{ My Crunchy Life }

2009-11-15T13:48:00.001-05:00

Woohoo!

2009-11-13T00:15:00.003-05:00

I can fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans. Awesome!! I had been dreading and putting off trying them on. Whew. Of course they are a little snugger than they were, but I'll take it. I gained much more with Kieran and I don't think I did anything differently this time around. So weird.

Chloe is here!!

2009-10-15T19:40:00.006-04:00

Chloe was born on Oct.11th at 12:07am weighing 6lbs and 18 3/4" long. She is beautiful and perfect! I'll write up my birth story when I have more time and not typing one handed ;). For now...here are some pictures!
Kieran helping(??) me through a contraction..hehe.

Belly Painting

2009-10-05T19:42:00.003-04:00

I thought it would be fun for Kieran to paint my belly today! I picked Halloween colors and let him go to town finger painting. He got really into it and eventually all those colors turned into one big grey..haha! I think Chloe really enjoyed it too. She started moving a whole lot. What a beautiful way for us all to connect. Maybe when Nevin is feeling better(he's sick) he'll be interested in partaking in belly painting. I won't hold my breath though :P. What am I saying....I have 12(more like 11 now) days until my EDD!!! I never make it to my due date so we'll see. We might not even have time to do this again. Anyway, Kieran had quite a lot of fun and we made a big mess.:) While in the bath and after cleaning my belly off he said "Lets do that again!".
Here are some pictures. I think my belly looks bigger in these than it actually is. I had to hold the camera out myself and got some weird angles.

Please ignore the boob grab. I was holding up my shirt and wasn't thinking...ha!

The Stages Of Grief

2009-09-27T19:07:00.002-04:00

I was just reading about the 5 stages of grief...

Denial and Isolation:
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

Anger:
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

Bargaining:
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

Depression:
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

Acceptance:
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

I seem to be stuck. It's been 4 years since my Mom died and I'm still mostly angry with her, though I also get very sad and depressed. So I guess I'm going back and forth between Stage 2 and 4. When will number 5...the acceptance kick in? How can I learn to accept what has happened?

Full Heart

2009-09-25T15:39:00.002-04:00

Wow. I'm just amazed at the generosity of others. My heart is so full today!

I just got a package in the mail from a fellow blogger. Someone I've never met before. She made a baby wrap and mailed one to me! How awesome! Thank you so very much, Misha Lee. You are one wonderfully generous Woman. :) I cannot wait to put my lil' babe in it! I'm so grateful!

Last night was my Mother Blessing. It was wonderful. Great friends, great food. laughter, blessings, beads...just fantastic. It was great being surrounded by so many wonderful woman. I got to snuggle some babies too, which was great!

I am feeling very blessed. Now I might cry..haha.

Cute!

2009-09-20T11:21:00.001-04:00

I want this cute lil' dipe so bad!
http://hyenacart.com/prod_details.php?id=36687&vid=2948

Sleep

2009-09-20T10:51:00.002-04:00

Sleep would be nice.

Maybe in another 3 years.

Kieran

2009-09-18T20:18:00.003-04:00

He is the cutest stinkin' kid ever! I don't think I'm just biased, but it could be...hehe!

He has a little table that he stands on and calls his stage. He likes to put on performances for me. He is so funny! Great imagination, says the cutest things and is just so full of life. 3 has been quite fun and adventurous so far.

He had been begging to go to preschool for months and he really seemed to know what he was talking about. He told me he wanted to play with friends and make me things.
He'd see a school bus and say "yay! Now I can go to preschool!". He brought it up every day, several times a day. I started to feel bad that he wanted something so bad so I decided to look into preschools, still unsure. I made arrangements for a visit and off we went. When we got there they were getting ready for Circle Time...he went right up, sat down and joined in. He sang along with songs and everything. They sang a names song. They went around the circle and had each child take a turn standing in the middle of the circle while they sang a song about his/her name. When it cam Kieran's turn he went into the middle and started dancing along to them singing....so adorable! He just had a blast while he was there.
He did have an accident and the teacher handled it so well. It really set my mind at ease knowing how she handles situation. She was very caring and discreet.
So if all goes as planned he starts on Tuesday!! I'm going to cry, I know it. He's only 3 and I preschool had never even crossed my mind. It's only 2 hours a day, twice a week...so he won't be gone for long. It's also a co-op, so if I can manage to make it work...I'll be volunteering every so often. I'm so excited for him!

Contractions

2009-09-17T13:31:00.002-04:00

Since yesterday I've been having contractions...not the usual braxton hicks. I haven't really been timing them or anything, but they seem to be within 5-10 mins? They around my lower abdomen and in my back. They aren't super painful, but definitely don't feel good. I wonder if these are going to do anything, well I know they are doing something, but are they leading anywhere soon? Will I have Chloe soon or will I be having these contrax for another 3 to 4 weeks? I'm getting nervous. Deep breaths. I'll be 36 weeks on Saturday!!!

Baby Stuff

2009-09-09T17:49:00.003-04:00

I've decided to make a list and separate things we need from things we want for baby
Chloe.

Needs:
Car seat
Birth supplies

Wants:
Swing
Bouncer
More Cloth Diapers
Moby Wrap

Okay, my brain must be fried from the day because I had a big list in my head and now can't think of anything! Ha!
Someone feel free to help me out. :P

I'm sure I'll be adding more as I think of them.

Mad World - Tears for Fears

2009-09-07T21:36:00.001-04:00

Love the dancing in this...haha. I can totally see someone doing this dance at City Club(a club I use to frequent back in the day).

Getting so close!

2009-09-04T10:57:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I will be 34 weeks along. It's crazy how quickly this pregnancy has gone bye! I had a bit of a panic 2 days ago when I realized how soon Chloe could be here(Kieran was 2 weeks early). I've been having contractions like crazy. It's not the real deal, but they are getting more than uncomfortable, slightly painful lol, but no real pattern to them. I'm feeling lots of pressure so I'm wondering if she has dropped...or maybe it's just that she's gotten so big! She is running out of room! I've also been having what feels like menstrual cramps. I'll be sitting there and for a split second I'll get the thought that maybe I'm about to start, then quickly remember that I'm pregnant and that can't happen..hehe.
So my panic set in because we are not prepared yet, so very many things need to be done around here and we can't seem to get any of it done...not to mention everything keeps going wrong in the process and adding more stress. It's one after the other...could timing be any worse?

Nevin starts "school" on Sept. 8th! I'm pretty excited about this upcoming school year! I've gotten his homeschool shelf organized and have everything ready.
We have him signed up for a Homeschool gym class that he's excited about and we'll also be signing him up for a Mad Science class and swimming lessons(his fave)...he already takes guitar. I'll be doing some preschool work with Kieran, but we are pretty relaxed here and love the idea of natural learning so we'll be doing a lot of that.

We've got an exciting time ahead!!

An Interview With Mayim Bialik

2009-08-29T22:13:00.003-04:00

Watch here.

She's awesome.

One of the Hardest Things

2009-08-28T18:59:00.003-04:00

Last night while laying in bed Kieran asked me who my Mom is. I told him her name is Rebecca and that she is his Grandma. Then he asked me where she is, said he wanted to go see her and wanted her to come to our house. He's 3 so it was hard trying to explain why we couldn't do those things. I explained to the best of my ability that she isn't here anymore, that she had to go far far away and we can't see her. He kept asking questions so I told him that she died and it's sad...that it means we can't see her. He started getting upset and yelling saying she didn't die and we CAN go see her. Every time he said that I felt my heart break. He doesn't know what death is so he was just frustrated and over tired, but he does know what a Grandma is. He knows other people have Grandma's, knows all about Grandparents from watching Caillou(lol) and knows about Grandma Weber(who is his Great Grandma), but the poor boy doesn't have a Grandma and wants one.
He'll often ask about HIS Grandma while seeing or hearing about someone else's.
It saddens me most that he never met her, and she never even knew he would exist. I wish they could have at least known each other. Same for Chloe. Life can be so unfair. I'm glad Nevin knew her for as long as he did and has memories.

My Anger Go To Song

2009-08-27T18:51:00.000-04:00

Makes me feel better..hehe.

Tired of my belly pics yet?

2009-08-21T21:08:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow I will be 32 weeks! Wow...I can't get over how fast this pregnancy is going by!

Belly and Party

2009-08-09T22:03:00.006-04:00

Man, I don't know what it is about me being pregnant and not blogging. I just can't seem to find the will to do it! I will think about something I want to blog about, but then never do it. I'm going to try to do better.

So...I'll start with my most recent belly pic. Here I am at 29 weeks(I'm 30 weeks as of Sat).

I can't imagine getting much bigger, but I will!
Chloe is a strong little baby. She even hurts me from time to time while jumping around in there...hehe! I really can't wait to meet her, but 2 months seems so soon. I'm not ready for this pregnancy to be over, then again...ask me again in a month and a half...ha!
Things are going really well. My only complaints are major acid reflux and back pain. Actually, my back hasn't been hurting quite as much as it was before...I hope it stays this way.

Last Saturday(the 8th) was my little boys 3rd birthday!! 3! Can you believe it? My baby is 3. We had his party outside at a park and it was pouring rain and thundering, but eventually stopped raining and the kids were able to play. I'm so thankful that my awesome friends and family didn't cancel due to weather..not one of them! :) Fun was had by all! I was so proud of our cake. Josh baked it(with some help) and I decorated it. This was my 1st attempt and decorating a cake in this fashion. I really like how it turned out! We used the vanilla cupcake recipe from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World and just made it into a whole cake. It was so yummy!
Here are some pictures from the party.

24 Week Belly

2009-07-01T15:58:00.002-04:00

And a super cute picture of my boys...just because. :)

2009-06-29T12:40:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we went to the carnival...had a great time, which I'll talk about in another entry, but I just want to talk about whats bothering me.
So I was sitting at a picnic table in the middle of everything. There was a pigeon that had been walking around eating food off of the ground. Not bugging anyone when these 3 teenage boys walk by and one of them says something smart and hits the bird with a bat!! The rest of the boys started laughing and saying mean things about the bird. Luckily the bird seemed okay. A man next to me kinda shooed it and it flew off. Now what kind of people do such a thing to a defenseless animal who was minding it's own business. Please, can somebody tell me what is so funny and amusing about abusing animals? I can't even begin to understand.
When I told Nevin about it he was so upset. He couldn't understand why someone would do that. Nevin is a pre-teen and has lots of compassion for animals. What do the parents of these boys teach them? That animals are beneath us, don't matter, or maybe even have no feelings and emotions? Of course parents may have nothing to do with this. It's just so upsetting to me.

Father's Day

2009-06-21T19:09:00.002-04:00

Today was a pretty busy, stressful, but fun day!

It started out by going to lunch at Sizzling Sticks Cafe. Kinda like BD's Mongolian BBQ. It was yummy! Then since everything was closed downtown, we decided to go to the book store. We got a Mad Libs for Nevin, a sticker and a Hands Are Not For Hitting book for Kieran(much needed and hoping it helps lol), a pregnancy journal and baby names book. On our way back from the book store Kieran fell asleep so Josh dropped me off at Target while he read a book and eventually fell asleep too(hehe).
Thank goodness, since I hadn't had the chance to get him a Father's Day gift(don't have a car and rarely have money on hand), It worked out great and I think surprised him! I got him a fancy coffee thermos and a little book for him to read to Kieran and Chloe called Daddy Loves Me(we already have a Mommy Loves Me and I've never been able to find the Daddy one!) It's so cute. And of course a card. So there I was in the bathroom stall of Target assembling his gift..hehe.
The boys each made him homemade cards. Very sweet!

On a side note....whats up with Target never having my size in maternity clothes? Jeesh!

Now we are home and having Taco Bell for dinner, though the smell is making me nauseous. Might not be able to eat it!

Cute Little Dress

2009-06-09T18:11:00.002-04:00

I bought this over the weekend. I couldn't help myself. It's the cutest little dress, sweater and shoes ever! I can't tell you how happy this makes me!

Universalist Unitarian Church

2009-06-07T16:14:00.003-04:00

What a great day we had. We went to a non-denominational church today, though I don't think I'll be calling it church. We met some great people and had a really nice time. It seems like somewhere we'll fit in and will be great for the kids! I'm agnostic as is Josh so it's nice to find a place like this. It's all thanks to my friend Michelle :). After the meeting the kids played on the playground. Later an awesome singer named Joe Reilly put on a family concert. Talk about FUN! This guy is a great performer and really knows how to get kids(and parents) really into it. The kids were so cute dancing and having a great time. Not to mention the guy is not too bad on the eyes ;).
It's really earthy music too. I love that.

Panic Attack

2009-06-04T22:49:00.004-04:00

Tonight I had a panic attack like I've never had before. I've always dealt with anxiety and panic attacks, but never ever to this severity. I was at a Blessing way for my friend(had a fabulous time by the way!), but when it came time to read our blessings and it was MY turn I suddenly freaked. I had a poem that was sort of long.
Suddenly I was shaking, sweating, my skin felt like it was on fire, I couldn't catch my breath and felt as if I couldn't breath. I was trying not to cry and my voice was shaky. There was nothing I could to to control it. Three times while reading it I felt the urge to just stop and leave the room. I didn't think I'd make it through. I stopped a few times to take a deep breath and I'm not sure how much people noticed, but it was quite embarrassing. I've always gotten nervous while reading or on the spot in front of large groups. I knew I'd be nervous, but I never imagined this would happen.

Can I Just Run Away?

2009-06-01T19:14:00.002-04:00

Sometimes on days like this I'd like to jump in my car, drive to a hotel and stay there for 2 days lol. All by myself. It's just been one of those days. *Deep breath*.