The Journey

Pimping FetLife ... and you might win!

2009-12-17T19:35:00.001-07:00

Okay - it's not a hoax, they actually ARE giving away things.

But here's the deal: you need to be a fetlife member -- AND -- you need to sit on Santa's lap to tell him what you want.

Not everyone will win, just like the lottery - but hey, you never know....

So, if you're not a FetLife member - think about becoming one, then - sit on Santa's lap: http://fetlife.com/sit_on_santas_lap and have a happy holidays ...

....okay, not THAT happy - c'mon, kids might be watching... :P~~~~

The Porn Problem

2009-11-22T18:19:00.001-07:00

The bio-flick: The Notorious Bettie Page was on IFC last night.

A decent movie, but Gretchen Mol does an outstanding job portraying the 50's pin-up queen.

There was a scene in the movie -- that really got me thinking -- about the evils of pornography and the depictions of women being bound, degraded and otherwise subjected to whatever was sought. Aside from that imagery causing me to grin, smile and otherwise daydream -- I considered the perception of how the depiction of porn in movies, in books, in stories basically admonishes porn to be the root of evil for all men.....

Is porn really that evil?

The movie took the stereotypical route of how morally damaging it was for a few souls who "happened to have" porn in their custodial at the time of whatever mis-deeds they were doing. Which just sends me over the edge in a barrel because I simply don't subscribe to the flawed logic of the "association" crime game that constantly plays out in everyday life. The "association" crime basically says: "as long as you are within a certain radius of the said *thing* ... that must've been the reason why you flew off your rocker...." Many of these said characters were also religious in one form or another. So if they were in the same proximity of their Bibles too -- then why don't we blame the word of God as being a catalyst in their behavior?

That's why the "association" card gets a little sticky sometimes...

Does this mean that porn is harmless then?

In the grandest scheme of life - it is harmless. Seriously.... Porn is a graphic expression of sexuality. If the argument that porn is vulgar, then so are our movies, our music, our poetry, our books, our TV programs -- literally anything out there can conceivably be considered vulgar as well. But we measure what is acceptable and what isn't and the problem with that comparison is that it's completely subjective. Not every piece of porn grabs my fancy, but I respect that it very well could be somebody's else's kink -- even if it just doesn't happen to be mine.

But people use pornography as some sort of all-encompassing lynch-pin in the failure of marriages and relationships -- while blatantly ignoring that maybe the marriage or relationship was in peril long before porn entered into the fray. Porn gets a bad rap while the real reasons continually get ignored, overlooked and held in contempt.

Men being accused of "cheating" on their wives using porn -- when very little has probably been done to EXPLAIN the reason why the man may have felt compelled to look at porn in the first place. Do they no longer have a very satisfying love life? No more spark? No more sexual energy between them? Have they talked about it? Have they worked at trying to do more things together or explore alternatives side by side?

The problem is: we change and evolve over time. What turns us on today wasn't the same thing that turned us on 10 years ago (for the most part...) So for a couple that got married and they're now 4, 5 or 12 years in their marriage, one or both of them might be bored with how things have been going. So then why not just come out and say that? Why not call it for what it is and work at resolving it together?

Porn gets blamed for relationship crises when the reality is -- there's probably at least a half dozen other things at play.

If you find such material objectionable, then you
don't ....
have ...
to ....
look ....
at ....
it.

Period.

End of story.

If you find it offensive - then you can absolutely exercise your right not to look at it. And don't try to use the argument: "kids today have more access to porn than...." Kids today are not unlike the kids of yesterday or the week before. If they WANT to find something out, they will find out about it. At best, as a parent - your best alternative is to educate your children and instill the values you think are important and let THAT be the guiding principle that they will use in life. Trying to hide something isn't going to work. Trying to pretend it doesn't exist is simply crazy.

Porn isn't to blame ... for once, it would be nice if folks looked at their own personal responsibilities rather than trying to blame someone else for their own shortcomings ... but then it would be nice to see pigs fly sometimes too....

Poly Puzzler

2009-09-12T18:37:00.001-06:00

(Just a reminder to folks -- I hardly ever blog here anymore -- I'm over on LiveJournal as LordSpooner, so if you want to follow me over there - that'd be great.)

A friend of ours posted something in her LJ that got us both thinking about the puzzle with poly. Namely the issues of polyfidelity, exclusiveness and the "primary problem" that sometimes exists. While there is no one true universal way to approach poly, I'm bestowing the standard caveat that everyone's mileage will vary. I have been simmering some thoughts on the subject and I believe I've come to some realizations about where I wanted to go with this post.

First off, I'm comfortable in the fact that there are certain elements I'm about to go into here that I consider to be pliable, mailable and subject to change. This isn't to say that we shouldn't have a certain amount of goals and parameters for our relationships. But we're not approaching this search that we will eventually have to "settle" on some things. I do believe there's a lot of room for negotiation and chemistry between everyone ultimately helps resolves this issue, but for now, there are a few subjects that I wanted to put out there.

Polyfidelity -- For some reason, the word "fidelity" always meant something totally different whenever I heard it, so when you add poly to it -- my mind just hiccups every time it sees it. However, the concept behind polyfidelity is exactly what we're looking for. To us, polyfidelity signifies one's investment in the dynamic. In my eyes, we're investing in them - so it seems only natural that they in turn want to invest in us. It's not that I hold anything against those that have an open relationship - I don't, but it's not exactly what we're seeking.

That's why we've characterized our search for a bona-fide triad where our girl will have a relationship with myself as well as with danae. While I have nothing against "V" dynamics - it's just not what we're seeking. We're really hopeful that we will find someone that wants to be apart of both of our lives, not just with myself or just with danae.

But there's a perception in the community as a whole that we're looking for the stereotypical "unicorn" or the infamous HBB (hot bi-babe) phenomenon. We're not. "Unicorns" are treated as very superficially, and typically in it "just for the sex" -- again -- while we have no problem with others pursuing this for themselves, it's not what we're seeking for the long term. Yes, I fully expect times when we're all intimate together in that "wickedly awesome threesome that every guy dreams about" but for us -- it's about going grocery shopping together or with one or the other. It's about spending quality time just enjoying each other's company on a Sunday morning, fixing breakfast, sipping coffee and going through Sunday morning advertisements, laughing and singing to 70's music on satellite radio. It's about snuggling for naps, it's about passionate love, caring, and sense of couple-dom in a triad environment. It's deeper than the sex - tantric almost - and something that touches the core of who we are.

Yes - there's an M/s side to owning two women that I love deep down and I don't make too many apologies for being possessive. It's a sign of security, that comfort zone that you're loved, wanted, cherished and protected. And if our poly girl is being shared in other dynamics -- I almost feel like I can't control and protect if there are multiple relationships in the process. There would be an entirely different wing of dramatics and issues that would strain the dynamic.

Which I realize some dynamics are totally okay with. Maybe it's how I'm investing myself - or maybe it's how my "fixer" personality fault is coming out.

But how fair is that?

To be that exclusive ... when you're not in that "primary spot."

*sighs*

Which brings us to an entirely different conversation of the use of "primary, first, second, third...." Because both danae and I honestly believe that there's no need to have a division like that in the kind of poly dynamic we want. We don't want the strata, we don't want the label of "first and second" nor do we care to think of someone as being outside of our relationship. To us, poly is the joining and merging by including someone else in a dynamic that aspires to be equal to one another.

And I know there are those out there that aspire to be the same.

But the classic example is Thanksgiving - when our families do not know about the dynamic or the bdsm aspect to our lives -- how does that get played out? I've been with danae for over 6 years - coming up on 7 .... and thus my family and hers have accepted the fact that we're together - as a couple (even though they also think we're living in sin - but that's another story.) So when we finally find the one for us -- and she comes with us because she's family too ... then "oh, she must be a friend of Michael and danae's....." "Where is she going to sleep?" "Why does she spend a lot of time with them?"

On some level, there's a degree of acceptance of situations like that - not just for the fact that it's an external issue outside of the dynamic, but an acceptance inside how we feel about that when it happens. We'd want our girl to be a part of us - and that's everything, but sometimes those obstacles keep that from happening. I do know that I would take it very personally if my girl felt like an outcast and that would be something heavily discussed from the onset.

Maybe I'm over thinking all this. But as I hear about other people's horror stories about their failed poly relationships - I do believe giving these issues the proper contemplation and foresight is a good thing.

We want something permanent.
We want something lasting.
We want someone who is going to be happy and content, who wants to stay with us and be apart of our lives as much as we want to be apart of hers.

The Poly Puzzler is a challenging one that requires a LOT of thoughtful consideration, honesty and communication. Merely being poly-minded isn't enough, but it is a start. Admitting what our deep down desires are is not an easy endeavor because we may try to convince ourselves: "Oh, we can do that." or "That's doable" when in fact it might be totally doable for the short term -- but after a year, will you still feel the same?

Lots to think about and lots to discuss during the course of our search.

(Special thanks to wenchalicious for inspiring the thought process that led to this blog. A good deep topic to contemplate.)

Change is good....

2009-03-01T22:09:00.003-07:00

...so goes the saying...

I started blogging on blogger back in 2002 and I'll be the first to admit that in the midst of my meandering Journey here ... there ... and yon ... I've been pretty resistant to the whole LJ experience. Not that I have anything against LJ, but when I just want to write down my thoughts -- blogger suited me just fine. LJ is much more for a community-feel to it and I completely understand its appeal.

That said.

I started dabbling a bit more over there and I'm starting to like it more. What's attracting me the most is the filtering mechanism because sometimes I just want to air out my thoughts to danae or to aislin or to both of them without publishing things to the entire world.

It's not that I'm trying to hold anything back -- it's just that some things do require at least a bit more focus. While I'm writing here - I am usually very careful with my verbiage to make sure that I'm within a certain frame of mind. On LJ - with the filters in place - I can run a bit more freely.

So while it might seem like I've abandoned my blogspot account - I do promise to try and do some cross-postings on here still as The Journey remains a significant part of where I've come in life. For those that are in the LJ realm -- please go ahead and check me out at http://lordspooner.livejournal.com

I'll see ya' over there, over here -- somewhere :)

The Evil of Fetishism

2009-02-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

First -- a definition by Merriam:

"an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression"

In a discussion about fetishes, a question arose. At what point does a fetish cross the line from simply having an interest in something? For a fetishist, you're almost always crossing that line.

danae has never came across a fetishist before she met me and to hear her say that made me incredibly uncomfortable because it just sounds completely freakish. All of a sudden I'm feeling very self-conscious again as I face the reality of: "I can't NOT engage sexually without the fetish, the image, the thought, the visual, the act..."

But I find that it's not a matter of preference.

For as long as I can remember, I've always had to have the visual in my head: the picture, the sensation, the "thing." And by admitting that - it seems so incredibly wrong. That's because whenever one uses the word "fetish" or "fetishist" there always seems to have the negative stereotypes like: "I can't orgasm until I smell stinky feet," or "I have to rub myself in Vicks vapo-rub just to get off..." Not that I'm trying to demean or disrespect those that have those particular fetishes -- for me, there's nothing "self-erotica" about it.

For instance: I love hoods. I love latex. I love tight shiny spandex. But I do not have a fetish of wearing hoods, of wearing latex or wearing tight shiny spandex. Nor do I wrap my cock with pantyhose and masturbate to that. All of my fetishes are engineered with a partner in mind. The visual, the scenario, the outline of my kinky thoughts are voraciously wrapped around another participant (and yes, multiples therein) so it's never solo act. Otherwise it would be simple to merely have the interaction with that particular fetish gear item and be happy as a clam. But, that's not what it's like for me.

Everyone is a little bit different though. Some fetishists merely need the "thing" with them without any other human contact. I can surmise that it probably has a lot to do with a lot of solo masturbation throughout the years -- creating the story in my mind so that I can relieve the tension in my body through an orgasm. Those images play an important part if terms of getting my body ready to cross over the point of no return.

But those mental images necessarily have to be complex in origin. It can be as simple and benign as just having a collar and leash, clothed, or not -- with the fixated item is the collar and leash. Other times it can be much more involved with having danae in a hood, tied spread eagle, nipple clamps, rope harness, naked except for a pair of satin gloves while she's being tormented with a hitachi wand and having her pussy spanked. It just depends.

Sometimes my fetish visions extend beyond the set of the scene itself. Things like the idea of extended play, permanency situations, objectification and modifications that can send me into orgasmic orbit!

There's no real rhyme to it - but it's always there.

Being a fetishist is not nearly as difficult as it is to be living with one. I acknowledge this. There's the perception that the *thing* is somehow more attractive than the person.

I know how that reads.

Ultimately I don't blame anyone who might have bad things to say about that.

It's hard to describe why my body doesn't react the same way other "normal" people. The only thing I can offer is that my brain simply won't let it. That's not to say the vanilla-side of making out doesn't turn me on. Without a doubt, I get very aroused with the touching and the kissing, but those things alone won't even take me near anything to the point of orgasm. Maybe it's an embedded requirement to have some sort of mental foreplay arranged in my head so that I can come quickly so that I don't wear down danae's arm or mouth.

My mind takes over at that point and sends me over the edge. This has been my life for as long back as I can remember.

Fetishists need to be aware of how our process affects those around us. As consuming our fetishes can be, there has to be a degree of awareness of how it affects the relationship. Understanding the basis of our fetish is the first step, learning to incorporate those fetishes with those who we want to be sexual with - is also important. But lastly -- as impossible as it might sound, fetishists have to come at least part way to appreciate the connection of one-on-one physical contact with our mates. Unless you're so absorbed into your fetish that you don't need the contact from the outside world -- then let's not forget the rewards for having excellent companionship.

Having someone who understands our fetishes is so incredibly wonderful! Don't waste that chance you have for companionship by living your life alone in the closet. It's simply not worth it in the end.

The Tapioca Poly Problem

2009-02-15T14:47:00.005-07:00

I realize that there's a perception out there that everyone in the bdsm lifestyle "must therefore be poly...." *sighs*

Generalizations kill me.

Whoever slapped that label on all of us -- deserves a pretty hefty beating. Unfortunately, if it's a perception issue then I'm afraid there's nothing any of us can do about that. People will think however they want to think -- and that's that. But the over-generalized label is heavily flawed because:

for (1) one, it's inaccurate
for (2) two, it's a matter of choice between consenting adults.
Lastly (3), poly isn't for everyone - just as much as the lifestyle in general isn't for everyone.

It's really that simple.

Not everyone likes tapioca pudding -- so why does it have to be on everyone's tray in the buffet line?

Answer: It doesn't.

But then why are these folks that don't like tapioca pudding sneering those who partake in the tapioca pudding?

Ah, herein lies the rub. It's this kind of useless "us vs. them" bullshit that is entirely unnecessary. What is so incredibly difficult for some folks who simply can't respect the lifestyle choice of another? It's unfortunately not just a matter of respect as it nearly mimics the like of an all-out flame war where: the folks on "that" side try to dissuade, ridicule or even condemn poly folks from participating in THEIR lifestyle of choice. Conversely monogamous type people shouldn't be pressured or coerced that they HAVE TO BE poly minded. It's ridiculous to make someone they don't want to be -- so WHY?

C'mon folks, we're playing in the same sandbox. Play nice!

*sighs*

There's the fundamental basis of want, need and desire - that should at least be respected by both sides of the issue. We have to respect each other's path and realize that no one way is better than the other. It just happens to be right for *us* (you, me, the person sitting next to you, them) in that moment.

Period.

Whether your poly or monogamous -- what matters most is that you're on the path you choose to be on. Let the powers happen as they will just like is does with everything else in the lifestyle ... that's how it works.

Unfortunately the criticisms don't stop there as there are those that think that if you're engaging in a polyamorous dynamic - then you're somehow damaged for wanting to do so. Why is that? I can't help but think of all of the different ideological sources that lead folks to their conclusions about "the dangers of polyamorous relationships" in the first place. I do believe that there are always the horror stories that circulate like the one where:

"the Dominant sought to restore stability in the primary relationship by introducing a third person into the dynamic."

It's perfectly legitimate to ask the $64,000.00 question of "WHY?", what is the rationale and explanation for changing the dynamic to include another person? It's a straight forward issue - and hopefully absent of the warning bells in our scenario up above. Unfortunately it's instances like this - that don't help the perception of poly.

If a dynamic hasn't seriously considered all of the ramifications, hard work and possible avenues for the added dynamic -- then that situation may have more than a handful of stumbling blocks. Because when you consider the intricate nature of relationships between JUST two people -- those complexities multiply in triplicate in a multi-dimensional relationship. Every single one of the basic canons of our relationship principles are instantly amplified: honesty, communication, and trust. Even your typical play-partner arrangement has some degree of negotiation, contemplation and an exchange of thoughts, concerns, feelings and ideas. The main point is to ensure that the balance remains and doesn't suddenly teeter or shift.

Poly families that have successfully extended their dynamic to include others have worked extremely hard to make that happen. It takes a very solid foundation with continual maintenance on the basic tenets of relationships in order to make it work. It's unfortunate that there's the stereotype that all bdsm relationships are polyamorous -- because I do respect the monogamous-minded folks out there and I completely agree that they should be able to practice their monogamy as they wish.

They don't have to have tapioca if they don't want to -- but please maintain some civility to those of use who do want it.

Adding a New Keyword Tag/Label Here....

2009-02-11T13:28:00.004-07:00

Normally a subject line like this won't get a lot of attention, but I can assure you that the content below this sentence is probably going to catch your attention of some of you just a little bit.

The new keyword tag/label being introduced here is POLY because after resuming and ultimately concluding continuing discussions on the topic - our relationship has reached a solid point where we are ready to expand our dynamic. Yes, I am in the process of re-writing my profiles and starting the process of deciding what I want. So while this extension is new chapter for us - but it's one that has really been a long time in the making.

danae has repeatedly blogged about poly throughout most of her Journey and what it meant to her. In our various discussions spanning the last 6 years I've welcomed the prospect of perhaps someday making an addition to our dynamic, but most these discussions were mostly philosophical and practicality -- as couples generally do in their variable "what if" type talks that cover everything from "what's your favorite ice cream" to "what do you think about breath play.."

So the genesis of the concept around poly really started from the beginning of our relationship. We approached the situation with the necessary seriousness and contemplation that one would hope a major path decision like this would take. It wasn't until we started discussing it recently that we both came to the consensus that we're ready to move forward with it.

Okaaaaaaaaaay.... what does that mean? It means that starting right now, I am beginning the process of seeking other relationships outside of the one I currently have with danae. Other relationships can be defined as casual as an occasional play partner all the way to a deeper D/s possible M/s relationship. How that intertwines with my M/s relationship with danae depends on the dynamic that evolves over time. Obviously the casual play partners don't take the relationship exit off-ramp, but those interested in traveling down that road must remember the basic fundamental process in how relationships evolve in general.

A lot of discussions, a lot of getting to know one another, a lot of assessment of how the chemistry is and how the general feeling is between two people. danae will be a part of this process because I choose her to be apart of this process. she does have a say in all of this because she has a vested interest in what happens as well.

If you're wondering though "How does danae feel about all of this?" then look no further. she spells it out very plainly and if you have questions -- feel free to contact either of us: My email and her email

So you're reading post #1 with the new tag/label of POLY. It's not the first time I've blogged about poly" -- but I think you'll see the very gradual transition of thought to where we are today.

What Time Does to Us.....

2009-02-05T22:14:00.003-07:00

I've been debating about whether to blog about this or not..

The whole Facebook phenomenon is just ... weird ...

I've reconnected with folks and overall it's been a nice experience.. Most folks seem genuine, they are helpful, funny and not like the rag-tag hormone driven kids I remember.. In a big way -- it's been nice to see all of us grown up.. Several people having kids, enjoying their respective hobbies, being successful, etc.. etc.. And I will admit -- it's kinda cool..

But yes - I did already blog about this this time last year.. Yet this is a little different..

Thanks to Facebook - I didn't have to expose myself to the unwanted type things that I anticipated would transpire ... and I'm very glad in a way that I didn't go.. For one - there would've been the very uncomfortable confrontation with an ex-girlfriend that would've been very unsavory.. But then there's the smattering of other things I'm finding out about my teenage cohorts:

- Some are Republicans ....
- Some are devout Christians ... which isn't that surprising in general, but a small selection of folks that found their religion -- when they were a bit of hell-raisers in school *is* a tad askew...
- Some of their interests are .... "wow"

And yet as I type this -- I'm not sure what I would've expected.. I guess it's comforting to know that some people grew up while others still seem like they're struggling a little bit.. I see a culmination of "how-we-got-here" moments and the totality of it is overwhelming I guess...

Okay - now I'm just rambling....

Where is the line?

2009-01-18T22:33:00.005-07:00

To Spank or not to Spank -- that is the question.

...unfortunately the answer is completely convoluted and ultimately impossible to apply universally...

What is permissible or not -- is nothing more than a futile, selective interpretation of what is in your local laws and how they are interpreted by your local police. Yes -- POLICE. Because you don't get the luxury of defending the laws of consensual sex and play when the police arrive there. That's because the police are interpreting what they are seeing and determining if any laws APPEAR to being broken. Thus any exercise of trying to talk your way out when your submissive is hanging from the rafters in an elaborate shibari harness -- becomes effectively MOOT pending your day in court.

I recently joined a FL group that really tests the borderline of where I consider giving not just legal advice, but in someways they are leaning over the edge by offering improper legal advice which if someone tried to argue -- they would ultimately do more harm than good.

That said - I'm not trying to discourage people from looking into the laws of their surrounding municipality -- in fact, I'd encourage that if you happen to have a kink-friendly local LAWYER that is familiar and well educated in the statutes, zoning laws and codes that affect our lifestyle. Please notice the word LAWYER here. Make sure you get a local lawyer because they are going to know the law better than someone who maybe a lawyer in a different state on some group like FL or somewhere else. They aren't going to know what's legal and what isn't -- because the law is unique to every town, city and municipality from one coast to the other.

I don't mean to mince words here - but some lawyers do this kind of thing for a living. You don't ask your auto mechanic to take a look at your TV do you just because he's good with tools? You don't ask your psychiatrist to re-set your broken arm or to fill a cavity in your hurt tooth just because they are a doctor, right? So please take heed and do not try to get your legal advice from anyone other than someone who is intimately familiar with your LOCAL and STATE criminal laws.

What is permissible, allowed and legal is so wide reaching across the entire spectrum and it's impossible to ascertain what could be considered a dangerous weapon in one jurisdiction - only to be considered legal in another. What act, what sex toy, what seemingly innocuous wooden spoon or nipple clamps could be grounds for arrest and seizure depending on where you are in the country. Even dildos and self-erotica in some instances can be labeled as "self-abuse" and can be prosecuted as such.

That's why - in some ways - forums like this on FL and other boards and sites can actually do a tremendous disservice to the community as a whole because the advice is inevitably going to be fundamentally faulty. It's acceptable if you want to find out some of the "potential pitfalls" you may experience during your BDSM play -- but quite literally, every single form of bondage and sadomasochistic act can be interpreted as a violation of some law or statute. Even the notion of consensual behavior can be summarily dismissed as there is (for example) generally no provision in the law for "consensual assault."

We all run the risk of some legal involvement with any act we do to ourselves or to one another. That's why some bdsm conferences, clubs and dungeons employ legal counsel to ensure that their liability (criminal and civil) has been mitigated along with the potential for any involvement with local law enforcement. Some of these entities go to great lengths to employ safety measures and codes of conduct to ensure that they are meeting the guidelines, codes and laws where these events occur. In some instances, these groups actually work with local law enforcement so that they are aware that such an event is taking place.

Hence - the best and most reliable advice - if you're concerned that you're close to being in violation of the law -- is to hire a lawyer who can answer those questions for you. They are bound by the attorney/client privilege and to receive such advice is generally doesn't require a hefty retainer. It's the only way to ensure that you're not setting yourself for a tragic end to something that potentially could've been avoided.

(CAVEAT: No, I'm not a lawyer, but then if you've read this posting then even if I *was* a lawyer it ultimately wouldn't matter because I wouldn't know what YOUR statutes and laws are.... Get yourself a lawyer and ask these questions!)

We have no culture....

2009-01-10T21:54:00.002-07:00

Oh - the age lines grew a bit more today..

We travel to and from Denver quite a few times a year.. To try to find some decent entertainment so that the multiple hour drive doesn't -- is a little difficult sometimes..

Both danae and I thought that we could use trivia to help pass the time ... so for Christmas we saw a couple of trivia card games in the "one-spot" in Target..

We picked up two card games:
1.) History
2.) Popular Culture

The latter ties to the subject of this post...

*whimpers*

We have no culture.....

danae is reading off cards and we have no CLUE who or what some of these things go to!! OMG..... I felt like we aged another 10 years after that round of answers and yet it's apparent that we know more about history than we do about what's in the world today..

LIFE LESSON LEARNED: it's okay to admit our age, but it's devastating when we realize how out of touch we become as we get older....

The Top 10 Most Awesome Places on the Web!!

2008-12-17T08:46:00.002-07:00

Okay - that was really cruel of me.

Yes, I know you clicked and got this, but there's something you should know: You and I both have a problem.

Oh - I didn't see it initially. Part of me was in denial because it seems so completely senseless, but I'm realizing that I am a sucker for any of those: "Top 15 Ways you can really mess up a blind date at a wrestling match" or "The Top 50 Space Aliens you ever want to be kidnapped by." I have no idea why I'm compelled to click on the pages -- but I'm drawn to these incredibly futile lists because maybe I want to see how MY Top 50 Space Aliens stack up against some author bunkered down in a basement in southeast Detroit.

And yet - I've been noticing a trend though lately: I don't read things in depth like I used to. Whether or not this is the "twitter" effect -- where my noggin can only handle 140 characters at a time, I don't know. But I do find myself frustrated when I have to read over 4-5 paragraphs into a story before it actually gets to the meat of things and even then I find myself disappointed because I'm like: "I wasted 2 minutes and 10 seconds for this?"

It's like the line from "The West Wing": "I only have so much RAM in my head..." and there are truly days that I feel that way...

I also think that this could a product of where society has become so hyperactive about: getting this done, writing that email, scribble off that to-do list so you can march on the next to do list, on and on and on.... We're all victims of our technology that keeps us pushing forward to getting things done as quickly as we can so that we can use that free time we have saved up for a project we kept putting off....

The cycle never ends -- but I know my mind needs a quick break from things, it doesn't want to dive into a piece that is so choreographed that it takes a lot of energy and mind-think to really grasp what the author is trying to convey. In fact, when my mind is wanting taking a quick respite from the action -- it doesn't want deep ... it wants quick, entertaining, "let's go ahead and move it along" kind of material.

Are you an addict as well?

Be Careful?

2008-12-14T08:22:00.003-07:00

I don't get to read everyone's blog as often as I'd like -- but I do like sitting down every once in awhile to get caught up on what's been happening to our friends and people we like.. The good stuff, the bad stuff, even the seemingly mundane stuff because it ultimately comprises of the totality of our lives with the words and images we share.. Blogging has become a very wonderful way on how to keep in contact with people (even though I whole-heartedly admit being a primary violator of this principle.)

But this is where part part of me worries -- because we have become so open with our lives, our victories, our celebrations, our deep thoughts, our complaints, our ventings -- and the fact that they are also shared among the people of the big ol' world out there .... well .... it can actually work against us.. There are reports of bosses getting unhappy when they read a co-worker's blog piece that just chewed them out for taking the garbage out wrong. Even if names aren't revealed in our posts -- certain factual events can still be re-created if there's reason to believe *I* am the author of the blog.

That's incredibly problematic because this puts our careers, our families and our lives at stake with each posting. That's why I didn't post much about my previous place of employment because I didn't want to deal with the repercussions in the event one of my posts were revealed.... because if one of the posts were revealed, imagine how the remainder of my posts on sadism, hoods and objectification would've went over with the troops.... (YIKES!)

So I guess I'm offering my two pence of advice of being careful. If you have a LiveJournal account -- you can lock your posts to a small circle of friends if you still want to share what's going on -- otherwise, we all have to remember that these posts are nearly automatic on the web and while it may seem like a virtual impossibility of being discovered -- it can and has happened.

2008-12-12T20:12:00.000-07:00

Rest in peace, Bettie Page.

Haven't been online much....

2008-11-29T09:22:00.003-07:00

The pattern continues...

Time is running out on another year -- and while it may seem like nothing has happened in our lives (the absence of blog entries for one) -- I can attest that this is far from the truth.. Our daily lives are wrapped around my business and that isn't always a good thing. We did manage to sneak away to an overnight jaunt out of town -- had a fabulous time and we both said it was long overdue. I hope we can sneak away once more before the calendar gets replaced -- but news of this month hasn't been particularly good for my family. Without delving into a lot of gory details -- suffice to say that we're heading over to Denver for a week. All of your well-wishes and thoughts are greatly appreciated and I thank you. Let's just remain optimistic that we get some good news Monday.

So -- following the same pattern as before -- I'm likely to remain offline for awhile. Time is precious, but I still find it difficult to have topics to type about. That -- and combined with real life -- just illuminates the fact that we simply can't ignore the realities of our day to day. Real life is always going to be apart of our lifestyle -- and that's just the way it is.

The Real Threat to Humanity...

2008-11-18T08:30:00.003-07:00

There are some days I just shake my head...

I was reading an interview excerpt about Proposition 8 (the California) anti-gay ballot initiative to make homosexual marriages illegal) from Bill O'Reilly and Newt Gingrich.. I won't bother to include the quote or the cite because what really made me rolls my eyes was the concept that we're living in some sort of cultural warfare whereas the assertion is that there is gay and secular fascism in the country.

What Newt doesn't seem to understand is that his overbroad use of the word "fascism" wherein the concerted effort by the Mormon church (and many others) to condone the hatred and dissolution of the most fundamental right of association -- all completely protected under the guise of religion. Christ, Allah and God doesn't care WHO you consort with so as long as you're good to one another.

That's why the scare tactics of Gingrich invoking "fascism" just looks incredibly phony.

Seriously, Newt: "how are gays and lesbians a threat to the nation?"

It's the most preposterous argument that has ever been levied by the religious right ... especially at a time when divorce is so prevalent that it's considered to be casual and carefree. The moral fabric has been undone a helluva lot earlier before gays and lesbians entered the stage. It's simply laughable to seriously believe that the institution of marriage is being threatened by gay rights.

Why? What's the cause? What's the source of the religious right's fervor over two men or two women being together for the rest of their lives? After doing much thinking, I think I found the source of their angst from the most unlikely of sources:

That's right....

JANET JACKSON'S BOOB

While you're gasping in horror -- hear me out: the entire Janet Jackson boob-fest was nothing more than a ridiculous test of the decency standard which the FCC protects whatever is seen coming through our little TV boxes. It's not that there's anything un-natural about Janet Jackson's boob -- in fact, she has a very decent set of boobs if we were going to approach it from the art and beauty she projects.

So where's the crime?

As the FCC would say: "it's a crime against decency."

And that gets us back to the tenacity by which some others find decent and indecent. They invoke the Bible as though God himself said: "there will be no homosexuality" -- even though the Bible said no such thing. The Bible has always been open to interpretation and folks simply ignore or casually forget this fact. Hiding behind the Bible is yet another shining example of an old religious text that is obtuse and overwrought with problems from slavery to stoning a person for wearing two different threads. And if you haven't -- you must watch the West Wing episode titled 'The Midterms.' (feel free to watch the excerpt that reflects this concept here.)

If you take religion out of the equation -- which should be the bigger issue here -- then does the whole argument against gay marriage go out the window? Because if our religions are invoking our laws -- then we have a much serious crisis on our hands than that of two men or two women who wish to live their lives together. Because the moment we need to enact "God's word" into our man-made laws ... is the moment we have to put those people to death who work on the Sabbath ... is the moment we sell our daughters into slavery ... is the moment we have to condemn football for the touching of a dead pig is unclean ... is the moment we have to stone farmers who plant crops side by side or burn the clothing stores to the ground that dare make articles of clothing from two different threads.

In a nutshell -- the Bible is wrong about a lot of things so we shouldn't be so quick to see what Jesus would do in a situation like this....

And when humanity can't aptly the Bible without sounding like they are full of hate -- then it comes down to what's personally decent for them. That's the real tragedy here - because if it happens to be "indecent" for YOU to watch two guys kiss -- it doesn't mean that you should condemn those two guys from enjoying in the same happiness and love that YOU share with your hetro-mate.

There's nothing indecent about love.
There's nothing indecent about wanting to spend the end of days with someone you love.
There's nothing indecent about sharing that love with anyone of your choosing.
There's nothing Biblically exclusive about one man/one woman.
There's nothing immoral about the love between two men or two women.

Just because it's personally indecent for YOU ... doesn't make it indecent for all.

The same arguments were always made for segregation.
The same arguments were always made for women's rights.
The same arguments were always made when we conquered these lands and made it ours.

Finding faith in the Bible doesn't make it right -- it only means you can read what you want to read and can find some Biblical passage to support your particular point of view. Let's not FORGET kiddos that even the lifestyle can be interpreted as being a form accepted by the Bible -- even though we're clearly in the red-light district when it comes to how society feels about us.

But what really riles me is when these folks hide behind some incredibly inexplicable myopic point of view just because it makes them feel "safer" because we all know that a flaming gay hairstylist is somehow going to turn you gay with his fantastic hair gel. But when you invoke laws to protect your own personal decency -- then I'm here to tell you that you are wrong. Whether or not your stomach can handle the concept matters very little because in God's eyes, we're all created equal and yet it's a man-made law .... YOUR man-made law .... that says otherwise.

It's the biggest form of religious superiority wielding a political flag while embracing the most fundamental hypocrisy that defies the basic construct of what being human is all about.

Where has the time gone...

2008-11-02T08:10:00.002-07:00

It's early on Sunday morning...

Coffee is brewing ... getting ready to jump start My day...

My girl is still asleep and both of My computers are multi-tasking right now which leaves Me with a very odd time where I don't have to do anything right in the moment...

...a breath in the middle of chaos...

Because that's how it's been for us over the last several months - yes MONTHS because there really hasn't been a slow-down time for us.. Which if we're looking at it from the standpoint of having business -- being this busy is a good thing.. It's a blessing and with the likes of things coming down the pike -- we've got to continue to capitalize on what's in front of us and keep moving forward..

So - when I disappear for weeks or months at a time -- things are probably okay..

Is it really November?? *whimpers*

A very special birthday wish....

2008-10-18T00:01:00.000-06:00

To My girl -- danae ...

I love you very very much and hope you have a wonderful day today!!

(at least we better, we're having Chinese food for lunch!! Yay for you!!)

heheh

Love Always,
-M

The controversial meme?

2008-10-09T08:49:00.003-06:00

(borrowed from my dear friend ... who borrowed it from their dear friend and so on and so on....)

[1] Would you do meth if it was legalized?

Not in a million years..

[2] Abortion: for or against it?

Agreeing with my friend -- I do believe in a woman's choice to decide. It's interesting hearing folks that say we need the government out of our lives ... yet they can't seem to spin out of the fact that a pregnancy is a personal deal for women.

[3] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?

Hell no ... the country is very ready for a female President -- but just like it is for men: "not every man SHOULD be President...." The same can be true for women, black, hispanics, Asians, whoever ...

[4] Do you believe in the death penalty?

No I do not.

[5] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?

I'm conflicted by this - because I understand the rationale from both sides. Just like any drug ... when mis-used it can have damaging effects to your ability to rationally make decisions. It's no different than Heather Locklear getting picked up on a DUI after taking too many prescription medications. She could've had a really bad accident -- just as the drunk driver does -- or a meth-head -- or the coke-fiend -- or the....

When you consider the amount of money we're spending trying to thwart the marijuana runners, growers, and distributors -- not to mention housing them in our jails and prisons where "real" criminals ought to be -- then I think measures should be looked at to make it legalized.. The money could be better spent..

[6] Are you for or against premarital sex?

It's up to the individual -- and more importantly: that's the way it should be.. I don't want the government telling me yea or nay with what I do in my private time.. That said, for those folks who don't want premarital sex in their relationships -- easy: don't have premarital sex..

[7] Do you believe in God?

Like my dear friend -- I have a hard time believing that there's some omnipotent dude (or dudette) sitting atop a golden throne with a staff ready to take me out of the gene pool. For the longest time I was an astronomy major -- then turned to history -- which means that God never really got a chance in my life...

But ... when we consider the *finite* nature of our universe -- something had to happen to get the ball rolling.. Science may one day be able to go: "this is what happened" and it might be plausible.. But for now, I do believe in the Big Bang Theory of evolution ... but someone had to light the match....

[8] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?

I am entirely FOR civil unions..
But I do not believe churches should be forced to marry same sex couples if it doesn't jive with their faith..

However -- the moment churches all of a sudden cross that fabled line of politics and state ... then I have no problems forcing churches to marry same sex couples.. I have VERY very strong feelings about the church meddling in the politics while enjoying bountiful benefits behind incredible tax breaks and the such.. If they want to cross that line -- no problem -- they can start paying up like all of us do -- and be subject to the same laws and guidelines as the rest of us..

[9] Do you think it's wrong that so many aliens (of race, not ETs) are illegally moving to the USA?

If we really cared about illegal immigration -- then we should be pressuring Mexico to do more things with their economy rather than to leach it from the United States.. That might sound harsh, but when the President of Mexico actually ENCOURAGES Mexicans to cross the border, earn money so that they can bring it back down in to Mexico -- yeah -- I have a problem with that..

And if the President of Mexico doesn't seem to have a problem with that -- then we should take over Mexico and make it part of the United States..

That said -- I can't blame illegals for crossing the border in the first place.. They have no jobs in Mexico.. They have very little government assistance and their education, health care, police -- is riddled with gaping holes and problems.. Who WOULDN'T want to provide a better life for their family?? But from what I accounts I read a year or two ago -- Mexicans don't want to become U.S. citizens.. Some do, but most want to retain their Mexican heritage -- but at least trying to provide some food for their family.. Poverty is a really strong persuading factor for anyone trying to earn enough money for food for the family..

[10] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?

Extending the same sentiment as my dear friend did: "it's sad that this is even an issue to consider." And while I mostly share my friend's view that it's up to the 12-year old to keep the baby ... I do not think a 12-year old can adequately process the ramifications of what is happening to her.. I'd like to see the girl get counseling, get support behind her, and have adults take the situation seriously, respectfully, and supportively -- WHATEVER SHE DECIDES.. She is going to be living with the decision for the remainder of her life -- REGARDLESS of what she chooses.. Why not try to give her the best supportive environment for her to make the choice??

[11] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?

No ... but then I'm working on the premise that every generation of kids are going to defy the laws and rules of society anyway.. But then I don't support the registration of selective service at the age of 18 either, but I imagine that's for another question for another time..

[12] Should the war in Iraq be called off?

We shouldn't have been in there in the first place.. We created the enormous power vacuum which has precipitated the unrest in the region.. But ... that's history ... we now inherit the incredibly FUCKED UP policy by "the-little-man-they-called-Bush.." So ... what do we do??

The only answer to that question is for us to STOP meddling in what the Iraqi people want.. But that's the problem, isn't it George?? See, when he took Saddam out -- oh, the people ROARED ... but while I've maintained from the start that this was the most absolute wrong move to be had -- Saddam kept the balance between the Shia and the Sunnis.. Now that there's no Saddam, now that there's an overwhelming majority of the Shia that wants to control Iraq -- oh -- but wait, the Shia are brothers in arms with .... you guessed it .... Iran.. Remember that whole "axis of evil" gambit this administration pounded into each and every one of us?? Yeah, the failings of this administration have only STARTED become realized...

Especially when we're not greeted as liberators any longer, especially when there was absolutely NO causality between 9/11 and Iraq, especially when Bin Laden and Saddam couldn't even TRUST one another to be on the same side --- the Iraq war was a war of convenience.. The solution has to come from within.. The solution has to be an international one and more importantly a REGIONAL one.. By the way - this isn't "handing Iraq over to the terrorists" or "surrendering" -- it's the only rational way to FIX that incredibly fucked up Bush doctrine that ATTACKED the wrong country in the first place!!!

[13] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?

Nope.. If someone is really wanting to kill themselves, they're going to do it.. Why not make it at least humane??

[14] Do you believe in spanking your children?

Yes I do, even though I don't have children in which to spank.. But spanking alone isn't going to solve anything unless you can have the heart to heart talk with your child to correct the behavior in the first place.. And to echo the sentiment from my friend -- a lot of the structure of discipline in the upbringing of the child in the first place rests squarely on the shoulders of the parent.. If they can't control their children -- then they lost that opportunity somewhere and they need to find it and get it back..

[15] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?

I wouldn't -- because I personally think it's wrong..

[16] Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or Obama?

Obama..

[17] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?

To quote my friend: "I don't know, and I don't really care." Ditto.. :)

It makes sense...

2008-10-06T16:36:00.002-06:00

I don't usually get into politics here -- but I found something I actually agree with.. The Senate passed a bill to conduct "advanced blocking" study..

Now at first glance you might go: nnnnnnooooooooooooooooo!

But...

Here Me out: the bill is designed to give parents greater control over content instead of trying to do this through the telcoms.. In essence, it's giving parents additional tools to help filter content at home instead of making all of us conform to THEIR ideals..

Which is the way it should be..

Because I don't think it's appropriate for children under the age of 18 to look at our website or My blog.. It's a level of personal responsibility across the board - then let individuals decide what they want or don't want on their internet coming into their homes..

So as long as this bill remains at the parental level, and not at the ISP level -- then I'm cool with it.. It's when we try to spread the wide blanket out for ALL users across the board that I have a fundamental problem with it..

Read more here..

Responsibility -- or the absence thereof...

2008-09-22T22:22:00.004-06:00

Recent events call for this post..

I'm responsible for what danae does, says, etc.. So when she does something that reflects poorly on Me -- she takes it to heart.. Very rarely (can't even think of a time) when I had to call her out on it -- because she's very aware of the things she does and says..

That's why I'm a little amazed at the audacity of some "owners" who clearly don't care how their property reflects on them.. I won't get into names, it's someone we've never met -- but suffice to say that if this was our situation -- there would be no discussion and it would've been dealt with swiftly..

If this owner condones their property's actions -- then it really reflects on their character.. My guess is that they don't know what their property has done -- and if they are aware .... then their character takes an even greater hit..

Responsibility isn't a dirty word folks.. It falls inline with honor and respect..

The Drama of FetLife: an addendum

2008-09-11T10:38:00.003-06:00

Early this morning an apology was extended to the FetLife community.. This was a significant step in the right direction.. In addition to publicly apologizing to those who may have been banned without warning or at least by way of the TOS, he outlined a plan to ensure the integrity of the group in light of certain events over the last 48-72 hours.. John spells out the responsibility he has to himself and to the community and I respect those words..

It's an opportunity..

Yes, wounds have been inflicted..
Yes, feelings have been hurt..
Yes, trust has been compromised..
Yes, it was a very ugly situation..

But as a community, we have an opportunity to once again bring the community together as it should be: to embrace our differences in a respectable manner that we hope others do back to us in kind.. I just hope that for some of those who are getting a second chance are paying heed to the opportunity.. No, I'm not addressing every person who was banned in the 48 hour holy war, because it's apparent that not everyone was out of line..

No, I'm addressing those incredibly unfortunate few that won't give a damn about any opportunity and will likely continue their incessant brainless diatribe without malice, consideration or respect.. It's sad when one's only plight in life seems to follow a line of obfuscation and destruction.. I only hope they can go piss in someone else's sandbox for awhile or to go crawl back underneath the boulder they came from.. So while we can all hope and pray for the miscreants get it someday -- but they seem to have in their bloodstream clearly prevents them from rational behavior, so I'm not counting on it..

The Drama of FetLife

2008-09-09T21:01:00.004-06:00

I must admit on the outside looking in ... it's pretty petty honestly..

Without going into the sordid details -- (which by the way I know of none except what little morsels that have been blown to the size of boulders throughout numerous threads, groups and blogs already) -- I'm amazed at how well we as a community can really screw things up quicker than anything..

I don't know the site owner, John.. I've read some of his stuff and honestly - I think his heart is in the right place.. That said, he's adding to several layers of pretty hefty bone-headed problems for the community .... but not without the lunatics who can't seem to keep their panties on at the first sight of a FIRE HYDRANT!!

Jesus people...

Why is it that we continually tout the basic principles of "personal responsibility" and yet we can't even tie our own shoelaces without causing an international calamity?!?!?!?

Personal responsibility STARTS WITH YOU.. Personal responsibility ENDS WITH YOU..

Period..

If you can't grasp even the most fundamental understanding of what personal responsibility means -- then you're absolutely not ready to join a collective of folks who do get the concept.. If you can't keep your panties from twisting up just because of the shift of the wind -- then you're definitely not ready to join a collective of folks who can hold it together.. If you can't exercise restraint, call for diplomacy, or keep a level head during the middle of this "apparent crisis of biblical proportions" then I can completely understand why you're so deeply troubled whenever your TV plays the Geico commercials and the computer generated lizard..

C'mon people..

Use your head..

John has a whole wheel barrel load that he has to rectify and to be held accountable for.. If he's going to create a community and then violate his own terms of use -- then that's not much of a community.. It reeks of poor judgment if not poor actions.. But he has at least started down the path of recovery -- and it's a step in a logical direction that should've happened in the very beginning.. It's not as though I'm cutting him any slack -- because honestly, if anyone is brave enough to start a community like he's done, then you should also have the foresight to know that there will be days like today..

It's the reasons why we had fire drills in elementary school.. To practice for the unthinkable..

Yet....

A calamitous experience like an all out "war" that's happening in the halls of FetLife right now is also precipitated by the inherent lack of basic respect that we should have for one another.. The scathing posts about John's decision - rightly or not - should be met with caution and embraced with the demeanor that speaks more volumes when words are carefully selected instead of spitefully lunged like a balestra move.. Instead of adding more vitriol to the issue -- seek to remedy through a positive exchange that upholds the honor and respect we should have towards one another..

And if you can't act like an adult.. If you can't elevate your vernacular to the level beyond a petulant schoolyard brawl .... then please exercise your right to leave the group.. If you don't like how John is running his version of the lifestyle community that it's entirely within your ability to take the nearest exit and leave the plane in an orderly and efficient manner..

For myself -- I haven't decided if I'm going to participate or if I should simply follow out the exit doors myself.. It speaks a lot of a person when they can't truthfully relay the facts of what happened and arbitrarily apply a standard that has no substance, no form and no structure whatsoever.. For what FetLife was going to be -- it's unfortunate that the growing pains caught up to John in a way that could splinter the lifestyle even more than it is today..

I don't want to waste my time with the drama -- and judging by the length of this post -- I think I've dedicated the amount of time I am willing to offer..

A meme from my friend illiebrat :)

2008-09-08T15:56:00.002-06:00

01. Do you have a tattoo?
02. How old are you?
03. Are you single or taken?
04. Eat with your hands or utensils?
05. What were you doing last time you daydreamed?
06. Ever seen a corpse?
07. Bob Dylan or Johnny Cash?
08. How did we meet on LJ?
09. Whats your philosophy on life and death?
10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know, what would it be?
11. Do you trust the police?
12. Do you like Country music?
13. What is your fondest memory of fandom?
14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
15. Would you cheat?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Have you ever peed in a pool?
18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to?
19. If I appeared on your doorstep, unexpected, what would we do together?
20. Which do you prefer - short or long hair?
21. Do you sing in the shower?
22. What's your favourite fruit?
23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be?
24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you?
25. What was your first impression of me?
26. Have you ever done drugs?
27. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

The Voice of God...

2008-09-07T15:42:00.002-06:00

I was sad to hear of the passing of long-time legend Don LaFontaine who most folks don't even know about.. He's most commonly heard, but never seen -- as Don was dubbed "the Voice of God" because of his booming tenor voice that creates drama in the trailers we have watched for all of those years.. His anonymity was what he loved the most..

That is ... before the Geico commercial ...

... that would forever immortalize the man behind the voice ...

Very few can come close to mimicking his style ... and from someone who loves to try to mimic the "voice of God" ... I will miss his booming voice..

Update and discussions in the wee hours of morning

2008-09-07T15:06:00.004-06:00

Whirlwind doesn't accurately describe life for us lately ... it's a bit of an exaggerated understatement.. We have a very small reprieve before life absorbs us again..

On the way over to the big city though -- danae and I had to strike up a few interesting conversations in order to keep Me awake (early morning drives are a bitch..) As the early morning sun was just beginning to peek on the horizon, we found ourselves immersed in several lifestyle discussions covering a wide range of topics of strange poly situations to kidnappings to deep levels of ... I'm not sure what you would call it.. It's primal, it's an almost dehumanization to the point where you bring the slave to a level that de-evolultion.. Definite dark thought material..

I'll probably write more later -- for now I'm just wrapping My mind around things..