dorophoria

half days are teh rule!

2008-08-14T17:07:00.005-05:00

Our first week of school has been all half days due to air conditioner issues in the building. How brilliant life would be if there were more half days in the world. I get so much work done in the afternoons when the children are gone. More collaborating, more copies, more papers graded. And then I go home and there is less pressure to keep working so much and less pressure in the morning to be in to work extra early.

Feeling incredibly organized, too, so far. I have my binder with all my students' math & science pretests. Most of them are even already graded. I've got a file folder for each student at my desk, each with a behavior log stapled to the front. I've got files going for each new handout and test and reading and whatever that I give out. Having the lectern for my Promethean board up front where I actually teach makes keeping up with my papers easier. And I'm getting the kids to do most of my legwork for me.

Have a few rowdy boys in my second class that I am monitoring. So far nothing like what I had to deal with last year as far as behavior disorders, etc. But the ringleader is obviously a smart kid so I have to jump on him to use those brains constructively. The chatty girls are the issue in my first class. They will not be sitting with each other. My seating is mostly randomized right now which has worked out okay. I'm going to mix them up again next week ostensibly to help me learn their names faster. Really, though, I don't want them thinking that they are going to sit wherever the hell they want.

Much effective use of the authoritative, take-no-shit teacher voice today. No really yelling, just a good fear-inspiring boom. It's getting the right reaction. Because I'm the boss, dammit.

My job kicks ass.

yay for good teacher days!

2008-08-12T18:13:00.003-05:00

The first two days of school are making me feel a little spoiled. Even with half days I am exhausted but - so far - I'm not terribly stressed. I am still looking forward to that familiarity with my students but I know that isn't something that you can affect or force. Something that I didn't have this time with my previous class was my "stern" - that authoritarian teacherness that can really only develop with lots and lots of practice. But I'm feeling much better about that this time around. A good verbal warning seems to be more effective than with my old bunch and getting the kids to follow directions is eerily smooth (not perfect, but pretty damn good).

Many good signs today. My homeroom class is (mostly) super attentive so far. Even with two of my old students who are easily distractable, I am confident that I will be able to move much more quickly this year. I'm also confident that I've started off on a much more solid foot than before. When my second class started to get a little rowdy at the end of the day, I could get them back relatively quickly. "If you can hear me, raise your hand and close your mouths." And then I raise my hand and wait. No raised voice, no snapping. The kids just...raised their hands and closed their mouths. It's a responsiveness that I'm not used to at all!

One student, D, is a repeat in my class and I have written about him in the past. He is one of the special education students, notorious throughout the school for his disruptive behavior. His home situation is one of the worst and he is far too old to be in 6th grade. But he loves playing the drums and he wants to be promoted desperately, so he has been a whole new person these two days with me. Yesterday, D was initially upset about being assigned to my class and pouted in his seat. But he was not disruptive and began to follow directions more readily as the day went on. I couldn't be more proud! I've been enlisting him (trusting him) with running office errands and helping around the classroom and he hasn't disappointed. I was momentarily afraid that letting him out in the hall might mean he'd vanish from class but he just did what I asked and came right back. So today when he did not want to eat lunch with the other students, I was more than happy to let him stand aside with me and feel a little special. Praise, praise, praise, praise, praise. I want so much for things to turn around for D, for him to get his education, play the drums, stay out of trouble (out of jail), and have a life.

Seeing a struggling kid turn around is so much more satisfying than having model students. Although, I can't complain about model students either.

the first day of school: year two

2008-08-11T16:46:00.004-05:00

The first day of my second year of teaching has come and gone, serving only to reinforce something I began to believe pretty early on last school year. While the first year of teaching is necessary, kids who get a first year teacher are going to miss out on some level. Which is just to say that being more organized, more confident, and more prepared this year makes the challenges ahead seem less daunting than they were this time a year ago. Today went smoothly for the most part, even eerily so. I feel good about my ability to manage a teach this year's group but I also will miss having some of my old students in class. That said, it was good to see the old kids and know that I don't have those old problems to cope with on a daily basis (save a few students who are back with me). I have a new dynamic, a new set-up, a new system, and a somewhat-wizened outlook on the whole. I did spend a good amount of time with the 7th grade teachers helping them organize their classes and giving them the info on their new brood.

This year is the year of the hardass. It's the year of parent accountability and the year of student accountability. Actions, rewards, consequences, consistency. I felt pretty good today but the kids were wary and sedate and I know that won't last forever. I'm working on having a better system of student responsibilities and the kids seem to enjoy the little jobs that always need done in a classroom. Last year I tried to do too much myself and it was chaotic and difficult. This year, for the most part, I don't want to do anything but teach and grade papers. My kids should do the rest.

As always, I've got some super students who will be far ahead of me and I've got some students with severe exceptionalities. I didn't even really know where to start last year, but this time around I know better what to look for, what to prepare for, who to talk to, and how to evaluate the kids' needs. Pre-testing is on already and I'm giving out extra credit left and right to get kids to be prepared and organized early. But this class will be different from the last in a whole ton of ways, the biggest being that most of these kids have passed the 4th grade LEAP (I could not say this for most of my students last year).

The more I write in this post, the more I realize how general I'm being. I'm tired and trying to push through it. There's work to do. But first, time to go watch it rain from my front porch.

t-minus 9 hours to kid time

2008-08-10T23:38:00.004-05:00

Tired. Unprepared. Terrified of new student dynamics. But my classroom looks pretty good. New layout, new toys. More tomorrow. Sleep is now.

t-minus 4 days

2008-08-07T17:22:00.002-05:00

I don't even have students yet and I am absolutely exhausted. Lots of work has been done in my classroom and I hope to take some pictures and post them up tomorrow.

On a disappointing note, I realized today that having three 6th grade classes is impossible. I will have two very long classes and I am very, very, very unhappy about it. It totally destroys my plans. It actually kind of makes me dread my life. I honestly don't know how elementary teachers put up with the same group of kids all day - I can barely handle 90 minutes. Now I'll have them nearly three hours each class. Last year that was a nightmare. But somehow I'm going to have to make it work.

on the job again

2008-08-04T20:57:00.004-05:00

Today was the teachers' first day officially back on the job at ye olde John McDonogh #32 Literacy Charter School (one of oh-so-many exciting changes that have been going on while I've been in my summer hibernation). There was so much at the morning introduction that I had to take notes. Now that I look at my notes there is so much that it seems best to list the highlights:

- we have three (count 'em - 3) assistant principals
- a reading specialist!
- a Spanish teacher
- a full time middle school art teacher (who lives across the hall from me and I already like her a lot)
- 2 extra social workers
- parents will be required (to the best of the school's ability) to volunteer 1 hour per week
- community service and service learning focus in learning
- 90 minute planning periods!! (though only three days per week)
- TAP (Teacher Advancement Program) in full swing means performance-based pay
- lots of toys and new technology

As for the state of my affairs, this year will be a year of big changes and big challenges. It never seems to end. I suppose that's the way education should be - how exhausting. And awesome. As I mentioned before, I will be teaching 6th grade math once again with the added challenge of teaching 6th grade science (chemistry and physics - my two least favorite sciences). Because I am the science teacher I was given a Promethean board in my classroom, which is quite possibly the most exciting toy-tool that any teacher could ever have.

It makes planning lessons seem so much more exciting, quizzes less of a pain in the ass, and technology in the classroom that is a thousand times more useful to me and my kids than a couple of computers that only get used for MySpace and other illicit non-educational purposes. I am probably speaking technology teaching sacrilege to say so, but I hate having PCs in the classroom and I am happy to have them removed. That being said, our school has laptop carts now (a laptop for every student in the class with a wireless connection - sweet!) which I certainly plan to put to use.

The daily schedule looks slightly more sane on paper, but we shall see. We continue to work on a block schedule (90 minute periods) and I'll have three classes. The upcoming class is supposed to be fairly small so I believe I will have an average of 10 kids per class period which, when you think about it, is absolutely unheard of in a public school like ours! These estimates, however, will probably end up being closer to 15 per class which is still more than educationally reasonable. No word on the numbers of kids with exceptionalities yet, but I hope to get access to files and names by mid-week.

Still debating how to juggle my two subjects. Last year, for the brief and completely overwhelming period that I had both subjects to teach, I had two classes on three hour blocks and tried to split the class time with absolutely no success. I think my best bet is to teach math MWF and science on TTh. This strikes me as the sane way to go about things. Yes? I wish I knew more experienced teachers out there on the vast interwebs who might give a little input on such things. But this is, alas, a blog mostly for my own cathartic benefit with a tiny readership. And I am a terrible networker.

The process of putting up bulletin boards and attempting to arrange my classroom today lead to more chaos than progress. But I'm excited. Things are new and strange and seem to be moving even faster - yet the school appears more prepared in general than last year. Better prepared. Better equipped. I can't find the actual listing at the moment but at the beginning of last year #32 was at the very bottom of the barrel in New Orleans according to the state tests. After just one year, it is now in the top 30% of New Orleans schools. Which is just huge. Granted, that isn't even remotely good enough when you consider the state of New Orleans test scores. Still, there is momentum.

Gotta keep running.

t-minus 8 days

2008-08-03T22:37:00.001-05:00

I've fallen off the face of the earth, swimming in the abyss of time and heat and paralyzing fear and pure laziness that has been my summer hermitage. But is the eve of my return to the working world.

I get a brand new batch of children on August 11th. Math and Science (for real this time). I've got the same classroom, more work, less kids, and one week to get ready for the insanity. Here we go again.

the summer countdown

2008-06-26T13:12:00.003-05:00

It's really overwhelming, the whole thing. Second year is coming up if I can get my act together. It has to be a better year for my kids, or else why am I doing it?

About a month left of my summer. And it is beginning to sink into the pit of my stomach the task ahead.

cleaning up, clearing out

2008-05-14T11:04:00.002-05:00

This paperwork disaster is my classroom. No more bulletin boards, no more posters, no more students in desks. Just lots and lots of paper. This is me trying to get organized on multiple levels. The first is making sure I have enough evidence to back up the 20 F's I gave out (that is, for a little more perspective on the numbers, equivalent to the entirety of my homeroom class this year). Two kids to a desk--that's eight per group of four desks--with their tests and quizzes and class assignments stacking up as I clean out what's in my desk and my file cabinet. There is more paper at home.

The rest of the papers piled up in my room are worksheets and assignments that will be reused in the future, organized mostly by subject (fractions, decimals, place value, geometry, multiplication practice, integers, etc) so that I can put together the beginnings of a filing system which will hopefully make planning that much easier for next year.

And yes, there will be a next year. I just signed my new contract today. I've been told I'll be teaching science in addition to math. I sincerely hope this is not true, but at least this time I have two-and-a-half months warning to try and become a physical science expert before the kids find me out for the fraud I am.

correction

2008-05-14T09:29:00.002-05:00

A full 2/5 of my students failed in the final accounting. Further accounting of the 4th quarter breakdown to follow.

in the final account

2008-05-13T17:09:00.004-05:00

Today was the last day of school for the kids. I thought I would feel better, lighter. But no. Today was embattled. I knew I would win but winning felt like crap. Because nearly a quarter of the class failed and it was my F that failed them. I know my boss has my back and I know that the F's were right (and also that there should have been a couple more). But I know the kids don't feel that way and there will be parents who don't feel that way. I had one other person at the school point out the discrepency (F in math next to C's and B's in other subjects) and comment that it does not "look right." I agree. There is something wrong with that. There is something wrong when my kids can't read their damn report card but the only class they failed was my math class. Can't shake the feeling that the comment was directed at me, though. Despite all that, I can't in good conscience say that the kids who failed deserve a better grade. So I stuck to it, in tears in the office agonizing over how to help these kids with no way to go. Frustrated and fighting. Because it's too late now. It's done.

There are few things more heartbreaking than watching my children fail.

I need a drink.

there is a lot that's left to say

2008-05-08T17:53:00.001-05:00

Went to see Hurricane on the Bayou at the IMAX with the kids today.

Just about all of us cried.

just when you want to give up

2008-04-09T21:34:00.002-05:00

Found while grading a make-up quiz on operations with positive and negative numbers:

"thang you for
all youve done"

The little bastards know a hundred ways to make me cry. Some of them are good.

square one

2008-04-09T19:02:00.002-05:00

Today was horrible. I wish I had something more reflective and educational to say about it, but I don't. I also am long overdue to do some proper blogging about the things I brought home from the CEC conference. Instead, I offer a formula for math teacher misery:

Where c represents the number of changes in routine throughout a given school day, s represents the total number of students a teacher is responsible for teaching in a day, a is the number of absent faculty who teach the same students, r is the number of unavailable substitutes required to monitor said students, and x represents fourth quarter daily average spring fever levels* -

[cs + (a + r)^2] * x^2 = m

*spring fever is measured on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest (students sleeping on desks) and 10 being the highest (teachers are keeping security guards posted at the doors to maintain order).

In the given formula, m will be equal to the math teacher's daily misery level. Values of m surpassing 7,000 dmu (daily misery units) may result in increased door-slamming and erratic behavior. Values that approach or exceed 8,000 dmu have been linked in completely unscientific studies to an increased likelihood that the given math teacher will be forced to leave the room before she either a)grabs a child by the throat or b)sobs uncontrollably in frustration.

hit or miss continues

2008-04-04T12:15:00.000-05:00

Well, my urban learners session was affirming (hey! that's my kids!) but not particularly enlightening. A lot of recognizing my own students' behaviors, descriptions of the urban learning environment, relating to the broken discipline system, and generally feeling like someone out there is going through the same things I do on a regular basis! But they didn't really tell me anything I don't already know.

I did just get out of another session run by a Pearson rep which was actually useful. Short, to-the-point, and gives me ideas to take home that don't require a lot of investment. I'll take it. It is also good to know that some companies out there are publishing for kids who are not on level from a vocab/reading perspective. And by that I mean, not just publishing reading intervention programs or reading material, but publishing subject area texts for secondary education on elementary reading levels. A big part of the reason that my class text is pretty useless to me as a teaching tool is because the vocabulary and reading comprehension skills of my students are not yet up to the level of the book. The text is abstract and the vocabulary is difficult for students who can barely read. Even when the text uses concrete examples and modeling, the instructions are too difficult to interpret for my students. So I am forced to improvise. Wouldn't it be grand to have a text written on a lower reading level with all the same content?

conventioning in Boston

2008-04-04T09:25:00.000-05:00

So here I am at the Hynes Convention Center, skipping out on my first session of the day because it's boring as hell and not particularly helpful. I took my copy of the power point and left. I started a 'strand' of panel sessions by the Access Center on differentiation yesterday and it continued with a more specific math and science track this morning but I have been disappointed. Yesterday's module was excellent.

There are a couple words that educators throw around these days, one of which is 'differentiation' (an ambiguous term to say the least). With the laws as they are these days and inclusion (another education buzz word) in the classroom, differentiation is something that everybody says but very few really know what it means or what to do about it. We have to differentiate instruction, they say. Well that's great and all, but have you met my children? HELP! For once, during the session yesterday, I actually got some concrete useful information and not just lip service. I was hoping for something in-depth and math-specific this morning but I've been let down. For a two hour session, I heard everything I needed to know in 20 minutes. So here I am blogging about it.

Overall, the conference has been a bit disappointing for me. I am learning that educators can be notoriously bad about saying what they mean. And by this I mean that lectures and panels that have one title and description often turn out to be completely useless to me. I struck out twice yesterday before hitting something that had any meaning. For instance, a 'demonstration' ostensibly titled "State of Practice: Implementation of Inclusion and Prereferral Practices Across School Systems" that claimed to be about improving collaboration to improve inclusion practices (I realize that this means little to any of you out there - but it's important) turned out to be an awful slide show about the demographics of special education students in one small area of Texas. Useless to anyone not from Texas. "Strategies to Sustain Improved Outcomes for Youth with EBD and Their Families" turned out to be another data presentation with no real helpful information about what strategies were used in order to get such encouraging results. Most of my special ed students (and even those with 504 acommodations) have some sort of EBD (emotional/behavioral disability) classification and I need help, ideas, a starting point. It's why I came to this conference in the first place. So far, I got nothing. Most of the presenters I've seen have been preoccupied with presenting the specifics of the data from their studies without ever telling me how I can use the results of their study to benefit me or my school district. That's higher education for you.

I'm a math teacher. I need my presentations to be practical, to-the-point, and devoid of unnecessary information.

Yesterday was a beautiful day in the city so I took a walk around the neighborhood and admired the brownstones and enjoyed the cold but sunny weather. Today is nasty and rainy, but if it lets up any time soon I may skip out of the conference for a little while and go find the comic shop and waste some time. Either that or I'll hit the mall or Barnes & Noble and hide until 5 o'clock. Oh, but look! There is a session titled "Differentiated Instruction, Social Skills and Behavior: Teaching Urban Learners" that claims to want to give me concrete and applicable information. Off I go.

Council for Exceptional Children Expo

2008-04-02T22:14:00.000-05:00

So I'm in Boston for the CEC conference. It's more than a little on the chilly side but I'm hoping that it will be worth it. If nothing else, I've gotten away from the kids and out of town for a few days. I get to spend it feeling all professional and enjoying my swanky hotel room and the fabulous king-size bed and flat screen TV. Also hoping that I can do some good American consuming downtown between sessions and escape the group I'm with. Not feeling very social. Up for an adventure.

Anyway, perhaps I'll have something interesting and educational to blog about tomorrow.

Spring Break!

2008-03-19T17:27:00.005-05:00

Because today is my Friday and I don't have to go back to work until next Wednesday, I am not going to talk about my own students at all today. But I did want to share a gem of the internets.

I am still laughing my ass off over this one. This comic is an alternate reality version of my life for the last eight months. I can't even tell you - there are not words sufficient.

3rd quarter - order up

2008-03-18T21:26:00.006-05:00

Well, kiddies, it's accounting time again. The third quarter has ended, LEAP week has passed, and soon there will be report card conferences. I have some mixed feelings about this past quarter for multiple reasons. One is that I feel that I cut them a big break by not giving a quarterly exam in anticipation of iLEAP. Another is that grades are looking up, I believe, on account of this. My quarter exams (well, exams in general) have high failure rates simply because my children are horrifically bad at taking tests, as a rule. Their retention is poor and their interest in the subject, despite bribery and coercion and every sort of trickery I know, is lower than the average.

(Side note: never ask your students what their favorite and/or best subject is at the beginning of the school year. They will lie.)

When all is tallied, however, I do feel that there has been a continuing trend of improvement from almost all of my students and I feel that their grades should reflect that. Even if it is just moving from an F to a D. For some of my kids that tiny uptick can make all the difference in their morale which, I hope, will keep them moving toward at least a C this final quarter of the year so that I can feel justified in passing as many students as possible. Who wants to fail a kid who has already failed so much? But if they fail, I'll do it. I won't reward apathy. I refuse.

But enough of the rambles. Let's crunch some numbers. Allow me to include here, an accounting of the grade scale that we operate under:

100 - 93%: A
92 - 85%: B
84 - 75%: C
74 - 70%: D
below 69%: F

First through Third Quarter stats are as follows:

1st Quarter: 30 Fs, 10 Ds, 3 Cs, 4 Bs, 2 As (49 Students)
2nd Quarter: 20 Fs, 10 Ds, 10 Cs, 8 Bs, 2 As (50 Students)
3rd Quarter: 3 Fs, 12 Ds, 18 Cs, 13 Bs, 4 As (50 students)

I would like to believe that this is a dramatic turn-around. And it is, but only sorta kinda. Had I given an exam, I would see considerably more Fs, more Cs, and would probably have my previous quarters' As. Also, I am still refining my grading system to be a more accurate reflection of the students' progress. This isn't something that they teach you in your teacher crash course. You just have to figure it out on your own and by talking to other teachers and they all have their own ideas. Mine is improving, I think. (Also, if any teacher ever tells you that they don't tweak their grades occasionally with clever number crunching - they are lying.) One of my As is a pleasant surprise, some of my Bs should be As but just couldn't quite squeak it. One of my Ds is a big disappointment because one of my kids is slipping. Most of my Cs have been well-earned and many of the Bs are also pleasant surprises, though they were greatly benefited by the lack of exam. Still, I won't begrudge my kids a taste of success. Our grade scale is a bitch.

Anyway, there it is.

"those kids are our kids"

2008-03-18T19:10:00.000-05:00

I am not a political person in any strong sense of the word. Most of the time, I refrain from discussing my vote or political opinions with even my closest friends. But Obama's speech is something else. Because it is not a speech that leaves me trying to figure out what he really meant, what his agenda really is, what he is covering up for. This is what I have been waiting for a political candidate to say for quite possibly my entire voting life: the truth.

It is a speech that I hope that one day, if not today, my children will understand. It is for them and about them. It's about you, too. And, because I'm hardly objective and this is a teaching blog, it's for the teachers. All the teachers: the biased, the idealistic, the strung-out, the black, the white, private, public, suburban, urban, rural, as well as those who have failed our kids and those who struggle against failure. All of them.

And I'm sap enough to admit that it made me cry. (I'm pretty sure I lost it at "those kids are our kids.") Because it is an honest look at the complexity of people and race and everything, for once - finally, without the side-stepping and posturing. It should be watched in it's entirety. Otherwise you miss the big picture and this, after all, is about the big picture.

end of LEAP week

2008-03-14T18:55:00.000-05:00

What do I have to say about LEAP week? Let's see...

Good goddamn riddance. There have been more fights and ridiculous behaviors this week with the kids all pent up - it's stupid. As part of the post-LEAP party, the Soul Rebels came to play at the end of the day. Which is cool and all but I was so sick of seeing the kids faces that I couldn't bring myself to go into the auditorium and dance.

I love you, but I don't want anything to do with any of you anymore until Monday. Thanks.

That said, please come and support the Big Easy Rollergirls and McDonogh #32 this Sunday at Mardi Gras World. People who bring donations from the wishlist get a free drink ticket! Doors at 6, game at 7.

speaking of derby

2008-03-07T15:13:00.000-06:00

I have found my favorite derby name to date:

Lois Carmen Denominator (a Boston Derby Dame)

Someone please tell me when, exactly, I become such a math dork.

calling all derby fans!

2008-03-06T19:24:00.000-06:00

The Big Easy Rollergirls will be collecting donations for Algiers' own McDonogh #32 at the March 16th bout between the Storyvillains and the Crescent Wenches at Mardi Gras World. Please take a look at the wish list and help out some kids who really need it!

See my worlds collide. Meet my rock star boss. And lend a hand to some teachers who work way too hard for a living and the students whose brains they feed. Oh, right - watching a bunch of chicks beat the crap out of each other on roller skates is a really good time too.

Please spread the word. Every box of pencils helps. Any and all questions can be directed to yours truly, Anti Em.

countdown to iLeap

2008-03-05T20:35:00.000-06:00

So the third quarter of my first year of teaching is drawing to a close. This means frantically updating gradebooks, filling out retention forms, and (drum roll, please) preparing my 6th graders for the iLeap. I will have an update on how many students passing/failing just as soon as I can crunch my numbers. But right now I am more worried about getting the kids prepped to sit and take tests all next week.

I am torn about the status of standardized testing and educational accountability. On the one hand, it totally fucking blows. It is cramming as much information into a kid's head as possible with minimal attention to what they really learned and will retain or to what is really going to be meaningful. I've said this before, that intuitively I may need to know that the commutative property of multiplication or addition exists, but do I really need to know the fancy math term for it just so I can fill out the right bubble on the standardized test? I mean, honestly?

On the other hand, in order to pass these tests, the children really do have to have problem solving skills of some sort and that is something vital to life outside of testing. Multiple choice does not an easy-pass make. In order for them to do well at all, I do have to figure out how to teach them to think and that's what we want, isn't it? These things are stupid to those of us to take it for granted that reading comprehension and basic arithmetic are no-brainers. Ever tried to teach a kid to think? Most people at some point in their lives, especially if they have kids or younger siblings, have spent time trying to teach someone their times tables or how fractions work. But did you ever have to teach them how to think?

This year has been a slow realization that the process of thinking out simple problems is something that a lot of us take for granted. You just do it. But my students, most of them, haven't been trained to think for themselves. It's not that they are any less intelligent than your average privileged white kid in suburbia. When they want something bad enough, they will figure out a way to get it and in some of the most surprising ways you can imagine. The problem, as I see it, is they have gone through their lives thinking that just getting the answer is what's important. 2 + 3 = 5 but who taught them to connect the numbers to the reality? They learn math because we told them to, not because they actually believe that it is useful to them (no matter what the stupid curriculum says or how much their teachers try to convince them with silly scenarios). So they go through the motions as quickly as possible, spit out an answer, and then move on to the more important task of gossiping and trying to figure out a better, sneakier way to eat noodles in class without getting caught.

They have super powers, these kids, they just haven't yet learned to use their powers for good.

Anyway, this all started with iLeap. And I guess what I really wanted to say is that there is something to be said for what the standardized tests are trying to accomplish. Still not convinced, however, that they succeed or that they are the best way to assess our kids' progress. Not that I have any better ideas.

ain't nuthin' but skin

2008-03-03T22:29:00.000-06:00

My whiteness was a theme today. In one class, one kid started to say something about me being white and thought better of it quickly. A few other kids jumped on them, but I could tell the offender didn't mean to be offensive. I just held out my pasty white arms and said, "No - it's the truth. Can't change it. I don't have control over it and don't see how it makes a difference. It doesn't make a difference to me that you are black, so I hope it doesn't make a difference to any of you what color I am. It's genetic. Moving on."

Later, with another class, I was half exasperated and just half loopy. I talk and teach with my hands a lot. I wave my hands around, accidentally send dry-erase markers flying across the room, and generally dance around in front of the white board like a lunatic. So finally I just stood up in front of the class and I said that I don't know what the deal is that other teachers walk into the room and they get immediate respect, immediate response. Am I invisible? This is my classroom and you all are my students and I love you and stand up for you and I fight every day for you and I haven't quite figured out what I did to earn your disrespect. I know I may seem like this crazy white woman who stands up here everyday screaming 'math! math! math!' (insert crazy arm waving here) but I wouldn't do it everyday if it weren't important. (The polite, if frantic, way of saying, "I come to work everyday for your benefit, you little monsters, what the fuck is your problem?")

And then one of my girls said one of the best (if most perplexing things) that I have ever heard on the subject. She says, "Ms. Em, we don't think of you as white!"

They're stupidly brilliant, these kids sometimes.