Jasmine's Secret Place

Christmas 2009

2009-12-26T14:05:00.002+08:00

When The Old Meets The Fresh.

2009-11-18T08:08:00.004+08:00

"I'm 20, sir. I've got a lot to learn. I'm still feeling teenage love that is innocent and youthful."

It seems like the happiest thing. So beautiful to a mind that hasn't seen. I'm amazed.

Like a dream come true. Truly I never knew love could feel this way.

But why, why did you go and ruin everything? Telling it's not true.

Just came to a realization, your love is a lie.

I'll never cast pearls to pigs nor give something sacred to dogs.

Don't mess around with me. Destroy not something fresh.

We really can't put new wine in old wineskin else it'll burst.

Almost Perfect.

2009-11-16T08:53:00.002+08:00

You are close to perfection.

So close.

I can't seem to get you yet.

Hard, hard. But yea, guess it's the hardest thing that is most treasured.

I'm getting older as I work my way to you.

I wonder is it worth chasing. Well, it's a different story if it's mutual.

But when you know one is categorising you as a something else when you're dead seriously in love with him.

"Underaged, weak-willed young woman, whore, toy."

Guess I'm a little blind right now.

Glimpses of Sunshine.

2009-10-20T13:17:00.004+08:00

So far this year can be summed up as the best year so far. Enjoyed so much the roller-coaster ride. Feel like doing it over and over again but I doubt my heart can take it.

I have less time to blog now. Perhaps cos I'm living it more than writing stuff.
And that's good.

Mr Romeo, thoughts of you just overflowed and yet it is the best kept secret.

I'll tell you, when you are finally here, by my side.

A Perfect Lie.

2009-10-05T08:12:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I do realize that the ideal life that I wish I could get does not exist. But I keep dreaming anyway. I love today because I'm dreaming.

By the way, hey, a lot's happening! And it feels as though life begins at 20.

I'm still adapting my emotional roller-coasters. Perhaps like some may say, I'm gullible, so naive, so easily deceived. I'm ashamed of that. Have three years of getting cheated still not enough?

Have I not get sick of being toyed around like a thing and finally expected to just say good bye to the man I love as though nothing actually happened between us.

I hate flashbacks of those moments. If only I could forget easily.

I tried.

Nobody really understands.

Hell yeah, blame in on me and may you life happily ever after with your mate for the rest of your life.

It's Not The Time To Play.

2009-09-18T13:13:00.007+08:00

Simply being playful.

And yet I totally got lost in it and accidently crossed the line.

Sigh, the inner child. You're causing so much trouble.

Screw you, screw you, screw you!

The ABC's Of Love.

2009-09-18T09:31:00.005+08:00

A- Ill always want you
B- Because my heart is true
C- Come, come, come closer
And Ill tell you of the ABCs

D- Darling believe me
E- Everyday my love grows strong
F- Find a place there in your heart
And Ill tell you of the ABCs

G- Gosh knows I love you
H- Heaven knows its true
I want to be near you
J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q

R-Run honey and dont be blind
S-Sugar you stay on my mind
T-True love is hard to find
Ill tell you of the ABCs

U- You make me love you
V- Vow always be true
WXY and Z, Ive told you of the ABCs

Oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh

Ive told you of the ABCs
(Ive) told you of the ABCs.

A Child's Mind.

2009-09-18T08:11:00.006+08:00

I really really do feel like privatising my blog sometimes. It's because now I feel as though I have to hold back few words whenever I write. Hmph but at the same time I hate keeping all of it to myself, caving is not for me. Solitude kills me.

Next week, I'm gonna meet the X.

Uh, uh, uh.

X was my hero.

But X was also the man that puts me down to the pit.

X and his Y.

Don't mess up with a child's mind. In my mind now, X is the cruelest being for giving a false hope to a child who had a crush on him.

I still have that childhood memories with X and and that's the thing that still makes me cling to all these.

I'm so tired X. I am so damn tired.

"When I was a child I spoke as a child, I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things."

I am so so damn tired.

Really, really.

That's Like So Special?

2009-09-17T17:34:00.007+08:00

A bouquet of flowers arrived at the office.

Every eyes, especially those belong to the ladies shifted to the bouquet.

Wow, waah, wow!

That really sweeps off one's feet.

Her day's brightened. A smile all over.

For she knows she's loved and special.

False Hope

2009-09-17T12:19:00.003+08:00

I fell in love. I fell in to the same trap again.

You're cruel. You played my my naivity. You should have known your limits.

Whyyyyy do I have to go through this the second time? Have I not learned from my previous lesson?

I'm ashamed to even admit that I still have not came out from that pit.

Feeling drained when I'm stucked up in the middle of this.

It will never work out. It will never, never, never.

It's tiring when the only one you long for cheats right in front of you.

It once happened at 16. And now it happens at 20. I wont let it happen again.

It's almost time to clean break, I shall have nothing to do with you and anyone that resembles you.

Ouch.

2009-09-16T12:23:00.005+08:00

Untouchable. It is caused by you.

Silent cries. It hurts the most when you finally see the ugly side of your once admired guy, enjoying the pain he is causing you.

Has he lost all his sensitivity?

And he tries hard to ruin all your possible future just because he couldn't get you.

But nevermind, this song heals the heart:

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine
I got a love and I know that it's all mine, oh, oh oh oh
Do what you want but you're never gonna break me
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me, oh, oh oh oh

Take me away, a secret place
A sweet escape, take me away
Take me away to better days
Take me away, a hiding place

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine
I got a love and I know that it's all mine, oh, oh oh oh
Wish that you could but you ain't gonna own me
Do anything you can to control me, oh, oh no

There's a place that I go that nobody knows
Where the rivers flow and I call it home
And there's no more lies in the darkness there's light
And nobody cries, there's only butterflies

The sun is on my side and takes me for a ride
I smile up to the sky, I know I'll be alright
The sun is on my side and takes me for a ride
I smile up to the sky, I know I'll be alright

Sensitivity.

2009-09-16T12:04:00.003+08:00

It hurts the core. It's invisible yet you can feel it.

But I know I can possibly cope with this.

This is just a moment, a period everybody needs to go through.

I have enough testosterones to deal with it.

Phew. Crushed.

Di Time Of Mi Life

2009-09-16T08:16:00.005+08:00

It's wonderful thinking about tonight. I'm just so really excited. Another new venture. I can't really revealed here.

It's been ages of many dreams. Not to mention those funny attempts.

Deep inside I wish you were as bold as of that foreigner.

Make that move, make that move. I'm surely gonna respond.

I'm really really excited for tonight's night. It's somehow the night.

The one moment I've been dreaming about. It's actually up to you to make it a fantasy or a reality.

Life's Not Always A Bed Of Roses.

2009-09-14T13:51:00.006+08:00

I miss him. Silly me.

I started my morning with super hyper cheery but when I start missing him, it starts going to the drain.

I hate being gloomy and I wont let that get hold of me.

I'll make good things happen out of this.

" Oh dear, why are you so special? "

In my mind seems like you're the one. Yet we're still at the beginning.

Or maybe not even we. I forgot we're actually not a partner yet.

Silly me, again.

It's Worth The Wait

2009-09-14T08:46:00.007+08:00

That man of influence slapped me with the truth during lunch time. "Those you're falling for are dirty old men."

I have always thought it as a merely adventurous ride and didn't think for that long.

Another advised me to be more cautious with older guys because these type of men like to take advantage of young preys.

No doubt sometimes I can go stupid when it comes to the matter of heart.

I was once tempted to give in just because I thought he seriously loves me.

Now, I'm slightly enlightened.

So pure bullshit, no free ride for youu.

I Think Of You The Most When Menstrual Strikes.

2009-09-14T08:01:00.004+08:00

Today marks the first day of having period after reaching 20.

Being around preggers has a little to do with this: I love my period.

Something is funny with my hormones during menstrual. At night, I find myself behaving like a 40 years old despite the fact that I am only 20.

By the way, I found a new position to sleep and it was extra comforting.

Dreamt of the new man and am really happy.

These few nights have been really happy. Images of him carved a wide broad smile on my face these few mornings. Added freshness to me and energized me too.

However, I just realised that whenever I got happy nights, he suffered emo nights. Wonder whether did Cupid steal his happiness and gave them to me?

It's kinda mad, only catching glimpses of him yet dreaming of building a home with him. Sounds rather irrationale.

But then again, the song "I knew I love you before I met you" did help.

I'm happy I met you.

Your Girl.

2009-09-14T01:21:00.001+08:00

First "Love"?

2009-09-11T16:10:00.007+08:00

At 16, I treated first love just like virginity.

I was so afraid to give in.

I was so worried to try the guys that I have a crush on.

I was thinking too far.

I was afraid that I'm not gonna love like before if things between us dont work out that well.

I was thinking too much.

And I said "No".

Trapped.

2009-09-10T13:37:00.002+08:00

I'm speechless. I thought it was a good intention but the opposite is true, proven.

To break down and cry will naturally happen sometimes. Yet, I don't think I want to give in to that.

"Hide and seek" makes me go high and low and is very tiring.

I need to re-energize my strength evry morning, day, and night.

Anyway, thanks for last night. It was damn sweet.

I saw his figure, I heard his voice, and he sang to me.

What a night.

It Happened - Just At The Right Time.

2009-09-08T17:01:00.006+08:00

When you finally let go of my hand and said goodbye, the world followed suit.

I once thought good things won't happen again.

I once understood it as "the missed boat is gone and that's the end of my love story."

But today, it happened again.

It came the moment I least expected it.

Thank you to the other you.

Fly With Me~

2009-09-08T09:07:00.004+08:00

It is really funny how my mind, how my heart visualize our future together. Though I know the plans I have right now is not shared together with you.

Well, I created all these myself just for my own comfort.

At the moment, I affirm myself with this song from R. Kelly:

If I can see it, then I can do it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away

I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

One day, I'll fly with you.

Twenty Today.

2009-09-08T08:03:00.005+08:00

Today, I just turned 20.

Today, I'm no longer a teenager.

Today, I chose to be happy the moment I woke up because the night before I read: "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

I'm quite satisied with the things that have happened these 20 years. Time passed rather quickly. 20 YEARS, wow!

Hmmm, bonding is so wished right now. Your face, your smile, your touch. But oh no, you still never knew about it.

My Eyes On You.

2009-09-04T18:16:00.004+08:00

Competitive. That's the word for me.

Little did I know it brings me here.

Exhausted. I feel so used. I have maximised everything and it comes down to this.

Moving on, I have this crush for this particular guy. But too bad, he's chased after another one gal, worse we're friends.

Is it worth competing again? It's burning yet I doubt it's worth risking.

After You.

2009-09-03T17:28:00.004+08:00

My heart sanked after lurking again.

Oh no, this is just not supposed to be happening to me!

Chasing you is like chasing after wind.

I gotta stop now.

Come Here, Quick

2009-09-03T17:11:00.006+08:00

So we're falling for each other yet still keeping each other as back up plan.

Have you not realized, I have been waiting for so long?

Come back and be ready.

Open arms are here.

Don't make me wait for too long.