Yaya Stuff (main blog)

Monday's Muse: A Fresh Start

2010-01-04T05:00:00.000-05:00

I was realizing on Sunday that I need to simplify my life. I've got too much going on at the moment:

-Working 50 hours/week at nanny job.

-Working a weekend day/week at office cleaning job.

-Trying to adopt.

-Going to be doing fertility treatments again.

-MOVING!

-Blogging.

-Care packages.

-And oh yeah, I do have a husband I enjoy hanging out with. ;)

Not to mention, starting this month, we have to put in hours of workshop time to count toward keeping our adoption certification open.

And I know once we adopt I'm going to have even less time, so I might as well start simplifying now in order to prepare for all that adoption will bring into our lives.

While I don't want to take anything off of my list, because I love them all, I decided I needed to start fresh for 2010.

-This meant deleting thousands of emails that I was behind on. I'm sorry if I never responded to an email of yours, or if I never commented-back on a comment you left on my blog, but I had to do it for my own sanity. I'm starting fresh and hoping to "keep up" with blogging from here on out. And if I get behind again I have to allow myself to not worry about it, instead of stressing over it. Blogging is supposed to be fun, right?

What else am I doing to start fresh?

Yoga. I NEED to find time for yoga again. I love it, and I am a happier person when I am routinely doing yoga.

To-Do Lists. I love to-do lists. Somewhere along the way I stopped writing things down and was trying to keep track of everything in my head. Not. Good.

Let It Go. There are people and situations in my life that stress me out. I need to just let it go. I can't save the world and I can't please everyone. As long as I'm happy with myself, and I stay true to what I believe in, that's all that matters. I can't keep pushing and pushing to make everything in every aspect of life "perfect". It's just not gonna happen. So I command myself to "Let It Go!"

Take A Break. I used to take a break while the girls took their nap at work each day. Somewhere along the way I started working right through nap time. It was my own free will: I love to bake cookies and goodies for the kids, so instead of taking a break, I would bake. I need that rest time. Even if it's just 20 minutes to sit my butt on the couch, I need to remember to do that each day. Otherwise I get home and it hits me that I'm exhausted.

Dance More, Drink Less. Okay, I am not a heavy drinker by any means. But it has been my intentions that once we have foster children in the house I wouldn't casually drink like I do now (a glass of wine with dinner a few times a week). I would save drinking for special occassions like date night and holidays. Well I have a feeling we're going to have kids soon (yay!) so starting today, less drinking. What can I possibly do instead? Dance! :)

During my Simplifying Sunday I also deleted thousands of pictures from my hard drive. Don't worry, they're still saved a zillion other places, but now they're not taking up computer space!

Here's 2 collages I made on facebook of my 2009 photos. (Thanks Vickie for showing me how!)

"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak." -Hans Hofmann

What are you doing to start fresh in 2010?

Snowed In=Pajama Dancing

2010-01-03T12:01:00.000-05:00

"And I think to myself....What A Wonderful World." -Louis Armstrong

So what are you doing today?

Orange You Glad It's Saturday?!

2010-01-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

*A meme to share your favorite thing.

A little bit of orange from my week to brighten up the weekend!

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Yes, I'm still here. Just haven't had time to post with work and holidays and house stuff and yada yada yada.

Josh and I signed our lives away for the mortgage on our new house. Phew! Moving day is February 15th.

We're also getting closer to some adoptions actually coming into our lives. Stay tuned for that news as soon as I get it!

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Now bring on the Orange!

The orange butterfly collection. Some of these are from my Mom and some are from my friend, Chaney.

My orange pajama set from my bff Jill!

Got this from my friend Jeanne. She disclaimed that she does NOT think my house is full of pet hair, but that this magnet was orange and I love my pets! Lol!

A stocking the 5 year old I nanny for made me at school!

My friend's daughter wrote me this letter. Too cute!

The balloons at the restaurant where we went on New Year's Eve. Josh claims they are technically gold, but I'm saying they're orange.

The centerpiece at the restaurant. Again, probably gold, but I see OrAnGe!

My friend, Chaney's, new daughter in the orange outfit I got her!

The orange table and chairs at the salon I bring the girls to for hair cuts.

Random orange on my fingers. No idea where it came from. I had not been using a marker or anything. Bizarre!

The awesome rainbow on our wall from the sun shining through the turtle tank.

Jacqueline found these fab vintage finds.

(click on the pic to go to the site)

Mrs. 4444 sent me these:

LadyStyx found this one. Hahahaha!

A beautiful handmade card and bookmark I received from Ter:

Well that's all folks!

Happy New Year!

Feel free to link up a post of YOUR favorite thing!

Or you can email me your orange findings at yayaorangenanny(at)yahoo(dot)com

(Please include your blog link in your email)

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things."

2010=HOPE

2009-12-27T10:00:00.003-05:00

Instead of a 'New Year's Resolution', I pick a word to live by throughout the year. This year I'm sticking with the same word=HOPE.

I love living by a word. I wear a necklace that says HOPE. It reminds me to never give up on my dreams. Keep hoping. It WILL happen. I WILL be a mother.

Josh and I ("Team Jalicia") are certain that 2010 will be our year to have children. We've realized that if all our potential adoptions were to come through we will have 7 kids at this time next year. Lol! That would be CrAzY! And amazing!

We really feel like this new house is falling into place for a reason, and we are excited to see all that 2010 will bring us.

There used to be a time where I wasn't filled with hope, but I was filled with pity and grief. That is a normal stage of infertility. Once we started adoption a year and a half ago I finally felt like there was purpose in our life. I know many people don't really understand adoption. Or they think it's "second best" to having biological children. But for us, it's been a path of purpose and discovery. Before, we used to get caught in the "why me's" of Infertility and Pregnancy Loss, but now, over the past year, we have had a new sense of clarification come into our lives. Adoption is a powerful road, not to be taken lightly, but once embarked on, can bring so much meaning to life. And this is being said before we are even blessed with an adoption. We know it's going to happen. We know the wait will all have been worth it. Because without that wait and struggle, we never would have been where we are now. We know our children are out there in the world waiting for us, just like we are waiting for them, and I wish I could describe to you the overwhelming emotions that accompany this realization.

Purpose.

Hope.

Believe.

Not "if". WHEN. And WHEN it happens it is going to be the most beautiful moment of our entire lives. WHEN it happens our child(ren) will be the most loved and celebrated child(ren) on the face of this Earth. WHEN it happens I will finally have the missing piece, and my life will be more than fulfilled.

Live.

Love.

Laugh.

Know.

"Hope is a strange invention. A patent of the heart. In unremitting action, yet never wearing out." -Emily Dickinson

Wishing all of you a blessed and peaceful New Year. Thank you for reading along in our journey this past year and HOPING along with us that the best is yet to come.

What word are you going to live by this year?

Orange You Glad It's Saturday?!

2009-12-26T09:45:00.000-05:00

PENGUIN EDITION!

*Orange You Glad It's Saturday explanation:

I started this little meme as a way to brighten up my week. Some weeks my posts can get a bit heavy and depressing, talking about Infertility and pregnancy loss. Not that I ever want to discount my emotions in regards to those topics, but I thought this meme would be a good way to remind myself of things in life that make me happy. Namely: Orange! But it doesn't have to be a color, it can be anything in life that makes you happy. If it makes you happy then sharing pictures of it with others will most likely make them smile as well!

We have at least 50 penguin ornaments on our tree!

Soap dispenser:

Gift bag:

Place mat:

My new penguin socks!

Leave it to Iggy to find me an orange penguin!

This is one of the outfits I got from my fellow penguin-loving bloggy friend, Kelsey. She mailed these out to me the second she found out about our adoption of a baby boy (before it fell through). I still cherish these outfits and know that some day we WILL have a baby who will lovingly wear them!

Feel free to link up a post of YOUR favorite thing!

Or you can email me your orange findings at yayaorangenanny(at)yahoo(dot)com

(Please include your blog link in your email)

"It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry." -Joe Moore

Holiday Hiatus

2009-12-21T18:15:00.000-05:00

It's official.

I've hit Chaos Mode.

I'm not complaining. In fact, I feel quite blessed to have this type of chaos in my life.

I am thankful that I have family and friends that I care about and who want to spend time with me.

The House business (buying a new house, selling our current house-moving day set for February 15th!) took away from holiday preparation. So now we're playing catch-up! I even recruited Josh to wrap presents (help us....).

Through the end of this week/month/year:

-We both have to work (yes, Josh is a teacher and gets off for that but his track schedule still runs through the vacation).

-We have meetings for house stuff...mortgage, insurance, yada yada yada.

-Baking. I love baking!

-Christmas!!!! We get to celebrate with Josh's family on Christmas Eve and my family on Christmas Day. I'm so excited that it's my nephew's first Christmas and we get to spend it with him because they will be in town from Maryland!

-We'll see my bff on Saturday who will be in town from California.

-We have our niece's second birthday party on Sunday. Plus family will be in town.

-Oh, and Josh's Mom and Step-Dad's 10 year anniversary is on New Year's Eve!

-And, who knows, I still haven't given up hope on a Christmas Miracle....

So I guess what I'm saying is...I'm not sure how much bloggy time I'll have this week.

(For those who follow me on Facebook, I am feeling better today. Thank you!)

The diaper cake I made for my nephew:

Ornaments for people. I just shoved glossy ribbon into clear ornaments and viola!

Candle basket gifts for people. Got the Yankee votives for $1 each on sale. The baskets on sale and Ta-Da!

Still busy with my care packages:

Oh...I guess this isn't a craft....just a few of my favorite things. ;)

And these are lying all over my house, car and purse. Scarves I'm in the middle of knitting and trying to finish by Thursday. Ahhhhh!

To hold y'all over for the week:

(Not sure why it's blurry)

What I wish you could see is that Josh dances just as much, if not more, than me. He just won't do it on camera!

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And I want to send out a special Happy Holidays to all those Mommies who have lost their babies. I know the holidays are bittersweet and hard to get through some times. You are happy for what you have in life, yet sad for that empty part of you that you have lost. You are not alone...

(((Hugs)))

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"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas." -Calvin Coolidge

Orange You Glad It's Saturday?!

2009-12-19T06:31:00.003-05:00

A little bit of ORANGE from my week to brighten up the weekend!

(aka...taking over the world, one orange post at a time....)

Josh's gold bond:

Orange towels from our real estate agent, Angela Penkin:

Martha took these ones in Vegas!

Martha sent me this one:

Rosemarie found this fabulous orange slipcover:

*This has given me all sorts of orange-ideas for our new house!

Ter found this cute Etsy find!

My angel wings from Christa:

My handmade necklace from 4 Lettre Family:

Feel free to link up a post of YOUR favorite color (or thing).

Or you can email me your orange findings at yayaorangenanny(at)yahoo(dot)com

(Please include your blog link in your email)

*Next week I'll be featuring PENGUINS in honor of the holidays!*

Have a great weekend!

I've gotta work both jobs this weekend (nannying and office cleaning). I'm getting my hair cut (yay!) and we have a Festivus party to attend tonight and we're having friends for dinner tomorrow night. I love the holidays!

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love." -Hamilton Wright Mabie

Friday Fragments

2009-12-18T06:30:00.000-05:00

*The post where I cram in way too many random thoughts.**

For more Friday Fragments go to Half Past Kissin' Time.

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Adoption Update:

-The local brothers (Michael and Vincent) are most likely being adopted by their respite foster parents. That is awesome for them that their respite family doesn't want to let them go and that they have found a forever family so quickly! They are on a one month trial at the moment.

-I talked with A's caseworker this week (the 3 year old redheaded blue-eyed boy in SD) and we have made it to the 'next level'. The committee is reviewing us. I am excited that we have made it to the next level as A had 200 families inquire on him. We will find out in January if we are one of the top 5 families.

-Based on this article that a reader sent me, Josh and I have decided we are going to adopt a little girl from India next year. Why next year? We have to wait until I am 30 because that is the minimum age for India adoptions.

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House Update:

DrAmA. This is also the reason I haven't blogged this week. Our first buyer fell through which left us STRESSED. Luckily we had other buyers who were still interested and accepted the offer (even though this means we lost about $1000 off the price, but OH WELL!). So then we had to cancel the first contract in order to accept the second contract. It was such a mess. In the end (at the moment) all is well, but it certainly was some uneccessary stress this week. I feel like I was on the phone non-stop with real estate and attorneys and then case workers (for adoption). Crazy! But all good stuff!

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Confession: I'm currently going through a "People Bother Me" phase. I know, not nice.

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TMIFYI (Too Much Information For Your Information): I've kind of not had time to shower much this week....

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My "Favorite Post Friday" for this past week is:
Cappy Speaks over at Iggy's blog. You see, Iggy loves traffic cones and a bit back I mailed him a giant, decapitated, run-down traffic cone as a joke. Iggy cleaned up "Cappy" and has brought him back to life. Check out the video on this post. Hahahaha!

I also appreciated this post on Giving over at The Good Cook.
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Snippet of Daily Life in Yaya-Josh's House:

Last weekend we had to leave our house so people could come in to view it in order to sell it. Our real estate agent recommended getting all our animals out of the house for the best viewing possible. So there was Josh and I driving around town with our two dogs, our cat, and our turtle. I so wanted to take a picture of it, but that was impossible. So here's my drawing interpretation. I guess this isn't funny to anyone else, but it was pretty comical to us at the time.

*Please don't be jealous of my drawing skills.

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Kitty Love Speaks Out:

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I had the honor of dropping my friend Chaney off at the airport this week so she could go to Florida to pick up her newly adopted daughter! Chaney is documenting the adoption in videos via her Facebook page. It is truly amazing!

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Random Thought of the Week:

What you do you do when toddlers share food with the dog? I mean, it's not good that they are purposely throwing food on the floor, but their intention is to give the dog a treat. So do you yell at them for thinking of others and wanting to share? I just can't do it.

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Just So Ya Know: When you list your house for sale people will just show up at your door thinking they can see it.
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I got these amazing angel wings from Christa to hang on my tree to honor Finn and Flicka.

I got this awesome ornament from a bloggy reader. It's perfect. I opened it and literally said outloud "Oh My God". I showed it to my husband and he gasped as well. The wings say "Always Believe".

I got this handmade necklace from 4 Lettre Family. I love it!!!

I got these Live Love Laugh signs from Emalee. They're perfect!

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PS If you're just hanging at home on Friday night (and blogging) join in at Ann's Virtual Girl's Night Out!

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The Lee:

"Life becomes precious and more special to us when we look for the little everyday miracles and get excited about the privileges of simply being human." -Tim Hansel

SOLD! 'We Did It' D-Vlog!

2009-12-14T06:29:00.003-05:00

Phew! What a week!

Last Monday we had our offer accepted on a house we wanted to buy.

On Thursday we put our house on the market.

We worked our butts off all week and weekend cleaning, purging, organizing and painting our house to get it ready for the Open House on Sunday.

Sunday night=SOLD OUR HOUSE!

We are SO excited! All that hard work was worth it! And boy, you sure don't realize how much crap you have until you go to move, huh??

So if everything works out (pending home inspections, mortgage approvals, etc) our tentative closing date is on February 15th. Two months away!

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I interrupt this blog post for some shout-outs:

A big shout out to our real estate agent, Angela Penkin. Woot Woot!

A shout out to my awesome hubby for working his arse off all weekend!

A shout out to my Mommy for letting us (again) borrow from the Bank Of Mom in order to put our deposit on the new house (and yes, we had JUST paid off our last loan...oh well!)

A shout out to my parents for agreeing to take in our turtle so she wasn't in the house for the showings.

A shout out to Kevin for helping Josh move some big furniture out to the garage.

A shout out to my bosses who are plant sitting our zillion plants so they weren't all over our house for the showings. And also for letting me leave early on Thursday to do real estate stuff.

A shout out to all of you who hoped and prayed for us that this would/will all work out in our favor.

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I really feel like this is meant to be. All weekend as I was exhaustively getting our house ready I kept smiling to myself. I couldn't help it. It feels like things are finally turning out in our favor. And I just have this overwhelming feeling like this is the beginning of great things for us.

This new house brings us so much possibility. It's much bigger. I'll have a whole little room just to prepare my care packages! It has the perfect 4th bedroom for the teenager we've been contemplating adopting. It's got a huge family room that can eventually be an area for the at-home daycare I've always wanted to open up. It's got the room for the children we want to adopt, the baby we want to have, and down the road for the children we want to foster. Great things are coming and this house is just the beginning! It feels good to have a hopeful and positive outlook on life again!

Here's my "We Did It" d-vlog. (Sorry Julie, I never got around to a Happy December d-vlog).

But I did declare on December 1st on Facebook that December was going to be a GREAT month, and so far it's not just great, it's AMAZING!!!

"Everything's working out Milhouse." The Simpsons

Orange You Glad It's Saturday?!

2009-12-12T05:14:00.003-05:00

A little bit of ORANGE from my week to brighten up the weekend!

(aka...taking over the world, one orange post at a time....)

Bully Baby from work. Her favorite shirt is this orange one!

This is our house we're trying to sell! Anyone want to buy it??

This tree is always the last tree around to turn its leaves.

And when they change color it looks like a rainbow. Red on the outside, orange, yellow, green inside.

See this orange hair?? This is 3 year old 'A' we are trying to adopt. Heard from his case worker yesterday. We are still being considered, even though we are in NY!

These are from Rocio:

Orange flamingos!!

This is Rocio's daughter, literally yelling "Yaya!":

This is from Martha:

Feel free to link up a post of YOUR favorite color (or thing).

Or you can email me your orange findings at yayaorangenanny(at)yahoo(dot)com
(Please include your blog link in your email)

Have a great weekend!

"I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way-things I had no words for." -Georgia O'Keeffe

Friday Fragments (Updates)

2009-12-11T06:00:00.000-05:00

**This week's fragments are mostly just updates for y'all. Josh and I are swamped trying to prepare our house for it's first open house on Sunday so that it hopefully sells fast!! Thank you to all my readers who are sticking around even though I'm not being the best blogger at the moment.**

For more Friday Fragments go to Half Past Kissin' Time.

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Adoption Update:

I've had many of you ask what's going on with our potential birth mom (that is a family member). She's due with a baby boy on March 16th. She was going back and forth (and still is) on her choice so we have taken a back seat and are letting her work through her emotions. She knows we are here for her no matter what path she chooses. We can't even begin to imagine all she is going through. (I won't get into too many details, as that is her story, not mine). So yes, I guess the update is that it is still a possibility, but I have a feeling it will work out for her to parent her baby.

I talked with A's case worker. She was so nice and asked me a bunch of questions about our background. She said she had 50 inquiries and is really overwhelmed so is going to stick with just SD families when placing him. We are in NY but I think I convinced her to include us in the pool...I told her to look at our adoption website and she said, wow, you do like a perfect match! (The little boy has red hair and bright blue eyes). But we'll see, because she did reiterate that she was going to focus on only SD families. :(

AND THIS JUST IN! Our agency called on Wednesday to let us know that they just had a sibling group released for adoption (they know we've been looking into sibling groups). They are Vincent (14) and Michael (10). They are reviewing our home study now. It's funny, when we started the adoption process we thought for sure we would adopt a sibling group of sisters. My mother even went and bought all pink stuff for the bedroom (sorry mom!). And here we are, maybe going to adopt BOYS. Strange how life works out, isn't it??

I wish I could show you their pictures, because everytime I look at them I get a huge smile across my face!

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Bio-Baby Update: Due to us trying to buy a house and sell our current house, fertility treatments are postponed.

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House Update:

Our house is currently on the market!

We have to hope it sells FAST so the other house doesn't fall through. Us buying the new house is contingent on us selling our current house. We are having an open house this Sunday from 2-4. Sell! Sell! Sell! I really have faith it will sell. I believe we are meant to get this bigger house so we have the room to adopt and do foster care.

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Confession: I'm relieved I don't have to do fertility treatment this month.....

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My "Favorite Post Friday" for this past week is:

Life With Kaishon's 3,900 Saturdays post. It reminded me to make the most of each day we are given.

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Nanny Job:

Love these kids. (For those who were wondering, yes I do have permission to blog about them and my boss does read my blog).

"Diva Girl" melted my heart this week. We were putting up some ornaments on the tree and she suddenly says, "Lish, have I ever told you how much I like you?". (Yes, she decided over the summer to call me "Lish" because it's 'cool'.) Diva Girl is quite the tween (already), so the fact that she took the moment to tell me how she felt took me by surprise. Also this week she asked (again) when we were going to adopt. I explained to her that we didn't know when it would happen. And she responded with "Well whenever you do adopt I'll be very excited for you."

"Intense Boy" (my current favorite) is still my little snuggler.

"Tutu Fierce" cracks me up every day. I'm pretty sure she has a touch of OCD. Well this week she'll be eating something and suddenly stop eating because it has a "vicious hole with bad people" in it. Yeah....always something with this one.

"Bully Baby". She's battling a cold so we've been putting her in the shower every day to help clear her out. Only she can't say "shower", she calls it a "flow-flow". So cute!

Anyways, had to post about the kiddos because amidst the current state of chaos in my life these kids keep me grounded. They treat me like I'm a part of the family and love me unconditionally. (Although sometimes I think they like my homemade cookies more than they actually like me. ;)

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PS If you're just hanging at home on Friday night (and blogging) join in at Ann's Virtual Girl's Night Out!

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The Lee: (sort of)

I hope everyone is doing well!

"Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail." -Charles F. Kettering

We're Moving! (Hopefully)

2009-12-08T05:46:00.004-05:00

I know many of you are saying, "huh?? Yaya, you've been trying to have a baby, not buy a house?!"

Well....Josh has been wanting to live in the school district he teaches in, but the houses are pretty expensive in that town. But we've kept our eyes open, just in case something fell in our price range. We found an awesome house this week and put an offer in on Sunday. It was accepted on Monday! Now we just have to sell our house fast and hope he doesn't get a better offer before then (gotta love real estate, huh?). So Josh and I will be super busy de-cluttering our house, and doing touch-ups, this week to get it on the market for the open house on Sunday.

IF this all works out as planned we will have a much bigger house with room to adopt AND start doing foster care. Yay!!!!

So wish us luck!

Oh, and I have to give a shout out to our real estate agent, Angela Penkin. She's one of the nicest people I know. We've worked with her for years before we found our current house. And then for years while we kept our eyes open for a house in Josh's school district. She never pressured us to buy, always told us her truthful opinion on houses, and is a genuine good person. I mean, how many real estate agents give you a hug and a kiss every time they see you? She is the best! Thanks Angela for sticking by our side! Now work hard to sell our house! ;)

We're just so excited (and nervous for our house to sell). This is going to change a lot for us in our life! It brings on so many possibilities!

"The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react." -George Bernard Shaw

Merry SITSmas 2009!

2009-12-08T05:00:00.000-05:00

That's right! It's Merry SITSmas Day! SITS is a blogging community website and today is the day they celebrate the holidays with giveaways every hour! It's also a day where SITS bloggers blog-hop around to each other's blogs to say Happy Holidays!

Welcome to my blog!

Here's a picture of my family:

Josh, Max, Me, Storm and Sheyla.

My wish for 2010 is to finally have a child/children, either biologically and/or through adoption.

What do you wish for 2010?

"Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts." -Janice Maeditere

What Hurts Even Worse.....

2009-12-05T15:14:00.005-05:00

What hurts even worse then finding out someone close to you is pregnant (when you are battling infertility) is finding out that every single family member (extended, out-of-state, EVERYONE) knows except for us because they 'don't want us to feel bad'.

Word of advice for family and friends who know someone battling infertility:

It always makes us feel special when the newly pregnant couple or person pulls us aside, or gives us a call (or even a quick email), to let us know their news before they tell everyone so that the infertile person doesn't unintentionally find out from someone else and feel like everyone was keeping a secret. It's also helpful to not find out in some big family announcement, so that the news can sink in before then. I know those who haven't experienced infertility don't understand these emotions that we go through. So please realize this: We don't lack the ability to be happy for others. We are happy for you. But in every new pregnancy announcement our heart feels a slight twinge, not because we're not happy for you, but because we're sad for what we still don't have.

So please don't let that be the reason you'd rather keep a secret, than to allow us to join in on the happiness that others are sharing with you.

*Edited to add: This post was in no way meant to be a "woe is me" post. I just thought it would be helpful information for others to know how to handle such a situation. *

Orange You Glad It's Saturday?!

2009-12-05T09:30:00.000-05:00

A little bit of ORANGE from my week to brighten up the weekend!

(aka...taking over the world, one orange post at a time....)

My orange pot holders from my Mom:

My HOPE sign. It was blue but I painted it orange!

An orange crane Josh brought me from a monastery. In taking one he had to promise to send them 1000. Ummm....does anyone know how to make an origami crane??

My 4-month-old nephew, Little K. Love him!!!!!

Ter found this etsy find:

Emalee sent me the following:

Iggy sent me this one:

Debby sent these. And now I want want want an orange mac book!!!!

Friday Fragments (Plus Positive Adoption Updates!)

2009-12-04T05:00:00.003-05:00

**The post where I cram in way too many random thoughts.**

For more Friday Fragments go to Half Past Kissin' Time.

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Adoption Update:

I'm thinking the holiday season has gotten the case workers of the country motivated to do their jobs. Thursday alone I had 4 calls from case workers!! Whoo hoo for progress!

I know Josh was all 'I don't want to adopt' after our recent failed adoption. But we are still progressing in trying to adopt out of foster care (rather than being matched with a birth mother. At least at this time).

Well won't you know we found several new kids on the databases that stole our hearts.

(I am only showing their eyes because among the nasty commenters I've had many people tell me it is illegal to post pictures of foster kids on blogs. Not sure if that's true or not, but it's also the reason I stopped doing Matching Monday posts.)

We are now being considered as adoptive parents for:

3 year old A

5, 2, and 4 year olds J, H, and L

And 14 year old B.

Now the thing with B is that she is here in our city, through our agency. Basically, if Josh and I decide that we are a good fit as her parents, she will be our daughter. We are only at the preliminary stage and still have MANY many questions that need to be answered before we'll move forward. Our main hang-up when we are interested in older children is when the case worker insists they be an "only child". Well if you know us by now, you know we want more than one child. We want LOTS of children! So that is a big aspect that makes a child not work for our family. Unfortunately.

And every time I post a teen I get comments along the lines of 'Do you really want to adopt a teen??' and the answer is yes, we do. Teenagers want a family to love them just like everybody else. Can you imagine aging out of the system and never having a family to go home to for the holidays, etc?

Oh yeah, and we also had just signed up with a private adoption agency but decided to hold off on that. No sense spending $20,000 we don't have if our current foster-to-adopt route might actually work out.

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Bio-Baby Update:

Audrey reminded me that I never posted a bio-baby update after our fertility appt on Nov 18th. Oops!

What? You thought you we were done trying for a bio-baby? Ha, you really don't know us by now, do you??

Assuming our .01% chance of conceiving the "old-fashioned" way didn't work this cycle, we will be starting injectables next week. While we want to move right to IVF to just 'give it a whirl' and then either be successful, or learn the hard way that it won't work, our dr (the THIRD dr) convinced us, at this time, not to try IVF. The third dr to tell us that IVF will not be worth it for us to spend the money on. So the injectables route with a basic insemination is still covered by insurance, while IVF is $10,000 out of pocket each cycle. We'll give these shots a month or two to see if they work before we decide to tell our dr we're moving on to IVF. As I've said before, I don't think we can officially "quit" trying to conceive a bio-baby until we've gone "all the way".

I've also had many people ask why we don't try surrogacy. You see, the thing for me is that, I actually want to be pregnant. I want to experience all of that. I think if I were watching someone else carry my baby it'd just about kill me.

And then there's the question of egg donation. This might be a route we'll have to take at some point. But what many don't understand (who haven't experienced infertility) is that the desire to have a child that carries your own genes is a very very strong desire. It's this same desire that gives couples hope year after year through infertility.

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We put up the tree this week!

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My "Favorite Post Friday" for this past week is:

Shelter at Arise To Write because it reminded me that while I have so much to be thankful for, I am also thankful for a house over my head.

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Nanny Job:

The oldest turned 8 recently. Suddenly she turns 8 and has the cliche facebook pose perfected. What's up with that?

The 5 year old has totally stolen my heart. He's my "favorite" these days. What, I'm allowed to have a favorite! Every night before I leave he insists on an insane amount of hugs and kisses (example: 89 kisses then 39 hugs) so that they'll "last through the night" until I get there the next day. How cute is that??

Here's a video of him being himself. Everyday when he gets home from school he describes his pictures he drew at school. It takes a good 5-10 minutes for him to describe these pictures. It's the cutest thing. Oh, and if you can't understand what he's saying in the video it's because he makes up his own words. His father calls him the next Dr. Seuss. ;)

Speaking of the boy's drawings, here's a picture he drew of me this week. Now, I'll have you know I already have a complex about my big nose. So when he drew this picture I thought 'Wow, my nose looks that big to him?'. But no, he had to then explain to me that he wasn't able to draw my nose big enough because he didn't have enough paper. Lol!

Oh and the scribbles in the middle of my body is my tattoo on my stomach. How cute is that??

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Snippet of Daily Life in Yaya-Josh's House:

Josh and I are always joking around and bickering. Well the "winner" of our fake bickering is always the person who yells "Your Butt!" first. I realized this week that makes no sense.

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Random Thought of the Week:

What do women do when they go on the show Survivor and they get their period while out in the wild with no amenities? Seriously??

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Random Conversation of the Week:

5-year-old (5yo): "Yaya! Where are my blankies!?"

Me: "I'm washing them honey."

5yo: "But I want to snuggle my blankies!"

Me: "I know, here, you can snuggle me?"

5yo: "Why did you wash both of them at the same time? Why can't you wash one and then the other?"

Me: "I'm sorry, they needed to be washed."

5yo: (on the verge of tears because he'd had a really long day) "Yaya! I'm gonna call you a Snafafier if you ever do this again!! And I don't want to have to call you a Snafafier!!"

(yes, he made up the word Snafafier and gave it the connotation that it was a really bad name to call someone. He also said the above in all seriousness. It was really hard to stifle my laugh!)

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Random Statement of the Week: "Yellow pee is my favorite." (courtesy of the 3 year old I nanny for).

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Wanna hear something creepy??? On Wednesday night Josh and I both couldn't sleep. We were watching tv in bed from about 2-4am until we both fell back asleep. So Josh falls asleep and I decide to just lay there attempting to fall asleep. Well I'm laying there and I hear someone whisper in my ear "Alisha" (it's spelled wrong because the person pronounced it wrong). I immediately flew my eyes wide open and looked around the room. Then I thought I must be crazy and I probably said that myself but realized I didn't. Well the next morning Josh tells me that at around that same time he had this vivid dream that the family member who just passed away in November was in our room. Said family member used to pronounce my name wrong and say "Alisha" instead of Alicia. CREEPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A bloggy friend of mine, Allison, has been heavy on my heart lately. After years of infertility and their second IVF, they just lost their baby boy Wyatt at 18 weeks pregnancy. It's just not fair. Please send her some loving.

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Bloggy Business:

I won an awesome Nature Valley prize pack from Sheri's World! (now if only I could find the picture I took of it before my husband devoured the Nut Clusters....)

I won the Lemonade Award from Lynn at Midday Escapades. And from Kelly at Giving What I Am. AND from The OmniCouple! Thank you girls!

I won these adorable baby bibs and onesies through Pam's blog from Teewit.com

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I was gonna add a snippet about that famous golfer that's in the news this week...but I decided he doesn't deserve to be on my blog...

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PS If you're just hanging at home on Friday night (and blogging) join in at Ann's Virtual Girl's Night Out!

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PPS

If you're going to be shopping on Amazon please do me a favor. My friend Jeanne has Amazon ads in her sidebars. If you simply go to ChronicHealing.com and click on her Amazon ads before you shop Amazon then Jeanne makes a small commission off of your purchase. Your purchase doesn't cost you any extra, and you help a fellow blogger earn some cash. You can read Jeanne's Shopping From Home post for more information.

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The Lee:

Speaking of Lee. She sent me the absolute sweetest letter this week. It melted my heart. Thanks Lee, you're awesome! And thanks Roxane for your sweet card as well!

Now go wish Ter a Happy Birthday!

My Dog Sheyla

2009-12-01T20:00:00.001-05:00

Indigo wrote a post recently called Pickled Grace, which was about how her dog helped her through her tragedy of losing her hearing.

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This is Sheyla.

Indigo's post made me realize how much I love my dog. I mean, I love both my dogs, but MY dog, Sheyla, is the perfect dog for me.

A lot of our friends and family don't really care for her. She's a bit...what's the word...oh yeah, "psycho".

Yet, what people don't see is her intense ability to read emotions, and her undying loyalty and devotion to me.

Sheyla is an Australian Cattle Dog (aka Blue Heeler). She was my "clearance dog". I'm such a sucker for a clearance find. And I'm an even bigger sucker for a puppy. ;)

She had been at a local pet store for months. I always go to the pet store when I go to mall to ooh and ahh over the cute puppies. Well there she was, each time. Still there, getting too small for her kennel they kept her in. She got marked down-I thought, hmmm...good, someone will buy her. She got marked down again-I thought, maybe I'll show her to Josh. Well, Josh and I went out to dinner (at Macaroni Grill) with his brother Jarrod, and then to the mall so I could show them the puppy I felt sorry for. There she was, marked down again. My clearance puppy marked down three times. Our hearts melted. She was ours.

That was over 5 years ago.

We went through the normal puppy stuff and then some. She's a 'working class' dog. She needs a job to do. When she doesn't have a job, she'll tear stuff apart. We had to stop keeping her in a kennel when we were at work because she would squeeze her way out of the kennel. Every day. And I would worry she'd end up choking herself. We now have to have all our cupboards and doors childproofed or she'll get into them. It's been a long process of acceptance.

And then I had my miscarriages, and I realized she was the perfect dog. And through my losses she found that her 'job' was to be there for me, unconditionally.

For my miscarriages I passed the babies at home (instead of going in for a D&C surgery). It's a scary process that involved taking medicine to induce "labor". This then caused contractions and constant bleeding and passing of clots, and the baby. Well, as most people know, labor doesn't happen immediately. It's a process. I would pace around the house all day doubling over in pain. Guess who paced along beside me? My dog. I would collapse in pain. Guess who was there to catch me? My dog. I would end up crying and sobbing on the couch. Sheyla was there to lick my tears and lay her head on me in condolence.

She is the most amazing dog. I don't know what I would do without her.

Thank you Indigo for reminding me of the love I have for my dog.

I better stop writing so I can go snuggle with my Sheyla!

"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive." ~Gilda Radner

Monday's Muse: Kindness

2009-11-30T05:00:00.001-05:00

Robin at Cinnamon & Honey has a Monday Meme where you share what has been inspirational for you for the week.

These last few weeks I have been blown away by the kindness in others.

Josh and I have been through A LOT this month. For those just 'tuning in', we had a tragic death in the family, followed by a failed adoption, followed by cruel anonymous commenters coming out of the woodwork to leave me hateful comments (I've got more to share on that another time).

Josh and I had really hit a low. While we're still sad over our losses, I can say we are bouncing back.

In the midst of our grief I was reminded why I love blogging. Bloggers are unconditionally supportive people. I am so glad I started blogging, and that I didn't let the haters of the world take me away from blogging.

On top of the countless emails I got from concerned bloggers and friends during the past few weeks, I also felt extremely special receiving these:

I got flowers from Iggy!!!

Flowers I got from Ashley:

Flowers I got from my bff Jill:

Flowers I got from my friend Julie.

I felt so loved. I was calling them my "greenhouse".

I also received some lovely cards in the mail. Going clockwise starting at left these are from

And this one from Vickie.

So that's why my Monday's Muse for this week is KINDNESS!

"Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day." ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"There is no greater loan than a sympathetic ear." ~Frank Tyger

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Plato

"How beautiful a day can be
When kindness touches it!"
~George Elliston

Orange You Glad It's Saturday?!

2009-11-28T05:00:00.000-05:00

A little bit of ORANGE from my week to brighten up the weekend!

(aka...taking over the world, one orange post at a time....)

So I didn't get many good pictures with my camera this week for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately my camera decided not to cooperate. The settings must have gotten screwed up or something. Anyways, some of the pictures turned out like this. Kinda freaky huh?

Flowers I got from Iggy. (hehe...I'm special!)

Flowers I got from Ashley:

Flowers I got from my bff Jill:

And well, these aren't orange but thought I'd show the flowers I got from my friend Julie. (Okay, so I'm spoiled!):

I'm in love with this picture of Robin's grandpuppy among these poppies:

This is a picture from my bloggy friend, Christa's wedding. Love!

(And yes I am jealous their wedding color was orange!)

Ashley sent me a pic of the types of pots and pans she uses:

Mel sent me this one:

Ter sent me all the following etsy finds:

Roxane sent me the following to cheer me up:

Brandi sent me this one:

Audrey sent me this one:

And I had to show the pictures from Jayne again. I won these beautiful photos from her shop JLM PhotoDesign:

Feel free to link up a post of YOUR favorite color (or thing).

If you posted last week please link up your last week's post too!!

Or you can email me your orange findings at yayaorangenanny(at)yahoo(dot)com

(Please include your blog link in your email)

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change." -Buddha

Friday Fragments (including YayaJosh wedding pictures!)

2009-11-27T09:15:00.000-05:00

**The post where I cram in way too many random thoughts.**

For more Friday Fragments go to Half Past Kissin' Time.

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Adoption Update:

For those who follow me on facebook you already know that Josh and I were NOT picked as adoptive parents for two separate sibling groups that we had "applied" for. Heavenly and Damion. And Brendan and Cole. :(

It was like rubbing salt in a wound when I found that out on Tuesday.

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For parents of angel babies:

Christa at Fumbling Towards Motherhood is giving away 15 of these beautiful angel wings to the first 15 people who email her:

Email: frewgal@gmail.com
Subject: Christmas Giveaway
Include your Name & Mailing address (She'll mail to anywhere in the World)
Also include your Blog address (if you have one)

Christa is hoping that the arrival of these wings will uplift the parents of angel babies since the holiday season can be particularly hard for those who have lost their baby.

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My "Favorite Post Friday" for the past weeks are:

A cursing 2 year old over at Kas' blog. Swearing toddlers always amuse me.

"At Least" over at Bir's blog about stupid things people say after the loss of a baby.

I love every post at Comfort Spiral.

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We bought my Mother-In-Law a puppy this week. Isn't it the cutest thing ever?? She named her Sophie. She's a Cavalier-Yorkie-Poo.

Our niece was in love with her and kept calling her "My Puppy!"

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Note to Self: If you don't ask if they need help with Thanksgiving dinner, then you don't need to help. If you do ask, then you'll end up helping.

I'm kidding. We had a very nice Thanksgiving.

Wednesday night we went to my parent's house. My Grandma is in town.

Then on Thursday we went to my in-laws all day.

And today we'll get to see my 4-month-old nephew who's in town. Plus I'll be visiting my friend, Chaney. She's on my mind a lot this week as it was 2 years ago on Thanksgiving that her husband passed away from cancer.

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True Story: This post of Tangerine Kitty's reminded me that I have a huge fear of mascots, and clowns.

Seriously, is anyone else going to have nightmares from seeing this picture?

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Nanny Job:

"Diva" lost 3 teeth within 2 days! So cute!!!

She then wrote a letter to the tooth fairy asking for all the logistics of how she can be a tooth fairy, like where does she get her money? I love the way her mind works.

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Snippet of Daily Life in Yaya-Josh's House:

Hmmmm....maybe now I know why my cat pees on my clothes....

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I'm recently obsessed with the TLC show Say Yes To The Dress. It even brings me to tears. (Okay, so I'm an emotional person). Anyways, thought I would show some of our wedding pictures:

Had to show you this picture with our little flower girl. She's my not-so-little-anymore cousin, Ranney, of Ranney Days.

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Thank you to Brandy at The Buzz. I won these on two separate giveaways on her blog:

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Thank you to Firefly Shop. I won this Evora Plus probiotic teeth whitener.

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Thank you to Jayne. I won these beautiful photos from her shop JLM PhotoDesign. My pictures of her pictures do not do them justice. They are breathtakingly beautiful.

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I won this awesome shirt from Divia City.

Here's a close-up:

You can check out her Art Site at diviacity.com

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Thank you to Christina for sending me a huge assortment of her handmade cards (that are awesome!) that I won awhile back from her giveaway.

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Bloggy Business:

I got the Over The Top award from Sonja at Don't Scare Easy. AND from Lynn at Midday Escapades. Thank you!!

I got this Totally Heartfelt award from Caiafa Craziness....

I got the Friendly Blogger award from Amy!

I got the Best Blog Award from One Cluttered Brain! Thank you!!

I'm sorry. I got very backed-up with the recent losses in our life. I know I still have more awards to catch up on!

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PS If you're just hanging at home on Friday night (and blogging) join in at Ann's Virtual Girl's Night Out!

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The Lee:

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

D-Vlog It

2009-11-25T06:00:00.001-05:00

I still got it. Here's a random Dancing Vlog that occurred after I took the pot pies out of the oven last night.

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A Lil Business:

Josh and I were talking (over pot pies last night) and we're feeling even more passionate about our care packages that we send out. So if you know anyone who has experienced a pregnancy loss, infant loss, or adoption loss, please email me their address: yayaorangenanny@yahoo.com

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I ordered this fabulous necklace from Kristen, of La Dolce Vita, who hand stamps these personally. It is absolutely amazing. I got it with my nephew's name to give to my sister-in-law for Christmas.

If you order from her etsy shop by 11/30 Kristen will give you free shipping. Use the code yaya friend and you will receive the discount after purchase! So go visit her etsy shop, Kristen's Custom Creations!

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Thank you so much for all of my loving and supportive comments this week. I love you all so much!!!! (Now which one of y'all wanna come clean my house....)

And thank you for those who have posted our Adoption Site button on your blogs to help spread the word! www.hopingtoadoptamiracle.blogspot.com

<br/><a href="http://hopingtoadoptamiracle.blogspot.com"> </a>

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"In all things it is better to hope than to despair." -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Attempt At Rhetorical Clarity....(?)

2009-11-22T21:00:00.000-05:00

The recent events in my life have caused me to pause and process. They have been, by far, the worst moments of my life. (That is a bold statement for me to make, considering I've lived through several types of abuse, being ostracized from family, living with severe OCD, Infertility and pregnancy loss, and living with a chronic illness).

Two weeks ago we experienced an extremely tragic death in the family. I can't get into details, but trust me when I say tragic.

We then got "the call" that we were chosen as adoptive parents for a baby boy due any day. This moment was the best moment of my life, to date. I was the happiest I had ever been. My life had meaning. My life felt complete. We had been out of town all week for the death in the family, but when we got home Sunday we spent 12 hours frantically cleaning and preparing for the baby. Including going to Babies.R.Us and buying all the necessites we would need. On Monday I call my caseworker to see what the status is of the pregnancy. She calls the hospital social worker to find out that the baby was already born over the weekend and the mother decided not to have him adopted out. We were heartbroken. Devastated. Empty....again. All our happiness and hope got crushed. We allowed ourselves to fall wholeheartedly in love with this little boy. We thought, 'This has to be it! This has to be our baby! We've been through so much, this just has to be it for us!'.

Well, I ended up writing a blog post (now deleted) about how sad we were. I DID NOT say anything negative about the mother. I get it. I respect it. I have no hard feelings. I was just sad. Apparantly this caused people to come out of the woodwork and bash me in my comments section. Posting anonymously-swearing at me, telling me I'm stupid and selfish and I don't deserve a baby. It was just the thing to put me over the edge. I lost it. Tears and tears. Josh lost it for me. (ie; hole in the door....). I was a split second away from deleting my whole blog. He wouldn't let me. He said I worked too hard on my blog to just let a few stupid people ruin something that I love doing.

So I'm back. I'm prepared now to handle negative comments. Bring it. Those negative people simply have unresolved issues of their own in life and are misplacing it onto me. I can brush it off. From what I've seen I was not the only adoption blog to receive negativity these past few weeks. There seem to be some cowards out in full force. Yes, cowards, since they are posting anonymously.

The cruelty in some people blows me away.

But.

This past week I've also realized that the genuine kindness and compassion in some people blows me away as well. (More on that later).

But currently.....

I'm feeling very lost. Empty.

I don't know where to go from here.

I'm tired of fertility treatments getting us nowhere. They wreak havoc on my body and mind with no end result (baby).

Josh is feeling done with adoption. The thought of being burned again has totally turned him off.

So that's our current state. A wife who doesn't want to do fertility treatment and a husband who doesn't want to do adoption. Now what?

I will now inundate you with all the rhetorical questions that have been swarming my head the past week. I'm not writing these for anyone to answer, but so they will hopefully leave my head so that I can finally sleep.

Why didn't we deserve that baby?

What was the point of us knowing about him?

What was the point of us preparing?

Are we not supposed to be parents?

What's the point? Of anything?

What did we ever do so wrong in life to deserve this?

What will our life be like if we never have children?

Will I ever feel complete?

What's the purpose? of all of this?

Why did we have to get kicked while we were down?

Were we preparing for a reason? Is there a perfect little boy out there that is going to come to us soon?

What was I supposed to learn from this?

Through all our years of trying to have a baby my hope has remained a front runner. I've always been able to say "When we have a baby...". But this recent scenario caused me to pause, caused my hope to falter. For the first time I found myself say "If we have a baby...."

How do I write a blog that gives others hope, when at this time, I'm not sure if I even have enough hope for myself?

I wanted that baby. I want him. I can't seem to get past him. I can't seem to stop my train of thought from saying 'Maybe she'll change her mind again. Maybe we'll get him still.' I know I need to move past this. I know I will move past this. But right now...I just can't.

I know me. I know I'll bounce back with more passion to be a mother than I've ever had. But apparantly I'm needing to sulk for a bit first....

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."

Help My Wife

2009-11-16T21:32:00.002-05:00

To Everyone who my wife has helped. She is very upset about the events that have occurred over the past few days. She posted how she felt and she was attacked by several individuals because she expressed her feelings on her blog. Yaya needs all the support that she can get. So, please send her your love and compassion. She will not be blogging for a few days, but hopefully people know their roles and will keep their hurtful and stupid comments to themselves. She gives her life to helping people who have lost their future babies...so please if you feel you need to comment about how she is wrong for being upset...WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT IN THE LAST WEEK!

Thanks her loving husband!!!

Orange You Glad It's Saturday?!

2009-11-14T03:00:00.003-05:00

I really need some ORANGE this week...

Thank you for everyone's condolences. We are away for the weekend for the funeral, which is today. It has been a very traumatic week for my husband's family. Thank you for keeping them in your thoughts.

And thank you to all who grabbed our adoption button to help spread the word. I'm sorry I haven't been able to blog this week to get around and personally thank everyone. Things should hopefully resume a (new) normal next week.

Now let's brighten up my mood a bit with some Orangeness!

An orange bumper by the side of the road. Seriously.

This was the bridesmaid's bouquet from a wedding we went to this past summer:

Hope548 sent me this one:

Martha sent me this one:

Feel free to link up a post of YOUR favorite color (or thing).

Or you can email me your orange findings at yayaorangenanny(at)yahoo(dot)com

(Please include your blog link in your email)

"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship." -Louisa May Alcott

-Away-

2009-11-10T02:16:00.002-05:00

We've had a tragic death in the family.

We'll be away for several days.

Hug your loved ones a little longer and say one more "I Love You". You just never know if it'll be the last time.

*Comments turned off.*