Stats 'N Tats

True Life: We Make Very Bad Decisions About Our Programming

2009-06-24T06:20:00.001-07:00

Just read the press release MTV's upcoming development slate and one particular project stuck out at me:

"UNTITLED SKETCH COMEDY SHOW (WORKING TITLE)

Jamie Foxx executive produces the next generation of "In Living Color."'

The next generation of "In Living Color?" Who asked for this? (Besides out of work fly girls.) Here's what I'm going to start developing as to be ahead of the curve:

-The next generation of polio
-The next generation of not having electricity
-The next generation of Jennifer Lopez starring in movies
-The next generation of MTV if you see this please still let me write for this show?

The Women of McSweeneys.net

2009-06-22T03:10:00.001-07:00

The Women of McSweeneys.net

Posted using ShareThis

Thanks to Elisa Bassist for her mention in this article from "The Rumpus." A lot of the other articles she mentions are very, very funny and worth checking out. Though I am a little worried that all the other women on the list and I are gonna get on the same cycle now. Oh well, nothing gained, nothing lost, am I right? (except lots and lots of menstrual blood.)

The Sound of Settling

2009-06-02T12:19:00.000-07:00

Here's a link to an idea of mine that The Onion used for their Radio Network.

Record Number of Americans Settling for Sex at Home

Brings Me Back to My Doom Days ...

2009-06-02T12:17:00.001-07:00

Me < Frogger

2009-05-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

I discovered recently that there is a "Barista" application on the iPhone. As in, what I do for a living. Is an application. On a phone. That you only need an index finger to use.

At least it costs $2.99. Meaning I'm worth more than "Lemonade Tycoon," but less than "Pocket God." I think I can be OK with that ...

Hail to tha Motha F'N Chief

2009-05-08T12:00:00.001-07:00

New Landline series, "Obamtourage."

I had this idea a few months ago and thanks to the hard work and vision of the Landline folk, it came out pretty darn impressive (that is a DIRECT QUOTE from the 75 year old man I showed it to.)

Waiting for Jim Carrey

2009-04-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

Time Warner has got my balls in quite the death grip and alas, I am waiting for the cable guy this fine Tuesday morning. Not that exciting. What IS exciting is the Pandora station I currently have going ... If you are ever really down, like if you've had a tough Monday, or they were out of peanut butter Twix bars at the bodega, or a close family member has passed, I suggest creating a Hall & Oates station on Pandora. Instant gratification. So far, I have heard "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing" by Leo Sayer, "It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over" by Lenny Kravitz (who will be my next station, by the way), and "The Heart of Rock & Roll" by Huey Lewis & The News.

I sorta hope the cable man never comes ...

Battle-Ax. Damn Straight.

2009-04-26T07:05:00.001-07:00

Bea Arthur, TV Battle-Ax, Dies at 86

This is a hard pill to swallow. See you on the other side, Dorothy.

So That Happened

2009-04-24T16:18:00.001-07:00

I was walking down the sidewalk the other day when I was stopped by a reporter for AM New York (aka the intern who was the best at getting lattes and got a special end-of-week treat) who said he was doing a report on "whether people are becoming more and more narcissistic."

I kid you not, at the time I was thinking about my hair and if my new conditioner made it look shiny or greasy.

Yep.

Me and Bill O'Reilly = BFF

2009-04-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

LandlineTV Reel from The Landline on Vimeo.

One Step Closer To Living My Dream of Being In "Dead Poets Society"

2009-04-15T17:57:00.000-07:00

Last night, I received an email asking for permission to reprint my latest McSweeney's article in "Backtracks," which is a student-run publication at Phillips Academy in Andover, Massachusetts. Yes. You heard me. ANDOVER, MASSACHUSETTS!!! The cultural hot bed of .... other towns around Andover, Massachusetts. This is VERY exciting. I will be intellectual masturbatory material for dozens and dozens of literary journal-reading, bowtie-wearing prep school overachievers. I am like Racquel Welch, but in word-form.

Here's a new Landline video, which does not feature Racquel Welch. She was strongly considered for the role of "homeless man," but her boobies are just too darn big! Also, she's SAG-eligible or some shit.

New McSweeney's

2009-04-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

New thang of mine over at McSweeney's:

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/4/10statsky.html

CLASSIC NURSERY RHYMES, UPDATED AND REVAMPED FOR THE RECESSION, AS TOLD TO ME BY MY FATHER.

BY JEN STATSKY

- - - -

Jack and Jill

OK, so Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. But, listen, even water is expensive nowadays. So Jack just innocently asked, "Do you really have to wash your hair every night?" Then, of course, they started getting into it, and Jill became pretty damn passive-aggressive, and unnecessarily, I might add. So then Jack fell down—maybe on accident, maybe on purpose—and he broke his crown. And, with no health insurance, they were both shit outta luck.

Humpty Dumpty

Sure, in a perfect world, we'd all help put Humpty Dumpty back together, whether we were on the king's payroll or not. There's no question about that. But the world isn't lilacs and lollipops anymore, kid. I can barely afford all your mother's pill ... pillows, all the pillows she insists on sleeping with at night. So, if there's some sort of freak accident with a wall? Forget about it. But everyone needs to take a certain level of responsibility for themselves in a time like this, and let's face it: Humpty was carrying—what, 20, 30 extra el-bees on him? That's just reckless. I don't care if you are the king, you can't cover that premium and sleep easy at night.

Old Mother Hubbard

If you want to talk about being irresponsible, this Mother Hubbard is the Cadillac of not thinking about anyone but herself. What is this old woman doing owning a pet in this economy in the first place? You know she's tearing through her retirement funds like nobody's business, so of course her cupboards are bare, cupboards that are probably made of mahogany with gold-plated handles, since people believed in unicorns before they believed that this bubble would ever pop. But, OK, it doesn't all fall on her. Where are her kids? You work hard to raise children, set them up nice in the world, and once times get a little tougher than usual they abandon you. Well, I feel sorry for that damn dog. He's the only innocent one in this whole stinkin' mess.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky ..." Ha! A diamond. Give me a break. The only place anyone's going to see a diamond nowadays is in a geometry book. And, if some guy proposes to you and shows you some ring with a shiny rock, you run the other way. And fast. Like a gazelle. Because he's mixed up in some kind of silly racket, let me tell you.

Jack Be Nimble

Jack is clearly on drugs. And, sure, the temptation to do some uppers and escape from all this lousy stuff is there. I'm not immune to that; I'm a human being. But, honey, look where it gets you. You spend your days jumping over some candlestick like some sort of circus monkey, but who's taking care of your family? Jack's probably got three kids wearing Ziploc bags for mittens and banging pots and pans on the subway to make a dime. It just ain't right.

Rock-a-Bye Baby

It's sick, it's freakin' sick, honey. I couldn't hold down a tuna melt for days after hearing this one. But it's the sad truth in times like these. People get desperate, they don't know what to do or where to turn, and they do twisted things, like putting some poor, defenseless baby up on a rickety tree branch. Priorities, that's the real problem here. People get their priorities all out of whack, and we end up in a situation like this. Why did they need some fancy rocking cradle in the first place? People get so caught up with image they never stop to think that maybe that poor little kid would have rather just been held in his or her own parents' arms, instead of some high-tech Sears and Roebuck baby palace.

Little Bo Peep

Now, I didn't do none of that collegiate stuff that everyone does nowadays, which I think was the start of this whole mess in the first place, but I'm pretty sure the lost sheep are meant to symbolize hope, promise, and, more specifically, the American dream. I like that part, I do. You can relate to it. But then this Bo Peep chick falls asleep, and at first I said, "Whoa there. Are you trying to say that Americans collectively took a nap at the wheel of the vehicle of their own success and prosperity?" Harsh stuff. But then I thought more about it, and you know what? That's exactly what we did. And, sure, we were following the crooked street signs put up by the banks and investment firms, but that's no excuse to go on autopilot. So, you know, I like this Bo Peep one very much.

There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe

Yep, sounds about right to me. But, for the love of God, use a rubber.

Ohhh, Yes.

2009-04-08T14:50:00.000-07:00

I hardly ever put up trailers to movies I am excited to see on here. This is mostly because I only recently learned that trailers are not, in fact, movies in their entirety and I was afraid to be put on the fed's black list for pirating. Who knew those gigantic popcorn and fountain soda stores had talkies playing in the back?

Anyway, I am forgoing this trend to share the trailer for 500 Days of Summer. This is the type of movie for which I will count down the days until it opens, go see it immediately by myself, and then go to a trendy coffee house afterwards, making eyes at any and all male customers with hopes that we fall in love, until I am asked to leave by the head barista because the constant dropping of my handkerchief is disrupting their attempts to mop the floors. At least, I imagine that's what would happen.

If the trailer itself wasn't enough, I googled the film after I watched and guess who else is in it? Minka Kelly (Friday Night Lights), only my biggest crush on television since Dick Van Dyke (From Dick Van Dyke to dyke, am I right?)

Hurray for there being a reason to keep breathing, at least through one nostril.

Straight Up, I Had NO Idea

2009-04-07T17:14:00.001-07:00

New Landline!

To Tweet is To Skeet Upon The Internet

2009-03-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

New Landline!

Brief Thoughts About Sheryl Crow As I Run Out The Door, Volume TheOnlyOneEver

2009-03-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

The line "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad?" is about her own music, right?

Ohhh, look at me and my Thursday afternoon. Spent shitting on a 90s pop star who has had cancer and been dumped by Lance Armstrong (IN THAT ORDER!)

This Recession Shit Is Getting Outta Hand

2009-03-17T06:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was walking on the 'ol isle of Manhattan when I passed an apparently homeless woman begging for change. As I wound up my right leg to kick her cartoon-style, like I do with them bums, she said something that made me stop in my Roadrunner'esque place. She said, verbatim, "Can someone please help me out with some change? I just ran out of my house this morning without my wallet."

... WHAT?!? Now I'm supposed to bail out the absent-minded? Go home and get your wallet! Because you 1) have a home and 2) have a wallet, two of the criteria I consider most important when deciding whether I am going donate my hard-earned karaoke money to the poor.

People these days, am I right!

Oh, Life.

2009-03-09T08:08:00.001-07:00

Here are a few things that have happened to me recently, things that are pretty insignificant, but significant enough to write about on my very own personal blog.

* There is a new Landline video, and you should watch it. Why? Well, I'm not saying it features a naked Angelina Jolie ... but I'm also not NOT saying it features a naked Angelina Jolie, you dig??

* I recently saw a piece of cinema, aka a film, aka a movie, aka wasted money that I could have gotten 3 footlongs at Subway with. During said activity, I received a text message. In a questionable move on my part, I read it and responded to it during the movie. I'm the worst, I know. Fine. I would have never done it if it wasn't about something important. Or if my phone hadn't been in my pocket. Or if it wasn't a day that ended in "y." Or if I wasn't a rude, inconsiderate piece of crap. Either way, it was wrong, and I won't do it again. And why won't I do it again? Because, upon exiting the theater, I was stopped by a very vocal foreign woman who informed me that, "When you take out your phone during the movie, you may think it is just some glowing thing, but it is really distracting. Other people can't watch the movie when your glowing ..." and so on and so forth, I think, but I kept walking up the aisle at a speed so rapid it was as if I had just seen Mamma Mia. Or texted my way through a Brett Ratner film, as it may be. Ever since this occurred, I have wavered between incredible anger at this woman for giving me gruff after the fact about my "glowing thing," and feeling like a big, rude jerk who deserved to be reprimanded. Please, faithful readers, weigh in in the comments section. Am I a jerk?! Keep in mind that I know how fast one would walk out of Mamma Mia because I have, in fact, seen it, and thus, feel that I am indefinitely owed many, many reparations from the movie world.

* I was walking down the street the other day, on my way to Duane Reade to buy some new gum, and thought that one of those Children's International people were trying to talk to me about buying like, a billion children, so I stopped, took off my headphones, and proceeded to tell them I just simply did not have the time, I was very busy, and on my way to work. I then realized that the young, benevolent man was speaking to the person behind me. Nothing kills your self-esteem like realizing that the people who's job it is to harass everyone on the street doesn't even want to talk to you. Needless to say, I drowned my sorrows in sugar-full gum.

* Continuing with the theme of telling you what a good person I am, I recently got a full-body massage. Professionally. Like, I paid him money. Strange to be on the other side of that! Right ... anyway, after this massage, I paid at the front desk and and asked if they had an envelope where I could leave a tip for my strong-handed masseuse, Sergei (who was a man of little words, let me tell you. But I think he really enjoyed hearing me debate the merits of various birth control options.) I expected to just hand over some cash to the receptionist and she would take care of the rest, but no, no, she handed me an envelope and a pen. This struck me as strange, but I thought, "OK, they must be into developing really deep personal connections between masseuse and client here. Like the jetBlue of massage places." So I wrote Sergei a personal note, which went a little something like this, " Segei - Thanks so much for everything! -Jen" Well, needless to say ... they don't write personalized notes at this place. The receptionist gave me a look that said it all, it all being, "What the hell went down in there between you and Sergei that you felt compelled to leave him a note that one would find on Ashley Dupre's dresser?" I think that will be my first and last time with Sergei. At least HE didn't mind when I texted during it, though!

Happy Monday!

New Meaning to the Term "Bail Out"

2009-02-12T13:55:00.001-08:00

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

Disturbia'ing

2009-02-11T11:04:00.000-08:00

Anyone else think this picture was a really poor choice by the UK's Telegraph online site to run about the Chris Brown/Rihanna domestic abuse story? He looks like he is auditioning for a bit part on "True Blood," and she looks like a naive little doe who doesn't deserve to have a kiss blown at her too hard. So much for objective journalism! Then again, what do British newspapers know, anyway? I hear they deliver their papers on the wrong side of the road!

Ziiiiiing!

It's Not You, It's Your Jeans

2009-02-06T10:13:00.001-08:00

This one got a big 'ol rejection from McSweeney's, but it did get accepted at jenstatsky.com, so I'm feeling pretty good about myself ...

"A 25-Year Old Fashionista Holds an Intervention for her Boyfriend and his Skinny Jeans"

Hi, honey! How was work? Thats nice. Yeah, it was ham. Oh, whats up with all the empty chairs? Well ... I just thought Id try something new in the living room today! OK, OK, why dont you have a seat, I have something I need to talk to you about. Yeah, any one of them is fine. But, oh, careful, I dont get the security deposit back from the rental place if theyre all scuffed up.

This is an intervention. I know theres no one else here and thats kinda a standard intervention thing, but Ive gotta tell you, Ive been trying to organize everyone for weeks now and no ones calendars ever seemed to match up. Its crazy, we are all so busy. Todds doing that freelance design work until the holidays and just doesnt have a minute to spare, Craig and Jessie just got the puppy which we have to go see before he gets too big so their hands are tied. Nick emailed me last minute to say that he pulled a groin muscle of all things for Nick to pull, right? at the gym, so he couldnt show, and it was so weird with Leslie, she never answered any of my texts, but she said her phone is really weird about that stuff, especially when shes been on the subway or whatever, so I dont know. I keep telling her to get a Blackberry well, I guess I keep texting her to get a Blackberry, so now I dont even know - but she likes her big ugly old phone, and you know how she doesnt listen to anyone else, like, ever. Oh my God, do you remember the other day, when we were at brunch and Jeff called it the Zack Morris? How funny was that?! You remember that, right? Sooo funny. Jeff really should do stand up. I keep telling hin.

But I know from everyones responses to the mass e-mail I sent that theyre with me on this, and more importantly, they want you to know that theyre behind you. Well, I guess thats a good place for me to start from behind you. What everyone sees when theyre behind you. Honey, its your jeans. Your skinny jeans. Your ass tight skinny jeans. Theyre just too tight. And skinny. Other than that, I guess theyre OK, although you probably could have picked a more flattering wash.

No one is blaming you here. Its not your fault that you probably said, hey, these are pretty popular, Orlando Bloom looks great in them, Ill buy a pair. But honey, Orlando Bloom is an ectomorph, and youre a mesomorph. Do you know what a difference that makes? You guys shouldnt even really be shopping at the same store, let alone the same rack.

Baby, the thing is, Im really not going to be one of those overbearing girlfriends who tries to run your life but do you remember your Moms birthday last month, when I told you you had to come to my cousin Lisas house for her Arbor Day barbeque? Well, we were all playing Bocce Ball in the backyard? Well, you wore your skinny jeans, and every time you bent down, you had muffin top. You know, when the fat spills out the side of your jeans and it looks like yeah, OK, well you get it. I dont have muffin top, and Im a girl, honey. Its weird for a guy to have muffin top. Its like seeing him order strawberry ice cream, or cry.

Youre speechless, I know. Its really hard hearing someone tell you what youve been doing, fashion-wise, is hideously inappropriate for your body type. And when I say I know, I mean I really know. Remember my ex-friend Kristen? One time she told me that she liked my hair better wavy than straight. And I had been wearing my hair wavy for, like, two years. You should feel good about the fact that youve only been wearing skinny jeans for about three and a half months. And I know that its been that long, because it was right after my birthday, and I remember thinking, ugh, first twenty-five, and now this?

Sweetie, where are you going? Oh, okay. Great. Thats perfect. You just pack those skinny jeans right up and well bring them to the Salvation Army on the way to the mall. God knows someone there will be skinny enough to pull them off! No, Im totally kidding, that was bad.

Wait, honey, you dont have to get rid of your other clothes too, those are fin hey, dont be silly, we can just throw them in a trash bag, you dont need to use your big old suitcase!

Oh, oh, okay, you want to go alone, thats fine. Dont worry about the chairs you knocked over, I can pick them up! Im so proud of you!

Hey, babe?! Could you pick me up some strawberry ice cream while youre at the mall?

25 Fascinating Facts About Me

2009-02-04T22:21:00.001-08:00

1) I have legs.

2) As a child, I liked candy and giggling.

3) When someone close to me dies, I cry.

4) Often, on two consecutive evenings at the conclusion of the work week, I will drink more alcohol than recommended for my body weight. I will then become inebriated, allowing me to free myself from my inhibitions and feel more comfortable in social situations that would otherwise be awkward for me.

5) I love my grandma.

6) When I'm angry, I curse.

7) My blood type contains a letter.

8) I can text message.

9) When I go out to eat at a restaurant, I will pay my bill, and then, on top of that, I will give my waiter or waitress some extra cash.

10) Before I go out for a night on the town, I put on different clothes than what I was previously wearing that day.

11) Sometimes, I will use go on the internet with no specific purpose, and let myself wander from site to site, not doing anything of actual value or productive.

12) If my body does not get water, I die.

13) I think babies and puppies are pretty cute.

14) I have many, many memories involving people with whom I grew up.

15) When I am out with my girlfriends at a bar, club, or party, I will make a fake fishy face when posing for pictures, as to make my face appear skinnier and more attractive. I think that no one has caught on to this.

16) When I'm cold, I will put on a jacket, or a blanket, depending on where I am.

17) I get sad if my own father forgets my birthday.

18) I think Europe is really just amazing.

19) I can grow hair.

20) It would be very traumatic for me to see someone get their arm bitten off by a pack of angry muskrats.

21) I like to listen to music.

22) Once, in high school, I took the SATs.

23) If I am watching TV, and all of a sudden my remote stops working, I will press all the buttons really hard. If that doesn't work, I will hit the remote a few times with the palm of my hand. If that doesn't work, I will replace the batteries.

24) I'm not a lesbian, but no, like, seriously, I would have sex with Angelina Jolie.

25) On the third Sunday of every month, I will dress up in a black-and-white striped leotard, rent a salmon colored PT cruiser from my local Budget Rent-a-Car, buy a few dozen boxes of veggie burgers from local grocer, head down Route 1 all the way to South Carolina, stopping at every McDonald's rest stop along the way, at which point I frisbee-toss a veggie burger pattie at the drive through window attendant and exclaim, "Who's the Hamburglar now, Mr. Roboto?!?" Then I listen to The Beatles, because they are my favorite band of all time.

The impulse to use a David Bowie song lyric here is overwhelming ...

2009-02-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

So, being February and all, the time for fresh starts and big changes, you may have noticed that I have once again redesigned the look of "Stats 'N Tats," using my advanced knowledge of HTML, web design experience, and ability to click on the little bubbles Blogger provides to change the pre-designed blog templates. Ah, February. Maybe it's silly, but I just love the idea of getting to start anew, another year ahead of me, the promise of change and possibility ever so close.

Wait, what? The year starts in JANUARY?! God dammit. Twenty-three years and I still can't get this shit right.

In other news, I know I have been a little lax on the posting lately. A lot of you, mainly the ones who I either share genes with or have shared jeans with, have complained about that. The other that are not obligated to care about what I do or if I succeed in life, well, you're OK with it I guess! But I am going to try to be better about it. This country has been through enough in recent months, and the last thing its fine people need is me to take away my hilarity and wit from them.

I wish I could say that my absence from blogging has been due to some really wonderful projects I've been working on, but I just can't say that. Some people (who I won't mention due to legal reasons, but let's just say he's a Scientologist and his name rhymes with "Tom Cruise") are so secretive about the stuff they are working on, especially if the project is a sequel to one of the greatest movies to ever be set in a bar/houseboat in the 80s. But I guess you have to put up with some crap to get "Cocktail: This Time, Make It a Double" made.

I also am considering that 2009 be the year of "Stats 'N Tats: This Time, It's Personal." I feel like I'm ready to really show my readers, who are already my closest friends and family members, who I really am. So let me delve into a little bit about my personal life these days ...

I'm contemplating buying an Amazon Kindle. Let me be honest, I don't even really know what a Kindle is. It either sounds like something your grandmother would tell you about using to keep warm during the early 1900s, or the newest dildo on the market (which I guess are the same thing, anyway.)

The thing is, when I searched for "kindle" on Amazon.com, the first result it gives me is "The Complete User's Guide to the Amazing Amazon Kindle" by Stephen Windwalker. Which is a paperback book. That's great, Amazon. Isn't the whole point of a Kindle that I don't NEED to read paperback books? That is like getting a boyfriend and still going to the gym. You do one thing to eliminate the other, not both.

Then it has a link to the Amazon Kindle Store, where the sublinks tell me I can buy "Kindle Books, Kindle Magazines, Kindle Accessories, Kindle Newspapers, or Kindle Blogs." Again, superb, Amazon.com. Because all of those things will be very much so worth my time and money without the actual Kindle product.

Anyway, you get the point. Amazon.com needs someone to work on their search engine results. No big deal. But, just as I was about to close out the window and go back to googling my own name, I saw result #10:

Kudos to you, Rick Munarriz. You wrote "Why The Kindle Will Fail" as a KINDLE BOOK. You jackass! And, you managed to squeeze your work in right before number 11, "The Uncensored Amazon Kindle Buyer's Book." God knows that censored version left me crying for more. Oh, and number 12, which I'm pretty sure deserves a picture as well:

I was pretty positive that anyone who owns a Kindle and uses it to purchase "The Low Down on Going Down" would need more than this guide to sufficiently please a woman, but then I ventured over to the reviews, and found this gem from "Papi Lopez":

"after completely reading this book it gave me the urge to romanticize my lover Ling Ling all night till morning long. this book illustrates the ins and outs of master the way of the tongue. it shows how to use the vibrant tongue muscles that i never knew i had. now i get to taste the oh so sweet nector of Ling Ling which is the ultimate cloud 9 in my life. Ling Ling can't get enough of my vibrant tongue. when i get home from work she is preparing herself for me to go down on her. i think i'm going to have throw away my gym membership because i get all the workout at home nowadays. Man this book is so great! =)"

"Now I get to taste the oh so sweet nectar of Ling Ling which is the ultimate cloud 9 in my life." Has there ever been a better book review, anywhere, ever? Harold Bloom's got nothing on this Papi Lopez.

I'm In Your Head!!!

2009-01-26T12:32:00.000-08:00

Well, not exactly. But I CAN be in your iPod ...

Brendan McLaughlin and I are now doing a weekly comedy podcast, Babomya. Which is a really good explanation for why I now post on here about twice a month ... riiiight. Anyway, you can (and should!) check it out by clicking here, which will take you to the official Babomya website (watch out for all those unofficial Babomya sites that have been popping up.) Or, if you're one of those podcast purists, click here, which will bring you right to it on the iTunes store.

Hope you check it out and enjoy. Brendan and I get paid literally zeros of dollars each time someone listens, so, you know ... here's to the economy!

River of Dreams

2009-01-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, in the dead of the night, I get to play a fun game called, "Is that a baby or cat shrieking outside my window?" I don't always get it right, and sometimes, I don't even get to find out which one it actually was. All I know is that I'm happy I get to live in a residential neighborhood which features both cats and babies nearby ...

... Dying. Cats and babies DYING nearby.