite? now, if i can only find the right password *sighs*

maybe i am not doing and thinking according to my real self? my core principles? am i? who is my real self? what is really important to me? maybe unconsciously, my actions are conflicting with my emotion.

i am trying awfully hard to fill in the gaps with trips to places where i can be with my friends. because sometime being alone is... well, lonely.

i feel guilty for feeling lonely. because i know God is always there for me. i forget that i am never alone. but sometimes, even in the middle of a crowd i can feel so alone.

is this The Journey of self discovery that i have been waiting for since high school? am i finally gonna come out on the other side of this and recognize who i am? what made me ME?
does this makes any sense?

Right To B WronG

2007-04-14T14:56:00.000+08:00

Preface: Wisdom is recognizing a mistake when you're just about to make it again

Human makes mistakes. Its normal, we do it everyday. We fail to do what we promised, or perform tasks imperfectly. In the aftermath of a mistake, we often feel ridiculous, flawed, imperfect.

Our culture taught us that we're "bad" when we make mistakes. And those unfavorable expressions are painful to us because we, by nature, yearn to feel accepted, loved & cherished. Therefore we're willing to do anything to avoid mistakes and experience hurt.

But by making mistakes doesn't make us bad, dumb or worthless. It just means that we are wrong. And being wrong simple mean that we don't know the right answer or that we're not knowledgeable enuf to apply what we know into practical life. We're all still learning. Isn't it true that we have to be wrong 10 times, 100 times, 1000 times before we can be an expert? Can you play the guitar without making a lot of mistakes first? Can you become a sharp shooter without making a lot of misses? Can you love someone without making lots of mistakes? Mistakes are inescapable as we learn.

The worst thing we can do when making a mistake is hide it. Cause then you are fated to repeat that mistake. But admitting ones' mistake is not easily done. And the thing is, some people will criticize us. But if we stick to being honest, then maybe, just maybe, people will accept us as who we are.

I hide from my mistakes a lot of times. You could say I run away from my mistakes. I ignore them, deny them, and worse, try to blame them on someone else.

We really are imperfect. Not one of us is abdicated from flaws. So why not admit that we're most often, not just occasionally, WRONG and enjoy the freedom of being human :)

I have a little heart within me
And I like to bring him out of
His prison and carry him on the
Palm of my hand to examine him
In depth and extract his secret.
Aim not your arrows at him, lest
He takes fright and vanish 'ere he
Pours the secrets blood as a
Sacrifice at the altar of his
Own faith, given him by Deity
When he fashioned him of love and beauty.

The sun is rising and the nightingale
Is singing, and the myrtle is
Breathing its fragrance into space.
I want to free myself from the
Quilted slumber of wrong. Do not
Detain me, my blamer!
~Khalil Gibran~

Wonderful Weekend

2007-04-13T20:42:00.000+08:00

Preface: A cat will be your friend, but never your slave.

Wouldnt it be fun to be a cat? They have that sexy walk and with 9 lives(!!!), i'd be a daredevil and would still live to tell the story.

I just found out that my cat (Spot) loves cheese. My mom have been training her to eat it. Why? I have no idea. But it is fun to throw pieces of cheese at Spot. She's give me this evil look and slowly eats the cheese. hehehe. Its convenient too. Whenever we're out of cat food, i can just fix myself a grilled cheese sandwich and a plate of cheese for my little buddy.

Spot is a very good listener. She seldom disagree with me. Everything I say seems to be right for her. She understands me a lot. I think she can read my mind. A lot of times when i'm feeling crappy & alone, she'd just sit on my lap and demand to be pet.

But i have to admit, i dont think i know about Spot as much as she knows about me. I cannot imagine whats going on in her tiny little mind. But i do love her bunches.

BFF

2007-04-09T17:42:00.000+08:00

Preface: Friends arent jumper cable. you dont pull them outta the trunk only when theres an emergency.

A wise friend told me that the friends you make during asasi (foundation) will be your close friends thru uni. Now years after graduating I realize he's right. I miss my old asasi classmates and friends, i keep in contact with them and we try to meet a few times a year. My classmates during my degree course was fun but not as memorable.

That 2 years of asasi was one of the highlight of my life. I was free from the confines of high school and home but not quite an adult yet therefore free from the burden of responsibilities. It was my first taste of freedom and was as sweet as honey on my tongue.
Now almost a decade later, I know that never again will i feel that degree of freedom i felt then. Responsibilities seems to come as age increase *sobs*

My best friend / roomie at uni got married last month and seeing the old gang again was exciting. Everyone seems to look the same. no one seems to age! its amazing :) this month i'm going to make effort to see some other asasi friends ... there goes my savings. i suppose happiness is not cheap *haha* Keeping my friends close seems to make me feel less lonely and more loved.

I love all my friends. My high school buddies, my asasi classmates, my new friends, my adult friends, my blog friends and my sisters and cousins!

Thank you FRIENDS. For your time and attention, no matter how short and small, I would like you to know that it is appreciated. You are indeed angels on earth

The power of thinking without thinking

2007-04-06T09:45:00.000+08:00

Preface: Tears are sacred. Think of it not as a sign of weakness but of power. It is more explicit than a thousand words.

You think its not there anymore
Then during one soundless morning
It comes to you gradually
Piece by piece
Until you realize
Tears rolls down your face

Maybe its because I'm a girl and so more emotional. Or maybe I'm in denial I can't believe its over still. I'm going crazy.

I think I'm still in love. Why is it so hard and taking so long to get rid of this feeling? Will ripping my heart out of my body help? Do I really have to wait and wait for Time to do its magic?

What about these quotes?

Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own
Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to
A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.
Letting go is one way of saying I love you

Ok I agree with all of them. I let him go, I had no choice. He didn't love me anymore. So where is my prize now? Don't I get anything for opening my heart in the first place? Don't I at least rate second place for giving up a piece of me? What about a consolation prize for the crying in the darkness routine? I deserve something other than this dull ache, don't I?

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. Its a soul-hurt.

I know letting go is for the best. And no matter how much it breaks my heart, I know I did the right thing.

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

Why SomeTaiwanese Should Never Be Allowed To Travel.

2007-04-05T09:54:00.000+08:00

I saw a few old women standing on coral with their fins and just talking with each other, chilling, ignoring my warning about the dying coral beneath them. WTF??

One man complained that the microwave in his room is not working properly. Weird thing is, theres no microwave in his room and when housekeeping went to have a look he was trying to cook his instant noodles in the safe box!

Unfortunately I was once on a plane thats bound to Taiwan via KL (i was going to KL) so the plane was full of 'em. An old guy kept asking the flight attendant for a lighter while the flight attendant tried her best to explain that its a non-smoking flight.

This really happen to me :) its so weird....

What is it?

2007-04-02T09:16:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like your heart drops down onto your tummy? And when your heart hits your innards, your liquid-insides sloshed around making you feel nauseous, then somehow your brain are not working properly, as if those liquid short-circuited the wires of your brain. It impedes your speech , making you sound like a bumbling idiot. Is it love or cooties?

OMG! I just got a call this morning from this boy whose friend was hitting on me (it was a bit annoying but sweet). Turned out he's my nephew (the boy not the hitting friend). Haha.. He doesn't look like my pretty cousin one bit. Maybe he takes after his dad, whose face i cant seem to recall at the moment. He apologize profusely after discovering I'm his aunt. Its a bit flattering that they think I'm younger than my actual age. Maybe I have to start looking my age hmm..

In search of freedom

2007-03-17T09:23:00.000+08:00

Preface: Bless you. May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

"Dont cry because its over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss.

once again i'm off to find myself, to gain more experience & to be happy. its easier to think about him and smile now :) baby steps D, baby steps.

Junkie Monkie

2007-03-16T10:09:00.000+08:00

Preface: Gandhi said "A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes"

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

this is so cute, i saw it at Life is a PB Sandwich and wanted one too :) this is what i think i am or what i think i should be.

Mood: Easy Rider. Taking life how it comes - i do go with the flow

Fun: Qonqueror. Really?

Habits: I'm definately a junkie monkie. I love anything sweet :) like chocolate moist cake *yummy*

Love: I'm a love bug hehe..

Gandhi is right.

Enuf already!... please?

2007-03-13T17:13:00.000+08:00

Preface: "Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life."Leo Buscaglia. Good thing I'm very lovable :)

lately i have been thinking about my X a lot. wait a minute, i dont want to get back together or anything like that. mostly i have visions of him with a fugly, watching me with a hunky at cacoon smoking that chocolate mint shisha. i think i miss being in love, miss having someone to call in the middle of the nite, miss talking sweet nothing with someone. on the other hand i do know its too early for me and i dont do rebound. i just cant wait to be blissfully happy again hehehe.. maybe my trip to singapore n kl next week will cure me of this melancholy *cross fingers*

any idea for a wedding gift?

Aargh moments

2007-03-09T14:50:00.000+08:00

Preface: Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."But I say unto you, they are inseparable.Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

I am getting thru this, I know. For a brief moment today I thought about Shaitan. More than feeling angry at him, I felt sad that its over. I told my sister once that I feel alive after a break up. Seriously, the only time we feel alive is when we're in love and when a r'ship ends. Any other days are just normal.

They don't share! Why should we?

2007-03-09T10:01:00.000+08:00

Preface: I smoke (nargile) If that bothers anyone, I suggest you look at the world.

I woke up tired today. Don’t know why. No dreams I can remember about. I think it’s because I slept on my sides and my shoulders feel like they’ve been carrying heavy stuff. So I took a hot shower, which only makes me feel more like going back to bed. I went back to take another cold shower to shake off the sleepiness and felt a whole lot better.

I’ve been thinking about starting an experiment again. My shisha flavors are dwindling fast therefore I think it’s good that I start trying new recipes for better shisha experience :) I have some mints at home. I suppose I can come up with a creative way to use ‘em.

Oh something bad happened during my mini vacation. My niece accidentally broke my shisha bowl *sniff sniff* When I discovered the broken pieces I damn near had a heart attack! I called Rez and she immediately came to mourn with me. Good thing I studied engineering in uni, I was able to put my expensive education to use and fix the precious thing *grins* Thank you dad. Rez & I proficiently put it to use smoking 3 times before Anari came to the house.

Shisha is cheaper and less fattening!

Mental note: Buy charcoal on the way home later… and lemons, if I have enough money.

Dreams, take me away

2007-03-05T16:39:00.000+08:00

Preface: When I thoughtlessly and impulsively react to feelings of anger, I always end up regreting it...

It’s funny that the things I miss the most when I was away is my bed and pillows. I know. I’m surprised it’s not blogging too! It feels so good to just lie there with the familiar smell of my bantal busuk (smelly pillows).

I don’t usually dream when sleeping. I do most of my dreamings when I’m awake. I don’t know what that say about my brain. Whether the brain is too lazy to do anything in the middle of the night or it’s just how a brain should be (sleeping) or could be I am very forgetful that I just don't remember dreams. Last night my brain decides to dream thou. I don’t remember much of it but the last part was horrible. Shaitan (the X) was telling me that he made a mistake and he loves me. Before I could reply with “Go to hell, you jerk!”, my mom woke me up. AArrgh!! How crappy is that? Does this mean I harbor a secret wish to get back together with that idiot? I think not. Mom just cut short my dream just when I was getting into the good part *sighs* I seriously don’t mind re-living the verbal abuse I gave him HaHa!

I regret swearing at him actually. It's so not me to be angry like that. I'm usually more of the cool type. Very seldom show my feelings to other people outside my family & friends.

I wish for a life-eraser. Something I can use to erase part of life that I don't like or want to forget.

Toodeloo

2007-02-23T08:03:00.000+08:00

Yes I am going off for a mini vacation to do nothing all day long :)

I will miss reading everybody's blog (its so addictive!)

Parting is such sweet sorrow. XOXO

Comic: courtesy of gndgnor