Blootered Cerebrations

(Mis) Adventures in Home Improvement

2009-05-27T07:46:00.001-04:00

(I just found this in my blogger drafts folder... from April 8. I'm not quite sure why I never published it. I don't think it sucks any more than my usual stuff sucks... so I'll publish it now.)

Lately we've been on a big push to get some of the house remodeled... while just about every room in the house could use some work, right now we are concentrating on the kitchen and one of the bathrooms. Last week when our new counter tops came in, I was more than ready to tackle the simple job of pulling the old counter tops off and slapping the new ones on.

If only...

We have a galley kitchen with four separate counter surfaces, one of which has the sink. In the early afternoon on Friday I picked up the new counter tops with my friend Landon dropped them off at the house, then went to the bar. (What? Why are you looking at me that way?)

It didn't seem like a big undertaking, so when I got home from the bar at about 9:30 or so (What?!? Stop looking at me that way!) I decided to start messing with the counter tops. My lovely wife had already cleaned out all of the cupboards, and son #2 had climbed inside to unscrew the old counter tops. We lifted the old ones off and tossed them in the family room without any problem. I put on the first three counter tops without a single hitch... and they looked good.

It was nearing midnight, so I looked under the kitchen sink to verify that it had shut off valves (it did) and told my wife that we should disconnect the sink and remove the sink and counter top before going to bed, and then on Saturday morning I could take my time putting in the final counter top and re-seating the sink. She concurred.

I reached under the sink to turn off the water, and felt and funny little "give" in the shutoff valve, followed by a very wet feeling all over my hand, and followed shortly thereafter by the realization that the shutoff valve was in my hand, and was no longer connected to the pipe.

Bad words came out of my mouth. Lots of bad words. New, unheard of bad words. I'm pretty sure I swore in Swahili and Urdu. Then, I shut off the water to the entire house, and went to bed.

The following morning I woke up to start my most hated of home improvement jobs: plumbing. As Mike says, electrical is easy; there are two options: It works, or it doesn't. With plumbing, there's that third option... the one that gets water all over your house.

I pull the sink and counter top off and find THIS:

Obviously the plumbing was in need of a little touch up work. I grabbed my mapp gas and went to work disassembling everything from the wall in, suddenly convinced that I could quickly and easily replace all the copper under the sink. Now, while I do suck at plumbing, I quickly learned that the guy who was there before me sucked WORSE:

Two or three hours of banging around and three trips to the hardware store, the sink was in and usable just about 30 minutes before my wife's friends began arriving at the house for a girls' get together she had planned... whew.

Old School

2009-05-11T07:46:00.001-04:00

I was pretty thrilled to find my old chucks in the attic the other day. I had no idea that they were still around. I've had these things since 1987, and I've now made a pact with myself that my vintage chucks will be among the many items my children will have to sort through after my death:

These chucks and I had been through a bit together. They were decorated by a string of girlfriends starting when I was about 17 and ending when I was about 20. I had to laugh as I looked at all the scribble on them in ink, paint, glitter paint, and just scratched in the leather soles.

My wife was somewhat less excited to see my old shoes than I was... lucky for her the insides are trashed and my old man orthopedic insoles won't fit inside. I guess they are relegated back to the attic for now.

Oh, and kids... if you throw them away after I die, I WILL haunt you.

Damut! Damut!

2009-05-06T08:28:00.000-04:00

Man night 2009 has come and gone.

For the uninitiated, Man Night is a little tradition we've managed to conjure up for whenever Mike's wife is out of the country. It's roughly an annual event, for a couple of reasons: Our wives will only allow it that often, and that's roughly how often Mike's wife leaves him alone in the states. Basically, a handful (or two handfuls) of grown men get together who all have a few things in common:

1. We like Beer.
2. We like food.
3. We enjoy each other's company tremendously.
4. We tend to act like children when left to our own devices.

Each year, Man Night has a theme. This year's theme was "Vikings."

I'll leave it to Mike's APP blog to tell it best, no need repeating a story that's already been told. I'll just drop a couple pics in here and mention that as always, Mike's hospitality, food, and beer were second to none... by the end of the night there were 9 slightly drunken, very, very full vikings looking for something to pillage.

Remarkably, one of our friends pointed out tonight that this photo of Mike looks very much the way he looked in college... when he had hair:

Needless to say, it was a great time... we're already looking forward to the next one and taking up a collection to buy Mike's wife a plane ticket.

Oh... and when you walk into UDF dressed like this:

... children tend to cry.

Brew Day

2009-04-28T07:24:00.001-04:00

Saturday was Brew Day, one of several mantivities Mike has planned while his lovely wife is off across the ocean eating crumpets and tea.

Bright and early I was up and on the road, looking for the last couple of supplies I thought I might need for brew day... I ended up at my new favorite double-pit-stop of stores, Wasserstrom Restaurant Supply, right next door to Harbor Freight Tools. Where else can I go in order to buy a brand new 20 gallon aluminum pot, and then walk right next door to buy some crap chinese tools to modify my new pot with?

Back at the house, I packed up Brewmobile 1 and headed to Mike's house.

After stopping to refill my propane tank, I arrived at Mike's just a few minutes late, and found that he had his mantacular brew cart already pushed out by the pool and ready to brew:

While Mike stuffed the hog's stomach he was planning to grill (Mexican Pig Flu be damned!) I got my meager brew setup together and started steeping my grains... Ooooh the smell was amazing:

After a couple of hours, my wort had been triple hopped (I'm shooting for a hoppy IPA... we'll have to see how it turns out) and it was time to test out the new wort chiller I had constructed for this very occasion:

The chiller worked as expected, which led me to postpone my plans to try constructing a counter-flow chiller sometime later in the summer.

Once everything was cleaned up and in the fermenters, it was time to relax and enjoy the beautiful weather:

... and to eat some more of Mike's food & drink some more of Mike's beer.

The airlock was bubbling nicely a mere 24 hours later, and I stuck my nose up by the airlock to get a good snif... Mmmmm.... I'll let you know in three or four weeks what the results are. Thanks to Brewmaster Mike for taking me under his wing and helping me out with my very first partial mash kit.

From my Friend Gary

2009-04-07T20:16:00.001-04:00

New U2

2009-02-06T07:27:00.000-05:00

Finally! A single!
Full album on March 3.

I can't wait.

My Internets Friends!

2008-12-19T08:07:00.000-05:00

(The above title has to be read in your best "Borat" voice...)

Just barely over a year ago, I had quite a bit of fun giving Mike some shit for running off to Columbus for the weekend to hook up with a priest he met on the Internet. (If you think I'm kidding...)

Now here I sit, older and wiser, with some Internet Friends of my own.

Since this is a season for reflecting, and all that standard hogwash, I was sitting and doing a little reflecting the other day when opening a Christmas card I got from my friend Scoob in Scotland. I started thinking about this bigass globe we all live on and how really... it's not all the big at all. In high school I dated Larissa, an exchange student from Germany ("Dear Penthouse..." Just kidding... it wasn't like that at all.) Anyway, when Larissa moved back to Germany, I remember feeling this new sense of "connection" with the world. When I would hear news from Germany, my thoughts always went to Larissa and her family. I was glued to the TV as the wall came down (Yes, I AM that old.) All these years later, news from Germany still makes me think of my old friend Larissa. (I got an email from her a few years ago, and was happy to hear she's doing well and is raising a nice family.)

I'm not the kind of guy who goes trolling the Internet for new friends (shutup, Mike.) so imagine my surprise recently when I suddenly found myself with a small group of Internet pals. I started playing with a cool new iphone picture-sharing app, and the next thing I knew, I was growing genuinely fond of the people I was regularly sharing pictures and commenting with. Umm... this is a good time to mention that they aren't THAT kind of photos. (Shutup, Mike.) And these aren't the kind of people I would normally run into in my regular circle of friends: there's the software designer, the pothead, the college grad (as of today!), the lady who runs a doggy daycare, the bisexual Scotsman, the chef to the rich and famous, the clothing designer... you get the idea. A real eclectic bunch. They're all cool as can be, and fun to hang out with online.

So thus lies one of the great powers of the Internet: drawing us all a little closer together. Just like with my old friend Larissa, when I hear news from Scotland, OKC, Japan, Texas, L.A. or Mexico, I have friends there... and it makes the news more "real"; makes the world a little smaller for me.

So for Erin, Wendella, Vince, Lance, Marko, Scoob, Justine, S.C., BeBe, Sunshine, rO_rmZ0, One_Fine_Artist, DIRTY, Error Malfunction, Trimere, Michelle, Shatoshi, and FRN-jpn (And anyone I left out...)

THANKS. You guys are all cool, and you all make my day a little brighter.

Hopefully someday I get to sit and tip back a beer or two with some of you guys in person.

(And thus ends my one annual sappy, stupid blog entry. Let the silliness resume.)

Reviewing the Logs...

2008-12-19T07:05:00.001-05:00

It's amazing what one learns when looking over the visitor's logs from one's website. This morning while perusing the logs, I noted a rather disturbing string of entries under the "search terms" listings. The search terms listing shows me what search strings people have used in order to eventually land on my little corner of cyberspace.

Below is a clear indication that this blog is circling the drain...

And of course further down the list the ever present,

Wow...

If you are one of my regular readers, I'm not sure if I should be flattered or insulted.

He Puts the Lotion on the Skin...

2008-12-12T08:04:00.001-05:00

In the category of "Things that Should Make Your Skin Crawl" we have Le Trung, the Canadian software engineer who lives with his parents and made himself an animatronic love doll, Aiko. (In Japanese, "Ai" means "Love" and "Ko" means "child.")

Buffalo Bill... er, I mean, Le Trung even claims on his website:

"Yes, Aiko has sensors in her body including her private parts, and yes even down
there. AND yes Aiko is still a virgin..."

Umm... are you creeped out yet? In Dahmer's, err... damn, there I go again. In Le Trung's defense, he does add:

"AND NO I do not sleep with her."

Uh, huh... and Bill Clinton "did not have sex with that woman... not once."

Still not creeped out? Look how he dresses her:

Look, you'll find no bigger fan of technology and robots than me. I'm all about the future. I'm looking forward to the day when, As Jonathan Coulton says, "the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away." That said, I'm also a HUGE fan of women made of skin. I'm not delusional enough to think that Lovebots aren't in mankind's very near future, but I'm also not depraved enough to applaud their appearance in creepy Canadians bedrooms.

Anyone who STILL disagrees with me, watch the clip below and pay particular attention to 00:40 seconds or so when Le Trung cops a feel on his blowbot:

If the embedded video doesn't show up, you can watch on CNN.com.

Animatronic coolness aside, if this dude doesn't have a girl in a pit, he will soon.

Freecycle!

2008-12-01T07:21:00.003-05:00

It's pretty rarely that I use Blootered to plug a product, service, or website. I'm going to have to make an exception...

I'm a friggin' pack rat. My pack rattiness stems entirely from some inner inability to come to terms with the idea of throwing something away that's perfectly good, even if I'll likely never use it again. Computer monitors, computer parts, lawnmowers, old electronic components and gadgets all have a way of accumulating in my garage, attic, basement, and (much to my wife's chagrin) even the dining room and our bedroom at times. I just can't throw something away that's still usable. (I'm pretty sure there's an entry somewhere in the DSM-IV that covers my illness. If not, I'm going to recommend it for inclusion in DSM-V.)

Over the weekend I discovered a really cool service called freecycle. Freecycle is a nationwide effort, with local "chapters" each having their own Yahoo! Group. Users can post items that they no longer want or need, and other users read the listings and think to themselves, "Gee, I could use a broken Commemorative Erik Estrada Novelty Phone" and then send the original member an email to arrange pick up. Additionally, users can post items that they are looking for: "I need a size 56 male bikini brief for my upcoming trip to The Beach Waterpark" ... and people who might have an extra one around can get in touch with the requester and arrange pickup.

I joined Saturday morning at about 8:30 a.m. and by 10:00 I had arranged for pickup of a slightly broken lawnmower and old steel office-style bookshelf that my wife has been begging me to throw away for quite some time.

I do see a potential danger in freecycle: The possibility is there that for someone with a strange obsession with junk, freecycle could turn into a giant swap-meet for pack rats. As I was arranging to get rid of my lawnmower, a message came across offering an almost brand new mini fridge for a bar. It was tempting... but I've made an oath to myself that freecycle will be a strictly one-way trip from my house.

The upside is incredible:

People get stuff out of their houses that they don't want or need, free of charge.
Other people get stuff that they want or need, free of charge.
Perfectly usable stuff doesn't end up in landfills.

The group is quite active; as of this writing, Dayton Freecycle has 12302 members, and there have been 640 messages posted in the last seven days. So the odds are pretty good that someone out there will want the crap that you don't.

Check it out...

"Grandma's On Fire!"

2008-11-29T08:10:00.004-05:00

... and other things you don't want to hear on Thanksgiving.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Ours was wonderful; truly we all have much to be thankful for.

Like grandma.

Sometime about an hour before dinner I was in the dining room playing Ocarina duets with Dave when suddenly I heard one of my nieces shriek, "Grandma's on fire!!!" I remember looking at Dave for what probably amounted to only a split second, but what seemed like several minutes. Our eyes meet in confusion as both our minds tried to process three words that one normally doesn't hear strung together; synapses trying feverishly to decode the unfamiliar. Suddenly it was my wife's voice and three more shouted words from the kitchen that seemed to be the linguistic key that unlocked the confusing meaning for me: "Water, water, WATERRRRR!!!!"

Somewhere in my brain, that final synapse fired and I realized, "Grandma ...is... on.... fire."

Shit.

I ran into the kitchen to find no less than six or seven grand kids with mouths gaping open in stunned silence, and grandma in a state very unlike being on fire. Instead, it appeared as if my wife was trying to drown her mother in the kitchen sink. If you've ever seen a cop grab someone by the shoulder and smash their head into the hood of a police cruiser... that's what my wife was doing to grandma, except in the sink. Grandma's hands were braced on the edges of the sink and I could see her trying to push herself up out of the sink... but my wife would have none of it. Like a bad episode of cops, there went grandma's head... back down into the sink.

"I'm... fine...." I could hear grandma weakly gurgling from the sink that was quickly filling with water.

"Splash" went her head as my wife slammed her into the sink again.

Again the confusion set in. Half the synapses in my brain were saying, "Holy crap! Pull her off grandma; she's going to DROWN her!" and the other half were saying, "Where's the fire?" and another half were saying, "Do we need a fire extinguisher? Where do they keep it in this house?" and yet the final half of the synapses in my brain were saying, "I hope this won't delay my turkey dinner any." **

Finally, my wife let grandma up from her Chinese torture; or should I say grandma fought her way up out of the sink. Not a burn on her. Apparently the sleeve of her sweater got too close to her gas stove, and her fuzzy sweater went up like a sparkler. It was kind of neat because the real loose fuzzy stuff burnt very rapidly and completely, resulting in what all the grand kids described as a pretty spectacular flaming grandma, but apparently the fuzz burnt so quickly that the sweater never got hot enough for the main weave of the fabric to ignite. Pretty cool.

So... grandma needs a new sweater for Christmas, and in addition to everything else we had to be thankful for, we're glad grandma is OK.

** Oh, by the way. Yes, I DO have four halves to my brain. I'm so smart that two halves weren't enough.

Best Food EVER? I think it probably is...

2008-11-28T07:10:00.000-05:00

I know that I usually try to post up some pics of something I've cooked, grilled, or at least something I've eaten. This is none of the above, yet I feel pretty confident in stating that even though I have never tasted this, it might quite possibly be The Perfect Food.

You, my dear reader, are feasting your eyes upon the elusive Turbaconducken. Yes, as you suspect, the Turbaconducken is a traditional Turducken wrapped in bacony goodness.

I'm brought to tears just thinking of the wonderful flavor that must come from this amazing entree. Sounds like a dish for man-night.

Complete instructions below at bacontoday.com; which might just possibly be my new favorite website.

shut the hell up!

2008-09-10T13:17:00.003-04:00

I know it's been quite a while since I sat down to write. As it turns out, this wonderful iPhone has a few drawbacks; one drawback being that by having a permanent, portable conduit to the Internet and to my email, I end up spending very little time sitting in front of my PC... Which is where I generally write. I'll try to do better, my many adoring fans deserve as much. I'm typing fast and on my phone, so I'll apologize for any typing and grammar problems ahead of time, as well as for any lack of continuity of, or organization of, thought.

On to the rant at hand.

I realized a minute ago while sitting in the waiting room at my wife's doctor's office that at some recent point in history, all manner of politeness, decency, and self discipline seems to have been thrown out the window. I'm sitting here listening to no less than three idiots talking on their cell phones loud enough that everyone in the lobby can hear every single word. While this is going on, there are two obnoxious toddlers running laps around the office trying for all they are worth to get the attention of their rude, inattentive parents. There are three or four members of The Greatest Generation sitting here, waiting on spouses or on their own appointments. So far I have learned:

1) that "Tracie" is mad at someone named "be-be" because apparently be-be is a "hoochy" and be-be committed some unknown transgression involving a sexual partner of Tracie's.
2) that "Nana" had a HUGE bowel obstruction, and that this was unusual, because apparently it's usually "all juice" whenever Nana sits on the pot.
3) that patrick is here for a colonoscopy, and that his bill from his last visit remains unpaid. If patrick doesn't pay by the 30th of this month, they are going to turn him over to collections.
4) that felicias sister or brother paulley had some sort of house or apartment fire recently and doesn't understand the difference between life insurance and fire insurance.
5) That felicias DP&L bill is past due
6) that felicia doesn't intend to skip meetin' tonight just because mamma had her proceedure today. Felicia intends to stop on the way home, buy mamma some church's chicken, drop mamma off, and get to meetin' on time.
7) that apparently felicia really likes Beyonce and doesn't have a vibration setting on her damn cell phone.
8) that nick doesn't "... Have the slightest idea what the meeting was about" and apparently has a secretary who is a complete, 100% idiot, because she's called nick four times in the last 30 minutes with apparently the same question about the meeting. Nick gets louder every time she calls, so I think he's getting a little pissed.
9) that chelsie is going to vote for Obama so that she can have health insurance "... Instead of this Medicaid." chelsie is, quite obviously, an idiot. I managed to resist pointing out that Medicaid IS socialized insurance, and that the current system can't be ALL that bad because chelsie is, afterall, being seen by the doctor today.
10) that chelsie just can't find anything that will give her inflamed hemmoroidal glands some relief.

Seriously people, shut the fuck up on your damn cell phones!! If you really think you are that important (and by my observations nick over there is the only one here with a job) step out in the hall a d carry on the conversation about your Nana's asshole in private. Also, leave your damn unruly hillbilly kids with the neighbor in the trailer next door when you know you are headed to a doctor's appointment that will take a couple hours.

I can't help but be ashamed for these idiots and wonder what these nice, classy, QUIET old people must be thinking about all this.

If it wasn't for this iPhone's ability to keep me quietly occupied, I'd have snapped by now.

iPhone 2.0 App Review

2008-07-11T08:15:00.002-04:00

Hmm... this seems to be turning into a review blog.

Anyway, early Thursday morning, as soon as I heard that there was a link where I could sneak a pre-release version of the 2.0 update for my iPhone, I installed it, updated iTunes, and went running to the App Store as fast as I could. Here's a quick rundown of the good, the bad, and the head-shakingly useless:

AIM. A Must have, of course. Slightly buggy, but it seems to do the trick so far.

Box Office. Very cool. Box Office looks up movie times for you by title, theatre, distance from your current location... supposedly it even supports ticket purchase right from your iPhone, but I haven't tried this one yet. One of my favorite apps already.

Clowdy Photo Blogger. Cute. Geotags photos you take and uploads them to share with people "near" you. Not sure I'd use it much, because there seem to be other apps that do the same thing on a bigger scale. (See Exposure.)

Ebay Mobile. Looks pretty cool for Ebayers. I have some feedback to leave someone, and couldn't find a way to do that; a minor irritation. Otherwise, nicely done.

Epocrates RX. Cool little app for identifying pills. You know, for all those unknown pills you have laying around the house. The last thing you want to do is confuse your happy pills with your husband's sad pills. (Actually, this is a really cool app.)

Facebook. Nicely done. Easy to use. Beats the old mobile phone version.

Google Mobile App. Kinda disappointing. I can't see that it does anything different than the old iPhone web version did. Don't get me wrong, I love the old version, it works great... I just expected that the new version would be, well... new.

Bank of America Mobile Banking. False advertising. Mobile account balance checking? Maybe. Don't expect any actual functionality, though.

MixMeister Scratch. Quite possibly one of the most stupid things ever done with technology. Puts a little turntable on your phone that you can "scratch" with. It would be bad enough if it worked well, but it doesn't; making this app both stupid and a failure.

MySpace Mobile. Very nicely done. You can even upload photos directly from your iPhone camera to your MySpace photos. Lonely old men, fat chicks pretending to be cheerleaders, and perverts everywhere will love this app.

Remote. Looks very cool, but haven't really had a use for it yet. It controls your iTunes library over WiFi.

Save Benjis. This might lead to my divorce; I can see this being something that irritates the living hell out of my wife. Save Benjis allows you to punch in a bar code or SKU number while you are shopping somewhere, and it goes out on the intergoo and searches for a better price, even allowing you to purchase right from your phone in some cases. The future kicks ass, doesn't it?

Urbanspoon. One of my favorites, and it cracks me up. If you are like me, many times when you get ready to go out to eat with your family or friends, no one can decide where to go. Fire up Urbanspoon, shake your accelerometer a little, and a Vegas slot-style display randomly picks a restaurant somewhere near your location... which, of course, your iPhone already figured out for you. Downside? Dayton hasn't made the list yet... but if you find yourself stuck in Columbus or Cincy... give it a spin.

Yelp. The idea is to be able to look up gas stations, bars, restaurants, or whatever that are close to your current location (again, as figured out by your phone.) Kinda neat, but I can't figure out how reviews get added.

Alarm Free. This is so stupid that you must download it. The accelerometer will set off an alarm to let you know if you drop your iPhone. (Oh, and the app has to be running in the foreground for it to work.) I don't know about you, but personally ... the clattering sound of broken plastic and battery compartments scooting across the floor lets me know I've dropped something expensive, I don't need an additional alarm sound to piss me off.

Evernote. Keep written, photographic, or audio notes for yourself and retrieve them on your iPhone, PC, or laptop. I don't think I'll use it much, but it is kinda neat.

Rotary Dialer. Puts and old-school style rotary phone dial on your iphone for dialing. I have fun just confusing all the people at work who are under thirty by handing them the phone and asking them to dial... you'd think they'd wonder why we call it "dialing a phone" instead of "punching a phone" wouldn't you?

Exposure. Very cool app for interfacing with your flickr account. I see flickr also has an app available, which they charge $2.99 for. Exposure is free, and while I imagine there might be a little more functionality in the flickr version, Exposure is pretty darned cool. Location-based photo viewing/searching is a lot of fun and works great with this app. The flicker app on the other hand, says "location based search coming real soon." I'll keep my $2.99 for now and stick with the freebie.

German. Die toilette funktioniert nicht. There are three or four free language apps in the store. Having had a wee bit experience with German, I thought I'd give this one a peek. Kinda neat, I guess. If nothing else, I know how to say that the toilet is broken.

iFob. This, too, looks kind of cool and promising. It's another "social networking" gadget that allows your iPhone to find other iPhones running iFob on the same WiFi connection you are on and then apparently you make friends or something. While the app appears to be very well thought out and seems to run nicely, the creator seems to have vastly overestimated the number of people who a) have iPhones b) have iFob on their iPhones and c) give a damn about making friends. FWIW, I'm going to leave this app installed and running at all times and see if it actually connects to anyone before the end of the year.

That's all my apps for now... right now I'm so thrilled with this update I could pee. (Speaking of which... I think there's an app in the App Store somewhere that will list public restrooms that are close by.)

Music Review... sort of

2008-07-03T21:50:00.000-04:00

Something I don't do often here... but I've been so amazed by this CD that I can't help myself. Anyway, this is more of a useless musing on my part than any sort of authentic review, since most of you will likely never hear these tracks.

I managed to come across a bootleg CD of U2's called The Working Tapes. I'm generally very conscious of intellectual property issues... I don't steal music off the Internet. I pay for what I listen to; it's only fair. I think I have one other bootleg tape (yes, tape) somewhere in my collection, but I haven't seen it in years. This one was just too rare and too tempting for a hardcore U2 fan to skip.

From what I've been able to gather from a little Googling, The Working Tapes is a CD made off of a bunch of tracks that were stolen from the studio during the early Achtung Baby recording sessions. Achtung was released in late 1991, so it's a good guess that these tapes were made sometime in late 1990 or early 1991.

What I find myself listening to over and over is exactly what the title says: working tapes. Working versions of music as it's being written and put together, and I get to listen as if I'm sitting in the corner at Windmill Lane, un-noticed. One other person lucky enough to have heard this gem said, "Eavesdropping has never been this fun."

Getting a small, rough (very rough) glimpse of what an incredible band like U2 goes through when creating a song is pretty interesting. A run down on the tracks:

Turn Around. I didn't first recognize the melody or most of the words as anything that ever made it into a release, except for when Bono starts in with "don't turn around" then declares, "This is the verse, yeah." Sounds like the beginnings of Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses. Ghostly, almost rambling lyrics by Bono almost sound like he's making it up on the fly. Subtle, but nice bass riff in the back.
Where did you go. Starts with the "Lady with a Spinning Head" riff. Sounds like Bono is feeling out melodies more than lyrics. Lots of humming, ad libbing, and the signature Bono moan/groan sound. It's obvious that at least a little studio work had been done on this one, as some background vocal tracks are mixed in there, too.
She's Gonna Take You Down. Starts out with strong instrumentation, with drums and bass in particular sounding like they know where they are going. Perhaps the most developed of the songs so far, which is funny, because I don't think I recognize any of the lyrics or music as anything that was ever released. There's a familiar cadence to the lyrics, that it took me a while to place but that I finally identified as the rhythm from the verses in "Lady with a Spinning Head."
Here Comes Changes. Wow. This doesn't open sounding like anything U2 has ever produced, or anything I would expect them to. The music sounds like something from an 8th grade slow dance at my first boy/girl party. It grows on you by the end... but again, I don't think the melody or lyrics ever saw the light of day.
Nothing Feels Like This. This almost sounds just like a free-for-all jam session. You can hear Bono giving the other members instructions as they go along, trying different things out. "Give me better vocal sound there!" "OK, Adam... come in... just play around maybe." "Adam, go 'round there so you can hear the drums... You know the chords by now! Same thing!" There's a persistent riff that Edge keeps going back to, and I recognize it but can't for the life of me place what song it eventually ended up in.
Wake up Dead Man. (1) This one, that ended up on Pop, makes an appearance here... although it's with completely different music and the only similar lyric is "Wake up, wake up dead man." There's another version of Wake up Dead Man later on this CD, too.
Sick for Love Disk. Nice melody, lyrics kind of ramble, but it's enjoyable. The only thing I recognize are the words, "walk on" that are repeated quite a bit.
Seize the Day Disk. Sounds very much like the rough beginnings of "Acrobat." Music is pretty well developed, but Bono's obviously still feeling out the lyrics. Where the finished version has, "Don't let the bastards grind you down" Bono has something else in the place of "bastard" ... it sounds like he throwing different words in there, but I can't clearly make out any of them.
Even Better Then The Real Thing. Yes, the track listing says "then" instead of "than." Sounds nothing like the final version. Some of the melody off of what was eventually their cover of Cole Porter's Night and Day.
Acrobat Different Take. The beginnings are there... you can hear Acrobat coming through, along with a hodge-podge of other riffs that made it into another song or two eventually. All musical, no lyrics.
Wake up Dead Man. (2) The second installment with this title on the CD. Music is almost the final version of Ultra Violet, perhaps mixed in with Lady with the Spinning Head, (which I've always thought was very similar musically to Acrobat, anyway) although lyrics are different ... same melody, different words, except for in a few spots where the words are almost the same.
With the Spinning Head. Musical, no lyrics. Nice tune, but nothing I think I've heard before.

All in all, this is an incredible piece to own, and I'm going to guard it as closely as I guard the T-shirt Bono signed for me in 1987. I read in a few places that the band was really pissed over the theft and release of these tracks when it happened; and I can understand why: the listener is getting to hear unpolished U2 building songs from the ground up.

Sorry, lads... I just had to have it. And no, I won't burn you a copy.

Let me be more specific ...

2008-06-27T14:30:00.002-04:00

When I ask, "Can you pour a black & tan?" I do NOT mean, "Do you have Bass & Guinness on tap?"

I mean, "You look like a bonehead. Are you a good enough bartender to PROPERLY pour a black & tan?"

Freakin' airport bartenders ...

I'm Single Again!

2008-06-23T10:09:00.003-04:00

OK, only for another five and a half hours or so... but I got your attention, I imagine.

I shipped my wife and kids #2 and #3 off to The Villages to visit mom and dad. With a crazy-busy week of work scheduled I sent kid #1 off to stay with mother-in-law. Most married guys at some point think to themselves, "I kinda wish I was still living that fun bachelor life." Some of them even think it out loud, and quite a few even hire lawyers to say it for them. After four days of being basically single and child-less, I can definitely say it's not for me. Thinking about it, I think this is the first time since we've been married that I've been left at home alone for more than a day or so without either the wife or kids around to keep me company.

The house that at times seems cramped and full of too many people suddenly gets real big and quiet when there's no one else around. I'm generally a person who appreciates my alone time. As a matter of fact, my wife just called from the airport lamenting that she hates eating alone in a restaurant, while I have absolutely no inhibitions whatsoever about sitting in a bar or restaurant alone with my thoughts. My enjoyment of alone time apparently doesn't apply to periods of time longer than a few hours, because I'm currently bored out of my mind.

Even the dogs are bored. Every time I come home, they greet me at the door with a look on their face that says, "Oh, it's just you again." It probably didn't help the dogs any that for the last four days my pattern has basically been: come home, let the dogs out, go to bed, wake up, let the dogs out, go to work, come home, let the dogs out... and repeat. The busy schedule probably kept me from going even more stir crazy, because it wasn't until last night and today (my first time off with nothing else planned to do) that I realized how lonely and bored I am.

Even the things that can normally occupy my down time are less interesting. I thought to myself, "I should do the dishes before She gets home..." Guess what? The only dishes in the sink were the ones from dinner the night before they left, with the exception of a couple cups and one bowl. (Ice cream is my only mistress.) Dishes went pretty quick; I thought I should do some laundry. Other than the clothes I've worn the last few days... there is nothing to wash! I did run the Dyson around the house ... the dogs certainly continued shedding while everyone was away. It even looks weird to see all the PS3 games and DVD's all still neatly stacked from where we made the kids clean up on Thursday.

Well, the oven tells me that my frozen pizza is done (Yes, it's THAT bad.) I wonder if Rhapsody has a soundtrack of fighting boys, whining teenage girls, and the sounds of video game carnage that I can download and blare out to keep me company while I eat?

Anyone know a good mason?

2008-06-06T16:23:00.002-04:00

Or a cheap one? Or one who doesn't have plans tonight?

In case you can't make it out, you are looking at the side of my house where the decorative stone facing sloughed off, damn near taking my head off in the process.

I was replacing the old in-wall air conditioner, which had apparently been there so long that it had become a structural member. As soon as I slid the old unit out, the stones came falling off.

The ones that remain are BARELY there. I'm torn between thinking that I should go ahead and start pulling the loose ones off, and worrying that (as these things often go with me) if I start doing so, things will snowball out of control. I imagine I'd soon be sitting in a pile of bricks and rubble where my nice house once stood.

I love old houses ... But as I prepare to cry myself to sleep right now, I'm thinking a newer house just might be nice!

What's on the Grill? Ribs

2008-05-26T22:06:00.000-04:00

Nothing too fancy, but I had never done a whole rack of ribs on the rotisserie before, so I filled the edges of the grill with mesquite chunks, threaded the ribs through the spit, and drank some nasty beer while I waited.

The ribs were rubbed in whatever I had laying around: cumin, kosher salt, garlic, crushed pepper from last year's garden... that sort of thing.

Speaking of my garden, I finally managed to get it cleaned up and planted...

What the search strings tell me...

2008-05-18T22:16:00.000-04:00

Reading search strings that hit on my blogs and websites is rather like reading tea leaves, but more accurate. Based on what I saw below, I knew from reading my logs that Columbia, SC had decided to hire Percy Mack before it even hit the papers:

(I also know that the inexplicable lure of Kelli Pickler's boobs still has a hold on many an Internet pervert.)

So... for all you Internet users out there: BEWARE! The logs tell all. And for my "anonymous" surfing friends, a little heads up... most of those anonymizer sites don't really work. I see you.

Good riddance, Percy. I'm sure I'll see you on my logs again the next time you apply for a job.

(OK, so the lure really isn't all that inexplicable...)

Social Locardism

2008-04-24T10:05:00.002-04:00

I always try to be the dumbest person in my little circle of friends. Which isn't to say that I'm stupid; my friends are all just really, really, smart. I've always believed that surrounding myself with people dumber than me wasn't going to enrich my life much, and that hanging around and talking to really smart people might make me smarter through some sort of intellectual Locard's Exchange. I think I'll coin a new phrase here:

Social Locardism: The tendency of every individual to both bring and take intelligence from other individuals whenever two or more individuals come in contact.

Have you ever listened to some moron talk for a few minutes, only to leave the room feeling substantially dumber than when you arrived? Or, conversely, have you ever been in a room full of rocket scientists and felt just a little smarter after hanging around with them? THAT is Social Locardism at work, my friends.

So... to all the people I routinely share a beer, a laugh, or some chori-cheese with, thanks for propping me up intellectually.

To the others: stay away! Your stupid is rubbing off!

Gardening 101...err... I mean, Gardening 901

2008-04-24T09:24:00.009-04:00

(First, let me issue a quick disclaimer: I greatly love and admire the two people I am about to poke fun at. But I can't help myself.)

First let me introduce my brother-in-law, Dave. Dave is a super-duper guy, and apparently has a double-sided, double-density brain, because he fits more "stuff" in between his ears than anyone I know. Dave graduated from AFIT. AFIT is where the Air Force sends all their nutty professor types. I took a class at AFIT a few years ago. I generally consider myself a relatively intelligent human being, but sitting in that classroom the first day I might as well have been a caveman in a particle physics class.

The other day while over at Dave's house for one of many cult-like Catholic celebrations we've been attending lately, Dave mentioned he had started a vegetable garden. It was a nice looking box garden, and I wish I would have snagged a picture to show you; but trust me, it was an OK garden by any measure. A short time later, while eating some cake and drinking all Dave's beer, someone (I think it was Scott)noticed a little packet of graph paper on the dining room table. I wasn't paying much attention until Scott, after leafing through the four or five page document, exclaimed, "These are plans for his GARDEN!" Now I don't know how many of you have gardens, or how much work you've put into them... but I'd be willing to wager that NONE of you has ever planned a garden like this. There were diagrams, formulas, charts, and a strange alpha cipher that when finally decoded seemed to indicate plant placement within the gardendown to the quarter inch!

I quickly grabbed my iPhone and began snapping pictures of the precious diagrams like Sandy Berger in the National Archives. I knew that no one would believe it if I described it, so here you go:

Who puts that kind of thought and planning into a garden? Certainly no one else I know, right?

Wrong.

Introducing really smart friend number two, Mike. As I went home and started jotting down my initial thoughts on this blog, I got sidetracked and pulled up Google Reader to see what blogs I needed to catch up on. I found this.

Hanging out with the Garden Professors is enough to make me feel like an inferior farmer. Oh well, time to get to tending MY garden:

Iphone.

2008-04-12T15:22:00.001-04:00

Everyone needs an iphone.

I've had mine for barely 48 hours and already can't get over how truly
cool and useful it really is.

As an example: I was just getting ready to knock off to bed a little
bit ago when Jolene called to tell me that she and Landon had found a
house that they want to buy. Jolene asked what I knew about the 'hood.

Still laying in bed wearing nothing but my boxers, I managed to
maintain my phone conversation wig Jolene while I also:

- looked up the address on google maps
- Checked out a very clear satellite image of the house and the
neighborhood
- Found out that the house was a bank repo that is being flipped.
- Checked the guy doing the flip for criminal convictions / business
complaints
- And even managed to find out the selling prices of some houses
around.

All without putting my pants on, or even having to sit up!

Living in the future is cool!

Eric

Sent from my iPhone, cause I'm cool like that

Why I only drink Russian Vodka

2008-04-06T07:05:00.000-04:00

I love vodka, as all of my friends, and more than a few of my enemies can attest to. Absolut is ok when you can't get any actual vodka. Kind of like MGD is almost like beer when there isn't really any bier around.

The below ad from the Absolut people makes it easier for me to avoid Absolut in favor of tastier vodkas.

Here's the whole FOX article.

I always thought the Swedes were kind of weird, anyway. Proof below:

Proof #1

Proof #2

Proof #3

Proof #4

(Also, I must insist that you go back and actually watch at least one of the videos at the link in Proof #2. Seriously, I insist.)

Ahh... before I go to bed, I think I'll take a shot of that Imperia I have stashed away:

Three weeks worth of grilling...

2008-04-03T17:28:00.002-04:00

I haven't taken the time to sit down and write much, so we'll catch up real quick.

Pork chops with applewood smoke:

Shrimp and chicken chipotle tacos:

Flat iron steak, one chili-marinated, one garlic:

And, as I write this, I'm waiting on a pork loin rubbed with cumin, sea salt, brown sugar and cracked pepper... it smells absolutely amazing: