The Greenwich Phantom

Advent Windows (6)

2009-12-06T11:32:00.002Z

A mystery window will be unveiled at 12-14 Greenwich Church St today.

BTW folks - are any of you going to the Santathon in the park or the Carols in the Pleasaunce today and taking pictures? If you have any splendid shots, I'd be eternally grateful if you fancied sharing them...

Advent Windows (5)

2009-12-05T10:14:00.003Z

Being a Phantom of sweet-toothery, I'm very much looking forward to finding out what Candy Cane Christmas is all about. I don't have much longer to wait - it's unveiled at 213 Greenwich High Road today.

John Julius Angerstein - Monster Hunter

2009-12-04T09:40:00.002Z

What do we remember John Julius Angerstein for? A railway? A pub? A grubby industrial estate on Greenwich Peninsula? Starting the National Gallery? Some curious theories on interior ventilation? A faux-naive 'accidental' encroachment on Blackheath? As Catherine the Great's illegitimate son? Being a Lloyds Name? Abolitionist slave owner?

I'm willing to bet that whichever of the above - or the many other curious things about his life stick in the mind, the one that hasn't occurred to you so far, but will do forever more is as The Man Who Wrote The Monster Hunter's Handbook.

Of course it didn't have a title anywhere near as snappy as that. He named it An Authentic Account of the Barbarities lately Practised by the Monsters! Being an Unprecedented and Unnatural Species of Cruelty, Exercised by a Set of Men Upon Defenceless and Generally Handsome Women.

Now, those last three words will be important, as will the plural on the word 'monster' - but I think I'm getting ahead of myself. "Monsters, Phantom? What the bloomin' hell are you talking about?"

Well, THE Monster, actually. The London Monster, to be completely accurate (which the rest of this post almost certainly won't be...) A chillingly bizarre 18th Century precursor to all the other perverts, murderers and bugaboos that have stalked the streets of the capital ever since - and a direct link with Jack the Ripper a century later.

But more than that, he was a phenomenon - a classic example of mass hysteria that created its own monster between 1788 and 1790 - and, like all such things, with results that were ridiculous, comic and, ultimately rather tragic.

And in the middle of all this, John Julius Angerstein, a successful merchant living, at the time, in the heart of London's fashionable St James, who volunteered to be the Van Helsing of the story and, in doing so, probably fanned the flames of panic rather than saving the world.

The Monster's speciality was in stabbing women in the thigh or buttocks (naturally the papers and cartoonists of the day seized upon the buttocks-part) as they walked along the street. He'd follow them, muttering obscenities, then quickly plunge his knife into their skirts and disappear.

Sometimes he changed his tactics and carried a nosegay that he would invite girls to sniff. It contained a knife that would cut their faces. Personally I find it a bit odd that any girl would sniff a stranger's posy (and that sounds much ruder than I intended) when all the town talked about was of a monster who got his kicks through such an act but hey - we're not talking sense here, we're talking the Mob.

The newspapers and coffee houses were full of it. Poems were written, ballads sung and lurid caricatures scribbled. Some women became so panicky about walking the same streets as the Monster that they started wearing specially-fashioned copper petticoats. Those who couldn't afford armour contented themselves with cork-rumps (no, I'm not entirely sure what one of those is either) or even giant porridge pots placed over their posteriors - thankfully the fashion for massive skirts meant that the porridge pots probably didn't show much.

Monster Mania only began to take crazy proportions, however, when John Julius Angerstein took it upon himself to start collating all the evidence (despite the handful of John Fielding's Bow Street Runners, the police force was still a bumbling mixture of elderly beadles, useless night watchmen and part time constables, though apparently the Chelsea Pensioners weren't to be crossed...) and create a reward for the capture of the Monster.

The grand sum of one hundred pounds was offered for the capture of the monster, and Angerstein created a series of posters declaring the reward.

Suddenly everyone went berserk. People were accused left, right and centre and it only took someone to point a finger for a mob to form out of nowhere and attack some poor guy for no reason whatsoever.

This had the unfortunate side effect that pickpockets who had been caught by their quarry, merely shouted "Ooh - look! There's the Monster! Quick! He's getting away!" and the poor gent would be chased and beaten up by a crowd of mad people while the pickpocket got away with the loot.

It got to a point where some doughty fellows formed their own group called The No Monster Club and wore badges to prove they weren't the Big Bad, which of course worked really, really well and was completely unfakeable.

Angerstein did his own 'investigations,' which involved him interviewing each of the 'victims' (not all turned out to be - some lied or even cut themselves, for various sordid reasons, the most common being that the monster was only supposed to attack beautiful women, so being attacked by the Monster was a declaration that you were a gorgeous creature...) and making notes, much of which seemed to focus around how attractive he found each one.

His notes got more detailed the prettier the girl, but the annoying thing was that no real picture of the Monster appeared. He was tall, short, thin, fat, big-nosed, small-featured - in short, he could be anyone.

Eventually, just as Angerstein was creating his Monster Handbook, a guy was arrested, and charges (very probably) trumped up. Enough of the women agreed that artificial-flower maker Rhynwick Williams was their man to get him convicted. Despite his cast-iron alibis for several of the attacks and good character witness statements, in the eyes of the mob, he was the Monster.

Williams wasn't actually hanged, which was what I was fearing as I read Jan Bondeson's The London Monster - Terror on the Streets in 1790, (heartily recommended.) He was imprisoned, and people used to go to gawp at him in gaol - using the excuse that they were going to buy his fake flowers - and commented on how weedy and insignificant the Monster looked, unsurprising, since he probably wasn't the Monster.

Reading Bondeson's book, it occurs to me that the Monster was probably many-headed - that the hysteria provoked copycat attacks and there wasn't actually any one Monster but a whole bunch of weirdos who got their kicks from poking women with sharp objects. Angerstein says as much in the title of his pamphlet. The attacks lessened when Williams was banged up, but they didn't stop entirely.

For me this is as much the product of the times as one guy in particular. There was revolution and mass hysteria oing on in Europe; we had our own, almost Carry-On panic. And John Julius Angerstein, however well-intentioned, probably didn't really help matters with his posters, leaflets -and that massive reward...

Advent Windows (4)

2009-12-04T08:46:00.002Z

Today's extravaganza is to be held at So Organic - don't forget the new, improved store is in Nelson Road.

The theme is the Power of Dreams, Organic Reality, and there are mince pies and musical entertainment at 5.00pm. Stuart's panicking a bit, and has asked me to give you all a health warning about the quality of his recorder playing, but I think he's just being modest. Besides he has Chris Moody the vicar and other friends to help out - I'm sure it will be a musical feast.

Advent Windows (3)

2009-12-03T11:56:00.000Z

Today's Advent Window will be revealed at Pickwick Papers in Nelson Road.

I have absolutely no idea what the window will contain given that its title is Not Necessarily A Good Idea but there will be wine available between 5-6pm which is always a good idea...

More About King Billy

2009-12-03T07:42:00.000Z

Sorry about the delay here - I'm finally reposting this after a week or so of prevarication (the splendid Phantom Webmaster was away and I'm a technical toddler without TPW) But now the link should work...

There's been a huge amount of interest in the digging going on around the site of the Old St Mary's Church, where King William stands (curiously, according to the article below, the poor guy's even facing the wrong direction - he was apparently supposed to be looking south into the park...) and both John and Tony have sent me some clues that imply that the land is still consecrated - and that there are over three hundred bodies under there - some of whose coffins are just a few inches under the soil...

Tony sent me a link to a truly fascinating document written a few years ago by the author William Clarke, who, at the time was editor of the Friends of Greenwich Park. It's so beautifully written that I'm not going to reinvent the wheel here - here it is for your own perusal - I highly recommend it as a utterly intriguing read. I am sure the NNM already know of its existence.

Blue-Skies Apples And Pears

2009-12-02T13:56:00.005Z

Blimey I seem to be posting a lot today - Proper Work is getting a very sad time of it just now, but this is an urgent one that needs attention.

Transition Westcombe - a jolly group I still don't quite 'get' but who do fun community stuff and seem to be an all round Good Thing, have been approached by a body who are trying to create orchards in London and who have the wherewithal to apply for funding for one in Westcombe Park.

Transition Westcombe are urgently looking for suggestions for where a community orchard could be situated - you don't need to worry about who owns the land or any icky stuff like that just now - it can all be sorted out later, apparently. They just want suggestions for good sites for fruit trees - large or small (you can put an orchard in a very small space, they tell me) so that they can make an application.

Off the top of my head, I'm thinking the bit of spare green land along by the railway at Westcombe Park station (good luck with Southeastern - but then they do need all the good publicity they can get just now...) the little corner of land at the bottom of Beaconsfield Road, possibly the funny little bit of green at the bottom of Woodlands in Mycenae Road (though I'd be less keen on that one - I like it being actual woodland) - or - how about this - the newly vacated site of the Old Friends?(not officially WP, I know but let's face it - Woolwich Road needs it more...)

This is a really urgent thing - they need to put the suggestions in in the next couple of days. So - if you've got great ideas, email them to transitionwestcombe@googlemail.com
with the subject line 'Orchard sites'. Then tell me, here, 'cause I'm one nosy Phantom...

Advent Window (2)

2009-12-02T13:41:00.002Z

Ooops - almost forgot to post where today's is:

Greenwich Printmakers, 1a Greenwich Market.
The window is officially opening at 4.00pm and the theme is Angels and Demons, presumably for all you Dan Brown fanatics...

Catteries And Doggeries

2009-12-02T12:08:00.001Z

Kate asks:

"I wondered if you knew of any reputable catteries/boarding kennels in or near the SE10 area? I can't for the life of me find any and with it fast approaching the Christmas holiday season, I am beginning to panic."

The Phantom replies:

I have never had need for such a place - and it's such a personal thing you really do need to get a recommendation. By googling I found Sereta in Orpington, Moggie Minders in (appropriately) Catford and Canada Farm near Bluewater, but I have no personal experience of any of them.
There are various all-purpose agencies that do chores for people - everything from office filing to ironing to dog-walking - I was sent details of such a service setting up in Greenwich some time ago but I can't for the life of me find them in the cough 248 cough outstanding emails that I haven't dealt with yet. I'm not proud of my backlog - and I promise that I will get round to dealing with the starred mail in my inbox, guys - but for now, if the service that sent me the info cares to contact me again (I seem to remember two sisters...) then I'll pop them up here.

In the meanwhile, all you catty/doggy people - any recommendations for Kate?

Nick Raysford to Stand Down?

2009-12-02T09:23:00.005Z

I can only assume so - since he obviously doesn't care about being re-elected.

The extraordinary interview he did with greenwich.co.uk yesterday had him quite clearly siding with Greenwich Hospital Trust's market proposals rather than his own constituents, many of whom protested vigorously about the project.

I urge you to read the interview - it doesn't really need much in the way of comment since he's such an angry man that it's quite clear where his allegiances lie - and they're not with the people who voted him in.

The council's decision was UNANIMOUS - from all political parties, nobody wanted that particular development - though one that is actually sympathetic to the heritage of the area would, I think, be largely approved. I don't have any great love for the current, grubby, leaky (and breaky) roof we've got now but I can't see how creating all those columns in the new one, finally putting the kibosh on its ever being used as an open space, demolishing historic buildings to make way for wheelie bins, replacing cobbles with slippery granite sets and building a modern hotel that pokes up above the rest of the area is in any way moving forward - or doing anything other than playing Russian Roulette with our World Heritage Status.

Raynsford, if he actually wants to stay as an MP, is counting his chickens that he has a very safe seat. For me, he's putting his personal opinions (and let's not forget that he's chairman of the National Housebuilding Council Foundation...) above his constituents, and that, however safe a seat may be, is a dangerous thing.

Pleasaunt Moments - And An Odd Proposal

2009-12-02T08:27:00.004Z

Back on Saturday I was worrying whether or not the Friends of East Greenwich Pleasuance would be holding their annual carol shindig this year after the indifferent weather of past occasions.

I'm delighted to say they ARE doing the whole festive thing - and it looks bigger than ever, with performances from the Halstow Community Choir (of which I've never heard before...) leading a singalong and the splendid Los Dawsons (I was hoping to nick a nice piece of footage from MySpace to show those of you who aren't converted yet but the account's suspended - you'll just have to live with pics of them at their blog ) playing festive bluesy stuff.

There will be the usual mulled wine and mince pies, and Father Christmas arrives at 2.15pm.

I'm sure much of the afternoon's conversation will revolve around a rather odd proposal which is being put forward as part of the Olympic Legacy funding - installing an 'outdoor gym' in the Pleasaunce - at the cost of fifty grand.

The Friends are a bit surprised at this generous but unsought proposal (they hadn't heard anything about it) and they're soliciting for reactions, wondering whether money like this couldn't be spent a bit more usefully elsewhere (though they accept that the cash will have to go on something sport/fitness related) like upgrading the Bothy/One O'Clock Club or play equipment (though of course they are very kiddie-oriented places and not going to get wobbly adult Phantoms into shape...)

I confess I'm a bit nonplussed about it - in some ways it's good - having money spent on a park seems like a good thing - but in other ways I worry - only a few weeks ago there was concern that putting a temporary farmers market there might somehow be 'disrespectful' - this would mean removing more green grass for hard standing to take specially tough gym equipment - which I have to say isn't wildly attractive .

I don't really buy the argument that people would be embarrassed to use such kit in public - people who are that shy probably wouldn't make it to a regular gym anyway, and nor do I think that it would "attract noisy kids into the park at night after the gates are shut" - surely the answer there is in the statement - the gates are shut - I can't see yobbos making all that effort to get in just to play on the fitness equipment.

I'm not going to march to the barricades over this - I'm not sure I care too much but I do think it needs a bit of talking about, and the worry about using up yet more green space for general 'stuff' is, IMHO, valid.

What do you think the cash should be spent on (given it has to go for sporty things)?

Advent Windows 2009

2009-12-01T08:23:00.002Z

Blimey - is it that time already? I haven't even dusted off the Blue Peter Advent Crown yet...

You know the drill by now folks - a different window in the Parish of St Alfeges Church is decorated and 'revealed' every day up to Christmas. Some are private homes, others in shops or businesses and they range from the utterly fantastic (there was one in Nelson road last year made of white cones of paper that was fabulous - though sadly unlit at night - it would have been amazing to see it lit up) to the what-on-earth-did-I-agree-to-that-for last-minute job that's a bit disappointing (no names there, to protect the guilty...)

The ones I like best are by far the private homes - like the one above - the frankly creepy but brilliant window in St Alfege Passage in 2007, which remains my favourite of all time - I was very disappointed they didn't do one last year...

What's it going to be like this year? Who can tell - but the idea has been wheeled out across the country - my faves are the ultra-trendy Brighton Beach huts though a little closer to home I believe there will be some in Brockley this year. Sadly because I don't live within the Parish boundaries, there won't be a special Phantom window...

The theme this year in Greenwich is Cast Away The Dreams Of Darkness and I'll be telling you where to find each day's advent window here. If you can't wait, though, you can find the map and listings here.

Perhaps appropriately, the first window will open this morning at 11.00am at the tourist information centre in Church Street. They'll be serving mince pies and mulled wine all day - so get on down there and start getting festive...

Old Friends

2009-11-30T17:45:00.004Z

Yup - they are demolishing it.

I shed no tears for it when it closed - the just-shy-of-outright-offensive slogans outside (who can forget England - Love it or Leave) the regulars who used to hang around outside with an intimidating air about them, and the ever-more shabby feel the place had - but I'm not convinced the actual building deserved to die.

I always harboured hopes that someone would make a go of it when the New Heart for East Greenwich happened (I had my hopes pinned on Meantime doing a Union Two - well - a Phantom can dream...) but presumably the Hatcliffe charity which owns it just got fed up with paying people to live in it rather than let it turn into a crack den. They don't need planning consent to demolish - it's an old building but it's not listed. I understand there aren't any plans to build anything in its stead.

As I understand it (and I'm sure I'll be told if I've got this wrong...) there are two local Hatcliffe charities - the Hatcliffe and Misses Smith, which owns the almshouses in Tuskar Street (most of the trustees are council and local church nominees) and the estate charity which owns the Old Friends, most of the shops in that parade and houses in Woodlands Park Road. The trustees of the second charity are people from the Greenwich and Lewisham churches, and there's no one from the council on the board. Once a year it gives money to a charity in Greenwich and two charities in Lewisham. Maybe it will give the charities the money it saves from paying Camelot to house-sit for them instead.

The Old Friends wasn't the most beautiful building on earth but what we will have there now is a lump of dead land - to go with the dead hospital site, the dead shops and the dead DHSS building (I think it was still the DHSS when it was open) with just a couple of tedious equipment hire stores to break the gloom.

East Greenwich is looking pretty sad these days. Almost makes me yearn for the halcyon days of Roger Romantic crooning his songs of lurve of a Saturday night. Almost.

The Old Friends in happier times - when the buffets were free and Gallic picnic tables roamed the streets of East Greenwich ...

Greenwich Hampers

2009-11-30T08:28:00.002Z

Trevor's had a good idea and he needs our help. He says:

"For Christmas we had the idea of making up small food parcels full of Greenwich goodies for people as gifts - India Pale Ale from Meantime; Chipolatas from Drings;. Mince pies from Nevada St Deli( do you do them Laura?).

Essentially things that celebrate Greenwich, and which demonstrate the uniqueness of where we have chosen to live. We are looking for other ideas to fill a small box, if you and your ever resourceful readers have ideas they are willing to share - we'll even go as far out as Lea at a push for honey from 'You Don't Bring Me Flowers', but if there's nearer that will do!"

I think this is a great idea for a Christmas present, though you may have your work cut out, Trevor - although we have loads of eat-it-now food around here (and especially in the covered market) foods that are traditionally 'Greenwich' are few and far between.

The only really traditional Greenwich dish is whitebait and I wouldn't want to leave a load of little fish-fry under the Christmas tree (especially if you have cats...) But there are ways you can cheat.

Meantime is, I agree, the obvious choice and a truly local product. Next you you should be able to get their super-duper specially-aged-forever Greenwich ORNC beer, but for now there are still several choices.

If Nevada St Deli don't do their own mince pies, there's always Rhodes. Staying with the sweet stuff, the short-lived (hopefully to rise again at some point) East Greenwich Pleasaunce market there was a guy who was selling some of the best chocolate biscuits I've ever tasted. I don't know if he was from Greenwich - but they were good.

I'm told the Scotch eggs are particularly fine at Drings so maybe you could add a couple to those chipolatas. While you're in Royal Hill, you could see if the Creaky Shed has any Kentish cobnuts, or (a bit of a sneaky, this) you could get some chestnuts and, with your best 'innocent' face, claim you gathered them in Greenwich Park.

If the stall's there this year, Blackheath Farmers Market will supply you with a very tasty Christmas pud in a jolly stripy bowl. I can't guarantee that anything at the farmers' market is particularly local - I've never really worked out the criteria - some stuff seems to come from a very long way away - the tomatoes, for example, come from the Isle of Wight (actually, it may be Jersey - but, whatever - somewhere that's far enough away that I consider it to be holiday-worthy...) but I guess it's more local than supermarkets, and much of the produce is very good. especially just before Christmas.

I didn't make it to the market on Sunday, for probably the same reasons as all the other wussy people who took one look out of the window and went back to bed, but I understand that there's a new guy there who uses foraged fruit and stuff from neighbours' gardens to make preserves. He's based in 'South London,' though whether that's Greenwich or Richmond, I have no idea.

If you don't mind things from a little further afield, Rochester Ginger Wine is very festive and has one hell of a kick to it. I'm sure I've seen it in the covered market. Staying with beverages, London Coffee Roasters are based in Charlton (they're the guys who used to have Beehive) producing a fine blend of their own, and, just as good, Union Coffee Roasters are just across the river.

I'm sure that other people will have some ideas to add to your fantasy hamper, Trevor - and perhaps, even, some quirky suggestions for what you can put all the goodies in...

Don't Deck The Halls

2009-11-27T08:43:00.005Z

Okay - so what the hell's going on here then? This used to be a quiet little corner of native hedgerow - hawthorn, holly, elder etc. between the craziness of the A106 roundabout and the choc-a-blockness of the Sainsbury's petrol station.

I'm guessing someone went to the trouble (and expense) of planting it at some point, since I doubt there was much left over after various developers had had their two-penn'orth. Someone who had clearly deliberately chosen the shrubs for their indigenousity (is that a word? If it isn't it should be...) - presumably to encourage wildlife and gladden the hearts of the approaching shopper.

Whenever I walked by it seemed to have worked - it was full of squabbling birdies (and yeah, okay, a few crisp bags) and was a nice little bit of eco-greenery in such polluted mayhem.

I don't recall this being in any way in the sightlines of anyone - car, van or pedestrian - it was behind a wooden fence and well off the road. But when I walked by yesterday morning, I saw these guys - hacking off the mature shrubs with about as much skill as Jack Ketch. Even if they don't get some kind of horrid disease, I doubt these hedges will be troubling the minds of plant-haters for some time.

Still - it's not all bad - at least I get to enjoy the broken stumps - and to look at the glory that is the queues at the petrol station. I mean - who'd want to look at greenery when they can enjoy Sainsbury's?

Latest On Restell Close Footpath

2009-11-26T08:21:00.004Z

Not great news on this, folks, unless you're planning on buying a place in the gated community of Seren Park (soon to declare independence and start printing their own postage stamps, I understand...)

Michael, our man in Tom Smith Close, who has his ear to the ground, tells me there's been a tiny bit of movement from South Eastern but not in any really useful way for local people. He says:

"The essence is that South Eastern have said that they see no reason why the pathway can't be reinstated as long as the cost issues for Oyster readers and security can be addressed (which Seren Park, I am sure, are more than happy to pay for!) So, with the details yet to be formally agreed it looks as though early next year the new shortened, more direct path will be opened under the lock and key of Seren Park residents.

However, I understand from long-standing residents that there has never been 'official' access for non-Restell Close residents and that it has never been a public footpath, so it still looks unlikely that a short cut will be possible from Vanbrugh Hill, to the disappointment of many I am sure."

Me too, Michael. So, guys, if you're dragging a pram up and down the hill and two sets of stairs at Maze Hill, or pushing a wheelchair all the way round Woodlands Park Avenue to get to the station via Tom Smith Close, don't expect to lose those extra muscles you've gained any time soon...

Elements

2009-11-25T08:39:00.000Z

Novotel Hotel, Greenwich High Road, SE10

I first ate here two or three years ago, but when I came to write about it, even a short while afterwards, discovered that I'd totally forgotten the experience. I hadn't been particularly heavy on the alcohol, I just couldn't remember it.

So I thought I'd better try it again. The second time, I worked out why I'd had such a blank about it.

The first thing to remember is that this is a restaurant attached to a hotel. It's a middling, chain hotel and the restaurant, although bright and smart, can't help but reflect that strange, impersonal, just-passing-through feel that kind of place attracts. The staff make every effort to counter this with almost stiflingly solicitous attention, but ultimately those high ceilings with their bright downlighters and the tasteful corporate furnishings, complete with little metal corner-covers on the walls to prevent chips in the plaster just feel a little soulless.

I'd say all the other customers on the night we went were staying at the hotel; most were single business(men - there was one woman) and a table that seemed to be people who'd be having a formal meeting the next day.

We were greeted, seated and given menus almost instantly, and from then on we enjoyed a veritable parade of waiting staff, including the occasional stalk-by from the manager, checking to see if we were okay. It became almost funny - we didn't manage to take a single bite before being asked if the food was acceptable, and we were checked up on at least three times in each course. I'm not sure what they'd have done if we'd actually had anything real to complain about, but at least the spirit was willing.

So. The food. It's perfectly acceptable. Just entirely unmemorable - even as I write this I have to really strain to recall what I had - and not cheap enough to justify its being so. The starters were small but well-enough put together. A Ceasar Salad was crisp and with plenty of Parmesan, though served in a bowl that I'd have called a factory-second if I didn't know about the inexplicable fashion for weird-shaped crockery that's happily beginning to wane these days. My fishcake was miniscule, but the salsa was tasty and it went down fine.

After a few more check-ups that we were enjoying ourselves, seemingly by every single member of staff (though not by any chambermaids or maintenance men. Don't they care about their customers?) the mains arrived. Again - small, but generally okay.

My sea bream was a bit dry, as was the asparagus it was on, and the braised lettuce was just plain weird, but it was all made up for by the butternut squash raviolli that came with it. My companion's beef pie was very enjoyable indeed - meltingly long-cooked meat and crusty pastry - even if it should have been served with a magnifying glass. The chips were very good. Everything arrived in peculiarly-shaped crocks.

All in all, this was an okay meal. It was all edible and some of it was very pleasant. But even as I write this, the memory is fading, and I'm not sure the forty-quid price tag just for the food was really justified. I can't say I'll be going back for a third attempt.

The Advent of Advent

2009-11-24T14:30:00.000Z

Out a-haunting last night, I spotted the cherry-pickers out in force, putting up this year's Christmas lights. None of the upside-down squiggles of last year, jolly as they were, this year's look to be globes of festivity. It all seemed to be going quite well; I reckon it will all be in place for Friday's big switch on.

The usual minimalist Christmas Tree will brighten up the windswept gloom on Cutty Sark Gardens - its simple maypole of fairy lights is a winner for me (I know not everyone likes it.)

I didn't get a pic as it was still in pitch darkness, but I did briefly pass it as I wanted to get a nosey at the River Bar and Grill, which I've heard rumour is opening this weekend.

The bar area is definitely in place and there are some chairs and tables in random-ish sort of arrangements, though there's also still some scaffolding up there. I can't get any more information as I have searched in vain for any kind of email/website for the place, though if the food and atmosphere work, this could be a stunning venue, especially in the summer months.

I remember a long while back that Kieron who's behind all this, promised to invite Phantom readers to the opening. I can't email you Kieron - but you know where I am - and we're all gagging to know what this place is going to be like (hint, hint...)

Timeless

2009-11-24T08:33:00.005Z

Sometimes it takes a 'foreigner' to spot something we haven't noticed ourselves. Mark of Ealing asks:

"In the middle of Greenwich market, suspended from the ceiling was a clock, which I wish I had taken a picture of. Anyway, the clock is not there any more and has been missing for maybe two years or more. It can't take that long to repair a clock so I was wondering if it has gone walkies and never to come back. What do you think?"

You know - I do remember that clock - albeit very vaguely; I try not to look at that roof if I can help it, though the swags they hang from it at Christmas are always rather jolly - and I went through my photos (no easy task now they're all in random files after a bit of a computer disaster) and I can't find any pictures of the mystery four-sided timepiece, which in my mind has classic Big-Ben style faces and a lot of black and gold. I even asked a few people if they had any pictures too and - nix. No one appears to have captured this piece of Greenwich ephemera.

I seem to remember it as being rather grand, but other people remember it as being a bit of a dodgy kit-clock affair. Since we're all so vague about it, I'm asking you guys. Do you remember this feature? Was it a paragon of master clock-makery or a bit of a cuckoo? Anyone got a photo? And do any of you know what happened to it?

Nice swags, but no clock...

Transport Ups and Downs

2009-11-23T10:00:00.003Z

So - from today we can use our Pay As You Go Oysters on the clippers, which gets us a 10% discount on the fare. I'm really pleased about this - it joins up the transport system much better even if it doesn't follow through that the Clipper counts on the daily travelcard-capped fare which would have been the ideal outcome (of course...) You can find more details here.

Even more useful for those of us who use the Southeastern trains, we'll soon be able to use our PAYG Oysters on the main lines too - the machines which were shipped in several months ago will, apparently, be turned on on the 2nd Jan 2010. I guess it remains to be seen whether we still get to have actual human beings in the stations after the demand for paper tickets drops...

Where I'm also less clear is what the hell's happening with Southeastern's new timetable. We've been warned that we'd get no through trains to Charing Cross in the new edition but from my (albeit brief - I hate reading timetables online - must get a proper paper one from the station - if there's a human there, of course...) perusal of the new version, there do still seem to be the odd one or two through trains. I know nothing about what's going on there.

I'm going to test out my Oyster on the Clipper ASAP. I'll report back.

Ho Ho Ho

2009-11-21T08:01:00.004Z

Rachel asks:

"I'm wondering if you or any of your readers could recommend a good place in or near Greenwich where I could take my wee daughter to see Santa and have a picture taken. Ideally I'd love to not have to queue for hours on end. Any help with this would be great."

The Phantom replies:

I'm glad you asked me that, Rachel, as it gives me an excuse to use another of Rich's jolly images, this one very festive indeed.

The obvious place to go is the grotto that's part of the market celebrations. The grand switch-on of the lights is next Friday, 27th November - with the Mayor and the cast of the always-fantastic Greenwich Panto (if your daughter's old enough, I thoroughly recommend it.)

According to the website, the festivities begin at 3.00pm when the lantern parade weaves its way through the market, making the lights switch on - Good Lord - as if by magic! Father Christmas must be sprinkling extra magic Oofle Dust. Between 12.30 and 7.30pm kiddies can visit Santa in his grotto while the adults drink mulled wine and eat mince pies.

To be honest, if I remember from last year, it was a bit of a bunfight (or should I say pudding fight) to get into the grotto on the day of the switch on itself so you might prefer to take your daughter to enjoy the general fun of the event, and visit His Hollyness separately another day. He'll be receiving young visitors on the weekends of the 5th and 6th, 12th and 13th and 19th and 20th December between 11.30am and 5.30pm.

Other places I know Santa turns up for include the Westcombe Society's Dickensian Fair - you'll have to get your skates on though - it's today, at Blackheath High School in Vanbrugh Park between 11:30am to 4:00pm (I vaguely remember that they provide a Rent-a-Santa service where he does special home-visits in the last week before the Big Day - the gen will be in next month's Westcombe News - if, like me, you don't get it delivered, you'll be able to find it online here (there's a small item about it in this month's edition, in the ad about the fair.)

Another event to look out is the Friends of East Greenwich Pleasaunce, who for the last few years have had a Christmas event with Father Christmas bowling up to his grotto in the park in ever-more exotic modes of transport. I've looked on their website but can't see any sign of one being planned this year. They've had some rotten luck with weather in the past; maybe they're hedging their bets and waiting for the last possible moment.

I confess I don't know of any more places he'll be turning up this year - but it's entirely possible someone else does.

Alternative Domes (4)

2009-11-20T09:15:00.004Z

I honestly don't know what this is/these are. I'm guessing the framework for some kind of gazebo, but in truth your guess is as good as mine.

It's in the back yard of the rather ornate building between Mauritius and Azof Roads, which the eagle-eyed Julian Watson informs me is Rothbury Mission Hall. Darryl Spurgeon describes it as "An extraordinary building of 1893 with a quite fantastic roofline of cupola, thin spirelets and dormers," and I guess that just about sums it up.

Pevsner has nothing to say about the place, but Julian tells me that "according to LAJ Baker in his ‘Churches in the Hundred of Blackheath’ it was built as a Baptist church and was bought by the Congregationalists in the 1890’s."

By the time Life and Labour of the People of London 1890-1900 was written, the final volume of which I found in the "everything £1" box of a secondhand bookshop (you do always check those, don't you...) it had become that Congregational mission.

Charles Booth describes it there as having "a pauperising influence and not effective from the religious standpoint; the Sunday school the principal piece of work, eight hundred children in average attendance; a good deal of money spent on social work."

I can't remember what it is now, but a bell is ringing in my mind that it's a children's nursery or play club or similar - which seems rather fitting. Must get some more pics of the place.

Inside Our Best Buildings (1) Vanbrugh Castle

2009-11-19T08:08:00.007Z

Vanbrugh Castle is one of those subjects I periodically return to from time to time - and hey - why not - it's one of the most curious, secretive buildings we have. Most of us have never seen inside the gates, let alone inside the place itself. I was enjoying a picnic on One Tree Hill last summer and saw people on the roof garden (Vanbrugh lead-lined it so he could use it himself.) I confess I was one very jealous Phantom.

So today, I'm starting a new (very, very) occasional series, where I play at being Lloyd Grossman (now that's not a phrase I ever thought I'd write...) and take Nosy Neighbours on tours around Greenwich's best private buildings.

Since I have no more access than anyone else on this one, I'll be relying on you lot to tell me all about fab places around here - so if you visit somewhere lovely (or even live in one of our best buildings???) I would LOVE to hear from you.

I make no apology for returning to Vanbrugh Castle yet again (the first visit was a couple of years ago and we've been back several times since.) Because today, courtesy of Michael who spent a pleasant afternoon there recently, I bring you a sketch of what this incredible, strange construction is like inside now (aw- c'mon - don't tell me you've never wondered...)

The place is divided into four apartments. Today it would have been carved up into about fifty rabbit-hutches with all manner of nasty plasterboard walls, where the whole thing would collapse if you stuck so much as a drawing pin into the paper-thin membrane between you and your neighbour, but Vanbrugh Castle wasn't converted in these times.

It was the late '70s when local lawyer Alistair Wilson saw the old pile up for sale for £100,000. That was a lot of money then and he couldn't afford it all by himself so he advertised for people to go in with him on the project. He got three replies, so the house was divided into four. There isn't, according to old newspaper reports, an awful lot of heavy partitioning - just a few blocked-up doors and one dividing wall.

There are two apartments in the 1716 towery-turrets, one in the middle, which is part Victorian, part Edwardian, and one detached from the main house, in the bit nearest the entrance that would almost certainly have originally been a stables or coach-house. There are extensions, but only two-storey, and (I'm told) in keeping with its Grade I listed status.

Michael tells me that there is just one of the original four owners left, living in the oldest part of the castle - but that the apartments seldom change hands - two were last sold 20 years ago; the middle one which he visited was bought 5 years ago.

It's an airy modern family home, and sounds like it has a few partitions to make it a sensible place to live. The ground floor used to be the games room when it was the RAF children's school. It's now bathrooms and bedrooms, with high ceilings and fabulous arched doorways. There's also a sympathetic extension containing a magnificent kitchen (yup, I'm drooling all over my keyboard here).

Upstairs, it used to be the boys' dormitory - but it's easy to see why the bedrooms have now been moved downstairs - the view is staggering, and the upstairs is now an enormous sitting room, looking out over Greenwich Park then London itself. Michael spotted the Houses of Parliament and the London Eye from there.

I'm finding it hard to imagine room for a two-acre garden out the back (though of course in Vanbrugh's time it would have been much bigger) - everything looks so built-up down Maze Hill way - but it just goes to show how many places in London do still have enormous grounds. Sadly Chez Phantom isn't one of them...

Part of the grounds are formal gardens but there are also lawns, a large cottage vegetable garden (the Phantom swoons...) the outline of where the old school tennis courts once were, an underground garden room and the old 1950s school gym, before you get to the path leading down to the boundary with the Westcombe Woodland (again, I can never work out exactly how the Woodland actually fits in...) Sadly it lost most of its crenellated walls long ago.

Michael didn't get to go into the really old bit with the turrets, but form the gardens he spotted the rooftop gardens and the glass viewing room on the castle roof itself. He says "With such incredible views from the first floor in the house I visited, I can only imagine how breathtaking it must be from the castle roof!" Me too, Michael, me too.

And what of the fabled tunnels? Sadly Michael didn't get to see those either, though he is assured they're "real, very low, and that they are believed to go under the woods towards the river direction with speculation that they may have been for escape, or water tunnels for the Tudor Palace once, or some other purpose." I have a horrid feeling the water tunnels are more likely than the escape routes, but I'm a romantic Phantom, so I'll run with the former anyway.

So there we have it - a little tour around Vanbrugh Castle. But there are about twenty houses I'd give my cloak and tricorn to see inside - if you've ever visited one, and can give me a description, I'd just love to hear from you. I won't give you a wish list - just hit me with any places that have inspired you...

The Duellists

2009-11-18T08:47:00.003Z

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good pistol must be in want of a duel.

It was a sunny September afternoon of 1806 and the dashing Mr Richardson walked along one of London's more fashionable streets, near Temple Bar, with two of his sisters, one on each arm. As they promenaded, pointing out Mr D- ("Ten thousand a year, my dear!") or Miss W- ("I got it from Mrs P- she attempted a reckless elopement with Colonel S- from the Tenth Regiment...") and admiring the latest fashions in hat shop windows, a burly, arrogant fellow approached the merry group, and tried to pass them without leaving the footpath.

The ladies stepped back a little in surprise at such effrontery, but Mr Richardson's eyes narrowed. "Egad!" he exclaimed to himself, under his breath, so as not to alarm the ladies. "If it isn't that popinjay Baron Hompesch! A dastardly character, well-known in the seedier gaming circles of the City." Richardson, you understand, recognised the man from various acquaintances' descriptions, rather than from ever having met him in such a den of vice. Obviously.

Richardson was determined to make the fellow wait and stood firm, while the ladies shrank modestly behind their brother. The Baron, determined to pass at any cost, jostled Mr Richardson in a provocative fashion. The ladies gasped, but Mr Richardson stood his ground.

With a 'muttered imprecaution,' the Baron was forced to step off the pavement and into the road, but as he did so, he knocked the gallant gentleman's hat clean from his head. The ladies squealed.

Mr Richardson broke free from his sisters and stepped towards the saucy chap. As he did so, he struck out and knocked the blighter down.

The Baron was red with fury and shock. "I demand satisfaction Sir," he exclaimed, as he picked himself up from the mire.

"I do not see why," replied Richardson, readjusting his kid gloves. "I am perfectly satisfied with the result."

The pair met the following Sunday morning, among the misty, murky, gorse-covered hollows of Blackheath, two hundred yards from the Green Man Inn. It was a favourite spot for such affairs. Their choice of weapons - pistol.

The distance between them was short, but on first firing, both men missed.

Ever the gallant, Richardson suggested a compromise, whereupon the Baron would lay a cane across his shoulders in token satisfaction for any discomposure. The Baron refused with a sneer.

Once again the distance was paced. Once again the pair fired. Once again both missed. It must be the fault of the pistols, they declared, nothing to do with any lack of gentlemanly prowess at the noble art. Fresh weaponry was sent for.

On the third firing, Mr Richardson's shot missed again, but the Baron's aim was, at last, true. The ball passed through Richardson's body, a little above the hip.

My old friend the Reverend le Strange, who told me this story, fails to finish the tale and say whether or not the shot was fatal, but I'm guessing with Regency medical attention being as about accurate as Regency pistols the outcome wasn't particularly positive for the rash young Richardson.

And there was me complaining about the odd pothole yesterday. In Regency times, people would rather die than get off the pavement...

The Pitfalls Of Potholes

2009-11-17T08:11:00.001Z

Two things have got me thinking in the last few days. The first was my nearly getting run over my some mad cyclist charging, hell for leather, along a very narrow bit of pavement, and shouting at me for being in the way, the second was our very own Stevie going arse-over-tit in one of Evelyn Street's finest potholes. "I was sent over the handlebars only then to collide with a obstinate bus stop," he says.

His note to me was really to thank the six cyclists who stopped and the people at the bus stop who also helped with tissues, baby wipes "and a very timely plaster from a young man called Greg," and to apologise if he bled on anyone.

He reassures me that "the gash to my forehead was really not so bad as it would have appeared and the kindly Helen at Lewisham Hospital was able to glue it up rather than resorting to stitches," but it's got me to thinking.

I don't think my crazy pavement-monger and Stevie's accident are unrelated. Greenwich and Lewisham councils aren't by any means the only councils that have whopping great potholes all over the main roads, but that doesn't absolve them from not addressing them.

I'm told that the big routes into town are utterly riddled with disasters waiting to happen, and that's driving some people onto the pavements, ready to knock down unsuspecting Phantoms.

I wonder - with all these new 'Greenwich clean-up' teams that Greenwich Time newspaper shamelessly bigs-up every bloomin' week , can't some of the cheery guys in turquoise sweatshirts be promoted to being a dedicated pothole filling gang?

They could target the main roads, that get used by hundreds of cyclists, (at quiet times, natch, - i.e. not rush hour) and fill 'em in quickly, bish-bosh, tidy job guv. I'm not really looking for perfection here - just a relatively smooth lane for people to ride in so that they might be tempted off the pavement and out of my way.

Surely the money they'd not have to fork out in court settlements, not to mention the savings the NHS would make on sticky plasters would pay for it?