The Musings of Me

Good Morning Sunshine...

2009-11-13T08:38:00.000-08:00

(I shall preface this post by warning you that it's not all that exciting. :-)

(Baby clothes I made from vintage linens.My daughter outgrew these long ago.)

How are you? I guess I've been in one of those funky, transitional places. I've felt quiet...very quiet. But things are shifting. Especially creatively. You know that old ebb and flow...well, most definitely the tide is coming back in I am happy to say. I have been working like a wild woman around my home trying to get a handle on our clutter. I love how the moment to create space, you can breathe a little easier, don't you? (That sounds like the kind of line a yoga teacher would use. :-)

So last weekend it was the basement. We took five bags of fabric, and clothing to a local charity shop. Then on Wednesday I tackled my laundry room/ sewing room...and yesterday my studio. Another few bags of donations. Oh ya!

I am falling in love with my space all over again. I find this important because I both work, and live here. (Okay, let's just say I'm home a bit too much.) All this work has freed me to begin the oh-so long list of winter re-decorating projects that I've made...although I guess I will scratch off painting my studio robin's egg blue after my husband reminded me how fun it is to paint over red.

My favorite spot in my house right now is our dining area just off our kitchen. The footprint of the original kitchen was about 5x11...basically a closet. When we renovated we couldn't really expand the space any other way except to add on. So the actual working part of the kitchen is in it's original location, but we added a dining space/entryway. The garden doors flood it with light. It's furnished with cheap or free furniture and antiques...and my art...and a couple of weeks ago I strung coloured lights all along the perimeter. So, I thought I'd just share a few pictures on the gloriously sunny Friday...

One of my favorite things is the stacked antique butter boxes for shoe cubbies. The rustic benches were built by Jon using scrap wood, and the laundry room door is a salvaged front door from a house here in town.

Now I'm thinking that I could use some lovely Fiesta ware...in about eight different colours...Hmmmm...maybe one day. In the mean time, feel free to come by for tea anytime.

Hope you have a beautiful weekend...xo

From An Autumn Afternoon...

2009-09-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

(Kananaskis Country,AB Sept.26,2009)

...and what is it exactly,
I wonder out loud,
that beckons this forest
to prick up her ears,
and listen to our secrets so
wholeheartedly?

on this most flawless day of sun and sky
dreams rustle...
then fall from the trees,
and land at our feet.

I pick up two or three...
unprepared for how perfectly concrete they feel,
in my hands.

I touch them wistfully...for just a moment...
then I pass them to you,
to be tucked in your pocket
for our safe-keeping.

(Our Path,Sept.26,2009)

Peace and love to you...

Softly...In the Early Morn...

2009-08-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

(Just Before Mornings Light,Pencil and Charcoal, 2009)

There are certain promises
That can be
Only barely whispered
Before we stumble into the light of day...

You know...Just in case you forgot...

2009-08-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

(Tegan~Pencil/Charcoal/Acrylics, 2009)

We all deserve to be heard...
To have a hand to hold...
And arms to fall into...
At the end of a long day.

We all deserve to be treasured...
And adored...
Never told to be quiet...
Or worse yet, ignored.

We all deserve to have someone...
Honour our tears...
Someone who knows full well our strengths
And accepts our short-comings.

I was just feeling especially appreciative of my *someone* today...:-)

Love & Compassion...

C.

Random Joy...

2009-08-18T17:15:00.000-07:00

('A Fairy's Dream'...today's work in progress.)

I am so very thankful that I continue to feel inspired to paint and draw...

My Bee Balm is in bloom! These flowers always make me smile. They kind of look like little court jesture hats, don't they? I also finally found some time to frame some photographs from some lovely photographers...

(Northern California Windmill by Denise Andrade)

I did an art exchange awhile back with Denise...and chose this print of hers. It is so hauntingly nostalgic...and it took me awhile to think of how I wanted to frame it. I took this old window and made a little shelf on it with crown moulding...added flowers...and a starfish, of course...:-)

(Click to see these wonderful prints larger.)
Then there are these prints of Maddie's. I became completely enamoured with her work awhile ago...they just drawn you into the story...I simply matted and framed them...then layered the frames over a vintage window screen. These two framing projects totally made me love my livingroom again...:-)

And then there's these...

And last by not least...My sweet Cootsie...feeling his joy...

Whew! That felt good. It's been pretty heavy around here lately...and it was nice to just revel in a little capricious fun...

Hope you are having a wonderful evening...

xo

Okay...a little late...

2009-08-17T16:48:00.001-07:00

(Bewitched,2009)

but I was waiting to pin down my kiddies to draw names. Sooooo...Rhianna drew Dar's name...and Joe drew Bohemian Mom's. If you lovelies could let me know which print you would like, and send me your address I will send them too you right away. :-)

My love and thanks to all of you who entered...xo

Shades of Grey...and a Give-Away...

2009-08-09T15:27:00.000-07:00

As I type this the sky is turning ever darker...I've already hurriedly pulled the laundry from the clothesline, and now comes the hush. You know the hush that comes before a late summer afternoon storm hits...that strange hush before the wind picks up...and those clouds start booming and cracking. I love it...but my sweet Daisy girl is not a fan to say the least. She will be my constant companion until this is over.
('Morgaine' Pencil/Charcoal/Watercolor on paper. 2009)

This past week felt a bit strange. I find the weather most definitely effects my moods. Most of the past week was dark...dreary...and very wet. So...ya,I found myself in a wee bit of a funk. My creativity loves a little funkiness. It's been ages since I've just picked up a pencil and paper just drawn. I started and I haven't been able to stop. My sketchbook has been going everywhere with me...I. LOVE. IT. :-) I also love that I have a whole week off to play...catch up on some projects around the house...shop...and camp! Yes...it'll be a busy one...

(Fiona,Pencil on watercolour paper. 2009)

But for now...off to finish today's work.

*Oh, and now my favorite part...I am happily giving away an 8x10 print of either 'Morgaine' or 'Fiona' to two of my commenter's. I will draw the names next Sunday evening (the 16th). You can click on any of the images to view them larger.(And if your interested, the originals are available in my Etsy shop.)

Hope you have a fabulous week...xo

*Update...You can also now chose a print of 'Melody'. I just finished her last night. :-)

Boom...Boom-Shacka-Laka...laka!!

2009-08-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

On this most sunny of Sunday's I have been cruising around my garden...and the mood is quite jubilant, I must say. Everywhere I turn there is blossoming...and ripening. There is dancing and humming in every little niche...

The sunflowers are doing a little shimmy-shimmy shake as they reach evermore towards the sun...

Honeybees drunkenly drift from bloom to bloom...I know the feeling...:-)

Everywhere there is the sparkle...

...and shine...of the quintessential summer's day.

Oh yes...and then there's this...

Can you dig it...?:-)

Happy Weekend...xo

Today...

2009-07-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

(My pink Schwinn Cruiser...:-)
It has been a day of joy...A little sitting out on the lawn in the early morn, sipping coffee, listening to the songbirds...bare toes tickled by the dew damp grass. A little shopping with my honey for new art supplies and a little fresh inspiration...a little meandering about town with my little girl (who is quite suddenly turning ten next weekend, and not so little!)

It has been an afternoon of sweltering heat...a hint of mugginess...telling me that mama nature should delight us with a beautiful light show tonight. I find summer thunderstorms so romantic...

It has been an afternoon of wandering through my yard looking for those little bits of ordinary magic that I sometimes forget about...those little hidden nooks where maybe fairies choose to dwell...

Little places where the light dances...

Oh, and I'm almost finished this...

and working on this...

I've been all about watercolours lately. I'm loving them!

Yes...it has just been one of those rare,perfect days...

and I hope you are having a perfect day today too...:-)

ox

Simply Happy...

2009-07-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

Today, I have two of my nieces here. They came into the living room when I was taking this picture...

'Auntie Celeste, why are you laying on the floor taking pictures? That looks fun.' Why yes, honey, yes it is...:-)

As I come here this morning, I have to say that honestly, it doesn't take much to make me happy these days...the chippy green paint on an old screen door hanging on my living room wall...smiley kids...the sweetest husband (who is at work running on less than three hours sleep because he took me to see these guys. There was a wee bit of swwwooooonnnnn-age going on...:-)

And speaking of swooning...

Jon is almost done our greenhouse...I couldn't be happier with it! This weekend we will be putting the stone on the foundation, an I hope to have the interior and exterior painting finished.

I also finished a painting I was working on for a local kids recreation centre fundraiser auction...and I just sent her on her way...

I did something new with this one. I used real flowers...which prompted another little niece to ask me...'Auntie Celeste, what are you doing with those flowers?' Cooking them in the microwave, of course. :-) I think I may have to forewarn my sisters-in-law to keep an eye on their flowers...and microwaves...

Then I had a very sweet lady ask me to please consider teaching a girls yoga/art camp next summer...(Which coincidentally, I'd been pondering for quite awhile anyway.)

All in all it's been a beautiful...NOISY(seriously, kids...could you turn it down a notch.) crazy, busy week...and I am most definitely looking forward to revelling in a quieter weekend.

What are your plans? Whatever you do I hope it is something that brings you joy and nourishes your soul...

Peace and love...
xo

Today....

2009-06-25T08:57:00.000-07:00

(Mantra Necklace by Liz)

Simple and true...

2009-06-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

(My first Cosmo of summer...)

Hi there! How are you? I came here tonight feeling a little funky...and then I thought of this...

(Dar and I at in her neighborhood antique store...out of focus...:-)

A couple of weekends ago I did something that was a little monumental for me. Okay...to be honest I kicked fear in the ass. I am forty. Yep...4...0. Anyway, I had never, ever taken a solo road trip. You see, I grew up in a family that never owned a car. Getting a licence...a car was never something I ever really thought about...until I was 30. I finally took the plunge, and got my licence...although I still didn't drive that much. So skipping ahead to these past few months...and this shifting (or mid-life crisis?) I've been feeling.

Some people buy sports cars...get tattoos...or end marriages when they hit this time of life, but me...I just wanted to hit the open road sooooo...lllloooo. I kissed my worried husband goodbye, popped in some tunes and started singing at the top of my lungs on the way to a city I didn't know...to meet someone that I've never met in person.

So what happened? Nothing short of pure joy...I have come to not believe in coincidence. I believe that the people and circumstances that come into our lives for a reason...I believe that kindred spirits are drawn to each other.

After navigating my way through Edmonton's crazy busy Saturday traffic following Darlene's (excellent :-)directions I arrived at her sweet cottage, which is nestled on a charming street canopied by the most gorgeous elm trees. From the moment we met, I felt an instant warmth and familiarity. She is one of the most beautiful, genuine people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting...and she has an equally lovely family. Her sister-in-law Suvarna was visiting from Vancouver, and the three of us had such a fun afternoon lunching...shopping...sharing...

It was such a happy day. I came home having connected with a friend. I experienced how being brave doesn't mean doing something without fear...I just didn't let the fear hold me back from doing what I wanted to do.(Huge step!)...and I came home with a couple of trinkets from the Anthropologie store to boot.

What's next??? Being the Wonder Woman that I am...it will have to be conquering my fear of flying. It's kind of funny that I would have this fear...especially because I have been accused of living with my head in the clouds on more than one occasion...:-)

Love and light to you...

Daydream Believing...

2009-05-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

(...under our apple tree...)

I love blogging...I really do, and yet I keep struggling with it. So much has been changing that it's hard for me to deal with where it came from, or where it is going. I know somewhere along the line I decided that I didn't want to go through my life not really knowing myself. I decided that I didn't want to keep me tucked away. I also decided that I didn't want to just live on the surface...and it's hard to know how to share this...or know how much to share. I can say that the deeper I go, the more compassion and kindness I feel toward others...and yet, there is the fear that if I lay it out here, there are those who most certainly do not feel the same way. There are those who feel your feelings and views are fair game, and I have a tender heart. So I tread lightly here my friends...

This post was largely inspired by Stacy . Her post kind of stopped me in my tracks...I've been reflecting. I've been contemplating what to do next...and that is the problem. I know full well the joy that comes from bringing a dream to life...and I know I need to immerse myself in the doing. So I will start by spilling my dreams here...(and I prefer to state them as affirmations...because I just have not doubt about them...:-)

*I will earn my living teaching yoga and art. I will have a beautiful website created. I will write children's books...and poetry.

*I will continue studying yoga...art...photography...philosophy...oh, so much more...because I simply love the thrill of learning something new.

*I will live on a beautiful acreage in B.C. with my husband. We will build our own little cabin, and workshop...and grow old together creating. We will have huge gardens. I will have long grey braids, and a clothesline. It will be a magically special space that will be a legacy of love and joy for our family.

*I will continue to live my truth...

*and lastly...I will be able to stand on my head when I am eighty-six.

Now I'm reading back over what I just wrote...thinking it probably looks pretty simple...but honestly...those are my dreams. I think the last one it the most important for me, because if you are capable of standing on your head at eighty-six, how bad could your life possibly be? ;-)

(Bronwyn,2005,Acrylic on Canvas)

To move myself along I hung Jennifer Lee's business plan up on my livingroom wall today, and started working on it. I actually printed it off a few months ago, and it was collecting dust beside my computer. So...ya...it's up on the wall...and being put to task...

And to echo Stacy's sentiment...I too, believe that pursuing our dreams...our passions...only serves to make this world and even more wondrous place.

Happy Weekend...xo

39 Things....

2009-04-30T22:07:00.000-07:00

(No.17 on a Spring hike.)

Inspired by this lovely's post I thought this would be a fun thing to help me ease back into blogging again...Be sure to check out her awesome project!

1. I am a child in a woman's body.

2. I love to watch 'Love Actually' so that I can cry at the end...the shots of people greeting their loved ones gets me everytime. I have watched Practical Magic several times purely to look at the house, and garden...the kitchen is to-die-for...and a garden by the sea? Come on...the things dreams are made of...I have watched Pride and Prejudice too many times just to hear the words...'Mrs. Darcy'.

3 . When I was younger (teens and twenties) I put off persuing any dreams because I believed something awful would have to me as a consequence.

4. I have been stalked.

5. I fell in love instantaneously with my husband...He had a good 'vibe'. It was our grade 10 Halloween dance. I was dressed as the 'bad' Sandy from Grease...and he was all bad-ass attitude.

6. I have studied Classical Guitar, and Classical Voice. (I'll sing for you...but I can't play guitar to save my life.)

7. I love to run.

8. My favorite yoga poses are headstand and tree pose.

10. I am a vegetarian living in cattle country.

11. I had a life-threatening complication after giving birth to my first son, which left me extremely weak, and in post-partum depression. It took me five years to get the courage to have another baby.

12. I love to drink tea and read in the bath.

13. I'm not convinced that 'thinking positively' is necessarily a positive thing.

14. I grew up on Vancouver Island, and would move my family back there in a heartbeat, if...(ya, there are lots of if's)

15. I have lived on the same street for almost twenty years, in two different houses. Both of them old...and both of them were purchased primarily because they had a good 'vibe'.

16. I am married to a strong man, who never questions me when I say something has a good 'vibe'. (So far...so good...:-)

17. I love the smell of wet dogs, because I have an almost non-existent sense of smell.

18. I love art. Creating it...looking at it...reading about it...I recently was asked to come in and teach an art lesson to some grade 5 students...and I believe I ended up learning more than they did.

19. I have undergone major shifts in my beliefs and perspectives in the past few months...I have never felt more like 'me' in my whole life more than I do now...I am letting go of old fears...

20. I meditate every morning...There is nothing like that place of stillness.

21. When I was eighteen I was offered modelling jobs...and asked to be the lead singer for a crappy cover band. I turned down both because it would mean leaving home...(and I thought something bad would happen.)

22. I can't dance or turn a cart-wheel.

23. I avoid the news at all costs...

24. I've tried quitting coffee eight times, but I always return to my 'dark master'.

25. I believe in magic...because I have experienced it...

26. At 40, I am at my healthiest, and have never been in better shape.

27. I am passionate about love...kindness...recycling...composting...and creating the perfect dirt. (Seriously, I have been after that 'chocolate cake mix' texture for years.)

28. When I was fifteen I discover Sylvia Plath's poetry...I was captivated, and horrified by her story at the same time.

29. I am a romantic...I believe true love happens far more often than it is given credit...and that too much attention is paid to love gone awry...

30. Speaking of romance...I will visit Robinson Jeffer's Tor House and Hawk Tower soon...I discovered this place about twenty years ago, and have wanted to visit every since. The stuff of fairytales...

31. I can't swim...but I love canoeing and boats...and I will learn.

32. The most amazing place I have ever been was the Redwood Forest...I was awed and humbled by their beauty.

33. My favorite flowers are Cosmos, sweet peas, and gerbera daisies.

34. I have never been on an airplane (See #3) but I will....and I will visit the British Isles...

35. I like to enjoy a glass...or two...or three of red wine...especially Austrailian.

36. I'm not sure what my natural hair colour is anymore...but I think it's dark blonde.

37. My favorite food is fresh berries out of the garden...such a fleeting pleasure...

38. I prefer to wear handmade clothes and jewelry.

39. I can't believe I'm up way past my bedtime, and that I actually thought of this many things...:-)

'Night...

....and the winner is....

2009-04-06T07:18:00.000-07:00

Megg! Congratulations! I am sure you will find or create something beautiful to pay forward...:-)

~Paying It Forward

2009-03-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

('Lotus Rising' 2009)

I was just peeking in at my friend Darlene's blog ,and she is offering three of her beautiful photographic prints for her reader's to win. The winner is supposed to 'pay it forward' by then offering something up for their readers.

I just think it's such a fun idea...and I hate waiting on things, so...I thought I would just jump on in...and offer a print of the above painting to one of my readers. My kids will be drawing names next Sunday night...

Have a great week! :-)
ox

~Softly Unfocused...

2009-03-17T07:57:00.001-07:00

I've been missing blogging lately...missing visiting and commenting at my favorites...but right now I am completely entangled. During the day I am going about my usual routine...playing with my little ones...running my household...squeezing in time to study, and practice my yoga. Everything, is the same, and yet, completely different. I can't really find the words to explain this sensation any better...

I remember when I was reading the discription for this course I am taking. Right there in black and white it said it would be a...'profound, personal experience...'. Um....yes, yes, it has been...It has also awakened me to the fact that this is only the very first baby step. I love learning...learning about myself, about others...My body has become so much stronger, but it's the meditation that's been the real kicker...again, it's something that's hard to explain. If you do it, you know what I mean...

I can feel the little prickles of change coming. Spring just around the corner...my son's hockey season finishing...my course finishing...free time...time to plan, to dream...how do I want to teach...where do I want to teach...what do I want to study next...(herbalism, I think.:-) Gardens to get ready...a greenhouse to be build and planted...a house that desperately needs a little work...canvases that need to be painted...camping...hiking...friends to meet...journeys to take...You know how it is, I'm sure you've got a list a mile long too...

All this truly has me feeling happily...softly unfocused...:-)

Namaste....xo

2009-03-03T08:56:00.001-08:00

Today I ache...
For the light...
Sand between my toes...
The endless roar of the sea...
Dancing in the pauses of the waves...
The screech of birds soaring overhead...
Hauntingly beautiful cedars...reaching ever up to the sky...
Time worn...telling their tales...

Today I long for...
Farm fresh flowers in a milk carton...
Bought from a roadside stand...
Bike rides down island country roads...
Wooden basket picnics...
The flick of a whale's tale...

Breathing...breathing deep...
Fire lit faces...turned up to the stars...
Soft whispers...
Deep dreamed nights.

Yes...today I feel especially weary of this season of winter. It is not a day of sunshine, and glistening snow. No, those days I can honestly say I love winter. Today is grey...dreary...cold...wet...and I am shamelessly pining for the magic of a season that is still a little ways off...

Friday Fun...

2009-02-20T08:33:00.000-08:00

(I may have an unnatural love for the colour green...:-)

Hi there...feeling much, much lighter today...The sun is shining, and dare I say, playful? Uh,huh. This morning seemed perfect for a little wander around the house with my camera...:-)

(I love this old tin.)

(The photograph is my mother-in-law, and her mom...a family treasure. The etiquette book from 1953 I picked up at a garage sale in Victoria...it's a great read if you need some laughs.)

(This vintage Coke add always reminds me of Jon and I when we started out...)

(Starfish make me smile...)

(Old stove on the back deck.)

(...and I had to share this awesome entertainment center that Jon built. The doors are windows that we salvaged from our house when we built the addition. It's my favorite thing that he's built yet.)

Sooo...feel free to pop in for tea. I'll even clear the laundry off my table for you...:-)

Happy weekend!
xo

Love and Compassion...

2009-02-17T09:34:00.000-08:00

(Cozy scarf and necklace from Liz Elayne I love them both!:-)

(*Disclaimer. The following post was written on almost no sleep and too much coffee. A quick note to parents with little ones...please beware! Your preteens can keep you up more than a newborn!)

So I guess I've been in hiding. Not intentionally...but through two back-to-back illnesses(which is very strange for me) I just found myself knocked right down. You know that feeling when you're sick, and you start to imagine what it would be like if this is the best you ever felt...ever again? I started back-tracking over the past few weeks...how I haven't eaten properly...slept properly...struggling through my yoga practice.(It has been anything but a 'moving meditation'.)I can't even remember the last time I picked up a paintbrush...All of this, in turn, has made me a regular 'Little Suzie Sunshine'.

The very first concept I learned about yoga philosophy was 'ahimsa'...having a sense of love and compassion for all living things...which strangely enough, is supposed to include yourself. This is something that is a constant work in progress for me. So yesterday,as I was really focusing much of my energy on this...and found myself being reminded of a time that seems very far in the distance...

I grew up in a home that was a little unconventional(I know, who didn't?). The best way I guess to describe it, was that things were excessively strict, and ridiculously permissive at the same time. I am the oldest of four children...and I guess I could honestly say, I was born a 'mother'. Due to work and schooling commitments of my parents I grew up very fast. By ten I was cooking dinner, doing laundry, and caring for my three younger siblings on my own quite a bit...all the while being a straight A student. I babysat for my parent's friends quite a bit, and sometimes that money would go to help run the house. I worked very hard at being the perfect daughter...perfect student.Somehow, I would be loved...

This is how it went until I was almost seventeen...when I kind of lost it, and began living two lives. On the surface, nothing was noticed, but it could have been. I followed curfews...and rules...my report cards escaped being checked, so my parents totally missed that my grades went directly in the toilet. I could have given a shit...There were parties...and experimenting...and complete disregard for personal safety...Ya,the exact opposite of 'ahimsa'. But in the blink of one terrified eye one night everything changed...It just hit me that if anyone was going to pull this sliver of a girl onto the right path, it was going to have to be me. Literally overnight, that is what I did. I took that girl's hand and we ran...fast! I retreated from anything unhealthy...I dove headfirst into my studies, and quickly brought my grades back up...I used money from an after school job to put myself through classical guitar (Okay...I honestly suck at this...:-) and classical voice training (Much, much better at this.)I spent my spare time writing, and sketching...practising...singing...studying. I just threw myself headlong into joy with reckless abandon...and then came the best part...tumbling head over heals into the arms of one very, very special person...Someone brave enough to put up with my crap...and so kind that he truly makes my life better everyday...(well...almost everyday...;-)

So, I guess the point of my spouting here, is that I suspect, deep down we do know what is best for ourselves...we do know how to be caring and kind to ourselves...if we just stop and listen. Maybe allowing ourselves to hear it is the hardest part? I know lots of women who don't realize how wonderful they are...So girls, please... feel free to wrap your arms around yourselves...come on...I dare YOU! :)

xo

(...and speaking of love. I just couldn't resist...:-)

~Littlest Birds...

2009-02-04T06:55:00.000-08:00

I'm alive...and actually feeling quite human today. This is a song that my little girlie and I just adore. It's 'Littlest Birds' by The Be Good Tanyas. We love to dance around together singing it, and man, my girl can sing...:)

I'm dying to actually write something...anything...but the words just aren't coming right now...but it is my hope where ever you are today, you are happy, and the sun is shining...Basically, I'm just popping in to say 'Hi!'...:)

xo

2009-01-26T14:05:00.000-08:00

Today I put on an old broken record...all scratched and crackly came the sweet sounds of...

* I'm tired
* I'm overwhelmed
* I'm trying to hard
* I've got too much to do...and no time to do it...
* Who the hell do I think I'm foolin'...

Yes...pretty much I listened to it skip over...and over...and over...I know you've probably got one of these records too...hiding in some dusty corner. The truth of the matter is that I'm crabby, and sick with a bad sinus cold today. I am a 'grumblebum', which is a pet name I have for my kids when they feel like this. I am tired. I had a really crappy sleep last night...and I am trying to do too much today. I have children to care for, heaps of laundry, a big assignment to finish for school this weekend, dogs watching my every move for the 'sign' that they are going to get their walk...finally...and I'm laughing at myself right now, because I just made a 'to do' list for tonight that includes vacuuming...cleaning the upstairs bathroom...study time...and hopefully a hot bath...if I'm not to tired to drag myself into the tub.

I am just trying to fool myself...and as I type this I know that I am, by far, not the only woman out there who does this. Why, why, why?

I'm thinking I shouldn't be sitting here typing right now. I should be spending the last few quiet moments before my little ones wake up from their naps curled up on the couch with my pups...sipping my tea...

So if you'll please excuse the mild mannered rantings of one sleep deprived girl...I'm off to put my feet up...and maybe even rest my eyes for 10 minutes...and to remind myself that...tomorrow is another day...:)

xo

2009-01-20T08:37:00.000-08:00

(Presents from my kids...Photo by Joe Johnston :)
Your dreams have already all come true...you just need to open your eyes... Can you dare to believe this? After this weekend...I almost have too...

Sunday I turned forty. That evening found me standing with my husband twenty-something feet in the air...in the shell of a building under construction...looking out lovely arched windows...out over farmer's fields...and okay, train tracks. My heart in my mouth, my ears barely registering the words...'Your studio'...my mind whispering to me...Possibilities Celeste? No reality...if you finally surrender your fears, your doubts...this is your reality...right here, right now. I know this. I know it with every cell of my body...and saying this...to be really honest,scares me.

There is a business plan to write...finishes to pick...legal details...costs...equipment...and I'm sure hundreds of other things that I haven't even thought of. However...I know before I tackle all of this, I'm going to need to find some silence...let everything sink in...and just remind myself to...

Breathe...

xo

Just finished...

2009-01-12T10:06:00.000-08:00

(In Dreams...9x12 Mixed Media)

Artisticly speaking...I have been struggling lately. I sit to work, and find myself just flooded with emotions, and thoughts...and then a hollow frustration with myself. I know, often I don't heed my own advice. :) So, as I put the finishing touches on this piece this morning, there came a sigh of relief...and then the calm...and here comes that word again...a renewed sense of 'hope'.

Much love...
xo

~Scattered...

2009-01-05T20:56:00.000-08:00

(Your are what you read...?)

I've been asked over the past few days why I haven't posted lately...And, here I sit tonight, unable to sleep...Thoughts tripping over one another in my mind...feeling very much scattered...wondering where to focus...where to begin...

With this New Year, Jon and I have begun a flurry of activity around here. Trying to catch up on the many, many little unfinished things around our home. We just created a cozy new dining area, which has already had a big family dinner...It's full of light and colour...and I love it...

The best part was that it cost us nothing, because it was all stuff that we had already...but it has just been such a breath of fresh air...inspiring us to keep moving on...

With this...also comes the realization that I probably spend ninety percent of my time in this house...I live here...I work here...I create here...And while this place is ever so dear to me, the urge to get out exploring is growing very strong. Maybe it's the New Year...maybe it's that I am going to be 40 in less than two weeks...maybe it's seeing my children get older, and more independent...I don't know, but there is a definite 'turning of the page' feeling...In some ways it feels as if I've been walking around with part of myself crumpled up in the back pocket of my jeans, and I want to take her out...smooth out the wrinkles...and see if I can still make her out.

I know that kind of sounds like I'm unhappy...but really, it's the exact opposite. I am so grateful to be where I am at...Sometimes I find myself breathless thinking of the possibilities...painting...teaching yoga...taking those art classes...going on a solo road trip...going on a retreat...or visiting an ashram...and to have a partner saying go for it...well,I find that invaluable, to say the least.

Yet still, at times, like right now, I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all...I hope if I sit with this in a quiet place for a little while answers will come...Hmmmm...hope...Could that be my word for 2009? For now though...I've got to try and get some sleep...

Peace and love...
xo