Jessy Delfino's Blog

2009-11-23T13:29:00.004-05:00

HAPPY STONED THANKSGIVING

I have a BRAND NEW SONG out and it's the first one in awhile. It's a mellow jam celebrating
the "high" holidays produced by Handcancel.com.
It's called "Happy Stoned Thanksgiving" and it is about, well, I think it's pretty clear what it's about.

You can hear it HERE as well as
at www.myspace.com/jessicadelfinotunes.
Also, it's up on this rather interesting website called Sound Cloud, and if you like it, you can buy it there. It takes you to my Digital-tunes.net's page to purchase the song at my page, http://www.digital-tunes.net/labels/dirty_folk_rock.

NOTE: For some reason there is a mix up and it keeps taking viewers to Dirty Habit's page instead of mine, but if you like the song, check back in a few days and it will be fixed and instead take you to: http://www.digital-tunes.net/labels/dirty_folk_rock. I'll also update this when it is fixed.

Thanks, I hope you enjoy it! Please share it if you like it, with stoners everywhere.

2009-11-23T10:52:00.002-05:00

Turns out the horses in the horse drawn carriages are abused, beat, whipped, forced to work long hard hours carrying fat assholes around and withstand all kinds of other terrible torture. I'm a long-time vegetarian and animal lover, so I was delighted to offer my pervy song singing skills when comedian Fiona Walsh invited myself along with a gang of other comedians to perform at Broadway Comedy Club on Dec. 4th to benefit BANHDC.org (ban horse drawn carriages) and raise some money for a worthy cause.

Just a few reasons to ban horse drawn, or "hansom" carriages, from BANHDC.org:

"The average working life of a carriage horse on NYC streets is under four years compared to a police horse whose working life is about 14 years."

"Carriage horses are out of place in midtown’s congested streets and belong to another century when there were far fewer vehicles and pedestrians...Over the years, there have been many accidents where both horses and people have been seriously injured and some in which horses have died."

"Horses must work in hot humid temperatures and in the brutal cold – nine hours a day, seven days a week and go back to stuffy stable...It is not unusual to see urine and feces stains on the horses...many of the horses come into this industry with preexisting injuries or arthritis and are forced to pull carriages containing heavy tourists – upwards of 7-800 pounds. When these horses are no longer fit to work the demanding streets of NYC, they are “retired” – many go to auction where their fate is unknown. “Killer Buyers” often buy these horses by the pound for the slaughterhouse. Horsemeat is a delicacy in some European countries."

"The ASPCA has 21 agents but they are obligated to work on cruelty issues all over the city and sometimes the state of NY...There are 68 carriages, over 200 horses and 360 drivers. There would never be enough agents to ensure that the drivers are obeying the law"

"This form of “entertainment” is exploitative and is comparable to animal circuses and roadside zoos. In the United States, over the years other immoral institutions have ended regardless of the economic impact to the industries involved. These include the use of child labor and sweat shops."

"Besides the humane issue that compel many people to object to the carriage horse trade, there is also the pervasive smell of horse feces and urine that permeates Central Park South. Even when the horses are not on the hack line at CPS, the unpleasant smell is always there. In addition, the Sanitation Department has to clean the feces from the street. People who live on Central Park South have complained about this smell for years. Those who object cannot open their windows in nice weather. In one community close to the stable on 45th St., public school children complained of health problems."

"It is not correct to assume that every out-of-towner wants to take a carriage horse ride. Many do not and avoid the area of Central Park South because the site of the horses is so painful...NYC and Company is the official tourism web site of NYC. Yet there is no mention of the carriage horse trade as being a big tourist attraction on its web site. Instead it mentions, sports events, shopping, restaurants, museums and galleries, historical attractions; Broadway; nightlife and entertainment; sightseeing tours."

Here is some more information about the ills of Horse Drawn Carriages

Please come and support this show. If you can't attend, please purchase an animal lover or enthusiast a ticket to the show, or make a donation to banhdc.org. Many celebrities and people you know are avid animal lovers and hate to see this treatment of animals. Join the growing number of people who don't want to see torture any more to animals or humans during our or any one else's lifetime.

SHOW and TICKET INFO:

December 4th @ 6.30pm
Benefit for www.banhdc.org
Broadway Comedy Club
318 West 53rd Street
$22/2 drink minimum
You can buy tickets in advance by calling: 1.212.757.2323

Fun fact: James Brown's coffin was driven through Times Square in a horse drawn carriage. Weird!

2009-11-17T08:26:00.006-05:00

Can anyone say, "SEMI-FINALIST?"

G, whiz! I'm so flattered! I entered the "Miss G Train" competition yesterday on a
whim, for fun (and because I'm a sucker for a contest of ANY kind)
and was notified early today that I have been chosen as a SEMI-FINALIST, based on the following "essay"
(sent with the photo of myself covered in crazy 2s) which if you haven't seen yet, you
can see it HERE) and I am being considered as a finalist for the pageant. I must have done something right in my life to have been bestowed with this awesome honor.

My semi-finalist ranking essay:

Hi!

I'm submitting for Miss G train with a success story. I used to have to take the G train to get home every day to Kingsland Ave in Greenpoint. But I worked hard, saved my money and moved OUT of Greenpoint! Now I'm living in the Lower East Side and I haven't even SEEN the G train much less ridden on it for at least 2 years. Sometimes I see that green G circle and I feel the slightest tinge of sadness for a time when I hung out on a roof with a bunch of dirty people from the midwest, smoking cigarettes and staring out at the Twin Towers, until they were disintigrated (sp?), but usually I just appreciate the fact that I can ride a bike anywhere I want to go now.

Here's a photo of myself covered in $2 bills, the OLD cost of riding the subway.

Thanks,
Jessica

(between you and me, I think it was the killer photo which sealed the deal :)

I hope I DON'T get selected as a finalist, because I have a show on Thursday night and that means I
might have to CHOOSE one or the other. Aw, cripes, I smell a show fight. Break it up, you two. There's plenty of Delfino to go around.

2009-11-14T11:07:00.003-05:00

It's ECNY AWARDS time...

The ECNY, or "Emerging Comedians of New York" Awards is a fun time of the year
when a lot of comedians get together and some of them get awards.

I have won the best musical comedian award in the past. Would it be fun to win it
again? You betcha. So may I suggest, "Jessica Delfino" for best musical comedian.

Here is the nominee form

There are many other categories, the whole nomination form takes about 2 minutes to fill out, or less
depending on how fast you type. If you need help, just google comedy and NYC and be reminded of all
the great comedy that is out there.

IN OTHER NEWS:

My Ars Nova show went off without a hitch on Thursday night. It was so great to see the place full of
friendly faces and some faces I didn't recognize, as well. Thanks to everyone who made it out, and
for those of you who couldn't make it or who just have seen me perform a zillion times and chose
to skip this one, that's fine, too.

Now I am moving on to greener, not quite so dirty pastures and plan to retire this show unless HBO tells me they
want to film it for air. I'm working on a new album with a few friends and a new hour long show, and
I'm looking forward to new adventures. I'm also doing some acting for film and TV so do get in touch with your projects.

2009-11-12T12:46:00.003-05:00

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT we make history

And by we, I mean "I", and by history, I mean sweet, sweet music, on guitar, flying V ukulele, q-chord and of course, the whistle. And jokes. Please note: This show is fun for the whole family, except for the kids. Thanks. (In London a 10 year old came with his parents to see my show. Those people are so mature!)

I can't wait to see you there.

Thurs Nov 12 @ 8 PM
Jessica Delfino's Dirty Folk Rock
Ars Nova ANT FEST!
511 W. 54th St.
Tickets: $10
For tickets and other info: arsnovanyc.com

SPECIAL MONEY SAVING RECESSION-TYPE OFFER: If you buy a ticket online GET YOURS HERE NOW and register on the Ars Nova website linked above as a SUPER NOVA, you get a free drink at the show (which nearly covers the cost of the ticket)

2009-11-11T14:01:00.004-05:00

SKITS AND TITS TONIGHT!

It's $5. It's truly an awesome spectacle. Just come.

308 Bowery, NY, NY
F to 2nd Ave, 6 to Bleecker
10 PM
starring Honi Harlowe, The Chichiones, Stormy Leather,
Dan Allen, Mike Amato and other special guests.

Need a little more encouragement? OK, well, watch the following videos to see how we roll.

I Need A Ring (If Ya Wanna Do That Thing) - watch more funny videos

WANT MORE SKITS'N'TITS?

CHECK US OUT ON FUNNY OR DIE

VISIT US ON FACEBOOK.COM/SKITSNTITS

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE

And don't forget -- next month is our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!! Save the date, Wed. Dec. 9 -- every second Wednesday, SKITS'N'TITS!!

2009-11-09T07:48:00.003-05:00

SHOWS THIS WEEK

I have three shows this week, including my solo hour long show as part of Ars Nova's Ant Fest. This show will feature a 50 minute solo set of my "dirty folk rock" hits, and I am not too proud to beg you to attend what will be one of the last times I perform this collection of music in its' entirety. All my shows are all listed in the right hand column of this blog, where they are always listed. But allow me to re-iterate this week's offerings:

Tonight, I will be performing at:

Bunch of Fives Telling Stories (I'm the musical interlude)
Sage Theater
711 7th Ave at 46th St.
8 PM
$12

Wednesday, Nov 11th, I will be performing sketches and possibly a short musical set at:

Skits'N'Tits Comedy Burlesque Variety Show
308 Bowery @ Houston
10 PM
$5
(this show is great, and features burlesque, comedy, videos, sketches and the band Das Racist at midnight)

Thursday I will be performing my 50 minute long solo show, "Dirty Folk Rock" at:

Ars Nova
511 W. 54th St. @ 10th Ave
8 PM
$10
Here's a bonus: You can get a free drink at the show by buying a ticket online in advance HEREand then signing up for
the "Super Nova" shim sham (it's easy and free).

I hope to see you at ALL of these fabulous shows. But if I can only pick one, please come to ALL of them. My solo show will be great because it's all the hits. SkitsNTits is a great show because it's just awesome, a true variety show. Bunch of Fives is a great storytelling show. So it's up to you, ya know?

2009-11-08T11:49:00.002-05:00

We Built This iPhone App...

...and by "we", I actually mean my friend David Mitchell, but I made the sounds for the game, the various boops and beeps, and that is part of the reason I am so excited to tell you about "Dave's Tiles". It's a fun iPhone app, the sliding tiles game, with Dave's little additions to it -- you can pick a photo from your iphone to assign to the tiles and other little treats. It's a great game to play waiting for the subway or before bed to relax your mind. I strongly encourage you to buy this game!

And now, a word from Dave:

"Hey everyone, my first iPhone App just got released! It's "Dave'sTiles", a fun and challenging variation of the classic sliding tiles puzzle. It's $1.99 on iTunes. Please check it out and write a review! Here's the game's website: http://www.dsmitchell.info/DavesTiles/. Also, I'm having a release party on Wednesday night (11/11) - I'll be at Metro Cafe & Wine Bar, 32 East 21st St in Manhattan, from 6-10 pm. Come join me for a drink and check out the game."

2009-11-07T12:35:00.002-05:00

Halloween, ReW & Wh0? and Keith And The Girl!!

I've been busy promoting my upcoming Thursday show in very fun and interesting ways. A few days ago I was on
the ReW & Wh0? show in the Bronx with these two older school neato peeps who interview rockers and freaks on
their show. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed hanging out with my interviewees, ReW and Frank Wood, a lower
east side legend maniacal and cool fella. I also got to hang out with a couple of his pals, some old rockers and chat.
It was a priceless adventure. You can see me on the ReW & Wh0 show here:

http://www.youtube.com/user/AriZZmARadio#p/u/8/mjR2qtCzsUw

Last night I trucked me-self out to Queens with my pal Ben Lerman to perform on the Keith and the Girl podcast. Ben has been raving about the podcast for months, saying I've gotta get out there. Finally, we made it happen and Keith and the Girl very generously let me come on the show to promote my Ars Nova show. We had a blast, it was so much fun. Ben poured me a literal vat of whiskey and we drank, joked, laugh and sang a few numbers. You can check that out at www.katg.com.

Finally, here's a picture of me and my friend David on Halloween. Interestingly, we're both dressed in drag. We got maaaaddd photos that night!

T.T.Y.L.

2009-11-06T17:17:00.002-05:00

What Did You Do On Thurs And Fri This Week?

I auditioned for a sweet gig hanging out at free bathrooms in Times Square. This holiday job pays $10,000 for 5 weeks. They're looking for people to entertain and hang out with people waiting in line to use the bathrooms. I hope I get the job! I don't think I'm going to get it though, because I accidentally blew a kiss to the judges at the end of the audition. But if they need an accidentally innocently awkward artist musician performer girl, I'm their lady.

I wrote an original song for my audition on my pink flying V ukulele. I arrived at 9 am yesterday in time to be #177. I went into the big conference room with hundreds of other hopefuls and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, around 2 pm or so, I was brought up to audition. I sang my song and was invited for a call back today. This morning at 11 am, I made my way back to midtown for my second audition.

The room was full of people the second time! There were people taking notes, rolling cameras and really giving me a thorough interview to make sure that I would potentially be right as a bathroom attendant.

You can see the video here of the line and auditions hi-jinks, including a brief segment of my song.

2009-11-04T10:16:00.004-05:00

MY CAT ROCKS

Yeah, I said it. My cat f'in rocks. I have the coolest cat in the world. She plays fetch with these little stuffed mice, she walks around on hind legs, she does freelance tricks off the doors and walls that'd make skaters jealous, she catches flies in the air and devours them with the cutest face I've ever seen on a heartless killer, she hangs out with me in my lap and puts her little paws on the desk while I type (like she's working too), she sleeps in the bend of my knee and keeps me warm, she talks to me with this little whirrrr? sound all the time. She's the coolest.

A lot of people hate cats, or get freaked out by people who love cats, especially if those people are women. And I understand. Worship of anything adorable can be disconcerting to witness. Seeing two couples rubbing noses, for instance? Vomitorious. And for awhile I've tried to pretend like I'm not cat-a-riffic, but it's too impossible when you have a cat as awesome as my Ms. Puss.

I was at Seth Herzog's Sweet show last night at Slipper Room, and Julian McCullough was on stage talking about his cat. He did about 5 or so minutes on his cat and it was hilarious shit. I've wanted to involve Ms. Puss in my stand up for a long time but I thought it'd come off as crazy cat lady-esque. But to have a penis and do cat material -- what a blessing. It was magical. It was some of the funniest stuff I've heard, and some of the best cat material ever. He talked about how animal shelters should be open at 4 am, when people can't wait to make poor life decisions, and so on. Ya gotta see it. He was also talking about how his cat is named Pop Tarts. Not Pop Tart. Here's a sample of his stand up:

Julian McCullough Performs Stand-up - For more funny videos, click here

I filmed a little video of me singing my song, "Let's Legalize Drugs" a few months ago when Ms. Puss was just a kitten and she was running around like a psychotic maniac while I was trying to film the video. I put her in my room but she was crying and freaking out and I didn't want to have the video be filled with the sad meows of what sounded like an abused and tortured cat in the other room, so I figured, screw it, I'll just let her go psychotic while I film the video and I'll pretend I have no idea. It turned out pretty funny. Here's that video:

She also used to make special guest appearances in my "Jessica's Chest of Treasures" videos.

So last night at Sweet, a lady with a very tiny, very adorable dog in a bag showed up and the comics were all fawning over it. Some of us were crying tears of cuteness over it and others were disgusted. One comic was like, "That's bullshit, get a leash". My POV was that it makes sense to carry a puppy purse, because having a dog in a bag was like a little sack of approval. I wish I could carry my cat around with me. It's not only instantaneous attention to have a cute animal in a mesh purse, but you're never lonely. It's like the baby I'm too afraid / too much of a failure to have. Also, because Ms. Puss is so cool, I want to take her everywhere with me.

I saw a dude in midtown with a cat he carried around on his shoulder, and then it'd go on his head and balance. It was a really cool cat. The guy was a dick though. I tried to take a picture and he got all homeless on me.

And that's my morning cat chat. Ah, cats!

2009-11-03T14:53:00.002-05:00

ABOUT THE ANDY KAUFMAN AWARDS LAST NIGHT

The show was soo much fun. I arrived early. Ben Lerman and I traveled up together from the Lower East Side using a little method of transportation I like to call the "F" train. For one magic time in my life, that monster showed up right as I set foot on the platform. Ben and I hopped on and were whisked away like some kind of movie stars. I actually felt pretty good because I was all dolled up and I looked good and I knew it. After spending a lot of time thinking about the award and contemplating what to do, and even coming up with some half decent wackadoo ideas, I decided finally to just be myself. I decided, I'm not "like" Andy Kaufman in that I play pranks on the audience so much, but I am like Andy Kaufman in that I'm an unusual one, a weirdo in my own way, and I like to have fun with people, whether they're completely comprehensive of what is going on or not.

Walking in, I saw Michael Kaufman who I knew from years past. He gave me a big old hug, and it was really nice to see him, like seeing an old friend. I also met Al Parinello who I'd talked to on the phone, who was producing the show, and I could tell right away he had been some kind of performer before. He was funny, charismatic and quick witted. I was right! He owned a radio station once upon a time in Atlantic City, and he put Andy Kaufman on stage the first time Andy had ever performed.

There were 25 other contestants in the show, chosen out of 100+ contestants. I have been a semi-finalist in 2 other shows and a finalist in the one the year that Kristen Schaal won. I saw a lot of people there who I recognized, including Kristen Schaal, who was a celebrity judge. Ben Lerman and Mike Amato, my flat mates from this past summer were both competing, as well as Shane Webb, Matt McCarthy, Matt Higgins, Eric Davis and several others I know and love, as well as many I'd never seen and some I'd only vaguely heard of.

Of the ones I've never seen before, some I really enjoyed were Mary Van Note, Claire Titelman and Sasha & Noob. I really enjoyed almost every act I saw though, and the judges literally could have picked 6 names at random and all of them would have been pretty Kaufmanesque, and worthy of winning.

The ones who won are as follows: One of them was a friend of mine, Mike Amato. They also chose Sasha & Noob, Blaine Kneece, Robby Roadsteamer, Eric Davis and Harrison Greenbaum.

I felt really good about my set and my decision to just be myself, and to not try to be Kaufman-y, though I had some pretty good Kaufman-like ideas. The audience enjoyed my set a lot, and I left the stage feeling very confident. My friends and co-competitors were also very supportive and encouraging. And I made some new friends! The ones who won deserved to win, and I am thinking of going back tonight to watch the finals.

For anyone interested in seeing it, it's at 7 PM tonight at Carolines, at 50th and Broadway in NYC. Go!!! See some Kaufman"esque" comedy from these comedians while they're still young and crazy.

2009-10-31T13:49:00.005-05:00

Last Night's Affairs

Mischeif Night, they call it. My father's birthday, it was also almost the last night of my life. I got invited to Paris Hilton's party (in my mind) but couldn't make it because I was playing at Rubulad. I was supposed to meet a lovely Irish comedian pal named Des Bishop at a bar in my neighborhood, but he was running a little late so I started walking to the Bowery Poetry Club where some other friends were waiting for me. I was carrying a guitar, a small keyboard and my Tyra show gift purse filled to the brim with my costumes and doo dads for the show, and after a few blocks I felt a little bogged down, so I hailed a taxi. I got in the taxi and did not buckle my safety belt. Odd, because I almost ALWAYS buckle up after a bad accident when I was 16 where a seatbelt truly saved my life.

A friend texted me and I was returning his text, when all of a sudden, I went flying into the divider between myself and the driver, and my huge purse full of knick knacks went flying off the seat, raining all over the cab. I hurt my back a few days ago yawning (true story) and I was already not feeling in physical tip top shape, but when I smashed into the divider, I wasn't feeling anything except adrenaline. I looked to my right and saw the eyes of the driver of an SUV who'd just ran a red light, inches from having crushed the side of the taxi cab, right where my fragile unbelted, dressed-up-like-a-pirate body would have been sitting. The driver pulled a bit forward, and started cussing in an ethnic language I'm not familiar with and beeping his horn. Traffic stopped all around us and people pulled up to see if we were OK. The SUV sped away.

I gathered up my things that were strewn all over the floor of the cab and took in how close I'd just come to being seriously permanently dead. If the driver hadn't been paying attention and hadn't swerved violently, I would have been the meat in a Ford sandwich.

He was truly freaked out for the rest of the ride, kind of hyperventilating and swearing, and yelling "Why! Why you run a red light!?" as if I had been the driver of the SUV and he was demanding I answer him why I'd done that. I tried to calm him down by going back and forth between purring, "It's OK, sir, we're OK" and sitting quietly, contemplating myself what had just happened.

As the cab slowed at my destination, I was out of that thing before it even stopped, like the family in Poltergeist as they sped away from their haunted house, wishing the nice fella a safe evening.

Inside, I was shaken but a glass of wine and my friends quickly knocked me back into the reality that I was safe and sound and continuing on with my night. As I type this I'm stopping a moment to give thanks to no one in particular, and everything around me.

Des pulled up in a sweet Mazda SUV (his parents!) and we all piled in and headed to BK to the party. The party was lots of fun, everyone in crazy super creative costume -- a ballerina who ate her own heart, Jena Friedman was a vampire who used nail polish as a blood drip down her mouth -- that's dedication to a costume!, others were just crazy looking, decked out in amazing artsy hand made or store bought gear. It was an impressive array. We partied til about 2 or so am, I did a set where I had 5 costumes and stripped each costume off to reveal another costume and do another song. I was a unicorn, a witch, a pirate, Whitney Houston and a goofy slut ball. Now that I think of it, I left my pirate hat there. Poo.

This photo is dark, but it's me on the left, Des in the middle (in my mask) and Jena on the right as a vampire. I tried to lighten it in Photoshop but it looked crappy so I just left it alone.

After the party, we picked up Reggie Watts and ran into Jen Dunlap on the street on our way to the Lucky Duck bar in Bkln. We all said hi and hugged, then followed Jen into The Levee, then were going to go on to Lucky Duck but changed our minds, got back into the car and drove to Veselka for a 4 am breakfast / cool down. Every four minutes someone came up to shake Reggie's hand. He has more friends than anyone you or I know.

Reggie Watts -- the coolest mofo in the world!

What an awesome night!

2009-10-30T15:32:00.004-05:00

TYRA PUTS MODELS IN "BLACKFACE" AND EVERYONE GETS ALL UP IN A TIZZY

In the NY Daily News column which claims "The media cries fowl", they mean, a columnist at Huffington Post who didn't appreciate Tyra's fashion shoot. Now, granted, the Tyra show is full of moronic producers and it is an incredibly unorganized set up, and I would know, because I've seen it first hand, but seriously -- is it really that huge of a deal? It is to whoever came up with this hair-brained scheme, because he or she is surely about to get fired over this.

But let's get into it, for a minute. Back in the 30s and 40s and the Al Jolson times, there was a lot of racism and whitey hatred on blackie, and that was not cool. There's still whitey hatred on blackie, and blackie hatred on whitey, and mexicy hating on jewie and vice versa, and even hate combo platters that haven't even been thought of yet. Hatred is a part of the world. I wish it would go away, but Tyra's fashion show isn't making more hatred, and it's certainly not curing hatred. It's kind of more like dummies making art. So do we have to insist there's hate-filled motives there when there's clearly not? Models are too stupid to hate.

Was Tyra, her models, or her show's stupid producers really being racist? Most people would agree they were not.

Chappelle did "white face" on Chappelle's Show, and he was making straight fun of white people, and most white people would probably agree, it was hilarious. Derrick Beckles did "blacker" face (being a very light skinned black man) for Super Deluxe's "This Is Now" news cast and it was so funny, people on the set practically couldn't look at him, because he looked so hilarious, and not in a 'ha ha, anti-black jokes' kind of way, but in more of a 'you look ridiculous' kind of way.

I performed at London's Soho Theatre last year as "Whitney Houston in black face" and got a very mixed review for it. The fact is, I can't pretend to be black with white skin. If I'd come out as I am with a black wig on, I'd have looked like a white girl singing Whitney Houston. I LOVE Whitney Houston. However, all the journalists out there are putting her down every chance they get, and negatively depicting her and seriously, truly hating on Whitney, with their skin staying exactly in tact. I, however, did an homage performance to Whitney and all the blimeys got all limey.

I may perform Whitney in black face again, somewhere, someday. And I can promise you, it's got nothing to do with the 30s, hating black people or encouraging hate of any kind. It's a fun little piece I do, it's a bit comedic and a whole lot appreciatory towards a musician who I adore and admire and who I grew up with, and that's about all there is to it.

And as for anyone else who chooses to do a performance of some kind in black face, or any other color face (Blue Man Group?), well, as a society, we'll surely judge each piece on an act by act basis.

2009-10-29T11:29:00.003-05:00

New Press!

Thanks Gerry Visco, NY Press, and Daniella LaBoca for putting me in the show.

Here is a video where I'm singing "The Catholic League" song in Galway, Ireland, wearing that "60s schoolgirl" outfit Gerry's talking about. If you listen closely, you can hear Diane O'Debra laughing here and there through out the video (because she was there!) Directions: 1. Enjoy! 2. Send to your parents.

2009-10-28T14:25:00.001-05:00

TONITE:
Edinburgh: Best of the Fringe in NYC

This show looks like it's going to be fun and yummy, featuring several NYC performers who put on shows in last year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival presenting segments from their UK shows. Ben Lerman's "Size Matters", Stacy Meyer's "Funeralogues", my "I Wanna Be Famous" and more. The $15 ticket includes free wine and tasty hors devours after the show from Anwar's family's restaurant.

Anwar is Stacy's boyfriend who cooked amazing food for us while we were in Scotland. Based on the amazing 4 or 5 course breakfast he prepared for us, you are in for a very special treat. We are also all going to be giving away some of our collected Scotland treats and knick knacks.

Its like a little taste of the Fringe Festival, right here in NYC.

You can get tickets here:
$15 Advance Tickets
http://www.facebook.com/l/8c714;www.brownpapertickets.com/event/86972
http://www.facebook.com/l/8c714;www.edfringeNYC.com

And here's a word from Stacy and the rest of the details. See you tonight!!

Hey guys:

I am so excited that you are coming tonight to celebrate the truly great experience that is the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I just wanted to remind you that show starts at 7:00pm and we'll be having appetizers and wine afterwards so please stop by anytime. Let me know if you ahve any questions. I'm looking forward to it.

-Stacy

EDINBURGH: the best of the fringe
Wednesday, October 28th at 7:00pm
The Green Room, 45 Bleecker St at Lafayette
6 to Bleecker

2009-10-22T11:27:00.012-05:00

A Big Night Of Fun

Last night was a real hoot. First stop was Joe's Pub with all kinds of great performers -- Margaret Cho, who did a comedy song about how "You Don't Lick My Pussy Right", went on first. Next was Tom Shillue who told a funny story about how he almost became the new face for insurance with the character, "Justin Case" but was beat out by a talking duck that says "Aflac". Jon Friedman had the best set of the night, in my opinion, with his funny opening joke about being the "and more" part of the show and a hilarious video where he dressed up like a chicken and interacted with a company picnic in the park. Next was Rachel Dratch who told a story that she asked the audience not to repeat, sorry! In all fairness to you and her, it wasn't too crazy personal, but she obviously felt differently about that one, so just come to the show next time and get the goods for yourself. Finally was Mike Daisey with a really great and touching story about racial epitaphs and the trouble they can get you into when you put them on posters and hang them everywhere in the name of free speech. Kevin Allison produced and hosted the terrific show. I had a super VIP seat which allowed me to get some pretty sweet shots!

If only my fancy expensive Iphone had zoom or took better quality photos, you'd actually be able to see who is in those pics. Even my old Samsung junker from 3 years ago had a zoom on it. It's like we're devolving as a society in some ways. Maybe it's a fun game for you to just guess.

Tim & Ellis were the seemingly improvisational musical interlude between acts, but after the show they told me they got their set list in advance, so I guess they just make it look that effortless.

I met up with my pal Jena Friedman who missed the show but arrived in time to walk me to Union Square on her way to see Jenny Slate's show in Bkln. I wanted to go see it too, but I went my separate way towards the Saul Williams show at The Gramercy Theater (the old Blender Theater). I went there to meet my friend Cavasa who is playing bass in a metally punk band called Activator, which opened for Saul Williams as part of Afro Punk's CMJ showcase. I showed up just in time to see them take the stage and rock it.

Cavasa rockin' out!

After their set, I went downstairs to the VIP lounge but a very ugly bulldoggish man refused to let me enter the lounge. So I called out to my friend Chris Rock who was in there and said, hey! This guy won't let me in! He punched the guy in the face and told the paparazzi to get over there and take a photo of us together.

He said, "No one fucks with Jessica Delfino!" The ugly bulldoggish man apologized and then was fired. And that is where my made up story ends.

I strolled out of there like a princess, hopped onto my bike and rode over to a photo studio around the corner for a night time photo session. I turned my "camera" on the photographer for a change.

Oh, by the way, here's a new publicity shot -- no my breasts are not fake (someone asked).

You can see more of his awesome photos here.

Sometimes I kinda like my life.

2009-10-20T13:18:00.004-05:00

LAST NIGHT AND TONITE

Last night I went out to dinner at a lovely little restaurant in Dumbo. A friend of mine took me there as a surprise.
He also had another surprise for me -- some very fancy whiskey in a plastic Poland Spring bottle. He whipped it
out of his jacket like a creepy scientist and began to pour it into our water glasses.

"Um, I don't think you're allowed to do that," I said, getting nervous for once at the concept of breaking the rules
instead of embracing them as I usually do. I hope that doesn't mean I'm an adult now. Shit.

He shrugged his shoulders and said in his classic downplay voice I've come to know and have mixed feelings about,
"Jess. It'll be fine. Cheers." He held up his glass, the size of a small juice cup, filled almost to the brim of this fancy
whiskey, and clinked glasses with mine. 'Maybe he knows something I don't,' I told myself. 'Maybe this place is a
BYOB. Most of these little restaurants are, aren't they?' I salu'd him and slugged away.

A few minutes later, a waiter came over and asked us if we wanted a drink, but noticed our glasses were already full.
He got very agitated, insisting it's illegal to bring your own liquor into a restaurant, not to mention, very rude.
I tried to cover for my pal saying, "Uh, isn't this place BYOB?" He said, "No, it's not," and stormed
off. For the next 15-20 mins we got a pretty vigorous silent treatment, and I was beginning to wonder if maybe we should
leave. I was actually starting to get kind of pissed, because we were about to drop about $100 on dinner (that's what
it would cost us to eat there) and they were being dicks about the $20 we weren't spending. But right before I finalized my decision to gather my coat and trot out of that popsicle stand, the waiter broke and started treating us like paying customers again.

I'm glad it worked out, because the food was amazing. It was one of the most delicious meals I've had at a restaurant
in NYC ever. And I don't even know the name of the place. However, I will be back and I will take friends. Next time,
I'll buy my booze there, I guess.

After that debacle, I left to go to the Ars Nova Ant Fest party. It was a lot of fun, with tons of food that I couldn't eat
because I was already too jammed full of yummy dinner and fancy whiskey. I hung out and chatted with a few pals
and met a couple of new ones, did a couple of interviews, one spontaneously instigated by another performer (he
asked me 20 questions about my life and for some reason, I answered them all) and then jetted out into the night, my hair all flowing all sexy behind me, playing over my black sequined dress like I was some kind of lame super star.

TONIGHT TUE:

Come to the Kong Magazine Launch Party in Williamsburg at Matchless Bar, 7-9 PM.
It's going to be awesome, and me and the skits gals are going to do our famed "Sexercise" sketch that all the kids know and love.

Matchless Bar, 557 Manhattan Ave
Williamsburg, BK, NY
7-9 PM
FREE
MORE INFO HERE

After that, both Steph and I will be performing in Katrin Heir's show at Comix's Ochi's Lounge. Be there or disappoint me.

2009-10-19T12:39:00.002-05:00

FOLLOW UP OF SKITS'N'TITS, Alex's Bday Show, etc.
and 2 GREAT SHOWS TOMORROW

The show on Wed was a total blast! It was so much fun it's taken me about 5 days to get it together
and write an entry about it, because I'm still RECOVERING.

I wrote Alex a musical birthday card / song because I hate singing "Happy Birthday To You" to people,
I think it's a boring song, and when people sing it they sound sad, and when people are having it sung
to them, it makes them feel embarrassed because the song sucks.

So I just wrote him a cute little birthday song card ditty instead and sung it. That way it was more
embarrassing to ME.
You can see a video of it here, because someone recorded it for some reason!

After the song, we handed out about 50+ cupcakes (that I made!) to everyone in the audience
in celebration of Alex's birthday. Then Colin Quinn performed! I had been asking Colin for awhile to
perform because Alex loves his comedy (and so do we, the Skits'N'Tits gang) and he finally said
YES! So he came to the Bowery PC and knocked it out of the park. We love Colin!!

Later he texted me and said the other song I played on my uke, "A Stranger's Cock" should be nominated
for an American Music Award. My heart melted into an unrecognizable goo paste. (That is a really old version
of it, I think it's better now. I have to upload a newer version.)

In other news, I'm going to be performing tomorrow TUE in TWO great, *free* SHOWS:

The Kong Magazine Launch Party
(it's a magazine about sex+comedy created by Jessica Moats,
designer and art director of Playgirl and many other mags)
Matchless Bar, 557 Manhattan Ave
Williamsburg, BK, NY
7-9 PM
FREE
MORE INFO HERE
The Skits'N'Tits gang (Diane, Steph and I) will be doing Sexercise and I'll be playing a few songs.

and then...

Sister Katrin's Confessional
Ochi's Lounge @ Comix
353 W. 14th St. @ 9th Ave
9 PM on
FREE

Be there or else I will pretend like I didn't notice you weren't there.

I also have to keep plugging this because it's getting closer and I'm so excited about it!

Thurs Nov 12 @ 8 PM
Jessica Delfino's Dirty Folk Rock
Ars Nova ANT FEST!
511 W. 54th St.
With her lewd songs and unconventional instruments (rape whistle!), Jessica Delfino is a self-described brunette Britney Spears--with balls.
Tickets: $10
For more info: arsnovanyc.com
SPECIAL OFFER: If you buy a ticket online GET YOURS HERE NOW you get a free drink at the show (which nearly covers the cost of the ticket!)

2009-10-13T23:20:00.004-05:00

THIS JUST IN: COLIN QUINN TO PERFORM AT SKITS'N'TITS TOMORROW!!

Remote Control, Saturday Night Live, Tough Crowd -- we're talkin' THE Mr. Colin Quinn. That's right, bitches. Does the Skits'N'Tits crew know how to throw a show? You betcha! Also starring The Chichiones, Elon Gold, Creamy Stevens, Jordan Carlos, a special drop in visit by London comedian Matt Kirshen (who was in Last Comic Standing UK), Mike Amato, a video by Dan Allen, a new sketch and a new video by Diane, Steph and Jess (starring Livia Scott, Milton Katz, Katrin Heir, Mike Amato) and so much more. Dr. Steam Whipple and Triage rock at midnite.

10 PM, $5, 308 Bowery. If you miss the show, one of the few acceptable reasons might be because you have several broken limbs.

We're super excited to have him on the show. If you've never seen him live, you are in for a treat.

Oh, and free cupcakes for my love Alex M. Smith's birthday. 10 PM, $5, 308 Bowery. Get your ass to the show!!!

2009-10-12T09:47:00.002-05:00

THE MOST SUPER NUTSO OTHER DAY EVER

I had a super nutso day the other day. For starters, I had an audition that was exactly like
a snap shot from Central Casting. There was a "one of everything", like The Breakfast Club.
A nerdy dude, a model chick, a grungy crunchy hippy fella, a big muscly guy, a cute asian,
and me. I guess that makes me the freak.

Later I ran into Tekserve to run a quick errand and on my way out, I stopped to pin a couple
flyers to the bulletin board for my upcoming ARS NOVA show NOVEMBER 12th. (Shame-filled hint / plug -- get your ticket today, this show will sell out, sorta like myself, eventually)

So there I am, plugging my flyer onto the board when I look down and see a man hand dropping
a small handful of those "Dan Smith Will Teach You Guitar" flyers. I follow the man hand up to see
none other than Dan Smith!

This may not seem like such a huge deal to anyone else, but when I moved to NYC 8 years ago, one
of the first things I saw was the "Dan Smith Will Teach You Guitar" flyers. I've been continuing to
see them everywhere for the entire rest of the time I've been here, so when I actually saw THE Dan
Smith (I knew it was him because his picture is on the flyers) it was like a celebrity sighting. I
feel like I practically KNOW the guy.

I was like, "are you THE Dan Smith?" and he was like, "Yeah" and I was like, "Woah, crazy!" He shook
my hand and was really polite, just like the kind of interaction you'd like to have with a celebrity.

Maybe I should take guitar lessons. I really can't play anyway. I've just been pretending for the past 10 years.
A few people have noticed, but most just get hung up on my candy sweet voice and my fun lyrics, which is
fine with me.

And if you've never heard my candy sweet voice or fun lyrics, you have a few chances this week:

Tonight at 8 PM at Sage Theater, 711 7th Ave at 46th St., I'll be playing as part of the "Bunch of 5 Telling Stories" series. If you
want to hear some gripping, heart wrenching, funny, blind siding tales, come to this thing. Last time I
heard Joseph Limone and Brendan Connellan telling stories, and both were fun, funny, stirring and
intriguing. But specifically, Joseph's stories of almost dying had me on the edge of my seat, wondering,
"Does he live? Does he make it?" forgetting he's in front of me telling the story, so, like, yeah, dude.
He makes it.

And don't forget Skits'N'Tits THIS WED at 10 PM. Comedy+burlesque+rock'n'roll featuring Diane O'Debra, Steph Sabelli and myself, Shappy hosts, new videos, new sketches, boobies, stand up comedy, music at midnight from Dr. Steam Whipple and Triage and more. 308 Bowery at 1st St, NYC. Don't miss it!!

In other news, I performed at the Brick N Mortar Video Film Festival in Greenfield, MA a few days ago. It was a lovely festival that took place in several dilapidated-but-being-remodeled buildings. I wish I could have picked the whole festival up and brought it to NYC, but it is nice that such a cool thing was going on in this tiny, forgotten little Massachusetts town. And the foliage! Oh, the foliage. Special thanks to Polina Volfovich for her help in organizing my participation. She's also an amazing artist. I'll put some photos and more info up about the festival in a day or so. Too busy to do it now. Gotta run, I gotta a lot of work to do!

See ya later!

2009-10-07T12:22:00.005-05:00

What's Goin On This Weekend, Delfino?

Good question! In the next few days I've got some fun shows and events coming up.

Tomorrow night, Thurs Oct. 7:
Entertaining the Bartender
with Jena Friedman and other guests
170 Ave A at 11th St
NY, NY
9 PM - 10:30, Free show

Saturday, Thurs Oct 9:
Brick + Mortar Intl Video Festival
Downtown Greenfield, MA
2pm – 12am
I am performing at 11 PM on Saturday night!
Greenfield, MA
http://greenfieldvideofest.org

I'm getting an early start on this one:

Thurs Nov 12 @ 8 PM
Jessica Delfino's Dirty Folk Rock
Ars Nova ANT FEST!
511 W. 54th St.
With her lewd songs and unconventional instruments (rape whistle!), Jessica Delfino is a self-described
brunette Britney Spears--with balls.
(Someone said yesterday that I'm more like a brunette Nellie McKay which I don't agree with, but I like!)
Tickets: $10
For tickets and other info: arsnovanyc.com
SPECIAL OFFER: If you buy a ticket online GET YOURS HERE NOW you get a free drink at the show (which nearly covers the cost of the ticket!)

And check out this fun little interview with me by dementedly funny UK writer, Nick Gilmartin.

And if you're lookin' for something fun to do tonight, check out Sacapuntas at 308 Bowery at 1st St. at 8 PM or O'Hanlon's comedy show at 14th bet 1st / 2nd at 7:30, both great shows with excellent line ups.

2009-10-05T20:50:00.003-05:00

Whatcha doin tomorrow night?

My friends (including Brendan Connellan aka Legal Alien) are putting together a very cool story telling night at Sage Theater in midtown at 8 PM, tomorrow, Tue Oct 6. Tickets are $12, the show runs 75 mins long. There is
also a photo exhibit by Alexia Innis whose photos are fabulous. Sage Theater is in midtown on 711 Seventh Avenue, 2nd floor
New York, NY 10036. Between 47th & 48th St.

For more information, visit HERE or sagetheater.us.

This is the first show I'm doing since I've been back in NYC from Florida. Come say hi and have a beverage with me :)

2009-10-04T10:02:00.004-05:00

Hi There!

Sorry I haven't written in a few days. I'm still struggling with this dag nab swine flu. For reals? I'm not sure if it's swiney or not, but it doesn't feel very nice. I'm coughing a lot and I'm glad to be in Florida right now in the warm heat. I went swimming in the ocean yesterday and the water was warm and smooth, like an enormous bath tub. I may have even gotten a little color, but I can't be sure because I'm all paley pale-kins from being ick-say.

But I'm not letting this cold get me down. I drove through North Carolina and visited my sister and brother-in-law and saw some beautiful water falls, parks, sights and farmer's markets. I have pictures, I'll put them up laterz.

I got some great news, too! I have just been selected to perform in the NY Comedy Festival in the Andy Kaufman Award show. Check out my submission video (below), which was filmed on the set of "The Other Guys" starring Will Farrell and Marky Mark Wahlberg (which was being taped outside my door, complete with fake dead body under a car!)

Here's the link -- share it with friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCbDRibcyVE

NEXT, I'm going to keep plugging away at this one: I'm doing a solo show at Ars Nova on Thurs, Nov. 12 at 8 PM. If you've never been to Ars Nova, it's a beautiful space in midtown and I'm honored to be part of the Ars Nova ANT Fest. If you'd like to come, get your ticket now, because this show will sell out. Tickets are $10 and if you buy one on-line, you get a free drink at the show! Not bad. It'd mean a ton to me to see lots of FCWs in the audience, so if you have never seen me perform, or if you have but have friends visiting, etc., please come and share my demented mindset. It will be old hits, new gems and all my best stuff, including my rape whistle song. I hope to see you there! You can buy your tickets here:
https://www.ovationtix.com/trs/pe/7567465

AND, don't miss Skits'N'Tits, Wed. Oct 14, the 2nd Wed of every month with comedy, burlesque n rock'n'roll, 10 PM, $5. This month we have new videos and sketches, comedy by FCW Jenny Rubin and others, including a special celebrity guest! Rock N Roll by the very handsome Dr. Steam Whipple and Triage at midnight. 308 Bowery at 1st St.

Are you on twitter? I am too! www.twitter.com/jessicadelfino

See you guys somewhere, sometime, soon!

2009-09-27T12:42:00.003-05:00

BEING SICK SUCKS

It really sucks the motivation that I barely already have right the hell outta me. Here I am, just mindin' me own ps and qs, when I feel that old familiar and really annoying tickle in my throat. It starts as a little shimmy and turns into a full blown ugghhhh. Next thing I know, I'm lying in bed in a pair of jogging pants like some commoner.

I got invited to take part in what sounded like a really fun and amazing photo shoot yesterday (Sat) out at Coney Island, including a brunch meet and greet and EVERYTHING. I had been looking forward to it all week, but when I woke up on Saturday morning and looked at my pasty, shacked looking face in the morning, I knew there was no way Swinie and I were going to be able to make it. Do I have the swine flu? I dunno. I doubt it. I feel like hell on a cracker, but I don't feel unable to function. I can still sing a dirty ditty if need be.

Which is exactly what I did last night.

Though I had to cancel out on the photo shoot because I know when my face is in photo mode and when it's not, and I don't need no more bad photos out there floating around, after all, I AM a performer, I had no intention of cancelling the shows I had booked for the evening. That's one of the reasons I cancelled the shoot -- was so that I would have energy for the shows.

So I stayed in my apartment, pattering around in slippers and sipping diet coke all day and chewing those nasty zycam now and later knock offs, and I even briefly met up with a friend in the park for an hour of fresh air and writing.

Around 8, I started to get ready for my first show. It was called "Monkey Wrench" and took place at Gotham Improv. I dolled myself as best I could with clear goo spurting out of at least one facial orifice, grabbed my pink ukulele to distract people from my hideous sick face and hopped onto my bicycle. Unless my legs are detached, riding my bike is the way to get from point A to point B. Since I was wearing a pink glittery ball gown and gold heels, I got lots of whistles and hey babies, which I'm used to, but I could have been wearing one roller skate, one flip flop, jogging pants and a stained cardigan and the whistlers and hey baby-ers would still be out in full force. They see hair and lips and start flipping out like zoo animals. Any woman in NYC, regardless of looks, need only step outside to have her esteem raised by the masses of horny, standard-less, vocally fearless men constantly seeming to be endlessly roaming the streets in search of boobies to ogle.

The show was nice -- not super packed but there was a sweet, attentive audience in a great space. The acts that went on all had their strengths. I was backstage for most of the show, dabbing my face with a goober collector and making a large attempt to not interact too intensely with any other potential germ hosts, so I could only hear the show and not see it. After my set, I went into the audience, sat far away from other people and watched the last act. After the show, people tried to shake my hand and get friendly but I kept a fair distance and did no hand shaking. To help rid the planet of this deadly body shaker!

It was raining when I came outside and I was cold, so I forced myself onto the subway, leaving my beloved bike behind. I went home to collect a few things and went back out into the night for show # 2 in Dumbo. I paid for my subway ticket and went into the subway. After standing on the platform for about 30 minutes, the train voice guy said there would be no downtown F train due to police activity. So I took a taxi to the box truck convention -- one of the funnest shows I've done in a long time. It was a caravan of box trucks parked along a bright hidden alley in Dumbo. Each truck had something cool going on in it -- a twister truck, a jazz truck, a tea truck, a talk show truck. I entered the talk show truck and had a terrific time entertaining a very captive audience of truck-a-teers.

I walked home in the rain (my umbrella didn't do much to keep the drops off me) feeling the sickness inside of me behaving like a room full of kids with a substitute teacher, took the F train back to where it drops me off nearly in front of my home, and went immediately to bed.

There's my Saturday night in a very large nut shell.

Today I will stay inside since it's raining. I might jog up to 21st street to get my bike if I feel like kicking ass. Tonight I have a show at 308 Bowery -- Match Game, hosted by Ben Lerman. It's always a fun show, and I apologize in advance cyberly to anyone who may be within 4 feet of me. But I'm not sooo sick, I'm not coughing or hacking or sneezing, just seeping. So don't touch me to try to make out with me, if you know what's good for you.