Dareland

Denizen of the Darknet reviews 2012

2009-12-03T16:55:00.001-08:00

Denizen of the Darknet Reviews 2012

by Michael Dare

I've never snuck into a movie theater showing a big new blockbuster with the intension of surreptitiously making a copy of it with my digital camera and offering it immediately for free to everyone on the internet, but I HAVE snuck into a movie theater showing a big new blockbuster and thought to myself "I must make it my mission in life to prevent other people from having to go through the same hideous experience I was just subjected to." Giving it away for free might be one way to do it.

I'd like to point out that one nanosecond after the first public showing of 2012, there were several versions available in BitTorrent.

And I'd like to point out that more than a month after its release, there still isn't a copy of A Serious Man, the Coen Brother's new film, available in BitTorrent. (At least so far as I know. It could be available on some limited stream the public doesn't have access to.)

And I'd like to make a big deal over those two facts, which I believe turn the release of BitTorrent versions of movies into an actual political statement and not just the work of "pirates" out to make a buck. (How can it be piracy if no one makes a penny? Sounds like a Robin Hood metaphor might be more apt.)

I put it to you that the reason A Serious Man hasn't been ripped off is because the intelligent minds behind BitTorrent actually respect the Coen Brothers and so it hasn't even occurred to them to rip them off. They would never, ever, pass around a shoddy copy of a Coen Brothers movie. They would only wait for the official DVD release so they can point with pride to their vastly superior Blue-Ray rip where you can see every wisp of smoke in the distance. The visuals are everything, man. You want to pay attention, to stop whatever it is you're doing and actually WATCH a Coen Brothers movie, and if you're giving it all your focus, you don't want to hear audience noises and see people getting up to go the bathroom from a copy shot in a multiplex that doesn't include the end credits because that's when the lights go up and the ushers appear.

I put it to you that 2012 was available immediately because nobody in the the vastly intelligent world of BitTorrent gives a good flying fuck about Roland Emmerich and the Hollywood money stream he represents. They show their contempt by saving you money which you can now spend on something else. There's no sense in feeling guilty because you were prevented from wasting your money. You'll just waste it on something else. No matter what, Hollywood gets your money.

Despite the fact that hell has called and wants my eyes back, I am grateful to the knowledgeable and generous denizens of the Darknet for saving me the bother of dragging my bones to a movie theater.

Here's a nice game to play. Exactly how much random money would you have to have lying around before you were willing to fork over fifteen bucks to see 2012? For me, it's about a hundred. Yeah, that's right. You'd have to pay me a hundred smackeroos before I'd go see 2012 in a movie theater. Before that point, I've got something better to do with that money. I could have a bong hit and imagine my own end of the world, where everyone is nice to each other and it drives them crazy, with hot fudge lava from the Electric Brownie Mountains flowing free into the churning Sea of Cold Stoned Creamery French Vanilla with a Jerry on top, Colonna, not Lewis, and everything is free, including food, from Foodster, the BitTorrent program that replicates food, and Drugster, the BitTorrent program that replicates drugs. Don't get me started about Sexster. No character needs an arc and no species needs an ark because there's nothing to escape from but their own lunacy and the unlimited barrels of pure pleasure available for free. The world falls apart because people stop believing in fairies. Nothing makes any sense. Ducks bark, dogs quack, and everyone wears hemp underwear. They got it wrong. It's just a bunch of random things happening. Entropy. That's how the world ends.

"There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality."
- Pablo Picasso -

Modern DNRs

2009-11-30T15:32:00.001-08:00

My Debates with Stephen Colbert

2009-11-23T23:06:00.000-08:00

Stephen Colbert is having a contest where he invites you to download a bunch of clips of him and to cut yourself into the footage. The winner gets to actually appear on the Colbert Report. I submitted four videos and miraculously, three of them are currently being featured on the front page of the contest. Don't know how long they'll last. Please go to the link below and give me a thumbs up. You want me to be on the Colbert Report, don't you?

http://community.colbertnation.com/formidable-opponent/

4 DNR Tweets

2009-11-22T20:19:00.000-08:00

Funny, I thought it would have been Prison Break

2009-11-14T13:07:00.001-08:00

According to an officer in David Miller's documentary "In Guantanamo," the favorite TV show of all the prisoners is the Discovery Channel's "World's Deadliest Catch."

Rewritten history of the day

2009-11-13T12:12:00.001-08:00

http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fakehistory/popular

Hilarious bit from "Seth & Alex's Almost Live Comedy Show"

2009-11-12T11:20:00.001-08:00

I nominate the Cowardly Lion auditioning for United 93 as the funniest comedy bit of all time.

Job opportunity of the week

2009-11-12T10:11:00.001-08:00

Grateful Dead Archivist

Institution:	University of California, Santa Cruz
Location:	Santa Cruz, CA
Category:	Admin - Libraries
Posted:	11/06/2009
Application Due:	Open Until Filled
Type:	Full Time
Salary:	$52,860 to $68,892 USD Per Year

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, SANTA CRUZ

Grateful Dead Archivist

The University Library of the University of California, Santa Cruz, seeks an enterprising, creative, and service-oriented archivist to join the staff of Special Collections & Archives (SC&A) as Archivist for the Grateful Dead Archive. This is a potential career status position. The Archivist will be part of a dynamic, collegial, and highly motivated department dedicated to building, preserving, promoting, and providing maximum access both physically and virtually to one of the Library's most exciting and unique collections, The Grateful Dead Archive (GDA). The UCSC University Library utilizes innovative approaches to allow the discovery, use, management, and sharing of information in support of research, teaching, and learning.

Under the general direction of the Head of Special Collections and Archives, the GDA Archivist will provide managerial and curatorial oversight of the Grateful Dead Archive, plan for and oversee the physical and digital processing of Archives related material, and promote the GDA to the public and facilitate its use by scholars, fans, and students.

MINIMUM Qualifications:
* Master's degree from an ALA-accredited program or equivalent accredited graduate archives management program.
* Significant, demonstrated experience working with books, manuscripts, photographs, recordings, or other material in a special collections & archives environment.
* Knowledge of the access tools for special collections and archival material and the standards and procedures for their preservation and conservation.
* Demonstrated experience developing processing plans and creating finding aids in accordance with national standards.
* Knowledge of and ability to maintain awareness of developments in archival processing, digital information technologies, and their uses in special collections and archives.
* Expert knowledge in the history and scholarship of contemporary popular music, or American vernacular culture, preferably the history and influence of the Grateful Dead.
* Excellent analytical, organizational, and time management skills.
* Demonstrated oral, written and interpersonal communication skills sufficient to promote and present the archive to multiple audiences.
* Prior experience directing the work of others.

Strongly Preferred Qualifications:
* Demonstrated experience working in public services in an academic environment.
* Demonstrated experience working on outreach and other donor related activities.

http://www.higheredjobs.com/details.cfm?JobCode=175401318

Vote Al in 2012 - Two Campaign Posters

2009-11-09T12:30:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you but I'd vote for either one.

Be a New Yorker cartoonist

2009-11-08T18:59:00.001-08:00

The New Yorker's having a great online contest where they supply you with all the elements you need to create a cartoon that takes place on a talk show. First prize is a trip to NY. Below, one of my sick loser entries...

http://www.newyorker.com/online/photocontests/cartoonkit

Sleeping on the Bus

2009-10-28T18:14:00.000-07:00

Worst. Album. Ever.

2009-10-26T11:58:00.000-07:00

Whether or not you like Bob Dylan could very much depend upon whether you've heard Blood on the Tracks, which is a masterpiece by absolutely any standard. On the other hand, if his Christmas album, Christmas in the Heart, is the only Bob Dylan album you've ever heard, you would have every right to rank him somewhere between Mrs. Miller and Tiny Tim in the pantheon of singing oddities. Here Comes Santa Claus, Winter Wonderland, Hark the Herald Angels Sing, O Little Town of Bethlehem, there will never, ever, be worse versions of these songs. Impossible. Christmas in the Heart bubbled up from some insane reverse Bizarro world American Idol where only those with the most disagreeable vocal cords are free to embarrass themselves.

There's no blood on these tracks, just phlegm, buckets of phlegm, tangled up in sputum, you need shelter from the expectorant, Heimlich me in the morning, the idiot cough, if you see him, say gesundheit, he's gonna make me grateful when he goes. The songs aren't uplifting, imbued with subtle texture, but Leonard Cohen times Tom Waits divided by Josh Groban. Dylan finally proves to the world that he can sing worse than ANYBODY, just try to sing worse than this, I dare you.

And all those people who think they can do a Dylan impersonation? Like Elvis impersonators, they've now got to decide between the early Dylan who couldn't sing or the older, degraded Dylan who REALLY can't sing. Good luck with it and don't hurt yourself.

Most importantly, this album is going to have a profound effect upon the war on terror. If al Qaeda wants statements from American soldiers they've captured in Afghanistan, all they have to do is play Dylan's Christmas album over and over and the troops will be begging to confess to the fact Dick Cheney was behind 9/11.

Social Media Revolution

2009-10-23T12:49:00.001-07:00

Hilarious and strangely appropriate bluegrass Pink Floyd doing Dark Side of the Moonshine

2009-10-23T11:12:00.001-07:00

Terry Jones tells a great story about Douglas Adams

2009-10-19T13:34:00.001-07:00

I remember him telling me once of something that, he said, had just happened to him at the railway station. He was early for a train, so he bought The Guardian, a cup of coffee and a packet of biscuits, and sat down at a table, putting the folded newspaper down so he could do the crossword. The packet of biscuits was in the middle of the table.

There was another man already sitting at the table and this man now leant calmly across, tore open the packet of biscuits and ate one. Douglas said he went into a sort of state of shock, but determined not to show any reaction he equally calmly leant forward and took the second biscuit. A few minutes later, the man took the third and ate it. Douglas then took the fourth and tried his best not to glare at the man.

The man then stood up and wandered off as if nothing had happened, at which point Douglas's train was announced. So he hurriedly finished his coffee and picked up his belongings, only to find his packet of biscuits under the newspaper.

It's actually a profoundly philosophical story. With one slight adjustment of the furniture, the victim becomes the aggressor and the aggressor the victim, and one is left with the untold story of the true victim hanging in the air. It's exactly the sort of shift in perspective that fascinated Douglas as a way of not just telling stories but also of looking at ideas.

He told me the same story many times, and it eventually ended up, much embellished, in So Long and Thanks for All the Fish.

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article6866840.ece

The Jack Herer Initiative

2009-10-18T10:48:00.001-07:00

by J. Craig Canada

I don't want to f___ing give the United States govern-
ment one f___ing dollar of taxes. I think that they should
go to f___ing jail for getting you and me and 20 million
people getting arrested for pot. It is the safest thing you
can do in the universe. And that is what we are going to
do in California. Okay? Come over to my booth,
over there, and I will see you next time.

The Emperor of Hemp: The Jack Herer Story - Hulu

Jack Herer, also known as The Emperor of Hemp, suffered a stroke shortly after speaking at Hempstalk in Portland, Oregon on 12 Sep 09.

Paul Stanford wrote on Facebook that he collapsed of a heart attack three minutes after giving the speech in the video on the right. Mr. Herer previously suffered a heart attack in 2000, also in Oregon, which left him partially paralyzed and from which he had continued to recover.

Various sources report it took twenty to twenty-five minutes for an ambulance to arrive and that he was without oxygen for that period of time.

There were at least three reports that Mr. Herer died 18 Sep 09, but these have been found to be false. The reports were issued by CelebStoner, The Drug Policy Alliance (StopTheDrugWar.com), and Examiner.com (John English, Michael Stone). These articles have now disappeared from the internet.

On 20 Sep 09 it was reported Jack began coming out of the coma the previous day and that his eyes had momentarily opened several times and he was incessantly yawning. Hopefully, he will be able to tell us himself that reports of his death were greatly exaggerated.

Mr. Herer ended his speech at Hempstalk with a passionate denunciation of taxing marijuana. It seems obvious this was in response to the filing of initiatives to tax marijuana in California and Oregon, and the attendant media frenzy over the past couple of months.

Three initiatives have been filed with the Attorney General and a bill is in the legislature that would tax and regulate marijuana in California. Additionally, there is a move in Oregon to equate marijuana with alcohol and tax it accordingly.

Mr. Herer is not alone in his opposition to the taxation of medical marijuana. Dennis Peron and Ed Rosenthal have publicly expressed similar sentiments. Just last week Dennis Peron announced on Facebook he had been fired by Oaksterdamn U for giving a talk in which he stated his opposition to their initiative proposing to tax, regulate, license, administer, and police marijuana without limitation.

It is curious to note that in the major media blizzard extolling the financial prospects of marijuana, no one has bothered to ask these pioneers and founders of the movement what they think. Certainly, none have quoted them. All have been completely ignored. As of this writing, a Google search of the news for the past month on - "Jack Herer" tax - returns one hit, which appears to be in Moroccan. The word "tax" appears in the phrase "the Marijuana Tax Act of 1937".

In other words, so far no one seems to think what may have been Jack Herer's last words is important.

Mr. Herer attempted to get his own marijuana legalization initiative on the California ballot in 2008. Evidently, he was not able to get the signatures to qualify the measure. This, most likely, was because only volunteers were used to gather signatures.

Oakland has four dispensaries that each pay $30,000 per year to be licensed by the city to dispense medical marijuana. These dispensaries are the proponents of The Regulate, Control, and Tax Cannabis 2010 Act (ROT 2010). The argument can be made that these four dispensaries, which together grossed $18 million in 2007 and $21 million in 2008, are paying $120,000 per year to protect their monopoly on the distribution of medical marijuana in the City of Oakland.

Measure F, sponsored by The Oakland Gang of Four, raised the tax the sick and dying pay for medicine from $1.20 per $1,000 (0.12%) to $18.00 per $1,000 (1.80%). This is equal to the tax on alcohol and will raise the amount of tax the sick and dying pay for medicine in Oakland well over a quarter of a million dollars, from about $25,000 to about $378,000. To many, this appears to be a sell-out of the medical marijuana movement.

Additionally, they intend to spend a million dollars on a signature drive to get their tax, regulate, license, administer, and police marijuana "without limitation" initiative on the ballot in 2010. In other words, The Oakland Gang of Four intends to spend well over $1,500,000 of the money patients paid for medicine to protect their monopoly in Oakland, to prohibit commercial licensing in jurisdictions that do not tax, and to exhort the cities, counties, and state to tax, regulate, license, administer, and police marijuana "without limitation".

Jack Herer's initiative, titled The California Cannabis Hemp & Health Initiative, appears to be far superior to any of the measures purporting to legalize marijuana likely to come before the people of California.

It begins not with a long-winded and superfluous list of whereases, intents, and purposes, but with the actual legal language of §11362.6 to be added to the Health & Safety Code.

Subsection 1 of the proposed §11362.6 states:

No person, individual, or corporate entity shall be arrested or prosecuted, be denied any right or privilege, nor be subject to any criminal or civil penalties for the possession, cultivation, transportation, distribution, or consumption of cannabis hemp marijuana

Subsection 2 of the proposed §11362.6 consists of definitions. These contain language specifically legalizing industrial hemp, recreational marijuana, and medical marijuana (or cannabis). It is to be noted that the definition of "cannabis hemp medical preparations" specifies "mental conditions".

"Mental conditions not limited to bipolar, depression, attention deficit disorder, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, shall be conditions considered for medical use."

Subsection 3 of the proposed §11362.6 prohibits "any special zoning requirement, licensing fee, or tax that is excessive, discriminatory, or prohibitive."

Subsection 4 of the proposed §11362.6 restores "cannabis hemp medicinal preparations" to "the list of available medicines in California" and specifically exempts "prescribed cannabis hemp medical preparations" from any tax. It also prohibits any professional hearing or licensing review of physicians for "recommending or approving medical use of cannabis hemp marijuana".

Subsection 5 of the proposed §11362.6 prohibits the requirement of any "permit, license, or tax" for the "non-commercial cultivation, transportation, distribution, or consumption of cannabis hemp." It also prohibits testing for "inactive and/or inert cannabis metabolites" for employment or insurance or "intoxication". In other words, not only does it define cannabis as an "euphoric" as opposed to an "intoxicant", but it specifies that evidence of cannabis use may not be used to establish charges of "intoxication" but instead such charges must be based on evidence of impairment.

Compare this to Oregon's Cannabis Tax Act, which defines cannabis as an "intoxicant" and therefore equates it to alcohol. A search of the Oregon Revised Statutes shows 2 hits for "intoxicant" and 26 for "intoxicated".

Subsection 6 of the proposed §11362.6 declares the use of cannabis hemp for religious purposes an inalienable right protected by the state and federal constitutions.

Section II of The Jack Herer Initiative would "repeal, delete, and expunge any and all provisions that conflict with the provisions of this initiative."

Enactment of this initiative shall include: amnesty, immediate release from prison, jail, parole, and probation, and clearing, expungement, and deletion of all criminal records for all persons currently charged with, or convicted of any non-violent cannabis hemp marijuana offenses included in this initiative which are hereby no longer illegal in the State of California. People who fall within this category that triggered an original sentence are included within this provision.

Section III of The Jack Herer Initiative authorizes the legislature to enact measures to regulate commercial marijuana. It sets a limit of $1,000 on any "license or permit fee required by the state" for "commercial production, distribution, or use" and requires sufficient community outlets shall be licensed to provide reasonable commercial access to persons of legal age. Compare this to Oaksterdamn U's proposal, which stipulates cities and counties must tax marijuana in order to license "concessionary establishments", and prohibits commercial sales and distribution in cities and counties that do not pass such a tax.

This section also authorizes taxing "commercial" sales, so long as "no excise tax or combination of excise taxes shall exceed $10.00 per ounce."

The only flaw found in the California Cannabis Hemp & Health Initiative is the title.

It should be called The Jack Herer Initiative.

The suggested deadline to file an initiative with the California Attorney General is this Friday, September 25, 2009. Filing an initiative requires a $200 application fee. Then the Attorney General has about 30 days to prepare an official summary. Once the official summary is filed the proponents have 150 days to gather the signatures to qualify for the ballot.

I can think of no more fitting legacy for the Emperor of Hemp than to get The Jack Herer Initiative And Act on the California ballot in 2010, and to pass it.

On 19 Sep 09 The Salem-News reported that to help with financial expenses, donations are accepted at all US Bank branches, make your deposit to: JACK HERER DONATION FUND. For more information, email newsroom@salem-news.com.

http://www.examiner.com/x-14883-Santa-Cruz-County-Drug-Policy-Examiner~y2009m9d21-The-Jack-Herer-Initiative

Twitteleh

2009-09-23T11:59:00.001-07:00

Zen GPS

2009-09-23T11:56:00.001-07:00

Seattle Hempfest Staff Party at Meridian Park - 9/20/09

2009-09-22T11:50:00.001-07:00

Seattle Hempfest Staff Party at Meridian Park - 9/20/09 from Michael Dare on Vimeo.

Two girls, one idiot

2009-09-14T10:24:00.001-07:00

Okay, I'm chiming in on this Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Kanye West controversy at the VMA Awards, which just got me to Google and watch the two videos, one of which won BEST VIDEO and the other of which won BEST FEMALE VIDEO, which caused Kanye to blow his cool and grab the mike away from Taylor Swift to say Beyonce had been robbed.

Kanye West reminds the world he's a fucktard

Someone's got to say it so it might as well be me. This is a fight over two videos that are BOTH total crap. In one, three dames in leotards do a dance that's missing three poles while singing "if you want it, you better put a ring on it," delivering the astonishing message that Beyonce won't fuck me unless I ask her to marry me, and in the other, a hot teenage girl is in love with her hot teenage neighbor who's only interested in another hot teenager till the night of the prom when he finally realizes he was in love with her the whole time, which we find out when they both mysteriously pull out pieces of paper that say "I love you." Subtle.

Though they're both well shot, neither of these videos have an original frame.

Taylor Swift tries to get you to feel sorry for her because boys don't notice her

Taylor Swift - New Music - More Music Videos

Beyonce reminds you that she's really hot but won't

fuck you unless you get down on your knees

Beyoncé - New Music - More Music Videos

Since people obviously judge songs minus the videos, it's fair game to judge these videos minus the songs. Turning down the sound, the Beyonce vid is just soft-core porn that would work with absolutely any song ever written, Elton John, I Think I'm Going to Kill Myself, just to pick one ironic gay icon that would give it an interesting spin. The Taylor Swift video at least has a story line and works as a competent silent movie, with a predictable beginning, predictable middle, and predictable end. It would work just as well, if not better, with something simple minded like early Beatles, Please Please Me or She Loves You, though Mad World from Donnie Darko would be just peachy.

Even the happy ending is a weird combination of fake emotion, where Beyonce does the right thing by letting Taylor Swift give a standard crappy acceptance speech

I'd like to thank the VMA and everyone else on earth for

giving me the opportunity to drive Kanye West crazy

Now that he's offended everyone on earth, I'm worried that Kanye West will never get laid again. Time to start a cause on Facebook. Won't you please buy a prostitute for Kanye West? Or a noose.

http://dareland.blogspot.com/

Auto-Tune the News #8: dragons. geese. Michael Vick. (ft. T-Pain)

2009-09-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

Obama's Elf

2009-08-24T12:25:00.001-07:00

Next step, Rachel Maddow

2009-08-11T21:17:00.001-07:00

I have made the front page of BoingBoing!

Heartburn commercial in South Africa

2009-08-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

Someone in South Africa had this Gaviscon ad captioned by a person whose English is suspect. The result is hilarious.
DW

http://www.bartcop.com/heartburn-commercial.htm

Sour Grapes #2

2009-08-01T15:29:00.001-07:00

Meanwhile, Scott Bakula, who played me in a CBS MOW, is starring in Guys and Dolls at the Hollywood Bowl. If I were starring in Guys and Dolls at the Hollywood Bowl, I would have invited HIM.