Em Muses

Story of Service

2009-10-19T22:22:00.004-04:00

MLK, Jr. once said, "Anyone can be great because anyone can serve." If a life of service is a guage for greatness, then my dad was a truly great man. I cannot remember a time when my dad was not in service to his community in some way. He was always volunteering for a community project, a committee for community enrichment, and involved in organizations that focus on community enrichment. Many of my childhood memories of my dad are related to going with him on one of these volunteer efforts.

I don't think I ever questioned the benefits of volunteering or serving selflessly. Being in service is my Dad's legacy. All 4 of us, his children, have a heart for volunteering and building into our community. In whatever way we can, using whatever talents we have. And serving others regardless of our personal circumstances.

I was just thinking of my Dad's legacy of service today. He passed away 2 years ago, October 19, 2007. I am always noticing little ways I'm like my Dad, like my natural ability and desire to find the least traveled route to work. And my passion for volunteering- serving my community and people.

I thought about my dad's legacy of service when my brother called tonight to report his latest fund raising success. Tonight's fund raising report was regarding a woman who just lost her 18 month old child due to the physical abuse from her boyfriend. My brother has lived a troubled somewhat self destructive life. And yet when he hears of a tragedy in his community he jumps in to help however he can. He offers his ideas, enthusiasm, and his talents without hesitation. Tonight he shared how he and his friends raised enough money to pay for the funeral and a nice headstone for this 18 month old. And the one thousand plus dollars left after that are being donated to a fund for other abused children. If you just knew my brothers personal experiences you might be impressed. But if you knew our dad, it's no surprise.

My sister's do the same. They are both teachers and truly invest in their students. Plus they volunteer in their church communities, and always help others in need.

I can think of no better mirror of the great man my dad was than the stories my siblings and I live in lives of service.

Miami, Money, and Popcorn

2009-06-20T10:27:00.008-04:00

My cousin, Richard, runs a sports radio station in Houston, Texas (KGOW, you can stream it online at www.1560thegame.com). His lovely wife, Laura, helps run the station which, I'm sure, blurs the line of work life/home life a bit. I think that might be why Laura has been encouraging Richard to find a different creative outlet on the weekends...so he doesn't spend their weekends at home creating stuff for work. So, Richard started writing these little essays about people in his life. The essay below is a tribute to my father. I'm sharing it now, in honor of Father's Day and with gratitude that my dad's role as a father figure didn't stop with his own children.

MIAMI, MONEY AND POPCORN
MY UNCLE ED KIMBALL

My Uncle Ed was my favorite uncle. At least that is what I always told him when my other uncles were not within earshot. He was a wonderful, loving man that always took a special interest in me growing up, and enjoyed my updates as an adult in the business world.

He was a Miami Man like no other I have known. All of my aunts and uncles, my mother and father, and some cousins attended Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. Out of all of us, Ed was the proudest. Following the football and basketball programs (home and away), checking on the Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity, and proudly supporting Tom O. Hawk, a colorful bird mascot which I inhabited for two years; Ed loved him some Miami. When the big house in Middletown where he and Marilyn raised my cousins Beth, Sue, Ned and Emily was empty, Ed and Marilyn moved to a condo in Oxford.

He was an international tax accountant by trade, but he taught me some of my first lessons about money. When I told him I was reading Trump: The Art of the Deal, he asked me to check in with him after I was done. After telling him how much I enjoyed the book, he deconstructed Trump and his ego to reveal that Trump’s father was the source for a lot of the Donald’s claims to money, ego and fame. When I told him before graduating from college that I wanted to be a millionaire, he broke down the tax implications, interest, and just how far I could get with a million dollars. I realized that being a millionaire was going to be a lot of work.

And any time our families got together, which was quite often, he would make the kids popcorn. We’re not talking about a little bowl for each child. We’re talking pots and pots and bowls and bowls, until every kid was stuffed. What fun.

I miss my Uncle Ed every day. But as I look around my home study at all of my Miami memorabilia, as I stand on the edge of being financially comfortable, and every night that I make popcorn for my wife Laura and my children Jack and Grace, I take comfort in that we are still getting a kick out of each other.

I am blessed to have had a dad like my dad. The older I get and the more people I meet, the more grateful I am for my father who played the father role in so many ways to so many friends and family. Thanks, Rich, for sharing your memories of Dad and for being a great dad to your children, Jack and Grace.

My dad passed away in October 2007. I miss him in some of the same ways Richard does. I just popped a bunch of popcorn last night for a trip to the Drive-In with friends- and thought of Dad. And, I miss him with all my own special memories of him.

Prayer Pact

2009-04-29T22:17:00.004-04:00

The power of prayer is amazing. Just the concept of prayer is mind blowing. We can talk to GOD, almighty creator of everything, anytime and it's called prayer. And when two or more are gathered in prayer, it's exponential. Some days I'll just thank God for prayer, plain and simple.

I keep a prayer journal. It's full of raw, honest, prayers. I have been keeping a prayer journal for several years, so I actually have several notebooks full of prayers. I noticed that there is at least one theme that I've been praying about for a couple of years. They are prayers for myself, for something I desire. Recently I had a conversation with a friend where we discovered we have both been praying similar prayers for ourselves for that something we desire. And we discussed how redundant it seemed and that we felt a little selfish for it. So I proposed a pact. Beginning that day I started praying for her for that desire specifically and she started praying for me for that. We both felt it was easier to pray for each other for that desire instead of always praying for ourselves. And after a few days we shared what we noticed.

What we noticed was mostly little shifts in perceptions. We were both having insights we hadn't had before in the area of this desire. Neither of us got an immediate concrete result. Yet we knew the pact was working. We were thinking in unprecendented ways and realizing deeper internal beliefs that affected our outward behavior. After the first couple of weeks I noticed my prayers for her were less intentional and more like random thoughts and quick little prayers.

Then I got this message from my friend, Stacie, on FaceBook:
"I'll be praying" sounds good but when daily stuff takes my mind of it, it gets lost sometimes. I want to try to make my prayers deliberate and am going to use my blog to do so. Wanna join me? ;)"

I was immediately inspired! And Stacie has written some awesome blog posts since then. You can check them out at www.faithandart.blogspot.com However, all my initial inspiration has faded momentarily. I know it will return. I've just been distracted. But in the meantime, something I can always offer is a good ol' plain ol' prayer. And in God's eyes, there is nothing mundane about it. He listens always. He is good all the time. Let us pray:

"Lord, thank You for the gift of prayer. Thank you for giving us such a simple way to engage You and Your Holy Spirit. When I pray, I can acknowledge You for Who You ARE and know You created me and love me. I can confess anything I have in my life I know does not honor You and know You forgive me and love me. I can thank you for all Your blessings and know that You gave them because You love me. I can ask for whatever I think I want or need and know You hear me and love me. And prayer can be silence, filled with Your presence and basking in Your luscious love. And when I pray, I pray with faith in Your faithfulness. Amen."

This is Why

2009-04-13T14:25:00.000-04:00

On Friday I got to witness a spontaneous and authentic precious moment. My friend Stacie is an artist and she co-organized an art show for Good Friday with another artist named Teresa. The focus was to show the connection between art & faith, and the creativity within each of us given by our Creator. The event took place at Compass Church in a suburb of Cincinnati. And given the context of the event, a Communion station was available. Stacie’s seven year old son, Sean, asked why it was there. I know Sean has seen people take Communion before. But when his dad, Rusty, explained that it was Good Friday, and taking Communion was a way of remembering that Jesus broke His body and spilled His blood for us, Sean was upset. In fact, Sean started to cry.

Stacie and Rusty are faith-full parents and they had told their two sons about Easter before. This seemed to be the first time it was all sinking in for seven year old Sean. Stacie and Rusty did not take this lightly and seized the moment to talk to Sean and answer his questions about Good Friday and Easter. It was getting close to 9 p.m. and the art show was winding down, but there were still lots of people around and other kids running, playing, and doing their best to create distractions. But Sean’s attention to his parents and their attention to him did not waver for at least 15 minutes while they had their intimate moment. I was not a part of their moment, but for a few sweet minutes I was within earshot. My heart swelled with gratitude for the moment and God’s love.

Sean was having a hard time understanding how Jesus could have come back to life and that He still lives. Stacie and Rusty told him it was normal to struggle with that concept. They explained that is how faith works. It takes a leap of faith for anyone to accept that as truth. No matter how old a person is, the idea of a human being tortured and killed, yet rising from the dead, and his burial tomb being found empty seems unreal. Adding to that the fact that it ALL happened because God’s love for us is deeper than any love we can experience from any other human. It’s a lot to grasp. Yet millions of people all over the world from all sorts of backgrounds, ages, levels of intelligence and variety of talents have taken that leap of faith and we are all living proof of God’s perfect truth and grace.

Sean’s honest reaction to the news of Good Friday and Easter was embraced and addressed by his biological mother and father. The bible tells us that our Heavenly Father rejoices over us and delights in us. I know God was rejoicing over Sean’s questions and delighting in Stacie & Rusty’s surrender to the moment. It’s in these moments where I am blessed to be a witness that I KNOW my Redeemer Lives! And this precious moment I just shared? THIS IS WHY I have faith and praise God’s perfect truth and grace.

Grace inside a Sound

2009-03-28T23:21:00.003-04:00

I have a habit of relating song lyrics to books, movies, prayer requests, television, events at work, and life experiences. Most of the time, the lyrics make a silly connection to whatever occupies my brain. Every once in a while, I feel more inspired. The week the new U2 CD came out I was reading the book of Luke. When I heard these lyrics:

These days are better than that

Every day I die again, and again I’m reborn

Every day I have to find the courage

To walk out into the street

With arms out, got a love you can’t defeat

Neither down or out

There’s nothing you have that I need

I can breathe, Breathe now

I couldn’t stop thinking about the lines below from Luke. These lines are from a section titled “Lambs in a Wolf Pack” where Jesus sends 70 (or 72) men out carrying nothing but a few toiletries and the simple charge to knock on doors and say “Peace” to whoever answers. I am quoting from The Message translation with highlights for emphasis below:

“When you enter a town and are received, eat what they set before you, heal anyone who is sick, and tell them, ‘God’s Kingdom is right on your doorstep!’ When you enter a town and are not received, go out in the street and say ‘The only thing we got from you is the dirt on our feet, and we’re giving it back. Did you have any idea that God’s Kingdom was right on your doorstep?’ Sodom will have it better on Judgment Day than the town that rejects you.”

LUKE 10: 8-12

“The one who listens to you, listens to me. The one who rejects you, rejects me. And rejecting me is the same as rejecting God, who sent me.” The seventy came back triumphant. “Master, even the demons danced to your tune!” Jesus said, “I know, I saw Satan fall, a bolt of lightening out of the sky. See what I’ve given you? Safe passage as you walk on snakes and scorpions, and protection from every assault of the Enemy. No one can put a hand on you. All the same, the great triumph is not in your authority over evil, but in God’s authority over you and presence with you. Not what you do for God but what God does for you- that’s the agenda for rejoicing.”

LUKE 10: 16-20

For me, the lyrics above from Breathe bring extra depth and life to the story above from Luke. When I abide in God’s truth, I find grace. And if I share God’s truth and I’m rejected, I have the peace, strength and courage of God’s Kingdom to say, “There’s nothing you have that I need, I’m neither down or out, I have a love you can’t defeat, so I can breathe.”

“I’ve found grace inside a sound, I found grace, it’s all that I found, and I can breathe.” –U2, Track 10, No Line on the Horizon, Breathe

In the Zone

2009-03-20T12:19:00.002-04:00

While hanging with my brother the other day, he mentioned a memory from when we lived in New Orleans. We lived in New Orleans for the first five years of my life, so he didn’t think I’d remember the event he described. I didn’t, but said that I did have vivid memories from New Orleans. He figured riding my bike with a cast on my leg was one, and he was right. This made me think about how important music was to me and one of my earliest memories of the impact music has had on my life. I just shared this particular memory in a FaceBook note tag craze titled “15 albums that impacted my life.” However, here I will segue into songs that I connect with deeply and put me in what I call THE ZONE.

Briefly, when I was 4, the boy across the street intentionally rode his bike over my legs, breaking my right leg. This put me in some sort of shock and I stopped talking. I was pretty much a zombie for most of the day. Several hours after we returned from the hospital, I was still unresponsive. So my mom put on the soundtrack to Oliver! Almost immediately I came out of my trance and started connecting with my family. Throughout the years, I noticed there were certain songs that would put me in The Zone where I felt a special deep connection that seemed beyond words of description. I could say the lyrics mean something special, but sometimes the lyrics don’t make that much sense apart from the music. Most recently the song that puts me in The Zone is “Moment of Surrender” on U2’s new CD. Below I’ve listed a few more songs that take me into The Zone. I have written about some of these in other blog posts.

*Whole of the Moon – The Waterboys
*Harvest Moon or Old Man – Neil Young
*Go on Through- Afro Celt Sound System
*Paradise or Idaho- The BoDeans
*Northern Star- Ollabelle
*Much Farther to Go – Rosie Thomas
*All at Sea or My Yard – Jamie Cullum (or his cover of High and Dry)
*In the Sun – Joseph Arthur
*Girl in the War, Wolves, or Temptation of Adam- Josh Ritter
*North Dakota – Lyle Lovett
*Mercy Street – Peter Gabriel
*Day of Reckoning – Robbie Robertson (or his original of Broken Arrow)
*Fragile, Dead Man’s Rope, or Mad About You – Sting
*This is the Day – The The (most recently used in an M&M’s ad, what the heck?)
*Beauty of a Dream- Thomas Dolby
*Protected- Tim Finn
*All I Want is You, One, When I look at the World, or An Cat Dubh – U2

Most people can relate to that “In the Zone” feeling. Surrendering to The Zone submerges me in feeling completely comfortable with truth, consumed by grace, and intimately loved.

Intimacy of Redemption

2009-03-14T13:49:00.004-04:00

Last week the intimacy of redemption caught me off guard. I had only met the people I was with that night an hour before. There is no possible way I could have known how they would act as profound vehicles of God’s deep love and knowledge of me. They still don’t know. They didn’t notice the tears of gratitude trickling throughout the evening. While these new friends shared bits of their past to illustrate answers to simple questions posed, I felt Jesus surrounding me. The Jesus who knew how many men the woman at the well had been with when he told her he was the permanent remedy to her thirst for love. The Jesus who knew the hidden pains of the people who were about to throw stones at the woman caught in adultery. The Jesus who knows me intimately and redeems childhood pains both experienced and witnessed I thought were long buried. The next day I cried the tears I had tucked away when I withdrew from love gone astray. And then I sent an email to a couple of friends. Here’s an excerpt:

I don't know if I've ever told you about my brother and the troubles he's been in over the years. I can't really explain the deep & intimate healing I'm experiencing. This is healing only God could possibly know I needed. This is a depth of God's love I didn't even know I was missing. For some reason beyond my current comprehension, He is using these people to show me a tangible redemption that is somehow healing the pain I witnessed and experienced as a child growing up in the shadow of my brother. Pain so old I had totally dismissed it and swept it under the rug.

The movie “Bella” demonstrates the intimacy of redemption beautifully. Jose and Nina spend a day together, simply being together with no agenda. Their day together is prompted by a simple offer made by Jose to talk about an unplanned pregnancy troubling Nina. It’s really a typical day in NYC. I’ve had NYC days like that, but not for those reasons. I love those days when going with the flow reveals incredibly juicy fruits. In “Bella” Jose is struggling with flashbacks of a tragic event that changed his life. The movie is journey that shows the grace of a family’s love and how to accept hardships and truly count them as joy. Mostly, “Bella” shows how simple acts of love and friendship can provide deep unprecedented healing for all involved.

The perfection of God’s truth and grace will redeem all pain. Yes, even that one…the one we try to control by hiding it away. As I have been pondering the intimacy of redemption this week, these lyrics have played repeatedly in my head,

“At the moment of surrender, a vision over visibility…” –U2

The best thing about the intimacy of God’s redemption is that it requires nothing of us but a willingness to live in surrender to His Will.

Saved from Sex Slavery

2009-03-01T21:14:00.015-05:00

Some friends recently returned from a week in Mumbai. They went to share God’s love with girls who were recently rescued from forced prostitution. Each year, an estimated 600,000 to 800,000 men, women, and children are trafficked across international borders (some international and non-governmental organizations place the number far higher), and the trade is growing. (

U.S.

Department of State. 2004. Trafficking in Persons Report. Washington, D.C.:

U.S.

Department of State.) Of the 600,000-800,000 people trafficked across international borders each year, 70 percent are female and 50 percent are children. The majority of these victims are forced into the commercial sex trade. (Ibid.)

These girls in Mumbai had either been sold by their families into prostitution or kidnapped into the sex trade. Before meeting the girls they were there to serve, the team (about 40 people from my church community) was taken through the red light district in taxis. Some of the comments after the red light district tour included, “We were just 8 feet away from a girl being raped,” and “the eyes of the girls were blank-no life.”

My friend, Jamie, posted a note on FaceBook to sum up her experience. Here are a few excerpts:

“Trash is everywhere. In the streets, on top of shanty roofs, in the streams, lakes and every square inch were a person isn't already occupying space. Slums are EVERYWHERE. It is strange - I wasn't as shocked at the poverty as I thought I would be (maybe I've been desensitized by Save the Children commercials)...despite the despair that was all around, there was such an incredible amount of SURVIVAL that it was actually rather hopeful. The belief of one GOD might not be saturating Mumbai, but HE is defiantly taking care of those people (in a way that we might not consider care - but it's life).”

“These girls haven't seen or been in contact with their families in years. The only soul on the Earth that they know loves them are the nuns who take care of them. For us to come all the way from the United States for just 3 days to play and love and create with them was such a huge sign of affection - from strangers! I cannot imagine how that made them feel, but I know it made me feel on fire!”

“Some of the girls had been given permission by the nuns to come and help paint the murals which were going on the walls of their bedrooms. Many of these girls had never held a paintbrush in their life. Being creative is not something you take the time for when you're worried about surviving. Art is so therapeutic and can do wonders for rehabilitation from traumatic events. One of my friends on the mural team said that after one of the girls had finished painting a section of the wall (color by number style) she stepped back and gasped while saying, "I cannot believe I DID THIS!". It brings tears to my eyes as I think about it! They were creating something beautiful for the first time in their life. Being told what to do and how to do it for 16 years of ones life and then finally seeing yourself create freely - amazing. God's hand was on EVERYTHING and EVERYONE in that house.”

“Our final act of love was washing the girls’ feet. While our teams were getting the buckets of water ready outside, the nuns reminded the girls of the story in the Bible (only one of the girls in the house was a Christian - the rest were Muslim and Hindu), where the prostitute washed Jesus' feet and then he washed hers as an act of love and respect. Washing their feet was probably one of the most humbling and emotional experiences of my life. I could not believe all that God had in store for us with these girls. While running water over their small, dark feet, I felt like I was washing away all their loneliness, worries, and fear. I wanted to make it all better for them and through that act, I believe that God was moving through me and comforting the hearts of those amazingly tough girls. There was not a dry in sight. Everyone was audibly bawling. It was hard seeing the girls break down emotionally like that - I couldn't help but imagine how many times they must have broken down like that after being raped or after being rescued and so afraid and alone, or any given night when they have no idea what their future holds. Except this time, they were crying not because they were sad or scared, but because they were stunned that complete strangers could show them so much love in just few short days. After we finished washing their feet - they surprised us by asking if they could wash our feet. I am literally crying as I write this - reliving this experience is almost as emotional as going through it.”

Yes, God’s love is GREAT- truly beyond comprehension. And the way God used this team in Mumbai- worked in them and through them- to demonstrate His love to these girls who knew nothing of love for too long is inspiring. Not surprisingly, U2 has lyrics that sum this up nicely. From Window in the Skies:

Oh, can't you see what love has done
To every broken heart
Oh, can't you see what love has done
For every heart that cries
Oh, can't you see what love has done
Love left a window in the skies
Oh, can't you see what love has done
And to love I rhapsodize

In Mumbai, my friends witnessed extraordinary examples of God's Truth and Grace. And they saw an awesome demonstration of what LOVE has done.

Conversation Art

2009-02-22T11:16:00.005-05:00

One of my favorite things is a great, meandering, deep, and energizing conversation. I have countless experiences of being totally exhausted and then starting a conversation with somebody that takes my mind fun and interesting places and lasts 2 hours but in a weird time does not exist vacuum and emerging on the other side totally awake and alert with thriving passion for life. And I know I'm not the only person with such appreciation for great conversations. Movies have been made about them. Most notably is "My Dinner with Andre" because they literally never leave their table, but it completely captures how riveting a conversation can be and how it can take the participants on an unexpected journey.

More recently was "Before Sunrise" and it's sequel "Before Sunset." I remember my first time seeing "Before Sunrise" in the mid 90's. I was captivated. I thought it was brilliant in that it not only captured the natural flow of conversation, but did so while taking the viewer on such a fascinating visual journey...which was always in the background of the riveting conversation. There's no real drama, yet it ends in suspense. Will they meet again 6 months later? Will they get married? Why didn't they exchange phone numbers or addresses? Yet, for me, ALL of that was secondary to the beauty of the conversation itself. The questions, the clarifications, the interruptions that aren't perceived as rude, the randomness, and the revelations.

"Before Sunset" is the sequel that takes place 9 years later. I loved it just as much as "Before Sunrise" because the love of a great conversation was NOT abandoned in an attempt to answer all those questions that were pending. As a matter of fact it does a good job of leaving us wondering because Jesse and Celine are in the midst of getting reacquainted and wondering themselves. They don't talk specifically about their wonderings until the limo ride towards the end, but it's in the ebb and flow of their conversation. It's unspoken yet always there in what they are not saying or how they are interacting and a bit laced with fear of what the other really thinks about that night 9 years earlier. I think anyone who has run into or reconnected with a former romance can relate to that aspect of their conversation. In fact they don't even discuss his wife and child for what I thought was too long, yet I get it. I'm sure I've behaved that way myself...more interested in the reconnection with a friend than with the truth of our current reality.

I recently posted my status on FaceBook as "Emily is thinking sometimes FaceBook seems like an excerpt from The Time Traveller's Wife" because of that phenomenon. Like reconnecting with someone from 10, 20, or in one case 30 years ago (4th grade crush)- transports me to that time and place in a unique way. Sure, I want to know if they are married, have kids, what they are doing for a living...but not as much as I want to linger in the experience of the reconnection and all it conjures in my memory and wondering if their memories are similar. And I love the written conversations that happen in the process- even if they are brief and wall to wall. I think what I love is that it reminds me of the beautiful, meaningful, and meandering conversations I've had with that person in the past. The thing I love about great conversations is the way a friendship blossoms within the conversation. Plus, great conversations are always a masterful blend of Truth and Grace relayed through an ever present moment in a relationship. And then I long for more of those now with current friends or with a player to be named later...maybe a stranger I meet on a train on my way to Vienna.

Lyrics du Jour- All About It

2009-02-08T15:34:00.004-05:00

I became a fan of The Getaway People when I saw them play for free at Miami University almost 10 years ago (say it Stacie & Jerren: Four times for FREE!). They put on such fun show that I purchased two of their CD's on the spot. I love the lyrics of most of their songs, especially "Does My Color Scare You" which addresses racism. But today I share the lyrics of "All About It" in response to a post Donald Miller did on his blog (www.donmilleris.com) about the Mac vs. PC ads and how we allow ourselves to be swayed into thinking something is cool or sexy based on marketing. Reading the almost 90 comments left by his readers made me think of this song.

Can't ride no skateboard to save my life, but it don't bother me no
Cause I got my own thing and I do it in my own time
If me and my crew don't bother you why do you bother with bothering me too
Why be cruel to your own kind?

Cause its all about the hizao, and the grizzle, the hammer and the chizzle
That makes you cool and popular, but who needs popular?

Don't you know I'm about it 'bout it baby?
Don't you know I'm about it 'bout it baby?
Don't you know I'm about it 'bout it baby?
I'm about as 'bout it 'bout it as anyone could ever be

Ain't got no piercings to show for myself, cause my nipples are free
To be what ever they want to be without no pressure - follow the leader
I don't care about your tribal connections which you lied about
Which really came out of a knitting pattern from your mamma's old magazines

Cause its all about being in the right place following the rat race
That makes you cool and popular, but who is popular?

Don't you know I'm about it 'bout it baby?
Don't you know I'm about it 'bout it baby?
Don't you know I'm about it 'bout it baby?
I'm about as 'bout it 'bout it as anyone could ever be

Not only are these lyrics hilarious and fun...but full of Truth and Grace. God created us and loves each of us for who we are...not whether we look cool or use the right brands. These lyrics remind me to rejoice in who I am.

Revolutionary Road

2009-01-28T16:57:00.000-05:00

I’m shocked. Oscar nominations were announced but neither Kate nor Leo got a nod for Revolutionary Road. I’m seriously shocked. Last weekend Cheryl and I made a last minute decision to see a movie and ended up unexpectedly bumping into my writing partner, Don, and his wife, Michelle at Revolutionary Road. I caught myself saying “Wow!” over and over during the many intense and terrifically vulnerable scenes. After, I wanted to savor every moment.

Revolutionary Road is about a couple (Frank & April) who lost hope in their dreams of an extraordinary life in the midst of struggling with their seemingly ordinary life. The disconnection from their life’s purpose caused extreme tension between them. They had vicious fights.

After one huge fight, April finds an old photo of Frank in Paris. She remembers how talking about Paris ignited his passion for life. So she gets an idea to move the family to Paris, she’ll work as a secretary, while Frank spends time connecting with his life’s purpose. That night when she reveals this plan to him is the first time we see their two children. April and Frank connect joyfully with each other like never before, despite the fact that Frank had just had sex with a secretary that day.

The hope of pursuing the extraordinary life they thought was long gone brings life, and life is symbolized by the presence of the children. As long as they are pursuing their dreams the children are in the movie. But as soon as their hope starts to fade…the children are no longer in the movie. They are mentioned but never seen for the rest of the movie.

Just as the children represent life to the full, truth is represented by a crazy person. It had to be a crazy person who spoke the truth. A “sane” person cares too much about logic and feelings. And a person who speaks or acts on truth unapologetically is generally perceived as crazy by whoever is unwilling to see it for what it is. John the Baptist is a classic example. I noticed the tension in the theater during the most intense truth telling scene. The tension was louder than the giggles of my friends and me. Only a couple other people were laughing during that scene, and I suspect they were just as comfortable with truth as we were. The rest were uncomfortably still.

Later, Don told me he wanted to suggest we all go next door to Sitwell’s to discuss. But we all had reasons to go our separate ways, which left us each without words to express.

Freeing the Past

2009-01-15T11:52:00.004-05:00

Freeing the Past

A few months ago I was asked to write an article for the OneCity Newsletter acknowledging House Resolution 194. In honor and celebration of the upcoming Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and the inauguration of the first black President of the United States of America, I share the article below:

On July 29, 2008, U.S. Congress passed House Resolution 194 otherwise titled “Apologizing for the enslavement and racial segregation of African-Americans.” It is the first and only official apology for the sufferings of African-Americans by the government that allowed such atrocities and double-standards to exist in this the “Land of the Free.” OneCity acknowledges and stands in agreement with House Resolution 194, which can be read in its entirety by clicking this link: http://thedailyvoice.com/voice/2008/07/us-house-of-representatives-to-000946.php

As a faith-based organization, OneCity believes that the sacrifice of Jesus Christ is what truly sets us free. Yet, we have not always, as an organization or as individual Christ followers, behaved as if this is true. Furthermore we recognize there have been times when we could have acted with the character of Christ and failed. So we take this opportunity to confess ours sins against our African-American friends. We are deeply sorry for any actions or words which may have been destructive to the African-American community and dignity.

And in the spirit and character of Jesus Christ we also take responsibility for the damage caused by the people of Cincinnati who have judged, belittled, or demeaned any African-American (past or present) in the Greater Cincinnati area. We pray for healing for both the betrayed and the betrayer. As punctuation to our public apology, we pray specifically for healing of issues related to the passage from House Resolution 194 provided below:

“Whereas African-Americans continue to suffer from the consequences of slavery and Jim Crow – long after both systems were formally abolished – through enormous damage and loss, both tangible and intangible, including the loss of human dignity and liberty, the frustration of careers and professional lives, and the long-term loss of income and opportunity.”

We are committed to working within God’s Will to redeem the damage done and to work diligently with our OneCity partners to encourage freedom to ring throughout our city.

While experiencing the contagious euphoria when Barack Obama was announced as the winner on election night, I thought, “THIS is exactly what this country needs!” There is still a great need for racial healing and forgiveness here in America and worldwide. And I realize that, on Monday, most people won’t give a thought to how the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. embraced God’s perfect truth and grace or how it inspired him to fight for civil rights. But when I wrote the article above and saw the tears of joy on all the faces in Grant Park during Obama’s acceptance speech, I felt full of hope.

Good Grief

2009-01-04T13:52:00.004-05:00

This post has been brewing for quite a while. I almost did my tribute to my dad in October around this theme. And I'm not quite sure where my ramblings will take us today. I just sense deeply I need to write on this. Since my first inspiration on this theme in October, my dear friend Stacie lost her brother-in-law suddenly (see post titled Walk On)to an aneurysm in November. Then in December my church community experienced a tragic loss during a Christmas performance.

What I've learned throughout all of these losses is that the grief process is good. I always thought it was an odd expression when Charlie Brown said "Good Grief." But now I see that he knew what he was saying. And grief manifests in different ways for all of us. In the Bible it talks of people ripping their clothes and wailing. When my dad passed grief took the form of feeling a lack of job security or stability. I remember thinking with certainty I would be fired when I returned from my bereavement leave. I later confessed that fear to my boss and she laughed at me. It was nowhere near the truth, my bosses love me and for some reason think I do a great job.

Again, one of the things I love about my church community is that they fully embrace and encourage the grief process and whatever form that takes from day to day. At the prayer service the day after a performer fell to her death in front of an audience of at least 2k, our senior pastor grieved publicly with anger and tears. It was authentic and moving to witness. And this weekend he delivered a powerful message where he acknowledged that part of his grief process and prayed a public prayer to God to apologize for accusing Him of not being there to save the woman who died. He made an excellent point about letting God be God and that means taking people in His timing according to His Will. I'm not doing it justice, but as of Jan 8th you will be able to watch the video of the service at www.crossroads.net.

And another aspect of grief I've been pondering lately is grieving loneliness. And I'm not talking about the Eleanor Rigby level of loneliness. As I mentioned in my post titled "Making Room," no matter a person's level of busy-ness, in most cases if the person doesn't have a spouse to share life with, they experience loneliness. I think there is a reason God said it was not good for Adam to be alone and why He created Eve to be Adam's mate. The intimacy of a marriage is the next best thing to our intimacy with God.

I had the day after Christmas off and found myself watching things I don't usually get to watch, like The View. Whoopie Goldberg said something I think is true. She said something to the effect of people feel lonely when they feel uncomfortable. True for me. There are days that I feel totally comfortable alone in my apartment and I don't feel lonely. But if I've been out socializing and enjoying fellowship with friends and I go home to an empty apartment, I feel lonely. I notice that when I'm feeling lonely I sleep better on the couch. Like the back of the couch is a surrogate for the warm body of a spouse or something. On that same episode of The View, Nicole Kidman was a guest and she talked about how lonely she felt when she went home alone after winning her Oscar. I thought that was profound proof of my point. Obviously she has many many friends and had just been affirmed in her craft with the highest honor of an Oscar. So feeling loved and appreciated were not what she was missing. She was missing having somebody to share that joy with on an intimate level.

Whether they talk about it openly or not, I think anyone over the age of 30 who is single grieves their loneliness. And if they don't let themselves grieve their loneliness and don't experience Good Grief, then they just get bitter. Come to think of it, the same happens regarding grieving the death of a loved one. In God's infinite wisdom and perfect balance of Truth and Grace, He shows us several examples in the Bible of GOOD GRIEF!

Worth Repeating

2008-12-29T19:27:00.003-05:00

This post was originally published on December 30, 2007 after I watched "The Sound of Music" last year. It was the first time I had watched it all the way through since I was a child and I had a totally new experience of it as an adult. While watching it again last night, I kept thinking of this post and how much it still resonates with me. So here it is again:

I know that at least one of the major television networks shows "The Sound of Music" every year around the holidays. For me it must be one of those things that is such a holiday staple I haven't really watched it all the way through or paid any attention to it since I was a child. And even at that, I admit that my memories of it are inextricably linked with the family I grew up across the street from. They were a naturally talented family. The three children loved "The Sound of Music" so much I remember they performed the "So Long, Farewell" song (with the choreography) at a neighborhood party which required each of them to play the part of at least 2 of the von Trapp children. I must have been impressed...my memory is so vivid!

At any rate, I'm fairly sure I have not allowed myself to enjoy this classic movie completely in my adulthood. And that is a shame. I'm sure that I never fully appreciated the love between Maria and Captain von Trapp as a child. Or Maria's struggle between her faith and devotion to God and her unexpected love with the Captain. Not to mention the sensitive issue of political and patriotic loyalty as Hitler was brainwashing his followers...I mean the music is pretty but what 8 year old can fully grasp THAT! Or, for that matter, the beautiful truth that the Reverend Mother shares with Maria about climbing every mountain, etc. I, as a full grown woman who strives to live a God honoring life (while finding and living my dream), and who also longs to be a God honoring wife, find myself especially moved by their love, discovery of their love, and declaration of their love. And watching (as an adult) Maria and the Captain sing these lyrics:

"Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of truth

For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good"

Well, hearing those lyrics as an adult struck something primal in me and brought me to tears. I think that it struck a primal fear of feeling worthy. And as a Christ follower, it simultaneously reminded me of how truly amazing God's grace is. For here He is, standing here, loving me, whether or not He should. And it's NOT because somewhere in my youth or childhood (or adulthood), I ever did anything good. With faith in the truth and grace that Jesus Christ fulfills, I am worthy of His love - regardless.

On the 12th day of Christmas

2008-12-25T23:07:00.005-05:00

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me- TWELVE awesome concerts prior to 1996. I have some friends who tease me about how blessed I am with great concert experiences by exclaiming "FOUR TIMES FOR FREE" every time I start a sentence with "I saw them..." See my day 11 post for more info! Here are my twelve favorite shows prior to 1996 in no particular order:

1. The Police, Ghost in the Machine Tour, April 1982- need I say more?
2. R.E.M., Pre-Construction Tour, Wittenberg University, May 7, 1985- show was in small gymnasium, paid $5 for tix, long-haired Stipe performed with back to the crowd, I've seen them 6 times since that show- but that will always be my favorite.
3. U2, Joshua Tree Tour, TWICE, Detroit-April 1987, Lexington, KY later in '87
4. Nine Inch Nails, Pretty Hate Machine Tour, TWICE, Bogarts
5. Sarah McLachlan, Fumbling Towards Ecstasy Tour, July 1994, Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, NJ- saw her 3 more times after that but she was never better than that night, including when I sat in front of her parents at the Beacon in NYC (for free)
6. Red Hot Chili Peppers w/Faith No More (original line-up)@ Bogarts. This show is notable because I spent more time talking to guys in Faith No More (got their autographs for Sandy) than paying attention to Chili Pepper's set until I noticed there were probably more uniformed cops on the floor than fans. Why? It was the tour where the Pepper's played with nothing but socks on their cocks.
7. Tori Amos @ State Theater in New Brunswick. Not only was Tori amazing, but this show is memorable because as we left the show a friend told us that O.J. was on the run (after killing his wife). We walked into our favorite bar and it was packed but EVERYONE was glued to the chase on T.V. -Very surreal!
8. Oingo Boingo @ Bogarts, Fall of '88 w/longtime friend P.J.- so much fun!
9. They Might Be Giants @ Bogarts, don't remember what year, John & John were great!
10. PIL twice @ Bogarts. I think both shows were on Thanksgiving, 2 consecutive years, 1985 & 1986?, John Lydon is a hoot on stage!
11. Seal @ Beacon Theater in NYC. Seal at his best in mid-90's. Great show!
12. INXS, at least 3 times and they were the opening act every time! First time they opened for Adam & the Ants, and another time they opened for Men at Work, can't remember the other time(s).

Deciding which shows were my favorites was tough. I should mention the very first concert I ever attended was in 1980 with my two older sisters. It was The Commodores & Kurtis Blow opened. Stop laughing. The Commodores were all the rage in the early 80's! Other honorable mentions: Depeche Mode, The Cure, Erasure, Robyn Hitchcock, Guadal Canal Diary, The Cult opening for Metallica, The Kinks... I gotta stop now.

On the 11th day of Christmas

2008-12-25T21:37:00.012-05:00

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me- ELEVEN awesome concerts from 1996 - present. Since I'm doing day 11 & 12 in one sitting, it's probably obvious by now that day 12 is about the 12 awesome concerts prior to 1996. Also, the fact that I am devoting both days 11 & 12 to my favorite concerts should be a clue how much I love music, especially live music. I don't think it's a stretch to say I have seen over 100 concert productions, and that's not counting how many evenings I've spent in bars & coffee houses enjoying local musicians. I love the energy in the air during a live performance. So here are some of my favorites since 1996 in no particular order:

1. Over the Rhine, most recently at the church across from my apartment 4 days ago.
2. Josh Ritter opening for Jamie Cullum in Indianapolis, October 2006.
3. Morrissey on Valentine's Day in Akron, OH in 2000- How hilarious is that? It's my all time favorite Valentine's Day...so far this beats any typical VDay with a man!
4. Sting, Broken Music Tour, April 2005- he did mostly early Police stuff and very little of his solo stuff. Such a great show!
5. Lyle Lovett w/KD Lang opening, July 2007-Cheryl's b-day, great show!
6. 80's Regeneration Tour, August 2008, longtime friend Brian and I had so much FUN!
7. Live w/Luscious Jackson, summer 1997- 'Nette, Urs, & I had back stage passes-Great day, Cool show.
8. BoDeans, most recently- April 2008 @ 20th Century- Nothin' beats BoDeans live!
9. Ingrid Michaelson, Jan 2008 @ 20th Century w/Chelle- very fun show
10. John Hiatt, etc.- Tall Stacks, October 2006-several great acts played Tall Stacks
11. The Connells, most recently in 1997, Bogarts, got in free unexpectedly

By now my rock star lifestyle has probably impressed you to pieces. Don't get me started! ;-) To paraphrase Bono, it's not decadent if you notice and are grateful. For sure, I have a keen awareness and appreciation for my live concert blessings!

On the 10th day of Christmas

2008-12-22T21:02:00.003-05:00

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me- prayers answered ten-fold. I'll spare you the listing of ten answered prayers by making it a random number of prayers answered ten-fold. One involves my trip to Portland (see day 8). One involves an unlikely friendship that probably only exists because we each choose to do ALL things through Christ. And most recently learning that a guy I've known for three years is the writing partner I've been praying for to help me manifest an overwhelming vision. This answered prayer is still in the process of blowing my mind. So, I'll keep my gratitude brief here...God knows I can't thank Him enough for this one. Suffice it to say I prayed a seemingly simple prayer for a writing partner for several years and waited patiently for the Lord. Once again, God's vision is way bigger than my vision.

On the 9th day of Christmas

2008-12-22T20:43:00.003-05:00

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me- a nine year old car I love. Well, I bought my car used in 2006, and she is a year 2000 model. So she is nine years old, but I've only had her for about three. Her name is Beatrice. She's lime green. She's a five-speed turbo(I love leaving trucks in my dust). She's a Volkswagen Beetle. She has heated leather seats. A six CD changer in her boot. Her nickname is MC Bea Bug. She gets compliments from complete strangers in parking lots. I love my little green turbo bug!

On the 8th day of Christmas

2008-12-22T19:41:00.004-05:00

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me- eight great vacations. I'm making this up as I go along, but I'm sure I can come up with eight. Starting with my most recent week long vacation in Portland, Oregon last July. Portland is a great city, I had a great time, and I had a specific sweet encounter that only God could have orchestrated. Sometimes God is so kind for no other reason than to show us how much he loves us.

In September 2007 I went on a road trip to the NYC area to visit several friends I had not seen in at least six years. I used to live in the NYC area, spent a lot of time in the city, and met some fabulous friends while there. They are kinda like family. I happen to love long drives and road trips to begin with. One of my life long dream vacations is to take 2-3 months to drive across the country. And when I go back to NY I like to drive so that I can get myself around to see all my friends (who are now a little spread out in different parts of NJ, CT, and Long Island) in the comfort of my own car with my own music. Anyway, it was a wonderful, fun, relaxing week with no particular agenda but to spend at least one night with a few different friends. Oh, and to see Spring Awakening which I did with Barri.

In April 2006 I went on a service trip to Mamelodi, South Africa. I met some of my current dearest friends on that trip. Including my host family, the Phatlanes. Kgakgamatso just got married in November and I was thrilled that he called me himself last June to invite me. I planned to be there for his wedding until my car broke down twice and my laptop crashed which depleted my funds set aside for my trip to SA. Apart from all that relationship stuff, it was a great lesson in what it means to truly live as if the joy of the Lord is my strength.

Okay, to keep this post from becoming a novel, the other five great vacays will be lumped together in this paragraph in random order. There was a family trip to New Orleans in the mid 90's which was meaningful since we lived in New Orleans for the first 5 years of my life. We drove by the old house, had dinner with old friends, and also did the tourist stuff in the French Quarter, Breakfast at Brennan's, Commander's Palace, Jazz clubs, etc. My parents had a nice time share in Hilton Head for a few years and those trips were always good. We'll count 3 of those. Which means I just need to come up with one more...hmmm...Grand Canyon or Panama? Or San Diego (extended business trip) or .... wait, maybe I should eliminate at least one of those trips to Hilton Head from the list. Did I say I could come up with just 8? The truth is, I'm pretty much content wherever I go.

On the 7th Day of Christmas

2008-12-22T19:04:00.002-05:00

Sorry, I was distracted for a few days by a tragic event, prayer services, holiday parties, and hang time with friends. I'm back in the saddle again! On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, SEVEN years of Bill's updates. Bill Yeaton is a locum tenens physician I met through a previous job. Why am I so excited to get his annual updates? Not only is he an extremely nice man, Bill also happens to be an excellent photographer and his yearly newsletters are full of interesting details and photos from his travels. I long to travel as much as he does and I live vicariously through his annual updates. To see some of Bill's photography visit his website:

www.billyeaton.com

Be prepared to drool! Not all of his website photos have captions, but the ones where he explains what led him to take the photo, etc. are fascinating. Enjoy!

On the 6th Day of Christmas

2008-12-17T21:11:00.002-05:00

Hooray! We are halfway through this gimmick! I think it's working, by the way. For whatever that's worth. Okay, so on the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me- SIX nifty nephews. I mean that sincerely. All six of them are great. The oldest one is 21 and the youngest one is 10 (I think). Gee, I feel like a horrible aunt for not being more sure of their ages. Anyway, the two oldest (Clif & Spencer) are my brother's kids. The three in the middle (Isaiah, Gabe, & Eli) are from my second oldest sister. And the youngest (Joseph) is from my oldest sister. Yes, totally out of order isn't it? Well, any way you slice it, they are all very good boys. And I am extremely proud to be their Auntie Em.

On the 5th Day of Christmas

2008-12-16T22:40:00.002-05:00

This is hard. On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me- FIVE golden friends. Well, I have lots of golden friends. But five who come to mind as extra special for some reason. One of them was featured on the front page of the Cincinnati Enquirer today. She's 2 days older than me, has the same name and we've been friends since we were five. We hardly see each other anymore even though we live just 3 miles from each other. And when we do, we just talk like we saw each other yesterday. We don't bother filling in the details of our lives and things we did since we last met. That would seem almost redundant with our friendship and our history.

The other four make it to my list of five for similar reasons. Although they all have been friends for different lengths of time. My college roommate is one. I just went to see her in November. And we really don't spend much time discussing the missing details. We just hang out like always. We've been friends for over 20 years through many ups and downs. Then there's my buddy from a leadership program I did in the mid 90's. We've been friends for about 15 years, have very little in common but we love each other and again, can just pick up and talk like no time has passed at any given moment. Then there's my friend who has literally helped me through the biggest transition in my adult life, is one of my biggest fans, and treats me like family. She and I have been friends for about 7 or 8 years now. And I have a friend who I've only known a year who totally gets me on every level and I already feel like she's a part of my family and I'm a part of hers.

The best part of these 5 specific golden friends is that they are a small sample and example of my many other friends. These 5 are consistent, either due to length of the friendship or depth of bond. But I am blessed to have dozens more friends who are very dear and special to me on many and varying levels. I love how God uses friendships to demonstrate His deeply profound truth, grace, and love.

On the 4th Day of Christmas

2008-12-15T17:27:00.003-05:00

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me- FOUR great bosses. Well, there's four that I answer to on a daily basis, then a couple more here and there. My favorite thing about my bosses is that they all appreciate my sense of humor. Having worked in environments where my humor was less than welcome, this aspect makes work so much more enjoyable! In fact Deb instigates much of the hilarity by making prank phone calls, silly emails, door rattling shanannigans, etc. And Eric has just gotten used to me laughing hysterically at his odd requests. Like the day he called and asked me to order a compass for him. I assumed he meant a directional compass and I accused him of starting a Boy Scout troop in his office (he is an Eagle Scout). Then he explained he had been using a CD to draw his circles. In the meantime, we were both laughing so hard we could hardly complete the phone call. And Joe posted the hilarious homemade Pinky & The Brain birthday card I made for him to everyone's delight. His birthday was in August and it's still hanging in the lab.

Ralph melts my heart on most days. There are only a few days of every month I feel otherwise and on those days I have a posse of peeps supporting me in that he's being unreasonable. In fact, he just stopped by my office to tell me there's an ice storm coming and I should go home now. How sweet is that?

On the 3rd day of Christmas

2008-12-14T10:07:00.002-05:00

Welcome to day 3 of this gimmick! On the third day of Christmas, my true love (yes, still God) gave to me, three super siblings. Really. We have very different approaches to life and often don't really understand each other. And there is no doubt that we all love each other, flaws and all. We always enjoy spending time together which usually includes hearty laughter over something totally silly...past or present.

As a child, they were as much care givers as siblings. I'm the youngest. They are all several years older. My oldest sister,Beth, is exactly 10 years and 23 days older than me. Then there is Sue who is 8 years older. And my brother, Ned, is 7 years older. We did not have the typical sibling scuffles. We had scuffles, but due to some specific family dysfunctions, they weren't typical. Our family loyalty and love has always prevailed. For that, we know we are blessed beyond measure.

On the 2nd Day of Christmas

2008-12-13T13:14:00.002-05:00

Yes, forging ahead with this cheesy gimmick. On the second day of Christmas my true love (uh...that would be God, right?) gave to me, TWO cuddly kittens! Well, actually they are full grown cats and I've had them for 14 years. And I'm allergic to them. But they are the sweetest reflection of God's love in my life.

Unfortunately, the photo I planned to post of them didn't make the transfer to my new laptop. The gray one's name is Cica (pronounced Tsitsa) which is Hungarian for kitten. The white one has David Bowie eyes (one is hazel and one is ice blue) and her name is Chim Fi (pronounced Chim Fee) which is Chinese for spot. When she was tiny she had a spot on her forehead that looked like Gorbachev's birthmark- the spot disappeared within 6 months I think.

Why such unusual names? That's just the kind of gal I am! I got both of them at the same time (they are from the same mother but 2 different litters) and wanted to name them something different. I was bartending at a steakhouse in New Jersey at the time. One of the servers suggested I name them something common, but in another language. It so happened that my fellow bartender was Hungarian and the entire kitchen crew was Chinese. So after asking for several translations to common pet names, Cica and Chim Fi stuck. Don't worry, not many people remember their real names. One friend always referred to them as Dim Sum and Chick Pea.

They greet me at the door, they cuddle with me and purr sweet nothings in my ear, Cica makes an excellent kitty-alarm-clock (I'm convinced she can tell time), and I'm sure they have expressions of concern on their fur covered faces when I'm sad. Oh yeah, they know all my deepest, darkest, secrets and love me for who I am. Just like God does!