Ask a College Kid: R-Rated

A Hilarious Craigslist Ad "With a Twist"

2008-05-24T09:48:00.001-07:00

"There Will Be Bud"

2008-03-06T21:20:00.001-08:00

Sex Position Playbook

2008-02-28T07:01:00.000-08:00

Looking for ways to switch it up in the bedroom, check out Men's Health 8 Best Sex Positions. Some are more classic and others are well... lets just say I've never heard of the "Spork."

Check it out here

Everything You Need to Know About Drugs

2008-02-19T17:10:00.000-08:00

Some of you may already be familiar with this website, but for those of you who are not, allow me to introduce you to Erowid. Erowid is an in depth website that provides accurate, non-biased, information on the effects of commonly used drugs. Remember though, many of the drugs shown on this website are dangerous (and outlined as so). Erowid is meant to inform and educate. So use at your own risk.

Cheers!

Anonymous Declares War Against Scientology

2008-02-01T13:33:00.000-08:00

In what may be one of the strangest turn of events that early 2008 brings, the near-end of our decade has begun to show signs of shedding the skin of the previous tidings of the years. However, this revolution is to not be fought against corrupt political leaders or greedy businessmen, but religious extremists. Not the types you are thinking of though, although, you may have heard about them if you’ve picked up a tabloid in the past few years.

L. Ron Hubbard developed an applied religious philosophy called Scientology in 1952, and from that day forward the world may not have known it but it was never going to be the same. Fifty years later, the Church of Scientology has thrived ever since the glamor of Hollywood has graciously smiled upon the church’s message, one of handling of the spirit in relationship to itself, others and all of life. Celebrities like Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, John Travolta and Isaac Hayes all settled into their system of beliefs, the story of our alien souls being trapped in cave-men's bodies appeasing their spirits.

However, this fairy tale didn’t go as planned. In fact, it seemed like the story tellers themselves were the ones that had been turning Scientology into a nightmare. Severe controversy has certainly followed the organization when names like Lisa McPherson or Paulette Cooper are mentioned. Also, various online videos and documentaries of the group have sparked much debate over whether Scientology is a religion or a cult. More and more each day, more evidence has been unearthed about Scientology, its restricting beliefs and methods seeming now almost like brainwashing through testimonies of its former members who urge people not to get involved with the Church.

For a while, these people’s voices went unheard. Scientology was winning through the legal systems it played and through flashy celebrity appeal. Nothing could stop this machine.

And then on January 21st, 2008, everything hit the fan. Odd enough, a YouTube video was released online by a group only calling themselves Anonymous. Masked by a digitalized voice, their videos of time passing over various buildings and landscapes sent out a clear warning to Scientology: to stand down or be destroyed. The first video, simply titled on YouTube as Message to Scientology cuts straight to the point of their goal: “Anonymous has therefore decided that your organization should be destroyed. For the good of your followers, for the good of mankind—and for our own enjoyment— we shall expel you from the Internet and systematically dismantle the Church of Scientology in its present form”.

Once again on the 25th of January, Anonymous delivered a message on YouTube and called a Second Address to Scientology. Given a face now, although masked by a G-Mac motorcycle helmet and computerized voice, this was a plea to the people of Scientology to get out before it gets ugly. Referencing them as the “common Scientologist”, they do not belittle their beliefs or pressure them into joining, they simply give them the message that they need to research all the horrors that Scientology has produced. Once again, the cryptic message flows fourth: “Your religious beliefs are not wrong, like any other religion, and they are yours to keep. However beliefs should not come at a price. Not from your wallet or compromising your thoughts. Those who have left feel a new life, a rebirth into true freedom. You can join them if you wish. You may not believe us. We ask of you one thing: make up your own mind. That is a sentence of more profound meaning for you now than at any other time in your life...”.

Now Anonymous, although clearly blind to the general public, is beginning to pick up speed. Online blogs and articles talk of their threat after threat, Scientology picked up upon their messages. They have responded to Anonymous through various spokespeople, labeling them as “computer geeks” and “web pirates”, but time will tell if we see if this internet revolution hit real life. Helping the invisible group pick up more steam, a website called Project Chanology had begun documenting the actions of Anonymous in a Wiki-like forum. The website gives out numbers and e-mail addresses of Scientology centers and high ranking members, asking you to spam the e-mails or sign them up for telemarker lists. Through the actions of Anonymous, the war rages on.

Anonymous’ most recent stab into the heart of the Scientology community happened January 28th, 2008 this time with a video called Call To Action. However, unlike the previous videos that seemed to only provide an introspective look into the group, this video gives the people watching it a chance to either join them or watch them bring down the Church. The video states that on the 10th of February, members of Anonymous around the world will assemble upon the Churches of Scientology, masked to represent their group and to simply watch the Churches to let the members know that their actions have not gone ignored. The members of anonymous are kept (surprise!) anonymous, but listed simply as, “Among our numbers you will find individuals from all walks of life - lawyers, parents, IT professionals, members of law enforcement, college students, veterinary technicians and more. Anonymous is everyone and everywhere.”

To make this message even more cryptic, Anonymous reminds us of the dangers of Scientology, dropping names and organizations later in the video that are associated with several strange happenings. The third video says, “We want you to know about Lisa McPhearson. We want you to know about former members of Scientology's private navy, SeaOrg, who were forced to have abortions so that they could continue in service to the church. We want you to know about Scientology's use of child labor and their gulags. We want you to know about Operation Freakout and Paulette Cooper.” Lisa McPherson, a woman who died December 5th, 1995, had her last 17 days documented when she was taken to a Fort Harrison Hotel away from doctors in the hospital who highly urged McPherson that she get some psychological help rather than listening to the Scientology doctors. The other woman, Paulette Cooper, is an author whose attempts to expose Scientology only revealed to her their Operation Freakout plan, a plan composed by the Church of Scientology to put Ms. Cooper into a metal hospital or even imprisoned.

The revolution will not be televised, but it will be heard. And it will appeal directly to the face of Scientology, although they will stare back only unto Anonymous masks come 11:00 a.m., on February 10th. These cryptic YouTube messages have been left for us to decipher, as we will find on February 10th if indeed Anonymous is a force to be reckoned with.

Anonymous Video 1 – Message To Scientology: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCbKv9yiLiQ

Anonymous Video 2 – Second Message To Scientology: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yozvaMGkDjo

Anonymous Video 3 – Call To Action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrkchXCzY70

Project Chanology (Down as of 1/28/07): http://www.partyvan.info/index.php/Project_Chanology

Marijuana Vending Machines?

2008-01-31T13:20:00.000-08:00

The Herbal Nutrition Center in Los Angles California, which is one of the many sellers of medicinal marijuana in the state, will now be selling a variety of buds through vending machines. The machines will also carry other medicines ranging from anti-depressants to Viagra.

Don't get too excited though, in order to access this convenient machine you must have a prescription and live in the state of California. Also, the machine requires you to slide an access card and scan your fingerprint before you can get your purchase. Those who are able to purchase will find that the Herbal Nutrition Center has many different strands for your choosing depending on your ailments.

The major benefit of these machines are their 24 hour availability. Inventor and owner Vincent Mehdizadeh says the machines offer "convenient access, lower prices, safety, [and] anonymity."

Customers can purchase either 1/8 or 1/4 an ounce at a time and can purchase up to an ounce a week. The vending machine is currently available at two locations, but Mehdizadeh plans to expand to further locations.

Sources:
MSNBC
BoingBoing

Video:

Cheers!

The College Kids

My First Time Having Sex

2008-01-27T19:15:00.000-08:00

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. ‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a bit of a frown, ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked. I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

SHE FAINTED.

This isn't actually my story, but it is hilarious. My First Time via [Slapyo]

Boots, Glasses, Boyfriend(s)

2008-01-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

Not since the days of Nazi Germany has there ever been such a collaborative consensuses among a group of people to look the same, talk the same, and act the same. And no, I'm not talking about the Illuminati or the new world order or the US-ID act that all these conspiracy theorists have us up in arms about. I'm talking about a bigger enemy. A stronger enemy. One that lacks a penis. Women.

Now don't get me wrong, to quote sports anchor Brian Fantana, “I love the ladies. They rev my engine” …but if you honestly sit down anywhere and just analyze the girls around you, you can definitely notice common characteristics amongst our female companions. I conducted this experiment amongst fellow College Kid writers and upon expressing my distaste for the styles and ideals of these females I saw, they agreed with me and asked to write for College Kid. I think they like me. I think. The conclusions I came to are all in the same when it comes to girls: they don't think with logic, they take up our money, etcetera and so fourth. But not only this, many of these girls expressed the same social and fashion ideals. I could not find one girl that was an individual. It was almost scary. They all traveled in packs (shocker), looked the same, had the same boyfriend (of different variations mind you...but the same none the less). I mean seriously, what the fuck? Did Hollister Company buy out every woman on the planet? Or should I blame Paris Hilton and the fact that she at times makes 2 girls 1 cup look like fucking Thomas the Tank Engine. Regardless, here is a list of things you will find on any girl....ever.

1. Ugg Boots

The war of Uggs has been prolonged too long. Just get rid of them. I don't even want to argue this because I know most men in the world would wholeheartedly agree with me that these fucking things make you look completely ridiculous. Yes, I know their comfortable. Yes, I know you love them and you think they look good but the most comfortable thing I own is the gap thermal on my back and that cost me a whopping $25 dollars (without tax, bitch. Massachusetts represent.) Let's stop down under on uggaustralia.com and oh my god can you believe it? $160 dollars for a pair of Ugg boots. That's not even plus shipping and handling. And to all the girls wearing these overpriced bastard boots our in public: YOUR NOT SUPPOST TO DO THAT. You will destroy them and simply have to buy another pair, they were invented by Australian surfers so that whenever they came out of the water, their feet could stay warm and dry. Unless you surf, you shouldn't wear Ugg boots.

2. Purses

When I first came to college, I met one of the girls on my floor and came to a very shocking discovery: she was addicted to buying purses. I had a plastic case of movies under my dorm bed. She had plastic cases of purses. From Chanel to Louie Vaton to Armani, they dominated her room and took up an incredible amount of space. I knew simply due to this girl's purse collection I could never take her seriously. I mean, if you REALLY think about it the transverse of a girl's purse is a guy's backpack. And I've honestly only owned two of those in my life. I will accredit our female companions with the fact that yes, you do need a place to keep your stuff but having different containers of different sizes (why not just buy one big one and one small one for "dates"?) only creates more of a mess for you to hold on to. The only good thing about purses is that they hide tampons, which are also weird.

3. Big Puffy Coat (with fur on the hood)

This one is a new one that I just caught on to. Maybe it's a northeastern thing, but I've noticed that come wintertime every girl has the exact same long, puffy hooded coat with fur on the back of it. The last time I saw fur on a coat was on my great aunt, and this horrible thing is just a cross between a jacket puff daddy and something Liza Minelli would wear. I haven't even looked up the prices of these but I'm sure they're expensive too. Just spend your money wisely and buy a north face and something that makes you look like less of an Eskimo.

4. Huge Glasses

They make your face look like a bug, and when I take mushrooms your face becomes Darth Vader. Also, the sun may never set on a bad ass but the last bad ass I knew of was my grandfather who was in an experimental reconnaissance group in the army that ended up being a section of the Marines. So looks like your all shit out of luck with your stupid glasses.

5. Boyfriend(s)

Now hold the phone here. There are several types of boyfriends, I understand this. But when you see a boyfriend with th

is particular girl (that looks like every other girl)

know that he's either a) just in it for the sex, b) too stupid to realize the trap he's fallen into, c) their gay friend, or d) all of the above. You can usually spot them at malls or clubs or fancy bars. Known for taking "jaegah bams", constantly going to the gym and strangely enough....tanning. The last manly man that I knew that tanned and went to the gym was Hulk Hogan and his wife just divorced him, so looks like the UV lights and squats just aren't doing it for the Hulkster. Oh yeah, before I forget this know that all "boyfriends" you see with these girls are only temporary (every simple minded idiot knows that “girlfriends” are fake) so don't worry brah. You'll get your chance.

6. The Skunk hair cut

Yeah, fuck this. You look like a porn star AND your mother hates you. This is about as cool as when guys could get highlights. I remember in 7th grade some kids would try to do that and they'd bleach their entire hair. It looked horrible. Learn from our history and just don't do this.

7. Tabloids

Tabloids aren't cool. They are fake. I can't express how simple that is. Also, celebrity information has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR EVERY DAY LIFE. I'm sorry, but back in the day The Beatles and Steve McQueen were cool because they contributed in some way to the

world, more or less in certain aspects. Aside from a twelve minute video on the internet, I would argue that Paris Hilton doesn't exactly fall into this category of "worldly contributions". Also, why read about how Britney Spears' child custody problems when I could watch a live action version of it by going to the projects and walking around for a few minutes? The only difference is that these mothers have hair.

8. Their Friends

Admit it. The friends of these girls are all the same, they have every interest in everything that I have listed above. They travel in swarms and use phrases like "that's hot". They're usually shopping or at least thinking about it. Some may have boyfriends, but as above don't be fooled by the illusion of their temporary fuck buddy. Keep in mind that if you find yourself “going out” as we would say, with one of these girls, note that anything their friends say to you is a lie. In fact, they’re probably trying to sabotage you because they’re jealous they’re not the one with a “boyfriend”. An easy way around this is bringing your friends but make sure they understand what they’re getting into.

I guess the main point that I'm trying to push across in these things is that all girls have become exactly alike, that individualism and difference has penetrated (haha, I said penetrated) these girls' views even unto their physical level. The female individual is dead as long as this “trend” continues. So please, wipe off the make up, dye your hair back to normal, wear what you like and what makes you comfortable amongst people. Rather than trying to fit in, people would take you a lot more seriously in life and would be a complete benefit unto your own character as well. You may even develop a personality (woah...scary) and actually learn from the pleasures of every day life. Remember, guys get into long relationships with girls because we cognitively know we can handle being with “Girl A” for years, however, this “Girl B” I have described to you would last about a millisecond. So please, give me the Ugg boots, the puffy coat, the big glasses so that you may rid them of yourself or give me my rib back.

Cheers,

Lil' M.

Jenkem - The New Drug?

2008-01-24T09:13:00.000-08:00

So a new fad that is becoming "popular" according to the media is a drug called Jenkem, also known as The Human Waste Drug or Butt Hash. Any drug with the words butt or human waste just doesn't seem very appetizing.

I did a little research on the well known Wikipedia to find that it is obviously very dangerous; I mean you are "huffing" fecal matter. The drug is a gas that is created from fermenting human waste in a bottle with some type of balloon over the top to catch the gas.

Wikipedia states:

The general concerns related to "huffing" and hallucinogenic drugs apply to Jenkem usage. The possibility of fecal-oral contamination due to lacking hygienic conditions during Jenkem manufacturing, which could lead to diarrhea and other gastrointestinal infections, must also be considered.

Here is a recent news clip on Jenkem:

Marijuanalogues

2008-01-24T09:11:00.000-08:00

Cyber Sex - Read it, just...read it.

2008-01-24T09:10:00.000-08:00

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey…
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don’t f*ck with me bitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

——————-

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don’t know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i’m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it’s just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn’t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

————–

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I’m ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em… Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I’m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Getting Lucky....

2008-01-24T09:09:00.000-08:00

College Kids,

When you get lucky people say they go all the way to third base.What is first, second, and third base to you?

Jesse
Minnesota

Jesse,

Many people have different views on this subject, but seeing your asking me here how it goes:

1st Kissing

2nd Anything except Oral

3rd Oral

4th Sex
Hope this helps!

Cheers,

The College Kids

High Times Editorial Office

2008-01-24T09:04:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder what goes on in the dank offices of High Times? Wonder no more!

Medical Marijuana Legal to grow in New Mexico

2008-01-24T09:02:00.000-08:00

"Under the new rule, patients will only be allowed to have four mature marijuana plants and three seedlings. Until the Health Department comes up with its distribution plan, patients will have to buy pot on their own wherever they can find it."

Read the rest of the article here.

Relax and Relieve Stress

2008-01-24T08:59:00.000-08:00

College Kids,

I'm really stressed out and need to relax. What should I do?

Garrett
19 years old
Maine

Easy. When you simply have too much to deal with, turn to the man with the massive 'fro and eerily calm voice, Mr. Bob Ross. His happy trees and meticulously named paints will have you hypnotized and smiling in no time. For best results, combine with

Why not take a couple minutes to watch an episode here, then when you've composed yourself, head on over to YouTube and watch the rest!

There's lots and lots of Bob Ross over at YouTube, so you should be all set for a long time.

Bob Ross' Joy of Painting on YouTube!

Cheers!