Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Lying or Misrepresenting Yourself in Your Online Dating Profile

2009-07-16T02:38:00.004-04:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

This is the absolute WORST thing you can do in your profile. If you are looking to develop a meaningful relationship with someone, why in the world would you want to start things off with a material misrepresentation?

Here are some of the most common ways people misrepresent themselves online:
• A 36 year old woman says that she is 32;
• A married guy says he is single;
• A heavy-set woman describes her body-type as ‘petite’ (which by the way, is NOT acceptable just because you happen to be 5’1);
• A teacher puts down ‘physician’ as his occupation;
• A bald guy posts photos from five years ago, when he had a full head of hair (or is wearing a baseball hat in all of his pictures);
• A woman deliberately posts photos of herself only from the neck up in an attempt to conceal her true ‘body-type’;
• A guy copies someone else’s profile and represents it as his own.

I would like to point out one thing here. There is a fine line between lying in your profile and ‘embellishing’ a bit. So if you find out that someone made themselves an inch taller, 10 pounds (NO MORE!) lighter or put their location as Manhattan when they really live right across the river, you really can’t complain too much. However, this becomes a problem when the ‘misrepresentation’ is material – meaning that it is a significant change from reality.

The bottom line is this – YOU ARE GOING TO GET CAUGHT. You are who you are, and if you are not happy with that, you need to change that aspect of yourself. But in the meantime, be honest. It is not fair to waste other people’s time and resources because you lied to them. And look at it this way – you are also wasting your own time (and self-respect), because once they find out you are a fraud, they are going to drop you anyway.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Texting and Email to Setup a Date? Grow up!

2009-07-13T21:02:00.001-04:00

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Guys am I being a wuss? I have gone out with this girl a couple of times and she only emails me or texts me. I'm all for email and texting, but do you think it's weird that she never calls or answers her phone? -Evan in Orlando

Evan, I'm sorry. It seems like you've found someone too busy to pick up a phone or have the common courtesy to have a conversation on the phone. Email should be used when first corresponding to a potential date and texting for quick messages. No one likes to be treated as unimportant and relegated to business like emails. Perhaps she is just immature and does not realize that this can come across as rude and selfish; either way tread carefully. No use wasting your time on a selfish or immature individual.

Some quick advise to our readers out there. Treat people with respect. If you are uninterested, move on. Otherwise, take the time to make a call.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Jon and Kate Gosselin Match.com Spoof

2009-07-11T13:38:00.005-04:00

The guys and gals over at www.funnyordie.com have done it again! Here are the spoof match.com ads they put out with Jon and Kate Gosselin from "Jon and Kate Plus Eight"-
Unfortunately (or fortunately) neither one of us watched this show, but we laughed anyway.

Match.com-Jon Gosselin - watch more funny videos

Kate Gosselin Match.com Profile Video - watch more funny videos

Hope you get a laugh!

Advice?

2009-07-10T19:34:00.006-04:00

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Hi guys. I saw you speak in Boston some time ago and was wondering if you could take everything you spoke about and try to give your best sentence or two of advice about online dating? -Boston Bean

That's a great question. We both took a stab at this and here's what we came up with.

Alexander Stone: Easy. #1- Make sure you pick the right person.
#2- Don't screw it up.

Stephen David: KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. Know the kind of person you are looking for and the type of relationship you want.

You asked for a "sentence or two" and that's what you get Mr. Bean, if that is your real name!?

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Nobody's Perfect

2009-07-08T09:30:00.000-04:00

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Why can't I find the perfect guy? Many of my friends seem blissfully married to "the perfect guy." Why can't I find mine? Why do I always pick a loser? There's always something that they do that screws things up! -Janine

First and formost the key word in your second sentence is "seem". NO relationship is perfect. There are always ups and downs. You also seem very negative describing past boyfriends as "loser[s]" and saying "they... screw things up." Dont you take any responsibility for broken relationships? Not every guy out there is a loser and perhps you are being too hard on some of them.

Here's a little advice:
1. Nobody is perfect.
2. Think positive thoughts and more positive things will happen.
3. A relationship takes work- by both parties!

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

He ordered what for dinner?

2009-05-10T13:50:00.001-04:00

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Hi guys. I feel weird asking this, but would you ever order a salad on a first date? Not a salad with your meal, but a salad as your meal (dinner)? Sure it had some chicken, but it was a salad. I had a first date with a guy and he had a salad. I felt weird ordering the fish dish I was eyeballing, so I ordered a salad as well. I was starving after dinner. This has been bothering me since last week! He called yesterday and I haven't called back. Am I wrong to be turned off?
-Confused in NY

Here are our thoughts... Why order salad?
1. He's being cheap;
2. He's health conscious;
2. He's gay (doubt it, but we think you were implying it);
3. He likes salad.

If you really liked him, you wouldn't care what he ordered. The fact that you are complaining about being hungry seems to tell me all I need to know about that encounter.
You're not into the guy, move on.

How to avoid this type of situation:
1. Don't order salad on a date;
2. DON'T GO TO DINNER ON A FIRST DATE!

Also, this seems eerily similar to a Seinfeld episode...

ELAINE: I mean, she thought it was kind of strange to just order a salad. . . . You know. . . . For a man.

JERRY: What are you saying? . . . Salad! What was I thinking? Women don't respect salad eaters.

ELAINE: You got that right.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

"I'm Tired of Games"

2009-04-05T19:35:00.008-04:00

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"I'm tired of games!"
"Why do guys always have to play games!"
"Why do women always play games."
"Do we really have to play games?"
The above are all questions we have received. We think it's time to address them!

Here's our question to you- What exactly constitutes a "game"?
Is playing "hard to get" a game? Is a girl chatting/flirting with another guy in front of her date a game? Is waiting a few days to call someone a game?

Some websites will say men/women play games because they are insecure. Other sites will say it's "men being men" (Whatever that means?). Others proclaim that they are not games, but tests. But then again... isn't life one big test?

It makes us uneasy when we see a woman’s dating profile which contains some version of ‘I’m tired of games.’ First off, why is anyone mentioning games in the first place? Nice girls with no agendas do not have such words in their vocabulary.

We always sense some deep-rooted issues with men whenever we see a woman mentioning games from the get-go. Someone who is ‘sick of games’ has been burned (and apparently is not over it yet) and is letting you know ahead of time they are out on the warpath. Heed their warning and stay away - for the games have just begun!

So let’s look at some scenarios and see what we come up with:

1. A woman that is obviously flirting (not just talking) with another guy in front of their date:

Some may interpret this as a ‘game’ to test whether your date has a jealousy streak. However, this particular situation is FAR more than that. Anyone who would do something like that on a date has absolutely no manners/class, and needs to be dropped immediately – as in, right then and there.

How to handle it – This is a lose/lose situation. The only way to properly ‘pass’ this test is to walk away. To put up with this sort of thing will cause the girl to lose even more respect for you (assuming she still has any left), and will subject you to even more bad behavior from then on. Like we said, it’s lose/lose. So keep your self-respect and cut your losses.

2. Waiting a couple of days to call someone:

Let's make something clear. If the woman is not interested in you, it doesn’t matter if you call her 10 minutes or 10 days after your date. She will not think you are playing games in either scenario - she just doesn't care. So the only time you will be accused of ‘playing games’ is when she actually likes you.

That being the case, let’s look at what some women do while waiting for a guy she likes to call her back.

Day 1 – Although she is thinking about how great a time she had with you the night before, part of her is also (subconsciously) hoping you are not too eager and call her too soon telling her how much you enjoyed your time out with her. You get points for being patient here.

Day 2 – “I wonder what he is up to right now. Does he like me? I certainly hope so. I should send him a quick text message and say hi. Wait, no. Then I will look too eager. I hope he calls.”

Day 3 – “Ok, he saw Swingers and is probably following the ‘3-day rule.’ Kind of cheesy, but I DO like him and hope I hear from him soon. You know, I have been thinking about him quite a bit lately. I REALLY hope he likes me.”

Day 4 – “Uh oh. Does he like me? Was it my shirt? My hair? Did I smell? Am I too fat? I should call him. Or email him. But then he might write back and reject me, and I’m not sure I can handle that. Maybe he is busy. Or with another woman? No, he is just busy. I’m sure he’ll call.”

She has also spoken to just about ever one of her girlfriends by this point, who have told her that ‘he’s just not that into you’ and she should move on. But the whole time she is talking and thinking about you, her interest level in you is skyrocketing.

Day 5 – She absolutely climbing the walls at this point and starts telling herself that she is moving on unless she hears from you by the end of the day. Put her out of misery and call her already!

How to handle this – No matter when you call, the way you handle it is going to determine whether she will be happy to hear from you or if you are going to be seen as a game-playing jerk. You NEED to make sure that whenever you call, you give the impression (whether true or not) that you have been busy living your life and this was your first chance to call her.

If you give off the vibe that you waited three days to call solely for the purpose of waiting three days to call, then you will be branded a jackass. And rightfully so. Bottom line - call when you'd like and go with your gut! And if she happens to contact you in the interim, bingo! Call her back within 24 hours.

But is this a game?

If done for the right reasons (you really like her and are trying to pace yourselves for the benefit of a potential long-term relationship), feel free to call it a ‘game’ or anything else you want. It is ok, and actually a prudent thing to do.

But if you are doing it solely to mess with her head and have no real interest in the girl, then it is surely a ‘game,’ and you are a dick for playing it.

What do you think?
Any games you'd like discussed?

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Finging Love Online... AT 80!

2009-03-02T13:47:00.009-05:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

On a snowy day in the North East, with the Dow now below 6900, I thought a nice heart warming post was due! Here's the link to a video from ABC News about two individuals "Finding Online Love at 80."

She's 85, he's 87 - think she's an aging cougar that couldn't find an available 80 year old? Or maybe a gold digger going after his pension? They met online 4 months ago and are now married. I guess when you pass the statistical limits of survivorship you move quickly (at least with relationships). By the way, she listed one of her turn ons as skinny dipping? As Sideshow Bob once said, "Eeeeughheeuuew."

All kidding aside, it's nice to know two people found happiness. Now I have to find a way to geth the image of an 85 year old skinny dipping out of my head.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

The Economy Sucks- So What?

2009-03-02T11:12:00.003-05:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

It's the front page of the paper every day. New York Times, LA Times, Washington Post, and that paper you get free in hotels, USA Today, all lament what most of us realized long ago- the economy sucks. As I write this the Dow has broken below 7,000! Most of us know someone that's been given the ax. Maybe you've gotten the pink slip? For many people this is a very difficult time and we empathise with you! But does this mean the world is over? Absolutely not! Far too often people wallow in misery and don't take this crisis as an opportunity to evolve.

As this is a dating site let's focus on that area. If you're available and looking for someone special, don't sit back and let precious time pass you by just because the economy sucks. If you lost your job it doesn't mean you lost your life. Take a look around, read the papers, check out the finance section of yahoo... you're NOT alone. Think of if as some extra time to find that special someone. Get out there and have some fun! If you are nervous about spending money on a dating site, try a free one, or take advantage of a free trial.

Happy Dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Some More Fake Jobs

2009-01-30T16:20:00.000-05:00

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A little humor at the end of a LONG week!

Here are 5 more 'fake jobs' you can try on women that ask that ever-so-inappropriate 'What do you do?' question:

1. Professional gefilte fisherman;

2. World's tallest midget;

3. Elbow model;

4. Used idol salesman;

and if she is REALLY pushy...

5. I fill creme donuts.

Enjoy!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Questions to Avoid When Talking to a Guy

2009-01-27T20:05:00.001-05:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Here are four questions you should never ask a guy according to Cosmopolitan.com:
1. Questions comparing yourself to the ex.
2. Do you love me?
3. Can I borrow money?
4. Are you cheating on me?

All these questions should be seen as taboo, unless you are in a committed relationship, but there are others that should never be asked.

Take for instance the ubiquitous "Does this (insert article of clothing here) make me look fat?" Talk about a loaded question. If we say "yes," then we are open for attack. Let's be honest, if you are asking that question, you are fat (think treadmill), or you have low self esteem (stop being a door mat- no one wants a long term relationship with a door mat).

Another question, that would boarder on insensitive: "Was your hairline always so far back?"

Here's another line to shy away from, "Is it in?" No need to explain that one.

If you needed this advice, you need more help than you thought!
Happy Dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Are women that only have head-shots in their online dating profiles hiding something big?

2009-01-01T10:02:00.001-05:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Alexander and Stephen,

I have been talking with this girl I met online for a little while, and we are just about at that point where it is time to meet. She is definitely a nice girl, and she seems to have a great personality (and I can tell she is definitely into me!). However, I am a bit concerned about how she is going to look. Her dating profile has three pictures, but they only show her face (there is one which would be a full body shot, but she is standing behind three of her friends). Also, she described her body type as ‘Average/Medium Build.’ Without sounding insensitive, I don’t want to waste my time meeting her if she is overweight. Do I have a valid reason to be concerned? Thanks guys, and keep up the great work!

Stan

********OUR COMMENTS********

Yes.

Your little vixen is probably not so little after all. In fact, my guess is that you would not have taken the time to write us if you didn’t already know this. But read on, grasshopper…

At the outset, I should point out that I have nothing against women that may find themselves, let's just say, 'a bit out of shape.' My issue here is with those that choose to conceal that fact (i.e. by including only head shots, standing in front of a tractor, etc.), and do so to the point where their well-meaning date arrives at their First Meeting only to discover that they have been misled as to the other person's physical appearance. And yes, guys are just as guilty of this as women - and deserve the same level of admonishment.

Anyone who has ever tried online dating has been burned by this at some point. The biggest complaint I usually get from women is that guys don’t look like their pictures (i.e. their profile pictures were taken several years earlier or when they were 30 pounds lighter or when they had a full head of hair). If you are a guy and you have any of these kind of photos in your profile, shame on you! Remove them IMMEDIATELY.

But the biggest complaint I get from guys, Stan, is about the girl that only has face-shots in her profile, and then shows up for a First Meeting needing a second chair (for herself). Hey Beavis, I said face-shots… hehehehhe.

If any of you guys have ever wondered WHY a woman would only include head shots in her profile, I have your answer. Check out the 1990 Wilson Phillips video, ‘Impulsive.’ My favorite thing about this video is how BLATANT the directors were in trying to conceal the ‘festive plumpness’ of Ms. Carnie Wilson.

Just remember the images from this video the next time you are on Match.com or JDate and see some girl standing behind a grand piano, nine of her closest friends or a medium-sized sports arena – do that, and you’ll never have to worry about running into this type of problem again.

Women are FAR more in tune to issues regarding physical appearance than most men. So rest assured, if she is concealing most of her body in a photo she is featuring on an online dating site, there is probably a good reason for it. If you ever find yourself wondering about someone based upon her lack of a full-body picture, it is a safe bet that you may be on to something.

But if you really MUST get an answer before deciding whether to meet her, you can always shoot her an email along the lines of, “the last time I agreed to meet someone online that only had pictures of her head, she turned out to just be a talking head! [which probably explains why she wasn’t down for my offer to go ice skating] Can you please send me some full-body shots so I can verify that you have all your extremities before we meet?” But again, I would only do this as an absolute LAST resort.

One final way to confirm your suspicions is to check the ‘body type’ description on her profile. Here is some girl code for what her answers actually mean:

Voluptuous = Overweight

Proportional = NOT proportional = Overweight

Cuddly = Overweight

Average/Medium Build = Overweight, UNLESS her pictures clearly suggest otherwise. In which case she actually SCORES points for being modest.

Modelesque = High-maintenance headcase. Stay away.

Lean/Slender, Athletic/Fit, Petite = You should be ok here. In fact, any woman that selects one of these options without any legitimate basis for doing so is a FRAUD. Feel free to immediately cut off a meeting if you encounter this type of situation – this is a sign of much bigger (no pun intended) problems down the road.

Best of luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Five Fun Ways to Mess With Women

2008-12-28T20:00:00.001-05:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Here are five fun ways to mess with women while going about your everyday life:

1. If a woman says she is going to do something (i.e. ‘I’ll be back in an hour,’ 'I am going to the store,' 'I am renting a movie'), respond by saying, “Don’t threaten me like that!”

2. While walking on the street with a woman, come to a complete and unexpected stop. See what she does. Works best when she is walking directly behind you.

3. If she makes a statement along the lines of ‘I have to go now,’ ‘I am going to be 30 minutes late,’ ‘That’s the last time I _______,' respond with, “You promise?”

4. If she says something to the effect of "see you later," "see you in an hour," etc. reply with, "Thanks for the warning!"

5. Finally, if she posts a stupid picture on Facebook (i.e. her remodeled bathroom), start tagging all the mundane objects in the picture (floor, tiles, TP, sink, etc.). Then add a photo comment of "Dork!"

And here's a bonus one:

6. If she makes a mundane statement (i.e. I’m at work, I’m tired, My car broke down), respond with, “I LOVE it when u talk dirty like that.”

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Dating Advice from a Nine-Year Old

2008-12-18T19:19:00.016-05:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Have you heard of Alex Greven, a Colorado fourth-grader, who wrote "How to Talk to Girls"? If not, you can check out this article from MSNBC here. It also turns out Fox studios just picked up the movie rights! Good for him.

If you haven't heard of the book here is the run down:

8 year old Alex wrote a pamphlet about how to "talk to girls" and sold them at a school fair. HarperCollins then bought it and published "How to Talk to Girls." His advice is simple and includes:

"Girls win most of the arguments and have most of the power. If you know that now, things might be easier."

"About 73% of regular girls ditch boys; 98% of pretty girls ditch boys."

Oh yeah, another pearl of wisdom... "don't wear sweats." If only Plaxico Burress heeded that advice!

The book is cute, I scanned through it. It's simple and honest (he's only nine- eight when he wrote it). Unfortunately, life isn't always so simple.

He also has two other books coming out shortly- "How to Talk to Moms" and "How to Talk to Dads." Talk about striking while the iron is hot!

In the meantime, save your sweatpants for the strip clubs...

More of what NOT to say at a FIRST MEETING

2008-11-16T13:20:00.000-05:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

We've handled the topic of what you can an CANNOT talk about on a first meeting more than once. Here's one such article, but you can do a search for more using the search bar up at the top left of this page. Erin Flaherty of Shine has put together a top 10 of "what not to say on a first date." Her top five are:

1. "My ex is crazy."

2. "I would like to get married and have kids asap."

3. "Who are you voting for?"

4. "Can you pay the check? I'm broke."

5. "What's your favorite TV show?"

All are weak attempts at conversation or definite no-nos, but there are many other areas to stay clear of. For example:

1. "I have the biggest porn collection of all my friends."

2. "I use to get excited when Bugs would dress up as the girl rabbit." (Thanks Garth.)

3. "My wife/husband is such a pain in the ass." (Unless you are both planning an affair!)

4. "I knew I should have taken one more hit this morning."

5. "One time in band camp..."

6. "I have this terrible itching and redness."

Happy dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Online Dating - How to Turn Her Down

2008-11-07T05:59:00.006-05:00

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I just got the WEIRDEST email on JDate.

A girl who cancelled on me less than an hour before we were supposed to meet last year just contacted me again as if we had never spoken.

Heh? What? Is this chick for real?

But it got me thinking -- Is there a simple (yet polite), cut-and-paste email someone can send out letting someone know he/she isn't interested (as opposed to just merely ignoring someone's message)?

So here you go - her loss is your gain:

Hey XXX,

Thank you for your email, but I am not interested in pursuing anything at this time. Best of luck in your search!

Alexander

Nothing good can EVER come from verbally attacking anyone in an email (including this bizatch). ALWAYS take the high road -- let her see what she missed out on.

Also feel free to use this email anytime you are contacted by someone you are not interested in. It is MUCH more polite than ignoring someone that took the time to write you. Don't leave them hanging... not cool.

Happy Dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All Rights Reserved

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2008-10-13T10:20:00.009-04:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Thought It was time for a public service announcement. For those of you that didn't know, October is "Breast Cancer Awareness Month". With that, here is a great "interview" from the Onion News Network.

12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams

In all honesty education on this topic is very important. Donate what you can to organizations like Susan G. Komen for the Cure or any other fine organization out there. While you're at it, pick up one of these shirts:

They can be purchased here.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

A Response to, "So, Tell Me Everything I know About You"

2008-09-14T19:15:00.002-04:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

In today's (September 14, 2008) Sunday Styles Section this weeks "Modern Love" piece by Joanna Pearson there's much to discuss. I'll try and keep this pithy, but who knows where it will go.

The piece begins like this: "SEVERAL years ago when I was living in Washington, I met a man the old-fashioned way: tipsily, in a bar. Then I ruined my chances with him the new-fashioned way. I Googled him." I'm not entirely sure that googling him is what ruined it. I think it may have been her views on dating and a touch of low self esteem.

Through out the article Ms. Pearson seems to display a disdain for dating, and some seemingly low self esteem issues. Here's a case in point regarding dating, "[the]dating scene was more about networking than fun." Is the entire dating scene this way? Or just the scenes you chose to frequent, Ms. Pearson?

Now to what I find more interesting, the low self esteem issues. For ease of reading I'll list them:

1. "...a very tall and lanky guy who was looking my way. I checked to the right and left, but no — he was looking at me. This was not what I expected attractive guys to do." Why wouldn't you expect this? Do you not consider yourself to be attractive? Maybe you feel most guys are afraid to show interest, let alone strike up a conversation?

2. "I am also tall... (Not just tall, but somewhere between the most alien-looking runway model and the Statue of Liberty.)" Boy, you sure like knocking yourself. Sure many guys are intimidated by height, but you are making yourself out to be a freak. I bet your a nice looking woman. Be more positive about yourself!

3. "...cool-looking couples held long-stemmed glasses in their slender hands..." Do you not fit in? Why not? Do you have man hands? Pointing out how nice others look makes me think that you think little of yourself.

4. "The three glasses of wine I downed in quick succession did not ease my nerves so much as muddy my short-term memory." Nothing like a drunk girls with low self esteem. Let's learn from her mistake (you can read the article to find out how she embarrasses herself).

The article tells of how she googled her date, learned too much about him, and was scared away by how great he seemed. She felt as though she was not qualified to be with him. This guy didn't even have to use qualifying questions to make her realize he was the prize. She did it to herself. Joanna ends her article with this: "Nowadays, my advice to friends is: never Google a date. No Facebook, MySpace or Technorati, either."

I totally disagree. Unless you have low self esteem and can't handle it, checking out google is a smart thing to do. But there is truth that Ms. Pearson suggests earlier in the article, "Often when you Google someone, you get nothing, or else simply a name twin. Sometimes you get a nice little geeky history." The only reason googling was a bad idea for Ms. Pearson, in my opinion, is her low self esteem. Check out our article on googling a date.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Facebook Slang - 'Defacing'

2008-09-11T01:50:00.015-04:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Here is a term I recently came across on Urbandictionary.com

Deface:

To remove a 'friendship' from facebook due to having either accidentally adding him/her as a friend or actually adding them and reconsidering later.

"Yeah, there was this guy in my network who added me. I thought he looked ok, but his updates were really cramping my news feed, so I had to deface him."

"I went on a date with a girl I met a week before and like the day after our date she changed her status to 'in a relationship.' I defaced her."

For some reason, many people seem to revert back to the sixth grade when it comes to being 'defaced.' They take it personally when someone removes them from their Facebook page - regardless of the reason.

Here are some of the people I have defaced recently, and my reasons for doing it:

1. I removed an acquaintance for excessively complaining about her life and/or her various physical ailments in her status updates. I am thinking about setting her up with a guy I know that does the same exact thing (as it turns out, they are both single!). NOT COOL.
2. A guy I detested from high school that kept asking me to add him. After three rejections, I finally relented and let him on. I then waited a week and removed him.
3. A girl I met on JDate and went out with once. Not really sure why she was there in the first place. We had no people in common, didn't speak anymore and I had no interest in re-connecting. CYA!

Guys, just remember that removing someone from your Facebook page is irreversible - and if it is a significant person (woman you just broke up with, friend you are in a fight with, someone you don't like but is well connected, etc.), it will be discussed in the various gossip mills. You could also face potential embarassment and/or groveling if you want to re-add them later, as you then have to ask them to approve you all over again.

From a dating perspective, the best way to avoid having to 'deface' someone is to not add people you just started seeing (i.e. met online, went out once) - make them earn it! Use it as a wager, perhaps?

Also, realize the finality of removing an ex from your profile before deciding to do so. You will look like a total douche if you change your mind and want her back later.

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

RANDOM POST: DISCOUNT FOR ONLINEDATINGEDGE READERS!

2008-09-06T07:00:00.001-04:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

A buddy of ours decided to give our loyal readers a nice Post Labor Day gift, 10% off from both his websites, until September 12, 2008.

For small orders go to: SPINNINGDISCDIRECT
To get the 10% off write "APPROACH" in the message box!

For larger orders ("wholesale" $99+ purchased) go to: SPINNINGDISCONLINE
To get the 10% off write "APPROACH" in the coupon box!

He's got all kinds of classic movies (including a pretty cool James Bond Box set)and lots of porn (if you like that sort of thing).

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

"Best Cities For Singles" according to Forbes

2008-09-05T19:34:00.005-04:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Forbes has put out it's annual Top 40 Cities For Singles. Here are the Top 11:

1. Atlanta
2. San Francisco
3. Dallas
4. Minneapolis
5. Washington D.C.
6. Seattle
7. Boston
8. New York City
9. Orlando
10. Phoenix
11. Chicago

Check out the article for the rest of the list and how the rankings were determined.

So if you live in one of these cities, and even if you don't, get out there and start meeting people! Having trouble approaching women? Give us a shout. No luck online? Get your online dating profile and photos in order. There are countless articles on this website helping you figure out how to do that. Or if you'd like, drop us a line and we'll help you with whatever you need.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!

2008-08-26T00:03:00.004-04:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Yesterday, I was sitting in the doctor's office waiting to be called into the examination room. Or as I prefer to call it, "waiting room #2." Why do I bother getting to doctor's appointments on time? I always have to wait. I should start billing for my lost time. But I digress...

Back to the point. I was sitting and waiting and of course there are only some crappy magazines. I scanned through Vogue, breezed through an old Sports Illustrated I had already read, and then in desperation began to look over an AARP magazine.

For those of you that don't know, "AARP is a membership organization dedicated to enhancing the experience of aging through advocacy, information, and services." You have to be over 50 to join, and you get a magazine and some discounts at various merchants.

So, there I am reading this magazine and I stumble across an article by Ron Burley about online matchmakers. Basically someone subscribed to a service and was unhappy with the results. There was some good common sense advice in the article related to finding a matchmaker:

1. Ask for references and check them.

2. Be a considerate client.

3. Look your best. Like it or not, finding a partner is partly a sales job.

4. Take your time.

Great advice - especially in light of the fact that you will be spending THOUSANDS of dollars on their services. And as I can personally attest from dating one of NYCs well-known matchmakers, some of these people dont know what the hell they are doing!

In our opinion, you will have MUCH better results in your dating life (and at a much cheaper cost!) if you focus on getting your online dating profile and photos in order. There are countless articles on this website helping you figure out how to do that. Or if you'd like, drop us a line and we'll help you with whatever you are stuck with.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Beware of the Highlighted Profile!

2008-08-25T00:03:00.000-04:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

I was recently perusing JDate (for ‘educational purposes only’) and noticed that they have a new level of membership called a “Premium Plan.” For an extra 3-5 dollars a month (as if they are not expensive enough), you can have your profile appear highlighted when it shows up in someone’s search. I know Match.com offers a similar option, and my guess is that many other sites have something like this as well.

DON”T DO IT!

It screams WUSS.

Whew. That was easy ;)

Now for the rest of the story…

Woman that choose this option tend to be… well, let’s say, ‘more eager to meet a guy’ than someone with a normal membership.

You interpret that any way you’d like.

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Can Men and Women Be Friends?

2008-08-23T19:44:00.000-04:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live approach workshops as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

A recent commenter posted there thought that guys and girls can't be friends. Talk about timing. A recent "O, the Oprah Magazine" article by Dr. Michael Vincent Miller was posted on CNN.com. No, we don't read the Oprah Magazine!

The reality is that it is very diffuclt for a heterosexual man and woman to be platonic friends - there is usually something lurking in the background.

Generally, it falls into one of these categories:

1. They had a relationship in the past;
2. He likes her and she "doesn't know";
3. She likes him and he "doesn't know";
4. They both like each other and something will happen in the future;
5. One was dating the others friend and one person has feelings for the other.

There are probably other senarios that we've neglected, but you get the idea. There are some occasions were a guy and girl are friends and that's it, but it's rare. Very rare.

So, we leave the question to you, our readers, CAN MEN AND WOMEN TRULY BE FRIENDS? Or, is there always a romantic past or hookup (or hopes of a hookup) lingering in the future?

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Facebook Picture Tagging

2008-08-14T20:21:00.001-04:00

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Thought we'd share an article from a recent New York Times Education section. Lisa Guernsey's Picture Your Name Here is a great look at Facebook and college life. It reminds us all that what we may think of as private may become public.

There is a quote by a UPENN student, Jim Saksa, that rings true: “Our generation is the first to cope with the necessary assumption that our every action seen by another may in turn be seen by all of our peers."

It turns out Facebook may be a good tool for meeting people, keeping in touch, even finding a date. But it is a double edged sword! It can also make playing the field a challenge.

Is nothing private? Not anymore!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics