The Dark Side

You Can Feel it in the Air

2008-01-16T03:04:00.000-08:00

Yes, ladies and gentlemen: I'm coming back.

After a prolonged hiatus, I am returning to the airwaves on Friday, February 8 at 7:00 PM Central to bring you an all new edition of The Dark Side.

On February 8, I'll be talking with Kashif Ali, an Ameircan who happens, also, to be a Muslim.

We'll be discussing the relities of Islam vs the perception of some within the US, as well as what it's like to be be a Muslim in the US these days.

Tune in.

At the Eve of 2008

2007-12-31T03:09:00.000-08:00

2007 (or, as I like to call it "The Year of the Mongoose with Tourrette's Syndrome") is coming to an end. It only seems fitting to have a kind of retrospective, looking back at all the nonsense and various liver-quaking events of the last 365 1/4 days.

This year, of course, marked the birth of The Dark Side, as well as the formation of The Free World Radio Network. For me, this is obviously a milestone, as it marked my return to the air, as well as illustrating the point that I am not alone out there. For those of you reading this, it marks an obvious milestone, as it means, well...you're reading this.

2007 also heralded Rob Zombie's attempt at directing a remake of Halloween...we all know what I thought of that.

This year, we also had to bid an indifferent "so it goes" to Kurt Vonnegut Jr.,a man who inspired me to become unstuck in time and explore the truth about mirrors.

That irritating, blonde borderline celebrity with the huge fake knockers snuffed it.

And finally, 2007 marked yet another year during which I was not invited to participate in a wild, semi-legal three-way sex-jam with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.

*sigh* Maybe next year.

Sweet, Hairy Nipples of Christ! I Have a Blog!

2007-12-29T06:34:00.000-08:00

Look, I know I've said I'd be keeping this up to date more, then, immediately thereafter, I disappeared for nearly two bloody months.

I've some good excuses.

I've had a lot of people coming and going through my home, plus, I can't account for much of my whereabouts from November 12 - this morning, owing to vast quantities of an unidentifiable (yet thoroughly amusing) blue-green powder I've been consuming lately.

I'm back here, though. Yes, it may be sporadic for a while, owing to the numerous people still using my home as a bit of a way-station, but I'm here none the less.

While there have been huge and profound occurrences in the world of politics since my last entry, I'm going to deliberately ignore those for now.

Instead, I'm just going to randomly rant until something at least mildly humorous to me comes out on the page. This could take a while.

Recently, I've come to the conclusion that more people need to be pointed to and laughed at. I know, that sounds a bit calloused, but hear me out...

We live in a society where we celebrate those who are famous for no reason whatsoever (Brittney Speares, Paris Hilton, George Bush, etc) and every one of them wind up doing something (or many things) that are pathetic by the standards of sentient beings, yet, there are those amoung us who think these..."people" are being treated unfairly.

From the right-wing radio monkeys who think George Bush is being attacked because he's not a Democrat, and he will go down in history as being "a great president" rather than "a scientific experiment gone horribly wrong" to the odd, weeping genetic construct on You Tube entreating us to "leave Brittney alone! She's a human being!", I see our society crawling with (and, sometimes seemingly dominated by) individuals who can't seem to grasp the reality that there are some animated, pseudo-sentient sacks of meat that are, in essence (or, in at least one case, in a legal sense) dominating our country.

The question used to be "how dumb do you have to be in order to think a video you take of yourself giving head to your boyfriend won't be made public when you are the heir to a vast fortune and a very public figure?"

It has now become "Why do you think, after this video has become publicly available, that George Bush will be remembered as anything OTHER than a rich, idiotic slut?"

Getting Myself Into Trouble Again

2007-11-10T14:56:00.000-08:00

Alright, I know, I've been gone for a LONG bloody time, but I'm back with something that is truly worth the wait.

Friends, are you tired of what the president is doing?

Are you sick of sitting, silently while the pretzel-choker gets further and further from rational thought?

Well, it's time to take action and remind this individual that he works for you, not the other way around, and I'm here to tell you exactly how to do it:

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you THE WHITE HOUSE COMMENT LINE!!!!

Call the number listed below and tell them what you think. Remember, the president isn't going to answer and the person who does just works there, so be polite, but don't mince words.

(202) 456-1111

Call polite, but call as much as you feel you need to in order to be heard. The number, again:

(202) 456-1111

I Really Need to Pay More Attention When I Order Things Online

2007-10-13T12:27:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to learn Japanese. I've always found the language fascinating, even though I can't understand a bloody word of it.

So, I ordered one of those Learn Japanese While You're totally Shit-faced computer programs.

Well, it arrived in the mail today and I put it in.

Unfortunately, the entire thing has two very troublesome problems for me:

1. All the instructions are in Kanji. I don't understand spoken Japanese, how in the seven hells am I going to be able to understand written Japanese?

2. As it turns out, it doesn't really matter, since it is meant to teach you Japanese, but only if your primary language is bloody German.

I'm Back, and I'm On A Mission!

2007-10-11T14:41:00.000-07:00

I've been gone for a while. The Prime Material Universe kept me pretty busy for a few weeks, which kept me from being on air or updating this blog. That is no longer the case.

At least to an extent.

Tomorrow night, I will be returning to the air waves to host The Dark Side. I've been itching to do it. I'm happy I'll be back.

Sadly, due to various external forces, it will, quite possibly, be my last broadcast for 2007. I tend to have many house guests this time of year, and it's difficult to broadcast a radio show when Aunt Alicia, who is half-deaf, is trying to watch The Ghost Whisperer in the room that doubles as my broadcast studio.

This does not mean, however, that I am going to be disappearing again. On the contrary, I will be making my presence known quite vehemently here, on The Drudge Retort, and with the odd opinion piece submitted to Op Ed News. Trust me, you'll still be hearing a lot from the old Reverend, just not necessarily in the literal "hearing" sense.

As for tomorrow night:

Well, the title of this post does say I'm on a mission. That mission becomes public tomorrow night at 7:00 PM Central. Be warned, o' lovely listeners: I may well run long tomorrow, so you may need to catch part (or maybe even half) the show via the archive.

Talk to you then.

It's Been a Few Days, I know

2007-09-19T15:35:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit busy, seeing as there is a life out in the Prime Material that I have to take care of, plus I've been writing some mad opinion pieces for Op Ed News. I slacked off. I know.

But you know I love you, right?

Those other sites, they didn't mean anything. They were just there and I was lonely.

You know you're the site of my dreams, right, baby?

Gun Porn

2007-09-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

I need to preface today's post with a bit of a story as to my day yesterday.

For various reasons, all of which have four legs, I had to do some major repairs to the chain-link fence in my back yard. Bear in mind, I'm no handy-man and all I know about tools is which end of a claw-hammer to bury in a person's skull. As a result, I've transformed my hands into something resembling ground-beef with cuticles.

So, as a way of dealing with some annoyingly persistent pain, I went to the movies last night. I decided I was in the mood for something tremendously mindless, so I chose Shoot 'Em Up.

How to best describe this film?

Well, to call it a typical gun-porn movie (meaning a film where a lot of people shoot each other over an incredibly thin plot pulling off physically impossible shots, etc.) would be accurate, but it wouldn't even be telling a quarter of the story.

Shoot 'Em Up takes the gun-porn genre to a level that even the most dedicated 13 year old boy in the grips of a rampage brought on by 8 litres of Mountain Dew and 14 hours of Halo 2 would find ludicrous.

The film not only doesn't take itself too seriously, it goes out of its way to make you laugh; not with it, but at it. The entire plot (which I won't divulge here) could probably be described in less time than it would take to replace a toilet roll, but that doesn't matter, and Shoot 'Em Up seems perfectly fine with that. In fact, it revels in it's thin plot and outlandish gun-play.

Nothing I type here will do the film justice without spoiling some of it, and most people wouldn't see it otherwise, so I will have to put forth some minor spoilers here.

In this film, no fewer than people people are killed with carrots sticks. Guns are used, not just to kill people, but to open doors, work a playground merry-go-round, and even to cut an umbilical chord.

Trust me, go see Shoot 'Em Up even if you don't normally enjoy gun-porn, you'll love this one because of it.

Random Observations

2007-09-12T14:21:00.001-07:00

First, I know it's been some time since I updated this thing. I wanted to keep my last one up past September 11.

Now, I want to talk about somethings I've noticed about the world.

About people:

Without fail, people are complete scumbags. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking the Rev's on one of his "better than everyone else" jags. Well, fuck you, first off. Second, no, I'm not. I include myself in this category. Let's be real...every human being out there has done some horrendous thing in their past that any other human being would look at and say "Wow, you're some kind of asshole!". Well, it's time to recognize that fact. Once we all realize we are the sentient equivalent of gangrene, we can begin to get better.

About the earth:

We need it. We need to keep it happy. Frankly, it doesn't need us. If we don't start treating it better, we'll get kicked out faster than Kevin Federline from Chateau on the Green. If any of you reading this have ever been homeless, that's bad. I feel for you. Now imagine six BILLION people homeless. This is why I'm starting to hoard cardboard boxes.

About Republicans:

Right now, you're party is what's killing our country. Fix it. Stop saying shit about how the government doesn't work. It doesn't work when your people fuck it up. Now get them to do something right for a change.

About Democrats:

Get a pair of balls, will you? You people were elected by a large margin to do two things: end the war and reign in the asshole in the White House. So far, you've not done a bloody thing and it's pissing a lot of us off.

About Rev. Damien Darko:

A complete jackass who wouldn't know a good idea if it bit his nuts off. The egotistical bastard even names things after himself. Yeah, The Dark Side...Real fucking clever and subtle there.

Reflections 6 Years Hence

2007-09-08T12:59:00.000-07:00

For those of you who haven't checked out this morning's Situation Awareness, you should do it.

Go ahead and click play:

Looking back on September 11, 2001, I'm struck by how little America has learned.

As a nation, we've grown accustomed, over the last six years, to giving up our liberties and our way of life out of fear. Sure, the government said that we need to continue to live as we always have, or the terrorists won, but then they listen to our phone calls, they keep people locked up without trial they torture...pardon me, they use "exceptional interrogation techniques" to gain information of dubious quality at best.

Like many people, I was personally affected by that day. I was one of the lucky ones. Those I love managed to survive unscathed, but it took several days to know that. I remember the fear, the pain and the anger I experienced in a random pattern inside me. I empathize more than I care to admit with those who weren't as lucky as I was.

I look at this country today, nearly six years later and I realize that we, as a country, have forgotten.

We haven't forgotten that we were attacked, not on a jingoistic level, anyway. What we have forgotten is who we are.

We are Americans. We are free people. Each one of us holds a dream deep within our hearts and within our spirits that is a dream of freedom, liberty and peace.

We are a people who believe in equality. We are a people who believe in justice, not vengeance.

We are, in truth, a people who believe in the principles laid forth in our constitution: the very foundation of what our nation is and is meant to be.

We have forgotten that.

It's time to remember.

Putting it up to a Vote

2007-09-05T16:22:00.001-07:00

It has been brought to my attention by a few Prime-Material mates of mine, that I need to have a "sub-title" following my name (Something along the lines of the old Saturday Night Live bit Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute, I suppose.)

My friends have put up a few suggestions, and I'll take any others you, my loyal, well-groomed listeners/readers may have, as well. I'll then either pick the one with the most votes, or just pick one at random.

Here's whats been given to me thus far...

Rev. Damien Darko: Master of Funk and Evil

Rev. Damien Darko: Leader of the Damned

Rev. Damien Darko: Lord of the Pants

Rev. Damien Darko: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore

Rev. Damien Darko: The Freshmaker

Rev. Damien Darko: The Reason for the Insanity Plea

Let me know any more you may think of.

Halloween '07 (or How to Fuck Up a Classic)

2007-09-03T09:39:00.000-07:00

I've said it before: I'm a huge horror movie fan.

That's an understatement.

I'm a person who took a 1500 mile road trip to spend an afternoon at the mall the original Dawn of the Dead was filmed in.

Bear this in mind when I tell you that over the weekend, I saw Rob Zombie's take on Halloween.

When it comes to Rob's movies, I'm about 50% with him. I thought House of 1000 Corpses was more derivative than homage, and was severely lacking in nuance, whereas I though The Devil's Rejects was a brilliant piece of celluloid.

When it comes to Halloween, well, it's a bloody classic, on par with Psycho, really.

And, like that bit of Hitchcockian brilliance, Halloween should have been left alone.

Let's start with what made the original so fantastic before I begin excoriating the dreck which poisoned my eyeballs this weekend...

The origin of Michael Myers (the killer, for all you uninitiated) given in the 1978 film was brief, sketchy and mysterious. He was a young boy of about 10 who, one Halloween night for unexplained reasons, viciously murdered his older sister (after she had the worlds FASTEST fuck with her boyfriend, clocking in at about 48 seconds from the time they went upstairs to the time the boyfriend leaves the house). After the murder, his parents, who had been out, find him outside, in his clown costume, holding the bloody knife and completely catatonic.

Flash forward about 15 years and Michael, now an adult, escapes from the asylum and returns home, killing several teenagers (seemingly at random) and eventually stalking and trying to kill the female lead, Laurie Strode (Played by up-and-comer Jamie Lee Curtis). It is during this sequence that we, as an audience learn that Michael is not just purely evil, but nearly superhuman in his durability, even taking 6 shots at close range and falling out of a second-story window before completely vanishing.

What made this such a brilliant film was the simplicity of it mixed with the fact that it deliberately OMITTED motive. Michael was raised in a typical, middle to upper-middle class family (as was evident in the brief intro scene) and his attack lacked any kind of reasoning. Essentially, the monster was any one of us. Somewhere, without any kind of warning, one of our children would wake up and become the embodiment of evil.

Now, on to Rob Zombie's version.

Here, Rob took it upon himself to give Michael a more complete history. We learn more about his family (very different from the original version) where his mother is a low-pay stripper, his step-father figure (we're never sure of the marital status between his mother and this man, though it is clear they are in some kind of abusive relationship) is a drunk who has been in some kind of severe accident, his sister is, apparently either a high-school hooker, or simply just a slut, and Michael, himself, is a sensitive soul who is tormented both in and outside of the home because of it (so many characters call him "fag" it becomes a cliche of a cliche.) As with many in that kind of situation, Michael asserts control and dominance in the only way he feels he can: by harming and killing animals.

I have to admit here; if this film were NOT called Halloween, I would have been okay with this bit. It was, though simplistic by psychological standards, a pretty good dramatization of the background of a garden-variety sociopath, leading up to spree-killing, or even (though not as likely) serial-murder. Unfortunately, this film WAS called Halloween, and therefore, it pains me that Zombie took one of the key pieces of the lore of this movie and ripped its soul out.

The film progresses to Michael's mother meeting in school with Dr. Loomis (played here by Malcom McDowell, one of my favourite actors) Pre-murder. During this, we get the first glimpse of Michael's approaching breakdown. He tracks down and brutally beats a school bully to death.

This scene was actually quite well done in it's stark honesty. It wasn't overly gruesome, but the visuals of the bully pleading for his life were well played and sufficiently under-stated to be actually quite disturbing.

From here, though, the film REALLY breaks down.

Not wanting to type for much longer, and also not wanting "spoil" much of the movie, I'll keep the rest a bit vague.

Somewhere along the way, Michael has gone from having a bit of an affection for his clown mask (he wears it quite a bit) to having an almost debilitating and all-consuming schizophrenic need to deal with his fracturing personality by wearing various masks to bring his personality traits to the fore-front. This, while a fascinating phenomenon in reality, is NOT supported by any of the psychology presented in the film (okay, I admit, I'm a psychology geek, as well).

Eventually, Zombie gets to the meet of the original story. Sadly, he's spent so much time giving the history of Michael (and causing us to try to sympathize with him), he has only about 1/3 the amount of time to tell the story, and he has to try to get us to fear someone he spent 2/3 of the film trying to get us to understand and even care about. That makes the last 1/3 of the movie very confusing.

Additionally, Whereas the original film had Michael presented as a slow, but determined juggernaut of death, this version presents Michael as being fast and brutally strong, spending much of his "stalking time" in an enraged rampage, smashing through walls and generally behaving in a "Hulk-like" manner.

Finally, my last point.

Look, I know it's the 21st century. I'm an open minded guy. My question, though is this:

Rob, why did you put up such a STRONG bisexual vibe one the female characters? They went from being best friends (in the original) to seeming like friends who fuck each other when their boyfriends are busy. I've got no sweat with the whole bisexual thing, but if this was your intention, then don't beat around the bush with it. Don't hint at the bisexuality, come out and say it. Not gratuitously, mind you, but there isn't anything wrong with it. As I said, it's the 21st century: we can HANDLE the fact that sexuality isn't what our parents told us it is.

Holy Crap, It's September!

2007-09-03T09:25:00.001-07:00

I'm used to time passing in a somewhat accelerated manner around me. Most of the time, I've no bloody clue what day it is, so it never surprises me when the weekend hits, but I'm thinking it's Tuesday.

This morning, however, I was temporally bitch-slapped a bit harder than usual.

I woke up and commenced with my usual routine of bending my brain a bit, then conversing with my Rice Krispies, trying (with the philosophical tag-team of Snap, Crackle and Pop) to unlock the mysteries of a universe that allows coffee to be decaffeinated, when I turned on the news, trying to find out when the Fireworks were going to start tonight (having been fairly sure, seeing as it was a long weekend, that it was Independence Day), only to see Jerry Lewis' smiling, yet somewhat exhausted face staring back at me, asking me for money.

This isn't really unusual for me, as Jerry is often over my house asking for a handout, but this time, he was in a tuxedo. That could only mean one thing...

It was fucking Labour Day.

I wasn't a couple of days off, I was a couple of MONTHS off.

Obviously, I need to get more of this peyote.

It's REALLY high quality.

Cartoons and Pole Dancers

2007-08-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

Saturday daytime television is, as I'm sure you are all aware, aimed at basically two types of people: children and sports fans.

Since, for the most part, I'm not a sports fan, and those sports I am a fan of, I prefer to watch in person, I don't spend a lot of time on Saturdays watching sports.

This of course, leaves cartoons.

Cartoons have changed a great deal since I was growing up. These days, it's about marketing. Okay, to be fair, it was when I was growing up, as well. Hell, I grew up in the era of the Smurfs.

I digress.

So I've been watching a great deal of this stuff today and I've realized that the marketing of toys to boys tends toward the somewhat violent or the somewhat constructive.

The marketing towards girls, however...

There's these...things...They call them dolls, but that's not really the most accurate description I can think of.

They're called Bratz and they teach young girls some very strange lessons (misspelling the word "brats" being the first.)

I remember people saying that Barbie was unnaturally proportioned. It is, of course, but these Bratz things make Barbie look like a fairly realistic depiction of a teen aged girl.

These things have a body which would, if translated to full human proportions, make Kate Moss look like an absolute porker. Sorry, but I'm pretty sure young girls get enough body image problems from actual living freaks of nature. I don't think it's really necessary to create a manufactured image that makes anorexics look somewhat chunky.

Then, there's the fact that these plastic mutations have a head roughly HALF THE SIZE OF THE REST OF THEIR BODY! On top of that, these things are always depicted in tight-fitting clothes (considering their body-type, I would have to image that a "life-sized" Bratz thing would have difficulty keeping Spandex from looking baggy), strutting along a stage and not serving any other purpose in life.

For this reason, I recommend calling these things what they actually are likely to inspire young girls to become: Tips-Only Strippers! now with LAP-DANCE ACTION!

The Heat Got to me Today

2007-08-23T16:47:00.001-07:00

Up until recently, I'd been walking to work and home everyday, which is great exercise and let's me save a fortune on gas.

For various reasons, I've had to stop that for a while, which has been bothering me lately. So, this morning I decided to go back to walking.

First, I couldn't find my shorts. I didn't think this would be that much of a problem. After all, I knew it was going to be hot, but I've done this kind of walk before (five miles each way, by the way), so I figured I'd be okay in my jeans.

Then, when I was about a mile from home, I realized forgot to bring my cell phone with me. This is never a good thing to do when walking alone at four in the morning. Ah, well, no big deal.

So I got to work in time, which was fine. I was hot, tired and sweaty, but my office has a shower, so I cleaned up and went to work.

Of course, the thing I didn't take into account was the fact that it is much cooler in the morning (especially before dawn. Come time to go home, it was 103 degrees (110 with the heat index) and I was wearing a black t-shirt and black jeans.

Allow me, at this point to explain that as stupid as I was, I was actually terribly lucky.

I got about half-way home and knew I wasn't going to make it by foot. There was a bus stop about a block and a half from where I made that decision, so I decided to get there and take the bus as close to my home as possible.

Unfortunately, I didn't make it that block and a half. I'm not really sure how many more steps I got, but the next thing I knew, there was a police officer crouched over me with a bottle of iced water. I had passed out (fortunately falling to the side of the road into a dirt shoulder) and he had been at the nearest corner. He saw me go down and was able to get to me quickly with the water. He was also nice enough to make sure I was okay and I didn't want to get to the hospital or anything, then gave me a ride home.

Needless to say, I was lucky. The route that I walk is very busy, traffic wise. Beyond the fact that there was someone right there who was able to get me the water as quickly as he did, if I had fallen in the opposite direction, I'd be dead right now.

So, for once, I was quite happy to wake up and see a cop standing over me.

And I'm not going to try that again until this fucking heat breaks.

The Wiki-Man

2007-08-21T11:16:00.001-07:00

So, recently, for about 12 or so hours, The FWRN was listed in Wikipedia. It was a very cool feeling, while it lasted.

It was kind of like sex. I say that because when I first saw the article, I was naked, sweaty and out of breath.

Unfortunately, the deities of Wikipedia deemed our entry unworthy. It was with a bit of depression and a blind rage that I read the information that our entry was deleted for violating...The RULES!!!

Now, Wikipedia has it's rules, and that's fine. It's their site, so they make the call. My issue is the nature of the rules our entry supposedly violated. It was considered "Spam" and lacking "Notability".

The entry was an informational page about the FWRN. Yes, it did have links to our web page. Of course, so does, say, The Fox News entry. I fail to see the difference, as neither was an advertisement.

As far as notability, I'll admit, they may have a point. After all, we're a new network, and we're an online presence. It's not like we've had any notable guests on our network, like a best-selling author or, say, a Presidential candidate, so I suppose they have a point.

Time to Get a Second Specialty

2007-08-20T14:27:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention, yet again, that people are fundamentally stupid.

I was driving down the road and happened to see a truck pass. It belonged to a cleaning company (I don't remember the name of the company), but what most struck me was the sign on the side of the thing:

"We get your Garmets like new"

Now, I'm not an ad man or anything, but I'm pretty sure that one should probably run a spell check on your stencil BEFORE you run the paint through it.

Apparently, The Martians Wish to be Left Alone

2007-08-19T02:12:00.000-07:00

No, It's Not the Drugs...

2007-08-18T21:53:00.001-07:00

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I've threatened to do this before, but now, I can legally do this:

I am officially announcing my candidacy for President of the United States in 2008.

Some will ask what my platform is. Well, it is, at the moment, a work in progress. Here's what I have so far:

1. If elected, the military will never again have a shortage of bunnies.

2. I will guarantee some pot for every chicken.

3. If elected...Spirographs for Everyone!

4. I will appoint Adam West ambassador to the UN, however, I would require that he wear the Batman costume...for...national security.

So, that's all I have right now, but I'll be coming up with more soon.

In the mean time, I will be hitting the trail. First stop will be tomorrow in Snodgrass, Alabama where I will be providing free abortions to everyone...even the men.

Until then, remember:

A vote for Damien Darko is a vote for Ponies!

Nashville Nightlife

2007-08-18T20:07:00.000-07:00

In order to understand the story of the rest of my evening, you need to know that, for dinner, I made what I refer to as a "Mystical Pizza". This is not to be confused with a Mystic Pizza (the movie, by the way, was based on an actual pizza restaurant in Mystic, Ct. which does have, easily, the greatest pizza in history. If you get there, try their BBQ chicken pizza.)

A mystical pizza is, essentially, a pizza made with as high a quality...herbal content in the sauce and some very special mushrooms.

So, for dinner, I had one of these and washed it down with a few glasses of absinthe. This has, basically, put me in a very interesting state of mind (a state which can best be described as Las Vegas meets Disney World during the French Revolution), which I have been enjoying out on my front porch with a well packed bowl and listening to the various insects.

This, naturally, is where it all started to go strange.

As I sat there on the porch, the crickets, cicadas and..well, whatever the hell else hangs out in the incredible heat of night here in Nashville seemed not just to be having a discussion, but they were taking on a bit of a..rhythm. It was familiar...

Haunting...

Timeless..

New Wave...

Amazingly enough, the various insects and night creatures of Nashville had broken out into a cover version of Soft Cell's rendition of Tainted Love.

I am Better Than God

2007-08-17T02:56:00.000-07:00

I live in the "Buckle of the Bible Belt", which is a bit of a nightmare, being a Zen Buddhist and an atheist. A few years back, in a neighbouring area, some judge who was apparently unfamiliar with the Constitution decided to put up a huge granite monument to the ten commandments. Those who told him he should obey the law were told that we thought we were "better than God", which did strike some people wrong. Then, I got to thinking...I AM better than God. Here's just a few ways I am better than God:

1. I can prove my own existence. I am a quantifiable mass in space-time.

2. I am willing to discuss any problems I may have with you WITHOUT raining fire and brimstone on your head. Rational people discuss, irrational people destroy (Take note, Bush).

3. I do not demand unwavering loyalty. In fact, the last thing I want if for people to follow my lead without questioning the wisdom of it. Let's face it: I'm an idiot, and I abhor toadies.

4. I answer questions anyone asks me and I do it in a clear, concise manner without requiring the combustion of a shrub for assistance.

5. I've never killed another human being, nor has another human being ever been killed in my name.

All work and no play makes Damien a dull boy.

2007-08-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

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The Only Cool Sci-Fi Geek in History

2007-08-12T12:25:00.001-07:00

Why the Hell am I Awake?

2007-08-11T04:43:00.000-07:00

As I type this, I'm acutely aware of the fact that it is 6:45 on a Saturday morning. There is no reason in the world why I should still be awake at this time. I should e sleeping off come-down.

That's it. No joking in this entry. I'm too bloody tired.

Speed Racer and My Lexicon

2007-08-10T02:49:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, Cartoon Network used to air old episodes of Speed Racer. As a young guy with barley enough money for pizza and mind-twisters, I had to keep my priorities straight, and so my roommate and I spent a lot of time watching Cartoon Network and trying to make the shows more interesting.

I remember very little of that time, especially the 3:00 AM bouts of watching Speed Racer, but I do remember the high amusement factor of the American cast trying to make poorly translated dialogue sound exciting. The two most memorable examples:

"The car's going to fast! I have to find the brakes and use them!"

"You're the most dangerous man I've ever met...and your WACKY!"

Ah, the simple joys of horrible dialogue, vicious insomnia and straight nitrous oxide...