Megan Aid

Spring Update

2009-03-06T18:53:00.002-05:00

It is almost spring, and maybe I am pushing it, but the clocks change this weekend, we are starting to get above 32 degrees more so than not, and I can see some of the dirt from my garden underneath the snow.

We have made it through another winter, through the little earthquakes, and come out of it relatively unscathed.

Megan has been diagnosed with systemic lupus...a long time coming. Too bad she had to get so sick and be in so much pain in order for them to panic and order more tests, but at least it has been done.

I bought her in for testing before she entered the Army (or was it after?) and the docs brushed her symptoms off as fibromyalgia and said there was nothing they could do. Come to find out, her lupus could have been the cause of her cancer; a normally healthy body tells the bad cells to stop making more bad cells, but a sick body may forget to throw that switch.

Megan has gone through a round of high dose prednisone and suffered its ill effects.The docs have lowered it now, and she is feeling much better.

Life is tough being a single mom while your husband is off to war....I wish that we as humans could figure out how to live in peace and solve conflict without war, and that all religions could live in peace.

As the light grows stronger, and lasts longer, I look to the sky with a smile and feel the stronger sun upon my face. I am grateful for every day that me, my family, and my friends live above the ground.

M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S !!!

2008-12-26T19:44:00.003-05:00

I am blessed to have spent another Christmas with Megan, and her TWO lovely children.

We are ALL blessed.

We have done our best this holiday season to transcend family rifts, to soothe hurt feelings, to mend the damage of the past, to rejoice in the gift of life and love.

Here is a picture of Larry holding Randy. He was fussing, and Larry rocked him and plopped his pacifier in his mouth, and we rubbed his head. Instant sleep.

Tonight Megan is going out with her friends, and Larry and I are babysitting.

I feel like I have not had enough time with working two jobs, the holidays, and being sick, to spend as much quality time with everyone as I would have liked to, but I am glad for what I have had.

I hope your holidays were blessed too...

Patti, Larry, Megan, Alanna, Randy and Dole

Living a Day at a Time

2008-11-29T08:48:00.004-05:00

So I posted PET scans negative, but it is not still easy breathing.

The doctors want to biopsy said "scar" tissue to make sure that is what it is.

Her blood tests came back with a positive ANA which points again to an auto immune disease such as lupus, rheumatoid arthritis or some other problem.

She has to go for more testing, but not until she gets back to Kentucky.

In the meanwhile, we will enjoy the holiday season as much as we can, and periodically sweep away the shadows that are cast over our joy from time to time.

Alanna bought the flu with her, so Thanksgiving got canceled in my house as I have been too sick to go anywhere or to cook. Thankfully, Megan went to her grandmother's house for dinner, as did my son. I have eaten very little in three days, but am now on the mend I hope. Megan and the children all have some kind of cold, but they have the energy to keep going. How they do it, I don't know.

Thanks to all of you who follow this blog and have left comments, even if they have been ones that have left us still wondering....is she ok? To be forewarned about this cancer is to be prepared and to go forth with as much knowledge as we can!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING READERS!

patti

ps Photos of Megan's beautiful children :)

Results

2008-11-16T14:17:00.002-05:00

Good news...PET scan is negative for cancer. Shows scar tissue, but Megan can breathe another 6 months.

They will be arriving here on the 24th for a month. I am excited and busy with the stripping of all the bedding and washing it, chasing out the dust bunnies and vanquishing the piles that accumulate in ones spare rooms. Alanna will have her own room, which was Megan's, and Megan and Randy will share the room which was Wills till it became Megan's when she had Alanna some 4 years ago.

I still have to shop, buy diapers, put in for the 1/2 a personal day to pick them up, remake the beds. I am sure it will all come together at the last hour.

And honestly, I don't think they will care HOW it looks as once they are here Megan will say, "there's no place like home".

Till then!

patti

Another Test

2008-10-30T06:56:00.002-04:00

I am on google search alerts for anything written about LMS, whether an obituary, a doctor's article, a blog. I have read a lot of stories about hope, treatment, struggle, and sometimes death. This morning I read about a 35 year old woman who just lost her three year battle with LMS. A tear slid down my face, sad for her, her new husband, family, and co-workers who had to say goodbye to her. She was too young.

Megan is on year two. She just had another PET scan yesterday, long over due since she got pregnant and the last one done was about 9 months ago. Spots appeared on the scan, but they are hoping that it is scar tissue from the tumors which will show on such a scan.

She won't get the results for a while yet, and the doctor whom she is dealing with is away anyway. Megan is going to visit a friend, and I told her to have a great time, that there would be nothing she could do at the moment anyway if the spots were more than scar tissue, so live it up, and do a lot of laughing. Be in the moment.

I will be back in a few weeks to post the results. In the meantime we all live, love, and laugh as much as we can.

Happy Halloween!

patti

Recovering

2008-10-10T09:55:00.003-04:00

I am here with Megan post surgery. She can't lift the baby for a week or so, nor do any chores. She has just moved for the third time on base. So much for promises that they would not move her with an infant.

Amazingly she has nearly unpacked everything. I will help with whatever is left for the next four days.

Alanna was overjoyed to see me, though she cried herself to sleep because I was spending time with baby Randy. I will give her lots of one on one time today.

It was not a leiomyoma, something very different. But no cancer in the tumor, so that is good.

Here is a photo of Megan and Randy, in dim, early morning light without flash.

Thanks to all of you who send her prayers and your love. It is essential to our life.

patti

Leiomyoma without the Sarcoma

2008-09-19T12:15:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago Megan had some problems, so she went to her OB/GYN doc. They took one look at her cervix, and immediately took a few biopsies to be sent off to the lab.

During the two days that they were being examined, all kinds of things raced through my head. I really try and not go there, as well as tell Megan the same thing. Enjoy the time you have, all of it. You don't get it back.

I am getting better at following my own advice. Each moment is precious and I enjoy it as it comes, without it getting clouded with "what ifs". I realize there are too many variables to think about how the future could be, so I work very hard in not going there.

Megan has a leiomyoma, WITHOUT the sarcoma, so what that means it is a benign growth.
No cancer.

She still needs surgery to remove it, and she probably will never have another baby, but she has been blessed with two beautiful children as it is.

I leave on the 9th for Kentucky to help out after the surgery, and then fly back on the 14th. I only have to take 2 sick days because we have two holidays---it all works out ok. And, I got another child support check from my ex, so I have the money to fly...plus a few extra bucks to spend on the kids and Megan.

Till the next update,

Patti

PHOTOS

2008-08-18T10:14:00.003-04:00

Here is a photo of my fabulous grandchildren. I love them so very much.

Stay tuned for more info in the future. Megan has some tests in the next month and we hold our breath.

In the meantime, we live each day to its fullest.

The weather in Kentucky has been fabulous, the sun shines strong and we all rejoice in the simple things here. Cooking three squares a day, playing Yahtzee, sitting in the yard.

And it is good.

Patti

Heading Out

2008-08-15T06:57:00.003-04:00

Larry and I are leaving today to visit Kentucky,driving this time, with both Ms. Garmin and my trusty atlas. It is an adventure, that is for sure. We are taking the Honda as it is packed with hand-me-downs from my sister for the new baby. The Eos would be a lot more fun, but it holds just enough luggage for us! So I will miss my CD player and satellite radio, but I will have to deal.

My mom is in stable condition, though I am not sure she will recover. I suspect this is a sign for me to leave, that she is stable, and I have told her I will see her when I get back. If not, I have spent good time with her and she knows I send her off to the next life with love and kindness. Meredith will go over a few times while I am gone to check on her and hold her hand in place of me, a priceless gift from a friend.

Dole leaves tomorrow for Afghanistan first thing in the morning, and we will miss him as we won't roll into town until late afternoon. At the very least I can pick of the puddle of what is going to be my daughter, dry her off for a few days, and get them back on their feet before I have to head back east.

Patti

Worth 1,000 Words

2008-08-08T23:28:00.003-04:00

Here is Megan, Alanna and Baby Randall, and a picture of daddy Dole holding his son. They are home and all is fine tonight. I will head down wednesday as long as my mother is holding out. Otherwise I am not sure what I am going to do. I take it one day at a time and have to have trust and faith in what is in store for me.

I think they are all beautiful and I surround them with love.

patti

BABY IS HERE

2008-08-06T21:35:00.003-04:00

Megan is an amazing young woman. When I think of all that she has gone through I shudder. There is so much that I can not tell, and much that needs to be told.Out of respect for her I censor my writing.

Some of the things she has had to endure from 18-24 has been

ARMY boot camp (AUGH!)
being a diesel mechanic in Iraq
pregnancy in that country and army field medical care
the birth and raising of a child w/out the father
diagnosis of leiomyosarcoma
other disorders/some of which are directly related to serving in a war

And now a miracle baby conceived after chemo and radiation.

For two months this baby has been trying to come into the world. Megan has been in and out of hospitals during this time and on two months of bed rest. Then today, on his due date, the midwife broke Megan's water, and Megan birthed Randall Crain Jr. into the world at 3:48 pm at 8 lbs 4 oz, and 21.5". Daddy Dole was there for the labor and birth, he helped deliver his son, cut the cord etc.

Dole has been a good man for my daughter, and a good father to Alanna.
(I say a prayer for him as he is heading back to Afghanistan for a year, please keep him in your thoughts.) I am so grateful to him for being there for them all.

Alanna says her brother is a big fat boy, and very cute. I laugh.

Again I thank you all for coming to read this from time to time. Knowing that there is empathy and genuine love and caring helps me through the tough times. Though I avoid drama, at times I feel like life is one big soap opera, with mine just a bit more surreal with unbelievable true stories that make you say "WTF?" (my favorite acronym of the year I think)

xxpatti

Still Holding

2008-08-02T12:56:00.002-04:00

A guick note from the Cape.

Megan still pregnant, if the baby does not come by her due date,the 6th, they will oblige her and break her water so that Dole can meet his son and spend a week with him before he flies back to Afghanistan.

We are driving down on the 13-23rd, whether or not he has left. It will be the only time that we can visit them during the summer.

Any moment now I await the phone call saying Baby Boy Crain has graced us with his presence.

Will be reporting back soon!!

Patti

Tempus Fugit

2008-07-10T09:51:00.002-04:00

Things have been pretty much the same from when I last wrote.

Dole got sent back from Afghanistan, and for several weeks managed to keep Megan flat out in bed on complete bed rest, and take care of Alanna while running the household. I am so grateful to him for that!

Megan did go back into the hospital again about a week ago as once more she went into labor. Once more then shot her up with horrid drugs to stop it. They are keeping her till Monday, then they will release her and if she goes into labor they are not stopping it.

Little baby Dole Jr. is over 6 lbs in utero, and by now his lungs should be well enough developed so that if she has him, she can take him home and he won't go to a neo-natal unit. The medications have made her quite sick, her pulse races to 140, she gets severe headaches, and she is moodier than hell (can we blame her?)

She has been very depressed however, as she thinks that a day or two after the baby is born, Dole will be sent back to Afghanistan. What I am to say to that? She knew the life of the army when she married him, that he would be deployed when she got pregnant, and that she would be raising her children on her own for long bits of time. All I can tell her is to take it a day at a time, and trust in the goodness of the Universe/God, and keep myself strong to be able to give to her as much as I can.

I am on call to head to Kentucky when she goes into labor, and Larry and I will stay a week or so to help out. I am not sure what will happen after that. In the mean time, my navigation system has arrived from Amazon, and I am going to take it out of the box and see if I can figure it out.

Till the NEXT time, Patti

Pregnancy Update

2008-06-07T16:21:00.003-04:00

Much of Megan's pregnancy has been fraught with complications. It has not been easy, but Megan is strong and this new life to be has kept her going.

I recently returned from a visit with her and Alanna in Kentucky, where she had her baby shower. It was fun, relaxing, and always good to be with my girls.

However, Megan is in the hospital as she went into labor. She is 30 weeks pregnant or so, and the doctors are keeping her in bed and trying to stop her delivering the baby until after Sunday as they have given her shots of steroids which help the baby's lungs I believe. He is over 3.5 lbs so his chance of survival this early is good.

They have given Megan a shot which lasts for 72 hours to stop her labor, but has come with a host of side affects.

BUT in all of this the good news is that the ARMY is sending her husband home from Afghanistan. Amen to that.

Alanna is staying with her biological father and his family in the meantime. The situation is unique, and thank God Megan has them.

We take things one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. I have faith that all will work out, and constantly reassure her that all will be well and little baby Dole will have an excellent shot at survival.

Megan laughs and says it is harder for her to keep this baby "in" then actually giving birth.

I believe it!

Keep the baby and Megan safe in your thoughts,

patti

Dance Light as my Heart Lays Under Your Feet

2008-04-30T20:48:00.004-04:00

It has been a month now since I have last posted.

Megan has had some physical problems. Her cervix is still thinning out, though the baby is now about 1.5 lbs. and could survive if he were to be born now. Megs is taking hormones to stop labor as much as possible, and the doctors are monitoring her every week with sonograms.

She had to have her throat cauterized as it was bleeding, and at night time bleeding into her lungs. The docs think it is from her hiatal hernia (which she may have gotten from being blown out of a Humvee in Iraq from an explosion) which is exacerbated by her pregnancy, complicated by the radiation she had. No painkillers, and for a week she was pretty uncomfortable.

I will be heading down there in three weeks to see my girls again. Dole is far far away in the mountains of Afghanistan and can only call home once a week. No Internet in the mountains either.

Megan had to move, and may have to move again. Hurray for the glories of on-base housing, but I won't get into that.

The photo tonight is a piece that I am entering in a show called "Touched by Cancer". This piece is called Hope for Megan, and tonight's blog title is a verse from a poem I found in an antique book. I cried while making both this piece and the piece for my father, but it was OK as the tears soothe the pain and they are tears of love.

Patti

Show opens saturday night at Backstage productions in Kingston NY. Email me for more information.

The Girls Are Good

2008-03-31T20:31:00.004-04:00

I had a wonderful visit with Megan and Alanna. How could I not? They were both thrilled to see me and we had a fun time cooking, spending Easter together, having a hunt and dinner for the kids and all the girls whose husbands have left for Afghanistan. In addition we went shopping, went to see Horton Hears a Who (FABU movie by the way-----so wonderfully done!) and I spent lots of time potty training.

The trip is always an adventure, but for the most part I have met really cool people on the flights, and I know how to take good care of myself on long layovers. I feel like quite the world traveler, considering once I had a travel phobia.

Megan is having some problems with too many Braxton Hicks, and her cervix appears to be thinning out. Thankfully, she goes to a specialist in Nashville every week who is paying close attention to her situation. They are not suturing her cervix yet, but that may come.

I am entering two pieces in an art show hosted by an Oncology Group in our city. I want to support them as they treated Megan with the most amazing grace and caring. I will post pics at a later time.

Photo of Alanna on Easter day, doing her egg hung. (ps Hmmm....pic not loading???)

To cure, Patti

Heading South

2008-03-16T21:21:00.002-04:00

I have my ticket and am heading to see my girls for Easter. Dole has left, Megan is very sad, so Ms. Mary Poppins will make a visit and try to sooth and bring joy to their lives.

I am looking forward to warmer weather weather there, and praying that no tornado alarms sound. I am not liking the dangers of that part of the country. It makes my studio flood look like a sneeze vs. the flu.

I promise I will take lots of pictures, and am sure I will have some stories to tell.

Megs has a visit with the oncologist next month just to touch base. So far her blood has been normal, and her cholesterol and blood pressure super low.

Remember my friends...each day of life is a gift.

That is a lesson I learned this past year.

More after I get back!

patti

It's a Boy!

2008-02-24T09:45:00.002-05:00

Another monthly update on Megan.

She is doing well, is at 16 weeks, and they have discovered she is having a boy on her recent sonogram. I tell her she has a million dollar family now, one of each, and she can quit.

She laughs, and says oh no, he won't be the last. Silently I think she is nuts, but perhaps she herself will decide 2 is enough when she has to take care of them on her own, when Dole is deployed, or sent on various missions and trainings.

The pregnancy has not been that smooth as she has been having frequent migranes, still getting sick (I think her immune system is not quite up to par yet) and ended up in the ER last week for severe stomach pain. The docs took as many tests as they could, and said the blood work was negative for cancer, and that they are thinking she has gallstones. She has a scan on the 6th, and this week has an appointment with a doctor in Nashville who deals in high risk pregnancies. So far her cervix is holding out (it did not behave for Alanna....)and we keep our fingers crossed. New York is a long way from Tennessee......

Dole leaves for Afghanistan in two weeks, leaving behind his family. In some ways I was hoping that Megan had to be on bedrest, so that he could stay behind. But things will play out the way they are supposed to.

I suspect I am going to fly to see them in several weeks during my Easter break. I have not surfed for prices yet. I hope I can find a flight for less than 300.00. I hate flying in the winter as the weather is so unpredictable, even in mid March. Last year we got a huge snowstorm the weekend of St. Patrick's day.

Will be back with more posts as I get news, and say a prayer for all those in your life who do have cancer, that they will have love,strength, and support through it all.

patti

Little Baby Crain

2008-01-22T20:37:00.000-05:00

I have not been great at keeping up with everything, but here is a picture of Megan's little baby at about 10 weeks. Soon she will be over the dangerous time where she can miscarry..a fear that she had since she had to have a PET scan done early in the pregnancy.

The docs say mom and baby are doing well. Mom has a lot of migraines, but they have given her some medication for that. She will be transferred to a hospital in Nashville for high risk pregnancies as she had problems with Alanna, possibly necessitating a cervical cerclage.

Alanna is excited about the baby, and we are all hoping that she will be TOTALLY potty trained before baby X enters the world.

Every day I rejoice in their good health, and every day I pray for a miracle that will keep Dole home with his family, instead of wandering around Afghanistan. I keep saving my child support for future trips to Tennessee to visit the girls when they are alone and lonely. Then Mimi Poppins will show up with a suitcase full of magic and always brimming with hope and love.

patti

An Announcement

2007-12-30T12:05:00.000-05:00

I have waited a long time to post this as Megan and Dole did not tell their entire family till the holidays.

It is a miracle, but Megan is pregnant!She was about to undergo testing to see if her eggs were viable after all the chemo and radiation. I guess those tests will not have to be performed as she is closing on 8 weeks pregnant. She had a PET scan done early on in the pregnancy, which does put her at a higher risk of miscarriage, but so far so good, and the test was negative.

She cannot be tested again until after the baby is born as it is too high a radiation to do 2 more scans. So we hold our breath, take life one day at a time, and hope that all goes well.

We all had a delightful holiday; lots of joy, love, family, friends, good cheer. We did not have a lot of time together, but what time we did have was spent in great joy.

No longer do we take anything for granted--that is the great gift that has come out of cancer. Each day is wonderful, time together cherished. I no longer feel the need to worry about the little things, as in ten years, most of the little things won't matter at all. Megan and I rarely argue, and if we do, it is a matter of a short amount of time before we revisit the issue and talk it out.

It is hard to believe that at 50, I will have two grandchildren. I look forward to the adventures ahead.

The only thing that worries and saddens me is that Dole leaves in March for Afghanistan and Megan will be alone. I am saving my money from my long overdue child support that has been coming from my ex, for the trips ahead to Tennessee/Kentucky. I am sure I will also be taking Alanna for some time in the summer....the blessings of having the summer off as a teacher.

For those of you who read this, please say a meditation or prayer for my friend Gary who is dying at home of cancer. He does not have much time left on this earth. My visits to him have been wonderful....though death is never an easy thing to deal with, I am learning about love, grace, and comforting those who have touched my life.

So much to learn, so little time.

Patti

Can't Wait!

2007-12-21T23:18:00.000-05:00

This is a photo Megan just sent of us when I went down to visit her in Tennessee at the end of October. I snagged it from her Myspace page to post it here. Thanks Andrea for the great photo, and Megs, for sending it!

I look awfully young in the photo...wondering if my friend did a little touch up on me, or if it is me au natural.

Megan and Alanna are due to arrive here momentarily. I can't wait!

Meg's PET scan last week was again negative, which gives us great reason to celebrate!

And more to come...soon, very soon.

patti

Coming Home

2007-12-13T19:22:00.000-05:00

Megan and Alanna fly in next Friday for a week. It has seemed like forever since the last weekend of October when I went to visit them.

I have stripped the bedding, cleaned the sheets, and re-made the bed in preparation for my girls. Dole still does not know if he can join his family for their first holiday together. He is slated to leave for Afghanistan in March, and has been in various places of training for the deployment.

I just envision peace and wisdom over them both, and know that I cannot change a thing, that everything that happens is part of all of our collective and individual journeys.

I haven't asked Megan about her latest scan. I figure I will know right away if anything is bad. Right now, we are in the rejoicing mode, in preparation for the celebration of friends and family.

And I shout to the heavens, to the trees, rocks and fabulous mountains, THANK YOU.

Patti
The amazing photo of Megan by Larry of course...an 8 x 10 taken in our dining room.....

Kingston Daily Freeman Article Link

2007-11-11T21:14:00.001-05:00

It has been a while since I last posted. I have been to Clarksville and back. It was a wonderful trip to see both of my girls.

Megan has some various issues, mostly physical in nature. A hiatal hernia which needs repair (from getting blow out of a Humvee??? I think that is perhaps what she said, but don't quote me)and some other visits to various doctors.

It makes me nuts to think about how many things are wrong with her, but she comes from strong blood, and we did a lot of laughing, game playing, movie watching, shopping and cooking...and jeez, and I was only there Saturday and Sunday!!!

I have more stories to tell, but other blogs to write.

Here is the link to the article written by our local paper. They wrote about Megan last January or so, when she was undergoing chemo and radiation. Today was a follow-up for Veterans' Day. Interesting article. It always hits harder when it is so close to home.

I talk to her almost every day. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes it is silly. Sometimes it is sad. But it is always with love, and that is all that counts.

Patti

PS Photo done by my amazing friend Judy Esmond. She can be found through her website, or give me a holler. She photographed Megan's wedding, and the photographs are amazing and artistic, all that we could have wished for. Thank you from the bottom of ALL of our hearts!!!!!

Goin' to Clarksville

2007-10-18T20:43:00.000-04:00

It has been too long since I have written. School has kept me busy, but not busy enough to keep me from missing my two girls, and yes, my new son in law. Out of sight has NOT meant out of mind.

Between email and phone calls, we have been able to keep in touch frequently.
It has been nearly two months since I have seen them, and I made reservations to visit next weekend -- so Tennessee, here I come. Are ya'll ready for me?

Megan lives in Clarksville, which is about an hour from Nashville, and a stones throw away from the Kentucky border.

It is ironic that she would live in Clarksville, as her last name was Clark, her father's name,----a name which I so quickly and desperately rid myself of after my divorce.

I am going alone as Larry and I both can't afford to go--but they will be here in December and we will all be together again for a while. After that I am not sure what they are going to do. Dole is being sent to Afghanistan after the holidays, and Alanna's dad just left for Iraq a few days ago.

Once again there are people who are intricately woven into our all of our lives who are being put in harms way --- for what I ask. Someone, give me a vision so that I may make SOME sense of all of this......this endless and senseless war!!!

Megs has not been feeling well. She thinks maybe she has had food poisoning for the past week, or some virus has been invading her body, but she has made a doctor's appointment nonetheless. We both don't even want to think of the possibility of it being anything else, but we both know that we will never be free to NOT think of it being the cancer.

Yet I focus on our upcoming giant girls sleep over, where all is light, laughter, love, and tons of white light.

Patti
Photo of 8/25 wedding...in order, me, Randall (Dole) and Megan.

The Times They are a Changin'

2007-10-04T21:47:00.001-04:00

It has been far too long since i have posted.

I miss Megan and Alanna so far away in Tennessee. I will be booking a flight this weekend to go and visit in several weeks. I really don't have the money, but I trust that the universe will provide it in some form. A rebate, a long overdue child support check (heard the ex is working..he owes me 100,000.00! Amazing, eh?)
some good art sales.

Things are changing as I write however, and in a few days I will tell more.

The times, they are always a changin'.

patti