Parody Central

2009-07-03T21:22:00.001-04:00

Michael Jackson News Coverage

Written after a week of seeing non stop news coverage of Michael Jacksons' death, and nothing else being reported. Why...

...because I can.

Beat It (to death)

(To the tune of "Beat It" by Michael Jackson)

The news is now all Michael Jackson all the time

Transracial pedophile but a really good guy

They love him since he died and talk about him all the time

They beat it, Just beat it

You follow news you wonder bout foreign lands

You wanna be smart become a learned man

Now it's only fluff, better turn on C-span

They beat it, to death(4x)

Just beat it, to death, beat it, to death

Everything will be repeated

No new information has come to light

It doesn't matter, we're on all night

Just beat it, to death (4x)

Forget North Korea forget about Iran

Forget about our troops in Afghanistan

Let's talk about the life of this plastic faced man

So beat it, to death

You have to show them that you really don't care

They're wasting all our time with all this morbid fare

They talk down, then they dumb down

Until you think you care

Just beat it, to death, beat it, to death

Everything will be repeated

No new information has come to light

It doesn't matter, we're on all night (9x)

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)

Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2009-06-05T19:14:00.000-04:00

God's Blog

God's blog

2009-04-27T22:42:00.001-04:00

Conservatives Call for Action on Swine Flu

Washington - Conservatives across the country brought forth their plans for immediate action to deal with the Swine Flu pandemic. Some notable examples:

Washington Republicans demanded the Obama administration do nothing, nothing at all chanting, "Government is always the problem not the solution. We don't need big government. We demand the government do nothing now, nothing tomorrow, nothing ever."

Rush Limbaugh demanded Obama's resignation stating, "We can see his policies have failed, now he's brought this upon us. See what socialism causes."

Michelle Bachman of Minnesota also demanded his resignation stating, "There's no evidence President Obama didn't cause the swine flu. I want to pass a bill making it illegal for President Obama to give Americans the swine flu."

Fox News demanded people form a spontaneous grass roots movement to help the rich with a tax cut. Glenn Beck cried and said he feared we'd all be turned into pigs by the swine flu. Fox news then created a nationwide day of "porking" to save the rich from the swine flu by "porking" the Democrats "Before they pork us." Said Bill O'reilly, "We need to get together and pork those fat cats in Washington, I've been waiting to pork a few Democrats for some time."

Pat Robertson demanded more Christian education be directed at pigs, stating, "Obviously these pigs have engaged in un Christian behavoir. We don't need 'medical science' with its Godless 'biology' and 'evolving' viruses. We don't need 'protection' from diseases. We need to teach these pigs to turn from their wicked wicked ways. From 'Babe' to 'Charlotte's Web' to 'The Muppet Show' it's obvious Hollywood has been promoting a pig lifestyle and God is punishing us."

Internationally, noted religious connservative Mahmoud Ahmedinejad of Iran commented, "It must be the Jews, Jews and pigs go together, everyone knows that."

2009-04-10T21:21:00.002-04:00

Random News Commentary for April 2009

Random News Commentary

2009-04-04T22:18:00.001-04:00

Iowa Legalizes Gay Marriage

In honor of the Iowa Supreme Court's April 2009 legalization of Gay Marriage.

Thank God I'm a Country Boy
(Original Lyrics by John Denver)

Well life on the farm is kinda laid back

Since folks in Des Moines finally cut me some slack

It's early work guys, early in the sack

Thank God I'm a country boy

Well my personal choices sure never did no one harm

Fraternizin' with the men folk and workin' on the farm

Us gays are filled with an easy country charm

Thank God I'm a country boy

Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle

It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little

Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle

Thank God I'm a country boy

When the work's all done and the sun's setting low

We put on a little Streisand and have a little show

The neighbors like Limbaugh so we keep it kinda low

Thank God I'm a country boy

I'd sing them old showtunes all day if I could

But the church and Pastor wouldn't take it very good

So I Salsa when I could, work when I should

Thank God I'm a country boy

Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle

It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little

Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle

Thank God I'm a country boy

Well I wouldn't trade my life for cellphones and suits

I never was one of those closeted fools

I'd rather have my disco and my farmin tools

Thank God I'm a country boy

Yeah, city gays partyin' in limousines

A lotta sad people thinin' that's the only scene

Son let me show you exactly what I mean

Thank God I'm a country boy

Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle

It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little

Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle

Thank God I'm a country boy

We'll I'll sing those old showtunes till the day I die

Since now I have my own man and he's forever by my side

Say partners for life and say it loud with pride

Thank God I'm a country boy

Those farm boys taught me young how to hunt and how to whittle

Taught me how to work and play showtunes on the fiddle

Taught me how to love and how to give just a little

Thank God I'm a country boy

Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle

It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little

Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle'

Thank God I'm a country boy

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)

Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2009-03-17T20:26:00.001-04:00

Kraut Pope tells Black Africans Condoms don't stop AIDS

This week Pope Benedict went to AIDS ravaged Africa and told people not to use condoms and that they only make the problem worse. So in a place where over 20 million people have AIDS, the biggest problem for Benedict is that someone might use a condom. So he not only gives bad advice, but actually lies to suffering black people. His message is pretty much summed up by this song:

Just Die

(To the tune of the theme from "Rawhide")

Dogma, Dogma, Dogma

Keep prayin' prayin' prayin

Though AIDS just keeps slayin'

Tell them to keep prayin' - Just Die

Don't try to understand AIDS

Just offer prayer and band-aids

No matter how many folks have died

You're ejaculatin'

Only pleases Satan

Unless you're naturally inside

Risk your life, pull it out

Pull it out, risk your life

Though it's dumb, no condoms Just Die

Hide the fact, tell a lie

Tell a lie, hide the facts

No matter, Kraut Pope says Just Die

Shut up, shut up shut up

Though the graves are backed up

Keep the info locked up - Just die

Rubber, silk and latex

So sinful is safe sex

Better that everyone should die

All the lives that we lose

Are martyrs to the values

That celibate Kraut Pope has prescribed

Risk your life, pull it out

Pull it out, risk your life

Though it's dumb, no condoms Just Die

Hide the fact, tell a lie

Tell a lie, hide the facts

No matter, Kraut Pope says Just Die

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2009-03-10T14:56:00.001-04:00

Congress Debates Heterosexuals in the Military

Washington - In a heated debate over the place of heterosexuals in the military, congress called some of the great leaders of history to testify:

Alexander the Great, conquerer of the ancient world, gave his testimony, "Absolutely not, there is no room for heterosexuals, they're bad for morale. Men need strong leadership and close companionship to bond during battle. I never lost a battle and I loved my men. All night long. Occasionally in the morning and at least once in the afternoon before the battle of Arbela. My heterosexual opponent Darius was a weak little bitch, I kicked his ass from the Bosphorous to Bactria."

Frederick the Great, the brilliant Prussian king and general, had a differing opinon, "I knew lots of straights in the military, they were all nice people. Some of my best friends were straight. And they fought for me just as well as anyone else. And boy could they sing and dance too. On the other hand, in my day not only were German troops victorious, they respected civilians. After me most German leaders were heterosexual, and look how that turned out."

Richard the Lionheart, English hero of the Crusades, spoke in defense of heterosexuals, "I fought both with and against some of those people, and they were strong and brave. My opponent Saladin was a hetero and he was honest and dare I say chivalrous. I think these people have earned the right to serve in the military as much as anyone else."

King James of England was among many who brought religious arguments to the debate, "When me and my 'hubby' the Duke of Brunswick were going over the proofs for my King James Bible, the most authoritative source, we were struck by the love and tolerance in Christianity. I think the Christian thing to do is spread love and tolerance to all people."

The British Navy also had a strong opinion, "Hetero boys in the navy, never! Bad for morale. We only need three things: Rum, Sodomy and the Lash. And we're not just talking about Charles' methods for disciplining the staff. Even movies about sailors are just a disco ball and a soundtrack away from being gay porn." The delegation then sang out loud, "And it's greatly to his credit; That he is an English man"

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2009-02-25T19:44:00.005-05:00

How to Sell Cigarettes to Pregnant Women

Facing declining sales, tobacco companies have resorted to more desperate measures to sell more cigarrettes, including the following campaigns aimed at pregnant women:

Ad Campaign #1: Aimed at Conservatives

Announcer: You deserve relaxation and pleasure, but the politically correct elites and big government are out to destroy any fun in your life.

Smoker: Yeah, they tell me what to eat, what to do, what I can and can't drink and all that.

Announcer: And now they want to take away the joy of a good smoke. Just because some Washington elite says so. Big Government is always the problem, not the solution.

Smoker: Yea, big government is the real problem, always interferring. My momma smoked, and I turned out just fine.

Announcer: And Doctors, what do they know? They think they know it all because of their fancy degrees.

Smoker: Yeah, those fancy white coat doctors don't know nothing. Bunch of latte drinking, volvo driving know it alls trying to tell me what to do.

Announcer: That's why we created American Freedom brand cigarettes. For the patriot in you. Because it's about freedom.

Smoker: It's about Freedom! I'll take twenty boxes.

Ad Campaign #2: Aimed at Liberals

Announcer: We know you're concerned with the earth, that's why we bring to you the ancient medicine of Mother Earth brand herbal remedy. Biodegradabe and made according to the ancient wisdom of the indigenous peoples of the Americas.

Smoker: Ooh, it's indigenous, that means not white people. Is it infused with their spiritual wisdom?

Announcer: Yes, the ancient wisdom of the indigenous peoples.

Smoker: They were very spiritual and in tune with mother earth. Not like Western consumer society. Did you say ancient Wisdom?

Announcer: Yes, ancient wisdom. Not like Western medicine. Western medicine is male and patriarchal. They used to make you wear corsets.

Smoker: Yeah, they're all male and patriarchal. They used to make us wear corsets.

Announcer: Instead try the ancient medicine of the indigenous peoples. Did I mention that it's herbal?

Smoker: Ooh, it's herbal! I'll take twenty boxes.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2009-02-19T16:01:00.001-05:00

Adolf Hitler's Blog II

Hitler's Blog II

2009-02-12T16:46:00.001-05:00

Captain Kirk's Blog

Captain Kirk's Blog

2009-02-09T17:32:00.001-05:00

The Republican Plan for America

Washington - Republican leaders today announced their own plan for America's future. The following is a summary of conservative thinking on the economic crisis:

Step 1: Keep anything from getting done.

Step 2. Watch country go to hell.

Step 3. Come back into power.

Step 4. Repeat as necessary.

Republican lead Hippe O. Krytt commented, "We can't have a stimulus bill, it will only create deficits. Doesn't anyone realize how irresponsible it is to ring up deficits? Us Reagan Bush Republicans can't stand such irresponsibility. Unless you're spending it on Iraq, then it's no questions asked."

Republican commentator Amm Kneesya also spoke, "We don't need a stimulus bill that creates jobs or helps the unemployed. That's no way to deal with povery and unemployment. What we need are tax cuts for the rich and deregulation of business and finance. Why hasn't anyone ever tried this?"

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)

Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions . All Rights Absurd.

2009-02-03T15:58:00.000-05:00

Republicans Admit Mistakes

Washington - In a stunning reversal of seven years of party policy, major Republicans completely reversed their position on the Presidency. Republican spokemsan Hypp O. Kritt explained the reversal, "We kept saying the country needed to rally behind the President in times of crisis. We were so wrong and we apologize. There is no need for any such thing. We denounced party politics and obstruction, we take that all back. What we meant to say was it is the duty of patriotic Americans to keep the president from getting anything done, at least for the next four years."

Rush Limbaugh also chimed in, "When I said for the thousandth time that we must support our President fully in time of war, I totally had my fingers crossed. In time of war all Americans should spend their days criticizing the **** out of the President. Nothing is too nasty, including little songs with racial epithets in them."

Ann Coulter agreed with Mr. Limbaugh, "All those books and columns I wrote saying that anyone who criticizes the US President is the same as a terrorist, I didn't mean it. Dissent is Patriotic!"

Dick Cheney also issued a 'clarfication' of his views, "When I said the Vice President was above the law and answerable to no one, you all knew I was just kidding, right? When we demanded an Imperial Presidency with unlimited powers I assumed everyone was in on the joke. Geez, get a sense of humor you guys, you know what kidder I am. "

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)

Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2009-01-19T15:05:00.001-05:00

Rich White Family Evicted by Black Man

A Special Report on the State of the Country:

Washington - In a shocking example of the state of the country, a wealthy white Republican family was evicted by a black man today. Said the unfortunate victim, a Mr. G. Bush of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, "I'm a victim of circumstances, I did everything right, it's all the system. The Man is really keeping me down. This is really quite a change, have these black people no heart? Where am I to go? Who's oppressed now?"

This was not the only example of tough economic times, there were several related cases:

New York - A wealthy white Republican investor, Mr. Pawnzee Peeremydde, was arrested for merely doing his job, "Now they want me to obey the laws and regulations? What has this country come to? That's not the America I believe in, that's not what I voted for. Obviously people like me are pretty much an oppressed minority now. There's no justice in America."

Los Angeles - A wealthy corporate executive, Mr. Fatte Katt, explained how he was affected by the changes, "Now they want me to pay taxes. Just because we control most of the wealth us top 1% are now expected to pay our fair share. It's as if we are expected to pay for mistakes made by someone we supported who gave us everything we wanted for eight years. It's not fair and now I know what an oppressed minority feels like. This country needs more equality."

Wealthy white republicans are not the only victims in these harsh times:

In Guantanamo bay Cuba, torturer Torre Kemada complained, "I hear I might be out of a job. What kind of America is that? Truly I'm the victim here."

In rural Alabama, local ditch digger, amateur pundit and eighth grade graduate I. M. Inbredde pointed out the shocking injustice of the system, "Why am I poor while others are rich? Why is a black man in chage when I turn on the picture box and I'm here in this small town bar at 10 a.m.? It' s obviously someone else's fault, not mine. I blame the system. And affirmative action, it's obvious that an unqualified black man took my spot at Harvard. How can such unffairness be allowed to exist, especially from a bunch of ...(Unprintable racial slurs deleted for decency's sake.)"

It's obvious after looking at all these cases who the real oppressed in America are. Of course that's the last anyone will hear of this story, because these are not the type of people to whine about it for the next eight years.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)

Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2008-12-24T14:53:00.000-05:00

Santa Claus Shot Down by Bush Administration

Washington - In a shocking final display of executive power, the Bush administration announced today that it had successfully shot down Santa Claus.

pResident Bush explained his decision, "This wasn't about getting away with whatever we could in our last weeks. We want to make sure people remember what we did for a very long time. Santa was a threat, a mysterious figure who infiltrates our very homes. Giving away presents to children for free is socialism. Santa was perverting our children, making them believe in magical gifts that come from the sky. This gets them used to the idea of socialism, and that had to be stopped. Handouts are evil, unless you're a large corporation."

Bill O'Reilly also commented, "Santa was waging a war on Christmas, with his "Happy Holidays". Christmas isn't about free handouts, it's about Jesus Christ, who we all know was a white English speaking Republican who hated foreigners, the enviroment and most of all handouts, unless you're a wealthy corporation."

Dick Cheney, who gave the order to fire, had this to say, "Santa was a terrorist threat, coming into our very homes. You might have noticed there have been no terrorist attacks since we shot down Santa, proving that everything we ever did was right. Santa was a socialist, and shooting him down was almost as much fun as shooting lawyers. The Vice President can do whatever he wants, at least until January 20th, when he should have no power whatsoever."

Santa was shot down using the new missile defense system, a 100 billion dollars of taxpayer money that couldn't have found a better use. Santa has been tracked by NORAD for over 50 years, beginning during the Cold War. At the time, anti-communist hysteria led the government to believe that a red suited foreigner, led by a red nosed reindeer ,was obviously a communist plot. In addition, J. Edgar hoover convinced the government that Dasher, Dancer, Prancer etc. were obviously gay names and that kind of perversion would harm America's children. The technology of the time, however, did not allow the Air Force to intercept the sleigh, and it was not until recently that America was finally made safe from gay communism. Future generations of non-gay capitalist Americans will have the Bush Administration to thank.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)

Copyright 2008 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2008-12-09T13:29:00.001-05:00

How to get George Bush out of Office Early

Here are some ideas to get George Bush to leave office early:

1. Tell him there's now a literacy test for the Presidency

2. Tell him the Constitution says he must be out by December 20th. It's not like he's ever read it.

3. Everyone write him a letter asking him to resign. (Because he's always cared Soooo much about what the American people think.)

4. Remind him that he promised to catch bin Laden, and he should spend the rest of his term looking for him. (Hint: He's not in Iraq.)

5. The CEO's of the failed auto companies offered to work for a dollar a year. Suggest this to him and watch him scram.

6. Tell him Texas still allows torture, he'll gladly move.

7. Tell him Al-Qaeda has perfected the suicide pretzel.

8. Tell him if he moves to Dallas right now, the city will put up a "Mission Accomplished" banner.

9. Tell him his Presidential library sits empty, and could he come by and drop off his copy of "The Pet Goat."

10. Tell him a black man is moving into the neighborhood.

All this is dependent on making sure Dick Cheney doesn't take over, but he's too busy shredding documents and deleting hard drives to notice.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2008 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2008-11-19T18:27:00.000-05:00

Nation's Auto Workers Held Hostage

Washington - A gang of rapacious terrorists appeared before congress today demanding tens of billions of dollars and threatening America's auto workers if their demands weren't met.

Bursting into the capital building from a speeding limousine, group spokesman Phatte Katt made this statement, "Give us the money in unmarked, untraceable bills, see, or the workers get it, you see. We're not fooling around, you see."

Congress attempted to negotiate but seemed to have no other solution to the standoff. Congressional spokesman Spyne Less commented, "We'd like to take the time to talk or even think of other solutions, but they've got the auto workers right where they want them. This is no time for rational discussions of long term consequences or even how we got here."

One of the hostage takers, Mr. Moe Gull of Detroit made this threat, "We mean business, if we don't get this money now, no questions asked, we're talking Great Depression squared, threats to national security, the four horsemen of the apocalypse, cats and dogs living together - mass hysteria."

Another gang member, Outta Tuche added, "This isn't just about the workers. What will happen to us? I'd only get my 12 million golden parachute. Do you want to explain to my kids why we're wintering in Bermuda instead of St. Tropez? I just can't do that to a child."

Gang members then boarded private planes to go to their luxurious headquarters and sip champagne while awaiting word on their ransom demands.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2008 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2008-11-13T13:42:00.001-05:00

If Santa Claus had a Blog

Santa's Blog

2008-11-06T08:44:00.000-05:00

What the Liberal Media Won't Tell You About Barack Hussein Obama

1. He's secretly a Tibetan Buddhist here to spread peace and nonviolence.

2. He owns an AR-15 with hollow points, which he only uses to shoot deer;)

3. He cried at the end of "Brian's Song"

4. He eats bacon cheeseburgers for lunch, every day.

5. His jump shot is not that good.

6. He didn't know Russia was that close to Alaska.

7. He once got a speeding ticket on I-94.

8. He folds his own laundry.

9. He loves to watch "Andy Griffith" reruns.

10. He's a Trekkie.

11. He uses a speech therapist, all his life his secret shame has been that he's not "Well spoken."

12. His favorite color is mauve.

13. He did not exhale.

14. He cooks a mean gefilte fish.

15. He won the Congressional Medal of Honor in the invasion of Grenada.

16. He's actually 49 years old.

17. He hates Monty Python movies more than anything else in the world.

18. He voted for George Bush in 2000, believing it was "Time for a change."

19. He cheats on his income taxes.

20. He's actually John McCain's Illegitimate son.

Fortuneately for him, the liberal media kept all these secrets till after the election.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2008 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2008-11-05T00:38:00.000-05:00

Obama's Surprise Announcement

Chicago - Having won the Presidential election, Barack Obama made a surprise announcement to his followers today:

"Now that I have won and no one can stop me, I'd like to make a few things clear. I am a radical Muslim/atheist/communist, And I'm here to abort all your babies and force your children to be gay. Adolf Hitler will be my role model. I'm surprised you all didn't see this coming. Oh and I'm also the Antichrist as Christians conceive of him. I'm not really sure how to be all these things at once or what that kind of government would look like, but I am sure I'm out to destroy America so I can rule it. Why I want to destroy the country I'm in charge of is my own special secret. Oh and by the way, I was conceived on an Alien spaceship working with the Nation of Islam."

pResident Bush responded by appearing in a turban and making this announcement, "I wish I didn't have to do this, but we have no choice. Democracy has spoken and I respect democracy. I have ordered all our schools to teach Islam and all weddings to be gay. I surrender this country to the forces of Communism/Islam/Atheism."

Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity released a joint statement, "We warned you, we tried to warn you. It's always the same, we always warn them, but do they listen, - nooo."

Dennis Kucinich also released a statement, "They should have chosen me - me!"

The only happy people were the bloggers on the right wing website Freerepublic.com who stated, "We were right, we were totally right! For the first time we were right. This is the best day of our lives! It's totally worth it!"

William Ayers also spoke to reporters, "Man I'm scared, this guy is way too radical for me."

The final word comes from the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, "I'm so disappointed. I worked so hard to make a good Christian of that man."

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2008 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2008-10-29T14:42:00.001-04:00

If Hitler had a blog...

Hitler's Blog

2008-10-17T17:35:00.001-04:00

Obama is a Conservative

FAUX NEWS REPORT - Rumors of Barack Obama's ties to conservative organizations have continued to plague his campaign. The story focuses on Obama's time serving on the board of the Annenberg foundation, an organization founded by noted conservative Walter Annenberg.

Sarah Palin brought up the connection on a campaign stop today, "He's been palling around with conservatives. I think it's time Obama came clean to the American people about his ties to radical conservatives. This isn't about innuendo or rumors, I just think it's time we got to know the real Barack Obama. Oh, and can I just add 'Joe the Plumber' one more time."

Independent investigations have confirmed that Obama did serve on the board of the Annenberg Foundation, which had several conservative members. While the Obama campaign has stated that serving on the board with these people in no way means he shares this ideology, the McCain campaign has continued to bring it up. In fact they're bringing it up every day on major news networks while simultaneously complaining that major news networks are ignoring it.

John McCain spoke on the issue today, "Obama has ties to conservatives that he's not mentioning. During his time with the Annenberg foundation he worked with Arnold Weber, a former advisor to both Nixon and Reagan. I'm not trying to go negative, or use innuendo, but this shows some dangerous ties to conservatives he hasn't addressed, as long as we don't count the times he explained it publicly. We just need to know the real Barack Obama. Plus he's ruined the life of Joe the Plumber, who didn't ask me to mention him twenty times on national television or use him as the centerpiece of my national campaign. It's all Barack Obama's fault. No really, it's his fault."

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2008 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2008-10-09T12:18:00.000-04:00

Obama is a Werewolf!

Some excerpts from various sources on this breaking news story:

Independent Political Ad: "Barack Hussein Obama is closely associated with Werewolves, one of the most dangerous enemies humanity has ever faced. He assumes human form during the day, but one has to wonder what he looks like under the full moon. Barack Obama - Too Dangerous For America."

Sarah Palin Speech; "Barack Obama finds humanity so imperfect that he pals around with werewolves. He invites those with wolf ancestry into his home. Is he associated with werewolves or wolves? The story keeps changing. When are we going to get to know the real Barack Obama? Thank you that will be all, I don't talk to reporters."

Official McCain Campaign spokesperson, when asked a direct question by the media: "We're not saying he's necessarily a werewolf, but there have been some questions raised about his ties to wolves in the past. He hasn't clearly answered these. His associationsl with dangerous woves raises some real questions about his judgement and fitness to lead. We think his relationships with wolves need to be looked into. Please do this and quit talking about the economy."

Objective news report: "Barack Obama has been in close proximity to wolves in the past. He takes his daughters to the zoo and they have been known to stop at the wolf exhibit. In addition he reads bedtime stories to them, some of which contain a character called the 'Big Bad Wolf.' They have had dogs in their house, and these dogs do in fact have wolf ancestors."

Obama Campaign Spokesperson: "Why the **** do we have to waste our time dealing with this BS?

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2008 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2008-09-28T19:25:00.001-04:00

Sarah Palin's Foreign Policy Experience

Sarah Palin explained her extensive foreign policy experience to the American people today - this time in Song:

See Russia From My Front Yard
(To the Tune of "Back in the USSR" by the Beatles)

Was picked as a VP oh so suddenly
Just don't answer questions right
Oh if only the press would just let me be
Man I'd look like Mrs. Right
I see Russia from my front yard
I'm a foreign policy star, boy
See Russia from my front yard

By living so close I must just know that place
Gee who would dare doubt this
The Bering strait is a strategic place
In every game of Risk
I see Russia from my front yard
I'm a foreign policy star, boy
See Russia from my
See Russia from my
See Russia from my front yard

Well my lack of credentials has come out
But don't you never mind
Kamchatka's so close no one should doubt
That Russia's always on my my my my my my my my my mind
Oh come on
Hey Couric, you, uh, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I see Russia from my front yard
I'm a foreign policy star, boy
See Russia from my front yard

Well my lack of credentials has come out
But don't you never mind
Kamchatka's so close no one should doubt
That Russia's always on my my my my my my my my my mind

Oh I know out beyond the snow peaked
Mountains lies that place
If Putin comes too near to us
He'll run smack into this pitbull's lipstick face
I deserve all of your trust
I see Russia from my front yard
Hey I'm a foreign policy star, boy
See Russia from my front yard
Oh, just believe me country

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2008 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2008-09-22T18:59:00.001-04:00

Change is on the Way!

In the midst of a deepening economic crisis, Americans today demanded change, and one party promised to deliver - the Republicans.

On Wall Street, deregulation and unchecked greed, driven by an ideology that greed is good and corporations must be left alone no matter what have brought the country to the brink of financial ruin. Who will save us from such an ideology? Send in the Republicans!

On main street ordinary people were left out of an economy where the rich grew richer. Wages stagnated due to an ideology that whatever corporations want is good. Health care costs soared due to a belief that corporations should be left alone and would always do what is right. Tens of millions were uninsured due to a belief that government intervention is always wrong. Who will save us from such ideology? Send in the Republicans!

Our environment is being dangerously destroyed by pollution and global warming. A belief that whatever corporations wanted was always right has brought this about. This same ideology keeps us addicted to oil and facing domestic and foreign policy crises that will only worsen in the future. Who will save us from this ideology? Send in the Republicans!

Overseas our army is stuck in an unneccesary and unending war. Our status around the world is at an all time low. Who will fix the mistakes of the party in power? Send in the Republicans!

In Washington, corruption, greed and a refusal to admit mistakes have brought foreign policy and fiscal disaster. Deficits have made the future more insecure than ever. Who will take on the horrible fat cats who brought us to ruin? Who will save us from the mistakes of the last eight years? Send in the Republicans!

Vote Change! Vote Republican!

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2008 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.

2008-09-16T14:45:00.000-04:00

McCain's Economic Plan

Hush, liberal media, don't say a word.
Economic problems should not be heard

And if those problems still appear,
McCain's gonna say there's no crisis here

And if the crisis hits your town
McCain says the fundamentals are sound

And if those fundamentals break,
McCain's gonna say they should just eat cake

And if your gas tank's never full,
McCain's gonna sell you a load of bull

And if that load of bull don't fly,
McCain's gonna complain that his tax bill's high.

And if the economy's in tatters,
McCain's gonna say Wall Street doesn't matter.

And if that stock market falls down,
He'll really be the most out of touch in town.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2008 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.