Peace Diary

NO TIME

2009-04-29T11:18:00.004+08:00

Ask him something, NO TIME... Ask him help something, WAIT.... LATER.... TROUBLESOME LAR U...

Clara asked him to help, he shouted at her.

Who dare to ask him for help?

The phone rang. He answered. He GOT TIME. He can chat about the sky, the earth, anything under the sun and he GOT TIME. He could spend one hour talking to friend and said "I DON'T NEED TO EARN MONEY HAR?" when asked him to go church or anywhere that need his help.

Asked him to help me as I do not know everything about the computer. Why am I doing all these? Why? If I have a job, if I have money, I would not need to do all these things. I would be tidying up the house, helping my children with their school work if I do not need to think of money -- if you can give me money, even if you are not supporting me with housework and parenting.

How much is the family worth more than friends? How much is the family worth more than money? How much is your health worth more than money then?

He told me, "No more money already." I asked him,"How?" He told me,"You have to think of yourself."

What have I told him before. Would he heed my advice? I let him 'play'. So now is the day coming, and getting nearer and nearer. Everyday, I am paying for all the meals, paying for all the necessities. He does not need to fork out any cents. His money don't lie idling around! What a joke. And I am handling everything. I only hope I can know more things so that I can do more things. If only he can teach me, HAVE TIME at least and HAVE PATIENCE at least.

What have I learned From him
What have the children learned from him? Bad things are so easy to learn. There is almost no need to learn bad things. Children just know it. And they followed it. "Bad things" are so cool! They just 'admired' them.... But he wants the children to be expert, to be smart, to excel in everything.... but what kind of environment, what kind of things are you imparting to your children?

He has knowledge but he did not share willingly. He would not have TIME for the family.... But when friends called ANYTIME, he GOT TIME ANYTIME, and he can go out ANYTIME to meet his friends. What about WE, the mother, the housewife, who need to look after children and the home? Can we have the same? Even if I am working, I do not have ANYTIME AVAILABLE to my clients or friends. What are you doing that you can afford ANYTIME AVAILABLE??

No Green Pasture At Home
He told me his time is money. How much are you making an hour? I need to pay him to go church for some time (before my conversion). Why am I doing that? He simply does not understand and always think that the other side of the hill is greener.

He is not the only one like that. Some people are just like that, taking family members for granted, and always think that 'outside people' (friends, strangers) are better than families. People who treat him nicely and wanted him to be good, and yet he think that people wanted to harm him!!!!

Talk Louder Than Actions
I already tried. I had taken in contests. I had tried taking the photographs and asked my friends to vote for the photographs. I have limited friends. But he got lots of 'friends'. He said 'no problem'... and what happens...

Disappointed again and again
People think that I do not want to work. I am lazy. Can I afford to go out to work? I tried before. I cannot take the kind of stress. Coming home, having to do everything(all the housework, all the problems at home all need to be handled...) If he can share the workload, he can be more sensible, and at least know what is happening to the children at school, I can have more peace of mind. But nope. Would he care about anything except his favourite computer?

When things go wrong, I am the one who need to solve everything. All he did is always the easy way out... to throw away everything, and even to throw away 'me and the children'... Over is over, but that is not the way to handle things. This is a great challenge....

Engulf Me

2009-04-24T20:19:00.004+08:00

Dinner time. I thought it's going to be a happy meal. I cooked fried rice, honey chicken wings, chicken nuggets and left-overs from afternoon lunch (which includes bittergourd, chye sim, fish soup and canned peanuts).

Richard likes to eat his food hot. If cold, he would not like it. But when food is ready, I asked him to come for meals, he would always take so long to come to the table. Sometimes I need to call several times, and he would not be happy too. This is something which makes 'this task' (serving hot food) seem difficult.

While waiting for everyone, I left some of the chicken wings and nuggets at the oven (so that some would be still warm). When he came out of the room to have his meal, I saw him walking pass the kitchen. So I told him to bring out the chicken wings. He asked,"How?" I told him that there was a plate and a fork there. "Use them to take the chicken wings out of the oven." He said,"Where is the plate?" The plate is just above the oven. While cooking in the oven, I warm also use the top of the oven to warm up the food. But he said,"Why put the plate here? So hot!" He was not happy already. He began to throw things around.

Just asked him to do something. And it is so hard. A man afraid of HEAT. A man who has 'difficulties' in helping out with the family. His job scope is just washing the dishes and at times help out with washing air-con (which is another difficult task for him. So I tried to do it myself.) What other things can he help out voluntarily and happily?

No money and yet don't bother to help out. I took part in Huggies Contest. Told him about it and he said,"Voting only...so easy lar!" He said he got lots of friends. He said it is easy. And still today, he said, "Easy lar, I have thousands of friends, don't worry lar!" How many times had he said that and until now, nothing had been done... except from Facebook, which I had suggested. What about his friends? His friends called him and he said he would be available ANYTIME. Family asked him to do something, family need his help, "WAIT LAR!" "YOU VERY TROUBLESOME!" *Throw things around* *broken cups* *broken plates*.....

I finished my dinner. Left four chicken wings. The whole time, we were all quiet. How can I have the mood to be happy. Always come to the table like thousands of people offended him. Shout at children.... nothing good come out from the mouth. Cooked nutritious food for the family, but he still want to eat canned peanuts. I am tired of telling him anymore.... would he believe what I say everytime? Always think that people 'torture' him, people despise him. Always said that I don't support him. But who is the one who do not support who? I am trying so hard to run this family and now I am pregnant, with so much inconvenience and PAIN, and YET he said I AM PRETENDING. PRETENSE. This is so much PAIN, internal PAIN, it is a sword pierced into the heart.

Meal time, he always sat down in front of computer and refused to come out in time. We were all hungry, especially now that I am pregnant. The children and me would eat first at times. HE would say he is eating leftovers. He claimed to say that we gave him things which we don't want to eat. Strike me, open up my heart and see the colour of my heart. I always have to reserve food for them/him, and most of the time, I have to throw away what they did not eat. It's not that I cannot finish the food! I would be most happy if you can afford to buy outside food and I don't have to cook (if you can afford to! Use your own money then... and what happens next?

Talk and all talk.

At the dining table, he said,"I helped you to finish the chicken wings." What a joke. Help me finish the chicken wings! The children and me were eating nuggets and chicken wings, but he is the only one who is eating canned peanuts. How I hope he would eat the nuggets and chicken wings... Who would want to ill-treat him? But see who is ill-treating who!

Last night, he made a cup of milo for son. It was so diluted till he did not want to drink also. The day before, I asked him to make a cup of Horlick for me. It was just as diluted. I told him several times already, but nothing goes into the ear. It tasted like water.

Before this, we used to buy packets Milo. It used up so fast. Every day it was so convenient to open the packet and just add hot water. So he said buy big can Milo. I bought big can Milo and in the end, he is the one who seldom drink Milo. I bought Tea/ Teh Tarik for him. He said he don't want. But in the end, one day he could drink up to three cups.... Milo, I am making it for myself and the children. When we want to drink instant Milo, he gave us half a packet of Milo for each person -- diluted Milo -- instead of each one one packet of Milo.

At the supermarket, I bought fruit juice. He went over to another side, showed me orange syrup -- telling me it is cheaper to drink that....

The Resurrection

2009-04-12T21:23:00.005+08:00

世间只有你好-华山论剑主题曲

This video shows the original singer, but the sound is not so good.

邵氏《射鵰英雄傳續集》、TVB《世間始終你好》Mix

This video has better sound but no images of the singer.

This is my inspirational song of the day. It motivates me, lifting my heart, and it shows my feeling, the sudden surge of energy.

Was very tearful, and sad... as usual when he is involved. The one who seems to be 'working for the master of sins', the Prince of Darkness...

Walked to church again today. Never saw any myna or crane or squirrel this time. But Clara showed me a very beautiful bird on the tree. It was a yellow bird, very beautiful, and making sound (but I don't know what is the name of the bird). This is the first time I see such kind of bird.

A beautiful bird singing on the tree, the cinnamon tree, just beside the open grassland opposite Woodlands Esso Petrol Kiosk.

This is a special week, the week where Jesus died and was resurrected on the third day. This is the first time I attended church for consecutive days. Jesus had and has helped me. How can I don't do anything for him? Church was merely going and with 'not so much feeling', not much of understanding all the time. But it was all different now. Everytime I would 'grasp' something and I felt different after going church (just like today).

As mentioned, today my inspirational song is The Legend of the Condor Heroes, 《射鵰英雄傳》, one of the theme song sang by Roman, 世間始終你.

Out of the church, and after dinner, the children and I walked home. While walking, I pondered...

A Financial Adviser Who Knows Nothing?
He never supported me, yet he twisted his words and said that I did not support him, and said that I looked down on him. Come on, when did I ever did that, and why should I do that? Just check my heart. Do you want to listen to people's advice, do you want to listen to the opinion I had given you? Do you want to co-operate with me? Yet he said "You know what lah?"

He knows a lot. Sure. Fine. I knew this day will come. I supported you, let you 'handled' everything as you wish even though you said I know nothing. But what happens now?

Time and Money
Asked him go church, NO TIME. Asked him go dinner, NO TIME. "I DON'T NEED EARN MONEY HAR?"..........

Heartache. Chestbone crushing.

Faith
Lucky, I know that I can trust God. Is Jesus going to fail me? Jesus has never fail me before, but it was the other way round. Now that I had rediscovered the real truth, the miraculous power of God and Jesus Christ, my Lord, I am placing my trust on him.

This is the image that was shown in my head while walking home.

This image was seen in my dream on 5 June 2008 -- The dream of How Much Is The Doggie In The Window (Lucky I write it down, otherwise I won't remember the date at all.)

This image is taken from the Cantonese Hong Kong Show by Felix Wang : Legend of The Condor Heroes as shown below:

《射雕英雄傳之鐵血丹心》片頭1983

HOPE and Determination
I felt better, definitely better. I felt a 'new life' within me -- a fresh new start, with a more meaningful life, with a mission to fulfill, a purposeful life...

EASY MAKING MONEY TOOLS

2009-03-28T17:24:00.004+08:00

It only get worse, not better. How to get better when people refuse to improve on themselves. How to get better when the big 'kid' do not even listen.

It is just simple issues, and JUST SIMPLE things. But JUST simple things and yet it is SO DIFFICULT. When there is no small things where got big things? And everything just pile up and pile up......

Tell him, talk to him, no use. Refuse to listen. If he would listen, if he would co-operate, he would not leave the house in the first place. So he is the extra fortunate 'kid' at home who do not need to do housework, except to wash dishes..... and that is 'part-time' basis...

The children used to listen. Things were better it seems when they were younger. But why the 'big kid' can don't need to move while we need to move? The big kid just sit there, face the computer and I cannot do the same? The big kid talked like that why I cannot talk like that?? etc etc

Now, she asked,"why there are so many ants on the table?" Asked me. Yes, everybody comes to me. The big kid who do not even care about anything, not even know about children's exam date, not knowing about the children's school matters at all, would come to ask me 'why the child has a bruise on the leg' --- Did not ask the children, but ask me. 'Why the table like that?" Why this and why that. But nobody wants to do anything. Just refuse to do anything. MOTIONLESS. SO difficult to MOVE.

My mother said the same thing at home. I used to help out. But later I gave up. In less than a day, everything is messy again.... And this is the man who had brought the bitch home. The bitch said this is a pig's sty. Ha ha... The cock sleeps with the pig. The cock steals soap, the cock never bother about hygiene... but seem to care, act to care....... close the door, nobody see, who cares.......

And now why should the children bother so much -- since one person throw it on the floor, the second person throws and then the third person definitely don't need to put it in order. Simple instructions, but so hard to do....

HOW CAN I WORK? I said,"we switch role. You do what I do now and I go out to work. You want?" "I come back, dinner all ready, housework all done, don't need to bother about children's matter, sit down in front of TV or computer. You serve me. You want?"

What you think? I am still working at home, doing all the things at home -- the housework, looking after children, 'looking after' him.... He don't need to look at time. He don't need to ask the children about anything...

Give me money then. Everything needs money!

Nope, so smart.... Money all gone.

Man...........

The pleasure-seeking animal.......

And who takes the blame when things go wrong? Who would shoulder all responsibilities and who would solve all the problems ultimately?

Church of Sacred Heart

2009-03-15T21:03:00.006+08:00

Had been wondering how is Father Vincent Chee. I wished him well, and was still thinking of him yesterday and a few days ago. Today, I got the news that he was posted to the Church of Sacred Heart. That is good news.

I never know Singapore has this catholic church called Sacred Heart! Fate, this is fate. Sacred Heart. So many images flashes my brain now, from childhood to Father Vincent Chee. The first time I saw him, forgotten the year, but remembered where, the 'image' in my brain.... I was so surprised to see him at St Anthony Church, the very 'beginning time' when I start walking back to church. I did not know much of the church then, who the priests were. I did not know his name and I was not sure if he was a priest either. But his look was like so familiar, so alike with someone I knew, but not really alike -- but that kind of face will relate to this friend of mine. Similarly, Nicholas Chia. When I saw him, the new Archbishop of Singapore, I was so surprised. The face looks so much like someone I know.... the 'sinner family'.... and he was wearing purple... That subsequent year, Gregory Yong died.... but the truth was out...

Don't like his mass initially -- cannot hear clearly what he was talking. But soon, it was okay, if you got used to it. And now missed it, especially these words that he said," Sacrifice, Sacrifice....." This is Father Vincent Chee, saying "Sacrifice, Sacrifice....."

Sacrifice! Yes Sacrifice. How many people know how to Sacrifice and willing to sacrifice.

I bought the Sacred Heart from St Anthony Church. It was so 'coincidentally' Father Vincent Chee who blessed my Sacred Heart. It was so 'coincidentally' that I was transformed and transcended......kissing the Sacred Heart...... for saving my life....

Had a short meeting with Fr Vincent Chee and he gave me the Chaplet of Divine Mercy...... and that was how I know about the Divine Mercy next....

Fr Vincent Chee, the very first impression, the first time I saw him. His voice, his smile stays in my mind. I was so happy to see him the last time at the church wedding and that was the last time I had seen him, and talked to him. Sincerely wish him well, good health and happiness, miss you.

I searched the web for information about Church of Sacred Heart. I never know that it is the most beautiful church in Singapore! The Church of the Sacred Heart was built in 1906, and renovated in 1969. It is considered a national monument and is such an old church, with more renovation work being done.

Address/ Location:
Church of the Sacred Heart
111 Tank Road
Singapore 238069

Nearest MRT Station: Dhoby Ghaut

One of these days, after I am well again and not breastfeeding anymore. I am going to the church there. I must see how beautiful is the church.

Ugly Duckling

2009-01-21T13:52:00.007+08:00

These are just some sexy mini skirts which I had to put in the cold storage now. Last week, I tidied my wardrobe. All my clothes -- sexy mini skirts, bras, shorts, shirts etc can no longer fit me. Just last month, my tummy had grown tremendously. I had put on so much weight in just one month!

Today Ricsson said,"Wow your stomach so big!" Yeah, indeed. I am an ugly duckling now. It is suffering.... it is no fun being pregnant at all. It is a nightmare.... pains and discomforts everywhere!

However, I am looking forward to meet my little friend soon. Forget all about sexy mini skirts and my favourite blouses. I just want my little baby to be healthy. Everyday I can feel his movements in me. The children love to touch my tummy. They want to feel the baby too. Although it is very uncomfortable feeling for me, still there is joy.

All Saints' Day

2008-11-01T13:57:00.000+08:00

It was a dream of Boon Lay Drive, Blk 169 again. This time, my godmother with her little child (Ah Yen), together with Richard and me were at the grass field in front of the flat. It was raining in my dream and in reality. This morning, the rain was so heavy and there were lightning, very bright lightning. I was awoken by this dream, at the sight of the statue of Mary.... It was such a 'real dream', so very real.... I just closed my eyes not long and I was in this dream and not long I was out of this dream!

Richard and I wanted to go somewhere.... I was going to take some exam. The time was 2pm and the rain had caused my favourite collective houses to destroy. I saw my toys at the 'garbage' area, all 'flooded' there on the road. My godmother was at the grass land, standing there, looking after Ah Yen. It was time reversal. Ah Yen is grown up now and I am no long taking exam, but in the dream, it was 'going back' -- even Richard and I were younger then.

Need to rush off for examination, but I do not want to lose my favourite house collection (the Japanese animal house collection). There were several others being 'washed off' as well. Richard and I quickly gathered all the bits and pieces, threw them on the double-decked bed which my godmother was standing. The bed belongs to her and I told her that we would come back again later that night, after my exam. She agreed. Beside Ah Yen was a little toy house, made of bones pillar. Some parts were missing. My godmother said they were at John's house. I told her that John had already transferred them to my house. Later, she said I could have the house also. Richard and I finally finished, and everything was cleared! Surprisingly, there were towels left.

We quickly left the place. Some girls were playing at the activity centre in between blk 169 and 170, the pink flooring.... they seem to be playing badminton and they were blocking our way. I was very irritated and angry at them for not being considerate. Richard just kept quiet. After some unhappy arguments, we finally left the place. The time was 1.50pm and going 1.55pm. I asked Richard if I would make it for the exam. He said 'can'.

At Blk 178, the stairs leading to that block.... I saw priest and some church boys walking towards it. The priest was wearing black with the 'long cloth'(that looked like scarf, hanging on their shoulders) coloured purple and red. A closer look at the priest was Gregory Yong! It was such a nice scene. The church boys were wearing black as well, following Gregory Yong. They were going to attend some funeral. In my dream, I even thought, "Gregroy Yong was already dead!"

Next, we encountered some more such scene. I told Richard,"Wow, today so many people die!" It was another funeral procession going on. Just in front of us, it was a big piece of painting, a very big piece of protrait(the size of a overhead screen) of a old man with long white beard and hair, with mountains and greeneries. The person was wearing grey. The painting looked familiar. It seemed like Lao Tze. Some more priests were present, wearing black, and together with 'mourners'. There were women, dressed 'weirdly', all so quiet and so solemn -- wearing fully black or fully red plus some more (forgotten). The women wearing black covered their head as well. All the women, I don't get to see their faces. They looked so scary, the way they walk. There were so many trucks and vehicles all along the road, Boon Lay Drive. By now, it was walking just along the stretch of road parallel to Blk 172. It was here that I had some strange encounter again.

I was in Richard's car, but I seemed to be walking and dashing along this funeral procession. As I was walking pass the black and red women, some other people walked passed me in the opposite direction. My right hand actually touched their clothes (the black garment). It was so scary, and I said to myself, "St Joseph...., Hail Mary....." and there was one more Saint which I could not recall. I do not want anything bad to happen and keep 'chanting' " "St Joseph...., Hail Mary....." and I saw in front of me was a statue of Mary, a light blue statue of Mary, facing me (which was not supposed to be so)! I was so filled with awe and surprised at the sight that I was awoken. It was still raining heavily outside. As I woke up, it was so cold, and I touched a hand --a warm hand! I had another shock. My right hand touched the black garment in the dream and now my real right hand touched another hand! I supposed that hand must be Clara, but I did not see her hand when I opened my eyes.

It was such a 'real' dream, seemed so real....

Catholic News

2008-10-14T18:45:00.000+08:00

I saw a crest, a big crest, consisting of red(orange/red), yellow and black colour. Below the coloured image was three Latin words which I do not understand the meaning at all. I cannot remember the words now, but the first words start with the letter 'a', and that is all I can remember. I had not seen this crest nor seen these words before! Neither had I been to this place before...

It was a dream of my brothers and sister, all appeared in my dream! It was something bad for my second brother, really bad in the dream and when I woke up, I prayed that he would be okay... It was not that bad actually, but it was no good... He was very depressed but acting normal... He had no will to live but struggling with life everyday with unhappiness (this is what I dreamed). His wife had lots of 'expectations' (in the dream) and he was so stressful and we were all so worried for him...

Traveling in a truck, it was a big farm which seemed like part of China. Someone was sitting beside me. I think it was Richard or was it my brother? We did not alight but feeling disappointed for not having a chance to go down to the farm. We heard people were stoned to death....

Back at another scene, it was a dark place since it was dark/evening time. It was quite crowded with people -- all the people standing at the roadside. In front of me were standing two men wearing white polo-shirt with light blue printed words "Omni Bus" at the back of the shirt.

I asked my big brother about share next, and particularly this words: Omni Bus...

I saw this logo in the next scene, but in black and white and with no words at the bottom, just the two 'bundle' hanging...

The next portion of the dream involves the toilet, a big open space and that of the house. It was a high, a very high place, outside the flat of my sister and my house. Outside the corridor of my sister's house was a big space -- the floor was covered with 'metal grille' so able to look through and able to see the great heights of the flat. It was so scary stepping on the floor, so afraid to fall down, but was okay when walking and talking to my sister. She was not so happy with the neighbour.... and she was telling me about some 'space' outside their homes....

Next was a open space, a very big barren land, something like 'Admiralty Place'. We were seated on special seats, and there were people around. While seating, there were some problems. A big 'table' was being pushed placed near us, for our 'feast'. It was not the correct arrangement. Then another person told me that she would change to another higher table next.

Not interested to mention the details of the next part of the dream, it's about the toilet.... green liquid, water flowing, and changing cubicles... two black dogs appeared -- two dogs that looked like pigs/dogs, plump and weird hairs, fierce looking....

Was walking back to 'Admiralty Place' with Patrick and my sister.... we chatted while walking...

Matter of Privacy
What to say, what not to say. What to show, what not to show.

I weighed my thoughts. I had to take risks and I had to be responsible for what I do and I know it, and I know what I am doing.

But not all people are so open-minded and not all people think likewise.

(to be continued..)

Ten Ten

2008-10-10T17:47:00.000+08:00

A long, beautiful dream... strange but wonderful feel... it was KBS, Viro and Kiren, 'Ang Mo' (Caucasian priest), and some others I saw in the dream...

The place was one of the location at Admiralty, somewhere near Blk 789, the big 'pavement' there where people walk...

Prior to this, which scene came first I could not remember clearly, but to start of, the memorable part was here, at this place. I was running, running from somewhere else....perhaps a gathering of 'Christ', a Christian Gathering.... somehow, don't know what happened then, I saw myself running and as I was running, I passed by Hindu 'graveyard' or some kind of Hindu/Indian praying 'worshipping idols', all over the place. This pavement looked so much like the old pavement of Boon Lay Place, but 'literally' it was Admiralty Place. So 'scary' (amazed actually) at the sight of all these and I was actually 'hopping' and running from one place to another. Continuing on this same pavement, I came to the stairs, the road just in front. On the left was a yellow-orange coloured temple. Just before the stairs, suddenly, the soil was muddy, very muddy -- I walked in it, with the mud reaching almost to my knee. I could feel the root of mangrove down in the soil.... it was 'disgusting' feeling, and as I was carrying my legs, it was Viro and Kiren I saw suddenly just before the stairs. Kiren was so fat, and it was so heavy to lift her up. I gave up and told Viro to carry her... Next, it seemed that we carried her up...

Something happened...don't know what is it.... and I was led to 'go back' or to 'walk back' to this place, a quiet, really serene place. There were the Chinese 'Guan Yin' (Goddess of Mercy) there, in the colour of creamy white standing in a circular circle, all creamy white... suddenly, everything moved.

The 'Funeral Procession' began suddenly. I quickly ran, did not know where to run, but finally decided to run on the grass on the right while the 'Funeral Procession' was being held on the left, on the road. Just in front of the 'Goddess of Mercy', the white 'Guan Yin', there were some more banners, big banners (couplets) written in black words, Chinese characters. The banners were creamy white in colours also, what a beautiful scene. The people were like those 'traditional teochew opera scholars', the hat so special with 'two wings type'... they were walking the 'Funeral Procession'. I was trying to outbeat them, running as quickly as possible so that I could reach my destination as early as possible -- it was just way up ahead.

The road that the 'Funeral Procession' was using led to the highest floor of a car park, which I reached before them. The car park was white, with green railings. It seemed like three storeys and I had to go downstairs.....

It was a gathering it seemed...must be a Christian Gathering... I saw from a few metres away from me, some people walking towards us, and among them was priests, 'Ang Mo' (Caucasian Priest)...

The next scene happened in a green bus, a brand new green bus, with green doors, seemed like everything green... I was sitting behind, and it was KBS behind me. It was near the back door, and he kept telling me about the back door... some other people asked me to sit in front and I refused...

A medical report I received... seemed like from Dr Yeong... but there is certain things which I need to clarify. I brought the report along and went to some other clinic to ask. I arrived at one, 'unethical' one, spending some time explaining my purpose of visit and so on. Finally, everything seemed to be done... yet I did not seem to get what I want, but I paid a sum of money. My change was a 10cent coin, the head of a seahorse, a old ten cent coin -- but the real one is the whole sea horse, not just the head (in the dream it was only the head). Surprised, I asked for a receipt, and I needed to wait......

It was one of a storey in a building. I was in one of the room. It was a joined-together rooms or two rooms with walls breakdown in between. I was searching for something (or perhaps someone asked me to search for something). I came into this room, searching.... and was surprised to see statues of 'idols' around... there were St Anthony's, Holy Family, Chinese Idols etc, all greasy and dirty. Someone asked if I could find the things... I was not able to find... I walked and walked and suddenly tripped, 'felling' into the next room, which was joined to this one. It was really 'stumbled upon' the reddish and dirty altar in front of me now.... it was the Chinese altar of 'Tua Pek Kong' (the figure I don't get to see), it was red with 'steps' and 'black'...

My hands were all greasy and I need to wash. Out of the rooms, in the building, there were girls selling, promoting their washing liquids. It was pink in colours and there were so many bottles around. They asked me to try their washing liquid. I tried and I wanted to wash off the soap after rubbing my hands... Ask them for water, and they gave me some, flowing out from the plastic container...... but towards the end of it, it was liquid pink soap at the bottom and my hand was soapy again! The whole bottle of soap suddenly fell, and it was 'wasted'. However they said it was okay as they could still make a lot of money out of it...

Funeral Service for Mr Joshua Benjamin Jeyaretnam

Anita Mui Yim-fong (October 10, 1963 - December 30, 2003)
Joshua Benjamin Jeyaretnam (January 5, 1926 - September 30, 2008)

Revolution

2008-10-02T23:04:00.000+08:00

Looking at his(Dr Koh C.H) eyebrow, reminds me of my dream last night. I was painting my eyebrow. It was leaf-like eyebrow I was painting. I was drawing the shape and then painting it black. On the right side of the eyebrow, I was painting the outline and then shading it black... the eyebrow was so thick.

Blk 183 Boon Lay Shophouses

It was this area of Boon Lay I dreamed of. It was connected to my house, the pink blocks of flats further down. In my dream was the old flats, the old ground where it used to be... pink block of flats, all the blocks of flats there....There were so many students lining up in their respective classes, wearing white and blue. I was running, running for time because the national anthem had just finished and the classes would be leaving soon. I passed by many classes, trying to squeeze through....

It was a big road, very secluded, with fence and plants at the side. I was traveling on this road when someone called me, wanted me to go over...

Next was a 'marketplace' scene... there were some people around... a fat man...forgotten what exactly happened, but it was concerning some purple sweet potatoes on the bench. They were put in the plastic bags. The three purple sweet potatoes were very big, two with skin partly peeled of...

The Secret Heart

2008-10-01T14:50:00.000+08:00

30 September 2008: Crocodile Dream
I was sitting in Richard's car. He was looking for a parking lot. This place looked so much like Tuas. Prior to this, it was a swimming place I went to. The swimmer was a man, muscular.... the name seemed like Hong Lu, and there was a date I saw, XX July 2008, forgotten what is it already... After that, it was the orange-mud road that we seemed to be travelling, but it was not muddy. It was normal road. We passed by the reservoir on the right side. It was such clear water. I love the water, so nice. I saw at the edge of the reservoir something in it, and I thought it was a big fish. I told Richard. Now, it was strange, we were cycling. Heryk was just cycling behind me now. Being curious, I wanted to see what fish it was, but it turned out that it was a crocodile. The crocodile was very big, greenish in colour, and rather fat. It climbed out of the reservoir and started chasing us. Heryk was so frightened because he was behind us, and the crocodile was chasing after him, very very near... I tried to pull Heryk's bike, but it was hard.... next, the crocodile touched Heryk. Heryk cried. We continued to cycle faster, and this time, as we passed by the junction, the crocodile began to u-turn, crawling back into the reservoir...

The next part of the dream happened at Blk 114, the house where my third aunt used to live. It is situated at Taman Jurong, near a church (something Calvary, Calvary Kindergarten... something like that)... In the house, I saw a comic book. Inside the comic book was a piece of love card/letter -- creamy yellow, heart-shaped, rather big... On it, was written the words: Zechariah and St Paul..... it was a project... this letter was addressed to my fourth uncle, named 'Tian Fu'. The name was so clearly written in chinese: 添福 (meaning adding happiness/fortune/blessings). The card was from a china woman, his girlfriend.

I did not see my fourth uncle in this dream, but just saw his name. But I had dreamed of him, and talking to him, on the day I dreamed of the 'aeroplane wings dream' on 22nd September 2008.

My fourth uncle.... hm... a good person, but... this is perhaps...... justice be done to him....

1 October 2008: Mark Lee and Mary Dream
This dream happened this morning... It was such a 'funny' dream.....

It was Mark Lee I dreamed of, as well as KBS, my mother, my family and my baptismal godmother's house at Tiong Bahru...

I had 'painted' a piece of painting, but they are actually words -- poems in fact (chinese poems). I don't even know what words they are, but all written in black, 2 'panels'. It was framed later on. Now, Mark Lee came. He wanted to write my name on the paper. Don't know where to write, he decided to write in between the two 'panels' of poems/words. He wrote my name, in Chinese, three words... and then he wrote some more words involving ball, the Chinese word 球. It was about three times he wrote this word 球 on the paper. The way he wrote the chinese words were not like those chinese skilled writer, who write Chinese Calligraphy. He was using the chinese brush to write the words, but the way he wrote the words is just like writing using pens, the normal stroke of Chinese words we were writing (as in writing with normal pen and paper)... the words were written vertically down, as in all chinese writing. The words were written vertically down, and the words got bigger as they were written downwards. The last word was 球 and it was so big, bigger than the rest. Towards the end of the word 球, he wanted to draw a ball on it. I said,"No", and he decided to draw a bridge also on the paper, thinking of where to draw the bridge somemore....

Had forgotten the full details of the dream, but it was some kind of 'dispute' between my family members (my family is so big, considering all the not so related...)... there was a kind of 'procession' going on.... and my mother was angry with some people, and she later moved from outside to the inside of the house (my second aunt, my godmother's house at Tiong Bahru)... It was a big house, and we just shifted, now to the 'back' of the house. We stood behind the metal gate, watching the 'procession'. I looked behind me, and I saw at my godmother's house was the statue of Mary with wings on it. There were two litted candles on the altar...

The next part of the dream was like 'climbing on a mountain of lines'... all this lines are like neurons, plastic neurons/tubings with 'axon' it it. Many people were working on this and I was helping out. I was holding on two 'neurons', and trying to fix it....

Ave Maria

My last post was Mount Alvernia Hospital. I have so many things to post, but was not able to do so.... I am not my usual self again.... I am 'possessed', 'possessing' a little heart beat now.... it is terrible feeling, no shiok at all...

Went C.H. Koh Clinic For Women on 30th September 2008

Sacred Heart: The Truth Will Set You Free
This is really call the sacred heart..... My grandmother loves to receive the holy communion. Her name was Maria. She died peacefully 'asleep'... Joshua Benjamin Jeyaretnam (January 5, 1926 - September 30, 2008); more commonly known as "J.B. Jeyaretnam" or "J.B.J.") was a Singaporean politician. He was the first opposition party candidate to be elected a Member of Parliament (MP) in Singapore, 16 years after the country gained independence. An Anglican Christian of Sri Lankan Tamil decent, Jeyaretnam attended Saint Andrew's School, Singapore and University College London, taking a Bachelor of Laws. Jeyaretnam complained of breathing difficulties in the early morning of September 30, 2008, and was rushed to Tan Tock Seng Hospital. Doctors were unable to revive him. He died of a heart failure in the early morning of September 30, 2008 at the age of 82, leaving behind two sons.

King of Dreams

2008-09-28T11:29:00.001+08:00

26th September: Hanging Bridge Dream
Climbing the wooden hanging bridge leading to a bright room where my mother is said to be playing Mahjong there.

I was at a steep road, standing at the middle of the slope, not near the entrance, and not too far back, somewhere in the middle. At the front, many people were present. At the middle, I was with my mother there, don't know what we were doing... Somehow, people were working. They were covering the side of the road. I walked away, and was being 'covered up' by them. Wondering how I went out if I was 'covered up', I told them and they asked me to get out. Next, I went back to look for my mother. My mother could not be found. I was worried. I asked around, and later on, I saw my big brother. My big brother told me that she went upstairs to play Mahjong....

I don't know how I end up at the 'upstairs'... It was really 'upstairs', very high... Looking down, it was really so high up, and I have fear of heights. It was wooden bridge, hanging and swaying, with gaps -- so frightening, so scared to fall down. Far ahead, on higher floor (have to climb up the hanging bridge), there was a room with bright white light shinning out, and that was the room, the destination I was heading.

As I climbed, the bridge was swaying and it was so difficult to climb. I had to cling on tightly so as not to fall. There was a woman who was having a 'picnic' there, at the junction between two stairs bridge. We chatted and I found out that she was two months pregnant. Later on, she went to the balcony to 'perform' or 'dance' one round. She told me to do the same, but I was scared of heights. After that, I continued to climb myself. The stairs bridge swayed and I had difficulty in climbing up, so scared but knew where I had to go...

Did not go up to the bright room... the dream ended...

27th September: Boon Lay Raja Restaurant Dream
Dreamed of Boon Lay Raja Restaurant. It was 'pink'. The whole restaurant was empty at the time I passed by. The napkins were all pink, everything pink... waitresses were present. I was so surprised to see the restaurant. It was next to a place, which I was passing by.... just after the cinema....

At the cinema:
It was all dark, since it is in the cinema. It was a large screen in front of me. Richard seemed to be with me. First, the screen showed a serpent's head, black-green, very hard to figure out. Next, it was coloured with red and green, about two serpents' head this time.... Then we were told to search for something. We need to move from our seats.

Standing up, not knowing what to do, but just 'idle' at the big front place just in front of the cinema's seats. There, I found two textbooks on the floor. Both were Maths TextBooks. The smaller one on top of the big one. The biggest and also the thickest book was very very thick, consisting of many 'subbooks'. At the edge of the books were written words like 'call number'... 'history'... and many more numbers and letters.... The next thinner book, but not that small (slightly smaller than A4 size), not so thick this time, probably about 1.5cm thick. It was a beautiful textbooks with words written on it only -- no graphics, no pictures at all. The colour of the book is pinkish-orange, a very nice colour.

The cinema's seats are those of the old type -- upon standing up, the seats would be 'closed' (folded up). Now, the game was over. The 'show' was coming to an end. I did not watch any show, but only see serpent's head on the screen. Ending was golden snake head....'golden serpent's head'... the head of a snake....

It was the old road that leads to 12th miles I see. The bus-stop was the old orange-coloured type, with the s-shaped road lining with trees. It was also called 'Hong Kah Road'.

28th September 2008:
This morning awoken by SMS... the baby was borned... Yesterday, 27th September 2008 was Andy's Lau Birthday... the 'big bull'....

Holy Holy Holy Lord

Have not been posting for days..... trying to...

Dreamland

2008-09-24T12:39:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I dreamed of the Holy Family again. It was a piece of bridal gift, a 'blanket' beautifully sewned, creamy-white in colour, so nice... I was taking photographs of the bride... the hair was beautifully decorated with pearl ornaments. Her name seemed to be Nicole, but her face was not Nicole, but seemed like that of 'xiao yen zi' (one of my tuition kid at Boon Lay)... I passed her the gift and she did not seem to like the gift. I told her that if she did not like it then please gave it back to me...

It was a bus we were sitting on, and going somewhere... chatting on the bus. My mother was in the bus too. The most significant thing about this dream is the bride and the Holy Family 'blanket' which can be hung on the wall...

This morning, I woke up with another beautiful dream. I was crossing the bridge -- climbing up the bridge, there were three pigeons (the coo-coo birds with black patch on the neck), fat and big... It was so beautiful that I cannot help but try to catch the last bird. I managed to grab hold of the tail part and hold the bird in my hand... I released it later on.

In the next part of the dream, I was talking to cats! There were two cats. The two cats did not want to listen to my words... Later I took the insecticide to help them spray something which was on their face and 'nests'...

It was a special moon eclipse that Richard pointed to me. I do not want to miss the great opportunity. I quickly took out my camera and wanted to take a good shot of it. Sitting in front of the car, Richard was driving, I wanted to take a good shot, but he was driving.... and I scolded him... The moon was so big in front of the windscreen. It was a moon eclipse, and the sky was so dark....

Such beautiful dream and I do not want to forget it. Going out soon...

Holy Family

2008-09-22T12:40:00.000+08:00

Holy Family Pendant
It was the golden Holy Family pendant I dreamed of. It was a gift from my baptism Godmother and is also my second aunt (mother's sister). I was wearing this pendant during the year 1998, the year of the Holy Spirit, and I was teaching at Admiralty Primary School....

Last night, I had a special dream... In the dream, there was a backyard. I had tidied up the backyard, but somehow, all these irresponsible people had messed it up again. It was a backyard to be shared among the neighbouring factories. There were parked bicycles there. On this day when I went, all the bicycles were any how parked, blocking the way, and all anyhow lying around. I arranged them properly again, and I started to make partition again...

It was a middle partition I made, and thinking how people are going to move on to the next part if there were no door. I decided to make one door.... I was using white cement, and using my fingers to smoothen the work...

A Chinese man came, looking for his bicycle. I told him that it was behind the partition. He walked through the door, without lowering his body. I was very angry and told him off. He was still not happy and he seemed to have a daughter, who was nearby. This person was And but was not the face. She told me to go to her house. There she showed me on the walls are many 'paper figurines', yellow in colour mostly. She asked me for the white cement so that she could stick them on the wall. Currently she was using stickers. I told her that I still have some white cement left, and ran to the site to pass her the set: 3 brushes (big, Medium and small), water in a tray and a small dish containing white cement. When I reached her, the white cement was not enough. I had to run another round, telling her to wait while I went to mix for her... so it was another round I went and back with the dish with white cement, mixed with water...

This time, both she and I was sitting at the bench... Seemed like waiting for something. A woman (seem like a hairdresser) came out of the door in front of us, and told us something..... I was not too sure what she was talking. She asked 'understand a not', and I asked to say it again. It was about wearing pendant, and that not all pendant are 'acceptable'. She said mine was not okay. I had to take it down, because 'it' was poisoned...

I told Lucy and some families around. She said she saw me in the church, and there was like a shield around me. She said there were two persons standing beside or behind me. I said, 'then it is a good thing if I wear the pendant!' But they were not convinced...

Now, Lucy was driving! Lucy does not even have a driving license. But she was driving in a pick-up, trying to look for a place to park. There were plenty of parking lots, all grasslands. There was one particular grasslands, all green grass, with no vehicles parking on it. It was just next to the chicken farm, which we were going. She parked the vehicle and we alighted...

Chicken Farm
Chicken sound was heard... small chicks... and I thought of buying one baby chick. I looked around, only see big chicken, but got small chicks sound. Walking further, perhaps I could find small chicks. But as I walked, I saw people sitting in rows, facing 'heaps' of durians. The durians were arranged in 'loafs' as though eating bread... Women and men sitting in rows, wanting to eat their durians in Chicken farm!

We wanted to buy something also... it seemed like durians were wanted to eat, but when I talked to the man, (the man looked so much like Patrick's brother)... he was selling fish now! He was packing fish instead. There were dead fish and live fish. There were many red-coloured fish (red chicken, 'ang koi')... some with head cut off but mostly with heads... He was supposed to pack for me...

Aeroplane Wings
The next dream was that of aeroplane. It involves my fourth uncle... I was travelling on a roller-type of 'escalator'. I was lying on it, as I was being carried upwards the slope. There was a metal gate in front of me. As I was travelling up, the gate was closing. I had to carry a bag with me, and I was so scared of falling, hugging the bag with me. The gate had closed, and yet I was still being 'brought up'. It was so scary, and I hope that it would open up. I prayed. Just as I reached the gate, the silver gate opened, and slowly, the gate was drawn up, and I was able to entered.....

Someone took my bag and put it on the floor. She was 'so stupid'. She took my bag, put it on the floor, and later wanted to return me, emptied everything and gave me the empty 'plastic bag'.... 'scolded her' a few times and finally everything was okay. It was a strange dream. It was about the wings of the aeroplane. My fourth uncle said, "told you earlier to look at under the wings of the aeroplane......" Forgotten the full details...

Sometime ago, I had written this article at Helium: Ghost Story

This is a real ghost story, a story told by my fourth uncle, a person who was a 'victim' but there is really justice in this world...

It is said that the spirit of the dead will return home within the first week after their death. Some even put white talcum powder on the floor of the entrance. This would prove that the spirit returns when they see footprints on the white powder flooring at the entrance. This was so for my uncle, my first uncle, which is my mother's elder brother. His name was Thomas.

Thomas died when he was very young, perhaps at the age of 21. It was a curse, someone (died now) scolded and used an underwear to strike the car. The car skidded and crashed. My mother and her brother were in the car. Scared to be scolded by parents, Thomas asked my mother not to tell this incident to anyone. Who knows, Thomas suffered internal injuries, and he died.

After his death, my fourth uncle always heard the spirit coming back. At 12 midnight, at their house at 18 miles if I am not wrong, my fourth uncle could hear sound at night. He was so scared. It was the sound of the door being unlatched, opened and next, he could hear footsteps sound. It was the sound of the shoes of Thomas.

The spirit is a very special thing, which we cannot see. But some people have special eyes to see ghosts. My phone rang mysteriously during last year, National Day of Singapore 9 August 2008. (http://www.peacebella.com/2007/08/09/ghost-or-spiri t/) It was really the spirit returned, and it was the existence of Holy Ghost(http://peace-diary.blogspot.com/2008/05/holy-g host-holy-spirit.html). Who brought back the spirit? Jesus. Jesus is the Lord of all things, living and dead(http://www.peacebella.com/2008/07/11/our-glorio us-dead/) I had prayed at the church, to see Cebest again, and my prayer was granted.

During the month of March, which is the death anniversary of Thomas, my home telephone rang, with the serviceman from Singtel saying that a person by the name of Thomas had called up to say our telephone was not working. The serviceman or technician said my children had called them up for service of my home telephone. I told them nothing of this sort! I asked them for the name of the person who played such a trick on us. He revealed the name of this person who called, saying it was Thomas! My nephew is named Thomas, but he would not have done such a thing, and it was not him. It was until today a mystery who really called, the real 'Thomas' who called Singtel... (http://peace-diary.blogspot.com/2008/03/battle-of-colours.html). Was it a 'ghost' or was it a people? The thing is don't belittle the power of the spirits. They are amazing, really amazing, from what I had encountered!

My fourth uncle used to have chicken farms. Once, he gave me a small quail chick. Within a hour, it was dead.... it was such a small chick, very very small, so small that I had sat on it and it died that moment. My chicken at that time, was very intelligent. It was able to 'listen' to my commands. I asked my chicken to 'attack' my uncle and it responded. Everyone was so surprised.

Holy Family. This is a holy family....

The House That John Built

2008-09-21T10:44:00.002+08:00

It was fishing time. My mother and brothers were present. On the muddy beach that we passed by, I saw one fish, a big white fish, lying on the mud, gasping for air. It seemed two fish, with blue straps, very beautiful. A Malay man was sitting nearby. I asked if the fish belongs to him and he said 'yes'...

The fish with blue straps, beautiful white fish, big with distinctive blue straps on the head.... this is a beautiful dream...

Mother Teresa's Wake

Mother Teresa's Quote
Teachings of Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa on Abortion
Detailed Profile of Mother Teresa
Highlights of Mother Teresa
Detailed Biography of Mother Teresa

The next scene was to visit my brother's house -- John's house. It was his new house, and nicely renovated... we were all eager to visit his new house.

Standing outside of the house, I was not allowed to enter first. The doors seemed to be crowded, and seemed like got some kind of 'security'... I was waiting outside for a while before I was 'granted permission' to enter.

Once stepped inside, I was so 'lost' -- so excited and so happy, don't know which direction to go first, which way to walk first. But still, I decided to take my time. Once stepped into the house, I can see the pathway leading to the rest of the house -- got other rooms. But just on my left is a door leading to the service balcony. This is where I turned first.

It was such a beautiful place! The service balcony was attached to the kitchen. The view of the service balcony was so nice. The service balcony was just 'sitting' on top of water -- there was a lake with trees, the surrounding was so peaceful, so quiet. There was no window grille at all, standing at the service balcony, you will 'blend' in with the nature... what a splendid view! However, walking through the balcony was not easy. I had to squeeze through. The pathway leading to the service balcony was 'blocked' at the middle with stones, many stones sticked/glued together, forming patterns -- looked nice, but impractical. It was 'known to be Belinda's Idea' (in the dream).... As I was standing there, trying to squeeze through, I thought of my brother, Peter. He would not be able to pass through this place at all.

Just after the balcony, at the end of it, it was just an empty place, with cream-orange coloured ceramic tiles, very nice. It was purposely renovated as such so that the family could have barbecue session. On the right of this service balcony was a door that led into the kitchen. The door looked like glass door. It was a beautiful house, and I had not stepped into the kitchen yet....

But my dream shifted now. Peter was on the 'construction site', some working place. He was squatting down, busy working on something. I was eating cake, a slice of cake. My parents seemed to be standing nearby. As I was eating my cake, I shared it with my brother. I fed him some of my cake. It was such a nice cake. I had not eaten such nice cake for so long, and it was so nice to see my brother and to feed him with cake.

Looked like a jetty now, and everyone got into the car. I sat behind. My brother drove the car. My sister seemed to be in the front seat. I asked,"Where is Ah Pa(father) lei?" They told me that he had to go for work, seemed like to go Indonesia...

19th September 2008: The 'giant' bryophyllum plant produced so much babies on the leaves.

19th September 2008: The rest of the bryophyllum plants were still so small, and none had babies yet...

19th September 2008: The 'giant' bryophyllum plant now has even roots growing from the stem...

Jesus always taught in parables. I told everybody (Richard and the children) about this, about what I know, what I see. The children learn, and they 'accept' my teachings, but the big one, the 'head' of the household, refuse to believe me, even until now -- with so much 'evidence', so much 'miracle'.

The 'giant' bryophyllum is the works of God. It appeared in our pot overnight. The rest of the plants (baby bryophyllum) are control. In any Science experiment, you need the control, so that you can compare and you can call it a fair test.

Mission To Fulfill
Power of God
Kingdom of God
Four O'clock Flowers

No Coincidence

Mercy of God

Sweet Dreams

2008-09-20T11:21:00.000+08:00

It was a school garden, quite rundown, with long grasses and shrubs around. There was a circular building in this garden... It was 'C K Tang'... inside the building, my mother was with me...

It was a shopping place, with salesgirls around. I went into a compartment, at a corner of the shopping place. It was a corner where all orchid accessories -- jewelleries and souvenirs were sold. There were various jade also. I was just looking around. One of the salesgirl decided to gave me a new set of orchid jewelleries set. She handed the set to me, and I told her that I did not want to buy, and I never said I wanted her to get a set for me.

The next scene was at the escalators. We, TCL and me, were going upstairs. Don't know how she came into my dream... similarly TSH... Both of them talked to me also. We were all going upstairs...

Now, at one of the level, I was at the food department. It was like 'IMM'. There was a rather steep slope. On the sight of the snacks, I ran forward, almost rolling on the floor, making a fool out of myself. There, I saw some fat people... they were Richard's relatives... the 'fat ones' which I don't even know their names, but only can recognise their faces...

With me was ET... the most part of the dream... He was very nice to me, such a sweet dream... I could not remember where we went, but there was some decision-making, hard choices to be made... and he stood by me.

Towards the end of the dream, there was two person, perhaps a couple, whom I don't even know... strangers. It involves the gate, the opening of the gate... Cannot remember the details, but it was like having a hard time 'persuading' them to open the gate...

It was such a wonderful dream that I was pondering about it, but when I woke up now, I had forgotten the details.

The remix "Boney M"

Memories of the past flashes across my mind. The works of God is HOLY indeed, very Holy... and amazing....

Sweet Dreams

Best Wishes Brother Jovita

2008-09-17T23:54:00.000+08:00

Farewell Brother Jovita

I did not talk to Brother Jovita personally, but I had seen him in the church. Now that he is leaving, I am going to miss him... his smile, and now, his voice...

I thought, that was such a great moment for him, to sing a farewell song to everybody, such is a commendable courage and spirit. He is a great man, and all the priests... though there are some bad sheep... to the good priests, I hope that they would continue to contribute their part to the society and help to build up the church, inspire more people.

Brother Jovita End of Attachment
I had forgotten which month Bro Jovita joined the parish. But I had taken note of what was being said on 13th September 2008 at the church. It was being said that Bro Jovita joined us on 14th January 2008 and he would be leaving the parish on 14th September 2008, a period of 8 months with the church. After which, he would be going to Mount Elizabeth Hospital. I wondered why he need to go there... but... haiz... Mount Elizabeth Hospital.... so much memories.....

Though I never talk to him before, neither do I have any 'interest' or 'relation' to him, but he was a 'familiar' face at the church... a 'common face', saw him walking around, talking to people, and I can recognise his voice...

My sincere bestwishes for him, Brother Jovita. Hope to see the new Priest soon, a good Priest we desired, that would inspire and bring inspiration to us, just like Father Terence.

Public Speaking
To make yourself audible is very important. Not many priest are able to speak with clarity and audibility. Last time, Father John Khoo... sigh.... I do not know if that is the speakers' problems or his voice.... going to church is "Sian" (boring -- cannot even hear what the priest is talking)...

Smoking Priest
Cannot stand priest who smoke... and even worse.... don't 'act' like a priest...

Old Priest
Father Vincent Chee... the children and I always used to hope to see the priest walking into the church be father Terence.... we are so happy to see him... we would say, "It's father Terence!" ...
Whenever I see Father Vincent Chee, its a little 'disappointment', because cannot hear him clearly, similary Father Cyril... But my view has changed. After knowing Father Vincent Chee on leave, at first a few weeks, but later 6 months, I thought he was sick.... I missed him and was happy to see him on 31st August 2008, the church wedding... I was SO GLAD that he was perfectly fine. I greeted him, I was so happy to see him there -- there is every moment of memories he had offered his service to me.... thank you so much.... though it was not mentioned...

Style
Different people have different style of talking, their accent and pronounciation. Though it is hard to apprehend what Father Cyril and Father Vincent Chee was trying to say last time, I managed to 'get used to it'... I managed to 'grasp' their style.... each of them are different and unique, we just have to 'know them'. And now, it really does not matter whether the priest is Father Terence, Father Vincent Chee or Father Cyril... But I miss Father Vincent Chee... hope he can be back to serve us again.

Goodbye Bro Jovita, and hope to see a GOOD CATHOLIC PRIEST in future, no smoking, speak clearly and loud enough for people to hear, but not too loud.... BE HONEST, the best policy, true to SELF, true to God we serve.

This is the first and the last piece of photo of Brother Jovita, I have of him...

It is only in moment like this, the moment you know you are not going to see him, the moment you know he is going to be 'gone', and you do not know when he is coming back.... this 'farewell' moment.... the feeling of 'cannot bare to part'... eight months..... but I did not know it was eight months, because it was not 'my business', it does not concern me. But now that he is leaving, he was part of the parish, his contribution here and there, got some memories flashes in my mind....

How Much is A PICTURE WORTH
Can you tell me why I cannot take pictures when you can hire professional photographers to take pictures and I CANNOT? I am taking my own, I AM offering for FREE, you are not paying ME! It is my TIME, my ENERGY!

Remembrance, Honour, Respect
To the dead, the picture is what is left. To the dead, the videos containing the images of the person, the voice of the person is what is left 'alive' in this world, but the memories not forgotten, the memories remain...

Can you buy these with MONEY?

Beautiful Tavern Dream

2008-09-15T11:54:00.000+08:00

A wonderful Terrific Dream I had.... It was a BEAUTIFUL TAVERN, a beautiful house I seen from afar, on top of the mountain, with snow-covered pine trees and beautiful houses, two in all, side by side...

I asked Richard to go over there to take a look at the house and he refused as usual... What a waste, what a great disappointment. It was such beautiful house, just like those Lilliput Lane Cottages!

Seemed like a long dream, involving my children, Richard, my brother and perhaps Belinda, and an old man whom I do not know... it was a dream about building (I wonder is it the JTC Building...), and the sea, and the bus-stop...

How nice is the dream, I would not want to wake up... The most beautiful part is the end, the sighting of the Beautiful Tavern, snow-covered cottages, and I told Richard... After he refused to go over there with me, I 'roam' over the place myself (JTC Building... if that is the building)... At first, we were seemed to be at the 'fifth level' if the number was correct. Coming down from the building, I was standing at a slope, looking up the building, everything was 'orangish' in colour, seemed like the effect of the sodium lighting... Standing there, I wondered where we came from also... which floor... strange..

Now, there seemed to be an old man (boatman, the kelong type of man), who wanted to 'transfer' us to another place... Richard supposed to look after the two children, and I had to go another place, and we were separated...

When we finally met, he was alone, and I asked 'where are the children?'.....

Dreams have no head, no tail... only like a play, short scenes...

Next, we supposed to go back or something like that. I was cycling. A bus was on the left, and I was cycling on the road. It was dangerous. I doubled up the speed so that I can overtake the bus and I could turn left into the bus-stop. It was successful.

Then my brother's car came. We supposed to take his car home. In the car, it seemed like it was Belinda's car. It was new car. We sat at the back. There were compartments in the car seats. I opened up three compartments. The first, second and third. The first and the third contains calendar inside, but with different 'floral patterns' on it. The second compartment, empty or something like that...cannot remember.

This photo was taken on 3rd July 2008, the day I was walking to Biofocus International Pte Ltd, Carpenter Street.

The pigeons were flying, and it landed on this place called Summer Tavern...

Terracotta Warrior

Found a rather big feather (usually found small ones, the down feathers)....

Some Reference For Head and Tail

Women’s Business
Facial Company Sue Customer

…Not DEAD yet… don’t know when is the last day yet:
BioFocus International Experience
Modern Cosmetology
BioFocus International
Pay To Suffer

Facial Company Sue Customer Matter:

Singapore I: The Divine Revelation; Moulding Our Nation
NUS REPUTATION:Singapore II: Answer Will Soon Be Out
Developing Courage
Do You Want To Save Your Mother
Unity Is Strength

MONEY OR LIFE

World Class Education

Let The Dogs Bark

Kokomo by The Muppets

THICK BUSHY TAIL

2008-09-12T13:15:00.001+08:00

Never had I lived my life so meaningfully, NEVER. Thank You BIOFOCUS INTERNATIONAL.

Richard had been 'pouring cold water on me', saying all the 'bad things', 'stabbing my heart', 'demoralising' me. "What have you been posting? You are creating trouble. Never earn money.... tell me what is your target for this month. Tell me how much you want to earn for a day,...."

Doris told me the same thing. I HEARD enough. My heart is heavily wounded.

Just as I was in high spirit, so motivated, so FULL OF INSPIRATION, I was 'kena' stabbed again by the mouth, the sword that stabbed on the heart.

Who do not want to earn money? Who do not need money? But WE NEED to earn money through the RIGHT MEANS, the proper way, not steal, not cheat, not SCAM, no unscrupulous means, PLEASE.

Today Success does not mean tomorrow Victory
What is the use if you have TITLES, you have MDRT, you have 'instant winnings', but later on, you have to call your business quits, your business cannot survive in the long run? Is this called ultimate success?

How Much I earn?
Stop bugging me with this question. I did not earn as much as you. I did not earn even daily US$10. If I happened to hit US$10, I would be happy already. In the past, I wrote posts for others, I could earn about $1000 a month, but now, I had stopped writing for these internet companies. I had 'no inspiration' to 'work for them'.

At The Lift
He said,"You crazy har, got law suit still so happy?" I said,"Yes, you must believe me. Have confidence..." But did he ever believe me? Did he ever listen to me all these years..... The leopard never change its spots, but the accomplice, the cat instead mutated... the cat to look like the leopard can either put spots on the body to match the leopard or to be its prey.

Some Reference For Head and Tail

Women’s Business
Facial Company Sue Customer

…Not DEAD yet… don’t know when is the last day yet:
BioFocus International Experience
Modern Cosmetology
BioFocus International
Pay To Suffer

Facial Company Sue Customer Matter:

Singapore I: The Divine Revelation; Moulding Our Nation
NUS REPUTATION:Singapore II: Answer Will Soon Be Out
Developing Courage
Do You Want To Save Your Mother
Unity Is Strength

MONEY OR LIFE

The UNSEEN GOD
The day after my birthday, Clara dreamed of Jesus. She said Jesus was at the door of our house and the family, the four of us kneel down facing him. Clara was the furthest away from him. At Veron's house, the game which Veron asked the children to play, about "Jesus the Saviour", Clara won the game also. It was all a matter of chance and throwing the dice, but ultimately, Clara won the game... This is really more than just words.....

The Cat's TAIL
The tail needs to be stepped in order to know what is called PAIN. And what is the threshold of PAIN? STEP TO FIND OUT.

Taming of Polar Cat

Polar Cat

Sad Birthday

2008-09-08T07:54:00.001+08:00

一剪梅.wmv

Human Disparity
Update:
5.9.08 Divine Mercy (Church of St Anthony of Padua), Mass offering for the soul

- Puma on the grass, with another cat, yellow collar (Mary), on the pasture (slope)

6.9.08 Church of St Anthony of Padua, Causeway Point (Toast Box)

- Met Puma again, Plus Sick Cat

- Cat (Mary) on the rock

7.9.08 Church of St Anthony of Padua, Admiralty Road West

- No Greater Love (God Knows Everything About Me, What I want, What I like....)
- All About Love

8.9.08 My Birthday

- The Birds My comfort
- Dental Appointment

No Money; Not Treated With Respect; An OUTCAST
Destitute, utterly destitute... This is my worst birth day... Yesterday I had a good day. How nice if we do not have to worry about money, how nice if we do not have to worry about food....

Hobbies of the poor
I saw the birds flying, I saw the the birds eating food on the grass, on the ground and even dogs have food, cats have food. There are people who looked after them, they had such a good life. Monkeys searching for garbage, monkeys waiting for people to feed them fruits and peanuts..... I love those moments, watching the animals and the beauty of nature.

遺忘歌手-梅艷芳心債香城浪子片段

Heart Debt - Gratitudes 感恩
How MONEY can be used to pay the Heart Debt? What I see, what I hear, and yet, I cannot do anything to help them. This is the greatest pain. And now, I cannot even help myself.....

Utter Disappointment

2008-09-05T15:16:00.000+08:00

JustSingapore.com, my new inspiration, my new inspired piece of work, is at stake. I am very sad. The greatest enemy is the person who sleep next to you. The greatest friend is also the one whom you trust. I always believe him, trust him, but what I get? DID HE Trust me? Did He believe what I Say? Did he SHARE what he knows and did he SHARE and TEACH me what he knows?

Just went out. There is no more food at more, need to buy lots of things. No car, only bicycle. And he always said his bicycles cannot put so many things. I bought the things, to be put in two baskets, one inside his and one inside mine. But he is always so selfish....

My basket, my bicycle can carry weights. A bicycle is not for show. You won't know what kind of attitude he has, this kind of mentality.... And this is how Satan makes use of people, 'blind' the mind, 'blind' the eyes, but only think of money, money and money, whole day sitting, thinking of money.

Shown him all the photographs, show him the 'evidence', explained to him what I had seen, and still he did not believe me, still say,"BELIEVE WHAT? BELIEVE WHAT?" Throw things, throw temper, shout, the eyes so furious.

What has he taught the children? It's even ugly to say, ugly to type out what I think, it is nothing good, NONSENSE.

I am struggling, STRUGGLING..... how would understand me? I wish for everybody's good, and he thought that I am harming everybody. Ask him to look after his health, tell him about so many things, since I know him.......but DID HE ever listen to me? Who is the one who ultimately suffer go the pains, bear the responsibilities? Abortion, killing our own baby...... tell him about my dreams, even refuse to believe, refuse to believe what I told him........

I am helping him. HAs HE succeeded? How long has he been 'working' and how many years gone. Did he clear his loans, did he make any progress? All is TALK, all is 'three minute of warmth'.

This is SINGAPORE MAN, the product of SINGAPORE.... The desire for WEALTH, the desire for MONEY, MAKES ME SICK.

So long as my website is under HIS SERVER, my websites is always AT RISK.... IS THIS CALLED UNITY, my CLOSEST person, the person whom is called HUSBAND... what had he done......

LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH
This is a BATTLE!

This is CRAZY
I woke up early, so motivated, so inspired, only to be 'stabbed', to be 'threatened' yet again by the MAN, the last one, the operation Manager from Boon Lay Garden Primary School.

KAYPO???
Think for yourselves... why am I doing all these, and why should I care. Still say I am NAIVE, ha ha ha, NAIVE, and because I AM NAIVE, so I SEE GOD, because I am not greedy for MONEY, I am not greedy for MATERIAL NEEDS, but I want my family to be happy, to be safe, the most important.

This is extreme disappointment. How disappointed and heart-broken I am, to see the children learned the bad things so fast and yet what I told them, NOBODY wants to learn.......big and small, NOBODY.

What the school teaches? What HE HAD LEARNED in his primary, secondary and Polytechnics??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Singapore AIR FORCE??? FORCE PEOPLE, FORCE PEOPLE

Only Woman Knows

2008-09-05T07:15:00.000+08:00

鱷魚淚 *** 袁麗嫦 ***

Today is a special day. It is Lim Chan's birthday. Today is also the day where I am going to church, one of the 'condition' of the sacred heart:

12. I will grant the grace of final repentance to all those who shall communicate on the first Friday nine months consecutively. They shall not die in mortal sin, nor without having received the last Sacraments, for My Divine Heart will become their secure refuge at that last moment.

It is the issue of women...and it is the fidelity of man, as well as respect and filial piety. My sister always said,"woman married already, the family affair is not her problem..." I don't understand.

I only know that there is all 'unfair', 'injustice'.... all the people are poles apart. There is disparity, and it is going to be very hard to 'convert' and change the mind of these people. People hate listen to the word 'God' and people do not like to hear about 'preaching'.... they will shun you... and everything now is 'already cold'...

Making the wife or women pregnant is so easy. Bearing responsibilities is so hard. However, it is the women who would suffer all the pains, the MAN does not understand. The MAN only know how to say and only want to be MERRY....

It is so sad to see people are judged according to their qualification. Those without even a GCE 'O' Level had to work so hard for the rest of their life.....

Its all upside down....

Happy Birth Day

2008-09-04T19:50:00.000+08:00

Bon Jovi - It's My Life

Rainy day, so cold, so shiok weather.... 'San Francisco' weather... Fantastic.

My Heart is Lifted Up
I am marvelled. Marvelled at the creation of this world. There is beauty, there is LIFE..... the birds flying around, the birds perching on the trees, the trees filled with red berries... the trees with its beautiful foliage, water drops on the leaves... this is the beauty of life....

Death Anniversary of C K Tang

2008-09-03T19:16:00.000+08:00

Red berries, beautiful sunlight, many birds on the tree...

This is another GREAT DAY.... In the morning, I brought Clara to school. On the way, all the birds were making so much noise (sound), all singing, all rejoicing -- the whole tree was full of birds (myna). I stood there, under the tree, watching the birds. Wow, it was really awesome.

Watching, looking around, I saw my favourite yellow-coloured bird (oriole) flying towards the tree. I wanted to take a picture of it, but it seemed to be playing with me. It flew away, just when I was aiming at it. It flew to another tree. I walked to the other tree. Searched the tree for the bird, and finally saw it, and took a picture of it.

I read My Paper, and was surprised, and again 'enlightened' yet again to read of the news of C K Tang...

In the afternoon, there were no electricity at my house. I decided to take a trip to Boon Lay Garden Primary School, my first school which I had taught -- my first working experience as a relief teacher. It was this school..... also the students I dreamed of..... There is something I must find out. I saw the painting on 22nd August 2008, and was PREVENTED from entering. This time, I TRIED to get in, but was FORCED OUT when I had not finished 'touring' the school, APPRECIATING the beauty of the school, ENJOYING every moment of PEACE, and INSPIRATION in this PLACE CALLED THE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told The Person (wear red shirt, black pants, slightly overweight, wearing blue name tag on the neck, but flipped over, showing only a BLUE TAG, but not name tag. NO NAME WAS REVEALED) who FORCED ME OUT OF THE SCHOOL," I WILL BE BACK."

猫抓老鼠

2008-09-02T00:13:00.000+08:00

意難忘 - Unforgetable Memory - Tokyo Serenade

I cannot take it. Is this another test or is this another joke. "TEACH", what is the real meaning of "TEACH"? Crazy, crazy. This is all crazy!!!!

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ISSUE CLOSED.

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Don't hope too much. Heart CRUSHED only, HEART smashed.......

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