loquacious j

Two Scoops of Schizophrenia

2009-06-30T00:26:00.001-05:00

Creamy ice cream rapidly dripping down the waffle cone on to sweaty hands, the sun blazing down on un-covered heads, the wind obviously absent. Far off in the distance the shinning city all metal and glass bounces off the sun's rays like a beacon in the distance. We are safely ensconced in the old quarter, eating fancy ice cream cones from a French ice cream shop, sitting on a rather uncomfortable wooden bench, hands coated in sugary sticky runoff.

A kuna girl, no older than 15 sought refuge between us on that wooden bench. I thought she must have been overreacting, perhaps playing with the kids her age some made up game of The Madwoman chasing the Kids, but sure enough as soon as she saw the towering madwoman coming closer she (the Kuna girl) took off again for the santuary of her fellow Kunas. We were about to meet the madwoman who scared off the Kuna people so as for them to even leave their wares behind. I still wasn't taking anything seriously, percieving it as an audience looks on at a play; amused even.

Her name is whatever she wants it to be, her personalities multiple, her height formidable as well as the very mass of her. Thighs like tree trunks, height the size of a basketball player, large hands with long thin fingers that tapered off into almond shaped nails. Her eyes hardly ever stay still, they roll around in her sockets, wildly like marbles down a shoot. She is the newly elected president's daughter, of course. She is a gay hair-stylist, of course. She lives down town, in a high rise, maybe even a pent-house, of course. She is now laughing maniacally (a word used much too often and whose very idea for me was kind of absent until that day), a spool of drool drips slowly on to her shirt, and she slurps it back up, the notion even funnier to her.

I try talking to her sensibly, I am not freaked out, we converse and I try to keep up with her rambling. She's a little out of hand but it can't be that bad, right? She places her hands on your knees and that is clearly enough. Fortunately a couple walk by and gain her interest. We take the moment to steal away from her grubby fingers and her dark marble eyes and her crazy lady tales, we get as far as the Kunas before she notices our absence and then she comes bouncing back and asks me,

"Mother why don't you love me?" while plucking the small white flower out of my hand.

She towers over me and I can see her yellowed eyes clearly, and start feeling a bit of dread in this situation. She could easily knock me down, she could easily knock a grown man down, she could easily do a lot of crazy shit. I tell her calmly that we are leaving and that she should too. It's time to go home. She looks at me and lopes away, perhaps to torment some other strangers or maybe some tourists. There is more groping to be done, more tall tales to be told, more people to freak the fuck out.

Take me to the mountain

2009-06-27T12:49:00.004-05:00

First things first: I finally received my new frisbee. Yeah I know exciting stuff. My team lost the game yesterday, but I think we did pretty well considering we had no subs and we were all dragging ass. I need to start running more because my stamina is in the shitter (though it is ten times better than 6 months ago). I used to think playing ultimate three times a week was enough, but I think I'm going to have to start running on the days I don't have ultimate just to get into better shape (I love how I'm all yeah 'cause I need to get into better shape for frisbee, not even to look good or to be healthier, no, not at all, it's all for frisbee haha).

Today I am heading off to El Valle; Tams called me at 10:30AM to tell me I had one hour to get ready before she picked me up so I packed my bag half asleep; I'm really excited to see what clothing combinations I whip up in the mountains. I thought I was done packing and then remembered that it gets chilly in the mountains so topped off the pile of clothes with two jeans and a sweater. I hope I packed my toothbrush!

Reading material: What is the What, The Girls, The Mermaid's Chair, This is Not Chick Lit. I will attempt to make some bread in the mountains, but currently all signs point to too lazy to get anything done, much less tend to a delicate dough for three hours. All signs also point to perhaps we might starve and if we don't starve then we'll be surviving on crackers and Smartfood popcorn. We currently have no menu and haven't bought a single food item. We just might end up on a spiritual fast and attain higher spiritual ground. I'll come back from the mountains an enlightened yogi, with the sun creating a halo round my head, a beatific smile on my serene face. Who would believe it? Nadie!

The End of an Era

2009-06-23T14:25:00.002-05:00

My havaiiana flip flops broke this morning. I was left shoeless and barefoot at work (this is not uncommon for anyone here). Dove into the Lost and Found to scrounge up something, found some glittery gold cowboy(girl) boots which fit a bit big. Clomped around the hostel for an hour or so in them until they baked my feet into empanadas. Returned to bare feet and dark soles. Lunch time came around and forced me to find shoes again (walking the dirty streets of Casco Viejo barefoot = no). This time around I recalled seeing a new pair of rubber flip flops two sizes too small in a bin somewhere. Found them and clambered to Canajagua to buy my $2.50 dollars worth of lunch (it buys you exactly a chicken breast, white rice, and beans oh, and happiness). I am barefoot again and feeling very much like I work at a hippie hostel.

Frisbee practice tonight! This lady needs a pair of cleats and a new pair of sneakers. My old sneakers are starting to hurt my arches and my shins. Shin splints or whatever. It's like a knife is stabbing my shins every time I run.

I had a McDonald's quarter pounder with cheese yesterday as I rushed to the airport to pick up my mom and it left me riddled with guilt and preservatives. The meal, not the ride haha. The drive to the airport was nice and slow and I didn't feel like murdering anybody (the trick to Corredor Sur is to go before, way before rush hour and then snicker at all the traffic on the way back as you drive into the city, traffic free).

I'm going to The Valley this weekend with Tams. We're making our own little long weekend. I asked for Saturday and Monday off from work. Watch me dissappear faster than a plume of smoke. We're going to cook yummy things and gorge on good food, drink red wine under the full moon, hike mountains and hills, trails with wildlife, swim in cold rivers and waterfalls and whatever else you do when you're out in a little town full of local drunks (i.e., become one of them maybe? barefoot and drunk in front of the local bodega).

Vive/Live

2009-06-22T23:46:00.003-05:00

I have bid farewell to chub rub. Goodbye I waved gleefully as I caught a frisbee mid-air and threw it many yards (however far yards are) back to someone who caught it and scored (truth: it probably wobbled in the air and didn't even reach a yard not to mention many). Yes, my chub has greatly diminished from the intense workouts of frisbee. Laugh if you will (which you probably are, I am too actually, playing ultimate frisbee to lose weight is kind of preposterous), but it has worked. Also, I can always gauge how passionate and "into" something I am when I start ordering shit off amazon.com that somehow relates to it, i.e., I bought a frisbee. A blue sparkly (it is truly speckled with glitter once again proving I have not matured past the age of 11) gorgeous disc off amazon.com and I cannot wait to receive it. Seriously been checking the in transit status obsessively (I just checked and it's been delivered! Hallelujah!).

I also bought a cheap electric razor because I am done done done with disposable razors or the Venus type that you refill and whatever. I am much too lazy (and cheap) to buy the razor refills, so I just prefer to buy disposable ones. I am going to try the electric razor and see if it's any better at not giving me razor burn (which by the way, red bumps and ingrown hairs are very unsexy and annoying). I think if the electric razor thing doesn't work out for me I will try the waxing route. Sure, why not, it's not like I have enough pain in my life, why not add a little more (the odds of me actually getting waxed are 3% based on what a pansy ass flake I am regarding anything painful and the lengths I go to avoid any sort of harm to myself).

From now on I am going to try and Get Things Done That I Have Always Said I Wanted to Do or Try but Never Have (because I am a pansy ass flake). I already completed one of the tasks which I will inform everyone about soon enough. It will be an unveiling of a sort. I want to live my life less constrained but what I think people will say and life the now, the moment, do things that will make me happier with who I am and where I am going and who I am becoming. That got deep all of a sudden. Look, a picture of me getting drunk in a river!

Much better.

Hiss at me and I will cut you

2009-06-21T20:44:00.001-05:00

My bed collapsed. I wish it was from some fun action, but the bed is just an old "antique" bed that is way too tall and has no slats and balances precariously on the edges. Any little push or sitting at the edge will collapse it on to itself sending whoever is on it (me, the cat, sometimes both) sprawling on to the floor.

Did I tell you that I'm on an ultimate frisbee team? No? It's awesome. Hardly any contact, lots of sweat and running around after a flying disk. I am in desperate need of some cleats though, as without them I am slipping and sliding all over wet, lush grass. I tried playing without shoes but then there is even less grip and more slipping.

I've been working at a bar on weekends. I am teaching people (mostly entitled little fuckers) how to be polite and treat service people with the respect that they deserve. Yesterdays lesson was the following: A dude at the bar is trying to get my attention so he hisses at me. Let me explain the hiss; it's very Latin American (to make the sound you exhale air through your front teeth or you make a psssssst-psssssst sound). It is used to get people's attention or to cat call women, I find it a rather low class thing to do and it has driven me nuts since way back when I was a flight attendant. Back to the main story, so the dude hisses at me and I immediately look up directly at him and say, Oh no, no psssssst-pssssst. Señorita, dama, reina, lo que tu quieras pero nada de pssssst-pssssst! (translated as: Lady, miss, m'am, queen, whatever you want but no pssssst-pssssst). He was immediately remorseful and apologetic. I think he'll think twice next time he thinks about hissing at someone.

I have a damn cold, again. Coño, the winter rains are not helping.

Thursday I went to the Ancon Theater Guild's current presentation called Improv8 and it was awesome. Really funny improvisations and talented folk, plus the bar is cheap. I wish I wasn't sitting directly in front of Tony the Drunk Heckler, but I do believe the show is worth a second visit.

A Perfect Evening is:

2009-06-16T21:33:00.000-05:00

Reading Chuck Palahniuk´s Choke while wearing cute new heels and new underwear.

Hostel Happenings

2009-06-08T18:33:00.001-05:00

"Put some clothes on man!" In reference to the nearly naked guy standing at the dorm balcony.

"Man?! Hasta cuando?! Yo trabajo aqui mismo!" Shouted back to the construction workers next door as they never cease to whistle, hoot n' holler as I walk by every.single.day and I finally had enough.

"Is this the reception?" Asked the man as he stared at the huge reception sign.

Israeli girl kept trying to make an international phonecall over and over. I told her what to dial at least three different times. She comes back and says that something must be wrong with the phone because she called other places in Israel and it wouldn't go through. I asked her one more time if she dialed 011, she says yes, and then I asked her if she dialed the country area code after that (Israel's area code is 972) and then it dawns on her and she gets a little bashful then goes on to make her phonecall succesfully.

Aggro Yoga

2009-05-31T14:06:00.011-05:00

Office supplies

Neighbors

Composition in caca yellow and femme lumberjack

Cheddar cheese bread

Booze, man. Booze! I am swearing it off for awhile. My head is pounding like uhhhh, like something. A drum maybe. My inner ear drum is just pounding away. There might be a midget in there stomping around as well. Stomp stomp stomp. I think we need to add some cymbals in there and start a rock band. In my head. There is ample space. You're invited, we just need a band name.Midget Stompers might already be taken.

Tended bar the past two nights and can I mention that I rocked the shit out of bar tending (also: tips! Woooo!). The first night got out at 2am slightly buzzed and got home and took a drunky, uncoordinated shower before collapsing on my bed and passing out cold. Saturday night got out at 12:30am and went directly to a crazy full house party, the likes of which I have not seen since my teen days. House party! Didn't take a single picture 'cause I was too busy getting my drunk on. The best thing about the house party was that it was mere blocks away from my own home. I didn't crawl home, but I could have!

Just another night on the town

I plan on attending my first yoga class on Monday. It's located in the butthole of traffic jams (Punta Paitilla) and to top it off, the beginner's class is at 6pm so you can bet I will be cursing up a storm and waving angrily at taxi drivers. Angry and irrational is the way to go to yoga class, yes. Let's find some inner peace and outer aggression.

Visine really works!

New Music In My Life

2009-05-24T13:02:00.006-05:00

New chapter in the story of my life.

The soundtrack has changed, the camera has changed positions, the pitch has been altered.

What does tomorrow's story bring?

2009-05-20T21:44:00.001-05:00

I wish I had a way of recording the nuances of my family. Seriously, someone make a reality show of this crazy family; you could make money off of us and then we'd finally have a way of cementing the fact that we're all absolutely bonkers.

Did you know that meshugenah is yiddish?

2009-05-19T17:43:00.001-05:00

I am getting taught little bits of Hebrew. Today's lesson was "atta meshugaat" which means "you are crazy". I tried it out on a couple of Israelis here and there getting mixed reactions and grammatical corrections ("Lo! Lo! Atta is for men, at is for women!"). I believe "at meshagaa" means "you are gorgeous" which I found kind of funny that only a couple of letters marks the difference between insanity and beauty.

Two guys playing ping pong at the hostal decided that the loser would run about the hostel naked, with only his clothes covering his nether regions. Once the game was finished I heard them arguing for a bit before I saw a flash of smooth cheeks rushing by me followed by his comrades laughter. I laughed too, what can I say.

Rainy season has commenced drenching the land in copious amounts of water, flooding the streets with backed-up water, and making the lawns green again. With the rains come the ticks and with them comes the return of my paranoia. It´s not easy living with two shaggy dogs, much less two shaggy dogs that love being inside the house. But then I find little red ticks in the most disturbing places (no, not that disturbing). Like on my bed, under my covers. One is enough for me to freak out and tear my sheets off the bed and find new bedding. The dogs are undergoing a harsh regime of flea collars, frontline, frequent baths, among other things. This happens every single year and we should be used to it by now, but we're not.

I'm currently reading Dave Eggers What is the What. I'm finding some parts quite comical and other parts heartbreaking. I cannot fathom taking the life of any human being; unless I was under extreme circumstances and even then I cannot imagine being so blasé about someone's soul. Robbing someone of their life seems like such an extreme idea. I also just finished reading The Gargoyle by some Canadian author (I'm terrrrrrrible with author's and their names and titles of their books and stuff). Getting back to the Gargoyle, it was interesting I suppose, all about true love and reincarnation and stuff (which is fine if you believe in either one of them, which I do not). It was very detailed and I could tell the author delved deep into his research. I did appreciate all of that attention to detail plus the glimpses into past lives and whatnot (I think I might be more attracted to novels and autobiographies set in past times). The book starts out slow, but picks up right in the middle and gets better where eventually it fades into the surf.

Happy 84th Gramma!

2009-05-18T20:24:00.003-05:00

Mom: Did you smell the perfume I gave Grandma? It's a classic.
Me: *smells the perfume* Oh yeah I can tell it's a classic.
Grandma: *laughing* Why? Because it smells like an old lady?
Me: Yeah.
Mom: *indignantly* It doesn't smell like old lady! It's a classic!

It's not every day that you turn 84 and keep your sense of humor!

A Dictionary of Panamanian -Creole English

2009-05-16T12:04:00.002-05:00

Collected by Leticia Thomas Brereton, Ph.D. and taken from her book Dictionary of Panamanian English.

palanka palanca, n. Someone with influence who obtains jobs or political favors.

waapin <what+happenin, intj. Common informal greeting.

badakta <bad+actor. adj. Irresponsible.

chaaj < charge+ed, adj. To be under the influence of alcohol.

doonkierrish <don't+care+ish, adj. Unconcerned.

fa deis <forty+days, adv. For an indefinite period of time. For a long time.

kaakop <caulk+up, v. To be constipated.

kuati cuartillo, n. Coin no longer in circulation worth one quarter of five cents. Now used in reference to something of little or no value.

kunu-munu <?, adj. Ugly, stupid or gullible person.

There are many more words from where these came from, I just skimmed through the ones I found particularly funny or interesting.

Indie Cred or lack of it

2009-05-16T09:18:00.002-05:00

J: You going to the indie party tonight?
B: I need to put on my black converse.
J: And your skinny jeans.
B: And my bowler hat.
J: And your ironic t-shirt....

The indie party was hot. La Casona gets overheated to the point where it becomes uncomfortable and no amount of cold beers and standing under fans helps; the rivulets of sweat speed down the raceway of your spine and puddle in your underwear. Your sweat shines with pearly beads of sweat and every salutatory kiss and hug is chock full of pheromones and wetness. It becomes uncomfortable, unbearable and so you seek the shelter of the cool wind outside the building, taking a much needed breather with the smokers funnily enough. I stayed there way past my bed time and today I am barely functioning, though I plan to stay away from the coffee because although it does inject me with a booster shot of energy, it also makes me crash horribly an hour or two after the fact.

I think I plan on staying in this weekend. How sad is it when all you want to do is curl up with a good book under the covers, a/c on full blast, soft pitter patter of rain on the window, heavenly!

This is When You Crane Lift your Abuelo

2009-05-07T08:14:00.003-05:00

Last night I got in around 12:30 and promptly fell asleep, makeup and all. I was in deep REM sleep when my mother woke me up around 2:30am to help my grandfather off the bathroom floor. Yes, my 84 year old grandfather was sitting on the bathroom floor with no way to get up (he gets dizzy sometimes). I pulled him up off the floor, but thankfully he only got a little bruised, no broken bones. He's a bull, that old man, made of the strongest, pliable bamboo or something. It must be the Inca blood.
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Yesterday I made this recipe, Italian Wedding Cookies for I.'s birthday. She's growing ever so large and is around 4 and a half months pregnant now, but she's so tiny it seems like she's Much further along (doesn't help that the baby daddy is 6'4").
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Work is going well. There is not much to complain about when working in a casual hippie hostel. Besides the stench sometimes, both of the bay and the unwashed bodies.
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Last night I had sushi dinner with B., T. and C. (BTC?). B. leaves on Saturday back to San Fran and I can honestly say I am going to miss her company. Such a vivacious, spunky, hilarious human being in a tiny, pretty package. Who is going to have lunch with me now? Who is going to poke fun at random strangers and whistle/hiss at the hissing/whistling dudes in Casco Viejo? Come back soon, B.!
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Two days ago I met the craziest street lady in my entire life. In the span of 5 minutes she called herself three different names, drooled on herself, inappropriately fondled strangers, called me mother, and basically made it very clear why the Kuna who sell jewelry in Plaza Francia flee from her the moment they lay eyes on her.

Girls, girls , girls

2009-05-05T18:34:00.000-05:00

Bed Bugs:

2009-05-04T20:25:00.001-05:00

They exist. I always thought that they didn´t. I thought that they were some fantastical creature created by parents. A fable at home with fairies and goblins. But bed bugs exist. And I am forever traumatized because of them.

I think you'll understand why I've been absent

2009-03-30T16:58:00.007-05:00

2009-03-19T22:05:00.001-05:00

Leave me now, return tonight
Tide will show you the way
If you forget my name
You will go astray
Like a killer whale
Trapped in a bay

Slow Show

2009-03-10T23:38:00.002-05:00

"I wanna hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I’m very, very frightening
I’ll overdo it"

Work it, girl

2009-03-04T17:09:00.001-05:00

I just had an awesome interview at an awesome place. The pay isn't great, but I would get a lot of hands on experience and the work place is thriving with creativity and people. It is something of a dream job (minus the pay). I felt like I could fit right in without a problem.

I also had a job interview yesterday that was also interesting. They called me back for a second interview on Monday. We'll see where this all goes. I bartered with myself and concluded that even if the pay isn't great, I am willing to sacrifice paycheck for work experience and stability and growth opportunities, as long as I get raises every so often and if I am treated properly (respected, acknowledged, etc.).

I am willing to work hard for the next two years in order to finish my degree and get a lot of hands on work experience in my field of study. I know that right now is the time to work my butt off and sweat in order to create the basis for my future. I think I have dawdled enough and it's time to get serious with my life and where I want to go. Start working towards my dreams, hopes and aspirations; make them come true.

Slough

2009-03-03T18:10:00.001-05:00

What grudges do you leave behind
shedding them like old skin
left behind becoming
compost for the trees?

2009-03-03T16:10:00.000-05:00

Something is going on with my website? Maybe?

600 Friends on Facebook

2009-02-25T20:35:00.001-05:00

And I have never felt so alone.

Ilona* and the Roach

2009-02-21T17:04:00.001-05:00

Ilona and I were at Manolo's of Via Argentina last night. I ordered a grilled cheese sandwhich and a diet 7Up, she had water. We were killing time till the 9:30 screening of Marley and Me. We were talking about whatever when I noticed that the family sitting directly behind Ilona were looking toward our general vicinity with horrified faces. I followed their eyes to our corner where a gigantic, frantic cockroach was running amok. I mention it to Ilona in passing and she immediately starts screaming out,

"Sir! Sir! Sir! There's a cockroach! Right there! A cockroach!! Aaaaaay!"

Mind you this is inside the restaurant, not in the terrace.

While Ilona is freaking out, burying her face in her hands, screaming around, the waiter is trying to step on the frantic roach. He steps on it and it looks like it was dead, but apparently the roach was the invertebrates version of Jesus because he came back to life the second the waiter walked away. The waiter stomped on him two more times and he flailed about and died (all the invertebrates of the world are currently waiting for him to come back to life, gathered 'round the trashcan).

I had to think twice about pulling off my sandal and smacking the cockroach, but I didn't want to belie my relative ease among cockroachs (it's not very ladylike is it? That's what I thought).

* Names have been changed to protect the whatever and whatever and whatever, you get it.