from the planet of janet

Giving thanks for the gift that keeps on giving

2009-11-26T18:17:00.000-08:00

Hello.

I'm sick.

I'm also drugged. This could be interesting ... kinda like drunk blogging, I guess, only not as much fun.

More like antihistamine/decongestant/ibuprofen blogging.

As I write this, my family is having Thanksgiving dinner. I am not.

I was uninvited.

Because I'm sick.

And my mom just finished 5 weeks of radiation and didn't want Typhoid Janet at the dinner table.

So no turkey dinner for me.

Well, later. They're bringing me a care package.

I hope.

But it's going to be HOURS before the care package arrives. In the meantime, I have eaten a festive Thanksgiving quesadilla.

Or three.

Honestly, I take it as a sign of returning health that I'm hungry enough to eat ~~three~~ a quesadilla.

Either that, or I'm ... uh ... what was I saying again?

Um.

Yeah, so unfortunately for you, there will be no amusing stories of Thanksgiving dinner to regale you with.

Or hilarious photos.

Although if you would like a photo of my pink, curly tail ...

Oink.

A full 'Moon'

2009-11-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

It's what everyone is talking about.

Well, everyone who is female and has a thing for vampires.

Yes, the Roo-girl and I went out last night to see "New Moon."

We have waxed eloquent about the "Twilight" series and the first movie in the past. Maybe not so eloquent about the first movie, which pretty much lived down to her (and my) expectations.

The universal sentiment among fans seemed to that the second episode was GREAT -- and if only this director would remake the first one, life would be good.

But, as your resident cynic, knowing how I felt about the first movie, I was a little uncertain how I would feel.

Well. In a word (or two): Loved it.

Roo and I shared a bag of meal-sized popcorn, a soda and some chocolate (dinner of champions!) and almost 2 1/2 hours of a moony, whiny Bella, who actually didn't annoy me nearly as much as she did before.

I could even possibly ... maybe ... I think ... be convinced to join Team Jacob. Edward was too mealy-mouthed this time.

But that's not the point of today's -- ahem -- review.

It was the ending.

Edward: "Marry me."

Bella: "GASP!"

*Fade to black*

From behind us in the darkened theater came a couple of little sighs and a heartfelt "Ohhhhhh!"

And Roo burst out laughing.

"Really?" she cackled. "It's not like you don't know how the story comes out!"

We both howled at the "Moon" all the way home.

There's no "I" in Mom

2009-11-23T06:00:00.000-08:00

I'm a cheer mom.

I admit it freely and proudly.

(Continued at Mid-Century Modern Moms)

Life lessons learned on the cheer mats

2009-11-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

The competition season has begun.

The Roo-girl and her compatriots are headed for their first comp on Sunday.

I'll be there, of course -- with my camera and my official team-mom t-shirt and my enthusiasm -- to watch the girls tumble, dance, cheer and GO for it.

The walkup to the start of the season has been an up-and-down affair. Girls who have quit. Girls who have been replaced for health reasons. Girls with skills. Girls without skills. There's no junior varsity team. There IS a junior varsity. They suck. They have amazing raw talent.

Eh. Whatever. I always want the same thing for my girl: a successful experience with something that makes her very happy.

But the drama of the summer and the fall has brought us to an interesting place.

As a little background, let me explain the facts of last year's team. Roo was one of three freshmen invited to compete. There was one junior ... and eight seniors.

Now, you and I can both do the math. When June rolled around, two-thirds of the team ... graduated and was gone.

So this year's team is mostly new. Fresh. Untested.

And very, very green.

Last year, Roo was the green one in a world of varsity advanced. The seniors NEEDED her to step it up -- and they let her know it in no uncertain terms. She had been the best one on her all-star team, and now then she was the worst.

So she learned. She learned new skills and matched the senior flyer step for step, twist for twist.

But at a cost, as she endured a barrage of criticism and torment from her teammates.

This year, she is the experienced one, with a green freshman flyer by her side.

But with a difference.

Behold:

Tuesday night, the parents of this year's team were invited to watch the girls run through their routine before they take it into competition.

It was the first time they had done it in public, in front of people.

It was a little ragged, but they were pleased with themselves.

Roo groused a little on the way home that she can't do her best skills in the routine because the freshman flyer isn't there ... yet.

"It IS frustrating," she told me. "But I'm being really supportive. I don't want her to feel like I did last year."

I smiled.

Because there's more to cheer than how high you can fly.

Birthday dinner: singing for our supper

2009-11-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

The location of a birthday dinner is always the choice of the birthday boy or girl. We've done barbecue, teppan tables, sushi, our fave-rave local Italian place, burger places ...

Whatever rocks the guest of honor's world.

Drama King's birthday dinner was -- fittingly -- at a highly dramatic place with singing waitpeeps.

Periodically (every few minutes, more like), a waiter or waitress would take the mic and belt out a song. Everything from opera (really!) to show tunes to Frank Sinatra.

And so it was that one of the guys started singing "All the Way."

Z-man: *mumble mumble mumble* Elton John ...

Evil Mother: Elton John?? No. That's Frank Sinatra!

Drama King: Did you just say Elton John? Your gay card is revoked!

Evil Mother: *snort*

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Drama King: *watching yet ANOTHER waiter get up to sing* I wonder if they consider this side work.

Z-man: Sidework?

Drama King: Dude. You went to culinary school. You know restaurants. You don't know what sidework is??

Z-man: Hey, I worked in the kitchen ... in the BACK!

Drama King: Oh, probably if I had said "sideworko," you would have understood.

Z-man: Ohhhhhh!!! Sideworko!!! Of course!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Roo-girl: Mom, are you going to see "New Moon" with me?

Evil Mother: Sure.

Drama King and Z-man: *in unison* Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

The Roo-girl: Hey, I know kids who already have bought their tickets.

Evil Mother: Hey, I know ADULTS who already have bought their tickets! *Hi, Holly and Jeni!!*

Drummer Man: I've got mine already.

*All eyes swivel to look at him*

Drummer Man: Bwhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Z-man: Whew! I was worried there for a second!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Drama King: *poke*

Evil Mother: Grrrrr ...

Drama King: *pointing to Rocky, who was actually sitting across the table* It wasn't me. It was HIM.

Rocky: Uh, yeah, I used my tentacles to poke you.

Drama King: He is the terror of Japanese school girls.

Evil Mother: ?????????

Drama King: Tentacle porn. Look it up.

Evil Mother: *facepalm*

Everyone needs a good cry once in awhile

2009-11-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

Most people cry at the movies or when a certain song is played or even over a good book.

Apparently, I cry at football games.

(Continued at Mid-Century Modern Moms)

Weekly Winners: November 8-14

2009-11-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

Look! Up in the sky! It's both an amazing view ... and my daughter.

Like cotton batting:

Amazingly enough, this was shot with my iPhone!

How did her hair grow so fast??

Her friend put extensions in her hair ...

Oops!

Even my talented girl loses her balance occasionally

And one last time for the 2009 high school football season:

My Friday nights are back to being my own, but I will miss
the time I spent on the track with the girls as their official photographer.
Now, on to basketball and competition season!

Thanks for visiting ... Now go see the lovely Lotus for more Weekly Winners!

Let he who is without sin cast the first (mile)stone

2009-11-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

Gather 'round, my friends, for I have a tale to tell. Although some of the details you will have to figure out for yourself because it's ... um ... well ... PRIVATE.

The place: Our local grocery store.

The cast: The Evil Mother and the Roo-girl.

The reason: Oops. I can't tell you. You'll have to guess.

The Roo-girl scanned the shelves. So did the Evil Mother.

"Why are there so many??" the Roo-girl snarled. "How do you know what you need?"

The Evil Mother shrugged. "It depends. Let's just pick one."

"The sport kind, then," Roo answered. "Oh, and my friend said they make some *product deleted* for thongs."

"They make them for thongs??" said the Evil Mother, slightly horrified.

"Yes," answered the Roo-girl, still poking at the boxes.

And so they do. And there they were. Right there, albeit slightly hidden, on the top shelf.

Those things.

For thongs.

Because otherwise, how could a girl have that fresh feeling during ... well ... yeah ... then.

My little girl is a woman.

And now we BOTH need chocolate.

26

2009-11-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

Twenty-six.

A simple -- but meaningful -- number.

Twenty-six letters in the alphabet.

It's the atomic number of iron.

Michigan is the 26th state admitted to the union.

It's the length of a marathon, give or take a yard or 385.

A rhombicuboctahedron is a 26-sided object.

XXVI in Roman numerals.

110102 in binary.

And today, it's the age of my Number 2 son, the Drama King, who today takes his first step into his LATE 20s and his second quarter-century of life.

How did this happen? When did my little boy with his head in the clouds turn into a man?

Oh. Wait.

Happy birthday, Drama King. I love you, even if you don't want to grow up.

Ommmmmmmm...

2009-11-09T06:00:00.000-08:00

It's the calm after the storm ...

(Continued at Mid-Century Modern Moms)

Weekly Winners: November 1-7

2009-11-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

A little bit of this (politics), a little bit of that (Starbucks holiday drinks!!) and, of course, cheerleading!

Yo yo yo ...

Whether or not you agree with his politics, you have to admit
that Z-man's sign for a Repeal Prop 8 rally was HILARIOUS!

Be still, my beating heart:

Holiday drinks (and cups) are back,
and I am r.e.s.i.s.t.i.n.g. the eggnog latte with all my might.
But a snow day might be nice ...

This loses something in the translation:

Ok, click on it to biggen it. I swear it looks like there are dead football players littering the field
(but they're just stretching)

Alley-oop:

Peel-off back handsprings ... my girlie in the middle

The Roo-girl goes over the top:

This shot is this week's winner, in my opinion ...

Thanks for visiting ... Now go see the lovely Lotus for more photos by people who don't spend their time dreaming about eggnog lattes and snow days.

Memories ... sweetened through the ages just like whine

2009-11-06T00:04:00.000-08:00

We were at Starbucks again, the Roo-girl and I.

Don't judge me. It was a late-start day (oh, how I LOATHE late-start days), and I dropped her off to meet her friend before I toddled off to work.

I ordered our drinks and stepped to the side ... and a woman stopped me.

"I know you from Local Synagogue. You're Janet, right? I'm Kevin's mom ... from the preschool."

I blinked at her ... and remembered. Sorta.

She looked behind me. "And you're -- um -- Roo-girl!"

Roo nodded, and I smiled. "Do you remember Kevin?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "Well, you were only 3," I said.

The woman and I exchanged a few pleasantries, and she left with her latte.

I turned back to Roo. "You really don't remember?"

Roo rolled her eyes.

"Mom, how do you expect me to remember that stuff?" she snorted. "I can't remember BREAKFAST!!!!!"

Honestly? I found that much funnier than she did.

There's nothing to fear but ... uh ... never mind

2009-11-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

I don't consider myself a chicken.

A lot of things that scare people don't scare me particularly.

Bugs? Eh. I'm the resident squisher here.

Snakes? Just ask J-bear which stepmother begged to be able to watch her feed the slithery thing. (Yes, it eats "pinkies." Yes, I took pictures. And no, I won't share. You're welcome.)

Scary house noises? Pfffft. I spent too many years having to be the one who investigates. No hiding under the covers for this former single mom.

Walking in the dark? Not my fave-rave, but I am capable of going between car and house or house and car at midnight by myself without fearful glances.

But.

Driving in the fog?

Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!

On a recent night, when I drove home from my chorus rehearsal, the fog rolled in -- and my sanity rolled out.

I swear I still have the imprint of the steering wheel on my hands, and the thought of it still makes beads of cold sweat drip down my back.

I apologize to those on the freeway with me that night. Those who zipped around me at 55 miles an hour, while I crept along at 40 (at most).

Sorry, people. When it's that impenetrable, I don't travel further than my headlights can illuminate.

The best moment was cresting over the hill and seeing the clouds dissipate ...

... So I could finish the drive in relative peace.

And be a big brave bear once again.

Beware, bugs. I'm a-comin' ...

Say cheese!

2009-11-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

One of the great pleasures I have had this fall has been as the "official" photographer for the Roo-girl's varsity cheer team.

It has given me some street cred with the girls, the cheer moms, the coach and the adviser -- as well as a field pass for the football games.

A total blast, let me tell ya.

Except.

(Continued at Mid-Century Modern Moms)

Weekly Winners: October 25-31

2009-11-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

With only two more weeks in the football season, I am coming to the end of my rope on creative ways to shoot my daughter and her team.

This week? A little tumbling. A little cold weather (jackets necessary). A little up-in-the-air duet.

Over backwards:

No, not my kid. But a cool shot, I thought.

Go!!! (And wear a jacket, for heaven's sake!)

What goes up must come down ...

The expression on her face as she lands cracks me the heck up!

One, two, three ... JUMP:

My girlie on the left, her cohort in crime on the right.

Go visit the lovely Lotus for more photos by people who are not in mourning for the impending end of the high school football season!

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked

2009-10-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, I was angry.

Once upon a time, I was overwhelmed.

Awww, who are we kidding? I'm still angry about those things. And overwhelmed and stressed? Ha. Add a kid in the hospital with pneumonia (J-bear), more teen trauma (Roo vs. homecoming), joblessness (Z-man, still), that MORTGAGE payment (don't ask) ... and yeah, I'm still stressed.

So imagine my complete amazement, surprise and delight when THIS was delivered to my door:

Yes, it's a package with a birdie on the front. A BIG package with a birdie on the front. A big CARE package with a birdie on the front. A big care package from someone who cared.

A big care package from Krissa from Halfasstic.com.

Oh, Krissa, you have no idea what you did for me.

You put together a package of things that speak to me -- snacks, candles, scented soap, Burt's Bees, herbs to grow myself, cheese (CHEESE, people!), chocolate ...

... And something that made me laugh. Thank you, my friend Krissa. In the midst of your own problems, you took time out to feed my belly, my soul ... and my ego.

Yup. I'm a legend in my own mind!

Thank you again, my friend. Your evil plan succeeded better than you can ever know!

xoxox

Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth ...

2009-10-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

I love the team I work with.

We are a group of nine women from varying backgrounds with varying responsibilities.

The one thing that doesn't vary is our ages.

Except mine.

They're young. I'm old. At least relatively speaking. Most, if not all, of them are about the age of my oldest children, if not younger.

Yes, I could be their mothers.

We do find this amusing on occasion. I am referred to as the elder stateswoman and treated with the all deference that implies.

Not.

In reality, I'm more like one of the "girls" when we joke about life, liberty and the pursuit of craziness.

And so it was that one of my colleagues was walking with me toward the elevator, talking about -- of all things -- the fact that I was wearing eye makeup, which reminded her of something.

"Did you watch 'Sesame Street?' " she asked me.

And. I. fell. on. the. floor.

"Yes, love, I DID watch 'Sesame Street' -- WITH MY CHILDREN!"

She looked at me, uncomprehending ... and then realized what she had said.

And I positively HOWLED with laughter.

"When I was the age to watch something like 'Sesame Street,' the best thing on was 'The Mickey Mouse Club' -- in black and white!"

She gulped. "I don't think of you as that old," she said.

Obviously ...

I'm still laughing.

Home sweet homecoming

2009-10-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

It seems that we must speak of homecoming again. This time, OUR homecoming, not the homecoming of some other school that we decided to essentially crash.

(Continued at Mid-Century Modern Moms)

Weekly Winners: October 18-24

2009-10-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

A dog's life, a birthday party for Wonderhubby and the homecoming queen of my heart!

Nants ingonyama bagithi baba ...

It's the circle of liiiiiiiife ...

The birthday boy blows out his candle:

The beard is growing back, please note.

It was YUMMY!

The mohawk is back, too:

From the side:

Really? I don't want to talk about it ...

The seven deadly sins?

From the left, Fabulous Girlfriend, Drummer Man, J-Bear,
Z-man, the Roo-girl, the Drama King and Rocky

The goofy five:

When it comes to homecoming, it's all about the shoes:

... And the dress:

... And that face!

Now go -->here<-- to Lotus' house for more Weekly Winners!

Everything's up to date in Kansas City ... or, uh, somewhere like that

2009-10-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

The fascination with the cop-car-hits-Drummer-Man episode from last weekend's birthday dinner gives me an opportunity to play a little catchup with some hanging threads.

First, the cop car. This actually took place about nine years ago. Imagine my joy at receiving a phone call from my son, telling me he is at the local sheriff's station.

It took several deputies on the phone to convince me that he was ok ... and not at fault in a peculiar incident down the street from our house.

He was, indeed, in the left-hand turn lane, astonishingly waiting to make a legal left turn. The police car was in the center lane (to D's right). As Drummer waited for traffic to pass, the cop apparently decided he had someplace more important to be.

He turned on his siren (one quick WHOOP!) and made his illegal left turn -- right into the passenger door of Drummer's car.

It was a stellar moment, and as I said Tuesday, only my kid ...

Now, in no particular order of importance, are updates on unresolved things that you may (or may not) be wondering about:

1) My mom: Yes, there was a second surgery for breast cancer because her "margins" were not clean enough from the first. She is currently in the second week of six weeks of radiation. My sister-in-law the doctor declares her "fine," but if you ask my mom, fine is defined as "it sucks to be her." So bottom line: physically fine, emotionally not.

2) The stress test: I'm cured. No, seriously, I passed the stress test (because I have stress?) with flying colors. In fact, I looked so good, they took away the mitral valve prolapse diagnosis I have had since I was my 20s!

3) The refrigerator: The hole for the new fridge has been enlarged, and the thing fits in it quite nicely. Only problem? The hole was enlarged ... BUT NOT FINISHED. The fridge was just pushed into place. I don't want to talk about it.

4) My fantasy football team is sucking the life out of me. I will give Jay Cutler some small props for keeping me in the game this week, but Mark Sanchez? You're dead to me.

Birthday dinner: we had a gay ol' time

2009-10-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor dark of night -- nor Chicago Bears games -- can stop the Planet family from our birthday-dinner rounds.

In keeping with Wonderhubby's wishes, we dined at a local sports bar, with the Bears-Falcons game in the ~~foreground~~ background.

After all, we did have to see if Jay Cutler (that ratfink) was going to give me heartburn and take our fantasy football team down in flames. Not to mention the birthday boy is a DIEHARD Bears fan.

So with the Bears in front of us -- and the Dodgers sucking it behind us -- we dined and celebrated in our usual fashion.

Drama King: What, Drummer, so were you going to hit a cop car?

*Don't ask. I don't know where this came from ...*

Drummer Man: No, I was the one who was hit by a cop car.

*True story. Only my kid*

Drummer Man: I was in the left-turn lane and the cop was next to me and turned right into me from the center lane.

Drama King: What was he supposed to do?

Drummer Man: I thought he was going to go straight.

Drama King: We don't do that.

Evil Mother: We don't do what?

Drama King: Go straight. We go gaily forward.

Evil Mother: Oy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Drummer Man: Do you play Rock Band?

Drama King: Yeah, my finest hour was playing guitar and singing at the same time. I don't have a mike stand so I had to hold the mike between my legs.

*dramatic pause*

Drama King: Just deal with THAT visual ...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Drama King: *looking around the table* Wow, you really DO have a problem with having grandchildren.

Z-man: Yeah, Drummer, it's all on you.

The Roo-girl: And me!!! I like boys!!

Drama King: Me too!!!!

Evil Mother: *smacking him on the shoulder* Shush.

Drummer Man: So, you want grandchildren, Mom?

Evil Mother: Of course. I'm depending on you.

Drummer Man: *grinning* Well, ya know ...

Evil Mother: Are you trying to tell ...

Fabulous Girlfriend: NO!!!!!!!!!

Evil Mother: Bwahahahahahahahahhahahahaaa!!!

Pssst ...

2009-10-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me well know that I am caught between a rock and a hard place while I watch time fly by as we move inexorably closer to "the big one."

You know ... the BIG one.

(Continued at Mid-Century Modern Moms)

Weekly Winners: October 11-17

2009-10-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

It's raining, it's pouring ...

Wait. It's 90 degrees again.

Whatever. It DID rain, however briefly, and water on nature is one of my favorite sights.

No, this shot is not upside down, even though it seems like it should be.
It is, however, straight out of the camera. No special effects.

Oh and it was foggy, too:

It's time for cheer (again):

For the record, this is not my kid. I just liked the shot!

This, however, IS my kid.

And so is this!

For more weekly winners, travel to the lovely house of Lotus.

When words fail, stick to the facts

2009-10-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

There is so much I want to say.

So much I NEED to say.

I just don't seem to have the right words to say them with.

So for once, I will keep it simple and to the point:

Happy birthday to my knight in shining armor.

I love you, baby ...

The dating game

2009-10-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

The Roo-girl sorta-kinda-maybe had her first date on Saturday night.

Sorta-kinda-maybe?

(Continued at Mid-Century Modern Moms)